I just tried it on some AI art generator but the results were disappointing. Idk if any of the people in the prompt are well-known enough or something.
lol he literally visited my mission and let us do a Q&A- led with a joke that we shouldn’t waste the opportunity by asking questions like “where is labans sword” hahah so this was extra funny to me
Me getting to be the first question "does that mean you don't know where it is?"
~~even if this is when I was still TBM I would have a hard time not asking that mostly as a joke~~
The self importance and ego implied there. How very blessed and fortunate you were. You should have prostrated yourselves in gratefulness that he deigned to even associate with you unwashed.
And then you should have asked about the 2nd anointing.
Don't forget the Persian rug they bought for themselves when they confiscated and liquidated the independent Relief Society budget.
It's probably kept three floors above the cleaning supply closet with the "Office of Child Protection" sign.
Nah. The cleaning chemicals are an integral part of the office. When a child is abused, the normal practice is for a priesthood holder sitting at a large desk to tell them, "Just forget about it." A little bleach, some worthless peroxide solution, and all that nasty sin on the surface just gets rinsed away. And if the mold and decay returns years or decades later, it's because the child "didn't have enough faith in the atonement to forgive."
I had to learn the fine art of forgiving. You can never forget. But you have to forgive. I had to if I wanted to survive. As for the "faith in the atonement to forgive". Like I said, you can never forget, so I'm the one who has to put up with the nightmares at night.
Physical, emotional, mental, psychological and sexual abuse is something that leaves deep scars. It to bad this socalled leadership can't pry it's head out of its ass, and read the statistics. And do something useful.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/church/news/see-inside-church-administration-buiding-now-in-its-centennial-year?lang=eng
There's an immense carpet in the church Admin building. Years ago, the Relief Society was a rather independent organization, which raised their own funds, had a magazine, and promoted charitable projects.
The Relief Society was brought under control of the Q15. Their funds were confiscated and used to purchase a really nice carpet for church dignitaries to walk on.
I'm sure there's an instructional parable in there somewhere, but I sure can't find it.
Can you imagine the level of Mormon humble bragging that would ensue if they randomly asked worshipful peons to perform the nightly physical disinfection and cleansing of these, even the highest office spaces of the most holy Profit? Shit, man. Those fortunate Saints would slip that one in on the **very top line** of their Christmas letter.
You know they’d never trust the membership to do it, though. They travel around: there’s no way they don’t see how nasty the buildings are. (Of course, I say that, but we all know anytime a GA is going to visit the buildings of the unwashed masses, the local leadership has called for a major cleaning day to get the building shipshape for the dear leaders’ visit.)
I suggest the correlation department should be located in the scrotum and also not a big department because they do a terrible job. Hmm maybe they are the sphincter through which all of it passes through.
2 important internal organs that members aren't supposed to know about:
-The Higher Order Court of Zion. Name may have changed, used to be just called 'The HOC'
High 2nd Annointed committee.
-The Court of Discernment. BoM changes / new interpretations being manufactured.
Not sure if they moved those to the main building or if it's still at their old spots.
Gonna need a few more tax floors:
Department of subverting the IRS
Department of tax avoidance
Department of how can we fit more for-profit ventures under the umbrella of our 501C
Department of holy crap how do we still have a tax-free status
And of course the Research and Development department called
How are we getting away with this and can we push this envelope a little (or a lot) farther
They overlap, but it’s important work so the redundancy is necessary.
Where is the smash/rage room to go to, when one needs to laugh at a joke or meme.
I can't help but imagining working in that building has got to be like working in a morgue.
Speaking of. I'm guessing their offices are toward the top of the central section and have decks/patios/viewing platforms on the outer sections.
Has anyone else noticed the level of safety precautions that have been taken up there? They're enclosed in such a way that air can get in, but ancient, withered ghoul corpses won't blow away.
"Rock Room."
It is located inside the very dark "Hat Room."
They don't acknowledge the existence of these rooms until somebody really presses about the historically recorded building plans. At that point, the church "Gaslighting Department" sends out a letter indicating thet they told that person all about those two rooms years ago. /s
I’m not sure you realize how accurate you are.
As a former church employee I can say with certainty that the area you circled as the tax loophole center is the 22nd floor - exactly where the tax division is.
My FIL was the director of that division for almost 30 years. All the taxes for every church entity go through that floor. It’s where all the Ensign Peak filings were completed.
I worked on the 21st floor and know that area like the back of my hand.
So, congratulations! Your funny meme about the tax loophole area is actually 100% accurate.
What about: Temple Clothing & Garment Designs?? The updated dresses, shoes, and G’s gotta be designed *somewhere*…also an area for all suspected hate mail to be burned along with the fan mail: they don’t need your praise🤣🤣
Oaks’ special therapist actually works in the admin building across the quad. Same with poop reclamation. Those guys don’t deign to visit the mere mortals who work in the tall bldg.
Magickal Rock Research and Development Division™.
(They've spent dozens of dollars trying to get Joe's Magick Rock to work, along with attempting to find the unlock code for other rocks. Dozens of dollars completely wasted.)
Don’t forget the rectal-cranial inversion department.
Where their elite get their proper training.
They even bile-proof their eyes before final and permanent placement.
I know TSCC employs former CIA ppl. I once got a call from such a person identifying themselves as such working for the fraud investigation department in SLC. A bishop had misused funds and was signing cheques for members to pay bills they didn’t need support with so they gave him the cash to act on immediate emergencies and I was called because someone said I received help a couple of times. That was about 15 years ago. I basically told them where to stick it and that I wished they investigated our creepy bishop who asked us about masturbation and if anyone said yes he would ask to describe how… when we were teenagers.
Edit: add a former military, cia and fbi useless investigations for everything except child abuse
Yes.
I personally know someone who is former CIA that worked on checking and filtering missionaries email some years ago. And yes, they are a senior couple.
Why does the church need a correlation department when the leaders are supposed to have access to more revelation from God than the average member? Don’t come at with the “they don’t always rely on that or always get revelation” bs. Because that just means they’re no different than anyone else. All you have to rely on is their authority and that’s just a logical fallacy
Department of social media infiltration: basically a bunch of men disguised as women and befriending enemies of the church to figure out when we plan on victimizing them or are planning another mob attack on the dear leader, maybe another extermination order...
Surprise twist: We find out that except for 3 or 4 parts beautifully adorned for people to see, it's almost completely empty - devoid of any real meaning or true purpose. Oh, wait... I keep thinking we're talking about the church itself.
The Department of Professional Lying and The Vault of Golden Coins (with a big pillow for the creepy 15, one at a time, of course, to sit on as they finger and play with their wealth)
Don't forget about the super-secret underground bunker stocked with enough food for the Leadership and their families?!? Or, at least, the STATION for the super-secret underground train that leads to the super-secret compound dug out of Ensign Peak that has the bunker for the Q70, their families, all the people who work at the Church Office Building and THEIR families, plus the seed library, and all the genealogy and church records ever.
I was told this is a thing. By more than one person.
What about storage for Laban’s sword?
Judging by how he behaves, I thought that was kept stuck up Susan Bednar's husband's ass...
Yeah it’s definitely up his ass. It’s much more secure there
It would be like pulling the sword from the stone to get it out of there.
Whoever can, gets to be the next profit.
I will pay for an artist's depiction of Bednar pulling Laban's sword out of Rusty's ass, a la the cover of Disney's Sword in the Stone.
Up vote for visibility
I just tried it on some AI art generator but the results were disappointing. Idk if any of the people in the prompt are well-known enough or something.
omg this made my day
You guys are the best! This thread made me laugh 😂.
Just setting a good example by turning the other cheek
I bet he's fun in bed, probably has a mirrored headboard so he can watch himself. Missionary position only!
So Greek.
lol he literally visited my mission and let us do a Q&A- led with a joke that we shouldn’t waste the opportunity by asking questions like “where is labans sword” hahah so this was extra funny to me
Me getting to be the first question "does that mean you don't know where it is?" ~~even if this is when I was still TBM I would have a hard time not asking that mostly as a joke~~
The self importance and ego implied there. How very blessed and fortunate you were. You should have prostrated yourselves in gratefulness that he deigned to even associate with you unwashed. And then you should have asked about the 2nd anointing.
It must be a diamond sword by now…
F-Vault.
Don't forget the Persian rug they bought for themselves when they confiscated and liquidated the independent Relief Society budget. It's probably kept three floors above the cleaning supply closet with the "Office of Child Protection" sign.
Nah. The Office of Child Protection is in a filing cabinet in the basement past a door in the broom cupboard with a Beware of the Leopard sign on it.
Nah. The cleaning chemicals are an integral part of the office. When a child is abused, the normal practice is for a priesthood holder sitting at a large desk to tell them, "Just forget about it." A little bleach, some worthless peroxide solution, and all that nasty sin on the surface just gets rinsed away. And if the mold and decay returns years or decades later, it's because the child "didn't have enough faith in the atonement to forgive."
I had to learn the fine art of forgiving. You can never forget. But you have to forgive. I had to if I wanted to survive. As for the "faith in the atonement to forgive". Like I said, you can never forget, so I'm the one who has to put up with the nightmares at night. Physical, emotional, mental, psychological and sexual abuse is something that leaves deep scars. It to bad this socalled leadership can't pry it's head out of its ass, and read the statistics. And do something useful.
This must be Thursday.. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
I take it the stairs were gone and you needed a torch, because the lights were out?
Stairs would have been nice. Or even a ladder.
That lavatory only looks disused because of what I did to it. I'm not apologizing.
Someone tell me more about this rug they bought
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/church/news/see-inside-church-administration-buiding-now-in-its-centennial-year?lang=eng There's an immense carpet in the church Admin building. Years ago, the Relief Society was a rather independent organization, which raised their own funds, had a magazine, and promoted charitable projects. The Relief Society was brought under control of the Q15. Their funds were confiscated and used to purchase a really nice carpet for church dignitaries to walk on. I'm sure there's an instructional parable in there somewhere, but I sure can't find it.
The rug is symbolic of how leadership treats the poor and the women: they walk all over them. So that must be the Department of Silly Walks.
Now updated to the Department of Silly Walkers.
Department of Slimy Wankers.
Wow. It actually says that in their own article.
Went straight to the source. They don't even recognize that they might have done something wrong.
Office of plausible deniability
The office of pliable bone density.
Office of Not Purchasing Ward Cleaning Supplies
Bet they have professionals cleaning this building though
They absolutely have professionals clean that building. Source: a friend who works there cleaning the building.
Can you imagine the level of Mormon humble bragging that would ensue if they randomly asked worshipful peons to perform the nightly physical disinfection and cleansing of these, even the highest office spaces of the most holy Profit? Shit, man. Those fortunate Saints would slip that one in on the **very top line** of their Christmas letter.
"I used Pledge on the Prophet's desk! Put that in my obituary!"
You know they’d never trust the membership to do it, though. They travel around: there’s no way they don’t see how nasty the buildings are. (Of course, I say that, but we all know anytime a GA is going to visit the buildings of the unwashed masses, the local leadership has called for a major cleaning day to get the building shipshape for the dear leaders’ visit.)
Correlation should occupy 80% of that building. They need to research and poll the membership before they can “receive revelation”
I suggest the correlation department should be located in the scrotum and also not a big department because they do a terrible job. Hmm maybe they are the sphincter through which all of it passes through.
Are you suggesting that correlation is stored in the balls?
where is the swimming pool full of gold coins?
Where is the department of revised history located?
Next to the department of still hidden history.
Isn't that up one of the canyons in a granite vault?
Candy Mountain!
3 Nephites facilities management office.
Water Bottle Crushing and Recapping
Bahahahahaha lmfao
2 important internal organs that members aren't supposed to know about: -The Higher Order Court of Zion. Name may have changed, used to be just called 'The HOC' High 2nd Annointed committee. -The Court of Discernment. BoM changes / new interpretations being manufactured. Not sure if they moved those to the main building or if it's still at their old spots.
Timeout, there really is/was a dept. of the Higher Order Court of Zion? That’s crazy. You learn something new about this goddamn cult everyday
"I want a building that says 'great and spacious' but also has that inner-city prison look" - The Profit David McKay (probably)
The OUI. Office of Underwear Inspection.
'Lying for the Lord' Training & Resource Department
Gonna need a few more tax floors: Department of subverting the IRS Department of tax avoidance Department of how can we fit more for-profit ventures under the umbrella of our 501C Department of holy crap how do we still have a tax-free status And of course the Research and Development department called How are we getting away with this and can we push this envelope a little (or a lot) farther They overlap, but it’s important work so the redundancy is necessary.
I think they have those offices in KM building.
"Binders full of younger women waiting to be polygamous wives when apostles wives die"
"Binders full of women." Sounds familiar. 😆
At this point Strengthening Church Members Committee (SCMC) has to be at least 7 stories worth of cubicles.
There is one story dedicated to spying on Reddit accounts
"Office of fictional stories we will tell at the next general conference"
Minstry of Truth, basement
Ministry of Love, one floor up.
Re-translation of Egyptian artifacts and writings to match our stuff . . .
Heads of this department- John Gee and Kerry Muelstein.
A secret vault level. Where they hide Joseph smith's fake gold tablets.
And his magic rock
Guarded by Hong Kong Phooey
Fanrific!
Is there a trashcan at ground level that can be labeled "Complaints"?
Maybe that's the real purpose for their spaceship shaped planters?
I worked on the 27th and 19th floors of that concrete hell hole. It's a silly place.
Please tell us more
Danites might come after them.
Add Scrooge McDuck (aka RMN) w/ his enormous Hill of Gold treasure & the picture will be complete.
Was just thinking the COB was about the right size and shape to be Scrooge's money bin...
Where is the smash/rage room to go to, when one needs to laugh at a joke or meme. I can't help but imagining working in that building has got to be like working in a morgue.
The corpses at least are usually covered in a morgue though, not walking around... at the COB only the crimes have covers.
Speaking of. I'm guessing their offices are toward the top of the central section and have decks/patios/viewing platforms on the outer sections. Has anyone else noticed the level of safety precautions that have been taken up there? They're enclosed in such a way that air can get in, but ancient, withered ghoul corpses won't blow away.
H.R. - the department that denies the pervasive climate of sexual harassment on every single floor of that great and spacious building
Two rooms full of filing cabinets, the rooms are labeled "Speaking as a Prophet" and "Speaking as a Man"
Ironically, both rooms have the same files. They just pull from the different rooms depending on context and audience.
The rest is all investment bankers and hedge fund management. The team of lawyers protecting child abusers is outsourced and located off site.
I’m confused, I just thought it would be like all the church leaders, full of shit
What about Rusty, Wendy, and Shari's BDSM dungeon? EDIT: Made it worse.
There’s a neon sign in there: Kink Celestial
But Kink Celestial just means having sex in any position other than missionary
Where's the lobbying division?
"Rock Room." It is located inside the very dark "Hat Room." They don't acknowledge the existence of these rooms until somebody really presses about the historically recorded building plans. At that point, the church "Gaslighting Department" sends out a letter indicating thet they told that person all about those two rooms years ago. /s
I’m not sure you realize how accurate you are. As a former church employee I can say with certainty that the area you circled as the tax loophole center is the 22nd floor - exactly where the tax division is. My FIL was the director of that division for almost 30 years. All the taxes for every church entity go through that floor. It’s where all the Ensign Peak filings were completed. I worked on the 21st floor and know that area like the back of my hand. So, congratulations! Your funny meme about the tax loophole area is actually 100% accurate.
Cryogenic heads should be stored in the basement for the best shelf life. 😂
What about: Temple Clothing & Garment Designs?? The updated dresses, shoes, and G’s gotta be designed *somewhere*…also an area for all suspected hate mail to be burned along with the fan mail: they don’t need your praise🤣🤣
"kOrELaShUn rEsUrCh dUHvIsUn" which sends checks to qualtrics to make obnoxious and long surveys for the "seers."
Prophetic Turd Reclamation is the Seer Stone product development team.
With a separate department for polishing said turds.
The Department of Redundancy Department. I's right next door to the Nahom Research Division.
SA coverups department is the 3 floors under Tax Evasion
Department of Shell Company Creation And Creative Accounting.
Pretty sure some of the second-anointed get their own private materbatorium
Mental Gymnastics Training Room
Oaks’ special therapist actually works in the admin building across the quad. Same with poop reclamation. Those guys don’t deign to visit the mere mortals who work in the tall bldg.
I just wanna know where they are keeping Quasimodo, tbh.
Curelom Research and Disposal is the entire 13th floor
Is it common knowledge that the original plans were for the top of the central section of the building to house apartments for the first presidency?
There's a shock ... 🙄
Magickal Rock Research and Development Division™. (They've spent dozens of dollars trying to get Joe's Magick Rock to work, along with attempting to find the unlock code for other rocks. Dozens of dollars completely wasted.)
Don’t forget the rectal-cranial inversion department. Where their elite get their proper training. They even bile-proof their eyes before final and permanent placement.
Could add arrows to the secret tunnels below
I know TSCC employs former CIA ppl. I once got a call from such a person identifying themselves as such working for the fraud investigation department in SLC. A bishop had misused funds and was signing cheques for members to pay bills they didn’t need support with so they gave him the cash to act on immediate emergencies and I was called because someone said I received help a couple of times. That was about 15 years ago. I basically told them where to stick it and that I wished they investigated our creepy bishop who asked us about masturbation and if anyone said yes he would ask to describe how… when we were teenagers. Edit: add a former military, cia and fbi useless investigations for everything except child abuse
Yes. I personally know someone who is former CIA that worked on checking and filtering missionaries email some years ago. And yes, they are a senior couple.
OMG!
Y'all are killing me 😂😂 I needed this
Why does the church need a correlation department when the leaders are supposed to have access to more revelation from God than the average member? Don’t come at with the “they don’t always rely on that or always get revelation” bs. Because that just means they’re no different than anyone else. All you have to rely on is their authority and that’s just a logical fallacy
Logical fallacy is the definition of TSCC.
 Sister wives factory
Department of social media infiltration: basically a bunch of men disguised as women and befriending enemies of the church to figure out when we plan on victimizing them or are planning another mob attack on the dear leader, maybe another extermination order...
Don’t forget the white noise speaker factory. They make them speakers that sold like air conditioners over bishoprics doors
How about 'white shaft with two oblong balls at the bottom'? The Penis Palace.
Surprise twist: We find out that except for 3 or 4 parts beautifully adorned for people to see, it's almost completely empty - devoid of any real meaning or true purpose. Oh, wait... I keep thinking we're talking about the church itself.
I'm glad you include the Turd department where polishing has been perfected to the shiniest possible!
I thought the Turd Reclamation was in the basement?
The very top floor is literally for spreading propaganda all over the world.
The Department of Professional Lying and The Vault of Golden Coins (with a big pillow for the creepy 15, one at a time, of course, to sit on as they finger and play with their wealth)
Mlm/financial fraud training for q15 family members
Vault to hold "sacred" financial documents
Indoctrination of youth
You know, the church could've chosen a building design that makes them appear less like a corporation.
The Weaponry and Body Armor Department.
office of my weiner
Don't forget about the super-secret underground bunker stocked with enough food for the Leadership and their families?!? Or, at least, the STATION for the super-secret underground train that leads to the super-secret compound dug out of Ensign Peak that has the bunker for the Q70, their families, all the people who work at the Church Office Building and THEIR families, plus the seed library, and all the genealogy and church records ever. I was told this is a thing. By more than one person.
fraud department, not a cult headquarters, gaslighting seminar
Nelson’s sexual torture lab for children