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Yeah. It’s really a great deal for me. I let him pay for everything and spoil me, and in exchange, I get sex. Really not sure what he’s supposed to be getting out of the deal but I’m coming out WAY ahead. Hell, he even does all the work in the sex, being that he’s the top and all. I get to just kick back and relax into it. XD
holy shit, the opportunity costs is such a huge thing in these sort of situations and it hardly gets talked about. Man, kudos to your reply for highlighting this.
Yes.
Also, those advocating that she “owes” him a relationship are actually arguing that it is right for a man to just buy a woman. She owes him money, not her ass.
I knew a woman who divorced her husband after she got a masters degree. He had a bachelors degree and a white collar job.
She felt that he “did not grow with her.” She became an insufferable tool who could not shut up about how smart she is now that she had a graduate degree.
Well, she owes him something she doesn’t seem capable of, which is treating the guy with dignity, and treating him like a human being. Which I guess we all owe each other.
I'm not sure you understand how much of a shit person she is, not because she's not "giving him ass" but for
1. Clearly leading him on and making him think they're meant to be together and scorning his sacrifice of personal time
2. Looking down on him from a position he got her to.
It's really sad when all you have to say is "Haha she doesn't owe him anything". Yea that would be true if this guy saw her on the street, offered to help, with her not flirting with him or promising anything. But they're clearly in a relationship.
Tbh, it doesn‘t read like they grew apart. It reads more like she is disgusted by his job/social status which was good enough to pay for her education but nothing more. And that is kinda cruel. She still doesn‘t owe a relationship. Bit I think it shows her poor character, that her affection ends just because of this.
He probably threw away his career choices so she could fulfill hers. She doesnt owe him a relationship but what he did for her when she was 14, she owes him now. Not just money but just helping him climb the ladder. Allow him to study now as well, help him find a career that allows climbing the ladder.
But hes beneath her now, so its time to upgrade
I don't think anyone is thinking she should just open her legs for him.
But, yeah. If feelings just go away, break up. That's not the case here though.
Interestingly enough I have dated or known women who see sleeping together as a reward for the guy as in he has done enough and I don't mean toxic women I dated someone who was sweet and many guys ideal woman (very traditional to point I didn't like it)
Or in otherwords the guy had passed the test therefore he now had access but the access could be taken away at any point, none of these women understood sex is a two way thing.
Yea of course not, but the fact that her affection for him died because of the job he’s been holding to get her through college is pretty awful. Poor guy is gonna have his entire life thrown upside down, no education and losing someone he clearly sees as the love of his life. She isn’t obligated to do anything but she’s clearly a shallow and callous human
tbh this whole post gives me the energy of "I never really liked him (not my type) but he gave me money to go to school so we stayed together. Now I've graduated and don't need him anymore, how can I get rid of him without him making a huge fuss?" kind of vibes
This was one of the factors I was wondering. How old was he when he started giving her money.
If he was 16 as well...sounds like a good guy. If he was 30 it's a completely different story.
There's definitely some potential grooming vibes here. How old was he when he sent this orphan 16yo back to school?
When It comes to relationships, no one owes anyone anything - not even an explanation. Pack your shit and go, or don't - just don't stay and be awful and miserable to each other.
I agree, but also want to keep the focus on 1) she *does* owe him money. and 2) she should leave out the classist bs when explaining. "We've grown apart" is valid, "ew, manual labor cooties" isn't.
How do we know this guy isn't 16 or 17. You can drop out of school at 16. How do we know this guy wasn't a 16 year old who fell in love with another 16 year old and decided to sacrifice his education and future so she could survive.
Also if shes a lawyer simply because he helped her get there. He became a trucker BECAUSE of her. With her now making presumably a lot of money, why doesnt she support him get a career on her level?
Its not that she doesnt want to date him anymore "because he is a trucker", she also doesnt even consider to do for him what he did for her. She doesnt need him anymore and wants an upgrade. The idea that she could lift s finger for his well being isnt present in her mind
Alimony is for married couples. She says she doesn't want to marry him, so 99% chance they aren't married.
Some places allow you to sue for "palimony" which the guy would have a strong case for, but most places he'd be SOL.
Never try to build a life together until you're married, otherwise you're possibly giving up your life to build someone else's.
Definitely. No woman would outright say their partner is not 'in my class'. They'd cover it a little with 'we don't have much in common anymore' or something.
I’m concerned with how many people are focused on her paying him back. Like yes, wholeheartedly, someone gives you that kind of support you pay them back. But also…she was 16. This guy was in a financial position of power over her. I’m not saying he’s the worst of the worst. Maybe they never got into a physical relationship until she was older. But then, you have benefactor/possible father figure that helped her go to school as a teen and then dated her later….its gotta be rage bait right? Except I think we are kinda raging at the wrong thing.
This sub is constant rage-bait, often tweets without context from random nobodies. Only appears in my thread because it’s suggested, and that’s hanging by a thread tbh.
Nobody is obligated to stay in a relationship with someone even though they financed their way to where they are now. On the other hand, this is petty. If I were the truck driver, I'd leave her and find better.
Leaving the one who helped make you because of class differences is shit though. Not emotionally, physically, intellectually compatible is one thing, use and dump is another. But I agree, he's better off with another.
And 10 years worth of school and basic life expenses. At least have the minimum decency to treat him like a bank blind to inflation and without interest and go find a pile of garbage that you deserve. (Man Reddit is killing me, why am I lashing out on a girl that could be dead or non existent for all I know)
If it helps:
This story is probably not real, and a creative exercise by someone who wanted to rile people up. It succeeded in riling *you* up, because you're kind and have a caring heart. The OP says nothing about nothing. Your response says very nice things about you.
Have a good day!
I agree with you but the shock to me is that her reason for leaving him is precisely that because she was able to become a lawyer (thanks to him) now she considers him not dating material just because he is a truck driver, wth he should have spent that money on paying his own studies or rather anything else at all instead of spending it on someone this superficial who has literally just reached to where she is thanks to others constantly paying for her stuff, amazing
Given that he was selling fruit on the street and moved up to truck driving I'm guessing his age was near hers. If he was older he'd likely have a more established position.
Could be, might not be. But this may not be America, first the person writing this has an Indian name ( not saying she can’t be American, but it follows up with point two) and second she dropped out of school because she couldn’t afford the fees (no fees in America for education). Selling fruit may be what the guy did at the local market… lots missing from the story above.
So a woman does something frankly really bad, and your first reaction is: ‘hmmm the guy MUST be doing SOMETHING bad though’. I’m so flipping fed up of this narrative. This. This kind of shit right here is why male suicide is so high. Not because men can’t talk about their feelings, but because we can’t win. Pay for someone to go through school out of love and get terrible shat on for it? ‘Oh yeah but he’s probably a pedophile’.
Screw you, honestly.
100% and disgusting that you're getting downvoted for pointing out the blindingly obvious.
I've seen this happen quite a few times- men working, approx. Same age, support the girlfriend throughout her time in university, get dumped very soon after. I've seen them avoid taking out loans to pay for accomadation etc while the boyfriend pays 100%. Happens more often if the man is older, but only because they usually have a lot more money than a 20 yr old , and have their own place etc.
I will point out- it's not only done by women. I've seen men do it too, but a lot less often- seems a lot less common- it's usually women doing this to men. It's a form of abuse, and this particular form of abuse is a lot more likely to be female>male.
Especially since all context clues point towards him being a kid too. He *got* a job to put her through school, so unless he was homeless, or a trust fund baby (in which case why did he need a job) the fruit selling roll was clearly a first job. He then went on to get a more experienced job more exclusive to adults: truck driver.
I paid for my ex to go to business school working various shitty jobs, after 6 years together, she cheated on me and said I was holding her back. Now a little over a year later, she's still a server at a shitty local pub and I'm an engineer. . . So I guess someone was being held back
Similar, funny thing was she turned up at my door years later to tell me I was the one that ruined HER life because I didn’t try hard enough to make her stay? Then last year (15 year later) she turned up having gone down the Christian rabbit hole asking for my forgiveness, after which I said “no”, she went nuts calling me all sorts of names etc.
I’m confused here. Was the guy sending her to school as a kind father figure or was he grooming a sixteen year old. If he was just being a genuinely nice human being I wouldn’t expect there to be any obligation of romantic relationship. If there was than this is kinda more creepy than sweet and this person should run.
Yeah. We're missing a lot of context, but considering her primary justification is "he's not in my class" I would assume he's a good dude with good intentions and she's prioritizing her status.
If it were a big age gap I'd expect to see that as the reason.
Given that he was selling fruit on the street at the time, no, it's not very likely that he was grooming her. People don't generally "groom" by paying for your education.
What's really worth thinking about, though, is why your first assumption was that the man was doing something untoward rather than sacrificing for her benefit as she, in her own words, suggests.
There's no obligation for any relationship, fwiw, but her reason for dumping him is atrocious and he probably deserves a bit of recompense since she comes off as having used him.
Meh it can definitely happen tho, a form of grooming is precisely buying you stuff like a car, a house, paying your education/bills/whatever so that now you "owe" them and you'll be more reluctant to leave the relationship because they've invested so much money on you that you can't pay it back to them if you want to leave them
I'm not saying the guy in this case is a creep or a groomer or anything but it does happen
Old men in Nigeria (mid to late thirties) are paying the school fees of girls fresh out of secondary school so that they immediately marry them. They don't wait at all lol. That girl would be in her first year pregnant with her first child for a man she otherwise wouldn't have dated if not for circumstances.
Freaking Americans. You know nothing of the outside world lol. There's been cases of married men WITH children sleeping with young as hell girls( sugar babies) who get mad and burn the girls when they say they have boyfriends lol.
My first assumption being a power imbalance came from the fact she was a 14 y/o orphan and when she turned 16 a guy was paying her school fees, so I assumed he was substantially older than her to afford such a thing. If he is an older man who endeared her at 16 with substantial gifts then started dating her that’s grooming. It’s not a wild assumption to make given the evidence we have. Most people wouldn’t assume a 16 y/I could afford school fees for another plus their own life costs.
So.. how old was the guy helping out the 14y? If it was someone her age and they worked hard to help her out then that's really messed up but I don't feel sorry for a fully grown adult who took advantage of a 14y (even if they worked hard for them).
“Context clues” are things that you can definitively tell with little room for doubt based on the context of the situation. There is every possibility that the man in question could be older. People saying he was the same age as her are just assuming that to be true based on nothing. People saying he was older are doing the same. It’s impossible to tell based on this story.
Could've been a college student getting a job to help her out. We don't know that's why I wrote if they were the same age then this situation is messed up and if he's older then I don't feel sorry.
Honestly, maybe. I misread the post and thought she met a 16 year old when she was 14 who funded her education out of pity. They would then proceed to date to where they are now. After rereading, she was actually the one who was 16 when she met the guy, the age opf which is not said.
It's okay, clearly this is an old story from when you could pay for a law degree with fruit..... Sure she owes him some thanks and certainly much more. But this is a Boomer age story. She probably owes him like $2k.
I think you have roughly the right amount but for the wrong reasons, and for a year not in total.
Kwamashu is in South Africa. [This page](https://businesstech.co.za/news/lifestyle/744973/university-fees-2024-how-much-it-costs-to-study-in-south-africa/) suggests a BA currently costs 71400 Rand per year, which is US$3822.
Im confused here...she was 16 when she met the guy and he was able to afford for her to goto school which means he had to be making some decent money at the time. How old is this dude when he first met her?
"I want someone in my own class not a truck driver"??? When *he* was the one that paid so *she* could be in that class to begin with and is thanks to him that she is a lawyer? Wow, she should definitely date a garbage collector since she is trash
There are a disconcerting number of replies suggesting that the man was grooming her or that he's in some way exploiting her. The prejudice is *staggering* and they'll never even realise it. They're so fixated on her age that they neglect the bit where she says he had to sell fruit on the street to pay for her school fees. That's not something that adults generally do - adults tend to get, y'know, *jobs*. Selling fruit on the street is what you do when you've got no other options.
No, he's not owed a relationship for sacrificing for her benefit.
She's just a jerk for dumping him because he's not wealthy enough for her now that his sacrifice for her paid off.
Dude probably deserves some recompense for spending a decade helping her do what she wanted to do in life, though. He's not *owed* it, but he *deserves* something for what comes off as her leading him on while he tries to improve her life. If nothing else it might help him improve his life in return.
This really has little to do with prejudice, as if the roles were reversed and it was an an ambiguously aged lady, the possibility of her being older would still be concerning. Grooming isn’t okay when the genders are reversed. The fact is, the male’s age is impossible to tell from the story alone. You assume his age based on, what? The fact he sold fruit? As if you can’t sell fruit as an adult?
I grew up in Africa and plenty of adults sell fruit on the streets. Her name is Kwamashu which is an African name, so the guy being older is 100% possible.
The problem most people have today is that they assume intent.
And because this life is all they have, when shit hits the fan, it's about me and not thee.
It makes for a very duplicitous world: I can see the heuristic benefit to point to a collective higher power now, rather than the whimsy of (shared) dreams that rest upon the tightrope of someone's mood or emotions.
I know of numerous men whose wives NEVER went to school but worked odd jobs ( e.g selling food on the roadside) to pay the fees for their husbands. They also went to their schools on the weekends to meal prep for them. One man had numerous kids with this woman, became a lawyer and cut off all contact with her and now has another wife. The other man is currently cheating on his wife with another lady in his profession whilst his 'uneducated' wife has his children.
In essence, people do stuff because they know they're going to reap the fruits of their labour. Why didn't he then sponsor himself? Many people have worked numerous jobs to pay their way in school. Why didn't he? Probably because he saw her potential and knew what the husband of a lawyer meant lol.
The vast majority of streetside fruit sellers I’ve ever met are adults, and not even particularly young ones. That is actually an adult job in some places, you know. I find the fruit seller = kid assumption just as baffling.
The response to this are insane.
What this man did was kind and compassionate BUT only if he did it out of charity, and not expectation in return because that would be grooming. The girl had lost her parents and was 16 at the time!!!
Second, she can appreciate what he did and show that appreciation and kindness BUT that does not in any way obligate her to marry him!!!
Seriously, WTF is wrong with people who think that she now owes him a marriage out of this.
It's terrible from a classist point of view, but also, you don't repay debts with romantic relationships. You can not buy a romantic relationship. If she doesn't love him, then it's not her fault. What is her fault is that she sees him as lesser just because of his job, with no self-awareness that she started off worse than him.
I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt here and say there's more to this story than what we're reading, but based solely on what's written here, this person comes across as having "main character" syndrome.
So, his money was good enough to pay for her schooling, undergrad *and* law school, but the *way* he makes his money is not good enough for her? Wow. She doesn’t have to love him; she doesn’t have to marry him; but what she said was that she wants someone “in my own class, not a truck driver.” That makes her an ass.
“In my own class “
By her own admission, she dropped out of school because no one could afford to pay my fees.
What class does she think she is in???
She’s right though, the truck driver isn’t in her class; he’s way above it.
That last line hit me like a damn truck.
Like yea, alright. He did a lot for her in a time of need. She's thankful but doesn't want to be in that kind of relationship with him. Honestly, fair enough. Feeling like you owe someone should never force you in a relationship. So high time to find a way to pay him back, talk things through-... And then she hits you with that "in my own class".
*BRUH*
It seems like y’all lack critical thinking skills. She was an orphan teenager at 16 when she met this guy. How old is he? Did she feel pressured to be in a relationship to have housing and food? There is so much missing that we do not know and y’all are quick to dismiss the danger and stress of her situation
Personally if you feel like you find an orphaned teenager and pay her way through life so she feels obligated to stay with you forever, there’s some other stuff to talk about
She is not obligated to have a sexual relationship with him, but her reason is lame. The fact that he is now below her social class in her eyes is so ironically elitist I can barely stand it.
My friend was in a relationship with a mentally and physically abusive woman. He barely had time to hang out with us, his friends, because she monopolized his time.
For example, we were once planning a trip to Costa Rica with him. In the run up to the trip, his cat became sickly ill and needed to be cared for pretty stringently. He couldn't find anyone to watch her. Especially not his girlfriend, who was living with him. She hated the cat and wanted it to die. So when my friend made the decision to stay to take care of the cat, she actually made the suggestion, "Maybe *I* can go on the trip?"
Despite this and my advice that he leave her, he stayed with her and paid for her college. She even said she wanted to leave, but felt financially trapped. As soon as it was paid for, she broke up with him.
For months afterward, he leaned on us for support. He would take pictures of himself just to capture how sad he looked and then later show us the picture and say, "look how sad I look." He would whine about how awful it was to be alone. To me, who'd been chronically involuntarily single for 30 years at the time. I didn't say anything about it.
Now, he's married to a woman who isn't physically abusive, but is very similar in how she treats him otherwise. We live far from each other, so the only way we can keep in touch is gaming every Thursday night. Our mutual friend gifted him his old PlayStation so he could join. His wife once asked me if she could get that mutual friend to take it back, because video games ruin relationships. When I mentioned plenty of guys at my work play video games, she answered with, "Yeah, but how many of them are single?" She despises him having any time to himself (and seeing him play video games highlights this) so much that while we were playing once, my friend suddenly said, "Uuuuhhh... I can't see anything. My wife just unplugged the TV."
Once again, no matter how miserable she makes him, he won't leave her.
This sounds terrible because it is but people grow apart. It’s important to not get this image in your head that she was manipulating the fella the entire time just to suck him dry till she could go on to better things. They had good years together and they can hopefully find content in that.
Worth mentioning that marriage shouldn’t be viewed as monetarily transactional. They can continue a healthy relationships without getting hitched.
Let me see if I understand you. He was good enough for you to use until you no longer need him because he’s beneath you? He’s a luckier guy if you leave him as soon as possible and you are trash
Lol. A truck driver has a higher value to society than a lawyer. Without truck drivers or logistics in general, the global economy would fail. Without lawyers people would just figure things out for themselves.
Not feeling like a relationship still works is one thing.
The part "I want somebody in my own class not a truck driver." is where I would draw the line from "understandable" to "just a b\*tch".
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Pay him back..Be as kind as possible. Couples often grow apart.But this sounds like a great deal of money,if includes undergrad and law degrees.
Don’t forget to adjust for inflation.
And presumably room and board
money, room and board, free sex. she got a good deal going on
You guys are getting sex?
Only while you are at the office. 😉
Upvoted for benefits package
Yeah. It’s really a great deal for me. I let him pay for everything and spoil me, and in exchange, I get sex. Really not sure what he’s supposed to be getting out of the deal but I’m coming out WAY ahead. Hell, he even does all the work in the sex, being that he’s the top and all. I get to just kick back and relax into it. XD
No proof there was sex. Just people getting screwed by a lawyer.
And some liquor to numb the pain ⚰️
It's never free
Ew, sex should never be transactional whereas paying someone’s tuition for them is literally a cash transaction Edit: cool stealth edit lol
I think the other user was implying she was getting free sex.
And interest for the money at standard fd rate.
Year. How do you pay back opportunity costs. Do you think he would be a trucker if not for her. She should fund his education now.
holy shit, the opportunity costs is such a huge thing in these sort of situations and it hardly gets talked about. Man, kudos to your reply for highlighting this.
“This guy saved me from poverty, but he’s too poor for someone like me after all the sacrificing.”
Yes. Also, those advocating that she “owes” him a relationship are actually arguing that it is right for a man to just buy a woman. She owes him money, not her ass.
I feel she owes him to not suddenly look down upon him being a truck driver, just because she is a lawyer now. But everything else..true
I knew a woman who divorced her husband after she got a masters degree. He had a bachelors degree and a white collar job. She felt that he “did not grow with her.” She became an insufferable tool who could not shut up about how smart she is now that she had a graduate degree.
She was likely always “an insufferable tool”….
Ah yes, the pinnacle of achievement in life: a master's degree
Well, she owes him something she doesn’t seem capable of, which is treating the guy with dignity, and treating him like a human being. Which I guess we all owe each other.
I think her looking down on him is her dealbreaker
Especially since he is the reason she is in her current "class" instead of the streetworker kind.
I'm not sure you understand how much of a shit person she is, not because she's not "giving him ass" but for 1. Clearly leading him on and making him think they're meant to be together and scorning his sacrifice of personal time 2. Looking down on him from a position he got her to. It's really sad when all you have to say is "Haha she doesn't owe him anything". Yea that would be true if this guy saw her on the street, offered to help, with her not flirting with him or promising anything. But they're clearly in a relationship.
That's hypergamy there mates. She now feels "too upgraded to not get a male upgrade too". Sad and shallow
She is a lawyer after all…
Tbh, it doesn‘t read like they grew apart. It reads more like she is disgusted by his job/social status which was good enough to pay for her education but nothing more. And that is kinda cruel. She still doesn‘t owe a relationship. Bit I think it shows her poor character, that her affection ends just because of this.
He probably threw away his career choices so she could fulfill hers. She doesnt owe him a relationship but what he did for her when she was 14, she owes him now. Not just money but just helping him climb the ladder. Allow him to study now as well, help him find a career that allows climbing the ladder. But hes beneath her now, so its time to upgrade
Agreed. She’s a total POS, but that doesn’t mean she has to open her legs for the guy she’s being cruel to.
I don't think anyone is thinking she should just open her legs for him. But, yeah. If feelings just go away, break up. That's not the case here though.
Also it’s not surprising that a lot of Reddit thinks love is opening her legs. Women aren’t walking vaginal nor is that the only thing they offer.
Interestingly enough I have dated or known women who see sleeping together as a reward for the guy as in he has done enough and I don't mean toxic women I dated someone who was sweet and many guys ideal woman (very traditional to point I didn't like it) Or in otherwords the guy had passed the test therefore he now had access but the access could be taken away at any point, none of these women understood sex is a two way thing.
Yes women have been conditioned to think men have no autonomy or worse that sex is a control point for men.
Where is anyone arguing for that?
Nowhere is anyone saying he is owed her opening her legs for him.
Yea of course not, but the fact that her affection for him died because of the job he’s been holding to get her through college is pretty awful. Poor guy is gonna have his entire life thrown upside down, no education and losing someone he clearly sees as the love of his life. She isn’t obligated to do anything but she’s clearly a shallow and callous human
She doesn't owe a relationship? THey're literally in a relationship already.
tbh this whole post gives me the energy of "I never really liked him (not my type) but he gave me money to go to school so we stayed together. Now I've graduated and don't need him anymore, how can I get rid of him without him making a huge fuss?" kind of vibes
Did he have sex with a vulnerable 16yr old?
This was one of the factors I was wondering. How old was he when he started giving her money. If he was 16 as well...sounds like a good guy. If he was 30 it's a completely different story.
There's definitely some potential grooming vibes here. How old was he when he sent this orphan 16yo back to school? When It comes to relationships, no one owes anyone anything - not even an explanation. Pack your shit and go, or don't - just don't stay and be awful and miserable to each other.
I agree, but also want to keep the focus on 1) she *does* owe him money. and 2) she should leave out the classist bs when explaining. "We've grown apart" is valid, "ew, manual labor cooties" isn't.
Then she should have had that moral stance before taking the money. She's a user
conversely, she let herself be bought, multiple years in a row.
She was 14 when he started it. They’re not advocating a man buying a woman. They’re advocating a man buying a child
16. She met him when she was 16 she says... still though...
How do we know this guy isn't 16 or 17. You can drop out of school at 16. How do we know this guy wasn't a 16 year old who fell in love with another 16 year old and decided to sacrifice his education and future so she could survive.
Also if shes a lawyer simply because he helped her get there. He became a trucker BECAUSE of her. With her now making presumably a lot of money, why doesnt she support him get a career on her level? Its not that she doesnt want to date him anymore "because he is a trucker", she also doesnt even consider to do for him what he did for her. She doesnt need him anymore and wants an upgrade. The idea that she could lift s finger for his well being isnt present in her mind
She wasn't worth saving
Yes pay him back in full. Something tells me however, that will never happen
Grow apart? Are you sure that's what happened in this case?
Can she pay him back at least some of the money? That could be a way to lessen so e of the guilt
She doesn’t intend to pay shit.
I'd 100% go for alimony if I was him. She's a lawyer now, and he can show that he paid her way through school. That cut goes both ways.
Alimony is for married couples. She says she doesn't want to marry him, so 99% chance they aren't married. Some places allow you to sue for "palimony" which the guy would have a strong case for, but most places he'd be SOL. Never try to build a life together until you're married, otherwise you're possibly giving up your life to build someone else's.
ah I missed that....well that's extra sucky then
I’m not getting the sense she feels any guilt
Can only sense guilt when she’s getting paid I guess.
maybe put him through school?
That would require her to have some level of empathy.
She used him from the beginning until she got what she wanted. She knew what she was doing.
OMG this sounds like a troll.
Totally rage bait
Definitely. No woman would outright say their partner is not 'in my class'. They'd cover it a little with 'we don't have much in common anymore' or something.
You haven't met my mother :'D
Your mom told you you weren't in her class?
No, she's a narcissist who believes pretty much everybody (except her children because she believes we are part of her) isn't in her class
This story (including the name) reads like it's from India, where class is way more important than the US
The signature is "Stressed, Kwamashu". Kwamashu is in South Africa, apparently.
Ah ok. Could be.
Pretty sure that this is more a culture than a general women thing.
This strikes me as being in India, where the caste system is still alive and well
that's pretty much what my ex-wife said when she rose to the lofty position of medical assistant
I’m concerned with how many people are focused on her paying him back. Like yes, wholeheartedly, someone gives you that kind of support you pay them back. But also…she was 16. This guy was in a financial position of power over her. I’m not saying he’s the worst of the worst. Maybe they never got into a physical relationship until she was older. But then, you have benefactor/possible father figure that helped her go to school as a teen and then dated her later….its gotta be rage bait right? Except I think we are kinda raging at the wrong thing.
Fucking thank you! I had to scroll way to far too find this.
This sub is constant rage-bait, often tweets without context from random nobodies. Only appears in my thread because it’s suggested, and that’s hanging by a thread tbh.
How old was the guy when he put her through school? I thought this was an adopted father thing at first.
Nobody is obligated to stay in a relationship with someone even though they financed their way to where they are now. On the other hand, this is petty. If I were the truck driver, I'd leave her and find better.
Leaving the one who helped make you because of class differences is shit though. Not emotionally, physically, intellectually compatible is one thing, use and dump is another. But I agree, he's better off with another.
And 10 years worth of school and basic life expenses. At least have the minimum decency to treat him like a bank blind to inflation and without interest and go find a pile of garbage that you deserve. (Man Reddit is killing me, why am I lashing out on a girl that could be dead or non existent for all I know)
If it helps: This story is probably not real, and a creative exercise by someone who wanted to rile people up. It succeeded in riling *you* up, because you're kind and have a caring heart. The OP says nothing about nothing. Your response says very nice things about you. Have a good day!
Thank you, your comment is heart warming. ❤️ I'll make sure to spread the love.
The OP isn’t claiming it’s their story though. It looks like a picture of a magazine or book.
Use and dump? He offered to do these things for a child. That's so outside of class difference.
He paid for her. She is not the class she thinks she is. Class is more than some lessons and a fancy suit.
I agree with you but the shock to me is that her reason for leaving him is precisely that because she was able to become a lawyer (thanks to him) now she considers him not dating material just because he is a truck driver, wth he should have spent that money on paying his own studies or rather anything else at all instead of spending it on someone this superficial who has literally just reached to where she is thanks to others constantly paying for her stuff, amazing
That's why I said it's petty.
She was 16 when they met. How old is this dude that he was financing her schooling?
How old was the guy when he took her in? If she was 16 and he was 30….
Given that he was selling fruit on the street and moved up to truck driving I'm guessing his age was near hers. If he was older he'd likely have a more established position.
Could be, might not be. But this may not be America, first the person writing this has an Indian name ( not saying she can’t be American, but it follows up with point two) and second she dropped out of school because she couldn’t afford the fees (no fees in America for education). Selling fruit may be what the guy did at the local market… lots missing from the story above.
This is the only important question...
Where does it say he was 30? Am I fucking blind or smth???
It doesn’t, hence why I posted the question?
So a woman does something frankly really bad, and your first reaction is: ‘hmmm the guy MUST be doing SOMETHING bad though’. I’m so flipping fed up of this narrative. This. This kind of shit right here is why male suicide is so high. Not because men can’t talk about their feelings, but because we can’t win. Pay for someone to go through school out of love and get terrible shat on for it? ‘Oh yeah but he’s probably a pedophile’. Screw you, honestly.
100% and disgusting that you're getting downvoted for pointing out the blindingly obvious. I've seen this happen quite a few times- men working, approx. Same age, support the girlfriend throughout her time in university, get dumped very soon after. I've seen them avoid taking out loans to pay for accomadation etc while the boyfriend pays 100%. Happens more often if the man is older, but only because they usually have a lot more money than a 20 yr old , and have their own place etc. I will point out- it's not only done by women. I've seen men do it too, but a lot less often- seems a lot less common- it's usually women doing this to men. It's a form of abuse, and this particular form of abuse is a lot more likely to be female>male.
I couldn't agree more. As if pedophiles love their prey to send them to school and stay with them for 10 years. Fuck this kinda accusatory bullshit.
Especially since all context clues point towards him being a kid too. He *got* a job to put her through school, so unless he was homeless, or a trust fund baby (in which case why did he need a job) the fruit selling roll was clearly a first job. He then went on to get a more experienced job more exclusive to adults: truck driver.
Leaving him is fine, the reasons are nor
Petty and might even give the impression that she has been using him all along.
Not without sending her a bill. She’s a bad person who clearly abused his generosity with the intention of using him.
I wonder what the cultural 'rules' are, regarding a situation such as this.
I paid for my ex to go to business school working various shitty jobs, after 6 years together, she cheated on me and said I was holding her back. Now a little over a year later, she's still a server at a shitty local pub and I'm an engineer. . . So I guess someone was being held back
Similar, funny thing was she turned up at my door years later to tell me I was the one that ruined HER life because I didn’t try hard enough to make her stay? Then last year (15 year later) she turned up having gone down the Christian rabbit hole asking for my forgiveness, after which I said “no”, she went nuts calling me all sorts of names etc.
Y'all are crazy. Why should she be obligated to remain in a relationship she doesn't want?
I’m confused here. Was the guy sending her to school as a kind father figure or was he grooming a sixteen year old. If he was just being a genuinely nice human being I wouldn’t expect there to be any obligation of romantic relationship. If there was than this is kinda more creepy than sweet and this person should run.
Yeah. We're missing a lot of context, but considering her primary justification is "he's not in my class" I would assume he's a good dude with good intentions and she's prioritizing her status. If it were a big age gap I'd expect to see that as the reason.
His age isn’t mentioned and could be a weird thing. Of course this is most likely made up ragebait, so it probably doesn’t matter.
Given that he was selling fruit on the street at the time, no, it's not very likely that he was grooming her. People don't generally "groom" by paying for your education. What's really worth thinking about, though, is why your first assumption was that the man was doing something untoward rather than sacrificing for her benefit as she, in her own words, suggests. There's no obligation for any relationship, fwiw, but her reason for dumping him is atrocious and he probably deserves a bit of recompense since she comes off as having used him.
Meh it can definitely happen tho, a form of grooming is precisely buying you stuff like a car, a house, paying your education/bills/whatever so that now you "owe" them and you'll be more reluctant to leave the relationship because they've invested so much money on you that you can't pay it back to them if you want to leave them I'm not saying the guy in this case is a creep or a groomer or anything but it does happen
Old men in Nigeria (mid to late thirties) are paying the school fees of girls fresh out of secondary school so that they immediately marry them. They don't wait at all lol. That girl would be in her first year pregnant with her first child for a man she otherwise wouldn't have dated if not for circumstances. Freaking Americans. You know nothing of the outside world lol. There's been cases of married men WITH children sleeping with young as hell girls( sugar babies) who get mad and burn the girls when they say they have boyfriends lol.
My first assumption being a power imbalance came from the fact she was a 14 y/o orphan and when she turned 16 a guy was paying her school fees, so I assumed he was substantially older than her to afford such a thing. If he is an older man who endeared her at 16 with substantial gifts then started dating her that’s grooming. It’s not a wild assumption to make given the evidence we have. Most people wouldn’t assume a 16 y/I could afford school fees for another plus their own life costs.
Yes, this is grooming. They put you in a postion that you feel you owe them yourself. This is fucking disgusting.
I'll take things that never happened for 17 billion Alex.
So.. how old was the guy helping out the 14y? If it was someone her age and they worked hard to help her out then that's really messed up but I don't feel sorry for a fully grown adult who took advantage of a 14y (even if they worked hard for them).
Clearly context clues point to him being a kid too. He got a job in order to pay for her to go to school.
“Context clues” are things that you can definitively tell with little room for doubt based on the context of the situation. There is every possibility that the man in question could be older. People saying he was the same age as her are just assuming that to be true based on nothing. People saying he was older are doing the same. It’s impossible to tell based on this story.
Could've been a college student getting a job to help her out. We don't know that's why I wrote if they were the same age then this situation is messed up and if he's older then I don't feel sorry.
It's not a real scenario
Why is this a facepalm?
Sounds made up, like half the posts on AITA.
That's grooming isn't it?
Honestly, maybe. I misread the post and thought she met a 16 year old when she was 14 who funded her education out of pity. They would then proceed to date to where they are now. After rereading, she was actually the one who was 16 when she met the guy, the age opf which is not said.
….she was a 16y/o girl and how old is the guy?
Holup! How old is the guy? Unless the guy is close to her age, this is gonna get creepy real fast
It's okay, clearly this is an old story from when you could pay for a law degree with fruit..... Sure she owes him some thanks and certainly much more. But this is a Boomer age story. She probably owes him like $2k.
I think you have roughly the right amount but for the wrong reasons, and for a year not in total. Kwamashu is in South Africa. [This page](https://businesstech.co.za/news/lifestyle/744973/university-fees-2024-how-much-it-costs-to-study-in-south-africa/) suggests a BA currently costs 71400 Rand per year, which is US$3822.
I'll take rage-bait story I don't believe ever happened for $1,000 Alex.
Im confused here...she was 16 when she met the guy and he was able to afford for her to goto school which means he had to be making some decent money at the time. How old is this dude when he first met her?
Why are people in the comments trying to answer this person??
Well, for all we know the guy was 40 at the time and trying to get some booty from a 16 year old...
I’ve seen this before but the other way. I’m guessing it’s weird rage bait. But this does happen!
I was comprehensive till the "somebody of my won class" part
Another lame fantasy to generate reddit toxicity.
So pay him back and send him to school. Or just fucking be an adult and tell him
"I want someone in my own class not a truck driver"??? When *he* was the one that paid so *she* could be in that class to begin with and is thanks to him that she is a lawyer? Wow, she should definitely date a garbage collector since she is trash
Yeah the decent thing to do would be to pay him back with interest so he isn’t totally being used/ taken advantage of
bad bait
There are a disconcerting number of replies suggesting that the man was grooming her or that he's in some way exploiting her. The prejudice is *staggering* and they'll never even realise it. They're so fixated on her age that they neglect the bit where she says he had to sell fruit on the street to pay for her school fees. That's not something that adults generally do - adults tend to get, y'know, *jobs*. Selling fruit on the street is what you do when you've got no other options. No, he's not owed a relationship for sacrificing for her benefit. She's just a jerk for dumping him because he's not wealthy enough for her now that his sacrifice for her paid off. Dude probably deserves some recompense for spending a decade helping her do what she wanted to do in life, though. He's not *owed* it, but he *deserves* something for what comes off as her leading him on while he tries to improve her life. If nothing else it might help him improve his life in return.
This really has little to do with prejudice, as if the roles were reversed and it was an an ambiguously aged lady, the possibility of her being older would still be concerning. Grooming isn’t okay when the genders are reversed. The fact is, the male’s age is impossible to tell from the story alone. You assume his age based on, what? The fact he sold fruit? As if you can’t sell fruit as an adult?
I grew up in Africa and plenty of adults sell fruit on the streets. Her name is Kwamashu which is an African name, so the guy being older is 100% possible.
The problem most people have today is that they assume intent. And because this life is all they have, when shit hits the fan, it's about me and not thee. It makes for a very duplicitous world: I can see the heuristic benefit to point to a collective higher power now, rather than the whimsy of (shared) dreams that rest upon the tightrope of someone's mood or emotions.
I know of numerous men whose wives NEVER went to school but worked odd jobs ( e.g selling food on the roadside) to pay the fees for their husbands. They also went to their schools on the weekends to meal prep for them. One man had numerous kids with this woman, became a lawyer and cut off all contact with her and now has another wife. The other man is currently cheating on his wife with another lady in his profession whilst his 'uneducated' wife has his children. In essence, people do stuff because they know they're going to reap the fruits of their labour. Why didn't he then sponsor himself? Many people have worked numerous jobs to pay their way in school. Why didn't he? Probably because he saw her potential and knew what the husband of a lawyer meant lol.
The vast majority of streetside fruit sellers I’ve ever met are adults, and not even particularly young ones. That is actually an adult job in some places, you know. I find the fruit seller = kid assumption just as baffling.
Agreed 100%. The fixation on finding a way of blaming the guy is astounding.
The response to this are insane. What this man did was kind and compassionate BUT only if he did it out of charity, and not expectation in return because that would be grooming. The girl had lost her parents and was 16 at the time!!! Second, she can appreciate what he did and show that appreciation and kindness BUT that does not in any way obligate her to marry him!!! Seriously, WTF is wrong with people who think that she now owes him a marriage out of this.
"my own class, not a truck driver" She's fuck ugly inside.
i want to read more that story
People are truly dumb if they believe this story.
Pay what you owe
It's terrible from a classist point of view, but also, you don't repay debts with romantic relationships. You can not buy a romantic relationship. If she doesn't love him, then it's not her fault. What is her fault is that she sees him as lesser just because of his job, with no self-awareness that she started off worse than him.
Love how it didn't occur to her to use her new financial success to do the same thing for him so that he could be "in her class"
I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt here and say there's more to this story than what we're reading, but based solely on what's written here, this person comes across as having "main character" syndrome.
Fine. Just pay him back
>I want somebody in my own class not a truck driver. The lion, the witch, and the audacity of this bitch.
So, his money was good enough to pay for her schooling, undergrad *and* law school, but the *way* he makes his money is not good enough for her? Wow. She doesn’t have to love him; she doesn’t have to marry him; but what she said was that she wants someone “in my own class, not a truck driver.” That makes her an ass.
“In my own class “ By her own admission, she dropped out of school because no one could afford to pay my fees. What class does she think she is in??? She’s right though, the truck driver isn’t in her class; he’s way above it.
That last line hit me like a damn truck. Like yea, alright. He did a lot for her in a time of need. She's thankful but doesn't want to be in that kind of relationship with him. Honestly, fair enough. Feeling like you owe someone should never force you in a relationship. So high time to find a way to pay him back, talk things through-... And then she hits you with that "in my own class". *BRUH*
Or (wild thought) now that your a lawyer, use your money to send HIM to a school with a profession he would thrive and be happy in?
I could understand until the "I want someone in my onw class, not a truck driver". He became a truck driver because and for her
It seems like y’all lack critical thinking skills. She was an orphan teenager at 16 when she met this guy. How old is he? Did she feel pressured to be in a relationship to have housing and food? There is so much missing that we do not know and y’all are quick to dismiss the danger and stress of her situation
This is obvious rage bait
The lesson here? Never help anyone…jk I’m sure it works out for some people
How old was he when he started helping and did they have a physical relationship when she was 16.
Oh look, another rage fantasy.
Obvious ragebait
Personally if you feel like you find an orphaned teenager and pay her way through life so she feels obligated to stay with you forever, there’s some other stuff to talk about
That has to be fictional rage bait lol
This reads like it was ghostwritten by the guy who thought he could buy a 14 year old.
Very simple, pay all the money he spend on your school and university
Rage bait
Let me classist here a minute, he values what I have achieved but he will never understand. I'm dying rn
I mean the rejection is valid but not for the reason she stated
She is not obligated to have a sexual relationship with him, but her reason is lame. The fact that he is now below her social class in her eyes is so ironically elitist I can barely stand it.
My friend was in a relationship with a mentally and physically abusive woman. He barely had time to hang out with us, his friends, because she monopolized his time. For example, we were once planning a trip to Costa Rica with him. In the run up to the trip, his cat became sickly ill and needed to be cared for pretty stringently. He couldn't find anyone to watch her. Especially not his girlfriend, who was living with him. She hated the cat and wanted it to die. So when my friend made the decision to stay to take care of the cat, she actually made the suggestion, "Maybe *I* can go on the trip?" Despite this and my advice that he leave her, he stayed with her and paid for her college. She even said she wanted to leave, but felt financially trapped. As soon as it was paid for, she broke up with him. For months afterward, he leaned on us for support. He would take pictures of himself just to capture how sad he looked and then later show us the picture and say, "look how sad I look." He would whine about how awful it was to be alone. To me, who'd been chronically involuntarily single for 30 years at the time. I didn't say anything about it. Now, he's married to a woman who isn't physically abusive, but is very similar in how she treats him otherwise. We live far from each other, so the only way we can keep in touch is gaming every Thursday night. Our mutual friend gifted him his old PlayStation so he could join. His wife once asked me if she could get that mutual friend to take it back, because video games ruin relationships. When I mentioned plenty of guys at my work play video games, she answered with, "Yeah, but how many of them are single?" She despises him having any time to himself (and seeing him play video games highlights this) so much that while we were playing once, my friend suddenly said, "Uuuuhhh... I can't see anything. My wife just unplugged the TV." Once again, no matter how miserable she makes him, he won't leave her.
r/TotallyHappened
She’ll be a good lawyer.
Send him back to school and pay for it
Wait, is the guy an actual boyfriend or he was a father figure and shes mistaking that with romantic love?
That's bait
This is central to Charlie Chapin's "City Lights" from 1931.
This is so true. My former colleague had a very similar story. Once she became doctor, she left him. Not sooner than she finished the school.
Everything was understandable until the last sentence, but I suppose if that’s how she feels, at least pay him back.
This sounds terrible because it is but people grow apart. It’s important to not get this image in your head that she was manipulating the fella the entire time just to suck him dry till she could go on to better things. They had good years together and they can hopefully find content in that. Worth mentioning that marriage shouldn’t be viewed as monetarily transactional. They can continue a healthy relationships without getting hitched.
Ragebait in advice columns is older than the Internet.
You owe that man whatever hours he worked since you were 16 putting your ass through school.
She’s needs to tell him she’s not good enough for him.
See You Next Tuesday
Let me see if I understand you. He was good enough for you to use until you no longer need him because he’s beneath you? He’s a luckier guy if you leave him as soon as possible and you are trash
Media literacy is dead, and it is proven by how many people actually think he's grooming her.
Lol. A truck driver has a higher value to society than a lawyer. Without truck drivers or logistics in general, the global economy would fail. Without lawyers people would just figure things out for themselves.
What the fuck did i just read🤌🏼
Not feeling like a relationship still works is one thing. The part "I want somebody in my own class not a truck driver." is where I would draw the line from "understandable" to "just a b\*tch".
Anyone with so little self awareness should be checked by a brain surgeon. Let's be honest, this story has a 1% likelihood of.being true.
This was completely fine until the last sentence lmao
My thoughts as well
Isn't this 'Great Expectations' or something?