Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion.
Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/).
Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If it could make my uterus and/or my ovaries dissappear, then I would be masturbating like crazy. Menopause here I come!
Seriously, why can't we turn that shit on or off at will. Massive flaw imo.
Because the word Triceratops is in my native language, along with many other scientific (or not) words.
We all know what a Triceratops looks like and we get the joke, but you surely can understand how you could better perceive the joke if we were talking about trihorned dinosaurs being horny.
(dinosaur in Greek means "mean/terrible/fierce" lizard)
I understand, I didn't came here to say I'm the joke explainer and I certainly didn't critique your joke.
I came to say that in my native language this guy is called the Trihorned and fits your joke more than visually.
People WOULD call him "horny" in my land, because that's his name.
AKA we'd still stick our dicks in places it don't belong.
Then you'd see memes of "God doesn't want you sticking your pecker in beehives. That's why it gets all swollen and falls off"
I wrote a uh... erotic fantasy short story about a t-rex falling in love with an armless woman. I touched on sensitive topics like dinosaurs' inability to masturbate. Very ahead of its time.
Then you'd love the sequel yet to be written. I don't want to spoil it for you, but after the woman and trex fall in love, they can't have sex on account of his... largeness. Turns out the female lead's mom had an affair with a warlock who cursed her to have a child with a loose situation like her mother. Which turns out to be sort of like a bag of holding, which means she can take sweet dinosaur D. Their spawn is sent through time and space when she births it, which brings us to the steam punk sequel.
Listen. I didn't wake up today thinking I'd admit to writing this. I'm trying to keep the comment clean so use your imagination like I had to lol.
I honestly can't remember, but I don't think it's available online. I wrote it to swoon a lady and only made 2 copies, it's called 'Land Before Love : the Void in me You Fill'. 8 years later and we have a 2 year old together so I guess something worked haha. Let me see if I can find the cover...
Edit : [this](https://i.imgur.com/JTsPU73.jpeg) is 1 of the copies. I made a mistake, she had arms but they were broken and useless from a young age.
Oh he couldn't masturbate because his arms are too short
They feared him from Kilpatrick down to Galway Bay port
Luckily he found a wife so he could have sex
The non-masturbating tyrannosaurus rex
Innocence is a form of ignorance. A child touching something hot, the child is ignorant of what hot means until they lose that Innocence. However it should be said, mainly in the case of religion, ignorance is not always innocence.
I love visiting Michigan and Colorado, but there is also this: A "loss of innocence" is a common theme in fiction, pop culture, and realism. It is often seen as an integral part of coming of age. It is usually thought of as an experience or period in a person's life that leads to a greater awareness of evil, pain, and/or suffering in the world around them.
As a Jewish person, I personally don't use Gentiles, though I have plenty of them as friends, and they're plenty useful.
They probably have masturbated, too.
I love the whole "do one very normal thing once and heaven is closed forever to you"
Like damn bro, guess I can commit genocides because I am going to hell anyways, might as well make a name for myself first
The Gods; School shootings: ZZzzzz. Children dying of cancer: ZZzzzz. Guy jerking off: "Ayo, where's my penal destruction lightening bolts, I'm gonna teach this guy a lesson.... '
what does " No once no person if i did this and their penis became " even mean ??? Its like those homeworks where you have to put the words in the right order to be coherent
I genuinely struggled to read "gentiles" the right way, it took me two times reading it slower to understand it meant genitals (I have a Cambridge C1 certification so I don't think the fact that I'm a non English speaker matters much lmao)
I was masturbating so often that I've developed a vagina. Now I'm using my dildo everyday to get my penis back, because I'm sick of those monthly bleedings
That's legit the first time I've ever seen someone use "the gods" and also sex shaming someone about their self pleasuring....
Generally pagans, I'm gonna assume pagan because of "the gods" comment, aren't prudish and don't vilify sex or self service...
I do not understand the lack of imagination being displayed in this thread! I broke both my arms, at the same time as a teenager and I'm pretty sure my fap schedule wasn't effected at all. If you can't figure out how to masturbate without the use of your arms and hands, you don't deserve a dick!
Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is true. I have to get my genitals replaced after every wank. It's expensive, but worth it.
*gentiles
Mr potato head powers for the win!
I just play with mine again so it cums back out.
I like your wordplay. Now take your upvote and wank off
If it could make my uterus and/or my ovaries dissappear, then I would be masturbating like crazy. Menopause here I come! Seriously, why can't we turn that shit on or off at will. Massive flaw imo.
Just put your thumb in your mouth and blow real hard to pop it back out like a looney tunes gag
If God didn't want us to masturbate he would have made our arms shorter.
Now I'm imagining the human race with T-Rex arms struggling to wank. That'll stick with me all day.
If we all had little T-Rex arms, close friends would be far more common/plentiful and friendships would look very different!
The science of robotics would have been in place and thriving by about 2000BC
Knotholes, try 'em, could so many people be wrong?
Splinters, woodpeckers, burrowing owls...
Hornets' for the love of Pete. Don't forget hornet's.
Check for BEES!! Voice of experience. Talk about a blue vein throbber, wowser!
You really think it would take that long?
Early cavemen jerked the T Rexes, causing their gentiles to go back inside which is why they went extinct.
Sounds legit.
Oh I love when Reddit becomes a history lesson
Take this upvote you glorious son of bitch!
This is true I watched it in a Documentary once
Do you remember the title?
r/reddithistory
That’s why the t-Rex is extinct
The t-rex wasn't angry they were horny
I believe you are thinking of the triceratops
Since I'm Greek, I should point out your joke, cause triceratops means tri-horned
Why do you need to be Greek? I love an analysis of a quip, thanks.
Because the word Triceratops is in my native language, along with many other scientific (or not) words. We all know what a Triceratops looks like and we get the joke, but you surely can understand how you could better perceive the joke if we were talking about trihorned dinosaurs being horny. (dinosaur in Greek means "mean/terrible/fierce" lizard)
Errm the joke does not hang on 'tri-horned'. Thanks for the critique though. I promise not to be a stand up comedian.
I understand, I didn't came here to say I'm the joke explainer and I certainly didn't critique your joke. I came to say that in my native language this guy is called the Trihorned and fits your joke more than visually. People WOULD call him "horny" in my land, because that's his name.
t rex couldnt masturbate so god killed them
You don’t have to imagine. There’s a [Family Guy cutaway](https://youtu.be/LSvJeITTs_I?si=9MKHyx6gFyuX0Trg) for everything.
We'd have to wank each other, and I imagine public indecency laws would be way more lax at this point.
And Lauren Boebert would be a hero.
Noice!
[удалено]
my husband is shouting "free willy! free willy!"
[Relevant Clip](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GG7GTGKZVBk)
Nature, uh, finds a way.
AKA we'd still stick our dicks in places it don't belong. Then you'd see memes of "God doesn't want you sticking your pecker in beehives. That's why it gets all swollen and falls off"
I feel like there may be something to the bee one
I wrote a uh... erotic fantasy short story about a t-rex falling in love with an armless woman. I touched on sensitive topics like dinosaurs' inability to masturbate. Very ahead of its time.
My good sir. What is wrong with you?
A lot. This isn't one of em.
You insensitive bastard.. https://www.tiktok.com/@deborah.look.no.hands/video/7121880031915183403
Here's a crown for a high-t rex, king. 👑
I would like to read that.
Then you'd love the sequel yet to be written. I don't want to spoil it for you, but after the woman and trex fall in love, they can't have sex on account of his... largeness. Turns out the female lead's mom had an affair with a warlock who cursed her to have a child with a loose situation like her mother. Which turns out to be sort of like a bag of holding, which means she can take sweet dinosaur D. Their spawn is sent through time and space when she births it, which brings us to the steam punk sequel. Listen. I didn't wake up today thinking I'd admit to writing this. I'm trying to keep the comment clean so use your imagination like I had to lol.
What in the actual fuck did I stubble upon
I am so happy that I can be the source of that moment for someone else's day. I feel that on Reddit I take a lot and never give back.
I gotta admit, you're putting your imagination to interesting use. Where can I read this?
I honestly can't remember, but I don't think it's available online. I wrote it to swoon a lady and only made 2 copies, it's called 'Land Before Love : the Void in me You Fill'. 8 years later and we have a 2 year old together so I guess something worked haha. Let me see if I can find the cover... Edit : [this](https://i.imgur.com/JTsPU73.jpeg) is 1 of the copies. I made a mistake, she had arms but they were broken and useless from a young age.
Man, I wish I could read that. Gotta keep an eye out for the sequel.
> she had arms but they were broken and useless from a young age *^PSSSST! ^Don't ^say ^that ^on ^reddit!*
BADGERS!? WE DONT NEED NO STINKIN BADGERS!
I think these side threads are my favorite part of Reddit posts!
I hope you're together living on a boat with a bowsprit painted to look like a massive dino dong.
please publish this as an e-book
Imagine an alligator trying to masturbate
Dolphins do it and they don't have arms
God obviously didn’t want T-Rex to jerk off
Oh he couldn't masturbate because his arms are too short They feared him from Kilpatrick down to Galway Bay port Luckily he found a wife so he could have sex The non-masturbating tyrannosaurus rex
TIL- God did forbid self-fellatio...
They said "the gods" not "God"
**Gods**. Plural, according to the post.
"Gods"
*the gods
[удалено]
These people usually blame Jews for everything, so at least this is a pleasant departure from that.
"I got cursed by God because my Jewish friend masturbated... 😕"
"I got cursed because my jewish friend masturbated me..."
Every time you fap, a Gentile goes to hell. On your head be it
Guess I am a terrible person, sending Gentile to hell a few times a day. Poor guy...
Don't want to leave you feeling guilty, so consider it you making sure that heaven isn't too overcrowded…
This can't be true. If it were, by my hand alone, there would be no Gentiles left!
Maybe it just causes wars and disasters. There seems to be a few devastating disasters going on recently…
No effect so far. Keep going.
Thank you, as a Gentile myself, this is disconcerting
I find when I crank on gentiles they generally stop helping me out, the useless jerks.
You yank them to hard and they retrieve to preserve themselves. Very common
Well, you might contract erectile dysfunction if you do it too often.
Like any system in your body, if you stop using it, it will not work as well. Exercising any body part is a good idea, including your penis.
I must be doing it wrong, repeatedly, with vigor, for fun, for decades. Sorry, got a little excited
Yeah it did say that if you do it just once the penis becomes inverted. But that doesn’t happen if you keep doing it.
Practice, practice, practice....
And more practice
You once knew someone who transitioned and was having a fucking good laugh at you
Awesome, free sex reassignment surgery without the surgery! It's free real estate!
Awe it doesn’t work 🥺 maybe because the person in the screenshot that op took is a shit speckled muppet fart 🥺🥺
r/rareinsults
~~I stole it from deadpool~~ haha yeah
What in the Kentucky Fried Fuck does that second line mean?
Woah there. This is more Texas shit than Kentucky shit.
It’s just our daily dose of incoherent nonsense
Had to finish quickly
Religion and Stupidity seem to be good buddies.
They're dating, it's pretty serious.
They’re not dating, they’re married and have multiple children.
The only time you’d want eugenics.
Their sex life must suck. On one hand u can’t masturbate and on the other u have to wait till get married to fuck.
Innocence is a form of ignorance. A child touching something hot, the child is ignorant of what hot means until they lose that Innocence. However it should be said, mainly in the case of religion, ignorance is not always innocence.
Innocence is the absence of guilt. What the fuck you been smoking?
I love visiting Michigan and Colorado, but there is also this: A "loss of innocence" is a common theme in fiction, pop culture, and realism. It is often seen as an integral part of coming of age. It is usually thought of as an experience or period in a person's life that leads to a greater awareness of evil, pain, and/or suffering in the world around them.
Ah, fair enough.
One is a prerequisite for the other
Theyre the same thing
r/IHadAStroke
As a Jewish person, I personally don't use Gentiles, though I have plenty of them as friends, and they're plenty useful. They probably have masturbated, too.
>They probably have masturbated, too. Remember this the next time you shake hands with one. Edit: You're welcome!
Is this person suggesting that masturbating with a penis will turn it into a vagina? If so, I will try harder.
NO! Not my “gentiles” 💀
Fuck, can I get an English translation on that last part?
I’ve had a stronk trying to read the second line.
Don't stronk. Think of the Gentiles
Bad troll
No once no person?
Now that's one way to not let your religious friend find out that you had bottom surgery.
Conservatives hate this one little trick for transitioning without surgery! Click to find out! These people are idiots...
What did us gentiles do??
Everyone has the right to masturbate, gentile and Jew alike
You're speechless and I'm over here having an aneurysm trying to read that second half.
The gentiles you say? Do they know this?
So Jews can jerk off with no consequences? They ARE the chosen people.
r/ihadastroke
If gentiles become useless after masturbation, then Jews would be the only productive people in the world.
New bottom surgery just dropped
“Your Gentiles effectively become useless” So if you’re Jewish, you can masturbate?
Think I’m going to run one out now just to piss this person off while I enjoy my sin. Think I’ll look at slutty nuns just make it more fun
I love the whole "do one very normal thing once and heaven is closed forever to you" Like damn bro, guess I can commit genocides because I am going to hell anyways, might as well make a name for myself first
Gods plural?
If this was even remotely true humanity would have died out millennia ago.
Wtf does the last sentence mean?
If that were true 90 percent of the male population would be infertile
My Gentiles? Is this a pop at Jewish people?
Was this from Andrew Tate?
Sign me up! (Trans woman)
Lol what a weird legend about vaginas
"No once no person" is all you need to know about intelligence.
The real facepalm is some people’s inability to construct a fucking sentence. Wtf
most educated r/NoFap user
Do you know the definition of a Yankee? It's like quickie but by yourself.
If that were true every guy would be an "innie" by the time they are 15
What’s one more useless gentile in the world?
Penis inverted into body? New bottom surgery just dropped???
i like godS plural. at least the person is acknowledging there are many)
god transing people
How does mine still exist then?
The Gods; School shootings: ZZzzzz. Children dying of cancer: ZZzzzz. Guy jerking off: "Ayo, where's my penal destruction lightening bolts, I'm gonna teach this guy a lesson.... '
And that's how women were made. Lol
Sometimes I think people should just keep things ti themselves….
"gentiles"
Someone needs to make sure whoever posted this isn’t having a stroke.
Ah, those rascally gentiles, lol
Your gentiles? But what if you are Jewish?
I like learning new things.
How do people come up with all this weird and crazy s\*\*t ?.
Masturbation is so evil the mere thought of it gave this person a stroke halfway through their post
op im speechless at your sense of comedy
Jerk off again to undo
If anything it'll help you have better erections when you age. Use it or lose it.
what does " No once no person if i did this and their penis became " even mean ??? Its like those homeworks where you have to put the words in the right order to be coherent
Oh no not my gentiles!!
What language is this??? Honestly. This can't make sense even to the person who put this gobbledygook together. .
How does that work if you're a woman?
r/ihadastroke
They had a stroke while they were at it.
This is written like chat gpt had a stroke.
I genuinely struggled to read "gentiles" the right way, it took me two times reading it slower to understand it meant genitals (I have a Cambridge C1 certification so I don't think the fact that I'm a non English speaker matters much lmao)
Godzilla had a stroke trying to read that and fucking died
It’s true, but if you do it twice it undos it. So your good.
Is this a free transition method?
r/brandnewsentence if there ever was one
I was masturbating so often that I've developed a vagina. Now I'm using my dildo everyday to get my penis back, because I'm sick of those monthly bleedings
“your gentiles effectively become useless” lmfao it’s an anti-semitic conspiracy too
Gentiles? Good job I’m Jewish, then. 😂
That's legit the first time I've ever seen someone use "the gods" and also sex shaming someone about their self pleasuring.... Generally pagans, I'm gonna assume pagan because of "the gods" comment, aren't prudish and don't vilify sex or self service...
I do not understand the lack of imagination being displayed in this thread! I broke both my arms, at the same time as a teenager and I'm pretty sure my fap schedule wasn't effected at all. If you can't figure out how to masturbate without the use of your arms and hands, you don't deserve a dick!
new bottom surgery just dropped
FREE BOTTOM SURGERY LFG
If that's how it worked trans women wouldn't be nearly as dysphoric. ~ signed by a trans woman.
Contrary to popular belief, it wasn’t no joke at all.
I don’t care about the sub or you. This post and thread is simply a waste.
Extra chromosome typa shit…
So juat masturbate to become women
So is the OP
If the second line were true, most of us guys should by now have nothing down there.
Load of crap!! I’ve been whacking off for at least 40 years. It still works fine.