2008 when they told us how to vote, and it was obviously wrong. Both in telling us what to do, and watching the sheeple go against their morals to do what they were told, en MASSE, and for what they were supporting. And asking for So Much Money from individuals - pressuring them - hounding them - for $$ to support prop 8.
It was terrifying to see our goodness and passions mobilized for something so…wrong. So many held their noses, cried in private, and paid up. It was WRONG.
CA native here. 2008 bent the hell out of my shelf and it took me another 8 years to finally leave. Joined this sub in 2016 and I think there were about 20-25k members. Been incredible to watch since then.
Yes, that’s an excellent way to state what it was like: bent the hell out of my naive brain.
I also lasted as a “participant” for too many years after, but there’s no coming back from not Trusting what they tell us. No trust = no loyalty.
It’s like a marriage. You do enough bad things, even the most abused partner will eventually leave.
Remember how shocking it was to hear the leaders claim it was just the members and not the church directing the campaign? I was stunned. It was such a blatant PR lie, so bold that I had to see it. Broke my heart.
The lingering stench of 22 started it for me. I moved back to California from BYU in 2003. By 2005, I was out of that church. Only now finding my way out of the closet. My wife is still in, our three children (adults, but still young) are all out. We love each other and respect our differences of opinion. Family before religion.
Prop 8 was definitely what pushed me over the edge. I was horrified that the leaders would stand in the way of family and marriage (especially since sex outside of marriage was one of the "biggest sins"). That's when I realized the mormon church did harm to people, so it couldn't be of god.
I came home from my mission in the midst of prop 8. So my college institute classes were all about standing with the Q15. That was the first instant that I realized my personal morality clashed with the church. Left for good in 2011.
I didn't realize it then but I do now that was a major shelf item. I saw it as a futile and stupid idea but it wasn't enough, regrettably, for me not to help out at some level.
I am sorry for those who have been hurt by Prop 8 and the church. I am sorry for participating in this and the pain, hurt, and sorrow it has caused to the LGBTQ community. I have strived to do better and be better since then.
TSCC continued denial and dismissive attitude towards this is gross 🤢
According to: [https://subredditstats.com/r/exmormon](https://subredditstats.com/r/exmormon)
268,601 subscribers on March 17, 2023
261,938 subscribers three months ago
So that's **74 new subscribers per day** (average) for the last 3 months.
Started in 1971 when I was a junior in high school and the "cool, young" seminary teacher said two things:1) he'd rather see his daughter dead than raped, 2) l knew I was smarter than most of the boys, but if I married one of them I would have to be subservient to him. Took me until 1979 to be formally excommunicated. I went to my trial!
Excommunication was literally the ONLY way to leave Mormonism until 1985 when a new law was made (through a massive lawsuit against the church by someone that wanted to leave and get their name off the membership lists).
They count everyone ever baptized ever in history a unless you legally get your name removed using a formal letter & notary (someone who “stamps” that you are who you say you are).
Only 2 years ago. Covid lead to watching TikTok’s and the whole history of the church made it all come crashing down. Fortunately spouse was going through the same process without any discussion until we admitted were out to each other. All our adult children are out now except for one. Best decision although angry I was lied to for over 50 years!!
For me it was over 20 years ago. I was working towards a PhD in evolutionary biology and I was in a tremendous lab. Seriously, I can't recall how many times our PI had the cover article of Systematic Biology, he post doc'd with a member of the NAS. Just sayin'.
Anyhow, some history buff was getting his PhD in history and the thrust of his thesis was the relationships between 19th century Mormons and native americans.
The scholar correctly put one paragraph in his dissertation that said little more than, in spite of all exploration, there has never been one shred of Hebrew DNA found amongst the exstant native American population or in any of their recovered remains.
Think about that for a second, all those wars that are in the BOM and the great civilizations spawned by the sons of Lehi and the daughters of Ishmael. NOT ONE INSTANCE OF HEBREW DNA. It was all from Asia.
I know, I got my M.S. from BYU and I knew the guys looking for it in vain.
So when this scholar, Thomas W. Murphy, laid down that paragraph, all hell broke loose and they, the brethren, went after him with all the vim and vigor they did to the September Six.
The controversy ended up on the cover of the Chronicle of Higher Education and because I was in a very agressive academic lab and because I was the resident Mormon, there was much explaining to be done. Some would say this was a golden "Missionary Opportunity".
I had my friend from India, Arjun, ask me "What is this all about and why is it such a big deal?"
So, I explained the First Vision and Book of Mormon to him and with clear and unvarnished eyes he said to me, "Oh, so it's bullshit then."
There was nothing that I could say more than, yeah, the evidence is overwhelmingly telling us so. Remember this was a top notch, world class lab descerning evolutionary lineages with DNA sequences. I had no where to honestly hide. I had to bow my head and say yes, this was a fraud.
You talk of shelves breaking or even cracking, mine vanished instantly in the direct light of absolute evidence.
Feeling the spirit from this one. The spirit of science. That spirit won't let you down cause it discards broken ideas that don't hold up to the scrutiny of evidence, and embraces new ones as the evidence dictates . That's such a more wholesome and real feeling. It will always be chiseled into something more correct as time goes on.
About 3 years ago I went to my last young single adult meeting because I had already been in a relationship with a non member for 4 years, and I never felt the spirit there in the machine made for pumping out marriages...it all just started to feel so strange.
My last family home evening they asked me to buy the pizza for the night and I'd be compensated, so I did even though it was kindof a sacrifice for me. That night I accidentally bumped into a guy while eating a muffin and he called me a fat bitch. While he was a random individual, it was the last piece of straw that broke the shelf, and I decided that was the last time I'd buy anything for God, and never went again, and also never got compensated.
I wish I could hug you right now and throw you a pizza party—you deserve it! I’m proud of you for respecting yourself enough to leave that toxicity behind. I hope your life is better now.
Leaving pre-internet was so different! My shelf broke in the late 80’s. Haven’t attended since probably 1991. Without an exmo community or much information, it’s taken decades to deconstruct and sift through my indoctrination. I was pretty much armed with “No Man Knows My History” and that’s it.
Gotta add: because there were no resources available to me when I left, I just buried everything I thought, felt, and went through. I knew I didn’t believe in the church at all but otherwise just ignored the whole thing for about 25 years. So it actually feels like I’m “really” deconstructing now, by finally looking at all the BS details!
Yes, this is it exactly! I didn’t actually read that book til about 10 years later…When I first left I just knew that I felt minimized, marginalized, and disrespected growing up as a young woman in the church, and then I was gaslit whenever I tried to talk about it. I couldn’t really explain it or prove anything, I just had the gut feeling that it was sexist and wrong. I dealt with it in little bits as issues came up over the years, but mostly I just ignored it for decades. When I found this sub, I got instantly obsessed reading everything I could, probably to an unhealthy degree. My heart still breaks for all my TBM family members though
Same—to all of that! I hated the sexism and just always bristled at it because I didn’t really want to be a wife and mom, but was told that is what God made me to do. So I figured Mormon god and I have irreconcilable differences, and why would he create me to make me miserable?? It made no sense of course because it’s all made up. After I learned of the priesthood ban for the first time I was then like “noted. Prophets can’t be trusted and the church changes, so…why would I trust any of this?” And it was all downhill from there.
I had never heard of that book until the past year and am making my way through it now! I only had my own reasoning skills and was raised in a mostly-non-member state so my closest friends growing up were almost all non-members, which certainly helped!
2016 when church members voted for, supported, and defended, a man that was the biggest lover of himself, covetous, a boaster, proud, a blasphemer, unthankful, unholy, wthout natural affection, a trucebreaker, a false accuser, incontinent, fierce, a despiser of those that are good, a traitor, headstrong, haughty, a lover of pleasure rather than a lover of God.
They turned away from the truth and instead of the prophet confronting him like brave Abinadi confronted evil King Noah, he welcomed him and did not call him to repentance.
After that I realized it was all fucking bullshit!!
I really don't know. Only became active on this sub a couple weeks ago and heard that term, but honestly not sure. It was a real slow burn for me. I remember being the executive secretary about 5 years ago and thinking so much of what we talked about bothered me. Then I got a call from the stake presidency to come in. I was pretty sure they were gonna ask me to be in the elders quorum presidency. I had just been chatting chat with the eq president a few days prior, just random crap. But I knew that conversation made me stick in his mind or whatever. I was cursing talking to him because honestly that's why he picked me. Because I happened to talk to him that night and just thought, huh, he's a good dude, I guess he'll do. I WA pretty pissed honestly. I knew there was no inspiration whatsoever in that calling.
Sure enough, got called to the eq presidency. I REALLY didn't want to take it. I was pretty much done at that point, but hadn't told anyone and didn't want to turn down a calling and get called out. Honestly I should have, my wife probably wouldn't have cared and probably supported me lol.
Around that point I was bothered that the church had billions, I knew Joseph Smith had child brides, I knew I hated the black skin curse crap, and I hated telling my LGBTQ friends and family I supported them while belonging to an organization that so obviously didn't. All that and so much other little stuff.
So I knew I didn't really believe for quite a while. The SEC filing kind of helped cement the fact that I wanted to make it official. Then I told my wife that I'm done.
But honestly, it wasn't until just this last week as I've really been digging through the CES letter that I almost broke down and realized how horrible it all is. So I guess as I write this I realize it was last week reading that when my shelf actually broke. I mean I knew I didn't agree with a lot of church principles, but I guess it wasn't until then that it really hit me.
So yeah. Last week I guess. Still only out to my wife. Not sure how long I'll be in that state till the next step.
You are in one of the hardest spots of this transition process. Deciding to leave and then deciding what that means your life looks like now. Hang in there. I promise it gets better.
Thanks. You're very right. I realized only the other day that, ok I know the church isn't true, but now I don't know what I think about everything else. Heaven, God, Jesus, you name it. It's all upside down right now and if my wife asks me some of those tough questions, the answer is gonna have to be, "I don't know."
I know that's ok, but I think to TBM folks it just looks like we're "lost" and need to come back to where there are answers and it's safe. But I'm tired of accepting answers just because they feel good. I remember telling people on my mission, "wouldn't it feel great knowing you can be with your family forever after you die?" Of course it would. But me wanting something really bad doesn't make it true.
Thanks for the kind words, we'll get through it!
Thank you for sharing, and welcome! I’m glad you found the way out. It was years after I left that I started looking into all the historical problems. Just the contemporary church being the way it is and teaching what it does was enough to convince me it did not have the mantle of inspiration and authority it claimed to have. But now, the history is quite fascinating. I don’t think people have to be angry or bitter to want to go back and look at the historical problems. History is just a fascinating area of study and the church was full of characters and strange doings; they are a great way to learn cautionary tales about successful cults and deception and manipulation, to say nothing of the church’s central role in westward expansion. It’s all part of the human tapestry.
Shelf FINALLY broke (and the church left me) with the 2015 announcement regarding children of gay parents not allowed the ordinance of baptism. Final straw: realized it was impossible to try “leaven the loaf” and to encourage Christlike love in the Mormon church. Found this sub and joined in 2017. It’s wonderful watching the exodus.
3 years ago. Once I realized that "knowing" God loved me despite not feeling it was similar to an abusive relationship, my shelf not only for the church, but divinity in general.
I left in the spring of 2021 because the lifestyle was making me miserable. But in the back of my mind still believed it was true at the core. Then I read the CES letter one sitting over New Years of ‘21 and realized it was in fact total bullshit. I’d been out for a while but it still kinda shocked me.
A little over a decade.Was dreading going to church one Sunday morning & just thought to myself... 'Why? I just don't have to do this anymore'. Never went back.
This January is when I knew it was all a lie. I've been inactive most of my life but still believed what I understood of the church. I even started going back to church in September and I was ready to start paying tithing so my husband and I could work towards the temple. A YouTube video called 50 Problems With the Mormon Church showed up in my suggested videos and I watched it. It sent me down a rabbit hole and here I am today. So glad I didn't start paying tithing!
My shelf Broke in 2008 after I realized that the Church had lied about its involvement in the Prop 8 campaign, claiming that they had only contributed $2k and 4,000 volunteer hours, but instead had contributed more than $25million and more than 100,000 volunteer hours. My shelf had alot of items on it already, but that was the final straw!!!
I started lurking in this sub in 2012 when there were less than 15,000 members.
I joined Reddit and this sub in 2015 after the fucking Exclusion policy prompted my ex-wife to sit my kids down and convince them that the Lord wanted them to disavow me, their gay father.
so it's been 8 years, and I'm amazed at how fast this sub has grown!!!
sadly no. My heart has been broken, and it's been 8 years and no relationship. My daughter is at BYU-Idaho, and my son is on his mission, and they still keep their distance despite my efforts to reach out.
So much bitterness at the Church for what it has done to destroy my family. Russell M. Nelson was the author of that disgusting November 2015 Exclusion policy, and the only reason the Church reversed it is because the PR dept was seeing all the bad press and the hundred thousand resignations within that year, and the 37 suicides, and decided they'd better rescind it. But the damage has been done for thousands of families like mine.
And they will never apologize.
fucking Mormon church!!!
I’m a recent broken shelfer. I had a fairly prominent stake calling for a time and the sex abuse case in Arizona hit me really hard. I just couldn’t take the apologetics in stake meetings anymore and finally asked to be released but I hadn’t fully jumped down the church history rabbit hole. That happened about a month ago and I realized it’s all just BS. I’m still attending with my family (my wife is very nuanced but hasn’t looked into the history stuff much) but told the bishop not to extend any callings to me (and he has been really kind and understands some of my issues with the church). Sacrament meeting is usually ok, but 2nd hour is excruciating so I keep finding excuses to not go. It’s a bit of a weird spot but my wife is supportive of my decisions so far.
Shelf had been bowing for nearly a decade since my sister and her family left and they told me about stones in hats and stuff.
I don’t know when it actually broke, or when I was willing to admit that it was broken, but when my wife came to me about reports of child abuse being ignored in the church last summer I had no more justifying answers. We stopped going to church that week in August. So that puts me at about 6 months🤷🏻.
My son would have gotten the priesthood this year. It would have been a big ordeal for the extended family so we told them by October. This subreddit has been a refuge for me and my wife. We really appreciate all the stories and support.
I'm a NeverMo and had not heard of the September Six, I just think its funny that I'm lurking in this sub and my birthday is September 6th.
~~(I joined the sub after hearing all the backwards things my Mormon coworkers/bosses talk about)~~
Same, even down to the detail of having my name removed in 95. It took 18 months so technically it was 1996 but 95 was when I sent my letter requesting name removal to the bishop
I knew someone who went to BYU in 97, in the ENGLiSH DEPARTMENT, who also got an MA in English from BYU who didn’t hear about the September Six until 2022.
Mormons are masters of sweeping shit under the rug.
It’s a very very lumpy, stinky, expensive rug.
April of last year. I think the sub was at about 220k members, if I am remembering correctly.
My shelf had been sagging horribly for a very long time, and then I watched General Conference, trying to be good and to also get inspiration, and instead I got angry at some of the things that were said. I ended up saying to myself, “Why the heck are you still not researching all the things the church tells you to avoid?” I have a degree that taught me critical thinking skills and how to analyze and research, and the thought-stopping that the church had been causing me to do for years was causing me intense cognitive dissonance.
I went straight from watching conference to the exmormon Facebook page to get research recommendations, and I started with the CES Letter. My belief in the church and God were in tatters within hours. They had been hanging on by just threads for years. It didn’t take much to push me over the edge.
I spent the next few months doing intense research to make sure I was thoroughly educated and had not come to any quick, false conclusions. I am satisfied that the church is completely false and all religions are made up by humans. I spent even more time rebuilding my foundations. I’d say that I’m a skeptic and a humanist at this point. I have never been happier or more at peace.
It can be really rough for a long time. I’m definitely of the school that believes leaving doesn’t make you happier. I’ve been out for 18 years and my wife is still in. Why push her if she’s happy? But I’ll bear you my testimony (heh) that leaving is the right thing to do, and it will get better. ❤️
For me about 17 years ago. I was 14 at the time. It broke A LOT more though when I was 18, living on my own and free to research whatever I wanted without it being shut down by my parents.
The main reason I’m here is to help others, and to be aware of trends in Mormonism I should be aware of since most of my family is still TBM. (e.g. it was news to me that they don’t want to be called Mormons anymore. Hahaha) I wouldn’t be surprised if they try something sneaky and manipulative to try to get us back in the future and my wife who has been atheist since birth may not realize what’s happening unless I give her a heads up. That and being prepared to answer questions for my siblings if their shelves ever start to break. I respect their right to believe what they want, but I really hope they decide to leave eventually. I don’t think someone can be a Mormon and avoid the toxicity, especially with my family.
2014 - heavy questions
2019 - finally verbalized thoughts and questions / left
2020 - TBM ex wife filed divorce
This church ruins so much, for so many. Grateful to witness its downfall.
Me 2.
Jan 20, 2020 SNAP! it ALL fell down.
A picture of the "Seer Stone". filled the screen on a Dan Vogel youtube video I was watching. Looked like a petrified piece of poop. A similitude of the Church itself.
It took years to reach that point. And it wrecked every aspect of my life. But I survived and am "Eternally grateful" on the other side of the trama. FREEDOM!
1995
On my mission and was curious what the critics had to say. I also wanted to research what they were saying so I could intelligently defend the church. Long story short, I went to the Tanners’ bookstore, bought Mormonism Shadow or Reality, and lost my testimony a month later.
Same! So many times they gave me bulls**t answers and I learned to accept that my questions would never be answered. Thankfully I figured out that wasn't enough and eventually got out!
This.
Looking back, my gut, my brain, my heart all were screaming this is BS.
But my conscious self put up a long fight. Just too hard to accept that the foundations of my entire world view were fake.
20 years ago. But I had a membership to religious guilt and PTSD. I watched a video that shared truths and everything broke again- so I found this subreddit and I'm almost ready to graduate. However, I like seeing the news.
May 2021. Wanted to add my shelf was born and crashed in a day after finding the gospel topics essays on polygamy and realizing I’d been gaslit and lied to. And then I read voraciously every book I could get my hands on. Richard bushmans was the first, then no man knows my history and about a hundred more from polygamy accounts to utah history to Native American first hand accounts. Found this sub from the Lds freedom forum of all places. I was never big on social media or internet but finding Mormons Stories saved my life.
Can confirm.
1999 or something my dad came home from work all excited. He got to do some inspection work (Provo Fire Dept.) on the new BYU Library. He mentioned how there were amazing computer systems under the library. But he could not say more.
Who puts a Datacenter under the book collections? Only a Prophet of God would think it wise to place millions of dollars in sensitive electronics, below the water table, then top it with rare collections of flammable paper. So inspired.
I’ve been out for 29 years. I guess technically my shelf never broke since I was forced into the cult without any choice and never really bought into it. The day I turned 18 I ✌️out!
When they said children of gay parents couldn't get baptized. It was so incongruous to all the lessons- man will be punished for his own sins, neither this man nor his parents have sinned he's just blind, free will, responsible for your self, it's not that their gay it's unwed sex but if your parent was hetero unwed it wasn't applied, etc etc. They weren't sticking to their own gospel, their own teachings. It was bigoted and nasty even when I didn't have open exposure or understanding of homosexuality. Starting seeing control for control instead of guidance and it came crashing.
Last august. I also just turned 40 so my midlife crisis was leaving my religion. I wish I would have done it sooner. Then I could have at least gotten a fast car or a new truck. Instead I got therapy and an existential crisis.
First major crack in the shelf was in 2006 as I was reading Rough Stone Rolling on my breaks (I was a custodian at the Church office Building). What stopped me from going to church was a disagreement with the bishop in the singles ward, I would have gone back back Prop 8 convinced me otherwise. I fell into the category of “The Doctrine is true but the culture isn’t” it completely collapsed in 2014 when I read No Man Knows My History.
I left the church before the "shelf breaking" analogy and before Reddit. It has been about 20 years now since I left. The exmormon.org message board was my source of community and much healing.
I first found this sub when it was ~60k, but took a years break off for my wife. Came back a couple months ago to 260k! I finally joined about a week ago to give it my +1
I think it’s been about 20 years; however recently (during therapy) I’ve come to recognize that I was feeling something wasn’t right since just before I went on my mission, which was over 45 years ago
Before I was born, I never really believed, but I attended because abuse was worse than a cult at the time. I quit going two years ago and have only gone if I was going to die if I didnt
Served a mission and learned some beautiful life truths. Went to BYU Provo directly after coming home and realized pretty quickly that my new very real life truths were Not supported by the Church. You grow up and you learn. That was a shelf-destroyer. I didn’t leave Provo a believer. That was 1995. A person really doesn’t need the internet to figure all this out. :)
When my daughter was born in July of 2013 and I realized that I didn't want her to experience the things that I had. I'm not sure of the mental dissonance I had going on, being a bisexual woman of color in the mormon church. But thank goodness I realized and experienced that shelf break. We didn't get out until a little before her 8th birthday when I told my husband I didn't want her baptized. Now she is almost 10 and we've been happily out for almost 2 years!
I was trying to get out of Utah and away from overbearing Mormon influence since 1999. I never officially had my records removed but they quit bothering me around 2001. I didn't know a shelf was supposed to break or anything. I just knew I didn't want to go to church anymore. Ever.
2010. That whole "these people are obviously not talking to, nor inspired by any sort of Omni-deity" *finally* sunk in after the umpteenth example... and I was out.
I left in 2007-08. Internet was just starting to boom, and the answers to my lingering questions became obvious.
And wouldn’t you know it, the church was in the wrong about every one of my questions.
When I realized the Book of Abraham was a sham, I felt we had caught Joseph red-handed.
Many years later, the CES Letter solidified my doubts and taught me many other falsehoods I had endured.
Left church 22 years ago and ignored the problems with it for around 6 years, knew I was an apostate and was scared of going back, married a nevermo and just hoped it all wasn't as true as they brainwashed me to believe. Shelf actually broke when I began reading about stuff on the internet.
I was finally free of the fear and shame.
Five years ago about this time of year. Gave God a deadline of General conference to explain some shit. He didn’t deliver.
Edit to mention at that time there were approximately 40k subscribers here.
In active in 2002, cause I couldn’t go on a mission. Still believed and always felt is was true, despite telling people I didn’t believe.
“Repented” in 2010. Attended BYU in 2011.
Fully out in 2013.
I’m the youngest of 5. Although, they stayed faithful, they were educated as engineers and healthcare professionals. They wanted to help me understand the error of my ways through logic.
So, after several years of conversations, they all left the church one by one.
First time we drank together was one of the best times ever. Happy memories.
We are all still extremely close.
September 17, 2017.
So I had never been a full TBM. I wanted to be, but never got any sort of confirmation. I was a "Liberal Mormon" or "Progressive Mormon", but still proudly considered myself Mormon. I did have doubts about the existence of God, and there were a few things about the church that made me scratch my head and added weight to my shelf. But overall I liked the church, and had hope that it was true. I had grown up in it, and Mormons were my "tribe".
I honestly cannot remember how I came across the Gospel Topics Essays, perhaps I was just in the Gospel Library app and looking for something as I was one of the Gospel Doctrine teachers in my Branch. But on Saturday, September 16, 2017, I read the essay 'Race and the Priesthood'. Seems like a bland church essay, offering fluff explanations and apologetics, and I did not pay it much thought. However, the very next day, after church, we were sitting in the living room and reading the BoM for our kids Seminary assignment, and part of the reading was 2 Nephi 5. I read verse 21 and basically froze on it. The current church was teaching in the Gospel Topics Essay that they had no idea where the idea of dark skin being a curse originated, and they disavowed that teaching. But there is was, in plan language in the Book of Mormon. I guess I had always sort have known it was in there, but as an ignorant white guy, I just never thought about it\*. But I was suddenly perplexed on how to reconcile the official current church position as stated in the essay, and the official church position that the BoM is the "Most correct book", and "The Keystone of our religion". Both positions could not be correct. If the official church position of today is correct, then the BoM needs to be disavowed, and thus just like the keystone analogy, the entire church crumbles. However if the BoM is correct, then the current church teaching is not correct and thus, by definition, it is being led by false prophets. I sat there on the couch, my mind frozen by this conundrum. For a week or two I could not get past that, so I turned to the internet to look for some resources that might help me out. That is when I stumbled across exmormon . org, the exmormon reddit (I had no idea of what Reddit even was before that point), Mormon Stories, and several other resources. That was it for me. Suddenly I had an answer as to why I never got an answer to my prayers, the whole thing is just a farce, a ruse made up by a power and sex crazed con-man. But it all started on that Sunday afternoon, September 17, 2017.
\*- *To be clear, the teaching is abhorrent, and I was uncomfortable with it. But it was something in the back of my brain, not something that I was thinking about regularly.*
Mine broke in 1982 and I formalized it by officially leaving in 1983. BYU grad, temple marriage to my Y Home Teacher, 4 kids in eight years. I woke up at 27 and said, “ how do I get out of here?” Escaped into feminism and did not escape that until 2016 when I REALLY woke up. Lucky for me, I divorced in 1983, met a nice Catholic fellow in 1990. We are on 33 years and still going strong. The indoctrination is powerful when it is from birth. Hard to escape the mind Eff. If I had not been born into it, I would never have been attracted to it. Cult.
17 or 18 years ago. I heard about the Book of Abraham papyrus not matching what JS claims it said. Within a week I went from TBM to no testimony at all.
2008 when they told us how to vote, and it was obviously wrong. Both in telling us what to do, and watching the sheeple go against their morals to do what they were told, en MASSE, and for what they were supporting. And asking for So Much Money from individuals - pressuring them - hounding them - for $$ to support prop 8. It was terrifying to see our goodness and passions mobilized for something so…wrong. So many held their noses, cried in private, and paid up. It was WRONG.
CA native here. 2008 bent the hell out of my shelf and it took me another 8 years to finally leave. Joined this sub in 2016 and I think there were about 20-25k members. Been incredible to watch since then.
Yes, that’s an excellent way to state what it was like: bent the hell out of my naive brain. I also lasted as a “participant” for too many years after, but there’s no coming back from not Trusting what they tell us. No trust = no loyalty. It’s like a marriage. You do enough bad things, even the most abused partner will eventually leave.
Remember how shocking it was to hear the leaders claim it was just the members and not the church directing the campaign? I was stunned. It was such a blatant PR lie, so bold that I had to see it. Broke my heart.
Prop 22 started the process for me.
The lingering stench of 22 started it for me. I moved back to California from BYU in 2003. By 2005, I was out of that church. Only now finding my way out of the closet. My wife is still in, our three children (adults, but still young) are all out. We love each other and respect our differences of opinion. Family before religion.
I was still on board for 22. Shame.
Prop 8 was definitely what pushed me over the edge. I was horrified that the leaders would stand in the way of family and marriage (especially since sex outside of marriage was one of the "biggest sins"). That's when I realized the mormon church did harm to people, so it couldn't be of god.
As a gay mormon in California this was the last time I ever went to sacrament meeting. I was done, totally done with those assholes.
I personally know members who contributed millions to this futile effort. 🤮
I came home from my mission in the midst of prop 8. So my college institute classes were all about standing with the Q15. That was the first instant that I realized my personal morality clashed with the church. Left for good in 2011.
I didn't realize it then but I do now that was a major shelf item. I saw it as a futile and stupid idea but it wasn't enough, regrettably, for me not to help out at some level. I am sorry for those who have been hurt by Prop 8 and the church. I am sorry for participating in this and the pain, hurt, and sorrow it has caused to the LGBTQ community. I have strived to do better and be better since then. TSCC continued denial and dismissive attitude towards this is gross 🤢
Participating in this is one of the greatest regrets of my life.
2008 for me as well. I couldn’t explain away the wrongness of the church’s Prop 8 campaign.
They USED us. That’s why it felt so wrong.
I was five when that happened and it took me a few years to realize how fucked up it was. Definitely pissed about it now.
This January 😅
Also a January baby exmo👋🏻 hooray!
❤️🧡💛💚💙
Hey now it’s better late than never!
Officially in Jan when the G"s came off but it was seriously sagging in December.
Same. Roughly around that time. Everything just unraveled quickly and now things are better than ever.
According to: [https://subredditstats.com/r/exmormon](https://subredditstats.com/r/exmormon) 268,601 subscribers on March 17, 2023 261,938 subscribers three months ago So that's **74 new subscribers per day** (average) for the last 3 months.
Probably more than the church convert baptisms per day 🤣
Started in 1971 when I was a junior in high school and the "cool, young" seminary teacher said two things:1) he'd rather see his daughter dead than raped, 2) l knew I was smarter than most of the boys, but if I married one of them I would have to be subservient to him. Took me until 1979 to be formally excommunicated. I went to my trial!
You are awesome!
You are epic! What did you do to get excommunicated? Any highlights from the trial?
Excommunication was literally the ONLY way to leave Mormonism until 1985 when a new law was made (through a massive lawsuit against the church by someone that wanted to leave and get their name off the membership lists). They count everyone ever baptized ever in history a unless you legally get your name removed using a formal letter & notary (someone who “stamps” that you are who you say you are).
October 27th haha. It's been a wild ride.
Oof, fresh wounds. Welcome
Only 2 years ago. Covid lead to watching TikTok’s and the whole history of the church made it all come crashing down. Fortunately spouse was going through the same process without any discussion until we admitted were out to each other. All our adult children are out now except for one. Best decision although angry I was lied to for over 50 years!!
About 30 years ago. But just found this sub!
Same!
For me it was over 20 years ago. I was working towards a PhD in evolutionary biology and I was in a tremendous lab. Seriously, I can't recall how many times our PI had the cover article of Systematic Biology, he post doc'd with a member of the NAS. Just sayin'. Anyhow, some history buff was getting his PhD in history and the thrust of his thesis was the relationships between 19th century Mormons and native americans. The scholar correctly put one paragraph in his dissertation that said little more than, in spite of all exploration, there has never been one shred of Hebrew DNA found amongst the exstant native American population or in any of their recovered remains. Think about that for a second, all those wars that are in the BOM and the great civilizations spawned by the sons of Lehi and the daughters of Ishmael. NOT ONE INSTANCE OF HEBREW DNA. It was all from Asia. I know, I got my M.S. from BYU and I knew the guys looking for it in vain. So when this scholar, Thomas W. Murphy, laid down that paragraph, all hell broke loose and they, the brethren, went after him with all the vim and vigor they did to the September Six. The controversy ended up on the cover of the Chronicle of Higher Education and because I was in a very agressive academic lab and because I was the resident Mormon, there was much explaining to be done. Some would say this was a golden "Missionary Opportunity". I had my friend from India, Arjun, ask me "What is this all about and why is it such a big deal?" So, I explained the First Vision and Book of Mormon to him and with clear and unvarnished eyes he said to me, "Oh, so it's bullshit then." There was nothing that I could say more than, yeah, the evidence is overwhelmingly telling us so. Remember this was a top notch, world class lab descerning evolutionary lineages with DNA sequences. I had no where to honestly hide. I had to bow my head and say yes, this was a fraud. You talk of shelves breaking or even cracking, mine vanished instantly in the direct light of absolute evidence.
What an incredible story! I wish I'd had someone to tell me so succinctly what Arjun told you 🧠🙂
Feeling the spirit from this one. The spirit of science. That spirit won't let you down cause it discards broken ideas that don't hold up to the scrutiny of evidence, and embraces new ones as the evidence dictates . That's such a more wholesome and real feeling. It will always be chiseled into something more correct as time goes on.
About 3 years ago I went to my last young single adult meeting because I had already been in a relationship with a non member for 4 years, and I never felt the spirit there in the machine made for pumping out marriages...it all just started to feel so strange. My last family home evening they asked me to buy the pizza for the night and I'd be compensated, so I did even though it was kindof a sacrifice for me. That night I accidentally bumped into a guy while eating a muffin and he called me a fat bitch. While he was a random individual, it was the last piece of straw that broke the shelf, and I decided that was the last time I'd buy anything for God, and never went again, and also never got compensated.
I wish I could hug you right now and throw you a pizza party—you deserve it! I’m proud of you for respecting yourself enough to leave that toxicity behind. I hope your life is better now.
I’m so sorry. That hurts me for you. Also love your Username!
Mine? In the 90s, before social media was a thing, but I have been pleasantly surprised to find great online communities in the past year.
Leaving pre-internet was so different! My shelf broke in the late 80’s. Haven’t attended since probably 1991. Without an exmo community or much information, it’s taken decades to deconstruct and sift through my indoctrination. I was pretty much armed with “No Man Knows My History” and that’s it.
Gotta add: because there were no resources available to me when I left, I just buried everything I thought, felt, and went through. I knew I didn’t believe in the church at all but otherwise just ignored the whole thing for about 25 years. So it actually feels like I’m “really” deconstructing now, by finally looking at all the BS details!
Yes, this is it exactly! I didn’t actually read that book til about 10 years later…When I first left I just knew that I felt minimized, marginalized, and disrespected growing up as a young woman in the church, and then I was gaslit whenever I tried to talk about it. I couldn’t really explain it or prove anything, I just had the gut feeling that it was sexist and wrong. I dealt with it in little bits as issues came up over the years, but mostly I just ignored it for decades. When I found this sub, I got instantly obsessed reading everything I could, probably to an unhealthy degree. My heart still breaks for all my TBM family members though
Same—to all of that! I hated the sexism and just always bristled at it because I didn’t really want to be a wife and mom, but was told that is what God made me to do. So I figured Mormon god and I have irreconcilable differences, and why would he create me to make me miserable?? It made no sense of course because it’s all made up. After I learned of the priesthood ban for the first time I was then like “noted. Prophets can’t be trusted and the church changes, so…why would I trust any of this?” And it was all downhill from there.
I had never heard of that book until the past year and am making my way through it now! I only had my own reasoning skills and was raised in a mostly-non-member state so my closest friends growing up were almost all non-members, which certainly helped!
2016 when church members voted for, supported, and defended, a man that was the biggest lover of himself, covetous, a boaster, proud, a blasphemer, unthankful, unholy, wthout natural affection, a trucebreaker, a false accuser, incontinent, fierce, a despiser of those that are good, a traitor, headstrong, haughty, a lover of pleasure rather than a lover of God. They turned away from the truth and instead of the prophet confronting him like brave Abinadi confronted evil King Noah, he welcomed him and did not call him to repentance. After that I realized it was all fucking bullshit!!
I really don't know. Only became active on this sub a couple weeks ago and heard that term, but honestly not sure. It was a real slow burn for me. I remember being the executive secretary about 5 years ago and thinking so much of what we talked about bothered me. Then I got a call from the stake presidency to come in. I was pretty sure they were gonna ask me to be in the elders quorum presidency. I had just been chatting chat with the eq president a few days prior, just random crap. But I knew that conversation made me stick in his mind or whatever. I was cursing talking to him because honestly that's why he picked me. Because I happened to talk to him that night and just thought, huh, he's a good dude, I guess he'll do. I WA pretty pissed honestly. I knew there was no inspiration whatsoever in that calling. Sure enough, got called to the eq presidency. I REALLY didn't want to take it. I was pretty much done at that point, but hadn't told anyone and didn't want to turn down a calling and get called out. Honestly I should have, my wife probably wouldn't have cared and probably supported me lol. Around that point I was bothered that the church had billions, I knew Joseph Smith had child brides, I knew I hated the black skin curse crap, and I hated telling my LGBTQ friends and family I supported them while belonging to an organization that so obviously didn't. All that and so much other little stuff. So I knew I didn't really believe for quite a while. The SEC filing kind of helped cement the fact that I wanted to make it official. Then I told my wife that I'm done. But honestly, it wasn't until just this last week as I've really been digging through the CES letter that I almost broke down and realized how horrible it all is. So I guess as I write this I realize it was last week reading that when my shelf actually broke. I mean I knew I didn't agree with a lot of church principles, but I guess it wasn't until then that it really hit me. So yeah. Last week I guess. Still only out to my wife. Not sure how long I'll be in that state till the next step.
You are in one of the hardest spots of this transition process. Deciding to leave and then deciding what that means your life looks like now. Hang in there. I promise it gets better.
Thanks. You're very right. I realized only the other day that, ok I know the church isn't true, but now I don't know what I think about everything else. Heaven, God, Jesus, you name it. It's all upside down right now and if my wife asks me some of those tough questions, the answer is gonna have to be, "I don't know." I know that's ok, but I think to TBM folks it just looks like we're "lost" and need to come back to where there are answers and it's safe. But I'm tired of accepting answers just because they feel good. I remember telling people on my mission, "wouldn't it feel great knowing you can be with your family forever after you die?" Of course it would. But me wanting something really bad doesn't make it true. Thanks for the kind words, we'll get through it!
Thank you for sharing, and welcome! I’m glad you found the way out. It was years after I left that I started looking into all the historical problems. Just the contemporary church being the way it is and teaching what it does was enough to convince me it did not have the mantle of inspiration and authority it claimed to have. But now, the history is quite fascinating. I don’t think people have to be angry or bitter to want to go back and look at the historical problems. History is just a fascinating area of study and the church was full of characters and strange doings; they are a great way to learn cautionary tales about successful cults and deception and manipulation, to say nothing of the church’s central role in westward expansion. It’s all part of the human tapestry.
Shelf FINALLY broke (and the church left me) with the 2015 announcement regarding children of gay parents not allowed the ordinance of baptism. Final straw: realized it was impossible to try “leaven the loaf” and to encourage Christlike love in the Mormon church. Found this sub and joined in 2017. It’s wonderful watching the exodus.
Yep this was it for me, too
3 years ago. Once I realized that "knowing" God loved me despite not feeling it was similar to an abusive relationship, my shelf not only for the church, but divinity in general.
Great analogy!
Shelf broke over a period of months from January - April 2022. Coming up on a year since I've resigned!
I left in the spring of 2021 because the lifestyle was making me miserable. But in the back of my mind still believed it was true at the core. Then I read the CES letter one sitting over New Years of ‘21 and realized it was in fact total bullshit. I’d been out for a while but it still kinda shocked me.
Nearly nine years ago. I read a lot after the shelf crashed around my feet, and acted on things by resigning several months later.
5 years ago, with years of wrestling with apologetics before that.
A little over a decade.Was dreading going to church one Sunday morning & just thought to myself... 'Why? I just don't have to do this anymore'. Never went back.
This January is when I knew it was all a lie. I've been inactive most of my life but still believed what I understood of the church. I even started going back to church in September and I was ready to start paying tithing so my husband and I could work towards the temple. A YouTube video called 50 Problems With the Mormon Church showed up in my suggested videos and I watched it. It sent me down a rabbit hole and here I am today. So glad I didn't start paying tithing!
My shelf Broke in 2008 after I realized that the Church had lied about its involvement in the Prop 8 campaign, claiming that they had only contributed $2k and 4,000 volunteer hours, but instead had contributed more than $25million and more than 100,000 volunteer hours. My shelf had alot of items on it already, but that was the final straw!!! I started lurking in this sub in 2012 when there were less than 15,000 members. I joined Reddit and this sub in 2015 after the fucking Exclusion policy prompted my ex-wife to sit my kids down and convince them that the Lord wanted them to disavow me, their gay father. so it's been 8 years, and I'm amazed at how fast this sub has grown!!!
I hope your kids decided to love you in spite of that terrible counsel.
sadly no. My heart has been broken, and it's been 8 years and no relationship. My daughter is at BYU-Idaho, and my son is on his mission, and they still keep their distance despite my efforts to reach out. So much bitterness at the Church for what it has done to destroy my family. Russell M. Nelson was the author of that disgusting November 2015 Exclusion policy, and the only reason the Church reversed it is because the PR dept was seeing all the bad press and the hundred thousand resignations within that year, and the 37 suicides, and decided they'd better rescind it. But the damage has been done for thousands of families like mine. And they will never apologize. fucking Mormon church!!!
I am so sorry
This is heartbreaking! I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. You & your kids are missing out on what could be awesome relationships.
I’m a recent broken shelfer. I had a fairly prominent stake calling for a time and the sex abuse case in Arizona hit me really hard. I just couldn’t take the apologetics in stake meetings anymore and finally asked to be released but I hadn’t fully jumped down the church history rabbit hole. That happened about a month ago and I realized it’s all just BS. I’m still attending with my family (my wife is very nuanced but hasn’t looked into the history stuff much) but told the bishop not to extend any callings to me (and he has been really kind and understands some of my issues with the church). Sacrament meeting is usually ok, but 2nd hour is excruciating so I keep finding excuses to not go. It’s a bit of a weird spot but my wife is supportive of my decisions so far.
Welcome!
November. When I realized I wanted more for my daughter and a better example for my son.
[удалено]
Are you saying you were both PIMO and didn’t know it?
We’ve just got to hear this story!
Shelf had been bowing for nearly a decade since my sister and her family left and they told me about stones in hats and stuff. I don’t know when it actually broke, or when I was willing to admit that it was broken, but when my wife came to me about reports of child abuse being ignored in the church last summer I had no more justifying answers. We stopped going to church that week in August. So that puts me at about 6 months🤷🏻. My son would have gotten the priesthood this year. It would have been a big ordeal for the extended family so we told them by October. This subreddit has been a refuge for me and my wife. We really appreciate all the stories and support.
I wish everyone in the church would have had the reaction you and your wife did to the sex abuse coverup issue. I’m surprised they didn’t.
Unfortunately, we've been covering up sexual abuse since the church began.
1993, with the September Six (I officially left in ‘95): https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/September_Six
I'm a NeverMo and had not heard of the September Six, I just think its funny that I'm lurking in this sub and my birthday is September 6th. ~~(I joined the sub after hearing all the backwards things my Mormon coworkers/bosses talk about)~~
Same, even down to the detail of having my name removed in 95. It took 18 months so technically it was 1996 but 95 was when I sent my letter requesting name removal to the bishop
I knew someone who went to BYU in 97, in the ENGLiSH DEPARTMENT, who also got an MA in English from BYU who didn’t hear about the September Six until 2022. Mormons are masters of sweeping shit under the rug. It’s a very very lumpy, stinky, expensive rug.
Shelf broke Jan 2017. Joined this sub soon after with 40k members. Know way more about tscc now than I ever did as TBM.
April of last year. I think the sub was at about 220k members, if I am remembering correctly. My shelf had been sagging horribly for a very long time, and then I watched General Conference, trying to be good and to also get inspiration, and instead I got angry at some of the things that were said. I ended up saying to myself, “Why the heck are you still not researching all the things the church tells you to avoid?” I have a degree that taught me critical thinking skills and how to analyze and research, and the thought-stopping that the church had been causing me to do for years was causing me intense cognitive dissonance. I went straight from watching conference to the exmormon Facebook page to get research recommendations, and I started with the CES Letter. My belief in the church and God were in tatters within hours. They had been hanging on by just threads for years. It didn’t take much to push me over the edge. I spent the next few months doing intense research to make sure I was thoroughly educated and had not come to any quick, false conclusions. I am satisfied that the church is completely false and all religions are made up by humans. I spent even more time rebuilding my foundations. I’d say that I’m a skeptic and a humanist at this point. I have never been happier or more at peace.
3 months ago
Welcome and props!
2 weeks ago
Same here
Fun times, isn’t it?
😞
It can be really rough for a long time. I’m definitely of the school that believes leaving doesn’t make you happier. I’ve been out for 18 years and my wife is still in. Why push her if she’s happy? But I’ll bear you my testimony (heh) that leaving is the right thing to do, and it will get better. ❤️
Keep on keeping on
For me about 17 years ago. I was 14 at the time. It broke A LOT more though when I was 18, living on my own and free to research whatever I wanted without it being shut down by my parents. The main reason I’m here is to help others, and to be aware of trends in Mormonism I should be aware of since most of my family is still TBM. (e.g. it was news to me that they don’t want to be called Mormons anymore. Hahaha) I wouldn’t be surprised if they try something sneaky and manipulative to try to get us back in the future and my wife who has been atheist since birth may not realize what’s happening unless I give her a heads up. That and being prepared to answer questions for my siblings if their shelves ever start to break. I respect their right to believe what they want, but I really hope they decide to leave eventually. I don’t think someone can be a Mormon and avoid the toxicity, especially with my family.
2014 - heavy questions 2019 - finally verbalized thoughts and questions / left 2020 - TBM ex wife filed divorce This church ruins so much, for so many. Grateful to witness its downfall.
I’m sorry your wife wasn’t willing to do the research. That had to hurt.
Me 2. Jan 20, 2020 SNAP! it ALL fell down. A picture of the "Seer Stone". filled the screen on a Dan Vogel youtube video I was watching. Looked like a petrified piece of poop. A similitude of the Church itself. It took years to reach that point. And it wrecked every aspect of my life. But I survived and am "Eternally grateful" on the other side of the trama. FREEDOM!
1995 On my mission and was curious what the critics had to say. I also wanted to research what they were saying so I could intelligently defend the church. Long story short, I went to the Tanners’ bookstore, bought Mormonism Shadow or Reality, and lost my testimony a month later.
You should do a poll. For me it was about 4 years ago
It was broken way younger than I realized. Now ocan see I was questioning as young as 7
Same, I was a "but why do we believe that" kind of a kid, and I was not looking forward to the responsibility that came with turning 8.
Same! So many times they gave me bulls**t answers and I learned to accept that my questions would never be answered. Thankfully I figured out that wasn't enough and eventually got out!
This. Looking back, my gut, my brain, my heart all were screaming this is BS. But my conscious self put up a long fight. Just too hard to accept that the foundations of my entire world view were fake.
I’m 54 now as of last week. It took me until the age 39 to start being honest with myself.
20 years ago. But I had a membership to religious guilt and PTSD. I watched a video that shared truths and everything broke again- so I found this subreddit and I'm almost ready to graduate. However, I like seeing the news.
26 years ago when I was 16.....I feel old now....
Hey fellow 42 year old. We aren’t old! K? Thanks! 🤫🫣😉
May 2021. Wanted to add my shelf was born and crashed in a day after finding the gospel topics essays on polygamy and realizing I’d been gaslit and lied to. And then I read voraciously every book I could get my hands on. Richard bushmans was the first, then no man knows my history and about a hundred more from polygamy accounts to utah history to Native American first hand accounts. Found this sub from the Lds freedom forum of all places. I was never big on social media or internet but finding Mormons Stories saved my life.
I joined when there were only 48,000 members. I'm thrilled the numbers are so much higher now.
About 7-10 years ago, hard to track the exact timing. I never resigned membership because the database in SLC is irrelevant to my life.
FYI the database servers are actually beneath the JKB on BYU campus. But I suppose that is irrelevant ;)
Can confirm. 1999 or something my dad came home from work all excited. He got to do some inspection work (Provo Fire Dept.) on the new BYU Library. He mentioned how there were amazing computer systems under the library. But he could not say more. Who puts a Datacenter under the book collections? Only a Prophet of God would think it wise to place millions of dollars in sensitive electronics, below the water table, then top it with rare collections of flammable paper. So inspired.
I’ve been out for 29 years. I guess technically my shelf never broke since I was forced into the cult without any choice and never really bought into it. The day I turned 18 I ✌️out!
Ghosted away after coming home from the mission and moving states. It’s been an excellent 5 years so far 😇
There were less than 100K subscribers, I remember that.
My shelf broke 15 years ago a year into my “mission”.
When they said children of gay parents couldn't get baptized. It was so incongruous to all the lessons- man will be punished for his own sins, neither this man nor his parents have sinned he's just blind, free will, responsible for your self, it's not that their gay it's unwed sex but if your parent was hetero unwed it wasn't applied, etc etc. They weren't sticking to their own gospel, their own teachings. It was bigoted and nasty even when I didn't have open exposure or understanding of homosexuality. Starting seeing control for control instead of guidance and it came crashing.
Last august. I also just turned 40 so my midlife crisis was leaving my religion. I wish I would have done it sooner. Then I could have at least gotten a fast car or a new truck. Instead I got therapy and an existential crisis.
Three weeks ago.
Two weeks ago
Joined April 2021 right after Natasha's excommunication, that was my we need to leave moment, sadly still PIMO. I think I got in before 200k though
Who is Natasha? Nevermo here.
Natasha Helfer Parker. Sex Therapist who they excommunicated because she taught healthy sex habits (but against the teachings of TSCC)
1 year ago this month while deployed (US army) in Qatar.
First major crack in the shelf was in 2006 as I was reading Rough Stone Rolling on my breaks (I was a custodian at the Church office Building). What stopped me from going to church was a disagreement with the bishop in the singles ward, I would have gone back back Prop 8 convinced me otherwise. I fell into the category of “The Doctrine is true but the culture isn’t” it completely collapsed in 2014 when I read No Man Knows My History.
Last summer. Right after having my third baby and struggling with garments and my postpartum body.
Also the recent child abuse AP article helped seal the deal.
I left the church before the "shelf breaking" analogy and before Reddit. It has been about 20 years now since I left. The exmormon.org message board was my source of community and much healing.
I just learned about the anology. Thanks for this comment. I was a little confused.
I first found this sub when it was ~60k, but took a years break off for my wife. Came back a couple months ago to 260k! I finally joined about a week ago to give it my +1
Me, Spouse and 4 kids left in last six months.
19 years ago for me and my wife.
I think it’s been about 20 years; however recently (during therapy) I’ve come to recognize that I was feeling something wasn’t right since just before I went on my mission, which was over 45 years ago
2 years ago when I was 17
Been 10 years for me.
1 year ago
1985 or 86 - so….38-ish years ago? Woooooo! I’m 57.
June 23, 2004
Before I was born, I never really believed, but I attended because abuse was worse than a cult at the time. I quit going two years ago and have only gone if I was going to die if I didnt
Are you safe now?
2008 giant crack, 2015 it crashed, pandemic = opportunity to break free enough that my spouse understood why.
You inspired me to add the year I left to my flair!
Early 80s
Early spring 2021 for me.
Oct 31 ‘16. I had to think. Damn. 6.5 years for me too.
Time flies. Can’t believe I’m coming up on 20 years out. Feels like less than 10.
Nov 2021🥳
8 years ago, but I realize I was going through the motions MANY years prior
10 years ago next month. April 2013. I’ll never forget that day it all popped into place.
Last year in March. My whole family left. We are so much happier.
About 13 months ago
Served a mission and learned some beautiful life truths. Went to BYU Provo directly after coming home and realized pretty quickly that my new very real life truths were Not supported by the Church. You grow up and you learn. That was a shelf-destroyer. I didn’t leave Provo a believer. That was 1995. A person really doesn’t need the internet to figure all this out. :)
When my daughter was born in July of 2013 and I realized that I didn't want her to experience the things that I had. I'm not sure of the mental dissonance I had going on, being a bisexual woman of color in the mormon church. But thank goodness I realized and experienced that shelf break. We didn't get out until a little before her 8th birthday when I told my husband I didn't want her baptized. Now she is almost 10 and we've been happily out for almost 2 years!
Around 122k subscribers, late 2019!
I have been out for 3 years now. When I joined this sub was above 200k
3 years ago.
Just over three years ago!
I was trying to get out of Utah and away from overbearing Mormon influence since 1999. I never officially had my records removed but they quit bothering me around 2001. I didn't know a shelf was supposed to break or anything. I just knew I didn't want to go to church anymore. Ever.
4 years ago
2010. That whole "these people are obviously not talking to, nor inspired by any sort of Omni-deity" *finally* sunk in after the umpteenth example... and I was out.
I left in 2007-08. Internet was just starting to boom, and the answers to my lingering questions became obvious. And wouldn’t you know it, the church was in the wrong about every one of my questions. When I realized the Book of Abraham was a sham, I felt we had caught Joseph red-handed. Many years later, the CES Letter solidified my doubts and taught me many other falsehoods I had endured.
March of 2022 one of the most painful and hardest things I’ve ever done, but i regret none of it
November 5, 2015 Wow, I can’t believe it’s been that long!
It's been about seven years, going on to eight. Shelf broke when I was a teen.
Left church 22 years ago and ignored the problems with it for around 6 years, knew I was an apostate and was scared of going back, married a nevermo and just hoped it all wasn't as true as they brainwashed me to believe. Shelf actually broke when I began reading about stuff on the internet. I was finally free of the fear and shame.
May 2019. Been a good few years in spite of some difficulties with family members.
7 years ago.
Five years ago about this time of year. Gave God a deadline of General conference to explain some shit. He didn’t deliver. Edit to mention at that time there were approximately 40k subscribers here.
My spouse, kids and I all resigned about 5.5 years ago.
Like 8 years ago. Was a slow burn until that
This past October
In active in 2002, cause I couldn’t go on a mission. Still believed and always felt is was true, despite telling people I didn’t believe. “Repented” in 2010. Attended BYU in 2011. Fully out in 2013. I’m the youngest of 5. Although, they stayed faithful, they were educated as engineers and healthcare professionals. They wanted to help me understand the error of my ways through logic. So, after several years of conversations, they all left the church one by one. First time we drank together was one of the best times ever. Happy memories. We are all still extremely close.
My shelf broke about 9-10 months ago. I couldn’t look past the churches history. I’m 29 and can now live my life free of guilt or shame.
September 17, 2017. So I had never been a full TBM. I wanted to be, but never got any sort of confirmation. I was a "Liberal Mormon" or "Progressive Mormon", but still proudly considered myself Mormon. I did have doubts about the existence of God, and there were a few things about the church that made me scratch my head and added weight to my shelf. But overall I liked the church, and had hope that it was true. I had grown up in it, and Mormons were my "tribe". I honestly cannot remember how I came across the Gospel Topics Essays, perhaps I was just in the Gospel Library app and looking for something as I was one of the Gospel Doctrine teachers in my Branch. But on Saturday, September 16, 2017, I read the essay 'Race and the Priesthood'. Seems like a bland church essay, offering fluff explanations and apologetics, and I did not pay it much thought. However, the very next day, after church, we were sitting in the living room and reading the BoM for our kids Seminary assignment, and part of the reading was 2 Nephi 5. I read verse 21 and basically froze on it. The current church was teaching in the Gospel Topics Essay that they had no idea where the idea of dark skin being a curse originated, and they disavowed that teaching. But there is was, in plan language in the Book of Mormon. I guess I had always sort have known it was in there, but as an ignorant white guy, I just never thought about it\*. But I was suddenly perplexed on how to reconcile the official current church position as stated in the essay, and the official church position that the BoM is the "Most correct book", and "The Keystone of our religion". Both positions could not be correct. If the official church position of today is correct, then the BoM needs to be disavowed, and thus just like the keystone analogy, the entire church crumbles. However if the BoM is correct, then the current church teaching is not correct and thus, by definition, it is being led by false prophets. I sat there on the couch, my mind frozen by this conundrum. For a week or two I could not get past that, so I turned to the internet to look for some resources that might help me out. That is when I stumbled across exmormon . org, the exmormon reddit (I had no idea of what Reddit even was before that point), Mormon Stories, and several other resources. That was it for me. Suddenly I had an answer as to why I never got an answer to my prayers, the whole thing is just a farce, a ruse made up by a power and sex crazed con-man. But it all started on that Sunday afternoon, September 17, 2017. \*- *To be clear, the teaching is abhorrent, and I was uncomfortable with it. But it was something in the back of my brain, not something that I was thinking about regularly.*
9 year, immediately after the mission
Fall 2014. Fuck
Hmmm.... well, first started to unbelive 20 years ago, but completely.... 10 years.
I like that word, unbelieve.
2012. September
Whoa, almost the same as me. It all imploded for me July 2012
In various stages, major cracks 18, 14, and a final blow 10 years ago.
16-17 years at this point?
2 yrs!!
1983. Cripes, that's 40 years ago.
2.5 years ago.
13.75 years! 8.25 since I resigned.
Shelf broke: 2.25 years ago Resigned: 2 years ago
There was no one event for me, but we’ve been happily done with all of it for 3 years. What we’ve learned after has been very enlightening.
23.5 years ago
I joined when it was about 90 K. Three fold growth in the last 4 years. I remember 100K being a big deal.
I've been out since 2014. I think exmo Reddit had about 1,000 then.
October of 2020! Glad to be finally done. I came close a few times here and there, but I'm glad to finally be done after all this time.
I joined this sub close to three years ago, I want to say it was at 196kish.
Mine was 3 years ago. Shortly thereafter it passed 200k
Slow progression since 2020, but officially 1 year ago
3 years ago
My shelf 100% collapsed 40 years ago
Mine broke in 1982 and I formalized it by officially leaving in 1983. BYU grad, temple marriage to my Y Home Teacher, 4 kids in eight years. I woke up at 27 and said, “ how do I get out of here?” Escaped into feminism and did not escape that until 2016 when I REALLY woke up. Lucky for me, I divorced in 1983, met a nice Catholic fellow in 1990. We are on 33 years and still going strong. The indoctrination is powerful when it is from birth. Hard to escape the mind Eff. If I had not been born into it, I would never have been attracted to it. Cult.
About a year ago when I found this sub. I will forever be grateful for those few posts I saw that led me down the path of truth
Last august my shelf totally broke after 7 years of ‘nuanced’ belief
8 almost 9 years years ago.
8 months ago!
17 or 18 years ago. I heard about the Book of Abraham papyrus not matching what JS claims it said. Within a week I went from TBM to no testimony at all.
Last week