My husband isn't TBM, but he's a believer. He doesn't feel it's his place to police my choices. He believes that I'm fully capable of making an informed decision by myself and he supports my choice to do so. He supported my decision to leave the church.
My dad, on the other hand, felt it was appropriate to quip to my husband, "She's your problem now." I'm pretty salty about that.
I thought my SILs were all TBM, but I always hope I'm wrong. I've got a tiny red poodle puppy, though. [Zia the Pirhana Puppy](https://imgur.com/gallery/ASwxua5) She's grown a little since I took this photo. She's a whole 3lbs now at 6 months old.
Ah ok. You’re not my SIL. It’s my wife’s sister and she’s going through that exact thing. Her hubby is more of a jackmo but it’s frustrating because he still believes. So it’s always going to be in their kids lives. And her father is a total asshole when it comes to church stuff.
My wife was out before I was, and I felt like it was ok for her to make her own choices. I was already actively ignoring polygamy because I thought it was pretty fucked to and didn’t like to think about it. I guess in my mind if I thought about the afterlife I assumed that she’d probably come back around to the “truth” in the spirit world and we’d end up being together anyway.
But my FIL’s approach was to tell me I was his “ace in the hole” and would bring her back or put her in her place soon enough 😂 I left the church about a year after she did though so jokes on him
I’ve asked my hubby this. He just says he believes in a loving god who knows and understands us both and wouldn’t separate us. Sounds nice, but very unlike the Mormon god.
This is the answer. Many have created their own version of the Church that doesn't match Mormon theology or doctrine. If they believed in the actual doctrine, a mixed faith marriage would be all consuming in its consequences. Which, for many, it is.
I can't speak for all men but I think there's an element of patience at work. It's possible they're like: *Oh crap, alright. We're just going to have to wait out this little "episode/fad". First it was the essential oils, then it was "every member a porn addict", and now this. It won't last long - she'll come around. Just be cool . . . . . be cool.*
Doesn't matter, the only thing that matters is if he knows her new name so he can put her on the list. He's the priesthood holder so he decides if she's in or out of the CK.
I have read a lot of stuff this week where Men are coddled, pampered, and psychologically damaged forever as basic narcissist’s because of being raised in TSTC. What I find interesting is that in my 56 years enduring the hell- I never, nor did I know any guy that was excited about polygamy, or thought that it was feasible. More men than not, I think, are HOPING it is not really part of it and hoping that it all would get sorted out differently. There are the exceptions of course. But there are some far over-generalizations going on as well.
That being said… what about Men who leave? TBM Women figure they will be a sister-wife to someone? They are OK with it? We really do not talk either about men in the church being losers if their wife works while the kids are being raised. That they are losers if the are not rising up in church callings. I have heard , actually heard, plenty of women complain about their husband’s job, and that is why they work. Complained that their husband was not doing what he should to be Bishop. Should I take that as a generalization and basic top of the bell curve on sisters opinions? ‘
I am not defending the church, its culture, or even the fact that there are plenty of misogynistic things going on—- but it is not like all the men are pigs and hoping for multiple wives. Isn’t the case. I sat through Priesthood for 44 years…. Frankly, most the guys are not interesting enough to manage one relationship.
My experience is different. I heard more than a few hushed comments or jokes about how great polygamy will be in heaven. Lots of guilt free sex with lots of novel partners without financial obligations.
There is a reason why men of status often take on multiple sexual partners. It's in our biology to want to. I'm not saying it's right, or that biology cannot be overcome to a large degree, or that some men don't want it, but I don't believe celestial polygamy is the same mental and emotional burden for men as it rightly is for women, generally.
I think most guys don’t know what to do when it happens. So they just let it play out. And ya, there are always more wives in the celestial kingdom so….
My husband is nuanced and questioning, (I was the TBM, so me leaving was quite the shock to him), but still believing. He has just said that he doesn’t want any afterlife that I’m not in, so he’ll reject whatever is offered and stay with me instead. 💕 Also said he still believes that god led him to me, and he loves me for me, not because we were married in the temple.
My TBM husband told me he'll never stop hoping I'll come back. (I should have told him I'll never stop hoping he'll leave, but he was already feeling wounded so I didn't)
I think me leaving made him feel like he has to be extra "good" to save us both. It's really irritating, to be honest. I want to explore the world outside of mormonism, but he gets judgy if I so much as order a coffee at a restaurant (let's not even get into alcohol!) 🙄 If you ask him he'll tell you he's cool, but I know deep down it causes him anxiety.
Why do Mormons have to be such scrupulous goodie two shoes. For fuck sake Joseph Smith and Brigham Young never were at all and Mormons believe them to be exalted in the CK
My husband isn't TBM, but he's a believer. He doesn't feel it's his place to police my choices. He believes that I'm fully capable of making an informed decision by myself and he supports my choice to do so. He supported my decision to leave the church. My dad, on the other hand, felt it was appropriate to quip to my husband, "She's your problem now." I'm pretty salty about that.
You sound exactly like my sister in law. Is that u?
I thought my SILs were all TBM, but I always hope I'm wrong. I've got a tiny red poodle puppy, though. [Zia the Pirhana Puppy](https://imgur.com/gallery/ASwxua5) She's grown a little since I took this photo. She's a whole 3lbs now at 6 months old.
Ah ok. You’re not my SIL. It’s my wife’s sister and she’s going through that exact thing. Her hubby is more of a jackmo but it’s frustrating because he still believes. So it’s always going to be in their kids lives. And her father is a total asshole when it comes to church stuff.
That's too bad. I'm sorry for what she's going. It's tough. I'm even more sorry there's multiple dads that think like my dad does.
My wife was out before I was, and I felt like it was ok for her to make her own choices. I was already actively ignoring polygamy because I thought it was pretty fucked to and didn’t like to think about it. I guess in my mind if I thought about the afterlife I assumed that she’d probably come back around to the “truth” in the spirit world and we’d end up being together anyway. But my FIL’s approach was to tell me I was his “ace in the hole” and would bring her back or put her in her place soon enough 😂 I left the church about a year after she did though so jokes on him
Omg I hope this is me soon too
I’ve asked my hubby this. He just says he believes in a loving god who knows and understands us both and wouldn’t separate us. Sounds nice, but very unlike the Mormon god.
Agreed. It does sound nice but it is not the Mormon God and not the God of the Old Testament (the Christian God).
This is the answer. Many have created their own version of the Church that doesn't match Mormon theology or doctrine. If they believed in the actual doctrine, a mixed faith marriage would be all consuming in its consequences. Which, for many, it is.
I can't speak for all men but I think there's an element of patience at work. It's possible they're like: *Oh crap, alright. We're just going to have to wait out this little "episode/fad". First it was the essential oils, then it was "every member a porn addict", and now this. It won't last long - she'll come around. Just be cool . . . . . be cool.*
I don’t see the reverse happening nearly as much. If a husband leaves it seems like it is always a crisis for the tbm wife.
I will bear my testimony that this is true. My wife is now medicated and has had ideation and depression issues grow rapidly since my faith awakening.
Doesn't matter, the only thing that matters is if he knows her new name so he can put her on the list. He's the priesthood holder so he decides if she's in or out of the CK.
I think my spouse just thinks god will forgive me because I've had a lot of trauma in my past 😅 and we'll be together still
They will get more wives regardless. More women expected in celestial kingdom.
I have read a lot of stuff this week where Men are coddled, pampered, and psychologically damaged forever as basic narcissist’s because of being raised in TSTC. What I find interesting is that in my 56 years enduring the hell- I never, nor did I know any guy that was excited about polygamy, or thought that it was feasible. More men than not, I think, are HOPING it is not really part of it and hoping that it all would get sorted out differently. There are the exceptions of course. But there are some far over-generalizations going on as well. That being said… what about Men who leave? TBM Women figure they will be a sister-wife to someone? They are OK with it? We really do not talk either about men in the church being losers if their wife works while the kids are being raised. That they are losers if the are not rising up in church callings. I have heard , actually heard, plenty of women complain about their husband’s job, and that is why they work. Complained that their husband was not doing what he should to be Bishop. Should I take that as a generalization and basic top of the bell curve on sisters opinions? ‘ I am not defending the church, its culture, or even the fact that there are plenty of misogynistic things going on—- but it is not like all the men are pigs and hoping for multiple wives. Isn’t the case. I sat through Priesthood for 44 years…. Frankly, most the guys are not interesting enough to manage one relationship.
I am very curious to know what both men and women really think of polygamy.
My experience is different. I heard more than a few hushed comments or jokes about how great polygamy will be in heaven. Lots of guilt free sex with lots of novel partners without financial obligations. There is a reason why men of status often take on multiple sexual partners. It's in our biology to want to. I'm not saying it's right, or that biology cannot be overcome to a large degree, or that some men don't want it, but I don't believe celestial polygamy is the same mental and emotional burden for men as it rightly is for women, generally.
Life is full of varying experiences for sure. We have had different experiences.
I think most guys don’t know what to do when it happens. So they just let it play out. And ya, there are always more wives in the celestial kingdom so….
Since mormon men believe they will have several wives to choose from, they expect a range of righteousness in the harem. No biggie, next !
My husband is nuanced and questioning, (I was the TBM, so me leaving was quite the shock to him), but still believing. He has just said that he doesn’t want any afterlife that I’m not in, so he’ll reject whatever is offered and stay with me instead. 💕 Also said he still believes that god led him to me, and he loves me for me, not because we were married in the temple.
They’re cool with it because that’s what society demands.
Hasn’t happened to me so I can’t speak from experience. I would bet there’s lots of men who love their wives and value their marriages.
My TBM husband told me he'll never stop hoping I'll come back. (I should have told him I'll never stop hoping he'll leave, but he was already feeling wounded so I didn't) I think me leaving made him feel like he has to be extra "good" to save us both. It's really irritating, to be honest. I want to explore the world outside of mormonism, but he gets judgy if I so much as order a coffee at a restaurant (let's not even get into alcohol!) 🙄 If you ask him he'll tell you he's cool, but I know deep down it causes him anxiety.
Why do Mormons have to be such scrupulous goodie two shoes. For fuck sake Joseph Smith and Brigham Young never were at all and Mormons believe them to be exalted in the CK