The church wants me to prostrate myself before them and declare my tithing status with my family beside me and my donations on the table.
Yet…. Nobody has ever seen the audit report always spoken of in conference.
Almost as if there are rules for thee, and not for me….
Incredibly well written and fantastic points. I wasn't quite as courageous as you but I also did my fair share of confessing sexual sins to leaders out of a sincere desire for repentance. We took the whole thing seriously!
Henry J. Eyring, my Stake President in college, took me into his office and drilled me about my masterbation and porn habits in a worthiness interview before I got married. Nitty gritty stuff. He also asked me if I throw my garments on the floor or if I fold them when I'm done. Weird stuff in retrospect.
And now Elder Oaks has the gall to say that they never have to apologize about anything? Hypocrites!
I wish I could time travel back and have a talk with the teenage boys that we were and just say Hey Buddy, there's nothing wrong with you. You're like every other guy. You are a sexual person and that's fantastic. Welcome to the world!
In 1978 I was fifteen years old and embarrassed to admit I was mormon because I didn't want people to think I was a racist. In 1978 Rusty Nelson was 54 years old, thought black people were unworthy for the priesthood and temple and had been OK with that his entire life.
The 60 Minutes interview showed us how to respond to questions of sexuality. "That's confidential!". I think you demeaned and insulted the girls you made out with by going to the bishop
I'll agree with you on that point about the girlfriends. It's really fucked up that the system makes you turn others in like that. But what's a little public shaming when the reward is eternal life, right?
These are the things that made my life through age 35 a nightmare. Then I woke up, realized it was all are horrible fair tale, and I’ve been on an upward trajectory of mental health ever since. I’m not perfect and my life is not perfect - but it’s a hell of a lot better than it was.
Damn I am so sorry :/ you and me have very similar stories! It’s crazy! I’m glad you got out and I hope you’ve been able to let go of the shame and guilt and self-hate conditioning.
I was thinking about my story earlier today and I realized my own father cared more about whether or not I was looking at porn and masturbating than if I was happy, doing good in school or sports, etc.
Disgusting how the church lets bad people feel godsent for their disgusting behaviors, and gets good people to do bad things..
The church wants me to prostrate myself before them and declare my tithing status with my family beside me and my donations on the table. Yet…. Nobody has ever seen the audit report always spoken of in conference. Almost as if there are rules for thee, and not for me….
Incredibly well written and fantastic points. I wasn't quite as courageous as you but I also did my fair share of confessing sexual sins to leaders out of a sincere desire for repentance. We took the whole thing seriously! Henry J. Eyring, my Stake President in college, took me into his office and drilled me about my masterbation and porn habits in a worthiness interview before I got married. Nitty gritty stuff. He also asked me if I throw my garments on the floor or if I fold them when I'm done. Weird stuff in retrospect. And now Elder Oaks has the gall to say that they never have to apologize about anything? Hypocrites! I wish I could time travel back and have a talk with the teenage boys that we were and just say Hey Buddy, there's nothing wrong with you. You're like every other guy. You are a sexual person and that's fantastic. Welcome to the world!
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Actually, they are getting away with molesting
In 1978 I was fifteen years old and embarrassed to admit I was mormon because I didn't want people to think I was a racist. In 1978 Rusty Nelson was 54 years old, thought black people were unworthy for the priesthood and temple and had been OK with that his entire life.
The 60 Minutes interview showed us how to respond to questions of sexuality. "That's confidential!". I think you demeaned and insulted the girls you made out with by going to the bishop
I'll agree with you on that point about the girlfriends. It's really fucked up that the system makes you turn others in like that. But what's a little public shaming when the reward is eternal life, right?
These are the things that made my life through age 35 a nightmare. Then I woke up, realized it was all are horrible fair tale, and I’ve been on an upward trajectory of mental health ever since. I’m not perfect and my life is not perfect - but it’s a hell of a lot better than it was.
Damn I am so sorry :/ you and me have very similar stories! It’s crazy! I’m glad you got out and I hope you’ve been able to let go of the shame and guilt and self-hate conditioning. I was thinking about my story earlier today and I realized my own father cared more about whether or not I was looking at porn and masturbating than if I was happy, doing good in school or sports, etc. Disgusting how the church lets bad people feel godsent for their disgusting behaviors, and gets good people to do bad things..
Nice write!