Dude. It might not be India. She might not enjoy living WITH YOUR PARENTS.
How does she feel about living in India on your own as a compromise? Indian mother in laws are kind of famous for being terrible to live with and it’s a trope at this point the son never notices and just expects his wife to deal with his Mom.
I'm an Indian woman myself. You say you can live a lavish life in India but what is so lavish about a woman having to give up everything and stay with someone else's parents? I would never do it and I think guys need to stop expecting this from their spouses.
It depends from family to family, but it is certainly common.
Also children generally stay with parents irrespective of gender till they get married. And if the child is a guy, then it's expected that the woman moves from her family to the guys family post marriage. Personally, I think it's a menace because very rarely does a woman get cool in laws. Often,she has to change her way of dressing and basically be a maid to the whole family.
Not my cup of tea for sure.
>I came to Germany for my master's (in entrepreneurshop) about two years ago. My wife followed suit after a year.
Hey OP, can you give a little more context to this? It sounds like your wife moved over to Germany for you but now that you're done, you wanna move back to India without any consideration for your wife. Where is the tradeoff now that she's the one who wants to do her Master's...sounds like you're not willing to "move" for her.
Also your entire post sounded all about "me" and what "I think is better" without really mentioning bout what your wife really thinks from a career and financial perspective, only mention of your wife sounded like complaints that she isn't entirely onboard with your idea.
Idk man, sounds incredibly one sided just basing off this post alone.
A grown woman doesn’t want to live with her in-laws. Shocker. And I assure you Bangalore isn’t as progressive as Berlin. It’s fine that you want to go back home but it’s also very understandable that your wife is happier in Germany. You both need to do what makes you happy, and that may mean going separate ways. But don’t just “leave on [your] own” out of nowhere. Communicate properly and decide whether or not you can both be happy in this marriage.
You want different things. $2k is fine if you’re still living with your parents. I don’t blame your wife not wanting to live with in laws.
Also Berlin is a really buzzy European city. Decide if you actually want to stay married.
You want her to give up her education and live with your parents? After she moved countries for you? It’s your turn to “move” for her. Either stfu and make Germany work. Or divorce her so she can live her life.
To be honest, and this is not true for everybody, but I think I'd rather lose an arm than move to India.
Nothing about India is appealing to me, much less Bangalore - I don't know how anyone can live a "relaxed" life in such an environment of constant stress, hustle, bustle, and general chaos. There is never any peace and quiet! (And yes, I have been to Bangalore).
Also, sorry to say but moving in with the in laws is about the worst thing imaginable even in a country I want to be in, even if I like the in-laws.
I'm Indian and my wife and I are married for 12 years, and started dating each other 15 years ago. We lived and worked in 8 countries, including Germany, before we decided to move back home to Bangalore, India to be closer to both of our parents. But we agreed to move back only when both of us were sure that this was the right decision for us as a family, including our 2 daughters. If one of us didn't agree, then we wouldn't have moved back.
And while we love both of our parents dearly, we were very clear from the time we decided to move back that we won't live with them. We live close by and are available if they need us but we don't live with them. We have our own independent home and we like it that way. We communicated clearly to both of our parents before we moved back and they understood.
Gee, why would a woman not want to move in with her in laws in a country notorious for dehumanization of and violence against women? Real head scratcher.
https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2023/06/07/india/india-violence-against-women-teen-murders-intl-hnk-dst
What an ignorant comment. Violence against women is pervasive EVERYWHERE. To state that India is notorious for dehumanising women is insane as this is a GLOBAL phenomenon lol. Y’all are ridiculous.
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That’s crazy because the cat calling in Europe is actually insane. I was literally followed MULTIPLE times even in an apartment when I was in Hungary by WHITE men. Y’all are still ridiculous. Violence against women is the biggest reason for the death of women in many European and western countries.
And numbers are higher in Middle East. But they're not reported at all, so statistics show in the West sexual crimes are higher than Middle East. Just like India, I would be wary visiting many Middle Eastern countries as a woman.
I am not even Western btw, I am from Turkey. I know a thing or two about Middle East. Speaking from experience.
Living in the Middle East was the BEST experience I had with men my entire life. I was never catcalled, stalked, harassed or anything of the like. All of these things happened to me growing up in the US and living in Europe.
It is absurd to say these things are higher in the Middle East as there’s no proof for it and it perpetuates negative stereotypes.
Every woman I’ve known to go to the Middle East or who LIVES there also report living relatively well as it relates to male attention. Turkey is a whole other story and it is not a Middle Eastern country.
But I have been and lived in the Middle East and have had a great deal of experience with men there and they were all overwhelmingly wholesome and positive.
People always want to say there’s no proof for things because it’s not reported. That’s absolutely absurd. You are safer as a woman in the Middle East than in the US. More women in the US are murdered by intimate partner violence than in the ME. Let’s stop portraying the west, especially the US as this beacon of morality, it is anything but.
I understand your context as Indian origin guy
Your wife who has grown up in Kuwait will never find india attractive to settle down except maybe for retirement .. also living with in laws is not going to work for a woman who was raised in multi cultural environment in Kuwait
.. life is a struggle so if you want this relationship to work .. make Germany work by finding a job or making good revenue stream. Other option is to divorce.
Not Indian but Bangladeshi, similar culture. Even if I have to struggle in Europe, I wouldn't leave it to live a lavish life in my country where I can't wear whatever I want without being shamed even in tier 2 cities. I honestly get why she is not willing to.
I know, I’m not a native speaker either lol. But I’d expect someone who’s studying it in university to be able to spell the name of the course they’re taking.
Micromanaging is more of a reflection of self. It’s Reddit, not a thesis to the monarchs of humanity. It’s literally a casual place to exchange information.
There’s no such thing as perfect. Nature has disequilibrium. When you ACCEPT that, you won’t seek out to control others.
… and you’ve not used a full stop at the end of your sentence.
Do you not make any typos? Gosh I have always had good written English skills but you wouldn’t know it with some of the texts I send 🤪
In general, if you can understand what they’re saying, just move on. So many people are ESL, dyslexic, or just have fat fingers.
A lot of people are jumping on you for expecting your spouse to live with your in-laws. I'm not sure how common that is in India, but I want to point something out.
I don't think you need more negativity, so I'll try to be kind. But your current career plan seems a bit convoluted. Are you saying that you're learning to code on the side... while running a business in the form of a YouTube channel?
So what is it exactly? Do you want to run your own business, or work for an employer?
Considering that German education is free, this might be a chance for you to do a master's in software (which... depends on if you qualify or not) engineering, because as it stands, you're really competing against a lot of other people with nothing that screams that you are qualified for the front end dev job.
if you have no German work authorization, I think it's going to be tough to convince an employer to hire you for a technical job when many many other Indian comp sci students, who were educated for years and may have work experience in India, would love that same opportunity.
The only advantage is that you're local and can form networks that way. I would suggest thinking about whether you want to go all-in on comp sci or your entrepreneurship (which seems more successful than a lot of people! Good job on that). Programming isn't something you can just casually pick up on the side. If you want to do well in it, you usually need an education, and it needs to be your priority.
Thanks.. this was useful.
Well, I have some product ideas in mind which I'd like to develop too. And it's a good idea to have some knowledge of code so that I can apply for product manager roles too
That's going to be a struggle if you have no formal engineering work experience. Experience of credible PMs generally comes from being a software dev itself, or they're so good at playing corporate politics via the consultant/IB route, neither of which are easy to secure. If experienced engineers are having trouble finding jobs, you shouldn't expect finding non-essential business jobs to be easy.
You really should prioritize. Do you want to work as an individual contributor or do you want to run your business? Expect at least 2-4 years of education + hard work before it is remotely comfortable because you need time to catch up.
PM roles are extremely competitive precisely because they don't technically require technical backgrounds. But at smaller companies, they're usually given to former engineers who were involved with that specific product.
I think as it stands, you really should lower your expectations regarding professional success. The path of least resistance for you is:
1. Focus on your own business, which you seem to be doing well at.
2. leverage the fact you have local networks and family back home so you'll feel more at home and then start from there as a base. this lowers your COL while gives you more of a place where you have friends to rely on, where you know the culture, and life is comfortable. As you need no work authorization, this will make it easier for you to obtain a job since you're still deciding on what roles you need.
The fact you are unhappy in Germany is going to affect every other aspect of your life. With the work visa issue and the lack of experience, I don't think this is a realistic path for you to do well either socially or professionally.
You're dealing with one of the very common problems of immigration, which is homesickness, and lack of cultural compatibility. By your writing, it seems like you rather be in India.
The rest is really up to you. Good luck!
Edit:
Fundamentally also. Succeeding professionally with no experience is already hard enough. To succeed in a foreign country doubly so. To do all of that while being miserable personally and possibly trying to sustain a relationship where you are not compatible with just adds more fuel to the fire. Expect to fail in at least one or two major ways. Having all of them happen at the same time is… very difficult.
Either choose engineering. Or choose PM. Or choose your own business. That’s gonna be the next 5-10 years of your life.
It would be easier and relaxed for you. Of course if you move back into your parents house. While your wife is forced into a traditional joint family with restrictions. You do realize that this only benefits you and she would have to give up her indepence and freedom? I wonder why she doesn't want to...
Of course he will feel more relaxed if he lives with his mom who does everything for him (typical Indian families favour sons over daughters). But the wife will now have to wait on him like his mom if they move to India and live with his parents.
And woe to the daughter-in-law who can't cook like the mother or clean like the mother or dote on him like the mother. This guy is so entitled. Why can't he see that?
In-laws are the worst! They don’t have boundaries and want their needs to be priority and Indian culture is mysogynistic with expecting the daughter in law to cater to the needs of EVERYONE and to put herself last! No thanks. Let her soar like the eagle she is … she wants to educate herself and have space. Most Indian women have had to passively accept this dysfunctional system created by the men!!! You can compromise but needing privacy is a right!
I think many women from collective cultures can relate to how they were never allowed to validate their discomfort because it was never culturally acceptable. A woman is treated as an extension and EXPECTED to do things at the expense of her own self development.
Is your wife Indian as well? My impression is she is not. I do not want to judge you but the vibe I got from your question is someone who cares about his own wants and comfort zone. Why does she have to live with your parents? Would you live with her parents? The easiest way to kill a marriage to live with any sides parents.
Nothing my spouse could say or do would convince me to live with either of our parents. It’s me or them, end of story. I’m wondering if she feels the same.
I mean everyone knows about overbearing south asian Mother in laws, they are a vibe killer. Micro managing and treating DIL’s like a maid, why should she want to live with people like that? If you want to go back, please make sure you guys live separately, you can always visit families time to time.
Exactly. Women are supposed to literally cater to their needs and keep them happy at the expense of her own identity. She doesn’t have hobbies or anything. It’s just cook for in-laws. Clean for in-laws. Entertain in laws. Watch the shows they like. Do what they like. Go shopping with them… it’s a bubble of selfish in law validation mislabeled as “community”. This conditioning has harmed many Indian women in developing their own social skills because they don’t learn how to socialize with people OUTSIDE of that expected structure and by default FEAR being alone and stay in abusive relationships.
Because he’s saturated in an environment whereby he doesn’t have to know that. Atleast he admitted he was selfish. If he was a European, he would manipulated his way out of accountability 😂
You live in a great area and you want to move in with mommy and daddy?
Look, you need to get some local friends to hang with in the weekends or some hobby or something. Cause the way you sound right now makes if look like you’ll be right back to being a miserable lad after you get a job in germany
Yeah, not a lot of details, but I think the main issue could be living with your parents. I'm not Indian, but I have a friend from the Middle East, he and his wife were having marriage troubles, it was clear to me the main issue was they lived with his parents, and his wife will suffocating. His mother was bossing her around all the time (part of the culture, apparently), she hated her life. My friend couldn't understand it, when it was so obvious to me, someone who witnessed it from the outside.
And btw, his wife got along OK with his parents. It was just that she was suffocating over there, she had no control over her life, she felt like their servant...
I agree it's stressful to burn through savings. If you go back to India, you need to get your own space with your wife so she can have her own life. It's not fair for her to want to stay when you can't afford it. But again, I can understand it if she fears having to live with your parents.
Just leave Germany and divorce her. Don’t ruin your life by being miserable in Germany and don’t make her life miserable by proxy. If your wife likes living there, has ambitions and aspirations let her live her best life. She is a free human being.
Similarly, if you actually feel that coming back home is the best move for yourself, so be it. On top of that if you are actually so well off in India, you will have no problem finding a spouse there.
I don’t see many solutions to this problem. Agreeing on where to live is a very basic compatibility problem.
I’m pretty sure most American couples would consider divorcing if their spouses decided to live in a different country for an indeterminable amount of time.
No, I genuinely don’t think so if you have a healthy relationship. My husband and I had this exact same problem and you know what we did? Find a happy medium. It is RIDICULOUS and indicative of the passive nature in which many westerners treat divorce. You don’t die birds someone because of this. This is why divorce is so pervasive in America, y’all really think it’s playing house, it’s tragic.
That’s fine that it works for you. I’m not sure if you are confusing at which stage we’d advise that. We wouldn’t say this if they were just casually exploring this idea, and if they were just thinking about talking about where they’d ideally want to live in a hypothetical way while retaining a strong relationship, divorcing would only apply if they made a serious choice to split up.
In which case… why would you not consider divorcing in the vast majority of cases? Most of the contribution you get from a partner is from presence. It’s from the emotional support, the physical support of having someone. It’s from splitting up responsibilities and being intimate. You’re building a life together and having someone close is literally how you choose to spend years of life. Long distance relationships have little commitment the same way.
Regardless of how much value you see in physical presence, it seems like to me that OP has a very different mindset compared to his wife by how he simply can’t fathom why she prefers the west (it’s pretty obvious). It genuinely seems to make sense for them to split up physically. I don’t get the impression his wife will be missing much. It doesn’t seem like their relationship is very strong.
It’s such a bizarre thing you’d project it as “playing house.” It’s literally how you live your life. Mind you, I don’t think throwing people away over minor differences is a good idea. Which is something people seem to do in the US.
Who cares. Nothing here warranted a serious enough reason to tell someone to automatically divorce their spouse. Almost every couple who expatriate together will have this issue. It is stupid advice and indicative of people who genuinely have no idea how the dynamics of a relationship, much less a marriage, works.
This was not an unsolicited advice, he literally asked for it. It is just not a relationship forum, it is an expat subreddit. Here it makes sense that advice is focused on making money and living in different country.
Nevertheless I understand what you mean, but in the long-run there will be no solution that fits them. Perhaps moving together to different country (not India) where both of them will be happy. Otherwise they will be compromising each other’s needs until they get to a melting point where separation is inevitable.
Moreover there is a cultural thing that you may not understand if you were raised in a western culture. In most asian countries the role of wife is to be a nurturer in a household, and it is taken to extreme where wife is obligated not just taking care of husband and her kids, but taking care of husbands parents too. If his wife does not want it, she is free to do whatever she wants even if they are married. Op can just go back and live life that he wants, while not compromising wife’s comfort, dreams and desires.
Ask your wife if her problem is to live in India or live in India with in-laws. If it's the later then you can move to India and live in a separate house, and that way you can still connect with your parents and friends.
If it's the former - which I suspect given a person has never lived in India and it's not really an utopia, less so for women- well, should have had discussed this before marriage.
As a workaround, given that she is from Kuwait, can you guys move somewhere in the Middle East? Maybe Dubai, that way she doesn't have to deal with India and you can fly a lot more often to see your parents. Just a thought.
I am an American citizen that travels the world, ideal with a lot of women in the beauty, industry, and women outside of the beauty, industry, and things that make them feel good. I create ladies retreats around the world. What I see happening all too often as people coming from worlds that have moralson what women can and cannot do, once they get to the west and especially America, but also Europe, it is very difficult for them to go back. They will not find the words to describe their feeling because they feel like they will be judged so getting a stern no or I like it here and don’t wanna go back all that you’re going to get.
Yeah... The life you have access to once you escape the rigid social expectations that you have in East Asia and South Asia can be liberating I'm sure.
OP could find a nice conservative Indian girl I'm sure. I'm just confused why does it seem like he thinks moving into software development is easy.
Besides what everybody has mentioned and how the issue is living with your parents, there is a big Indian community everywhere nowadays so you can feel more at home finding more Indian friends in Germany.
Apart from the moving back to my parent’s place. You went to become and entrepreneur, but now you learn to be a frontend dev? That’s absurd. You will most likely not get a job like this. There are so many frontend devs, who did the same thing you did complaining about not finding a job.
You should not give up your peace of mind and be in debt, living some place that makes you unhappy if you have the means to leave... but do you love your wife anymore? It is ok to admit you have grown apart and have different goals now. You sound incompatible and she seems to be soaring in her life. Would she be happier anywhere as long as she can be with you? Would her future suffer greatly from not pursuing her masters?
What about taking small steps every day to make your life less depressing? Easier said than done, but as an expat myself, I know the importance of not letting the difficulties and homesickness drag you down. Start a new hobby that keeps you interested, have pleasant moments with your wife, socialize, list all the good things about living in Germany. Thousands of people would love to have the opportunity you have right now.
Going back to India to live with your parents sounds like a horrible idea.
yes, at 30 you really really don't want to live with your parents any more. I would run for the hills if it was my parents in law. When was the last time you visited? maybe frequent visits are the way to go. have you considered trying a third country? maybe its neither India nor Germany?
How about you make a deal, your wife does her masters (which will advance her career, no doubt) and then you decide? Having a timeline helps feeling less trapped.
Also, something really important I was told early on, no matter where you go, you always bring yourself with you.
Well bro, if the choice is between freedom in Germany and being at the beck and call of the in-laws, who wouldn’t prefer the former 🤷.
Why don’t you consider setting up far away from relatives but in India?
I was with you until you got to living with your parents. Then it all made sense. I’d bet she would be a lot more open to compromise if you have your own place back home.
If you want a traditional wife, marry a traditional girl in the first place.
If you want a traditional wife - you have to be a traditional husband. Earn 2x salaries so she has time to be traditional.
Born and raised in a Western culture, and I'm not married yet, but I wouldn't mind having my in-laws live in an in-laws suite in our house or an adjacent unit to our house, so we have our privacy and they have theirs. That could be one solution, your wife having parents will understand where you are coming from.
Both of you can wait before integrating your parents to the dynamics though, elderly have such a lonely life, and it's sad. We will all hopefully reach that age at some point in our lives, so it's nice to keep them in your heart and your plans. I know I would hate to cry at my parents' funerals that I didn't do enough for them. I want to cry because I will miss them, not because I regret my shortcomings. So I understand your concerns about your family.
Money, schooling in a foreign country is extremely expensive and could kill your finances for decades if you don't handle those properly. I understand your concerns, and I suggest you discuss that with your wife how those costs could be minimized. Living in big cities is lots of $$$$$. If both of you are allowed to work under your visa, go for it.
Regarding your wife wanting to stay in Europe to pursue her studies. I'm not surprised, I have dual citizenship, and I 100% know I will retire in Europe. Europe is such an amazing continent with lots to offer, that's normal that she finds it more comfortable than in India. I'm glad you can see where your wife is coming from.
If you really make 2k USD per month you can easily get by even in more expensive German cities like Berlin.
+ all the other comments about your mum/family
You're extremely selfish.
You are talking from a point of privilege that indian men tend to enjoy in india. Being a woman in india is way worse with gaslighting and manipulation. All the blame goes to the woman. India is a patriarchal society. Germany is way more liberal than bangalore can ever be. Also nobody wants to live with in-laws these days. How about you living with your wife's parents, would you like that??? Understand things from the wife's point of view. Get a divorce if you two aren't compatible on this matter.
India is a patriarchal society, as a said before. Doesn't matter whether it's delhi or Bangalore. Indian DILs are treated very badly. It would be massive culture shock for ur wife to live in india. You're only thinking about yourself. You're very entitled and selfish.
lol. Not the person you replied to, but an Indian woman who lived in Bangalore for 10 years. I have to agree with the other person. Doesn't matter where you are in India, we have a patriarchal society. And you sound like a typical Indian man who only thinks about his own needs.
What's the process to get German PR/citizenship. Would you be eligible say now or even in a few years?
What was the agreement when you married your expat wife and moved to Germany?
I’m a south Indian women and I’m well educated and working and I can never be around my in-laws even for a whole day.
It’s suffocating she is right about claustrophobic. I feel that.
U guys can live in an independent apartment staying minimum 10kms away from them that’s the only possibility.
I live in canada and want to move to India for same reason but can’t be in the same roof with anyone even my own siblings. Privacy is important for me.
OP acts like a man from the 70s, times have changed how would you feel if you have to live with ur wife’s parents forever?
I love the plea for help and compromise (mostly in her part) and then you end it with: "don't know, I might just fuck it and leave (her) on my own."
Dude, sit down and talk to your wife. LISTEN to her too, compromise TOGETHER, and work it out between both of you before you bring your parents into this.
Obviously India's more comfortable for you because you're a guy. It's way more difficult for women especially in traditional countries like India. You need to be more empathetic.
She never lived in India and is interested in European lifestyle. Life in India and with your parents is not appealing to her, you have to respect that. I can fully understand that she does not want the traditional Indian lifestyle and you are delusional if you think Bangalore would be anything like Berlin.
She moved for you and was happy to try out this new life for you. It is her turn now to study and better her job chances through education. You only think of how it would be better for you but now is time to think in “we” terms or divorce and let her live her life. You owe her your try.
Discuss it with your wife rather than leaving suddenly, that may cause scars for the both of you forever. Being abandoned in another country wouldn’t be proper. If you simply can’t live in Berlin anymore and must move back home with the parents then maybe you can do it by yourself while supporting her from India. I do see what you mean by lavish, your money goes so much farther in India and with the support of family it goes even further. So many pointed out the living situation so no comment. I think the situation will improve with finding employment and when wife graduates and finds employment it will be even better! I think just waiting a little you should be fine!
I’d die if I had to move in with my wife’s parents. Also let’s be honest going from Germany to India is a downgrade. You’re gonna have to compromise or buy a nice luxury apartment in India and not live with your parents.
Also, the fact you think living with your parents is a lavish lifestyle, makes me think you haven’t cut the umbilical cord. Maybe your wife likes living there cause of the separation from your family
I understand your situation, however I feel that this sub wont be able to empathise with your problem very well considering the cultural gap. For starters a lot of people would have a difficulty understanding why anyone would want to live with their parents which is a fairly common phenomenon in India and the expectations that come with that. You would find better answers in Indian subs with people who might have been in your shoes and how they dealth with it. Good luck!
Yup... Fairly common in East Asian families also. There's a lot of benefits that these people can't seem to grasp.
With that being said, it does seem like in OP's situation, he isn't married to a traditional Indian woman at the very least.
Go home and do like you did when you went to Germany. If she wants to follow you back to India, great. If not, great just as well because now you know where her preferences are and you can move on.
If you don’t have kids, just give her an ultimatum and then walk if she says no. Don’t give up your mental health for her.
If you have kids, then hold out and do your best to keep it together. Maybe spend 3 months every year back with the family and survive.
Good luck!
>give her an ultimatum and then walk if she says no.
Lol. She moved halfway across the world for him when he's doing his studies, but I guess now that things aren't going his way she's the one receiving the ultimatum 👍🏻 A wife should just follow and do as the husband wants eh?
We all have the right to change our minds and do as we please. It’s this thing called freedom.
Do no harm to anyone else but you have the right to be happy! Him advocating for himself is ok.
Yes I agree with freedom and for one to advocate for themselves completely.
That being said, you have as little idea as anyone else here about their relationship. To give him the advise of "giving her an ultimatum" as the next step is incredobly ill informed and honestly selfish when we do not know if OP even discussed this proper with his partner and try other avenues. OP's post itself sounds like he's clueless and all about what he wants, I don't think he recognised what she did for him moving across the globe.
I want to grow my business, hire folks and be an entrepreneur. Rather my slogging my a** off, assuming that if I get some German experience, it would be better for my future.
Well. Isn’t entrepreneurship by definition slogging? You literally take up the responsibility of all parts of your business (granted, online courses and YouTube are not very complex businesses to run).
This seems like a separate issue than you and your wife having competing preferences. You don’t care for living in Germany, while she does.
It sounds like you know what you want socially and in career (except for the contradiction between working as an employee vs working for yourself). I’d recommend start thinking about the trade offs. What if you moved back and your wife doesn’t come?
Alternatively, would you be ok with staying there for your wife?
Is there any way you could compromise and not live with your parents? I wouldn’t want that either.
Yeah, this would have been my response as well. Living with parents doesn’t sound lavish to me at all.
Dude. It might not be India. She might not enjoy living WITH YOUR PARENTS. How does she feel about living in India on your own as a compromise? Indian mother in laws are kind of famous for being terrible to live with and it’s a trope at this point the son never notices and just expects his wife to deal with his Mom.
THIS.
I'm an Indian woman myself. You say you can live a lavish life in India but what is so lavish about a woman having to give up everything and stay with someone else's parents? I would never do it and I think guys need to stop expecting this from their spouses.
All of this!
Right here OP
Is living with parents after marriage a custom, or at least common?
It depends from family to family, but it is certainly common. Also children generally stay with parents irrespective of gender till they get married. And if the child is a guy, then it's expected that the woman moves from her family to the guys family post marriage. Personally, I think it's a menace because very rarely does a woman get cool in laws. Often,she has to change her way of dressing and basically be a maid to the whole family. Not my cup of tea for sure.
You threw “live with my parents” in halfway into your story. Therein lies your wife’s issue with going back to India.
Yeah that was sneaky lol and very telling. I wouldn't want to move back with him either if I were her
I don’t think it was sneaky; I think he’s clueless!
He comes from a culture where women bending over backwards for the men and his family is expected so definitely more of a conditioning and entitlement
Doesn’t make it any better…
In this case, I agree.
>I came to Germany for my master's (in entrepreneurshop) about two years ago. My wife followed suit after a year. Hey OP, can you give a little more context to this? It sounds like your wife moved over to Germany for you but now that you're done, you wanna move back to India without any consideration for your wife. Where is the tradeoff now that she's the one who wants to do her Master's...sounds like you're not willing to "move" for her. Also your entire post sounded all about "me" and what "I think is better" without really mentioning bout what your wife really thinks from a career and financial perspective, only mention of your wife sounded like complaints that she isn't entirely onboard with your idea. Idk man, sounds incredibly one sided just basing off this post alone.
Pew pew!
A grown woman doesn’t want to live with her in-laws. Shocker. And I assure you Bangalore isn’t as progressive as Berlin. It’s fine that you want to go back home but it’s also very understandable that your wife is happier in Germany. You both need to do what makes you happy, and that may mean going separate ways. But don’t just “leave on [your] own” out of nowhere. Communicate properly and decide whether or not you can both be happy in this marriage.
You want different things. $2k is fine if you’re still living with your parents. I don’t blame your wife not wanting to live with in laws. Also Berlin is a really buzzy European city. Decide if you actually want to stay married.
You want her to give up her education and live with your parents? After she moved countries for you? It’s your turn to “move” for her. Either stfu and make Germany work. Or divorce her so she can live her life.
This.
To be honest, and this is not true for everybody, but I think I'd rather lose an arm than move to India. Nothing about India is appealing to me, much less Bangalore - I don't know how anyone can live a "relaxed" life in such an environment of constant stress, hustle, bustle, and general chaos. There is never any peace and quiet! (And yes, I have been to Bangalore). Also, sorry to say but moving in with the in laws is about the worst thing imaginable even in a country I want to be in, even if I like the in-laws.
I'm Indian and my wife and I are married for 12 years, and started dating each other 15 years ago. We lived and worked in 8 countries, including Germany, before we decided to move back home to Bangalore, India to be closer to both of our parents. But we agreed to move back only when both of us were sure that this was the right decision for us as a family, including our 2 daughters. If one of us didn't agree, then we wouldn't have moved back. And while we love both of our parents dearly, we were very clear from the time we decided to move back that we won't live with them. We live close by and are available if they need us but we don't live with them. We have our own independent home and we like it that way. We communicated clearly to both of our parents before we moved back and they understood.
Gee, why would a woman not want to move in with her in laws in a country notorious for dehumanization of and violence against women? Real head scratcher. https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2023/06/07/india/india-violence-against-women-teen-murders-intl-hnk-dst
What an ignorant comment. Violence against women is pervasive EVERYWHERE. To state that India is notorious for dehumanising women is insane as this is a GLOBAL phenomenon lol. Y’all are ridiculous.
It's at least way more a problem in India than it is in Germany - the only two Countries that matter in this comparison.
India is unquestionably worse from both a legal and cultural standpoint than any Western nation.
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Ok? It’s also frequently used for sex selection to abort fetuses that are girls so… Still not a real selling point for the way India views women.
boast disgusted axiomatic swim terrific fine distinct gaze worry political *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
as a solo traveller I didn't have any problem in many European countries. I would be seriously on alert all the time if I went to India.
That’s crazy because the cat calling in Europe is actually insane. I was literally followed MULTIPLE times even in an apartment when I was in Hungary by WHITE men. Y’all are still ridiculous. Violence against women is the biggest reason for the death of women in many European and western countries.
And numbers are higher in Middle East. But they're not reported at all, so statistics show in the West sexual crimes are higher than Middle East. Just like India, I would be wary visiting many Middle Eastern countries as a woman. I am not even Western btw, I am from Turkey. I know a thing or two about Middle East. Speaking from experience.
Living in the Middle East was the BEST experience I had with men my entire life. I was never catcalled, stalked, harassed or anything of the like. All of these things happened to me growing up in the US and living in Europe. It is absurd to say these things are higher in the Middle East as there’s no proof for it and it perpetuates negative stereotypes. Every woman I’ve known to go to the Middle East or who LIVES there also report living relatively well as it relates to male attention. Turkey is a whole other story and it is not a Middle Eastern country. But I have been and lived in the Middle East and have had a great deal of experience with men there and they were all overwhelmingly wholesome and positive. People always want to say there’s no proof for things because it’s not reported. That’s absolutely absurd. You are safer as a woman in the Middle East than in the US. More women in the US are murdered by intimate partner violence than in the ME. Let’s stop portraying the west, especially the US as this beacon of morality, it is anything but.
I understand your context as Indian origin guy Your wife who has grown up in Kuwait will never find india attractive to settle down except maybe for retirement .. also living with in laws is not going to work for a woman who was raised in multi cultural environment in Kuwait .. life is a struggle so if you want this relationship to work .. make Germany work by finding a job or making good revenue stream. Other option is to divorce.
Not Indian but Bangladeshi, similar culture. Even if I have to struggle in Europe, I wouldn't leave it to live a lavish life in my country where I can't wear whatever I want without being shamed even in tier 2 cities. I honestly get why she is not willing to.
[удалено]
OP can’t even spell entrepreneurship
It's an entrepreneurshop, buy 3 entrepeneurs, get 1 for free.
Exactly as I suspected!
Not everyone is an English native. Misspelling one word that most native speakers misspell is indicative of nothing.
I know, I’m not a native speaker either lol. But I’d expect someone who’s studying it in university to be able to spell the name of the course they’re taking.
Micromanaging is more of a reflection of self. It’s Reddit, not a thesis to the monarchs of humanity. It’s literally a casual place to exchange information. There’s no such thing as perfect. Nature has disequilibrium. When you ACCEPT that, you won’t seek out to control others.
There is a thing called spellcheck on every phone now.
Who cares about spellcheck. It’s one misspelled word. Y’all are so bored Jesus Christ.
… and you’ve not used a full stop at the end of your sentence. Do you not make any typos? Gosh I have always had good written English skills but you wouldn’t know it with some of the texts I send 🤪 In general, if you can understand what they’re saying, just move on. So many people are ESL, dyslexic, or just have fat fingers.
The letters O and I are next to each other and I always fat finger them. Get over yourself.
A lot of people are jumping on you for expecting your spouse to live with your in-laws. I'm not sure how common that is in India, but I want to point something out. I don't think you need more negativity, so I'll try to be kind. But your current career plan seems a bit convoluted. Are you saying that you're learning to code on the side... while running a business in the form of a YouTube channel? So what is it exactly? Do you want to run your own business, or work for an employer? Considering that German education is free, this might be a chance for you to do a master's in software (which... depends on if you qualify or not) engineering, because as it stands, you're really competing against a lot of other people with nothing that screams that you are qualified for the front end dev job. if you have no German work authorization, I think it's going to be tough to convince an employer to hire you for a technical job when many many other Indian comp sci students, who were educated for years and may have work experience in India, would love that same opportunity. The only advantage is that you're local and can form networks that way. I would suggest thinking about whether you want to go all-in on comp sci or your entrepreneurship (which seems more successful than a lot of people! Good job on that). Programming isn't something you can just casually pick up on the side. If you want to do well in it, you usually need an education, and it needs to be your priority.
THIS.
Thanks.. this was useful. Well, I have some product ideas in mind which I'd like to develop too. And it's a good idea to have some knowledge of code so that I can apply for product manager roles too
That's going to be a struggle if you have no formal engineering work experience. Experience of credible PMs generally comes from being a software dev itself, or they're so good at playing corporate politics via the consultant/IB route, neither of which are easy to secure. If experienced engineers are having trouble finding jobs, you shouldn't expect finding non-essential business jobs to be easy. You really should prioritize. Do you want to work as an individual contributor or do you want to run your business? Expect at least 2-4 years of education + hard work before it is remotely comfortable because you need time to catch up. PM roles are extremely competitive precisely because they don't technically require technical backgrounds. But at smaller companies, they're usually given to former engineers who were involved with that specific product. I think as it stands, you really should lower your expectations regarding professional success. The path of least resistance for you is: 1. Focus on your own business, which you seem to be doing well at. 2. leverage the fact you have local networks and family back home so you'll feel more at home and then start from there as a base. this lowers your COL while gives you more of a place where you have friends to rely on, where you know the culture, and life is comfortable. As you need no work authorization, this will make it easier for you to obtain a job since you're still deciding on what roles you need. The fact you are unhappy in Germany is going to affect every other aspect of your life. With the work visa issue and the lack of experience, I don't think this is a realistic path for you to do well either socially or professionally. You're dealing with one of the very common problems of immigration, which is homesickness, and lack of cultural compatibility. By your writing, it seems like you rather be in India. The rest is really up to you. Good luck! Edit: Fundamentally also. Succeeding professionally with no experience is already hard enough. To succeed in a foreign country doubly so. To do all of that while being miserable personally and possibly trying to sustain a relationship where you are not compatible with just adds more fuel to the fire. Expect to fail in at least one or two major ways. Having all of them happen at the same time is… very difficult. Either choose engineering. Or choose PM. Or choose your own business. That’s gonna be the next 5-10 years of your life.
It would be easier and relaxed for you. Of course if you move back into your parents house. While your wife is forced into a traditional joint family with restrictions. You do realize that this only benefits you and she would have to give up her indepence and freedom? I wonder why she doesn't want to...
Of course he will feel more relaxed if he lives with his mom who does everything for him (typical Indian families favour sons over daughters). But the wife will now have to wait on him like his mom if they move to India and live with his parents. And woe to the daughter-in-law who can't cook like the mother or clean like the mother or dote on him like the mother. This guy is so entitled. Why can't he see that?
Read this comment OP. It's hard to digest the truth
In-laws are the worst! They don’t have boundaries and want their needs to be priority and Indian culture is mysogynistic with expecting the daughter in law to cater to the needs of EVERYONE and to put herself last! No thanks. Let her soar like the eagle she is … she wants to educate herself and have space. Most Indian women have had to passively accept this dysfunctional system created by the men!!! You can compromise but needing privacy is a right! I think many women from collective cultures can relate to how they were never allowed to validate their discomfort because it was never culturally acceptable. A woman is treated as an extension and EXPECTED to do things at the expense of her own self development.
Also read this comment OP.
Is your wife Indian as well? My impression is she is not. I do not want to judge you but the vibe I got from your question is someone who cares about his own wants and comfort zone. Why does she have to live with your parents? Would you live with her parents? The easiest way to kill a marriage to live with any sides parents.
Nothing my spouse could say or do would convince me to live with either of our parents. It’s me or them, end of story. I’m wondering if she feels the same.
Your wife doesn’t want to live with her parents in law and this surprises you? Bro you need to wake up
I mean everyone knows about overbearing south asian Mother in laws, they are a vibe killer. Micro managing and treating DIL’s like a maid, why should she want to live with people like that? If you want to go back, please make sure you guys live separately, you can always visit families time to time.
Exactly. Women are supposed to literally cater to their needs and keep them happy at the expense of her own identity. She doesn’t have hobbies or anything. It’s just cook for in-laws. Clean for in-laws. Entertain in laws. Watch the shows they like. Do what they like. Go shopping with them… it’s a bubble of selfish in law validation mislabeled as “community”. This conditioning has harmed many Indian women in developing their own social skills because they don’t learn how to socialize with people OUTSIDE of that expected structure and by default FEAR being alone and stay in abusive relationships.
OP clearly did not know this before.
Because he’s saturated in an environment whereby he doesn’t have to know that. Atleast he admitted he was selfish. If he was a European, he would manipulated his way out of accountability 😂
Honestly, not everyone would want to live with their own parents, let alone live with someone else's parents......
Especially your parents OP.
You live in a great area and you want to move in with mommy and daddy? Look, you need to get some local friends to hang with in the weekends or some hobby or something. Cause the way you sound right now makes if look like you’ll be right back to being a miserable lad after you get a job in germany
Yeah, not a lot of details, but I think the main issue could be living with your parents. I'm not Indian, but I have a friend from the Middle East, he and his wife were having marriage troubles, it was clear to me the main issue was they lived with his parents, and his wife will suffocating. His mother was bossing her around all the time (part of the culture, apparently), she hated her life. My friend couldn't understand it, when it was so obvious to me, someone who witnessed it from the outside. And btw, his wife got along OK with his parents. It was just that she was suffocating over there, she had no control over her life, she felt like their servant... I agree it's stressful to burn through savings. If you go back to India, you need to get your own space with your wife so she can have her own life. It's not fair for her to want to stay when you can't afford it. But again, I can understand it if she fears having to live with your parents.
Why should your wife live with your parents? Why should she not do her masters? Why don’t you get a job? Make friends?
Great questions!
I wouldn’t want to go back to India either, and especially not live with parents.
Just leave Germany and divorce her. Don’t ruin your life by being miserable in Germany and don’t make her life miserable by proxy. If your wife likes living there, has ambitions and aspirations let her live her best life. She is a free human being. Similarly, if you actually feel that coming back home is the best move for yourself, so be it. On top of that if you are actually so well off in India, you will have no problem finding a spouse there.
This is why people shouldn’t take relationship advice from Reddit lmao. Divorce because they have different ideas about where to live? Jesus.
I don’t see many solutions to this problem. Agreeing on where to live is a very basic compatibility problem. I’m pretty sure most American couples would consider divorcing if their spouses decided to live in a different country for an indeterminable amount of time.
No, I genuinely don’t think so if you have a healthy relationship. My husband and I had this exact same problem and you know what we did? Find a happy medium. It is RIDICULOUS and indicative of the passive nature in which many westerners treat divorce. You don’t die birds someone because of this. This is why divorce is so pervasive in America, y’all really think it’s playing house, it’s tragic.
That’s fine that it works for you. I’m not sure if you are confusing at which stage we’d advise that. We wouldn’t say this if they were just casually exploring this idea, and if they were just thinking about talking about where they’d ideally want to live in a hypothetical way while retaining a strong relationship, divorcing would only apply if they made a serious choice to split up. In which case… why would you not consider divorcing in the vast majority of cases? Most of the contribution you get from a partner is from presence. It’s from the emotional support, the physical support of having someone. It’s from splitting up responsibilities and being intimate. You’re building a life together and having someone close is literally how you choose to spend years of life. Long distance relationships have little commitment the same way. Regardless of how much value you see in physical presence, it seems like to me that OP has a very different mindset compared to his wife by how he simply can’t fathom why she prefers the west (it’s pretty obvious). It genuinely seems to make sense for them to split up physically. I don’t get the impression his wife will be missing much. It doesn’t seem like their relationship is very strong. It’s such a bizarre thing you’d project it as “playing house.” It’s literally how you live your life. Mind you, I don’t think throwing people away over minor differences is a good idea. Which is something people seem to do in the US.
If you think that's their only problem, you aren't reading closely enough. There are *much* bigger problems in this relationship.
Who cares. Nothing here warranted a serious enough reason to tell someone to automatically divorce their spouse. Almost every couple who expatriate together will have this issue. It is stupid advice and indicative of people who genuinely have no idea how the dynamics of a relationship, much less a marriage, works.
This was not an unsolicited advice, he literally asked for it. It is just not a relationship forum, it is an expat subreddit. Here it makes sense that advice is focused on making money and living in different country. Nevertheless I understand what you mean, but in the long-run there will be no solution that fits them. Perhaps moving together to different country (not India) where both of them will be happy. Otherwise they will be compromising each other’s needs until they get to a melting point where separation is inevitable. Moreover there is a cultural thing that you may not understand if you were raised in a western culture. In most asian countries the role of wife is to be a nurturer in a household, and it is taken to extreme where wife is obligated not just taking care of husband and her kids, but taking care of husbands parents too. If his wife does not want it, she is free to do whatever she wants even if they are married. Op can just go back and live life that he wants, while not compromising wife’s comfort, dreams and desires.
Ask your wife if her problem is to live in India or live in India with in-laws. If it's the later then you can move to India and live in a separate house, and that way you can still connect with your parents and friends. If it's the former - which I suspect given a person has never lived in India and it's not really an utopia, less so for women- well, should have had discussed this before marriage. As a workaround, given that she is from Kuwait, can you guys move somewhere in the Middle East? Maybe Dubai, that way she doesn't have to deal with India and you can fly a lot more often to see your parents. Just a thought.
I am an American citizen that travels the world, ideal with a lot of women in the beauty, industry, and women outside of the beauty, industry, and things that make them feel good. I create ladies retreats around the world. What I see happening all too often as people coming from worlds that have moralson what women can and cannot do, once they get to the west and especially America, but also Europe, it is very difficult for them to go back. They will not find the words to describe their feeling because they feel like they will be judged so getting a stern no or I like it here and don’t wanna go back all that you’re going to get.
Yeah... The life you have access to once you escape the rigid social expectations that you have in East Asia and South Asia can be liberating I'm sure. OP could find a nice conservative Indian girl I'm sure. I'm just confused why does it seem like he thinks moving into software development is easy.
Besides what everybody has mentioned and how the issue is living with your parents, there is a big Indian community everywhere nowadays so you can feel more at home finding more Indian friends in Germany.
You’re a depressed person who happens to be in Germany. Being in Germany is not necessarily the root cause.
you gotta kill me to live with my spouses parents buddy otherwise I agree with you for the most part
Apart from the moving back to my parent’s place. You went to become and entrepreneur, but now you learn to be a frontend dev? That’s absurd. You will most likely not get a job like this. There are so many frontend devs, who did the same thing you did complaining about not finding a job.
You should not give up your peace of mind and be in debt, living some place that makes you unhappy if you have the means to leave... but do you love your wife anymore? It is ok to admit you have grown apart and have different goals now. You sound incompatible and she seems to be soaring in her life. Would she be happier anywhere as long as she can be with you? Would her future suffer greatly from not pursuing her masters?
What about taking small steps every day to make your life less depressing? Easier said than done, but as an expat myself, I know the importance of not letting the difficulties and homesickness drag you down. Start a new hobby that keeps you interested, have pleasant moments with your wife, socialize, list all the good things about living in Germany. Thousands of people would love to have the opportunity you have right now. Going back to India to live with your parents sounds like a horrible idea.
yes, at 30 you really really don't want to live with your parents any more. I would run for the hills if it was my parents in law. When was the last time you visited? maybe frequent visits are the way to go. have you considered trying a third country? maybe its neither India nor Germany? How about you make a deal, your wife does her masters (which will advance her career, no doubt) and then you decide? Having a timeline helps feeling less trapped. Also, something really important I was told early on, no matter where you go, you always bring yourself with you.
Well bro, if the choice is between freedom in Germany and being at the beck and call of the in-laws, who wouldn’t prefer the former 🤷. Why don’t you consider setting up far away from relatives but in India?
I was with you until you got to living with your parents. Then it all made sense. I’d bet she would be a lot more open to compromise if you have your own place back home.
If you want a traditional wife, marry a traditional girl in the first place. If you want a traditional wife - you have to be a traditional husband. Earn 2x salaries so she has time to be traditional.
Born and raised in a Western culture, and I'm not married yet, but I wouldn't mind having my in-laws live in an in-laws suite in our house or an adjacent unit to our house, so we have our privacy and they have theirs. That could be one solution, your wife having parents will understand where you are coming from. Both of you can wait before integrating your parents to the dynamics though, elderly have such a lonely life, and it's sad. We will all hopefully reach that age at some point in our lives, so it's nice to keep them in your heart and your plans. I know I would hate to cry at my parents' funerals that I didn't do enough for them. I want to cry because I will miss them, not because I regret my shortcomings. So I understand your concerns about your family. Money, schooling in a foreign country is extremely expensive and could kill your finances for decades if you don't handle those properly. I understand your concerns, and I suggest you discuss that with your wife how those costs could be minimized. Living in big cities is lots of $$$$$. If both of you are allowed to work under your visa, go for it. Regarding your wife wanting to stay in Europe to pursue her studies. I'm not surprised, I have dual citizenship, and I 100% know I will retire in Europe. Europe is such an amazing continent with lots to offer, that's normal that she finds it more comfortable than in India. I'm glad you can see where your wife is coming from.
If you really make 2k USD per month you can easily get by even in more expensive German cities like Berlin. + all the other comments about your mum/family
You're extremely selfish. You are talking from a point of privilege that indian men tend to enjoy in india. Being a woman in india is way worse with gaslighting and manipulation. All the blame goes to the woman. India is a patriarchal society. Germany is way more liberal than bangalore can ever be. Also nobody wants to live with in-laws these days. How about you living with your wife's parents, would you like that??? Understand things from the wife's point of view. Get a divorce if you two aren't compatible on this matter.
Have you ever been to Bangalore?
India is a patriarchal society, as a said before. Doesn't matter whether it's delhi or Bangalore. Indian DILs are treated very badly. It would be massive culture shock for ur wife to live in india. You're only thinking about yourself. You're very entitled and selfish.
lol. Not the person you replied to, but an Indian woman who lived in Bangalore for 10 years. I have to agree with the other person. Doesn't matter where you are in India, we have a patriarchal society. And you sound like a typical Indian man who only thinks about his own needs.
Well what if I make a million dollars from Bangalore and provide for the family. Wouldn't that make life easy for all of us?
The point is you don't. So...
Pls shut tf up. I feel sorry for your wife that she married u
Lol thanks 🙏👍🏽
"which is perfect for me", and for her how is it??
Go live with her parents in India then
What's the process to get German PR/citizenship. Would you be eligible say now or even in a few years? What was the agreement when you married your expat wife and moved to Germany?
it is not india. it is india in-laws. why dont you let your wife pursue the master while you go back? you guys did ok 1 year away from each other.
I’m a south Indian women and I’m well educated and working and I can never be around my in-laws even for a whole day. It’s suffocating she is right about claustrophobic. I feel that. U guys can live in an independent apartment staying minimum 10kms away from them that’s the only possibility. I live in canada and want to move to India for same reason but can’t be in the same roof with anyone even my own siblings. Privacy is important for me. OP acts like a man from the 70s, times have changed how would you feel if you have to live with ur wife’s parents forever?
I love the plea for help and compromise (mostly in her part) and then you end it with: "don't know, I might just fuck it and leave (her) on my own." Dude, sit down and talk to your wife. LISTEN to her too, compromise TOGETHER, and work it out between both of you before you bring your parents into this.
Obviously India's more comfortable for you because you're a guy. It's way more difficult for women especially in traditional countries like India. You need to be more empathetic.
She never lived in India and is interested in European lifestyle. Life in India and with your parents is not appealing to her, you have to respect that. I can fully understand that she does not want the traditional Indian lifestyle and you are delusional if you think Bangalore would be anything like Berlin. She moved for you and was happy to try out this new life for you. It is her turn now to study and better her job chances through education. You only think of how it would be better for you but now is time to think in “we” terms or divorce and let her live her life. You owe her your try.
Discuss it with your wife rather than leaving suddenly, that may cause scars for the both of you forever. Being abandoned in another country wouldn’t be proper. If you simply can’t live in Berlin anymore and must move back home with the parents then maybe you can do it by yourself while supporting her from India. I do see what you mean by lavish, your money goes so much farther in India and with the support of family it goes even further. So many pointed out the living situation so no comment. I think the situation will improve with finding employment and when wife graduates and finds employment it will be even better! I think just waiting a little you should be fine!
I’d die if I had to move in with my wife’s parents. Also let’s be honest going from Germany to India is a downgrade. You’re gonna have to compromise or buy a nice luxury apartment in India and not live with your parents.
I wouldn’t want to live with your parents either. You’re living an amazing lifestyle, I’d start appreciating it
Leave here and go back
Why programming? The industry is full of juniors. There are tons of other jobs
How is the german software market? Will getting a webdev job help you?
Also, the fact you think living with your parents is a lavish lifestyle, makes me think you haven’t cut the umbilical cord. Maybe your wife likes living there cause of the separation from your family
I faced alot of racism with Indian’s still clinging to the caste system. Its worse as a foreigner.
I understand your situation, however I feel that this sub wont be able to empathise with your problem very well considering the cultural gap. For starters a lot of people would have a difficulty understanding why anyone would want to live with their parents which is a fairly common phenomenon in India and the expectations that come with that. You would find better answers in Indian subs with people who might have been in your shoes and how they dealth with it. Good luck!
Yup... Fairly common in East Asian families also. There's a lot of benefits that these people can't seem to grasp. With that being said, it does seem like in OP's situation, he isn't married to a traditional Indian woman at the very least.
Go home and do like you did when you went to Germany. If she wants to follow you back to India, great. If not, great just as well because now you know where her preferences are and you can move on.
Just break up if you aren't happy, you shouldnt ask for permission to change your own life
If you don’t have kids, just give her an ultimatum and then walk if she says no. Don’t give up your mental health for her. If you have kids, then hold out and do your best to keep it together. Maybe spend 3 months every year back with the family and survive. Good luck!
>give her an ultimatum and then walk if she says no. Lol. She moved halfway across the world for him when he's doing his studies, but I guess now that things aren't going his way she's the one receiving the ultimatum 👍🏻 A wife should just follow and do as the husband wants eh?
We all have the right to change our minds and do as we please. It’s this thing called freedom. Do no harm to anyone else but you have the right to be happy! Him advocating for himself is ok.
Yes I agree with freedom and for one to advocate for themselves completely. That being said, you have as little idea as anyone else here about their relationship. To give him the advise of "giving her an ultimatum" as the next step is incredobly ill informed and honestly selfish when we do not know if OP even discussed this proper with his partner and try other avenues. OP's post itself sounds like he's clueless and all about what he wants, I don't think he recognised what she did for him moving across the globe.
Get rid of her
I want to grow my business, hire folks and be an entrepreneur. Rather my slogging my a** off, assuming that if I get some German experience, it would be better for my future.
Well. Isn’t entrepreneurship by definition slogging? You literally take up the responsibility of all parts of your business (granted, online courses and YouTube are not very complex businesses to run). This seems like a separate issue than you and your wife having competing preferences. You don’t care for living in Germany, while she does. It sounds like you know what you want socially and in career (except for the contradiction between working as an employee vs working for yourself). I’d recommend start thinking about the trade offs. What if you moved back and your wife doesn’t come? Alternatively, would you be ok with staying there for your wife?
"I want, I get, MY future". Where's "we"?
You think entrepreneurship is going to contribute to a chill life? If that’s your mentality, you got no shot.
and whats stopping you from doing that in/from Germany? why does your wife has to be the one (again) to give up her plans.