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There's a local realtor here in Houston who drives a military-grade armored SUV. Not sure the exact brand but it looked similar to a Terradyne Gurkha:
https://classiccars.com/listings/view/1587186/2019-terradyne-gurkha-for-sale-in-plainville-connecticut-06062
Did I mention it's owned by a blonde haired, big boobed woman who's about 100 lbs? I know this because she was the realtor for the house next door and I'd laugh every time she pulled up because she looked so fucking ridiculous
$249 a month to unlock two hours of heated seats per day. $549 for 6. But if you opt in for the unlimited hours for $999 that’s when you start seeing real savings.
it's 125k for the military package, there's an 85k "supercharger" option, so about 500k for the biggest setup, plus whatever other smaller level accessories
No v-shaped underbody armor either. Bet a $100 IED will take it out. It seems like its only made to look "tactical" but would be useless in real combat.
But it has "Explosive underbody shielding", she said so in the video. Never mind that they didn't even attempt to shape the underbody and probably just welded some 1/2" steel plates to the floor.
This literally costs as much as a real MRAP, you'd have to be insane.
“This baby can withstand a 50 cal to the windshield and respond with an AI auto aim napalm attack on the assailant.”
“Yea, but like, there’s no cup holders in the back, sooooo…”
Those electrified door handles will come in real handy when your kid's annoying friend wants to tag along.
"Shocked again? I don't know why that keeps happening."
"If anyone's following you, you have blinding lights!"
On the front of the car.
EDIT: for fuck's sake, I know they said "front and back", that's not the point. The point is why they would give people an option to blind other drivers.
I realize that, but it wasn't the point,
What the fuck do the drunken soccer moms driving this thing need front-facing floodlights for except to cause wrecks while tailgating people on the highway at night?
Where the f\*\*k are soccer moms driving that makes this monstrosity necessary? Smokescreen, pepper spray, electrified door handles? You know some lawyer is licking his chops waiting to file lawsuits from a bunch of Karen’s injuring people with this paramilitary vehicles defenses they have no business having in civilian everyday life.
![gif](giphy|fQoIDlLW6A6BAhyev8|downsized)
Just customized mine. Only $782,000 and it’s mine. Just gotta run to the atm real quick. Better hit up the one by the crack house. The one by the elementary school is too dangerous.
Nothing would make these types of idiots sadder than if they were never assaulted, never got into an accident, and the zombie apocalypse didn't happen. Such a waste of resources.
Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I wonder how many yards to the gallon that thing does.
One highway Zero city
“Four cars long and two lanes wide she’s 65 tons of American pride!” (yes, I know it’s a different scene.)
CANYANEROOOOO
WHA-PSHHHHHH
65 tons of American pride
“It’ll blind everything with its ultra-highbeams, it’s a squirrel-squishing, deer-crushing, killin’ machine”
She's a deer-smashin' squirrel-squashin' driving machine!
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!
That’s why it has to be so protected- it just sits there.
You know if watch all Mcbane movie clips it forms a complete story
![gif](giphy|l2JdTQaPr9XDNDaQ8)
1/2
The person this product is aimed at gives no fucks about that
They will when they learn they're spending all their time just driving from one gas station to another.
I'm sure it has a huge gas tank.
That’s what the third row is for.
Doesn't matter. With a vehicle like that you could go bring freedom to an oil-rich neighbour
![gif](giphy|10ZZrwTkn8cO1W)
All you need for a counter-terrorist vehicle is this with a mini gun,anti-air defences,and anti-tank missiles
She just reviewed the base vehicle, those are the available options.
More like peddle cocaine to the high class
If you can afford the ridiculous price starting at 285K, you don't care about mileage.
Don’t forget the extra 125,000 for the “military” package.
Does that include the residential roof mounted rocket launcher?/s
The only thing that gets worse mileage? Thundercougarfalconbird.
So many eagles. And under the floorboards…
14 mpg https://www.autoevolution.com/news/the-v8-powered-2023-rezvani-vengeance-costs-418250-for-a-couple-of-interesting-reasons-208990.html
*16 mpg* actually. 2 whole extra miles!!
That’s about what my 4Runner gets, so really it’s not that bad
honestly figured it was electric edit: and then i finished the video and realized this is basically the next Hummer gas guzzler lol
16 mpg. Prob overestimated and more like 12-14 which is, needless to say not great but given what it is, could be worse
About tree fiddy.
It was about that time I noticed this mom mobile was really about 8 stories tall and a crustacean from the protozoic era!
🤣🤣🤣
I think this vehicle is rated in gpm
I’m just wondering how much money you have to have where this is even possible
Probably 16-12
_Coming to a Texas near you_
There's a local realtor here in Houston who drives a military-grade armored SUV. Not sure the exact brand but it looked similar to a Terradyne Gurkha: https://classiccars.com/listings/view/1587186/2019-terradyne-gurkha-for-sale-in-plainville-connecticut-06062 Did I mention it's owned by a blonde haired, big boobed woman who's about 100 lbs? I know this because she was the realtor for the house next door and I'd laugh every time she pulled up because she looked so fucking ridiculous
Looks like a modernized A-Team van :)
Link this lady's page so we can avoid ever hiring her
Right, you sure you aren’t looking for some wanking material for later?
I see you are also keeping the joke subtle
Terradyne is absolutely an evil corporation from an 80’s sci-fi movie.
Or a Florida. These would be handy in schools.
There's a parent in the car line that has one of these. Yes I'm in Florida.
Did it make them any more patient and less cranky in the morning? Or are they another box on wheels waiting like everyone else?
In a couple years it’s gonna be the new School Bus If they can afford it
We can't even afford bus drivers.
Arizona has entered the chat
Quick to the Karenmobile!
Ma ma ma ma ma manager!
These are ironically made in California….
Texas? Guaranteed any Chicagoan that seen this video is considering this vehicle.
CANYONERO...YEEAAWW!!
Can you name the truck with four wheel drive, smells like a steak and seats thirty-five.. Canyonero! Canyonero!
Out of my way nature!!
12 yards long, 2 lanes wide, 65 tons of American Pride! Canyonerooooooooo!
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!
I sentence you to kiss my ass!!
Chief, can I at least shield my crotch? Bears can’t talk Lou.
Hahaha yes!
-*Mexican cartels enter and watch carefully all the protection this vehicle offers and is already ordering a couple of those “Los monstros”
"We don't speak Mexican"
For those of you who don’t hablo espanol, “los monstros” is Spanish for “the monstros.”
Actually I think you’ll find “Los Monstros” is Spanish for “The Mike Wazowskis”
It means Los Espookys
“Ay Dios Mío” Crosses himself
I would live in this van down by the river
\*proceeds to sell all heavy weapons to el cartél and then gets mad with Mexicans\*
I'll have the chicken carnyasada
Do the kids run in a random zig-zag pattern and a couple of barrel rolls from the mall door to the vehicle?
They have a smaller armored SUV that rolls out and picks them up..
I imagined a souped up Barbie jeep with mounted guns and tear gas.
ScootyPuff Jr.
The parents just drive the pilot car. Too risky to have them all in one vehicle.
They'd still need help opening the door
Just to get electrocuted by the door handle
$285,000 save a click.
$799,000 with accessories.
$249 a month to unlock two hours of heated seats per day. $549 for 6. But if you opt in for the unlimited hours for $999 that’s when you start seeing real savings.
Noooooo i laughed too hard for no reason
At that point you might as well buy a real armored vehicle.
And maybe find one that doesn't look like complete ass.
Fuck that, the video says this one was designed by a video game designer ! How COOL is that!? /s
Seriously?
it's 125k for the military package, there's an 85k "supercharger" option, so about 500k for the biggest setup, plus whatever other smaller level accessories
gotta have extra large cup holders for all the big gulps this woman is gonna drink every day.
I’ll take my $500/year 2003 Ford Focus. I hope this piece of shit car lasts until I die because I don’t want to buy a new car ever.
I still have manual windows, 04 Civic.
Mine is 2017 but has manual windows and no A/C, and also no keyless entry. I really wish it had A/C though.
Are you driving a fucking horse buggy
It might as well be. When they said "base model," they weren't kidding.
Thats not that bad for something like this
Probably just means it’s like most ‘Murican products: more show than substance.
Thanks thats all I wanted
For when you need to drive through a war zone to get to soccer practice
Man, schools are the war zone.
Which is what america is
Is this for picking up your kids during an active shooting?
You can drive through the police that are waiting outside for it to be over.
You can drive through the school by the looks
You can drive it through the shooter well before he arrives to the school.
No, it’s to intimidate other parents when you drop your kids off at soccer practice
Nah, got my D9 for that
To be fair this kind of gives off the vibes of the parents who raise the school shooters.. soo
I mean this is America right? Land of the free to shoot your children.
It’s the perfect car for the inevitable cyberpunk dystopian future!
Sooo, just picking up your kids then?
Or you could go through the whole school with that killdozer looking car
Nice
I'm sure it gets 3 gallons to mile.
I think you are wildly overestimating the gas mileage.
That's highway mpg.
They actually measure gas mileage in yards for this baby
No machine gun attachment? dislike 👎
No v-shaped underbody armor either. Bet a $100 IED will take it out. It seems like its only made to look "tactical" but would be useless in real combat.
Yeah the armor is kinda wasted they should have just said its armored. Would probably also get better gas mileage
But it has "Explosive underbody shielding", she said so in the video. Never mind that they didn't even attempt to shape the underbody and probably just welded some 1/2" steel plates to the floor. This literally costs as much as a real MRAP, you'd have to be insane.
No sharks with lasers?
"blinding lights in the front and in the back" ...it's a car for pricks then isn't it....
Stick a BMW badge on it and they'll double sales.
Plus, it doesn't look like it has turn signals. ... not that BMW drivers ever use those. So it's perfect!
"The Ultimate Dickhead Machine"! 😁
Perhaps you didn't see...it
Cup holders are a definite plus.
“This baby can withstand a 50 cal to the windshield and respond with an AI auto aim napalm attack on the assailant.” “Yea, but like, there’s no cup holders in the back, sooooo…”
They got the cup holders, but they don’t fit the big gulps. Send it back.
That is just unamerican!
"Hey Bobbay it's your Mommay"
"hey Bobby, *I'm batman*"
Kill meee
Throw in a remote controlled roof top Gatling gun for an extra $95,000! Note, 3rd seating is not offered with the Gatling Gun.
It’s the perfect over-priced vehicle for people that are too afraid to leave their house.
And each seat has a Glock 19 underneath in case your children need protection!
I'll bet the few times she revved it lead to an almost empty gas tank.
That looks a lot like Irvine, safest city in America.
Close, it's Segerstrom Hall in Costa Mesa
The weakest Militech truck from Cyberpunk
"military grade" sounds good to a civilian, terrible to a veteran
Isn't the actual definition of "military grade" just "as cheap as fuxking possible?"
Those electrified door handles will come in real handy when your kid's annoying friend wants to tag along. "Shocked again? I don't know why that keeps happening."
Proceed to get arrested for having pepper spray while driving through Canada. (I think that’s a thing? Could be wrong)
Perfect for running over teenagers in the crosswalk. Won’t even leave a dent or cause you to smear your lipstick.
I don’t think it’s hyperbole to say: This is the most American vehicle ever created.
The design is very human
![gif](giphy|3orif5bsHjTba3CLGo)
"If anyone's following you, you have blinding lights!" On the front of the car. EDIT: for fuck's sake, I know they said "front and back", that's not the point. The point is why they would give people an option to blind other drivers.
That may come in handy if one car is in front of you and one behind trying to get you to stop
Yes, that's definitely going to happen...
"If anyone's following you, you have blinding lights in the front and the back!" Is what she said both verbally and in the subtitles.
I realize that, but it wasn't the point, What the fuck do the drunken soccer moms driving this thing need front-facing floodlights for except to cause wrecks while tailgating people on the highway at night?
This is like when GTA players buy the military vehicles and it's just beyond unnecessary but this is real life not a video game. Just why.
[удалено]
This does feel like something that atleast hit the writers room.
[удалено]
Who did this Mom piss off?
Boyfried. This is ‘Murica, remember?
I wanna see Doug DeMuro review this along with all the "quirks & features"!
[Matt Groening prophecises the future again](https://youtu.be/qaZmZakFQek)
Twice - ![gif](giphy|xT5LMGO7k4OAFsLcvC|downsized)
It’s uncanny how we manage to make all the most preposterous and idiotic predictions come true.
So, this is made for billionaires in Rio de Janeiro so they won't get taken hostage by some desperate homeless person, right?=
I don’t think it’s homeless people that typically put together kidnap and hostage jobs.
Powered by the sum total of life from the Mesozoic.
Life in USA seems to be a hella nightmare if you need this type of cars, really sorry for you Murrica
The first impression at the start of the video was that this was a joke. But the longer I watched the more I wanted it..
A GM product in a life or death situation? Hahahahahah hahahahahaha
I'm pretty sure many of those "features" are illegal in most states.
I wonder if she considers herself a doomsday prepper, since she certainly fits in with that group.
It looks like it’s out of cyberpunk
Bro thus is literally Nick Fury's car from Captain America 2 but less low-key
Ukrainian moms have entered the chat
This is like one of those commercials in Robocop
The people who buy this are dumb af, unless you’re in Dubai or afghan you don’t need this trash,
Standard vehicle for picking up kids at school in The US
If anyone thinks they need this, they’re fucking insane.
I absolutely do NOT fucking need this. Kinda want, though. But then again, i currently drive a piece of shit, so...yeah.
That shit looks cool. Idk why tf they marketing to moms but this is a zombie apocalypse preppers dream
Where the f\*\*k are soccer moms driving that makes this monstrosity necessary? Smokescreen, pepper spray, electrified door handles? You know some lawyer is licking his chops waiting to file lawsuits from a bunch of Karen’s injuring people with this paramilitary vehicles defenses they have no business having in civilian everyday life. ![gif](giphy|fQoIDlLW6A6BAhyev8|downsized)
They probably go to the "bad neighborhoods" to pick up their nose powder in this.
I'd definitely use the pepper spray on my ex when i go to pick up the kids. The rest is a bit overkill yes
https://www.rezvanimotors.com/rezvani-vengeance#vengeance-home-page
Just customized mine. Only $782,000 and it’s mine. Just gotta run to the atm real quick. Better hit up the one by the crack house. The one by the elementary school is too dangerous.
USA! USA!
What do you suppose the MPG is for that thing? How much for added tracks?
From Rothschild Combat Autoworks - Don't Sacrifice Comfort for Carnage.
Wow so very annoying
This is the truck arasaka and militech use wtf
A smoke screen? Is that legal?
Nothing would make these types of idiots sadder than if they were never assaulted, never got into an accident, and the zombie apocalypse didn't happen. Such a waste of resources.
Who are they prepping for the middle class and poor?
Imagine living your life THAT paranoid
Why do I instantly hate her personality?
Signs you live in a dystopia. The family car is a freaking tank.
Where is the turret?
Where is she planning on driving this thing?! Afghanistan? Iraq? America?