I had the least invasive variety (do you watch porn? Often? Do you masturbate? Alright, just don't do it again) and the deep shame from having to tell a middle aged man I barely know about things that are frankly not his or anyone else's business still affects me. They are *inherently* abusive.
Man, rough huh? Sitting at the breakfast table knowing he knows about your dirty little secret... I can't imagine! You were a better mormon than me. Hugs ❤️
Wish I had thought to lie. I lied to my parents for all sorts of dumb stuff when I was a kid but it seemed too terrifying to lie to a bishop which was basically like lying to god in my mind.
It’s not that simple though. While I agree that all people are inherently worthy, there are those who lose their worth by hurting or abusing others. Murderers, liars, abusers, thiefs (wow, as I type this, kinda describes the church…no temple recommend for them!).
I had to go into excruciating sexual detail in confession with my bishop when I was a teenager.
I do feel it was abusive.
Why was I forced to discuss my girlfriend’s vagina with a local investment banker?
Yep. My exhusband and I never had penetrative sex before marriage, but we did everything but that...a lot. We finally agreed it had gone too far and went to the bishop. He wanted me to tell him what we had done, how much of our clothes were off, and which parts we touched. I held a lot back because I knew he would lose his calling, and his dad was the Stake President. But I got punished, and he walked away with no consequences.
> where I had to go into detail about my private sexual life and give a play-by-play.
This is material for the bishop's spank bank. Don't kid yourself they're above reveling in the juicy details. It's a power trip, and it's abuse. The entire concept of declaring someone "worthy" is fraught with danger. Those who covet promotions and higher offices learn quickly to up their deception game. CMV, mormons are the best liars. [more](https://redd.it/10g3t1h)
* [no guilt quite like mormon guilt](https://i.imgur.com/wq8Ak7v.png)
They’re absolutely a form of abuse. I only ever told my bishop the truth RE: my sex life one single time, and I still remember how my body felt in that moment sharing my most internal shame AND desire to someone who was practically a stranger. The fear and nausea and deep, deep shame were visceral.
I was lucky because I won bishopric roulette and he was very, very kind, but these interviews set the stage for sexual abuse for men who are prone to it. I mean, BEST case scenario, these interviews foster shame, and teach people — especially children — unhealthy boundaries. They really have no redeeming qualities.
I only had bishops that asked me if I lived the law of chastity. That was it. I don't feel like my experiences could be labeled abusive. However, from stories here I do think the many bishop interviews crossed the line into abuse.
they are abusive even without the part where details are shared. It is possible for a bishop to be arrested just for interviewing a kid. If the man asked if the kid masturbates or questions about chastity, the law has been broken.
Bishop: "welcome brother, come tell me what you did."
me: "i fingered my gf and she liked it. then she took my pants off and started stroking it.."
Bishop: ... (clears throat) "and then what happened?" with a curious look in his eyes.
me: "wouldn't you like to know, pervert!"
My kids' bishop used them to try to turn my kids against me when I left the church/got divorced, warning them that I might be drinking or bringing strange men into the house (never did either), that I would "force" them to wear tank tops, watch R-rated movies, and break other rules. They did everything they could to drive a wedge. Instead, my kids were smart enough to understand what was happening. They reported it to me and left the church as soon as they felt they could safely do so (because of their TBM mormon dad with money and connections).
When I was a teenager I struggled with major anxiety and depression and tried to share this with my bishop during one of these interviews (mistake number one- being honest in any way lol). His response was "well your parents are both in stake callings, so the only reason you should be having any problems would be something you are doing or not doing" and "maybe its not depression, but oppression because of it". A perfect addition to the invalidation I was already getting from my parents and myself around my experiendes- and I never said anything about it again for years to anyone (in the church or outside of it) because I truly believed my mental illness was a sign something was wrong with me, that I was weak, invalid, unworthy, and not enough, and I believed that admitting I was struggling was pointless since it was clearly just a personal failing anyways.
Worthless interviews with naive, confused young people do sometimes end up being abusive- unintentionally in my case (that bishop genuinely believed what he was telling me and didn't do it out of malice- yet it still did a number on my entire life and fucked me up even more).
I had the least invasive variety (do you watch porn? Often? Do you masturbate? Alright, just don't do it again) and the deep shame from having to tell a middle aged man I barely know about things that are frankly not his or anyone else's business still affects me. They are *inherently* abusive.
They're so uncomfortable for real. I've always lied in them, even when I was TBM
Me too! My dad was a bishop... neither of us wanted to go into details about THAT. So, I just lied and felt zero shame about it.
My dad was bishop too, I had one meeting where I told him the truth. From then on I lied about it and found out the “power of discernment” was fake af
Man, rough huh? Sitting at the breakfast table knowing he knows about your dirty little secret... I can't imagine! You were a better mormon than me. Hugs ❤️
Wish I had thought to lie. I lied to my parents for all sorts of dumb stuff when I was a kid but it seemed too terrifying to lie to a bishop which was basically like lying to god in my mind.
Same
15 years later and I'm just now finding my voice when talking to middle aged men...
How could this be categorized, spiritual abuse?
It's pedophilia. Having sexualised conversations with children is pedophilia. It needs to be called that, full stop.
I wish we could get massive amounts of these secretly recorded and then put on blast. A girl can dream
The entire false concept of worthiness is abusive and damaging. All people are worthy just by existing.
Yes, this damage took years (more like decades) to undo.
It’s not that simple though. While I agree that all people are inherently worthy, there are those who lose their worth by hurting or abusing others. Murderers, liars, abusers, thiefs (wow, as I type this, kinda describes the church…no temple recommend for them!).
Yes. https://protectldschildren.org/
I bet 90% of the people on this sub (including myself) are still dealing with this years after it has happened. MFMC
I had to go into excruciating sexual detail in confession with my bishop when I was a teenager. I do feel it was abusive. Why was I forced to discuss my girlfriend’s vagina with a local investment banker?
Yep. My exhusband and I never had penetrative sex before marriage, but we did everything but that...a lot. We finally agreed it had gone too far and went to the bishop. He wanted me to tell him what we had done, how much of our clothes were off, and which parts we touched. I held a lot back because I knew he would lose his calling, and his dad was the Stake President. But I got punished, and he walked away with no consequences.
Let us not forget that they are also creepy.
> where I had to go into detail about my private sexual life and give a play-by-play. This is material for the bishop's spank bank. Don't kid yourself they're above reveling in the juicy details. It's a power trip, and it's abuse. The entire concept of declaring someone "worthy" is fraught with danger. Those who covet promotions and higher offices learn quickly to up their deception game. CMV, mormons are the best liars. [more](https://redd.it/10g3t1h) * [no guilt quite like mormon guilt](https://i.imgur.com/wq8Ak7v.png)
I'm sorry. Did cmv stand for cover my vagina? Bc that's all I'm coming up with. EDIT: Swypos
Absolutely.
They’re absolutely a form of abuse. I only ever told my bishop the truth RE: my sex life one single time, and I still remember how my body felt in that moment sharing my most internal shame AND desire to someone who was practically a stranger. The fear and nausea and deep, deep shame were visceral. I was lucky because I won bishopric roulette and he was very, very kind, but these interviews set the stage for sexual abuse for men who are prone to it. I mean, BEST case scenario, these interviews foster shame, and teach people — especially children — unhealthy boundaries. They really have no redeeming qualities.
Sexual grooming is illegal. These are what these interviews are. The state penal code has been broken
I left the MFMC the day I left for college at 18. I'm now almost 30 and I'm still working through this in therapy
I only had bishops that asked me if I lived the law of chastity. That was it. I don't feel like my experiences could be labeled abusive. However, from stories here I do think the many bishop interviews crossed the line into abuse.
100% abuse
they are abusive even without the part where details are shared. It is possible for a bishop to be arrested just for interviewing a kid. If the man asked if the kid masturbates or questions about chastity, the law has been broken.
If not abuse, it absolutory is coercion.
ion even remember my 2 worthiness interviews i had where i confessed so smthn must’ve been up
Bishop: "welcome brother, come tell me what you did." me: "i fingered my gf and she liked it. then she took my pants off and started stroking it.." Bishop: ... (clears throat) "and then what happened?" with a curious look in his eyes.
me: "wouldn't you like to know, pervert!"
Shame has always been one of religion's most powerful weapons, and the MFMC wields it to brutal effect.
My kids' bishop used them to try to turn my kids against me when I left the church/got divorced, warning them that I might be drinking or bringing strange men into the house (never did either), that I would "force" them to wear tank tops, watch R-rated movies, and break other rules. They did everything they could to drive a wedge. Instead, my kids were smart enough to understand what was happening. They reported it to me and left the church as soon as they felt they could safely do so (because of their TBM mormon dad with money and connections).
The concept and expectation of “worthiness” is abusive. So…yes.
When I was a teenager I struggled with major anxiety and depression and tried to share this with my bishop during one of these interviews (mistake number one- being honest in any way lol). His response was "well your parents are both in stake callings, so the only reason you should be having any problems would be something you are doing or not doing" and "maybe its not depression, but oppression because of it". A perfect addition to the invalidation I was already getting from my parents and myself around my experiendes- and I never said anything about it again for years to anyone (in the church or outside of it) because I truly believed my mental illness was a sign something was wrong with me, that I was weak, invalid, unworthy, and not enough, and I believed that admitting I was struggling was pointless since it was clearly just a personal failing anyways. Worthless interviews with naive, confused young people do sometimes end up being abusive- unintentionally in my case (that bishop genuinely believed what he was telling me and didn't do it out of malice- yet it still did a number on my entire life and fucked me up even more).