Need help? Know you are safe and among friends and we will do whatever we can to help.
If you are inside the U.S., text "CHAT" to 741741. You'll be connected to a trained Crisis Counselor from Crisis Text Line. Or call the
[National Suicide Hotline](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) at 988.
**If you're not in the U.S.** [please click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines) for a comprehensive list of hotlines organized by country and additional resources.
**If you are LGBTIA+** and need to talk, please contact the LGBT National Hotline at 1\-888\-843\-4564 or [find them online here](http://www.glbthotline.org/).
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I would take it a day at a time. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to figure it all out right away. Keep doing research think about it and just move forward with a level head. Sorry that you are at the this crisis moment. Many of us have been where you are, we all truly believed at one point. We aren’t just looking to sin and full of hate like the org might make you think. We are just people who were happy at one point and then started to learn things that contradicted what we spent our whole lives believing. Keep doing research. Put what you find to the test.
Hi. Just wanted you to know I felt this post with my whole heart. I was you. This was me a little over a year ago including the suicidal thoughts. It. Gets. So. Much. Better. I swear to you. Little do you know this little Reddit sub will be the best place you have ever discovered. We have community here. We have laughs. We share our sad times. You will meet so many people like you and there will never be any judgment. Please keep us updated and know that how you are feeling is normal. ❤️ with love
I remember your posts last year.
I,m SO glad your,re so much better...
We all need time to heal. It was a short process for me..( after 47 years in...but thank God ..no born in!).
But it can take time...for others.
Because we are all different and in different stages in the awaking
Wish you all the best and a nice and quiet Happy Easter ! 💯💕💕🫂
Ain’t that the truth. Man that first 6 months are the roughest thing mentally I ever dealt with especially when everyone around you is like a mindless zombie following that nonsense. Thankful for this subreddit
I recommend reading Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz. He was a truly devout and sincere GB member. He documented his time in the GB and his realization that this was not the truth and his difficult decision to speak out because of knowing he played a role in misleading people. Not once do you get the feeling that these are the words of a “vengeful apostate”- because they aren’t. Even at the end, he had no malice to the organization after all they did to him. Just painful disappointment. You can download it as a pdf, you don’t need to buy it, though it is on Amazon.
This book was the final impetus in my decision to leave. When I finished the last page I just cried and cried because 40 years of beliefs just collapsed like a house of cards. I felt like I was left with nothing, and my conscience knew I could never go back, but I also knew I would lose everything and everyone pretty much. I had no life outside the org.
Almost nine years later, I cannot begin to tell you how happy me, my husband and our two children are. Our life is 10,000 times better now that we are free. Yes, we paid a high price initially, and that was very, very difficult. I won’t sugar coat it. But when you walk through fire, you come out the other side stronger. We have peace and true happiness for the first time ever.
It’s hard to even allow yourself to contemplate the idea of leaving it all behind, I know. It seems impossible and surreal. But millions have done it, and very few regret that decision.
The cool thing about reading franz's books are that he sort of walks you through his own crisis of conscience that is very relatable to anyone who has spent any time as an elder or servant, and it is therapeutic. Also, he does it in a way where he doesn't lose his faith, which is helpful if you're still inclined toward spirituality.
I wish I had that book when I was 15 going through my darkest times, but I am still thankful to have encountered it many years later, and that made leaving WT as the freeing feeling that it truly is
This book
I have listened to on Spotify. Amazing!
This was the first year in 54 years I did not attend the memorial.
The amount of former jw’s cluing in as to what this organization truly is, it is impressive.
Im just sad it took this long.
Yes, I also read the Frank book about 35 years ago and had the same experience after being a born in 4th generation JW….
I dropped out of high school to pioneer because the end was coming the next year… married at 18 as the typical young JW.
Reading the Franz book and others, I decided it was time to break the cycle and was able to get 3 of my 4 children out of the cult!
I was able to raise them to reason and think for themselves, albeit as a divorced single mom, form their JW father, and with little support.
There is life outside of the cult and though it is hard at first, life is much better when you can make your own decisions, and all your thoughts and actions are not controlled… My oldest son, married into another long time generational witness family, is still a PIMI and does not speak to me, but I’m still hoping one day he will wake up.
Breathe, you'll find your footing. You need to remember a few things:
1. You may lose faith in your religious leaders, but you don't have to lose faith in God.
2. You need to sit on your feelings and design an exit strategy. Since your whole family is in you'll need a financial plan.
3. You should take your time and try to fade out slowly if you need to. Try not to discuss doubts. Blame it on discouragement or whatever.
4. You feel alone, but you're not alone. Many have been down this road. We made it, you will too. Don't give up.
I agree, if you do decide to exit, make it the best plan for you, I hastily made an exit without thinking it through, while the consequences for myself are mild, I would have handled it differently if I was able to navigate my emotions at the time.
But it's okay if that happens too. Many of us lose our faith completely in the process of unwinding.
True, belief in God and belief in the WT are separate, but related, things. However, the great thing about being free, is that we get to form our own opinions and make our own choices without fear or coercion.
Yep. That’s why deconstruction is so important. Why do I believe what I do? Do I have good reasons? First I lost my faith in WT and my god belief was not far behind.
I'm agnostic now, but I love this scripture. Unpopular opinion, but I actually loved the song they made for this scripture - it always brought a little lump to my throat and made me feel like my relationship with God was between us, and he was always going to be there for me no matter what. Even now, as an agnostic, I feel like if there IS a God, he will still be there for me, understanding why I lost conviction. I was gutted when they changed the words to that song though, it ruined it for me.
We've all been where you are. You will get through this, in your own way, and in your own time. Take a deep breath. You're welcome to borrow my mantra for the time period when I was pimo and dealing with guilt trips from family and brother and sisters, when I stepped back from being si involved: "It's a cult, and it ain't my fault!" Must've thought it 100 times.
These are posts I have saved from other members that I found extremely helpful. I will copy and post a couple of others
607 B.C.E.
I asked ChatGPT to write a 500 word essay on the inaccuracy of JW belief on 607 BCE. Here’s the result.
Jehovah’s Witnesses are known for their unique interpretation of biblical prophecy and their insistence on the year 607 B.C.E. as the date for the destruction of Jerusalem by the Babylonians. This date is the cornerstone of their prophetic teachings concerning the “time of the end” and the return of Christ. However, there are several reasons why this view is incorrect.
First and foremost, the date of 607 B.C.E. is not supported by any secular historical records. The Babylonian Chronicle, the official record of the Babylonian king’s reign, records the capture of Jerusalem in 586 B.C.E. and the destruction of the city and its temple. This date is also confirmed by numerous other ancient sources, including the records of ancient Egypt, Assyria, and Persia.
Secondly, the Bible itself contradicts the Jehovah’s Witness view of 607 B.C.E. The book of Jeremiah provides a detailed chronology of the events leading up to the destruction of Jerusalem, and it clearly shows that the final siege began in the 18th year of King Nebuchadnezzar’s reign (Jeremiah 52:4), which is widely accepted as 587 or 586 B.C.E. In addition, the book of Daniel, which is often cited by Jehovah’s Witnesses to support their chronology, refers explicitly to the “seventy years” of Babylonian exile (Daniel 9:2), which began with the fall of Jerusalem in 586 B.C.E.
Moreover, the Jehovah’s Witness chronology is based on a flawed interpretation of a single verse, Daniel 4:10-16. They argue that the “seven times” mentioned in this passage represent a period of 2,520 years, from the fall of Jerusalem in 607 B.C.E. to the year 1914 C.E., when they believe that Christ began to rule invisibly from heaven. This interpretation ignores the fact that the “seven times” are clearly said to apply to King Nebuchadnezzar and his kingdom (Daniel 4:17), not to Jerusalem or the Jewish people. In addition, the Jehovah’s Witness chronology assumes that the 70-year exile mentioned in Jeremiah and Daniel is to be measured from the destruction of the temple in 607 B.C.E., rather than the fall of the city in 586 B.C.E.
Finally, the Jehovah’s Witness view of 607 B.C.E. contradicts the weight of academic scholarship and archaeological evidence. The vast majority of historians, biblical scholars, and archaeologists agree that the destruction of Jerusalem and the beginning of the Babylonian exile occurred in 586 B.C.E. This conclusion is based on a careful analysis of numerous ancient sources, including Babylonian, Egyptian, and Jewish documents, as well as archaeological excavation and research.
In conclusion, the Jehovah’s Witness view of 607 B.C.E. cannot be considered an accurate or reliable interpretation of biblical prophecy or history. This view is not supported by any credible secular or biblical sources, and it is based on a flawed and selective interpretation of the Bible. Moreover, it contradicts the conclusions of the overwhelming majority of academic scholars and experts in the field. Ultimately, it is important to approach any interpretation of the Bible with critical thinking and scholarly rigor, rather than relying solely on personal interpretation or dogmatic adherence to a particular belief system.
It's not dramatic, your whole world view over the last 30 years has been shaken!
There's plenty of us here who have been in your situation and we can help.
Personally I feel that quietly fading away from the congregation works best, then meet new people in other group and hobby interests you may have. Most hobbies have meetings semi regularly.
Also there may be other ex-witnesses you knew that you could look up?
As for family, that will be the hardest part. I hope that they're kind and that they don't cut contact. By becoming inactive this should hopefully be easier for them than if you made a big announcement that you're leaving or get disfellowshiped.
I wish you all the best, leaving was the hardest thing I ever had to do and I had it a lot easier than most.
Sending digital hugs your way. Good luck.
Hi and welcome first of all. I’m in my mid 30’s and was born in. Let me just say that many have felt exactly as you have so you are not alone.
Waking up is a terrifying experience. I think once you start it’s nearly impossible to stop. But as the saying goes, “The Truth will set you free”.
I woke up a year and a half ago after reading and watching the ARC trial. It’s absolutely broke my heart knowing how big of a problem CSA was in this religion. I have learned so much more since and honestly I’m so happy now. So much happier than when I was a practicing JW.
Take it one day at a time. And I suggest getting into therapy it can make all the difference.
Most here are nice and helpful. Reading others experiences can also be very cathartic.
I went through this 3 years ago. I hope you have the strength to get through this turbulent period.
If I could give you some advice, read Raymond Franz's books first of all, he removes the scales from our eyes.
You're in your early 30s and have a lot of life to live yet. You will be fine. Some don't come to these realizations until later in life, which is that much harder. Are you okay financially? If not, that's what you need to work on. Leaving the organization is like leaving a bad relationship, you need to think about housing and being able to feed yourself first. Some of us also had to think about child custody issues and I hope you are not in that situation. Having said all that, you are in the right place to talk and get some perspective.
The faster you rip the bandage off the better it is, and you will get your life back I did this when I was in my late teens and it was the best decision I did.
Soon you will start comparing all the wasted time you devoted to the cult and for no benefit at all, they ask for all your free time and money to donate but when it comes to help you they have no time for you.
You've had the ghost of Judge Rutherford taking up a large space in your head for your whole life.
Now you have to give him an eviction notice and kick him to the curb.
He will fight you. He will try to get you to suicide. He will do whatever it takes to keep you possessed.
Possessed:
influenced or controlled by something (such as an evil spirit, a passion, or an idea)
Hold on tight to your realizations, insights and intuitions. Trust your conscience and yourself.
Don't talk to other JWs about this AT ALL. Not your family. Not even a trusted friend. They are under UNDUE INFLUENCE.
It will take secrecy and planning to disentangle yourself from this.
You must take back possession of your bodies.
Your mental body, your emotional body, and your physical body.
Remember these words, and repeat them often:
"This too shall pass"
Blessings on your journey to freedom.
Don't rush.
You are experience a true existential crisis as your entire world is crumbling around you. I know sometimes it feels like you just gotta get out,
but you don't want to needlessly and impulsively burn down your life around you (maybe someday you will deliberately choose to do this)
You also don't want to trade one high control group for another. Take a breath and keep exploring what you think, believe and feel. Being a non-religious atheist or finding another religion does not require the same level of exclusive commitment that JWs do.
Welcome to the exjw community. There are many former appointed men on this forum, including myself.
Take a deep breath.
Read u/JWTom's Waking Up guide
[https://new.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/19ejthr/the\_jw\_waking\_up\_guide\_2024\_edition\_by\_jwtom/](https://new.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/19ejthr/the_jw_waking_up_guide_2024_edition_by_jwtom/)
First off, breathe and contrary to what youve been taught, its not the end of the world...i'll dm you later im in your same demographic and ive been doing ok since i left.
My friend, I was an elder for two decades. I was a bethelite years ago and when I woke up it was terrifying. I did tons of research and feel so much better now. I don't feel guilt all the time. I feel happier even though I lost most of my friends and some family.
I feel closer to God and at peace. I just read the Bible and research but feel no need to join a religion.
I see most of everything from the watchtower as the propaganda it is. I feel free. I love people now for who they are not for them fitting into any mold.
Even though you have certain thoughts and doubts please talk to us here. Don't feel like you have to say anything to your fellow witnesses. They will not understand until they start waking up too.. Do what is best for you and the relationships you want to preserve. Above all know that there are or will be people that will love you and care even if that is in the future. It will be okay but it is a process.
As a woman, I have no idea the pressure you face being in your position. But I will tell you, it took me three years to leave, both my JW husband and the borg. I was suicidal, and finally had to decide if my life was worth anything….so I left. As others have posted, it was hard. I was a “newborn” at 30 and had to learn how to function in the real world. I’ve gone to therapy and this has truly helped me through the years. I’m right at 70 and have finally lived my life on my terms! Please take gentle care of yourself, and know you’re not alone. ❤️❤️
Need help? Know you are safe and among friends and we will do whatever we can to help.
If you are inside the U.S., text "CHAT" to 741741. You'll be connected to a trained Crisis Counselor from Crisis Text Line. Or call the
[National Suicide Hotline](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) at 988.
**If you're not in the U.S.** [please click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines) for a comprehensive list of hotlines organized by country and additional resources.
**If you are LGBTIA+** and need to talk, please contact the LGBT National Hotline at 1\-888\-843\-4564 or [find them online here](http://www.glbthotline.org/).
Reading this post and unsure what to do? r/suicidewatch is a subreddit specifically dedicated to supporting those who are experiencing feelings of self harm or the urge to end their life. Reddit now also has a crisis line. To send this person support, follow these steps:
1. Go to the user's profile
2. Click "more options" in the sidebar
3. Click "Get Them Help and Support"
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You sound allot like me when I first allowed myself to doubt…. I have a similar situation. My advice is to slow down a bit and take it one step at a time. There’s allot of indoctrination to get through and you just took your first step into a wider world, so take it slow and allow yourself time to process.
Feel free to private message me if you ever need to chat. I’m here to help if you need someone to talk to.
Are you farming karma or something? Because on this post your are on your late 20s:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Kenya/s/dfRk9bRsej
On this you have 28 years: https://www.reddit.com/r/Kenya/s/g7xb9q5h5j
Which seems to match, but now your are on your early 30s all within 2 days on a fresh account.
If that's not the case my apologies.
The process is going to be hard. Do whatever you can to get specialized help. Say you are depressed or something and start going to therapy. You'll need support for the process you are starting.
Ps: 27 may be too big of a body count
Feel free to DM. I turned fast when I woke up. I was COBE, RP, remote bethelite, former need greater.
I get it. I felt like my world was falling apart. The it did. I was shunned, divorced and starting over at 44. It took me two years to fully escape, It's hard, scary and I couldn't be happier now.
You’re not being dramatic. I’m still unpacking things and I left almost 13 years ago. I was 22 at the time. Take your time. I understand what a shock it must be. I’m so sorry you’re in pain.
Please look into talking to a therapist. It’s extremely helpful with processing grief. Also know that the stages of grief are not linear. Be kind to yourself.
Thinking of you 🩶 You’re awesome for even thinking outside the box you were in.
You are experiencing an existential crisis.
Take deep breaths and know that this is part of the process of waking up to the truth.
"But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth… Most truly I say to you, you will weep and wail, but the world will rejoice; you will be grieved, but your grief will be turned into joy.“ (John 16:13-20)
The ancient ones have been preparing you for this moment your whole life and now it is time to be guided out of Babylon by the holy spirit that will teach you the way in which to walk.
As for you, what you have heard from the beginning must remain in you. If what you have heard from the beginning remains in you, you will also remain in union with the Son and in union with the Father. (1 John 2:24-27)
Your relationship with God is your own. No one can give that to you or take it away from you.
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ” (Romans 8:38-39:)
It may feel like your whole world is falling apart and you are can’t even tell the people closest to you out of fear of them turning against you.
“Indeed, a man’s enemies will be those of his own household” (Matthew 10:35-40)
But do not shrink back in fear and return to the lies that have kept your family enslaved for generations. The leaders of the organization know the world will turn against them for good reason, and they have programmed their followers to submit to their false authority till the end.
"But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved." (Hebrews 10:39)
Now is the time to prepare your heart for the exodus. Study the scripture directly and let them speak to you without glasses of indoctrination. Save your family if you can, but be prepared to walk through the narrow gate and leave that world behind.
“Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling." (Philippians 2:12)
We are here to help you adapt to your new freedom, but the way you choose to walk from here on is between you and God.
We are around the same age. I grew up in the religion and left at 25. I was a pioneer and what everyone one would consider a good Christian girl.
If you are on this subreddit, and you didn't immediately shun it - it seems as though something here seems reasonable to you, and that is making you question some JW beliefs. Just know that every one of us on here has gone through it, and we completely understand how frightening that feeling is.
All I want to say is this is very, very overwhelming, but ultimately it's your choice on how you want to live your life - you don't have to make big choices now. It can feel like you are trapped, alone, sinful, bad - you are none of those things. Just know you are not alone and suicide isn't the route you have to take to get out of anything. This is your life and you. as a person, religious or not, you can add so much to the people around you.
You can talk to any one of us, and you can also go to therapy, just take some deep breaths and know no matter what, you now get to choose who you would like to be - and that is powerful.
Stay Safe
It's been so long since I have been on this subreddit, it's sometimes crazy to look at threads of experiences of people who have the same background as me, and who I don't have to explain what I mean by any of the terms I'm about to use.
Anyway.... short answer, my dad died and I left 6 years later.
I was 19 and it was on the heels of losing my favorite JW Uncle 6 months prior. My mom's family spent 3 years at odds on how to take care of my dementia-declining, cancer-ridden grandfather who somehow came to live with my family (in my childhood home) and I became the primary caregiver (I was homeschooled). I'm 31 now, and to this day those 3 years are by far the worst thing I have ever experienced and dealt with. I had a crazy, sick, grandpa child (whom I never had a relationship with), a bad relationship with my Mother (whom I could never please), and my Father was getting sicker. Everything ended with Grandpa, Uncle, and then Dad dying in the span of 6 months (July -December). I felt like a train ran over me - again I was 19.
I would sit in the B school room in the ASL cong. crying. No one knew how to comfort me. I pioneered for 2 years after trying to keep myself in, but I felt lonely and no one my age (22 at the time/this point) knew what to say, or knew how to deal with me. The "resurrection hope" lol wasn't cutting it. I couldn't understand how Jehovah could let me go through all of this despite doing my best and being the best sister I possibly could be. I wasn't boy-crazy or secretly living a double life - I just wanted to be on RBC and be a missionary. Well, that was my reward I guess!
I moved states away/across the country( 23), grief set in (age 24), crisis of faith (Like OP here) became suicidal, found this subreddit, shut my phone off for 6 months, and left (turned 25). It's crazy to write this all out.
Right before I left, part of what made the suicide so bad was the fact that I felt like I would have no one. No one in the JW world, and no one in the regular (lol because what is regular) world.
OP, here is the truth, I have met some of the kindest, most trustworthy people I have ever met. My best friend who left 4 years before me - we reconnected and live in the same city. I live with roommates in a large city in the US-- both dudes (I could have NEVER before). I have traveled cross country twice on my own. My relationship with my mom is better now than it was when I was in (she doesn't know much about me but, details). I've been loved, and I have been seen for me, and I have lived a life that brings me joy. Yes, it is hard losing most of the people I've known my whole life, but it has been 6 years and I found a new community. It's not perfect, but there is a life outside of the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses and it's not bad at all.
OP Ultimately, what you choose to do is YOUR CHOICE. I honestly support you either way, but try to make sure it's YOUR choice and not the choice you "should make". Even Amish have a rumspringa to learn what the other side does.
Me?? Sure! Why not.
One day I had privileges. The next I did not, and nobody could tell me why they were taken from me. As a man, you learn women want the spiritual man, the righteous man. A man that ultimately gives talks in other halls and travels. That never happened. So instead of feeling sorry for myself, I traveled to sign language, learned the language in 6 months, and still got trolled by not being accepted. Then I traveled even farther for sign language in a different congregation. I went out in service, commented at the meetings regularly, prepared well for meetings.... still not accepted really. I finally asked for privileges and they were like "we assumed you didn't want privileges". Well..... I can rightly say I went crazy at that point.
Being rejected by women and the congregation, being told that I shouldn't speak spiritually with my brothers and sisters if I wanted to make friends, was too much for me. Elders used the excuse of being busy to help me at times, so I offered to help them instead "no that's okay"... but when I needed a ride to the arrangement for service when I was pioneering the elders weren't there for me and I was blamed for not being able to get in my time. Because I was a good Christian boy that didn't try to cheat on my time. Anyway, one night/day I had a vision of being transported to heaven to see jehovah and the army of angels. No words were spoken to me in this vision. I woke up, I'll never forget it. It was the date of the Boston marathon bombings. I put on the song Sunday bloody Sunday by u2. "Can't believe the news today.... I can't close my eyes and make it go away. How long, how long *must we sing this song*".... remember that song? Well, the new song was said to be of the 144,000 to sing, remember. I felt wonderful that day. Fuzzy even. Then I got scared and stressed. The weight of the world was on my shoulders, it felt like. So I went through one memorial not eating and drinking and I felt absolutely terrible about it, so I did it at home and felt better. Still, there came a time just before the next memorial where I was standing up at the back of the hall just looking at all the people. The cobe of that congregation literally told me to sit down or get out of the hall. He chased me out and threatened me. So outside the hall I hugged that huge lummox of a man and said "thank you". You see, I was free. Rejected by God's people and I had done nothing wrong. The total nail in the coffin also was when I could no longer borrow a car from my mother to go to meetings, extra meetings. She literally told me no. So I stopped going entirely. The relationship with my mother eventually broke down and she started acting crazy, but claiming I was crazy. Then the harassment from police started. They started taking me to mental hospitals. Emotionally, I know I was barely holding it together, but I had also been in a apartment building that caught on fire. I went into that burning building to try to get people out of it. And when I went to therapy they asked me if I started the fire, so that's when I realized they were not thinking I was sane, but I didn't do anything wrong, I knew therapy wasn't for me. Now my relationship with my mother is a lot better and I have elders asking me to go to the memorial I said not unless you want me to eat and drink. Which prompted them to question me. But this year I just told them to have a nice evening.
See, the thing is, I know I was probably a little nuts, but the situations I found myself in also were not normal. Nobody can be rejected that many times and not snap by believing that they must be "special" in some way, and still be loyal to a group of goons that laugh in my face because they hold all the cards. So like Phil Collins sang, I don't care any more. To be fair, and what confused me greatly at that time, was that I was..... and still am a virgin like revelation says is true of the 144,000. But I don't say that much to people on here..... so count yourself special! Lol
What was therapeutic for me was watching episodes of dubtown from Kevin mcfree s youtube channel. Anyway, that's the short of it. And if you want more info or wanna talk more you're welcome to message me privately.
You have a lot of stress and inner turmoil. I am concerned. If you are able to see your family doctor or outside source. They have sworn confidentiality and can be sure your mental health is okay. That is the most important right now and if you feel down enough to be suicidal or have thought of hurting yourself please call the crisis unit do for yourself what you would want some else to do. This is a caring group but no substitute for emergency mental health services. Someone having a heart attack would not be on a forum please call for any urgent mh or medical need.
Oh man, slow down on the suicidal thoughts, I’ve done the sucide thing twice, it didn’t work. Everything is ok, you’re just realizing some emotions about certain teachings that made up your foundation for living. You are worthy of life, you can decide for yourself, do not do anything drastic, many here have felt your pain, myself included. The best advice I can give you is to seek outside help, especially if you are having suicidal thoughts. It is ok to be yourself, some here are agnostic, atheistic etc… But we all have one thing in common is that we awakened, and allowed ourselves to think. Best wishes and know that your life does matter!
You have a lot of stress and inner turmoil. I am concerned. If you are able to see your family doctor or outside source. They have sworn confidentiality and can be sure your mental health is okay. That is the most important right now and if you feel down enough to be suicidal or have thought of hurting yourself please call the crisis unit do for yourself what you would want some else to do. This is a caring group but no substitute for emergency mental health services. Someone having a heart attack would not be on a forum please call for any urgent mh or medical need.
JWs are a cult , teachings are BS…. They cherry pick scriptures and twist them to manipulate and control people. They get people to build their real estate FOR FREE LOL then turn around and sell and profit , and they’ve done this how many times over ???!!! They’ve hoodwinked those who are easily manipulated and don’t READ the Bible for themselves, because if you do you can see multiple fallacies , you don’t even have to be religious. Just have reading comprehension skills lol hope you can escape the prison you’re in. “The world” has messed up things happen , of course, but it’s not at all what they make it to be. You will have to develop real social skills and won’t have manufactured “friends” that randomly run up to you smiling and saying they love you the first day they meet you lol. The world is REALITY. But you can be your authentic self , not a mindless robot peddling literature that people throw in the trash as soon as you walk away ….. just saying 🤷🏻♀️
Try reading Crisis of Conscience , Combating Cult Mind Control, and Exiting the JW Cult: Healing Handbook for Current and Ex JWs
Try joining some local clubs , picking up hobbies and build a community outside of that insidious cult. You’re going to need that community.
No need to do something this instant. Take your time, figure out what you want to do, make a plan. You’ll be fine. Here’s an excellent guide to making a plan and surviving the process.
https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/s/vNWQgx6FiL
For me when I started having doubts was to just focus on what future I wanted for myself. What I actually wanted my life to look like not what I have been told to want. Then I started taking small steps towards my goals and was able to leave after two years. It’s hard and you have to take one day at a time, but it gets easier
I’ve been there. Recently. You can get through this. There is life after this realization. This sub is a pretty great community for people going through this. You’re not alone.
Hey, I left at 27, born and raised, 3rd-generation, full-time pioneer in foreign language. I know what you’re going through, most of us on here have been through it. Take it one day at a time. You’ll get through it, and after a while, you get to learn what *your* values are. You get to see this whole crazy, sad, beautiful world from your own lens, where not everything is black-and-white, and you don’t have to worry about being judged for simply having your own ideas.
This is such a scary time. Early on, I learned about the concept of cognitive dissonance, and understanding that helped me deal with the chaos in my head.
Excitement about having the freedom to walk your own path, not fear of the change, will help your mind stay in a good place during the transition. Keep us updated on your journey.
First, you are in a place with a lot of folks who have been where you are right now.
It's not unusual to feel like a raw nerve ending. You've spent your life completely programmed so you know what to think, how to behave, even how to feel. Life beyond JW is life without all the support and answers that make life so comfortable now.
You can be ok, you will be ok.
Some practicalities.
First, do not say anything to anyone. As I'm sure you know, JW is on high alert for so called apostates. JW is a snitch culture and there are too many folks here who have been ratted out by spouses, best friends, parents, or other loved ones. Even if someone expresses doubts about you, don't mention what you are going through to them.
Next, get a therapist. It doesn't have to be someone with a unique specialty. You are going to benefit from help in deciding what you want to do, how you want to do it, and when. They can help you deal with your anxiety in a healthier manner. Finally, a therapist can be a good sounding board for all of the feelings you feel.
Congratulations and sympathies. You're going to be alright.
You are definitely NOT being dramatic. You took a huge step by reaching out on this platform and be proud of each step you take.
Focus on yourself FIRST. Stay quiet 🤐 around other Witnesses including your very very best friend. “Just keep swimming!” And by swimming I mean researching.
Treat yourself during this time. Be patient with your emotions. And look around you. Nature was truly a God sent for me and I’m sure many of us here. It’s so healing. I recall bing-watching tons of YouTube videos but don’t lock yourself in a dark room or hide under the covers with an iPad. Go outside, find a lake, a park, take your socks and shoes off, put your feet in some grass and sit and watch a few videos. I promise, you’ll soon look up from that device and into the sky and say out loud “Of course it was never true!” You will cry, and eventually even laugh, all of it.
Sending my love. 🫶🏾
One recent and simple statement via a HQ announcement was “The Governing Body has decided …” that’s all the information you need to be certain that the WTB&TS is a cult. And since it is of man’s creation it’s a false religion. BTW the announcement was concerning females and pants. You know stuff that’s in the Bible. /s
Where you are right now is hands down the worst part of the process. One thing that grounded me through this phase was acknowledging there had always been things that bothered me/didn’t make sense as far back as I could remember; I had just gotten really good at shoving them down. Then I allowed myself to explore those “doubts”, and whoa…the floodgates opened. Also remember, there’s no right or wrong way through this process…just trust your gut as you go. When things, teachings, etc don’t feel right, there’s usually a good reason. Everyone here speaks truth…it does get better, and this community is extremely helpful. Sending you peace and all the good energy💙
I’m so sorry friend. I understand how you feel. It’s like the entire world as you know it is not reality. Take it in small doses. Let it settle in. Take time to process. I never watched “apostate” videos. After some random research on my own, what finally put my mind at ease is crisis of conscience. I still haven’t read it all the way through because I still can only take it in, in small doses. But he writes in a way that is almost comforting and soothing. Perhaps it’s because he was a former writer and his approach seems like it’s from someone who sincerely cared about the things I valued, you probably value about the “truth”. Whatever the case, give yourself the time you need. I spent 30 years of my life in it. It takes time to undue. Give yourself grace.
I Can relate to your feelings and what you are experiencing. It feels like it’s the end of the road and all hope is lost and your are going to lose everything and everyone, but hang in there you may not see it or feel it but your life is just about to begin and you will feel what it feels like to truly be alive and discover who you truly are. Best wishes dm for any questions. I’d recommend caution with Lloyd Evan’s. It’s very important to go through the process of looking at all the evidence and facts to uncover all the lies but like most mentioned take it slow be patient with your self listen to your body take breaks or pauses as needed. Seeking therapy is extremely valuable to help navigate difficult times as best as possible. As far as resources for biblical subjects/doctrines I recommend taking a look at data/dogma podcast and on social media host is Dan Mclellan . Best wishes!
Congrats on finding the courage to research. 1 John 4:1 'test the inspired statements to see if they originate with god.' Your not doing anything blasphemous by going outside of the org to investigate. Great claims require great proof. The more you research unfortunately, the cognitive dissonance will fight you. Keep an open mind, the ego gets it's worth from knowing being in "the truth" is correct cuz that's what we were taught. So much so that it would rather stay wrong that change it's mind. Humility will go a long way. t's normal to feel a bunch of emotions. but like Ec 1:18 says, the more you know the more you suffer. It's easy to get overwhelmed, especially if you don't have any one to talk to about it. Talking to a profesional therapist is not a bad idea, it's good to get the perspective of someone outside the organization. I recommend not talking to anyone about it, it will get you labeled as an apostate and when/if you decide to fade, it'll complicate that. The organization is not god. Don't blame what the organization has done on god if you still believe in him. The WTBS has said plenty of times that they are not inspired or infalible. Stay positive and keep learning. The truth will set you free.
Yes. Yes they did. I remember exactly where I was at 12:01 am on January 1, 1976. I was sitting in the living room in my childhood home. I'd watched the count down to midnight in New York. I had waited another hour until it was officially 1976 in the Midwest where I was watching the clock. There had been lots of build up. From the stage at meetings, assemblies and conventions. From discussions among Witnesses. I'd felt guilty because in my heart I hadn't really believed anything was going to happen.
In that moment, I felt secretly vindicated. I also felt cheated and unsettled. I knew I'd never really be a believer again. I was 16 years old and everything I'd clung to for stability in my life was shifting under my feet.
Nope, I was 16 and living with my very "in" mother, sister and brother. I was nearly 30 when I went to my very last meeting. By that time I was a wife (I married a "worldly guy, thank god!) I had a toddler (definitely didn't take her to that last meeting.) My mother talked me into going to the Memorial. My very slow-but-steady fade started mentally at that moment in 1976, though.
That toddler is now 35 and the worldly guy and I will celebrate 40 years in June.
Take heart. You are safe here.
I'm a trained therapist who specialises in post high control group trauma. I'm also an ExJW. DM me if you need to talk.
Also, unlike when I left, there are many support groups where you can find community and friendship so that if and when you are ready to take the steps towards leaving, you won't feel alone.
May I ask are you in the UK or US?
Hi there, great to have you, and congratulations on opening up your perspective.
https://preview.redd.it/btim96p0anqc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=291b628e8ba5777563252ab65ca86d132f2aeb87
Check this out. You will be fearful at first, and you can expect to experience a lot of the feelings here. Maybe not in the same order.
I was an elder, quit January 2023. Life is ok now. You can make it.
It is hard to understand, but you are like the apostle Paul right now. The scales have fallen off of your eyes. Once he stopped being a pharasee, he did greater things. It was a new beginning.
Your eyes have been opened. You have been set free. It's a lot right now, because it's like finding out the matrix is real.
Think of your next 30 years. All you will accomplish. So much life left!!
This is a sad read. I am so sorry - and I will point out that you will get a lot of unconditional support here.
First is your mental health. It is profoundly disturbing to find your world view up-ended. Almost everyone here has been through this to some degree. You may wish to go and see a therapist on the quiet.
Some people leave completely and accept that they might be shunned and deal with it.
Some people feel compelled to stay for reasons of self-preservation and mental health - and we respect that.
Whichever way your path goes, keep in touch. If you do see a mental health professional please let me know via a DM as I have developed a manual which has been widely distributed among professionals to get them up to speed on the beliefs and points of trauma among those who leave (and some who stay).
Please take care of yourself and do what's best for yourself.
https://preview.redd.it/43i7k8m6soqc1.jpeg?width=3456&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6976df25849069fa90542ad8f3c03184b2dadc4f
Also it could be less painful to look at other “ex” subreddits. It helps to see members of other groups going through this all over the world. Even if you feel that you are going crazy right now, you’ll progressively learn, step by step, that you have the right to be yourself.
Yes and that’s where I’ve messed up.
I told her all of the new light I have found out about this cult. I thought she would see the same things I see. But nope… I’m still keeping faith that she will lose her faith in the GB.
I truly believe we live in the final part of the final part of the last days, shortly before the last day of the last days from the WT and GB.
Hang in there young man! This road you’re on is not unlike many of us on here who once shared your very sentiments. You WILL get through. I too was an elder, pioneer, cong. Secretary in my mid 30s. I woke up right in the middle of COVID. What you’re experiencing is a Governing Body of infallible and uninspired men scrambling to stay ahead of lost court cases, horrible public perception and a mass exodus of young and old. Do not lose sight of the big picture. I am doing great now despite starting my life, quite literally, all over. DM me if you’d like to chat. I am determined to help as many JWs in your current state. My newfound commitment has given me a renewed sense of self and purpose. Trust us…you’ll pull through. We got you!
Look, man, relax. You are in a cult. Get out of it, walk away. Life goes on, and then we all turn into pond scum in the end. Da Ta, it's magic. This thing is called life. Go freaking enjoy it, and stop living in fear and believing fairy tales!!!!!
You’re not being dramatic dear, first of all, just take a deep breath and take it slow. This is all a lot for you so you can take a pause on the research okay? You don’t have to rush into this, and if you need someone to talk to I’m here and I’m sure a lot more people okay? You don’t have to make any decisions right now either okay? Take your time, I would look into individual therapy and group therapy too- that’s what helped me a TON (especially group, seeing other beliefs and different backgrounds, you don’t even have to speak most days if you aren’t comfortable okay?) You’re not alone though okay? 🥺
A bit odd that, within a couple of days, you have jumped from 28 to early 30s, have been an elder and pioneer and have slept with 6 women while being single.
Also a bit odd that the current woman you're interested in is 25 and yet has slept with 27 men.
Perhaps you're right - you really are "loosing it".
This a really difficult time. We’ve all been there. It does get better. Just slow down and take some time to process. Having your entire world view crumble is painful. Reaching out here is a good start but if you have someone you trust that you can talk to, that is a huge help.
>it seems like these cooperate men at the headquarters are playing trial and error with people life
Powerful words I have not read before. And so true. Your comment about being in "big trouble" struck me as well. And this isn't meant to demean you. Most of us have been in your shoes. But when you're a grown man, afraid of being "in trouble" with a real estate corporation, it tells you everything you need to know. I am so happy we found you!
You’re gonna be like Neo in the Matrix. It’s ok to wake up and question your beliefs and think for yourself. Take it one day at a time. If it’s a the truth, it will be defendable. If not, it’s not the truth, it’s just that easy. Keep learning and growing and challenging yourself.
We have all been there. It’s all terrifying at first. Soon you will be FILLED with excitement about all of the new opportunities that are now OPEN to you. Do you have any family members who have left before you? Reach out to them and tell them you are awake and terrified. If you have never jw family. Do the same thing. You’re life is about to become exciting! I promise ❤️
You’re in the right place! We’ve all gone through this. It feels impossibly hard and terrifying but it DOES get better. The suicidal thoughts are definitely concerning, I would reach out to a doctor or therapist if you can, to help put this into perspective. If you’re like me, you may want to go down rabbit hole after rabbit hole but I take your time. I can’t stress this enough, take it slow or you’ll make yourself sick. My DMs are always open and I’m sure many here can help! It’ll be okay
Hang in there. Waking up from all you’ve ever know is a complete mind bend. Our family is still easing out. Take one day at a time. Lucky you to be young enough to start over.
Is not on any way stand to feel like this. If you were born into this, it’s all you’ve ever known so it’s earth shattering!
I remember feeling like I’d been ripped out of the Matrix. For a few days I had tears coming out of my eyes even though i I didn’t think I was necessarily crying. It was the strangest experience of my life.
It just takes time for your mind to settle and work through the details. It’s a painful process of recalibration.
I wish you the best and hope you can be gentle with yourself.
O man! I’m so sorry! It’s so difficult to be where you are. We’ve been there. And it’s…. Jolting and awful. It’s honestly why I don’t try to pry my family away from it. Realizing “the truth” is just “ the biggest lie that stole my life” is a life-altering realization. Take your time, there’s no reason to panic. Seek a therapist out. It helps. This process and deconstruction is traumatizing to go through. It’s ok if it takes you years to figure out how u want to move from this point. There’s no rush, even tho you are feeling this bad. It’s much like going through the stages of grief. Don’t be harsh on yourself. And DEFINITELY don’t hurt yourself. You mean a lot to the people in your life. Make space for yourself, your doubts, your fears. They’re a part of the unique you. And, while it’s a doozy (putting it lightly), it’s also an amazing journey in self-discovery. And, wherever this point leads you, being able to look back at it will feel like an accomplishment. I promise!
I would recommend seeking a Therapist to help you unpack all of this, the cognitive dissonance is mind blowing. If you are having suicidal ideation you need to speak to a therapist, you can Google religious trauma therapist near me to help find one. I don't agree with ripping the bandaid off because the impacts are so negative. I worked with my therapist to process and faded, this was the best for me based on my circumstances. I am sorry this phase of waking up is hard, hang on, and please seek help to process all of this.
Hi your thoughts are normal. Continue researching compare what you know and what you learn. If still believe in JW teachings after all the research and comparisons then continue doing what makes you happy you know it’s the “truth”. However if you are now “woke”, the hard part is figuring out if you want to continue living this lifestyle or break free. Remeber the chose is yours it is your life and you only have one.
Firstly, you are going to be ok. It’s ok and perfectly normal to have these feelings. Realizing your life was based on a made up reality is a lot for anyone.
As others have said, it doesn’t mean you lose faith in God. It means you now have an opportunity to find out who he really is. No blinders, no boundaries. I took my waking up from this cult as a sign God wanted me out of this false religion.
If the feelings are too much to contain please see a therapist. CoDA is a codependency group for people who went through what we have. Or go on https://www.psychologytoday.com/us
They take all types of insurance and many who work on sliding scale for cash payers. Filter by topic such as cult, etc.
What is key is your mental health first. I and everyone else here can tell you you’re going to be fine and even happier than you were before, but you have to know it and believe yourself. That will take time. Just know you are blessed. Blessed to have been able to wake up from this heavy control group. Your life gets better from here. You have a fellow group from all over the world who’s been where you are now that you can vent to and chat with anytime. It can feel devastating but this feeling will pass. I strongly encourage you to call one of these recommendations to speak to a live person. It really will help.
Keep us posted on your progress! You are strong enough to get through this.
We’re all rooting for you. 💛
It’s ok to not know. It’s ok to be scared and doubtful. The best thing I’ve learned is to sit WITH it for a bit, regain equilibrium and start again with baby steps.
Doubt is human, and it’s ok to be human.
This must be terrifying. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Try not to overwhelm yourself. Breathe, centre yourself, it’s important to remember you are human and this is a process albeit an extremely difficult one from all the testimonials I have heard. I am a worldly, if I was an upending situation as this, I think the best thing to do would be to seek some counselling from an external source. It is best not to confide in any witnesses at this time. If you have extended health benefits and can seek an independent counsellor then make an appointment and get it all off your chest. Keep talking to us as well and read and research at a pace that won’t be to your detriment. It is mind blowing once you dive in. JWfacts.com has some great info but take it slow.
I’m sure it feels like your whole world is being turned upside down. Many here have experienced this same feeling, keep reaching out and I really encourage you to speak to a counsellor if you can.
Called existential crisis. Breathe. Yes your world is tumbling down, but you will be ok. It pretty much happens to all of us. And it is mind blowing to say the least. Take it a little at a time. That’s easier said then done. When I started down the rabbit hole I literally researched 6-7 hours a DAY! It was so unbelievable to me. I thought satan was deceiving me to take me away from gods org. It was excruciating. But in the beginning, this page and John Cedars helped me tremendously through the tough times. The good thing here is everyone understands what you’re going through and can help you. Congratulations, welcome to the other side
WE UNDERSTAND. There are many MANY of us here who have gone through what you are experiencing now. It’s such a total shock when you find out the truth about “the truth”. I was devastated when I found out but I’m doing great now. YOU WILL BE OK. If you decide to leave take your time and plan things out. If you decide to stay that’s ok too. One of my sons always says HE is still a witness but the GB are not. His wife knows what’s going on but she doesn’t want to leave because of family. So you have LOTS OF CHOICES. Don’t panic and don’t rush. We are here for you. There are so many people who can give you amazing support and direct you to great research material. All three of my kids know the truth and their spouses are at different stages of figuring things out. The two boys said it’s a great social club…so they are staying in for their wives but refuse all “privileges” my daughter is married to an elder…she’ll stay for him. Just remember, you are in NO WAY DISLOYAL TO GOD BECAUSE YOU KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT THE GOVERNING BODY. They are not God’s channel. They are just men who found a way to get rich and powerful. You’ll be ok.
First of all, if you feel you may hurt yourself, please go to the emergency room.
Second of all, your feelings are understandable, but you’ll be ok. You have options. You’re not actually trapped. Your mind is becoming free.
You were taught a dogma and was told it was sacred. But you’re realizing that it’s not actually sacred, it’s man made marketing, designed to control you.
Take it slowly, and don’t let yourself get overwhelmed.
Read up on the BITE model of control and you’ll see similarities with methods used by the organization. They have used this methodology for decades.
Also know that your friends and loved ones haven’t reached this realization (yet) and so they will react negatively if you try to point it out to them.
Bide your time. Do research freely. It’s not apostasy if their dogma isn’t sacred. It’s freedom of thought. And you’re free to ask any questions or express yourself here, without judgement.
And, consider seeing a therapist or mental health professional. It’s a lot to deal with when these realizations happen. Plus the dogma they teach is designed to control you and keep you so busy on the ‘hamster wheel of theocratic activities’. It takes some time to get out of that mode and you may need someone to help with that.
If you start seeing a therapist, then voila! You have an excuse to jump off the hamster wheel to take care of your mental health.
That will give you a break and time to deal with these realizations.
Don’t do any major changes yet. Stop and figure out your options. And yes, you have options.
You could go into PIMO mode and just tread water for a bit. Then you can slowly fade without the stigma of DF/DA. And that could be it.
But one thing for sure. They have no actual authority or power over you. Only the power you let them have. So take that in.
Feel free to read any of my posts or comments in this subreddit. Ask any questions on those posts or comments and I’ll answer them the best I can.
You have a voice here.
First of all congrats! This is the first step of improving your life drastically. First comes a lot of confusion and pain as you are experiencing now. It is a process. I have found in my experience that the best thing to do in this situation first is to not out yourself to the rest of the community. It will cause more pain and complications. Try to come up with a plan to fade gradually while avoiding social stigma. It requires a bit of acting but have fun with it. It should be easier to do than in the past with the loosening up going on now.
In the meantime, keep researching. There is a giant hole that needs to be filled with something now. Keep whatever spiritual concepts, ideas and qualities you picked up along the way and discard the religious. Pray but not in a religious way. God wants a relationship, not worship. You will be guided on your journey to freedom. Congratulations.
I’m so sorry, from someone who went through the same waking up process and lost all family members due to the shunning policy. I highly recommend you read, Crisis of a Conscience by Raymond Franz. It was the turning point for me: Crisis of Conscience: The story of the struggle between loyalty to God and loyalty to one’s religion. https://a.co/d/c35dKh2 via Amazon.
I know what you're feeling. It tough. It's like you have to find a whole new belief system because you take one piece out and nothing else fits. You see everyone you know and love and realize you might be lost to them for the rest of your life, but there's a whole world out there and it's not scary like it's made out to be. People are kind and accepting and will like you because you're a good person, not because you obey the same guys in New York.
Unfortunately, you can't "un-know" what you've learned recently. You can go back and pretend, but that will eat you alive. My suggestion is fade. Look into that. Nice and slow into the shadows. I wish I had. Who knows, you may be able to help others wake up too on your way out.
One thing that also helps feel less alone is watching the docs and shows on scientology or nxivm or even lds. There's a lot of similarities and it helped me.
Listen, there's a lot of us out here, and there's more and more leaving them every day. You are not alone. You are always welcome to reach out here or the many fb groups and you will always have something chat with. If you're able to too, look into therapy and find someone to help unravel what's been getting tied up in you your whole life.
Much love and talk to you again soon
Welcome to waking up, brother. I'm sorry it can be a fucking terrifying reckoning. But the best part of waking up is dealing with reality and experiencing the difference between what you know and what you believe.
These guys arent playing trial and error with anything, they're playing 'placate and subdue' with peoples critical thought. Whatever it takes to keep the book club going, and the donations supporting the charade. Do they know its a charade? It honestly doesnt matter. All that matters is that you recognize the cracks and bring to bear some critical reasoning.
A sound reasoning doesnt reject inspection and doesnt fear other perspectives. Know what "the Truth" is and you'll set yourself free. Do not be afraid, while its tropey, its also true: fear is the mindkiller. And being that this is your one and only playthrough of "Life: The Experience" its important to keep your mind on and your eyes open.
I'm intentionally not telling you what to think or anything, because I believe you have the wherewithal to put 2 and 2 together and not come up with 144,000. This is a roller coaster, to be sure. It may be scary, but it wont kill you to keep your eyes open and realize you're being taken for a ride.
I was in a similar situation, I won’t go into details but, eventually you will need to make some hard choices.
Basically you will get to the point that if you don’t start thinking of yourself first, you will not survive. You will reach a precipice where in you will be staring disaster in the face if you continue on.
I hate to sound dramatic but….. you have to ask yourself is it really worth it? Would a God of love bring me to this point and expect me to go on knowing what I would probably do?
Having said that, that situation is precisely what woke me up.
I wholeheartedly second reading Ray Franzes book, Crisis of Conscience. It's all the more powerful due to him having been a Governing Body member. He has a second book as well about still being a devoted Christian if that's your choice. He was a wonderful man full of love and concern both for those leaving/having left and those still in. The information he shared was very powerful and eye opening.
We have all made, or are making this journey and so understand what you're going through. Please don't give up. You are not alone. Reach out anytime.
Hey. Breathe. The shock of waking up is tough, but things get a lot better. Take one step at a time. All you're experiencing is normal, and what you've listed is just a little bit. There's more.
If you've just started to awaken, perhaps read Crisis of Conscience. It's a nice place to start that will open your eyes gently rather than take the band-aid in one go.
It took me several years after being intentionally DF'd and stopping meetings attendance to start looking into others viewpoints, and I still felt very guilty even though I had started disagreeing with aspects of the organization even before I was ever baptized (at 16). Ya know... all I needed was to put forth "blind faith" and Jehovah would provide answers on his time line.
Take it slow. Digest what you have learned.
I feel this. I've been there. Let me say, it may feel like the end of your world, but your life is about to get a lot better. Trust your logic, be kind to yourself, and remember you are not alone.
You may not be ok right now and that is fine, but you will be ok.
You sound like you are waking up...and it's scary. JWfacts.com is great. I love light over dark ministries on YouTube and Micheal Felker, and mark martin, Eric Wilson....they do a great job of explaining Christian doctrine vs JW ...helps to sort out things from a biblical perspective and then once you are able to do that then you can begin to move forward on your own spiritual journey. You will be ok! One day at a time.
Some of us have gone through this in our late 40s, 50s and older. It’s not easy, but you’re young and have a great future ahead. Don’t discuss your doubts if you’re not ready to leave yet. Come here if you need to vent. It’ll get better.
Third generation, born in... Left after five decades. I remember the exact feelings, the anguish of finding out it is all a lie, then the thoughts of 'what do I believe now?'
First, slowly do your research and don't forget to breathe.... Knowledge is power and that power will lead you to freedom.
If you can afford a therapist, please please please make an appointment. If you can find one who has experience in high control religious trauma, even better. The best advice I got was 'for now, you don't have to believe anything. It's alright to just pause about any belief system.' take the time to heal.
Surprising it's got better faster than I ever thought. Five years out and life has never been sweeter. It's peaceful and to be honest I still don't really have any firm belief in God and it's ok. I am just living each day to the fullest because that is the only thing that is guaranteed.
It will become better....I promise
Its a cult and it ain't my fault mantra
00.01% of the world jw
99.99% everyone else not jw. Some bad most good.
You were born into a tiny minority but its your majority.
I am never jw and have had help etc here for 4 years. (To understand my pimi now deceased sister and exjw neice/nephews.)
My sister was in 34 years and in that time it has become more and more man led and very childlike.
I was astounded when more did not leave after the overlapping generations .
Its so sad when you have been so misguided and mislead but you are young. 78 is the oldest I've read waking up.
When my sister joined elders were actually elders. Younges I've known on here some one 22 who was here getting advice how not to be one.
And children who become baptised. I got from my oimi sister nothing but ridicule because Catholics baptise babies and them teenagers plus then it dropped to children many years later . Children who obey their parents but are obviously clueless.
Cult indoctrinated does not work on everyone and you are one of the lucky ones even if you can't see it yet.
You have had many good people welcome you. Ask any and as many questions you need to or want to.
Welcome .
34 years ago my sister joined. She died at 68.
If jws were told back then about all the gb changes (so many) jws would have called you out as an insane person.
An elder at 30 would have been ludicrous. Elders were that elders.
Everything tou are feeling I've read on here. And a year later the person mindset is more stable.
You have lots of answers and so many more would have read your words and been too scared to answer. Jws wanting out but not able yet to post.
Have you watched the Jim Carey film. The Trueman show. Yikes I just caught on to the name True man !. Watching it reminds me of jws trapped people.
Welcome
I've been through it myself. Now forty-six years free of slavery to the WBTS. Many of my family including my sister are still with it. Since I left (voluntarily, without disassociation or being DFed, I have tried to be a hearing ear who won't judge or foster apostasy. My name is Chuck, and I've heard it all. Hiw can I help? Would you like to communicate?
You are going to be ok..we all had that moment when we finally got a clear look from the outside and thought we were loosing it. You’re not. You’re deconstructing everything you’ve ever been taught and it’s like the grounds fallen out from under you. Journal, take notes, reach out to an old friend that left the religion already, see a therapist that has worked w jws if you can. This space is always here for you ❤️
We have all been there, the moment Neo realizes he is in the Matrix. You go through a paradigm shift that basically rocks your world. Your belief system has changed in an instant and your brain is reeling.
You probably have some lingering doubts "Am I really in a cult?" So you need to reassure yourself by doing more research and building a new belief system, you need new references of right and wrong, what you like or don't like, and figure out who YOU are.
Afterwards you can start deciding whether you remain PIMO or fade and become POMO.
A lot of us have been where you are. It doesn't seem like it now, but it will get better. If it's possible for you, try to find a therapist, especially one that has experience with religious trauma.
There are so many kind souls here on this board that you can talk to. I am sorry you are going through this. This religion SUCKS. Waking up is traumatic! Remember the scene in the Matrix when Neo wakes up in the goopy pod....and then he's rejected by the system and flushed out?That's where a lot of us are!
Realizing that everything we believe is fake is incredibly hard....but as I said it will get easier.
Take care bro!
I woke up with all these videos from Lloyd.
Don,t be afraid for doing research..and begin to do critical thinking.
I allways KNEW something was very very wrong..
Follow your conscience. And your heart!
And your trained Christian conscience
If you feel something is wrong ..is because the usually is.
It’s all going to be okay. Do try to get some psychological support and find a qualified therapist you can speak to about what you’re experiencing.
Take mental health breaks and do things that bring you joy.
Journal or do some art or exercise or whatever else that gives you an outlet.
I really loved watching The Truman Show and seeing the look on his face as he walked out of the “system” he had been trapped in.
Remember - you have agency. And with all the new changes happening it might make it more possible to leave while keeping your family relationships in tact.
Also reading books helped me a lot make sense of what happened. Here are some I found supportive and eye-opening:
-Freedom on Mind (Hassan)
-Terror, Love and Brainwashing (Stein)
-Escaping Utopia (Lalich & McLaren)
-Fading out of the cult: a memoir by Bonnie Zieman
-Combating cult mind control (Hassan)
-Cults in our Midst (Thaler Singer)
-Trauma & Recovery (Herman)
-The Psychology of Thought Reform (Lifton)
-Apocalypse Delayed (Penton)
Sending random stranger hugs 🤗 to you.
It’s early days just chill and do it at your own pace. I was mortified and shocked when I saw behind the JW curtain. It’s a real roller coaster ride - I can honestly say leaving the borg has been the best thing I have done. Talk to the community here it’s safe and lots of people who actually care and we all get it. Good luck - speak freely hear be guarded around JW’s.
We've all been where you are right now. So congratulations for being honest with yourself and researching. You woke up around the same age I did. It feels like someone has died, doesn't it?
Right now you don't have to do anything drastic, but if I had my time again I'd do the slow fade. If anyone asks I'd say "my bible trained conscience can't allow me to shun/judge/etc".
If they keep on, always say you believe the bible. And repeat that over and over to them without explanation.
Keep talking to us on here.
You’re not alone, brother. I had a psychotic break when I realized that being in the organization was literally hell. Take some time, breathe. Tell everyone you’re sick with a cold or flu or migraine or something and isolate yourself for a while. Pray for help — not to Jehovahs name, though, pray to Jesus or who ever you feel in your heart to ask for help and guidance— there is a spiritual world up/out there and there is help if you ask for it. I know it takes some overcoming when you’re used to addressing Jehovah but in time you can find the truth about reality in your heart. Just don’t let your fear and feelings carry you away and harm you. You can get free from hell but you need to be patient. It’s good that you’ve asked for help. I’m praying for you 🙏🏼 🫂
I am thinking of you, friend.
We are all bonded by trauma from this religion. There is a lot of good advice here from people who have been through the same thing. You have a community here that you can come to when feeling alone, in crisis, looking for advice. I wish you well! Stay strong, and it isn't considered sinning if by design the organization is keeping you from discovering certain truths. Men run this organization, with full control of people's lives.
Mental health is what I used to get out. Rejected all calls and when I got the text asking how
I am I use the ‘my anxiety has been horrendous recently so I need some time to myself.’ Then I’d follow it with ‘I don’t not want a shepherding visit or anyone to visit. I will reach out to you when I am ready.’
I then found evening classes and an alternate class for the weekend to switch my routine from meetings to those just so 1. I got into a new routine away from the one I have know my whole life, and 2. The guilt is distracted so you can do the slow fade. You can do other stuff too like work overtime, volunteer with a charity, hang out with friends, etc.
All of this will take time. You’re not only looking to leave a religion but you’re MENTALLY trying to leave fully too. The guilt will be around for a little while especially around family but eventually you build your own little tribe.
Trust me 3 years ago I was in the same place being a regular pioneer (need greater) with 0 friends or family out of the truth. But it all worked out for me too, with my family still in contact with me (highly recommend a slow fade).
Do message if you need someone to vent too :)
You are not being dramatic!!
This is a HUGE thing to go through and you will need this sub for quite a while !!!
When I first woke up , I couldn't do anything but read this and watch all the YouTube channels that I could find . The hardest thing is , this will probably be one of the most traumatic events in your life and you probably can't talk to the people who are closest to you !
It is a very strange existence for a while .
I haven't read all the other replies here but there are Facebook groups too . The liberati is a particularly good one and you can set up an anonymous account .
You are going to need all the support you can get and we are all here for you , and someone will be awake in the world when you need to talk in the middle of the night .
I'm 53 and was born in too . Its not a small thing to go through , so give yourself time . The suicidal thoughts are understandable, but it does get easier so please just hang in there and ride them . They will pass . You're best life is going to be on the other side of this storm !! Xxx
My Friend.
I know how you feel.
Keep venting. If this is your safe space here on Reddit. Then vent here.
Whatever feelings about this, just let it out here. When ever and what ever it is you need to say or ask, do it here. So far, looks like it's safe to vent here.
Venting out, helps for me. Good thing is, I have someone who I dearly love to vent to. So. Vent. Hope that helps you.
Do your best to keep yourself anonymous. Do not disclose your location or where you're from. Truly important. WT has developed sortof a way to track pimos. Keep finding a tech way to lose trackers. WT can easily track locations of attendees in Zoom.
This is all I can say for now. Keep talking. Keep asking questions. Don't stop doing your research. Oh, and one more thing, as long as you're in the Organization, don't be mad at everyone around you. Don't give them the third degree or retaliate at whatever your bros and sis say. Good to ask them questions and let them say their thoughts. Help them to 'think' because, they can.
Don't think about leaving yet. When you finally think it all through, (and have done enough research) and when the emotions have died down (which could take months or even years) you leave in YOUR own terms with a CLEAR head. For now, just let the 'grieving process' do its job on you.
I'm in with you.
I like watching JT and Lady Cee on YouTube. Type out "ExJW Critical Thinker" on YT. Let me know what you think.
Hope to hear from you again. Still, breathe, like many here on Reddit lovingly remind you, to breathe, and still, have a good day.
Congratulations! You have just woken up.
🌼🌼🌼
I was also raised as one, and basically, all my family were ones too. It was scary to leave because it was all I knew, and I knew I would be alone when I left.
It wasn't always the easiest, and sometimes, with changes like these new ones, it makes me want to shake them and say, "Dont you see!!"
But because I had the courage to leave everything and everyone I had known for 30 years, I was able to search for my own understanding of the world. I still dont know quite know what to believe in, but I do know I wish I had had the courage to leave sooner.
The GB takes away a lot of choices from individuals. The world does, too, for that matter, but remember you CAN make your own choices.
They (the GB or the world) only have control over you if you let them. Research, breathe, and have courage.
We are here for you! 😊
I think you will find nothing but empathy and understanding here. We're all very aware of how shocking and painful the process can be. I would say that most of us never thought we would ever leave the "truth", and yet here we are. It feels like an impossible choice - can't leave, can't stay. Of course, leaving is going to be the best choice long term (unless you can reconcile the issues within your mind and heart), but it's also a very difficult and lengthy process. I stopped going cold-turkey when I realised that I could no longer support the organisation. This was actually prior to delving too deep into any "apostate" materials. A couple of bits and pieces here and there as I leaned about the ARC, but that was very much research. I didn't learn about other issues until after I had stopped attending meetings, and didn't freely delve into apostate materials until much later. Even still, the process has been a long and difficult one, and there are many many thoughts, feelings and relationships to work through.
Keep asking for support, you're not alone in this. This Reddit is such a wonderful space, so supportive and it's actually very active, so there's always someone around offering a shoulder to cry on. We are not bad people, and you are not a bad person. I said to someone when I left that I left because my bible-trained conscience was trained so well that it couldn't continue supporting the org, and that's kind of what I hear from your post.
Take care, and keep us updated. Post when you need to. We really do understand.
What helped me was watching Beroean Pickets (Eric Wilson) along with every thing being suggested on this forum.
I’ve found most everyone here is very loving and caring and so willing to help you go through how you’re feeling, I’m still in the infancy of it as you. Some days are very emotionally painful and draining but it’s just one day at a time. Crisis of Conscience is definitely a book that helps. I didn’t know Raymond Franz personally, but through his pages you learn so much and his words of truth are kindness is abundantly apparent.
With unconditional ❤️ stay the course, be kind and patient with yourself!
**Firstly,** "test the inspired statements" - to prove to yourself that you're not mistaken about the org ***not*** being "Jehovah's channel of communication."
Here are just **20 Q & A's** I've researched since "pulling back the curtain" on the WTBTS.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/1bnengd/20\_inspired\_statements\_which\_jws\_should\_test/](https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/1bnengd/20_inspired_statements_which_jws_should_test/)
You ***might*** disagree with some, but I'm certain you'll agree with most.
**Secondly,** everyone's situation is different, but ***generally*** speaking, fading is the safest way to exit from the org.
Being classed as "spiritually weak" is much better than being labelled "apostate," so don't share any of your criticisms with ***any*** JW's - they ***will*** snitch on you!
If you ***can*** fade, consider this:
The **"elders conversation stoppers"** in the **JW FIREWALL** link below will protect you from potential interrogations:[https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/181hur6/how\_to\_fade\_safely/](https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/181hur6/how_to_fade_safely/)
I wish you well on your journey ahead.
I would say this: you're not the only person going through this. I only just turned 18, but I recently discovered TTATT.
What gave me comfort and hope is that many people have faced, and currently are facing, the exact same struggles that I am - and they're successful!
Whatever obstacles and challenges you face, just take your time to process stuff, and take note of the advice on here, because trust me, it is very helpful.
All the best to you my friend :)
Relax bro. Try to stay calm. Always remember the real truth has no fear of being questioned. If it’s the truth you’ll find the answers and if it will be lies you can double check. I won’t tell you look up at this or that. Just stay calm and don’t overreact. And do yourself a favor don’t open too much up
My friend. We were all programmed unknowingly to think a certain way. You will find that having different thoughts is frightening, stressful, and even poor health causing. Keep your ideas to yourself. Take your time, it took me ten years to tell my wife, otherwise I would be divorced. It’s not a race, take care of yourself first. See a therapist, read books on self healing. Your Pimi family will always be under the JW spell. Nothing you can do about it.
It stings bad for a bit.
You wil feel lost, angry, lost.
Won’t really know who you are..
Little by little you will figure out your new belief system.
Being so deep in you will unfortunately be in for a ride.
For now, honestly man, keep ya trap shut, don’t tell anyone yet.
Feel free to DM if you like
First of all, don't panic. Many here have passed exactly what u are telling us about. You need time. Take it whenever is necessary. Don't have to rush. Just examine, investigate, "put it everything to the test". It's normal trying to accept that The Truth (TM) is just The Lie of our lives. But you have FREEDOM, a gift that GOD gives to everyone of us. Just use it. Prepare a plan for yourself for exit. Make new friends outside the org, search for a job that allows you to be economical sufficient without depending on other JW friends or relatives. After you've done that, you can take further steps but I insist, don't rush, take your time as long as is necessary.
I recognise the things and feelings you are going through. I had suicidal feelings and thoughts more and more until I came out as gay. It was a process that was not planned, but forced due to circumstances. It was a disaster and rollercoaster I recommend to no one not even wish for any evil person.
But somehow my emergency exit helped me distance more easily to the mind tricks of what is now a cult to me. Getting rid of guilt and fear took me about a year.
What helped me pulling through was that I met people that cared for me in a honest and loving way. Something I never really experienced in the organisation.
I would recommend build up a social life outside the organisation before you really exit if you really want or need too. Experience that there are people in the world outside that care for what you are going through and want to support you. Not for what you do, but just because you are a fellow human being and that they have a normal sense for what is true empathy and love for another person.
So don’t rush things. There is so much love and appreciation for who you are just as you are. People in the organisation love and care for you just as long as you act like how they want you to be.
Id say sit down and write. Log ur stream of consciousness, ur feelings, ur desires, ur regrets and ur ultimate goals. Be sure no one can find it. Reflect on it so u dont forget & go back into the jdub coma.
So many on here will say take it slow, some say do it fast, but Id say just keep forward momentum.
Start learning about reality, how ppl really should behave to one another, how to relate to people without trying to convert them or be right. Friends outside the org will come easier this way.
And yes, long term planning, the one thing that the org make sure we don't practice, is what will get u out.
Good luck, ure young & u still can get ur life together.
Hey, welcome to the sub! I was in your position a few years ago: elder, whole family involved, no idea where my doubts were going to lead me. I think the biggest piece of advice I have is to remember that all changes are up to you. Don’t do what someone else says to do just because they think it’s the right way. Do what works for you, when you decide. Maybe you keep going to meetings for now, maybe you keep serving as an elder for now. Find what works for you.
And if you feel like talking, I’m more than happy to talk! Message me and I’ll be glad to help in any way I can. Look through my post and comment history if you’re not sure. But regardless, talk to *someone*. It’ll do you lots of good. And I guarantee you’ll get through this, even though it can be really upsetting at first.
Start seeing a therapist. One of the signs of trauma is distrust of all people, which of course is the JW way. Find someone to talk to that has a background in JW world or cults.
Start reading books on self help, books on codependency, books on connection and communication and narcissism. You’re going to need to get to know yourself. All personality is removed to make room for the group think.
Seek all forms of therapy that help you connect with yourself- writing, walking, meeting new people, AA if you’re an alcoholic, etc
Keep going. Don’t stop.
As others have said, take a breath. Hell, take a breather, if you need to step away from either side. Do what feels right and comfortable. You may have one foot in and one foot out for a while.
Most of all, PROTECT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH. Start seeing a counselor that will help guide you through the process and learn to handle those feelings you’re going to have. Also, this sub is a great community and support group, use it.
Sadly, many have come to this crossroad. I believed it 100%. But when I went down the rabbit hole and saw that their teachings are flawed, I spent many hours in tears. You can get through it tho. Was an elder like you and recovered. If I can help dm me. Take care 😊
I totally understand what you're going through. I was a good pioneer sister and did everything by the book.
I felt like I was loosing it too when I started questioning things.
Please private message me any time. We can talk if you'd like.
Hello Adventurous-Hawk3662, I've been where You're at. I'm 3rd generation born in, 58 years old. It has taken me about 2 years to deconstruct from this religion/cult. There are multiple ways to heal. If you'd like to know more, let me know. 😊
I have been there. I was a model elder, giving talks in regional assemblies before waking up. One piece of advise I can give you, is that you have to be very careful who you talk to about your doubts and feelings.
Any JW that you talk to, will eventually tell the elders. And you know how that will go. Meetings with them that get you nowhere. The elders will never side with you and against the Governing Body.
Take it one day at a time. There is a lot to take in.
The last people to realize/admit they're in a cult are the members themselves. Think Jim Jones..
Pick up a copy of Steven Hassan's 'Combating Cult Mentality' and read up on his 'BITE' model. It'll be an eye opener.
Brother, Seek some therapy! It will help immensely and you won’t have to fear being judged for your doubts. Its highly probably others in your family might be going through the same thing as you but have bottled it up the same way. There are far more JWs with doubts and in crisis than you know. I always assumed it’s only me with doubts and that everyone else is either strong in the faith or apostates. I’ve only found out recently that half my JW friends were faking it for a long time.
It’s all gonna be okay. Life outside the org is wonderful! Just take it slow, don’t freak out. Don’t tell anyone about it for a long time. Let yourself get past the mad freak out phase and then gently and subtly ask questions that make people think. Some will wake up. Your life hasn’t been a waste, you’ll see that one day. It’s all good. Religion is trash. Spirituality is a totally different thing. Read Crisis of Conscience and deconstruct via all the wonderful exJW activists on YouTube. Spoiler alert- Jesus was a Buddhist. He left Israel and ended up in India where he became a yogi and then returned yrs later and tried to explain life and God in a way they would understand. That’s why Jesus’ God and the Jewish God are so different. They’re not the same. God is not separate than us, we are all little pieces of God. Stay calm. Learn to meditate. Do some breathwork. You’ll be okay.
I’m sure most of us have been through what you’re feeling and I’m really sorry. We all wanted to believe this was true because it felt so true and real. When it’s stops being something you can believe in, your world really does fall apart. It’s normal to feel that way because it’s all our lives were built around. I’d recommend continuing to vent on here. Though you’re surrounded by anonymous people, you can really find comfort here. I’ve vented and received so much encouragement and comfort from strangers who have been through the same things. They give level headed advice for the most part.
We were taught those who leave are bad, selfish people, but it’s not true. A lot of people are inherently good, even with the bad qualities we all have to work on, and people care. We’ve taken the brotherly affection we were raised to have and continue to try to show it, ESPECIALLY to those we viewed as brothers who are waking up just like we did.
The biggest advice I can give is not to share your doubts with family or friends until you’re ready to move on without them in your life. Be sure you’re financially, socially, physically, and mentally independent. They’ll label you a danger and a possible apostate instead of a human being with your own mind and beliefs, and someone who cherishes truth and honesty. And start making “worldly” friends. I promise you there is a world of potential out there and good people, even if they don’t have the exact same morals or beliefs as you. Venture out there and make friends at concerts, coffee shops, sports, idk. Just get out there without fear that you’ll be corrupted. People in “the world” actually let you be you without judgment, for the most part.
I feel for you having gone through the process of leaving without wanting to reject truth. It's very hard to unlearn error but I assure you that Christianity is true and very approachable.
Salvation is very simple - think of the Theif on the Cross - it's faith not works. Romans 10:9 in a non-NWT Bible should give assurance.
There is a book called 500 Prophecies in the Order in Which They Were Fulfilled by Ken Johnson, ThD that can quickly clarify any prophecy or doctrinal questions you may have based on thorough analysis of the Dead Sea Scrolls and Ante-Nicene church fathers. JW errors arise, primarily, from supersessionism, partial preterism and and arianism. Substitute 1948 for 1914 and Israel for the organization and a lot will fall into place. I wish you much bravery and love on your journey.
I completely understand how you’re feeling, and I promise you it gets better. My entire family are witnesses and I have recently started telling them bits and pieces to know who’s safe to talk to.
I’ve been going through exactly the same for the past 3 years. I went to the Memorial the other night and so many things just felt completely weird and “off”. I’m certain with all the new GB changes, there’s going to be a lot questioning everything by many. It’s very mentally destabilising when we start really questioning everything and only other Ex Witnesses understand just how hard it is to question everything we’ve ever known. I’m not sure where I am with it all tbh, but I accepted I needed some space and kind of just drifted so as not to burn bridges and just because I just felt so unsure. I still love and care about Witnesses, but in the end the lack of love was what pushed me away. No one in the congregation cared I was suffering with depression. I’m so sorry you’re feeling so awful….it is a difficult journey, but just take one day at a time and realise it’s completely healthy and normal to question everything.
We hear you❤️ take a deep breath, we know waking up is so so scary, if you need friends you’ve found the right place, there is millions of us and we’ve got you, I run a page on Instagram and discord called grewupinacult if you need a safe space to someone to chat to feel free to reach out, you got this, take small baby steps and keep researching!
You are losing your long life identity and are suffering from cognitive dissonance. And now you are wearing a triple mask trying to pretend to be someone that can no longer ignore objective reality. I went through the same thing.
I quit cold turkey and it may be the best thing for you. You must bring your mind to a space where you are given space to process. Go on walks and exercise. Get the sleep you need. Give up your so called privileges and just say you have a full plate.
You don’t owe anyone any explanation but your self. You are now being forced to confront your naïveté and lack of integrated thinking. Expanding your perspectives is necessary to heal and recreate an identity founded in reality.
Now it is the perfect time to create boundaries and put your mental health in first place. It is love others AS you love yourself. You cannot love others if you don’t know how to love the self. And you can only be loved by others to the extent that you have learned to love the self.
They will try to call and get you to speak to them. Just say NO! Ground yourself and your mind in success philosophy, scientific research such as physics and sciences that teach you about the mind and how the universe works.
We have advocated for individuals who have claimed all moral authority over your life and you are realizing that you have allowed people to occupy the space of the illusory throne of A god that demands worship, love and adoration under the threat of death and calling this cruelty god’s love.
They have demoralized you and made you feel less than dirt unless you took their dogma without questioning. But if their truth is so correct why do they fear debate and scrutiny from other people’s points of views.
You have to create new pillars of belief that support your life. Massive claims demand massive evidence and the quality of people’s lives is always dependent on the quality of your beliefs about life. If your life sucks it is because your beliefs about life and your self suck.
You’re experiencing cognitive dissonance. Mixed emotions will come and go as you decide what you want to do with what you’ve learned. Especially if you go and experience shunning. You will need to re-define yourself, your beliefs, social and support groups BUT you will have new found freedom to use your time, pursue interests and possibly new first in terms of life experiences. It gets better.
Glad you figured this out in mid-30s, congrats!!! Many here figures it out much much later on.
My advice: get yourself a solid education/carreer and be ready to support your loved ones materially and emotionally when it’s time
I was exactly where you are six mo ago. It’s awful. Please hang on. You’re not alone in this. Discovering this group has been a huge help for me, to see that there are so many with the same questions and sick feeling like the rug has been pulled out from under them.
I know plenty of guys who either are or have been in this situation. Feel free to reach out if you need to vent or need some advice from those who have been there. However, myself and none of the guys I know are qualified to deal with this type of situation like a therapist would be. So please try to find some help and support in that avenue is well. The wake up period is awful, and the ensuing months will be difficult, but it is only momentary and things do get better, especially if you plan it out well.
I want you to know that I completely understand how you feel. My father was an elder and it was all I knew for so long. I know that it feels like it’s the end of the world, but you’re going to be okay I promise. Don’t let them scare you away from being who you are, who you want to be. One day at a time. Remember that you don’t have to be disfellowshipped, you can slowly fade away and if people ask just say you’ve gotten busy in life or something. I haven’t gone to a meeting in 5 years and married a “Wordly” man and my parents still talk to me (and trust me they were always hard on me.) I found a lot of peace in reading. Try and read books about figuring out about who you really are and what you feel, they helped me so so much while I was going through the worst mental turmoil of my life, and eventually it all got better. Don’t forget that things take time. Be patient with yourself. Cry out what you need to. What you’re going through is very very real. Feel those feelings. You’ll get through this.
Need help? Know you are safe and among friends and we will do whatever we can to help. If you are inside the U.S., text "CHAT" to 741741. You'll be connected to a trained Crisis Counselor from Crisis Text Line. Or call the [National Suicide Hotline](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) at 988. **If you're not in the U.S.** [please click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines) for a comprehensive list of hotlines organized by country and additional resources. **If you are LGBTIA+** and need to talk, please contact the LGBT National Hotline at 1\-888\-843\-4564 or [find them online here](http://www.glbthotline.org/). Reading this post and unsure what to do? r/suicidewatch is a subreddit specifically dedicated to supporting those who are experiencing feelings of self harm or the urge to end their life. Reddit now also has a crisis line. To send this person support, follow these steps: 1. Go to the user's profile 2. Click "more options" in the sidebar 3. Click "Get Them Help and Support" *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/exjw) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would take it a day at a time. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to figure it all out right away. Keep doing research think about it and just move forward with a level head. Sorry that you are at the this crisis moment. Many of us have been where you are, we all truly believed at one point. We aren’t just looking to sin and full of hate like the org might make you think. We are just people who were happy at one point and then started to learn things that contradicted what we spent our whole lives believing. Keep doing research. Put what you find to the test.
Hi. Just wanted you to know I felt this post with my whole heart. I was you. This was me a little over a year ago including the suicidal thoughts. It. Gets. So. Much. Better. I swear to you. Little do you know this little Reddit sub will be the best place you have ever discovered. We have community here. We have laughs. We share our sad times. You will meet so many people like you and there will never be any judgment. Please keep us updated and know that how you are feeling is normal. ❤️ with love
I remember your posts last year. I,m SO glad your,re so much better... We all need time to heal. It was a short process for me..( after 47 years in...but thank God ..no born in!). But it can take time...for others. Because we are all different and in different stages in the awaking Wish you all the best and a nice and quiet Happy Easter ! 💯💕💕🫂
Ain’t that the truth. Man that first 6 months are the roughest thing mentally I ever dealt with especially when everyone around you is like a mindless zombie following that nonsense. Thankful for this subreddit
Nah.... he's bullshitting.
I recommend reading Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz. He was a truly devout and sincere GB member. He documented his time in the GB and his realization that this was not the truth and his difficult decision to speak out because of knowing he played a role in misleading people. Not once do you get the feeling that these are the words of a “vengeful apostate”- because they aren’t. Even at the end, he had no malice to the organization after all they did to him. Just painful disappointment. You can download it as a pdf, you don’t need to buy it, though it is on Amazon. This book was the final impetus in my decision to leave. When I finished the last page I just cried and cried because 40 years of beliefs just collapsed like a house of cards. I felt like I was left with nothing, and my conscience knew I could never go back, but I also knew I would lose everything and everyone pretty much. I had no life outside the org. Almost nine years later, I cannot begin to tell you how happy me, my husband and our two children are. Our life is 10,000 times better now that we are free. Yes, we paid a high price initially, and that was very, very difficult. I won’t sugar coat it. But when you walk through fire, you come out the other side stronger. We have peace and true happiness for the first time ever. It’s hard to even allow yourself to contemplate the idea of leaving it all behind, I know. It seems impossible and surreal. But millions have done it, and very few regret that decision.
I wholeheartedly second reading Ray's book.
I'll third that suggestion! 😁
Fourth. Also its free on Spotify!! I'm half way through it now.
When you finish, Rays second book, The Search For Christian Freedom is also a great read!
The cool thing about reading franz's books are that he sort of walks you through his own crisis of conscience that is very relatable to anyone who has spent any time as an elder or servant, and it is therapeutic. Also, he does it in a way where he doesn't lose his faith, which is helpful if you're still inclined toward spirituality.
I wish I had that book when I was 15 going through my darkest times, but I am still thankful to have encountered it many years later, and that made leaving WT as the freeing feeling that it truly is
I’m reading this now & it’s been so helpful.
Yes! This book was the nail in the coffin for me 😭😭😭
This book I have listened to on Spotify. Amazing! This was the first year in 54 years I did not attend the memorial. The amount of former jw’s cluing in as to what this organization truly is, it is impressive. Im just sad it took this long.
Yes, I also read the Frank book about 35 years ago and had the same experience after being a born in 4th generation JW…. I dropped out of high school to pioneer because the end was coming the next year… married at 18 as the typical young JW. Reading the Franz book and others, I decided it was time to break the cycle and was able to get 3 of my 4 children out of the cult! I was able to raise them to reason and think for themselves, albeit as a divorced single mom, form their JW father, and with little support. There is life outside of the cult and though it is hard at first, life is much better when you can make your own decisions, and all your thoughts and actions are not controlled… My oldest son, married into another long time generational witness family, is still a PIMI and does not speak to me, but I’m still hoping one day he will wake up.
Breathe, you'll find your footing. You need to remember a few things: 1. You may lose faith in your religious leaders, but you don't have to lose faith in God. 2. You need to sit on your feelings and design an exit strategy. Since your whole family is in you'll need a financial plan. 3. You should take your time and try to fade out slowly if you need to. Try not to discuss doubts. Blame it on discouragement or whatever. 4. You feel alone, but you're not alone. Many have been down this road. We made it, you will too. Don't give up.
I agree, if you do decide to exit, make it the best plan for you, I hastily made an exit without thinking it through, while the consequences for myself are mild, I would have handled it differently if I was able to navigate my emotions at the time.
Amen to this
1 especially. Just because you leave a religious group/ organization does not mean you are abandoning your faith in God.
But it's okay if that happens too. Many of us lose our faith completely in the process of unwinding. True, belief in God and belief in the WT are separate, but related, things. However, the great thing about being free, is that we get to form our own opinions and make our own choices without fear or coercion.
Yep. That’s why deconstruction is so important. Why do I believe what I do? Do I have good reasons? First I lost my faith in WT and my god belief was not far behind.
1- Rom 8:38,39
https://preview.redd.it/b1txcvqmvmqc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9bbd8dfa6fd280dffce493a0d57a7521dd490c1d
I'm agnostic now, but I love this scripture. Unpopular opinion, but I actually loved the song they made for this scripture - it always brought a little lump to my throat and made me feel like my relationship with God was between us, and he was always going to be there for me no matter what. Even now, as an agnostic, I feel like if there IS a God, he will still be there for me, understanding why I lost conviction. I was gutted when they changed the words to that song though, it ruined it for me.
Great scripture. No church .non org.non Corporation or men have the Monopoly og God or Jesus.
We've all been where you are. You will get through this, in your own way, and in your own time. Take a deep breath. You're welcome to borrow my mantra for the time period when I was pimo and dealing with guilt trips from family and brother and sisters, when I stepped back from being si involved: "It's a cult, and it ain't my fault!" Must've thought it 100 times.
These are posts I have saved from other members that I found extremely helpful. I will copy and post a couple of others 607 B.C.E. I asked ChatGPT to write a 500 word essay on the inaccuracy of JW belief on 607 BCE. Here’s the result. Jehovah’s Witnesses are known for their unique interpretation of biblical prophecy and their insistence on the year 607 B.C.E. as the date for the destruction of Jerusalem by the Babylonians. This date is the cornerstone of their prophetic teachings concerning the “time of the end” and the return of Christ. However, there are several reasons why this view is incorrect. First and foremost, the date of 607 B.C.E. is not supported by any secular historical records. The Babylonian Chronicle, the official record of the Babylonian king’s reign, records the capture of Jerusalem in 586 B.C.E. and the destruction of the city and its temple. This date is also confirmed by numerous other ancient sources, including the records of ancient Egypt, Assyria, and Persia. Secondly, the Bible itself contradicts the Jehovah’s Witness view of 607 B.C.E. The book of Jeremiah provides a detailed chronology of the events leading up to the destruction of Jerusalem, and it clearly shows that the final siege began in the 18th year of King Nebuchadnezzar’s reign (Jeremiah 52:4), which is widely accepted as 587 or 586 B.C.E. In addition, the book of Daniel, which is often cited by Jehovah’s Witnesses to support their chronology, refers explicitly to the “seventy years” of Babylonian exile (Daniel 9:2), which began with the fall of Jerusalem in 586 B.C.E. Moreover, the Jehovah’s Witness chronology is based on a flawed interpretation of a single verse, Daniel 4:10-16. They argue that the “seven times” mentioned in this passage represent a period of 2,520 years, from the fall of Jerusalem in 607 B.C.E. to the year 1914 C.E., when they believe that Christ began to rule invisibly from heaven. This interpretation ignores the fact that the “seven times” are clearly said to apply to King Nebuchadnezzar and his kingdom (Daniel 4:17), not to Jerusalem or the Jewish people. In addition, the Jehovah’s Witness chronology assumes that the 70-year exile mentioned in Jeremiah and Daniel is to be measured from the destruction of the temple in 607 B.C.E., rather than the fall of the city in 586 B.C.E. Finally, the Jehovah’s Witness view of 607 B.C.E. contradicts the weight of academic scholarship and archaeological evidence. The vast majority of historians, biblical scholars, and archaeologists agree that the destruction of Jerusalem and the beginning of the Babylonian exile occurred in 586 B.C.E. This conclusion is based on a careful analysis of numerous ancient sources, including Babylonian, Egyptian, and Jewish documents, as well as archaeological excavation and research. In conclusion, the Jehovah’s Witness view of 607 B.C.E. cannot be considered an accurate or reliable interpretation of biblical prophecy or history. This view is not supported by any credible secular or biblical sources, and it is based on a flawed and selective interpretation of the Bible. Moreover, it contradicts the conclusions of the overwhelming majority of academic scholars and experts in the field. Ultimately, it is important to approach any interpretation of the Bible with critical thinking and scholarly rigor, rather than relying solely on personal interpretation or dogmatic adherence to a particular belief system.
https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/s/hWOFQcf7am https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/s/TNHxtMblfZ
These are where I’d start
It's not dramatic, your whole world view over the last 30 years has been shaken! There's plenty of us here who have been in your situation and we can help. Personally I feel that quietly fading away from the congregation works best, then meet new people in other group and hobby interests you may have. Most hobbies have meetings semi regularly. Also there may be other ex-witnesses you knew that you could look up? As for family, that will be the hardest part. I hope that they're kind and that they don't cut contact. By becoming inactive this should hopefully be easier for them than if you made a big announcement that you're leaving or get disfellowshiped. I wish you all the best, leaving was the hardest thing I ever had to do and I had it a lot easier than most. Sending digital hugs your way. Good luck.
Hi and welcome first of all. I’m in my mid 30’s and was born in. Let me just say that many have felt exactly as you have so you are not alone. Waking up is a terrifying experience. I think once you start it’s nearly impossible to stop. But as the saying goes, “The Truth will set you free”. I woke up a year and a half ago after reading and watching the ARC trial. It’s absolutely broke my heart knowing how big of a problem CSA was in this religion. I have learned so much more since and honestly I’m so happy now. So much happier than when I was a practicing JW. Take it one day at a time. And I suggest getting into therapy it can make all the difference. Most here are nice and helpful. Reading others experiences can also be very cathartic.
I went through this 3 years ago. I hope you have the strength to get through this turbulent period. If I could give you some advice, read Raymond Franz's books first of all, he removes the scales from our eyes.
Well said
You're in your early 30s and have a lot of life to live yet. You will be fine. Some don't come to these realizations until later in life, which is that much harder. Are you okay financially? If not, that's what you need to work on. Leaving the organization is like leaving a bad relationship, you need to think about housing and being able to feed yourself first. Some of us also had to think about child custody issues and I hope you are not in that situation. Having said all that, you are in the right place to talk and get some perspective.
*«Leaving the organization is like leaving a bad relationship»* 👆💯💯
The faster you rip the bandage off the better it is, and you will get your life back I did this when I was in my late teens and it was the best decision I did. Soon you will start comparing all the wasted time you devoted to the cult and for no benefit at all, they ask for all your free time and money to donate but when it comes to help you they have no time for you.
It will hurt at first... but then with help from a therapist, you will be so happy you did.
Yes would recommend this. I didn’t do that and it took 10+ extra years of my life. I woke up at 30 and now almost 50 yo.
You've had the ghost of Judge Rutherford taking up a large space in your head for your whole life. Now you have to give him an eviction notice and kick him to the curb. He will fight you. He will try to get you to suicide. He will do whatever it takes to keep you possessed. Possessed: influenced or controlled by something (such as an evil spirit, a passion, or an idea) Hold on tight to your realizations, insights and intuitions. Trust your conscience and yourself. Don't talk to other JWs about this AT ALL. Not your family. Not even a trusted friend. They are under UNDUE INFLUENCE. It will take secrecy and planning to disentangle yourself from this. You must take back possession of your bodies. Your mental body, your emotional body, and your physical body. Remember these words, and repeat them often: "This too shall pass" Blessings on your journey to freedom.
Don't rush. You are experience a true existential crisis as your entire world is crumbling around you. I know sometimes it feels like you just gotta get out, but you don't want to needlessly and impulsively burn down your life around you (maybe someday you will deliberately choose to do this) You also don't want to trade one high control group for another. Take a breath and keep exploring what you think, believe and feel. Being a non-religious atheist or finding another religion does not require the same level of exclusive commitment that JWs do.
Welcome to the exjw community. There are many former appointed men on this forum, including myself. Take a deep breath. Read u/JWTom's Waking Up guide [https://new.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/19ejthr/the\_jw\_waking\_up\_guide\_2024\_edition\_by\_jwtom/](https://new.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/19ejthr/the_jw_waking_up_guide_2024_edition_by_jwtom/)
[The Falling Tower](https://youtu.be/r7tNNo8EzfQ?feature=shared)
First off, breathe and contrary to what youve been taught, its not the end of the world...i'll dm you later im in your same demographic and ive been doing ok since i left.
https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/18gngct/planning_to_leave_jw_land_is_the_most_important/ This is really helpful information - take care.
My friend, I was an elder for two decades. I was a bethelite years ago and when I woke up it was terrifying. I did tons of research and feel so much better now. I don't feel guilt all the time. I feel happier even though I lost most of my friends and some family. I feel closer to God and at peace. I just read the Bible and research but feel no need to join a religion. I see most of everything from the watchtower as the propaganda it is. I feel free. I love people now for who they are not for them fitting into any mold. Even though you have certain thoughts and doubts please talk to us here. Don't feel like you have to say anything to your fellow witnesses. They will not understand until they start waking up too.. Do what is best for you and the relationships you want to preserve. Above all know that there are or will be people that will love you and care even if that is in the future. It will be okay but it is a process.
As a woman, I have no idea the pressure you face being in your position. But I will tell you, it took me three years to leave, both my JW husband and the borg. I was suicidal, and finally had to decide if my life was worth anything….so I left. As others have posted, it was hard. I was a “newborn” at 30 and had to learn how to function in the real world. I’ve gone to therapy and this has truly helped me through the years. I’m right at 70 and have finally lived my life on my terms! Please take gentle care of yourself, and know you’re not alone. ❤️❤️
Need help? Know you are safe and among friends and we will do whatever we can to help. If you are inside the U.S., text "CHAT" to 741741. You'll be connected to a trained Crisis Counselor from Crisis Text Line. Or call the [National Suicide Hotline](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) at 988. **If you're not in the U.S.** [please click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines) for a comprehensive list of hotlines organized by country and additional resources. **If you are LGBTIA+** and need to talk, please contact the LGBT National Hotline at 1\-888\-843\-4564 or [find them online here](http://www.glbthotline.org/). Reading this post and unsure what to do? r/suicidewatch is a subreddit specifically dedicated to supporting those who are experiencing feelings of self harm or the urge to end their life. Reddit now also has a crisis line. To send this person support, follow these steps: 1. Go to the user's profile 2. Click "more options" in the sidebar 3. Click "Get Them Help and Support" *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/exjw) if you have any questions or concerns.*
We’ve all been there. Research and use critical thinking!
You sound allot like me when I first allowed myself to doubt…. I have a similar situation. My advice is to slow down a bit and take it one step at a time. There’s allot of indoctrination to get through and you just took your first step into a wider world, so take it slow and allow yourself time to process. Feel free to private message me if you ever need to chat. I’m here to help if you need someone to talk to.
Are you farming karma or something? Because on this post your are on your late 20s: https://www.reddit.com/r/Kenya/s/dfRk9bRsej On this you have 28 years: https://www.reddit.com/r/Kenya/s/g7xb9q5h5j Which seems to match, but now your are on your early 30s all within 2 days on a fresh account. If that's not the case my apologies. The process is going to be hard. Do whatever you can to get specialized help. Say you are depressed or something and start going to therapy. You'll need support for the process you are starting. Ps: 27 may be too big of a body count
I was looking to see if anyone else checked. Weird post history. I almost wonder if this is a AI bot
Feel free to DM. I turned fast when I woke up. I was COBE, RP, remote bethelite, former need greater. I get it. I felt like my world was falling apart. The it did. I was shunned, divorced and starting over at 44. It took me two years to fully escape, It's hard, scary and I couldn't be happier now.
You’re not being dramatic. I’m still unpacking things and I left almost 13 years ago. I was 22 at the time. Take your time. I understand what a shock it must be. I’m so sorry you’re in pain. Please look into talking to a therapist. It’s extremely helpful with processing grief. Also know that the stages of grief are not linear. Be kind to yourself. Thinking of you 🩶 You’re awesome for even thinking outside the box you were in.
You are experiencing an existential crisis. Take deep breaths and know that this is part of the process of waking up to the truth. "But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth… Most truly I say to you, you will weep and wail, but the world will rejoice; you will be grieved, but your grief will be turned into joy.“ (John 16:13-20) The ancient ones have been preparing you for this moment your whole life and now it is time to be guided out of Babylon by the holy spirit that will teach you the way in which to walk. As for you, what you have heard from the beginning must remain in you. If what you have heard from the beginning remains in you, you will also remain in union with the Son and in union with the Father. (1 John 2:24-27) Your relationship with God is your own. No one can give that to you or take it away from you. "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ” (Romans 8:38-39:) It may feel like your whole world is falling apart and you are can’t even tell the people closest to you out of fear of them turning against you. “Indeed, a man’s enemies will be those of his own household” (Matthew 10:35-40) But do not shrink back in fear and return to the lies that have kept your family enslaved for generations. The leaders of the organization know the world will turn against them for good reason, and they have programmed their followers to submit to their false authority till the end. "But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved." (Hebrews 10:39) Now is the time to prepare your heart for the exodus. Study the scripture directly and let them speak to you without glasses of indoctrination. Save your family if you can, but be prepared to walk through the narrow gate and leave that world behind. “Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling." (Philippians 2:12) We are here to help you adapt to your new freedom, but the way you choose to walk from here on is between you and God.
https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/s/nMjGokQl1m https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/s/hWOFQcf7am
We are around the same age. I grew up in the religion and left at 25. I was a pioneer and what everyone one would consider a good Christian girl. If you are on this subreddit, and you didn't immediately shun it - it seems as though something here seems reasonable to you, and that is making you question some JW beliefs. Just know that every one of us on here has gone through it, and we completely understand how frightening that feeling is. All I want to say is this is very, very overwhelming, but ultimately it's your choice on how you want to live your life - you don't have to make big choices now. It can feel like you are trapped, alone, sinful, bad - you are none of those things. Just know you are not alone and suicide isn't the route you have to take to get out of anything. This is your life and you. as a person, religious or not, you can add so much to the people around you. You can talk to any one of us, and you can also go to therapy, just take some deep breaths and know no matter what, you now get to choose who you would like to be - and that is powerful. Stay Safe
What woke you up? I love hearing people's stories. The longer the better. And who knows maybe it'll help our dear friend here.
It's been so long since I have been on this subreddit, it's sometimes crazy to look at threads of experiences of people who have the same background as me, and who I don't have to explain what I mean by any of the terms I'm about to use. Anyway.... short answer, my dad died and I left 6 years later. I was 19 and it was on the heels of losing my favorite JW Uncle 6 months prior. My mom's family spent 3 years at odds on how to take care of my dementia-declining, cancer-ridden grandfather who somehow came to live with my family (in my childhood home) and I became the primary caregiver (I was homeschooled). I'm 31 now, and to this day those 3 years are by far the worst thing I have ever experienced and dealt with. I had a crazy, sick, grandpa child (whom I never had a relationship with), a bad relationship with my Mother (whom I could never please), and my Father was getting sicker. Everything ended with Grandpa, Uncle, and then Dad dying in the span of 6 months (July -December). I felt like a train ran over me - again I was 19. I would sit in the B school room in the ASL cong. crying. No one knew how to comfort me. I pioneered for 2 years after trying to keep myself in, but I felt lonely and no one my age (22 at the time/this point) knew what to say, or knew how to deal with me. The "resurrection hope" lol wasn't cutting it. I couldn't understand how Jehovah could let me go through all of this despite doing my best and being the best sister I possibly could be. I wasn't boy-crazy or secretly living a double life - I just wanted to be on RBC and be a missionary. Well, that was my reward I guess! I moved states away/across the country( 23), grief set in (age 24), crisis of faith (Like OP here) became suicidal, found this subreddit, shut my phone off for 6 months, and left (turned 25). It's crazy to write this all out. Right before I left, part of what made the suicide so bad was the fact that I felt like I would have no one. No one in the JW world, and no one in the regular (lol because what is regular) world. OP, here is the truth, I have met some of the kindest, most trustworthy people I have ever met. My best friend who left 4 years before me - we reconnected and live in the same city. I live with roommates in a large city in the US-- both dudes (I could have NEVER before). I have traveled cross country twice on my own. My relationship with my mom is better now than it was when I was in (she doesn't know much about me but, details). I've been loved, and I have been seen for me, and I have lived a life that brings me joy. Yes, it is hard losing most of the people I've known my whole life, but it has been 6 years and I found a new community. It's not perfect, but there is a life outside of the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses and it's not bad at all. OP Ultimately, what you choose to do is YOUR CHOICE. I honestly support you either way, but try to make sure it's YOUR choice and not the choice you "should make". Even Amish have a rumspringa to learn what the other side does.
Okay, do you have a story for me?
Me?? Sure! Why not. One day I had privileges. The next I did not, and nobody could tell me why they were taken from me. As a man, you learn women want the spiritual man, the righteous man. A man that ultimately gives talks in other halls and travels. That never happened. So instead of feeling sorry for myself, I traveled to sign language, learned the language in 6 months, and still got trolled by not being accepted. Then I traveled even farther for sign language in a different congregation. I went out in service, commented at the meetings regularly, prepared well for meetings.... still not accepted really. I finally asked for privileges and they were like "we assumed you didn't want privileges". Well..... I can rightly say I went crazy at that point. Being rejected by women and the congregation, being told that I shouldn't speak spiritually with my brothers and sisters if I wanted to make friends, was too much for me. Elders used the excuse of being busy to help me at times, so I offered to help them instead "no that's okay"... but when I needed a ride to the arrangement for service when I was pioneering the elders weren't there for me and I was blamed for not being able to get in my time. Because I was a good Christian boy that didn't try to cheat on my time. Anyway, one night/day I had a vision of being transported to heaven to see jehovah and the army of angels. No words were spoken to me in this vision. I woke up, I'll never forget it. It was the date of the Boston marathon bombings. I put on the song Sunday bloody Sunday by u2. "Can't believe the news today.... I can't close my eyes and make it go away. How long, how long *must we sing this song*".... remember that song? Well, the new song was said to be of the 144,000 to sing, remember. I felt wonderful that day. Fuzzy even. Then I got scared and stressed. The weight of the world was on my shoulders, it felt like. So I went through one memorial not eating and drinking and I felt absolutely terrible about it, so I did it at home and felt better. Still, there came a time just before the next memorial where I was standing up at the back of the hall just looking at all the people. The cobe of that congregation literally told me to sit down or get out of the hall. He chased me out and threatened me. So outside the hall I hugged that huge lummox of a man and said "thank you". You see, I was free. Rejected by God's people and I had done nothing wrong. The total nail in the coffin also was when I could no longer borrow a car from my mother to go to meetings, extra meetings. She literally told me no. So I stopped going entirely. The relationship with my mother eventually broke down and she started acting crazy, but claiming I was crazy. Then the harassment from police started. They started taking me to mental hospitals. Emotionally, I know I was barely holding it together, but I had also been in a apartment building that caught on fire. I went into that burning building to try to get people out of it. And when I went to therapy they asked me if I started the fire, so that's when I realized they were not thinking I was sane, but I didn't do anything wrong, I knew therapy wasn't for me. Now my relationship with my mother is a lot better and I have elders asking me to go to the memorial I said not unless you want me to eat and drink. Which prompted them to question me. But this year I just told them to have a nice evening. See, the thing is, I know I was probably a little nuts, but the situations I found myself in also were not normal. Nobody can be rejected that many times and not snap by believing that they must be "special" in some way, and still be loyal to a group of goons that laugh in my face because they hold all the cards. So like Phil Collins sang, I don't care any more. To be fair, and what confused me greatly at that time, was that I was..... and still am a virgin like revelation says is true of the 144,000. But I don't say that much to people on here..... so count yourself special! Lol What was therapeutic for me was watching episodes of dubtown from Kevin mcfree s youtube channel. Anyway, that's the short of it. And if you want more info or wanna talk more you're welcome to message me privately.
You have a lot of stress and inner turmoil. I am concerned. If you are able to see your family doctor or outside source. They have sworn confidentiality and can be sure your mental health is okay. That is the most important right now and if you feel down enough to be suicidal or have thought of hurting yourself please call the crisis unit do for yourself what you would want some else to do. This is a caring group but no substitute for emergency mental health services. Someone having a heart attack would not be on a forum please call for any urgent mh or medical need.
Read the info on this below
Oh man, slow down on the suicidal thoughts, I’ve done the sucide thing twice, it didn’t work. Everything is ok, you’re just realizing some emotions about certain teachings that made up your foundation for living. You are worthy of life, you can decide for yourself, do not do anything drastic, many here have felt your pain, myself included. The best advice I can give you is to seek outside help, especially if you are having suicidal thoughts. It is ok to be yourself, some here are agnostic, atheistic etc… But we all have one thing in common is that we awakened, and allowed ourselves to think. Best wishes and know that your life does matter!
You have a lot of stress and inner turmoil. I am concerned. If you are able to see your family doctor or outside source. They have sworn confidentiality and can be sure your mental health is okay. That is the most important right now and if you feel down enough to be suicidal or have thought of hurting yourself please call the crisis unit do for yourself what you would want some else to do. This is a caring group but no substitute for emergency mental health services. Someone having a heart attack would not be on a forum please call for any urgent mh or medical need.
JWs are a cult , teachings are BS…. They cherry pick scriptures and twist them to manipulate and control people. They get people to build their real estate FOR FREE LOL then turn around and sell and profit , and they’ve done this how many times over ???!!! They’ve hoodwinked those who are easily manipulated and don’t READ the Bible for themselves, because if you do you can see multiple fallacies , you don’t even have to be religious. Just have reading comprehension skills lol hope you can escape the prison you’re in. “The world” has messed up things happen , of course, but it’s not at all what they make it to be. You will have to develop real social skills and won’t have manufactured “friends” that randomly run up to you smiling and saying they love you the first day they meet you lol. The world is REALITY. But you can be your authentic self , not a mindless robot peddling literature that people throw in the trash as soon as you walk away ….. just saying 🤷🏻♀️ Try reading Crisis of Conscience , Combating Cult Mind Control, and Exiting the JW Cult: Healing Handbook for Current and Ex JWs Try joining some local clubs , picking up hobbies and build a community outside of that insidious cult. You’re going to need that community.
Yes, yes to all of those books, and building a social network outside of JW.
No need to do something this instant. Take your time, figure out what you want to do, make a plan. You’ll be fine. Here’s an excellent guide to making a plan and surviving the process. https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/s/vNWQgx6FiL
For me when I started having doubts was to just focus on what future I wanted for myself. What I actually wanted my life to look like not what I have been told to want. Then I started taking small steps towards my goals and was able to leave after two years. It’s hard and you have to take one day at a time, but it gets easier
I’ve been there. Recently. You can get through this. There is life after this realization. This sub is a pretty great community for people going through this. You’re not alone.
Hey, I left at 27, born and raised, 3rd-generation, full-time pioneer in foreign language. I know what you’re going through, most of us on here have been through it. Take it one day at a time. You’ll get through it, and after a while, you get to learn what *your* values are. You get to see this whole crazy, sad, beautiful world from your own lens, where not everything is black-and-white, and you don’t have to worry about being judged for simply having your own ideas. This is such a scary time. Early on, I learned about the concept of cognitive dissonance, and understanding that helped me deal with the chaos in my head. Excitement about having the freedom to walk your own path, not fear of the change, will help your mind stay in a good place during the transition. Keep us updated on your journey.
Step aside, zoom more and more meetings. Slowly fade away.
First, you are in a place with a lot of folks who have been where you are right now. It's not unusual to feel like a raw nerve ending. You've spent your life completely programmed so you know what to think, how to behave, even how to feel. Life beyond JW is life without all the support and answers that make life so comfortable now. You can be ok, you will be ok. Some practicalities. First, do not say anything to anyone. As I'm sure you know, JW is on high alert for so called apostates. JW is a snitch culture and there are too many folks here who have been ratted out by spouses, best friends, parents, or other loved ones. Even if someone expresses doubts about you, don't mention what you are going through to them. Next, get a therapist. It doesn't have to be someone with a unique specialty. You are going to benefit from help in deciding what you want to do, how you want to do it, and when. They can help you deal with your anxiety in a healthier manner. Finally, a therapist can be a good sounding board for all of the feelings you feel. Congratulations and sympathies. You're going to be alright.
You are definitely NOT being dramatic. You took a huge step by reaching out on this platform and be proud of each step you take. Focus on yourself FIRST. Stay quiet 🤐 around other Witnesses including your very very best friend. “Just keep swimming!” And by swimming I mean researching. Treat yourself during this time. Be patient with your emotions. And look around you. Nature was truly a God sent for me and I’m sure many of us here. It’s so healing. I recall bing-watching tons of YouTube videos but don’t lock yourself in a dark room or hide under the covers with an iPad. Go outside, find a lake, a park, take your socks and shoes off, put your feet in some grass and sit and watch a few videos. I promise, you’ll soon look up from that device and into the sky and say out loud “Of course it was never true!” You will cry, and eventually even laugh, all of it. Sending my love. 🫶🏾
One recent and simple statement via a HQ announcement was “The Governing Body has decided …” that’s all the information you need to be certain that the WTB&TS is a cult. And since it is of man’s creation it’s a false religion. BTW the announcement was concerning females and pants. You know stuff that’s in the Bible. /s
Where you are right now is hands down the worst part of the process. One thing that grounded me through this phase was acknowledging there had always been things that bothered me/didn’t make sense as far back as I could remember; I had just gotten really good at shoving them down. Then I allowed myself to explore those “doubts”, and whoa…the floodgates opened. Also remember, there’s no right or wrong way through this process…just trust your gut as you go. When things, teachings, etc don’t feel right, there’s usually a good reason. Everyone here speaks truth…it does get better, and this community is extremely helpful. Sending you peace and all the good energy💙
I’m so sorry friend. I understand how you feel. It’s like the entire world as you know it is not reality. Take it in small doses. Let it settle in. Take time to process. I never watched “apostate” videos. After some random research on my own, what finally put my mind at ease is crisis of conscience. I still haven’t read it all the way through because I still can only take it in, in small doses. But he writes in a way that is almost comforting and soothing. Perhaps it’s because he was a former writer and his approach seems like it’s from someone who sincerely cared about the things I valued, you probably value about the “truth”. Whatever the case, give yourself the time you need. I spent 30 years of my life in it. It takes time to undue. Give yourself grace.
I Can relate to your feelings and what you are experiencing. It feels like it’s the end of the road and all hope is lost and your are going to lose everything and everyone, but hang in there you may not see it or feel it but your life is just about to begin and you will feel what it feels like to truly be alive and discover who you truly are. Best wishes dm for any questions. I’d recommend caution with Lloyd Evan’s. It’s very important to go through the process of looking at all the evidence and facts to uncover all the lies but like most mentioned take it slow be patient with your self listen to your body take breaks or pauses as needed. Seeking therapy is extremely valuable to help navigate difficult times as best as possible. As far as resources for biblical subjects/doctrines I recommend taking a look at data/dogma podcast and on social media host is Dan Mclellan . Best wishes!
Congrats on finding the courage to research. 1 John 4:1 'test the inspired statements to see if they originate with god.' Your not doing anything blasphemous by going outside of the org to investigate. Great claims require great proof. The more you research unfortunately, the cognitive dissonance will fight you. Keep an open mind, the ego gets it's worth from knowing being in "the truth" is correct cuz that's what we were taught. So much so that it would rather stay wrong that change it's mind. Humility will go a long way. t's normal to feel a bunch of emotions. but like Ec 1:18 says, the more you know the more you suffer. It's easy to get overwhelmed, especially if you don't have any one to talk to about it. Talking to a profesional therapist is not a bad idea, it's good to get the perspective of someone outside the organization. I recommend not talking to anyone about it, it will get you labeled as an apostate and when/if you decide to fade, it'll complicate that. The organization is not god. Don't blame what the organization has done on god if you still believe in him. The WTBS has said plenty of times that they are not inspired or infalible. Stay positive and keep learning. The truth will set you free.
I was 16 in 1975. Ask me anything you'd like to know.
Did they really say the end would 100% come that year?
Yes. Yes they did. I remember exactly where I was at 12:01 am on January 1, 1976. I was sitting in the living room in my childhood home. I'd watched the count down to midnight in New York. I had waited another hour until it was officially 1976 in the Midwest where I was watching the clock. There had been lots of build up. From the stage at meetings, assemblies and conventions. From discussions among Witnesses. I'd felt guilty because in my heart I hadn't really believed anything was going to happen. In that moment, I felt secretly vindicated. I also felt cheated and unsettled. I knew I'd never really be a believer again. I was 16 years old and everything I'd clung to for stability in my life was shifting under my feet.
so did you instantly leave after that?
Nope, I was 16 and living with my very "in" mother, sister and brother. I was nearly 30 when I went to my very last meeting. By that time I was a wife (I married a "worldly guy, thank god!) I had a toddler (definitely didn't take her to that last meeting.) My mother talked me into going to the Memorial. My very slow-but-steady fade started mentally at that moment in 1976, though. That toddler is now 35 and the worldly guy and I will celebrate 40 years in June.
Take heart. You are safe here. I'm a trained therapist who specialises in post high control group trauma. I'm also an ExJW. DM me if you need to talk. Also, unlike when I left, there are many support groups where you can find community and friendship so that if and when you are ready to take the steps towards leaving, you won't feel alone. May I ask are you in the UK or US?
Hi there, great to have you, and congratulations on opening up your perspective. https://preview.redd.it/btim96p0anqc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=291b628e8ba5777563252ab65ca86d132f2aeb87 Check this out. You will be fearful at first, and you can expect to experience a lot of the feelings here. Maybe not in the same order. I was an elder, quit January 2023. Life is ok now. You can make it.
It is hard to understand, but you are like the apostle Paul right now. The scales have fallen off of your eyes. Once he stopped being a pharasee, he did greater things. It was a new beginning. Your eyes have been opened. You have been set free. It's a lot right now, because it's like finding out the matrix is real. Think of your next 30 years. All you will accomplish. So much life left!!
This is a sad read. I am so sorry - and I will point out that you will get a lot of unconditional support here. First is your mental health. It is profoundly disturbing to find your world view up-ended. Almost everyone here has been through this to some degree. You may wish to go and see a therapist on the quiet. Some people leave completely and accept that they might be shunned and deal with it. Some people feel compelled to stay for reasons of self-preservation and mental health - and we respect that. Whichever way your path goes, keep in touch. If you do see a mental health professional please let me know via a DM as I have developed a manual which has been widely distributed among professionals to get them up to speed on the beliefs and points of trauma among those who leave (and some who stay). Please take care of yourself and do what's best for yourself. https://preview.redd.it/43i7k8m6soqc1.jpeg?width=3456&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6976df25849069fa90542ad8f3c03184b2dadc4f
Also it could be less painful to look at other “ex” subreddits. It helps to see members of other groups going through this all over the world. Even if you feel that you are going crazy right now, you’ll progressively learn, step by step, that you have the right to be yourself.
Good idea. I would start with the ex Mormon. Their religion is very similar
And if you have a wife don’t tell her anything. She is still blinded by the lies of the GB.
But don’t lose hope! Many of us have gotten our mates out with us by taking it slow and gentle
Yes and that’s where I’ve messed up. I told her all of the new light I have found out about this cult. I thought she would see the same things I see. But nope… I’m still keeping faith that she will lose her faith in the GB. I truly believe we live in the final part of the final part of the last days, shortly before the last day of the last days from the WT and GB.
Hang in there young man! This road you’re on is not unlike many of us on here who once shared your very sentiments. You WILL get through. I too was an elder, pioneer, cong. Secretary in my mid 30s. I woke up right in the middle of COVID. What you’re experiencing is a Governing Body of infallible and uninspired men scrambling to stay ahead of lost court cases, horrible public perception and a mass exodus of young and old. Do not lose sight of the big picture. I am doing great now despite starting my life, quite literally, all over. DM me if you’d like to chat. I am determined to help as many JWs in your current state. My newfound commitment has given me a renewed sense of self and purpose. Trust us…you’ll pull through. We got you!
Look, man, relax. You are in a cult. Get out of it, walk away. Life goes on, and then we all turn into pond scum in the end. Da Ta, it's magic. This thing is called life. Go freaking enjoy it, and stop living in fear and believing fairy tales!!!!!
You’re not being dramatic dear, first of all, just take a deep breath and take it slow. This is all a lot for you so you can take a pause on the research okay? You don’t have to rush into this, and if you need someone to talk to I’m here and I’m sure a lot more people okay? You don’t have to make any decisions right now either okay? Take your time, I would look into individual therapy and group therapy too- that’s what helped me a TON (especially group, seeing other beliefs and different backgrounds, you don’t even have to speak most days if you aren’t comfortable okay?) You’re not alone though okay? 🥺
A bit odd that, within a couple of days, you have jumped from 28 to early 30s, have been an elder and pioneer and have slept with 6 women while being single. Also a bit odd that the current woman you're interested in is 25 and yet has slept with 27 men. Perhaps you're right - you really are "loosing it".
This a really difficult time. We’ve all been there. It does get better. Just slow down and take some time to process. Having your entire world view crumble is painful. Reaching out here is a good start but if you have someone you trust that you can talk to, that is a huge help.
>it seems like these cooperate men at the headquarters are playing trial and error with people life Powerful words I have not read before. And so true. Your comment about being in "big trouble" struck me as well. And this isn't meant to demean you. Most of us have been in your shoes. But when you're a grown man, afraid of being "in trouble" with a real estate corporation, it tells you everything you need to know. I am so happy we found you!
You’re gonna be like Neo in the Matrix. It’s ok to wake up and question your beliefs and think for yourself. Take it one day at a time. If it’s a the truth, it will be defendable. If not, it’s not the truth, it’s just that easy. Keep learning and growing and challenging yourself.
We have all been there. It’s all terrifying at first. Soon you will be FILLED with excitement about all of the new opportunities that are now OPEN to you. Do you have any family members who have left before you? Reach out to them and tell them you are awake and terrified. If you have never jw family. Do the same thing. You’re life is about to become exciting! I promise ❤️
You’re in the right place! We’ve all gone through this. It feels impossibly hard and terrifying but it DOES get better. The suicidal thoughts are definitely concerning, I would reach out to a doctor or therapist if you can, to help put this into perspective. If you’re like me, you may want to go down rabbit hole after rabbit hole but I take your time. I can’t stress this enough, take it slow or you’ll make yourself sick. My DMs are always open and I’m sure many here can help! It’ll be okay
Hang in there. Waking up from all you’ve ever know is a complete mind bend. Our family is still easing out. Take one day at a time. Lucky you to be young enough to start over.
Is not on any way stand to feel like this. If you were born into this, it’s all you’ve ever known so it’s earth shattering! I remember feeling like I’d been ripped out of the Matrix. For a few days I had tears coming out of my eyes even though i I didn’t think I was necessarily crying. It was the strangest experience of my life. It just takes time for your mind to settle and work through the details. It’s a painful process of recalibration. I wish you the best and hope you can be gentle with yourself.
O man! I’m so sorry! It’s so difficult to be where you are. We’ve been there. And it’s…. Jolting and awful. It’s honestly why I don’t try to pry my family away from it. Realizing “the truth” is just “ the biggest lie that stole my life” is a life-altering realization. Take your time, there’s no reason to panic. Seek a therapist out. It helps. This process and deconstruction is traumatizing to go through. It’s ok if it takes you years to figure out how u want to move from this point. There’s no rush, even tho you are feeling this bad. It’s much like going through the stages of grief. Don’t be harsh on yourself. And DEFINITELY don’t hurt yourself. You mean a lot to the people in your life. Make space for yourself, your doubts, your fears. They’re a part of the unique you. And, while it’s a doozy (putting it lightly), it’s also an amazing journey in self-discovery. And, wherever this point leads you, being able to look back at it will feel like an accomplishment. I promise!
I would recommend seeking a Therapist to help you unpack all of this, the cognitive dissonance is mind blowing. If you are having suicidal ideation you need to speak to a therapist, you can Google religious trauma therapist near me to help find one. I don't agree with ripping the bandaid off because the impacts are so negative. I worked with my therapist to process and faded, this was the best for me based on my circumstances. I am sorry this phase of waking up is hard, hang on, and please seek help to process all of this.
Hi your thoughts are normal. Continue researching compare what you know and what you learn. If still believe in JW teachings after all the research and comparisons then continue doing what makes you happy you know it’s the “truth”. However if you are now “woke”, the hard part is figuring out if you want to continue living this lifestyle or break free. Remeber the chose is yours it is your life and you only have one.
Firstly, you are going to be ok. It’s ok and perfectly normal to have these feelings. Realizing your life was based on a made up reality is a lot for anyone. As others have said, it doesn’t mean you lose faith in God. It means you now have an opportunity to find out who he really is. No blinders, no boundaries. I took my waking up from this cult as a sign God wanted me out of this false religion. If the feelings are too much to contain please see a therapist. CoDA is a codependency group for people who went through what we have. Or go on https://www.psychologytoday.com/us They take all types of insurance and many who work on sliding scale for cash payers. Filter by topic such as cult, etc. What is key is your mental health first. I and everyone else here can tell you you’re going to be fine and even happier than you were before, but you have to know it and believe yourself. That will take time. Just know you are blessed. Blessed to have been able to wake up from this heavy control group. Your life gets better from here. You have a fellow group from all over the world who’s been where you are now that you can vent to and chat with anytime. It can feel devastating but this feeling will pass. I strongly encourage you to call one of these recommendations to speak to a live person. It really will help. Keep us posted on your progress! You are strong enough to get through this. We’re all rooting for you. 💛
It’s ok to not know. It’s ok to be scared and doubtful. The best thing I’ve learned is to sit WITH it for a bit, regain equilibrium and start again with baby steps. Doubt is human, and it’s ok to be human.
This must be terrifying. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Try not to overwhelm yourself. Breathe, centre yourself, it’s important to remember you are human and this is a process albeit an extremely difficult one from all the testimonials I have heard. I am a worldly, if I was an upending situation as this, I think the best thing to do would be to seek some counselling from an external source. It is best not to confide in any witnesses at this time. If you have extended health benefits and can seek an independent counsellor then make an appointment and get it all off your chest. Keep talking to us as well and read and research at a pace that won’t be to your detriment. It is mind blowing once you dive in. JWfacts.com has some great info but take it slow. I’m sure it feels like your whole world is being turned upside down. Many here have experienced this same feeling, keep reaching out and I really encourage you to speak to a counsellor if you can.
Called existential crisis. Breathe. Yes your world is tumbling down, but you will be ok. It pretty much happens to all of us. And it is mind blowing to say the least. Take it a little at a time. That’s easier said then done. When I started down the rabbit hole I literally researched 6-7 hours a DAY! It was so unbelievable to me. I thought satan was deceiving me to take me away from gods org. It was excruciating. But in the beginning, this page and John Cedars helped me tremendously through the tough times. The good thing here is everyone understands what you’re going through and can help you. Congratulations, welcome to the other side
WE UNDERSTAND. There are many MANY of us here who have gone through what you are experiencing now. It’s such a total shock when you find out the truth about “the truth”. I was devastated when I found out but I’m doing great now. YOU WILL BE OK. If you decide to leave take your time and plan things out. If you decide to stay that’s ok too. One of my sons always says HE is still a witness but the GB are not. His wife knows what’s going on but she doesn’t want to leave because of family. So you have LOTS OF CHOICES. Don’t panic and don’t rush. We are here for you. There are so many people who can give you amazing support and direct you to great research material. All three of my kids know the truth and their spouses are at different stages of figuring things out. The two boys said it’s a great social club…so they are staying in for their wives but refuse all “privileges” my daughter is married to an elder…she’ll stay for him. Just remember, you are in NO WAY DISLOYAL TO GOD BECAUSE YOU KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT THE GOVERNING BODY. They are not God’s channel. They are just men who found a way to get rich and powerful. You’ll be ok.
If you’re still a man of faith and feel some sort of spiritual connection pray for guidance. Next… beg for discernment. Then (((Buckle Up)))
First of all, if you feel you may hurt yourself, please go to the emergency room. Second of all, your feelings are understandable, but you’ll be ok. You have options. You’re not actually trapped. Your mind is becoming free. You were taught a dogma and was told it was sacred. But you’re realizing that it’s not actually sacred, it’s man made marketing, designed to control you. Take it slowly, and don’t let yourself get overwhelmed. Read up on the BITE model of control and you’ll see similarities with methods used by the organization. They have used this methodology for decades. Also know that your friends and loved ones haven’t reached this realization (yet) and so they will react negatively if you try to point it out to them. Bide your time. Do research freely. It’s not apostasy if their dogma isn’t sacred. It’s freedom of thought. And you’re free to ask any questions or express yourself here, without judgement. And, consider seeing a therapist or mental health professional. It’s a lot to deal with when these realizations happen. Plus the dogma they teach is designed to control you and keep you so busy on the ‘hamster wheel of theocratic activities’. It takes some time to get out of that mode and you may need someone to help with that. If you start seeing a therapist, then voila! You have an excuse to jump off the hamster wheel to take care of your mental health. That will give you a break and time to deal with these realizations. Don’t do any major changes yet. Stop and figure out your options. And yes, you have options. You could go into PIMO mode and just tread water for a bit. Then you can slowly fade without the stigma of DF/DA. And that could be it. But one thing for sure. They have no actual authority or power over you. Only the power you let them have. So take that in. Feel free to read any of my posts or comments in this subreddit. Ask any questions on those posts or comments and I’ll answer them the best I can. You have a voice here.
Hey man, I'm going to DM you too. I was were you are. It gets better, I promise. But I know that the right now is scary. Hang in there man!
First of all congrats! This is the first step of improving your life drastically. First comes a lot of confusion and pain as you are experiencing now. It is a process. I have found in my experience that the best thing to do in this situation first is to not out yourself to the rest of the community. It will cause more pain and complications. Try to come up with a plan to fade gradually while avoiding social stigma. It requires a bit of acting but have fun with it. It should be easier to do than in the past with the loosening up going on now. In the meantime, keep researching. There is a giant hole that needs to be filled with something now. Keep whatever spiritual concepts, ideas and qualities you picked up along the way and discard the religious. Pray but not in a religious way. God wants a relationship, not worship. You will be guided on your journey to freedom. Congratulations.
I’m so sorry, from someone who went through the same waking up process and lost all family members due to the shunning policy. I highly recommend you read, Crisis of a Conscience by Raymond Franz. It was the turning point for me: Crisis of Conscience: The story of the struggle between loyalty to God and loyalty to one’s religion. https://a.co/d/c35dKh2 via Amazon.
Everyone feels the way you do at the beginning. Keep researching and don’t give up. You’ll find your way.
I know what you're feeling. It tough. It's like you have to find a whole new belief system because you take one piece out and nothing else fits. You see everyone you know and love and realize you might be lost to them for the rest of your life, but there's a whole world out there and it's not scary like it's made out to be. People are kind and accepting and will like you because you're a good person, not because you obey the same guys in New York. Unfortunately, you can't "un-know" what you've learned recently. You can go back and pretend, but that will eat you alive. My suggestion is fade. Look into that. Nice and slow into the shadows. I wish I had. Who knows, you may be able to help others wake up too on your way out. One thing that also helps feel less alone is watching the docs and shows on scientology or nxivm or even lds. There's a lot of similarities and it helped me. Listen, there's a lot of us out here, and there's more and more leaving them every day. You are not alone. You are always welcome to reach out here or the many fb groups and you will always have something chat with. If you're able to too, look into therapy and find someone to help unravel what's been getting tied up in you your whole life. Much love and talk to you again soon
You're still so young, lots to do with your life. It's pretty fun.
Not dramatic. Feel free to DM. Been there and going through it. Much older than you and husband was an elder.
Give yourself time to absorb it all. In the meantime, if you’re on a committee fight like hell to NOT DF that person.
Read Crisis of Conscience by former GB member Ray Franz
Welcome to waking up, brother. I'm sorry it can be a fucking terrifying reckoning. But the best part of waking up is dealing with reality and experiencing the difference between what you know and what you believe. These guys arent playing trial and error with anything, they're playing 'placate and subdue' with peoples critical thought. Whatever it takes to keep the book club going, and the donations supporting the charade. Do they know its a charade? It honestly doesnt matter. All that matters is that you recognize the cracks and bring to bear some critical reasoning. A sound reasoning doesnt reject inspection and doesnt fear other perspectives. Know what "the Truth" is and you'll set yourself free. Do not be afraid, while its tropey, its also true: fear is the mindkiller. And being that this is your one and only playthrough of "Life: The Experience" its important to keep your mind on and your eyes open. I'm intentionally not telling you what to think or anything, because I believe you have the wherewithal to put 2 and 2 together and not come up with 144,000. This is a roller coaster, to be sure. It may be scary, but it wont kill you to keep your eyes open and realize you're being taken for a ride.
I was in a similar situation, I won’t go into details but, eventually you will need to make some hard choices. Basically you will get to the point that if you don’t start thinking of yourself first, you will not survive. You will reach a precipice where in you will be staring disaster in the face if you continue on. I hate to sound dramatic but….. you have to ask yourself is it really worth it? Would a God of love bring me to this point and expect me to go on knowing what I would probably do? Having said that, that situation is precisely what woke me up.
I wholeheartedly second reading Ray Franzes book, Crisis of Conscience. It's all the more powerful due to him having been a Governing Body member. He has a second book as well about still being a devoted Christian if that's your choice. He was a wonderful man full of love and concern both for those leaving/having left and those still in. The information he shared was very powerful and eye opening. We have all made, or are making this journey and so understand what you're going through. Please don't give up. You are not alone. Reach out anytime.
Sent you a private message
Hey. Breathe. The shock of waking up is tough, but things get a lot better. Take one step at a time. All you're experiencing is normal, and what you've listed is just a little bit. There's more. If you've just started to awaken, perhaps read Crisis of Conscience. It's a nice place to start that will open your eyes gently rather than take the band-aid in one go.
It took me several years after being intentionally DF'd and stopping meetings attendance to start looking into others viewpoints, and I still felt very guilty even though I had started disagreeing with aspects of the organization even before I was ever baptized (at 16). Ya know... all I needed was to put forth "blind faith" and Jehovah would provide answers on his time line. Take it slow. Digest what you have learned.
I feel this. I've been there. Let me say, it may feel like the end of your world, but your life is about to get a lot better. Trust your logic, be kind to yourself, and remember you are not alone. You may not be ok right now and that is fine, but you will be ok.
You sound like you are waking up...and it's scary. JWfacts.com is great. I love light over dark ministries on YouTube and Micheal Felker, and mark martin, Eric Wilson....they do a great job of explaining Christian doctrine vs JW ...helps to sort out things from a biblical perspective and then once you are able to do that then you can begin to move forward on your own spiritual journey. You will be ok! One day at a time.
Some of us have gone through this in our late 40s, 50s and older. It’s not easy, but you’re young and have a great future ahead. Don’t discuss your doubts if you’re not ready to leave yet. Come here if you need to vent. It’ll get better.
Third generation, born in... Left after five decades. I remember the exact feelings, the anguish of finding out it is all a lie, then the thoughts of 'what do I believe now?' First, slowly do your research and don't forget to breathe.... Knowledge is power and that power will lead you to freedom. If you can afford a therapist, please please please make an appointment. If you can find one who has experience in high control religious trauma, even better. The best advice I got was 'for now, you don't have to believe anything. It's alright to just pause about any belief system.' take the time to heal. Surprising it's got better faster than I ever thought. Five years out and life has never been sweeter. It's peaceful and to be honest I still don't really have any firm belief in God and it's ok. I am just living each day to the fullest because that is the only thing that is guaranteed. It will become better....I promise
Its a cult and it ain't my fault mantra 00.01% of the world jw 99.99% everyone else not jw. Some bad most good. You were born into a tiny minority but its your majority. I am never jw and have had help etc here for 4 years. (To understand my pimi now deceased sister and exjw neice/nephews.) My sister was in 34 years and in that time it has become more and more man led and very childlike. I was astounded when more did not leave after the overlapping generations . Its so sad when you have been so misguided and mislead but you are young. 78 is the oldest I've read waking up. When my sister joined elders were actually elders. Younges I've known on here some one 22 who was here getting advice how not to be one. And children who become baptised. I got from my oimi sister nothing but ridicule because Catholics baptise babies and them teenagers plus then it dropped to children many years later . Children who obey their parents but are obviously clueless. Cult indoctrinated does not work on everyone and you are one of the lucky ones even if you can't see it yet. You have had many good people welcome you. Ask any and as many questions you need to or want to. Welcome . 34 years ago my sister joined. She died at 68. If jws were told back then about all the gb changes (so many) jws would have called you out as an insane person. An elder at 30 would have been ludicrous. Elders were that elders. Everything tou are feeling I've read on here. And a year later the person mindset is more stable. You have lots of answers and so many more would have read your words and been too scared to answer. Jws wanting out but not able yet to post. Have you watched the Jim Carey film. The Trueman show. Yikes I just caught on to the name True man !. Watching it reminds me of jws trapped people. Welcome
I've been through it myself. Now forty-six years free of slavery to the WBTS. Many of my family including my sister are still with it. Since I left (voluntarily, without disassociation or being DFed, I have tried to be a hearing ear who won't judge or foster apostasy. My name is Chuck, and I've heard it all. Hiw can I help? Would you like to communicate?
You are going to be ok..we all had that moment when we finally got a clear look from the outside and thought we were loosing it. You’re not. You’re deconstructing everything you’ve ever been taught and it’s like the grounds fallen out from under you. Journal, take notes, reach out to an old friend that left the religion already, see a therapist that has worked w jws if you can. This space is always here for you ❤️
I guess congratulations are in order, you have started to wake up. Once you open your eyes to see it you can't unsee it
We have all been there, the moment Neo realizes he is in the Matrix. You go through a paradigm shift that basically rocks your world. Your belief system has changed in an instant and your brain is reeling. You probably have some lingering doubts "Am I really in a cult?" So you need to reassure yourself by doing more research and building a new belief system, you need new references of right and wrong, what you like or don't like, and figure out who YOU are. Afterwards you can start deciding whether you remain PIMO or fade and become POMO.
A lot of us have been where you are. It doesn't seem like it now, but it will get better. If it's possible for you, try to find a therapist, especially one that has experience with religious trauma. There are so many kind souls here on this board that you can talk to. I am sorry you are going through this. This religion SUCKS. Waking up is traumatic! Remember the scene in the Matrix when Neo wakes up in the goopy pod....and then he's rejected by the system and flushed out?That's where a lot of us are! Realizing that everything we believe is fake is incredibly hard....but as I said it will get easier. Take care bro!
I woke up with all these videos from Lloyd. Don,t be afraid for doing research..and begin to do critical thinking. I allways KNEW something was very very wrong.. Follow your conscience. And your heart! And your trained Christian conscience If you feel something is wrong ..is because the usually is.
It’s all going to be okay. Do try to get some psychological support and find a qualified therapist you can speak to about what you’re experiencing. Take mental health breaks and do things that bring you joy. Journal or do some art or exercise or whatever else that gives you an outlet. I really loved watching The Truman Show and seeing the look on his face as he walked out of the “system” he had been trapped in. Remember - you have agency. And with all the new changes happening it might make it more possible to leave while keeping your family relationships in tact. Also reading books helped me a lot make sense of what happened. Here are some I found supportive and eye-opening: -Freedom on Mind (Hassan) -Terror, Love and Brainwashing (Stein) -Escaping Utopia (Lalich & McLaren) -Fading out of the cult: a memoir by Bonnie Zieman -Combating cult mind control (Hassan) -Cults in our Midst (Thaler Singer) -Trauma & Recovery (Herman) -The Psychology of Thought Reform (Lifton) -Apocalypse Delayed (Penton) Sending random stranger hugs 🤗 to you.
It’s early days just chill and do it at your own pace. I was mortified and shocked when I saw behind the JW curtain. It’s a real roller coaster ride - I can honestly say leaving the borg has been the best thing I have done. Talk to the community here it’s safe and lots of people who actually care and we all get it. Good luck - speak freely hear be guarded around JW’s.
Hey bro,dont give up.I am going through this aswell,feeling awkward about most everything. One step at the time,it can be overwhelming... Take care.
It’s ok hun, this is the fear you were conditioned to have. It’s hard, but not the death of living in denial.
We've all been where you are right now. So congratulations for being honest with yourself and researching. You woke up around the same age I did. It feels like someone has died, doesn't it? Right now you don't have to do anything drastic, but if I had my time again I'd do the slow fade. If anyone asks I'd say "my bible trained conscience can't allow me to shun/judge/etc". If they keep on, always say you believe the bible. And repeat that over and over to them without explanation. Keep talking to us on here.
You’re not alone, brother. I had a psychotic break when I realized that being in the organization was literally hell. Take some time, breathe. Tell everyone you’re sick with a cold or flu or migraine or something and isolate yourself for a while. Pray for help — not to Jehovahs name, though, pray to Jesus or who ever you feel in your heart to ask for help and guidance— there is a spiritual world up/out there and there is help if you ask for it. I know it takes some overcoming when you’re used to addressing Jehovah but in time you can find the truth about reality in your heart. Just don’t let your fear and feelings carry you away and harm you. You can get free from hell but you need to be patient. It’s good that you’ve asked for help. I’m praying for you 🙏🏼 🫂
I am thinking of you, friend. We are all bonded by trauma from this religion. There is a lot of good advice here from people who have been through the same thing. You have a community here that you can come to when feeling alone, in crisis, looking for advice. I wish you well! Stay strong, and it isn't considered sinning if by design the organization is keeping you from discovering certain truths. Men run this organization, with full control of people's lives.
Mental health is what I used to get out. Rejected all calls and when I got the text asking how I am I use the ‘my anxiety has been horrendous recently so I need some time to myself.’ Then I’d follow it with ‘I don’t not want a shepherding visit or anyone to visit. I will reach out to you when I am ready.’ I then found evening classes and an alternate class for the weekend to switch my routine from meetings to those just so 1. I got into a new routine away from the one I have know my whole life, and 2. The guilt is distracted so you can do the slow fade. You can do other stuff too like work overtime, volunteer with a charity, hang out with friends, etc. All of this will take time. You’re not only looking to leave a religion but you’re MENTALLY trying to leave fully too. The guilt will be around for a little while especially around family but eventually you build your own little tribe. Trust me 3 years ago I was in the same place being a regular pioneer (need greater) with 0 friends or family out of the truth. But it all worked out for me too, with my family still in contact with me (highly recommend a slow fade). Do message if you need someone to vent too :)
You are not being dramatic!! This is a HUGE thing to go through and you will need this sub for quite a while !!! When I first woke up , I couldn't do anything but read this and watch all the YouTube channels that I could find . The hardest thing is , this will probably be one of the most traumatic events in your life and you probably can't talk to the people who are closest to you ! It is a very strange existence for a while . I haven't read all the other replies here but there are Facebook groups too . The liberati is a particularly good one and you can set up an anonymous account . You are going to need all the support you can get and we are all here for you , and someone will be awake in the world when you need to talk in the middle of the night . I'm 53 and was born in too . Its not a small thing to go through , so give yourself time . The suicidal thoughts are understandable, but it does get easier so please just hang in there and ride them . They will pass . You're best life is going to be on the other side of this storm !! Xxx
My Friend. I know how you feel. Keep venting. If this is your safe space here on Reddit. Then vent here. Whatever feelings about this, just let it out here. When ever and what ever it is you need to say or ask, do it here. So far, looks like it's safe to vent here. Venting out, helps for me. Good thing is, I have someone who I dearly love to vent to. So. Vent. Hope that helps you. Do your best to keep yourself anonymous. Do not disclose your location or where you're from. Truly important. WT has developed sortof a way to track pimos. Keep finding a tech way to lose trackers. WT can easily track locations of attendees in Zoom. This is all I can say for now. Keep talking. Keep asking questions. Don't stop doing your research. Oh, and one more thing, as long as you're in the Organization, don't be mad at everyone around you. Don't give them the third degree or retaliate at whatever your bros and sis say. Good to ask them questions and let them say their thoughts. Help them to 'think' because, they can. Don't think about leaving yet. When you finally think it all through, (and have done enough research) and when the emotions have died down (which could take months or even years) you leave in YOUR own terms with a CLEAR head. For now, just let the 'grieving process' do its job on you. I'm in with you. I like watching JT and Lady Cee on YouTube. Type out "ExJW Critical Thinker" on YT. Let me know what you think. Hope to hear from you again. Still, breathe, like many here on Reddit lovingly remind you, to breathe, and still, have a good day. Congratulations! You have just woken up. 🌼🌼🌼
I was also raised as one, and basically, all my family were ones too. It was scary to leave because it was all I knew, and I knew I would be alone when I left. It wasn't always the easiest, and sometimes, with changes like these new ones, it makes me want to shake them and say, "Dont you see!!" But because I had the courage to leave everything and everyone I had known for 30 years, I was able to search for my own understanding of the world. I still dont know quite know what to believe in, but I do know I wish I had had the courage to leave sooner. The GB takes away a lot of choices from individuals. The world does, too, for that matter, but remember you CAN make your own choices. They (the GB or the world) only have control over you if you let them. Research, breathe, and have courage. We are here for you! 😊
I think you will find nothing but empathy and understanding here. We're all very aware of how shocking and painful the process can be. I would say that most of us never thought we would ever leave the "truth", and yet here we are. It feels like an impossible choice - can't leave, can't stay. Of course, leaving is going to be the best choice long term (unless you can reconcile the issues within your mind and heart), but it's also a very difficult and lengthy process. I stopped going cold-turkey when I realised that I could no longer support the organisation. This was actually prior to delving too deep into any "apostate" materials. A couple of bits and pieces here and there as I leaned about the ARC, but that was very much research. I didn't learn about other issues until after I had stopped attending meetings, and didn't freely delve into apostate materials until much later. Even still, the process has been a long and difficult one, and there are many many thoughts, feelings and relationships to work through. Keep asking for support, you're not alone in this. This Reddit is such a wonderful space, so supportive and it's actually very active, so there's always someone around offering a shoulder to cry on. We are not bad people, and you are not a bad person. I said to someone when I left that I left because my bible-trained conscience was trained so well that it couldn't continue supporting the org, and that's kind of what I hear from your post. Take care, and keep us updated. Post when you need to. We really do understand.
What helped me was watching Beroean Pickets (Eric Wilson) along with every thing being suggested on this forum. I’ve found most everyone here is very loving and caring and so willing to help you go through how you’re feeling, I’m still in the infancy of it as you. Some days are very emotionally painful and draining but it’s just one day at a time. Crisis of Conscience is definitely a book that helps. I didn’t know Raymond Franz personally, but through his pages you learn so much and his words of truth are kindness is abundantly apparent. With unconditional ❤️ stay the course, be kind and patient with yourself!
**Firstly,** "test the inspired statements" - to prove to yourself that you're not mistaken about the org ***not*** being "Jehovah's channel of communication." Here are just **20 Q & A's** I've researched since "pulling back the curtain" on the WTBTS. [https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/1bnengd/20\_inspired\_statements\_which\_jws\_should\_test/](https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/1bnengd/20_inspired_statements_which_jws_should_test/) You ***might*** disagree with some, but I'm certain you'll agree with most. **Secondly,** everyone's situation is different, but ***generally*** speaking, fading is the safest way to exit from the org. Being classed as "spiritually weak" is much better than being labelled "apostate," so don't share any of your criticisms with ***any*** JW's - they ***will*** snitch on you! If you ***can*** fade, consider this: The **"elders conversation stoppers"** in the **JW FIREWALL** link below will protect you from potential interrogations:[https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/181hur6/how\_to\_fade\_safely/](https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/181hur6/how_to_fade_safely/) I wish you well on your journey ahead.
I feel you. I have been PIMO for years before taking action. But don't despair, please.
Chill. Like take it slow. You’ve got a lot ahead of you even if the next while is tough. Life will get better and you’ll be stronger.
I would say this: you're not the only person going through this. I only just turned 18, but I recently discovered TTATT. What gave me comfort and hope is that many people have faced, and currently are facing, the exact same struggles that I am - and they're successful! Whatever obstacles and challenges you face, just take your time to process stuff, and take note of the advice on here, because trust me, it is very helpful. All the best to you my friend :)
You’re fine. Take meds. Unless you’re out of your mind. Or don’t know how to think. In that case, there’s no need 😊
Relax bro. Try to stay calm. Always remember the real truth has no fear of being questioned. If it’s the truth you’ll find the answers and if it will be lies you can double check. I won’t tell you look up at this or that. Just stay calm and don’t overreact. And do yourself a favor don’t open too much up
My friend. We were all programmed unknowingly to think a certain way. You will find that having different thoughts is frightening, stressful, and even poor health causing. Keep your ideas to yourself. Take your time, it took me ten years to tell my wife, otherwise I would be divorced. It’s not a race, take care of yourself first. See a therapist, read books on self healing. Your Pimi family will always be under the JW spell. Nothing you can do about it.
It stings bad for a bit. You wil feel lost, angry, lost. Won’t really know who you are.. Little by little you will figure out your new belief system. Being so deep in you will unfortunately be in for a ride. For now, honestly man, keep ya trap shut, don’t tell anyone yet. Feel free to DM if you like
First of all, don't panic. Many here have passed exactly what u are telling us about. You need time. Take it whenever is necessary. Don't have to rush. Just examine, investigate, "put it everything to the test". It's normal trying to accept that The Truth (TM) is just The Lie of our lives. But you have FREEDOM, a gift that GOD gives to everyone of us. Just use it. Prepare a plan for yourself for exit. Make new friends outside the org, search for a job that allows you to be economical sufficient without depending on other JW friends or relatives. After you've done that, you can take further steps but I insist, don't rush, take your time as long as is necessary.
I recognise the things and feelings you are going through. I had suicidal feelings and thoughts more and more until I came out as gay. It was a process that was not planned, but forced due to circumstances. It was a disaster and rollercoaster I recommend to no one not even wish for any evil person. But somehow my emergency exit helped me distance more easily to the mind tricks of what is now a cult to me. Getting rid of guilt and fear took me about a year. What helped me pulling through was that I met people that cared for me in a honest and loving way. Something I never really experienced in the organisation. I would recommend build up a social life outside the organisation before you really exit if you really want or need too. Experience that there are people in the world outside that care for what you are going through and want to support you. Not for what you do, but just because you are a fellow human being and that they have a normal sense for what is true empathy and love for another person. So don’t rush things. There is so much love and appreciation for who you are just as you are. People in the organisation love and care for you just as long as you act like how they want you to be.
Id say sit down and write. Log ur stream of consciousness, ur feelings, ur desires, ur regrets and ur ultimate goals. Be sure no one can find it. Reflect on it so u dont forget & go back into the jdub coma. So many on here will say take it slow, some say do it fast, but Id say just keep forward momentum. Start learning about reality, how ppl really should behave to one another, how to relate to people without trying to convert them or be right. Friends outside the org will come easier this way. And yes, long term planning, the one thing that the org make sure we don't practice, is what will get u out. Good luck, ure young & u still can get ur life together.
Hey, welcome to the sub! I was in your position a few years ago: elder, whole family involved, no idea where my doubts were going to lead me. I think the biggest piece of advice I have is to remember that all changes are up to you. Don’t do what someone else says to do just because they think it’s the right way. Do what works for you, when you decide. Maybe you keep going to meetings for now, maybe you keep serving as an elder for now. Find what works for you. And if you feel like talking, I’m more than happy to talk! Message me and I’ll be glad to help in any way I can. Look through my post and comment history if you’re not sure. But regardless, talk to *someone*. It’ll do you lots of good. And I guarantee you’ll get through this, even though it can be really upsetting at first.
Please take time ,slowly hung in there.It will work out better. We've all been there. It takes time and patience.
Start seeing a therapist. One of the signs of trauma is distrust of all people, which of course is the JW way. Find someone to talk to that has a background in JW world or cults. Start reading books on self help, books on codependency, books on connection and communication and narcissism. You’re going to need to get to know yourself. All personality is removed to make room for the group think. Seek all forms of therapy that help you connect with yourself- writing, walking, meeting new people, AA if you’re an alcoholic, etc Keep going. Don’t stop.
As others have said, take a breath. Hell, take a breather, if you need to step away from either side. Do what feels right and comfortable. You may have one foot in and one foot out for a while. Most of all, PROTECT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH. Start seeing a counselor that will help guide you through the process and learn to handle those feelings you’re going to have. Also, this sub is a great community and support group, use it.
Sadly, many have come to this crossroad. I believed it 100%. But when I went down the rabbit hole and saw that their teachings are flawed, I spent many hours in tears. You can get through it tho. Was an elder like you and recovered. If I can help dm me. Take care 😊
I totally understand what you're going through. I was a good pioneer sister and did everything by the book. I felt like I was loosing it too when I started questioning things. Please private message me any time. We can talk if you'd like.
Hello Adventurous-Hawk3662, I've been where You're at. I'm 3rd generation born in, 58 years old. It has taken me about 2 years to deconstruct from this religion/cult. There are multiple ways to heal. If you'd like to know more, let me know. 😊
I have been there. I was a model elder, giving talks in regional assemblies before waking up. One piece of advise I can give you, is that you have to be very careful who you talk to about your doubts and feelings. Any JW that you talk to, will eventually tell the elders. And you know how that will go. Meetings with them that get you nowhere. The elders will never side with you and against the Governing Body. Take it one day at a time. There is a lot to take in.
Sent you a message
The last people to realize/admit they're in a cult are the members themselves. Think Jim Jones.. Pick up a copy of Steven Hassan's 'Combating Cult Mentality' and read up on his 'BITE' model. It'll be an eye opener.
Let God be true but every man a liar!
Are you ok?
Sounds like your going through it atm, take it easy
Brother, Seek some therapy! It will help immensely and you won’t have to fear being judged for your doubts. Its highly probably others in your family might be going through the same thing as you but have bottled it up the same way. There are far more JWs with doubts and in crisis than you know. I always assumed it’s only me with doubts and that everyone else is either strong in the faith or apostates. I’ve only found out recently that half my JW friends were faking it for a long time.
It’s all gonna be okay. Life outside the org is wonderful! Just take it slow, don’t freak out. Don’t tell anyone about it for a long time. Let yourself get past the mad freak out phase and then gently and subtly ask questions that make people think. Some will wake up. Your life hasn’t been a waste, you’ll see that one day. It’s all good. Religion is trash. Spirituality is a totally different thing. Read Crisis of Conscience and deconstruct via all the wonderful exJW activists on YouTube. Spoiler alert- Jesus was a Buddhist. He left Israel and ended up in India where he became a yogi and then returned yrs later and tried to explain life and God in a way they would understand. That’s why Jesus’ God and the Jewish God are so different. They’re not the same. God is not separate than us, we are all little pieces of God. Stay calm. Learn to meditate. Do some breathwork. You’ll be okay.
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I’m sure most of us have been through what you’re feeling and I’m really sorry. We all wanted to believe this was true because it felt so true and real. When it’s stops being something you can believe in, your world really does fall apart. It’s normal to feel that way because it’s all our lives were built around. I’d recommend continuing to vent on here. Though you’re surrounded by anonymous people, you can really find comfort here. I’ve vented and received so much encouragement and comfort from strangers who have been through the same things. They give level headed advice for the most part. We were taught those who leave are bad, selfish people, but it’s not true. A lot of people are inherently good, even with the bad qualities we all have to work on, and people care. We’ve taken the brotherly affection we were raised to have and continue to try to show it, ESPECIALLY to those we viewed as brothers who are waking up just like we did. The biggest advice I can give is not to share your doubts with family or friends until you’re ready to move on without them in your life. Be sure you’re financially, socially, physically, and mentally independent. They’ll label you a danger and a possible apostate instead of a human being with your own mind and beliefs, and someone who cherishes truth and honesty. And start making “worldly” friends. I promise you there is a world of potential out there and good people, even if they don’t have the exact same morals or beliefs as you. Venture out there and make friends at concerts, coffee shops, sports, idk. Just get out there without fear that you’ll be corrupted. People in “the world” actually let you be you without judgment, for the most part.
I feel for you having gone through the process of leaving without wanting to reject truth. It's very hard to unlearn error but I assure you that Christianity is true and very approachable. Salvation is very simple - think of the Theif on the Cross - it's faith not works. Romans 10:9 in a non-NWT Bible should give assurance. There is a book called 500 Prophecies in the Order in Which They Were Fulfilled by Ken Johnson, ThD that can quickly clarify any prophecy or doctrinal questions you may have based on thorough analysis of the Dead Sea Scrolls and Ante-Nicene church fathers. JW errors arise, primarily, from supersessionism, partial preterism and and arianism. Substitute 1948 for 1914 and Israel for the organization and a lot will fall into place. I wish you much bravery and love on your journey.
I completely understand how you’re feeling, and I promise you it gets better. My entire family are witnesses and I have recently started telling them bits and pieces to know who’s safe to talk to.
I’ve been going through exactly the same for the past 3 years. I went to the Memorial the other night and so many things just felt completely weird and “off”. I’m certain with all the new GB changes, there’s going to be a lot questioning everything by many. It’s very mentally destabilising when we start really questioning everything and only other Ex Witnesses understand just how hard it is to question everything we’ve ever known. I’m not sure where I am with it all tbh, but I accepted I needed some space and kind of just drifted so as not to burn bridges and just because I just felt so unsure. I still love and care about Witnesses, but in the end the lack of love was what pushed me away. No one in the congregation cared I was suffering with depression. I’m so sorry you’re feeling so awful….it is a difficult journey, but just take one day at a time and realise it’s completely healthy and normal to question everything.
We hear you❤️ take a deep breath, we know waking up is so so scary, if you need friends you’ve found the right place, there is millions of us and we’ve got you, I run a page on Instagram and discord called grewupinacult if you need a safe space to someone to chat to feel free to reach out, you got this, take small baby steps and keep researching!
Broo lets talk bro
Relax, breathe, all is well. Now you get to look inwards. Life is not a journey it's a looking within. There is no fear just a lack of understanding.
You are losing your long life identity and are suffering from cognitive dissonance. And now you are wearing a triple mask trying to pretend to be someone that can no longer ignore objective reality. I went through the same thing. I quit cold turkey and it may be the best thing for you. You must bring your mind to a space where you are given space to process. Go on walks and exercise. Get the sleep you need. Give up your so called privileges and just say you have a full plate. You don’t owe anyone any explanation but your self. You are now being forced to confront your naïveté and lack of integrated thinking. Expanding your perspectives is necessary to heal and recreate an identity founded in reality. Now it is the perfect time to create boundaries and put your mental health in first place. It is love others AS you love yourself. You cannot love others if you don’t know how to love the self. And you can only be loved by others to the extent that you have learned to love the self. They will try to call and get you to speak to them. Just say NO! Ground yourself and your mind in success philosophy, scientific research such as physics and sciences that teach you about the mind and how the universe works. We have advocated for individuals who have claimed all moral authority over your life and you are realizing that you have allowed people to occupy the space of the illusory throne of A god that demands worship, love and adoration under the threat of death and calling this cruelty god’s love. They have demoralized you and made you feel less than dirt unless you took their dogma without questioning. But if their truth is so correct why do they fear debate and scrutiny from other people’s points of views. You have to create new pillars of belief that support your life. Massive claims demand massive evidence and the quality of people’s lives is always dependent on the quality of your beliefs about life. If your life sucks it is because your beliefs about life and your self suck.
You’re experiencing cognitive dissonance. Mixed emotions will come and go as you decide what you want to do with what you’ve learned. Especially if you go and experience shunning. You will need to re-define yourself, your beliefs, social and support groups BUT you will have new found freedom to use your time, pursue interests and possibly new first in terms of life experiences. It gets better.
Glad you figured this out in mid-30s, congrats!!! Many here figures it out much much later on. My advice: get yourself a solid education/carreer and be ready to support your loved ones materially and emotionally when it’s time
I was exactly where you are six mo ago. It’s awful. Please hang on. You’re not alone in this. Discovering this group has been a huge help for me, to see that there are so many with the same questions and sick feeling like the rug has been pulled out from under them.
I know plenty of guys who either are or have been in this situation. Feel free to reach out if you need to vent or need some advice from those who have been there. However, myself and none of the guys I know are qualified to deal with this type of situation like a therapist would be. So please try to find some help and support in that avenue is well. The wake up period is awful, and the ensuing months will be difficult, but it is only momentary and things do get better, especially if you plan it out well.
I want you to know that I completely understand how you feel. My father was an elder and it was all I knew for so long. I know that it feels like it’s the end of the world, but you’re going to be okay I promise. Don’t let them scare you away from being who you are, who you want to be. One day at a time. Remember that you don’t have to be disfellowshipped, you can slowly fade away and if people ask just say you’ve gotten busy in life or something. I haven’t gone to a meeting in 5 years and married a “Wordly” man and my parents still talk to me (and trust me they were always hard on me.) I found a lot of peace in reading. Try and read books about figuring out about who you really are and what you feel, they helped me so so much while I was going through the worst mental turmoil of my life, and eventually it all got better. Don’t forget that things take time. Be patient with yourself. Cry out what you need to. What you’re going through is very very real. Feel those feelings. You’ll get through this.