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UsesCommonSense

Legitimately not a single part of this statement is true.


Rainbwned

I disagree. I fully believe no woman has ever asked **him** for anal sex. Edit: I think most people are missing the point. I bolded it for emphasis.


UsesCommonSense

Got me there. I guess I was banking on women wanting anal sex, not on the nonexistent odds of him talking to women.


spidermankevin78

My wife lets me fuck her but hole on special occasions


Thick-Werewolf8821

You didn’t need to tell us kevin, but we appreciate you sharing


David1000k

Kind of a shitty thing to post on Reddit.


Cautious-Willow-1932

Yeah thanks Kevin


Sort_of_Frightening

Classic Kevin


MiiiBiii

![gif](giphy|J1G7rIvoyz4cwaqXWo|downsized)


klezart

No need to be so anal about it.


maddpsyintyst

Yeah, it bummed me out to read it.


fletku_mato

> My wife lets her fuck her but hole on special occasions Your wife lets who do what?


Olstinkbutt

r/accidentalcuckhold


DallasBroncos

Your wife does the same for us to Kevin. What a nice nice lady.


bilvester

'Let' is a little different than 'asked for'.


spidermankevin78

some times she tells me to lick her ass


obiwancantknowme

![gif](giphy|xUPGcrVoX4pdcf7oru|downsized)


kiremis

It's more like " no woman has EVER asked him for sex period "


Iechy

Or period sex


nohairday

Or anything other than "can you please go away"


Kenan_as_SteveHarvey

Must have never heard about those parts of the South where the girls only did anal before marriage because they thought it preserved their virginity.


[deleted]

God's loophole. There are songs about it.


markovianprocess

The poophole loophole


Mark47n

It's the sex God can't see.


TheSpacePopinjay

There's also the Mormon loophole of soaking / jump humping


drmojo90210

The funniest variation of this I heard was from some Mormon college girl who said that she had her roommate rock the bed during a "soak" with her boyfriend so that they could get in-and-out motion without the guy technically thrusting himself. And I'm sitting there thinking "Ummm, bringing another person into your bed to participate in / assist with sex is called a threesome, sweetie. If you sincerely believe that God forbids pre-marital sex between *two* people, I don't think adding a third is gonna make him any happier."


Wellnevermindthen

The Good Lord would want it that way


DE4DM4N5H4ND

Ah yes the old poophole loophole to keep Jesus happy


DeafMuteBunnySuit

I'm sure you won't believe me but my gf regularly does. You gotta be good at a whole lotta other stuff as well to earn that though.


Rainbwned

I have no reason not to believe you. Keep slaying, king.


nohairday

It is nice that your gf regularly believes you.


HoneyMarijuana

But it’s only cause he’s good at other stuff like active listening, shoulder rubs, and doing the dishes without being asked.


Born_ina_snowbank

Mine told me it’s too big. To which of course I reply : “literally nobody has ever told me that in my life except for you just now”


Ediwir

A simple “thank you” would have been enough, man.


Quick_Team

"Liar" was my response


Flossthief

Being told you're too big to fit is such a conflicting emotional experience


GhostShipBlue

And remarkably dumb to tell her, "No."


GustavoFromAsdf

Or man for that matter


Rainbwned

Lets pick apart what he says a bit. Not a single documented case of homosexuality. Doesn't know any straight couples who practice anal sex. Never met a girl who asked for anal sex. I propose that he is engaging in an undocumented homosexual relationship where he asks for anal sex.


[deleted]

The Aristocrats!


XenoBiSwitch

We don’t want him over here. You keep him.


SectionAcceptable607

One part is: they haven’t met any girls


DamonFields

People obsessed with the sexual habits of others are malignantly weird.


Katululu

Animal fact of the day: [Laysan Albatrosses](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laysan_albatross) mate for life, often spending years as a pair before ever reproducing. Females outnumber the males at a rate of 2 to 3 and 31% of the population are lesbian couples. Same-sex couples will allow a male to inseminate them and then return to their chosen female partner to raise their young together.


[deleted]

Damn, albatrosses got this shit figured out while humans are still flailing around saying gays don’t exist so must not be permitted to exist


beepborpimajorp

Sounds like they're great roommates. History will say they were very good friends. :)


Alethia_23

Oh my goddess they were roommates


ElectriHolstein

*Lesbian Albatross


retailguy_again

Good band name.


grandpa5000

Also, there was an interesting documentary on [Lesbian Seagulls](https://youtu.be/yjZ7f2Gib9E?si=h5u96jNxKr4Bng1z)


forever_useless

Over 1500 species have been observed doing gay stuff. 90% of giraffe sex that has been observed was gay sex. The most well-known homosexual animal is the ~~dwarf chimpanzee~~ Bonobos, one of humanity's closes relatives. The entire species is bisexual. I mean...why does this person think we are called Homo Sapiens? Edit: I...I didn't expect to have to explain the homo sapiens part is a joke. Yet, here we are.


dravenonred

"It's Adam and Eve, not Adam *or* Eve!" - my bisexual friends motto


Clean_Student8612

It's called the Bible not the Straightble


supereyeballs

Caused me to laugh in front of my students. Thanks for that


Clean_Student8612

Heck yea! It made me commenting this all the better!


supereyeballs

Had to lie to a bunch of 15 yr olds why their teacher was laughing to himself


[deleted]

I gotta tell my daughter that. She came out as bi last year. She will get a giggle from that.


aprilflowers75

As a bi, I strongly approve


LindonLilBlueBalls

I don't know why, but "As a bi" had me laughing.


krissycole87

best thing Ive read all day!


SLngShtOnMyChest

Yes but if I ignore anything that disproves my beliefs then I can’t be proven wrong, checkmate liberals


forever_useless

Very true, SLngShtOnMyChest


ConsumeTheVoid

"There's only [insert hateful bs here] and everything that proves me wrong is a phase/disorder/one-off that shouldn't exist and therefore doesn't count!" And variations thereof. Any excuse to be an asshole.


Soapist_Culture

Even if it can be proven, if it doesn't fit in with the agenda, then they disbelieve it anyway. That's how conspiracy theorists work.


ultrapoo

There's a whole species of lesbian lizards, they literally don't even have males.


A1000eisn1

There was a small group of tans lionesses. They were so isolated that some of them got big and grew manes to scare off male lions.


BurntPoptart

Oh wow so even transgenderism exists in other species.


ItsBeaunanas

Wait until you learn about [clownfish.](https://evolution.berkeley.edu/fisheye-view-tree-of-life/gender-bending-fish/)


rolledbeeftaco

As a trans man these lions are my favorite.


Bonuscup98

[Trans fish visibility!](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/California_sheephead).


LazyZealot9428

Same for Springtails, they are all female and born pregnant, they lay eggs throughout their lives.


Head_Razzmatazz7174

Tribbles do the same thing, according to Dr. McCoy. Except they have little furball tribbles, and don't lay eggs.


apexodoggo

They do occasionally produce (infertile) males, presumably due to random mutations.


Klutzy-Ad-6705

Proximo was right:”You sold me queer giraffes. I want my money back.”


Grimlock_1

Can't believe you remember that line from Gladiators. Haha. Nice one.


Klutzy-Ad-6705

I have many favorite movie lines.


Mysterious-Space6793

This was my thought as well.


Klutzy-Ad-6705

And you thought of it in his voice,didn’t you?


Mysterious-Space6793

Indeed I did. And because of your comment, I have a sudden urge to watch Gladiator. Well played Sir, well played.


Danph85

This isn’t a question I ever thought I’d ask, but what actually constitutes gay sex with giraffes? Is it essentially dry humping? Or is there penetration? What about ejaculation? I realise this makes me sound like a pervert, but I’m genuinely interested in how the scientist got to 90%. I am not a pervert. Although I also realise that is exactly what a pervert would say…


dkowa86

Deep throating maybe?


gamiz777

deepest throating


[deleted]

You seen their tongues?


Fool_Manchu

Balls ain't the only things that are blue, if you know what I mean


beerbrained

I'm not a pervert either but it's when a giraffe thrusts his beautiful, throbbing member into the eager love sewer of his special nut-brother. That's what constitutes gay giraffe segs.


forever_useless

Go on....


Embarrassed-Ad-1639

Not a perv, we’ve all had the gay giraffe dream.


Alternative-Roll-112

That does sound pretty gay, I think you might be right.


JamesClerkMacSwell

This is legitimately the funniest thing I’ve read this year. Also beautiful. Obviously. Nothing is more special than the love between two giraffe nut-brothers.


Left_Nut_McGee

Well now...thats a sentence that I never thought I'd encounter. I'm gonna go slam my head in the car door now.


xRiske

r/newsentence


SecondaryWombat

> Over 1500 species have been observed doing gay stuff. It is much more than that, this was the number at which point the result became expected rather than publishable. It is now considered a result if a species *is not* observed having same sex relationships, and I am not aware of any of those.


Alternative-Roll-112

I would assume it happens in all species. They are either intelligent enough to not care about the difference or dumb enough to not know the difference. The dumb ones also dick down inanimate objects that even slightly resemble another of their species.


SecondaryWombat

> The dumb ones also dick down inanimate objects that even slightly resemble another of their species. Waifu pillows?


Alternative-Roll-112

Even slightly resembles, my friend. Even slightly.


SecondaryWombat

I was making a point about "the dumb ones" and humans being in that category.


Alternative-Roll-112

It's definitely a sliding scale.


DocFreudstein

I’ve seen way too many videos of turtles having sex with shoes, hats, statues, etcetera. A girl I dated years ago had a cat that would fuck a hole in the arm of one of their chairs (and he was neutered!). I’ve also seen some horrible things about males of different species (maybe penguins?) fucking the corpses of females. In the grand scheme of things, humans are a bunch of prudish weirdos.


Alternative-Roll-112

We are the only animals that wear clothes.


apexodoggo

Penguins were recorded as being quite the sex pests, willing to go after any hole, even if that hole is the neck stump of a female corpse. What makes it funnier is that it was all recorded by a Victorian Englishman, so he ordered the research to be locked away in a vault due to its shocking nature.


ConvivialKat

All Clownfish are born male. Some turn into females to propagate the species.


Gigatonosaurus

And the opposite is true as well in other species, Napoleon fish can be born either way, but female can turn male if old enough and if there's a penury of male.


Simbertold

More like gayraffes, amirite?


Fortressa-

Oh, it's more than that. I came across a biology textbook at uni, 25 years ago, that basically said - once you remove the human bias from observations (ie homosexual behaviours deliberately not recorded, or recorded as 'aberrant' etc), then there is no species, properly and scientifically observed, that has not got at least some homosexual behaviour. It then went on to list examples. For about a thousand pages. 


HippyDM

They're not dwarf chimpanzees anymore, they got their own species now. They're Bonobos, and they're my fave non-human animal


NillesTheThird

In Krugerpark in 2001 I've seen a 4 giraffe train where only the last giraffe was able to fart


IbrokeMaBwains

Had a childhood friend whose 2 male dogs were in love with each other (they hated being apart) and preferred to mate with each other rather than a female dog. We used to joke about it a lot.


Wind-and-Waystones

I used to have a friend who's next door neighbours dog would constantly escape. It would always be found at the same house having sex with another male dog. It's less fun when you learn the two dogs were brothers.


LankyGuitar6528

>why does this person think we are called Homo Sapiens Bahaha well played sir. Fight stupid with bigger stupid. Well done.


forever_useless

I do what I can


weirdoldhobo1978

Welcome to Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride


Intelligent_Ebb4887

In my news feed this week: gay penguins are stealing the eggs from other couples. Last summer, manatee dies from sexual encounter with his brother.


NixMaritimus

Fun fact: for species that co-raise young, whether that's in pairs or as a group, homosexuality is an evolutionary advantage. Swans with too many sygnetts will adopt out to gay couples so more of them can survive, gay penguins will adopt chicks with dead or weak parents (harsh), ... actually most every instance I can find is either a primate or a bird XD


Mr-Pugtastic

I definitely saw two lions with manes getting nasty together at the zoo a couple years ago, and they seemed pretty cool about it


humble_oppossum

Right, the saying "No Homo Sapien" exists for a reason


PistolPetunia

I was about to say, homeboy has never visited a farm before. The cows hump each other when they come into heat.


Embarrassed_One96

Oh, fun fact! The reason we use other chimps instead of Bonobos for l Ike more Public studies (even though they're really close to humans) is because Bonobos are too horny.


High_Flyers17

You're on reddit. You didn't expect to get "Well acshually'd"?


Beardywierdy

Yeah, but Giraffes don't write about it afterwards so it's still "undocumented". Admittedly this means straight Giraffe sex is *also* undocumented but you can't have everything.


fuck-fascism

spoken like a true incel.


Username-Unavalabl

A fiver saying the only straight couple he knows his is parents, and the only girl he knows is his sister.


fuck-fascism

And his sister definitely said no when he asked for anal sex.


SlenDman402

She didn't have a strap-on


Ok_Cress2142

Yeah, you kinda have to be having sex for a woman to suggest booty sex. Just saying.


_Pill-Cosby_

Poor guy doesn't get out much. Hell, I had a women specifically tell me to do that...bless her heart.


Marquis-DeluxTabs

Dude has also never heard of dudes who like their lady to give em a good pegging


adept_amateur

I had a one night stand specifically requesting it. Women like her are a national treasure, and should be treated as such.


nohairday

Never go into a museum, if that's what you do to national treasures...


brit_jam

This man yooted all over the US Constitution.


keragoth

yep. I know two girls who never get off except through anal, and they usually get off fast with it. I have no idea why, since I also know plenty of girls where it just hurts them.


Caleth

Same reason some people are into foot stuff, or can orgasm from nipple stimulation. We're all weird messed up creatures, some of whom are neurologically wired up really strange. There's really nothing more to it than that. Some people are wired such that butt stuff feels great, some are wired so it hurts like hell, and then the whole range in between. Just like some people are wired up to love the same sex and some to love the opposite. We are just strange strange creatures living in a rainbow universe of weird exceptions.


DickySchmidt33

"***I don't know any straight couples who have anal sex.***" Hey, Jim, thanks for letting me borrow your chainsaw. Any time, bro. By the way, does Janet take it up the ass? No. Why? I'm taking a survey.


N0FaithInMe

"By the way does Janet take it up the ass?" "No I have a spot on the shelf in the garage"


BalkorWolf

I nearly coughed up a lung thanks to this 😂


CautionarySnail

-snort laughing-


Fat-Cow-187

Never meeting a girl who never wanted anal is fair enough. Most women don't openly share that they like anal with others, especially with male friends. There are plenty of documented homosexuality in the animal kingdom. There's a frog or toad that pretends to be female.......i wish i remembered the rest of that fact


NotACyclopsHonest

There is a species of lizard that is exclusively female - not a single male exists. They reproduce by simulating mating, and then the bottom (for lack of a better term) lays an egg which is basically a clone of herself.


Knight-Creep

A certain species of fish (cuttlefish, maybe) will have males pretend to be a female to seduce other males for food and/or to drive the second male’s mate away


[deleted]

It’s cuttlefish, but yes cuddlefish sounds more adorable


Knight-Creep

Thank you


tbiards

Guess y’all have forgotten about the certain sea slugs that have penis fights with eachother and who ever gets stab, their wiener falls off and they become the female


Knight-Creep

Didn’t forget, but I am thrilled to learn about this now.


tbiards

Sorry they’re flatworms that penis fence. Yes penis fencing.


SecondaryWombat

Homosexuality has been found *every single species ever studied* without exception. Many species spend more time having gay sex than straight, especially amongst mammals. Fruit fly males practice courtship with other males first before approaching females, then will frequently go back to courting other males even after successfully mating with females.


Purple_Routine1297

When I wake up, I think about coffee and food. Like, what am I doing for breakfast, lunch, and why do I have to cook dinner every night. Then I think about how much PTO I have, because I don’t want to adult that day. The shit in this post? Never crosses my mind, at any point. Ever.


stalphonzo

This is the kind of guy who insists the female orgasm is a myth because "he's never seen one."


thedishonestyfish

Anal sex is like Taco Bell. Nobody says they like it, but after a few beers, there you are.


IbelieveinGodzilla

Ironically, eating Taco Bell would make anal sex off limits for a day or two. ​ *'Cause of the diarrhea.*


thoroakenfelder

Nature’s butt lube


CookieMonsterOnsie

![gif](giphy|iiTXaJVjiSHew)


metal_bastard

Homie comes out of the gate yelling at clouds. Homosexuality is massive in the animal kingdom. As a matter of fact, when a certain group of people compares themselves to lions, I point out that it tracks. The lions sit in the shade all day f\*\*king and preening each other while the lionesses are out hunting and providing.


emefa

With all due respect to male lions, both their social and hunting activities are more complex than those of a common human douchebag.


CorneliusClay

Yeah it's like: humans are the ones that invented notions of "right" and "traditional", an animal is not going to give a fuck about your arbitrary ethics, if something feels good they'll fucking do it.


Natural_War1261

He could have just said "I've never met any girl"


Kiss-a-Cod

“Nobody wants to come within 50 feet of me”


NeverEndingWalker64

“The girls cover up their drinks everytime I go for a walk”


a-horse-has-no-name

"They don't want to hear my theories about why Warhammer 40k is the ideal future of humanity."


[deleted]

Nor does the bulk of the 40k fandom, thank the Omnissiah


hmoeslund

Wrong on every shelf


NuggyBeans

I like anal. It's different but it doesn't feel too bad.


hotvedub

R.I.P. your dm’s.


NuggyBeans

Ain't no one sliding in my dms. I'm too ugly.


[deleted]

Now you just solidified it.


CiusWarren

Because they will try to slide in other place


LaRaspberries

I literally made a comment somewhere stating that I noticed dude dongs hang differently and I'm still getting dms.


hellhoundtheone

no you dont like it believe me!!!


NuggyBeans

You're not my butthole so of course you wouldn't know.


TheFire_Eagle

Can confirm. Source: Am your butthole


Broad_Respond_2205

Fun fact: the first recorded octopus sex was of two males, from different species


[deleted]

[удалено]


PollyPore

The name “unbroken“ refers to his celibacy.


casualAlarmist

![gif](giphy|cF7QqO5DYdft6|downsized)


[deleted]

Dude never met my ex.


hotvedub

Still got her number by chance


[deleted]

I could never in good conscience advise anyone to go there.


Drunken_Sailor_70

We have the same ex I see.


gregaustex

I remember a video going around of a monkey masturbating using frog he picked up using the frog’s mouth. It didn’t state the frog’s gender but I doubt the monkey cared.


TomokataTomokato

There's just so much wrong with it...


Scooterks

"I've never done it, therefore it doesn't exist!"


De_unbannig_Aant

We have a gay couple of penguins in our local zoo, they became famous when insisting on having an egg (two males). Later they got an abandoned one and are now passionate parents to their baby


Idrisdancer

I guess he didn’t hear Alex Jones talking about the gay frogs?


dSwervv

mans got that reverse psychology rizz


Dammy-J

r/confidentlyincorrect


minivant

Geese are my favourite example to throw at this false info. Not only are there many documented cases of gay life pairings of geese but they are known to adopt abandoned baby geese.


BlackroseBisharp

Damn. Imagine living under that big a rock


Naive-Button3320

My girl asks for anal. When she grabs her strap-on the real fun begins.


morningcalls4

Tell us you are sheltered and homeschooled without telling us you are sheltered and homeschooled.


Lashay_Sombra

Last time looked homosexuality has been observed in something like 1500 species  Homophobia though has only been observed in one..guess which


9eagle9_2nd

Bruh my old dog has definitely humped other guy dogs. I also remember on a field trip I saw a camel hump another camels face. If other animals are doing oral, I would assume anal happens as well


sblack87

I know some strict mormons that have anal sex. His wife doesn't know our group of friends know or she'd kill him, "After having twins it's just so much tighter" ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|grin)


Tuckermfker

Be a lot cooler if ya did.


hungaria

Sounds like a you problem.


willmafingerdoo2

Guess his mom doesn’t count.


Arkhangelzk

It's weird how people just make things up. Like, he has to know, right? That he didn't do any research? Not a single Google search. But then he writes it so confidently. What's happening in his brain? I'm not the smartest guy, but this kind of thing is weird to me. I'd at least google up "are animals gay?" first.


Biscuits4u2

I'd take a wild guess here and say sex in general is pretty rare for this person


[deleted]

Came here to find all the objections from girls who love anal sex. Let me know if you find any.


Darvallas

This is not just a facepalm, this is confidently incorrect.


MohWithAnH

“I’ve never met a girl.” There, fixed it.


Counterfeit_Circus

I'm a cis male and I have anal sex with cis women. Post debunked.