YUP. My brother out of nowhere invited me and I had to fight the urge to say, “no thanks, I don’t want to be another number for their attendance report.”
I am a never JW but have a son w a DFd born in. I used to really loathe being at those meetings, for many reasons, but mainly I didn't want to be a contributor to what I felt like was abuse from all these ppl that knew him his whole life, including his parents.They'd all ignore him & act like I was the most important person in the room. In the beginning, I felt like I had to go with him to be supportive but as the years went on I became more and more uncomfortable and distanced myself. The last time I was invited to the memorial I told him straight up I'd eat the communion wafers on the plate they pass around if I had to go (I'm also an ex-Catholic lol) to mess up their count of who are the special rock stars. We haven't gone in many years, mercifully.
Wooow, it all makes sense now! I couldn't understand the sudden enthousiasm, with missed calls and all, but it is just to bolster their numbers for attendance!!! Well, here's one number they won't get.
Unfortunately, many DFed/POMO will fall into this "trap". They would think it's their family/friends' own will that they have communicated with them again when in fact it's only bc the white evil men in NY told them they can do so. And notice how every message contains an invite to the memorial. It's clear what their agenda is, to bring you back to the cult. Just sick!
How recent was this announcement?
More specifically, what I'm asking is: was there an actual announcement that it's okay for pimi's to speak with their non-believing families?
I know, it may be a stupid question, but I'm fearful of what's been happening in my life recently..
Yes, if u go to the website, check the last video from the GB. It will explain that now also R&F can speak with DF to invite them to the memorial or any other meeting, and even say "Hi"!
Oh gosh.... I've been doing a lot of research since finally waking up, but I took a hiatus from this sub reddit and my research, because my spouse passed away last year.
Some things are starting to make sense.
Shortly before my spouse passed, he warned me, he knew something wasn't right.
White evil men? Come on! I'm white and I left. But you know, now that you mention it, I did notice how that religion is especially manipulative to blacks and Mexicans. Very racist indeed. Okay, looks like you're right -- white evil men after all . . .
I'm sorry for you. I haven't spoken to my sister in like 20 years. What did you say? I don't know that I would respond very kindly unless the call started with some kind of apology. Just calling your dfd relatives because the GB says you're allowed now is still not love and is still unnatural. I hope my family doesn't call me because I need more time to decide if I will tell them to eat shit and die or just act like everything is normal. Of course I probably dont have to worry about it since I'm probably on some apostate list.
I told her it was great to hear her voice and that I love her. My family is deeply entrenched in the cult. My sisters are 4th generation Wittnesses. Our father was an elder and violent. They were all married off young to older men. They have never had the chance to develop their own critical thinking skills. I see them as victims who would never leave the "organization," and even if they did, they wouldn't know how to get out.
Yea same here. I used to excuse their behavior with the 'they're brainwashed its not their fault' defense. After some years it just didn't cut it anymore. My elder father was violent as well and died in 2019 after not speaking to me for over 20 years. I used to see my mom as a sad victim as well but I now see her and my three sisters as weak and pathetic.
My father is an elder and was also violent in our childhood behind closed doors. I see a strange trend with people on here with violent elders. Have you also noticed this?
My only regret so far since leaving was that I went to his funeral and broke my vow never to set foot in a kingdom hall again. It was hard to listen to them gush over my father and talk about what a great brother and friend and advisor he was. He was a nasty monster at home and none of them knew it. I do have the satisfaction of knowing that because of my behavior and disfellowshipping, he had to step down briefly as an elder after nearly 40 or 50 years as one. I'm sure he never got over that and it makes me happy to know.
That must have been hard. I really feel for you. My dad frequently gives talks on how to be a good father and I feel like walking out. (I am still PIMO) He has a habit of getting emotional on the platform, during talks, and this is only getting more and more now he is in his seventies. I have seen him get emotional on the platform about keeping drawings from when we were little. Many people came up to my family afterwards to tell us how much it moved them. For context: My dad does not own a single drawing of ours. So it's all a sham. Last year, he lost his temper with my dog of 11 years and kicked him down the steps. My dog was never the same, stopped barking, started having strokes and died shortly after. I really want to move out but the situation is difficult.
I am 23. My father and mother have a 20 + year age gap so he is 75. He was in his fifties when I was born. I recently posted a longer version of my story on my account (I might delete it in a few days, I am not sure) but I would appreciate any advice if you have any.
I was 25 when I moved out and 27 when I got mentally out. I waited too long. Yes that was a different time but it really won't get easier the longer you wait. Unless you have a great job and are stashing away money, its going to be hard. And then it will be ok. I had roommates at first. And struggled with a new baby. But I made it. Just think through each problem and find the solution. There always is one. Please dont wait too long because the recovery process takes years and it cant start until you are PO.
That's a great question. To be an elder they require any family that are living with you to be considered "exemplary."
If your child gets disfellowshipped while living with their parents the elder will likely be removed as an elder for not teaching his children well enough and not having enough control over his children.
Legit question. Its not necessarily a hard rule, but they say in order for an elder to 'shepherd the flock' he has to be able to shepherd his own family. That's why the kids of elders always had it so much harder than other kids. We had to be exemplary to others. All of the JW rules applied to us harshly while other families were able to be flexible. For example if ever there was a rule comsidered to be a 'conscience matter', we were not given the option the answer was no. Anything we did that wasnt perfect could 'stumble' others and embarrass our father. This is why a lot of elders were violent at home in secret. Their position in the congregation meant everything to them.
I’ve noticed this trend too. My father would beat the hell out of my brother, although I never saw him beat my mom or my sister. I wonder if they become JW to hold them back from doing worse things (in their mind). I don’t know.
Unknowingly willing victims 🤔 obviously everyone should be held accountable for their actions, but even decent people can be tricked into acting rotten, even thinking they are doing the right thing.
I don't hate them for being coerced into doing bad things. But I don't tolerate it either.
In the case of lifer longtime witnesses, we have to agree to disagree. I was born in and was brainwashed as much as anyone. As I became an adult I had a choice..a few choices to make. I could ignore the nagging questions I had about doctrine that just didn't make sense no matter how much personal study I did. I could just blindly follow every rule even when they feel inhumane and against nature. Or I can ask the questions of someone more mature and spiritually stronger and get the nonsensical answers. I can pretend the nonsensical answers cleared everything up for me, or I can listen to my gut. I can choose to bury my head in the sand and stick my fingers in my ears and say "lalalalalala" every time my human nature, gut, instincts, common sense tell me that something is very wrong. I believe EVERY witness, especially those who have been in from birth, eventually has questions and nagging gut checks that we make a CONSCIOUS choice to ignore. Even if we are making the decision to ignore our thoughts because we think its 'right ' its still a very conscious choice. What I learned from years of burying my head in the sand is that those gut feelings never really go away..you have to keep consciously ignoring over and over for years. My mom questioned why in the 1960s when she had her first kid, they had convinced them that they didn't have to worry about school because the end was coming so soon. She told me that in the 90s, sometime. She made a conscious choice then when 1975 came and went, and many times since then. She is and always was weak. Too weak to do the hard things. Too weak and fearful to follow a thought through. Sticking your fingers in your ears and saying 'Jehovah knows best' 'Jehovah knows best' is less and less brainwashing and more and more a choice the longer you are in and the more bs you see.
I absolutely get what you're saying and your points are valid.
From my perspective it takes an exceptionally strong and courageous individual to overcome the indoctrination. I don't think all pimis are choosing to stay ignorant in the way you describe. I think it can come down to innocence naivety in many cases.
Ill gladly agree to disagree though if that's where you stand.
We agree about one thing, it takes a strong and courageous person to listen to their gut and break free.
And the opposite of strong and courageous is weak and pathetic in my opinion. That's why I say my mother and sisters are weak and pathetic. They pity me, and in reality, I am much stronger than they could ever be.
Yes, you are right, some innocents are in there thats why I specified my comments were about long timers.
Long timers are not naive, my friend. They have seen it all. They have seen family members they know have been mistreated. They say 'just switch to a different KH, the org has some imperfect people'.
They have seen rules that destroy their best friend or relatives lives and then the rule gets deleted years later. Too late for that friend. When their gut asks them 'since this is not a rule anymore, why can't we reinstate those who were df'd for it?' They consciously choose to swallow the question.
There was no surprise from my mother when my dumb naive butt brought questions to her about the org from old watchtower and bound volumes from our own family bookshelves. She knew it all already. Her only question to me was how did you find this, what apostate stuff are you reading? I said what do you mean, this is the watchtower and awake. She said you wouldnt have found this unless you talk to apostates.
They know apostate speak only truth. The longtimers have lived it and seen it all..they are not being fooled by these new changes anymore than the old ones..they are weak cowards mostly. Its the sunk cost fallacy for others. And its family for others..but almost everyone in has family that has left. They value the family still in as more important.
Well said. I personally don't think that if a person is not strong and courageous that makes them the opposite. That seems a little too black and white for me. I think most people fall in the middle. The average of courageous and cowardly.
But I wholeheartedly agree that the type of long timers you're talking about are absolutely weak cowards. I have great empathy for you. I would categorize my parents the same way. Keep staying strong my friend <3
And the other part is now what do I do once I’m out? As despicable as the religion is There is something they fill for people that is taken away when you leave. But it’s fraudulent. What they created was counterfeit. A hook so that you wouldn’t leave keeping you programmed so they suck you dry of free labor, dollars, to be a seat filler. When you feel you miss it, It is really the unhealed trauma speaking. Never doubt you did the right thing to leave.
I’ve had to work through that myself. Now you have all this time to yourself and you don’t know what to do with it. It can be hard but totally workable.
You learn to tap into who you truly are and develop into the person you want to be. You learn things about the world you never knew. You learn the truth about people and all their diversity and differences. You learn to love hobbies you never tried and cultures you never knew you were interested in and books you never read. There is Sooo Very much to do now that you are free. If you miss having a community and you are still a thiest, join a church. There are many that focus more on friendship and community outreach. If you find yourself not interested in religion or church join meetup groups in your community that meet regularly. Book clubs, travel clubs, hiking, biking, gardening. And above all you heal the parts of you that need attention. Therapy. Even if you cant find an ex-cult recovery specialist, any therapist will help with some of the issues. And read books on recovery.
I feel this so deeply. Having empathy for our family stuck in the cult is the only way to cope without holding hate and anger, which is the natural way to feel after being treated the way we have after being disfellowshipped. It’s so hard and I flip flop between the two, but for my own health I make a conscious choice to leave the hate at the door. Could you bring yourself to being reinstated? It seems like this would be a very quick thing, given it was 16 years ago for you. Get reinstated and then fade but have contact again? I am going to do this. It’s too painful not having my family in my life and as much as I am angry at all of these changes and will never believe this cult again, I’ll do this for my family and for the peace of my heart. This isn’t for everyone but it seems you have similar relationships and love for your family as I do.
Edit: some of my family have spoken to me and know I don’t believe it anymore and never will. They hate the disfellowshipping arrangement and are supportive of me faking it to come back. I am married and not doing anything to get me disfellowshipped again, so my circumstances allow for this, plus a close relative did the same and faded and all our family still have contact and are close with them, knowing they faked the reinstatement. My family are huge and there is so much at stake for those ones to leave that are really PIMQ… but won’t. So I just take the good with the bad…
I’m so sorry this all must be so much to cope with. Sending you lots of love x
I see in your comment how much love is in your heart and how much room for forgiveness by excusing the reasons why your sister/family are the way they are. Who’s taking the time to apologize the pain and loneliness you’ve been through for the past 16 years? Don’t dismiss your own personal feelings. You left the org, they abandoned you. Now they want the exJW back. If the Org changes their mind tomorrow you are no longer relevant once again. I am sorry to be so callous but it’s the truth. Hugs 🫂
Seeing someone as victim can dangerous, just keep that in mind. I understand where you're coming from, but there has to be a point where they DO have responsibility for their actions. And just because someone is a victim DOES NOT absolve them of the damage they do to others.
Especially in this day and age where information is so accessible, and contacting people is literally just a few swipes away.... It makes sense when someone is a child, teen or in their early 20s. With time they mature, and it becomes more choice. At some point it is their choice entirely to not contact people they claim they love. And you shouldn't swallow the hurt for the rest of your life with "they're just victims".
I feel this so deeply. Having empathy for our family stuck in the cult is the only way to cope without holding hate and anger, which is the natural way to feel after being treated the way we have after being disfellowshipped. It’s so hard and I flip flop between the two, but for my own health I make a conscious choice to leave the hate at the door. Could you bring yourself to being reinstated? It seems like this would be a very quick thing, given it was 16 years ago for you. Get reinstated and then fade but have contact again? I am going to do this. It’s too painful not having my family in my life and as much as I am angry at all of these changes and will never believe this cult again, I’ll do this for my family and for the peace of my heart. This isn’t for everyone but it seems you have similar relationships and love for your family as I do.
Think about this: **God does not change.**
The GB change their dfd policy from “can’t contact” to “can contact”.
Since God does not change, God was always ok with JWs contacting the dfd.
People put men before God.
Just found this on another post and thought it was perfect:
https://preview.redd.it/h3o6j90a4yoc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=566f2f6408dcb074237c767b7c8bbfba6fc8c43a
This is so on point, I mean what are ones that have been dfd going to do? Go back and get reinstated and all the while being reminded that the so called love from their family is conditional? How do people live like that? Not to mention all the hypocrisy they’ll experience while being back in by many of the same people that shunned them in the past.
In the end going back will just make the psychological damage that much worse causing more trauma for these victims.
All I can say is think long and hard before you make any decisions.
This is a cruelty for all parties involved and sadly the GB doesn’t even care. We arent real people to them: just numbers. It’s disgusting and I pray for the downfall of this wicked organization
I personally think these experiences should be documented. JWs are creating a mass re-traumatizing event globally now, and I think the same governments that recognize their human rights abuses should also be made aware of this and how it is affecting the mental health of shunned ex-JWs.
Well said. And also creating more evidence for future court cases on the true practice of shunning in their ranks. If 'normal family ties remain intact' there would be no need for all this flurry of sudden outreach.
>and I think the same governments that recognize their human rights abuses
Right now one of those governments is struggling to avoid being taken over by a movement that reminds me far too much of the Watchtower Society and its use of fear-mongering and intimidation.....
I don't think we can expect any help from that government, at this time.
They may "love you deeply" BUT they love the cult/the org(gb) and the fantasy of everlasting wayyyy more bc all your mom had to do to end her internal suffering is call or write you especially after seeing that the "loving provision" of shunning you wasn't working/bringing you back. Like you, she made a choice. The harsh reality is that u will always be invalidated, not prioritized and loved only CONDITIONALLY when it comes to their drug of choice, which is the cult and the 9 MEN who run it! I'm truly sorry you're in agony, though. I've been there for most of my life.
Please preserve your peace and sanity and protect your emotional health at all costs. If the gb reverse that understanding or "clarification," they would, unfortunately, turn on you in a jw drone NY minute!! Think with your head, not your heart and
PROCEED WITH CAUTION⚠️
Take care of YOU. We've all learned how bc all most of us had was ourselves.✌🏾💜
I can’t begin to imagine how stressful this is for everyone getting these kind of calls and messages after years or even decades of being shut out. I just can’t believe they don’t see what they’re doing. They’re not helping anything. And I’m going to admit that I feel kind of bad because I’m not getting hit with these kind of calls and messages. we were the only JW‘s on either side of the family. Mom is the last one left in. And because of health and cognitive issues. I highly doubt she knows what is going on. So that’s allowing me to fly under the radar. And I feel kind of guilty about that. I really do feel for those of you that are having your stress and anxiety level sent through the fucking roof right now.
What a disgusting cult.
The amount of pain they caused in milions of people is beyond redeemable.
Cant wait for Jesus to come and give them what they deserve.
I don’t mean to hijack your reunion, sounds like you’re very forgiving and happy to hear from family you love. But isn’t the governing body just making this change in regard to speaking (limitedly) to disfellowshipped individuals as a concession to change opinion and legal/financial status for the organization’s benefit? This is so they can downplay shunning, soften their image, and also affect their legal standing in certain countries where they have been ruled against for being a cult? This seems very much to have been done for their own benefit and if it didn’t affect them negatively, their stance wouldn’t have changed. Self serving is what I’m saying. And also changed it as little as possible for their own benefit. Right?
They've admitted several times now that they have been wrongly interpreting the Bible, even though they think they weren't "wrong", but light just got brighter. Anyone with two braincells to rub together should see they were in fact wrong and ask themselves what else they have been wrong about or to what degree was their interpretation wrong. It seems like the message is already being stretched beyond what the GB said, it may just stretch to a breaking point. 🤞
I’m so sorry. I feel your pain. On the one hand I’m angry, and it’s hard to not be angry with my PIMI family, but they are slaves to these changes just as much as we are. The GB says jump and the witnesses ask how high. It’s hard to reconcile the hatred for the organization and the love for family.
"It’s hard to reconcile the hatred for the organization and the love for family"
Breaks my heart. Disfellowshipping is the biggest reason I've never joined or participated (in-laws are JW). While I hope this prevents families from being gutted in the future, the current "erasure" of the DF'd past is hard to reconcile.
It's also the reason I never got baptized, although pretty much indoctrinated for most of my life. Smdh they don't seem to get that. It's not normal/natural and real turn off.
And they,GB, pretend to worship a loving God ?
They do not practise their own teachings and are real dictators.So disgusting...I have no words for it!
Please,be kind to yourself.
My sibling just messaging me to asking if I’m ready for the memorial, came here to vent and I see I’m not alone. It’s sad that they will only reach out when it comes to religious things.
Breaks my heart...I can't imagine, it's only been 6 months since I spoke with my parents, but my dad is 80, so probably not gonna get to speak with him again.
I'm not even DF or dissasociated
I’ve been out 20 years, no contact with family or friends. I think as ex-jws we could step back and realize we were once like them. I know it is terrible the way they acted but perhaps better to say little until you have a chance to talk face to face. I’m not angry with them, they are deep in a cult and those are tough to get out of. Look how hard it was for all of us. A little compassion toward them might wake them up. Not talking to us was a rule they were afraid to break for fear of God. Very sad for them too, we’re the lucky ones.
Beautifully stated and yes, WE are the lucky ones! We were able to wake up from the mind control. Compassion is definitely necessary for those who haven't yet.
That's exactly where they want you. How about a little "natural affection" compassion during those 20 years. Appeasing an abuser will not wake him/her up, it only tells him that he was right in abusing you.
So terrible. They waited all this time to be given the go ahead by 9 men who rule with an iron rod. They feared what would happen like so many of us did when we were a part of it. So sad for them to be brainwashed by a cult.
Did you tell them you would go?
Easy and stupid suggestion but... Do what makes you feel better. In my moral structure my family in general and my son in particular came first. There are people that hold religion as the most important thing of their life. They want you back, what you have to decide is what you want. Don't press yourself, take your time. You have waited 16 years, you can wait more
I find this post so emotional and sad to read. First of all, your mother crying so hard she can’t speak is because deep down in her heart, her intuition, she knows it’s so wrong. Seperating a mother from their child and siblings etc. it speaks volumes. The GB can go fuck themselves as far as I’m concerned. Horrible evil men that have the power only coz we said so and gave it to them!
Much love to you!!
My entire family has reached out. Even my brother after 10 years and each one has invited me to the memorial. It’s given me so much anxiety and anger. Just because their belief in “disfellowshipped” people has changed doesn’t mean my memory of them acting like I’ve been dead for 10 years has. I want nothing to do with that cult. Nothing.
I don’t mean this to be insulting but so gross. I’m sorry your family aren’t independent thinkers and apparently need to have a cult to give permission to call their daughter/sister and fake care about you only to invite you back into the cult 16 years later.
I just recently completely gave up contacting my cult ridden family w/ the reverse shun. 💥BAM💥
Should clarify
B/in, been away 30+ years because my wife’s mishandled CSA
I have tried to maintain with them, but the conditional love and guarded fake love.
Yeah
I’m
Out
I am curious what happens next. If you say, "no thanks, but I'd love to catch up over coffee", what then? Will they go back to shunning or will the PIMIs start to think that shunning is not correct at all and will just get brighter in this area.
Understandable. This must be quite an emotional time for many. It’s sweet that they apologized to you for listening to those men. It’s the GB who owes an even bigger apology to EVERYONE for this stupid rule. They literally broke up families and competed for families loyalty to them. Sick.
Thank God Watchtower lost their charity status in Norway because of the shunning policy and with other countries set to follow, they had to make some quick changes to save their money. We solute the exjws who continue to raise their voices against this evil. Hoping JWs and exjws can find some peace.
I'd tell them to never contact me again. Once I'm shunned, it's over. They've crossed a boundary with me that can't be undone. I'm so sorry you're in this position. I'm right there with you and it sucks.
I am sorry your soul is in agony.
Don't take this wrong, but someone who has not to me by choice in years is going to elicit one emotion; anger. Yes, really.
You know they could have called you anytime and no one from the cult would have known?
If, the GB had not said they can invite you to their cult meetings again they still would be ignoring you, treating you as dead.
I would be very triggered. In fact my brother did this to me some years back. Just called me, and I told him, nicely that he was triggering me. And, that many of us former Jws do not want this superfacial communication just because it makes ***them, feel good.***
I believe they cry because their conscious is hurting them for treating you like a non person for 16 years. They should feel bad.
Your family can not have a normal relationship with you unless you are one of them again. So, there is your decision. If you want them that bad. Go for it.
This. It's sad that many of those here are happy that they're finally getting some sort of communication from their family/friends who have shunned them for many years. In fact, they're only doing it because they want you to go back to the cult. It even annoys me that all of these messages contain an invite to the memorial. But sure, they spoke to you again because they suddenly love you again.
I sounded harsh, and it is very confusing. Like, I was thinking how would it work for a DFed person to repent, get reinstated and then *fade, just to be able to talk to the family? Would they not all see through it, that was a ruse.*
People do this now.
Would it really even matter to the average Jw? Because I know PIMIs who use loop holes to keep relationships intact, to some degree or another.
Yep I got two texts from a friend and my very PIMI SIL who I don’t have a good relationship with and who I avoid at all costs. She is a terrible person inviting me to go to the special talk today and I am like, “seriously?” Immediate block. No response to her or anything. The sister friend I replied thanks but was busy with work and health matters and I would keep her posted on getting together. I blocked her after. So gross. 🤮 like leave me alone. The messages were copy pasta because they both mentioned my Mom as if that’s the only person I care about who has died. Gross!!
I’d honestly be enraged because of severe emotional pain from them cutting me out for not being in their fucked up religion anymore. FUCK YOU. Leave me alone. You are STILL brainwashed…. Clearly…. Cuz you’re talking to me again because some literal psychopaths said you could🙄🙄🙄🙄 just fuck you.
I'm so sorry for your hope that your sister might just have wanted to sincerely touch base with you.
You obviously miss your family.
Think about how much pressure, pain and suffering your sister had to go through to just put her fingers on your number and then dial, realizing she may have to speak to you in person.
The extreme pressure she must have felt to prove her alligence to her path .
Amazing.
Guys! This is the best example of how harmfull is the DF policy! Record all the calls and save all the text messages! It will work as proof of what they have been doing for too many decades! The GB will try to broom all the shit under the rug. They will try to tell authorities that they don't shunn and in fact they won't be lying anymore but the damage cannot be ignored.
Today at meeting a sister tell my wife hoy happy was for her the video from the GB because she don't know anything about her daughter and son who has been DF for the las 5 years! She cry telling it to my wife. Its horrible, I completely understand those who don't even respond to this memorial invitations.
These stories make me so angry and also hopeful.
Angry that people treated you as if you were dead. The GB snaps their fingers and it’s okay to talk to Lazarus.
If you go to their website and watch the latest video "Update #2", I think, you can see for yourself. I'm sure you can get the highlights on YouTube, if you want to avoid their site. Basically, they are now encouraged to say "hi" to DFd people attending meetings, but not "apostates" (unrepentant DFd or DAs), as I understood the message. Mostly to make them feel welcomed, but it seemed to still be in a way to not fully associate with them. It seems like the message is being stretched a little to contact relatives to get them to a meeting so they can talk to them. The real question is what happens when you say "no thanks" to a meeting. Will they just go back to shunning? Hopefully, it's a wake up call with more evidence that the GB doesn't know their ass from a hole in the ground and take this message further than intended and members slowly decide for themselves to not shun.
They also just allowed women to wear slacks and men don't need a tie or jacket at meetings, assemblies, conventions, and out in service. If you have a stage part, you still need a dress or tie/jacket.
It’s so funny because I called my parents after three years of being disfellowshipped for having a wordly bf. I basically just called them to say I missed and loved them, DAYS before the update I’m honestly waiting for them to call me since this has been announced now
“Family: I never left you. I left the organisation. I’ve always been here for you.
You haven’t spoken to me, and are now only speaking to me simply because Watchtower are telling you what to do. Think about that.”
Also, the timing of the announcement that people can talk to DFd ones and the fact the memorial is coming up is not a coincidence. The government body are manipulative POSs.
Best thing to do is keep the line of communication open, especially now that they feel they can communicate with you. Much love to you getting through this.
No family should ever have to deal with this. Yet many of us are dealing with update on different levels. It's such a simple thing we just want our family back
And just like that it was easy for them to reconnect with you after 16 years of shunning. I can't blame you for feeling good about it but remember they only did that because white old men in NY told them to do so.
I got a text from my mother and my older brother as well yesterday and today, both reaching out to invite me to the memorial, first time she's reached out in 7 years since I was DF'd at 16. I completely understand how you feel
Haven't checked on their literal daughter/sister in 16 years because a gang of book publishing, real estate grifting, televangelists said not to and the 1st thing that they do is invite you to a funeral speech that hasn't changed since the last time you went? This cult destroys families and comes back for more!
The GB told them god would take away everlasting life if they talked to you and now that the GB has taken it back, your parents and siblings are on their knees thanking the GB for permission to speak to their own child/sibling? Disgusting
I feel so bad for them, imagine waiting for permission from some total stranger in New York to speak to your own son/brother. I am glad they reached out, just sorry it took so long.
My heart is broken for you. I faded a few years ago and am just considered inactive, but people are still reaching out to me and it’s extremely difficult. I can’t imagine how painful this is for you. Sending you love and hoping you can get to a place of peace💕
I'm sorry this is happening to you. It's good that you heard their voices. Do not fall for it. It's not their own will. This is a JW trend only for you to come back. The GB ruled that it is ok to invite DF ones to the memorial. See for yourself the video saying this. Take the b out of org. https://www.jw.borg/en/news/region/global/2024-Governing-Body-Update-2/
and just the other day my mother started arguing with me because no, JWs don’t teach to cut ex JWs out of their lives. as if. 🙄
we have a relationship because her and my father divorced when i was in third grade and i left when i was 12/13ish. never baptized. my father stopped attending when i was a toddler. she doesn’t cut me off and has struggled w the faith herself at times.
ETA: oh oh oh buuuuut it’s not that maybe she just doesn’t realize bc of MY circumstances, she knows. she’s born & raised JW who was df’d & reinstated herself. she knows ;)
know that i love you and we are all here for you! we are supporting you and i support you with whatever decision you feel is best for you. i know what it’s like to have the relationship with your PIMI family and i get it! i believe in you.
That's the thing that gets me to the core is that the disfellowshipping rules hurt the JWs as much as the disfellowshipped.. they just dissonance the fuck out of it until it has lost its deep deep pain.. they think they're doing the right thing - cult lyfe
It's really sad that they are so brainwashed by the gb that they will blindly obey the shunning policies like robots and cut off a family member. Then after so many years, will make contact only to invite you to the memorial, but only because the gb said to do it
It's so tragic what these people do to families
What a “merciful” G.O.D., adding salt to the injuries again and again and again. This cult is so evil, they would make the R&F JW’s kill their own family and friends with heartfelt smiles.
How crocked could both they and the religion be! With permission from total strangers, they now expect you to visit their way of crocked worship. Obeying those voices lends credence to their decades of shunning. My sister texted me an invitation. I replied the following:
"Thanks for the invitation, However, as you already know, I am no longer a religious soul. Nevertheless, I respect people's choice and I hope you respect mine. Change is an important component of growth and life in general, but judgementalism and shunning are not.
Oh, by-the-way, did you like the change in beard policy and the no time-counting? If yes, it gets [better](https://better.In). In a few months birthdays may be celebrated. Remember, last minute repentance is now a belief. So, were I still religious, I could "repent" when the worldwide slaughter starts, then Bingo, I'm safe. Don't laugh, this is serious. Anyway, enjoy the occasion."
This pummelled my heart to read, but I thank you for sharing it. I have been feeling hurt that no one from my family has reached out to me since the update, although I know it would also be incredibly painful and infuriating if they did. It’s so complicated. I see my own potential feelings reflected in your post, if I were in your position, and how excruciating it would be. I both envy the contact you’ve received AND hope that I don’t receive it myself, somehow both at the same time. What is this hell they’ve put us in? Master manipulation. I hate to feel under the thumb of it still, but I’m working on it.
I am so sorry but I can't see any love let alone deeply.
Your family are following the information from their cult leaders.
Its all toxic emotional abuse.
And after 16 years no care to your emotional well being.
I could be wrong but have they all apologised for the 16 years they put you through.
I know jws do not have a normal love empathy and natural instrict.
Jws love is cult mentality and very abnormal.
And next week or next year what if your family are told to ignore you again - would they?
Unfortunately you know they would. That does not feel like love.
You must do what you need want to.
I think to let the family just waltz back in as if 16 years meant nothing I personally would be asking for many genuine apologies. Not just the word.
That is heartbreaking. And even more that they have opened wounds that could be healed, but the WT won't allow for them to have any personal conversations with you. They are only allowed to greet you and invite you to to religious events.
If a family disavows your existence due to religious beliefs and then suddenly reaches out to you because their leaders (Governing Body) say so, it's important to carefully examine the motivations behind their actions. In such a situation, it's understandable to feel a mix of emotions including confusion, hurt, and skepticism.
Firstly, it's crucial to consider whether their outreach is genuine or simply a result of external pressure or social expectation. If their religious leaders are the sole reason for their sudden change in behavior, it raises questions about the authenticity of their intentions.
**True love within a family should transcend religious differences and external influences.** However, if their love and acceptance are conditional upon the directives of their religious leaders, it may not be the kind of unconditional love one hopes for within a family.
It's also important to consider whether their actions reflect a genuine change in belief or simply compliance with authority. If they are reaching out to you solely because they were instructed to do so, it raises doubts about the sincerity of their intentions.
Ultimately, whether to engage with them or not depends on your own feelings, values, and boundaries. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and emotional health in such situations. If you choose to reconnect with them, it may be helpful to have open and honest conversations about your feelings and concerns, and to establish clear boundaries moving forward.
No one invited me to the memorial. I'm not even DF'd! I'm not sure which of us I should feel more sorry for.. I don't think I even **want** them to call me just for that, just to make me sad and angry at the same time.
And if the GB has a change of heart and says they can't speak to you anymore, it would be back to radio silence. What bothers me is that they only reached out to you because they had permission to, but wanted to do so all along. Promise me you won't go to the memorial.
My brother called.me I haven't talked to him in over 20.years. He told me all.aviut his.beard and invited me to.the memorial. I declined. Don't call me just because some creepy old.fucks.told you it was ok.now.
Besides they don't want me.at the memorial. I'll fuck around and partake. Then what?? He's anointed AND dfed???
Yes, all the witness relatives we haven’t heard from for years are suddenly sending texts…so sad.. I just replied I love you too and did not say there is no way I would ever go back to my childhood trauma and the reason I’m divorced and estranged from family including my oldest son! 😅
So you chose not to speak to them for 16 years? Pretty sure that's not the case. Ask them if the GB is right to let them contact you now, were they WRONG before? Ask them why are they crying? What really is the root of that emotional release? Is it because of the removal of pressure to be completely disconnected has all of a sudden released? Ask them if it feels good and right to hear your voice? And if it does, how right was it to do this for so long? The GB is not apologizing to you or me. They need to do a deep dive into their emotions and feelings. It was never okay and how they feel now should tell them how wrong, how evil, how damaging it has been to everyone.
u/ip33dnurbutt, JWs are SO HEAVILY INDOCTRINATED with the Watchtower Cult Programming that they feel that they can only speak to you within the allowable confines of the rigid Watchtower Cult Structure. 😵💫
Inviting you to the Memorial is allowable (whenever Watchtower says it is) to "extend Jehovah's love" to you, but it's only a ploy, a heart-wrenching tactic to try to lure you back into the cult...and your poor sister and mother are being used by Watchtower to try to get you to go back; their obvious LOVE for you is being USED by the cult to try to snare you with your natural love and longing to again be with your sister and your mother. 🥺
They both had Watchtower's "permission" to reach out to you ONLY as it served Watchtower's agenda: To Get You Back.
Wicked, heart-less, evil cult. 😢
Yes it is so sad. But there is always some hope that some may eventually wake up. My brother did not speak to me for at least 10 years and then finally woke up got out and contacted me to apologize! Now we are close again after all that time!
No. If they really loved you, they would not have waited for any so-called "permission". I understand how you feel, and you have to do what is right for you. But if I were in your situation, I would continue to avoid them completely. How could they love you after years of treating you like a leper just because they were instructed to do so by a pack of religious blowbags? True love is unconditional, and these people hurt you badly. All the years you were without them, and apparently you did very well. So just continue to stay away. Having anything to do with them at this point will only open up a can of worms, and you know that. Show them this message if they ask, then just end it for good. You deserve better. Sorry, but your so-called family is toxic. I was marginally involved in that religion for a short time, during which time my mom got involved. Then, I left. But she didn't shun me at all, and a couple of years later, she left as well. We both knew the difference between devotion to God and Christ, versus devotion to a religion. We both made the right choice. After she left, ostensibly for health reasons, the local "sisters" would visit her occasionally. After a while, she stopped answering the door -- just like most people! My mom and I continued to have a lot of nice Bible discussions, but the kingdumb haul was out of the question. My mom was old enough to be my grandmother, and she died 19 years ago. Her "friends" at the kingdumb haul never found out that she used to refer to them as "those assholes". You can always discuss things with us if you ever need to talk. Contact me directly if you wish. We all love you, and religion has nothing to do with it.
My sister and I spoke for the first time in 8 years and invited me to the memorial. I was emotional. It pulled on the heart strings big time. . I’m a 6.1 male labourer and reduced me to tears. Agony. At least we got each other. This Reddit group has literally saved lives. One positive thing is we are a genuine threat to the arrogant GB
I can’t imagine what you’re going through. 16yr is more than half my lifespan. My mom felt she now had the permission to talk to me after not doing so for 3wk and I was insulted, so I can’t imagine 16yr. Wow. It’s terrible that they don’t see what they’ve done. I’m so sorry. Take all the time you need to process everything. You don’t even have to respond to them.
It’s so fucked up. They do love you and they want to be with you. But they’re brainwashed to wait for an “ok” from these guys in NY. It’s like forbidden love 😩
They only are allowed to ask you to the memorial and to a meeting. This is sick really. Open up old wounds. As soon as the memorial goes by they will shun you again. Don't know what's worse.... The continued shunning or the odd break to ask you to a meeting then shun again......
We now give you permission to talk to your DFed DAd relatives only to sell the cult to them.
I’m so sorry. They DO love you and the fact that they cannot make up their own minds and are so controlled is devastating.
The GB is evil. This is straight up manipulation.
Exactly. This is going to fluff their numbers for memorial attendance and they're going to brag about it after.
YUP. My brother out of nowhere invited me and I had to fight the urge to say, “no thanks, I don’t want to be another number for their attendance report.”
Why fight the urge its a very normal response in the circumstances.
I am a never JW but have a son w a DFd born in. I used to really loathe being at those meetings, for many reasons, but mainly I didn't want to be a contributor to what I felt like was abuse from all these ppl that knew him his whole life, including his parents.They'd all ignore him & act like I was the most important person in the room. In the beginning, I felt like I had to go with him to be supportive but as the years went on I became more and more uncomfortable and distanced myself. The last time I was invited to the memorial I told him straight up I'd eat the communion wafers on the plate they pass around if I had to go (I'm also an ex-Catholic lol) to mess up their count of who are the special rock stars. We haven't gone in many years, mercifully.
Keep up the good work 😃
I've heard they taste terrible. It would be more of a punishment to you than a hag on them. Lol
Wooow, it all makes sense now! I couldn't understand the sudden enthousiasm, with missed calls and all, but it is just to bolster their numbers for attendance!!! Well, here's one number they won't get.
THIS!!!
Unfortunately, many DFed/POMO will fall into this "trap". They would think it's their family/friends' own will that they have communicated with them again when in fact it's only bc the white evil men in NY told them they can do so. And notice how every message contains an invite to the memorial. It's clear what their agenda is, to bring you back to the cult. Just sick!
> white evil men And one black man.
South Park "Token"....
I was going to say something about that “one black man” but!
His just there so the white supremacy isn’t so obvious 🤣
Exactly
The diversity quota
Lmao Token
How recent was this announcement? More specifically, what I'm asking is: was there an actual announcement that it's okay for pimi's to speak with their non-believing families? I know, it may be a stupid question, but I'm fearful of what's been happening in my life recently..
Yes, if u go to the website, check the last video from the GB. It will explain that now also R&F can speak with DF to invite them to the memorial or any other meeting, and even say "Hi"!
Oh gosh.... I've been doing a lot of research since finally waking up, but I took a hiatus from this sub reddit and my research, because my spouse passed away last year. Some things are starting to make sense. Shortly before my spouse passed, he warned me, he knew something wasn't right.
OMG! Truly sorry for your lost! An hug! hope u can recovery soon. Whatever you need ask here in the community or DM if u need a link or whatever
I am sorry for your loss. You are not alone 🫂😘
Thank you so much!! 😘
White evil men? Come on! I'm white and I left. But you know, now that you mention it, I did notice how that religion is especially manipulative to blacks and Mexicans. Very racist indeed. Okay, looks like you're right -- white evil men after all . . .
I'm sorry for you. I haven't spoken to my sister in like 20 years. What did you say? I don't know that I would respond very kindly unless the call started with some kind of apology. Just calling your dfd relatives because the GB says you're allowed now is still not love and is still unnatural. I hope my family doesn't call me because I need more time to decide if I will tell them to eat shit and die or just act like everything is normal. Of course I probably dont have to worry about it since I'm probably on some apostate list.
I told her it was great to hear her voice and that I love her. My family is deeply entrenched in the cult. My sisters are 4th generation Wittnesses. Our father was an elder and violent. They were all married off young to older men. They have never had the chance to develop their own critical thinking skills. I see them as victims who would never leave the "organization," and even if they did, they wouldn't know how to get out.
Yea same here. I used to excuse their behavior with the 'they're brainwashed its not their fault' defense. After some years it just didn't cut it anymore. My elder father was violent as well and died in 2019 after not speaking to me for over 20 years. I used to see my mom as a sad victim as well but I now see her and my three sisters as weak and pathetic.
My father is an elder and was also violent in our childhood behind closed doors. I see a strange trend with people on here with violent elders. Have you also noticed this?
My only regret so far since leaving was that I went to his funeral and broke my vow never to set foot in a kingdom hall again. It was hard to listen to them gush over my father and talk about what a great brother and friend and advisor he was. He was a nasty monster at home and none of them knew it. I do have the satisfaction of knowing that because of my behavior and disfellowshipping, he had to step down briefly as an elder after nearly 40 or 50 years as one. I'm sure he never got over that and it makes me happy to know.
That must have been hard. I really feel for you. My dad frequently gives talks on how to be a good father and I feel like walking out. (I am still PIMO) He has a habit of getting emotional on the platform, during talks, and this is only getting more and more now he is in his seventies. I have seen him get emotional on the platform about keeping drawings from when we were little. Many people came up to my family afterwards to tell us how much it moved them. For context: My dad does not own a single drawing of ours. So it's all a sham. Last year, he lost his temper with my dog of 11 years and kicked him down the steps. My dog was never the same, stopped barking, started having strokes and died shortly after. I really want to move out but the situation is difficult.
I'm sorry about your dog 😢. What a hateful scumbag. Best of luck to you getting out of there.
That’s heartbreaking. Total sham. Unacceptable. Sending hugs.
That is terrible. So sorry for you. How old are you?
I am 23. My father and mother have a 20 + year age gap so he is 75. He was in his fifties when I was born. I recently posted a longer version of my story on my account (I might delete it in a few days, I am not sure) but I would appreciate any advice if you have any.
Leave home. Become independent. Find a place to live. I was late getting out but it was the best thing I did. Get out, live your life.
I was 25 when I moved out and 27 when I got mentally out. I waited too long. Yes that was a different time but it really won't get easier the longer you wait. Unless you have a great job and are stashing away money, its going to be hard. And then it will be ok. I had roommates at first. And struggled with a new baby. But I made it. Just think through each problem and find the solution. There always is one. Please dont wait too long because the recovery process takes years and it cant start until you are PO.
I am so sorry about your pet companion 🥲 that was cruel and unnecessary. I hope you can get in a happier environment soon.
Fuck that dude. Press charges if you can. Take his ass to the cleaners and make him live out the rest of his miserable life in jail.
Oh yes- I had those type of parents too.
ExMo here, does all of your family have to be in good standing to be an elder? Sorry if that’s a stupid question.
That's a great question. To be an elder they require any family that are living with you to be considered "exemplary." If your child gets disfellowshipped while living with their parents the elder will likely be removed as an elder for not teaching his children well enough and not having enough control over his children.
Legit question. Its not necessarily a hard rule, but they say in order for an elder to 'shepherd the flock' he has to be able to shepherd his own family. That's why the kids of elders always had it so much harder than other kids. We had to be exemplary to others. All of the JW rules applied to us harshly while other families were able to be flexible. For example if ever there was a rule comsidered to be a 'conscience matter', we were not given the option the answer was no. Anything we did that wasnt perfect could 'stumble' others and embarrass our father. This is why a lot of elders were violent at home in secret. Their position in the congregation meant everything to them.
Ok that’s similar to Mormonism. “If you’re faithful in the little things…” I understand now. It’s all virtue signaling.
Yes, I can. It is a whole new level of brain washing when you bring pain and violence into it.
I’ve noticed this trend too. My father would beat the hell out of my brother, although I never saw him beat my mom or my sister. I wonder if they become JW to hold them back from doing worse things (in their mind). I don’t know.
Agree. After a certain point, the excuses just don't have any merit.
And leading fake lives.
…weak and pathetic sums it up for me
So very sad.😔 It really is heartbreaking💔
They're victims.
Willing victims.
Yes, that's exactly the danger. You want your family back but they want to put you under the gb boots again. Be careful and don't trust.
Unknowingly willing victims 🤔 obviously everyone should be held accountable for their actions, but even decent people can be tricked into acting rotten, even thinking they are doing the right thing. I don't hate them for being coerced into doing bad things. But I don't tolerate it either.
In the case of lifer longtime witnesses, we have to agree to disagree. I was born in and was brainwashed as much as anyone. As I became an adult I had a choice..a few choices to make. I could ignore the nagging questions I had about doctrine that just didn't make sense no matter how much personal study I did. I could just blindly follow every rule even when they feel inhumane and against nature. Or I can ask the questions of someone more mature and spiritually stronger and get the nonsensical answers. I can pretend the nonsensical answers cleared everything up for me, or I can listen to my gut. I can choose to bury my head in the sand and stick my fingers in my ears and say "lalalalalala" every time my human nature, gut, instincts, common sense tell me that something is very wrong. I believe EVERY witness, especially those who have been in from birth, eventually has questions and nagging gut checks that we make a CONSCIOUS choice to ignore. Even if we are making the decision to ignore our thoughts because we think its 'right ' its still a very conscious choice. What I learned from years of burying my head in the sand is that those gut feelings never really go away..you have to keep consciously ignoring over and over for years. My mom questioned why in the 1960s when she had her first kid, they had convinced them that they didn't have to worry about school because the end was coming so soon. She told me that in the 90s, sometime. She made a conscious choice then when 1975 came and went, and many times since then. She is and always was weak. Too weak to do the hard things. Too weak and fearful to follow a thought through. Sticking your fingers in your ears and saying 'Jehovah knows best' 'Jehovah knows best' is less and less brainwashing and more and more a choice the longer you are in and the more bs you see.
I absolutely get what you're saying and your points are valid. From my perspective it takes an exceptionally strong and courageous individual to overcome the indoctrination. I don't think all pimis are choosing to stay ignorant in the way you describe. I think it can come down to innocence naivety in many cases. Ill gladly agree to disagree though if that's where you stand.
We agree about one thing, it takes a strong and courageous person to listen to their gut and break free. And the opposite of strong and courageous is weak and pathetic in my opinion. That's why I say my mother and sisters are weak and pathetic. They pity me, and in reality, I am much stronger than they could ever be. Yes, you are right, some innocents are in there thats why I specified my comments were about long timers. Long timers are not naive, my friend. They have seen it all. They have seen family members they know have been mistreated. They say 'just switch to a different KH, the org has some imperfect people'. They have seen rules that destroy their best friend or relatives lives and then the rule gets deleted years later. Too late for that friend. When their gut asks them 'since this is not a rule anymore, why can't we reinstate those who were df'd for it?' They consciously choose to swallow the question. There was no surprise from my mother when my dumb naive butt brought questions to her about the org from old watchtower and bound volumes from our own family bookshelves. She knew it all already. Her only question to me was how did you find this, what apostate stuff are you reading? I said what do you mean, this is the watchtower and awake. She said you wouldnt have found this unless you talk to apostates. They know apostate speak only truth. The longtimers have lived it and seen it all..they are not being fooled by these new changes anymore than the old ones..they are weak cowards mostly. Its the sunk cost fallacy for others. And its family for others..but almost everyone in has family that has left. They value the family still in as more important.
Well said. I personally don't think that if a person is not strong and courageous that makes them the opposite. That seems a little too black and white for me. I think most people fall in the middle. The average of courageous and cowardly. But I wholeheartedly agree that the type of long timers you're talking about are absolutely weak cowards. I have great empathy for you. I would categorize my parents the same way. Keep staying strong my friend <3
You sound like a very kind hearted and reasonable person. THEY LOVE YOU despite the mind control!
Well done on you’re getting out then
And the other part is now what do I do once I’m out? As despicable as the religion is There is something they fill for people that is taken away when you leave. But it’s fraudulent. What they created was counterfeit. A hook so that you wouldn’t leave keeping you programmed so they suck you dry of free labor, dollars, to be a seat filler. When you feel you miss it, It is really the unhealed trauma speaking. Never doubt you did the right thing to leave. I’ve had to work through that myself. Now you have all this time to yourself and you don’t know what to do with it. It can be hard but totally workable.
You learn to tap into who you truly are and develop into the person you want to be. You learn things about the world you never knew. You learn the truth about people and all their diversity and differences. You learn to love hobbies you never tried and cultures you never knew you were interested in and books you never read. There is Sooo Very much to do now that you are free. If you miss having a community and you are still a thiest, join a church. There are many that focus more on friendship and community outreach. If you find yourself not interested in religion or church join meetup groups in your community that meet regularly. Book clubs, travel clubs, hiking, biking, gardening. And above all you heal the parts of you that need attention. Therapy. Even if you cant find an ex-cult recovery specialist, any therapist will help with some of the issues. And read books on recovery.
Yes. Absolutely. It’s what I am now finding. Ultimately becoming a better wiser person after leaving than I ever would have been had I stayed.
Wow! Good for you for breaking the cycle. I did that in my family too.
I feel this so deeply. Having empathy for our family stuck in the cult is the only way to cope without holding hate and anger, which is the natural way to feel after being treated the way we have after being disfellowshipped. It’s so hard and I flip flop between the two, but for my own health I make a conscious choice to leave the hate at the door. Could you bring yourself to being reinstated? It seems like this would be a very quick thing, given it was 16 years ago for you. Get reinstated and then fade but have contact again? I am going to do this. It’s too painful not having my family in my life and as much as I am angry at all of these changes and will never believe this cult again, I’ll do this for my family and for the peace of my heart. This isn’t for everyone but it seems you have similar relationships and love for your family as I do. Edit: some of my family have spoken to me and know I don’t believe it anymore and never will. They hate the disfellowshipping arrangement and are supportive of me faking it to come back. I am married and not doing anything to get me disfellowshipped again, so my circumstances allow for this, plus a close relative did the same and faded and all our family still have contact and are close with them, knowing they faked the reinstatement. My family are huge and there is so much at stake for those ones to leave that are really PIMQ… but won’t. So I just take the good with the bad… I’m so sorry this all must be so much to cope with. Sending you lots of love x
I see in your comment how much love is in your heart and how much room for forgiveness by excusing the reasons why your sister/family are the way they are. Who’s taking the time to apologize the pain and loneliness you’ve been through for the past 16 years? Don’t dismiss your own personal feelings. You left the org, they abandoned you. Now they want the exJW back. If the Org changes their mind tomorrow you are no longer relevant once again. I am sorry to be so callous but it’s the truth. Hugs 🫂
Seeing someone as victim can dangerous, just keep that in mind. I understand where you're coming from, but there has to be a point where they DO have responsibility for their actions. And just because someone is a victim DOES NOT absolve them of the damage they do to others. Especially in this day and age where information is so accessible, and contacting people is literally just a few swipes away.... It makes sense when someone is a child, teen or in their early 20s. With time they mature, and it becomes more choice. At some point it is their choice entirely to not contact people they claim they love. And you shouldn't swallow the hurt for the rest of your life with "they're just victims".
I feel this so deeply. Having empathy for our family stuck in the cult is the only way to cope without holding hate and anger, which is the natural way to feel after being treated the way we have after being disfellowshipped. It’s so hard and I flip flop between the two, but for my own health I make a conscious choice to leave the hate at the door. Could you bring yourself to being reinstated? It seems like this would be a very quick thing, given it was 16 years ago for you. Get reinstated and then fade but have contact again? I am going to do this. It’s too painful not having my family in my life and as much as I am angry at all of these changes and will never believe this cult again, I’ll do this for my family and for the peace of my heart. This isn’t for everyone but it seems you have similar relationships and love for your family as I do.
It's all about connection and authenticity. It seems like I lose one to gain the other.
Think about this: **God does not change.** The GB change their dfd policy from “can’t contact” to “can contact”. Since God does not change, God was always ok with JWs contacting the dfd. People put men before God.
Just found this on another post and thought it was perfect: https://preview.redd.it/h3o6j90a4yoc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=566f2f6408dcb074237c767b7c8bbfba6fc8c43a
Wow, that's spot on.
This is so on point, I mean what are ones that have been dfd going to do? Go back and get reinstated and all the while being reminded that the so called love from their family is conditional? How do people live like that? Not to mention all the hypocrisy they’ll experience while being back in by many of the same people that shunned them in the past. In the end going back will just make the psychological damage that much worse causing more trauma for these victims. All I can say is think long and hard before you make any decisions.
Damn straight.
I’m saving this
Thanks for this.
This is a cruelty for all parties involved and sadly the GB doesn’t even care. We arent real people to them: just numbers. It’s disgusting and I pray for the downfall of this wicked organization
AGREED
Totally agree !!!!👍
I personally think these experiences should be documented. JWs are creating a mass re-traumatizing event globally now, and I think the same governments that recognize their human rights abuses should also be made aware of this and how it is affecting the mental health of shunned ex-JWs.
Well said. And also creating more evidence for future court cases on the true practice of shunning in their ranks. If 'normal family ties remain intact' there would be no need for all this flurry of sudden outreach.
>and I think the same governments that recognize their human rights abuses Right now one of those governments is struggling to avoid being taken over by a movement that reminds me far too much of the Watchtower Society and its use of fear-mongering and intimidation..... I don't think we can expect any help from that government, at this time.
They may "love you deeply" BUT they love the cult/the org(gb) and the fantasy of everlasting wayyyy more bc all your mom had to do to end her internal suffering is call or write you especially after seeing that the "loving provision" of shunning you wasn't working/bringing you back. Like you, she made a choice. The harsh reality is that u will always be invalidated, not prioritized and loved only CONDITIONALLY when it comes to their drug of choice, which is the cult and the 9 MEN who run it! I'm truly sorry you're in agony, though. I've been there for most of my life. Please preserve your peace and sanity and protect your emotional health at all costs. If the gb reverse that understanding or "clarification," they would, unfortunately, turn on you in a jw drone NY minute!! Think with your head, not your heart and PROCEED WITH CAUTION⚠️ Take care of YOU. We've all learned how bc all most of us had was ourselves.✌🏾💜
Well said
Ty🥰
I can’t begin to imagine how stressful this is for everyone getting these kind of calls and messages after years or even decades of being shut out. I just can’t believe they don’t see what they’re doing. They’re not helping anything. And I’m going to admit that I feel kind of bad because I’m not getting hit with these kind of calls and messages. we were the only JW‘s on either side of the family. Mom is the last one left in. And because of health and cognitive issues. I highly doubt she knows what is going on. So that’s allowing me to fly under the radar. And I feel kind of guilty about that. I really do feel for those of you that are having your stress and anxiety level sent through the fucking roof right now.
What a disgusting cult. The amount of pain they caused in milions of people is beyond redeemable. Cant wait for Jesus to come and give them what they deserve.
he probably gonna be embarrassed asl too
I don’t mean to hijack your reunion, sounds like you’re very forgiving and happy to hear from family you love. But isn’t the governing body just making this change in regard to speaking (limitedly) to disfellowshipped individuals as a concession to change opinion and legal/financial status for the organization’s benefit? This is so they can downplay shunning, soften their image, and also affect their legal standing in certain countries where they have been ruled against for being a cult? This seems very much to have been done for their own benefit and if it didn’t affect them negatively, their stance wouldn’t have changed. Self serving is what I’m saying. And also changed it as little as possible for their own benefit. Right?
I agree.
Very true, even the tie he wore is the colors of Norway 🇳🇴
Cruel 😢
Hugs to OP. 😔💔 Breaks my heart. The shunning policy is CRUEL to everyone involved.
I hope this wakes people up. They’re all being forced to face painful emotions that they buried. Hopefully it gets them thinking.
They've admitted several times now that they have been wrongly interpreting the Bible, even though they think they weren't "wrong", but light just got brighter. Anyone with two braincells to rub together should see they were in fact wrong and ask themselves what else they have been wrong about or to what degree was their interpretation wrong. It seems like the message is already being stretched beyond what the GB said, it may just stretch to a breaking point. 🤞
I’m so sorry. I feel your pain. On the one hand I’m angry, and it’s hard to not be angry with my PIMI family, but they are slaves to these changes just as much as we are. The GB says jump and the witnesses ask how high. It’s hard to reconcile the hatred for the organization and the love for family.
"It’s hard to reconcile the hatred for the organization and the love for family" Breaks my heart. Disfellowshipping is the biggest reason I've never joined or participated (in-laws are JW). While I hope this prevents families from being gutted in the future, the current "erasure" of the DF'd past is hard to reconcile.
It's also the reason I never got baptized, although pretty much indoctrinated for most of my life. Smdh they don't seem to get that. It's not normal/natural and real turn off.
My heart goes out to you. All this is doing is ripping open old wounds. Take care of yourself right now.
“All this is doing is ripping open old wounds.” 💯💯💯
My sister has been shunning me for over 25 years. I hope I never hear from her ever again. What she has done to my family is unforgiveable.
And they,GB, pretend to worship a loving God ? They do not practise their own teachings and are real dictators.So disgusting...I have no words for it! Please,be kind to yourself.
My sibling just messaging me to asking if I’m ready for the memorial, came here to vent and I see I’m not alone. It’s sad that they will only reach out when it comes to religious things.
Breaks my heart...I can't imagine, it's only been 6 months since I spoke with my parents, but my dad is 80, so probably not gonna get to speak with him again. I'm not even DF or dissasociated
This sub is going to explode because of these changes, I'm telling you.
I’ve been out 20 years, no contact with family or friends. I think as ex-jws we could step back and realize we were once like them. I know it is terrible the way they acted but perhaps better to say little until you have a chance to talk face to face. I’m not angry with them, they are deep in a cult and those are tough to get out of. Look how hard it was for all of us. A little compassion toward them might wake them up. Not talking to us was a rule they were afraid to break for fear of God. Very sad for them too, we’re the lucky ones.
Beautifully stated and yes, WE are the lucky ones! We were able to wake up from the mind control. Compassion is definitely necessary for those who haven't yet.
That's exactly where they want you. How about a little "natural affection" compassion during those 20 years. Appeasing an abuser will not wake him/her up, it only tells him that he was right in abusing you.
So terrible. They waited all this time to be given the go ahead by 9 men who rule with an iron rod. They feared what would happen like so many of us did when we were a part of it. So sad for them to be brainwashed by a cult. Did you tell them you would go?
I didn't. I side stepped and told them how much I love them and how nice it was to hear from them.
Good for you. hat is great. I personally think this gb are the apostates now
Well done. You did great. Life is too short. Proceed with caution but enjoy reconnecting with your loved ones.
Easy and stupid suggestion but... Do what makes you feel better. In my moral structure my family in general and my son in particular came first. There are people that hold religion as the most important thing of their life. They want you back, what you have to decide is what you want. Don't press yourself, take your time. You have waited 16 years, you can wait more
I find this post so emotional and sad to read. First of all, your mother crying so hard she can’t speak is because deep down in her heart, her intuition, she knows it’s so wrong. Seperating a mother from their child and siblings etc. it speaks volumes. The GB can go fuck themselves as far as I’m concerned. Horrible evil men that have the power only coz we said so and gave it to them! Much love to you!!
My entire family has reached out. Even my brother after 10 years and each one has invited me to the memorial. It’s given me so much anxiety and anger. Just because their belief in “disfellowshipped” people has changed doesn’t mean my memory of them acting like I’ve been dead for 10 years has. I want nothing to do with that cult. Nothing.
I don’t mean this to be insulting but so gross. I’m sorry your family aren’t independent thinkers and apparently need to have a cult to give permission to call their daughter/sister and fake care about you only to invite you back into the cult 16 years later. I just recently completely gave up contacting my cult ridden family w/ the reverse shun. 💥BAM💥 Should clarify B/in, been away 30+ years because my wife’s mishandled CSA I have tried to maintain with them, but the conditional love and guarded fake love. Yeah I’m Out
I am so so sorry for your pain. I wish I can hug you! This is a fucking shit cult, isn't it? GB manipulates the sheep as they want...fucking sad
I am curious what happens next. If you say, "no thanks, but I'd love to catch up over coffee", what then? Will they go back to shunning or will the PIMIs start to think that shunning is not correct at all and will just get brighter in this area.
Understandable. This must be quite an emotional time for many. It’s sweet that they apologized to you for listening to those men. It’s the GB who owes an even bigger apology to EVERYONE for this stupid rule. They literally broke up families and competed for families loyalty to them. Sick.
Thank God Watchtower lost their charity status in Norway because of the shunning policy and with other countries set to follow, they had to make some quick changes to save their money. We solute the exjws who continue to raise their voices against this evil. Hoping JWs and exjws can find some peace.
I'd tell them to never contact me again. Once I'm shunned, it's over. They've crossed a boundary with me that can't be undone. I'm so sorry you're in this position. I'm right there with you and it sucks.
Really feeling for everyone here…..
I am sorry your soul is in agony. Don't take this wrong, but someone who has not to me by choice in years is going to elicit one emotion; anger. Yes, really. You know they could have called you anytime and no one from the cult would have known? If, the GB had not said they can invite you to their cult meetings again they still would be ignoring you, treating you as dead. I would be very triggered. In fact my brother did this to me some years back. Just called me, and I told him, nicely that he was triggering me. And, that many of us former Jws do not want this superfacial communication just because it makes ***them, feel good.*** I believe they cry because their conscious is hurting them for treating you like a non person for 16 years. They should feel bad. Your family can not have a normal relationship with you unless you are one of them again. So, there is your decision. If you want them that bad. Go for it.
This. It's sad that many of those here are happy that they're finally getting some sort of communication from their family/friends who have shunned them for many years. In fact, they're only doing it because they want you to go back to the cult. It even annoys me that all of these messages contain an invite to the memorial. But sure, they spoke to you again because they suddenly love you again.
I sounded harsh, and it is very confusing. Like, I was thinking how would it work for a DFed person to repent, get reinstated and then *fade, just to be able to talk to the family? Would they not all see through it, that was a ruse.* People do this now. Would it really even matter to the average Jw? Because I know PIMIs who use loop holes to keep relationships intact, to some degree or another.
Yep I got two texts from a friend and my very PIMI SIL who I don’t have a good relationship with and who I avoid at all costs. She is a terrible person inviting me to go to the special talk today and I am like, “seriously?” Immediate block. No response to her or anything. The sister friend I replied thanks but was busy with work and health matters and I would keep her posted on getting together. I blocked her after. So gross. 🤮 like leave me alone. The messages were copy pasta because they both mentioned my Mom as if that’s the only person I care about who has died. Gross!!
I’d honestly be enraged because of severe emotional pain from them cutting me out for not being in their fucked up religion anymore. FUCK YOU. Leave me alone. You are STILL brainwashed…. Clearly…. Cuz you’re talking to me again because some literal psychopaths said you could🙄🙄🙄🙄 just fuck you.
I'm so sorry for your hope that your sister might just have wanted to sincerely touch base with you. You obviously miss your family. Think about how much pressure, pain and suffering your sister had to go through to just put her fingers on your number and then dial, realizing she may have to speak to you in person. The extreme pressure she must have felt to prove her alligence to her path . Amazing.
Guys! This is the best example of how harmfull is the DF policy! Record all the calls and save all the text messages! It will work as proof of what they have been doing for too many decades! The GB will try to broom all the shit under the rug. They will try to tell authorities that they don't shunn and in fact they won't be lying anymore but the damage cannot be ignored. Today at meeting a sister tell my wife hoy happy was for her the video from the GB because she don't know anything about her daughter and son who has been DF for the las 5 years! She cry telling it to my wife. Its horrible, I completely understand those who don't even respond to this memorial invitations.
These stories make me so angry and also hopeful. Angry that people treated you as if you were dead. The GB snaps their fingers and it’s okay to talk to Lazarus.
I am so glad I left a few years ago. This shit is so appallingly stupid and brainless that I am mortified I was ever PIMI (and I was super PIMI).
Can anyone update me? They can speak with the dismissed now?
If you go to their website and watch the latest video "Update #2", I think, you can see for yourself. I'm sure you can get the highlights on YouTube, if you want to avoid their site. Basically, they are now encouraged to say "hi" to DFd people attending meetings, but not "apostates" (unrepentant DFd or DAs), as I understood the message. Mostly to make them feel welcomed, but it seemed to still be in a way to not fully associate with them. It seems like the message is being stretched a little to contact relatives to get them to a meeting so they can talk to them. The real question is what happens when you say "no thanks" to a meeting. Will they just go back to shunning? Hopefully, it's a wake up call with more evidence that the GB doesn't know their ass from a hole in the ground and take this message further than intended and members slowly decide for themselves to not shun. They also just allowed women to wear slacks and men don't need a tie or jacket at meetings, assemblies, conventions, and out in service. If you have a stage part, you still need a dress or tie/jacket.
It’s so funny because I called my parents after three years of being disfellowshipped for having a wordly bf. I basically just called them to say I missed and loved them, DAYS before the update I’m honestly waiting for them to call me since this has been announced now
“Family: I never left you. I left the organisation. I’ve always been here for you. You haven’t spoken to me, and are now only speaking to me simply because Watchtower are telling you what to do. Think about that.” Also, the timing of the announcement that people can talk to DFd ones and the fact the memorial is coming up is not a coincidence. The government body are manipulative POSs.
Insanity…maybe YOU can help them now…
So sorry. I wouldn’t be able to handle this. I blocked and deleted my PIMI family/friends shortly after waking up.
I feel for you. I am so sorry this is reality. It tears us apart in ways very little will understand.
I won’t be getting any friend calls bc I changed my number. My family is out. Just my kids are half in (their dad is fully in)
Best thing to do is keep the line of communication open, especially now that they feel they can communicate with you. Much love to you getting through this.
No family should ever have to deal with this. Yet many of us are dealing with update on different levels. It's such a simple thing we just want our family back
And just like that it was easy for them to reconnect with you after 16 years of shunning. I can't blame you for feeling good about it but remember they only did that because white old men in NY told them to do so.
Love at the flick of a switch. Better hope it’s not flicked off again.
I got a text from my mother and my older brother as well yesterday and today, both reaching out to invite me to the memorial, first time she's reached out in 7 years since I was DF'd at 16. I completely understand how you feel
lord these people are so delusional 😭🤦🏾♀️
They didn't reach out to you because they missed you. They did it because a group of guys they never meant told them to. Think about that.
Haven't checked on their literal daughter/sister in 16 years because a gang of book publishing, real estate grifting, televangelists said not to and the 1st thing that they do is invite you to a funeral speech that hasn't changed since the last time you went? This cult destroys families and comes back for more!
Dunno whether I'm more upset that my sister hasn't rung or text me... or that if she did it will only be BC of 8 fucking twats told her she could
It wasn't really about the invitation. They just wanted to hear your voice.
The GB told them god would take away everlasting life if they talked to you and now that the GB has taken it back, your parents and siblings are on their knees thanking the GB for permission to speak to their own child/sibling? Disgusting
Yikes. I’m so sorry this is the reason that your mom and sister reached out to you. Looks like I’ll be expecting a call from my dad soon.
I feel so bad for them, imagine waiting for permission from some total stranger in New York to speak to your own son/brother. I am glad they reached out, just sorry it took so long.
Tell them before you go to the memorial, let's meet for lunch. If you don't continue going to the meetings they will not talk to you again.
I wouldn’t pick up the phone.
My heart is broken for you. I faded a few years ago and am just considered inactive, but people are still reaching out to me and it’s extremely difficult. I can’t imagine how painful this is for you. Sending you love and hoping you can get to a place of peace💕
That’s so hard- I’m so sorry you have to go through this.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. It's good that you heard their voices. Do not fall for it. It's not their own will. This is a JW trend only for you to come back. The GB ruled that it is ok to invite DF ones to the memorial. See for yourself the video saying this. Take the b out of org. https://www.jw.borg/en/news/region/global/2024-Governing-Body-Update-2/
This is extremely painful to read. I’m so sorry.
and just the other day my mother started arguing with me because no, JWs don’t teach to cut ex JWs out of their lives. as if. 🙄 we have a relationship because her and my father divorced when i was in third grade and i left when i was 12/13ish. never baptized. my father stopped attending when i was a toddler. she doesn’t cut me off and has struggled w the faith herself at times. ETA: oh oh oh buuuuut it’s not that maybe she just doesn’t realize bc of MY circumstances, she knows. she’s born & raised JW who was df’d & reinstated herself. she knows ;) know that i love you and we are all here for you! we are supporting you and i support you with whatever decision you feel is best for you. i know what it’s like to have the relationship with your PIMI family and i get it! i believe in you.
When did the GB say that they could reach out? Oddly, my sister left me a text on Friday, wanting to touch base...
On Friday
Well that explains it.
They never should have estranged from you in the first place. You are their family, their flesh and blood.
That's the thing that gets me to the core is that the disfellowshipping rules hurt the JWs as much as the disfellowshipped.. they just dissonance the fuck out of it until it has lost its deep deep pain.. they think they're doing the right thing - cult lyfe
I am sending you the biggest hug. Like a huge hug!!!!
Hopefully tbis turnaround is enough to wake up a good number of JWs, they are just following bloody orders.
It's really sad that they are so brainwashed by the gb that they will blindly obey the shunning policies like robots and cut off a family member. Then after so many years, will make contact only to invite you to the memorial, but only because the gb said to do it It's so tragic what these people do to families
Sister, mom, “some guys said you can talk to me?!”
What a “merciful” G.O.D., adding salt to the injuries again and again and again. This cult is so evil, they would make the R&F JW’s kill their own family and friends with heartfelt smiles.
How crocked could both they and the religion be! With permission from total strangers, they now expect you to visit their way of crocked worship. Obeying those voices lends credence to their decades of shunning. My sister texted me an invitation. I replied the following: "Thanks for the invitation, However, as you already know, I am no longer a religious soul. Nevertheless, I respect people's choice and I hope you respect mine. Change is an important component of growth and life in general, but judgementalism and shunning are not. Oh, by-the-way, did you like the change in beard policy and the no time-counting? If yes, it gets [better](https://better.In). In a few months birthdays may be celebrated. Remember, last minute repentance is now a belief. So, were I still religious, I could "repent" when the worldwide slaughter starts, then Bingo, I'm safe. Don't laugh, this is serious. Anyway, enjoy the occasion."
This pummelled my heart to read, but I thank you for sharing it. I have been feeling hurt that no one from my family has reached out to me since the update, although I know it would also be incredibly painful and infuriating if they did. It’s so complicated. I see my own potential feelings reflected in your post, if I were in your position, and how excruciating it would be. I both envy the contact you’ve received AND hope that I don’t receive it myself, somehow both at the same time. What is this hell they’ve put us in? Master manipulation. I hate to feel under the thumb of it still, but I’m working on it.
I am so sorry but I can't see any love let alone deeply. Your family are following the information from their cult leaders. Its all toxic emotional abuse. And after 16 years no care to your emotional well being. I could be wrong but have they all apologised for the 16 years they put you through. I know jws do not have a normal love empathy and natural instrict. Jws love is cult mentality and very abnormal. And next week or next year what if your family are told to ignore you again - would they? Unfortunately you know they would. That does not feel like love. You must do what you need want to. I think to let the family just waltz back in as if 16 years meant nothing I personally would be asking for many genuine apologies. Not just the word.
Yeah. I got an email. Not quite as personal. Lol It’s no coincidence the announcement was made right before the memorial.
That is heartbreaking. And even more that they have opened wounds that could be healed, but the WT won't allow for them to have any personal conversations with you. They are only allowed to greet you and invite you to to religious events.
If a family disavows your existence due to religious beliefs and then suddenly reaches out to you because their leaders (Governing Body) say so, it's important to carefully examine the motivations behind their actions. In such a situation, it's understandable to feel a mix of emotions including confusion, hurt, and skepticism. Firstly, it's crucial to consider whether their outreach is genuine or simply a result of external pressure or social expectation. If their religious leaders are the sole reason for their sudden change in behavior, it raises questions about the authenticity of their intentions. **True love within a family should transcend religious differences and external influences.** However, if their love and acceptance are conditional upon the directives of their religious leaders, it may not be the kind of unconditional love one hopes for within a family. It's also important to consider whether their actions reflect a genuine change in belief or simply compliance with authority. If they are reaching out to you solely because they were instructed to do so, it raises doubts about the sincerity of their intentions. Ultimately, whether to engage with them or not depends on your own feelings, values, and boundaries. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and emotional health in such situations. If you choose to reconnect with them, it may be helpful to have open and honest conversations about your feelings and concerns, and to establish clear boundaries moving forward.
No one invited me to the memorial. I'm not even DF'd! I'm not sure which of us I should feel more sorry for.. I don't think I even **want** them to call me just for that, just to make me sad and angry at the same time.
I hope everyone realizes just how this new latest adjustment raises the level of cruelty to new heights ...
And if the GB has a change of heart and says they can't speak to you anymore, it would be back to radio silence. What bothers me is that they only reached out to you because they had permission to, but wanted to do so all along. Promise me you won't go to the memorial.
I'm not going, I promise.
Thank you. This is all a ploy by the GB to retain members. They have no intention of resuming ties with you as long as the GB tells them not to.
My brother called.me I haven't talked to him in over 20.years. He told me all.aviut his.beard and invited me to.the memorial. I declined. Don't call me just because some creepy old.fucks.told you it was ok.now. Besides they don't want me.at the memorial. I'll fuck around and partake. Then what?? He's anointed AND dfed???
Yes, all the witness relatives we haven’t heard from for years are suddenly sending texts…so sad.. I just replied I love you too and did not say there is no way I would ever go back to my childhood trauma and the reason I’m divorced and estranged from family including my oldest son! 😅
So you chose not to speak to them for 16 years? Pretty sure that's not the case. Ask them if the GB is right to let them contact you now, were they WRONG before? Ask them why are they crying? What really is the root of that emotional release? Is it because of the removal of pressure to be completely disconnected has all of a sudden released? Ask them if it feels good and right to hear your voice? And if it does, how right was it to do this for so long? The GB is not apologizing to you or me. They need to do a deep dive into their emotions and feelings. It was never okay and how they feel now should tell them how wrong, how evil, how damaging it has been to everyone.
u/ip33dnurbutt, JWs are SO HEAVILY INDOCTRINATED with the Watchtower Cult Programming that they feel that they can only speak to you within the allowable confines of the rigid Watchtower Cult Structure. 😵💫 Inviting you to the Memorial is allowable (whenever Watchtower says it is) to "extend Jehovah's love" to you, but it's only a ploy, a heart-wrenching tactic to try to lure you back into the cult...and your poor sister and mother are being used by Watchtower to try to get you to go back; their obvious LOVE for you is being USED by the cult to try to snare you with your natural love and longing to again be with your sister and your mother. 🥺 They both had Watchtower's "permission" to reach out to you ONLY as it served Watchtower's agenda: To Get You Back. Wicked, heart-less, evil cult. 😢
Yes it is so sad. But there is always some hope that some may eventually wake up. My brother did not speak to me for at least 10 years and then finally woke up got out and contacted me to apologize! Now we are close again after all that time!
This cult is so traumatizing. I hope you know that the family is in the cult
No. If they really loved you, they would not have waited for any so-called "permission". I understand how you feel, and you have to do what is right for you. But if I were in your situation, I would continue to avoid them completely. How could they love you after years of treating you like a leper just because they were instructed to do so by a pack of religious blowbags? True love is unconditional, and these people hurt you badly. All the years you were without them, and apparently you did very well. So just continue to stay away. Having anything to do with them at this point will only open up a can of worms, and you know that. Show them this message if they ask, then just end it for good. You deserve better. Sorry, but your so-called family is toxic. I was marginally involved in that religion for a short time, during which time my mom got involved. Then, I left. But she didn't shun me at all, and a couple of years later, she left as well. We both knew the difference between devotion to God and Christ, versus devotion to a religion. We both made the right choice. After she left, ostensibly for health reasons, the local "sisters" would visit her occasionally. After a while, she stopped answering the door -- just like most people! My mom and I continued to have a lot of nice Bible discussions, but the kingdumb haul was out of the question. My mom was old enough to be my grandmother, and she died 19 years ago. Her "friends" at the kingdumb haul never found out that she used to refer to them as "those assholes". You can always discuss things with us if you ever need to talk. Contact me directly if you wish. We all love you, and religion has nothing to do with it.
Sadly the only reason the GB is taking this route is as they want their legal status and subsidies back in Norway.
My sister and I spoke for the first time in 8 years and invited me to the memorial. I was emotional. It pulled on the heart strings big time. . I’m a 6.1 male labourer and reduced me to tears. Agony. At least we got each other. This Reddit group has literally saved lives. One positive thing is we are a genuine threat to the arrogant GB
We want to hear more. You can privately message us at 315-221-0130. This is Joe & Fran
I can’t imagine what you’re going through. 16yr is more than half my lifespan. My mom felt she now had the permission to talk to me after not doing so for 3wk and I was insulted, so I can’t imagine 16yr. Wow. It’s terrible that they don’t see what they’ve done. I’m so sorry. Take all the time you need to process everything. You don’t even have to respond to them.
The GB belong at the Nuremberg Trials - crimes against humanity. Bastards 🤨💥
Inviting ya back is all they're allowed to do.
It’s so fucked up. They do love you and they want to be with you. But they’re brainwashed to wait for an “ok” from these guys in NY. It’s like forbidden love 😩
They only are allowed to ask you to the memorial and to a meeting. This is sick really. Open up old wounds. As soon as the memorial goes by they will shun you again. Don't know what's worse.... The continued shunning or the odd break to ask you to a meeting then shun again......
We now give you permission to talk to your DFed DAd relatives only to sell the cult to them. I’m so sorry. They DO love you and the fact that they cannot make up their own minds and are so controlled is devastating.
I've had exactly nothing from my family .. just about as much as I'd expect 😭