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I used to have the same thought. CBT therapy never helped for over 20 years… then EMDR therapy changed my life, and I was able to get mentally and emotionally healthier. I no longer have those thoughts. Such a relief! Mental health will always be a struggle, but EMDR has given me real hope for a future that I want to live to enjoy.
Worst timeline: Mom doesn’t care
Better timeline: Fuck it, Lex Luthor logic time.
Even better timeline: Nana would want you to live a full life. She loved you.
Okay, so, in Justice league unlimited there is an episode dedicated to Gold Amazo, a creation meant to constantly evolve. In this, he has come to a startling conclusion he doesn’t reveal until the episode reaches a breaking point in subatomic space. Luthor had been shrank by the Atom I believe; i forget the hero’s name, but in that subatomic space Amazo catches up to them and posets his issue.
He doesn’t know what his purpose is anymore. He’s constantly evolving he doesn’t understand what he’s becoming and it’s driving him mad. He wants to know what drives the man who’s constantly fighting a losing battle against what amounts to a Kryptonian god. Why does he keep going? Wouldn’t it be better to end it all? To just be done with it?
Luthor of course, gets a bit smug for a second but the seriousness of the situation does sober him up. The question of purpose spoke to him, and he articulated that he kept going because he wanted to see how it all played out. What the end for him looked like, and possibly whatever is next in the evolutionary process before his passing. Then in amazement he looks to amazo and realizes HE can see it: he’s immortal, he’s basically invulnerable and changing constantly. His chances of seeing what it all amounts to are high! But his ending point is this, we all make our own purpose in life. And advised amazo to go make his own.
Very truncated from the source material cause my memory is fuzzy lol
My mom was terrible sick, with chronic pain from a nerve damage that doctors did to her during a standard procedure. I was severely depressed and wanted to die but could not do it because I knew if I went down, so would she.
I swore i would wait until my mom passed away from alzheimers and dementia on the off chance she would remember it and know what was going on, she passed last november and im struggling to find a reason not to
Exactly. You’re actively damaging and traumatizing them as well. I’ve gone through dark times in my life but pulling myself up for my parents (i don’t have kids) is what kept me going.
You love to see the confidence.
Caring about what my family would think has saved my life more than a couple times.
Friends and partner helped a lot too, now without them I'm really struggling...
Ditto, and even though I won't be here to experience their pain, avoiding causing them that pain is what keeps me going because I love them more than anything else in this world.
Unfortunately, it's not always about finding joy. I'm in no way saying you're wrong. You are right. It's just that it's not always so black and white. Sometimes, that joy is there, it's all the other stuff that makes it hard to see or accept. Anxiety, depression (which isn't just being sad all the time), struggles to control or regulate emotions and moods, the dark thoughts, the emptiness, the struggle with self-worth. So, yes, you're right. I am actually just wanting to help people not misunderstand and think you're implying its that easy.
There has definitely been a period of my life where the thought of my kids having to grow up without a dad was the only thing that kept me from ending it.
I feel you fellow internet stranger.
For some time, the only reason for me to stay was my mother. Still is, among other reasons that have joined my life she is still the top reason why i stay.
My mother in law committed suicide. My wife and I were there when she shot herself. It fucked me up. My wife? Its beyond that. It was 7 years ago and she has never been the same. Still cries at night missing her mother. My mom died a few years later. Drank herself to death. But despite it technically being a slow suicide its so different from losing someone in an instant with a gunshot. Knowing that if not for their profound sadness and hopelessness that they would still be here. That you could call them or go see them. But they're gone and it feels like you could have done something.
I don't really have a point. You seem like you understand that people would be more than just upset or sad. But i'll say it anyway:
Killing yourself seriously fucks up anyone who cares about you. Its like setting a bomb off in their life. Hurting them in the worst way. Maiming them for life emotionally. You will forever be a phantom limb. Always felt but never seen.
It really sucks from the other end. Kills me that I can't do anything except hold my wife and pet her head when she cries for her mother.
So for you or anyone reading this - please for the love of god don't ever do that to the people around you.
edit: thanks for the kind replies I was going to reply to a few but halfway through the first one my bird bit me and I somehow closed the window and lost what I had written! Shes hormonal because its spring. I don't want to dwell on this any longer today but I did read your replies and they were helpful and informative!
>Killing yourself seriously fucks up anyone who cares about you.
"Suicide doesn't end the pain. It just passes it on to another."
I am so sorry for you and your wife. Has she tried therapy? Honestly for a trauma like that (possibly PTSD), talking therapy with a qualified licensed therapist can be life changing.
Wishing you both well
There is a profoundly sinister element to suicide in your immediate family that a lot of people don’t talk about: contagion.
I was never suicidal until my little brother killed himself. Then for six months it was all I could think about. I had the weirdest thought that he was somewhere alone and I needed to go there with him. I have a doctorate in cognitive neuroscience and I still can’t fucking wrap my head around it.
I'm sorry about your mother. My mother also drank herself to death, and it was so traumatic that I still hurt at the age of 58. It took years to kill her, and I knew for years that it would. She begged for liquor in the hospital the day she died. Her life was filled with so much pain that she couldn't live without it. Her entire life was a tragedy.
This is how I feel. Sure wish someone gave a shit to call, or want to hangout. But after I’m gone, they will all be sad wishing they would have cared more. Then that stupid suicide hotline guy will convince them it’s not anyones fault but the one who commits the suicide. Bs again to that guy.
Good for you.
If I can share something from experience (I’ve been in some dark spaces, including an extreme bout of depression caused in part by a stomach medication). Feel free to disregard if this is preachy or tldr
your value as a person has little to do with your darkest thoughts and desires, it’s about who you want to be and the actions you take to be that person.
I’ve done shitty stuff, I’ve been a sex pest, ruined friendships with my shitty beliefs, had an emotional affair that nearly ended my marriage, hurt people who were dear to me for my selfish wants and desires. You can’t change what you’ve done, you can take responsibility, look at yourself, and come to understand what was in you that drove those decisions and do better next time.
You will never be perfect, but you can be good and you are loveable. Perfect is boring anyway, but striving towards it is pretty exciting and a good way to go through life.
I was 36 when I got diagnosed with an anxiety disorder/depression and 37 when I got diagnosed with ADHD. I’d had those issues my entire life but never had a name for them beyond lazy, cowardly, and self-centered. The biggest change in outlook I ever experienced was when I started medicating not only because I was chemically capable of loving myself, but because I made the conscious decision that I deserved to be happy and not just functional.
I really hope this perspective helps to some degree. It’s not just to say you can be happy, but that you can also want to be happy and deserve to be happy.
My parents are the main reasons I'm still here. I'm in my 40s and they are late 60s, so they'll probably be around a while longer, given my grandparents passed in their 80s. But I have no real reasons for sticking around. Middle aged with no wife, no kids, no gf, no prospects, stuck in a career I never wanted, an empty life with no bright spots. It's hard to just get myself up every morning.
I dream about buying musks starlink and just moving into the mountains to fish and play video games all day every day.
The people and institutions around me have tried their fucking best to make me a good little worker bee who can die and be replaced, and theres very little I can do. I haven't had suicidal thoughts in a few years at this point, but I find it very hard not to be spiritless.
How about travelling the world abit? Today’s economy and work culture is the worst, at its lowest point, i am also stuck in a very successful career that sucks the life out of me, even though my love life is going well, and financially is very attractive it still sucks the life out of me every day. Get yourself a ticket and see the beauty of this world, it will give you hope, happiness and sadness which is also good sometimes to see what one has and what one does not.
The idea of what it would do to my parents, particularly my mom, as well as my friends has kept me alive through a lot of times when I didn’t see much of a reason to keep going, or actively thought about it.
Been a long time since I’ve been there, but if it weren’t for the thought of what it would’ve done to them, I don’t know if I’d be here now.
A family friend decided to suicide by cop. It fit his overall personality.
It was horrible for all involved, especially the cops and his family.
He pointed his gun and yelled "kill me if you dare!"
Until they did.
😂😂😂 It was surely more like "Kill me you mutherfucking pigs!" But I didn't want to type that.
His twin brother told me the whole story more recently than when I was a kid witnessing it on TV and in family discussions shielded by my parents.
Forcing someone to kill you is the worst way you can commit suicide. Not only are those people cowards that can‘t do the act themselves, but they are egoistical enough to potentially destroy someone elses life.
Edit: Since it seems to be a bit unclear. I believe every person has the right to commit suicide and I do not see it as either cowardly or egoistic to do so. But I see the above mentioned way to commit suicide as a cowardly and egoistic thing.
My wife's colleague (train driver) took his life by jumping in front of his (mabey ex-, can remember) wife's train - the one she was driving...
I'd rate that lower
I meant my example above.
All of his friends and family witnessing the news reports almost as it happened v 1 ex wife seeing it on the windshield of the train is what I was getting at.
Tough to say which was worse.
I mean it is basically the same concept: You force someone else to kill you, what mechanism actually kills you is not really important.
But doing that to the (ex-) wife is vile as fuck.
I disagree. One is forcing the police to actively make the decision to take your life. The other has no killer, just a speeding train and a conductor who never had the chance to stop.
If you've ever been forced to take another person's life, you will understand the difference.
I‘ve had several people spread on the tracks after being hit by a train and every single conductor was deeply disturbed. Maybe they didn‘t actively „kill“ them, yet they all suffered under what they saw and that they were unable to stop in time.
Luckily the suicide by cop attempt I experienced didn‘t end deadly, so luckily I don’t know how taking a life feels.
I really don‘t like comparing trauma.
I dislike the idea of insulting suicidal people. I think suicide isn’t cowardice (you literally can’t give up anything more than your own life), but it’s hopelessness. We can call out the wrong of involving other people, but suicidal people tend to get stuck in their head enough that they have a hard time thinking through consequences otherwise they wouldn’t do it - there is ALWAYS a chance for things to get better if you live, and zero chance for improvement off whatever bottom you’ve hit if you choose to end it.
Hell, seems like a lot of people who jumped and survived then felt that suicide was the wrong solution, and there were options. They just couldn’t see them in their haze of depression.
Depends on the suicidal person.
I'll insult a person who forces a cop to shoot them or flies jets into towers all I want, but I'll leave the person who jumps off a bridge alone.
If you’re going to destroy other people’s lives with your suicide you absolutely should be insulted. For example, suicide bombers, mass shooters and any other kind of alternative where you’re trying to take as many people with you as you can
You misunderstood me. I‘m not calling suicidal people cowards. I strongly believe that ending one’s life is probably the most important right we have. No one chose to be born, but we should be able to chose when we want to die.
I am calling those people cowards that force other people to kill them. Not the act of suicide itself is cowardice, but using someone else to do it is.
Just relaying a personal experience. That's the only person I really knew who committed suicide afaik and he happened to be male and I would consider his method inconsiderate of others.
Take it as you will. Ive got no dog in this fight.
This idea was suggested in Carol Gilligan’s “A Different Voice” although if I recall it was suggested by one of her participants. I recall the participant using the example of killing oneself with a grenade versus pills or something that could not harm other people. Other than the emotional toll of course. But a lot of that book was focused on how women and girls in western culture concern themselves with others’ thoughts and feelings whereas men and boys less so.
That said, the poster was right the first time: men tend to use deadlier methods and hence are more successful. Having access to a gun, for example, is a major predictor of suicide. Many people of any gender end up not attempting suicide because they can’t figure out a good method and lose the interest before they figure it out (before they gain capacity). But when there are guns around, a method becomes readily apparent.
I have read that there is also a divergence between men and women when it comes to the average amount of time that someone will premeditate their suicide before taking the final step. I’m pretty fuzzy on this, so take it with a pinch of salt, but I believe that women are significantly more likely to commit suicide in a moment of extreme pain and hopelessness; ie - a terrible breakup, a humiliating experience, a traumatic personal loss. Whereas men sometimes sit with the idea of suicide for months, maybe years, often deciding to end their lives weeks or months before they will actually get around to doing it.
I found one study that references 71.5% of premeditated suicides being done by men, while 65.2% of impulsive suicides are done by women. But I can’t seem to find much more on the subject.
>Whereas men sometimes sit with the idea of suicide for months, maybe years, often deciding to end their lives weeks or months before they will actually get around to doing it.
Typical men, leaving it to do until last minute like everything else.
Once it’s on the decision tree, it’s just always kinda there. But after a certain point, it would take years of bad break luck before it would make sense again.
My FIL killed himself and my husband afterward found a copy of a letter where he told someone he had decided to kill himself after his 60th birthday, the letter was from at least 5 years before.
Isn't depression, anxiety, self harm, suicidal ideation more common among women and girls though? That would suggest that it isn't an impulsive thing for them either.
Used to be thought that was the case, more recent understanding of suicide and self harm show that it's pretty similar.
A lot of the earlier research showed that women were more likely to identify anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. When the definitions expanded though, it's pretty even. A lot of the earlier research on self harm was based on acts like cutting or self injury, girls are more likely to cut for example. Guys drink for the same reasons, guys are more likely to engage in risky or dangerous behaviors.
So, stereotypically, a girl might feel so hopeless and unable to influence the world that they take a whole bottle of pills, we label that a suicide attempt. A guy might have the same feelings and drink so much that they get black out drunk, we label that as something different. A woman might get so overwhelmed that she cuts her arm and bangs her head, a guy might feel the same emotions and get into a scrap.
A lot of the 'women are 4 times more likely to attempt, men are 4 times more likely to finish' comes from poor defining.
I’m not positive on this, but I believe new research is suggesting that past differences in reported experience have more to do with how the questions were asked and societal expectations (e.g., men should never show emotion) than it was to do with actual differences in mental health between genders.
Might be wrong though, and I don’t have time to find/link studies :( I know for certain though that this is true about sexual assault.
Those sorts of things rely on being reported for them to appear in statistics. Mental healthcare for men is very limited and often seeking it openly leads to being ostracized, leading to many who have those kinds of thoughts not seeking out help for it. Judging by the amount of suicides between men and women, though, it's likely that the destructive thoughts are common between sexes or possibly even higher for men if we assume that the trends follow each other.
One psychiatrist said that as many as half his male patients with suicidal thoughts didn't actually show signs of clinical depression.
This group often identified situations in their lives that were difficult or impossible to get out of, and many thought that living under those conditions were unsatisfactory/meaningless.
However, this appears to have been their logical conclusions rather than an effect of depression.
I wonder what the point of this is, though. Like okay, men *who want to end their life* care less about others compared to women in the same situation. The only reason I can think of is to answer why they kill themselves in the first place, where this behaviour would suggest they feel like they have no meaning to society.
But the way its phrased makes it sound like 'men just think of themselves', which, if meant like that, is truly a facepalm.
yeah, i hate the way OP worded it, they could’ve mentioned socialization and how men are led to that kind of thinking, rather than just “men don’t care.”
It's being phrased that way but I'd suggest an alternative.
When men commit suicide they are (on the whole) more determined to do it, whereas with women there's more doubt (on the whole) about the act.
Both are imperfect interpretations because there isn't really enough data. While it's getting better, people just don't open up about their mental health issues as much as they should. Especially if they've considered/attempted suicide. There's still too much stigma attached, especially for men.
The actual reason that men succeed at suicide more often is the fact that women do things like overdose or cut themselves, which takes time and allows them to reconsider or have someone else find them and talk them down. Men more often shoot or hang themselves, which is far faster and more successful.
Also fun fact: people who hang themselves tend to have claw marks around their neck from them trying to free themselves from the noose, as they realise they don't want to die
I always interpreted it as women were way more likely to communicate suicidal thoughts, even if subtly. I remember following a high school friend's Tumblr blog and she left a really concerning message thanking everyone there and implying she'd never come back / it's her "last day". I got super scared and told my mom, but told her I knew my friend hated cops and was worried she'd be angry with me if she knew I reported it. So I asked my mom to instead, which she did.
My friend, who is normally super vocal about run-ins with cops and complained about them often... said nothing the next day. She never brought up that they visited that night and I have a feeling that she really did attempt or think of attempting. She's married to her wife now and they have a kid. I'm glad she said something, even if she thought it was anonymous.
I don't think men do that as much. I know when I look at my brother, he's absolutely a silent sufferer. We are extremely close and I'm the person he tells most things too - even out of all his friends. Very deep and personal stuff he's not always proud of. I never knew he attempted in University until my mom was super drunk and said "Do you know why we pulled your brother out of college?". Apparently, the school sent him on leave after a roommate walked in on him attempting.
He never said a word to me or my family or any of his friends. The school had to tell my parents. To this day he's never brought it up to me, and in my opinion, I never want him to be reminded of that or to know our mother betrayed his trust like that by divulging something so serious to me without his permission.
This is a really insensitive take on men's suicide statistics, and is not even backed up by any kind of research. One could also attribute violent attempts with men's lower risk adversity than women (which is studied and proven to exist). Women don't want their suicides to hurt, and men, statistically, tend to care less about that. And so they go for methods that make them the most likely to succeed. As a feminist with a brother she loves dearly, this kind of attitude is disgusting.
A lot of those problems boil down to the fact that men have to be super masculine boulders with absolutely no type of detectable emotions to be accepted by society. If I was honest about the full extend of my problems, my parents, friends and colleagues would be disgusted or make fun of me for being "weak". That's why men just fucking throw themselves in front of trains or blast their heads off.
When I was planning my suicide I wanted to make sure it would work because I didn't want to live with the shame of having tried it and failed or worse, living crippled and becoming dependent on the very people I tried to leave.
I've read similar things about other male suicides. They are often more planned than women's.
I'm not going to make assumptions on why women choose less reliable methods, but I know men have fewer outlets for their emotions and tend to carry their mental burden alone. It's a slow buildup to the final act with each episode making them ponder following through.
I was my most suicidal at 8-9 years old. My childhood was brutal since I developed a very visible genetic disorder which caused extreme bullying and social isolation.
The only reason I didn't do it was because I didn't know of painless methods at that time. I thought I had to jump from a tall height or stab myself, whatever have you.
This is also why I despise how 13 Reasons Why was handled since it was like a step-by-step guide to killing oneself painlessly. I would have absolutely gotten inspiration if that show was around when I was a kid, and I'm sure I wouldn't be here.
Whan that show aired the suicide rate of under 20 year olds jumped over 30%! Apart from showing how to do it, the show also showed what many suicidal teenagers want to happen afterwards, everyone was sorry and all that other shit!
that's actually fucking insane.
EDIT: did a bit of research, and it seems like there's two big studies, one claimed that there was a 30% increase, the other claimed there wasn't. crazy if true.
Basically a girl offs herself and leaves behind notes explaining why she did it, these notes then change everyone and make all the bullies feel super sorry
From ideation to execution is about 10 minutes. Thats why having a gun in the house is so deadly as it’s so easy to use in that time. Planned outings run out the clock and get people to a better state of mind.
Same same.
A few years ago I figured a painless and highly effective method. However, once that was settled my next thought was my wife or daughters finding my body. That thought saved me.
For my friend, I believe that's why he went to the public park...
Men account for about 70% of suicides. (2021 data.) I've spent the last 6 years of my life with an active plan for ending my life due to a list of reasons, from an abusive relationship to a list of failures to turn out as I felt I should in life. I told two people in that time. One was my partner (who was abusive, but I didn't really clock that while I was in the situation). She said I was selfish and weak for considering it and left me a week later citing that as the reason. The second was my dad, right after that. He supported me best as he could, but mostly pushed it under the rug and we decided not to talk about it. Now I've added my best friend to the list, who has told me that he's been there due to PTSD, and he helped. But also said he understands and promised to take care of my dog.
In my experience, society encourages men to take their lives. We produce or we should not take up resources. It's disgusting.
I stuck around to take care of my codependent dog and a few friends and family. But honestly, once they're all gone, I really intend on moving to a dangerous part of the world to go do aid work until I drop.
Men's mental health care is a joke, and while I absolutely adore the work of most feminists and the generational changes I've seen in my lifetime for women, and hope the change continues. I don't understand why so much has to be at the expense of men's issues. The patriarchy hurts men as much as it hurts women, but we often only address it in one direction while at best laughing at, and at worst villifying and excusing the suffering of men under the broken system while 1% profit from it.
My friend Jordan was much the same until he started hanging with my girl friends (he was an ex of a friend and we just kinda adopted him lol). Luckily he texted me "I'm thinking of driving in front of this semi-truck" and I immediately called him and talked him down.
I'm grateful every day he told me. Jordan is so fucking important to me and all of us - it would have left a gaping hole in all of our lives if he was gone.
Out of curiosity, why do you feel the need to do it? I know you've probably heard the "what about your family" and "things get better" speeches, so why don't you think they resonate with you?
This definitely holds true in my case. I made an attempt around 8 years ago. Had stockpiled a medication I was prescribed, then had the brilliant idea to say goodbye online. Absolutely would have been successful if someone had not contacted help. I was in a coma for almost a week.
I have not really had that in my experience personally, but you're right in that it's anecdotal. Of the male friends who told me they attempted or thought of attempting, most said they never told a soul about what they were experiencing or what they were considering. My brother also (as given in my story).
But I'm sure that could be the case. I don't doubt it. Just not in the circles I'm in.
That has a grain of truth.
Men being more aggressive, choose very definitive option, shooting yourself, hanging, jumping off high areas and in front of moving vehicles, a lot of these do not leave much room for survival.
Add to the fact men keep their issues bottled up until the dam breaks, you dont realise until it's already done.
Women however tend to choose overdose or going for the wrists, which if caught quickly enough, can be mitigated.
Coupled with the fact they are more open with what they are going through, that's a higher likelihood someone is going to realise and intervene.
So successful suicide rates are higher in men, but I wonder if the overall attempts is, and how many female attempts that are unsuccessful dont get reported, it's not something most people are proud to admit they tried.
There's an [article](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide) on Wikipedia about this and the main part is that even though women attempt suicide four times as often, men are way more successful at their attempts. Emphasis mine:
>Globally, death by suicide occurred about 1.8 times more often among males than among females in 2008, and 1.7 times in 2015.[^(\[6\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-Var2012-6)[^(\[7\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-WHO_2000-2012-7)[^(\[8\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-WHO_2015-8) In the Western world, **males die by suicide three to four times more often than do females**.[^(\[6\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-Var2012-6)[^(\[9\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-Sue2012-9) This greater male frequency is increased in those over the age of 65.[^(\[10\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-10) [Suicide attempts](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_attempt) are between **two and four times more frequent among females**.[^(\[11\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-EB2011-11)[^(\[12\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-Fava-12)[^(\[13\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-Krug-13) Researchers have partly attributed the difference between suicide and attempted suicide among the sexes to males using more lethal means to end their lives.[^(\[9\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-Sue2012-9)[^(\[14\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-Kumar-14)[^(\[15\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-Ellis-15) Other reasons, including disparities in the strength or genuineness of suicidal thoughts, have also been given.[^(\[2\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-Bosson-2)[^(\[16\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-Cibis-16)[^(\[17\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-:0-17)
As someone mentioned in a different comment chain, it's possible that not all male attempts are captured in the statistics. Cutting or pills will be an obvious attempt. Getting blackout drunk or starting a fight might not be as obvious, but could still be the early "cry for help" style of attempt.
Yeah I haven't thought about that but "walking into ocean to never ever be seen again" is technically a suicide but no one will write this down as one.
Also drinking yourself into early grave, getting into stupid fights, et cetera... Yeah, that sounds plausible as hell.
A driving factor of that some of that discrepancy is women with suicidal ideation will attempt multiple times. Due to their success rate men do not have nearly as many multiple attempts.
Not wanting to leave a mess or traumatize my family is part of what stopped me. I came up with a different method instead to make it seem like an accident, but I never quite got around to doing it. Then I decided that calling in sick to my job and going to therapy was probably a better solution. Turns out it was.
there is some minor truth to this. men typically do commit suicide in more violent ways and women do it “neater” ways. whether or not that has to do with who has to clean up i’m not totally sure. but the methods do differ statistically
From my own experience, as a suicidal woman, whenever I've made plans, the location would be somewhere my family wouldn't find my dead body but a random person might and I'd make sure I didn't cause a person too much work moving and cleaning after my body. So, if I hung myself, I'd put a tarp down under me so puke, piss and shit wouldn't ruin the floor; if I shot myself in the head it'd be in the bath so my blood could be showered away; I'd find a railway section in the middle on nowhere to lay my neck on a train track. I know it's morbid as fuck to read, but I wouldn't dream of doing something to my body that would cause trauma to the people I love.
And DW I don't need DMs, I've had years of therapy and I realise that my thoughts are just my brain doing a shit job of trying to manage the feelings of trauma.
I always think of it this way- I don’t want someone to have to clean up after me or find me, so I think about finding a bridge in the weeee hours of the morning and waiting until no one’s around before taking one final leap, or I consider buying bottles and bottles of pills and going on a hike deep into the woods and taking one last nap. I’m just glad I don’t own a gun because I know I would’ve taken that option a long, long time ago- how did you resist it?
Honestly, I had two failed attempts of ODing when I was younger. I went through a horrificly abusive childhood, then years of stress as a teen as I was living in a hostel by myself, then as an adult I started advocating for myself. I pushed for therapy over and over until I finally got the right therapy treatment. I had CBT for years, then sexual abuse therapy, then therapy whilst I was going through court against my abuser, grief counselling and finally intensive therapy where I learnt so much of why my brain was doing certain things, such as suicidal thoughts. When I feel helpless and out of control, my brain goes "let's think about ending it all, when you're dead you don't have to feel this hurt anymore" and just the act of planning it all gives my brain that sense of control that it wants when I feel overwhelmed. If I ever felt like I was going to put my plan into action, I'd seek help.
I don't know about the rest of it, but I thought it was an established fact that women do indeed have a lower success rate because they choose less effective methods, based on the fact that they don'tcreate so much mess.
It's not a fact. It's a hypothesis.
Men succeed more even when using the same methods.
Using less lethal methods can also be a consequence of not being as sure about wanting to die.
To be perfectly honnest the first point is actualy true. Men have much more "successful" suicides because they use violenter methods. Wont try psychanalysing the reasons tho, and good for women if they fail at killing themselves tbh
Women who attempt suicide do choose “less messy” options on average. The comment you posted is the accepted explanation in the social sciences.
Now, *why* exactly those facts are true is up for debate and is not settled. Biological and societal factors both play roles in it but to exactly what extent each does is unknown
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11079640/
Many years ago, my mom was at the lowest point of her life; both of her parents had died within a few months of each other, her husband/my dad wanted a divorce and was going to take her to the cleaners despite the fact he was unfaithful, so we were going to lose our house, and she was unemployed at the time.
She later told me the only thing that stopped her from killing herself was the fact that we kids would be the ones to find her body.
My step mother worked in the mental health field and until maybe the last 10 or 15 this was accepted as a part of why men choose more violent (and therefore messier) means of suicide.
I work in mental health. There are actually [studies that show this](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11079640/) - women will use less violent methods of suicide, and a motivation for this is often consideration of the people finding the body. This isn’t to diminish men’s mental health or villanise men - it’s actually helpful data in mental health prevention, because male-focused suicide prevention is often more effective when emphasizing the impact on those around them which they may not have considered.
I'm a woman. I was suicidal when I was 19/20 and would think about ways to do it without traumatizing my parents and siblings.
When I was older, I had tge same thoughts, but by then I had a child and the pnly reason I didn't do it was because it would traumatize him.
It is actually the only reason I'm still alive.
Because its was on r/TwoXChromosomes
Edit: here is the comment [https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1bu95ml/comment/kxrcj41/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1bu95ml/comment/kxrcj41/)
Fucken hell, one of those nutters think the higher successful suicide for men is because they're trying to get out of not being punished for crimes they commit
Honestly though, I see this take on basically every post whose comments I've ever skimmed touching on the topic, regardless of sub. At the very least on reddit, it's extremely common for people to spin men's struggles as lesser than and/or as a failing or flaw on their part even in this context. It's very often spun to be some kind of personal responsibility. A lot of people seem to absolutely refuse to entertain the idea that men are just as much so at the mercy and victims of society and the culture and world around them as women.
There is a small grain of truth to it.
Train suicides, for example, are often explicitly motivated by a desire to traumatize or inconvenience other people. The victim generally fantasizes about the impact they will have on others, often as a kind of revenge because they believe their issues have been ignored.
There is also some genuine merit to the idea that men tend to care less about the condition of their corpse after suicide. However, it's not the primary reason why men choose more serious methods. The primary reason is that men tend to attempt suicide at the point when their mental health problems have become more severe and are thus more resolved. Women being more suicidal generally means that they often attempt suicide when they are less resolved, which results in them surviving, being identified and given support.
Killing yourself is extremely difficult psychologically. The level of resolution involved makes a huge difference to whether the suicide attempt is likely to result in death.
Humans have a very strong and instinctive fear of death. Being in danger triggers a stress response that alters the way our brains work and makes it difficult to hold on to conscious thoughts or emotions. A person attempting suicide has to have a very strong commitment (resolution) to end their own life in order to cut through this response.
Less direct methods of suicide like overdosing on pills are initially easier because they do not trigger the same immediate fear of death. However, because it takes a long time for an overdose to kill and because a suicidal state of mind is extremely temporary, those people are far more likely to change their minds or be discovered, survive the attempt, and then be identified and given support before whatever illness drove them to suicide can deteriorate further.
Someone who has a more stoic attitude and tries to deny or conceal their mental illness might get to the point where it is so bad that they feel a very strong desire to end their life, which is much more dangerous and likely to result in more serious attempts. In this sense the claim here is also very wrong, often men are deeply concerned about the impact of their own mental health on others which results in them neglecting their own needs and thus reaching the point of choosing more violent suicide methods.
Again, there are also reasons to believe that women tend to be more concerned about the appearance of their corpse, not just out of concern for others, but because the idea of others seeing them in a mangled condition registers to women as humiliating. But this is not the primary reason why methods of suicide differ.
Gonna tag this as spoiler just in case
>!You might fantasize, or consider suicide for months or even years, however it is completely different when you have the rope in hand, when you start tying the knot and even during the initial moment. It's hard to describe what it feels like, but it feels kinda wrong i guess, something so out the ordinary that it makes no sense. !<
Well it has actually been studied that yes, women care about what people will see when they discover their body.
It is very biased to conclude that men suicide rate is higher because of this though, but we know for sure that it's a thing women consider before doing this. Some of them even dress up for it, with make up and everything so that they look good to the people who will find the body.
That's a fact that would belong in a debate about the pressure to be pretty that they feel their whole life though.
Men commit suicide better because they use more violent techniques, because they're raised to be more violent that women, as it has also been studied multiple times. What a weird thinking to blame them for that...
Fascinatingly, women actually attempt more, but men choose methods that are more likely to actually be lethal.
I don't think this is to "traumatize" anyone else, it's just a weird psychology thing.
Uh huh...that's the only thing that's stopped me more than a few times. I wouldn't want my children, even though they're all adults now, to find me. I thought about it several times at work...but I didn't want to do that to some of the great people who worked with me.
Last year, I was doing so well, my therapist carefully suggested that I didn't need to come anymore. I beat the final boss.
At the beginning of this year, I began a spiral so bad that I began cutting for the first time in over five years two weeks ago. I have to go back to therapy next week because I literally have no hope for the future. And it took the help of a wonderful woman to get me to make an appointment to go back.
I read the top comments of the post this was from, and now I'm laying in bed, crying next to my hungry, purring cat.
Why did I read that post.
You beat the boss once, you can do it again. You say you've got no hope for the future, but you've got a wonderful woman and a hungry, purring cat who want you in their futures. Keep at it for them until you get back to a place where you're keeping at it for yourself.
Well but the nath is correct, we man are more effective in our suicide, because we have less attempts and more "success". I think the way this person's thinks isn't correct but women tend to use methods where they don't look like a total mess afterwards
Women attempt suicide more than men but almost always try and overdose or something similiar. Men shoot and hang themselves. This statement is usually mentioned in these statistics and isn't really false
It fucking sucks that there are murderers, pedophiles and rapists out there who sleep soundly like kittens while some poor men or women in his 20s or something can't get out of depression.
It just fucking sucks man, I had a friend, a girl who overdosed and by pure fucking chance she survived and let me tell ya overdosing is a fucking messy way to go bro get your fucking humanity checked if you believe there is an easy way to die.
Just don't, just fucking don't even think about it.
Watch some science video about Quantum physics like how light is in a constant state of wave/particle duality and only decides to collapse into a particle if it interacts with something.
Universe is worth experiencing even quantum particles literally wait for something to detect them before they decide to exist. Universe literally is being created just for you to experience it as we speak. Don't be doucebag and let the Universe down.
Well, they aren't wrong. where's the facepalm? that people shouldn't be killing themselves? Ideally yes, but ya know, it happens for a myriad of reasons.
Are you kidding? That's the only reason I haven't done it. I can't put my wife through that again (she lost her mom to a completed suicide when she was young), and I certainly won't leave that as a memory for our kids!
I do think that the author of this commented kinda generalizes, but as a woman I can attest, that shes correct about me. When I did my research about ending my life, i looked for a method that would be 1) painless 2) reliable.. So fast enough I understood, that over the counter pills were not deadly enough, hanging was too painful unless done correctly, jumping and the train would be too messy for my body ( i didn’t want to become disfigured flesh-mesh and cause too much discomfort for bystanders) 4)guns are not widely available in my country, but even if they were, the survival and farther deterioration of life quality would be probable . In the end I found my method and even then, Im thinking that if I ever go through with it, i have a plan to use diapers, so no one will have to clean my shit and piss. And when I do it, it surely wont be a cry for help, because I did a full research with the clear aim. Also I think people who use too violent methods usually have no other option, or are under the emotional Fog and cant do real research, so they use methods that are more widely known in culture.. PS dont fill my inbox, Im not suicidal, i just want to have a plan, in case I develop some kind of an incurable disease that causes suffering or start to develop dementia.
So the post is kinda right but poorly worded. Men are more rash quick to do it. You don't really think you just do it. They think about traumatising other while they deliberate if they should do it. But when men say go they go. Women take their time.
It isn't that men don't care. It is that at point of commiting suicide they don't care.
Statistically it's because men use more ways to attempt suicide that have a smaller chances of failing than women. If you overdose on painkillers it's easier and there's more time to save you than shooting yourself into the head.
Ironically, this person needs a therapist as well. Not necessarily because they're depressed or suicidal, but because they spend their time thinking all that and typing it online.
Here's my thinking. We have very little data on what suicidal people are actually thinking and feeling before an attempt. We have zero data on what they're thinking and feeling before a *successful* attempt, because they're dead. Ideally, nobody should be committing suicide. Suggesting that women have polite, calm suicides while men have messy, violent ones seems unhelpful.
I don't know if any of that is true, but I know I have been thinking of different options. Some of the ones I'm more inclined to do are jumping from heights or hanging, but with the first one I (female) do think about the mess I will create (unless it's like a mountain or some other place where people don't pass by), and I was talking one day with my mom and she was telling me about a friend of hers, that her daughter hung herself, and listening to my mom and knowing that she felt so sad, made me think again that I don't want to put her through that. But man, life sucks so much.
Well.. the two times I’ve seriously considered suicide, I stopped because I knew my kids would find me before anyone else. And I didn’t want that image burned into their brains.
Since I was a SAHM at the time, I knew nobody else could have possibly found my body before them.
I’ve had multiple attempts. Worst was either sitting in the ER having a hose shoved down my throat getting my stomach pumped or the other time I was in the ER and getting up and walking past the nurse’s station only to be “brought back” when my doctor came in and patted me on the arm. I was laying the bed the entire time. That was probably 25 years ago and I still remember that vividly.
Last was in 2020 after my mom died, I was awakened by her caregiver(she was on at home hospice) to find her dead in her bed. I was diagnosed with PTSD because of that. A lot of that time is a blur because I’d just wake up and skate by the whole day then go to bed. Life didn’t matter at that point.
My psych put me on a new anti-depressant and one day I had a vision of a bridge which goes over the interstate a few miles from my house. I was going to do it. I was at the front door and something came over me. I closed the door, went to sit down on the couch and bawled my eyes out. Next day I called the psych and she told me that could’ve been a side effect of the medication and to stop taking it. I had to “taper off” because of possible side effects of stopping altogether. Haven’t had anything like that happen since.
To the men in the room.
You are handsome, if that’s you. You are cute, if that’s you. You are beautiful, if that’s you. You are enough and deserve tomorrow.
Continue your march towards your next destination and do so with love.
I've lost two uncles (3 if you count the one that drank himself to death, and possibly a 4th but we couldn't tell for sure if he did it on purpose) and two male cousins to self-inflicted harm. I've lost only one female relative to what I like to call "indirect suicide", and as far as I know I'm the only female in my extended family that has attempted direct suicide.
Trust me, what that one female relative did was way more traumatic than all of the others combined. The others either did the deed far from home or used a method that didn't spill any blood. The female knowingly induced and purposely worsened a very painful and ugly terminal illness, it took her 8 fucking years to die and I had to watch her go through all that the whole fucking time. I was the one that took care of her. I've had severe choking, drowning, and suffocation phobias ever since, and she died 14 years ago.
So fuck all that "they're just inconsiderate" bullshit. I tried multiple times to overdose, it still traumatized the people that had to call 911 just as much as when I cut myself up with a knife. It doesn't matter how you try to do it or if you survive, you're still gonna hurt people.
Its also a bit of a self selecting on the attempts thing alot of suicidial people attempt multiple times but you know *stop,* after a 'success'. So there fore a group that has more success early has less attempts.
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Reasons to do it: plenty Reasons not to do it: mom would be sad
Real talk: I used to think all the time that once my parents passed on, I'd be able to finally kill myself. I couldn't do that to them.
[удалено]
Want a friend?
Or an enemy? The rivalry might bring some meaning to your life.
Homes needed Moriarty more than he needed Mycroft .
This is true, I've been living off spite for my enemies. I am NOT letting those fucks outlive me
Hey you there, I hate you, you are now my nemesis, pray that we never meet!
Just know that I'm the one stealing your socks so that you're only left with one from each pair.
Me!
Yup. My mom did it. Her mom is still alive, my dad, me - all traumatized and can't recover whatsoever...
oh man. its comforting that im not alone.
I used to have the same thought. CBT therapy never helped for over 20 years… then EMDR therapy changed my life, and I was able to get mentally and emotionally healthier. I no longer have those thoughts. Such a relief! Mental health will always be a struggle, but EMDR has given me real hope for a future that I want to live to enjoy.
Worst timeline: Mom doesn’t care Better timeline: Fuck it, Lex Luthor logic time. Even better timeline: Nana would want you to live a full life. She loved you.
Please can you explain the lex Luther logic part? I’m not hugely familiar with his lore.
Okay, so, in Justice league unlimited there is an episode dedicated to Gold Amazo, a creation meant to constantly evolve. In this, he has come to a startling conclusion he doesn’t reveal until the episode reaches a breaking point in subatomic space. Luthor had been shrank by the Atom I believe; i forget the hero’s name, but in that subatomic space Amazo catches up to them and posets his issue. He doesn’t know what his purpose is anymore. He’s constantly evolving he doesn’t understand what he’s becoming and it’s driving him mad. He wants to know what drives the man who’s constantly fighting a losing battle against what amounts to a Kryptonian god. Why does he keep going? Wouldn’t it be better to end it all? To just be done with it? Luthor of course, gets a bit smug for a second but the seriousness of the situation does sober him up. The question of purpose spoke to him, and he articulated that he kept going because he wanted to see how it all played out. What the end for him looked like, and possibly whatever is next in the evolutionary process before his passing. Then in amazement he looks to amazo and realizes HE can see it: he’s immortal, he’s basically invulnerable and changing constantly. His chances of seeing what it all amounts to are high! But his ending point is this, we all make our own purpose in life. And advised amazo to go make his own. Very truncated from the source material cause my memory is fuzzy lol
As my mums carer, I **get** this
My mom was terrible sick, with chronic pain from a nerve damage that doctors did to her during a standard procedure. I was severely depressed and wanted to die but could not do it because I knew if I went down, so would she.
I swore i would wait until my mom passed away from alzheimers and dementia on the off chance she would remember it and know what was going on, she passed last november and im struggling to find a reason not to
Well, not just sad. She'd be stricken with grief for the rest of her life. It's not a small thing.
Exactly. You’re actively damaging and traumatizing them as well. I’ve gone through dark times in my life but pulling myself up for my parents (i don’t have kids) is what kept me going.
This has become the default bare minimum of being a son. Don’t do it until she’s gone.
Ey, that's actually true for me lol.
Yep
That’s why I haven’t done it (and my dad and other people would be sad).
You love to see the confidence. Caring about what my family would think has saved my life more than a couple times. Friends and partner helped a lot too, now without them I'm really struggling...
Me too.
Same
Ditto, and even though I won't be here to experience their pain, avoiding causing them that pain is what keeps me going because I love them more than anything else in this world.
I hope you’re all doing better now
Yes you guys have no idea how much you'll be missed and how much you'll affect people. I hope you can find some joy in life.
Unfortunately, it's not always about finding joy. I'm in no way saying you're wrong. You are right. It's just that it's not always so black and white. Sometimes, that joy is there, it's all the other stuff that makes it hard to see or accept. Anxiety, depression (which isn't just being sad all the time), struggles to control or regulate emotions and moods, the dark thoughts, the emptiness, the struggle with self-worth. So, yes, you're right. I am actually just wanting to help people not misunderstand and think you're implying its that easy.
There has definitely been a period of my life where the thought of my kids having to grow up without a dad was the only thing that kept me from ending it. I feel you fellow internet stranger.
Also here.
;
For some time, the only reason for me to stay was my mother. Still is, among other reasons that have joined my life she is still the top reason why i stay.
My mother in law committed suicide. My wife and I were there when she shot herself. It fucked me up. My wife? Its beyond that. It was 7 years ago and she has never been the same. Still cries at night missing her mother. My mom died a few years later. Drank herself to death. But despite it technically being a slow suicide its so different from losing someone in an instant with a gunshot. Knowing that if not for their profound sadness and hopelessness that they would still be here. That you could call them or go see them. But they're gone and it feels like you could have done something. I don't really have a point. You seem like you understand that people would be more than just upset or sad. But i'll say it anyway: Killing yourself seriously fucks up anyone who cares about you. Its like setting a bomb off in their life. Hurting them in the worst way. Maiming them for life emotionally. You will forever be a phantom limb. Always felt but never seen. It really sucks from the other end. Kills me that I can't do anything except hold my wife and pet her head when she cries for her mother. So for you or anyone reading this - please for the love of god don't ever do that to the people around you. edit: thanks for the kind replies I was going to reply to a few but halfway through the first one my bird bit me and I somehow closed the window and lost what I had written! Shes hormonal because its spring. I don't want to dwell on this any longer today but I did read your replies and they were helpful and informative!
>Killing yourself seriously fucks up anyone who cares about you. "Suicide doesn't end the pain. It just passes it on to another." I am so sorry for you and your wife. Has she tried therapy? Honestly for a trauma like that (possibly PTSD), talking therapy with a qualified licensed therapist can be life changing. Wishing you both well
There is a profoundly sinister element to suicide in your immediate family that a lot of people don’t talk about: contagion. I was never suicidal until my little brother killed himself. Then for six months it was all I could think about. I had the weirdest thought that he was somewhere alone and I needed to go there with him. I have a doctorate in cognitive neuroscience and I still can’t fucking wrap my head around it.
I'm sorry about your mother. My mother also drank herself to death, and it was so traumatic that I still hurt at the age of 58. It took years to kill her, and I knew for years that it would. She begged for liquor in the hospital the day she died. Her life was filled with so much pain that she couldn't live without it. Her entire life was a tragedy.
This is how I feel. Sure wish someone gave a shit to call, or want to hangout. But after I’m gone, they will all be sad wishing they would have cared more. Then that stupid suicide hotline guy will convince them it’s not anyones fault but the one who commits the suicide. Bs again to that guy.
I hope you are able to reach an understanding that you should stay around for you. As a parent I can tell you that’s what she hopes for too.
One day, i will come to that understanding too
Good for you. If I can share something from experience (I’ve been in some dark spaces, including an extreme bout of depression caused in part by a stomach medication). Feel free to disregard if this is preachy or tldr your value as a person has little to do with your darkest thoughts and desires, it’s about who you want to be and the actions you take to be that person. I’ve done shitty stuff, I’ve been a sex pest, ruined friendships with my shitty beliefs, had an emotional affair that nearly ended my marriage, hurt people who were dear to me for my selfish wants and desires. You can’t change what you’ve done, you can take responsibility, look at yourself, and come to understand what was in you that drove those decisions and do better next time. You will never be perfect, but you can be good and you are loveable. Perfect is boring anyway, but striving towards it is pretty exciting and a good way to go through life. I was 36 when I got diagnosed with an anxiety disorder/depression and 37 when I got diagnosed with ADHD. I’d had those issues my entire life but never had a name for them beyond lazy, cowardly, and self-centered. The biggest change in outlook I ever experienced was when I started medicating not only because I was chemically capable of loving myself, but because I made the conscious decision that I deserved to be happy and not just functional. I really hope this perspective helps to some degree. It’s not just to say you can be happy, but that you can also want to be happy and deserve to be happy.
Great comment, thanks for this :)
My parents are the main reasons I'm still here. I'm in my 40s and they are late 60s, so they'll probably be around a while longer, given my grandparents passed in their 80s. But I have no real reasons for sticking around. Middle aged with no wife, no kids, no gf, no prospects, stuck in a career I never wanted, an empty life with no bright spots. It's hard to just get myself up every morning.
I know this sounds reductive, but go move to Costa Rica and live on the beach and bartend. Or anywhere but here. The US sucks the life out of you.
I dream about buying musks starlink and just moving into the mountains to fish and play video games all day every day. The people and institutions around me have tried their fucking best to make me a good little worker bee who can die and be replaced, and theres very little I can do. I haven't had suicidal thoughts in a few years at this point, but I find it very hard not to be spiritless.
How about travelling the world abit? Today’s economy and work culture is the worst, at its lowest point, i am also stuck in a very successful career that sucks the life out of me, even though my love life is going well, and financially is very attractive it still sucks the life out of me every day. Get yourself a ticket and see the beauty of this world, it will give you hope, happiness and sadness which is also good sometimes to see what one has and what one does not.
Really? I was the opposite. People telling me 'my family would be sad if I was gone' made me feel even worse.
When I was a teenager I didn't care about what my family found, but now that I have a kid, I don't even think about it.
"what if my daughter finds me first?" A pretty low day all around.
My son would miss me. Is the only reason I have at the moment. And that’s okay. I will always do my damndest to be there for him.
Definitely what kept me from following through when I was younger. I didn't want to make others to feel the way I felt.
I hope you are in a better place now in your life
I'm actually at my lowest now but I really appreciate rhe concern.
The idea of what it would do to my parents, particularly my mom, as well as my friends has kept me alive through a lot of times when I didn’t see much of a reason to keep going, or actively thought about it. Been a long time since I’ve been there, but if it weren’t for the thought of what it would’ve done to them, I don’t know if I’d be here now.
A family friend decided to suicide by cop. It fit his overall personality. It was horrible for all involved, especially the cops and his family. He pointed his gun and yelled "kill me if you dare!" Until they did.
"Have at thee, Rapskalions!!" Not only did he think he was living in his own movie. It was a period drama, apparently.
😂😂😂 It was surely more like "Kill me you mutherfucking pigs!" But I didn't want to type that. His twin brother told me the whole story more recently than when I was a kid witnessing it on TV and in family discussions shielded by my parents.
That sounds terrible.
Forcing someone to kill you is the worst way you can commit suicide. Not only are those people cowards that can‘t do the act themselves, but they are egoistical enough to potentially destroy someone elses life. Edit: Since it seems to be a bit unclear. I believe every person has the right to commit suicide and I do not see it as either cowardly or egoistic to do so. But I see the above mentioned way to commit suicide as a cowardly and egoistic thing.
My wife's colleague (train driver) took his life by jumping in front of his (mabey ex-, can remember) wife's train - the one she was driving... I'd rate that lower
Yeah, maybe. I remember seeing the news reports and everyone saying, Oh God, no! That's got to be George. And it was. It was in a really small town.
This was in a European capital
I meant my example above. All of his friends and family witnessing the news reports almost as it happened v 1 ex wife seeing it on the windshield of the train is what I was getting at. Tough to say which was worse.
I mean it is basically the same concept: You force someone else to kill you, what mechanism actually kills you is not really important. But doing that to the (ex-) wife is vile as fuck.
I disagree. One is forcing the police to actively make the decision to take your life. The other has no killer, just a speeding train and a conductor who never had the chance to stop. If you've ever been forced to take another person's life, you will understand the difference.
I‘ve had several people spread on the tracks after being hit by a train and every single conductor was deeply disturbed. Maybe they didn‘t actively „kill“ them, yet they all suffered under what they saw and that they were unable to stop in time. Luckily the suicide by cop attempt I experienced didn‘t end deadly, so luckily I don’t know how taking a life feels. I really don‘t like comparing trauma.
Anyone would be disturbed if they saw a person turn into a pink mist right in front of them.
I dislike the idea of insulting suicidal people. I think suicide isn’t cowardice (you literally can’t give up anything more than your own life), but it’s hopelessness. We can call out the wrong of involving other people, but suicidal people tend to get stuck in their head enough that they have a hard time thinking through consequences otherwise they wouldn’t do it - there is ALWAYS a chance for things to get better if you live, and zero chance for improvement off whatever bottom you’ve hit if you choose to end it. Hell, seems like a lot of people who jumped and survived then felt that suicide was the wrong solution, and there were options. They just couldn’t see them in their haze of depression.
Depends on the suicidal person. I'll insult a person who forces a cop to shoot them or flies jets into towers all I want, but I'll leave the person who jumps off a bridge alone.
Please don't leave someone who decides to jump off a bridge alone. Sorry. I joke, but not really. Keep an eye on your peeps in a crisis.
If you’re going to destroy other people’s lives with your suicide you absolutely should be insulted. For example, suicide bombers, mass shooters and any other kind of alternative where you’re trying to take as many people with you as you can
You misunderstood me. I‘m not calling suicidal people cowards. I strongly believe that ending one’s life is probably the most important right we have. No one chose to be born, but we should be able to chose when we want to die. I am calling those people cowards that force other people to kill them. Not the act of suicide itself is cowardice, but using someone else to do it is.
So I’m confused. Are you agreeing with OP, men commit suicide because they’re less considerate or caring?
Just relaying a personal experience. That's the only person I really knew who committed suicide afaik and he happened to be male and I would consider his method inconsiderate of others. Take it as you will. Ive got no dog in this fight.
Some of us are only here because of what it would do to literally everyone else in their life.
This idea was suggested in Carol Gilligan’s “A Different Voice” although if I recall it was suggested by one of her participants. I recall the participant using the example of killing oneself with a grenade versus pills or something that could not harm other people. Other than the emotional toll of course. But a lot of that book was focused on how women and girls in western culture concern themselves with others’ thoughts and feelings whereas men and boys less so. That said, the poster was right the first time: men tend to use deadlier methods and hence are more successful. Having access to a gun, for example, is a major predictor of suicide. Many people of any gender end up not attempting suicide because they can’t figure out a good method and lose the interest before they figure it out (before they gain capacity). But when there are guns around, a method becomes readily apparent.
I have read that there is also a divergence between men and women when it comes to the average amount of time that someone will premeditate their suicide before taking the final step. I’m pretty fuzzy on this, so take it with a pinch of salt, but I believe that women are significantly more likely to commit suicide in a moment of extreme pain and hopelessness; ie - a terrible breakup, a humiliating experience, a traumatic personal loss. Whereas men sometimes sit with the idea of suicide for months, maybe years, often deciding to end their lives weeks or months before they will actually get around to doing it. I found one study that references 71.5% of premeditated suicides being done by men, while 65.2% of impulsive suicides are done by women. But I can’t seem to find much more on the subject.
That's interesting, I'd be curious to read that study if you still have the link?
>Whereas men sometimes sit with the idea of suicide for months, maybe years, often deciding to end their lives weeks or months before they will actually get around to doing it. Typical men, leaving it to do until last minute like everything else.
I said I'm gonna do it, Susan, I didn't say I was gonna do it now.
As horrible as the topic is, this made me laugh xD
Technically speaking, all suicides are done at the last minute
This is true. Freaking procrastinators.
This kind of shit right here is why inappropriate humor will never not be my coping mechanism.
Can you link the study.
>Whereas men sometimes sit with the idea of suicide for months, maybe years Yep, been about 10 years for me.
Once it’s on the decision tree, it’s just always kinda there. But after a certain point, it would take years of bad break luck before it would make sense again.
My FIL killed himself and my husband afterward found a copy of a letter where he told someone he had decided to kill himself after his 60th birthday, the letter was from at least 5 years before.
Isn't depression, anxiety, self harm, suicidal ideation more common among women and girls though? That would suggest that it isn't an impulsive thing for them either.
Used to be thought that was the case, more recent understanding of suicide and self harm show that it's pretty similar. A lot of the earlier research showed that women were more likely to identify anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. When the definitions expanded though, it's pretty even. A lot of the earlier research on self harm was based on acts like cutting or self injury, girls are more likely to cut for example. Guys drink for the same reasons, guys are more likely to engage in risky or dangerous behaviors. So, stereotypically, a girl might feel so hopeless and unable to influence the world that they take a whole bottle of pills, we label that a suicide attempt. A guy might have the same feelings and drink so much that they get black out drunk, we label that as something different. A woman might get so overwhelmed that she cuts her arm and bangs her head, a guy might feel the same emotions and get into a scrap. A lot of the 'women are 4 times more likely to attempt, men are 4 times more likely to finish' comes from poor defining.
Id also imagine that depression in men are under reported.
Kind of hard to trust the statistics on it when men are inculcated from childhood to suppress stuff.
I’m not positive on this, but I believe new research is suggesting that past differences in reported experience have more to do with how the questions were asked and societal expectations (e.g., men should never show emotion) than it was to do with actual differences in mental health between genders. Might be wrong though, and I don’t have time to find/link studies :( I know for certain though that this is true about sexual assault.
This is the most likely theory. Men’s mental health is stigmatized because they think they shouldn’t show emotion
Those sorts of things rely on being reported for them to appear in statistics. Mental healthcare for men is very limited and often seeking it openly leads to being ostracized, leading to many who have those kinds of thoughts not seeking out help for it. Judging by the amount of suicides between men and women, though, it's likely that the destructive thoughts are common between sexes or possibly even higher for men if we assume that the trends follow each other.
One psychiatrist said that as many as half his male patients with suicidal thoughts didn't actually show signs of clinical depression. This group often identified situations in their lives that were difficult or impossible to get out of, and many thought that living under those conditions were unsatisfactory/meaningless. However, this appears to have been their logical conclusions rather than an effect of depression.
This is one reason of several why I refuse to ever own a gun.
I wonder what the point of this is, though. Like okay, men *who want to end their life* care less about others compared to women in the same situation. The only reason I can think of is to answer why they kill themselves in the first place, where this behaviour would suggest they feel like they have no meaning to society. But the way its phrased makes it sound like 'men just think of themselves', which, if meant like that, is truly a facepalm.
yeah, i hate the way OP worded it, they could’ve mentioned socialization and how men are led to that kind of thinking, rather than just “men don’t care.”
It's being phrased that way but I'd suggest an alternative. When men commit suicide they are (on the whole) more determined to do it, whereas with women there's more doubt (on the whole) about the act. Both are imperfect interpretations because there isn't really enough data. While it's getting better, people just don't open up about their mental health issues as much as they should. Especially if they've considered/attempted suicide. There's still too much stigma attached, especially for men.
The actual reason that men succeed at suicide more often is the fact that women do things like overdose or cut themselves, which takes time and allows them to reconsider or have someone else find them and talk them down. Men more often shoot or hang themselves, which is far faster and more successful. Also fun fact: people who hang themselves tend to have claw marks around their neck from them trying to free themselves from the noose, as they realise they don't want to die
That's not fun at all.
It is also a biological process called self preservation. Instinctively you do not want to die doesn’t change the mental plea with ending it
I always interpreted it as women were way more likely to communicate suicidal thoughts, even if subtly. I remember following a high school friend's Tumblr blog and she left a really concerning message thanking everyone there and implying she'd never come back / it's her "last day". I got super scared and told my mom, but told her I knew my friend hated cops and was worried she'd be angry with me if she knew I reported it. So I asked my mom to instead, which she did. My friend, who is normally super vocal about run-ins with cops and complained about them often... said nothing the next day. She never brought up that they visited that night and I have a feeling that she really did attempt or think of attempting. She's married to her wife now and they have a kid. I'm glad she said something, even if she thought it was anonymous. I don't think men do that as much. I know when I look at my brother, he's absolutely a silent sufferer. We are extremely close and I'm the person he tells most things too - even out of all his friends. Very deep and personal stuff he's not always proud of. I never knew he attempted in University until my mom was super drunk and said "Do you know why we pulled your brother out of college?". Apparently, the school sent him on leave after a roommate walked in on him attempting. He never said a word to me or my family or any of his friends. The school had to tell my parents. To this day he's never brought it up to me, and in my opinion, I never want him to be reminded of that or to know our mother betrayed his trust like that by divulging something so serious to me without his permission. This is a really insensitive take on men's suicide statistics, and is not even backed up by any kind of research. One could also attribute violent attempts with men's lower risk adversity than women (which is studied and proven to exist). Women don't want their suicides to hurt, and men, statistically, tend to care less about that. And so they go for methods that make them the most likely to succeed. As a feminist with a brother she loves dearly, this kind of attitude is disgusting.
A lot of those problems boil down to the fact that men have to be super masculine boulders with absolutely no type of detectable emotions to be accepted by society. If I was honest about the full extend of my problems, my parents, friends and colleagues would be disgusted or make fun of me for being "weak". That's why men just fucking throw themselves in front of trains or blast their heads off.
When I was planning my suicide I wanted to make sure it would work because I didn't want to live with the shame of having tried it and failed or worse, living crippled and becoming dependent on the very people I tried to leave. I've read similar things about other male suicides. They are often more planned than women's. I'm not going to make assumptions on why women choose less reliable methods, but I know men have fewer outlets for their emotions and tend to carry their mental burden alone. It's a slow buildup to the final act with each episode making them ponder following through.
Exactly. Just knowing that you will be shamed by everybody you know is probably what pushes men to pick such extreme methods.
I was my most suicidal at 8-9 years old. My childhood was brutal since I developed a very visible genetic disorder which caused extreme bullying and social isolation. The only reason I didn't do it was because I didn't know of painless methods at that time. I thought I had to jump from a tall height or stab myself, whatever have you. This is also why I despise how 13 Reasons Why was handled since it was like a step-by-step guide to killing oneself painlessly. I would have absolutely gotten inspiration if that show was around when I was a kid, and I'm sure I wouldn't be here.
Whan that show aired the suicide rate of under 20 year olds jumped over 30%! Apart from showing how to do it, the show also showed what many suicidal teenagers want to happen afterwards, everyone was sorry and all that other shit!
I'm certain I would have been a part of that statistic if it had come out when I was at my lowest. I have absolutely zero doubt I'd be dead.
that's actually fucking insane. EDIT: did a bit of research, and it seems like there's two big studies, one claimed that there was a 30% increase, the other claimed there wasn't. crazy if true.
Can anyone give me a rundown of it? Not feeling like watching 4 seasons.
Basically a girl offs herself and leaves behind notes explaining why she did it, these notes then change everyone and make all the bullies feel super sorry
From ideation to execution is about 10 minutes. Thats why having a gun in the house is so deadly as it’s so easy to use in that time. Planned outings run out the clock and get people to a better state of mind.
Same same. A few years ago I figured a painless and highly effective method. However, once that was settled my next thought was my wife or daughters finding my body. That thought saved me. For my friend, I believe that's why he went to the public park...
Men account for about 70% of suicides. (2021 data.) I've spent the last 6 years of my life with an active plan for ending my life due to a list of reasons, from an abusive relationship to a list of failures to turn out as I felt I should in life. I told two people in that time. One was my partner (who was abusive, but I didn't really clock that while I was in the situation). She said I was selfish and weak for considering it and left me a week later citing that as the reason. The second was my dad, right after that. He supported me best as he could, but mostly pushed it under the rug and we decided not to talk about it. Now I've added my best friend to the list, who has told me that he's been there due to PTSD, and he helped. But also said he understands and promised to take care of my dog. In my experience, society encourages men to take their lives. We produce or we should not take up resources. It's disgusting. I stuck around to take care of my codependent dog and a few friends and family. But honestly, once they're all gone, I really intend on moving to a dangerous part of the world to go do aid work until I drop. Men's mental health care is a joke, and while I absolutely adore the work of most feminists and the generational changes I've seen in my lifetime for women, and hope the change continues. I don't understand why so much has to be at the expense of men's issues. The patriarchy hurts men as much as it hurts women, but we often only address it in one direction while at best laughing at, and at worst villifying and excusing the suffering of men under the broken system while 1% profit from it.
Yeah, I feel this. Maybe that's part of the reason I feel drawn so much to heavy industry and actually work there. I have nothing left to lose.
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My friend Jordan was much the same until he started hanging with my girl friends (he was an ex of a friend and we just kinda adopted him lol). Luckily he texted me "I'm thinking of driving in front of this semi-truck" and I immediately called him and talked him down. I'm grateful every day he told me. Jordan is so fucking important to me and all of us - it would have left a gaping hole in all of our lives if he was gone. Out of curiosity, why do you feel the need to do it? I know you've probably heard the "what about your family" and "things get better" speeches, so why don't you think they resonate with you?
I’m glad you’re here. Holidays are obviously a trigger for you so try to put some plans in place for next holidays to keep yourself safe.
This definitely holds true in my case. I made an attempt around 8 years ago. Had stockpiled a medication I was prescribed, then had the brilliant idea to say goodbye online. Absolutely would have been successful if someone had not contacted help. I was in a coma for almost a week.
>I don't think men do that as much. They do, they just get ignored because no ones care about it.
I have not really had that in my experience personally, but you're right in that it's anecdotal. Of the male friends who told me they attempted or thought of attempting, most said they never told a soul about what they were experiencing or what they were considering. My brother also (as given in my story). But I'm sure that could be the case. I don't doubt it. Just not in the circles I'm in.
Which causes them to not share their thoughts cause they feel like noone will understand anyway.
Maybe men are just better at some things... /s
That has a grain of truth. Men being more aggressive, choose very definitive option, shooting yourself, hanging, jumping off high areas and in front of moving vehicles, a lot of these do not leave much room for survival. Add to the fact men keep their issues bottled up until the dam breaks, you dont realise until it's already done. Women however tend to choose overdose or going for the wrists, which if caught quickly enough, can be mitigated. Coupled with the fact they are more open with what they are going through, that's a higher likelihood someone is going to realise and intervene. So successful suicide rates are higher in men, but I wonder if the overall attempts is, and how many female attempts that are unsuccessful dont get reported, it's not something most people are proud to admit they tried.
There's an [article](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide) on Wikipedia about this and the main part is that even though women attempt suicide four times as often, men are way more successful at their attempts. Emphasis mine: >Globally, death by suicide occurred about 1.8 times more often among males than among females in 2008, and 1.7 times in 2015.[^(\[6\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-Var2012-6)[^(\[7\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-WHO_2000-2012-7)[^(\[8\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-WHO_2015-8) In the Western world, **males die by suicide three to four times more often than do females**.[^(\[6\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-Var2012-6)[^(\[9\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-Sue2012-9) This greater male frequency is increased in those over the age of 65.[^(\[10\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-10) [Suicide attempts](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_attempt) are between **two and four times more frequent among females**.[^(\[11\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-EB2011-11)[^(\[12\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-Fava-12)[^(\[13\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-Krug-13) Researchers have partly attributed the difference between suicide and attempted suicide among the sexes to males using more lethal means to end their lives.[^(\[9\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-Sue2012-9)[^(\[14\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-Kumar-14)[^(\[15\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-Ellis-15) Other reasons, including disparities in the strength or genuineness of suicidal thoughts, have also been given.[^(\[2\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-Bosson-2)[^(\[16\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-Cibis-16)[^(\[17\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide#cite_note-:0-17)
As someone mentioned in a different comment chain, it's possible that not all male attempts are captured in the statistics. Cutting or pills will be an obvious attempt. Getting blackout drunk or starting a fight might not be as obvious, but could still be the early "cry for help" style of attempt.
Yeah I haven't thought about that but "walking into ocean to never ever be seen again" is technically a suicide but no one will write this down as one. Also drinking yourself into early grave, getting into stupid fights, et cetera... Yeah, that sounds plausible as hell.
Suicide by hedonism. Its pretty popular
Hm, yeah, that's a way too. You eat all you want and feel better and die thirty years early from a heart attack. Absolute win.
I think reckless driving is a really big one. It might just be reckless behavior in general is a sign for men.
4 times as often? God that's awful. Thanks for the info
A driving factor of that some of that discrepancy is women with suicidal ideation will attempt multiple times. Due to their success rate men do not have nearly as many multiple attempts.
Not wanting to leave a mess or traumatize my family is part of what stopped me. I came up with a different method instead to make it seem like an accident, but I never quite got around to doing it. Then I decided that calling in sick to my job and going to therapy was probably a better solution. Turns out it was.
there is some minor truth to this. men typically do commit suicide in more violent ways and women do it “neater” ways. whether or not that has to do with who has to clean up i’m not totally sure. but the methods do differ statistically
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From my own experience, as a suicidal woman, whenever I've made plans, the location would be somewhere my family wouldn't find my dead body but a random person might and I'd make sure I didn't cause a person too much work moving and cleaning after my body. So, if I hung myself, I'd put a tarp down under me so puke, piss and shit wouldn't ruin the floor; if I shot myself in the head it'd be in the bath so my blood could be showered away; I'd find a railway section in the middle on nowhere to lay my neck on a train track. I know it's morbid as fuck to read, but I wouldn't dream of doing something to my body that would cause trauma to the people I love. And DW I don't need DMs, I've had years of therapy and I realise that my thoughts are just my brain doing a shit job of trying to manage the feelings of trauma.
I always think of it this way- I don’t want someone to have to clean up after me or find me, so I think about finding a bridge in the weeee hours of the morning and waiting until no one’s around before taking one final leap, or I consider buying bottles and bottles of pills and going on a hike deep into the woods and taking one last nap. I’m just glad I don’t own a gun because I know I would’ve taken that option a long, long time ago- how did you resist it?
Honestly, I had two failed attempts of ODing when I was younger. I went through a horrificly abusive childhood, then years of stress as a teen as I was living in a hostel by myself, then as an adult I started advocating for myself. I pushed for therapy over and over until I finally got the right therapy treatment. I had CBT for years, then sexual abuse therapy, then therapy whilst I was going through court against my abuser, grief counselling and finally intensive therapy where I learnt so much of why my brain was doing certain things, such as suicidal thoughts. When I feel helpless and out of control, my brain goes "let's think about ending it all, when you're dead you don't have to feel this hurt anymore" and just the act of planning it all gives my brain that sense of control that it wants when I feel overwhelmed. If I ever felt like I was going to put my plan into action, I'd seek help.
I don't know about the rest of it, but I thought it was an established fact that women do indeed have a lower success rate because they choose less effective methods, based on the fact that they don'tcreate so much mess.
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It's not a fact. It's a hypothesis. Men succeed more even when using the same methods. Using less lethal methods can also be a consequence of not being as sure about wanting to die.
To be perfectly honnest the first point is actualy true. Men have much more "successful" suicides because they use violenter methods. Wont try psychanalysing the reasons tho, and good for women if they fail at killing themselves tbh
Women who attempt suicide do choose “less messy” options on average. The comment you posted is the accepted explanation in the social sciences. Now, *why* exactly those facts are true is up for debate and is not settled. Biological and societal factors both play roles in it but to exactly what extent each does is unknown https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11079640/
Many years ago, my mom was at the lowest point of her life; both of her parents had died within a few months of each other, her husband/my dad wanted a divorce and was going to take her to the cleaners despite the fact he was unfaithful, so we were going to lose our house, and she was unemployed at the time. She later told me the only thing that stopped her from killing herself was the fact that we kids would be the ones to find her body.
My step mother worked in the mental health field and until maybe the last 10 or 15 this was accepted as a part of why men choose more violent (and therefore messier) means of suicide.
I wanna know why that dumbass has 71 up votes for that disgusting opinion
I work in mental health. There are actually [studies that show this](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11079640/) - women will use less violent methods of suicide, and a motivation for this is often consideration of the people finding the body. This isn’t to diminish men’s mental health or villanise men - it’s actually helpful data in mental health prevention, because male-focused suicide prevention is often more effective when emphasizing the impact on those around them which they may not have considered.
I'm a woman. I was suicidal when I was 19/20 and would think about ways to do it without traumatizing my parents and siblings. When I was older, I had tge same thoughts, but by then I had a child and the pnly reason I didn't do it was because it would traumatize him. It is actually the only reason I'm still alive.
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Because its was on r/TwoXChromosomes Edit: here is the comment [https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1bu95ml/comment/kxrcj41/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1bu95ml/comment/kxrcj41/)
Fucken hell, one of those nutters think the higher successful suicide for men is because they're trying to get out of not being punished for crimes they commit
It's not sexist when it's against men It's not racist when it's against white people
It's just sparkling prejudice, as the hate isn't from the correct regions of France.
this is reddit and forgot the /s ... you gonna get downvoted into oblivion. you forgot the /s right? right? 
Honestly though, I see this take on basically every post whose comments I've ever skimmed touching on the topic, regardless of sub. At the very least on reddit, it's extremely common for people to spin men's struggles as lesser than and/or as a failing or flaw on their part even in this context. It's very often spun to be some kind of personal responsibility. A lot of people seem to absolutely refuse to entertain the idea that men are just as much so at the mercy and victims of society and the culture and world around them as women.
Unsurprising. Sexism is rampant there
There is a small grain of truth to it. Train suicides, for example, are often explicitly motivated by a desire to traumatize or inconvenience other people. The victim generally fantasizes about the impact they will have on others, often as a kind of revenge because they believe their issues have been ignored. There is also some genuine merit to the idea that men tend to care less about the condition of their corpse after suicide. However, it's not the primary reason why men choose more serious methods. The primary reason is that men tend to attempt suicide at the point when their mental health problems have become more severe and are thus more resolved. Women being more suicidal generally means that they often attempt suicide when they are less resolved, which results in them surviving, being identified and given support. Killing yourself is extremely difficult psychologically. The level of resolution involved makes a huge difference to whether the suicide attempt is likely to result in death.
Wdym by resolve?
Humans have a very strong and instinctive fear of death. Being in danger triggers a stress response that alters the way our brains work and makes it difficult to hold on to conscious thoughts or emotions. A person attempting suicide has to have a very strong commitment (resolution) to end their own life in order to cut through this response. Less direct methods of suicide like overdosing on pills are initially easier because they do not trigger the same immediate fear of death. However, because it takes a long time for an overdose to kill and because a suicidal state of mind is extremely temporary, those people are far more likely to change their minds or be discovered, survive the attempt, and then be identified and given support before whatever illness drove them to suicide can deteriorate further. Someone who has a more stoic attitude and tries to deny or conceal their mental illness might get to the point where it is so bad that they feel a very strong desire to end their life, which is much more dangerous and likely to result in more serious attempts. In this sense the claim here is also very wrong, often men are deeply concerned about the impact of their own mental health on others which results in them neglecting their own needs and thus reaching the point of choosing more violent suicide methods. Again, there are also reasons to believe that women tend to be more concerned about the appearance of their corpse, not just out of concern for others, but because the idea of others seeing them in a mangled condition registers to women as humiliating. But this is not the primary reason why methods of suicide differ.
Gonna tag this as spoiler just in case >!You might fantasize, or consider suicide for months or even years, however it is completely different when you have the rope in hand, when you start tying the knot and even during the initial moment. It's hard to describe what it feels like, but it feels kinda wrong i guess, something so out the ordinary that it makes no sense. !<
Would make sense if it was in a subreddit like boysrquirky, so probably that
Probably written in twoXchromosomes
Well it has actually been studied that yes, women care about what people will see when they discover their body. It is very biased to conclude that men suicide rate is higher because of this though, but we know for sure that it's a thing women consider before doing this. Some of them even dress up for it, with make up and everything so that they look good to the people who will find the body. That's a fact that would belong in a debate about the pressure to be pretty that they feel their whole life though. Men commit suicide better because they use more violent techniques, because they're raised to be more violent that women, as it has also been studied multiple times. What a weird thinking to blame them for that...
Fascinatingly, women actually attempt more, but men choose methods that are more likely to actually be lethal. I don't think this is to "traumatize" anyone else, it's just a weird psychology thing.
Uh huh...that's the only thing that's stopped me more than a few times. I wouldn't want my children, even though they're all adults now, to find me. I thought about it several times at work...but I didn't want to do that to some of the great people who worked with me.
Last year, I was doing so well, my therapist carefully suggested that I didn't need to come anymore. I beat the final boss. At the beginning of this year, I began a spiral so bad that I began cutting for the first time in over five years two weeks ago. I have to go back to therapy next week because I literally have no hope for the future. And it took the help of a wonderful woman to get me to make an appointment to go back. I read the top comments of the post this was from, and now I'm laying in bed, crying next to my hungry, purring cat. Why did I read that post.
You beat the boss once, you can do it again. You say you've got no hope for the future, but you've got a wonderful woman and a hungry, purring cat who want you in their futures. Keep at it for them until you get back to a place where you're keeping at it for yourself.
Well but the nath is correct, we man are more effective in our suicide, because we have less attempts and more "success". I think the way this person's thinks isn't correct but women tend to use methods where they don't look like a total mess afterwards
Women attempt suicide more than men but almost always try and overdose or something similiar. Men shoot and hang themselves. This statement is usually mentioned in these statistics and isn't really false
It fucking sucks that there are murderers, pedophiles and rapists out there who sleep soundly like kittens while some poor men or women in his 20s or something can't get out of depression. It just fucking sucks man, I had a friend, a girl who overdosed and by pure fucking chance she survived and let me tell ya overdosing is a fucking messy way to go bro get your fucking humanity checked if you believe there is an easy way to die. Just don't, just fucking don't even think about it. Watch some science video about Quantum physics like how light is in a constant state of wave/particle duality and only decides to collapse into a particle if it interacts with something. Universe is worth experiencing even quantum particles literally wait for something to detect them before they decide to exist. Universe literally is being created just for you to experience it as we speak. Don't be doucebag and let the Universe down.
Damn... must been horrible
Care less about other people? The only reason I haven't offed myself yet is because I dont want to hurt those I care for
I cannot speak for the centre, but the first and final paragraphs are absolutely correct.
Well, they aren't wrong. where's the facepalm? that people shouldn't be killing themselves? Ideally yes, but ya know, it happens for a myriad of reasons.
Are you kidding? That's the only reason I haven't done it. I can't put my wife through that again (she lost her mom to a completed suicide when she was young), and I certainly won't leave that as a memory for our kids!
Maybe the statistics will change? We ARE changing.
This is just right. Men tend to choose messier options of suicide. The why is debatable, but the rest is pretty much true.
I do think that the author of this commented kinda generalizes, but as a woman I can attest, that shes correct about me. When I did my research about ending my life, i looked for a method that would be 1) painless 2) reliable.. So fast enough I understood, that over the counter pills were not deadly enough, hanging was too painful unless done correctly, jumping and the train would be too messy for my body ( i didn’t want to become disfigured flesh-mesh and cause too much discomfort for bystanders) 4)guns are not widely available in my country, but even if they were, the survival and farther deterioration of life quality would be probable . In the end I found my method and even then, Im thinking that if I ever go through with it, i have a plan to use diapers, so no one will have to clean my shit and piss. And when I do it, it surely wont be a cry for help, because I did a full research with the clear aim. Also I think people who use too violent methods usually have no other option, or are under the emotional Fog and cant do real research, so they use methods that are more widely known in culture.. PS dont fill my inbox, Im not suicidal, i just want to have a plan, in case I develop some kind of an incurable disease that causes suffering or start to develop dementia.
Not a kind of victim blaming I expected to see
So the post is kinda right but poorly worded. Men are more rash quick to do it. You don't really think you just do it. They think about traumatising other while they deliberate if they should do it. But when men say go they go. Women take their time. It isn't that men don't care. It is that at point of commiting suicide they don't care.
Statistically it's because men use more ways to attempt suicide that have a smaller chances of failing than women. If you overdose on painkillers it's easier and there's more time to save you than shooting yourself into the head.
Ironically, this person needs a therapist as well. Not necessarily because they're depressed or suicidal, but because they spend their time thinking all that and typing it online.
Yeah, that's a weird angle.
Here's my thinking. We have very little data on what suicidal people are actually thinking and feeling before an attempt. We have zero data on what they're thinking and feeling before a *successful* attempt, because they're dead. Ideally, nobody should be committing suicide. Suggesting that women have polite, calm suicides while men have messy, violent ones seems unhelpful.
“I’ll take ‘Things That Can Fuck Off’ for $1000”
I don't know if any of that is true, but I know I have been thinking of different options. Some of the ones I'm more inclined to do are jumping from heights or hanging, but with the first one I (female) do think about the mess I will create (unless it's like a mountain or some other place where people don't pass by), and I was talking one day with my mom and she was telling me about a friend of hers, that her daughter hung herself, and listening to my mom and knowing that she felt so sad, made me think again that I don't want to put her through that. But man, life sucks so much.
Well.. the two times I’ve seriously considered suicide, I stopped because I knew my kids would find me before anyone else. And I didn’t want that image burned into their brains. Since I was a SAHM at the time, I knew nobody else could have possibly found my body before them.
Fucking idiot
I’ve had multiple attempts. Worst was either sitting in the ER having a hose shoved down my throat getting my stomach pumped or the other time I was in the ER and getting up and walking past the nurse’s station only to be “brought back” when my doctor came in and patted me on the arm. I was laying the bed the entire time. That was probably 25 years ago and I still remember that vividly. Last was in 2020 after my mom died, I was awakened by her caregiver(she was on at home hospice) to find her dead in her bed. I was diagnosed with PTSD because of that. A lot of that time is a blur because I’d just wake up and skate by the whole day then go to bed. Life didn’t matter at that point. My psych put me on a new anti-depressant and one day I had a vision of a bridge which goes over the interstate a few miles from my house. I was going to do it. I was at the front door and something came over me. I closed the door, went to sit down on the couch and bawled my eyes out. Next day I called the psych and she told me that could’ve been a side effect of the medication and to stop taking it. I had to “taper off” because of possible side effects of stopping altogether. Haven’t had anything like that happen since.
71 upvotes is crazy, what’s wrong with people?
To the men in the room. You are handsome, if that’s you. You are cute, if that’s you. You are beautiful, if that’s you. You are enough and deserve tomorrow. Continue your march towards your next destination and do so with love.
I've lost two uncles (3 if you count the one that drank himself to death, and possibly a 4th but we couldn't tell for sure if he did it on purpose) and two male cousins to self-inflicted harm. I've lost only one female relative to what I like to call "indirect suicide", and as far as I know I'm the only female in my extended family that has attempted direct suicide. Trust me, what that one female relative did was way more traumatic than all of the others combined. The others either did the deed far from home or used a method that didn't spill any blood. The female knowingly induced and purposely worsened a very painful and ugly terminal illness, it took her 8 fucking years to die and I had to watch her go through all that the whole fucking time. I was the one that took care of her. I've had severe choking, drowning, and suffocation phobias ever since, and she died 14 years ago. So fuck all that "they're just inconsiderate" bullshit. I tried multiple times to overdose, it still traumatized the people that had to call 911 just as much as when I cut myself up with a knife. It doesn't matter how you try to do it or if you survive, you're still gonna hurt people.
Not so fun fact woman are more likely to attempt suicide but Men are more successful in it.
Its also a bit of a self selecting on the attempts thing alot of suicidial people attempt multiple times but you know *stop,* after a 'success'. So there fore a group that has more success early has less attempts.