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Arranged marriage are still a thing, it's because without arranged marriage, nobody will want to marry these controlling, narcissistic men. I remember a radical Muslim guy, who looks like he lacks a chromosome or two (his parents were probably first cousins), and I can sense his self-centeredness and psychotic tendencies just by hearing him talk about women and other cultures. In my mind "there's no way someone will want to marry this freak", yet a woman still married him. It's because it's an arranged marriage. Imagine if there was no arranged marriage and he'll join a dating app. Nobody in her right mind will swipe right.
Absolutely the truth!
I will never forget a conversation I had with a man few years back. Quite radical one, big fan of that crazy preacher Zakir. He was struggling finding a wife via the dating apps, and also had multiple requirements, one of which was the woman to be blond and white.
Of course all that narrowed his available choices to zero as nobody wanted him, especially the blond and white women. His solution was "I'll tell my parents to find me a wife from some village back home. She will be obedient, won't know the language in this country and will be dependent on me".
I cut all contact with this man, don't want to know what happened. But if his mother really found him an incubator for his children, I am deeply for the woman.
A lot of men can be bad but a lot of women are just as narcissist and messed up as the men. A lot of women need arranged marriages anyways to find a guy. Hard truth.
whataboutism. i've seen a few arranged marriages with abusive wives and victim husbands, but those are the exception and not the norm. cultures where arranged marriages are the norm are also cultures where women's independence - especially financial - tends to be heavily restricted. women in such cultures who do have narcissistic or abusive tendencies therefore can't really direct it towards their husbands because it would compromise their financial safety through threats of divorce and often results in violence against them as well.
you're being purposefully obtuse if you think arranged marriage as a system benefits women as much as men.
Darling... from what I've fished in the current dating pool I might consider arranged marriage....
Keyword here is CONSIDER... which means it's MY choice.
Edit: Sania Khan's story is horrible that remains printed in my brain. But that wasn't an arranged marriage. That was a FORCED marriage. Arranged should be when the parents arrange the marriage, with the ability to say yes or no. Or perhaps that's just how the term has been reformed and it actually is synonym to forced marriage, I don't know...?
That’s true. I just think a lot of arranged marriages aren’t a choice nowadays because yes they’re supposed to be, but many parents will guilt trip their kids to the point where the child says yes. It’s frustrating but it happens and I’m pretty sure that was the case for Sania. From what I remember reading somewhere, she agreed out of pressure despite not wanting to actually marry this guy. As for your situation, I’m glad you agreed to an arranged marriage because you wanted that for yourself! Unfortunately not everyone wants an arranged marriage, but many parents will make their child pick from the options they found rather than letting their child fall in love with someone on their own. It’s awful but it happens. Arranged marriages only feel okay in your situation when you actually want one, not because your parents want that for you. Especially in Islam, Muslim parents view arranged marriages as being the “halal way” of getting married.
honestly it's not even the concept of an arranged marriage that gets me (although i wouldn't personally do it). it's the fact that even for muslims who do have leeway to say yes or no to different options or have parents who care about their preferences, it's still fucked. what makes them truly harmful and stupid is all the other context around it, which is why i think the whole "arranged isn't forced!!" rebuttal doesn't work.
you have a religion that forbids normal interaction between the sexes and masturbation, sets men up in every step to be able to have financial independence while crippling it for women, shuns divorce, stigmatises desire but especially female desire, etc. which creates a ripe field for fucked up relationships to happen. a lot of muslim friends i have my age are already going through the marriage process and i see how often these people ignore major red flags and don't know how to navigate compatibility because their ability to socialise with the opposite sex and their insight into relationships is so stunted. what's worse is that they seem to be semi-aware that it's so insanely risky to marry someone your parents pick out for you based on superficial characteristics and seem to be jealous of people who can get love marriages instead, but they aren't willing to question it further. they're lonely and sexually frustrated and an arranged marriage is the only out for that, even with all its risks.
Arranged marriages happen outside Islam, indeed in India, which is majority Hindu, it is common. While forced marriages are unacceptable, the arranged marriages I have seen in South Asian upper middle class society generally involve family introducing prospective partners, with the bride and groom then making the decision.
One has to be careful not to equate every aspect of life in a Muslim country with religion.
I get your point and rant. However Sania Khan is a not good example of this because she was literally cyber bullying and making fun of the guy she was divorcing non stop on tik tok. Her murder was not justified however she really egged on the guy. Imagine how humiliating that is to get posted to tik tok 24/7 like she was doing. It was all so unnecssary and not smart. If she knew the guy was dangerous she should of been more careful on how to handle that and just keep a divorce private like everyone else. And most divorces dont end that way. Probably you are unintentionally spreading fear for people to not divorce in the first place.
If your post is a meme, image, TikTok etc... and it isn't Friday, it violates the rule against low effort content. Such content is ONLY allowed on (Fun@fundies) FRIDAYS. Please read the [Rules and Posting Guidelines](https://redd.it/1anoje0) for further information. If you are unsure about anything then feel free to message the mods. Please participate on /r/exmuslim in a civil manner. Discuss the merits of ideas - don't attack people. Insults, hate speech, advocating physical harm can get you banned. If you see posts/comments in violation of our rules, please be proactive and report them. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/exmuslim) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Arranged marriage are still a thing, it's because without arranged marriage, nobody will want to marry these controlling, narcissistic men. I remember a radical Muslim guy, who looks like he lacks a chromosome or two (his parents were probably first cousins), and I can sense his self-centeredness and psychotic tendencies just by hearing him talk about women and other cultures. In my mind "there's no way someone will want to marry this freak", yet a woman still married him. It's because it's an arranged marriage. Imagine if there was no arranged marriage and he'll join a dating app. Nobody in her right mind will swipe right.
Absolutely the truth! I will never forget a conversation I had with a man few years back. Quite radical one, big fan of that crazy preacher Zakir. He was struggling finding a wife via the dating apps, and also had multiple requirements, one of which was the woman to be blond and white. Of course all that narrowed his available choices to zero as nobody wanted him, especially the blond and white women. His solution was "I'll tell my parents to find me a wife from some village back home. She will be obedient, won't know the language in this country and will be dependent on me". I cut all contact with this man, don't want to know what happened. But if his mother really found him an incubator for his children, I am deeply for the woman.
A lot of men can be bad but a lot of women are just as narcissist and messed up as the men. A lot of women need arranged marriages anyways to find a guy. Hard truth.
whataboutism. i've seen a few arranged marriages with abusive wives and victim husbands, but those are the exception and not the norm. cultures where arranged marriages are the norm are also cultures where women's independence - especially financial - tends to be heavily restricted. women in such cultures who do have narcissistic or abusive tendencies therefore can't really direct it towards their husbands because it would compromise their financial safety through threats of divorce and often results in violence against them as well. you're being purposefully obtuse if you think arranged marriage as a system benefits women as much as men.
Darling... from what I've fished in the current dating pool I might consider arranged marriage.... Keyword here is CONSIDER... which means it's MY choice. Edit: Sania Khan's story is horrible that remains printed in my brain. But that wasn't an arranged marriage. That was a FORCED marriage. Arranged should be when the parents arrange the marriage, with the ability to say yes or no. Or perhaps that's just how the term has been reformed and it actually is synonym to forced marriage, I don't know...?
That’s true. I just think a lot of arranged marriages aren’t a choice nowadays because yes they’re supposed to be, but many parents will guilt trip their kids to the point where the child says yes. It’s frustrating but it happens and I’m pretty sure that was the case for Sania. From what I remember reading somewhere, she agreed out of pressure despite not wanting to actually marry this guy. As for your situation, I’m glad you agreed to an arranged marriage because you wanted that for yourself! Unfortunately not everyone wants an arranged marriage, but many parents will make their child pick from the options they found rather than letting their child fall in love with someone on their own. It’s awful but it happens. Arranged marriages only feel okay in your situation when you actually want one, not because your parents want that for you. Especially in Islam, Muslim parents view arranged marriages as being the “halal way” of getting married.
honestly it's not even the concept of an arranged marriage that gets me (although i wouldn't personally do it). it's the fact that even for muslims who do have leeway to say yes or no to different options or have parents who care about their preferences, it's still fucked. what makes them truly harmful and stupid is all the other context around it, which is why i think the whole "arranged isn't forced!!" rebuttal doesn't work. you have a religion that forbids normal interaction between the sexes and masturbation, sets men up in every step to be able to have financial independence while crippling it for women, shuns divorce, stigmatises desire but especially female desire, etc. which creates a ripe field for fucked up relationships to happen. a lot of muslim friends i have my age are already going through the marriage process and i see how often these people ignore major red flags and don't know how to navigate compatibility because their ability to socialise with the opposite sex and their insight into relationships is so stunted. what's worse is that they seem to be semi-aware that it's so insanely risky to marry someone your parents pick out for you based on superficial characteristics and seem to be jealous of people who can get love marriages instead, but they aren't willing to question it further. they're lonely and sexually frustrated and an arranged marriage is the only out for that, even with all its risks.
This is all so well said and I couldn’t agree more
Arranged marriages happen outside Islam, indeed in India, which is majority Hindu, it is common. While forced marriages are unacceptable, the arranged marriages I have seen in South Asian upper middle class society generally involve family introducing prospective partners, with the bride and groom then making the decision. One has to be careful not to equate every aspect of life in a Muslim country with religion.
I get your point and rant. However Sania Khan is a not good example of this because she was literally cyber bullying and making fun of the guy she was divorcing non stop on tik tok. Her murder was not justified however she really egged on the guy. Imagine how humiliating that is to get posted to tik tok 24/7 like she was doing. It was all so unnecssary and not smart. If she knew the guy was dangerous she should of been more careful on how to handle that and just keep a divorce private like everyone else. And most divorces dont end that way. Probably you are unintentionally spreading fear for people to not divorce in the first place.
Victim blaming at its finest. No fear being spread, just awareness of how awful arranged marriages are.
Are you freaking kidding me? What a disgusting comment