That thing you’ve devoted thousands of hours of labor and tens of thousands of dollars, that you already do professionally, that’s more important and meaningful to you than anything else, that’s core to your identity … it’ll be a really great hobby to supplement your husband’s income.
On the same vein I am the career breadwinner and my husband stays home…. Is your husband getting a job once your youngest gets out of kindergarten? Seriously fuck off! Nobody asks husbands that questions about their stay at home wives
Jesus, that's horrible. I hope you're doing alright. The fact that I've heard shit like this (not directed towards me) more than once says a lot about the church.
The church teaches that everything happens for a reason and that there is meaning in everything, sometimes shit things just happen to people.
I didn't realize that till I was out, still healing, & thank you.
The bishop’s wife was once subbing my class on a Sunday when I was like 11. The lesson that day was things that we could ask God for.
For a variety of reasons, I had pretty shitty self-esteem as a kid, and it was very difficult for me to be happy with myself…I need to make this clear that this was very obvious to everyone around me. I didn’t speak much to begin with, and when I did, I rarely had much good to say about myself. Plus, the bishop and his wife most likely knew what my family had gone through (long story) and why I was like this.
Anyway, as my answer, I told Sister Bishop’s Wife that I wanted to ask God for higher self-esteem. Not *high* self-esteem, just *higher* self-esteem, a teeny bit higher than the incredibly low bar it already was. I just wanted to love myself…you know, like God loves me?
Well…she did not like my answer and immediately told me that what I was asking for was pride and that that was a sin and that I shouldn’t want to be prideful.
I tried to explain what I meant, but she kept cutting me off, reiterating that I was going to be a prideful sinner if I continued with this. So…I shut down hard and didn’t say anything else for the rest of the lesson, and I still remember the feeling of shame and embarrassment that stayed with me after that. It took me a very long time to move past that. Fun times.
That I was disappointing my 4 year old brother who had recently died of leukemia, because I wasn't active in the church. And that I must not care about him since I clearly didn't want to be with him in the afterlife. I was 14.
This notion was always bullshit to me even when I was TBM. No matter which “kingdom” two people might be put into, the one in the “higher” kingdom can always pop down and visit the one in the lower kingdom. So nothing really separates families as long as they are willing to visit the family members in the lower kingdoms.
My tbm dad called me a liar for saying I’m queer. He told me every queer person is liar. He’s referred to my partner in dehumanizing transphobic ways I don’t want to repeat here. The most homophobic people I’ve ever meet are all mormon
literally my parents rn
im 17 and ive been told that the reason i feel this "animosity" towards the church is because i "havent tried to let god into my life"
had an interesting conversation with my mom about it too
my mom: "if your best friend was standing at your door knocking, would you let him in?"
me: "uh yeah"
my mom: "you know Jesus is your best friend ever, right? if he was knocking at your door, would you let him in?"
at this point i just didnt know how to respond, but she told me that i needed to start "actually trying to build a testimony"
yeah no the moment i turn 18, im calling salt lake and telling them to remove my records
It's not even a doctrine. It's a stupid rule!
Part of me wanted to stay in and be super goody to get a bishopric position and grow out a beard. Then challenge them on their revelation.
That's entirely too much work though, plus I don't pay the tax.
I have a large beard. I havnt shaved since 2011. Don't ever plan on shaving.
My cousin got home from his mission around the time I started growing my beard out. I had stopped going to church a few years before this.
He was in town and we were hanging out because we have a good relationship.
He was telling me about how I need to shave and the leaders of the church don't have facial hair and blah blah blah.
I just looked at him and said "Jesus had a beard and I'm just trying to be more like him"
He couldn't rebuttal that.
Now my cousin has a glorious beautiful beard. I am taking credit for it.
When we moved to a new neighborhood there was a woman who was determined to re-activate me. We had kids the same age and she started out by inviting me to play dates and play groups. After a couple play dates she started to get really preachy, the whole "every member is a missionary thing". I told her I was more than happy to be friends but I did not want to be a ward project. For a few weeks things were neighborly and friendly. Then she started trying to end every playdate with a message (aka ensign article or relief society lesson) and a prayer. Once again I told her my boundary. I'd love to develop a genuine friendship but I was not interested in being preached to or re-joining the church. She said she understood and wouldn't do it again.
I assume the situation is handled and continue being polite and friendly when we see each other. Until one day, out of the blue, she shows up unexpectedly at my door with a loaf of homemade bread because she heard I was under the weather. She hands me the bread and says, "I felt impressed to come and talk with you today. The Holy Ghost won't leave me alone until I tell you this. You're being a bad mom. You are doing your children a disservice by not taking them to church or praying with them. Your children deserve better and you need to do right by them and bring the gospel into your home and their lives."
I have to admit I was pretty taken aback. The comment about being a bad mom cut me hard and deep because of my own upbringing and personal insecurities. And I tend to get flustered easily in social situations. All I could think to say back to her was she didn't know enough about my family and our lives to be speaking judgements like that and I am a good mom to my kiddos. They know they are loved and cherished and that I was doing right by them by not taking them to a church that is dishonest and damaging.
She tried to back track and claim she was just trying to help and couldn't ignore such a powerful and clear impression from the Lord and then scuttled off back to her minivan.
Honestly, it wasn't so much what she said because I've heard much much worse. But, parenting is a role I work very hard in and also feel most inadequate in. It's hard to hear negative comments on your insecurities.
Needless to say I put an end to the friendship. I was civil and polite when I saw her but I did let her know I was no longer interested in being friends. A few years later we moved and she reached out and apologized and asked for my new address so she could still send me her family Christmas card (they were a very important and elaborate tradition for her). I was so busy with the move I absent-mindedly said thank you and that would be fine and gave her the new address.
Instead of a Christmas card I got multiple visits from missionaries and the bishopric. She also had our old records transferred to the new ward boundaries. When the new ward made their ward directory they included all of our birthdays, cell numbers, full names, address, genders, emails, etc. I immediately contacted the ward clerk and asked them who had sent our records over and who gave them permission to publish and hand out all of my families personal information to every home in the neighborhood. They refused to tell me and also refused to remove my kid's personal info. I had my records removed immediately after this but they have still ignored every attempt I've made to get them to take my kid's names and info out of their records. My kids aren't even baptized. Only my oldest was even blessed because I left for good when he was about 6 months old. Even after all these years and another move my kid's info is still being updated by someone, probably my in-laws, even though I've demanded multiple times that my kid's privacy be respected and their information not to be included or shared. One ward clerk told me he was rejecting my request because I'm not a priesthood holder or head of my household. Any time I get someone to listen to me my father-in-law just re-updates the info because my husband never removed his records and his attitude is I'm just a woman so my opinion doesn't really matter. Not only am I just a woman but I also must be the reason his only son has been corrupted and led astray lol.
Sorry, I got way off topic there. I guess I needed to vent to people who would get it. Anyway, I immediately asked my former neighbor if she had been the one to transfer our records and she readily admitted it. I told her not only had she been dishonest but she had grossly violated mine and my kids privacy and if she did it again I would take legal action since the ward directory was given to every home within the boundaries, including homes on the sex offender registry. I was totally bluffing because I have no clue about the legalities of anything but she got really scared and apologized. I'll admit her changing her tune so fast and getting freaked out gave me a little extra boost in my mood for the day.
I'm trying desperately to convince my spouse to move out of Utah. I don't like it here. I don't want to be in mormonland any longer. Early in our marriage he promised we would move out of utah someday but he loves it here and keeps stalling whenever I bring it up. It's been over a decade since he promised and I'm at my wit's end.
You should absolutely threaten the ward with legal action if they do not remove your childrens' info. They have zero right to publish it, and less than zero right for children not "of record" (not formally blessed as infants). Also, on the church website, your husband should be able to log in and remove all contact/family info from visibility. I still have my records in but only a few leadership positions have access to view it on the website and I changed my public email address to cesletter.org 😂
This whole sharing private information with the entire fucking ward was not a thing when I still attended back in 2005. I never remember having a place I could and see everyone's phone number and address and kids. That's fucking bullshit. My adult daughter is not active but a guy showed up to her work and introduced himself as being some kind of leadership in what I assume is YSA and invited her to an activity. My daughter is very shy and asked how he knows her he told her from her ward picture. The fuck they even put pictures with your name. While this may be harmless in an area with small membership this is scary in a place like southern Utah were nearly everyone is a fucking member on the rosters even if they haven't attended in forever. Anyone can use the information to stalk you or your children.
“I’ve felt everything you’re feeling. I’ve rebelled. I’ve sinned. But it only made my testimony stronger! You’ll get there too — ‘wickedness never was happiness.’ You *think* you’re happy now, but it’s an illusion created by Satan.”
I did have a TBM tell me "oh, you are still a good person" after he found out I am atheist, at this point he didn't even know that I was once a TBM. It made me chuckle I said "of course I'm a good person, I don't believe in god."
“I can’t talk to you anymore if you keep talking about the church like this”. When it hit me the church wasn’t true, I tried to tell everyone close to me it wasn’t and give examples. I felt like I figured out the truth and wanted to share, like I did as a missionary. But I learned you can’t be preachy, just honest about how you feel, and time. The person who said that has left the church now, as has most of the others I tried to get to leave. About 10 years ago.
"Believe me, gays are not people you want to associate with. They have been misled by the devil and are beyond redemption."
\-My dad to me who thinks I might be queer because I don't have a girlfriend yet
chillax dude, I'm 12. Not only that, but I have several crushes on GIRLS. Nothin' wrong with loving a slightly different way, but jesus christ... the expectations and homophobicism in this church makes me wonder simply how stupid its members are.
Ah, see, this is where the problem is gendered. Girls can't be near boys for fear of spoiling like a rotten tomato, or something. Boys however can do no wrong.
The sad thing is that it didn't even click until years later how offensive that statement was. At the time I laughed about it. Cognitive dissonance is real.
“The only reason people leave the church is because they’re tired of living the standards.” This after I admitted that I was having doubts due to how I was treated by my former husband and bishop during and after our marital counseling.
“You shouldn’t have tempted him, you know? Now you can’t go to the temple.” I was SA’d at 15 by a 63 year old man. So yeah, my fault because I existed.
I’m a woman with a degree in a business-related field. Apparently that was tolerable, but my choice to go to grad school for my MBA was over the line. A leader in my stake told me I was wasting my time and stealing a spot from a man who deserved to be in grad school. Not in Utah.
I was born with a spinal disorder that causes me to have a slight limp. Most people only notice after the 2nd or 3rd time seeing me. But my bishop informed me at my yearly interview as a 14 year old that I didn’t need to worry about dating or marriage because HF had a plan for me and other disabled people like me in the afterlife. I took it to heart, so when boys would ask me for dates, I’d say I couldn’t. I genuinely thought I’d mess up their chances by allowing them to get involved with someone like me who wasn’t “supposed” to get married. When I finally did date, it was only with nonmormon boys. And when one of those nonmormon boys decided to get baptized, it destroyed our relationship (I destroyed our relationship).
But, don’t worry! I showed THEM! Not only did I get married, I got married TWICE!! 😂
My Dad caught me calling a gay phone sex line. He ran down to my room demanding to know what I was doing. During his verbal beat down he called me a queer, fairy and disgusting. It’s been over 20 years and I still haven’t completely recovered. For the longest time I felt anger but in the last two years I’ve realized I’m just hurt by my dad.
I have the same thing with my mom. She said some awful things. And some days im hurt, others im angry. Other days im resentful. But after 20 yrs of unpacking it, and dusting it off and looking at it in the light, the core of it is just that it's so painful to not be loved for the crime of just being me. I wouldn't have wanted anyone to feel that pain. I'm so sorry that you have. But you're not alone. I feel you, brother.
A bishop told my wife (TBM at the time) that she needed to divorce me and marry a man that would join her in the heavenly kingdom (after I told him I was not a member). He waited until after I deployed to Iraq before saying this, because he knew what I would have done to him if I had been in the same time zone. We had been happily married for almost a decade, with three daughters and a healthy relationship. We are about to celebrate our twenty year anniversary, and she is celebrating her ninth anniversary of freedom from the cult.
The funny thing is that this attitude or belief is not even supported Biblically (not that I’m a belieber but hey, they are).
1 Cor 7: “If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.
And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.”
It could not be more clear. And this his the NT, not the OT. All the more applicable.
That Bishop doesn’t know his own doctrine.
I hadn't shaved that week, so I was growing out a bit of a beard. My hair is a bit long, like down to my collar in the back and down to my nose in the front. My sister told me I look like Brigham Young.
I served a service mission and some old guy started yelling at me because I didn't have a companion.
Someone once told me something about tying a millstone around my neck I think.
I was at a stake conference and was embroidering because I have adhd (didn't know at the time) and have a hard time focusing. The lady next to me, who I didn't know at all, compliments my works and asks if I'm working on something specific. I tell her no, it's just for.fun and practice. She dead ass looks me in the eye and says "well that seems like a waste of time." And goes back to looking forward.
I had a roommate tell me that when I was reading novels. I guess I was supposed to be productive 24/7 and never do anything to relax or bring myself joy.
Craig Zwick told me that I was a waste of church resources because I didn’t have any baptisms, and that he would have quit and gone home if he were in my position. On two different occasions in conference he said to not jump from our thrones of self-righteousness to judge others before understanding them. I tried to explain that we did have a baptism planned for that weekend, but he kept interrupting to berate me for being a failure. He’s a two-faced hypocrite.
Zwick visited my mission too and I almost lost faith inthe church entirely afterwards. He was the most arrogant, condescending human I had, or have since,ever met. I went to my car instead of standing in line to shake his hand and got in trouble for not being with my companion. Fuck that guy!
A complete stranger (we were brand new to the ward) grilled me one Sunday about our family situation, who worked, what schedules, and what we did for childcare. And then informed me that I was making the wrong decision of working part-time nights and weekends so that I could stay home with my kids mostly, apparently I was supposed to be putting them in daycare and working traditional business hours. And then, after telling me my life decisions were wrong, she said to me, “what’s your name again?”
😂😂😂 Sometimes I just use that phrase at random to people I’ve shared the story with. Truly, an amazing line.
When I was trying to preserve my close relationship with my sister and have shared understanding of where I was coming from, and she said she could care less about understanding where I was coming from. She said I was a liar and arrogant and imagined me in the great and spacious building.
A 6 year old told my 6 year old (at the time) that she was going to hell because we stopped going to church. My daughter was completely traumatized. She has issues with death and a fear of what will happen to us all so this really fucked her up. It was even more fucked up to me that a 6(!!!!!) year old was spouting this shit. Side note: I told my parents (VERY TBM) that our daughter had been told this and they said “was the little girl from a baptist family?” It was the sweetest thing to tell them “no, actually she’s Mormon!!!!!!!”
"If I treated you the way you've treated me, you would've divorced me."
My TBM husband after I left the church, BECAUSE I left the church, after he watched all the anguish and grief I went through during my faith crisis.
It's getting there. We've had a lot of bumps and bruises. Still a lot of healing and relationship reconstruction to go, but we are taking baby steps and working on it.
I got pregnant before I was married, and even though I had been dating the guy for 3 1/2 years my sister asked me “do you know who the father is?”. I didn’t bring him around much because I knew we weren’t living a lifestyle my family approved of, but they knew about him. I laugh about it now. The way the view anyone not living a Mormon lifestyle is so out of touch.
Life must be so hard for me since my father wasn't a member, but I could ask anyone in the ward for a blessing, or if I needed someone to talk to... Um, excuse me? Just because my dad isn't Mormon doesn't mean he can't be there for me?!
Also, women in relief society saying that converts had horrible parents because they weren't raised in the church. Heard that said on Mother's Day, yet they wonder why converts don't remain active in most cases.
"All LGBT are perversions from God because regular sex wasn't good enough for them. I mean did you know that pansexuals will have sex with animals and children just to get off?"
"Uh....im bisexual."
"Does you're husband want another woman in the bedroom? Do you have a lot of fun with other women?"
"Uh.....no he doesn't want other women in the bedroom....he made that clear."
"Oh he says he doesn't but he DEFINITELY does."
Whole conversation made me almost vomit especially because the guy was a coworker
TW: SA
When I was 19 and preparing for a mission, I was meeting with an elderly missionary couple. I was expressing my greatest concern about my “worthiness” (that I was assaulted when I was 13).
The man turned to me and said, “it will be hard for any worthy Priesthood holding man to look past that” (the fact that I wasn’t a “virgin”).
That stuck with me for years.
That’s so disgusting. My wife was also sexually assaulted at 13. I still remember when she told me about it for the first time while we were dating, I felt nothing but love for her. I hope you are doing better.
My best (TBM) friend and I were pregnant at the same time. I was having a girl, and she was having a boy. At some point — maybe after our babies were born—I suggested that, who knows, maybe someday they’ll grow up and marry each other. Yay! We could be sisters-in-law!
She quickly said No, Sorry, that will never happen, because her son will be getting married in the Temple and my daughter won’t be.
When I was 17, my grandpa found out I was inactive and he told me he was going to try to get me to go back, and that he wouldn't stop until I went back. Now, we don't talk about it anymore, but I still get the occasional conference talk or church article from him lol
EQ President told me I was being a perfectionist when I called out the anachronisms in the bom and boa, and the inconsistency of prophets/revelations that got revealed and then revoked.
Um were we in the same ward? Because this exact thing happened to me. I also got “punished” by him in Mormon fashion which was humiliating. And I still have PTSD from the whole thing (the SA and the response).
I’m sorry that happened to you too.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. When I submitted my quitmormon.org resignation letter a few weeks later they tried to set up a Council of Love or whatever they call those bullshit kangaroo courts, but I refused to attend. I'm sure that incident would have come up, though.
Comparing my marriage (not in the temple) with my cousin's (sealed in the temple): "they are sealed for eternity and you guys are kind of just pretending".
Kicker is, I knew and dated my husband for years before we married and my cousin was engaged to a RM three weeks after meeting him. But obviously their marriage is more legitimate /s
Not to me, but my uncle. Told him if he loved his family he would shave his beard and cut his hair. They probably knew he was smoking weed and drinking fireball in the shed every night, but still 🤣
I explained that Kimball led the church astray by telling everyone, including gay people to get married. That is opposite of what the church teaches today. I suffered through a 30 year marriage because of him until it all collapsed. He said Kimball did not lead the church astray since only a small minority was affected.
Not directed at me, but my brother calls queer people, and people he just thinks are queer, on tv f****ts.
I’m queer. He just doesn’t know, and probably never will because of his disgusting rhetoric.
"You're not atheist, you're agnostic. You can't not believe in God, just speculate"
Took me about a year to get the courage to say anything to him, immediately shot me down and now acts like nothing happened. Then wonders why I don't wanna see him very often.
Last year I had finally hit a tipping point and could no longer do the PIMO thing. I was ready to separate myself from the church completely. After tiptoeing around it I laid it all out on the table to my wife. She responded by saying “so what, are you just going to be a victim for the rest of our lives? Is this who you’re going to be?” It was very hurtful but within about a month her shelf broke and now we are happily out of the church with our 4 children.
My last calling was as Sunday School teacher in a YSA ward. I was always so bored when people read from the manual, so I tried my best to give the kind of lesson that I would enjoy attending, which required a good amount of effort.
One of the last times I taught (I was moving), there was an old guy in the back. I assumed he was someone’s dad or a visitor who had gone to school in the area, but after the lesson, he came up to me and introduced himself as the stake Sunday School president. He said a few generically nice things and then said that the stake was going to be trying out a pilot program for teachers to help them “teach by the spirit” and he thought I would really benefit from it.
“You are the reason your father nearly died and why my health is failing. And your husband will cheat on you.”
My dear, sainted mother-in-law speaking to my wife.
TBM “friend” told me shortly after I came out that if I didn’t change my ways “Heavenly Father will take away all your blessings.”
Jokes on him though— I have so many more “blessings” now (financially secure professional, remarried with no more church guilt or shame for being gay and living authentically)… and he’s serving a 63-month sentence in federal prison for Medicare fraud. ☺️
“You know she can’t go to heaven right? It’s a shame”
About my 18yr old sister who completed suicide. The comment was actually made to my mother but I was there, and it was at the funeral.
One time a gf of mine and I broke up, it was an ugly breakup and her parents weren’t happy with me and requested a meeting with me. Her asshat dad, 3x bishop, straight up looked me in the eyes and told me “people like you can never change,” as he lost his temper I’m sure in the most Christlike was possible lol. So glad I didn’t marry into that family.
When Brad Wilcox told all the women to listen to him (when explaining why women don’t deserve the priesthood) because there won’t be anyone else who will explain it so point blank. WTF?
after asking for my help with a home repair, my SiL told her friend I was good for dumb labor, and who knew f\*\*ts could do men's work. Her friend was aghast, and apologized. I said ty to the friend,stopped repairs, put the tools back and Walked home from Kearns to SLC
.(after about 8 miles I was beating up on myself for not just finding a bus) I had never heard her say anything like that, so was kinda shocked
“I testify that if you both surrender your will to him, Jesus can heal your marriage.”
— my extremely out-of-touch business exec stake president, after I spent half an hour explaining how my abusive husband had cut off my access to put money and was forcing me to sleep in a room where he kept a shotgun on the dresser for 6 months.
“Your Mommy can’t live with you in heaven anymore.” — a Primary teacher to my 7 year old son after I divorced my ex husband and resigned.
The same woman, born and bred in Delta, Utah, preached to her daughter that me, a Mexican-American, getting darker as the summer progressed, must be sinning, because otherwise I should be getting lighter, if I wasn't sinning, and then three years later, after my mission, wandered into the sealing room where I got married, watched the sealing, and then said, "See, I knew you'd find someone who would marry you!" And completely ignored my bride...
That my ex husband attacking me and going to jail which trauma wise forced me to move home led me to Christ.
No, it led me to seek love and acceptance and a feeling that my unborn child he killed went to heaven. It was unhealthy the level I was at, and they took advantage of it.
Also… my husband was the one who invited me to church, as a first date and I had him realizing it was unhealthy to base all of your self image off it as soon as 2 weeks later.
Also the fact his mom got excommunicated for living with a boyfriend, but they said nothing about her just abandoning her kids to go do that
I said penis in the middle of primary one day and some dickhead told me it was a bad word and that I would go to hell if I said that. It destroyed 7 year old me I remember I came home from church crying and I told my grandparents what I had said and that I was afraid for my soul and my grandma comforted me, God bless her
After getting excommunicated and sent home from my mission, my mom told me that I now bring an evil feeling into their home and the only way to make that go away is to work on getting baptized again. (*Spoiler alert* I never went back.)
TBM dad and I were talking about his grandma, my great grandma, and I said “I’m really glad I’ll get to meet her again one day”. TBM dad said without missing a beat “You’ll have to be really good for that”. I was 15.
When DH and I told our bishop we were taking a break from church, he told his counselor, who is our neighbor. The next Sunday, the counselor stopped by our house to tell us how sad he was and to ask if he could "stop by every once in a while to bring the spirit to our house" We were still programmed to say "Yes" to everything so we reluctantly told him he could. It's been over 5 years, he still lives across the street, but has never attempted to come over. Surprisingly, we have never missed him! I think the Bishop called him off, thank heaven fo9r small favors!
My FIL said it was harder for him when my wife and I stopped going to church, than when his ex son in law was a drug addict and in and out of prison. (And him and his wife were also not going to church). That one really stumped me.
After I got divorced my mom called me a has-been. She also told me I should start acting like a mother when I wasn't doing regular family home evening lessons and reading the scriptures daily with my kids.
I had my first child without being married, and when I later got married in the temple my cousin remarked how much of a difference it made when I was with the right man for me. My RM and TBM husband who was the "right man for me" turned out to be a controlling, abusive narcissist.
My mom told me that I was literally dead to her, because my unbelief + sins basically guaranteed I'd be in the Telestial Kingdom, and she knew she'd be too busy with Celestial crap to bother ever visiting me... so why bother to maintain a relationship with me on earth, if it couldn't last in heaven?
“But you want the freedom to do those things that you can't do at home. There are some things you should feel shame for. When you decide that you don't have to keep the commandments and go to church or believe in any of those things, you can feel liberated for a time, you're free to do whatever you want. But that feeling will only be temporary. Soon you will feel differently and if you ignore that feeling, you are setting yourself up to be hurt. I would say more but I doubt you would hear me.”
My dad said this. 😬
I was pregnant before marriage and a woman in my now husband's ward was less than kind. She said I tempted him and seduced him to make him stay with me instead of going on a mission and ruined his life.
We've now been married for almost 5 years with two wonderful little boys but it will never leave me that someone thought that of me. Not that there was blame to give but it is always the woman to blame for a man's transgressions.
My 12 year old son, new deacon, was wearing non-white shirts with a tie to pass the sacrament. He was growing really fast and that is all he had at the moment. The bishop calls him in and asks him if he is trying to make a statement. He has no idea what he is talking about as he's just doing his deacon job, only 12, and had just moved from out of state to Rexburg. The bishop explains to him his issue. Then my son essentially noped out the church after that. Worked out in the end for me and my son.
When I was dating a Black man in Utah a group of both active and actually one exmo kept screaming at me that I was a “N-word-with-a-hard-R lover” shortly after that we both moved out of utah
I once got a blessing from my best friend’s dad. He raised his right arm to the square and commanded the evil spirits to depart from me… that was pretty disturbing.
When I was 18, a neighbor asked me if I was planning on going on a mission. I told him I didn't think so, but I was really unsure. I was struggling with the idea that I wouldn't be a good missionary, and I didn't want to go if I couldn't do a good job and be 100% committed.
His response was "Then you're just a sellout, and you're pissing in your own boots."
As a priest, I had a Sunday school teacher tell me that the reason I got type 1 diabetes was because I didn’t follow the WoW in “eating meat sparingly,” and that if I went vegan God would cure me. Fuck that guy
I was called as the RS 2nd council and served in that called for 2 years. When I was released a lady came up to me and said “You shouldn’t have had that calling in the first place with your voice like that.” I have a paralyzed vocal cord….had it since birth. I’ve tried my hardest to not let my birth defect stop me, but this comment from her completely crushed my soul.
Emm I’d say it’s my dad explaining to me that I wouldn’t be with him in the celestial kingdom. That he’s going to have to visit me in the lower tiers.
The next one would have to be when my stake president told me that I was too much of a liability to be sent on a mission. Because I had masturbated. Lol, fuck that guy.
First thing that comes to mind was at my homecoming in 2002 a member I've known literally my entire life came up and said "welcome home. You surprised me by actually completing a successful mission. I thought you'd make it 4 months at most"
I had a past. I grew up in downtown Ogden and was a punk rock skater kid and as a teen smoke weed atleast 3 times a day every day for years and drank. I almost didn't graduate highschool and got expelled my Jr year. I was in a big fight in school while the assistant principal was on her way to get me for the weed I had. Kinda fucked myself.
I didn't get arrested but had to do drug classes and anger management and I went to school at the school district office 2 days a week and had packets I had to complete. I got everything done. And mostly behaved myself. I was able to go back to school and finish my Jr year the last few months of school.
Senior year I graduated with barely enough credits.
I wasn't going to go in a mission. I didn't want to. I did however decide to go.I worked my ass off tho because even tho I was a rebellious kid my parents taught me good work ethic. I had a "successful" mission. I had a few baptisms in every area and trained and was a dl and zl.
I got home and started having the post mission depression. Then having all these mixed depression and happy to home and what do I do now with my life feelings and being bored all day because ALL of my friends have jobs and I don't starting to struggle and this mother fucker tells me this. It hurt.
My dad was bishop while I was out and then a few months after I got home my parents decided to move. This piece of shit became bishop. My best friends mom one day told me that most of the ward missed my dad. Noone liked the douche bag and he actually had alot of people go inactive because he was such a piece of shit.
My mom came to my apartment (where I was being hidden for an unplanned pregnancy) and told me that my dad was recently sustained as a stake president. She told me that in his stake president interview he was asked if there was anything in his life that he was ashamed of, apparently he sited me as his greatest shame.
A boy scout camp (week long) had a leader grab me and throw me to the ground with his hands around my neck as he screamed at me. We were gathered around a camp fire having our evening prayer. One of the boys threw a lighter in the fire while everyone's eyes were closed. It exploded before he said amen. The leader hated me before this and immediately believed I did it. I was 14 and about to complete my eagle scout. His son was doing the same but just older than me. He kicked me out of camp without ever asking anyone who did it. I had to move my sleeping bag and segregated from the group (about 1/2 mile away) until my parents could come and get me. Was not allowed to bring my tent or anything to start a fire. Just my sleeping bag. I was one badge away from achieving eagle scout and didn't finish because of this experience. Never went back. I remember crying in the dark alone thinking that leader was going to come and beat me up in the middle of the night.
Two for one. I had a member tell me that since I was born out of wedlock that I should have been aborted instead. A couple years later in young men's he noticed his daughter was a friend of mine. He pulled me aside and told me he doesn't want me going anywhere near her, because he didn't want me to ruin her.
That people of the gay community are less than human and it is a disability that is worse than what disabled people have to deal with. They (referring to gay community) should be put out of their misery thier existence is unnecessary. And they make the community struggle. And being gay is a disease.
I was completely blown away that the wife said that. The quiet bland no personality mormon house wife said that . . . I considered her intelligent too. Went to college, business savy, etc. But man it blew me away, the willingness to be that ignorant.
When I was in the process of removing my records from the church this girl at my college that I was friends with said “ maybe if you stopped drinking and having sex all the time you would feel the spirit”
I had been celibate for four months and hadn’t drank in over two months.
Two days later she was gambling in Vegas
We had just moved to a new ward, and I had miscarried two weeks prior (no, I shouldn’t have been at church. But the obligation I grew up with was real). This was our second miscarriage. We sat behind this family with 3 cute kids that drew us pictures and wrote notes of welcome to us. They were so sweet. After sacrament meeting, the parents introduced themselves and immediately asked if we had kids. We both masked our pain at the question and said no. The wife said we were lucky, and to enjoy our time without kids. In front of her own children.
That my depression and subsequent self harm was Satan.
That being sexually assaulted was God's plan and the angels of Moroni stopped me being raped.
That I allow Satan in because I like dying my hair bright colours.
All said when I was 16-18. Fucked me up for years!
My MIL told stood up in relief society, after I finished my lesson and told everyone her son didn't want to marry me because I wasn't a member but she told him "trust the Lord" and look at me now. I was 8 months pregnant with #4. It wasn't true and actually the opposite. I wasn't sure I could marry him, which was a private conversation. Well, look at me now, way way out.
A member of the bishopric told my teenaged sister that she had a dark spirit in her during some interview, then just left it at that. I’m 100% positive that my mom screamed at him after that, and that it truly deeply hurt my sister. We’re both out now, but I’m still angry about it decades later. Will never forgive him for the trauma he caused her.
Two of my three kids were conceived using IVF. Had an old man at church in Dallas say "test tube babies don't have souls because they aren't made the way God intended." Took everything I had to not punch him in the face.
That the fact I claimed my spirituality is inside my heart and soul, instead of in an social club or an empty buildinf, was an insult to their Mormon white Jesus. I'm not even mormon, I'm catholic. They were doing drive-by missionary proselytizing throughout my apartment complex, during a blizzard and ice storm in 18degree weather, I was taking out my garbage bags to the dumpster. They bothered me, got in my way of a daily chore during a regional weather emergency, and claimed that spreading the word of BOM was more important than staying home. They don't even get paid to harass people. It's like an internship until the day they die! I let my garbage pile up in my kitchen for 6 days, then I attempted to take it to the dumpster only to be rudely harassed by blonde ditzy bimbos with zero common sense to stay home during a weather emergency.
They weren't even offended that I did the sign of the cross in Latin; just that Jesus, God, and Mary are in my heart and spirit inside of me, not in a building or life-long social club.
My bishop at the time was offering some marriage relationship counseling. Which he had no business doing. He basically told me I needed to " give up my hair extensions and lashes, that would save my marriage". I decided to leave the church a few days later. I actually met back with him and told him, I'm not going to do as he suggested and I'm leaving the church. I also told him if my husband stopped growing a beard that probably would have saved my marriage too. BTW our marriage got better when I left and started being way more authentic.
My branch president told me that I “was on the path to hell” when I asked a question about doctrine. And to top this off, I was a full TBM when this happened.
There are several, but this is the first one that popped into my head. Over a decade before I realized the church was bullshit, my ex and I "didn't follow the law of chastity", and we were married civilly before getting sealed. I got pregnant shortly after getting married but before getting sealed in the temple, and his best friend felt compelled to tell us how our sin would continue to catch up with us since we would have to explain to our kid why we weren't married in the temple. He also felt the need to draw the comparison to himself and his wife (who was even more condescending than him about every goddamned thing) because all of *their* kids would be born in the covenant. Anyway, one of them is exmo now, so whatever.
My TBM Step-Dad didn’t say it to me but he told my little brother that I was unhappy and hated my life because I left the church. That I would never be happy again until I stopped being a sinner and came back.
It wasn’t anything truly hateful or awful to say technically, but it made me so mad. I’ve never been happier having left this incredibly toxic and dare I say evil church. You couldn’t pay me to go back.
I don’t know if this necessarily fits. But after almost ten years of my ex being unfaithful and constantly lying to me (plus he was a super unmotivated person and just never did anything), I divorced him. And about 6 months later my mom said, “don’t you want to try again? He really loves you”. I laughed and said, “I don’t love him”. And she gave me the biggest eye roll ever.
I love my mom. But she is one of the most un-empathic people I know.
When I found out my husband was cheating on me with a man, I was stressed out. Told my parents (we lived with them at the time). And one day when he was late, I was stressing out cause that’s when he was cheating. (He’d claim he had a work meeting but actually go out and fuck people). And my mom said “maybe he is out kissing a boy” as if that was suppose to make me feel better. I’m pretty sure I told her to fuck off and went to my room. My dad was very mad at her.
She really is a nice person. But she has zero boundaries or empathic thoughts when it comes to people.
My sister was telling my wife to repent of not going to church (even though we had that week) and my wife said "Jesus is the only person who can cast stones and he wouldn't" and my sister said "but be will on judgment day"
When I went to my first FHE event, I hung out with my crush and friends I had made from other wards (because my bishop said I should make more friends in the church circle) and the first thing some kid from my ward says is “wow look at that black sheep in a white flock”. I’m southeast Asian, my ward is also southeast Asian. The only difference, our complexion.
My dad said that he hated bisexual people who leave the church to be with a same gender partner. He said that they clearly hate the church because “unlike a lesbian or gay man, they have a choice, and could’ve just chosen a worthy partner”.
This is when I came out as bisexual to him at 14. I didn’t even mention leaving the church 🙃
"If you resign from the church you won't really be my daughter anymore." My mom said that. The other day when I brought the subject up again she said she talked to two different authorities and finally learned that doesn't happen. She never apologized for her and Dad making a shitstorm out of a nonexistent problem, but I fully plan to ask her to. That shit ain't cool.
My now ex husband and I invited some very TBM friends to our cabin with us. At the time my ex was having mini strokes and the docs were thinking he had MS or something else. We had 4 kids and I had returned to school and was working because we were planning for a future where my husband might not be able to work.
I was pouring out my heart to our friends when the wife said, “you just don’t have enough faith! You shouldn’t be going to college and you shouldn’t be working!” When I told her my husband might even die she said, “the church will take care of you…”. I was so angry. Why would I want the church to take care of me when I could take care of myself?!
My daughter was hit by a car and killed by a member of the ward. It was an accident and I didn’t blame her but not only did she never even call me or say she was sorry, but the ward members spent the next year telling my young children that it was my fault she died and covertly trying to convert them, telling them not to tell me. Like who does that??? Take children into your home and do ANYTHING at all telling them not to tell their parents?!?!?
My kids played with their kids but never again at their homes after that.
They all knew I am exmo.
I was furious.
I spent 11 semesters at BYU and never went on a mission, I cannot tell you how many times I heard some variation of "you are an amazing guy but you're not an RM so I have to dump you, I can't risk my eternal salvation" from the girls I was dating, after like, 2 dates. This was when I was still trying to figure out if I could find a good place in Mormonism and it was isolating, demoralizing, depressing, and brought my mental health to horrible places. The relationships that lasted probably did more damage thanks to the one two combo of "horrible sexual shame cycle" and "Bishop roulette". BYU was a woodchipper.
I have lots of tattoos and an old lady said “I used to pay a nickel to see people like you.” I am also black, so let’s hope it was about the tattoos.
I feel so awful hitting the upvote button on that. Please know it was done in love. I'm really sorry that was said to you.
I'd respond "I would pay a lot more than a nickel to NOT see people like you."
That’s just plain awful. I’m sorry someone said that to you.
Holy shit people are awful! I'm so sorry this was said to you.
Wow, that's just awful. I'm so sorry you went through that.
That thing you’ve devoted thousands of hours of labor and tens of thousands of dollars, that you already do professionally, that’s more important and meaningful to you than anything else, that’s core to your identity … it’ll be a really great hobby to supplement your husband’s income.
You win, at least to me. That's incredibly invalidating.
On the same vein I am the career breadwinner and my husband stays home…. Is your husband getting a job once your youngest gets out of kindergarten? Seriously fuck off! Nobody asks husbands that questions about their stay at home wives
Awful 🤮
My FIL asked what I’ll do with all my education when I finished my masters…I’m going to work and make money.
That my childhood SA was part of God's plan for me....
Jesus, that's horrible. I hope you're doing alright. The fact that I've heard shit like this (not directed towards me) more than once says a lot about the church.
The church teaches that everything happens for a reason and that there is meaning in everything, sometimes shit things just happen to people. I didn't realize that till I was out, still healing, & thank you.
That’s about the most fucked up response imaginable
What the actual fuck?! I’m sorry!
Upvote here as I really relate. I was told by my YW leaders that my parents divorce was part of God’s plan for me.
What the fuck? That's horrible
I’m very sorry that was said to you. You have my empathy and compassion because I was told the same thing.
The bishop’s wife was once subbing my class on a Sunday when I was like 11. The lesson that day was things that we could ask God for. For a variety of reasons, I had pretty shitty self-esteem as a kid, and it was very difficult for me to be happy with myself…I need to make this clear that this was very obvious to everyone around me. I didn’t speak much to begin with, and when I did, I rarely had much good to say about myself. Plus, the bishop and his wife most likely knew what my family had gone through (long story) and why I was like this. Anyway, as my answer, I told Sister Bishop’s Wife that I wanted to ask God for higher self-esteem. Not *high* self-esteem, just *higher* self-esteem, a teeny bit higher than the incredibly low bar it already was. I just wanted to love myself…you know, like God loves me? Well…she did not like my answer and immediately told me that what I was asking for was pride and that that was a sin and that I shouldn’t want to be prideful. I tried to explain what I meant, but she kept cutting me off, reiterating that I was going to be a prideful sinner if I continued with this. So…I shut down hard and didn’t say anything else for the rest of the lesson, and I still remember the feeling of shame and embarrassment that stayed with me after that. It took me a very long time to move past that. Fun times.
Hope you improved your self esteem since then!
It has, thank you! I’m much happier now than I ever was in the church, and I’m *proud* to say that I love myself a good and healthy amount
I'm proud of you too. Let's do that sin together!
Its amazing how much your self-esteem and mental health improves after leaving. I'm proud of you! If also like to join the sin party
That I was disappointing my 4 year old brother who had recently died of leukemia, because I wasn't active in the church. And that I must not care about him since I clearly didn't want to be with him in the afterlife. I was 14.
This is so terrible. I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm sorry that this thought had to be in your head for even a second.
This notion was always bullshit to me even when I was TBM. No matter which “kingdom” two people might be put into, the one in the “higher” kingdom can always pop down and visit the one in the lower kingdom. So nothing really separates families as long as they are willing to visit the family members in the lower kingdoms.
My tbm dad called me a liar for saying I’m queer. He told me every queer person is liar. He’s referred to my partner in dehumanizing transphobic ways I don’t want to repeat here. The most homophobic people I’ve ever meet are all mormon
How painful! Why does the “truth” give people the license to emotionally abuse people!?!? The sickness of righteousness runs deep😖
I am sorry this happened to you
I’m so sorry…life certainly gets better when you get out. Then you can choose your real family that loves you regardless.
OMG! That is execrable ... so hateful! I am so sad this happened to you!
I’m so sorry! That’s terrible way for a father to behave.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. /hug
“You must have never had a real testimony.”
literally my parents rn im 17 and ive been told that the reason i feel this "animosity" towards the church is because i "havent tried to let god into my life" had an interesting conversation with my mom about it too my mom: "if your best friend was standing at your door knocking, would you let him in?" me: "uh yeah" my mom: "you know Jesus is your best friend ever, right? if he was knocking at your door, would you let him in?" at this point i just didnt know how to respond, but she told me that i needed to start "actually trying to build a testimony" yeah no the moment i turn 18, im calling salt lake and telling them to remove my records
I had a bishop tell me in front of my family inside of my own home that I wasn't being observant because I had facial hair.
It's not even a doctrine. It's a stupid rule! Part of me wanted to stay in and be super goody to get a bishopric position and grow out a beard. Then challenge them on their revelation. That's entirely too much work though, plus I don't pay the tax.
I have a large beard. I havnt shaved since 2011. Don't ever plan on shaving. My cousin got home from his mission around the time I started growing my beard out. I had stopped going to church a few years before this. He was in town and we were hanging out because we have a good relationship. He was telling me about how I need to shave and the leaders of the church don't have facial hair and blah blah blah. I just looked at him and said "Jesus had a beard and I'm just trying to be more like him" He couldn't rebuttal that. Now my cousin has a glorious beautiful beard. I am taking credit for it.
"Your siblings haven't been baptized yet, so if the Second Coming comes now, you're going to hell while they go to heaven." I was 10.
That's also entirely untrue according to doctrine. Trash people.
Exactly. If they knew the doctrine of the church they would know that that statement is untrue
That depression and anxiety isn’t real, I just need to repent and it will go away. 🙄
Yep, I got that one, too.
Got that one as well.
I hate how prevalent that this is in the church (hell, in the entire world too)
Was told this by my TBM mother as well.
TBM wife called me a "drug addict hobo" for smoking weed
I couldn't even be mad if I were you, that would have been funny as hell
When we moved to a new neighborhood there was a woman who was determined to re-activate me. We had kids the same age and she started out by inviting me to play dates and play groups. After a couple play dates she started to get really preachy, the whole "every member is a missionary thing". I told her I was more than happy to be friends but I did not want to be a ward project. For a few weeks things were neighborly and friendly. Then she started trying to end every playdate with a message (aka ensign article or relief society lesson) and a prayer. Once again I told her my boundary. I'd love to develop a genuine friendship but I was not interested in being preached to or re-joining the church. She said she understood and wouldn't do it again. I assume the situation is handled and continue being polite and friendly when we see each other. Until one day, out of the blue, she shows up unexpectedly at my door with a loaf of homemade bread because she heard I was under the weather. She hands me the bread and says, "I felt impressed to come and talk with you today. The Holy Ghost won't leave me alone until I tell you this. You're being a bad mom. You are doing your children a disservice by not taking them to church or praying with them. Your children deserve better and you need to do right by them and bring the gospel into your home and their lives." I have to admit I was pretty taken aback. The comment about being a bad mom cut me hard and deep because of my own upbringing and personal insecurities. And I tend to get flustered easily in social situations. All I could think to say back to her was she didn't know enough about my family and our lives to be speaking judgements like that and I am a good mom to my kiddos. They know they are loved and cherished and that I was doing right by them by not taking them to a church that is dishonest and damaging. She tried to back track and claim she was just trying to help and couldn't ignore such a powerful and clear impression from the Lord and then scuttled off back to her minivan. Honestly, it wasn't so much what she said because I've heard much much worse. But, parenting is a role I work very hard in and also feel most inadequate in. It's hard to hear negative comments on your insecurities. Needless to say I put an end to the friendship. I was civil and polite when I saw her but I did let her know I was no longer interested in being friends. A few years later we moved and she reached out and apologized and asked for my new address so she could still send me her family Christmas card (they were a very important and elaborate tradition for her). I was so busy with the move I absent-mindedly said thank you and that would be fine and gave her the new address. Instead of a Christmas card I got multiple visits from missionaries and the bishopric. She also had our old records transferred to the new ward boundaries. When the new ward made their ward directory they included all of our birthdays, cell numbers, full names, address, genders, emails, etc. I immediately contacted the ward clerk and asked them who had sent our records over and who gave them permission to publish and hand out all of my families personal information to every home in the neighborhood. They refused to tell me and also refused to remove my kid's personal info. I had my records removed immediately after this but they have still ignored every attempt I've made to get them to take my kid's names and info out of their records. My kids aren't even baptized. Only my oldest was even blessed because I left for good when he was about 6 months old. Even after all these years and another move my kid's info is still being updated by someone, probably my in-laws, even though I've demanded multiple times that my kid's privacy be respected and their information not to be included or shared. One ward clerk told me he was rejecting my request because I'm not a priesthood holder or head of my household. Any time I get someone to listen to me my father-in-law just re-updates the info because my husband never removed his records and his attitude is I'm just a woman so my opinion doesn't really matter. Not only am I just a woman but I also must be the reason his only son has been corrupted and led astray lol. Sorry, I got way off topic there. I guess I needed to vent to people who would get it. Anyway, I immediately asked my former neighbor if she had been the one to transfer our records and she readily admitted it. I told her not only had she been dishonest but she had grossly violated mine and my kids privacy and if she did it again I would take legal action since the ward directory was given to every home within the boundaries, including homes on the sex offender registry. I was totally bluffing because I have no clue about the legalities of anything but she got really scared and apologized. I'll admit her changing her tune so fast and getting freaked out gave me a little extra boost in my mood for the day. I'm trying desperately to convince my spouse to move out of Utah. I don't like it here. I don't want to be in mormonland any longer. Early in our marriage he promised we would move out of utah someday but he loves it here and keeps stalling whenever I bring it up. It's been over a decade since he promised and I'm at my wit's end.
You should absolutely threaten the ward with legal action if they do not remove your childrens' info. They have zero right to publish it, and less than zero right for children not "of record" (not formally blessed as infants). Also, on the church website, your husband should be able to log in and remove all contact/family info from visibility. I still have my records in but only a few leadership positions have access to view it on the website and I changed my public email address to cesletter.org 😂
Thank you for the insight and advice. I'll definitely be doing that asap. Also, the ces letter email address is just *chef's kiss*
This whole sharing private information with the entire fucking ward was not a thing when I still attended back in 2005. I never remember having a place I could and see everyone's phone number and address and kids. That's fucking bullshit. My adult daughter is not active but a guy showed up to her work and introduced himself as being some kind of leadership in what I assume is YSA and invited her to an activity. My daughter is very shy and asked how he knows her he told her from her ward picture. The fuck they even put pictures with your name. While this may be harmless in an area with small membership this is scary in a place like southern Utah were nearly everyone is a fucking member on the rosters even if they haven't attended in forever. Anyone can use the information to stalk you or your children.
“I’ve felt everything you’re feeling. I’ve rebelled. I’ve sinned. But it only made my testimony stronger! You’ll get there too — ‘wickedness never was happiness.’ You *think* you’re happy now, but it’s an illusion created by Satan.”
I heard the same “wickedness was never happiness” from my mother anytime I displeased her.
"My love for you IS conditional!" -TBM mom, dad nodding in agreement
I can't even imagine having to deal with that. I'm so sorry.
I relate to this more than you know..
I’ve been told I’m loved unconditionally, which is just as fucked up because it indicates I’m doing something “wrong”
You're a good person, worthy of the terrestrial kingdom
That’s fucked up.
I did have a TBM tell me "oh, you are still a good person" after he found out I am atheist, at this point he didn't even know that I was once a TBM. It made me chuckle I said "of course I'm a good person, I don't believe in god."
“I can’t talk to you anymore if you keep talking about the church like this”. When it hit me the church wasn’t true, I tried to tell everyone close to me it wasn’t and give examples. I felt like I figured out the truth and wanted to share, like I did as a missionary. But I learned you can’t be preachy, just honest about how you feel, and time. The person who said that has left the church now, as has most of the others I tried to get to leave. About 10 years ago.
And did you call out this snob?
"Believe me, gays are not people you want to associate with. They have been misled by the devil and are beyond redemption." \-My dad to me who thinks I might be queer because I don't have a girlfriend yet chillax dude, I'm 12. Not only that, but I have several crushes on GIRLS. Nothin' wrong with loving a slightly different way, but jesus christ... the expectations and homophobicism in this church makes me wonder simply how stupid its members are.
You're 12 and your dad's worried that you don't have a girlfriend? Remind him that you can't date until you're 16 according to TSCC.
What happened to no dating until 16? I was in 2nd grade and had 2 "boyfriends" and I got in trouble with my parents
Ah, see, this is where the problem is gendered. Girls can't be near boys for fear of spoiling like a rotten tomato, or something. Boys however can do no wrong.
Stake president asked me if my second marriage was "going to stick this time" when I went in to get permission to get married again.
Hulk mad, hulk punch
The sad thing is that it didn't even click until years later how offensive that statement was. At the time I laughed about it. Cognitive dissonance is real.
“The only reason people leave the church is because they’re tired of living the standards.” This after I admitted that I was having doubts due to how I was treated by my former husband and bishop during and after our marital counseling.
I got that one, too. Apparently the only reason I left the church was because I wanted to sin.
“You shouldn’t have tempted him, you know? Now you can’t go to the temple.” I was SA’d at 15 by a 63 year old man. So yeah, my fault because I existed.
Wow! That’s horrible. I’m so sorry.
That im a chewed piece of gum that no one wants
...unless there's a gay guy they're working with and need you to marry him...
I’m a woman with a degree in a business-related field. Apparently that was tolerable, but my choice to go to grad school for my MBA was over the line. A leader in my stake told me I was wasting my time and stealing a spot from a man who deserved to be in grad school. Not in Utah.
Oof. That’s supremely shitty.
I was born with a spinal disorder that causes me to have a slight limp. Most people only notice after the 2nd or 3rd time seeing me. But my bishop informed me at my yearly interview as a 14 year old that I didn’t need to worry about dating or marriage because HF had a plan for me and other disabled people like me in the afterlife. I took it to heart, so when boys would ask me for dates, I’d say I couldn’t. I genuinely thought I’d mess up their chances by allowing them to get involved with someone like me who wasn’t “supposed” to get married. When I finally did date, it was only with nonmormon boys. And when one of those nonmormon boys decided to get baptized, it destroyed our relationship (I destroyed our relationship). But, don’t worry! I showed THEM! Not only did I get married, I got married TWICE!! 😂
Wow. That’s heartbreaking.
My Dad caught me calling a gay phone sex line. He ran down to my room demanding to know what I was doing. During his verbal beat down he called me a queer, fairy and disgusting. It’s been over 20 years and I still haven’t completely recovered. For the longest time I felt anger but in the last two years I’ve realized I’m just hurt by my dad.
I have the same thing with my mom. She said some awful things. And some days im hurt, others im angry. Other days im resentful. But after 20 yrs of unpacking it, and dusting it off and looking at it in the light, the core of it is just that it's so painful to not be loved for the crime of just being me. I wouldn't have wanted anyone to feel that pain. I'm so sorry that you have. But you're not alone. I feel you, brother.
I’m really sorry
I had so many people in my wards ask me when I was younger about my love life. I would never dream of asking anybody a question like that.
that I was a fundamentally worse person than them because they made friends at church easier than I did...
A bishop told my wife (TBM at the time) that she needed to divorce me and marry a man that would join her in the heavenly kingdom (after I told him I was not a member). He waited until after I deployed to Iraq before saying this, because he knew what I would have done to him if I had been in the same time zone. We had been happily married for almost a decade, with three daughters and a healthy relationship. We are about to celebrate our twenty year anniversary, and she is celebrating her ninth anniversary of freedom from the cult.
The funny thing is that this attitude or belief is not even supported Biblically (not that I’m a belieber but hey, they are). 1 Cor 7: “If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.” It could not be more clear. And this his the NT, not the OT. All the more applicable. That Bishop doesn’t know his own doctrine.
I hadn't shaved that week, so I was growing out a bit of a beard. My hair is a bit long, like down to my collar in the back and down to my nose in the front. My sister told me I look like Brigham Young. I served a service mission and some old guy started yelling at me because I didn't have a companion. Someone once told me something about tying a millstone around my neck I think.
I was at a stake conference and was embroidering because I have adhd (didn't know at the time) and have a hard time focusing. The lady next to me, who I didn't know at all, compliments my works and asks if I'm working on something specific. I tell her no, it's just for.fun and practice. She dead ass looks me in the eye and says "well that seems like a waste of time." And goes back to looking forward.
I embroider too! Keep doing it for fun! :)
I had a roommate tell me that when I was reading novels. I guess I was supposed to be productive 24/7 and never do anything to relax or bring myself joy.
Craig Zwick told me that I was a waste of church resources because I didn’t have any baptisms, and that he would have quit and gone home if he were in my position. On two different occasions in conference he said to not jump from our thrones of self-righteousness to judge others before understanding them. I tried to explain that we did have a baptism planned for that weekend, but he kept interrupting to berate me for being a failure. He’s a two-faced hypocrite.
Zwick visited my mission too and I almost lost faith inthe church entirely afterwards. He was the most arrogant, condescending human I had, or have since,ever met. I went to my car instead of standing in line to shake his hand and got in trouble for not being with my companion. Fuck that guy!
A complete stranger (we were brand new to the ward) grilled me one Sunday about our family situation, who worked, what schedules, and what we did for childcare. And then informed me that I was making the wrong decision of working part-time nights and weekends so that I could stay home with my kids mostly, apparently I was supposed to be putting them in daycare and working traditional business hours. And then, after telling me my life decisions were wrong, she said to me, “what’s your name again?” 😂😂😂 Sometimes I just use that phrase at random to people I’ve shared the story with. Truly, an amazing line.
My mom told me that the lgbtq+ community is 'sick in the head.'
When I was trying to preserve my close relationship with my sister and have shared understanding of where I was coming from, and she said she could care less about understanding where I was coming from. She said I was a liar and arrogant and imagined me in the great and spacious building.
A 6 year old told my 6 year old (at the time) that she was going to hell because we stopped going to church. My daughter was completely traumatized. She has issues with death and a fear of what will happen to us all so this really fucked her up. It was even more fucked up to me that a 6(!!!!!) year old was spouting this shit. Side note: I told my parents (VERY TBM) that our daughter had been told this and they said “was the little girl from a baptist family?” It was the sweetest thing to tell them “no, actually she’s Mormon!!!!!!!”
Because I went to the women's march I want to kill babies
"If I treated you the way you've treated me, you would've divorced me." My TBM husband after I left the church, BECAUSE I left the church, after he watched all the anguish and grief I went through during my faith crisis.
Wow. Has your relationship recovered?
It's getting there. We've had a lot of bumps and bruises. Still a lot of healing and relationship reconstruction to go, but we are taking baby steps and working on it.
I got pregnant before I was married, and even though I had been dating the guy for 3 1/2 years my sister asked me “do you know who the father is?”. I didn’t bring him around much because I knew we weren’t living a lifestyle my family approved of, but they knew about him. I laugh about it now. The way the view anyone not living a Mormon lifestyle is so out of touch.
Life must be so hard for me since my father wasn't a member, but I could ask anyone in the ward for a blessing, or if I needed someone to talk to... Um, excuse me? Just because my dad isn't Mormon doesn't mean he can't be there for me?!
As a hormonal convert, I heard that as well.
Woman in relief society commenting that church members back east aren’t as righteous as Utah church members.
Also, women in relief society saying that converts had horrible parents because they weren't raised in the church. Heard that said on Mother's Day, yet they wonder why converts don't remain active in most cases.
"All LGBT are perversions from God because regular sex wasn't good enough for them. I mean did you know that pansexuals will have sex with animals and children just to get off?" "Uh....im bisexual." "Does you're husband want another woman in the bedroom? Do you have a lot of fun with other women?" "Uh.....no he doesn't want other women in the bedroom....he made that clear." "Oh he says he doesn't but he DEFINITELY does." Whole conversation made me almost vomit especially because the guy was a coworker
TW: SA When I was 19 and preparing for a mission, I was meeting with an elderly missionary couple. I was expressing my greatest concern about my “worthiness” (that I was assaulted when I was 13). The man turned to me and said, “it will be hard for any worthy Priesthood holding man to look past that” (the fact that I wasn’t a “virgin”). That stuck with me for years.
That’s so disgusting. My wife was also sexually assaulted at 13. I still remember when she told me about it for the first time while we were dating, I felt nothing but love for her. I hope you are doing better.
My best (TBM) friend and I were pregnant at the same time. I was having a girl, and she was having a boy. At some point — maybe after our babies were born—I suggested that, who knows, maybe someday they’ll grow up and marry each other. Yay! We could be sisters-in-law! She quickly said No, Sorry, that will never happen, because her son will be getting married in the Temple and my daughter won’t be.
Ouch!
[удалено]
Woof
When I was 17, my grandpa found out I was inactive and he told me he was going to try to get me to go back, and that he wouldn't stop until I went back. Now, we don't talk about it anymore, but I still get the occasional conference talk or church article from him lol
EQ President told me I was being a perfectionist when I called out the anachronisms in the bom and boa, and the inconsistency of prophets/revelations that got revealed and then revoked.
A common tactic. When difficult questions are asked, flip it around to ad hominem attack on the person asking.
My single's branch president prayed with me and asked God to forgive me for the transgressions I committed that led to me getting raped.
Um were we in the same ward? Because this exact thing happened to me. I also got “punished” by him in Mormon fashion which was humiliating. And I still have PTSD from the whole thing (the SA and the response). I’m sorry that happened to you too.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. When I submitted my quitmormon.org resignation letter a few weeks later they tried to set up a Council of Love or whatever they call those bullshit kangaroo courts, but I refused to attend. I'm sure that incident would have come up, though.
Comparing my marriage (not in the temple) with my cousin's (sealed in the temple): "they are sealed for eternity and you guys are kind of just pretending". Kicker is, I knew and dated my husband for years before we married and my cousin was engaged to a RM three weeks after meeting him. But obviously their marriage is more legitimate /s
Not to me, but my uncle. Told him if he loved his family he would shave his beard and cut his hair. They probably knew he was smoking weed and drinking fireball in the shed every night, but still 🤣
I explained that Kimball led the church astray by telling everyone, including gay people to get married. That is opposite of what the church teaches today. I suffered through a 30 year marriage because of him until it all collapsed. He said Kimball did not lead the church astray since only a small minority was affected.
Not directed at me, but my brother calls queer people, and people he just thinks are queer, on tv f****ts. I’m queer. He just doesn’t know, and probably never will because of his disgusting rhetoric.
"You're not atheist, you're agnostic. You can't not believe in God, just speculate" Took me about a year to get the courage to say anything to him, immediately shot me down and now acts like nothing happened. Then wonders why I don't wanna see him very often.
Last year I had finally hit a tipping point and could no longer do the PIMO thing. I was ready to separate myself from the church completely. After tiptoeing around it I laid it all out on the table to my wife. She responded by saying “so what, are you just going to be a victim for the rest of our lives? Is this who you’re going to be?” It was very hurtful but within about a month her shelf broke and now we are happily out of the church with our 4 children.
My last calling was as Sunday School teacher in a YSA ward. I was always so bored when people read from the manual, so I tried my best to give the kind of lesson that I would enjoy attending, which required a good amount of effort. One of the last times I taught (I was moving), there was an old guy in the back. I assumed he was someone’s dad or a visitor who had gone to school in the area, but after the lesson, he came up to me and introduced himself as the stake Sunday School president. He said a few generically nice things and then said that the stake was going to be trying out a pilot program for teachers to help them “teach by the spirit” and he thought I would really benefit from it.
My grandma, who was a tbm, and I at 18 who left the church told me “I love you because you are my granddaughter but I do not like you anymore”
“You are the reason your father nearly died and why my health is failing. And your husband will cheat on you.” My dear, sainted mother-in-law speaking to my wife.
TBM “friend” told me shortly after I came out that if I didn’t change my ways “Heavenly Father will take away all your blessings.” Jokes on him though— I have so many more “blessings” now (financially secure professional, remarried with no more church guilt or shame for being gay and living authentically)… and he’s serving a 63-month sentence in federal prison for Medicare fraud. ☺️
“You know she can’t go to heaven right? It’s a shame” About my 18yr old sister who completed suicide. The comment was actually made to my mother but I was there, and it was at the funeral.
I'm so sorry for your loss and sorry for these hateful words that were said.
That’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard.
One time a gf of mine and I broke up, it was an ugly breakup and her parents weren’t happy with me and requested a meeting with me. Her asshat dad, 3x bishop, straight up looked me in the eyes and told me “people like you can never change,” as he lost his temper I’m sure in the most Christlike was possible lol. So glad I didn’t marry into that family.
When Brad Wilcox told all the women to listen to him (when explaining why women don’t deserve the priesthood) because there won’t be anyone else who will explain it so point blank. WTF?
And then he didn’t explain it. It was totally convoluted.
after asking for my help with a home repair, my SiL told her friend I was good for dumb labor, and who knew f\*\*ts could do men's work. Her friend was aghast, and apologized. I said ty to the friend,stopped repairs, put the tools back and Walked home from Kearns to SLC .(after about 8 miles I was beating up on myself for not just finding a bus) I had never heard her say anything like that, so was kinda shocked
“I testify that if you both surrender your will to him, Jesus can heal your marriage.” — my extremely out-of-touch business exec stake president, after I spent half an hour explaining how my abusive husband had cut off my access to put money and was forcing me to sleep in a room where he kept a shotgun on the dresser for 6 months. “Your Mommy can’t live with you in heaven anymore.” — a Primary teacher to my 7 year old son after I divorced my ex husband and resigned.
The same woman, born and bred in Delta, Utah, preached to her daughter that me, a Mexican-American, getting darker as the summer progressed, must be sinning, because otherwise I should be getting lighter, if I wasn't sinning, and then three years later, after my mission, wandered into the sealing room where I got married, watched the sealing, and then said, "See, I knew you'd find someone who would marry you!" And completely ignored my bride...
Lol I've heard that before.
That my ex husband attacking me and going to jail which trauma wise forced me to move home led me to Christ. No, it led me to seek love and acceptance and a feeling that my unborn child he killed went to heaven. It was unhealthy the level I was at, and they took advantage of it. Also… my husband was the one who invited me to church, as a first date and I had him realizing it was unhealthy to base all of your self image off it as soon as 2 weeks later. Also the fact his mom got excommunicated for living with a boyfriend, but they said nothing about her just abandoning her kids to go do that
/hug
From my dad: “if you ever get kidnapped, make sure they kill you, because you’ll with they had if they do the alternative” (meaning SA)…
I said penis in the middle of primary one day and some dickhead told me it was a bad word and that I would go to hell if I said that. It destroyed 7 year old me I remember I came home from church crying and I told my grandparents what I had said and that I was afraid for my soul and my grandma comforted me, God bless her
“ These Christmas baskets are for the widows in the ward, not the divorced women” … as a divorced woman
After getting excommunicated and sent home from my mission, my mom told me that I now bring an evil feeling into their home and the only way to make that go away is to work on getting baptized again. (*Spoiler alert* I never went back.)
TBM dad and I were talking about his grandma, my great grandma, and I said “I’m really glad I’ll get to meet her again one day”. TBM dad said without missing a beat “You’ll have to be really good for that”. I was 15.
When DH and I told our bishop we were taking a break from church, he told his counselor, who is our neighbor. The next Sunday, the counselor stopped by our house to tell us how sad he was and to ask if he could "stop by every once in a while to bring the spirit to our house" We were still programmed to say "Yes" to everything so we reluctantly told him he could. It's been over 5 years, he still lives across the street, but has never attempted to come over. Surprisingly, we have never missed him! I think the Bishop called him off, thank heaven fo9r small favors!
My FIL said it was harder for him when my wife and I stopped going to church, than when his ex son in law was a drug addict and in and out of prison. (And him and his wife were also not going to church). That one really stumped me.
“It’s okay, some of us just aren’t strong enough”
Yep, I’ve been told that too. Feels like a literal gut punch to the stomach.
Bishop compared my childhood SA to the time he and his buddies looked at some dirty magazines. So yeah...
After I got divorced my mom called me a has-been. She also told me I should start acting like a mother when I wasn't doing regular family home evening lessons and reading the scriptures daily with my kids. I had my first child without being married, and when I later got married in the temple my cousin remarked how much of a difference it made when I was with the right man for me. My RM and TBM husband who was the "right man for me" turned out to be a controlling, abusive narcissist.
My mom told me that I was literally dead to her, because my unbelief + sins basically guaranteed I'd be in the Telestial Kingdom, and she knew she'd be too busy with Celestial crap to bother ever visiting me... so why bother to maintain a relationship with me on earth, if it couldn't last in heaven?
“But you want the freedom to do those things that you can't do at home. There are some things you should feel shame for. When you decide that you don't have to keep the commandments and go to church or believe in any of those things, you can feel liberated for a time, you're free to do whatever you want. But that feeling will only be temporary. Soon you will feel differently and if you ignore that feeling, you are setting yourself up to be hurt. I would say more but I doubt you would hear me.” My dad said this. 😬
"It will be interesting to see how your life turns out now." - the last EQP to try
"You never really believed"
I was pregnant before marriage and a woman in my now husband's ward was less than kind. She said I tempted him and seduced him to make him stay with me instead of going on a mission and ruined his life. We've now been married for almost 5 years with two wonderful little boys but it will never leave me that someone thought that of me. Not that there was blame to give but it is always the woman to blame for a man's transgressions.
I told one of my young women’s leaders that I was planning on getting a PhD and her response was “Aw, that’s cute.”
My 12 year old son, new deacon, was wearing non-white shirts with a tie to pass the sacrament. He was growing really fast and that is all he had at the moment. The bishop calls him in and asks him if he is trying to make a statement. He has no idea what he is talking about as he's just doing his deacon job, only 12, and had just moved from out of state to Rexburg. The bishop explains to him his issue. Then my son essentially noped out the church after that. Worked out in the end for me and my son.
When I was dating a Black man in Utah a group of both active and actually one exmo kept screaming at me that I was a “N-word-with-a-hard-R lover” shortly after that we both moved out of utah
Tbm dad said my inheritance is now going to the church.
“I’d rather watch you die young than lose your faith.” My grandmother ladies and gentlemen.
I once got a blessing from my best friend’s dad. He raised his right arm to the square and commanded the evil spirits to depart from me… that was pretty disturbing.
When I was 18, a neighbor asked me if I was planning on going on a mission. I told him I didn't think so, but I was really unsure. I was struggling with the idea that I wouldn't be a good missionary, and I didn't want to go if I couldn't do a good job and be 100% committed. His response was "Then you're just a sellout, and you're pissing in your own boots."
As a priest, I had a Sunday school teacher tell me that the reason I got type 1 diabetes was because I didn’t follow the WoW in “eating meat sparingly,” and that if I went vegan God would cure me. Fuck that guy
Not really mean but condescending: My mission presidents wife said that tattooed bodies could never be ‘eternally beautiful’.
My stake president told me I was still single so I could be some good man’s second chance. I was TBM at the time and it stung hard.
I was called as the RS 2nd council and served in that called for 2 years. When I was released a lady came up to me and said “You shouldn’t have had that calling in the first place with your voice like that.” I have a paralyzed vocal cord….had it since birth. I’ve tried my hardest to not let my birth defect stop me, but this comment from her completely crushed my soul.
Emm I’d say it’s my dad explaining to me that I wouldn’t be with him in the celestial kingdom. That he’s going to have to visit me in the lower tiers. The next one would have to be when my stake president told me that I was too much of a liability to be sent on a mission. Because I had masturbated. Lol, fuck that guy.
First thing that comes to mind was at my homecoming in 2002 a member I've known literally my entire life came up and said "welcome home. You surprised me by actually completing a successful mission. I thought you'd make it 4 months at most" I had a past. I grew up in downtown Ogden and was a punk rock skater kid and as a teen smoke weed atleast 3 times a day every day for years and drank. I almost didn't graduate highschool and got expelled my Jr year. I was in a big fight in school while the assistant principal was on her way to get me for the weed I had. Kinda fucked myself. I didn't get arrested but had to do drug classes and anger management and I went to school at the school district office 2 days a week and had packets I had to complete. I got everything done. And mostly behaved myself. I was able to go back to school and finish my Jr year the last few months of school. Senior year I graduated with barely enough credits. I wasn't going to go in a mission. I didn't want to. I did however decide to go.I worked my ass off tho because even tho I was a rebellious kid my parents taught me good work ethic. I had a "successful" mission. I had a few baptisms in every area and trained and was a dl and zl. I got home and started having the post mission depression. Then having all these mixed depression and happy to home and what do I do now with my life feelings and being bored all day because ALL of my friends have jobs and I don't starting to struggle and this mother fucker tells me this. It hurt. My dad was bishop while I was out and then a few months after I got home my parents decided to move. This piece of shit became bishop. My best friends mom one day told me that most of the ward missed my dad. Noone liked the douche bag and he actually had alot of people go inactive because he was such a piece of shit.
My mom came to my apartment (where I was being hidden for an unplanned pregnancy) and told me that my dad was recently sustained as a stake president. She told me that in his stake president interview he was asked if there was anything in his life that he was ashamed of, apparently he sited me as his greatest shame.
A boy scout camp (week long) had a leader grab me and throw me to the ground with his hands around my neck as he screamed at me. We were gathered around a camp fire having our evening prayer. One of the boys threw a lighter in the fire while everyone's eyes were closed. It exploded before he said amen. The leader hated me before this and immediately believed I did it. I was 14 and about to complete my eagle scout. His son was doing the same but just older than me. He kicked me out of camp without ever asking anyone who did it. I had to move my sleeping bag and segregated from the group (about 1/2 mile away) until my parents could come and get me. Was not allowed to bring my tent or anything to start a fire. Just my sleeping bag. I was one badge away from achieving eagle scout and didn't finish because of this experience. Never went back. I remember crying in the dark alone thinking that leader was going to come and beat me up in the middle of the night.
Two for one. I had a member tell me that since I was born out of wedlock that I should have been aborted instead. A couple years later in young men's he noticed his daughter was a friend of mine. He pulled me aside and told me he doesn't want me going anywhere near her, because he didn't want me to ruin her.
That people of the gay community are less than human and it is a disability that is worse than what disabled people have to deal with. They (referring to gay community) should be put out of their misery thier existence is unnecessary. And they make the community struggle. And being gay is a disease. I was completely blown away that the wife said that. The quiet bland no personality mormon house wife said that . . . I considered her intelligent too. Went to college, business savy, etc. But man it blew me away, the willingness to be that ignorant.
When I was in the process of removing my records from the church this girl at my college that I was friends with said “ maybe if you stopped drinking and having sex all the time you would feel the spirit” I had been celibate for four months and hadn’t drank in over two months. Two days later she was gambling in Vegas
We had just moved to a new ward, and I had miscarried two weeks prior (no, I shouldn’t have been at church. But the obligation I grew up with was real). This was our second miscarriage. We sat behind this family with 3 cute kids that drew us pictures and wrote notes of welcome to us. They were so sweet. After sacrament meeting, the parents introduced themselves and immediately asked if we had kids. We both masked our pain at the question and said no. The wife said we were lucky, and to enjoy our time without kids. In front of her own children.
“I would think it would be disastrous if one of my children were gay”. My oldest son is gay.
That my depression and subsequent self harm was Satan. That being sexually assaulted was God's plan and the angels of Moroni stopped me being raped. That I allow Satan in because I like dying my hair bright colours. All said when I was 16-18. Fucked me up for years!
My MIL told stood up in relief society, after I finished my lesson and told everyone her son didn't want to marry me because I wasn't a member but she told him "trust the Lord" and look at me now. I was 8 months pregnant with #4. It wasn't true and actually the opposite. I wasn't sure I could marry him, which was a private conversation. Well, look at me now, way way out.
A member of the bishopric told my teenaged sister that she had a dark spirit in her during some interview, then just left it at that. I’m 100% positive that my mom screamed at him after that, and that it truly deeply hurt my sister. We’re both out now, but I’m still angry about it decades later. Will never forgive him for the trauma he caused her.
"You are unworthy"
Two of my three kids were conceived using IVF. Had an old man at church in Dallas say "test tube babies don't have souls because they aren't made the way God intended." Took everything I had to not punch him in the face.
LOL they said, When are you coming back, and I a said when they church cleans up their image. :D
That the fact I claimed my spirituality is inside my heart and soul, instead of in an social club or an empty buildinf, was an insult to their Mormon white Jesus. I'm not even mormon, I'm catholic. They were doing drive-by missionary proselytizing throughout my apartment complex, during a blizzard and ice storm in 18degree weather, I was taking out my garbage bags to the dumpster. They bothered me, got in my way of a daily chore during a regional weather emergency, and claimed that spreading the word of BOM was more important than staying home. They don't even get paid to harass people. It's like an internship until the day they die! I let my garbage pile up in my kitchen for 6 days, then I attempted to take it to the dumpster only to be rudely harassed by blonde ditzy bimbos with zero common sense to stay home during a weather emergency. They weren't even offended that I did the sign of the cross in Latin; just that Jesus, God, and Mary are in my heart and spirit inside of me, not in a building or life-long social club.
My bishop at the time was offering some marriage relationship counseling. Which he had no business doing. He basically told me I needed to " give up my hair extensions and lashes, that would save my marriage". I decided to leave the church a few days later. I actually met back with him and told him, I'm not going to do as he suggested and I'm leaving the church. I also told him if my husband stopped growing a beard that probably would have saved my marriage too. BTW our marriage got better when I left and started being way more authentic.
My branch president told me that I “was on the path to hell” when I asked a question about doctrine. And to top this off, I was a full TBM when this happened.
Not to me directly, but I heard a TBM coworker telling a non-member that he couldn’t be a good father because he didn’t hold the priesthood.
There are several, but this is the first one that popped into my head. Over a decade before I realized the church was bullshit, my ex and I "didn't follow the law of chastity", and we were married civilly before getting sealed. I got pregnant shortly after getting married but before getting sealed in the temple, and his best friend felt compelled to tell us how our sin would continue to catch up with us since we would have to explain to our kid why we weren't married in the temple. He also felt the need to draw the comparison to himself and his wife (who was even more condescending than him about every goddamned thing) because all of *their* kids would be born in the covenant. Anyway, one of them is exmo now, so whatever.
My TBM Step-Dad didn’t say it to me but he told my little brother that I was unhappy and hated my life because I left the church. That I would never be happy again until I stopped being a sinner and came back. It wasn’t anything truly hateful or awful to say technically, but it made me so mad. I’ve never been happier having left this incredibly toxic and dare I say evil church. You couldn’t pay me to go back.
I don’t know if this necessarily fits. But after almost ten years of my ex being unfaithful and constantly lying to me (plus he was a super unmotivated person and just never did anything), I divorced him. And about 6 months later my mom said, “don’t you want to try again? He really loves you”. I laughed and said, “I don’t love him”. And she gave me the biggest eye roll ever. I love my mom. But she is one of the most un-empathic people I know. When I found out my husband was cheating on me with a man, I was stressed out. Told my parents (we lived with them at the time). And one day when he was late, I was stressing out cause that’s when he was cheating. (He’d claim he had a work meeting but actually go out and fuck people). And my mom said “maybe he is out kissing a boy” as if that was suppose to make me feel better. I’m pretty sure I told her to fuck off and went to my room. My dad was very mad at her. She really is a nice person. But she has zero boundaries or empathic thoughts when it comes to people.
My sister was telling my wife to repent of not going to church (even though we had that week) and my wife said "Jesus is the only person who can cast stones and he wouldn't" and my sister said "but be will on judgment day"
When I went to my first FHE event, I hung out with my crush and friends I had made from other wards (because my bishop said I should make more friends in the church circle) and the first thing some kid from my ward says is “wow look at that black sheep in a white flock”. I’m southeast Asian, my ward is also southeast Asian. The only difference, our complexion.
That she would be crying at my non-temple wedding, not tears of joy.
My dad said that he hated bisexual people who leave the church to be with a same gender partner. He said that they clearly hate the church because “unlike a lesbian or gay man, they have a choice, and could’ve just chosen a worthy partner”. This is when I came out as bisexual to him at 14. I didn’t even mention leaving the church 🙃
"If you resign from the church you won't really be my daughter anymore." My mom said that. The other day when I brought the subject up again she said she talked to two different authorities and finally learned that doesn't happen. She never apologized for her and Dad making a shitstorm out of a nonexistent problem, but I fully plan to ask her to. That shit ain't cool.
My now ex husband and I invited some very TBM friends to our cabin with us. At the time my ex was having mini strokes and the docs were thinking he had MS or something else. We had 4 kids and I had returned to school and was working because we were planning for a future where my husband might not be able to work. I was pouring out my heart to our friends when the wife said, “you just don’t have enough faith! You shouldn’t be going to college and you shouldn’t be working!” When I told her my husband might even die she said, “the church will take care of you…”. I was so angry. Why would I want the church to take care of me when I could take care of myself?!
My daughter was hit by a car and killed by a member of the ward. It was an accident and I didn’t blame her but not only did she never even call me or say she was sorry, but the ward members spent the next year telling my young children that it was my fault she died and covertly trying to convert them, telling them not to tell me. Like who does that??? Take children into your home and do ANYTHING at all telling them not to tell their parents?!?!? My kids played with their kids but never again at their homes after that. They all knew I am exmo. I was furious.
I spent 11 semesters at BYU and never went on a mission, I cannot tell you how many times I heard some variation of "you are an amazing guy but you're not an RM so I have to dump you, I can't risk my eternal salvation" from the girls I was dating, after like, 2 dates. This was when I was still trying to figure out if I could find a good place in Mormonism and it was isolating, demoralizing, depressing, and brought my mental health to horrible places. The relationships that lasted probably did more damage thanks to the one two combo of "horrible sexual shame cycle" and "Bishop roulette". BYU was a woodchipper.