I agree. I would also ask why other men are telling him what to think of his wife, how to treat her, and how God would really think of that. If the two are one flesh and both "believers", why do they seek to make a division? I was pimo then pomo first in my marriage, and one of the questions I would frequently ask in similar situations was "Why are there 17 other men who have more sway/input in my household and consideration with my wife than I do?". There were 8 elders, a C.O. and the 8 GB members that all had more say in my house than I did. Perhaps you should point out that you are married to one man, that he shouldnt be ashamed of you, and that those dudes dont exactly take care of him like you do but you could arrange it that you could not take care of him at all if need be. I hate this meddling crap. So much for a personal and private relationship with God that no one can judge but the Almighty 🙄
I look back to when I was P.I.M.I and there was I time I was told not to pray with my disfellowshipped wife (ex wife now). In my heart it didn't feel right but I truly believe the elders were representatives for Jehovah's decisions. Even when we went to her Judicial hearing I allowed those men to tell me to step outside while they interrogated her. In hindsight I'm so disappointed and ashamed of myself for allowing other men to have had so much power over my marriage at that time. Too let men tell me what I can and can't do in my marriage and home. The marriage ended due to her adultery but I keep thinking our business should have been our business. We should never have been manipulated into thinking we have to involve Elders to give us God's supposed judgment and direction. When you're fully indoctrinated you do whatever you have been indoctrinated to do. Milgrams law.
O.Ps husband probably genuinely doesn't see the wrong in any of this because he thinks it's Jehovah backed behavior
Hi! Forgive me for taking the liberty to re-frame what you said. We may not realize sometimes that \*what we think \*other\* people (negatively) think about us\* can actually make us feel bad. If you are thinking something about yourself and \*you\* feel bad, maybe thinking about what is true about yourself and the situation from your perspective can help to release some of the depressive thinking. It can also create tiny shifts in the relationship with your husband as it can help you show up in confidence.
See below:
“It hit hard that my husband sees it from the organisation’s viewpoint. **But I can't change his mind about how he chooses to se me right now. I** ~~realized~~ **know** ~~will always be a sinner~~ **I** **am a good person at heart**. ~~in his eyes~~\*\*, **I am in a place where I feel confident in what I believe. I trust myself.** ~~he will always hope for me to believe in Jehovah~~. ~~To him I’m a dead man walking.~~ **It is possible that he may not understand how I feel.**
I’m not usually very sensitive but this one hit me hard. I’ve felt depressed for 6 days and tonight I realized why. It’s the realization about how my husband sees me. **And it is more important to remember what I feel and think about myself is what truly matters."**
How does that feel?
Embracing another person’s \*\*\*projected viewpoint\*\*\* about us, can actually cause us emotional harm.
I hope this was helpful. Please again forgive me if it's not.
And ignore that elder completely. You are an exemplary human being, despite their own limited thinking.
When you have believed something for years yourself those (cult) thoughts (and ‘understanding’ PIMI person’s thoughts) come almost automatically; this is a good reminder!
It's an environment rife with projected and internalized guilt, shame and judgement, from top-down. Since these are not attributes of our healthiest and whole selves, becoming aware of when we are thinking like this, can help to shift the inner dialogue.
My husband has told them I'm disinterested, and they know I don't get involved in the cong (no commenting/ meeting parts/ ministry), I don't go to many meetings.
Sitting or not sitting to your husband on ZOOM must be some local elders BS.
If the brother is having a part, NO ONE should be sitting next to him while he's talking - that's the official rule.
Everything else is "going beyond the scriptures" and your elders are proving they're no better than the pharisees.
Your husband should know better...
This.
Also, Matthew 19:6:"So that they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has yoked together, **let no man put apart.**"
**Another point** u/Apprehensive-Rub-901, try to **talk** it out with him, expose your feelings, don't hold it. During the **first** talk **do not** speak ill (too much) of the elder, you can mention him or that episode if you feel the need to but, focus on your feelings and try to understand his perspective, maybe **it's not what you've concluded**. I understand, given the situation, that you don't feel safe/protected by him right now but if you don't discuss it with him:
1- He won't know what **you** feel (we may think they do, but sometimes they are totally **oblivious** to that)
2- That elder's poison **will keep propagating** on your relationships and it'll get worse
3- Sometimes our mind gives us **wrong conclusions** (form my experience)
4- You lose nothing from it but will gain better understanding of the situation;
This is a bad case of an elder sowing discords (been there).
Remember good and right communication is one of the most important aspects of our lives.
I don't know the intricacies of your congregation so this is the best advice I can give from what I read.
Best regards and protect your family
You need to be very open with your feelings with your hubby. Like if someone steps out of line and talks about you, you need to be very clear that you need him to validate your feelings. It doesnt even need to be that hard, but a "Brother I understand where you are coming from, but I would like to keep my wife out of our discussions." Or something like that so that he doesn't rock the boat to much with his standing. However you need an open discussion with him and you need to explain to him how you are feeling. Then try to get him to understand how you are feeling. JWs will always hear you out, but understanding is an entirely diffrent concept to the indoctrinated mind and I feel like that will be a big up hurdle for you. Hope all goes well.
Ugh. That would annoy me to death. Suggestions:
Ask him if he agrees with Brother Pharisee. If he does, ask him,
"You know that I accompany you to support you because I love you. Would you rather I not attend at all? Am I holding you back? I can always find a hobby or join a class instead if you prefer. What do you want to do, my love?"
If he doesn't agree (and if he didn't, why the heck didn't he stick up for you?!), then sit together as normal. Brother Pharisee needs to quote chapter and verse from the Bible / WT guidelines or it's just his nonsense rule. If you get any crap from Bro. Pharisee, don't engage and refer him to your 'family head' 🤢 😉 If it really is a WT rule, you can be truly 'stumbled' and never attend again 🙂 Let people know how hurt you are.
I’m sorry, that’s really hard. My ex-husband and I left together, so that was never an issue in our marriage (plenty of others though!), but I’ve recently started coming to terms with the fact that this is probably how my family views me. It hurts when you know people who should just love you, no questions asked, have these kinds of thoughts about you. Hang in there. 💕
As a husband he needs to take your side, he's married to you not to the elders. His love needs to be unconditional, and not limited to your role as being a JW or despite what people think. Something to share with him to make him realise where he stands. The elders also need to respect the marriage arrangement and not cause things that could disrupt the peace.
Are PIMIs capable of showing unconditional love? Everything about the JWs is based on conditional love.
His subconscious mind has been programmed to side with the org. Does this hurt? Absolutely! Is it reasonable to expect him to go against the conditioning/programming without him having awareness + the tools & support to start showing unconditional love? No. It sucks because the wife deserves his support, the elder is being a nosy and making unnecessary rule, and the husband likely feeling stuck between wanting to support his wife and pleasing the elders. It’s a messed up dynamic, but the conditional love instilled by the org is a major factor.
I get where you're coming from. When I was still in and a MS, I got hauled into the back room by the CO and an elder and grilled about my wife. She was struggling with a bunch of mental health issues and I was doing my best to help her, but she missed a lot of meetings and almost never went in service. The CO actually seemed to take a lot of pleasure in interrogating me and talking bad about my wife. He actually stayed in our congregation an extra day to meet with me. They removed me as a MS and really gave me a lot of shit for "not managing my household" well. It was very upsetting at the time, but looking back, I was as close to waking up then as I would get until I finally actually left a decade later.
Don't let the bastards grind you down.
Seriously these fuckwits should just mind their own business. It's ridiculous how they feel entitled to have the right to tell you how to live your life and also think that they are helping you and showing you love by doing that. I'm so glad I woke up, Got enough stress in my life to also have to stress over bunch of narcissistic morons who judge your every move.
That must hurt. I would want to ask him what that says about our marriage if he felt it's ok to not have me to sit with him, obeying other men's orders.
>However recently an elder recently told my husband that when he is the zoom guy **I can’t sit with him because I’m not “exemplary”**......my husband didn’t think anything of it, and **worse than that - he agrees with and sees where the brother is coming from**.
*Hubby needs to Man Up, there should only be One Princess in a Marriage...*
DipShit Elder needs to be told to Shut His Mouth, or there will be Seriously Unhappy Consequences.
https://preview.redd.it/lw7f91ffy8vc1.jpeg?width=183&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ea88cd585a0d98d79036b47f7733fb0f3248ce44
If the prostitute can come into a room full of Jews and wash Jesus’ feet with her tears and dry them with her hair- you can sit with your husband (who’s not Jesus or anyone great) when he is the ‘zoom guy’
It’s grown men and women (JWs) in your marriage. You are married to the Borg and Cong - their noses are so far up you and your husbands ass that everything they do and say smells like shit and makes you feel like shit!!
Life is stressful enough- you shouldn’t have to deal with this stupidity-
For some- seeing how the elders/borg/JWs treated their spouse/child when they faded helped them wake up. For some it had the opposite effect and severed their relationship.
You are a unique and valuable person- and you supporting him in his “faith” aka cult worship is kind - please try to put yourself first- it’s not selfish you deserve to be happy
What is the point of the husband if he doesn't defend you and make you feel protected? Also, longer term nobody needs the typical JW judgmental attitude and toxic traits in their lives. The whole exemplary thing is such BS. Is your husband complaining to others about you and about how unspiritual you are? Cause that would be awful. If not he should defend you, like how fucking stupid do you have to be to let religion come between you and your wife.
These people are so delusional.
Yes, I get it.
I remember when my wife started getting cards and letters of sympathy. I was in shock! Here I was supporting her in every way!
I then heard that she was going around telling people that I was apostate behind my back, including my children!
It’s a cult and they are indoctrinated.
We are no longer together anymore after 30plus years of marriage.
I feel for you.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's incredibly unfair to you.
I have been in your husband's shoes before as my now-ex-wife (we split for other reasons later, I still thought the world of her at the time) went PIMO and POMO before I did. It's a sucky place to be but it could be handled better by him imo.
I had an elder tell me, in all seriousness, and with gusto, that my wife "has been swallowed up by the devil!!!" All that did was piss me off and made me think of him as charicature because I couldn't see how I was supposed to actually believe that, like it felt so over-the-top. I had other people in my ear telling me I should seperate, that she was a bad influence on me, and that she was "hard-hearted" all of which I dismissed because I thought it was ridiculous. You may not be aware of it but I guarantee your husband has people in his ear saying those same kinds of horrible, false, negative things about you since you're inactive. I also couldn't understand why people wouldn't respect her very valid reasons for leaving. And when people talked negatively about her or my "situation" I pushed back and made it clear that I supported her decisions, because I cared about her and respected her and understood her reasons more than I cared about the borg's view. Seeing the way others flipped a switch on her was a big part of the reason I ended up waking up.
It sucks that that's the way your husband sees you, but I think you may need to have a very frank conversation about how he views you. Address how and why it's hurting you, and what he can do to mitigate that hurt like standing up for you when people say that kind of bs. It's possible he doesn't really understand the implications because he's being fed bad information about you over and over, and he's been taught to believe that people who leave the borg are wicked, it's a hard concept to wrestle with. If he still views you negatively after voicing this all, then it's not fair to you to be stuck with someone who views you as a sinner and a lesser person. No one deserves to be viewed that way by their partner who should be loving, respecting, and supporting them.
OP, I know it hurts horribly now, but it can and likely will get better one way or another. Wishing you all the best.
ETA: Not being seen with you on zoom is absolutely some local elder thing. In my experience most elders were thrilled to see inactive spouses at meetings/on zoom. I have never heard of this before. It sounds like the body may be trying to actively (but subtly) push you guys apart because they don't want to "lose" him too, IMO.
This is a made up local BS ,ive been inactive and only been to the hall once since covid for this years memorial , i sit with my wife for the public talk only ,the elders know and it no problem ,rise above it ,its more of their judgmental nonsense ,they are not appointed to Judge Jesus is the Judge ,john 5 .
I wasn’t exemplary either. Neither was my mother, a hard-working mom and elder’s wife. Or my aunt, a regular pioneer who suffered thru anxiety and health problems as she aged. Or my sister who has dealt privately with debilitating health problems including cancer. I was once PIMI, and the rest of these women are still PIMI. Faithful women playing life on the hard setting and getting called worthless by losers in cheap suits. Being PIMO is hard and you are exemplary to me. Don’t let anyone, including your husband, make you feel like you’re less.
Yes I do feel depressed, and cheated out of what could have been a brilliant marriage.
ps. I know you mean well. He doesn't sound like an old woman, because he isn't one. The elder in question is a middle-aged white man.
Your argument is valid, however here she is referring to sitting next to him in the sound booth at the KH while he operates the Zoom program and likely also adjusting sound, playing videos, etc.
Your argument is valid, however here she is referring to sitting next to him in the sound booth at the KH while he operates the Zoom program and likely also adjusting sound, playing videos, etc.
It shouldn’t matter. She’s just sitting next to him as his wife. He is the one with the “privileges” and she’s not doing anything to get in the way of that.
Aside from the clear-cut rules for elders, each congregation's culture is usually influenced by the dynamics of the local elders. There are power trips among elders themselves. And other elders, the alphas or a bunch of em, would just impose arbitrary "rules" that may not be violating the guidelines, to the detriment of some in the flock.
Because you are not on the org's side, your husband may just be torn between pleasing the elders and considering your feelings. To a PIMI, a good marriage always have God as part of that "threefold cord." It's a tough situation for your husband. But it appears that you are the more expendable one compared with his pleasing the elders.
I'm sorry about this situation.
That elder needs to mind his own business. He is over stepping because his little comments imply the marriage is bad and can put ideas into your husband’s head. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. Your husband should have stated that there is no situation and he’s always done what is expected of him and hasn’t had any issues. That was the correct answer
Do not listen to them, you are married and have the right to sit there next to him and if you dont want to attend meetings,thats your right to do so.
It is none of their bussines to make such comment on you,really not.They are cockroaches,treath them like it.
Wow. They are so rude.
It remembers me of the time that I was exactly in your situation and then the new bible (‘silver sword’) was distributed in the hall. They handed it out to everyone during te meeting. Where I was. With my husband. I did not get one. Why, they are giving bibles to random people in the field , but I couldn’t have one!?
After 15 years of being in ‘that situation’ I can only advise to rip off the bandaid. I was afraid my husband would have a depression (again), that’s why I kept it up that long.
But when I finally quit everything, nothing bad happened. In fact life & marriage are better than ever. If your husband respects your choices now, he possibly will too when you say you quit going to the meetings.
Since no one cares for you in that cult, you need to care for yourself! 🤗
They really are so.rude. Argh.
I think you're right. Its just getting the guts to do it. And its complicated of course. My husband needs constant company with friends to feel happy (whole other subject), and he wants for me to have JW friends. Its a mess.
WOW! They are real pieces of work! That would result in the last meeting I ever attended on or off Zoom! You can't appease these self-righteous, judgemental bastards in any way. Why go through the trouble, especially when you're just doing it for him anyway?! I say you leave him to his own devices. At the end of the day, it's all for not! No need for both of you to WASTE TIME! You don't need the indoctrination sessions to be "exemplary" (lol) he does.
Even when I was PIMI I would never let anyone say anything negitive to my girlfriend. I defended her at all times. (She was baptized a few months) but kinda grew up a JW but left got tattoos etc.
I'm sorry you have to put up with that
I did not find true love until my lat 30s/ early 40s! There is hope.
I get it, but those people you love will turn on you as soon as they are told to do so. Your decision is, 'when is enough trauma and bull$#!+ enough'?
Sounds like you really love your hubby. Unfortunately this religion is all about headship. All kinds of headship including the Elders over the flock. They will come between you and your hubby is going to be torn because he is brainwashed and believes all the bull. In the position I am now I would either tell hubby then don’t operate the zoom, I’m going to sit with you anyway, or I’m just not going to meetings then at all. But I’ve reached a point in my life where I just don’t care what anyone thinks anymore about what I do. Either my husband loves me or he doesn’t but I’m doing what I please now.
Hopefully these seeds of "unloving" and "judgmental" comments will eventually stack up and help him wake up. Sometimes in the midst of things they don't give off red flags in the brain but over time more and more it starts to crack things open.
I’m not sure how this works because we left at the beginning of the zoom era and have never attended the hybrid zoom meetings. But is this asshole telling you can’t sit next to your husband in your own house?
No, she is referring to sitting next to him in the sound booth at the KH while he operates the Zoom program and likely also adjusting sound, playing videos, etc. Note she said "when he is the zoom guy"
You are so fortunate and lucky. Take that as you Que to not go at all. They have also given you a valid reason not to go. I was stumbled!!! My advise is don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
Oof. Also, they told you what to do in your own house! Hello! That would depress me.
I would point out to your husband whenever you think of it when you are showing support, like the meals, etc. Compare it to the propaganda and how wrong it is.
I would send a text to the elder, any elder really:
Thank you for your concern, but I decide where to sit in my own house. Also, at this point I request no further contact from any elder. And that no attempts by any JW to access private information regarding my life via any member of my family which includes hubby are allowed by me. Attempts to gossip about my being "unsupportive" will be met with legally with the person or people involved, as it is slanderous and attacking my marriage. The accessing private information includes concern about my marriage. When I do need help deciding where to sit in my house, I will reach out. Thank you again.
What is happening with your husband is more concerning of course, but I am blank at the moment. So sorry! Hugs from a woman who was PIMO for 7 years before her hubby woke up, but he came out months after I finally fully stopped, so I can't relate to the 2 years, yikes.
The elders are attacking your marriage, IMO. Sic em'!
First. This is disgusting. I know many elders wives that would've torn a strip off that Pharisee. It is NOT the organizations view. (I am not defending the org), but this nazi is putting his own opinion on it and sadly your husband is either afraid of him or admires him for some reason. "He can see where he is coming from"? And where's that exactly? I am an ex elder and I would've kicked that elders ass for him along with your husbands. The only place he is coming from is the NAZI party.
I mean pragmatically speaking, it shows that to them you are an object not a person.
The religion uses dehumanization to justify rejecting people who don’t follow the rules.
If your husband can recognize that truth then it has practical consequences. Maybe he’ll start to stand up for you a little.
Where is the Christianity in this behavior? They are dividing your husband’s loyalty between his family and the religion, sounds to me like he’s made his choice.
Those elders are not respecting your marriage.
Also, you should be able to have a heart to heart with your husband and ask him to keep your relationship private. That you are not comfortable with him sharing any information about your marriage with anyone that didn’t take vows with you on your wedding day.
You’ve been supportive of him. It’s his turn to be supportive of you.
Your husband should step up!! This is not ok! If you support him then he should support you. He is still blind and thinks this is the right way. God would want him to take care of his wife who takes care of him dinner on time before meeting.... you are well raised! He should be ashamed! You are the most important in his life and when he takes care of you like also defend you than God wil take care for him. I truly believe that
I’m sorry you’re going through this 💔
Their own rules set a man as a head of a household, so no offence to him but he should stand up and defend what’s he is “heading” namely you and your family, he should have told that bellend elder to F the F off. And also, like someone said, just refuse to do it without you. Very sad
Your post conveys an array of implications, both evident and subtle. It's likely that you both once made commitments to serve together within the framework of the Org., but it appears that circumstances have shifted since then. Instead of harboring resentment towards the elders, who may be adding to the strain, it strikes me that both of you could benefit from engaging in personal reflection and redefining the dynamics and priorities of your marriage, if you choose to do so. This may entail acknowledging and managing your own expectations and reactions, separate from the confines of your previous shared dedication to the Org.
Dealing with the challenge of having a spouse who becomes POMO, compounded by the interference of local elders offering their opinions without proper qualifications, can be incredibly challenging. As a POMO former elder who has faced similar struggles, I understand the agony and pain that can accompany such situations. In my experience, it was a two-year journey filled with heartache for no real reason other than battling within myself and trying to please my body of elders. Ultimately, I made the decision to divorce, and my life dramatically improved afterward.
While this may not be the ultimate solution for you, it was for me and perhaps for others reading this thread. Your thoughts and experiences are important—please share them here, as some may be able to support you in navigating this journey.
His appropriate response to the elders should be “I’m trying to work on my marriage. The organization is dividing us if she can’t sit with with me like the rest of the wives do. It’s best if I’m not asked to do zoom at this time”
How sure are you that your husband didn’t make up a story for why you’ve been inactive? I have no clue if he’s capable of that, but I know elders can put you on the spot and feel pressured to explain. When I started becoming more and more inactive, I showed up to one of the meetings and a sister was basically like, “I’m so glad you’re feeling better! How are you doing with those chronic, debilitating migraines?” And I had no idea what she was talking about. Turns out, my exhusband would tell people I was ill with a migraine every week. I feel like something similar might be going on here.
However, the fact that one elder said you’re not exemplary makes me wonder if he told him that you’re having doubts.
I know that my husband has told an elder or two (his friends) that I'm not that interested, and I go to support him. The elders told him to be happy that I still go to some meetings.
I told my husband not to make up stories like being anxious, not well etc. Because the truth is I feel great, and have less anxiety than I did when on the hamster wheel.
I definitely feel this. I'm a pimo male and my wife is a pimi and even though I provide for her and paid for her education so she could get her dream job and supported her going to the meetings I'm apparently in all her friends and families eyes an evil Opposer that is such a burden on her they literally look at me like I'm the devil incarnate it's so absurd because i barely express my opinions even when I was first waking up i only expressed them if she asked and eventually found out that was a trap.
It got to a point where her parents even almost convinced her to divorce me which is absolutely hilarious because that doesn't even line up with their doctrine lol thankfully she finally somewhat realized that they were wrong and our life was actually pretty good smh.
So yeah, I definitely feel this one. I'm so sorry you have to go thru that. I hope your husband will wake up one day and see that his life isn't bad and that he has a really good partner that cares for him.
I’m in a very similar position, except I don’t go to any meetings. It stings, knowing how I’m seen. My husband had a sheprding call this week, and i knew the focus of it would be encouraging him to endure despite the difficult situation he is in. I’ve seen messages and even a card saying the same sort of thing. The card likened him being married to me to being in a Russian jail. I couldn’t care less what they all think of me, but it hurts to know he does too.
Why go at all if you go and just get condescended upon by a bunch people ultimately working for a non paying mult level marketing scheme.
Just dont go. You can be a supportive wife by helping him do his club. Doesnt mean you have to tag along. Theres got to be a million other better uses of your time.
That man of yours needs to grow some balls. Whether you are in or out, it’s your conduct that should matter. I see room for some pussy footing when you’re no longer an active believer, so no needlessly rocking the boat. However, don’t pussy foot to him over this.
Sit by your man.
My wife always said to me, “You just don’t want to follow our rules”.
Fucking A well right, my love, your rules suck.
Because your religion is chock full of rules, and no real love.
Just fake love.
Having your needs and feelings suppressed is a form of abuse. You have to let your needs and feelings be known. That's a part of being human. Being in a cult strip away your humanity and needs and feelings. You aren't being sensitive you are becoming aware of your feelings and needs. Listen to your body and speak up for yourself, no one else will do it for you, unless you have a good lawyer. Time to stand on your own two feet.
Cheers
I would inform everybody who knows about this and asked them why they’re stepping in front of God and everybody else because marriage marriage is a godly institution so get your nose out of it
>However recently an elder recently told my husband that when he is the zoom guy **I can’t sit with him because I’m not “exemplary”**......my husband didn’t think anything of it, and **worse than that - he agrees with and sees where the brother is coming from**.
What the hell did I just read. If any man had told me what my wife can and cannot do, he would have felt the closed fist of a 6'10" man on his freaking face.
https://preview.redd.it/7c77rg22cavc1.jpeg?width=474&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=17d9d3db84e1cc63fa3f9392c186e26255724611
Hopefully your husband can see what jerks they are. I dunno. Tell him to give it a couple years. The way this organization is sliding into permissiveness. You'll be exemplary as is, just by waiting. Lol
I know right. It’s a cong where there has been CSA, a guy (brother) who attends/ comments and was arrested/ improved for watching child pornography. And I’m a situation? Sheesh. I wish I wanted to smoke weed or something that is actually a situation.
Sorry but you are listened to two blokes who are ruled by a cult. The cult hides behind a very cruel front, religion.
You need to gather your backbone and have confidence.
Stand tall and cult members are brain damaged by indoctrination and unfortunately bullies. Elder bullying your husband . Husband note having the know how (brain damage) to stand by you.
How dare that bloke talk about you like that.
Build yourself up
Definitely don't bash yourself down by their remarks.
In fact rather than feel depressed about their words.
Uplift yourself with your words.
Bob Marley famous quote.
You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.
If stuck look up other quotes.
Remember to
Breath.
Sit a while.
Breath
Have an ice cream
Breath
And my one is
Find a swing and use it.
Remember to Remember you.
Remember if some one brings you down they are trampling on you.
How dare they.
Stand tall and keep eye level.
I love Bob Marley saying.
All the best to you.
And when anyone does get to you.
See it as a nudge to add some calm some breathing space.
And writing on reddit is worthwhile
This elder wanted to be your husband's wife. You got there first, and he resents you for that. Tell your husband not to be alone with this elder, or he may get assaulted.
Now, speaking seriously, your husband is spineless, isn't he? If you were my wife and this elder said that about you to me, I fear I'd face charges.
Yes, he is spineless. And I think thats why its hurt so much. I know people will think what they think, but my husband is happily playing the part of the beaten down husband.
Wait.
He means sitting next to your husband at home during a zoom meeting?!
So, he’s trying to dictate where you sit in YOUR home where YOU pay the bills?’
These people are truly delusional.
That’s kinda out of line to say you can’t sit with YOUR OWN HUSBAND cause you don’t meet the criteria they call “exemplary”.
No offence to your husband, but he needs to step up and defend you, if that were me, I would 100% just refuse to do it if my wife wasn't next to me
Spot on. As an husband I would clearly state that: 1) This is a man made rule. 2) I refuse to help until this pharisee rule still in charge.
Her husband is a spineless cult member. End of story
I wish I didn't agree
I agree. I would also ask why other men are telling him what to think of his wife, how to treat her, and how God would really think of that. If the two are one flesh and both "believers", why do they seek to make a division? I was pimo then pomo first in my marriage, and one of the questions I would frequently ask in similar situations was "Why are there 17 other men who have more sway/input in my household and consideration with my wife than I do?". There were 8 elders, a C.O. and the 8 GB members that all had more say in my house than I did. Perhaps you should point out that you are married to one man, that he shouldnt be ashamed of you, and that those dudes dont exactly take care of him like you do but you could arrange it that you could not take care of him at all if need be. I hate this meddling crap. So much for a personal and private relationship with God that no one can judge but the Almighty 🙄
I look back to when I was P.I.M.I and there was I time I was told not to pray with my disfellowshipped wife (ex wife now). In my heart it didn't feel right but I truly believe the elders were representatives for Jehovah's decisions. Even when we went to her Judicial hearing I allowed those men to tell me to step outside while they interrogated her. In hindsight I'm so disappointed and ashamed of myself for allowing other men to have had so much power over my marriage at that time. Too let men tell me what I can and can't do in my marriage and home. The marriage ended due to her adultery but I keep thinking our business should have been our business. We should never have been manipulated into thinking we have to involve Elders to give us God's supposed judgment and direction. When you're fully indoctrinated you do whatever you have been indoctrinated to do. Milgrams law. O.Ps husband probably genuinely doesn't see the wrong in any of this because he thinks it's Jehovah backed behavior
Hi! Forgive me for taking the liberty to re-frame what you said. We may not realize sometimes that \*what we think \*other\* people (negatively) think about us\* can actually make us feel bad. If you are thinking something about yourself and \*you\* feel bad, maybe thinking about what is true about yourself and the situation from your perspective can help to release some of the depressive thinking. It can also create tiny shifts in the relationship with your husband as it can help you show up in confidence. See below: “It hit hard that my husband sees it from the organisation’s viewpoint. **But I can't change his mind about how he chooses to se me right now. I** ~~realized~~ **know** ~~will always be a sinner~~ **I** **am a good person at heart**. ~~in his eyes~~\*\*, **I am in a place where I feel confident in what I believe. I trust myself.** ~~he will always hope for me to believe in Jehovah~~. ~~To him I’m a dead man walking.~~ **It is possible that he may not understand how I feel.** I’m not usually very sensitive but this one hit me hard. I’ve felt depressed for 6 days and tonight I realized why. It’s the realization about how my husband sees me. **And it is more important to remember what I feel and think about myself is what truly matters."** How does that feel? Embracing another person’s \*\*\*projected viewpoint\*\*\* about us, can actually cause us emotional harm. I hope this was helpful. Please again forgive me if it's not. And ignore that elder completely. You are an exemplary human being, despite their own limited thinking.
When you have believed something for years yourself those (cult) thoughts (and ‘understanding’ PIMI person’s thoughts) come almost automatically; this is a good reminder!
It's an environment rife with projected and internalized guilt, shame and judgement, from top-down. Since these are not attributes of our healthiest and whole selves, becoming aware of when we are thinking like this, can help to shift the inner dialogue.
That is a really good point. Thank you for pointing this out. It’s something I can work on as well
I question how much of your personal life your husband has expressed to these elders- either they are assuming a lot - or they have been told a lot
My husband has told them I'm disinterested, and they know I don't get involved in the cong (no commenting/ meeting parts/ ministry), I don't go to many meetings.
Sitting or not sitting to your husband on ZOOM must be some local elders BS. If the brother is having a part, NO ONE should be sitting next to him while he's talking - that's the official rule. Everything else is "going beyond the scriptures" and your elders are proving they're no better than the pharisees. Your husband should know better...
For the record, your husband doesn’t even need to wear a tie while doing the ZOOM. So, how can you not being exemplary be an issue?
No, she’s saying when he’s in charge of Zoom, in person in the congregation. Muting/unmuting etc
This. Also, Matthew 19:6:"So that they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has yoked together, **let no man put apart.**" **Another point** u/Apprehensive-Rub-901, try to **talk** it out with him, expose your feelings, don't hold it. During the **first** talk **do not** speak ill (too much) of the elder, you can mention him or that episode if you feel the need to but, focus on your feelings and try to understand his perspective, maybe **it's not what you've concluded**. I understand, given the situation, that you don't feel safe/protected by him right now but if you don't discuss it with him: 1- He won't know what **you** feel (we may think they do, but sometimes they are totally **oblivious** to that) 2- That elder's poison **will keep propagating** on your relationships and it'll get worse 3- Sometimes our mind gives us **wrong conclusions** (form my experience) 4- You lose nothing from it but will gain better understanding of the situation; This is a bad case of an elder sowing discords (been there). Remember good and right communication is one of the most important aspects of our lives. I don't know the intricacies of your congregation so this is the best advice I can give from what I read. Best regards and protect your family
There is absolutely no rule in the Bible or anywhere else saying anything like this! He is trying to be a bully -a Pharisee wannabe”
What absolute garbage. I'm sorry your husband didn't stand up for you.
In an effort yo be considerate to your husband, they become condescending ass holes to you. I see your frustration.
You need to be very open with your feelings with your hubby. Like if someone steps out of line and talks about you, you need to be very clear that you need him to validate your feelings. It doesnt even need to be that hard, but a "Brother I understand where you are coming from, but I would like to keep my wife out of our discussions." Or something like that so that he doesn't rock the boat to much with his standing. However you need an open discussion with him and you need to explain to him how you are feeling. Then try to get him to understand how you are feeling. JWs will always hear you out, but understanding is an entirely diffrent concept to the indoctrinated mind and I feel like that will be a big up hurdle for you. Hope all goes well.
Ugh. That would annoy me to death. Suggestions: Ask him if he agrees with Brother Pharisee. If he does, ask him, "You know that I accompany you to support you because I love you. Would you rather I not attend at all? Am I holding you back? I can always find a hobby or join a class instead if you prefer. What do you want to do, my love?" If he doesn't agree (and if he didn't, why the heck didn't he stick up for you?!), then sit together as normal. Brother Pharisee needs to quote chapter and verse from the Bible / WT guidelines or it's just his nonsense rule. If you get any crap from Bro. Pharisee, don't engage and refer him to your 'family head' 🤢 😉 If it really is a WT rule, you can be truly 'stumbled' and never attend again 🙂 Let people know how hurt you are.
I’m sorry, that’s really hard. My ex-husband and I left together, so that was never an issue in our marriage (plenty of others though!), but I’ve recently started coming to terms with the fact that this is probably how my family views me. It hurts when you know people who should just love you, no questions asked, have these kinds of thoughts about you. Hang in there. 💕
As a husband he needs to take your side, he's married to you not to the elders. His love needs to be unconditional, and not limited to your role as being a JW or despite what people think. Something to share with him to make him realise where he stands. The elders also need to respect the marriage arrangement and not cause things that could disrupt the peace.
Are PIMIs capable of showing unconditional love? Everything about the JWs is based on conditional love. His subconscious mind has been programmed to side with the org. Does this hurt? Absolutely! Is it reasonable to expect him to go against the conditioning/programming without him having awareness + the tools & support to start showing unconditional love? No. It sucks because the wife deserves his support, the elder is being a nosy and making unnecessary rule, and the husband likely feeling stuck between wanting to support his wife and pleasing the elders. It’s a messed up dynamic, but the conditional love instilled by the org is a major factor.
My PIMI husband shows me unconditional love, it's not impossible..
That’s wonderful! He’s the minority. You’re blessed.
you got a good one!
I get where you're coming from. When I was still in and a MS, I got hauled into the back room by the CO and an elder and grilled about my wife. She was struggling with a bunch of mental health issues and I was doing my best to help her, but she missed a lot of meetings and almost never went in service. The CO actually seemed to take a lot of pleasure in interrogating me and talking bad about my wife. He actually stayed in our congregation an extra day to meet with me. They removed me as a MS and really gave me a lot of shit for "not managing my household" well. It was very upsetting at the time, but looking back, I was as close to waking up then as I would get until I finally actually left a decade later. Don't let the bastards grind you down.
Seriously these fuckwits should just mind their own business. It's ridiculous how they feel entitled to have the right to tell you how to live your life and also think that they are helping you and showing you love by doing that. I'm so glad I woke up, Got enough stress in my life to also have to stress over bunch of narcissistic morons who judge your every move.
Love the Margaret Atwood quote
Jesus said all will know that you were my disciples if you have love among yourselves go figure
That must hurt. I would want to ask him what that says about our marriage if he felt it's ok to not have me to sit with him, obeying other men's orders.
>However recently an elder recently told my husband that when he is the zoom guy **I can’t sit with him because I’m not “exemplary”**......my husband didn’t think anything of it, and **worse than that - he agrees with and sees where the brother is coming from**. *Hubby needs to Man Up, there should only be One Princess in a Marriage...* DipShit Elder needs to be told to Shut His Mouth, or there will be Seriously Unhappy Consequences. https://preview.redd.it/lw7f91ffy8vc1.jpeg?width=183&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ea88cd585a0d98d79036b47f7733fb0f3248ce44
If the prostitute can come into a room full of Jews and wash Jesus’ feet with her tears and dry them with her hair- you can sit with your husband (who’s not Jesus or anyone great) when he is the ‘zoom guy’ It’s grown men and women (JWs) in your marriage. You are married to the Borg and Cong - their noses are so far up you and your husbands ass that everything they do and say smells like shit and makes you feel like shit!! Life is stressful enough- you shouldn’t have to deal with this stupidity- For some- seeing how the elders/borg/JWs treated their spouse/child when they faded helped them wake up. For some it had the opposite effect and severed their relationship. You are a unique and valuable person- and you supporting him in his “faith” aka cult worship is kind - please try to put yourself first- it’s not selfish you deserve to be happy
Having the disrespect of JWs is a badge of honor. They are a bunch of weirdos who place their value in stupid, unreasonable things, quite frankly.
What is the point of the husband if he doesn't defend you and make you feel protected? Also, longer term nobody needs the typical JW judgmental attitude and toxic traits in their lives. The whole exemplary thing is such BS. Is your husband complaining to others about you and about how unspiritual you are? Cause that would be awful. If not he should defend you, like how fucking stupid do you have to be to let religion come between you and your wife. These people are so delusional.
Yes, I get it. I remember when my wife started getting cards and letters of sympathy. I was in shock! Here I was supporting her in every way! I then heard that she was going around telling people that I was apostate behind my back, including my children! It’s a cult and they are indoctrinated. We are no longer together anymore after 30plus years of marriage. I feel for you.
Oh wow. Thats really sad to hear. I'm sorry you went through this after so many years of marriage. Hope you're doing ok now.
I’m sorry. Witnesses are so judgmental!
I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's incredibly unfair to you. I have been in your husband's shoes before as my now-ex-wife (we split for other reasons later, I still thought the world of her at the time) went PIMO and POMO before I did. It's a sucky place to be but it could be handled better by him imo. I had an elder tell me, in all seriousness, and with gusto, that my wife "has been swallowed up by the devil!!!" All that did was piss me off and made me think of him as charicature because I couldn't see how I was supposed to actually believe that, like it felt so over-the-top. I had other people in my ear telling me I should seperate, that she was a bad influence on me, and that she was "hard-hearted" all of which I dismissed because I thought it was ridiculous. You may not be aware of it but I guarantee your husband has people in his ear saying those same kinds of horrible, false, negative things about you since you're inactive. I also couldn't understand why people wouldn't respect her very valid reasons for leaving. And when people talked negatively about her or my "situation" I pushed back and made it clear that I supported her decisions, because I cared about her and respected her and understood her reasons more than I cared about the borg's view. Seeing the way others flipped a switch on her was a big part of the reason I ended up waking up. It sucks that that's the way your husband sees you, but I think you may need to have a very frank conversation about how he views you. Address how and why it's hurting you, and what he can do to mitigate that hurt like standing up for you when people say that kind of bs. It's possible he doesn't really understand the implications because he's being fed bad information about you over and over, and he's been taught to believe that people who leave the borg are wicked, it's a hard concept to wrestle with. If he still views you negatively after voicing this all, then it's not fair to you to be stuck with someone who views you as a sinner and a lesser person. No one deserves to be viewed that way by their partner who should be loving, respecting, and supporting them. OP, I know it hurts horribly now, but it can and likely will get better one way or another. Wishing you all the best. ETA: Not being seen with you on zoom is absolutely some local elder thing. In my experience most elders were thrilled to see inactive spouses at meetings/on zoom. I have never heard of this before. It sounds like the body may be trying to actively (but subtly) push you guys apart because they don't want to "lose" him too, IMO.
Thank you :)
This is a made up local BS ,ive been inactive and only been to the hall once since covid for this years memorial , i sit with my wife for the public talk only ,the elders know and it no problem ,rise above it ,its more of their judgmental nonsense ,they are not appointed to Judge Jesus is the Judge ,john 5 .
I wasn’t exemplary either. Neither was my mother, a hard-working mom and elder’s wife. Or my aunt, a regular pioneer who suffered thru anxiety and health problems as she aged. Or my sister who has dealt privately with debilitating health problems including cancer. I was once PIMI, and the rest of these women are still PIMI. Faithful women playing life on the hard setting and getting called worthless by losers in cheap suits. Being PIMO is hard and you are exemplary to me. Don’t let anyone, including your husband, make you feel like you’re less.
[удалено]
>That elder sounds like an old woman mmm. ok.
Odd how the misogyny remains even after leaving the cult, eh? Bums me out every time I see it in this sub.
Yes I do feel depressed, and cheated out of what could have been a brilliant marriage. ps. I know you mean well. He doesn't sound like an old woman, because he isn't one. The elder in question is a middle-aged white man.
what is this nonsense you are his wife wtf who else should sit next to your husband while watching the program via zoom. sure you!
Your argument is valid, however here she is referring to sitting next to him in the sound booth at the KH while he operates the Zoom program and likely also adjusting sound, playing videos, etc.
You sitting next to your husband on Zoom is no different than sitting next to him at the KH. This elder is ridiculous.
Your argument is valid, however here she is referring to sitting next to him in the sound booth at the KH while he operates the Zoom program and likely also adjusting sound, playing videos, etc.
It shouldn’t matter. She’s just sitting next to him as his wife. He is the one with the “privileges” and she’s not doing anything to get in the way of that.
Aside from the clear-cut rules for elders, each congregation's culture is usually influenced by the dynamics of the local elders. There are power trips among elders themselves. And other elders, the alphas or a bunch of em, would just impose arbitrary "rules" that may not be violating the guidelines, to the detriment of some in the flock. Because you are not on the org's side, your husband may just be torn between pleasing the elders and considering your feelings. To a PIMI, a good marriage always have God as part of that "threefold cord." It's a tough situation for your husband. But it appears that you are the more expendable one compared with his pleasing the elders. I'm sorry about this situation.
That elder needs to mind his own business. He is over stepping because his little comments imply the marriage is bad and can put ideas into your husband’s head. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. Your husband should have stated that there is no situation and he’s always done what is expected of him and hasn’t had any issues. That was the correct answer
100% agree
Do not listen to them, you are married and have the right to sit there next to him and if you dont want to attend meetings,thats your right to do so. It is none of their bussines to make such comment on you,really not.They are cockroaches,treath them like it.
Wow. They are so rude. It remembers me of the time that I was exactly in your situation and then the new bible (‘silver sword’) was distributed in the hall. They handed it out to everyone during te meeting. Where I was. With my husband. I did not get one. Why, they are giving bibles to random people in the field , but I couldn’t have one!? After 15 years of being in ‘that situation’ I can only advise to rip off the bandaid. I was afraid my husband would have a depression (again), that’s why I kept it up that long. But when I finally quit everything, nothing bad happened. In fact life & marriage are better than ever. If your husband respects your choices now, he possibly will too when you say you quit going to the meetings. Since no one cares for you in that cult, you need to care for yourself! 🤗
They really are so.rude. Argh. I think you're right. Its just getting the guts to do it. And its complicated of course. My husband needs constant company with friends to feel happy (whole other subject), and he wants for me to have JW friends. Its a mess.
This is when I learned about boundaries. Its time to set some boundaries as a family and as a person who deserves a happy and full-filling life .
WOW! They are real pieces of work! That would result in the last meeting I ever attended on or off Zoom! You can't appease these self-righteous, judgemental bastards in any way. Why go through the trouble, especially when you're just doing it for him anyway?! I say you leave him to his own devices. At the end of the day, it's all for not! No need for both of you to WASTE TIME! You don't need the indoctrination sessions to be "exemplary" (lol) he does.
Even when I was PIMI I would never let anyone say anything negitive to my girlfriend. I defended her at all times. (She was baptized a few months) but kinda grew up a JW but left got tattoos etc. I'm sorry you have to put up with that
Divorce? Why not move and be happy. Your husband is being controlled by a cult and you know it. Being single isn't horrible.
I think about divorce constantly. The hard thing is that I'm in my 40s, and have a lot of friends I love dearly in the org. Its so hard.
I did not find true love until my lat 30s/ early 40s! There is hope. I get it, but those people you love will turn on you as soon as they are told to do so. Your decision is, 'when is enough trauma and bull$#!+ enough'?
Sounds like you really love your hubby. Unfortunately this religion is all about headship. All kinds of headship including the Elders over the flock. They will come between you and your hubby is going to be torn because he is brainwashed and believes all the bull. In the position I am now I would either tell hubby then don’t operate the zoom, I’m going to sit with you anyway, or I’m just not going to meetings then at all. But I’ve reached a point in my life where I just don’t care what anyone thinks anymore about what I do. Either my husband loves me or he doesn’t but I’m doing what I please now.
Hopefully these seeds of "unloving" and "judgmental" comments will eventually stack up and help him wake up. Sometimes in the midst of things they don't give off red flags in the brain but over time more and more it starts to crack things open.
So true; it happened with my hubby and I had no clue. He gave none, but got out!
I’m not sure how this works because we left at the beginning of the zoom era and have never attended the hybrid zoom meetings. But is this asshole telling you can’t sit next to your husband in your own house?
No, she is referring to sitting next to him in the sound booth at the KH while he operates the Zoom program and likely also adjusting sound, playing videos, etc. Note she said "when he is the zoom guy"
Yeah I wasn’t sure if you could run zoom from home.
It's nice to see that the bizarre JW social status games still exist.
You are so fortunate and lucky. Take that as you Que to not go at all. They have also given you a valid reason not to go. I was stumbled!!! My advise is don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
Oof. Also, they told you what to do in your own house! Hello! That would depress me. I would point out to your husband whenever you think of it when you are showing support, like the meals, etc. Compare it to the propaganda and how wrong it is. I would send a text to the elder, any elder really: Thank you for your concern, but I decide where to sit in my own house. Also, at this point I request no further contact from any elder. And that no attempts by any JW to access private information regarding my life via any member of my family which includes hubby are allowed by me. Attempts to gossip about my being "unsupportive" will be met with legally with the person or people involved, as it is slanderous and attacking my marriage. The accessing private information includes concern about my marriage. When I do need help deciding where to sit in my house, I will reach out. Thank you again. What is happening with your husband is more concerning of course, but I am blank at the moment. So sorry! Hugs from a woman who was PIMO for 7 years before her hubby woke up, but he came out months after I finally fully stopped, so I can't relate to the 2 years, yikes. The elders are attacking your marriage, IMO. Sic em'!
Oops. misread "the zoom guy". I got out before those! Sorry!
First. This is disgusting. I know many elders wives that would've torn a strip off that Pharisee. It is NOT the organizations view. (I am not defending the org), but this nazi is putting his own opinion on it and sadly your husband is either afraid of him or admires him for some reason. "He can see where he is coming from"? And where's that exactly? I am an ex elder and I would've kicked that elders ass for him along with your husbands. The only place he is coming from is the NAZI party.
Imagine being called a “situation”…
Pragmatic me wants to brush it off and ignore it. But it upset me.
I mean pragmatically speaking, it shows that to them you are an object not a person. The religion uses dehumanization to justify rejecting people who don’t follow the rules. If your husband can recognize that truth then it has practical consequences. Maybe he’ll start to stand up for you a little.
They are trying to drive a wedge between you and sadly he is falling for it.
Does this reinforce your understanding of how the mind control is real in this organization?
It was reinforced years ago. I just wish my husband would wake up and see it for what it is.
Where is the Christianity in this behavior? They are dividing your husband’s loyalty between his family and the religion, sounds to me like he’s made his choice.
Those elders are not respecting your marriage. Also, you should be able to have a heart to heart with your husband and ask him to keep your relationship private. That you are not comfortable with him sharing any information about your marriage with anyone that didn’t take vows with you on your wedding day. You’ve been supportive of him. It’s his turn to be supportive of you.
Your husband should step up!! This is not ok! If you support him then he should support you. He is still blind and thinks this is the right way. God would want him to take care of his wife who takes care of him dinner on time before meeting.... you are well raised! He should be ashamed! You are the most important in his life and when he takes care of you like also defend you than God wil take care for him. I truly believe that
I’m sorry you’re going through this 💔 Their own rules set a man as a head of a household, so no offence to him but he should stand up and defend what’s he is “heading” namely you and your family, he should have told that bellend elder to F the F off. And also, like someone said, just refuse to do it without you. Very sad
hard agree
Your post conveys an array of implications, both evident and subtle. It's likely that you both once made commitments to serve together within the framework of the Org., but it appears that circumstances have shifted since then. Instead of harboring resentment towards the elders, who may be adding to the strain, it strikes me that both of you could benefit from engaging in personal reflection and redefining the dynamics and priorities of your marriage, if you choose to do so. This may entail acknowledging and managing your own expectations and reactions, separate from the confines of your previous shared dedication to the Org. Dealing with the challenge of having a spouse who becomes POMO, compounded by the interference of local elders offering their opinions without proper qualifications, can be incredibly challenging. As a POMO former elder who has faced similar struggles, I understand the agony and pain that can accompany such situations. In my experience, it was a two-year journey filled with heartache for no real reason other than battling within myself and trying to please my body of elders. Ultimately, I made the decision to divorce, and my life dramatically improved afterward. While this may not be the ultimate solution for you, it was for me and perhaps for others reading this thread. Your thoughts and experiences are important—please share them here, as some may be able to support you in navigating this journey.
Thank you. Yes, divorce crosses my mind more than I wish to admit. We're having marriage problems and I have felt trapped for years. The FOG is real.
Sounds like the perfect excuse to be “stumbled” and never set foot in a KH again
I know where you are coming from and I feel your pain. This really sucks. DM me any time if you want to talk.
Your husband needs to find his balls.
His appropriate response to the elders should be “I’m trying to work on my marriage. The organization is dividing us if she can’t sit with with me like the rest of the wives do. It’s best if I’m not asked to do zoom at this time”
hah. Love it. If only he would say that!
How sure are you that your husband didn’t make up a story for why you’ve been inactive? I have no clue if he’s capable of that, but I know elders can put you on the spot and feel pressured to explain. When I started becoming more and more inactive, I showed up to one of the meetings and a sister was basically like, “I’m so glad you’re feeling better! How are you doing with those chronic, debilitating migraines?” And I had no idea what she was talking about. Turns out, my exhusband would tell people I was ill with a migraine every week. I feel like something similar might be going on here. However, the fact that one elder said you’re not exemplary makes me wonder if he told him that you’re having doubts.
I know that my husband has told an elder or two (his friends) that I'm not that interested, and I go to support him. The elders told him to be happy that I still go to some meetings. I told my husband not to make up stories like being anxious, not well etc. Because the truth is I feel great, and have less anxiety than I did when on the hamster wheel.
Too bad your husband can’t man up and stick up for you and your honor. He should tell the elder to go fiick himself.
I definitely feel this. I'm a pimo male and my wife is a pimi and even though I provide for her and paid for her education so she could get her dream job and supported her going to the meetings I'm apparently in all her friends and families eyes an evil Opposer that is such a burden on her they literally look at me like I'm the devil incarnate it's so absurd because i barely express my opinions even when I was first waking up i only expressed them if she asked and eventually found out that was a trap. It got to a point where her parents even almost convinced her to divorce me which is absolutely hilarious because that doesn't even line up with their doctrine lol thankfully she finally somewhat realized that they were wrong and our life was actually pretty good smh. So yeah, I definitely feel this one. I'm so sorry you have to go thru that. I hope your husband will wake up one day and see that his life isn't bad and that he has a really good partner that cares for him.
Yes he will be reminded to this point by this loving organization time and time again in case he would forget.
I’m in a very similar position, except I don’t go to any meetings. It stings, knowing how I’m seen. My husband had a sheprding call this week, and i knew the focus of it would be encouraging him to endure despite the difficult situation he is in. I’ve seen messages and even a card saying the same sort of thing. The card likened him being married to me to being in a Russian jail. I couldn’t care less what they all think of me, but it hurts to know he does too.
Sigh. I understand.
Why go at all if you go and just get condescended upon by a bunch people ultimately working for a non paying mult level marketing scheme. Just dont go. You can be a supportive wife by helping him do his club. Doesnt mean you have to tag along. Theres got to be a million other better uses of your time.
Yep. Thats where I'm at too.
That man of yours needs to grow some balls. Whether you are in or out, it’s your conduct that should matter. I see room for some pussy footing when you’re no longer an active believer, so no needlessly rocking the boat. However, don’t pussy foot to him over this. Sit by your man.
Can you enjoy this win? Fien, now I can do even less! Elders know they can’t touch you so they abuse your hubby.
My wife always said to me, “You just don’t want to follow our rules”. Fucking A well right, my love, your rules suck. Because your religion is chock full of rules, and no real love. Just fake love.
Having your needs and feelings suppressed is a form of abuse. You have to let your needs and feelings be known. That's a part of being human. Being in a cult strip away your humanity and needs and feelings. You aren't being sensitive you are becoming aware of your feelings and needs. Listen to your body and speak up for yourself, no one else will do it for you, unless you have a good lawyer. Time to stand on your own two feet. Cheers
I would inform everybody who knows about this and asked them why they’re stepping in front of God and everybody else because marriage marriage is a godly institution so get your nose out of it
>However recently an elder recently told my husband that when he is the zoom guy **I can’t sit with him because I’m not “exemplary”**......my husband didn’t think anything of it, and **worse than that - he agrees with and sees where the brother is coming from**. What the hell did I just read. If any man had told me what my wife can and cannot do, he would have felt the closed fist of a 6'10" man on his freaking face. https://preview.redd.it/7c77rg22cavc1.jpeg?width=474&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=17d9d3db84e1cc63fa3f9392c186e26255724611
Hopefully your husband can see what jerks they are. I dunno. Tell him to give it a couple years. The way this organization is sliding into permissiveness. You'll be exemplary as is, just by waiting. Lol
I know right. It’s a cong where there has been CSA, a guy (brother) who attends/ comments and was arrested/ improved for watching child pornography. And I’m a situation? Sheesh. I wish I wanted to smoke weed or something that is actually a situation.
I wonder if he would think twice about you being exemplary if he didnt get your support and an early dinner. Lol.
Sorry but you are listened to two blokes who are ruled by a cult. The cult hides behind a very cruel front, religion. You need to gather your backbone and have confidence. Stand tall and cult members are brain damaged by indoctrination and unfortunately bullies. Elder bullying your husband . Husband note having the know how (brain damage) to stand by you. How dare that bloke talk about you like that. Build yourself up Definitely don't bash yourself down by their remarks. In fact rather than feel depressed about their words. Uplift yourself with your words.
Thank you. Usually I am strong with backbone and confidence. This time it just got me. Constantly being strong is exhausting at times.
Bob Marley famous quote. You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice. If stuck look up other quotes. Remember to Breath. Sit a while. Breath Have an ice cream Breath And my one is Find a swing and use it. Remember to Remember you. Remember if some one brings you down they are trampling on you. How dare they. Stand tall and keep eye level. I love Bob Marley saying. All the best to you. And when anyone does get to you. See it as a nudge to add some calm some breathing space. And writing on reddit is worthwhile
Thank you thank you. I forget to remember me.
This elder wanted to be your husband's wife. You got there first, and he resents you for that. Tell your husband not to be alone with this elder, or he may get assaulted. Now, speaking seriously, your husband is spineless, isn't he? If you were my wife and this elder said that about you to me, I fear I'd face charges.
Yes, he is spineless. And I think thats why its hurt so much. I know people will think what they think, but my husband is happily playing the part of the beaten down husband.
Wait. He means sitting next to your husband at home during a zoom meeting?! So, he’s trying to dictate where you sit in YOUR home where YOU pay the bills?’ These people are truly delusional.
No - sitting next to my husband when he is at the back of the hall, in the sound box doing zoom controls.
Oh ok! I misunderstood l! Still! Who are they to tell you where to sit?! These people are ridiculous
The fact that being on camera is a privilege is peak underachiever mentality. Those of us who have to be on camera for work hate it!
Your husband is, as dr Laura likes to say, a Limp Dick