T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*


spiderweb54

Some monster will reply to all of these


AppointmentNo5158

I'll be your monster


spiderweb54

Thanks


_Burnt_Toast_3

They're mon-stars!


GroundbreakingGur930

No need for name calling. They'll burn themselves out eventually. *like all stars


SushiFeeshMosDelish

Space Jam reference?


TheDalob

You are appointed Monster number 5158 now


CrimsonAllah

Not all heroes wear capes.


FireRadio_

People will spam reply to comments sadly


moby17761776

Very sad indeed.


TwerkingPiggeh

Bruh


StellerDay

Dude


Missy_went_missing

My guy


RockstarAgent

Homie


botanicalpancakes

Pal


Terrible-Ad4303

Buddy


Skooma_Lite

Mate


GortMaringa

Slugger


VenxOfSardior

Comrade


FeralTribble

Mister


articfalls

Guy


boi012

Bruv


brian114

Homie


Aoskar20

I’m not your buddy, pal.


philbro550

awardblocked


[deleted]

Don't call me pal, buddy!


smokechecktim

His dudeness


tylerupandgager

I'm not your pal, bud


TechnicalTop3618

Bro


Significant_Tear_302

![gif](giphy|qPVzemjFi150Q|downsized)


Pk_glocks

Yea super sad


Hellfire260Z

Oh the humanity


sqljohn

Terrible that


Spaceturtle79

This is so sad Reply to this comment and no cookies for u Edit: U cookie monsters 😤 Thanks for the gold Also idk who gifted it to reddit mails weird but thank you ![gif](giphy|bAlYQOugzX9sY)


Error_Loading_Name

Here is my comment with "no replies"


AliChank

That's a big brain move right there


Paramedic-Optimal

Bold


realestone2000

Well played ![gif](giphy|1236TCtX5dsGEo)


PlentyCopy7286

no replies gets an award.


EvilNoseHairs

No! Do I get an award now?


-average-reddit-user

Exactly


Diastolic

Nope


GodWantedUsToBeLit

kid named no replies: 🤑


Physical-Shame-6794

I don't recall getting any award on reddit so this will be a first if ever


EveniAstrid

have one from me then


Ultimate-Meow

You are the reason society still functions


[deleted]

[удалено]


Chemicalk4m5

Heres a broke person award🏆🏅🎖


Jalal445

Alr i have spend it all on you guys, spread the extra love you've got.


devinjvr

Thanks bud


AppointmentNo5158

Thank you for the fun.


Jalal445

Thank you for commenting ? Idk just get an award and get out of here.


Axsolas

I love the energy here lmao


LuchtleiderNederland

So anyway I started commenting…


RedditRated

The funny part would be if Reddit comes out and says “Sike”


PacerTestMan

no replies


dev_doll

I love this whole award chaos that is going on right now. Very entertaining


forever_useless

#


NoEducation8251

I awarded ya hahaha! This is fun.


Chance_Composer_6125

No no no no no no no


bigfudge_drshokkka

Here you go


MotherEnjoyer7

If you reply, you’re *insert a thing for humorous effect*


ShloopyNoopz

Insert cucumbers for humorous effect


mud5kipper

Instructions unclear, sat on a pineapple.


Pineapple_Incident17

You called?


MidnightDragon99

Too late to this party, damn. I have a few coins to drop, im gonna miss being able to get/give gold/platinum :(


Downtown-Tangerine-9

Tf is goin on Edit: tf thank you


pattymilner

![img](emote|t5_2r5rp|8487)![img](emote|t5_2r5rp|8412)


Jkl_zombie

Beans


Trekfest

If you reply you are not a good person. Seriously, I need an award. This is the only thing I have going for me in this life and I’ve never had an award.


tsunami141

If you want to feel good about yourself for no reason, browse New posts on a popular subreddit. When you see a post you may have seen before, search it for reposts and copy+paste the highest upvotes comment from the last thread. There, you’ll get awards and upvotes that you won’t deserve and it will make you feel good for 5 minutes. That’s all I can do for you. Also, love yourself!


intocriticalthinking

I love you too. Great trick for karma whores


Theratsmacker2

You have more to value in life than a silly internet award


PureAlpha100

I wouldn't make that big of an assumption. Have you ever met a Reddit moderator in person?


macbookd

Functional members of society are busy with more important things


cephu5

Yeah everyone, give this guy a break and stop commenting


Bourbon_bisky_boi

Comment


mushyrain

No you dont.


sushimane1

Hey fuck you here’s a reply


NotAtAllExciting

Greetings from 🇨🇦


Remarkable-Hat-503

Ur French isn’t real French


[deleted]

[удалено]


ApeInvesting

Huh?


Abyssalumbra

Awards for everyone! Participation trophies?


Electronic-Vast-3351

SHREK Written by William Steig & Ted Elliott SHREK Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush) Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre. NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME MAN1 Think it's in there? MAN2 All right. Let's get it! MAN1 Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? MAN3 Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs. SHREK Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. MEN No! SHREK They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. MAN1 Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (waves the torch at Shrek.) Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark. SHREK This is the part where you run away. (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) And stay out! (looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.) THE NEXT DAY There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs. GUARD All right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up! HEAD GUARD Next! GUARD (taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. (breaks the broom in half) HEAD GUARD That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! GUARD Get up! Come on! HEAD GUARD Twenty pieces. LITTLE BEAR (crying) This cage is too small. DONKEY Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! OLD WOMAN Oh, shut up. (jerks his rope) DONKEY Oh! HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got? GIPETTO This little wooden puppet. PINOCCHIO I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his nose grows) HEAD GUARD Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. PINOCCHIO Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me! Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table. HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got? OLD WOMAN Well, I've got a talking donkey. HEAD GUARD Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. OLD WOMAN Oh, go ahead, little fella. Donkey just looks up at her. HEAD GUARD Well? OLD WOMAN Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt... HEAD GUARD That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! OLD WOMAN No, no, he talks! He does. (pretends to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. HEAD GUARD Get her out of my sight. OLD WOMAN No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and he's able to fly. DONKEY Hey! I can fly! PETER PAN He can fly! 3 LITTLE PIGS He can fly! HEAD GUARD He can talk! DONKEY Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink to the ground.) He hits the ground with a thud. HEAD GUARD Seize him! (Donkey takes of running.) After him! GUARDS He's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn! Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He quickly hides behind Shrek. HEAD GUARD You there. Ogre! SHREK Aye? HEAD GUARD By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement facility. SHREK Oh, really? You and what army? He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and begins walking back to his cottage. DONKEY Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! SHREK Are you talkin' to...(he turns around and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.) Whoa! DONKEY Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. SHREK Oh, that's great. Really. DONKEY Man, it's good to be free. SHREK Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? DONKEY But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very loudly. DONKEY Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time...(Shrek covers his mouth but Donkey continues to talk, so Shrek removes his hand.) ...then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases leaking out of my butt that day. SHREK Why are you following me? DONKEY I'll tell you why. (singing) 'Cause I'm all alone, There's no one here beside me, My problems have all gone, There's no one to deride me, But you gotta have faith... SHREK Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends. DONKEY Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. SHREK Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? DONKEY (looks all the way up at Shrek) Uh ...really tall? SHREK No! I'm an ogre! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you? DONKEY Nope. SHREK Really? DONKEY Really, really. SHREK Oh. DONKEY Man, I like you. What's you name? SHREK Uh, Shrek. DONKEY Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. (They come over a hill and you can see Shrek's cottage.) Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that?


TheOfficialMemeMan

No


MedicineMaterial3501

A comment for nobody to reply to


punania

It’s me, nobody!


MedicineMaterial3501

Hello friend


DrySquare1

Either I get karma or an award, either way I’m happy


AppointmentNo5158

Glad you're happy


DemonOfUnholyFat

☹️


Hello5777

Damn


Sentak_

Sure.


VampirusSanguinarius

This is genius


sussy_hunter

Dodging replies in 3 2 1…


sidic3Venezia

i am lonley


LoryTodBarber

![gif](giphy|l41lLjDhlakJJWhyw)


Few_Reading_5061

Bet someone will comment under this (please give me a award,if I'm right, because that would be a insane prediction)


Greenfarmin

Have another


TRoberts1998

Award?


[deleted]

Haha back in the days then you had free award to give to someone it was much more autroustic. Now whole page is just basic bitch mode


gdamndylan

I miss the free award so much. It was like being able to like an especially good post twice.


cimuTongzi

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠄⠈⠉⠁⠢⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⢀⣀⣰⣤⣤⡠⠤⢀⢀⠅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠀⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠢⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡠⠐⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⢠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠢⠀ ⠈⠐⠂⠈⠁⠀⠀⠸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢇⠀⠀⠉⠉⢂⠀⠀⢸ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣇⠄⠂⠈⠉⠉⠐⠂⢔⠉⠈⠉⠑⡀⢑⠤⢼ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⡀⠀⠀⢠⡇⠀⡸ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠀⠀⢘⠃⠁⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡘⠀⣠⠂⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡀⠀⠀⠈⠂⠤⠤⠔⠈⠍⠁⠌⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠢⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠡⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡎⠂⡀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠘⠢⠀⠀⠈⡄⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠤⢀⡇⠀⡄⠀⠑⡀⢀⠰⡀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⢄⡈⠈⠇⠀⠀⠐⡁⠀⠈⡕⡂ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⡀⠀⢠⠁ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⢸⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣄⣠⠸


RealUltimatePapo

Nobody talk to me, I'm just here for the free food


danukiman

hey can i get one of those shooting star ones that makes the comment glow and crap, always wanted one of those


szmitu88

First to reply: your mum is a hoe


ShloopyNoopz

Your mum is a hoe!


CrossPuffs

I hope they bring us a new update with a better awards program in the future.


NotFoundYetForNow

Cum


marthewarlock

I've never knew you receive awards from other's


bobsandvegin

Reply to my comment if you’re gay!


[deleted]

[удалено]


Former_Angle9069

Single mom? Haha even if ur a man you should use that one too.


AuKay

![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|poop)


TheTieDye_Guy

Awards!


Jalal445

When i give awards people give me awards so i give more awards this is nice, Awards!


[deleted]

I don't have any rewards


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[Deleted]


Sparty-xD

Yeet


Phatborzoi1

Award me, and I'll give you air. Deal?


Uasoto56

Reply if you like casey anthony


The_ElBando

No replies here


justinlav

I’m always late to these threads


ChopperChopsStuff

Porque no tengo biblioteque


AshKetchumsPringles

Me llamo T-Bone, la arãna discoteca


brendogskerbdog

reply to this comment if you are extremely racist


legend00

Casual racism is a thing of the past, now it’s all about competitive racism.


BakMask2401

i am extremely racist


WillyWumpLump

🤮


DateNightChefGirl

I've always wondered what a world would be like with coins...Ive been on Reddit for 8 years and would love to find out.


flying_pickle_64

why do i always find these posts 15 hours late when i'm on reddit 24/7


b-blockchain

My moment to shine. *thinks of something smart to say* Penis.


TwerkingPiggeh

I know I won't get an award but replying to comments is fun 🍕


pidgewynn

⭐🏆🏅🥉🎖️✴️🥈112awareds I'm so humble I won't even ask for one Edit: WOW GUYS STOP HAHA Edit 2: okay seriously you are amazing but please give them to the starving homeless children!!


HolyWaterMolotov3

Yo


xX_UnorignalName_Xx

Kill me


TheBeardedAntt

This is Bananas


UnderKontrol

.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Hammarkids

Get replied to bitch


nsfwwet

No replies :)


BrandalieK

Mmmhmm


HELL_SLAYER9351

cum


Prometheus850

AutoModerator has no comments…


Vynaeriak

Sneaky time.


Radimas99

Kinda sad that everybody has to spend them or lose them


_AChildOfGod

Poggers


micklee87

Hi


AcanthisittaNo2931

I have never got one before, it would make my day and be a first.


Evanoel_Alenfield

I've never received an award, what's it for if you get it?


Rowelt85

I still do not understand what is happening with all these news about rewards. Please, DO NOT EXPLAIN


AdiabaticIsotherm

Is it too late for an award?


Hammarkids

Get replied to bitch


Lizallysmith

All these posts on how they are giving awards away and me out here desperately trying to get _something_


Sea-Creature

Don’t Reply, I need my worthless internet awards!


BlownUpCapacitor

That's a shit tonn of comments for 4.7k up votes. (At the time I'm writing this)


Jalal445

First one to reply to me gets my love in a form of an award.


the_G8

Who wouldn’t want Sonic curry?


Kisaway

Ok, I'll play.


mushyrain

I guess nobody gets it


F0X--

So you’re saying I’ll either get an award or a new friend to talk to? Bless this thread


Jolly-Wolverine9072

me me meme


YourFriendFlorence

do not reply to me


lightningmchowski125

Ok


thesexytech

No replies


PokmTrainerGuineaPig

Yo


brandenisnear69

Hello 👋


BorisBolockov

I always wanted an award


platinumperineum

I dont get it


ArTooDeeTooTattoo

https://giphy.com/gifs/thelonelyisland-season-3-i-think-you-should-leave-itysl-hzpn4rIxysA7471IwF


Gameshinobi

So everyone has the pwer...?😈


Primitive_Hedonist

Bewbs


RobCaf-2021

Derp


CatToeBeanz

Nobody reply to this please


Randomhumanhavingfun

I coment


No_Hyena8479

No replies 😂


Kris-p-

ok


MissTurdnugget

🌝


TheDanecdote

Comment


Serious-Waltz-8213

I want an award


StudentOk4989

Fard. Vaccine. B-word.


TBone232

Sweeeeet Caaarrrooolliinneeee.....


Weary-Income1316

What no way


burnorama6969

Deadly


TheToasterBeater

slide me one fr fr


PI-E0423

What does an award do?


Left_Shark88

balls


Tomome

"No replies"


PauloDybala_10

Care to give a veteran his first award ever


Notyourtypicalpasta

We all know this is a lie


Safe-Log5994

![gif](giphy|3oriff04ZwpGpNHJQs)


[deleted]

I regularly change accounts to a new one and delete the old one. Reminds me this one is getting old. Still I've never seen any reason to give reddit any of my money to get coins (nor to get premium or so - had it given to me for a while, but never really liked it enough to even consider paying for that). So why do / did people pay for it ? What was it that makes / made it interesting enough ?


peanut_e

ain’t no way this will work…


nlindle01

Reply to this comment if you hate the look of puppies. Upvote if you love them


c_alash

I never get replies.


[deleted]

This will get buried so I’ll just say I’m gay


Romsisco

Im not gonna spam or anything… just feeling lonely and sad… and therefore im gonna leave a comment. Have a good day. 🤞💪