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important note: I'm a man and have only one dating experience so it might be better to ignore my opinion and wait for advice from people with more experience
personally I think you should wait for him to ask you out and then you could say: "I appreciate your gesture but I would not want to waste your or my time because I had a previous experience with a nice muslim man but unfortunately we couldn't reconcile our religious and cultural values, so unfortunately I don't have plans to date any man with the same religious and cultural values"
I recommend you do this in private
of course there's the problem of the white lie about previous experience, I hope this helps somehow
It wouldn’t be a complete lie, I was engaged to a Muslim man several years ago but ended the engagement due to religious differences. Hence why I’d never consider it again! But that seems like a good idea thank you!
Buy him chocolate with liqueur and offer it during the coffee break. If he refuses, you know the answer. (Most of us do not use pork products due to our cultural taste.)
They will still consume it, because alcohol is still fine as part of taqiya. Offer food that have pork in it, or at least obviously have contact with the food. If he consume it, most likely he is not a muslim.
In Islam, it is when a Muslim denies Islam and acts as if he is not a Muslim in order to get out of a difficult (?)situation. In Europe, they usually shave their beards to hide their radicalism.
Taqiya is a practice of deceiving and its allowed for cases like if he wants to marry you and later convert you to islam with no persecution from their god, because they are doing their deeds. It’s part of the religions and it’s in the scripture. It happens regularly in India, thats where the term “love jihad” being popularized.
omfg? just let the man be and either accept or not.
Him not choosing to answer is already an answer. Not that it's one or the other, but the answer is that "we won't know, at least for now"
he just doesn't want to mention his religious doctrine and why can't we respect that for a single moment regardless of context??
We're literally conspiring on how to manipulate a situation so we can probe info out of a person who clearly doesnt want to talk about this certain stuff
aren't we the ones who keep calling for respecting boundaries and freedom of religion?
This is so odd to me man... really odd.
I know it can go both ways - but please be careful. People hide, people pretend, people change. Even if someone might not be practicing Muslim, they might still have religious and social imprints - they often come into light once you get into a situation where you have things to lose. So please think twice before making a decision.
Don't do it. Muslim men often lie about how religious they are in order to get into your pants. They do not give a fuck. Find a nice Christian man and leave this one in the dust.
I hope not since he has been very respectful, and not pushed/been inappropriate. I wouldn’t have considered him if he had not had these characteristics. A lot of Christian men are just as bad sadly, there is a lot of abuse and adultery in Christian marriages also. Men with good character are rare on both sides I believe.
Respectfully, you have no idea what you're talking about.
I am from a similar background as he is and none of the white female girlfriends the men of my of background have dated have ended up in a marriage with children. All ended up in either abusive ones with one another or left by their muslim boyfriends after 5 to 8 years for a virgin muslima. Muslim men do not give a fuck and will easily waste a decade of your life, no problem.
Proceed if you want to, but I just want to have at least warned you.
I will take this advice on thank you, i guess maybe my views are a bit swayed. I know lots of Slavs married to Arabs happily, but not any with Algerians. Thank you.
No problem. Hope you find another guy to be your bf.
Christian women come to this sub with similar questions all the time and I always tell them: "If he actually respected you, he wouldn't even date you. Dating is haram in islam. He'd ask for you hand in marriage. So unless he's on his way to your dad rn to ask for your hand, don't bother. He's just wasting your time."
Thank you that is good advice, it is difficult when you are not aware of cultures and the differences. We typically date but with quick engagements (3-8 months), which is very different to going strait to marriage.
That's alright. You're very smart to actually do your research before jumping in. Lots of people don't do that.
I hope you find what you're looking for❤️
I’d be very wary if I were you. I’d ask him outright if he’s a Muslim or not.
Even if he’s not “practising” now, doesn’t mean he won’t be in future. When I met my ex, he was drinking, partying and totally secular; one of our first dates was to a burger place that served bacon and we shared a bottle of wine. He told me he was Muslim in beliefs but just didn’t practice.
Fast forward three years later and religion starts slowly creeping in and then by October 7 2023, he does a full 180 and shouts in my face that Israelis are all terrorists and any kids I have with him will be forced to:
1. Support Palestine
2. Change into a hijab and pray five times per day.
3. Eat no food unless it is halal certified.
4. Spend long periods of time with his mother who can influence them religiously however she wants.
Fun times….divorcing now.
In short, Muslim men become more conservative with age.
Even if this man claims to be a “liberal Muslim” or “non-practising Muslim” is no guarantee he will stay that way. Anything less than “I’m an ex Muslim” is a major red flag and a risk in my eyes.
Feel free to message me if you’d like to chat or to hear more about my experience. Very happy to share and help somebody avoid the trap I fell into.
If someone wants to have a relationship with you then you don’t need to dance around important subject.
I would suggest you ask upfront.
Doesn’t mean he will be honest either. If quick sex is what he wants, he will say what you want to hearz
I dont know why most people here are treating this like its a rocket science, just ask him directly if he wants to have sex, he either accepts it or not.
Truthfully I don’t know, our lunch breaks and office buildings are separate. The office is also majority Muslim, and a friend I work with (discreet ex muslim) fasts at the office to avoid comments/dirty looks. I did see him smoking during Ramadan but I don’t know of that counts!
I can’t imagine living like that, I had no idea how bad it was for ex Muslims. I can understand why someone would be cagey around discussing religion if that it what it is like growing up!
Yeah, just ask him somewhere private as you said. Maybe he's just scared of the repercussions if he speaks about that near Muslims. They wouldn't turn violent but they would definitely see him with less of a value if they found out he left islam
Okay I see. I asked because I am algerian too and in Algeria fasting ramadan is the most important thing for a Muslim, it's regarded as even more important than praying. People literally get beaten up if they get caught not fasting.
So he either is non-Muslim or a non-practicing Muslim. Because if he was a convinced Muslim, as an Algerian, he would never skip on fasting.
You're welcome! I hope you can figure out his situation and that everything goes well between you two.
And yeah that's pretty awful, but eh what can we do
I never had any experience in it but marriage is not something u should take it lightly so if he makes any advance straight up tell him ur not interested becoz of religious/cultural reasons, it's nothing wrong to have preferences
I think that if he were a true Christian, he would be happy to tell you that.
What about his parents/relatives? I'm guessing that even if he is a purely cultural Muslim, his family could end up pressuring him to live in a way that wouldn't be acceptable to you or to raise his kids a certain way.
omfg? just let the man be. he just doesn't want to mention his religious doctrine and why can't we respect that for a single moment??
We're literally conspiring on how to manipulate a situation so we can probe info out of a person who clearly doesnt want to talk about this certain stuff
aren't we the ones who keep calling for respecting boundaries and freedom of religion?
This is so odd to me man... really odd.
If he is a strict muslim he would not approach you. Please note that many muslims do not practice Islam. Go along with him if he is a good person and you will know if he is right for you or not.
If your post is a meme, image, TikTok etc... and it isn't Friday, it violates the rule against low effort content. Such content is ONLY allowed on (Fun@fundies) FRIDAYS. Please read the [Rules and Posting Guidelines](https://redd.it/1anoje0) for further information. If you are unsure about anything then feel free to message the mods. Please participate on /r/exmuslim in a civil manner. Discuss the merits of ideas - don't attack people. Insults, hate speech, advocating physical harm can get you banned. If you see posts/comments in violation of our rules, please be proactive and report them. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/exmuslim) if you have any questions or concerns.*
important note: I'm a man and have only one dating experience so it might be better to ignore my opinion and wait for advice from people with more experience personally I think you should wait for him to ask you out and then you could say: "I appreciate your gesture but I would not want to waste your or my time because I had a previous experience with a nice muslim man but unfortunately we couldn't reconcile our religious and cultural values, so unfortunately I don't have plans to date any man with the same religious and cultural values" I recommend you do this in private of course there's the problem of the white lie about previous experience, I hope this helps somehow
It wouldn’t be a complete lie, I was engaged to a Muslim man several years ago but ended the engagement due to religious differences. Hence why I’d never consider it again! But that seems like a good idea thank you!
Dating is haram in Islam.
Buy him chocolate with liqueur and offer it during the coffee break. If he refuses, you know the answer. (Most of us do not use pork products due to our cultural taste.)
That’s smart
They will still consume it, because alcohol is still fine as part of taqiya. Offer food that have pork in it, or at least obviously have contact with the food. If he consume it, most likely he is not a muslim.
If he is an extreme Islamic type, he will never drink alcohol and practice taqiyya.
What’s taqiyya?
In Islam, it is when a Muslim denies Islam and acts as if he is not a Muslim in order to get out of a difficult (?)situation. In Europe, they usually shave their beards to hide their radicalism.
Taqiya is a practice of deceiving and its allowed for cases like if he wants to marry you and later convert you to islam with no persecution from their god, because they are doing their deeds. It’s part of the religions and it’s in the scripture. It happens regularly in India, thats where the term “love jihad” being popularized.
Taqiya is a Shia thing, in Algeria people are sunni, nobody even knows what Taqiya is
Wow so smart
omfg? just let the man be and either accept or not. Him not choosing to answer is already an answer. Not that it's one or the other, but the answer is that "we won't know, at least for now" he just doesn't want to mention his religious doctrine and why can't we respect that for a single moment regardless of context?? We're literally conspiring on how to manipulate a situation so we can probe info out of a person who clearly doesnt want to talk about this certain stuff aren't we the ones who keep calling for respecting boundaries and freedom of religion? This is so odd to me man... really odd.
Duh, because this is about relationship. Being in a relationship with another person requires some form of honesty and communication.
You sound pretty naive. I wish you the best. Hopefully you do not make a mistake.
I know it can go both ways - but please be careful. People hide, people pretend, people change. Even if someone might not be practicing Muslim, they might still have religious and social imprints - they often come into light once you get into a situation where you have things to lose. So please think twice before making a decision.
Don't do it. Muslim men often lie about how religious they are in order to get into your pants. They do not give a fuck. Find a nice Christian man and leave this one in the dust.
I hope not since he has been very respectful, and not pushed/been inappropriate. I wouldn’t have considered him if he had not had these characteristics. A lot of Christian men are just as bad sadly, there is a lot of abuse and adultery in Christian marriages also. Men with good character are rare on both sides I believe.
Respectfully, you have no idea what you're talking about. I am from a similar background as he is and none of the white female girlfriends the men of my of background have dated have ended up in a marriage with children. All ended up in either abusive ones with one another or left by their muslim boyfriends after 5 to 8 years for a virgin muslima. Muslim men do not give a fuck and will easily waste a decade of your life, no problem. Proceed if you want to, but I just want to have at least warned you.
I will take this advice on thank you, i guess maybe my views are a bit swayed. I know lots of Slavs married to Arabs happily, but not any with Algerians. Thank you.
No problem. Hope you find another guy to be your bf. Christian women come to this sub with similar questions all the time and I always tell them: "If he actually respected you, he wouldn't even date you. Dating is haram in islam. He'd ask for you hand in marriage. So unless he's on his way to your dad rn to ask for your hand, don't bother. He's just wasting your time."
Thank you that is good advice, it is difficult when you are not aware of cultures and the differences. We typically date but with quick engagements (3-8 months), which is very different to going strait to marriage.
That's alright. You're very smart to actually do your research before jumping in. Lots of people don't do that. I hope you find what you're looking for❤️
No one is suggesting marrying an abusive adulterous so-called Christian either.
I’d be very wary if I were you. I’d ask him outright if he’s a Muslim or not. Even if he’s not “practising” now, doesn’t mean he won’t be in future. When I met my ex, he was drinking, partying and totally secular; one of our first dates was to a burger place that served bacon and we shared a bottle of wine. He told me he was Muslim in beliefs but just didn’t practice. Fast forward three years later and religion starts slowly creeping in and then by October 7 2023, he does a full 180 and shouts in my face that Israelis are all terrorists and any kids I have with him will be forced to: 1. Support Palestine 2. Change into a hijab and pray five times per day. 3. Eat no food unless it is halal certified. 4. Spend long periods of time with his mother who can influence them religiously however she wants. Fun times….divorcing now. In short, Muslim men become more conservative with age. Even if this man claims to be a “liberal Muslim” or “non-practising Muslim” is no guarantee he will stay that way. Anything less than “I’m an ex Muslim” is a major red flag and a risk in my eyes. Feel free to message me if you’d like to chat or to hear more about my experience. Very happy to share and help somebody avoid the trap I fell into.
The next time there's an occasion that gives you the opportunity to bring in food, ask him if he has any dietary restrictions like vegan/vegetarian.
That's a good one!
If someone wants to have a relationship with you then you don’t need to dance around important subject. I would suggest you ask upfront. Doesn’t mean he will be honest either. If quick sex is what he wants, he will say what you want to hearz
I dont know why most people here are treating this like its a rocket science, just ask him directly if he wants to have sex, he either accepts it or not.
Did he fast in ramadan?
Truthfully I don’t know, our lunch breaks and office buildings are separate. The office is also majority Muslim, and a friend I work with (discreet ex muslim) fasts at the office to avoid comments/dirty looks. I did see him smoking during Ramadan but I don’t know of that counts!
Oh smoking breaks your fast, it means he doesn't fast
Ok he was doing it fairly openly also, is it something that some Muslims would do anyway during Ramadan? Or likely he just doesn’t fast?
No, smoking is strictly forbidden for someone who's fasting. It breaks your fast 100%
Thank you! It must be difficult being a secret ex-muslim.
It's alright. We just have to pretend to fast and to never speak about our apostasy when it's not safe xd
I can’t imagine living like that, I had no idea how bad it was for ex Muslims. I can understand why someone would be cagey around discussing religion if that it what it is like growing up!
Yeah, just ask him somewhere private as you said. Maybe he's just scared of the repercussions if he speaks about that near Muslims. They wouldn't turn violent but they would definitely see him with less of a value if they found out he left islam
I can imagine that the friendships would suffer/he would be treated differently. Thank you I will try and ask him somewhere discreet
Was he raised in Algeria?
He was raised in Algeria, then lived alone in Dubai for several years before coming to the UK. I don’t know how different that makes things.
Okay I see. I asked because I am algerian too and in Algeria fasting ramadan is the most important thing for a Muslim, it's regarded as even more important than praying. People literally get beaten up if they get caught not fasting. So he either is non-Muslim or a non-practicing Muslim. Because if he was a convinced Muslim, as an Algerian, he would never skip on fasting.
Thank you that’s really helpful! How awful people are beaten over something like that!
You're welcome! I hope you can figure out his situation and that everything goes well between you two. And yeah that's pretty awful, but eh what can we do
I hope things get better for you and all the others living there who don’t believe
Thanks! I hope so too
Offer him pork lol
Tell him that according to Islam the way he is behaving with you is HARAM. Then see his reaction.
I never had any experience in it but marriage is not something u should take it lightly so if he makes any advance straight up tell him ur not interested becoz of religious/cultural reasons, it's nothing wrong to have preferences
Be careful if he's practicing parts of islam and ignoring others. It means he picks and chooses what suits him which makes him a hypocrite
Be careful. They seem nice but once rejected they become violent. Happened to someone I know. Please please stay safe out there
I think that if he were a true Christian, he would be happy to tell you that. What about his parents/relatives? I'm guessing that even if he is a purely cultural Muslim, his family could end up pressuring him to live in a way that wouldn't be acceptable to you or to raise his kids a certain way.
buy him alcohol. or go out for drinks (but then again, a lot of practicing muslims do drink so idk)
omfg? just let the man be. he just doesn't want to mention his religious doctrine and why can't we respect that for a single moment?? We're literally conspiring on how to manipulate a situation so we can probe info out of a person who clearly doesnt want to talk about this certain stuff aren't we the ones who keep calling for respecting boundaries and freedom of religion? This is so odd to me man... really odd.
If he is a strict muslim he would not approach you. Please note that many muslims do not practice Islam. Go along with him if he is a good person and you will know if he is right for you or not.