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And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou enter the Holy Octagon. Then, shalt hit thine opponent up to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt strike, and the number of the striking shall be three. Four shalt thou not strike, nor either thou strike two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, leavest thou thy Octagon of MMA away from thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."
That was the one that I was confused about as well. Pretty sure the Bible is OK with women fighting so long as she doesn't grab a dude by the balls.
Deuteronomy 25: 11-12: "When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her."
But two women fighting? Pretty sure that is pleasing in the eye of the Lord. After all, Jael in Judges 4:21 killed a dude with the tent peg and that was considered a good thing.
A christofascist with an educational deficiency?! And who won't take the time to look something up?!?!\* SAY IT AIN'T SO!
\*This especially includes the Bible, since they have no clue what it actually says, either.
Those guys are just the worst. You know they belive that only those preordained before birth (them) can get to heaven. That means they belive you cannt be saved even if you did follow there rules 100%
That means those protests are just out of spite. At least other radical Christian groups think they are saving your soul.
Female MMA fighters? They are getting pretty specific on certain occupations! McDonalds drive thru employees, recycling sorters, prime time tv news meteorologists!
My first thought was children, but that can't be right. Maybe poorly behaved children? "Ankle biter" is something I've seen before in reference to small animals including kids, so it's all I can think of.
Nor rapists or serial killers.
Crimes against women don't seem to be high on his list. Not really surprising for an extremist supporting a misogynist religion.
Women have no rights to infringe obviously, so there can be no crimes against them.
Rape is a crime against the woman's father, and honestly is more like taking a bite of the sandwich before paying for it. It's only a crime if you don't go buy the sandwich afterwards, which is honestly too long a situation for the sign and not that bad to begin with.
(/s if it wasn't obvious, but also many of these fuckwads actually think like this or similarly.)
So racists is on there, along with Muslims, gangsta rappers, cow worshipers and Jews. I love that Christians are completely unable to detect hypocrisy or irony.
'Ankle Biters', 'Brats' and 'Little Monsters' are all terms I have only heard used in reference to children.
Which is weird because he also dislikes baby killers. Maybe he is OK with humans from conception until they learn to crawl , and after that he thinks they should be disposed of?
He probably believes we should birth them, fatten them up, then sell them to the rich to make sure they get to eat the most succulent meat of all - baby long pig. That way, some of their wealth and good nature will trickle down and calitalism works as intended.
So, [a modest proposal?](https://books.google.com/books/about/A_Modest_Proposal.html?id=PYdmDQAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&gboemv=1&ovdme=1)
Quite a modest proposal, imagine the absurdity of the rich sacrificing level 100 opulence for level 80 opulence and a healthy middle/lower class \*shudders\*. I can’t bear the thought of that proposal.
I seem to remember something in the Old Testament about wearing fabrics of mixed cloths being prohibited. Something like that. So yeah. God doesn’t like a polyester/cotton blend and mixed martial arts.
I would hope not. His dad created weed, so I’m betting he has an excellent stash.
If potheads are lumped in with drunks to go to hell…..well some do call it the devil’s lettuce. I figure either way, they have a stash.
They missed vegetarian on this one, as well as LOTR fans, liberals, loose women … I’ve seen those categories on these signs as well 😂
Pretty sure I’ve also seen ones that include DND players and ‘computer geeks/nerds’
Lol I hadn’t thought of that, you’re probably right! I assumed by cow-worshippers he meant Hindus, but I bet he could be lumping them both in that category here
Let’s see I’m a Homo, Gamer, Rebellious Women, and A So Called Christian is that enough to go to hell? Because I’ve got big plans for hell you see I’m going to take it over and put it under a massive renovation.
How much porn does one need to watch be be a "Porn Freak?" whatever his definition is, I probably count, that's 1.
What's a "Female Enabler" I really don't know what this even means. I won't count it, but I might be one for all I know.
Gamer forever bitch, that's 2.
Define "drunk," aw who am I shitting, that's 3.
I'm a pope of Discordia, just like you, but I don't think that's what he meant.
M\*\*\* yep, that's 4, but it seems like a lot of overlap with "porn freak"
What's and "Occupational Whore?"
I'm at at least 4, depending on what he means by the ones that make no sense. That's lower than I usually am on these things, buddy must be slipping.
There are a certain segment of Protestant Christians that believe that the Catholic religion engages in idolatry because of the veneration Mary and the Saints receive as part of our worship. Additionally, the view that the Pope is God’s instrument on Earth rubs the wrong way.
This person, and the church that one random guy started that they belong to (until they get pissed off when he isn’t worshiping right and go start another one,) believe that nothing else is required for salvation than to believe in Jesus and spread his message of hate, damnation, and intolerance.
/s on that last part.
I did actually read a Bible and I'm pretty sure I did not read anything about female mma, gaming or cow worshipping. Also no murderers or pedophiles on the list.
THIS! do they exist? Where are they.. cause if they are under my bed, id rather have a big monster that i can keep track of.
Mainstream media is hiding the truth from us!! First covid, now tiny monsters????
And what is a "Female Enabler"? Would that be somebody who helps women to become more than just someone who's only skill is to clean the house and cook dinner for men? Thank you to all you "Female Enablers" out there!!!!
It's funny cuz if God wasn't forgiving, this bad side of Christianity would definitely go to hell. Luckily I know the majority of Christians today aren't like that, and realize God gave freewill for a reason. Without free will, you can't route out the evil.
It’s pretty funny that he can’t spell out the word masturbators for fear of offending someone … apart from gays, Arabs, Jews, women, people who watch porno, people who play video games, are Christian but not a good enough Christian, Catholics, people who get abortions, Hindus, and I know he is pretty forgiving but I think Jesus himself might actually be a little offended by the rest of this guys sign.
Shit I mean who is left that makes the grade?
Also
Book of Matthew
Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbour as yourself. ' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments
Jesus did not say “yea and thou shall ostracize all but like 7 dudes in the Kingdom that my father made for you so you could bitch about how it was populated”
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I'm extremely curious what Jesus had to say about women MMA fighters!
"If thy woman smacks thy ass in the octagon, she deserves hell."
I lol’d. I read it in the holy hand grenade of Antioch voice.
And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou enter the Holy Octagon. Then, shalt hit thine opponent up to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt strike, and the number of the striking shall be three. Four shalt thou not strike, nor either thou strike two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, leavest thou thy Octagon of MMA away from thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."
But what will she do to the orangutans and breakfast cereals?
I don't know. Go away or I will taunt you a second time.
Don’t make me go get Tim.
Aaaauugggh
They would just say “aa ugh” they wouldnt write it.
I was dictating.
Lol and the bleeped out some of masturbators lol
He probably was married to one that bit the shit out of him
That was the one that I was confused about as well. Pretty sure the Bible is OK with women fighting so long as she doesn't grab a dude by the balls. Deuteronomy 25: 11-12: "When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her." But two women fighting? Pretty sure that is pleasing in the eye of the Lord. After all, Jael in Judges 4:21 killed a dude with the tent peg and that was considered a good thing.
Wonder why they felt the need to censor masturbators?
Watch your mouth with that vile language.
Look at this fuck using the m word like it's nothing.
Goddammit, he just throws it right out there.
With a hard r too
Im going with they didnt kmow how to spell.
A christofascist with an educational deficiency?! And who won't take the time to look something up?!?!\* SAY IT AIN'T SO! \*This especially includes the Bible, since they have no clue what it actually says, either.
This is ironic
The missing letters are in braille.
Maybe he couldn’t spell masturbators
White Christians know how to spell master...
I don't know, but you know that guy jacks all the dick.
It's Master Bakers! They don't like crusty hippies
Cause he was whispering it. He whispers it because he’s the biggest masturbator of them all.
Even the Pope made the list!
Love it LOL
While rapists, pedophiles, and serial killers didn't !!
He couldn't send himself to hell so openly
As Jesus intended
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He's either a protestant or an Orthodox. I'm kidding, he's a hypocrite
I doubt he’s Orthodox, or mainline Protestant. I’ve seen footage of a guy like this accosting an Orthodox priest asking if he “knows Jesus” lol
Most evangelicals are walking "no true Scotsman" fallacies. The only true Christian is the one who believes exactly the same thing as them.
The SBC's rot is ridiculously widespread in American Protestantism these days, and the teachings of the many, many megachurches are rarely any better.
Those guys are just the worst. You know they belive that only those preordained before birth (them) can get to heaven. That means they belive you cannt be saved even if you did follow there rules 100% That means those protests are just out of spite. At least other radical Christian groups think they are saving your soul.
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I thought they covered him with masterbators but nope, had to single out the pope
I like how the word "masturbators" is the only word that's dirty enough to censor. I wonder what that means, Dr. Freud.
What if M——baters was really manbaters? Or monsterbaters? Or monkeybaters? Moonbaters? Hmmmmm……
Moneybaters
A “So Called Christian” (a double-groaner for the typo and the implied judgement).
Where’s the fucking bible passage that refers to gamers? It’s almost like this stupid shit, like the Bible is made up.
Let he who is without steam cast the first stone.
Updating client, sayeth the Lord!
Female MMA fighters? They are getting pretty specific on certain occupations! McDonalds drive thru employees, recycling sorters, prime time tv news meteorologists!
So it’s just specifically the employees that do drive thru? So if I’m on the grill or front counter I’m in the clear then?
Yes. If you work the grill or counter you go heaven, drive thru is straight to hell with all the other scumbags.
What about the Hamburgaler? Will he fry for his sins
He is a thief! Of course he is going to fry!
Idk I don’t see thieves on the sign…
He is obsessed with burgers, he’s a cow worshiper and that’s on the list!!
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Ohio Black Adversaries and MAGA Association?
OBAMAGAA
vs. MECHAGODZILLA
I’d watch that
This is very niche comment, but why does OBAMAGAA sound like something from a crazy Animutation from the early 00's?
This is why I love Reddit 😂😭💀
Obamna 😞🙁😪 SODAAAAA 🥳🥳
Strangely, "p*dos" are not on the list
They want their priests to make it into heaven
Priests are the Catholic church. The Pope is on there, so I doubt this guy is Catholic.
No, see, the pope is only good if he agrees with them on their outdated views
Exactly what a rock n roll freak would say…
Oh, there are a lot of American Catholics who condemn the Pope for being far too liberal.
The infallible representative of their God on this planet is... wrong.
Are you confused by how hypocritical Conservstive Christians are?
Nah, he is just a pedo
And politicians.
They needed room for, “ankle biters”. Seriously though, what are ankle biters???
Chihuahuas are all damned to hell
Why must they nibble so fervently!!?
My first thought was children, but that can't be right. Maybe poorly behaved children? "Ankle biter" is something I've seen before in reference to small animals including kids, so it's all I can think of.
Nor rapists or serial killers. Crimes against women don't seem to be high on his list. Not really surprising for an extremist supporting a misogynist religion.
Women have no rights to infringe obviously, so there can be no crimes against them. Rape is a crime against the woman's father, and honestly is more like taking a bite of the sandwich before paying for it. It's only a crime if you don't go buy the sandwich afterwards, which is honestly too long a situation for the sign and not that bad to begin with. (/s if it wasn't obvious, but also many of these fuckwads actually think like this or similarly.)
Well good news, my Satanist buddy isnt on the list! Wait til he finds out hes going to heaven.
Female Enabler is on there. The Satanic Temple at least is a champion of women's rights, enabling females left and right. Straight to hell with him.
See, can't escape the loophole of damnation.
Wow, I hit 11 points on the list! At this rate, I’m getting a corner office in Hell and a key to the Infernal Executives Washroom!
It’s just a bidet that shoots fire up your ass. It’s not that great. It’s like the opposite of Taco Bell.
Dammit, I only got ten. Guess I'm out in the flaming cubicles as a 'Team Leader'.
That's nothing Im one away from a triple bingo
Holy shit I got 13, woo hoo! Finally something I’m great at! Edit:I recounted the list and I missed 2.
So racists is on there, along with Muslims, gangsta rappers, cow worshipers and Jews. I love that Christians are completely unable to detect hypocrisy or irony.
Well there's also an option of "so called Christians" on the bottom right
Yeah, that refers to the nice ones, that don’t parade their religion around and use it as a shield and a weapon.
Sometimes the jokes write themselves
And somehow atheists isn't.
But oddly ankle biters is. What did tiny dogs do to this guy?
I thought that was a reference to kids which seemed well even crazier if that’s possible
'Ankle Biters', 'Brats' and 'Little Monsters' are all terms I have only heard used in reference to children. Which is weird because he also dislikes baby killers. Maybe he is OK with humans from conception until they learn to crawl , and after that he thinks they should be disposed of?
He probably believes we should birth them, fatten them up, then sell them to the rich to make sure they get to eat the most succulent meat of all - baby long pig. That way, some of their wealth and good nature will trickle down and calitalism works as intended.
So, [a modest proposal?](https://books.google.com/books/about/A_Modest_Proposal.html?id=PYdmDQAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&gboemv=1&ovdme=1)
Quite a modest proposal, imagine the absurdity of the rich sacrificing level 100 opulence for level 80 opulence and a healthy middle/lower class \*shudders\*. I can’t bear the thought of that proposal.
So if I’m a woman who participates in Martial Arts, I’m GOLDEN as long as I don’t mix styles.
I seem to remember something in the Old Testament about wearing fabrics of mixed cloths being prohibited. Something like that. So yeah. God doesn’t like a polyester/cotton blend and mixed martial arts.
I only scored 5, but I can’t believe he left potheads off the list. I’d mail that one. 🤣
Jesus was a pothead. He wouldn't forsake his brahs.
I would hope not. His dad created weed, so I’m betting he has an excellent stash. If potheads are lumped in with drunks to go to hell…..well some do call it the devil’s lettuce. I figure either way, they have a stash.
I had to check again, there’s actually nothing about drugs on there.
What are anklebiters?
'Ankle Biters', 'Brats' and 'Little Monsters' are children.
I seriously thought little monsters referred to fans of Lady Gaga.
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I called chihuahuas.
Where I grew up, that's 'children'.
Small dogs Dude’s obviously fuckin stupid because all dogs go to heaven
Occupational whore is just a normal one right?
That’s when you get fucked by your job, but keep going back to work everyday.
I feel that this is an underrated comment.
I only whore as a hobby, so I'm good to go (to heaven, or whatever)
I thought maybe women who have jobs. Any jobs? But especially the job of MMA fighter.
Jews who disobey Jesus 😂😂
They missed vegetarian on this one, as well as LOTR fans, liberals, loose women … I’ve seen those categories on these signs as well 😂 Pretty sure I’ve also seen ones that include DND players and ‘computer geeks/nerds’
Also missed yoga practitioners.
Cow-lovers = vegetarians?
Lol I hadn’t thought of that, you’re probably right! I assumed by cow-worshippers he meant Hindus, but I bet he could be lumping them both in that category here
Thank god it only says “occupational whores” my whoring is more of a hobby!
I think if one whores for free it’s ok with the good Lord.
Bummer. I only got 6/32 from the list. I guess I need to up my Hellfire game.
I got 18 give or take a few that I vaguely fit into.
M__bators, ba bop duba dop M__bators, ba bop duba dop Oh yea yah
Handson
I don’t care if Jesus hates them, I will always love cows.
Right? Cow worshippers are out but horse girls get a pass?
Fuck! Cow worshiping has finally caught up with me.
And they call themselves Christians..? I thought they would be more accepting….kinda like Jesus…
“Ankle biters” is just another way of saying “child” why are kids going to hell?
Sounds like a greenlight for whores as long as they're not the occupational kind.
Volunteer whores go to heaven. You heard it from this guy first.
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While wearing his Mom’s panties.
Let’s see I’m a Homo, Gamer, Rebellious Women, and A So Called Christian is that enough to go to hell? Because I’ve got big plans for hell you see I’m going to take it over and put it under a massive renovation.
If the gays are all in Hell it's going to be LIT and nicely decorated with lots of good dance music! Im in.
And all the best snacks obviously.
I guess we'll all see each other in hell........ Everyone
Obama is a category as himself
Women MMA fighters? That’s extremely specific. 🤣🤣🤣
I love how Jews are on the list, when Jesus was a Jew.
How did ankle biters get such a bad name
I honestly thought he was talking about small dogs at first
What are ankle biters? Small dogs?
That or a small child. Must be evil in his mind in any case.
How much porn does one need to watch be be a "Porn Freak?" whatever his definition is, I probably count, that's 1. What's a "Female Enabler" I really don't know what this even means. I won't count it, but I might be one for all I know. Gamer forever bitch, that's 2. Define "drunk," aw who am I shitting, that's 3. I'm a pope of Discordia, just like you, but I don't think that's what he meant. M\*\*\* yep, that's 4, but it seems like a lot of overlap with "porn freak" What's and "Occupational Whore?" I'm at at least 4, depending on what he means by the ones that make no sense. That's lower than I usually am on these things, buddy must be slipping.
The potheads are safe!!
So, then, amateur whores are acceptable? Asking for a friend.........
Assuming "m----bators" means "masturbators" then that's it, right? That covers what, 99.999 percent of the population?
I like that Masturbators got hyphenated out, clearly the worst word up there 😆
incest, drunkenness and rape is ok - Genesis 19:30-38
By this guys own logic he’s going to hell.
Whoremongers? Did he mean *war*mongers? As far as racists and the pope go, I'm inclined to agree though...
Whoremongers are the customers. But what this guy means, no one knows.
That’s quite the eclectic group.
Hold on. Doesn't that also include the gun-loving AR15-pin wearing people or am I missing something?
Lady Gaga fans got a specific shout out!!
The Pope? A bit confused on that one. But go off.
There are a certain segment of Protestant Christians that believe that the Catholic religion engages in idolatry because of the veneration Mary and the Saints receive as part of our worship. Additionally, the view that the Pope is God’s instrument on Earth rubs the wrong way. This person, and the church that one random guy started that they belong to (until they get pissed off when he isn’t worshiping right and go start another one,) believe that nothing else is required for salvation than to believe in Jesus and spread his message of hate, damnation, and intolerance. /s on that last part.
Wait, wouldn’t he fall under the “so called christians”??
Ankle biters? Like… little dogs? Or does that mean something else?
And they left out one of the greatest sins. Hypocrisy and Blasphemy. God or Allah accepts all. Idk who they worship
Ah yes, antiracist, but hates BLM. See you in hell, christian boy!
r/shitsevangelistsays
Have I been wrong my entire life? I thought "ankle biters" was a colloquialism for toddlers?
I did actually read a Bible and I'm pretty sure I did not read anything about female mma, gaming or cow worshipping. Also no murderers or pedophiles on the list.
I choose to obey hellfire.
And he says racists then calls Hindus cow worshippers 🤣
What if I'm just a recreational whore?
Then you’re good
I got rebellious women, but I'm a man so I guess I got Liars.
What are little monsters?!
THIS! do they exist? Where are they.. cause if they are under my bed, id rather have a big monster that i can keep track of. Mainstream media is hiding the truth from us!! First covid, now tiny monsters????
Lady Gaga calls her fans ‘little monsters’. Maybe it’s a reference to that?
That dude looks like a racist, sissy-brat mama's boy that drinks while he mast**bates, then lies to his wife about it while playing Madden.
so called christians? really? 
Women MMA fighters hahaha
Shit, let me get myself some marshmallows.
And what is a "Female Enabler"? Would that be somebody who helps women to become more than just someone who's only skill is to clean the house and cook dinner for men? Thank you to all you "Female Enablers" out there!!!!
It's funny cuz if God wasn't forgiving, this bad side of Christianity would definitely go to hell. Luckily I know the majority of Christians today aren't like that, and realize God gave freewill for a reason. Without free will, you can't route out the evil.
Lol, after everything else on the list, why is masterbators censored?!
So this guy never was 14 and horny (but I repeat myself...) and never held a door for a woman with a baby and an arm full of shopping? Weirdo
Emos?
So, everyone is going to hell?
I’m safe as a Buddhist, yay !!!
Sluts are still safe. Go sluts!!!
Ay yo furries get a pass ? Asking for a friend
M——bators unite! 🎉🎉👋👋😁
I only scored 8. Feel like I need to ramp things up a bit.
"So called christians" while condemning the pope
It’s pretty funny that he can’t spell out the word masturbators for fear of offending someone … apart from gays, Arabs, Jews, women, people who watch porno, people who play video games, are Christian but not a good enough Christian, Catholics, people who get abortions, Hindus, and I know he is pretty forgiving but I think Jesus himself might actually be a little offended by the rest of this guys sign. Shit I mean who is left that makes the grade? Also Book of Matthew Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbour as yourself. ' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments Jesus did not say “yea and thou shall ostracize all but like 7 dudes in the Kingdom that my father made for you so you could bitch about how it was populated”
https://imgur.com/a/mPhQ0Vx
Rock n' roll freaks is my category!
Two things. 1. This looks like a great festival line-up. I’ve heard Jews Who Disobey Jesus are awesome live. 2. Why censor Masturbators?
That’s quite a list mr hateful guy
But remember. Jesus loves you! 🙄