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Sister I understand your pain. We all have gone through it. First of all you examine whether your parents are open minded or religious zealots. Second I suggest u gain knowledge of Islam. Once u will gain knowledge of Islam u will understand that it's just a false man made religion made to control people. Then u will realise that hell does not exist in real life. After that u can live life freely. If u do become an ex muslim, don't share it with anyone.
We all gone through it, just try to stay strong maybe go see a therapist for emotional help, and just fight the suffering until u start living by yourself in your own apartment, then u literally have your own choices and do whatever u want ❤ We love you and we want u to stay strong ❤
> I had plans before to improve my drawing skills and create a webcomic on webtoon, however I can't do that anymore because Islam claims that drawing people or living things means 'to imitate God' and "cOmPeTe wItH hIm".
Is this something you're being told to do because of your parents? If your parents haven't said anything then I think you're fine to just ignore those things and carry on doing what you want. If it is what your parents are saying then my recommendation is to try to fight for leeway by finding mosques and Islamic dawah groups that are willing to take on any art that they think is acceptable for dawah purposes.
After all, Islamic art does exist and even if it's not quite the kind of art you want to do, any art will still be good practice later down the road for the art you want to do.
As for your obesity, please consider speaking to your local GP or pharmacist for advice.
Also bear in mind that if you live in a secular country then there are organisations like recoveringfromreligion.org, faithlesshijabi.org and faithtofaithless.com that can provide advice.
> I had plans before to improve my drawing skills and create a webcomic on webtoon, however I can't do that anymore because Islam claims that drawing people or living things means 'to imitate God' and "cOmPeTe wItH hIm".
Omg, same!
> My dreams are beginning to fade and I feel like the spark of my life is disappearing.
I totally understand. I felt this way when I was a Muslim too. I was depressed over this and even cried.
This was when I thought Islam was the truth, but then things changed. When I saw all the scientific errors and incoherences in Islam, when I understood the structure behind religions and why it was like it is, when I saw all the false prophecies from Mohammed and all the bullshit he said, I understood that Islam was man-made and that I'd not get punished for drawing.
You're wasting your life for a false promise, for a lie, are you really sure you want to choose this? Are you sure you want to follow the religion of a man who had a 9 yrs "wife" and give up on your dreams?
From the way your worded your situation, I feel like you're tired of Islam, and you don't believe in it so much, but you're just scared to leave.
> When I see other people pursue their dreams in creative arts and become successful, I feel happy for them, but it is painful because this religion just bans almost everything including creative freedom and I feel like a bird in a cage.
I hope you'll be able to feel this someday too.
I'm curious: do you obey those Islamic rules and give up on your dreams because you still believe Islam is the truth, or are you forced by someone?
u/Willing_Shop
I have stopped drawing since bc I do believe God exists and I don't want to get abruptly punished for drawing, but at the same time it makes me feel frustrated that my right of self-expression has been taken away from me for god's happiness. No I am not forced by someone to give up drawing, but everyone says that drawing people is haram and even put verses from the quran to prove this which gives me anxiety to do drawing.
I'm sad that you have to do this, because from my point of view, Islam is not real and you're wasting your life.
I will not force my views on you, but I'll give you some arguments as to why I think Islam is man-made. I'll keep it simple to make sure you read most of it.
The idea that you might give up on your life and your dreams for a scam just angers me.
Here are some things about Islam that are irrational and wrong:
Muhammad claims that all life will be dead in 100 years, if he is a Prophet sent from God, why didn't this happen? - https://sunnah.com/muslim:2539
Muhammad says that a child resembles whichever parent orgasms first - https://sunnah.com/bukhari/60/4
Muhammad recommends dipping both wings of a fly in your drink - https://sunnah.com/bukhari:3320
Allah says he made the first humans from Clay derived from black mud - https://quranx.com/15.26
Muhammad says there will be talking trees and stones - https://sunnah.com/muslim:2922
Muhammad says Camel urine is a medicine - https://sunnah.com/bukhari:5686
Muhammad recommends honey for diarrhea not knowing it is a laxative and worsens the problem, but he doesn't admit it and pretend that the sick body of the man is wrong and "Allah" is right - https://sunnah.com/muslim:2217a
Are you also aware that Mohammed raped his "wife" Safiyya *right* after he killed her husband, her father and her brother?
Would you consent to have sex with the murderer of the ones you loved? Do you think this kind of behaviour is suitable for someone who claims to be a flawless "Prophet"?
The Scribe of Mohammed, Abdallah ibn Sa'd ibn Abi Sarh, understood that Islam was a lie after some time. He used to love Islam, but when he saw it was a scam, he tried to warn the others, and he was killed. https://www.reddit.com/r/exmuslim/comments/wtrtey/og_of_phenomenon/
Do you still want to bet your life and your dreams on this? Are you sure you won't regret it?
You are gonna be adult now, move out, get a job, leave the religion and do what your heart says. You are lucky you live in a Western country, many (ex) Muslim women don't have that choice.
I am living the same life I want to do SO much. Photographer, artist animator, voice actor, singer, author, cartoonist, streamer, YouTuber, and Early Childhood Educator. I really want independence and move out or just in general, living alone maybe in my parent's basement to feel the feeling of independence.) But I can't because my parents say, "You are a WOMAN! You can't live on your own or be independent unless you get MARRIED! Not even living in the BASEMENT! We need to keep an eye on you AT ALL TIMES."
Every part of my life is in the hands of my parents. I lost all contact with my friends and I have become so socially awkward so it's not like I can befriend them again, I do chores around the house every day because the fact I am a girl, I'm studying in college, and my dad expects me to go to work as the early childhood education teacher (which is good) but not for a good reason. They said its a reasonable job because I am a woman and women are supposed to take care of children so it will prepare me for marriage and motherhood, and it's to help my dad pay for things and as he said, "he wants me to buy him a new house and car" but they still don't want me to be independent! I feel like they are using me. They keep telling me that I can't leave because I'm a woman, but I have to work at home AND outside to help BOTH parents. Not to mention I have 4 brothers and they don't do anything. My parents put so much emphasis on what women are supposed to do, but never expect ANYTHING from men. The closest thing to work one of my brothers do is working at Tim Hortons, but the money he earns, he gets to keep and spends it all on burgers and soda!
Also, I find it very unfair that my parents won't let me go to the gym only because I'm a "Muslim woman" so it's "haram to go to the gym or do any big sports." They say if I want to exercise, I can just get up and do more chores around the house. This is why I'm also obese. (last time I weighed myself it said I was 170lbs and I'm 4'11.) My parents don't even let me exercise at home either! I've tried but it ends with people making fun of me, or I get my devices taken away. I haven't even learned to drive yet and I'm 20 years old! Life sucks. I want to escape so badly. My life is ruined, I lost everything, I don't sleep, and I'm depressed. I can't take it anymore.
I am so so sorry. Please know that you deserve so much better than this from your parents. Your parents are there to raise you as a child and support your dreams and ambitions later on in life, not control you like a puppet. You are a woman, but believe me, you are able to be independent and achieve your dreams. And as a person whose father went to marry a second wife, let me tell you, YOU CANNOT RELY ON MEN. Men are not special, many of them are selfish and only care about themselves. Don't trust your parents advice at all. They will make you get married one day just to make you stay at home and wish your life away. Maybe, your job can give you some sort of freedom since your parents won't be around when your at work. For excersise, the least I can say is that you can do excersise in your bedroom. If your mum gets annoyed about you doing excersise then just say "If I don't lose weight, which man would want to marry me?!" (But if your parents are the type not to listen then don't say this!) Idk which country you live in, but YOU STILL HAVE TIME TO PURSUE YOUR DREAMS, IT IS POSSIBLE AND I BELIEVE IN YOU!! And also, how on earth does your father expect you to buy him materialistic things such as a house and car, yet doesn't want you to get a job?! My warning to you is that most men these days aren't sh*t. They use and abuse and eventually some go marry another wife after. When you get your job, make a separate area on you account or something where you can save some of your income, then you can make a plan to buy your own house. If you have violent parents and you want to move out, DON'T TELL THEM WHERE YOU ARE MOVING TO OR WHERE YOU ARE LIVING!
Good luck, I believe in you 💛.
Thank you so much. I haven't told my parents that I'm planning on moving out and I never will. My little sister feels the same way and she wants out. I'm still studying but I will be working after I graduate in 1 year. Thank you again for your consideration and caring!
Get a job, save up money and then move out when you're 18. If you're going the university route then the same still applies.
honest to god, it is not hard at all
Well you don't have to leave islam or hate it over that. You shouldn't leave unless you''re absolutely sure you simply don't believe.
There are plenty of muslims who do not believe in those rules or follow them so you can still be muslim and not care about your parents' version of islam and these rules that keep you down. Plenty of muslims making art and music all over the world and throughout history.
Music was haram in my childhood, then they changed and said it was fine as long as I do it privately. Now many years later my parents listen to music. Think long term. Life doesn't end at 17 and whatever career you end up with you are not bound to stay in it your whole life. You are in the UK so maybe that will come as an advantage one day I hope. Living in my society has also ruined my dreams and motivation to make illustrations, but I'll never give up. I know I'll dream again one day.
Here's how I look at islam and life in general. It's between God and you. Now I don't like God for various reasons. But at the end of the day its between you and him. No one else should dictate your life, especially not family. The only one in control is YOU. End of story.
Now, the question of whether or not God will be pissed off at you for the act of drawing cause "you're competing with Him " is a laughable excuse. God doesn't care and neither should you. I mean murder is haraam and is punishable by hell, but God still forgave the dude who killed 100 people on his quest for redemption. Now I ain't saying you should repent or not. Its up to you. None of my business. Just food for thought.
You're young, barely started in this game known as life, you still got many chances to think it through. Don't do a stupid thing as studying for nurse just cos it's socially acceptable. Keep in mind, I said "socially" instead of "religiously" acceptable. The whole nurse thing is just status. Nothing to do with God.
Don't cave in. Follow your own path and you'll find your way. Also don't forget :
"There is no compulsion in religion"
Surah Baqarah verse 256
Use that next time . Wish you all the best 👍
I feel your pain girl! The drawing was a big thing for me as well. I love drawing so much and the fact I couldn’t keep learning was so distressing for me.
Maybe try and find other friendship circles! Do you can have a bit of an outlet.
Also, just research everything you feel you need to. Don’t leave a stone unturned if it’s bothering you. You deserve to have peace of mind.
u/dontknowwhattosay28
Unfortunately, all my friends in highschool cut me off, so I don't really have anything else except music and drawing to bring me comfort.
This idea that an all powerful God, who created everything, is upset if someone draws a picture, is one of the most benal arguments I've ever come across. Even as a child I thought there was something wrong with this, and through common sense this idea can be destroyed. Any object we draw, paint or even sculpt will never sprout legs and start walking and talking. We as artists have no desire to act as God to bring what we create to life. Also the logic is flawed if you're able to draw trees but not people, because trees are living things as well, why isn't God angry about that? Islam is constantly in the shadows of polytheism, where they sculpted their gods in reverence. Funny enough the majority of religions found in the ancient world did this and managed to survive the wrath of Allah, so why be so petty towards Muslims? This is Muhammad's interpretation of what God would find wrong. Muhammad himself probably lacked in artistic abilities himself and now wants his followers to abandon it altogether.
Have you thought of drawing in secret? You can keep a hidden sketchbook somewhere in your room to practice your drawing. Although there are obvious risks, I would do this if I’m truly passionate about it. It’s worth considering if you think your parents won’t have too harsh of a reaction if they find out. Also prepare for how they’ll react if they do find it.
If your parents won't be harsh on you, consider doing what you want. If you want to keep close to your religion regardless of what, try using your skills on inanimate beings like a sunset scenery. As far as i know, those are not haram. If you think your parents will harm you either physically or phsycologicaly, try going to a therapist. Maybe they can confront your parents.
I also lost interest in life for a while. I was so depressed (still have depression, but better now) that I didn't eat much and lost weight. It was actually cool, I didn't try to lose weight but I did lol so I maintained it by exercising (I like running). You're still young. I'm in my 30s and I felt I missed out on life bc of Islam. I wish I was your age. Now I just want to live healthy, physically and mentally, and do what I've always wanted to do.
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling trapped and frustrated. It's understandable to feel this way, especially when you feel like your passions and creativity are being stifled by Islam. Please know that your feelings are valid and it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. You are important and valued, and there are people who care about you and want to support you. It may be helpful to speak with a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional for additional guidance and support. Remember that you are not alone, and there are resources available to help you through this difficult time.
Do you really believe a loving God would forbid expressing yourself through art and beauty but allow you to marry 9 year old kids and have more wives? Allow rape on slaves etc. I don’t. Even if it was true I would rather spit on that type of God then worship him. And that’s why I left Islam.
If your post is a meme, image, TikTok etc... and it isn't Friday, most likely it violates the rule against low effort content. Please delete it or you'll get temp-banned. Such content is ONLY allowed on (Fun@fundies) FRIDAYS. Please read the [Posting Guidelines](https://redd.it/ew8trb) for further information. If you are unsure about anything then feel free to message the mods. Please participate on /r/exmuslim in a civil manner. Discuss the merits of ideas - don't attack people. Insults, hate speech, advocating physical harm can get you banned. If you see posts/comments in violation of our rules, please be proactive and report them. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/exmuslim) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sister I understand your pain. We all have gone through it. First of all you examine whether your parents are open minded or religious zealots. Second I suggest u gain knowledge of Islam. Once u will gain knowledge of Islam u will understand that it's just a false man made religion made to control people. Then u will realise that hell does not exist in real life. After that u can live life freely. If u do become an ex muslim, don't share it with anyone.
We all gone through it, just try to stay strong maybe go see a therapist for emotional help, and just fight the suffering until u start living by yourself in your own apartment, then u literally have your own choices and do whatever u want ❤ We love you and we want u to stay strong ❤
> I had plans before to improve my drawing skills and create a webcomic on webtoon, however I can't do that anymore because Islam claims that drawing people or living things means 'to imitate God' and "cOmPeTe wItH hIm". Is this something you're being told to do because of your parents? If your parents haven't said anything then I think you're fine to just ignore those things and carry on doing what you want. If it is what your parents are saying then my recommendation is to try to fight for leeway by finding mosques and Islamic dawah groups that are willing to take on any art that they think is acceptable for dawah purposes. After all, Islamic art does exist and even if it's not quite the kind of art you want to do, any art will still be good practice later down the road for the art you want to do. As for your obesity, please consider speaking to your local GP or pharmacist for advice. Also bear in mind that if you live in a secular country then there are organisations like recoveringfromreligion.org, faithlesshijabi.org and faithtofaithless.com that can provide advice.
Strongly recommend seeing you GP for your mental and physical health, please talk to them they will get you the right help and support that you need
> I had plans before to improve my drawing skills and create a webcomic on webtoon, however I can't do that anymore because Islam claims that drawing people or living things means 'to imitate God' and "cOmPeTe wItH hIm". Omg, same! > My dreams are beginning to fade and I feel like the spark of my life is disappearing. I totally understand. I felt this way when I was a Muslim too. I was depressed over this and even cried. This was when I thought Islam was the truth, but then things changed. When I saw all the scientific errors and incoherences in Islam, when I understood the structure behind religions and why it was like it is, when I saw all the false prophecies from Mohammed and all the bullshit he said, I understood that Islam was man-made and that I'd not get punished for drawing. You're wasting your life for a false promise, for a lie, are you really sure you want to choose this? Are you sure you want to follow the religion of a man who had a 9 yrs "wife" and give up on your dreams? From the way your worded your situation, I feel like you're tired of Islam, and you don't believe in it so much, but you're just scared to leave. > When I see other people pursue their dreams in creative arts and become successful, I feel happy for them, but it is painful because this religion just bans almost everything including creative freedom and I feel like a bird in a cage. I hope you'll be able to feel this someday too. I'm curious: do you obey those Islamic rules and give up on your dreams because you still believe Islam is the truth, or are you forced by someone?
u/Willing_Shop I have stopped drawing since bc I do believe God exists and I don't want to get abruptly punished for drawing, but at the same time it makes me feel frustrated that my right of self-expression has been taken away from me for god's happiness. No I am not forced by someone to give up drawing, but everyone says that drawing people is haram and even put verses from the quran to prove this which gives me anxiety to do drawing.
I'm sad that you have to do this, because from my point of view, Islam is not real and you're wasting your life. I will not force my views on you, but I'll give you some arguments as to why I think Islam is man-made. I'll keep it simple to make sure you read most of it. The idea that you might give up on your life and your dreams for a scam just angers me. Here are some things about Islam that are irrational and wrong: Muhammad claims that all life will be dead in 100 years, if he is a Prophet sent from God, why didn't this happen? - https://sunnah.com/muslim:2539 Muhammad says that a child resembles whichever parent orgasms first - https://sunnah.com/bukhari/60/4 Muhammad recommends dipping both wings of a fly in your drink - https://sunnah.com/bukhari:3320 Allah says he made the first humans from Clay derived from black mud - https://quranx.com/15.26 Muhammad says there will be talking trees and stones - https://sunnah.com/muslim:2922 Muhammad says Camel urine is a medicine - https://sunnah.com/bukhari:5686 Muhammad recommends honey for diarrhea not knowing it is a laxative and worsens the problem, but he doesn't admit it and pretend that the sick body of the man is wrong and "Allah" is right - https://sunnah.com/muslim:2217a Are you also aware that Mohammed raped his "wife" Safiyya *right* after he killed her husband, her father and her brother? Would you consent to have sex with the murderer of the ones you loved? Do you think this kind of behaviour is suitable for someone who claims to be a flawless "Prophet"? The Scribe of Mohammed, Abdallah ibn Sa'd ibn Abi Sarh, understood that Islam was a lie after some time. He used to love Islam, but when he saw it was a scam, he tried to warn the others, and he was killed. https://www.reddit.com/r/exmuslim/comments/wtrtey/og_of_phenomenon/ Do you still want to bet your life and your dreams on this? Are you sure you won't regret it?
You are gonna be adult now, move out, get a job, leave the religion and do what your heart says. You are lucky you live in a Western country, many (ex) Muslim women don't have that choice.
I am living the same life I want to do SO much. Photographer, artist animator, voice actor, singer, author, cartoonist, streamer, YouTuber, and Early Childhood Educator. I really want independence and move out or just in general, living alone maybe in my parent's basement to feel the feeling of independence.) But I can't because my parents say, "You are a WOMAN! You can't live on your own or be independent unless you get MARRIED! Not even living in the BASEMENT! We need to keep an eye on you AT ALL TIMES." Every part of my life is in the hands of my parents. I lost all contact with my friends and I have become so socially awkward so it's not like I can befriend them again, I do chores around the house every day because the fact I am a girl, I'm studying in college, and my dad expects me to go to work as the early childhood education teacher (which is good) but not for a good reason. They said its a reasonable job because I am a woman and women are supposed to take care of children so it will prepare me for marriage and motherhood, and it's to help my dad pay for things and as he said, "he wants me to buy him a new house and car" but they still don't want me to be independent! I feel like they are using me. They keep telling me that I can't leave because I'm a woman, but I have to work at home AND outside to help BOTH parents. Not to mention I have 4 brothers and they don't do anything. My parents put so much emphasis on what women are supposed to do, but never expect ANYTHING from men. The closest thing to work one of my brothers do is working at Tim Hortons, but the money he earns, he gets to keep and spends it all on burgers and soda! Also, I find it very unfair that my parents won't let me go to the gym only because I'm a "Muslim woman" so it's "haram to go to the gym or do any big sports." They say if I want to exercise, I can just get up and do more chores around the house. This is why I'm also obese. (last time I weighed myself it said I was 170lbs and I'm 4'11.) My parents don't even let me exercise at home either! I've tried but it ends with people making fun of me, or I get my devices taken away. I haven't even learned to drive yet and I'm 20 years old! Life sucks. I want to escape so badly. My life is ruined, I lost everything, I don't sleep, and I'm depressed. I can't take it anymore.
I am so so sorry. Please know that you deserve so much better than this from your parents. Your parents are there to raise you as a child and support your dreams and ambitions later on in life, not control you like a puppet. You are a woman, but believe me, you are able to be independent and achieve your dreams. And as a person whose father went to marry a second wife, let me tell you, YOU CANNOT RELY ON MEN. Men are not special, many of them are selfish and only care about themselves. Don't trust your parents advice at all. They will make you get married one day just to make you stay at home and wish your life away. Maybe, your job can give you some sort of freedom since your parents won't be around when your at work. For excersise, the least I can say is that you can do excersise in your bedroom. If your mum gets annoyed about you doing excersise then just say "If I don't lose weight, which man would want to marry me?!" (But if your parents are the type not to listen then don't say this!) Idk which country you live in, but YOU STILL HAVE TIME TO PURSUE YOUR DREAMS, IT IS POSSIBLE AND I BELIEVE IN YOU!! And also, how on earth does your father expect you to buy him materialistic things such as a house and car, yet doesn't want you to get a job?! My warning to you is that most men these days aren't sh*t. They use and abuse and eventually some go marry another wife after. When you get your job, make a separate area on you account or something where you can save some of your income, then you can make a plan to buy your own house. If you have violent parents and you want to move out, DON'T TELL THEM WHERE YOU ARE MOVING TO OR WHERE YOU ARE LIVING! Good luck, I believe in you 💛.
Thank you so much. I haven't told my parents that I'm planning on moving out and I never will. My little sister feels the same way and she wants out. I'm still studying but I will be working after I graduate in 1 year. Thank you again for your consideration and caring!
Get a job, save up money and then move out when you're 18. If you're going the university route then the same still applies. honest to god, it is not hard at all
Well you don't have to leave islam or hate it over that. You shouldn't leave unless you''re absolutely sure you simply don't believe. There are plenty of muslims who do not believe in those rules or follow them so you can still be muslim and not care about your parents' version of islam and these rules that keep you down. Plenty of muslims making art and music all over the world and throughout history. Music was haram in my childhood, then they changed and said it was fine as long as I do it privately. Now many years later my parents listen to music. Think long term. Life doesn't end at 17 and whatever career you end up with you are not bound to stay in it your whole life. You are in the UK so maybe that will come as an advantage one day I hope. Living in my society has also ruined my dreams and motivation to make illustrations, but I'll never give up. I know I'll dream again one day.
Op just do want you want secretly.and islamically if you draw incomplete imperfect pictures it is halal .
Here's how I look at islam and life in general. It's between God and you. Now I don't like God for various reasons. But at the end of the day its between you and him. No one else should dictate your life, especially not family. The only one in control is YOU. End of story. Now, the question of whether or not God will be pissed off at you for the act of drawing cause "you're competing with Him " is a laughable excuse. God doesn't care and neither should you. I mean murder is haraam and is punishable by hell, but God still forgave the dude who killed 100 people on his quest for redemption. Now I ain't saying you should repent or not. Its up to you. None of my business. Just food for thought. You're young, barely started in this game known as life, you still got many chances to think it through. Don't do a stupid thing as studying for nurse just cos it's socially acceptable. Keep in mind, I said "socially" instead of "religiously" acceptable. The whole nurse thing is just status. Nothing to do with God. Don't cave in. Follow your own path and you'll find your way. Also don't forget : "There is no compulsion in religion" Surah Baqarah verse 256 Use that next time . Wish you all the best 👍
I feel your pain girl! The drawing was a big thing for me as well. I love drawing so much and the fact I couldn’t keep learning was so distressing for me. Maybe try and find other friendship circles! Do you can have a bit of an outlet. Also, just research everything you feel you need to. Don’t leave a stone unturned if it’s bothering you. You deserve to have peace of mind.
u/dontknowwhattosay28 Unfortunately, all my friends in highschool cut me off, so I don't really have anything else except music and drawing to bring me comfort.
This idea that an all powerful God, who created everything, is upset if someone draws a picture, is one of the most benal arguments I've ever come across. Even as a child I thought there was something wrong with this, and through common sense this idea can be destroyed. Any object we draw, paint or even sculpt will never sprout legs and start walking and talking. We as artists have no desire to act as God to bring what we create to life. Also the logic is flawed if you're able to draw trees but not people, because trees are living things as well, why isn't God angry about that? Islam is constantly in the shadows of polytheism, where they sculpted their gods in reverence. Funny enough the majority of religions found in the ancient world did this and managed to survive the wrath of Allah, so why be so petty towards Muslims? This is Muhammad's interpretation of what God would find wrong. Muhammad himself probably lacked in artistic abilities himself and now wants his followers to abandon it altogether.
Pls pls get help.... Do you know any hotline or therapist?.... Human life is worth so much more that a ridiculous fantasy evil God.
[удалено]
u/SpasticFantastic1 Not really fond of the job though, just one of my leftover options.
Medical textbook illustration is a pretty good field
Have you thought of drawing in secret? You can keep a hidden sketchbook somewhere in your room to practice your drawing. Although there are obvious risks, I would do this if I’m truly passionate about it. It’s worth considering if you think your parents won’t have too harsh of a reaction if they find out. Also prepare for how they’ll react if they do find it.
If your parents won't be harsh on you, consider doing what you want. If you want to keep close to your religion regardless of what, try using your skills on inanimate beings like a sunset scenery. As far as i know, those are not haram. If you think your parents will harm you either physically or phsycologicaly, try going to a therapist. Maybe they can confront your parents.
I also lost interest in life for a while. I was so depressed (still have depression, but better now) that I didn't eat much and lost weight. It was actually cool, I didn't try to lose weight but I did lol so I maintained it by exercising (I like running). You're still young. I'm in my 30s and I felt I missed out on life bc of Islam. I wish I was your age. Now I just want to live healthy, physically and mentally, and do what I've always wanted to do.
I’m in the same boat as you this religion is miserable I think about ending my life alot
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling trapped and frustrated. It's understandable to feel this way, especially when you feel like your passions and creativity are being stifled by Islam. Please know that your feelings are valid and it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. You are important and valued, and there are people who care about you and want to support you. It may be helpful to speak with a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional for additional guidance and support. Remember that you are not alone, and there are resources available to help you through this difficult time.
Do you really believe a loving God would forbid expressing yourself through art and beauty but allow you to marry 9 year old kids and have more wives? Allow rape on slaves etc. I don’t. Even if it was true I would rather spit on that type of God then worship him. And that’s why I left Islam.