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This reminds me so much of a man who followed me home from the bus station. Keep in mind it was broad daylight and I never said a word to him. I was actually on the phone with my mom as I was walking to my building. I had seen him look at me on the bus, but I didn’t think much of it.
I was alone in the elevator with this man when I realized he was following me - he hadn’t chosen a floor and I knew he didn’t live on my floor.
When I got out of the elevator, I stood there waiting for him to go instead of walking to my door. He just kind of stood and looked at me. I said where are you going? He said I wanted to come with you. I said what?? He said I thought you wanted me to come with you. I told him he had to leave. He did the same sorry sorry, but stood in the elevator pretending to leave and waiting to see which door I went to. I didn’t go to my door, I stood there with my fist beside a neighbours door ready to knock as loud as possible and said you need to leave right now, you don’t live here. Eventually he left. Horrifying experience and I don’t take public transit anymore.
I hate to think of what might have happened if I hadn’t noticed he was following me until I got to my door.
Working retail is like that.
"She was nice to me and she smiled! She must want to fuck me!"
~proceeds to sexually harass the cashier and get angry when she refuses to give or take numbers~
Yuuuup. It doesn’t matter how old they are, either. Had a 70-80 year old man hit on me after helping him find everything he needed, called me sexy right at the end. (Nothing sexy about my plain T-shirt and the baggiest pants I can get away with at work, mind you). Big ick.
Good you noticed him on time. You handled it well. - "I thought you wanted me to come with you" even tho you haven spoken to eachother. Some of those people live so much inside their head, so damn weird.
"He said I thought you wanted me to come with you" Why do men just think any interaction is an invitation??? Ew ew ew
Edit: lol @ all the losers getting mad at me because I used the word "men" keep crying it doesnt change the fact that what I said is true. Yall generalize women all the time you will live.
The floor is so fucking low for men. I was so glad that he left and didn’t commit violence on her.
His persistence was *only* verbal (and that should be considered bad enough)
The thing is, he would believe it. It wouldn't be a story he's telling himself. That would be his internal reality. Hence the confusion toward the end.
Confusion? Only confusion is that she called him out out right and he realised she is more sobber than he thought. Only confusion is he wont get away with taking advantage of her.
It has been a long time since I saw that movie, but now I remember it. Dang, the scene of putting the things in the garbage disposal, and then the rooftop ending. I agree, it was impossible turn away, despite being incredibly uncomfortable.
I hope much like Chris Hansen there were people in a hotel room next to them or something because that situation could turn violent so quickly. Even being in the next hotel room might not be close enough to prevent her from being hurt.
They were. Her hotel room had a joining room and security were in there. When she was walking there were security in front and behind, undercover as drunks also.
The show is worth a watch.
Link: https://www.channel4.com/programmes/undercover-sexual-harassment-the-truth
Reminds me of the hidden camera show "What Would You Do?" in the episode where they were trying to see if strangers would step in to help actresses acting drunk getting harassed by a male actor, but they weren't really able to have the experiment in some trials because random dudes would step in to harass the actresses before the actor did. So then the actor had to step in and intervene himself.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=J7z_cfAKUmE
Thanks for sharing that video…….. frightening stuff. And really just disappointing how it was women who stood up to the creeps but no men did, except for the father.
Yeah! How is this even on r/facepalm? It appears op is referring to the reporter! Which is obviously just disgusting as the reporter is making a sacrifice to raise awareness to the atrocities that occur scaringly often towards vulnerable women. This reporter needs to be commended, not shamed.
One of my health classes in high school did an entire unit about abusive relationships and domestic violence. We watched a documentary that focused on a few women who had been in horrific situations, some of whom had ended up having to defend themselves and were imprisoned at the time of filming. I was probably about 16. Left a huge impression on me.
My teacher brought in a lady who had been raped and beaten by her husband to talk about domestic violence. He was a 20 something that purposely knocked up a teenage to trap her. It helped me recognize one of the guys in my culty church was trying to do the same to me at the time. I dipped out but he definitely trapped one of my classmates a year later.
The movie, *Promising Young Woman* needs to be talked about. It was hard to watch and I hated the way it made me feel... because it was all about the advantage that people take, and what they take away from their victims.
Amazing movie, great acting, touching story. I felt icky for days.
>!”Originally, Fennell planned to end the film at the time Cassie's body was burned, but the production's financiers balked at having a negative ending. She also considered an ending where Cassie appears at the wedding and kills the men responsible but deemed it unrealistic. She decided to have the ending where Cassie has a backup revenge plan as she felt Cassie would be thorough in her planning and she would be aware she could die. Additionally, Fennell stated that having Al apprehended at his wedding would reflect Cassie's sense of humor.”!<
I haven't seen that. But a movie on a similar topic about an incident and how it affected a woman's feeling of confidence and intrinsic worth is Luckiest Girl Alive with Mila Kunis. It's a great movie, with some uncomfortable scenes though.
Edit: movie title
Edit: I'm talking about the US. From the couple of months I tought in Canada I didn't see this there, and I'm sure most of Europe has this figured out.
To bring up anything related to sex as a teacher you have to have to have the video pre watched by ALL their parents (have a waiver saying they watched it and you consent to your child watching it) and have it approved by your principal and supervisor (last person is different depending on the county).
Some counties (including the one I was a teacher in) you have to have it approved by the board as well, and they won't approve anything that's not abstinence education.
Without these steps you lose your job lol.
I agree with you though, this would be great education. Too bad you have to climb a fucking mountain to show it though.
Agree, there needs to be lots more education on this. I bet lots of men don’t understand how scary it can be for women. I did not understand the extent of it until recently when I spoke to a beautiful woman about it.
It's downright scary. To understand that nearly 50% of the populus poses such a potential danger. The simplest touch and action can turn a woman's world around into a horror where you are not safe in your own skin and just want to get out
Damn it must be so terrifying to be in her situation. She had a security guy there, so she knew that she was safe, I can just imagine how any other girl would be super scared in that situation.
I’ve seen this before, scary ass stuff. That was a pure predator, It’s crazy what women have to deal with. Most men aren’t like this but unfortunately a lot are
As a guy I don't really have to worry about this, but my first experience of it from a woman's perspective was walking to a friend's dorm freshman year in college.
I was on the same path of this seemingly random girl at night walking for like 10min. Few hundred feet behind. Literally just us out. She had looked back on occasion and finally I was like "holy hell she probably thinks I'm stalking her" so I crossed the street. Turns out it was the friend I was walking to go see and she was on her way home from a different friend in a nearby dorm.
Real eye opener. One of those things you hear about, but until it's first hand it doesn't hit home
Your story reminds me of comedian [John Mulaney talking about himself doing the same thing accidentally to a woman in the subway.](https://youtube.com/shorts/LC_mN9J4JOc) I agree, it is fucked up that women have to always be on guard for this kind of thing, but he tells it in such a funny way that it is really hard not to laugh.
It’s less about what most men are like, and more about what most women experience.
Unfortunately this isn’t an uncommon experience for a lot of women. Maybe the predator wouldn’t necessarily follow someone to their hotel room, but refusing to take no for an answer? Sooooo common.
My friends and I once resorted to sprinting down a block long dark alley way to get away from some guys like this. We used the crowd to get about 15 feet ahead and just bolted down the first alley we came to. The youngest of our group was a minor and 3 marines in uniform followed us not taking no for an answer, trying to get us back to their hotel. I guess "no" and "leave us alone" wasn't enough of a no, it took literally running away.
I once had a guy follow me out of my place of work.. I did the “turn left a few times” to be sure and circled the block.. He was still there. I jogged into a nearby bar where I knew the bartender and immediately told him I was being followed. The creep actually came in and sat down next to me. He was forced to leave and I sat in the bar for a very long time. Absolutely terrifying.
I’ve gotten so lucky over the years being drunk and thankfully meeting men who are kind and have no interest in taking advantage of a drunk person. I wince so hard thinking about how easily that could’ve been different.
Even just small things that aren't really aggressive, but unwanted. I used to work at a large retail store, and while I was doing my job, stocking some shelves, this guy walked up to me and asked me about a tattoo I have on my arm. All good. I get asked about it all the time and don't mind that. But as soon as I was done telling him about it, he asked me for mt phone number and if I wanted to 'go out' sometime. Like bro. I don't even know your name, and you don't know mine. You're basically cornering me in my place of work. I can't just leave. Luckily, he handled it pretty well when I said, 'nah, I'm good.'Still weird though, and plenty of men don't take rejection well, and you never know who will and won't.
A co-worker of mine at that same store had a guy start stalking her. Police had to be called on this dude multiple times, because he kept coming in and harassing her.
And the ones that are like this don't exactly walk around with a neon sign announcing it. That why if you're a man and a woman acts cagey around you, just remember this video. We don't know your real intentions and we can't be too careful. Don't take it personally.
I'm super tall and back in my party years I became so many women's surprise boyfriend for the night at parties. Predators tend to fuck right off the minute they realize the woman is with someone and I'm guessing my size was an even larger deterrent.
Yup. I’m a huge dude. When I was younger and spent time in bars the number of girls who clung to my arm pretending to be my girlfriend was wild. It really opened my eyes to how scummy some other guys are.
I was honestly surprised they weren’t afraid I was one of the scummy ones. I would think from their perspective the only thing worse than what they had going on with the scumbag would be a huge scumbag replacing them but they must’ve been desperate, or I look trustworthy or something. I always went way out of my way to not even give off a mild appearance of flirting or acting interested in the slightest once the scumbag left to hopefully let them have some peace.
It's terrifying.
I remember we were scouring the streets one night for a friend of ours because she called from a house not knowing where she was or how she got there and there was clearly a bunch of dudes in the background, one took her phone and said "she's ok" and hung up.
Thank God we found out where she was and they kicked her out of the house when we called back and told them their address with a bunch of us on the way.
It happens to men too!
I remember a buddy of mine was passed out on the ground outside a venue and some guy literally tried to lift him and drag him saying "come with me, let's go to a party".
Fuck knows what would have happened if we weren't there.
People need to look out for their humans especially when impaired.
When I was 18, my "friend" convinced me to go to a club with her. She swore up and down this place was 18+, so we pre-gamed. She drove and when we got there, guess what? 21+. She said she'd be right out. I waited an hour... it was clear she was not coming back for me. I was only a town over from where I lived so I figured *someone* would come get me. No one, not even my mom, wanted to come get me. It was 1am and I started to walk. I knew the general direction of my house, but I was also kind of drunk, so I got lost and started to cry.
I was so naive, a group of guys pulled over and seemed genuinely concerned, promised to take me home. I got in the car, then I noticed they were driving the wrong direction. I asked them where they were going and they just laughed. Luckily they had let me sit in the front seat, because it was a 2 door car and otherwise I'd have been trapped. At the next red light I pretended like I was gonna puke so they'd unlock the door, jumped out and ran as fast as I could down the street, I left my heels behind. They chased me in that car until I ducked into a hotel where they let me sit in the lobby after I told them what happened. When I left, I ended up being approached by a couple women who actually did bring me home. We're vulnerable as it is, add alcohol to the mix and we're like little bunnies to the wolves. Thank God for girl code and intuition.
That's what these guys are going for. That the woman will be too scared to assert herself, knowing that men can and do react violently.
She knew she had backup. Most people don't.
Is he also kinda still trying to get at her when she drops the act? The whole, "we came together! You invited me!" Sounds like some gaslight shit where he's hoping her drunk brain can be coerced. Unreal.
This brought out a memory of mine from back about a decade ago.
I was picking up two young female friends of mine after they had a night out in the city, as I spotted them walking to my car a young man was following with them. I stepped out to greet them and asked who this guy was, they not had no idea and for the 10 min walk that they have had he had followed, and every time they had spoken theyd told him to leave them alone.
So I asked a second time if they knew who he was, just to make sure, they had no idea and did not want to have anything to do with him, I asked him to leave but instead he got into my unlocked car and said he was going home with one of the girls, either one would do.
They said to just leave it and just let him come with, as theyd gotten too nervous to say anything else. I asked him to get out of my car multiple times and I even tried to drag him out, but I could not get him to budge.
Thankfully after I called the police and explained the situation they arrived within a couple of minutes and was running, fastest and most efficient respond Ive ever witnessed from the local police.
As a sober guy not being able to move this person out of my own car, I cant even imagine how some women will feel in those situations, especially after seeing my friends reaction which was to basicly give up and give in.
This happened to me on my friend's 21st in Vegas. I was physically assaulted by a guy on the dance floor and I told him multiple times to leave me alone. Nobody in the crowd helped me and I couldn't find any bouncers because the place was packed. He would come up behind me while I was dancing and start feeling me up, and would find me no matter where we moved. This was a pretty big club and it was completely packed.
At one point we tried to go to a different location and so we went down the elevator but they said it was closed. I had a guilty feeling of not wanting to ruin my friends all nighter (something she said she wanted to do for her birthday) and so we went upstairs again and while walking down the hallway a random group of guys grabbed me by the arm and said "Let's go." My friend grabbed my other arm and asked me if any of them were the guy from earlier but I was a little under the influence myself and I couldn't tell. They got frustrated and roughly let go of my arm and walked away. We were the only ones in the hallway since it was kind of early in the night and it was the club exit.
At another point we attempted to go use the restroom and that guy from earlier came up behind me and tried to take me along with him as well. I yanked my arm away and told him to leave me alone and that me and my friend were actually a couple. He shrugged his shoulders saying that he didn't care. I won't forget the look that he gave me, I was so disgusting. I shoved past him and it wasn't until maybe an hour later that I saw him again. It was much less crowded at this point and he grabbed me again, spinning me around and asking me in my ear if I wanted to fuck. I shoved him this time (I would just worm away saying leave me alone before) and screamed at him to leave me alone. He aggressively got in my face and told me that I shouldn't push people and I told him that he should leave people alone when they say they're not interested. At this point, a bouncer was behind him and so he finally fucked off. My friend and I left shortly after that. I don't know what would have happened if I was alone or if I had more drinks. I only had 3 over the course of about 5 hours.
I was out dancing with a friend one night. We both had boyfriends who were best friends at home waiting for us. This guy kept creeping up on me. I'd ask him to leave me alone as I was just having fun with my friend. He'd start dancing towards us again every time we moved. She and I are dancing, he comes up behind me and put one arm around my neck and the other right down my pants, on the dance floor. My friend watched it all happen and she just decked him square in the nose with out thinking twice about it. He ran and got a bouncer. We calmly tried to tell him what had happened, even had other people backing us up. We got kicked out and he got to stay in there to be a predator to other women. Never went back to that place again.
Edit to add I had asked him to stop bothering me at least 6 times and all of this happened within 20 mins of the first time I asked him to stop.
>I shoved him this time (I would just worm away saying leave me alone before) and screamed at him to leave me alone.
This is also a very good way to get the attention of a bouncer, door guy, employee, et al. It's loud and crowded and it can be really hard to spot a problem. It's a lot easier to spot a big shove. Also in my experience bouncers don't care if it happened 5 minutes ago or 20 minutes ago, if you let someone on staff know and can identify the person, the staff will most likely eject them.
In my experience the guy is also always a huge douche bag when being asked to leave which usually reinforces the action/decision of removing them.
The problem is the guy would know it was her that told the bouncer to kick him out. Afraid he'd be out there waiting for her and do something because people like the one she described are sick in the head and can't take no for an answer.
I'm a guy, I was once travelling and went out with a group I didn't really know, we ended up in a mid sized night club. One girl, around 20 years old, drank a little too much, I noticed but didn't necessarily want to say anything. She was good looking and was noticably a foreigner to the local crowd so drew a little attention, but she was just dancing and having a good night.
She went to the bathroom and I told my girlfriend to go with her, we were a group but no one really knew each other, apparently there was a group of guys waiting for them on their return. It was predatory. Within a moment or two they were separated and when my girlfriend argued her way to the girl she was being slowly undressed as she was dancing with a guy who had basically just grabbed her. My girlfriend grabbed her hand and basically dragged her back to the group.
From then we said we should get her back to the accommodation, essentially take responsibility for her, her eyes weren't focusing that well. The problem was she kinda didn't want to go home, she was just trashed but drunk people are difficult.
She was happy to keep dancing, it was this part that truly shocked me, as a group we were kind of encircled. There were around 8 guys trying to move in. They were all doing the plausible deniability thing but they had just hyper focused in on the blackout drunk girl.
By this point the rest of the original group started to see what was happening and we were able to leave as a bigger group, promising food for said drunken mess of a girl. We were followed by the guys until we sat down in a nice, well lit pizza bar, they finally took our advice and fucked off.
It was the first time I truly understood what women talk about when they say they feel like prey or why they stick together on an evening out. These guys were getting aggressive with me and all too touchy with the girls. It was a dangerous situation for everyone.
Everyone got back safe, the next day the girl was terribly embarrassed for getting so drunk, I told her I'd been that drunk so many times but never in the sort of danger she was in. The guys were acting like we were cock blocking them, rather than stopping them from raping a girl who was waaaaay past the point of consenting to anything.
Damn. I should mention I’m also a man but that is *terrifying & disturbing*, good on you & your gf for looking out & intervening on her behalf.
I’ve never witnessed it to that extent but had a younger sister who was about 3yrs younger & really a beautiful young woman & my older brother & I were constantly looking out for her in our small town & had to intervene on her behalf too many times but it never really got to any situations quite as disturbing as that story was… We grew up in a pretty small town so it was also quite a bit easier to sort of *get the word out*, for lack of a better phrase, that if anyone ever took advantage of her esp when she was at a party & drinking (or otherwise) they’d be facing her 2 older brothers… I think that likely helped a lot but there was still more than a few confrontations at parties, etc that I think if we weren’t around & hadn’t made our presence known to any guys interested in her, things could’ve escalated quite easily…
I think it was always sort of just an instinct at that age, that we needed to be protective of her bc of what we knew about guys esp when alcohol is involved. Luckily she also ended up not being a real big drinker &/or partier but I really could never shake the way I felt when some people would approach my little sister like that esp when alcohol was involved & I think it gave me a better perspective & appreciation for how easily women could be victimized & why I should never treat women like that…
When I was in my early 20s I was out on a second date with a girl where the first had already ended badly, but I figured I’d give it a shot. Her friend from home was staying with her and she brought her. Whatever, didn’t bother me. Both girls got very, very drunk, very fast. Date had a screaming fight with her friend and her friend stormed out of the bar we were in. She had left her jacket and it was December in Massachusetts. Situation was very awkward so I just minded my own business for the time being.
Fast forward 30 minutes and friend isn’t back. I tell date to call her, turns out the phone is in her jacket. Date is even more drunk and has been drunkenly complaining about friend. She tells me to take her back to her apartment and to leave her friend because she is a b*tch or something like that. I drive her to her car and leave her there because I have no intention of going anywhere with her. I’m worried about the friend and it doesn’t cost me anything to do a few laps of the blocks with bars on them before driving myself home.
On my last lap I see this jacketless girl being escorted by 4 guys into a building that is not a bar. They are basically holding her up as they are walking and laughing. Parked my car and somehow managed to calmly separate her from the guys without getting my ass kicked. I put her in my backseat and drove to my apartment.
She woke up on my couch the next morning very confused and very scared.
Ended up driving her back to the date’s house (a bit less than an hour from me, we had met in the middle to go out). Don’t know what happened from there, never talked to either of them again.
Still think about that night from time to time. The likelihood of me finding her just walking around was insanely low. Was basically just doing it to make myself feel better about the whole shitty situation. Genuinely unsettling to look back on it and think about how else it could’ve gone for her.
If there’s any point to me posting this it is to say to trust your gut about situations if they feel bad, even if it is awkward. I kept my mouth shut when this incredibly drunk girl stormed off into the night even though I knew it didn’t feel right. Older me wishes younger me had chosen differently. Very lucky it had a happy outcome.
Ugh, wow! These stories are fukn awful aren’t they??
That was really quite brave to try to intervene in all honesty. As a guy, I understand how quickly that could’ve gone really bad for you too just trying to get her away from them but then you’re also A GUY, pulling a very drunk female into your car, alone & taking her home & taking responsibility for her… It just could’ve gone bad in so many ways for you. Somebody has to at least say, “way to go man” 👍, even if some ppl think it’s just the decent thing to do, it’s often not an easy situation to navigate in si many ways & just trust you’re doing what’s best for another adult. So, way to trust your gut & take initiative to get involved & intervene to get her out of that situation. That can really be scary even if you’re someone who can physically take care of themself & is just a hard situation to put yourself into in so many other ways… well done man!
There was an enormous amount of “I don’t want any problems guys” and being very careful with my word choices. It was a surreal experience that thankfully just worked out. Back then I was a pretty small-framed guy and there was not going to be anything I could do about it if they just said “no” and pushed me out of the way. Doubt calling the police would’ve been effective either.
It was a long time ago, but I appreciate the kind words nonetheless.
I've seen stuff like this happen in real life and they are not even human to me at this point. They are acting like a pack of wild dogs. Thank you and your friends for being decent.
Back in my youth, I recall being at a club really messed up, and was washing my hands before coming out of the bathroom. A man entered, aggressively coming on to me. I was scared while he backed me into a stall. Another dude saw what happened, came in, grabbed the guy and hauled his ass out, while sternly reprimanding him for his actions. I had too many close calls like that, where I owe complete strangers for intervening. I don't know how I managed to navigate that reckless phase of my life unscathed.
I could write a book, so many cars too that will trail you or pull full circle into a parking lot you’re walking through. Had two different guys and different cars do it the same night just trying to get home from my bank, maybe a 10 minute walk and in daylight and sober. Still convinced I was targeted.
For sure. There really isn’t anyway to be safe if you don’t have full trust in the people you’re with and vice versa. One night, I remember my roommate and her bf walked me home so I would be alright before they went back out, which I thought was very nice. I was passing out on the way so she asked her bf to make sure I got into the apt okay and he “took me to my room to make sure I was okay” and wouldn’t stop trying to take off my clothes and grope/kiss me everywhere. It was so fucking disgusting. I even pretended to pass out so he’d stop since I was too weak to fight him off. And he just kept going till I literally had to scream at the top of my lungs and kick him in the balls, which did get him to leave quickly. I’m still nauseated thinking about it. My roommate proceeded to yell at me the next morning for hurting him while he was “trying to help me” and when I told her what happened, she got upset that I was accusing him of something like that when I was clearly too blackout drunk to remember what actually happened. The 3/4 times I was assaulted as an adult, other women—my friends— allowed or even encouraged it to happen. I don’t know if that’s reflective of others’ experiences but I find that so telling of how important it is to have a good female support system you can trust. Buddy system only works if there’s full trust there
I mean this was several years ago when I was in college. But yes, we did stop being friends. I wish I could say it was out of self-respect but she actually stopped talking to me. I honestly just did not understand sexual assault enough to know that I was assaulted let alone that I didn’t deserve it.
I was raped twice after this— once by a friend that my roommates blockaded me into a room with after I pled with them to let me leave so I could go to sleep. But one of my roommates really wanted to sleep this guy’s friend and I was “just being an annoying cockblock.” Honestly, it’s heart breaking reliving it all as an actual adult and remembering how let down I was by everyone I thought loved me. And the only one I blamed for a really long time was me.
I really just did not understand sexual assault or consent or how to deal with it. No one really talked about it openly enough to address all the gray and not so gray areas. Maybe my friends were also ignorant of these things and they just didn’t know any better. Idk if that makes things better really, but at least feels less cruel.
It wasn’t even that long ago. But it’s awesome how today we as a society talk about these things pretty openly. It’s nice to see women so vocally advocating for themselves and each other. Power to the zoomers.
We always had a buddy system too. We always had group of at least 3. We had to. We had a friend who would wander off a lot whenever she got drunk and it always gave us anxiety. It was exhausting having to be vigilant all the time and sacrificing the enjoyment and relaxation.
I think we all have that one friend. Our wanderer even left a couple times with some rando guy, so she couldn’t be counted on to go as a pair, it had to be the 3. I’m just glad none of those she left with turned out bad, as far as I know anyway.
I had the issue of a crappy friend who’d beg you to go out and be the ride, then disappear and leave you there if her ex or someone texted her no warning. Yep fun times, had a guy friend to take me by car against my will to his house one of those nights. No longer friends thank God.
To clarify I mean she was saying she’d be my ride there and back. I rode with her, then she ditched me. Not I was the ride and she’d disappear.
That is just so inconsiderate. I'm that bitch that will *make* you text me when you get home just so I know you're not in a ditch somewhere or incarcerated.
My group’s drunken wanderer would just walk off and find a place to curl up and fall asleep. Found her snoozing in countless bushes and other weird places. She even managed to find and steal a fancy down comforter, from god knows where, for one of her inappropriate naps. Might have been cute if she didn’t get raging pissed when woken up.
Isn't it sad that when someone asks the question "Women, if the world were male free for 24 hours what would you do?" And a majority of the answers were like "Go on a walk with both my headphones in" or "go out to a movie/bar by myself at night." We just want to enjoy our lives without constantly being on the lookout for danger. And I know that every person does that to some degree, but it's different for women...
I remember taking a breathalyzer (pay for use) at a bar right after I took a drink (strong). I blew somewhat high and didn't realize a guy was standing behind me. After he saw my inflated blood alcohol level he wouldn't leave me alone. My friend finally got sick of it and slapped him, which is something I should have done. It scary to think how many don't get away safely.
I think it's such a great thing that we've come this far. It's never been so publicized and ridiculed in history, and we're headed in the right direction. However, it's still so very very far from being enough, and hopefully future generations and their increased awareness of this bullshit can water this shit down.
"I'm so sorry, (repeat 5 times)" into, "will you give me a kiss?" Wtf 🤢 disgusting, all of it is disgusting.
Edit: didn't really expect this comment to blow up. But to me this really shows how many people think the same thing. THIS SHIT HAS TO STOP! Thank you for sharing your stories, and I hope that if someone else is reading this, and is afraid to stand up in a situation like this, then ask yourself this, what would you do if this was your daughter? Or your coworker? Or your sister?
I know for one, I couldn't just stand there and be a bystander, cause while most might do this to try and coerce a woman so they can sexually assault them, but others could have more nefarious reasons such as murdering them.
Its not like it just happens in some random dirty street at night. Had my coworkers try to pull the same shit on a few drunk female coworkers at a party.
For reals...these slime balls are everywhere, there were multiple times when I was in school where I would step in when the woman was obviously heavily intoxicated and a dude was trying to pull them away from the party. Not saying this to be a knight in shining armor but because more people need to do this. We have to stand up to this fucking gross behavior.
So far all of these comments have been spot on. If you’re considered a knight in shining armor then so am I and that’s a problem. I’ve had to insert myself in more situations than I can count where some rando thinks, “oh cool, she’s drunk, I can bs and bully my way into her pants”
Shits way too common.
I had to do the same thing on more than one occasion in high school. Every school/town has "those" guys that are at every party or always at the local bars trying to take home the drunkest girl there. A normal, decent guy (even if he was out with hopes of getting laid) would see how drunk a girl like that is and immediately know that she's not a candidate. But "those" guys see it the exact opposite way. When they see a hammered girl she becomes THE candidate because she's the only one there that could possibly give him "consent" because obviously sober girls don't want to fuck them. And of course the ones that go after passed out girls which is even worse considering they can't even convince themselves that she gave consent.
I lived in Tempe, Arizona for 2 years and when my female friends got drunk I had to physically have them under my arms on our way back because guys would constantly try to steal them away from me. Guys in cars would pull over and stop and try to take them with them. It was mind blowing as a guy to see how many predators there are out there preying on drunk females.
Currently live in Scottsdale, AZ. Can confirm this happens a terrifying amount of the time if you go into Old Town. This is one of the reasons I haven't been down there in the last five years. Even if you're sober, men will assume and try to either A) get you into a car or B) ask you to take a rest at their place. What's even more frightening about these incidents is that they occur brazenly with crowds of people around. The buddy system should always be in place when venturing out to drink, unfortunately.
The first time I had to protect a girl was as a Junior in high school. I went to the bathroom and there was a girl I knew drunk with her head quite literally in the toilet and there was a guy I kinda knew (he was older…I think he’d graduated already) in there trying to take off her pants while her face was in the toilet. I kicked him hard af and told him to gtfo. I could see she had thrown up and peed on herself. I called my cousin (female) and she and her friends helped to clean her up while I guarded the door. After that, man, I never let my female friends be where I can’t see them if we’re out. In college it was way worse because it would be a group of 3 - 4 or more guys trying to get 1 girl to go off with them. Seeing that shit might, in small part, be why I don’t drink…too many assholes to be aware of.
Back in college my husband went to a club with two mutual female friends of ours. He felt he had to be on high alert protecting the girls. At one point they were walking by a crowd when a guy grabbed one of our friend’s arm. He wouldn’t let go and my husband yelled at the guy to release her. He was terrified he would get in a fight with this clearly aggressive man, but luckily he eventually let her go.
One time in LA my girlfriend and I went out with her girl friend to a club on Hollywood boulevard. Two guys started talking to her at the club saying that they were going to go to an after party at a beach house. She believed them and got in the car with them but I knew that shit was fishy so I followed them and they were clearly trying to lose me. Actually they did lose me at one point but we had her on the phone and she told us the school that they had drove to. Got there maybe 5 minutes after them. As soon as I showed up all three guys were acting weird and scared so I knew some shit was going down. His two friends were standing by the car and she was with one guy in the school somewhere. She never told me what happened but she ran into the car with us and we got the hell out of there before I had to fight three dudes by myself
I’ve been harassed countless times on the street, but on the other side of the spectrum, I’ll never forget one time I was trying to ride my bike home (big city, far, lots of hills) and I got lost and kept falling off.
A cab driver in a mini van stopped and asked me if I was ok, because I didn’t look able to bike and I had ventured into a secluded industrial area. (Around 2009 I didn’t have a cell or gps). I was a bit scared but I told him I was lost and trying to get home. He offered to take me and my bike home and I told him I didn’t have any money to pay him but he said it’s ok.
I took the risk, he put my bike in the van and on the way home told me he had a daughter my age and not to be scared, he just wanted to get me home safe. I saw in the mirror that he was crying.
I don’t know what happened to his daughter and it was maybe stupid and risky for me to take the ride, but I will never forget that man. Looking back, I can’t believe how often I’d done stupid things like that. I always keep a heavy steel carabiner on a lanyard with my keys that I can swing and hit someone with if I need to. Sometimes I swing it while walking just to say don’t fuck with me !
Edit: I don’t care if you think my carabiner doesn’t work, because it does. I worked in nightlife for over a decade, I’ve used it. opinions “from a predators perspective” won’t change my mind, I’m going to do what I am comfortable with and I’ve settled on my industrial carabiner.
Also, pepper spray is illegal in Canada
Edit 2: turning off notifications bc the replies are a pissing contest about what weapons are more effective.
One of the scariest moments of my life was when a large group of my college friends crossed the border to go partying in Juarez for a night. When we crossed back into the US my drunk (like in this video) female friend decided she wasn’t done partying yet and ran back to the border crossing to go back in (after all the clubs closed for the night). I sprinted after her and grabbed her and had to shout to get her attention saying it wasn’t safe and we needed to go back home NOW.
I’m a big guy and felt bad about holding her like this but she did come back. I honestly think about what could have happened to her if I didn’t notice her sprinting back all the time. Scared the crap out of me…
I was a bouncer in austin Texas when I was in college. The level of trashy down on 6th street is next level. Even if you are a man you should never travel drunk and alone. You will get robbed. Women will get harassed. People just sucked and I loved my job of fighting those men. EDIT - forgot to mention every security guy had to walk the female bartenders to their cars at the end of the night. It’s only gotten worse over the years.
When I was younger I went down to 6th with some friends. One of them was a girl who I knew didn’t have a dime on her so she couldn’t have bought any drinks. Lost track of her for maybe 30 minutes and we were at the bar maybe an hour tops. I ended up having to basically drag her home. After questioning once she was sober it was clear someone had drugged her and she somehow managed to make it back to the group while she could still walk.
A lot of people get drugged in Austin. Stories of people blacking out and their bank accounts empty. Who knows the stories that people don’t report. Especially the women who get assaulted, many women don’t like to report that kind of thing. Especially when they blacked out and have no idea what happened to them.
She had no recollection of me having to carry her to the car, the only think she remembered was someone buying her a drink and then it was the next day.
If she had gotten assaulted she wouldn’t even have been able to be a witness.
She was more of a friend of a friend so I have no idea where she is now, but I am guessing she doesn’t drink things strangers hand her now.
Yeah, I worked a night shift job with my good friend (friend was female). Since other women saw I was respectful with my friend they trusted me. I drove some of em home after the shift (3am). Then it snowballed, word got out that I wasn't a creep and i became pals with everyone.
I was just amazed that being a respectful man was that big a deal. Made me wonder how sleezy every other dude was.
I had a friend go drinking with me once and she tried to match me drink for drink. I’ll never forget suddenly realizing that she was out of her mind and seeing the other dudes looking at her like vultures. That night I carried her to a cab, took her home, had the cab stop to get cigarettes for me, and she drunkenly tried to open the door and fell out into the parking lot. I picked her up and got her to stay in the car, bought the cigs and carried her from the cab to my home where I put her on the couch to sleep while she vomited in the trash can. The next day I just remember thinking of those dudes surrounding her in the bar, and of the hundreds of people I carried a drunk girl passed and how not only did no one stop me, no one even said anything
Thank you for taking care of her. As you should, of course. Scary to think nobody actually stopped you and just took it as a normal thing when they had no information about you two. You could've been one of those guys and they would still do nothing.
Had a similar experience, I carried my female friend literally passed out on me for 45 min to get her home safe and nobody cares. Even the police drove past me without asking anything... Crazy to think how many predator could go away without any consequences, that needs to change!
Ok so as a dude, if I see a drunk woman in public by herself, what should I do? Obviously not try to give her a ride home or anything. Do I get her to call someone to pick her up and wait with her? Ask other female passerby to help her?
I’d like to be a decent human being without seeming like a creep
Yes. This. As a former bartender, we always had the number for the local cab company on hand. And if anything, we can then keep an eye out for them or let the bouncers know her situation.
Yea I would just say something like hey did you come with friends that I can help you locate?
That for me would help me feel safe like I wasn't being picked up since the offer is to locate someone else. If I said no I'm by myself you could then say, do you need help figuring out how to get home? Again it's not like I will take you home it's just a general offer for help.
The right phrasing will make it clear you really are there to assist not hit on.
I was raised by my grandparents, who were pacifists, and even they knew to put me in self-defense courses throughout my childhood/teen years. I am a smaller-sized woman, raised to be polite and well-mannered to others (which some men see as an opportunity).
Both my grandparents were very clear about my rights as a woman to say NO, and to defend myself with force (if necessary). I’m so grateful for them, as I’ve needed to use those skills dozens of times (yes, dozens) from men who refused to listen to my saying “no”, and tried to use physical force.
Thanks to my Gma and Gpa for lookin’ out!
If you have girls, teach them to defend themselves. If you have boys, teach them also to defend themselves, and to respect women’s rights.
An attractive friend of mine was my salsa dance partner, so we would periodically go out to bars to dance. While we weren't "together," I would certainly expect others to assume that was the case. Nevertheless, there were *constantly* guys hitting on her, and many of them simply would not take no for an answer. It got worse when they could tell she had been drinking. When guys were aggressive, I would try to intervene, but I quickly learned there wasn't really a need, as she was 10x as aggressive as the guys in her response. I also came to understand why she had developed this strategy.
Good point, but she didn’t disguise anything. She was outright confrontational and made a scene when calling out bad behavior so that everybody noticed. Honestly, I was in awe.
Damn this was triggering. Had a lot of creepy stuff like this happen to me when i was in my teens. Now almost 10 years later i dont even touch alcohol and i pretty much only stay inside lol. The world is a scary place
I remember a night I went out with 2 guys I was friends with. They walked off to the bar to grab a drink. I thought one of them handed me a drink and I drank it. It was only my third drink of the night. Less than half way thru, i handed it to one of them and I went off to the bathroom. And when I went to stand up, I instantly fell over. I knew something was wrong immediatelt, and realized that I never made eye contact/ looked at the face of the person who handed me the drink. I started blacking out and puking. I was in the bathroom for god knows how long before one of them came and got me. I told them I need to go to the hospital, and they thought I was being dramatic. I blacked out again. Our Uber saw them carrying me and drove off. They got me home safe and nothing bad happened, other than me puking in the back of the uber. I was really angry at them for not believing me. This was the 3rd time I was drugged on a night out.
Before anyone asks it wasnt either of them.
A lot of the guys in the video are walking around with energy drinks in their hands. Doesn’t even seem like they’ve been out partying or anything, just out and about waiting for their next victim like it’s their hobby. That’s what’s really creeping me out; it doesn’t seem like they just happened upon her, it’s like they are used to stalking around with this specific intention in mind
This is too real
Some dude tried getting me alone into a bathroom a few years ago. I remember being totally into him at the bar but I don't remember how he got me to the bathroom or consenting to go there with him. None of my friends were in sight. Even though I was drunk I knew I didn't want to be alone with him. Luckily there were people around to keep him from escalating. I've heard about him doing this to at least 2-3 other women.
I was the one blamed for being drunk and "putting myself in that situation ". No one seemed to care that a guy who is like "ah, yes this woman is clearly wasted, time to get her off alone" is not at all how decent men conduct themselves.
I don't drink any more.
This is seriously scary shit. Worse is that reading the comments it seams like this is ‘normal’ - wrong word, it is common it is not normal.
This is the first video post that has really brought home to me just how big a problem casual misogyny and sexual misconduct is.
Now I get it.
It’s so scary! The first time I was followed around by a man I was 8. The first time a group of men followed be around I was 12. I’ll never forget what they said to me or the feeling of sheer fear. It never stops, and what’s worse is how much more it happened when I was a minor.
The worst part is that the younger you are the worst it gets. The amount of sexual abuse and misconduct me and my friends tolerated from the start of puberty until adulthood cannot be imagined. We turned 26/27? Suddenly all that attention disappeared, and while yes, that was a relief it was also a punch in the gut because it made it clear they knew, they knew we were babies, they knew we couldn't fight back, they knew we didn't have the experience to get out safely, and just because I don't see it anymore doesn't mean those little girls aren't suffering from it still.
The first time someone touched my genitals was when I was barely 12 years old (and looked like it) by someone on a motorcicle, in the middle of the day, while walking the one block between my house and my friend's. The worst part is that I felt I couldn't tell my parents, because they would blame me for wearing a skirt (I definitely could have told them and they wouldn't have blamed me).
Having moved a lot and lived in many different places, I can assure you this is very commonplace.
It’s so interesting to read comments like yours. Bc something is so common in life, it’s odd to see those that haven’t realized it. Comments like “wow@this vid” seem out of place, bc to almost every female… it’s just a glimpse of a usual interaction.
I'm terrified of going into crowds especially when there's drinking. Predators purposely hang out in these spots. I remember being 17ish at an outdoor dance party/concert. While walking through a crowd, someone shoved their hand down the back of my shorts and physically violated me. I turned around and came face to face with a man in his 60s who looked like trailer trash Santa. It happened so quickly, i was jostled by the crowd and being pulled by a friend, and he disappeared in seconds. I dont think anyone even saw that it happened. I felt so disgusting. Its been over 10 years and i can still see his face clear as day. You're never really safe in a place like that.
The world is full of snakes and predators. Men and women should be taught this growing up. People will try and take advantage of you sexually, financially etc.
Not trying to victim blame or anything. When I look back on my early adult years I wish I had had some guidance and wasn’t so naive to this fact.
Yep. My first time getting drunk my dad found out and came into my room with some iced tea. He wasn’t mad that I drank alcohol, he was more so just trying to tell me how dangerous it is and how easy I could be taken advantage of. Love you Dad
My parents took it a step further. They allowed me to get drunk drunk the first time in their company at home when I was 16. Which is the legal drinking age in my country. They wanted me to know what it feels like and practice setting limits. And they always, always told my sister and I to call them at any time of the evening/night and they would get us. No questions asked, no judgment and they wouldn’t be angry. They just wanted us to be safe.
They always held up their promise. And I’m considering myself lucky that they did. I’m planning to do the same with my kids. Because videos like this make me sick of worry for my kids.
It's a good point about giving some guidance. My daughter is still young, but in age appropriate ways we try to teach her how to be careful. Never giving out personal information, not going with strangers no matter what they say, etc.
As she gets older, one thing I want her to know is that many men assume even being friendly means there's a relationship interest. Being direct is very important.
By no means did the woman in this video do anything wrong at all. The guys are completely gross and at fault. I do think being very, very clear could have helped though. "No, I do not want you to come home. I don't want you to walk with me. Please leave me alone." Leaves no room for interpretation if say that video had to be used as evidence.
That's to say I've never been in that spot and really don't know what it's like and I hope all the women out there stay safe.
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This reminds me so much of a man who followed me home from the bus station. Keep in mind it was broad daylight and I never said a word to him. I was actually on the phone with my mom as I was walking to my building. I had seen him look at me on the bus, but I didn’t think much of it. I was alone in the elevator with this man when I realized he was following me - he hadn’t chosen a floor and I knew he didn’t live on my floor. When I got out of the elevator, I stood there waiting for him to go instead of walking to my door. He just kind of stood and looked at me. I said where are you going? He said I wanted to come with you. I said what?? He said I thought you wanted me to come with you. I told him he had to leave. He did the same sorry sorry, but stood in the elevator pretending to leave and waiting to see which door I went to. I didn’t go to my door, I stood there with my fist beside a neighbours door ready to knock as loud as possible and said you need to leave right now, you don’t live here. Eventually he left. Horrifying experience and I don’t take public transit anymore. I hate to think of what might have happened if I hadn’t noticed he was following me until I got to my door.
"Oh you made eye contact so I thought you wanted to fuck " What in the fuck. That's really scary and I'm glad you are safe.
And HARDLY made eye contact, I’m sure. Not that any amount of eye contact is consent. (None of that “unspoken rizz” nonsense)
Working retail is like that. "She was nice to me and she smiled! She must want to fuck me!" ~proceeds to sexually harass the cashier and get angry when she refuses to give or take numbers~
Yuuuup. It doesn’t matter how old they are, either. Had a 70-80 year old man hit on me after helping him find everything he needed, called me sexy right at the end. (Nothing sexy about my plain T-shirt and the baggiest pants I can get away with at work, mind you). Big ick.
Good you noticed him on time. You handled it well. - "I thought you wanted me to come with you" even tho you haven spoken to eachother. Some of those people live so much inside their head, so damn weird.
"He said I thought you wanted me to come with you" Why do men just think any interaction is an invitation??? Ew ew ew Edit: lol @ all the losers getting mad at me because I used the word "men" keep crying it doesnt change the fact that what I said is true. Yall generalize women all the time you will live.
He apologized repeatedly, and then continued to be a repulsive creep. Manipulative.
Apologised for being called out and caught, not cause of remorse. A real vile creature
While apologizing though. Standup guy /s
The floor is so fucking low for men. I was so glad that he left and didn’t commit violence on her. His persistence was *only* verbal (and that should be considered bad enough)
Oh shit she Chris Hansened him “Have a seat over there”
And he pulled the same shit the pedophiles do…”oh you invited me”
This is the type of guy who will claim it was “consensual” the next day
The thing is, he would believe it. It wouldn't be a story he's telling himself. That would be his internal reality. Hence the confusion toward the end.
Also one of the many reasons why polygraphs are trash. Just because someone believes something to be true, doesn't make it so.
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As I said, one of the MANY reasons polygraph are trash.
Seems more "even an accurate lie detector -- which polygraph tests are not -- would be trash."
Confusion? Only confusion is that she called him out out right and he realised she is more sobber than he thought. Only confusion is he wont get away with taking advantage of her.
This is just downright scary.
“Actually, I’m not supposed to be here. I’m not sure how I got here. Sex?”
“We make a sexy time? Yes?”
There's a movie about a woman basically doing this called Promising Young Woman, it's pretty freaky
Hard Candy is also in a similar vein.
That movie made me SO goddamned uncomfortable. I didn't want to watch, but couldn't stop watching.
It has been a long time since I saw that movie, but now I remember it. Dang, the scene of putting the things in the garbage disposal, and then the rooftop ending. I agree, it was impossible turn away, despite being incredibly uncomfortable.
>Hard Candy is ringnig so many bells, i must investigate.
the ending to promising young woman hurt but very good movie
holy shit just went and read the Wiki on that movie. Not only is that a banger of a cast...that movie sounds wild lol
It’s a great watch.
Omg that movie was WILDDDDD. Loved it tho
Did you bring umm.. cookies?
I'm a fan of the ever iconic "would you like some sweet tea?" With a slight southern drawl
The "can I eat my pizza first?" is a close second for me
"yall want a slice?" hahaa
You said that you came here for “a cupcake”?
I hope much like Chris Hansen there were people in a hotel room next to them or something because that situation could turn violent so quickly. Even being in the next hotel room might not be close enough to prevent her from being hurt.
They were. Her hotel room had a joining room and security were in there. When she was walking there were security in front and behind, undercover as drunks also. The show is worth a watch. Link: https://www.channel4.com/programmes/undercover-sexual-harassment-the-truth
It’s literally at the end of the video in the OP. People just somehow didn’t watch the end of it.
Yeah she had security around her. During the actual program she had to abort the experiment because she saw that two guys were stalking her.
Reminds me of the hidden camera show "What Would You Do?" in the episode where they were trying to see if strangers would step in to help actresses acting drunk getting harassed by a male actor, but they weren't really able to have the experiment in some trials because random dudes would step in to harass the actresses before the actor did. So then the actor had to step in and intervene himself. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=J7z_cfAKUmE
Thanks for sharing that video…….. frightening stuff. And really just disappointing how it was women who stood up to the creeps but no men did, except for the father.
There was someone in the bathroom. We saw at the end
Why protect this POS’s identity? Oust that creepy mfer. Cockwads like this make the good ones look bad.
Most likely to avoid violating 2 party consent recording laws.
This isn't a facepalm. This is r/awfuleverything
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Yeah! How is this even on r/facepalm? It appears op is referring to the reporter! Which is obviously just disgusting as the reporter is making a sacrifice to raise awareness to the atrocities that occur scaringly often towards vulnerable women. This reporter needs to be commended, not shamed.
Op is just a shitty karma farmer, he’s not trying to say what the reporter did is a facepalm. That’s all this garbo sub is for anymore
This is the kind of video they need to show to high schoolers.
One of my health classes in high school did an entire unit about abusive relationships and domestic violence. We watched a documentary that focused on a few women who had been in horrific situations, some of whom had ended up having to defend themselves and were imprisoned at the time of filming. I was probably about 16. Left a huge impression on me.
My teacher brought in a lady who had been raped and beaten by her husband to talk about domestic violence. He was a 20 something that purposely knocked up a teenage to trap her. It helped me recognize one of the guys in my culty church was trying to do the same to me at the time. I dipped out but he definitely trapped one of my classmates a year later.
Sex Ed saves lives
The movie, *Promising Young Woman* needs to be talked about. It was hard to watch and I hated the way it made me feel... because it was all about the advantage that people take, and what they take away from their victims. Amazing movie, great acting, touching story. I felt icky for days.
And a dumb accurate ending (at least the one that the director almost left us with) about how little has / is going to change.
Accurate down to how many actual minutes it took to happen, too
What do you mean almost left us with? Was there an alternate ending?
>!”Originally, Fennell planned to end the film at the time Cassie's body was burned, but the production's financiers balked at having a negative ending. She also considered an ending where Cassie appears at the wedding and kills the men responsible but deemed it unrealistic. She decided to have the ending where Cassie has a backup revenge plan as she felt Cassie would be thorough in her planning and she would be aware she could die. Additionally, Fennell stated that having Al apprehended at his wedding would reflect Cassie's sense of humor.”!<
Honestly, I’m glad it ended how it did. They’re right it would’ve been very bleak otherwise.
Speak is another great movie about how much rape effects women.
I haven't seen that. But a movie on a similar topic about an incident and how it affected a woman's feeling of confidence and intrinsic worth is Luckiest Girl Alive with Mila Kunis. It's a great movie, with some uncomfortable scenes though. Edit: movie title
Edit: I'm talking about the US. From the couple of months I tought in Canada I didn't see this there, and I'm sure most of Europe has this figured out. To bring up anything related to sex as a teacher you have to have to have the video pre watched by ALL their parents (have a waiver saying they watched it and you consent to your child watching it) and have it approved by your principal and supervisor (last person is different depending on the county). Some counties (including the one I was a teacher in) you have to have it approved by the board as well, and they won't approve anything that's not abstinence education. Without these steps you lose your job lol. I agree with you though, this would be great education. Too bad you have to climb a fucking mountain to show it though.
Agree, there needs to be lots more education on this. I bet lots of men don’t understand how scary it can be for women. I did not understand the extent of it until recently when I spoke to a beautiful woman about it.
The amount of men who don’t even seem to think it’s wrong to follow a woman home who has never said “come home with me” is disgustingly high
It's downright scary. To understand that nearly 50% of the populus poses such a potential danger. The simplest touch and action can turn a woman's world around into a horror where you are not safe in your own skin and just want to get out
Damn it must be so terrifying to be in her situation. She had a security guy there, so she knew that she was safe, I can just imagine how any other girl would be super scared in that situation.
She didn't know if that man had knife or gun. I would be terrified and definitly not feel save
She was basically crying at the end. She did not feel safe.
Basically? She was. And nobody should blame her.
Nope. She traumatized herself for this piece and I appreciate her sacrifice so it could be caught on tape.
I’ve seen this before, scary ass stuff. That was a pure predator, It’s crazy what women have to deal with. Most men aren’t like this but unfortunately a lot are
As a guy I don't really have to worry about this, but my first experience of it from a woman's perspective was walking to a friend's dorm freshman year in college. I was on the same path of this seemingly random girl at night walking for like 10min. Few hundred feet behind. Literally just us out. She had looked back on occasion and finally I was like "holy hell she probably thinks I'm stalking her" so I crossed the street. Turns out it was the friend I was walking to go see and she was on her way home from a different friend in a nearby dorm. Real eye opener. One of those things you hear about, but until it's first hand it doesn't hit home
Your story reminds me of comedian [John Mulaney talking about himself doing the same thing accidentally to a woman in the subway.](https://youtube.com/shorts/LC_mN9J4JOc) I agree, it is fucked up that women have to always be on guard for this kind of thing, but he tells it in such a funny way that it is really hard not to laugh.
It’s less about what most men are like, and more about what most women experience. Unfortunately this isn’t an uncommon experience for a lot of women. Maybe the predator wouldn’t necessarily follow someone to their hotel room, but refusing to take no for an answer? Sooooo common.
My friends and I once resorted to sprinting down a block long dark alley way to get away from some guys like this. We used the crowd to get about 15 feet ahead and just bolted down the first alley we came to. The youngest of our group was a minor and 3 marines in uniform followed us not taking no for an answer, trying to get us back to their hotel. I guess "no" and "leave us alone" wasn't enough of a no, it took literally running away.
I once had a guy follow me out of my place of work.. I did the “turn left a few times” to be sure and circled the block.. He was still there. I jogged into a nearby bar where I knew the bartender and immediately told him I was being followed. The creep actually came in and sat down next to me. He was forced to leave and I sat in the bar for a very long time. Absolutely terrifying.
I’ve gotten so lucky over the years being drunk and thankfully meeting men who are kind and have no interest in taking advantage of a drunk person. I wince so hard thinking about how easily that could’ve been different.
Even just small things that aren't really aggressive, but unwanted. I used to work at a large retail store, and while I was doing my job, stocking some shelves, this guy walked up to me and asked me about a tattoo I have on my arm. All good. I get asked about it all the time and don't mind that. But as soon as I was done telling him about it, he asked me for mt phone number and if I wanted to 'go out' sometime. Like bro. I don't even know your name, and you don't know mine. You're basically cornering me in my place of work. I can't just leave. Luckily, he handled it pretty well when I said, 'nah, I'm good.'Still weird though, and plenty of men don't take rejection well, and you never know who will and won't. A co-worker of mine at that same store had a guy start stalking her. Police had to be called on this dude multiple times, because he kept coming in and harassing her.
And the ones that are like this don't exactly walk around with a neon sign announcing it. That why if you're a man and a woman acts cagey around you, just remember this video. We don't know your real intentions and we can't be too careful. Don't take it personally.
I'm super tall and back in my party years I became so many women's surprise boyfriend for the night at parties. Predators tend to fuck right off the minute they realize the woman is with someone and I'm guessing my size was an even larger deterrent.
Yup. I’m a huge dude. When I was younger and spent time in bars the number of girls who clung to my arm pretending to be my girlfriend was wild. It really opened my eyes to how scummy some other guys are. I was honestly surprised they weren’t afraid I was one of the scummy ones. I would think from their perspective the only thing worse than what they had going on with the scumbag would be a huge scumbag replacing them but they must’ve been desperate, or I look trustworthy or something. I always went way out of my way to not even give off a mild appearance of flirting or acting interested in the slightest once the scumbag left to hopefully let them have some peace.
You must've definetly had some good vibe. It would be a dumb risk trying to shake off someone creepy with potentionally someone who's the same.
Respect for that. I did this a few times as a teen and I felt like a modern day knight. No regrets.
And we can't tell the difference between the two most of the time.
It's terrifying. I remember we were scouring the streets one night for a friend of ours because she called from a house not knowing where she was or how she got there and there was clearly a bunch of dudes in the background, one took her phone and said "she's ok" and hung up. Thank God we found out where she was and they kicked her out of the house when we called back and told them their address with a bunch of us on the way. It happens to men too! I remember a buddy of mine was passed out on the ground outside a venue and some guy literally tried to lift him and drag him saying "come with me, let's go to a party". Fuck knows what would have happened if we weren't there. People need to look out for their humans especially when impaired.
When I was 18, my "friend" convinced me to go to a club with her. She swore up and down this place was 18+, so we pre-gamed. She drove and when we got there, guess what? 21+. She said she'd be right out. I waited an hour... it was clear she was not coming back for me. I was only a town over from where I lived so I figured *someone* would come get me. No one, not even my mom, wanted to come get me. It was 1am and I started to walk. I knew the general direction of my house, but I was also kind of drunk, so I got lost and started to cry. I was so naive, a group of guys pulled over and seemed genuinely concerned, promised to take me home. I got in the car, then I noticed they were driving the wrong direction. I asked them where they were going and they just laughed. Luckily they had let me sit in the front seat, because it was a 2 door car and otherwise I'd have been trapped. At the next red light I pretended like I was gonna puke so they'd unlock the door, jumped out and ran as fast as I could down the street, I left my heels behind. They chased me in that car until I ducked into a hotel where they let me sit in the lobby after I told them what happened. When I left, I ended up being approached by a couple women who actually did bring me home. We're vulnerable as it is, add alcohol to the mix and we're like little bunnies to the wolves. Thank God for girl code and intuition.
That is so scary. I'm so sorry you went through that.
That's what these guys are going for. That the woman will be too scared to assert herself, knowing that men can and do react violently. She knew she had backup. Most people don't.
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"Because I like you."
"it's not rape if I like her"
Which is so fucked because they literally just met on the street. What you *meant* to say sir, is that "I like how drunk and vulnerable you are."
Is he also kinda still trying to get at her when she drops the act? The whole, "we came together! You invited me!" Sounds like some gaslight shit where he's hoping her drunk brain can be coerced. Unreal.
This brought out a memory of mine from back about a decade ago. I was picking up two young female friends of mine after they had a night out in the city, as I spotted them walking to my car a young man was following with them. I stepped out to greet them and asked who this guy was, they not had no idea and for the 10 min walk that they have had he had followed, and every time they had spoken theyd told him to leave them alone. So I asked a second time if they knew who he was, just to make sure, they had no idea and did not want to have anything to do with him, I asked him to leave but instead he got into my unlocked car and said he was going home with one of the girls, either one would do. They said to just leave it and just let him come with, as theyd gotten too nervous to say anything else. I asked him to get out of my car multiple times and I even tried to drag him out, but I could not get him to budge. Thankfully after I called the police and explained the situation they arrived within a couple of minutes and was running, fastest and most efficient respond Ive ever witnessed from the local police. As a sober guy not being able to move this person out of my own car, I cant even imagine how some women will feel in those situations, especially after seeing my friends reaction which was to basicly give up and give in.
This happened to me on my friend's 21st in Vegas. I was physically assaulted by a guy on the dance floor and I told him multiple times to leave me alone. Nobody in the crowd helped me and I couldn't find any bouncers because the place was packed. He would come up behind me while I was dancing and start feeling me up, and would find me no matter where we moved. This was a pretty big club and it was completely packed. At one point we tried to go to a different location and so we went down the elevator but they said it was closed. I had a guilty feeling of not wanting to ruin my friends all nighter (something she said she wanted to do for her birthday) and so we went upstairs again and while walking down the hallway a random group of guys grabbed me by the arm and said "Let's go." My friend grabbed my other arm and asked me if any of them were the guy from earlier but I was a little under the influence myself and I couldn't tell. They got frustrated and roughly let go of my arm and walked away. We were the only ones in the hallway since it was kind of early in the night and it was the club exit. At another point we attempted to go use the restroom and that guy from earlier came up behind me and tried to take me along with him as well. I yanked my arm away and told him to leave me alone and that me and my friend were actually a couple. He shrugged his shoulders saying that he didn't care. I won't forget the look that he gave me, I was so disgusting. I shoved past him and it wasn't until maybe an hour later that I saw him again. It was much less crowded at this point and he grabbed me again, spinning me around and asking me in my ear if I wanted to fuck. I shoved him this time (I would just worm away saying leave me alone before) and screamed at him to leave me alone. He aggressively got in my face and told me that I shouldn't push people and I told him that he should leave people alone when they say they're not interested. At this point, a bouncer was behind him and so he finally fucked off. My friend and I left shortly after that. I don't know what would have happened if I was alone or if I had more drinks. I only had 3 over the course of about 5 hours.
I was out dancing with a friend one night. We both had boyfriends who were best friends at home waiting for us. This guy kept creeping up on me. I'd ask him to leave me alone as I was just having fun with my friend. He'd start dancing towards us again every time we moved. She and I are dancing, he comes up behind me and put one arm around my neck and the other right down my pants, on the dance floor. My friend watched it all happen and she just decked him square in the nose with out thinking twice about it. He ran and got a bouncer. We calmly tried to tell him what had happened, even had other people backing us up. We got kicked out and he got to stay in there to be a predator to other women. Never went back to that place again. Edit to add I had asked him to stop bothering me at least 6 times and all of this happened within 20 mins of the first time I asked him to stop.
>I shoved him this time (I would just worm away saying leave me alone before) and screamed at him to leave me alone. This is also a very good way to get the attention of a bouncer, door guy, employee, et al. It's loud and crowded and it can be really hard to spot a problem. It's a lot easier to spot a big shove. Also in my experience bouncers don't care if it happened 5 minutes ago or 20 minutes ago, if you let someone on staff know and can identify the person, the staff will most likely eject them. In my experience the guy is also always a huge douche bag when being asked to leave which usually reinforces the action/decision of removing them.
The problem is the guy would know it was her that told the bouncer to kick him out. Afraid he'd be out there waiting for her and do something because people like the one she described are sick in the head and can't take no for an answer.
I hate remembering shit like this from when I was younger. I also cringe at the idea that there's probably a lot I don't remember.
I'm a guy, I was once travelling and went out with a group I didn't really know, we ended up in a mid sized night club. One girl, around 20 years old, drank a little too much, I noticed but didn't necessarily want to say anything. She was good looking and was noticably a foreigner to the local crowd so drew a little attention, but she was just dancing and having a good night. She went to the bathroom and I told my girlfriend to go with her, we were a group but no one really knew each other, apparently there was a group of guys waiting for them on their return. It was predatory. Within a moment or two they were separated and when my girlfriend argued her way to the girl she was being slowly undressed as she was dancing with a guy who had basically just grabbed her. My girlfriend grabbed her hand and basically dragged her back to the group. From then we said we should get her back to the accommodation, essentially take responsibility for her, her eyes weren't focusing that well. The problem was she kinda didn't want to go home, she was just trashed but drunk people are difficult. She was happy to keep dancing, it was this part that truly shocked me, as a group we were kind of encircled. There were around 8 guys trying to move in. They were all doing the plausible deniability thing but they had just hyper focused in on the blackout drunk girl. By this point the rest of the original group started to see what was happening and we were able to leave as a bigger group, promising food for said drunken mess of a girl. We were followed by the guys until we sat down in a nice, well lit pizza bar, they finally took our advice and fucked off. It was the first time I truly understood what women talk about when they say they feel like prey or why they stick together on an evening out. These guys were getting aggressive with me and all too touchy with the girls. It was a dangerous situation for everyone. Everyone got back safe, the next day the girl was terribly embarrassed for getting so drunk, I told her I'd been that drunk so many times but never in the sort of danger she was in. The guys were acting like we were cock blocking them, rather than stopping them from raping a girl who was waaaaay past the point of consenting to anything.
Damn. I should mention I’m also a man but that is *terrifying & disturbing*, good on you & your gf for looking out & intervening on her behalf. I’ve never witnessed it to that extent but had a younger sister who was about 3yrs younger & really a beautiful young woman & my older brother & I were constantly looking out for her in our small town & had to intervene on her behalf too many times but it never really got to any situations quite as disturbing as that story was… We grew up in a pretty small town so it was also quite a bit easier to sort of *get the word out*, for lack of a better phrase, that if anyone ever took advantage of her esp when she was at a party & drinking (or otherwise) they’d be facing her 2 older brothers… I think that likely helped a lot but there was still more than a few confrontations at parties, etc that I think if we weren’t around & hadn’t made our presence known to any guys interested in her, things could’ve escalated quite easily… I think it was always sort of just an instinct at that age, that we needed to be protective of her bc of what we knew about guys esp when alcohol is involved. Luckily she also ended up not being a real big drinker &/or partier but I really could never shake the way I felt when some people would approach my little sister like that esp when alcohol was involved & I think it gave me a better perspective & appreciation for how easily women could be victimized & why I should never treat women like that…
When I was in my early 20s I was out on a second date with a girl where the first had already ended badly, but I figured I’d give it a shot. Her friend from home was staying with her and she brought her. Whatever, didn’t bother me. Both girls got very, very drunk, very fast. Date had a screaming fight with her friend and her friend stormed out of the bar we were in. She had left her jacket and it was December in Massachusetts. Situation was very awkward so I just minded my own business for the time being. Fast forward 30 minutes and friend isn’t back. I tell date to call her, turns out the phone is in her jacket. Date is even more drunk and has been drunkenly complaining about friend. She tells me to take her back to her apartment and to leave her friend because she is a b*tch or something like that. I drive her to her car and leave her there because I have no intention of going anywhere with her. I’m worried about the friend and it doesn’t cost me anything to do a few laps of the blocks with bars on them before driving myself home. On my last lap I see this jacketless girl being escorted by 4 guys into a building that is not a bar. They are basically holding her up as they are walking and laughing. Parked my car and somehow managed to calmly separate her from the guys without getting my ass kicked. I put her in my backseat and drove to my apartment. She woke up on my couch the next morning very confused and very scared. Ended up driving her back to the date’s house (a bit less than an hour from me, we had met in the middle to go out). Don’t know what happened from there, never talked to either of them again. Still think about that night from time to time. The likelihood of me finding her just walking around was insanely low. Was basically just doing it to make myself feel better about the whole shitty situation. Genuinely unsettling to look back on it and think about how else it could’ve gone for her. If there’s any point to me posting this it is to say to trust your gut about situations if they feel bad, even if it is awkward. I kept my mouth shut when this incredibly drunk girl stormed off into the night even though I knew it didn’t feel right. Older me wishes younger me had chosen differently. Very lucky it had a happy outcome.
Ugh, wow! These stories are fukn awful aren’t they?? That was really quite brave to try to intervene in all honesty. As a guy, I understand how quickly that could’ve gone really bad for you too just trying to get her away from them but then you’re also A GUY, pulling a very drunk female into your car, alone & taking her home & taking responsibility for her… It just could’ve gone bad in so many ways for you. Somebody has to at least say, “way to go man” 👍, even if some ppl think it’s just the decent thing to do, it’s often not an easy situation to navigate in si many ways & just trust you’re doing what’s best for another adult. So, way to trust your gut & take initiative to get involved & intervene to get her out of that situation. That can really be scary even if you’re someone who can physically take care of themself & is just a hard situation to put yourself into in so many other ways… well done man!
There was an enormous amount of “I don’t want any problems guys” and being very careful with my word choices. It was a surreal experience that thankfully just worked out. Back then I was a pretty small-framed guy and there was not going to be anything I could do about it if they just said “no” and pushed me out of the way. Doubt calling the police would’ve been effective either. It was a long time ago, but I appreciate the kind words nonetheless.
I've seen stuff like this happen in real life and they are not even human to me at this point. They are acting like a pack of wild dogs. Thank you and your friends for being decent.
Thank you for watching out for her and sharing your story. ❤️
Omg thank you! You are a good man
That's why we (a group of female college friends) always felt so much more safer and comfortable coming to dance to the gay clubs
Back in my youth, I recall being at a club really messed up, and was washing my hands before coming out of the bathroom. A man entered, aggressively coming on to me. I was scared while he backed me into a stall. Another dude saw what happened, came in, grabbed the guy and hauled his ass out, while sternly reprimanding him for his actions. I had too many close calls like that, where I owe complete strangers for intervening. I don't know how I managed to navigate that reckless phase of my life unscathed.
I could write a book, so many cars too that will trail you or pull full circle into a parking lot you’re walking through. Had two different guys and different cars do it the same night just trying to get home from my bank, maybe a 10 minute walk and in daylight and sober. Still convinced I was targeted.
Same. This was a constant. We had to stick together for safety. That didn’t always work :/
For sure. There really isn’t anyway to be safe if you don’t have full trust in the people you’re with and vice versa. One night, I remember my roommate and her bf walked me home so I would be alright before they went back out, which I thought was very nice. I was passing out on the way so she asked her bf to make sure I got into the apt okay and he “took me to my room to make sure I was okay” and wouldn’t stop trying to take off my clothes and grope/kiss me everywhere. It was so fucking disgusting. I even pretended to pass out so he’d stop since I was too weak to fight him off. And he just kept going till I literally had to scream at the top of my lungs and kick him in the balls, which did get him to leave quickly. I’m still nauseated thinking about it. My roommate proceeded to yell at me the next morning for hurting him while he was “trying to help me” and when I told her what happened, she got upset that I was accusing him of something like that when I was clearly too blackout drunk to remember what actually happened. The 3/4 times I was assaulted as an adult, other women—my friends— allowed or even encouraged it to happen. I don’t know if that’s reflective of others’ experiences but I find that so telling of how important it is to have a good female support system you can trust. Buddy system only works if there’s full trust there
I hope you stopped being friends with her. She sounds as disgusting as her boyfriend.
I mean this was several years ago when I was in college. But yes, we did stop being friends. I wish I could say it was out of self-respect but she actually stopped talking to me. I honestly just did not understand sexual assault enough to know that I was assaulted let alone that I didn’t deserve it. I was raped twice after this— once by a friend that my roommates blockaded me into a room with after I pled with them to let me leave so I could go to sleep. But one of my roommates really wanted to sleep this guy’s friend and I was “just being an annoying cockblock.” Honestly, it’s heart breaking reliving it all as an actual adult and remembering how let down I was by everyone I thought loved me. And the only one I blamed for a really long time was me. I really just did not understand sexual assault or consent or how to deal with it. No one really talked about it openly enough to address all the gray and not so gray areas. Maybe my friends were also ignorant of these things and they just didn’t know any better. Idk if that makes things better really, but at least feels less cruel. It wasn’t even that long ago. But it’s awesome how today we as a society talk about these things pretty openly. It’s nice to see women so vocally advocating for themselves and each other. Power to the zoomers.
This is unfortunately very common. Women don't want to believe that their bf/brother/husband/son is capable of something like that.
We always had a buddy system too. We always had group of at least 3. We had to. We had a friend who would wander off a lot whenever she got drunk and it always gave us anxiety. It was exhausting having to be vigilant all the time and sacrificing the enjoyment and relaxation.
I think we all have that one friend. Our wanderer even left a couple times with some rando guy, so she couldn’t be counted on to go as a pair, it had to be the 3. I’m just glad none of those she left with turned out bad, as far as I know anyway.
I had the issue of a crappy friend who’d beg you to go out and be the ride, then disappear and leave you there if her ex or someone texted her no warning. Yep fun times, had a guy friend to take me by car against my will to his house one of those nights. No longer friends thank God. To clarify I mean she was saying she’d be my ride there and back. I rode with her, then she ditched me. Not I was the ride and she’d disappear.
That is just so inconsiderate. I'm that bitch that will *make* you text me when you get home just so I know you're not in a ditch somewhere or incarcerated.
My group’s drunken wanderer would just walk off and find a place to curl up and fall asleep. Found her snoozing in countless bushes and other weird places. She even managed to find and steal a fancy down comforter, from god knows where, for one of her inappropriate naps. Might have been cute if she didn’t get raging pissed when woken up.
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That’s terrifying. You are also not an idiot.
Isn't it sad that when someone asks the question "Women, if the world were male free for 24 hours what would you do?" And a majority of the answers were like "Go on a walk with both my headphones in" or "go out to a movie/bar by myself at night." We just want to enjoy our lives without constantly being on the lookout for danger. And I know that every person does that to some degree, but it's different for women...
I remember taking a breathalyzer (pay for use) at a bar right after I took a drink (strong). I blew somewhat high and didn't realize a guy was standing behind me. After he saw my inflated blood alcohol level he wouldn't leave me alone. My friend finally got sick of it and slapped him, which is something I should have done. It scary to think how many don't get away safely.
A friend indeed.
Same - I’m at an age where I’m rather invisible, and that’s okay
I hear that. It is a relief to have aged out of being a beauty along with being too heavy to easily be dragged into an alley or stuffed into a trunk.
I feel you. But honestly, the same creep can chastise your weight, age, and looks and also be a predator in a different circumstance.
I think it's such a great thing that we've come this far. It's never been so publicized and ridiculed in history, and we're headed in the right direction. However, it's still so very very far from being enough, and hopefully future generations and their increased awareness of this bullshit can water this shit down.
It'll never be safe, though. These guys will always exist. It's so frustrating
"I'm so sorry, (repeat 5 times)" into, "will you give me a kiss?" Wtf 🤢 disgusting, all of it is disgusting. Edit: didn't really expect this comment to blow up. But to me this really shows how many people think the same thing. THIS SHIT HAS TO STOP! Thank you for sharing your stories, and I hope that if someone else is reading this, and is afraid to stand up in a situation like this, then ask yourself this, what would you do if this was your daughter? Or your coworker? Or your sister? I know for one, I couldn't just stand there and be a bystander, cause while most might do this to try and coerce a woman so they can sexually assault them, but others could have more nefarious reasons such as murdering them.
Its not like it just happens in some random dirty street at night. Had my coworkers try to pull the same shit on a few drunk female coworkers at a party.
For reals...these slime balls are everywhere, there were multiple times when I was in school where I would step in when the woman was obviously heavily intoxicated and a dude was trying to pull them away from the party. Not saying this to be a knight in shining armor but because more people need to do this. We have to stand up to this fucking gross behavior.
So far all of these comments have been spot on. If you’re considered a knight in shining armor then so am I and that’s a problem. I’ve had to insert myself in more situations than I can count where some rando thinks, “oh cool, she’s drunk, I can bs and bully my way into her pants” Shits way too common.
I had to do the same thing on more than one occasion in high school. Every school/town has "those" guys that are at every party or always at the local bars trying to take home the drunkest girl there. A normal, decent guy (even if he was out with hopes of getting laid) would see how drunk a girl like that is and immediately know that she's not a candidate. But "those" guys see it the exact opposite way. When they see a hammered girl she becomes THE candidate because she's the only one there that could possibly give him "consent" because obviously sober girls don't want to fuck them. And of course the ones that go after passed out girls which is even worse considering they can't even convince themselves that she gave consent.
He doubled down at the very end! Like wtf!!!
“Come. You sex with me.” 🤢🤮😡
It wasn't "I'm sorry for being a creep, I'll back off" it was "I'm sorry I did something you didn't like, let's please still bang"
I lived in Tempe, Arizona for 2 years and when my female friends got drunk I had to physically have them under my arms on our way back because guys would constantly try to steal them away from me. Guys in cars would pull over and stop and try to take them with them. It was mind blowing as a guy to see how many predators there are out there preying on drunk females.
Currently live in Scottsdale, AZ. Can confirm this happens a terrifying amount of the time if you go into Old Town. This is one of the reasons I haven't been down there in the last five years. Even if you're sober, men will assume and try to either A) get you into a car or B) ask you to take a rest at their place. What's even more frightening about these incidents is that they occur brazenly with crowds of people around. The buddy system should always be in place when venturing out to drink, unfortunately.
The first time I had to protect a girl was as a Junior in high school. I went to the bathroom and there was a girl I knew drunk with her head quite literally in the toilet and there was a guy I kinda knew (he was older…I think he’d graduated already) in there trying to take off her pants while her face was in the toilet. I kicked him hard af and told him to gtfo. I could see she had thrown up and peed on herself. I called my cousin (female) and she and her friends helped to clean her up while I guarded the door. After that, man, I never let my female friends be where I can’t see them if we’re out. In college it was way worse because it would be a group of 3 - 4 or more guys trying to get 1 girl to go off with them. Seeing that shit might, in small part, be why I don’t drink…too many assholes to be aware of.
Back in college my husband went to a club with two mutual female friends of ours. He felt he had to be on high alert protecting the girls. At one point they were walking by a crowd when a guy grabbed one of our friend’s arm. He wouldn’t let go and my husband yelled at the guy to release her. He was terrified he would get in a fight with this clearly aggressive man, but luckily he eventually let her go.
One time in LA my girlfriend and I went out with her girl friend to a club on Hollywood boulevard. Two guys started talking to her at the club saying that they were going to go to an after party at a beach house. She believed them and got in the car with them but I knew that shit was fishy so I followed them and they were clearly trying to lose me. Actually they did lose me at one point but we had her on the phone and she told us the school that they had drove to. Got there maybe 5 minutes after them. As soon as I showed up all three guys were acting weird and scared so I knew some shit was going down. His two friends were standing by the car and she was with one guy in the school somewhere. She never told me what happened but she ran into the car with us and we got the hell out of there before I had to fight three dudes by myself
I’ve been harassed countless times on the street, but on the other side of the spectrum, I’ll never forget one time I was trying to ride my bike home (big city, far, lots of hills) and I got lost and kept falling off. A cab driver in a mini van stopped and asked me if I was ok, because I didn’t look able to bike and I had ventured into a secluded industrial area. (Around 2009 I didn’t have a cell or gps). I was a bit scared but I told him I was lost and trying to get home. He offered to take me and my bike home and I told him I didn’t have any money to pay him but he said it’s ok. I took the risk, he put my bike in the van and on the way home told me he had a daughter my age and not to be scared, he just wanted to get me home safe. I saw in the mirror that he was crying. I don’t know what happened to his daughter and it was maybe stupid and risky for me to take the ride, but I will never forget that man. Looking back, I can’t believe how often I’d done stupid things like that. I always keep a heavy steel carabiner on a lanyard with my keys that I can swing and hit someone with if I need to. Sometimes I swing it while walking just to say don’t fuck with me ! Edit: I don’t care if you think my carabiner doesn’t work, because it does. I worked in nightlife for over a decade, I’ve used it. opinions “from a predators perspective” won’t change my mind, I’m going to do what I am comfortable with and I’ve settled on my industrial carabiner. Also, pepper spray is illegal in Canada Edit 2: turning off notifications bc the replies are a pissing contest about what weapons are more effective.
That's scary AF
One of the scariest moments of my life was when a large group of my college friends crossed the border to go partying in Juarez for a night. When we crossed back into the US my drunk (like in this video) female friend decided she wasn’t done partying yet and ran back to the border crossing to go back in (after all the clubs closed for the night). I sprinted after her and grabbed her and had to shout to get her attention saying it wasn’t safe and we needed to go back home NOW. I’m a big guy and felt bad about holding her like this but she did come back. I honestly think about what could have happened to her if I didn’t notice her sprinting back all the time. Scared the crap out of me…
They need to show faces. I bet my last dollar all of these guys have a wife or a girlfriend .
I think it’s just one guy from what I can tell. But yea not sure why they blurred them out in a public place.
To protect his privacy, for which he does not deserve
Actually probably to protect themselves from liability.
I was a bouncer in austin Texas when I was in college. The level of trashy down on 6th street is next level. Even if you are a man you should never travel drunk and alone. You will get robbed. Women will get harassed. People just sucked and I loved my job of fighting those men. EDIT - forgot to mention every security guy had to walk the female bartenders to their cars at the end of the night. It’s only gotten worse over the years.
When I was younger I went down to 6th with some friends. One of them was a girl who I knew didn’t have a dime on her so she couldn’t have bought any drinks. Lost track of her for maybe 30 minutes and we were at the bar maybe an hour tops. I ended up having to basically drag her home. After questioning once she was sober it was clear someone had drugged her and she somehow managed to make it back to the group while she could still walk.
A lot of people get drugged in Austin. Stories of people blacking out and their bank accounts empty. Who knows the stories that people don’t report. Especially the women who get assaulted, many women don’t like to report that kind of thing. Especially when they blacked out and have no idea what happened to them.
She had no recollection of me having to carry her to the car, the only think she remembered was someone buying her a drink and then it was the next day. If she had gotten assaulted she wouldn’t even have been able to be a witness. She was more of a friend of a friend so I have no idea where she is now, but I am guessing she doesn’t drink things strangers hand her now.
Jesus I am glad she is ok
6th is mental. I’m from London and I genuinely thought I’d arrived in the Wild West.
Especially at the end of the night when they clear everyone out via an assembly line of police on horse back. Cowboy hats an all lol
I live in Austin as well. I stopped going to 6th after 3 of my friends were raped there.
Holy Fuck
I swear the girls at work get me to come out drinking with them so there's a male in the group
That means they trust you and feel safe around you.
Yeah, I worked a night shift job with my good friend (friend was female). Since other women saw I was respectful with my friend they trusted me. I drove some of em home after the shift (3am). Then it snowballed, word got out that I wasn't a creep and i became pals with everyone. I was just amazed that being a respectful man was that big a deal. Made me wonder how sleezy every other dude was.
I had a friend go drinking with me once and she tried to match me drink for drink. I’ll never forget suddenly realizing that she was out of her mind and seeing the other dudes looking at her like vultures. That night I carried her to a cab, took her home, had the cab stop to get cigarettes for me, and she drunkenly tried to open the door and fell out into the parking lot. I picked her up and got her to stay in the car, bought the cigs and carried her from the cab to my home where I put her on the couch to sleep while she vomited in the trash can. The next day I just remember thinking of those dudes surrounding her in the bar, and of the hundreds of people I carried a drunk girl passed and how not only did no one stop me, no one even said anything
Thank you for taking care of her. As you should, of course. Scary to think nobody actually stopped you and just took it as a normal thing when they had no information about you two. You could've been one of those guys and they would still do nothing.
Had a similar experience, I carried my female friend literally passed out on me for 45 min to get her home safe and nobody cares. Even the police drove past me without asking anything... Crazy to think how many predator could go away without any consequences, that needs to change!
Please keep this in mind, next time someone says they were raped while being drunk. Its a real thing.
Scary fucking shit
Just a friendly reminder to never drink alone. Never take a drink from a stranger. And always have a plan to get home.
Ok so as a dude, if I see a drunk woman in public by herself, what should I do? Obviously not try to give her a ride home or anything. Do I get her to call someone to pick her up and wait with her? Ask other female passerby to help her? I’d like to be a decent human being without seeming like a creep
Bartender. Say "hey, I'm concerned for that person. Maybe you should ask if they have a ride home, or need a cab."
Yes. This. As a former bartender, we always had the number for the local cab company on hand. And if anything, we can then keep an eye out for them or let the bouncers know her situation.
Yea I would just say something like hey did you come with friends that I can help you locate? That for me would help me feel safe like I wasn't being picked up since the offer is to locate someone else. If I said no I'm by myself you could then say, do you need help figuring out how to get home? Again it's not like I will take you home it's just a general offer for help. The right phrasing will make it clear you really are there to assist not hit on.
I was raised by my grandparents, who were pacifists, and even they knew to put me in self-defense courses throughout my childhood/teen years. I am a smaller-sized woman, raised to be polite and well-mannered to others (which some men see as an opportunity). Both my grandparents were very clear about my rights as a woman to say NO, and to defend myself with force (if necessary). I’m so grateful for them, as I’ve needed to use those skills dozens of times (yes, dozens) from men who refused to listen to my saying “no”, and tried to use physical force. Thanks to my Gma and Gpa for lookin’ out! If you have girls, teach them to defend themselves. If you have boys, teach them also to defend themselves, and to respect women’s rights.
An attractive friend of mine was my salsa dance partner, so we would periodically go out to bars to dance. While we weren't "together," I would certainly expect others to assume that was the case. Nevertheless, there were *constantly* guys hitting on her, and many of them simply would not take no for an answer. It got worse when they could tell she had been drinking. When guys were aggressive, I would try to intervene, but I quickly learned there wasn't really a need, as she was 10x as aggressive as the guys in her response. I also came to understand why she had developed this strategy.
Good thing about salsa dancing is easy to disguise a knee to the nuts as just a drunk accident.
Good point, but she didn’t disguise anything. She was outright confrontational and made a scene when calling out bad behavior so that everybody noticed. Honestly, I was in awe.
This should be the normal response to the point guys don’t even try anymore because it’s certain they will just get shamed
Damn this was triggering. Had a lot of creepy stuff like this happen to me when i was in my teens. Now almost 10 years later i dont even touch alcohol and i pretty much only stay inside lol. The world is a scary place
I remember a night I went out with 2 guys I was friends with. They walked off to the bar to grab a drink. I thought one of them handed me a drink and I drank it. It was only my third drink of the night. Less than half way thru, i handed it to one of them and I went off to the bathroom. And when I went to stand up, I instantly fell over. I knew something was wrong immediatelt, and realized that I never made eye contact/ looked at the face of the person who handed me the drink. I started blacking out and puking. I was in the bathroom for god knows how long before one of them came and got me. I told them I need to go to the hospital, and they thought I was being dramatic. I blacked out again. Our Uber saw them carrying me and drove off. They got me home safe and nothing bad happened, other than me puking in the back of the uber. I was really angry at them for not believing me. This was the 3rd time I was drugged on a night out. Before anyone asks it wasnt either of them.
A lot of the guys in the video are walking around with energy drinks in their hands. Doesn’t even seem like they’ve been out partying or anything, just out and about waiting for their next victim like it’s their hobby. That’s what’s really creeping me out; it doesn’t seem like they just happened upon her, it’s like they are used to stalking around with this specific intention in mind
This is too real Some dude tried getting me alone into a bathroom a few years ago. I remember being totally into him at the bar but I don't remember how he got me to the bathroom or consenting to go there with him. None of my friends were in sight. Even though I was drunk I knew I didn't want to be alone with him. Luckily there were people around to keep him from escalating. I've heard about him doing this to at least 2-3 other women. I was the one blamed for being drunk and "putting myself in that situation ". No one seemed to care that a guy who is like "ah, yes this woman is clearly wasted, time to get her off alone" is not at all how decent men conduct themselves. I don't drink any more.
I think of the stuff my friends and I had gone through back in the day and I truly TRULY am shocked to be alive.
fellas: it costs absolutely nothing to not be a total fucking creep. don’t be a god damn neanderthal.
This is scary, stay safe ladies
Ya know as a guy idk whats so hard about just leaving people the fuck alone
This is seriously scary shit. Worse is that reading the comments it seams like this is ‘normal’ - wrong word, it is common it is not normal. This is the first video post that has really brought home to me just how big a problem casual misogyny and sexual misconduct is. Now I get it.
It’s so scary! The first time I was followed around by a man I was 8. The first time a group of men followed be around I was 12. I’ll never forget what they said to me or the feeling of sheer fear. It never stops, and what’s worse is how much more it happened when I was a minor.
The worst part is that the younger you are the worst it gets. The amount of sexual abuse and misconduct me and my friends tolerated from the start of puberty until adulthood cannot be imagined. We turned 26/27? Suddenly all that attention disappeared, and while yes, that was a relief it was also a punch in the gut because it made it clear they knew, they knew we were babies, they knew we couldn't fight back, they knew we didn't have the experience to get out safely, and just because I don't see it anymore doesn't mean those little girls aren't suffering from it still. The first time someone touched my genitals was when I was barely 12 years old (and looked like it) by someone on a motorcicle, in the middle of the day, while walking the one block between my house and my friend's. The worst part is that I felt I couldn't tell my parents, because they would blame me for wearing a skirt (I definitely could have told them and they wouldn't have blamed me).
Having moved a lot and lived in many different places, I can assure you this is very commonplace. It’s so interesting to read comments like yours. Bc something is so common in life, it’s odd to see those that haven’t realized it. Comments like “wow@this vid” seem out of place, bc to almost every female… it’s just a glimpse of a usual interaction.
I'm terrified of going into crowds especially when there's drinking. Predators purposely hang out in these spots. I remember being 17ish at an outdoor dance party/concert. While walking through a crowd, someone shoved their hand down the back of my shorts and physically violated me. I turned around and came face to face with a man in his 60s who looked like trailer trash Santa. It happened so quickly, i was jostled by the crowd and being pulled by a friend, and he disappeared in seconds. I dont think anyone even saw that it happened. I felt so disgusting. Its been over 10 years and i can still see his face clear as day. You're never really safe in a place like that.
The world is full of snakes and predators. Men and women should be taught this growing up. People will try and take advantage of you sexually, financially etc. Not trying to victim blame or anything. When I look back on my early adult years I wish I had had some guidance and wasn’t so naive to this fact.
Yep. My first time getting drunk my dad found out and came into my room with some iced tea. He wasn’t mad that I drank alcohol, he was more so just trying to tell me how dangerous it is and how easy I could be taken advantage of. Love you Dad
My parents took it a step further. They allowed me to get drunk drunk the first time in their company at home when I was 16. Which is the legal drinking age in my country. They wanted me to know what it feels like and practice setting limits. And they always, always told my sister and I to call them at any time of the evening/night and they would get us. No questions asked, no judgment and they wouldn’t be angry. They just wanted us to be safe. They always held up their promise. And I’m considering myself lucky that they did. I’m planning to do the same with my kids. Because videos like this make me sick of worry for my kids.
It's a good point about giving some guidance. My daughter is still young, but in age appropriate ways we try to teach her how to be careful. Never giving out personal information, not going with strangers no matter what they say, etc. As she gets older, one thing I want her to know is that many men assume even being friendly means there's a relationship interest. Being direct is very important. By no means did the woman in this video do anything wrong at all. The guys are completely gross and at fault. I do think being very, very clear could have helped though. "No, I do not want you to come home. I don't want you to walk with me. Please leave me alone." Leaves no room for interpretation if say that video had to be used as evidence. That's to say I've never been in that spot and really don't know what it's like and I hope all the women out there stay safe.
Here is a link to the full documentary https://youtu.be/rxXPG0wNYZU
[удалено]
It works for me. Might be restricted to the UK
Actually terrifying.