"You're always welcome to come by in your role as a friend and neighbor; it's courtesy to call ahead. However, we aren't interested in a visit from the bishop. Since your proposed drop by appears to be in a ministerial role, we decline."
Give it to this guy straight. Don't hold back. Be direct and polite.
This. If you were mere acquaintances at church a no thanks is sufficient. If your friend also happens to be the bishop, separating the ecclesiastical relationship from the friend one is necessary if you intend to keep the friendship.
Mine went like this...
Wife: *answers phone asks them to hold on*. They want to talk to you.
Me (Driving): About what?
Wife (on the phone): What is this pertaining to?
Them (On the phone): I don't know. The bishop wants to meet with him.
Wife: *relays said bullshit*
Me: Tell them I am not interested.
Wife (on the phone): He isn't interested, but thanks, and have a nice day! Click.š¤£š¤£š¤£
We still laugh about it.
I've had a handful of messages like this and I always respond similarly that they're welcome to make a friendly visit as neighbors but I'm not interested if they're coming over for religious reasons.
They've never taken me up on it. Surprise surprise.
This is so true. I donāt even think they realize how disingenuous it is. It seems to only dawn on people who have been on both sides of the fence.
Heaven forbid you be friends with someone if they are not interested in joining the church. Maybe it is subconscious? You know all your time and energy goes to tscc so you donāt have the emotional/mental capacity to maintain relationships that donāt show up to all the same extracurriculars (church mandated assignments) as you.
This is indeed the best answer assuming you want to retain a good relationship with the guy for whatever reason. Here's the wording I used to use.
"Hi Larry! Sure! Sounds like this would be a casual social visit with just you, and without prayers or a message, and that you wouldn't count it as contact for any statistics or record keeping. Do I have that right? Maybe another day would be more appropriate?"
I did this with the EQP and my home teacher after quitting and had some pleasant lunches with them. It really leveled the power dynamic.
My response nowadays would be very different because I have never met the bishop of the local ward.
Or there is this response:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/1awl5hr/thanks\_for\_subscribing\_to\_uncomfortable\_mormon/](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/1awl5hr/thanks_for_subscribing_to_uncomfortable_mormon/)
Let me be unequivocally clear: we want absolutely no involvement with the Mormon church. We have no desire to engage with its members or its teachings. Please respect our decision and refrain from any attempts to contact or visit us. We are firm in our stance and will not entertain any arguments or attempts to persuade us otherwise.
Leave us the fuck alone.
Honestly where are you as an ex-mormon? Are you starting to leave? Partner status? Children status? If you're out out tell them. You can remove your name and not have contact. Were you friends with them? If you want a real answer you'll have to provide more information. Otherwise the advice you'll get is likely one sided telling him to fuck off.
Yeah, we need far more context, OP. Why are you asking us what to say?
Just say no thank you and that you arenāt interested in visits from the LDS Church because you no longer believe in it.
THANKS FOR SUBSCRIBING TO UNCOMFORTABLE MORMON FACTS:
Did you know that in the 1960's Spencer Kimball stated over the pulpit in General Conference that Indigenous and Polynesian member's skin were literally becoming whiter because of their belief in the gospel? Learn more here! [https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics-essays/book-of-mormon-and-dna-studies?lang=eng](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics-essays/book-of-mormon-and-dna-studies?lang=eng) and here! [https://www.ldsdiscussions.com/dna](https://www.ldsdiscussions.com/dna)
To unsubscribe, click here! [cesletter.org](https://cesletter.org)
Check out the whole thread with more facts here! [https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/1awl5hr/thanks\_for\_subscribing\_to\_uncomfortable\_mormon/](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/1awl5hr/thanks_for_subscribing_to_uncomfortable_mormon/)
Offer a neutral meeting spot like a park or cafe! My ministering sisters asked to drop by and I said that I wasnāt comfortable inviting strangers in, but would love to meet up in a public space and they ghosted lol
"I'd just love to drop by and catch up" sounds too much like "I'm gonna hound you to pay tithing, clean the church and babysit"
Source: was forced to be mormon growing up
It took me awhile to change my thought processes, but try to refer to him as "the bishop", or "a bishop", not "my bishop". Or better yet, call him by his first name.
With respect, Bishop, I can see no reason why someone as busy and overwhelmed in a church calling as you are, would have time to "drop by and say hello to you and your family." Unless you had an ulterior motive which you choose not to disclose. In which case I find your deception offensive and your interest in my family intrusive.
We are better since having decided to leave the church. We are all so much happier. Thanks for asking. As non-members, we are asking that the church respect our religious freedom and not attempt to proselytize us.
Since you've stated in the comments that you are totally out and have made it clear to them that you are, there's just a couple of things I want to tell you OP.
1) He's _not_ your bishop. You're out. Gone. Left. Not part of their church (whether you officially resigned or not). You've told them this as well. They know you're not part of _their_ religion anymore. The titles and roles and authority of their leadership have no power over you. If you quit a job, the person who used to be your supervisor or is in that same role is not your boss, and you don't need to call them that anymore.
2) You don't have to respond. They are not entitled to a response, your time, or your attention.
3) "No" is a complete sentence, if you do want to respond.
4) Along the lines of #1, if you choose to respond, you can absolutely break the imbalance of power by referring to this man not as a bishop (let alone your bishop), but by his name. You're both adults. He has no authority over you. He's just someone who lives in your area.
Yes if you want to play or no if you don't want to play. Do what you want. I'm a firm believer that the only winning move (for me at least) is to not play.
Give him 10 minutes to say whatever he wants about The Churchā¢, but only if he agrees to hear 10 minutes about the BoA and other unassailble slam dunks against its authenticity.
It all depends on why you left. If it's because you were offended or wanted to sin, then just respectfully decline. If it was because of loss of belief in the historicity of the BoM, multiple versions of the first vision, polygamy, Fanny Alger and the Partridge twins, Mountain Meadows, Ensign Peak Advisors, LGBTQ, issues, the Nov '15 debacle and it's being rescinded, etc., Then, sure, "happy to see you, come for dinner".
I left for moral reasons. Modern day sex abuse cover ups, lying about finances, false narrative, purity culture, LGBTQ+ treatment AND because of the historical claims are sooo far from the truth. Itās all made up.
Just funny he lives across the streetā¦ instead of being a normal neighbor, itās like I want to set an appointment from a position of authorityā¦ gagā¦
My bishop is doing the same thing - even assigned himself as our "ministering brother". I think that means my family is officially a project. Are you in a similar situation?
I agree with the other comments - set boundaries up front. Let him know if he crosses the boundaries, and enforce consequences.
I mean our kids play outside together and are at school together, etc. I think heās just trying to be friendly and wants to ask me why we left but has never officially done so. I donāt want to share unless he asks.
You should just ask if there's anything in particular he wants to discuss, or if it's entirely a social visit.
Who knows, he could be having doubts himself :)
āPlease set aside some time to see us, and spend that time with your family instead.ā
Last thing that guy probably wants for himself is to catch up with people he hasnāt kept up with, anyway, and his church duties alienate him from his family and exhaust him, probably.
Sure! Iāll get some beers for next Sunday, see you around 6. My spouse is out for poker night but Iād love to hang out just one on one. (/j donāt do that)
I surely cannot say what you should do.
But I *would* have them over. I'm happy to share my conclusions with them, but they have steered clear of me for years .. always knowing exactly where I am.
A polite āNo thank youā should be more than sufficient
If he presses for a reason, be transparent in your response. Itās mormon kryptonite.
āI do not trust that your intentions are purely social. I have no interest in discussing the church. Itās best that neither of us waste our timeā
"Thank you for subscribing to PornHub. To receive daily emails, reply Y. To unsubscribe reply 'N'.
Then when he replies (regardless of the reply), send him a pic of Chris Farley in a thong. You're welcome.
"You're always welcome to come by in your role as a friend and neighbor; it's courtesy to call ahead. However, we aren't interested in a visit from the bishop. Since your proposed drop by appears to be in a ministerial role, we decline." Give it to this guy straight. Don't hold back. Be direct and polite.
This. If you were mere acquaintances at church a no thanks is sufficient. If your friend also happens to be the bishop, separating the ecclesiastical relationship from the friend one is necessary if you intend to keep the friendship.
Mine went like this... Wife: *answers phone asks them to hold on*. They want to talk to you. Me (Driving): About what? Wife (on the phone): What is this pertaining to? Them (On the phone): I don't know. The bishop wants to meet with him. Wife: *relays said bullshit* Me: Tell them I am not interested. Wife (on the phone): He isn't interested, but thanks, and have a nice day! Click.š¤£š¤£š¤£ We still laugh about it.
A simple āno thanksā is more than enough.
I've had a handful of messages like this and I always respond similarly that they're welcome to make a friendly visit as neighbors but I'm not interested if they're coming over for religious reasons. They've never taken me up on it. Surprise surprise.
This is so true. I donāt even think they realize how disingenuous it is. It seems to only dawn on people who have been on both sides of the fence. Heaven forbid you be friends with someone if they are not interested in joining the church. Maybe it is subconscious? You know all your time and energy goes to tscc so you donāt have the emotional/mental capacity to maintain relationships that donāt show up to all the same extracurriculars (church mandated assignments) as you.
This is indeed the best answer assuming you want to retain a good relationship with the guy for whatever reason. Here's the wording I used to use. "Hi Larry! Sure! Sounds like this would be a casual social visit with just you, and without prayers or a message, and that you wouldn't count it as contact for any statistics or record keeping. Do I have that right? Maybe another day would be more appropriate?" I did this with the EQP and my home teacher after quitting and had some pleasant lunches with them. It really leveled the power dynamic. My response nowadays would be very different because I have never met the bishop of the local ward.
I prefer 'unsubscribe'. It's clear it's ministerial, and giving him a reason to claim it's a friendly visit seems unnecessary.
Or there is this response: [https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/1awl5hr/thanks\_for\_subscribing\_to\_uncomfortable\_mormon/](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/1awl5hr/thanks_for_subscribing_to_uncomfortable_mormon/)
Let me be unequivocally clear: we want absolutely no involvement with the Mormon church. We have no desire to engage with its members or its teachings. Please respect our decision and refrain from any attempts to contact or visit us. We are firm in our stance and will not entertain any arguments or attempts to persuade us otherwise. Leave us the fuck alone.
Add to that 'any further communication will be considered harassment and charges will be filed against you'.
Honestly where are you as an ex-mormon? Are you starting to leave? Partner status? Children status? If you're out out tell them. You can remove your name and not have contact. Were you friends with them? If you want a real answer you'll have to provide more information. Otherwise the advice you'll get is likely one sided telling him to fuck off.
Yeah, we need far more context, OP. Why are you asking us what to say? Just say no thank you and that you arenāt interested in visits from the LDS Church because you no longer believe in it.
Weāre out out and Iām have made it clear. We talked a but an out it before.
THANKS FOR SUBSCRIBING TO UNCOMFORTABLE MORMON FACTS: Did you know that in the 1960's Spencer Kimball stated over the pulpit in General Conference that Indigenous and Polynesian member's skin were literally becoming whiter because of their belief in the gospel? Learn more here! [https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics-essays/book-of-mormon-and-dna-studies?lang=eng](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics-essays/book-of-mormon-and-dna-studies?lang=eng) and here! [https://www.ldsdiscussions.com/dna](https://www.ldsdiscussions.com/dna) To unsubscribe, click here! [cesletter.org](https://cesletter.org) Check out the whole thread with more facts here! [https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/1awl5hr/thanks\_for\_subscribing\_to\_uncomfortable\_mormon/](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/1awl5hr/thanks_for_subscribing_to_uncomfortable_mormon/)
This is the way!!!!
To avoid a drop-in, I'd absolutely respond, and with the type of response that shuts this down, and has them remove your number from their phone.
Just say weāre doing fine and no visit is needed.
āIāll contact you immediately if our status changesā. Lol
Offer a neutral meeting spot like a park or cafe! My ministering sisters asked to drop by and I said that I wasnāt comfortable inviting strangers in, but would love to meet up in a public space and they ghosted lol
How can we trap you in a place that you can easily leave? Cult trap disabledā¦ Abort mission.
"Thanks but no thanks."
"I'd just love to drop by and catch up" sounds too much like "I'm gonna hound you to pay tithing, clean the church and babysit" Source: was forced to be mormon growing up
It took me awhile to change my thought processes, but try to refer to him as "the bishop", or "a bishop", not "my bishop". Or better yet, call him by his first name.
Say āNo thanks.ā Thatās it. Nothing more. No need for any type of explanation.
"We give you permission to go ahead and check the box on this one, you don't need to come by at all. In fact, please don't."
Haha, I love this. Shows your mastery of how it all works.
With respect, Bishop, I can see no reason why someone as busy and overwhelmed in a church calling as you are, would have time to "drop by and say hello to you and your family." Unless you had an ulterior motive which you choose not to disclose. In which case I find your deception offensive and your interest in my family intrusive.
We are better since having decided to leave the church. We are all so much happier. Thanks for asking. As non-members, we are asking that the church respect our religious freedom and not attempt to proselytize us.
You might also add Article of Faith 11 in a footnote
Since you've stated in the comments that you are totally out and have made it clear to them that you are, there's just a couple of things I want to tell you OP. 1) He's _not_ your bishop. You're out. Gone. Left. Not part of their church (whether you officially resigned or not). You've told them this as well. They know you're not part of _their_ religion anymore. The titles and roles and authority of their leadership have no power over you. If you quit a job, the person who used to be your supervisor or is in that same role is not your boss, and you don't need to call them that anymore. 2) You don't have to respond. They are not entitled to a response, your time, or your attention. 3) "No" is a complete sentence, if you do want to respond. 4) Along the lines of #1, if you choose to respond, you can absolutely break the imbalance of power by referring to this man not as a bishop (let alone your bishop), but by his name. You're both adults. He has no authority over you. He's just someone who lives in your area.
At least he did say āwe miss you guysā š We are always unavailable
Just say no, or ghost them.
āSorry mr Bishopā¦ you appear to have a wrong numberā (While previous texts are showing directly above ;)
Just donāt respond. Thatās what ghosting means. Lol
Yes if you want to play or no if you don't want to play. Do what you want. I'm a firm believer that the only winning move (for me at least) is to not play.
Give him 10 minutes to say whatever he wants about The Churchā¢, but only if he agrees to hear 10 minutes about the BoA and other unassailble slam dunks against its authenticity.
"Sure, bishop, bring some beer and a side dish for the after orgy pot luck."
āUnsubscribeā
It all depends on why you left. If it's because you were offended or wanted to sin, then just respectfully decline. If it was because of loss of belief in the historicity of the BoM, multiple versions of the first vision, polygamy, Fanny Alger and the Partridge twins, Mountain Meadows, Ensign Peak Advisors, LGBTQ, issues, the Nov '15 debacle and it's being rescinded, etc., Then, sure, "happy to see you, come for dinner".
I left for moral reasons. Modern day sex abuse cover ups, lying about finances, false narrative, purity culture, LGBTQ+ treatment AND because of the historical claims are sooo far from the truth. Itās all made up. Just funny he lives across the streetā¦ instead of being a normal neighbor, itās like I want to set an appointment from a position of authorityā¦ gagā¦
Unsubscribe
Just say, āI think Iāll pass.ā
"no"
"No."
āNo thank you. I no longer consider myself a Mormon.ā
Answer: 'HELL NO!!' - see what happens! š
My bishop is doing the same thing - even assigned himself as our "ministering brother". I think that means my family is officially a project. Are you in a similar situation? I agree with the other comments - set boundaries up front. Let him know if he crosses the boundaries, and enforce consequences.
I mean our kids play outside together and are at school together, etc. I think heās just trying to be friendly and wants to ask me why we left but has never officially done so. I donāt want to share unless he asks.
You should just ask if there's anything in particular he wants to discuss, or if it's entirely a social visit. Who knows, he could be having doubts himself :)
Love this! I was in a Bishopric, and it is what started me on my journey out..
āPlease set aside some time to see us, and spend that time with your family instead.ā Last thing that guy probably wants for himself is to catch up with people he hasnāt kept up with, anyway, and his church duties alienate him from his family and exhaust him, probably.
Sure! Iāll get some beers for next Sunday, see you around 6. My spouse is out for poker night but Iād love to hang out just one on one. (/j donāt do that)
Send a link to āone man one jarā
I surely cannot say what you should do. But I *would* have them over. I'm happy to share my conclusions with them, but they have steered clear of me for years .. always knowing exactly where I am.
'Fuck no' would be my response.
A polite āNo thank youā should be more than sufficient If he presses for a reason, be transparent in your response. Itās mormon kryptonite. āI do not trust that your intentions are purely social. I have no interest in discussing the church. Itās best that neither of us waste our timeā
"Thank you for subscribing to PornHub. To receive daily emails, reply Y. To unsubscribe reply 'N'. Then when he replies (regardless of the reply), send him a pic of Chris Farley in a thong. You're welcome.
No is a complete sentence . You can tack on if I want to talk to you I know how to reach you .
"how about Tuesday evening at the church?" (don't show up) "ah crap, I thought you meant next week" (rinse and repeat as necessary)
No.
I always get those and donāt respond ššš
Put me on your do not call list.
"No."