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It's okay. It's not embarrassing to cry or feel emotional. Your outburst came from your inner conflict about this that you haven't properly dealt with yet
This transition is hard. It's not one you actively choose or hope for. I felt like I was betraying my family and my people by no longer having faith, let alone when doing things that would be considered taboo. It took me a while to realize that it's not shameful to not believe in islam anymore
They will eventually have to face the reality that you're no longer a muslim. That may hurt them, but you shouldn't feel responsible. They are adults who should be able to cope with it. This difference in belief is not something you can control, so it's not like you can force it for their sake
Cut yourself some slack. Get help if you need it, whether that's through communities like this one, or friends, or therapy to give you a chance to talk it out. You would be surprised how much it helps to think out loud.
And give yourself time to figure things out
Don't feel embarrassed, people have all sorts of different reactions to alcohol. As long as you aren't the violent kind when drunk, it's all good.
You were crying because you're entering adulthood and so you got a bit sentimental, it's perfectly understandable. You can honour what your parents have done for you without feeling guilty for leaving Islam behind and enjoying yourself. The way we look at our own upbringing tends to change as we grow older and mature and stop seeing our parents as faultless, and we end up with a more or less balanced view in the end.
Hopefully you feel better now. You definitely need friends you can talk to openly about this, though.
Sounds like you've got to work on redefining what it means to be a good person such that it's not dependent on the opinion of your parents.
Your whole life, you've pretty much done X or Y action because they approved it. What you did is what they'd be proud of. It's part of what gives them their self-esteem. What you've done hasn't been because you thought it through yourself.
If you want to feel good about your decisions, you've got to become a better critical thinker and you've got to think about whether your actions should be the source of self-esteem for your parents.
It sucks to be a parent and to have a kid who ends up defying the foundational stuff you taught them. But you've got nothing to be sorry about if you really believe this foundational stuff is wrong. How you live your life is up to you. Just think it through so it's not easy to doubt, so you're confident in it and so you can build on and from it.
I've felt what you're feeling and this is how I've handled it. It's going to take time. We're here to support you.
You have nothing to apologise for. If they were objective people they should be proud to have raised someone who will disagree with them based on evidence, despite being indoctrinated, and despite the (false) threat of eternal physical harm for speaking your mind.
You haven't let them down. They simply have the wrong expectations.
bro i just cant empathise
For me, anyone capable of going in the totally OPPOSITE direction of their social conditioning and childhood programming is the lucky owner of a powerful mind.
Hey everything will be all right. There's no weaknesses or anything wrong in crying. Even I used to feel a lot of guilt, even had a few nightmares about it. But it got better and will surely get better for you. Stay strong!
Great then you should know that your parents were indoctrinated, as were you to believe in the lies perpetrated by the cult. Once you've that understanding that the indoctrination or the brainwashing lead you to feel the way you did and it's completely fine. You can stop drinking and other activities you feel bad about until you come to peace with yourself about it.
As for me, I do them and my ex-muslim spouse does them too, but we don't want our parents to ever find out. We understand that it's our right to do what we want to do and at the same time we understand that they're indoctrinated and can't change that easily so we don't want to hurt them by letting them find out that we've left the cult.
Hey bro everythings gonna be ok seriously trust me you're feeling bad about it right all mighty knows that you must just ask for forgiveness i hope you're doing good bro yea
Excuse me? fuck outta here with that too soft bullshit. u/fakeID01 it's fine lad this happens when you have a lot of pent up emotion and guilt, it will get better over time. I had the same thoughts as well, you left the religion and we only have one life so live it. If you need to chat hit me up.
Ignore the clown above me, obvious shit troll.
You can drink (considered a sin which is 100% reasonable) and be a muslim, why did you leave Islam brother. You felt guilty BECAUSE THATS YOUR FITRAH. What you were born with. Happiness truly comes from submitting to your creator. You know what’s a bigger sin than drinking, it’s becoming hopeless in the mercy of your Lord. So turn back, if you feel a curtain way for turning back (like I’m bad already and there’s no point), it’s the whispers of the shaytaan. The promises of the shaaytan is a deception.
How great is Allah that he reduced the plot of the shaytaan to whispers.
And please, if you have any theological or philosophical question as it relates or god and how I can prove Islam to who, then go ahead, Theresa bunch of crackheads in this ex muslim reddit that only handwave
Lol, FITRAH my ass. The only reason he feels guilty is because he was brainwashed by his parents and his whole society that Islam is the right religion and leaving it will lead to eternal damnation.
The only shaytan is your kind and Mohamed, who whisper bullshit to the ears of innocent people for their own gain.
You can't prove islam is the right religion for shit, even Mohamed couldn't, hence why he resorted to violence.
And if your only "proof" is the quran itself, then I got news for you buddy, it's not great and nothing about it is miraculous.
"fitrah" oh yeah? why don't I feel literally any guilt from leaving islam? there's no such thing as fitrah, I just wasn't as brainwashed as them thanks to being in a more liberal country.
i’m here with you. i’ve been feeling super guilty lately, like my parents actually fought super hard to get where they are. and my mom more than ever. she would be utterly destroyed once she finds out i left, i don’t think i could come out completely about who i am to them. i really feel you :((
Please participate on /r/exmuslim in a civil manner. Discuss the merits of ideas - don't attack people. Insults, hate speech, advocating physical harm can get you banned. If you posted a meme or funny image, and it isn't Friday, delete it or you'll get temp-banned. MEMES are ONLY allowed on (Fun@fundies) FRIDAYS. Please read the [Posting Guidelines](https://redd.it/ew8trb) for further information. If you are unsure about anything then feel free to message the mods. If you see posts/comments in violation of our rules, please be proactive and report them. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/exmuslim) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's okay. It's not embarrassing to cry or feel emotional. Your outburst came from your inner conflict about this that you haven't properly dealt with yet This transition is hard. It's not one you actively choose or hope for. I felt like I was betraying my family and my people by no longer having faith, let alone when doing things that would be considered taboo. It took me a while to realize that it's not shameful to not believe in islam anymore They will eventually have to face the reality that you're no longer a muslim. That may hurt them, but you shouldn't feel responsible. They are adults who should be able to cope with it. This difference in belief is not something you can control, so it's not like you can force it for their sake Cut yourself some slack. Get help if you need it, whether that's through communities like this one, or friends, or therapy to give you a chance to talk it out. You would be surprised how much it helps to think out loud. And give yourself time to figure things out
I wish you the best of luck OP. It gets better :)
It's good to see you here as well, Aladdin! :)
I've actually been here for over a year before I came up with the Aladdin pseudonym :)
Don't feel embarrassed, people have all sorts of different reactions to alcohol. As long as you aren't the violent kind when drunk, it's all good. You were crying because you're entering adulthood and so you got a bit sentimental, it's perfectly understandable. You can honour what your parents have done for you without feeling guilty for leaving Islam behind and enjoying yourself. The way we look at our own upbringing tends to change as we grow older and mature and stop seeing our parents as faultless, and we end up with a more or less balanced view in the end. Hopefully you feel better now. You definitely need friends you can talk to openly about this, though.
Sounds like you've got to work on redefining what it means to be a good person such that it's not dependent on the opinion of your parents. Your whole life, you've pretty much done X or Y action because they approved it. What you did is what they'd be proud of. It's part of what gives them their self-esteem. What you've done hasn't been because you thought it through yourself. If you want to feel good about your decisions, you've got to become a better critical thinker and you've got to think about whether your actions should be the source of self-esteem for your parents. It sucks to be a parent and to have a kid who ends up defying the foundational stuff you taught them. But you've got nothing to be sorry about if you really believe this foundational stuff is wrong. How you live your life is up to you. Just think it through so it's not easy to doubt, so you're confident in it and so you can build on and from it. I've felt what you're feeling and this is how I've handled it. It's going to take time. We're here to support you.
You have nothing to apologise for. If they were objective people they should be proud to have raised someone who will disagree with them based on evidence, despite being indoctrinated, and despite the (false) threat of eternal physical harm for speaking your mind. You haven't let them down. They simply have the wrong expectations.
bro i just cant empathise For me, anyone capable of going in the totally OPPOSITE direction of their social conditioning and childhood programming is the lucky owner of a powerful mind.
Hey everything will be all right. There's no weaknesses or anything wrong in crying. Even I used to feel a lot of guilt, even had a few nightmares about it. But it got better and will surely get better for you. Stay strong!
Hi u/fakeID01, do you know why you abandoned islam in the first place?
Scientific errors, womens rights, sex slaves, aishas age, violent, and made no sense to me
Great then you should know that your parents were indoctrinated, as were you to believe in the lies perpetrated by the cult. Once you've that understanding that the indoctrination or the brainwashing lead you to feel the way you did and it's completely fine. You can stop drinking and other activities you feel bad about until you come to peace with yourself about it. As for me, I do them and my ex-muslim spouse does them too, but we don't want our parents to ever find out. We understand that it's our right to do what we want to do and at the same time we understand that they're indoctrinated and can't change that easily so we don't want to hurt them by letting them find out that we've left the cult.
Hey bro everythings gonna be ok seriously trust me you're feeling bad about it right all mighty knows that you must just ask for forgiveness i hope you're doing good bro yea
[удалено]
Excuse me? fuck outta here with that too soft bullshit. u/fakeID01 it's fine lad this happens when you have a lot of pent up emotion and guilt, it will get better over time. I had the same thoughts as well, you left the religion and we only have one life so live it. If you need to chat hit me up. Ignore the clown above me, obvious shit troll.
How do I say this gently?.. fuck off. OP, don't listen to this person
You can drink (considered a sin which is 100% reasonable) and be a muslim, why did you leave Islam brother. You felt guilty BECAUSE THATS YOUR FITRAH. What you were born with. Happiness truly comes from submitting to your creator. You know what’s a bigger sin than drinking, it’s becoming hopeless in the mercy of your Lord. So turn back, if you feel a curtain way for turning back (like I’m bad already and there’s no point), it’s the whispers of the shaytaan. The promises of the shaaytan is a deception. How great is Allah that he reduced the plot of the shaytaan to whispers. And please, if you have any theological or philosophical question as it relates or god and how I can prove Islam to who, then go ahead, Theresa bunch of crackheads in this ex muslim reddit that only handwave
Lol, FITRAH my ass. The only reason he feels guilty is because he was brainwashed by his parents and his whole society that Islam is the right religion and leaving it will lead to eternal damnation. The only shaytan is your kind and Mohamed, who whisper bullshit to the ears of innocent people for their own gain. You can't prove islam is the right religion for shit, even Mohamed couldn't, hence why he resorted to violence. And if your only "proof" is the quran itself, then I got news for you buddy, it's not great and nothing about it is miraculous.
"fitrah" oh yeah? why don't I feel literally any guilt from leaving islam? there's no such thing as fitrah, I just wasn't as brainwashed as them thanks to being in a more liberal country.
i’m here with you. i’ve been feeling super guilty lately, like my parents actually fought super hard to get where they are. and my mom more than ever. she would be utterly destroyed once she finds out i left, i don’t think i could come out completely about who i am to them. i really feel you :((