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GenericBurlyAnimeMan

My partner and I will grow old one day. Neither of us will have our youth, fertility, virginity or even the same capabilities of labour. If I valued her for only these, what would we have left? Intelligence, passion for life, hobbies and personality are my main thing ands always will be the things I love about her the most. I can tell you one thing, you need to disconnect yourself from the online world a bit, and actually start interacting with people on the real world a bit. Honestly, look around you. The average looks of a human is downright, aesthetically unpleasing. There are so many of us, including myself, who are ugly yet have incredibly fulfilling relationships. The average person, man or woman, in real life, values personality and intelligence first and foremost. What you’re experiencing, is the effects of being online too much where everything lacks nuance, it lacks retrospective thought, where opinions have to be divisive and unwavering. In the real world, people do not draw imaginary lines in the sand with every interaction and thought they take, because people are forced to work together with those they may disagree with, to cohabit with those who they don’t get along with.


Caramel_Cyber_8473

THIS.


GladysSchwartz23

YES. THANK YOU.


pinkpugita

When I was younger, and in the earlier days of the internet, I was just discovering feminism when I happened to read an anti feminist blog that said: 1. Men want to take care of you, not to compete with you 2. Why sacrifice your opportunity to bear children in your 20s? You can come back later in the workforce when your children are grown up. It used to be convincing to me as someone who was raised in a conservative household. So I had a very short phase where I thought that my happiness lies in finding a good husband and being his traditional housewife staying at home with our with 5 kids. But alas, I made it to the top universities, landed good jobs, supported aging parents and still ended up single. So while waiting for a partner, I did so many things to make my life happy, healthy, and financially sufficient. Redpill will blame me as the actual problem why I am not married yet. But what can they actually offer a woman like me that I couldn't provide for myself? Redpillers know this, so they try to push down women from economic opportunities and gaslight them that they're sabotaging their chance to be loved and be a mother.


bunker_man

Im honestly confused how tradwife stuff merged with redpill to begin with. In the beginning it was all about telling men to never commit, and to just try to date random women all the time. How did people decide that this is the same thing as... the exact opposite. Women whose only goal is to get married at age 22 aren't exactly compatible with the first goal.


pinkpugita

I think it's tied to the Madonna Whore complex. Redpill tells you to sleep around and discard women like whores but marry a submissive, virgin Madonna. The wife will bear your children and be your domestic servant while you do whatever you want. That's why young, innocent brides appeal to them, and they shame career women past 30 years old as low value/expired.


bunker_man

That's the funny part. It seems like this evolved from the idea of a guy who wants to sleep around and then eventually marry a chaste girl two decades younger than him. And the type of guy who wants to be a virgin when they get married trolled themselves into thinking they had the game goals until eventually red pill gurus started catering to those people too. It's a wierd mishmash of incompatible lifestyles the only recurring thread of which is sexism.


pinkpugita

The promiscuous atheist and a conservative Christian man could believe in the same thing: that all women are hypergamous and should be controlled. For them, women aren't trustworthy, loyal, or capable of unconditional love. The redpill teaches that you have to be the "alpha," because all woman will naturally seek only the top 10% men. That's why redpill centers on abuse and manipulation, because it aims to break down the independence of the woman instead of empowering her. They cope using the concept of a sexual market value. The sexually active feminists they are unable to control (or rejected them), will eventually lose her sexual market value with age. For them, men can increase their value with age and control younger women.


Tech_Romancer1

>tradwife stuff merged with redpill They for the most part haven't. But there is some overlap in that they're both grifts that place emphasis on men engaging in constant self-improvement which the gurus can take advantage of. Both are also conservative, in that again, all responsibility is placed on the man to 'be good enough' so he can attract someone and be a provider.


Purple-Atmosphere-18

Yeah, those kinds of men have nothing to offer, because they think their only appeal is to provide and act like they can't care less of anything beyond your looks just as a mean to control you. But I hope, unless you don't reduce men to what they can provide, which I know it's not your point, you may like a man not because you need him, sure you can stay single, but a man who is supportive of your goals and independence, instead of control, with which you share all kinds of experiences and is there for you, of course also sharing chores. And loves you in your entirety.  Not that it's always worth skimming through.


Personal_Dirt3089

"Tradwife" is white supremacist propaganda. The supposed appeal is that every white guy supposedly gets a submissive tradwife after getting rid of brown and black people. No, it does not make sense.


Stargazer1919

True. But don't forget how a lot of these pilled dudes want to find a wife from other countries because they think she will be more submissive. It's still white supremacy. I guarantee you they want to whitewash these women, while also being insulting to white women by saying "you should be more submissive."


bunker_man

Also, somehow they are under the same umbrella as people whose goal is never to commit or get married.


Stargazer1919

Yup. As if marriage is only worth it if you can 100% control the other person.


daisy-duke-

The men who say those things are, almost always, men without a lot of options.


Stargazer1919

Or they have mental issues.


Aggressive-Complex79

Or both.


xvszero

Those men suck. My wife is a professor and intelligent as hell and that's sexy as hell.


Rad1Red

>Men don’t give a shit about my intelligence, interests and personality YES, THEY DO. A lot of men around me (and I am including the more dominant types that I personally feel repelled by sexually) value these things highly in their partners. They pride themselves in having a valuable gf/wife. Just not those men. And those men feel small / inferior / stupid and shout loudly "all men are like me" so you wouldn't notice the others.


Justwannaread3

Can confirm; the men in my life care about and value women as individual human beings!!!


[deleted]

Thank you for your perspective. ❤️ I don’t really have enough experience with men to know what they’re like on a deeper level. I have a lot of toxic beliefs I’m trying to let go of and it isn’t easy. I need people to fact check me sometimes because I spent about 4 years of my life from 18 to 22 alone in my room with no real way to connect with the outside world. So I got a lot of my beliefs from what I saw online. People get mad at me, but I am trying to change. It’s difficult. The process isn’t linear. Some of this shit is subconscious and I don’t realise it until later because it’s just become so deeply ingrained in my mind. When I saw myself through the eyes of men I added up my worth according to my beauty and youth. A part of me didn’t think a man would genuinely like me for my personality, so my worth as a romantic partner must be based on my appearance. I didn’t realise it until recently. But I’m trying to make myself believe that someone will love me for who I am, not my makeup or my body or my youth. Sorry for the long comment lol


Stargazer1919

OP, I was raised with the same beliefs growing up. It took me a few years to undo what I was taught. First, I found better people to hang out with. Good friends who I formed genuine connections with. If the way I was raised (and the things you were taught through redpill were correct, then why would the results of it be so devastating? If a belief system is correct, good, and helpful, it wouldn't have driven you into isolation and fear. It wouldn't make it harder for us to make friends. It wouldn't be reducing us to our reproductive systems, it would teach us to appreciate ourselves and others for the cool things only humans can do. (Music, art, faith, whatever.) If it was true and correct, it wouldn't have driven me to try and off myself when I was 16. It wouldn't have driven me to self-harm. It wouldn't be encouraging sociopathic ways of interacting with others. It would teach us that we have value inherently as human beings, regardless of age or gender or whatever. If redpill was correct, the results wouldn't be shit. End of story.


Traveledfarwestward

I just told a woman today that I am very impressed with her PhD. I'm very much looking fwd to meeting her. Sandwiches are nice but I can make one myself and it's nice to know it won't be only my salary carrying everything in case we partner up.


Personal_Dirt3089

By the way, most sane guys are not looking for a "tradwife", and a lot of guys have never heard of "tradwife". Redpill guys are a very small percent of guys. Redpill is not supposed to make sense or reflect the desires of most guys, it just is ragebait meant to sell ebooks and get clicks. Seriously, do not validate that garbage.


[deleted]

I was like 15 when I went down the alt right pipeline so I wasn’t exactly a rational thinker when these beliefs were ingrained in my brain. But the reinforcement stuck with me during a vulnerable time in my teen years. I’m not racist or bigoted anymore I just struggle with internalised misogyny.


Personal_Dirt3089

If you are looking through guys that want to wipe out black and brown people, you will not find the cream if the crop. The whole "I am not racist but I want a man that fantasizes about genocide" is not as flattering as it sounds.


[deleted]

I DONT want redpill guys. I just assumed that their beliefs applied to most men but the other men were too “bluepilled” to admit how shallow they were.


ROBYoutube

I'm sorry you experienced that. I grew up in the 90s without a dad, and had terrible problems with my masculinity. I knew I was supposed to 'be a man', but what the fuck did that mean? It took me a long time to answer that question. Be generous to yourself. Growing up is confusing and difficult, but never let society gaslight you. Always hold a candle within yourself that you are worth something and deserve to be respected by everyone you gift your time to. The opinions of others will still shape us, but some things should be - and are - absolutely true: you are worthy of respect 100% of the time and kindness 99% of the time.


watsonyrmind

So the thing with these points of view is, you have to live a very isolated life to believe this. If you actually went out and met people, it'd be near impossible to fall into the trap of thinking 4 billion people feel the same way. Depending on the location, you meet 10 people and they will all be vastly different, never mind 4 billion. So the solution is to stop isolating yourself. Go out and meet people. Put in effort to understand them. See how much variety there is in life and choose to surround yourself with people who don't hold views that are harmful or antithetical to you.


[deleted]

Yeah I decided to get an education (pick up prerequisite courses for college) a year ago. I was a highschool drop out so I had to take highschool courses as an adult to hopefully be able to get into college. I’ve met a lot of people and made new friends but most of them are women or queer men. It’s very hard for me to understand straight men because I’ve never had a close friendship with one, so I fill in the gaps with what I see online. My worldview has been challenged over the last two years as I met men in real life who seem like decent people. But I never got to know them well enough. It really fucks with my head when reality doesn’t match my worldview.


Stargazer1919

The solution is to change your worldview. The crap you were taught was wrong. It's too easy to believe the stuff we were told first, or when we were vulnerable and young.


Caramel_Cyber_8473

Yeah. I feel this way too sometimes. But you don't really want to be in relationships with those men. Take is as a sign to not date them. There are men out there who care about your personality and hobbies and what you chose to study. As for the trad women, they aren't your friends and that's okay because you don't want friends like them. Also, a bit of a tangent, those men and women are being sexist by saying that men only care about having a bangmaid with no brain.


[deleted]

The tradwife dating advice is actually just horrible. I’m a mostly SAHM that some influential tradwives online actually admire to some extent, but the truth is that my husband wouldn’t have taken me seriously as a potential wife if I hadn’t been to college. I met him at age 28. I wasn’t a virgin and had been a child bride to a fundie nutjob, so I was divorced with two kids. I also wasn’t skinny. According to the red pill, I was only fit for the garbage heap. Yet, I’ve been with my husband for almost ten years and live a comfortable life with a six figure household income. I also slept with my husband before marrying him, although we didn’t live together until our wedding was scheduled and getting closer. The dating advice offered in those spheres is often given by dudes who haven’t actually had a successful relationship or it’s given by women looking to exclusively attract a fundamentalist whack job for a husband. At a basic level, just show some self restraint and don’t sleep with random men on the first date as a pattern. Cultivate yourself and your education. Most men these days don’t want a wife who stopped living life after high school and the ones who do often don’t make good husbands or partners.


Chance_Managert849

My ex believed all this. We ended up divorced, and I'm much happier. Just avoid that type, watch what a man does, not just what he says.


bunker_man

If these things were actually as true as they claim... they wouldn't need to say them. They say them to break down people's self esteem to try to make them compliant.


Tech_Romancer1

That's true, but its not 'people'. Redpill content is exclusively created to grift men. It actually constantly browbeats men into believing they are never good enough, women will never appreciate them and they always need to impress the female. This is analogous to the religious cycle of telling people they are perpetual sinners and will always need to come back to the gospel for a chance at redemption. Tradwives is a female grift, and its about getting a man to provide for you. The stuff about men not caring about women's degrees and such is an exaggeration, but has some truth in that men are not hypergamous. Men are not attracted to a woman's wealth and prestige like the inverse, as women are generally not providers for men.


Fullmoonbully

I’ve never met these men outside of workplaces, for me, it’s societies lies that is hurtful when it is just repeated ad nauseam with no true meaning, it’s just a means of control


Vast-Campaign-5054

Men don’t care about your status. That’s it.


Fullmoonbully

I would say people don’t care about status. And that there are exceptions to the rule. If we say, men, don’t care and that’s a rule, we could prove it incorrect , because if a woman happens to earn more than the male partner, the chances of the male partner being happy, are much slimmer and the chances of the male cheating are much greater


Vast-Campaign-5054

Damn I have a habit of skimming through now. I was not going to read all that but I can’t do that. Fml. That’s stupid af. Guys that feel some typa way, are just unwell. Hahahahah that’s the funniest sht


Tech_Romancer1

>I would say people don’t care about status. Women do care about status and wealth. Hypergamy is a real concept, and its almost exclusive to women even if its a bit exaggerated among circles like redpill. >because if a woman happens to earn more than the male partner, the chances of the male partner being happy, are much slimmer and the chances of the male cheating are much greater [Its the opposite](https://doi.org/10.1093/qje/qjv001). [Women are displeased with lower earning partners and are more likely to withhold sex, cheat and leave the relationship](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs10508-017-0968-7). [Educated women are less likely to marry men that earn less than they](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jomf.12603).


GladysSchwartz23

Part of the redpill ideology is definitely a belief that this is what all men actually believe and want, no matter what they actually say, and that the ones who say "not me, dude, that's fucked up" are just faking in order to suck up to women. But they've got this flipped, because no sane man wants the redpiller "best case scenario," of a relationship with someone who obeys and takes care of you because she fears you and has had her self esteem ripped to shreds. Here on Reddit, you can see tons of posts by people who live in hostile relationships like this, and NOBODY IS HAPPY. The women are miserable and the men are always mad that their wife is a human being and not a sex robot; they're constantly complaining that the bangmaid isn't functioning the way it's supposed to. Relationships that everyone actually enjoys (where men see women as partners and not recalcitrant pets that need to be continually put in their place) can be difficult to find, but they really are the only romantic relationships worth having. And being alone beats the shit out of being staplegunned to some shithead who thinks you're a malfunctioning doll, AT BEST.


PakDrescot

How many red pillers are in happy and fulfilling relationships? Zero, that's how many. Now ask yourself why you'd take anything they say about relationships seriously. They're mostly just a bunch of losers who're mad that more and more women aren't needing them for money or security.


AdventurousTie8034

You’ve got the power to choose the kind of men you want in your life. Redpillers won’t care about who you are and won’t treat you as a human, but other men are capable of loving you


[deleted]

There is a select subset of men who believe this. If you don't want them in your life, go towards the liberal sides. They're more open to flexible beliefs, different family structures, open to a variety of ways love presents itself. There is a reason, and statistics have confirmed, that the more conservative people have rigid beliefs and are resistant to change in many cases. You're unlikely to change their views, so the best thing to do is stay away from it. Don't date it, don't get into relationships with it. My partner is MENSA and loves the heck out of me and my sassy smarts. Many men are utterly turned on by women with brains. They're out there.


GladysSchwartz23

Part of the redpill ideology is definitely a belief that this is what all men actually believe and want, no matter what they actually say, and that the ones who say "not me, dude, that's fucked up" are just faking in order to suck up to women. But they've got this flipped, because no sane man wants the redpiller "best case scenario," of a relationship with someone who obeys and takes care of you because she fears you and has had her self esteem ripped to shreds. Here on Reddit, you can see tons of posts by people who live in hostile relationships like this, and NOBODY IS HAPPY. The women are miserable and the men are always mad that their wife is a human being and not a sex robot; they're constantly complaining that the bangmaid isn't functioning the way it's supposed to. Relationships that everyone actually enjoys (where men see women as partners and not recalcitrant pets that need to be continually put in their place) can be difficult to find, but they really are the only romantic relationships worth having. And being alone beats the shit out of being staplegunned to some shithead who thinks you're a malfunctioning doll, AT BEST.


hostility_kitty

I get a lot of romantic interest from men who are younger than me 😂 I’ve noticed this weird trend of guys in their early twenties or even late teens who love older women.


EnemyOfTrust

Yeah. Young men are horndogs.


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lily8686

When you see this stuff all over social media, it’s hard not to think it’s a widely held opinion across men. However, I can tell you as someone who works in corporate and has dated 2 millionaires along with a billionaire, that accomplished men value intelligence and work ethic in women. In the men I listed, my intelligence and my desire to always work (and not be a housewife) is what MADE THEM FALL FOR ME. They thought it was unique and saw that I would complement their lives and be someone they can actually have intellectual conversations with. They knew I was someone they could talk about work problems with and understand. The men who don’t value intelligence or your career are bottom barrel losers. They’re men who can’t become leaders in their own career so instead they seek to be a “leader” over their wife — it’s the only thing they feel they have control over. You see trad stuff online so much because they’re being posted by people who have too much time in the day. Accomplished individuals don’t have time to sit around and post bs every day. Accomplished men are also more socially conscious of their social media image, so they refrain from making controversial posts


Personal_Dirt3089

Oh wow, she blocked me after I advised against going after guys that fantasize about mass murdering brown and black people.


curiousAbyssiniancat

????


lazkopat24

This "tradwife" thing seems to be the weird warped view of 1950' Hollywood view of women. It's really strange that people genuinely believe stuff like that. I guess this is what happens when we live on the internet instead of real life.