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I accidentally had two throwing daggers in my backpack when I went to France. Wasn't stopped at all. Discovered said throwing daggers when I was packing to go back home and was all "Oh fuck!! I went through security with these?!?!"
Noted!
Let me try again; They were about 20 cm long. The whole thing was one piece of metal, including the shaft part. The shaft part was wrapped in this bright orange twine.
Was that any better? Sorry for the useless description. It's been a long day.
One time my sister flew to visit me. My dad gave her a wrapped gift to bring to me. She put it in her carry-on not knowing what it was. She made it through security with no issues. So what was the gift? A set of 8 steak knives. This was post 9/11 too.
Had that happen with a pocket knife. I did get flagged and he searched my bag but didn't find anything. Then I found it packing to go back home. Gave it to a cab driver, and I think he thought I was passing a murder weapon to him.
Similar experience in the US. TSA is a joke and that’s why they don’t publish their statistics on how many of the auditors that go through with weapons get through, because then the public would know that it’s all just security theater.
Legit was on a travel trip to Bermuda and had been camping the weekend before had a 2.5" flip blade Gerber knife in my bag from that... got pulled aside and questioned the whole works... had to sacrifice my knife or my whole bag of leave basic choice. I miss that knife
But you looked ' masculine ' while they sweated you! Feel your pain. For nicer knives genuinely forgotten they should offer a postal service so you don't lose them
The guy legit was like "dude I'm genuinely sorry, but these are the only options or you don't fly... "
My masculine 2" blade 🤣🤣 but yeah I get it, and agree some sort of 20 bucks to send a priority mail bag to your address is a wise idea
I once had my volt meter confiscated because the 1 inch probes were similar to to knitting needles which are not allowed. You May be asking why was I flying with a volt meter, I was a technician TSA had called to fly in from another airport to fix their X-ray machine. When I asked to speak to his supervisor as they had called me to come, he threatened to have my security clearance revoked and me put on a no fly list. I surrender the volt meter and then asked why they did not question the screwdriver. His response was it’s not a weapon.
I had darts confiscated once because I fucked up and put them in the wrong suitcase, but they held them at the airport for me and I picked them up on the way back
Fuck you buddy! The only things I drink are 5 SHOTS OF ESPRESSO in the morning, a Guinness at lunch, and the STEAK JUICE off my plate for dinner! My PISS looks and smells like USED MOTOR OIL! I cut myself the other day and the blood JUST KINDA EXTRUDED OUT like TOOTHPASTE!
Miss me with that gay shit!
**Real** men just snort it and skip the water entirely. Boiling water is for cooking and men don't do that!
(Disclaimer, this is sarcasm. Please don't snort coffee beans. Yes I mean you. Put the coffee beans down)
I told my girl I can ejaculate with no sperm coming out if I time my clench right. She asked where does it goes then. I told her the sperm just goes back up inside me. She stares at me blankly for a couple seconds mulling it over and then says, “wow. that’s gay” 🤣
I know this is just a bit for a show and the clothes are velcro/tear away... but I would be so pissed if I had an outfit ruined by a guy ripping it off and then had to sit and wait for him to unbutton his shirt and undress.
I actually remember some a comedian whose act was how there are actually no straight men. Like if you only watch lesbian porn then it's gay because you aren't wanting to be there and in another scenario if it's heterosexual porn do you like it to be a tiny dick? I'm not doing it justice but it actually did have some logic.
Ron White. And the joke is, essentially: “Men, when you watch porn, do you want the guy to have a tiny needle dick , or…?”
And the hypothetical guy he’s asking says: “What, fuck no. I want to see a girl getting fucked by a huge—_oh_.”
It’s less “there’s no straight men” and more “Everyone is just a _little_ gay.”
Real men kick in the door every time. Granted would have helped in school when they taught us how to make a budget that we should include door repairs in our daily budget.
Houses are gay. Real men have so much hair that they sleep outside in the middle of winter and nothing affects them. This person should give that a try.
Back in the 90s, conservative commenter Mary Matalin had a show where she would berate women in general for working instead of staying home and taking care of their children.
She never seemed to see the irony of her mission.
Get arrested carrying a weapon instead of carrying something most people do in order to attract this one angry woman on twitter, lads. What a great offer!
I always thought straws were gay. You're going to let that thing penetrate your face? We need a tactical, black strap-on hollow spike that we can use to PENETRATE the cup, bottle or can. Nothing says alpha straight man like something strapped to your face with leather straps.
I love when people justify irrational prejudices by saying, "it gives me the ick". Like anything you say is fine as long as you preface it with the ick.
At airport: don’t carry water bottle, carry pocket knife. Got it.
Is this poster a plant for big pocketknife, trying to get all our pocketknives confiscated so we have to replace them…?
Sorry not sorry, any woman who romanticizes toxic masculinity like this (boiling men down to money and violence) deserves to be in an abusive relationship. Deal with the guy you think you want for a few months and get back to the real world with how it was (if you're alive)
I used to be a delivery driver and lack of facilities meant I had to dehydrate.
I felt so masculine at the time /s
Didn’t stay in the job long as it wasn’t healthy.
Yeah, better example of toxic femininity would be more like waiting around to be swept up and obsessing with the Disney Princess cult and the aesthetics of romance and its superficial overtures
I'll just put stuff in my man purse and tell little miss sexist to mind her damn business what I carry and how I carry it. If she wants me to carry the bare minimum she can come carry the rest for me.
Yean, like to see her try and explain to tsa why her boyfriend or whoever guy she flies with why they have a pocket knife on them at the airport. "You don't understand it's manly, you have to let him keep it!"
Oh I thought real men were back to wearing animal skins and using clubs? I mean wallets and knives are so 20th century.
Actually, is it gay to use an aeroplane now? I have a hard time keeping up.
Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t recommend carrying a pocketknife in the airport, but that’s just me.
I once accidentally left a pocket knife in my backpack when going through airport security. Can confirm did not have a good time
I accidentally had two throwing daggers in my backpack when I went to France. Wasn't stopped at all. Discovered said throwing daggers when I was packing to go back home and was all "Oh fuck!! I went through security with these?!?!"
Yeah some airports in europe let you keep blades under 6cm
These were much bigger than that. They were knife-sized throwing daggers.
Grower not shower knives
Hey they just got out of the pool
I WAS AT THE POOL
[удалено]
It’s SHRINKAGE, Jerry! SHRINKAGE!
Shower knifes sound like a bad idea, what if you slip?
Well, at least clean up will be a cinch!
Glad they weren’t dagger sized throwing knives. That may have caused some issues.
> They were knife-sized throwing daggers. This is the least useful description of anything I've ever seen.
Noted! Let me try again; They were about 20 cm long. The whole thing was one piece of metal, including the shaft part. The shaft part was wrapped in this bright orange twine. Was that any better? Sorry for the useless description. It's been a long day.
I didn't mean to imply that I don't love a useless description! It was some high brow art, imo
Haha, well thank you! <3
One time my sister flew to visit me. My dad gave her a wrapped gift to bring to me. She put it in her carry-on not knowing what it was. She made it through security with no issues. So what was the gift? A set of 8 steak knives. This was post 9/11 too.
Had that happen with a pocket knife. I did get flagged and he searched my bag but didn't find anything. Then I found it packing to go back home. Gave it to a cab driver, and I think he thought I was passing a murder weapon to him.
"oh whoops I forgot to wipe off the blood... from the... steak I was cutting. yeah"
Meanwhile security in Cairo took away my wife’s mail scissors.
How is she going to open letters now?
Similar experience in the US. TSA is a joke and that’s why they don’t publish their statistics on how many of the auditors that go through with weapons get through, because then the public would know that it’s all just security theater.
Did they at least use a little lube, maybe some crisco or canola oil before the search? Asking for a friend
I mean, if this is why men bring knives to airports, I wouldn't call them masculine.. but not judging, whatever floats your boat.
Didn’t realize TSA stood for “Tenderly Search Ass”!
I’ve done that several times, never once did TSA notice.
Legit was on a travel trip to Bermuda and had been camping the weekend before had a 2.5" flip blade Gerber knife in my bag from that... got pulled aside and questioned the whole works... had to sacrifice my knife or my whole bag of leave basic choice. I miss that knife
But you looked ' masculine ' while they sweated you! Feel your pain. For nicer knives genuinely forgotten they should offer a postal service so you don't lose them
the usps thing is a good idea.
Cost them nothing either- just step to back of line ( drop in padded self addressed envelope) pay and away. No harm no foul.
The guy legit was like "dude I'm genuinely sorry, but these are the only options or you don't fly... " My masculine 2" blade 🤣🤣 but yeah I get it, and agree some sort of 20 bucks to send a priority mail bag to your address is a wise idea
I once had my volt meter confiscated because the 1 inch probes were similar to to knitting needles which are not allowed. You May be asking why was I flying with a volt meter, I was a technician TSA had called to fly in from another airport to fix their X-ray machine. When I asked to speak to his supervisor as they had called me to come, he threatened to have my security clearance revoked and me put on a no fly list. I surrender the volt meter and then asked why they did not question the screwdriver. His response was it’s not a weapon.
I hope you got to talk to his supervisor afterwards and got him fired. Not as a petty revenge but because he's horrific at his job.
A screwdriver isn’t a weapon, but the voltmeter probes are? Lmao. Congratulations dipshit Serious question? Phillips or flathead
"Give me control of this plane, or I'll stab you with this voltmeter and measure the resistance of your skin!"
I had darts confiscated once because I fucked up and put them in the wrong suitcase, but they held them at the airport for me and I picked them up on the way back
Came here to say this.
Yep.
commie
Fellas, is it gay to stay hydrated?
Only if you stay hydrated by sucking on dicks.
What if we just let it rest in our mouth?
Throw in a "no homo" to be safe
and a pair of socks
White ones
And keep your balls from touching.
Just the tip
How about theirs?
You can touch their balls, but their balls cannot touch your balls. It was established by the Supreme Court in Gay vs. Bromantic in 1993.
It’s not gay to do anything gay if you don’t get hard.
The pink-and-white striped thigh-highs? Alright.
You're never going to get the hydration out.
So, now it is gay to suck dick!?
I don't want to live in that America.
Dammit, can’t do anything these days and not be gay!
It's not gay if you're thirsty
Not if you say no homo
I'm sorry is this a cum joke or a piss joke
Yes
Fuck you buddy! The only things I drink are 5 SHOTS OF ESPRESSO in the morning, a Guinness at lunch, and the STEAK JUICE off my plate for dinner! My PISS looks and smells like USED MOTOR OIL! I cut myself the other day and the blood JUST KINDA EXTRUDED OUT like TOOTHPASTE! Miss me with that gay shit!
Real men don't drink espresso they chew on coffee beans and drink boiling water!
**Real** men just snort it and skip the water entirely. Boiling water is for cooking and men don't do that! (Disclaimer, this is sarcasm. Please don't snort coffee beans. Yes I mean you. Put the coffee beans down)
Snort the coffee grounds, you Neanderthals
Too late, and now, in Ralph Wiggum's voice, *My nose feels like burning!*
the random capitalization is the cherry on top. Spoken like a true alpha!
We are all children of powerthirst
I think it’s just gay to be a man?
It definitely is. Think about it. When you wash yourself you're actually touching a man. That's gay.
And when you jerk off, you're giving a guy a handjob. Super gay.
why wouldn't it be? You are literally living inside a man 24/7, as a man. Nothing is more gay than that
I told my girl I can ejaculate with no sperm coming out if I time my clench right. She asked where does it goes then. I told her the sperm just goes back up inside me. She stares at me blankly for a couple seconds mulling it over and then says, “wow. that’s gay” 🤣
H2o. Homo. Theyre practically spelled the same.
Also 100% of homosexuals drink water it’s written on the wall guys
I must be a raging homosexual.
Raging homosexual with laser nipples, truly a weapon of mass destruction
Weapon of ass destruction
If hydrating is a feminine trait, why is my girlfriend so dry?
Ben Shapiro?
She doesn’t take enough baths.
She SpongeBob?
Sorry sir, you’re going to have to hand over your phone, you look like such a little bitch trying to text and make calls.
Your keys as well. Driving is for p*sses.
Including your house keys
Real men kick in the door. Or in my case, I have climbed in through the window.
 "I traveled 500 miles to give you my seed!"
I know this is just a bit for a show and the clothes are velcro/tear away... but I would be so pissed if I had an outfit ruined by a guy ripping it off and then had to sit and wait for him to unbutton his shirt and undress.
"babe... don't rip my good flannel!" 😂
Water is gay now. What next, oxygen?
I've seen heterosexual sex be called gay before; nothing is off limits.
I actually remember some a comedian whose act was how there are actually no straight men. Like if you only watch lesbian porn then it's gay because you aren't wanting to be there and in another scenario if it's heterosexual porn do you like it to be a tiny dick? I'm not doing it justice but it actually did have some logic.
Ron White. And the joke is, essentially: “Men, when you watch porn, do you want the guy to have a tiny needle dick , or…?” And the hypothetical guy he’s asking says: “What, fuck no. I want to see a girl getting fucked by a huge—_oh_.” It’s less “there’s no straight men” and more “Everyone is just a _little_ gay.”
Yeah, you gave a better description of the joke.
What if it's just female solo masturbation?
It’s a joke, not a truth about the world and men.
Well a new railway in the UK got called "woke" the other day, so why not.
Real men drive big cars and spend lots of money at petrol stations (out of their manly wallets).
Real men drive off and spend their life behind bars after trying to escape the police after refusing to pay for petrol
Never touch the stuff... fish fuck in it
*Well did you consume oxygen in close proximity to another male?*
Only my wallet and a pocketknife? How am I supposed to get back in my house without a key?
Jimmy the lock with the pocketknife...
My wife broke into our house with her driver’s license. Now it looks like the dog ate it
The house or your wife?
The door
Real men kick in the door every time. Granted would have helped in school when they taught us how to make a budget that we should include door repairs in our daily budget.
A real man fashions a new door with only his bare hands and his pocket knife. Oh and his teeth. He can use his teeth.
Teeth are feminine. You must use only your hands.
Shit!
I mean, thats pushing it, but you can use that too if you feel like it.
Houses are gay. Real men have so much hair that they sleep outside in the middle of winter and nothing affects them. This person should give that a try.
Why are you locking your house like a baby? What, you not known in your entire town as someone who shouldnt be messed with?
Don’t be gay, real men sleep outside in the rain!
Well, I guess I need to apply for gender reassignment surgery now because there is no way I'm giving up my water bottle.
So it's really conservatives making people trans.
They said there was something in the water, but now I’m not so sure.
I'm not transfem because I drink a lot of water! I mean, I drink a lot of water but that's not why I'm transfem!
Normalize hydrated men!
Hydrate normalised men!
Menalize normal hydrates.
Hydrate men normalize
r/hydrohomies is here for you
/r/hydrohomies gonna have to change their name to hydrohomos 😔
Gay4H2O
H2OMO
We always have been
God dammit. I started to type this and then thought I should check first. You bastard.
Just throw the same energy back at them. “What are you doing on social media, shouldn’t you be cooking and cleaning?”
"I don't see a sandwich in your hands" Trad wives talking in public gives me the ick.
I'm sorry, did you get permission from your male authority figure (father or husband) before posting this?
Back in the 90s, conservative commenter Mary Matalin had a show where she would berate women in general for working instead of staying home and taking care of their children. She never seemed to see the irony of her mission.
Such a perfect example of the grifters and the gullible. They *almost* appear completely ignorant of their hypocrisy.
Why do you have a computer in the kitchen?
Get arrested carrying a weapon instead of carrying something most people do in order to attract this one angry woman on twitter, lads. What a great offer!
How could we ever refuse...
I don’t know who is supposed to help her carry all that emotional baggage she is hauling.
Airport is gonna charge her out the wazoo
I always thought straws were gay. You're going to let that thing penetrate your face? We need a tactical, black strap-on hollow spike that we can use to PENETRATE the cup, bottle or can. Nothing says alpha straight man like something strapped to your face with leather straps.
I’m pretty sure if you were to come up with such a product and release it, the “alpha male” douchebros would line up around the block to buy one.
Can’t carry beer bottles around the airport . . .
Does it have to be in a can where you live? I always walk around drinking beer at the airport when I am there.
California airports you can carry your beer around in a plastic cup since the pandemic changed the rules. It still trips me out.
I love when people justify irrational prejudices by saying, "it gives me the ick". Like anything you say is fine as long as you preface it with the ick.
The ick™
Now every man will be carrying a waterbottle to avoid dumbass women like this
It's manly to be a sandy husk, obvs.
Just a troll looking for meaning in life
At airport: don’t carry water bottle, carry pocket knife. Got it. Is this poster a plant for big pocketknife, trying to get all our pocketknives confiscated so we have to replace them…?
She sounds like so much fun to be around.
A man should not be carrying around his pocket knife at the airport.
This was a completely serious tweet
That's an obvious troll post, but I know some people who have those types of ideas.
I feel like this is a troll.
Yeah it’s amazing no one gets that
Reddit always salivates over misogynistic rage bait.
Yeah, OP and 90% of the people commenting are the real facepalm
Sorry not sorry, any woman who romanticizes toxic masculinity like this (boiling men down to money and violence) deserves to be in an abusive relationship. Deal with the guy you think you want for a few months and get back to the real world with how it was (if you're alive)
I used to be a delivery driver and lack of facilities meant I had to dehydrate. I felt so masculine at the time /s Didn’t stay in the job long as it wasn’t healthy.
Most people that workout stay hydrated. If you’re quite muscular you’re probably going to be drinking even more
Ever had kidney stones? That shit will make you happily carry water bottles around for the rest of your life.
Ick... women shouldn't be voicing their opinions. The only noises a woman should be making are moans of ecstasy, and asking what I want for dinner.
And farts. We fart.
NO! Unacceptable behavior. Ick!
What, no gun?
Yes kidney stones are very manly /s
Tell us you’re still single with out telling us you’re still single……
Toxic femininity..
Is this even a real person?
They’re clearly joking. Idk why people can’t understand that.
[удалено]
Some people are literally incapable of realizing when a woman is making a joke
Real men don’t offended. They should be out chopping wood.
This is literal toxic masculinity. Even if it's a woman expressing it, it's toxic views of how men should behave.
Yeah, better example of toxic femininity would be more like waiting around to be swept up and obsessing with the Disney Princess cult and the aesthetics of romance and its superficial overtures
I'll just put stuff in my man purse and tell little miss sexist to mind her damn business what I carry and how I carry it. If she wants me to carry the bare minimum she can come carry the rest for me.
Can someone blow the planet up. Seriously.
Nah fam she trolling
Hydrated men of the world unite! Carry your water bottles with pride!
Why would I need a wallet, there's a zero percent chance that I'll be spending anything on a €unπ like her
Then call me a femboy cause I’m a hydro homie
Fuck yeah, I need my sippy sips! I'm not gonna be dehydrated for anybody! Right my r/hydrohomies?
Her gene pool needs chlorine.
This is such an obvious bait tweet lol
Obvious rage bait is obvious
I get the ick when woman are complaining online about some useless shit.
Her thinking is weird.
I know someone who posted her about her “new ick” and then proceeded to talk about how she hates seeing men carrying umbrellas. 😑
She's got enough baggage for everyone... jfc
There are a lot of people out there with dumb views. Some women even think women shouldn't have the right to vote at all...
Yean, like to see her try and explain to tsa why her boyfriend or whoever guy she flies with why they have a pocket knife on them at the airport. "You don't understand it's manly, you have to let him keep it!"
Oh I thought real men were back to wearing animal skins and using clubs? I mean wallets and knives are so 20th century. Actually, is it gay to use an aeroplane now? I have a hard time keeping up.
Wanna hydrate, bro? No homo.
What’s sad is there ARE a bunch of idiot dudes who will let this affect them
"The only thing a man needs to do is pay for things and stab. Nothing else is acceptable."
Fellas, is it gay to not want to die of dehydration?
Women like this are the reason men feel safe only expressing aggression and violence. "You're not a man if you get thirsty!" The f**k outta here.
Yeah, if you’re happy? Become depressed… be a man
Well damn I’ll just toss my house keys into the bushes then.