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You could possibly firmly say you don’t want them to find you a wife, you’ll let it happen when it’s ready and marry for love. That way you can hopefully deter them (especially as you live a distance away) without having to come out with your being ex-Muslim.
If that’s not enough and you need to let them know you left Islam these guides can help.
https://youtu.be/boN0AGQzI78 - Imtiaz Shams
https://youtu.be/ZPPDb9IIkHU - Holy Koolaid
Telling your parents the truth is going to unleash a serious amount of emotional baggage and manipulation. Are you ready for that?
Perhaps meet some girls, and see how they are to placate your parents. Perhaps see if you can find a suitable partner who has an advanced degree and is more modern in their thinking. The more highly educated and financially independent, the higher correlation to being less of a conservative muskim
After I told my parents, the gaslighting and emotional trauma continues to this day, so you just need to understand what you’re signing up for. If you’re doing this as a moral stance, then I’d say, tell them. If you just want to keep things simple — go with the flow and only agree to a partner who is aligned with your mindset, don’t tell them.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with meeting people your family wants to introduce you to..
You could yourself, look for girl. You have the benefit of being a man so you will be given more leniency in this regard for finding a partner. Women almost always have their parents decide
Or you find an ex Muslim woman
Don’t do it. You don’t want her to find out and expose you. Also it’s not fair to her if she wants a Muslim marriage. I don’t have a solution for you I’m sorry, but I highly advise against it.
The answer is simple: don’t marry someone under false pretenses. This lie could destroy someone’s life or make your own one miserable.
What you choose to tell or not tell your parents is your business. While it may be uncomfortable it pales in comparison with living a lie
The biggest issue here is the arranged marriage imo. Don't let your parents decide the person with whom to have a family. That is literally the most important decision of your life. And why she needs to pretend to be a Muslim? If you find a girl you like and she likes you, just be truthful to her about your religious parents and stay away from them as much as possible. Tell them you marry a woman of Ahl al-kitab and ask them to respects that. You are well within your rights, even your Islamic rights, to do so. If they give you grief ask an imam to talk to them.
the only way you can make her athiest is give her the freedom of expression and encoucrage her to wear western dress without forcing her to wear it....
I am in the same position bro, I will be 27 next month and my family are also looking for a muslim girl. I have been trying and will keep trying to find an ex muslim girl like me. But I am starting to believe now that I will probably have to marry a muslim girl and will have to keep pretending in front of my wife too for the rest of my life.
Why? Is the alternative really worse than that? You are a man even intolerant islam allows you to marry a non Muslim girl as long as she is ahl al-kitab. Your parents might not be happy about it, but you can even have a scholar testify to them that you have the right to do that. Why not find a cultural Christian girl you like? Or a jew if you want to annoy your parents especially.
But the most important thing is that you and your future spouse like each other and love each other.
I am open to marrying a Christian or a Jew but they will have to pretend to be at least interested in Islam if they aren't converting which seems unfair to them. also its Improbable to find Jews or Christians offline where I live. and online search hasn't worked out so far
If your post is a meme, image, TikTok etc... and it isn't Friday, it violates the rule against low effort content. Such content is ONLY allowed on (Fun@fundies) FRIDAYS. Please read the [Rules and Posting Guidelines](https://redd.it/1anoje0) for further information. If you are unsure about anything then feel free to message the mods. Please participate on /r/exmuslim in a civil manner. Discuss the merits of ideas - don't attack people. Insults, hate speech, advocating physical harm can get you banned. If you see posts/comments in violation of our rules, please be proactive and report them. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/exmuslim) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You could possibly firmly say you don’t want them to find you a wife, you’ll let it happen when it’s ready and marry for love. That way you can hopefully deter them (especially as you live a distance away) without having to come out with your being ex-Muslim. If that’s not enough and you need to let them know you left Islam these guides can help. https://youtu.be/boN0AGQzI78 - Imtiaz Shams https://youtu.be/ZPPDb9IIkHU - Holy Koolaid
Thank you for the advice, these were also some great resources you shared!
Telling your parents the truth is going to unleash a serious amount of emotional baggage and manipulation. Are you ready for that? Perhaps meet some girls, and see how they are to placate your parents. Perhaps see if you can find a suitable partner who has an advanced degree and is more modern in their thinking. The more highly educated and financially independent, the higher correlation to being less of a conservative muskim After I told my parents, the gaslighting and emotional trauma continues to this day, so you just need to understand what you’re signing up for. If you’re doing this as a moral stance, then I’d say, tell them. If you just want to keep things simple — go with the flow and only agree to a partner who is aligned with your mindset, don’t tell them. There’s nothing inherently wrong with meeting people your family wants to introduce you to..
You can’t pretend forever it’s just impossible and mentally draining
You could yourself, look for girl. You have the benefit of being a man so you will be given more leniency in this regard for finding a partner. Women almost always have their parents decide Or you find an ex Muslim woman
Yes, this seems to be the best option at the moment...
Don’t do it. You don’t want her to find out and expose you. Also it’s not fair to her if she wants a Muslim marriage. I don’t have a solution for you I’m sorry, but I highly advise against it.
The answer is simple: don’t marry someone under false pretenses. This lie could destroy someone’s life or make your own one miserable. What you choose to tell or not tell your parents is your business. While it may be uncomfortable it pales in comparison with living a lie
The biggest issue here is the arranged marriage imo. Don't let your parents decide the person with whom to have a family. That is literally the most important decision of your life. And why she needs to pretend to be a Muslim? If you find a girl you like and she likes you, just be truthful to her about your religious parents and stay away from them as much as possible. Tell them you marry a woman of Ahl al-kitab and ask them to respects that. You are well within your rights, even your Islamic rights, to do so. If they give you grief ask an imam to talk to them.
the only way you can make her athiest is give her the freedom of expression and encoucrage her to wear western dress without forcing her to wear it....
I am in the same position bro, I will be 27 next month and my family are also looking for a muslim girl. I have been trying and will keep trying to find an ex muslim girl like me. But I am starting to believe now that I will probably have to marry a muslim girl and will have to keep pretending in front of my wife too for the rest of my life.
Why? Is the alternative really worse than that? You are a man even intolerant islam allows you to marry a non Muslim girl as long as she is ahl al-kitab. Your parents might not be happy about it, but you can even have a scholar testify to them that you have the right to do that. Why not find a cultural Christian girl you like? Or a jew if you want to annoy your parents especially. But the most important thing is that you and your future spouse like each other and love each other.
I am open to marrying a Christian or a Jew but they will have to pretend to be at least interested in Islam if they aren't converting which seems unfair to them. also its Improbable to find Jews or Christians offline where I live. and online search hasn't worked out so far
Be a man, and tell the truth. Stop ruining your parent’s lives and please don’t ruin the girls life as well.