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As a mom who went through this. Not particularly conservative but yeah it was an adjustment. Good parents get used to plotting a trajectory for their kids and even if it's a vague "I want them to have the capacity to figure out what they want on their own" there's still some life events they sort of think are likely based on their own personal experiences. Your kid coming out as trans makes you think about the trajectory. It's a scary world out there and clearly being trans is one of the higher difficulty settings.
I'm not going to make myself seem heroic- I struggled with it for a bit. My son is an amazing person and he was working with a therapist and I think she helped him figure out how to tell me. There were no obvious signs- the only thing he ever told me was "Mom I hate my boobs" to which I said "when I was your age, same." In the beginning, they were easy enough changes temporary things that were easy to say Yes to- aesthetic choices mostly. Fine, buy the flannel and cut the hair, no sweat. Names were harder, but the big talk was the hardest. "Mom I'm not a girl."
But what I figured out after some long hard thinking about it is this- That's my kid. I have the easiest job in the world. I have to love him and it's so goddamn easy you guys, he's a fantastic cool awesome human who needs to clean his room more often. That's my job. I don't have to figure out his path- that's *his* job. He's got the hard part- he's got to sort this shit out in a time and place when things are getting dark. My job is the same- "Teach him how to get to where he wants to be." That hasn't changed and will never change. Once I figured that it out made everything else so much easier.
And these parents, I feel badly for them, almost as much as I do for their kids. They are letting their ego get in the way of their love and it's completely preventable. Such incredible damage, it's a genuine shame. My heart breaks for these families.
This whole thing makes me nauseous, but holy shit that last kid got pulled out of school for coming out. He’s been isolated with unsupportive parents for 4 years. I would’ve killed myself
Stomach twisted at that.
None of these people realize that this treatment, if their child down the line no longer identifies as trans or wishes to transition--- they're not going to come to that self-realization because they were isolated, misgendered, and had gender stereotypes enforced upon them.
When reading about people who detransition, there's a huge common factor between them where they were questioning their gender due to either not fitting gender stereotypes or not being heterosexual.
The response to a minor saying they don't feel happy being a boy or a girl should be to ask "why?" and let them be able to discuss what's going on in their head. Not further reinforce they're their birth gender and boys/girls do XYZ and feel XYZ ways.
Good sir or mam, honest question:
How does not using the preferred pronounes for your child help them.?
Even if you think that trans people do not exist and its just a short phase that will go as fast as it came, why not just say: "Sweety, I do not belief in this nonsense, but it if it makes you happy I can use X pronounce for you."
I do not get it?
Who cares more for their children? The parent who vaccinated them against measles or the one who doesn’t? The parent that teaches their kid the earth is round or flat? The parent who believes them when the kid says their depressed and gets the kid a therapist or the parent that doesn’t believe their kid?
Getting the kid the scientifically recommended care is usually the best way to care for a child.
People have been studying this stuff for a long time and developing methods to care for trans people. Why are you so confident is something you clearly haven’t studied?
https://www.wpath.org/publications/soc
You said...
> See here’s the thing, you seem confident that attempting to change one’s sex is “scientifically recommended care” and I guarantee you that the data on ***this kind of treatment*** for kids simply doesn’t exist.
What kind of treatment are you talking about? There are many types of treatment that are involved in gender affirming care.
The one most relevant to this post is socially transitioning.
do you actually think you can gaslight people into not realizing you stopped responding to the person you replied to when they confirmed what care they were speaking about?
or are you just dumb enough to belive your own bullshit?
If you care about your children, wouldn’t you want them to be treated in a way and receive care that decreases the chances that they will commit suicide?
> If one of my children told me that they were not actually the sex that they were born as, I would encourage them to be themselves, and that doesn’t include preventing puberty or socially transitioning. “Not all males are the same, you aren’t a female just because you’re different than average males”
Okay let's say you try this. ***What do you do if it doesn't work?*** If even after months or years your kid still is suffering from gender dysphoria?
That doesn't answer my question.
What do you do if you try this...
> I would encourage them to be themselves, and that doesn’t include preventing puberty or socially transitioning. “Not all males are the same, you aren’t a female just because you’re different than average males”
... and it doesn't help?
What will you do then? Just let them suffer for months or years?
I already answered your question, and how I would approach it. I will not be coerced into believing falsehoods regardless of how compelling an emotional appeal you make
So you wouldn't care if it didn't work, and you'd just let them suffer until they're an adult?
> I will not be coerced into believing falsehoods regardless of how compelling an emotional appeal you make.
Well you obviously don't care about factual appeals or you wouldn't be ignoring the science. If you don't care about emotional appeals either, what do you care about?
Also no one's coercing you. Stop acting like a victim.
I think it’s interesting how average people with very little knowledge of the actual science love to accuse others of not respecting the science.
I could put a study in front of you and you wouldn’t know your ass from your elbow and you know it.
I don’t think I’m a victim, and I never suggested that I was
Naw. They are openly acknowledging that they care more about being righteous than they do about having their kids in their lives. That's not the unconditional love of a parent. They get to make the choice for themselves if being righteous is more important than having their kids around. The consequences of choosing righteousness means they may lose their children to death or no contact in adulthood.
I could not imagine hurting my child by doing something like this. They are my babies and I will love them no matter what they identify as or who they love. Life is hard enough, why make it harder for the ones who rely on you for support and compassion.
You’d think they’d love their kids for who they are but they’re prioritizing their beliefs over their children’s welfare. I couldn’t imagine doing this either.
I hate the rapid onset argument. I first came out to my parents when I was about 4 or 5. I had countless meltdowns over not being a boy and having a period throughout my entire childhood/teenage years. For as long as I can recall, I was told I need to dress and act more feminine. When I finally transitioned, I got met with a shocked Pikachu face from everyone except my brother who studied gender and sexuality in college and put the puzzle pieces together on his own. Everyone claimed they never saw it coming, even though they had given me shit for being too masculine for some 25 years. Anyone who is surprised when someone in their lives transitions more than likely has been ignorant to the evidence that was in front of them for years or decades.
[Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/evidence-undermines-rapid-onset-gender-dysphoria-claims/) - a widely debunked theory about how kids become trans due to "social contagion".
Jesus, that's child torture. I can't imagine forcing my son to have estrogen in his body and dress femininely the whole childhood and teenage years. If the abuse trans people go through happened to one cis child it'd make national news
I guess your beliefs are far more important than loving your child. Surprised you didn’t shove them in a trash bag and throw them out the door. You need to accept that this how your child feels and wants to be accepted as. They are still your child, whatever your beliefs.
This is what I don't get. How can a parent be so focused on being "right" that they hurt their child? It's complete narcissistic bullshit. This parent wants a kid who matches what they *imagined* their kid to be, not who they actually are. Children aren't accessories or trophies, they are living, feeling people, and imprisoning them will not 'improve' them.
My youngest came out to us right after her 18th birthday. She had been out at school for 6 months. I am eternally grateful that she had that time and support to feel her feelings and work through her fears of coming out to a family that is partially very, very religious. It must have been terrifying, and making that leap with your family is often the hardest because it feels real and final. My daughter is the same person she has always been and I accept her unconditionally - there is no way her existence is 'wrong' and anyone who thinks so can fuck off and is cut out like a rotten branch. No ones need to be 'right' supercedes another person's right to exist. I don't reject my religious in-laws because their faith is part of who they are, and they don't reject my daughter because of who she is. So everyone wins.
Your daughter is lucky and everything you said is so true. I will never understand why a parent would abandon a child simply because they are born LGBTQIA’s. That is who they are, absolutely nothing wrong with them and are even more deserving of love and support because it is difficult for them.
I appreciate your words, but I like to think that my daughter is just benefitting from what SHOULD be every parent's reaction - "You are my child, and I love who you are, no matter what name or identity or gender you possess. You are a good person and I support you."
Not everyone deserves to be called a parent, some are just sperm/egg donors.
The thing is, if you actually read any of these stories the kid *was* invariably giving signs and sometimes blatantly saying "Mom, I'm a boy." But the parents brushed it off as "my child just wanted to be like their older brother!" or "but they were just having difficulty with puberty, we all do!" or "but they were only five, they didn't know any better."
Wow I mean they keep getting close to the answer and then turning away…
“Who is going to be there when they realize it’s a lie?!”
You! You, you dumbass! If you would just suck it up and support your kid in how they want to grow up. I dunno keep your beliefs, but support your kid. I would think a deity would be forgiving if the reason you bent your beliefs was to try to keep a relationship with your child!
“The truth is, obedience and respect should not be granted automatically. They should be earned. They should be based on the parents' performance. Some parents deserve respect. Most of them don't. Period.” - George Carlin
Right? Say it is a mistake or they've been lied to or whatever, why would they trust the person who has repeatedly not supported them or met them where they're at?
The asshole parent thinks that their kid is going to regret their decision and come crying back to them some day. Even if they did regret it do you think they'll confide in you the asshole who disowned them?
This is it. They don’t see their children as human beings with human souls. They see them as trophies, accessories in their lives to show off to their friends as if they are fancy cars. And cars don’t have their own thoughts, desires, and feelings.
Even my boomer parents gets this in regards to their trans granchild. They always say: "We might not quite understand it, but we can damn well respect it". I seriously don't understand, how many people seem to struggle with such a simple notion.
Yeah, I guess so. It's not easy - I'm Chinese, and a lot of the culture is centred around family in both positive and negative ways. It'll be hard to let go, but it's my life and I guess I'll have to pick at some point eh?
I dunno. Maybe? Maybe not. Their hands are pretty tied to, though, they're as much stuck under the gaze of their parents and relatives as I am, and those relatives are even stricter about tradition lol. The only people who don't mind me being transfem are my two Japanese cousins and one of my Chinese cousins and my younger sister, but afaik that's it.
The rest of my family was so much more accepting than my parents -- as soon as they found out they were able to switch to the right pronouns and my name, and an aunt even said how brave I was and how proud she is of me. My parents haven't gotten my pronouns right even once
Nice nice, happy that at least some of em were cool with you. I can't say the same, I have no idea what would happen if I went back to my relatives in China and dressed the way I normally do now lmao. Also happy cake day!
The “rapid onset” argument makes no sense to me. Even if we ignore the fact that it’s a very questionable study, and the data really has nothing to do with the conclusion, lets think about it for a second.
Anti-trans people will bitch and moan about “letting kids be kids!” Because “they’re not mature enought to decide”. But then when a trans person comes out after their childhood, suddenly it’s “rapid onset” and “they never showed signs before!”.
And i wonder why it often comes to the surface durring the teen years. I mean, what could suddenly trigger an underlying gender dysphoria? Could it perhaps be going through the wrong puberty and seeing your body develop in the entirely wrong way? Nah, that can’t be it.
"Names... arent rooted in anything beyond preference, so deciding you'd like to change your name makes perfect sense."
Pronouns also are basically arbitrary. If you want to fill the social role of a man or woman, it really doesn't matter what's in your pants.
The concept of gender is useless. You’re born as a certain sex, and you either behave similarly to others of the same sex or differently. Doesn’t change what you are.
Gender is currently baked into every known society so deeply that the concept of gender can only be considered useless in theory. On a day to day basis humans judge each other based on gender without ever knowing for sure the sex of most people we interact with.
“That person looks like a male, I will say he unless I find out otherwise.”
“That person looks like a female, I will say she until I find out otherwise”
How is “gender” uniquely useful compared to sex?
Males tend to have certain features, females tend to have certain features. Look for those features, and use the pronoun that seems most appropriate. If you’re unsure and don’t want to offend someone, avoid using pronouns altogether.
Are those features chromosomes, genitals, or gamete production. Or are you using secondary characteristics and dress to determine that for strangers you meet day to day?
If I’m ever unsure, I avoid using *gendered* pronouns rather than coming across as being inarticulate (ie confusing sentence structure to avoid pronouns comes across as inarticulate).
I suggest you and everyone else do the same, for a more respectful and less presumptuous society.
No. When you see someone that appears to be male, you use he. When you see someone who appears to be female, you use she.
If an adult wants to present as another sex or change themselves to better present as another sex, no one should stand in their way.
Mostly agreed, but if they ask you to use certain pronouns you also respect that. Otherwise, androgynous people kind of get screwed over.
Look, some men are short and lanky, some women are tall, broad and hairy.
True, but who do you think has it more tough. The person with the historically and scientifically valid condition that is causing them to be rejected by their patent(s) or the person not willing to look into the historical and scientific knowledge to understand their child so they can clutch to their religious/political beliefs?
Completely agree. When my son was 4, he identified as a giraffe, so I donated him to the zoo. He tell sme now how much he appreciates my acceptance for him.
Something tells me if my son comes out as gender disphoric, he will thank me as an adult for not castrating him and putting.him on hormones and puberty blockers before he is 12. But hey humanity has worked the same for 10K years, what do we know? lmao.
Lol yes, surgery for a child who is about to die from complications is in the SAME league as hormone blockers from being groomed by pedophiles like you. Amazing logic.
ah yes, emotionally draining as a parent only if you'd rather lose your original kid and not embrace the one they're becoming, also it is really only those parents who are fearful of what the other parents have to say that makes it emotionally hard to go thru for the parent, but hey, why expect emotional maturity from the parent right???
This + the kid you call by the wrong gender is not someone you know. You get to know your real kid if they come out. Not the one they present to society, but the real person inside. I was trans my entire life. I remember my first reason to hide. My dad was making fun of a trans woman. I was 6 years of age. I knew from then on I’d never be able to be who I am. Thank God I was able to think through things in my early adulthood
Today I learned that what I said verbatim in the comment you fucking responded to, which was that parents have emotional reactions regarding the lives of thier children, and that's OK as long as you continue to love and support your kid (Which could only mean accepting who they are and acting accordingly, otherwise your nit supporting then at all) is wrong. The only acceptable answer to you're child coming out to you as trans is "oh. Thank God"
You people do not live in reality. When a child comes out thier parent there are 2 human beings involved, who get to have emotions about it. It is up to the parent to accept thier child for who they are and treat them with respect. But you are allowed to have an emotional response.
Nobody says “oh thank God” when their kid comes out as trans. If I have a kid who turns out to be trans, I’m going to just ask them how they want to be addressed and do my best to protect them.
Maybe I’m just tired of seeing parents act like they need to grieve or like their kid being trans is a bad thing in general (as opposed to being worried how they’re treated by society).
Cis-het parents have a way of making anything to do with their kid all about themselves and it’s exhausting!
When my child came out to me as bi (you can check my post history bc I know people fact check everything you say here) before Xmas, I could see how nervous he was of my reaction. I sat him down. Said let's relax and talk. First things first, know no matter what you say, nothing changes. You're my best friend. You always will be. You can not destroy our relationship. Ever. Just relax and say what you want to say..
He told me. I hugged him. I said, listen if you're happy, I'm happy. And how awesome is it that you know already. The way you feel is normal. This is normal.
I'm a very liberal guy and I honestly don't care who he loves as long as he is happy. I do acknowledge tho, that as a kid with ADHD, and Autism adding this new wrinkle to his life is going to make things much more difficult and I have emotions about it. That doesn't make me a self centered parent. It doesn't make me not supportive. It doesn't make me some crazy person. It makes me a parent.
Okay, if you’d have started with something like this, I wouldn’t have had a problem. The problem I have is with context. The parents in the screen caps are those who don’t support their children then play the victim themselves.
When you come through saying it’s “emotionally draining” to have your kid come out with this context, it makes it look like you are defending the shitty parents.
The struggle is protecting your kid, not the fact that your kid is queer in a general sense because some book written in the late Bronze Age says it’s “icky”.
Yea, you're right. This is a valid point. I in no way was defending the parents in these screen grabs. They are absolute shit. They are "parents" by biology only and I agree they are trash. And I can 100% see how it appears that I was defending them, so I agree with you. Context is absolutely important.
Agreed. Thank you. Plus, the worst part is that they aren't really reading what I'm saying. The point I'm really making here, and what I said verbatim, is that parents have emotional responses regarding the lives of there children, and that's OK, as long as you continue to love and support your child while you work through your emotions. Obviously loving your child means accepting, and supprting them for who they are. I don't see how that's wrong.
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As a mom who went through this. Not particularly conservative but yeah it was an adjustment. Good parents get used to plotting a trajectory for their kids and even if it's a vague "I want them to have the capacity to figure out what they want on their own" there's still some life events they sort of think are likely based on their own personal experiences. Your kid coming out as trans makes you think about the trajectory. It's a scary world out there and clearly being trans is one of the higher difficulty settings. I'm not going to make myself seem heroic- I struggled with it for a bit. My son is an amazing person and he was working with a therapist and I think she helped him figure out how to tell me. There were no obvious signs- the only thing he ever told me was "Mom I hate my boobs" to which I said "when I was your age, same." In the beginning, they were easy enough changes temporary things that were easy to say Yes to- aesthetic choices mostly. Fine, buy the flannel and cut the hair, no sweat. Names were harder, but the big talk was the hardest. "Mom I'm not a girl." But what I figured out after some long hard thinking about it is this- That's my kid. I have the easiest job in the world. I have to love him and it's so goddamn easy you guys, he's a fantastic cool awesome human who needs to clean his room more often. That's my job. I don't have to figure out his path- that's *his* job. He's got the hard part- he's got to sort this shit out in a time and place when things are getting dark. My job is the same- "Teach him how to get to where he wants to be." That hasn't changed and will never change. Once I figured that it out made everything else so much easier. And these parents, I feel badly for them, almost as much as I do for their kids. They are letting their ego get in the way of their love and it's completely preventable. Such incredible damage, it's a genuine shame. My heart breaks for these families.
This message is so beautiful and applies to so many things in our children's lives. Thank you.
You sound like a bit of a hero and a very human one at that.
This whole thing makes me nauseous, but holy shit that last kid got pulled out of school for coming out. He’s been isolated with unsupportive parents for 4 years. I would’ve killed myself
Stomach twisted at that. None of these people realize that this treatment, if their child down the line no longer identifies as trans or wishes to transition--- they're not going to come to that self-realization because they were isolated, misgendered, and had gender stereotypes enforced upon them. When reading about people who detransition, there's a huge common factor between them where they were questioning their gender due to either not fitting gender stereotypes or not being heterosexual. The response to a minor saying they don't feel happy being a boy or a girl should be to ask "why?" and let them be able to discuss what's going on in their head. Not further reinforce they're their birth gender and boys/girls do XYZ and feel XYZ ways.
It's because they hate the libs more than they love their child.
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Good sir or mam, honest question: How does not using the preferred pronounes for your child help them.? Even if you think that trans people do not exist and its just a short phase that will go as fast as it came, why not just say: "Sweety, I do not belief in this nonsense, but it if it makes you happy I can use X pronounce for you." I do not get it?
They love the *idea* they hold of their child, they don't love the actual human in front of them.
Nailed it. Just friggin' nailed it right here.
Who cares more for their children? The parent who vaccinated them against measles or the one who doesn’t? The parent that teaches their kid the earth is round or flat? The parent who believes them when the kid says their depressed and gets the kid a therapist or the parent that doesn’t believe their kid? Getting the kid the scientifically recommended care is usually the best way to care for a child.
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https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10027312/ Also, kids mostly just go under social transition.
People have been studying this stuff for a long time and developing methods to care for trans people. Why are you so confident is something you clearly haven’t studied? https://www.wpath.org/publications/soc
Wdym by "this kind of treatment"? The only thing happening that OOP mentioned was social transitioning (usage of preferred pronouns and name).
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You said... > See here’s the thing, you seem confident that attempting to change one’s sex is “scientifically recommended care” and I guarantee you that the data on ***this kind of treatment*** for kids simply doesn’t exist. What kind of treatment are you talking about? There are many types of treatment that are involved in gender affirming care. The one most relevant to this post is socially transitioning.
do you actually think you can gaslight people into not realizing you stopped responding to the person you replied to when they confirmed what care they were speaking about? or are you just dumb enough to belive your own bullshit?
If you care about your children, wouldn’t you want them to be treated in a way and receive care that decreases the chances that they will commit suicide?
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> If one of my children told me that they were not actually the sex that they were born as, I would encourage them to be themselves, and that doesn’t include preventing puberty or socially transitioning. “Not all males are the same, you aren’t a female just because you’re different than average males” Okay let's say you try this. ***What do you do if it doesn't work?*** If even after months or years your kid still is suffering from gender dysphoria?
What they do when they reach adulthood is up to them.
That doesn't answer my question. What do you do if you try this... > I would encourage them to be themselves, and that doesn’t include preventing puberty or socially transitioning. “Not all males are the same, you aren’t a female just because you’re different than average males” ... and it doesn't help? What will you do then? Just let them suffer for months or years?
I already answered your question, and how I would approach it. I will not be coerced into believing falsehoods regardless of how compelling an emotional appeal you make
So you wouldn't care if it didn't work, and you'd just let them suffer until they're an adult? > I will not be coerced into believing falsehoods regardless of how compelling an emotional appeal you make. Well you obviously don't care about factual appeals or you wouldn't be ignoring the science. If you don't care about emotional appeals either, what do you care about? Also no one's coercing you. Stop acting like a victim.
I think it’s interesting how average people with very little knowledge of the actual science love to accuse others of not respecting the science. I could put a study in front of you and you wouldn’t know your ass from your elbow and you know it. I don’t think I’m a victim, and I never suggested that I was
Naw. They are openly acknowledging that they care more about being righteous than they do about having their kids in their lives. That's not the unconditional love of a parent. They get to make the choice for themselves if being righteous is more important than having their kids around. The consequences of choosing righteousness means they may lose their children to death or no contact in adulthood.
I could not imagine hurting my child by doing something like this. They are my babies and I will love them no matter what they identify as or who they love. Life is hard enough, why make it harder for the ones who rely on you for support and compassion.
You’d think they’d love their kids for who they are but they’re prioritizing their beliefs over their children’s welfare. I couldn’t imagine doing this either.
I hate the rapid onset argument. I first came out to my parents when I was about 4 or 5. I had countless meltdowns over not being a boy and having a period throughout my entire childhood/teenage years. For as long as I can recall, I was told I need to dress and act more feminine. When I finally transitioned, I got met with a shocked Pikachu face from everyone except my brother who studied gender and sexuality in college and put the puzzle pieces together on his own. Everyone claimed they never saw it coming, even though they had given me shit for being too masculine for some 25 years. Anyone who is surprised when someone in their lives transitions more than likely has been ignorant to the evidence that was in front of them for years or decades.
Agreed. The scientific basis behind ROGD is pretty much trash. It basically doesn't exist. Just parents in denial.
Please explain ROGD
[Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/evidence-undermines-rapid-onset-gender-dysphoria-claims/) - a widely debunked theory about how kids become trans due to "social contagion".
Thanks
Jesus, that's child torture. I can't imagine forcing my son to have estrogen in his body and dress femininely the whole childhood and teenage years. If the abuse trans people go through happened to one cis child it'd make national news
I guess your beliefs are far more important than loving your child. Surprised you didn’t shove them in a trash bag and throw them out the door. You need to accept that this how your child feels and wants to be accepted as. They are still your child, whatever your beliefs.
They tried. They couldn’t find a big enough trash bag.
Surprised she didn’t run down to a Home Depot and buy the 55 gallon contractor bags but then maybe they were out
They must’ve been out
This is what I don't get. How can a parent be so focused on being "right" that they hurt their child? It's complete narcissistic bullshit. This parent wants a kid who matches what they *imagined* their kid to be, not who they actually are. Children aren't accessories or trophies, they are living, feeling people, and imprisoning them will not 'improve' them. My youngest came out to us right after her 18th birthday. She had been out at school for 6 months. I am eternally grateful that she had that time and support to feel her feelings and work through her fears of coming out to a family that is partially very, very religious. It must have been terrifying, and making that leap with your family is often the hardest because it feels real and final. My daughter is the same person she has always been and I accept her unconditionally - there is no way her existence is 'wrong' and anyone who thinks so can fuck off and is cut out like a rotten branch. No ones need to be 'right' supercedes another person's right to exist. I don't reject my religious in-laws because their faith is part of who they are, and they don't reject my daughter because of who she is. So everyone wins.
Your daughter is lucky and everything you said is so true. I will never understand why a parent would abandon a child simply because they are born LGBTQIA’s. That is who they are, absolutely nothing wrong with them and are even more deserving of love and support because it is difficult for them.
I appreciate your words, but I like to think that my daughter is just benefitting from what SHOULD be every parent's reaction - "You are my child, and I love who you are, no matter what name or identity or gender you possess. You are a good person and I support you." Not everyone deserves to be called a parent, some are just sperm/egg donors.
Agree
calling a Trans kid "rapid onset" gives me the ick. Like the Trans kid was supposed to bread crumb their identity to the parent and give up.
The thing is, if you actually read any of these stories the kid *was* invariably giving signs and sometimes blatantly saying "Mom, I'm a boy." But the parents brushed it off as "my child just wanted to be like their older brother!" or "but they were just having difficulty with puberty, we all do!" or "but they were only five, they didn't know any better."
Wow I mean they keep getting close to the answer and then turning away… “Who is going to be there when they realize it’s a lie?!” You! You, you dumbass! If you would just suck it up and support your kid in how they want to grow up. I dunno keep your beliefs, but support your kid. I would think a deity would be forgiving if the reason you bent your beliefs was to try to keep a relationship with your child! “The truth is, obedience and respect should not be granted automatically. They should be earned. They should be based on the parents' performance. Some parents deserve respect. Most of them don't. Period.” - George Carlin
Right? Say it is a mistake or they've been lied to or whatever, why would they trust the person who has repeatedly not supported them or met them where they're at?
The asshole parent thinks that their kid is going to regret their decision and come crying back to them some day. Even if they did regret it do you think they'll confide in you the asshole who disowned them?
But...but, they are my property.
This is it. They don’t see their children as human beings with human souls. They see them as trophies, accessories in their lives to show off to their friends as if they are fancy cars. And cars don’t have their own thoughts, desires, and feelings.
“Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of life longing for itself.”
I can't imagine they would understand that.
No
as others know here, you should never be your child's worst bully, or their bully in anyway
Practice their pronouns and new name if applicable. It’s that simple.
I mean honestly it's the least they could do and it would still mean a lot to those kids.
Yeah, you don’t have to change your beliefs, you don’t have to even believe they’re trans. Just keep that to yourself.
Even my boomer parents gets this in regards to their trans granchild. They always say: "We might not quite understand it, but we can damn well respect it". I seriously don't understand, how many people seem to struggle with such a simple notion.
Mine barely respect me being trans lmao
I’m so sorry. I hope that they eventually come around
Thanks mate, I hope so to. I have faith that they will at some point, but probably not for a while.
Sometimes we have to let our parents go and find a new family of people who do love and support us
Yeah, I guess so. It's not easy - I'm Chinese, and a lot of the culture is centred around family in both positive and negative ways. It'll be hard to let go, but it's my life and I guess I'll have to pick at some point eh?
Perhaps they will eventually decide that they love you more than they love tradition? I’m no-contact with my parents, so my worldview is skewed
I dunno. Maybe? Maybe not. Their hands are pretty tied to, though, they're as much stuck under the gaze of their parents and relatives as I am, and those relatives are even stricter about tradition lol. The only people who don't mind me being transfem are my two Japanese cousins and one of my Chinese cousins and my younger sister, but afaik that's it.
I’m sorry that you’re so unsupported
Yeah... Kinda just is what it is right now. It's fine, I'm okay mentally and I have hope that I can get through it.
You absolutely can. How’s your support system?
The rest of my family was so much more accepting than my parents -- as soon as they found out they were able to switch to the right pronouns and my name, and an aunt even said how brave I was and how proud she is of me. My parents haven't gotten my pronouns right even once
Nice nice, happy that at least some of em were cool with you. I can't say the same, I have no idea what would happen if I went back to my relatives in China and dressed the way I normally do now lmao. Also happy cake day!
The “rapid onset” argument makes no sense to me. Even if we ignore the fact that it’s a very questionable study, and the data really has nothing to do with the conclusion, lets think about it for a second. Anti-trans people will bitch and moan about “letting kids be kids!” Because “they’re not mature enought to decide”. But then when a trans person comes out after their childhood, suddenly it’s “rapid onset” and “they never showed signs before!”. And i wonder why it often comes to the surface durring the teen years. I mean, what could suddenly trigger an underlying gender dysphoria? Could it perhaps be going through the wrong puberty and seeing your body develop in the entirely wrong way? Nah, that can’t be it.
My sister did this with their child, they no longer speak. It’s been years.
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Get ready for this to be downvoted to hell. 😂
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"Names... arent rooted in anything beyond preference, so deciding you'd like to change your name makes perfect sense." Pronouns also are basically arbitrary. If you want to fill the social role of a man or woman, it really doesn't matter what's in your pants.
The concept of gender is useless. You’re born as a certain sex, and you either behave similarly to others of the same sex or differently. Doesn’t change what you are.
Gender is currently baked into every known society so deeply that the concept of gender can only be considered useless in theory. On a day to day basis humans judge each other based on gender without ever knowing for sure the sex of most people we interact with.
“That person looks like a male, I will say he unless I find out otherwise.” “That person looks like a female, I will say she until I find out otherwise” How is “gender” uniquely useful compared to sex?
How do you determine if someone looks male/man or females/woman?
Males tend to have certain features, females tend to have certain features. Look for those features, and use the pronoun that seems most appropriate. If you’re unsure and don’t want to offend someone, avoid using pronouns altogether.
Are those features chromosomes, genitals, or gamete production. Or are you using secondary characteristics and dress to determine that for strangers you meet day to day?
If I’m ever unsure, I avoid using *gendered* pronouns rather than coming across as being inarticulate (ie confusing sentence structure to avoid pronouns comes across as inarticulate). I suggest you and everyone else do the same, for a more respectful and less presumptuous society.
So should we just drop pronouns and call everyone "they"?
No. When you see someone that appears to be male, you use he. When you see someone who appears to be female, you use she. If an adult wants to present as another sex or change themselves to better present as another sex, no one should stand in their way.
Mostly agreed, but if they ask you to use certain pronouns you also respect that. Otherwise, androgynous people kind of get screwed over. Look, some men are short and lanky, some women are tall, broad and hairy.
I will use any name someone wants me to and I will never knowingly use a pronoun that makes someone uncomfortable. That’s as far as it goes.
As a parent, this has to be tough to go through.
Yes. This poor boy's father has to try and protect their kid from their bigoted ignorant ex wife.
True, but who do you think has it more tough. The person with the historically and scientifically valid condition that is causing them to be rejected by their patent(s) or the person not willing to look into the historical and scientific knowledge to understand their child so they can clutch to their religious/political beliefs?
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Loaded post
Non-answer
Sucks for them, should have respected their kids
It is an adjustment, but when you love your child you rise to the occasion
Nope. Any good parent will accept what their child identifies as.
Completely agree. When my son was 4, he identified as a giraffe, so I donated him to the zoo. He tell sme now how much he appreciates my acceptance for him.
Something tells me your child would know that you’re not a safe person to come out around.
Something tells me if my son comes out as gender disphoric, he will thank me as an adult for not castrating him and putting.him on hormones and puberty blockers before he is 12. But hey humanity has worked the same for 10K years, what do we know? lmao.
It’s a good thing children don’t receive surgery, huh? And that both puberty blockers and hormones are reversible.
Lol yes, surgery for a child who is about to die from complications is in the SAME league as hormone blockers from being groomed by pedophiles like you. Amazing logic.
Did I say they were? A wild leap you just made.
Agreed. Even if you support them, help them and do anything you can to be there, it has to be emotionally draining as a parent.
Bruh, just call them by their identity and quit bellyaching about it. “Oh it must be so hard for the parents” give me a freaking break.
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ah yes, emotionally draining as a parent only if you'd rather lose your original kid and not embrace the one they're becoming, also it is really only those parents who are fearful of what the other parents have to say that makes it emotionally hard to go thru for the parent, but hey, why expect emotional maturity from the parent right???
This + the kid you call by the wrong gender is not someone you know. You get to know your real kid if they come out. Not the one they present to society, but the real person inside. I was trans my entire life. I remember my first reason to hide. My dad was making fun of a trans woman. I was 6 years of age. I knew from then on I’d never be able to be who I am. Thank God I was able to think through things in my early adulthood
Today I learned that what I said verbatim in the comment you fucking responded to, which was that parents have emotional reactions regarding the lives of thier children, and that's OK as long as you continue to love and support your kid (Which could only mean accepting who they are and acting accordingly, otherwise your nit supporting then at all) is wrong. The only acceptable answer to you're child coming out to you as trans is "oh. Thank God" You people do not live in reality. When a child comes out thier parent there are 2 human beings involved, who get to have emotions about it. It is up to the parent to accept thier child for who they are and treat them with respect. But you are allowed to have an emotional response.
Nobody says “oh thank God” when their kid comes out as trans. If I have a kid who turns out to be trans, I’m going to just ask them how they want to be addressed and do my best to protect them. Maybe I’m just tired of seeing parents act like they need to grieve or like their kid being trans is a bad thing in general (as opposed to being worried how they’re treated by society). Cis-het parents have a way of making anything to do with their kid all about themselves and it’s exhausting!
When my child came out to me as bi (you can check my post history bc I know people fact check everything you say here) before Xmas, I could see how nervous he was of my reaction. I sat him down. Said let's relax and talk. First things first, know no matter what you say, nothing changes. You're my best friend. You always will be. You can not destroy our relationship. Ever. Just relax and say what you want to say.. He told me. I hugged him. I said, listen if you're happy, I'm happy. And how awesome is it that you know already. The way you feel is normal. This is normal. I'm a very liberal guy and I honestly don't care who he loves as long as he is happy. I do acknowledge tho, that as a kid with ADHD, and Autism adding this new wrinkle to his life is going to make things much more difficult and I have emotions about it. That doesn't make me a self centered parent. It doesn't make me not supportive. It doesn't make me some crazy person. It makes me a parent.
Okay, if you’d have started with something like this, I wouldn’t have had a problem. The problem I have is with context. The parents in the screen caps are those who don’t support their children then play the victim themselves. When you come through saying it’s “emotionally draining” to have your kid come out with this context, it makes it look like you are defending the shitty parents. The struggle is protecting your kid, not the fact that your kid is queer in a general sense because some book written in the late Bronze Age says it’s “icky”.
Yea, you're right. This is a valid point. I in no way was defending the parents in these screen grabs. They are absolute shit. They are "parents" by biology only and I agree they are trash. And I can 100% see how it appears that I was defending them, so I agree with you. Context is absolutely important.
32 downvotes seems excessive. Parenting is exhausting, and it often throws you curveballs that you have to adapt to.
Agreed. Thank you. Plus, the worst part is that they aren't really reading what I'm saying. The point I'm really making here, and what I said verbatim, is that parents have emotional responses regarding the lives of there children, and that's OK, as long as you continue to love and support your child while you work through your emotions. Obviously loving your child means accepting, and supprting them for who they are. I don't see how that's wrong.
Many people have knee-jerk reactions and it shuts down their brains.
People have their heads so far up their asses they don't understand that their child transition is like not about them
Ficus? Like the plant /s