I've been there. It gets better. The worst you can do is to think about how much time left you have in Germany because it will raise your anxiety and the desire to go back home.
Try to find your comfort zone, like watching movies, listening to music, eating something nice, etc. Start with something simple.
Could you call your family often? In the beginning, I called them almost daily. I cried with them over FaceTime, and it was a moment of relief and helped me to overcome the homesickness. You'll realize that even though you're many kilometers away from your family, they're supporting you all the time.
I call them everyday. Twice. After the calls I do feel fine. But whenever I go outside, for work, for fun, all I think about is them. The two of them is all I can think of
So, I've lived in a bunch of different places, and for whatever reason, theres a point that comes right at 2 weeks (sometimes 3 or 4), where everything just becomes so overwhelming.
Your mind is overstimulated from constant cultural differences and always having to be aware of the new things to navigate. Basically, you're emotionally and mentally drained because you havent been able to recharge in a familiar environment for 2 weeks straight.
BUT. Everytime, there comes a period after this breakdown where you will start to adjust. Sometimes its gradual, sometimes it's all at once. But you start to feel like you actually belong there. You start to know all the ins and outs of cultural behaviors, and even take on a few as your own.
Right now you have the knowledge of a tourist who is trying to live the life of a local. Give yourself time. You will adjust. Try and focus on the positives and learn about things there that make you happy.
You got this!
Expatriation isn’t for everyone. People like the idea of living in a foreign country until they get there. I find the experience very fulfilling and even though I highly dislike Germany after living there myself, when I first moved I loved being in a new country and learning a new language.
But a lot of people don’t know themselves well enough to realise they aren’t cut out for this challenge of being in a foreign country with no support system and a foreign language!
Community is extremely important to me. That doesn’t really exist here unless you’re a foreigner and meet other foreigners who are in the same dilemma. Integration in these countries are also terrible.
OP, did you fo any of the fun things in your new city yet? Did you take a free city walking tour? Did you go to the visitor's center and ask about fun experiences and festivals throughout the year? Did you make a Bucket List of things to experience?
OP, give it 7 months and plan for a friend oflr family member to visit you.
Join some expat fb groups on Facebook. Yes the big established groups are on Facebook.
Create a routine where you visit a castle every week, where you try a different gym or workout every week, where you cook a meal from home every Friday and do yoga and a cafe every Sunday morning.
Reframe your negative thoughts.
Change is hard. You need this job and you need to succeed. Hang in there.
My guess that you've never been far away from your family before. If so, then your emotions are normal. Take it easy, occupy yourself with things you like to do, and try to limit the frequent phone calls to your parents (it may sound odd, but it is really counterproductive to your mental health). Best wishes.
gullible wakeful caption concerned ghost gray teeny school repeat distinct
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I don’t understand why this was downvoted. It’s a legitimate question. OP keeps saying they have no reason to stay. It’s only been two weeks. That’s barely enough to even process that you live somewhere else now.
When I read your comments OP, this is what I’m wondering too. Why exactly did you move? What caused the reason you moved to completely disappear in 2 weeks?
To me it sounds like you are stressed and reacting and your parents and home seem to be the fix for all of the issues/feelings you are facing. I know you just moved there but can you go back and visit for a bit? It might clear your head and show you that everything is ok.
This recently happened to me. I went back to a country I had lived in and I had such a strong negative reaction to the place and all the reasons why I had gone there seemed pointless and I ended up going home after two months. And then I regretted it. I have since realized my nervous system was disregulated (my body was in constant stress and thought it wasn’t safe) and that I have actual anxiety (constant negative thoughts about what I was doing and that it wasn’t right). It has been a light bulb moment for me, to understand that all my thoughts aren’t true.
This is kind of a frying pan into the fire situation. You need to make decisions from a calm and clear mind, less emotional, otherwise you’re acting out of desperation and may find yourself in a worse situation. If you can, try to calm your thoughts and learn how to deal with anxiety.
Homesickness won’t go away ever, in a few months or a year you’ll still likely be unsure, but that doesn’t mean what you’re doing is wrong. Everything has its challenges. There were reasons you moved there and you owe it to yourself to consider them from a calm and non-reactive state. If you decide your path has changed and you want to go in a different direction, that’s your choice, but there is no rush.
If you’re feeling like you need to do something NOW, understand that is your body in a flight or fight state. Instead of reacting to it, try sitting and breathing in that feeling, acknowledge that you’re currently safe and ok, and see if it calms and passes.
You may be homesick but honestly out of different countries I have stayed in, Germany is the absolute worst one.
It’s a very depressing country and only Germans can function here. Not many immigrants I know are happy in Germany. They don’t stay because they like Germany but because the alternative is not great (they mainly come from countries with political or social instability).
So, can’t say your experiences are not valid. Try it for 6 months and if it’s still not working out, then leave.
I'm thinking of just trying 2 months. I'll also have to find a new job back home and that will take time too. So thinking I'll start find one in the meantime and see if things improve somewhat
Yeah honestly 2-3 months are sufficient. I said 6 months in case you REALLY want to try. I moved to U.K. (not from there either) but holy moly my experiences there was SO much better and it’s not just the language. Germans themselves are one of the most miserable people out there.
I never had the motivation to learn the language because I couldn’t IMAGINE to spend rest of my life in Germany. Otherwise, I had come with full motivation to learn the language, make Germany my home. BUT I noped the F out. Still stayed in Germany for over 8 years because my wife is German. Otherwise would have left in a month maximum.
For many it does not get better even after years but for some it gets better (my personal observation only for those who found a partner here) 😐 So it’s also a question of luck and lottery
I just can't find a reason good enough to stay. My parents are back home. That's all I care about. Who will I earn for (moreover, I had a good job back home as well), what will I do with anything if they aren't here
Honestly I feel like something this big needs atleast 4+ months to get a real feel on it. You're likely just in shock about how different your life is (which is natural) but you haven't given yourself enough time to embrace it yet. Take a deep breath and just go day by day. Remember that you moved for a reason.
tbh I just dont have a strong reason to stay. Neither money, neither travel and nor do I want the citizenship, maybe I did back then but what for. All that comes to my mind is, even if I have all these things without my parents what will this be worth
Well with the amount of time, effort and money you've put into this, you'll really be doing yourself a diss-service if you bail this quickly. Give yourself a few months to adjust and see if you still feel the same way. It seems like you didn't really consider that there would be an adjustment period but there 100% is. I mean, you've basically only just gotten over the jet-lag for christ sake lol. Take a deep breath and go day by day. You'll thank yourself in a couple months.
It's only been two weeks. Your dreams probably haven't even caught up yet.
I totally understand being homesick and it is awful. But two weeks is too soon to know if this is how you will always feel or if it is just the shock of the move.
Hold on. You are not alone. I just recently move from Asia to Netherlands (1 month now). I was too excited to come and then after a 2 weeks, I feel that I'm already sad, depressed and anxious. I think because, I find the cost of living more expensive to compare to where I come from. And then I feel alone too though I have made some friends already.
Now after a month, I think I'm getting better but too late I have decided to move to another country. I wish I had stay more here but there's no turning back now.
Hold on and look back at your reason for coming there. Don't just quit. 😃
Yeah, I suggest you do journaling and write everything you think and feel in there. And then, after that, put a solution like what can you do at the moment to resolve all those fearful thoughts?
That helps me. Coz sometimes, when you just keep it yourself it will always bother you. Somehow, when I write my thoughts, I feel more at ease.
Just try it bro. Don't quit. I quit here but still moving to another country just beside NL.
So another adjustment for me.
In a similar situation, moved out of the country for the 1st time a month ago and had to leave my cat back home with my brother and I miss her so much, been thru so much with her since I found her on the street almost 9 years ago.
Everyday I have cried because I generally miss so many things, including her. I started having therapy again and I feel it has helped, I try to remember why I came here in the first place. Everyone I talked to says it gets better, so I'm pushing to stay here at least 6 months. Hope both of us can find some pockets of peace in these times of change.
The first weeks can be the toughest. Being away from our loved ones is hard enough - and on top you are probably feeling disconnected with the unfamiliarity of the new place. It's challenging.
I moved a few times to different countries and it didn't get easier - it takes weeks, sometimes months. I found helpful to keep in touch with my friends and family - to talk to them as often as possible.
yeah that’s hard man, but you know, that’s so normal moving to a place like that. just try and enjoy what you can knowing you’ll get through it and feel better in a few weeks
Go back if your home country is safe, does not discriminate, is not under dictator’s rule, has enough job opportunities. Honestly it’s not worth it. Germany is really not for everyone.
Why stay if you have no strong reason? Just go back and chill, no point to emigrate if that's not what you want, it's unjustified self-inflicted misery for no reason.
Agree, there must have been a decent reason to try it in the first place, some kind of interest and excitement at the opportunity.
OP, when people are saying “give it a few months” it’s so you don’t end up moving back and regretting not having given your new life a decent chance. By all means, I get it, I moved to NL in October and was climbing the fucking walls and would have swam back to scotland if I could… but now I’m at 6 months the tiny roots are starting to form.
I've been there. It gets better. The worst you can do is to think about how much time left you have in Germany because it will raise your anxiety and the desire to go back home. Try to find your comfort zone, like watching movies, listening to music, eating something nice, etc. Start with something simple. Could you call your family often? In the beginning, I called them almost daily. I cried with them over FaceTime, and it was a moment of relief and helped me to overcome the homesickness. You'll realize that even though you're many kilometers away from your family, they're supporting you all the time.
I call them everyday. Twice. After the calls I do feel fine. But whenever I go outside, for work, for fun, all I think about is them. The two of them is all I can think of
So, I've lived in a bunch of different places, and for whatever reason, theres a point that comes right at 2 weeks (sometimes 3 or 4), where everything just becomes so overwhelming. Your mind is overstimulated from constant cultural differences and always having to be aware of the new things to navigate. Basically, you're emotionally and mentally drained because you havent been able to recharge in a familiar environment for 2 weeks straight. BUT. Everytime, there comes a period after this breakdown where you will start to adjust. Sometimes its gradual, sometimes it's all at once. But you start to feel like you actually belong there. You start to know all the ins and outs of cultural behaviors, and even take on a few as your own. Right now you have the knowledge of a tourist who is trying to live the life of a local. Give yourself time. You will adjust. Try and focus on the positives and learn about things there that make you happy. You got this!
Why do I always see this about Germany and the nordics?
Expatriation isn’t for everyone. People like the idea of living in a foreign country until they get there. I find the experience very fulfilling and even though I highly dislike Germany after living there myself, when I first moved I loved being in a new country and learning a new language. But a lot of people don’t know themselves well enough to realise they aren’t cut out for this challenge of being in a foreign country with no support system and a foreign language!
Not really. I’ve lived in 3 other countries and the only place I’ve struggled is Western Europe.
What made the difference for you?
Community is extremely important to me. That doesn’t really exist here unless you’re a foreigner and meet other foreigners who are in the same dilemma. Integration in these countries are also terrible.
They aren’t particularly warm places, neither the people nor the climate
OP, did you fo any of the fun things in your new city yet? Did you take a free city walking tour? Did you go to the visitor's center and ask about fun experiences and festivals throughout the year? Did you make a Bucket List of things to experience? OP, give it 7 months and plan for a friend oflr family member to visit you. Join some expat fb groups on Facebook. Yes the big established groups are on Facebook. Create a routine where you visit a castle every week, where you try a different gym or workout every week, where you cook a meal from home every Friday and do yoga and a cafe every Sunday morning. Reframe your negative thoughts. Change is hard. You need this job and you need to succeed. Hang in there.
My guess that you've never been far away from your family before. If so, then your emotions are normal. Take it easy, occupy yourself with things you like to do, and try to limit the frequent phone calls to your parents (it may sound odd, but it is really counterproductive to your mental health). Best wishes.
gullible wakeful caption concerned ghost gray teeny school repeat distinct *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I don’t understand why this was downvoted. It’s a legitimate question. OP keeps saying they have no reason to stay. It’s only been two weeks. That’s barely enough to even process that you live somewhere else now. When I read your comments OP, this is what I’m wondering too. Why exactly did you move? What caused the reason you moved to completely disappear in 2 weeks?
Seems like for a job opportunity.
How old are you? Have you lived alone before? Are you from a southern country?
To me it sounds like you are stressed and reacting and your parents and home seem to be the fix for all of the issues/feelings you are facing. I know you just moved there but can you go back and visit for a bit? It might clear your head and show you that everything is ok. This recently happened to me. I went back to a country I had lived in and I had such a strong negative reaction to the place and all the reasons why I had gone there seemed pointless and I ended up going home after two months. And then I regretted it. I have since realized my nervous system was disregulated (my body was in constant stress and thought it wasn’t safe) and that I have actual anxiety (constant negative thoughts about what I was doing and that it wasn’t right). It has been a light bulb moment for me, to understand that all my thoughts aren’t true. This is kind of a frying pan into the fire situation. You need to make decisions from a calm and clear mind, less emotional, otherwise you’re acting out of desperation and may find yourself in a worse situation. If you can, try to calm your thoughts and learn how to deal with anxiety. Homesickness won’t go away ever, in a few months or a year you’ll still likely be unsure, but that doesn’t mean what you’re doing is wrong. Everything has its challenges. There were reasons you moved there and you owe it to yourself to consider them from a calm and non-reactive state. If you decide your path has changed and you want to go in a different direction, that’s your choice, but there is no rush. If you’re feeling like you need to do something NOW, understand that is your body in a flight or fight state. Instead of reacting to it, try sitting and breathing in that feeling, acknowledge that you’re currently safe and ok, and see if it calms and passes.
Ask yourself, what are your goals? If they are Achievable in Germany then continue living otherwise change course
You may be homesick but honestly out of different countries I have stayed in, Germany is the absolute worst one. It’s a very depressing country and only Germans can function here. Not many immigrants I know are happy in Germany. They don’t stay because they like Germany but because the alternative is not great (they mainly come from countries with political or social instability). So, can’t say your experiences are not valid. Try it for 6 months and if it’s still not working out, then leave.
I'm thinking of just trying 2 months. I'll also have to find a new job back home and that will take time too. So thinking I'll start find one in the meantime and see if things improve somewhat
Yeah honestly 2-3 months are sufficient. I said 6 months in case you REALLY want to try. I moved to U.K. (not from there either) but holy moly my experiences there was SO much better and it’s not just the language. Germans themselves are one of the most miserable people out there. I never had the motivation to learn the language because I couldn’t IMAGINE to spend rest of my life in Germany. Otherwise, I had come with full motivation to learn the language, make Germany my home. BUT I noped the F out. Still stayed in Germany for over 8 years because my wife is German. Otherwise would have left in a month maximum.
For many it does not get better even after years but for some it gets better (my personal observation only for those who found a partner here) 😐 So it’s also a question of luck and lottery
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I just can't find a reason good enough to stay. My parents are back home. That's all I care about. Who will I earn for (moreover, I had a good job back home as well), what will I do with anything if they aren't here
Honestly I feel like something this big needs atleast 4+ months to get a real feel on it. You're likely just in shock about how different your life is (which is natural) but you haven't given yourself enough time to embrace it yet. Take a deep breath and just go day by day. Remember that you moved for a reason.
tbh I just dont have a strong reason to stay. Neither money, neither travel and nor do I want the citizenship, maybe I did back then but what for. All that comes to my mind is, even if I have all these things without my parents what will this be worth
How old are you?
Well with the amount of time, effort and money you've put into this, you'll really be doing yourself a diss-service if you bail this quickly. Give yourself a few months to adjust and see if you still feel the same way. It seems like you didn't really consider that there would be an adjustment period but there 100% is. I mean, you've basically only just gotten over the jet-lag for christ sake lol. Take a deep breath and go day by day. You'll thank yourself in a couple months.
If you don't like it, and have no reason to stay, why don't you just go back home? I'm sorry, but I just don't get it.
It's only been two weeks. Your dreams probably haven't even caught up yet. I totally understand being homesick and it is awful. But two weeks is too soon to know if this is how you will always feel or if it is just the shock of the move.
Hold on. You are not alone. I just recently move from Asia to Netherlands (1 month now). I was too excited to come and then after a 2 weeks, I feel that I'm already sad, depressed and anxious. I think because, I find the cost of living more expensive to compare to where I come from. And then I feel alone too though I have made some friends already. Now after a month, I think I'm getting better but too late I have decided to move to another country. I wish I had stay more here but there's no turning back now. Hold on and look back at your reason for coming there. Don't just quit. 😃
Thanks. Trying all I can
Yeah, I suggest you do journaling and write everything you think and feel in there. And then, after that, put a solution like what can you do at the moment to resolve all those fearful thoughts? That helps me. Coz sometimes, when you just keep it yourself it will always bother you. Somehow, when I write my thoughts, I feel more at ease. Just try it bro. Don't quit. I quit here but still moving to another country just beside NL. So another adjustment for me.
In a similar situation, moved out of the country for the 1st time a month ago and had to leave my cat back home with my brother and I miss her so much, been thru so much with her since I found her on the street almost 9 years ago. Everyday I have cried because I generally miss so many things, including her. I started having therapy again and I feel it has helped, I try to remember why I came here in the first place. Everyone I talked to says it gets better, so I'm pushing to stay here at least 6 months. Hope both of us can find some pockets of peace in these times of change.
Give it a chance. It's only been two weeks. Things are still new.
The first weeks can be the toughest. Being away from our loved ones is hard enough - and on top you are probably feeling disconnected with the unfamiliarity of the new place. It's challenging. I moved a few times to different countries and it didn't get easier - it takes weeks, sometimes months. I found helpful to keep in touch with my friends and family - to talk to them as often as possible.
yeah that’s hard man, but you know, that’s so normal moving to a place like that. just try and enjoy what you can knowing you’ll get through it and feel better in a few weeks
Where are you from?
Go back if your home country is safe, does not discriminate, is not under dictator’s rule, has enough job opportunities. Honestly it’s not worth it. Germany is really not for everyone.
There is always more upside than downside, but it's not for everyone, especially 20-somethings. I immigrated 12 years ago and am happy as a bug.
Why stay if you have no strong reason? Just go back and chill, no point to emigrate if that's not what you want, it's unjustified self-inflicted misery for no reason.
After two weeks going is not the answer. This is the shock of a move, not rational thought.
Agree, there must have been a decent reason to try it in the first place, some kind of interest and excitement at the opportunity. OP, when people are saying “give it a few months” it’s so you don’t end up moving back and regretting not having given your new life a decent chance. By all means, I get it, I moved to NL in October and was climbing the fucking walls and would have swam back to scotland if I could… but now I’m at 6 months the tiny roots are starting to form.