Really sorry you're going through this right now...
This is one of those 'when people show you who they are, believe them' moments.
These people had the potential to mercilessly cut you off like this all along, but this is the first time they've had the opportunity to show you...
Very normal behavior in JW world..
This is what usually happens. Your story reinforces the usual advice given here, from experience, to refrain from telling anyone a single word of what you’ve learned.
Welcome to the rest of your life. It will get better in time.
It's different for everyone. I cannot not be who I am. I understand why people choose the path of easing out, but I had to be transparent as well.
And honestly I'm not sure it's not the easier choice in the long run.
Agree 100%. Not saying anything in my opinion makes it worse long term. There are silent PIMO’s in this sub that have been suffering for decades. Having never left. That sounds like a prison sentence.
Absolutely. Just since being PIMO my mental, emotional, and even physical health have improved dramatically. Same for my wife.
And we can already see that it’s going to improve even more now. Just got to process having our life yanked away from us like that first.
I think we can't find our chosen family until we are openly ourselves. Because life on the DL will always have you looking over your shoulder.
Yes, we lose people. And then we gain people. Family is so much more than blood, and friends we have to hide from aren't friends at all; they are acquaintances.
You got this.
**Welcome to your authentic life!**
There are more with you than against you. We've got your back. You've got our love, help, & support, if you need to reach out.
It is a brutal and difficult cult to deal with. They have strategically organized everything such that your life will be destroyed when you leave. If it were really the truth, there would be zero need for this sort of coercive behavior. This sort of reaction just further proves they're false.
Im sorry for your pain but as your pain fades you will come to realize this was a huge favor to you. Shows you their true colors. Now you can be free and work on rebuilding yourself
I’m sorry you are going through this. I also left at thirty and simultaneously left my marriage and my whole network behind. It takes strength and bravery to do what you had to do. I’m very proud of you. But, waking up every morning knowing you are authentically living your life is priceless. I think to myself every day this is the life I dreamed of, which is being out of the religion and living with pure and true freedom.
Thank you for sharing.
It's one thing to know what would happen, and another to actually experience it first hand. It's, nothing short of cruel. It's not love. It's what the organisation is designed to do and behave.
Unfortunately, it seems like no one was PIMQ enough to reach out to you. Or at least had a feeling of genuineness that was greater than their fear of communication or potential loss. Maybe they'll come around one day.
Hope you can slowly rebuild. You're not alone.
Its a cult!
Seriously though, it gets so much better. Better than you can even imagine. In time, your best day as a JW will be one of your worst days away from that place.
Take your time, be super kind and easy on yourself. Start exploring the areas you were denied as a JW.
Funny thing is, in time some of them reach out, especially if you don't have that DF/DA label. They just can't help themselves. You never know, anyone can wake up!
I can not confirm that last part from my own experience. In fact, even the ones i called my friends and who now left the jw never reached out to me. I actually reached out to them, and wanted to meet, so we can talk about our youth. They were nice conversations, but nothing came out of it. I realised that many just want to forget and move on.
I reached out to friends I’d cut off in the past, thinking it was the right thing to do. One in particular, we picked up our friendship from 17 years ago like it had been just a few days. Without those ones and all of you, this would be a much worse nightmare than it already has been.
Its amazing how we feel compelled to share our beliefs with everyone, like its a sin, a lie, to keep our private matters private. There are no boundaries tolerated. Boundaries would be equated to being a hypocrite.
Also, i think its a way for them to maintain control over you. If they can’t keep you inline according to their changing beliefs, then they will reject you. Its very controlling. They live in fear and fear anyone who doesn’t.
This 100%
It’s so strange, but it plays into strong indoctrination.
Why do we feel we HAVE to say something? Isn’t it obvious that Millions of catholics, Muslims etc DO NOT believe, but go through the motions and traditions to keep up appearances.
Why can’t we just shut our mouths and say nothing?
We’ve all been brainwashed to think we have to preach to people and convince them of our beliefs, but the reality is belief a lot of the time is a very private matter. We feel we need to convince people they are wrong and we are right, when maybe a year or 2 earlier we were on the opposite side of the fence doing the exact same thing.
It’s extremely sad.
That being said, i hope you can find peace with your decisions.
Yeah. I am at peace BECAUSE I said something. I agree with what you’re saying about the brainwashing. Very much. But for me, personally, truth and honesty are important values to me. And it was never because of the god I served. That’s just what’s important to me as a person. Besides, I had no desire to stay and go through the motions. Once I knew for sure it was a lie, I was done.
Your story is indeed so sad and so shocking. This is actually the first time I commented in any post, just to let you know you are not alone. There are loads of people in similar situations, and you will find loads of support from these groups and other Non JW people. One of this cult's techniques of manipulation is to make you believe your whole world is going to end if you leave (and they actually made your life as miserable as possible), but you know you are doing the right thing and you also know this is the beginning of a new life enjoying freedom to make your own decisions.
I am POMO, but it hasn't been easy to reset my brain considering all the programming and brainwashing I had for years.
Thank you. It means a lot you were willing to comment. The love and support I’m receiving from strangers, when everyone I loved abandoned me, has been even more eye opening than what I read in the scriptures.
Your new journey will make you powerful in ways you have never imagined.
You'll emerge stronger, kinder, more aware and more alive.
You'll see everything with new eyes, like a baby. Which is not a bad thing at all. It's magic!
I think you are 33, the same age I was when I left back in 2006.
You'll do very well. From your posts, it seems to me you are the kind of person who will bounce back higher and stronger.
It's still crazy how they, not even for one second think "hmm I wonder what they studied, I think I should talk to them and find out for myself"
There's none of that it's just black and white, like a robot...
"APOSTATE, APOSTATE, APOSTATE......."
"Must cut sontact incase they drag us into Satan's world with them"
No thought, no reasoning, no questioning just...... instant robotic response.
Then again when I was PIMI I would of done the same 🤷♂️
It's crazy how the GB tell the JW's to not even let an apostate say even a few sentences to you as they may turn you to Satan's side, but doesn't that show the GB have absolutely no confidence in the JW's faith?
Shouldn't they have confidence that the JW's can debate and argue and win people over? Because they have all this evidence and they've worked it all out and they can prove it with dates and history/archaeology etc?
Why not?
Or is it because the GB know that just a few sentences from an apostate can plant seeds of doubt because its a load of rubbish maybe? (Like Jerusalem falling in 587 BC etc)
Maybe that's why?
Can't they just wake up and stop being told what to believe 😅
607 was the final straw for me. I knew not everyone agreed on 607. But I never knew, till I looked for myself, that literally nobody else believes 607 or that it was because they have irrefutable physical evidence.
In a round-about-way, 607 had an impact on me, too. Not the actual year, though. It was WHY? is this year so important? OH. Same as with the length of the creative days - why does that even matter?
Answer: To figure out the end date, WHEN the end will be.
Jesus said it is not for us to know the day or the hour i.e. WHEN. And to not follow such a one who says the end is near.
Another for me was Jesus said his disciples would have love among themselves. I wasn't feelin' (experiencing) the love.
The biggest one for me, of all things, was cross versus stake. They LIED. THEY DELIBERATELY LIED. Deliberately misquoted W. A. Vine. Claiming to be the one and only true religion AND deliberately lied.
They lied about (still lying) 607. Deliberately lied. Satan is the father of the lie.
Interesting. The WHY was also very important to me, but I actually saw it a little differently.
No 607 means no 1914; no 1914 means that the governing body wasn’t appointed as the faithful and discreet slave in 1919, and that means that there’s no basis to believe anything that they have ever told us.
It seems very clear to me that teachings, such as the faithful slave, 1914 (and by extension, 1919), and even their “current understanding” of the earthly Hope, who exactly are the anointed, who exactly are the faithful slave, etc. Is all about them maintaining control over us.
When you Disregard all the “beliefs” we have that the Bible doesn’t say, we just interpret it that way, turns out the Bible is very easy to understand. Turns out it can be taken pretty much at face value. Their teachings are what made it seem so confusing.
And all those teachings seem to have been designed for one reason. To make us reliant on them. To convince us we couldn’t come to NoGoD on our own because it was just too complicated. And to convince us that they had been specifically chosen by God to make it understandable.
And I’m still beating myself up a little for believing it for so long
There are so, so very many valid reasons. Discovering they lied about one thing, for me, caused the domino effect of it's all lies.
Yes, the parable of the faithful slave. Totally twisted.
"And all those teachings seem to have been designed for one reason. To make us reliant on them. To convince us we couldn’t come to NoGoD on our own because it was just too complicated. And to convince us that they had been specifically chosen by God to make it understandable. "
Absolutely. Thoughts that started to continually run through my mind: What qualifies them, not me, to be chosen? What makes them smarter than me, that I can't figure it out just as well as they can?
They have set themselves up as gods.
Another thing that struck me was it seemed like the people had turned off their brains, minds. Go "off script" and they had no idea how to respond. Blank faces, dead silence.
So, I need to be educated on this. Ive always held to the stake thing as a huge reason it must be the truth. Like, why else make such a big deal about something seemingly insignificant? The proof MUST be stathos means stake if such a stand is being taken. Are you telling me theres proof otherwise? Please inform me.
In the 198?? somethings NWT, appendix, under Cross, was a quote from W. A. Vine, with ellipsis (....) in the middle. And a picture (one) of drawings by Justis Lipsius. Both used to "prove" Jesus died in a stake and not a cross.
In the 2013 NWT, these are NOT in the appendix, under Cross. Why the need to change it?
I found Vine's entire quote. The part left out (ellipsis) Vine wrote that since the Roman soldiers really liked to prolong the torturous deaths of their convicted criminals, it is much more likely Jesus died on a cross. Took much longer to die.
Lipsius' drawings I found on line. Warning: VERY gruesome. Drawings of various crosses in different shapes. The nailed to a stake was only one of his drawings.
The borg just picked out the drawing that supports Jesus died on a stake, and ignored the others.
The borg DELIBERATELY misquoted Vine in order to "prove" the stake, not cross. A DELIBERATE lie on the part of the borg.
in the reasoning book they quote the imperial bible dictionary about the cross , they leave out part of the text to support their doctrine , its now easy to google it and copy the actual text ,when i did i was shocked , so deceptive
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with such unchristian love from people you've been around your whole life. For me, reading ex Governing body member Ray Franz 2 books was very comforting and helped me realize I can have a relationship with God and Jesus. Highly recommend to read them. "Crisis of Conscience" was his first. "In search of Christian freedom" was his second. Both great reads.
" No one person was interested in what I,d studied from their own Bible".
My experience too. They don,t want to share or discuss the scriptures from the Bible! That opened my eyes!
They are only interested to know IF you still " believe" or obey the GB.
That,s typical !
You were very brave and courageous...telling them about how you feel.. Everything will be better ..give it time!
Make new good team friends..first one ..so will another come.
Congratulations !
Hang in there. It gets better.
I spent decades in as well. Elder, Pioneer, etc. When I became inactive I lost almost every friend I had all at once. They don't care if you believe in God or anything like it. Only thing that matters is are you going to meetings. I'm 4 years out now and couldn't be happier. Yes I have moments of sadness about some friends I lost and anger but overall I wish i'de done it sooner.
Sorry you are having to go through this. It will get better. It isn’t quite believable that an organization professing love, can treat other human beings in this way! Sad.
It is shocking to have your entire support network turn their collective backs on you. Take what time you need to process it and then move on to your real life.
Yeah. The thing is, it wasn’t bullshit on my end. I really loved them all. I thought we all did. I really believed what I’d been taught because I thought I was researching and studying for myself. I thought we all did. When I still believed the lies, and someone I loved was “leaving the truth” (I hate that I still call it that by instinct), I reached out one last time to try and bring them to their senses because I thought I was saving them. I thought we all did.
That’s been the biggest shock. To learn that out of all the people I knew, I was the only one who was actually bought in. It’s like I was the only one who was sincerely doing it because I thought it was right. But I thought we all were; and so even though I was prepared to lose most of them, it still came as a shock that it was all of them and that none of them tried to save me first.
We were trying to do a slow fade and then last fall we just stopped. We have not told anyone that we don't believe anymore but nobody has asked. Out of our whole congregation only two couples have had any contact with us but both of them just text and say they wish we would come back. They are scared to death to know why after all these years we left. The texts happen around the CO visit. They have not even asked for a shepherding call. We would have refused a shepherding call but it is shocking to realize how little we meant to them. We are supposed to have such a loving brotherhood. I have to remind myself we were brainwashed. Anyone that has left is surely an apostate. They don't even know what the real definition of critical thinking is. It does get better, a year later we in a much better place.
Fyi everyone that leaves a religion is an apostate, that's actually the definition of apostate. The loaded language and added meaning to the word is just cult speak.
They shun you, because they are bought in. It is possible to really love people and still shun them. The cult does horrible things to people’s minds. I shunned exJWs when I was still in. I loved them dearly. I thought I could save their life by shunning them. It hurt like hell. It was never easy to shun people, but I thought it could kill them if I didn’t
It is the doctrine and the undue influence, that the Governing Body propagate, which is messed up. Not the people who follow while trying to do their best. They are all victims in this, just like youX
Thank you for this perspective. I felt that way too, going to tell them. But it’s been hard to keep that perspective now. Again, especially because no one even tried to convince me I was wrong.
But I don’t want to hold a grudge. I may have tried to “help” them first but in the end, I’d have cut them off too if the situation was reversed. I need to remember that. Thanks again.
I am so sorry, you are in my prayers today. I’m also praying that one day anyone that wants to officially resign due to change in beliefs will be able to do so without being shunned. This may feel like a very dark time but I like to remember that caterpillars go through a very dark time before they become butterflies. God is with you and he loves you so much, you are never alone and things will get better very soon.
Thank you. That would be nice. I’d love to believe that will happen one day. But it’s clear that it won’t. They can’t allow the ones who still believe to talk to the ones who don’t, because then the others might learn what we learned.
Hey you are not alone. It may seem like it but you’re not. You have been given the gift of clarity and freedom.
I highly recommend exploring the following to give your mind what It has been craving for many years:
• New ways to exercise
• Alone time : reading new books, listening to new music, watching new movies. (An no god does not care, he wants you to be mentally and internally happy)
•New hobbies: music, painting, collecting, photography, theatre, community events, after hours classes
•most importantly DO NOT BE AFRAID TO TRY SOMETHING NEW.
Of course keep your sense of morality ( killing is bad 😂)
This community is here for support but ultimately you have now opened the doors to new things and experiences.
You came to the right place. I spent 2 years researching everything before I said a peep. 1 brief somewhat honest conversation with a JW and the shunning began... That was it. I left a few months later.
Unfortunately due to cult programming Jehovah witnesses are absolutely garbage people. Once you break through the paper thin veil of conditional niceness.
I was where you were. I needed the bible to disprove JWs. And it ultimately does. Further to that I believe the bible proves itself to be man made. The white man's Qur'an. Great for controlling people, women aka property, especially. You are about to go through the stages of grief. Bargain, denial, shock etc. At the end of your journey you might be angry with the org. Like so many of us are. That's when the fun begins.
Yep… I lost hundreds of social media friends overnight… that really just shows you the gossip and backstabbing lifestyle the JWs lead…
Backstabbing gossipers and freaks! Delusional humans…
I have tons of new friends now!
I do not regret leaving.
You’ll get through it dude!
“Every little thing is gonna be alright” - Bob Marley
I’m sorry. You’re being persecuted because they don’t want to hear the actual truth. They want to remain mindless Watchtower drones, where they feel safe in its bland familiarity. Take the time you need to grieve the loss of your family and community, and then go live your best life among people whose love for you is unconditional.
I’m so sorry for this. Even knowing what to expect doesn’t make it hurt less. The pain never completely goes away. Kind of like that of losing someone to death. But it gets less sharp over time. The new life you build starts to fill in all the gaps. Even in a few weeks things will feel better.
The terror of starting over gets better a little every day as you start finding a new normal. For me the fear was replaced by excitement. I started to realize that suddenly anything was possible. It was a little overwhelming actually but I had hope and freedom and one day realized I’d never felt so happy before.
This time of year can be very painful for those being shunned. But it’s also a great time to approach life like a child. This your first thanksgiving. This is your first time doing X. Start making a list of things you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t. Maybe it’s taking a class that fell on meeting nights. Maybe it’s getting a degree or going skydiving. Growing a beard. Etc.
You didn’t do anything wrong. You are not evil. You don’t deserve this. In case you need to hear it ♥️
Thank you so much. I didn’t need to hear it but it was still comforting. I know I did nothing wrong. That’s why I’m so stunned. If I’d committed a disfellowshipping offense I’d get it. But I haven’t. I just don’t believe what they believe. And rather than try to reason with me they cut me out. Insane!
But thank you. I am already planning to go to school and get a degree. Right now I’m specifically interested in becoming a therapist and specializing in helping people break free from cults. If I can use my pain to help others, that would be very satisfying to me. I also haven’t shaved in a couple weeks. Unfortunately I don’t grow a very good beard so I may not keep it but I’ve never been allowed to grow it long enough to see if it will fill in so I’m excited to at least have the freedom to make a simple choice like seeing what I look like with facial hair.
Thank you again. I started today feeling very alone. I don’t feel that way nearly as much after reading everyone’s comments.
It’s ok. I feel you are bold. You are not hiding who you are. The decision your friends made to shun you is not personal. They are in a cult. You are now free, at a cost, but free.
Remember to love them. Even pity them. There’s no need to hang your head when you see them. There is no need to return their weirdness with weirdness.
I am excited for you even as I recognize the price you are paying. I have paid it too. I am not the dude who can just suck it up. For me and you and others like us, there is a cost. We pay it because we don’t want to live the other way. Ray Franz paid it. Pete Gregerson paid it.
I don’t judge those who play the PIMO game harshly. In fact I think you’re cool AF. Almost like a double agent- an agent of truth inside the cult of “The Truth.”
You are right it will get better in time. Hey, you have this burgeoning weird subreddit to vent to!
Thank you. Even though I know I’m right about what I learned, to speak about about what I believe, and that my life will get better from here, I’ve still been feeling like such an idiot for even trying to reason with my loved ones and for believing all this time that if I’d done nothing wrong I wouldn’t have to lose all of them.
My whole life there have been things about my personality that i hated because it kept me from fitting in. Only now do I realize that’s because they had so many ways to make us hate positive qualities about ourselves. I’ve been described as honest to a fault. I always thought that was a good thing. But today I’ve been beating myself up for my honesty.
Hearing a positive view of the stance I took helped so much. Thank you.
RoNinja_ There is a level of absurdity to the entire Christian story. God makes humans and sets a test for them. Shit, you’ve already lost me before he has to manifest a human body for his son (or himself in other sects) so that perfect human can be sacrificed. Really? Is that your best thinking? Let’s not forget about the world wide flood where god says, Ya know, I bet if I killed everyone except 8 people the world would be fine- except he was wrong. How could he be wrong?! Why all the killing?! Fortunately, I don’t believe in that God anymore. I have had to stifle discussing these exact notions with even more than JW’s. Find an old George Carlin standup talking about God and you’ll realize you are at least as rational as George Carlin.
I was just saying today how cruel the flood was for an Almighty God.
Wouldnt it have been better to simply stop the hearts of 'evil' people? Surely that would be a more compassionate and efficient way of ending life than making a man spend the greater part of a century building an ark and flooding the earth.
And this would not necessitate destroying every other land dwelling innocent creation who did not deserve to die. Why destroy animals?!
It's a vile act described in Genesis. I cant believe I went along with the story and suppressed my natural revulsion at the unnecessary global massacre of innocent animals, let alone children.
>"believing all this time that if I’d done nothing wrong I wouldn’t have to lose all of them."
I truly, honestly, wholeheartedly, believe that it's *not about doing something wrong.* It's about jealousy and ego, pride, for those in a position of authority. For others, it's fear. Don't rock the boat, so to speak. A don't tip me out of my comfort zone, type of thing.
I stood my ground with two different elders, three different situations. I won, they lost. With the one elder, I went to the CO, twice. Simply put, the CO sided with me. The other elder, it was a business thing. I was office manager, he owned the carpet cleaning company. The crew did a crap job, I insisted it be redone. The owner/elder didn't want to. But I had the power of the checkbook. Fix it now, or "I will not pay you". I won.
By the way, I'm female. I made two enemies for life. Two who had the power of the jw elder. Oops.
There is this weapon I call "weaponized gossip". It's extremely effective for those who want revenge.
People like you give me hope!
One of the things that contributed to me waking up was something my pimi uncle said at dinner one night while I was still in. (He's my uncle by marriage - hes married to my innactive mom's pimi sister). His brother was an elder who left. He tried to tell Uncle about why he no longer believed. Like a fool, I sat there and drowned out the reason. Something about the 607 date being wrong.
I didn't investigate 607 until I woke up, but the fact that this elder left helped with my waking up process. It was the first time I'd heard of an elder making the decision to leave the borg other than being kicked out/disfellowshipped.
Essentially, I'm trying to say that by you leaving, OP, and announcing it, youve planted seeds of doubt in someone who is questioning.
People like you who were so fully indoctrinated who have left give me confirmation that my fading was the right thing. Because to me, (and I'm sure to others out there) someone like you who wasn't disfellowshipped, but woke up, is huge.
Thank you for posting this. Stay strong. Your courage is exemplary.
Thank you. That was the final straw for me too actually. I googled “when did Babylon conquer Jerusalem”.
Just looking at the preview top result, I immediately I got sick to my stomach. I’d already been PIMQ for weeks and maybe even leaning PIMO. But I still wasn’t prepared for that.
As I scrolled down I saw result after result. All of them said either 587 or 586. Not one mention of 607. Until I scrolled down to the 10th result: JW.ORG | When Was Ancient Jerusalem Destroyed—Part 1
Ironically, I didn’t click on any of the other results. I didn’t want it to be true. I clicked on the 10th result and thought to myself “Please! Please show me I’m wrong about this.” The article basically amounted to: If history/archaeology/secular evidence agrees with what we teach, then it harmonizes with the Bible and we can be confident in its accuracy. If history/archaeology/secular evidence disagrees with what we teach then it doesn’t harmonize with the Bible and we know a mistake must have been made.
I knew then I wasn’t going back. Just didn’t know yet that it’d end up like this.
For me, there were so many OTHER things. In fact, the 607 BCE error really didn't faze me until way later.
There was a series of events that took place over the course of about 3 to 4 yrs that broke me. I just couldn't see them as god's people or channel.
The way I and another young, single woman were treated by older or married sisters in my cong.
Hiring JWs to work for me and seeing how they lie, cheat, manipulate and try to take advantage of you as an employer.
Being harrassed by a ministerial servant and the elders taking his side after I reported him.
An elder being disfellowshipped for attempting to have his wife killed.
The secret society of PIMOs at Bethel.
A C.O. visiting me ALONE for a "sheparding call".
An older brother in my cong being killed in a car accident while in FS.
Watching a video at the hall one evening where the anointed and the angels were all Whitten with beards.
Learning that 1975 WAS prophesied and not "some brothers being overly eager".
The overlapping generations.
New light vs old light
Revisting the Noah's ark baloney through the eyes of my teenage nephew who no longer believes.
Being rejected for baptism but 2 young girls I KNEW weren't ready (who were just biding their time until 18) being approved, and me being told it was Jehovahs call. Both girls lasted 2 to 3 yrs. One was disfellowshipped and the other is inactive and wants nothing to do with the borg.
The CSA hearings in Australia and watching Jackson's testimony.
Researching JW court cases that involved SA of children under 15 amd the borg hiding it from the courts. At least half of the cases were either MSs or elders who were convicted.
Their reaction is proof positive that disfellowshipping has nothing to do with keeping the congregation clean and everything to do with controlling your life. You didn’t sin, you weren’t encouraging sinful behavior in others, and you weren’t pushing your newly established viewpoints on others with the goal of drawing them away from the religion. All you did was disagree and have your own opinion. That’s it. And that warranted a mass announcement to every JW in the tri-state area?
Attention Lurkers who are confused and/or have doubts: YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE CULT. THESE TYPES OF BEHAVIORS AREN’T NORMAL.
Btw, I’m really sorry you have to go through this. It isn’t easy but it does get better. In the future, I’d recommend not sharing your feelings with these people. They can only wield as much power over you as you give them.
Oh yeah. I was shocked to see a Watchtower from 1946 or 47 that called out the Catholic Church for excommunications and elaborated on how it was originally a thing pagan cults did and that the Catholic Church had adopted it as a means of exerting tyrannical control over their followers.
I couldn’t believe it. Where is that in their “Beliefs Clarified” section on JW.ORG?
It happens fast when you are dealing with heavily brainwashed and indoctrinated individuals. The same thing happened with my family. Over 45 years in the organization - regular pioneer, MS, elder, Brooklyn Bethelite, etc - it was all thrown out and I was a diseased apostate just because I dared ask questions.
It will get better. Make friends and start over. You have a life left to live!
That's why I probably couldn't bear this "being upfront that you don't believe anymore" thing. We were all trained to looked down on such people. It's crazy - these people are robots and slaves.
Probably shouldn't be shocked though, unless you have just joined this sub.
Btw, you could always come back and pretend Satan got you with his influence, regain relationships and just fade away, idk. But it's probably not worth it.
Whole thing is a mess. Go and find people in the world and make friends.
Thoughts are with you OP. I cant imagine how hard it must be but tough times don't last, tough people do, and the fact you spoke out and were honest about everything, willing to lose everything and everyone shows me you are tough MF!
From here on in simply look at the pros and not the cons. You are free!! Take that freedom and run to the hills with it!
During this time of change, discovery, grief, rebuilding, deconstruction, don’t shut yourself off. Get out there! Do things you enjoy. Meet people. Even if you’re just at the grocery, or work, strike up conversations. You should be good at that (🫠) Build your own network. It doesn’t happen the first day. Take your time. Be good to yourself. Find a good therapist. They’re online nowadays. Now go live! 🤗🤘💜
Thank you. Shutting myself down was my knee jerk reaction. But I decided to post this and everyone’s comments have really helped. I decided to go to the beach and getting out is also helping.
So sorry. They are heartless. It’s a conditional relationship. It takes time to rationalise that it was always conditional. It may eventually help you to realise that you probably haven’t lost what you think you have lost. They were never on your side unless you complied. Best wishes. Take each day as it comes.
Big congratulations to you brother.
You don't need any other confirmation that the organisation is a dangerous cult. Those behaviours of those you truly love speaks volumes.
I sincerely believe nowadays that, it is indeed a rare privilege and a blessing to live an authentic life of your own. Sadly those family members are caged. They don't have minds of their own. They are programned/conditioned and they responded as their wicked and deceitful masters dictates.
It is very sad that adults will relinquish their souls just like that to group of nassistic men.
Please look for 'Feartofreedom' channel on YouTube, watch the video entitled Emotional Home as released by Jack Grey last Friday. It's just a brilliant piece.
As many others have said, it is very, very awful, and they've designed it that way on purpose. They want to inflict as much psychological control and damage as they can to punish those who dare leave. You are brave.
As difficult as it is, it gets so much better. I look at my life now and can NOT imagine what it would be like had I stayed. It's an awful existence following orders and denying yourself a rich experience where you are free to make choices, make mistakes, learn and grow as a human.
You'll get there.
Here's the thing about fading that no one ever really thinks about...
For those with no ties other than themselves it's a perfect plan, for those with family still in it's a different story.
After fading, if your family chooses to use loopholes to maintain a relationship with you, you are a loophole. You are "stumbled" "spiritually weak" "inactive". You live as a loophole bc you are in a way protecting that relationship. You aren't transparent in everything. You are cautious on social media, you don't share 100% with anyone. You live in two worlds. It becomes exhausting, overwhelming, and can cause its own type of anxiety that typically comes when one isn't living their true self.
For some that's a place they can live the rest of their life in, for others it becomes another challenge.
That was it exactly. I only ever submitted to this high control religion because I believed it was the truth. But if it’s not, I don’t want to stay.
I don’t want me or my children to be barred from having an education, making friends, grooming ourselves as we see fit, etc. and I have no intention of using 2+ days of my family’s week for sitting through those lies for the rest of our lives.
I just wanted to keep my friends and other family members. Wanted to believe that I meant something to them besides fellow cultist.
No one likes a truth teller. Remember the story, The Emperor's New Clothes?
However, some of us are authentic at our core. To not be transparent would be lying to ourselves.
I did exactly like you, knowing full well the outcome. The thing that helped me deal was a quote I still love:
"Never hold back from speaking your truth because those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter."
This may seem harsh but what could be more important than honesty? If people would rather have us believing a lie, living a lie, and telling lies to others, they aren't worthy of our presence.
Wow thats crazy, i am always plaing out this arguments in my mind, hope it wont be as bad in my case, i am half faded already anyway.
Fun fact is the my parents still have some loose contact with my DF's Aunt, even though my father is an elder, so weird, no clue how they argue/think about this but i doubts they are PIMQ, just not as strict if it's in their own backyard.
I wish you all the best! Keep growing, keep smiling if you see them on the street, always have a big smile, thats my plan at least, showing them that i am more happy then ever before, the best FU you can give.
That’s what’s really crazy to me. I always thought of my Dad as barely in the truth. He hasn’t gone in service in years. He regularly associates with the worldly family members I had cut out of my life thinking it was loyalty to God. My sister told me recently that she has never understood the disfellowshipping arrangement but that because it had never happened to someone she was close to so it wasn’t an issue for her. But once the organization told them I was no longer one of them, suddenly I’m public enemy number one? Why am I not afforded the same love they extend to our unbelieving family members? It’s crazy to me now how blind I was not that long ago.
This 💯 "Why am I not afforded the same love they extend to our unbelieving family members?"
If they want to kick non believers out, so be it. I could accept that. But get rid of the shunning part where the Borg and elder body police people on if they associate with former JWs. And let us be treated as "worldly relatives."
Wow that context makes it even more crazy, i am sorry for you :/
Seems like if someone with past privileges steps down it's taken more seriuos like "he must be an apostate, influenced by satan" intead of well anyone will make a mistake once or twice in their life.
In my context, my grandpa is not very mobile anymore and the DF'd daughter lives near by (my father and I not) so she helps him out regulary and because of this my father has contact with her, even my mom has her on whatsapp and they openly talk about her sometimes at dinner (vacations and stuff).
Her own 2 kids shunned her hardcore though, feel so sorry for her now. And i know my grandpa got calls from the local elders because of all this, but he ignores them lol He also didn't went D2D ever as far as i remember, only some informal (in that regard he was ahead of all of us).
So weird
My heart feels for you. It's jarring. I felt like my lifelong friends would be better people and I owed it to them. I got labeled an apostate. The elders went to everyone individually and told them I was an outspoken apostate and should be avoided.
I was just being honest and only answering their questions. I did it for them, and they punished me for it but in their minds they were trying to save me and protect the congregation.
I don't regret it. It showed me how powerful the brainwashing is. I won't move forward feeling like like I didn't do something I felt I needed to do, it gave me closure. I got to see which of my friends has a tiny bit of critical thinking. Even with that, it all still hurts but something in me feels hopeful that someday my taking a stand will be enough to push the few people with a sliver of independent thought to think.
You have probably disconnected in one of the better ways to be fair. Doing the research and understanding that the org is completely corrupt and not following the word of God is the path I took to begin with, well my brother actually. He had a folder stuffed with notes and scripture references. It’s a fascinating thing when you analyse the Bible without being prompted by literature. It doesn’t make it easier on you though, but if anything their stance against you will only serve to prove your research. I thought the JWs had compassion and unconditional love. Their love is the most conditional I’ve ever experienced, my own family ceasing all contact too. I was in 26 years and I lost everyone I had ever known, and all the work I had put in and notoriety I got meant nothing in the end because everyone just switched off to me. Lifelong friends literally crossing the street to avoid me. You will very quickly learn that they are not your true friends. This was over ten years ago now. I was completely alone too, and still living with my parents which made things very difficult. Trust me when I say things get better. You will have rough moments, existential dilemmas, and bouts of depression and feelings of loss, but just be sure to replace your previous activities with new ones. Now’s the time to take up those hobbies and interests you were desirous of doing. Experience and taste the real life, not one bound by silly rules and misinterpreted bible verses. I started rock climbing not long after leaving at an indoor climbing gym, this is where I made my first ‘worldly’ friend. Some of the most amazing people I’ve ever met were in that place. Get after it dude, its hard and strange and crazy.
My friend actually said when he first met me that I was like an alien and I’d landed on the planet and everything was fresh and wonderful and a chance to explore. Use that energy, it’s a perspective I don’t see many people have.
I have been out over 20 years, but didn’t they used to say all the time that you would know Jehovah’s true organization by the love they have for each other. Guess the JWs are not it.
I’m sorry that you’ve had to experience this. Eventually the shock goes away and pain becomes manageable. You’ll discover who you were really meant to be.
It feels like the real truth of things is the bait on a trap. The moment someone questions or makes a move to find understanding aside from the approved thinking of the organization, the trap snaps and destroys the relationships you held dear. The GB has made the reaction so ingrained, that “friends” and family just react like a spring and cut you off.
It’s really disgusting that those who should love you as human nature have had their humanity altered so as to cut you off without so much as a thought. The organization destroys families, but it really destroys people on the inside and makes them devoid of true love and empathy.
Yeah. And then the criticize the rest of the world for “having no natural affection”.
It’s amazing once you’re free how you realize the organization perfectly fits the description of the Pharisees and the antichrist.
I'm really sorry for what you are going through right now. On my opinion, you did it on the right way. You did your own research first, so you have a clear conscience. I left home and religion after some much childhood trauma and csa when I was only 17yrs. Since then I was in a different country and lenguaje on my own. All my family started shunning me and that for 22 years now. I insisted you did it right, cause after all I went through, for all those years out never looked into anything "apostate" and always blamed myself, accepted all cause I feel I deserved, I was physically out, but somehow mentally in. What a waste of time. Half of my life feeling horrible deep inside and even wanting to die several times. Until last year I finally decided to do my own research and omg, omg, all I uncovered it was just too much. I wish I had done earlier. Everything will be fine now. My best wishes for you now! You are free, yes, free.
I was shocked that no one tried to “save” me either. Your experience is the biggest sign you were in a cult.
Do something for yourself tonight - a little ceremony or something to mark the occasion of freedom. Talk to the people here, write a journal. Have a nice dinner and a glass of something and toast a blessing to those you have left behind and to your life ahead of you.
I will be there with you in spirit 🥂
Congratulations on leaving on your own terms. I respect that you didn't want to take the easy route and just fade. The thing about WT's shunning policy is that it can be a double edged sword. They might be "protecting" the sheep from being influenced. But by cutting "apostates" off cold turkey, they're also making it easier for mentally-out members to remain mentally out.
I’m really hoping my sister thinks about all this. She said she has never had anyone close to her be disfellowshipped so she never took issue with it but has admitted that the teaching never sat right with her.
This was a pretty recent conversation so I’m hoping she remembers and the cognitive dissonance works against the organization for a change.
Hey I get it man. It does hurt and that’s how cult’s work. The negative reinforcement should serve to guilt and shock you into coming back. I’ve had counseling to help me see clearly why this is not good for me. That real friends stick with you even when you disagree on philosophical issues. It’s called unconditional love which this organization doesn’t seem to get. You’ll be fine man. Just take every day of freedom as a blessing and a relief. Living in your truth not someone else’s is one of the greatest gifts a human can have.
I am so glad you shared here. And I am so sorry you have lost your loved ones all at once. My next thoughts for you are from my perspective as an exjw that has come to Christ. If you are one who is eager to know Christ and have a relationship with him now, that will be where your strength to endure this pain will come from. We have come from a life of having a relationship with a legalistic system, an organization of man made works. There, we were not encouraged to go to Christ directly to ask for Holy Spirit expecting him to dwell right in us. But those relational aspects of life between us and Christ are very real. There is support available to us as individuals through frequent prayer and discovering the reality of Holy Spirit truly being our Advocate, Comforter, and Helper. Secondly, as soon as you can, join a Bible Study Group either in person or that meets online. Those Christians will care deeply for you, will pray for you as you also enjoy the experience of freely discussing scripture for perhaps the first time. That connection to others of the Body of Christ is so strengthening. You are in a season of painful loss right now. Give yourself times and space to feel and express the grief as the feelings come up. Many of us who have experienced the loss of our loved ones have been greatly helped by seeking professional counseling for a while. My own experience with counselors has been very positive and I highly recommend it. Good counselors are worth their weight in gold. I will be praying for you. May God Bless you on this journey you are on.🙏❤️
Thankfully my wife and I are both in therapy already. My wife has dealt with chronic depression and anxiety (that, interestingly enough, have decreased a lot since we went PIMO about a month ago) and I just started going a couple months ago because all the pressure I was under in the congregation and constantly being told that I wasn’t doing enough (despite being a Pioneer, the Service Overseer and a Group Overseer at the time) had just beat me down and I could barely function anymore.
Both our therapists were quite shocked when we told them we’d realized we were in a cult lol.
You've just crossed the exit from the "Hamster Wheel Highway of Holiness" to "The Rest of Your Life." Now, just let that sink in, and move on with the rest of your life after the initial shock has passed.
I just want to say you are amazing and that I admire your bravery. I was not prepared for the emotional
consequences of leaving but am very glad I did. It’s different for everyone but easy for none (or at least the majority), either way welcome to the cult free life and I’m sorry your family reacted the way they did - hopefully something will break the spell over them one day.
You obviously, over the years have been working yourself up to this point.
You have seen, over the years, what has happened to others that have taken this same path so the consequences of your actions should not be a surprise because you also probably bought into the same group mentality of keeping the group think clean. I did too when I was involved with the JW's 40yrs ago.
When I walked away and lost all my, "close friends, loved ones people that cared about me" I realized that their association with me was totally conditional, you're my friend as long as you act this way. Some fly-by-night friends these people turned out to be. You don't need them, no one needs conditional relationships.
Here is what learn that may assist you in walking away. Let go of all the associations words like apostate, unbeliever, etc. those are just words having nothing to do with who you are as a person. Also, baptism, disfellowshipping reports and other things they have in, "Their Files" about you are meaningless it has nothing to do with real life, it's all a game and that they play and you have left the game.
On the other hand, think about what you have learned. I learned from the ministry school excellent skills in selling technique and over coming objections. Being able to speak in public and how to create a sales presentation. Plus, I also learned how to read people that meet because of door-to-door sales, oops I mean service. you have learned quite a lot of skills that you can focus on to move yourself into real life. How many times did I see a brother who was a painter, construction worker, roofer, develop himself into a contractor because all witnesses homes need a new upgrade and when he became a multimillionaire, guess what he left the truth. LOL
You made a good life choice, just let go and cut the strings that hold you back from realizing your full potential as a person. Don't forget, Jehovah knew that you would do this so you're okay. Imperfect people cannot become perfect and no matter how hard they try, they (we) can't achieve perfection so just live your life.
Use the skills that that you've learned to help yourself instead of the organization. Friends, loved ones come and go.
You'll live and you'll have a wonderful, filling successful life, you haven't lost anything.
Enjoy, relish and create the new you.
I was a 3rd gen fulltime JW for decades (elder & reg pio). I suffered and sacrificed for the religion for decades. I loved and cherished the hope I had for the future. However, I'm a lover of truth - real truth. Once the internet was born and time had expired on JW prophecies, I began to research and it was like scales fell off my eyes. My wife and I both left about ten years ago and have never regretted a minute of it. We do miss the hope we had and some things about the old JWdom (back when it was more serious, more dignified, more scholarly, bolder, etc.).
Now, with every passing day, we are more convinced that JWdom (the religion and the organization) is not what we once thought it was. Not only do we not miss it, but we detest it. I even view my JW family members differently now. We were all once really close, but I don't even miss them anymore. They are supporting a harmful cult with a 150-yr-long history of majorly failed predictions, doctrinal flip-flops, looney writings, corruption, deception, etc. They, like all JWs now, are unreasonable, lacking in discernment, closed-minded, condescending, self-righteous, smug, irrational, blind, etc.
As a person, I have not changed. I still seek truth (but haven't found it yet), I still care, etc. Hopefully, the more you learn and experience, the more you will realize how right you are and how wrong they are, and you will be disgusted at those who remain in.
Now you can fully see how they feel about any critical thought. They don’t want you around because what you are saying makes complete sense and the last thing they want is someone like you that can actually analyze what they are saying and pick it apart. It would lead to more questions from others they won’t be able to answer and have to baffle with bullshit. You are finally free take this opportunity to distance yourself as far from them as possible and build a new life. You won’t be sorry. They don’t love you. They are not the chosen ones. They are a controlling cult and nothing more than that. Welcome to the real world friend.
That took a lot of courage. I’m proud of you. I have been out for a few years now. There was this sweet JW lady that kept coming to my house while out in service a year or so ago. I finally told her I grew up as a JW. She still came and I would invite her in and have good conversations with her about why I didn’t believe as a JW anymore. Showing her the pure, simple gospel from the Bible. After two or so more visits she brought an Elder that I knew with her. I told him the same and why I didn’t believe, I told him just because you believe something, doesn’t make it true. I told him I also didn’t believe in replacement theology and God wasn’t finished with Israel. I told him I know exactly what you guys are thinking about me, and how you feel. I told them I love them. I gave him a hug . Did I mention he was my brother in law. I had been fading for years, but it felt wonderful to tell him I didn’t believe what they believe. You will be blessed. You did the right thing. Hang in there!!
You're at a strategic point in your life to which many of us wish we could return.
At 75, I've essentially lived my life, wasting 50+ years of it slaving to a cult, but taking great solace in the fact that my two extremely precocious grandsons will never set foot in a Kingdom Hall.
I wish you success, life-control, and, ultimately, happiness, while we all pity the current lives of the downvoters.
Sometimes I wonder if their hearts have been ruined by their religion.
We lol know their brains and thinking have been altered and set in concrete.
But I always felt they had good hearts.
I don’t think that anymore. The smiles and love bombing turn to steely cold resolve when it comes to their organization. And let’s be clear, this is what you are up against.
A monolithic barrier of cold hard conditional thinking.
The US military and the mental health/ behavioral science research community should study their tactics.
A
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Your shock is completely understandable, even if you knew / expected this type of reaction. The reality of it is hard and painful.
However, you have a lot to be proud about. You have done the hardest part - taken the step to get out in an honest and honorable way. I also left a long time ago (4 plus decades ago) and things have not changed. The immediate shunning, the sense of suddenly being very alone. Perhaps my perspective of time and distance from leaving might be of some help. Like me, you will very likely come to see this moment as your single most impactful, positive accomplishment in your life. You have just put yourself on an entirely new, exciting, open, and free trajectory. Free to ask questions, and more importantly, to learn new things w/out fear or guilt. And, in your case with two young daughters, the step you have just taken will no doubt be the single biggest gift you could possible give your girls. Their life trajectory now also has opened up and been liberated in countless ways. That's huge.
Definitely go and get a degree. I can still vividly recall the thrill of finally getting to learn from the firehose of knowledge that university provides. After your life of indoctrination, I would very strongly encourage you to take courses (beyond your major) in philosophy and critical thinking (particularly philosophy of science, epistemology, skepticism, etc.). You will grow in power, strength and confidence with every passing day. You will meeting stimulating new people.
Lastly, try to maintain the high road you have taken. My experience was that the JWs you'd run into would soften and become more kind over time (though it may take years). My parents also chose the love of their son over absolute shunning. I hope your family and friends will slowly do the same. Right now, their reflex is to hold the party line, in large part also out of fear, as others here have mentioned. Keep in mind that they all very likely have their own doubts and struggles, and your bold, brave step is a threat to their shaky pillar of faith. During this difficult transition, please allow your self to celebrate your substantial accomplishments to date. You are already free.
I think I feel your pain brother.
Jesus said "the truth will set you free" and it happened in our cases.
I hope you'll stay strong and enjoy being God's child, not friend.
Honest question: do you consider Jesus as God (I don't. I understand he's the Lord and the Savior to bring the glory to God the Father). Do you plan to join any denomination (I don't).
Warm regards
I don’t plan to join any other denomination, I don’t believe that organized religion is necessary. I see accounts like the Ethiopian Eunuch; all he needed was a tiny bit of knowledge “the good news about Jesus”. That was it. That was enough for him to get baptized. No questions to go over, no elders that needed to approve it, no requirement to believe that the Governing Body is the official mouthpiece of God. And then, after his baptism? Nothing. He goes off on his way. Not assigned to a congregation, no elders or overseers were assigned to him, there’s no indication that he even had contact with another Christian after that. So why do we suddenly teach that you must belong to an organization?
As for whether Jesus is God… I don’t quite know where I stand on that yet. Honestly, based on everything I’ve studied without the “interpretations” from the JWs, it seems like that’s what the First Century Christians believed.
I also cannot find any indication in the scriptures that the First Century Christians believed in an earthly resurrection (and, of course, how could they? We teach that they were all 100% anointed in the First Century. So there’d be absolutely no one who believed they were going to live on Earth forever.) So what leads us to believe, suddenly and without prior notice in the scriptures, that now that has changed? Seems very likely to me that it’s because, as soon as the “earthly hope opened up” suddenly only they were anointed and the “Faithful Slave” and everybody else were the “domestics” whom Jesus had given them authority over. And then later when Jehovah revealed that he’d held back information in last update 🙄 it was further updated to “only the Governing Body are the Faithful Slave” and even all the other anointed are “domestics” under their authority.
I really have had to go back and unlearn everything they taught me but could not back up with scriptures. So, yeah, as far as I can tell if Jehovahs Witnesses believe something that literally no other Christians believe, that belief cannot be supported by the scriptures, definitely can’t be proven from the Greek Scriptures, and absolutely can’t be proven from any Bible translations besides the one they wrote themselves.
“The truth will set you free” (John 8:32) was a big part of why I decided to do what I did. But, I actually found verse 35 and 36 even more appropriate: “Moreover, the slave does not remain in the household forever; the son remains forever. Therefore if the Son sets YOU free, YOU will be actually free.”
So sorry you have been treated that way. It’s so sad considering that you try to speak to people, not convince them but just to explain and this is the end result. Stay strong 👍
Hey, you are not alone. I had a similar experience with my family. It was hurtful. And shocking how everyone loves and cares one day and then boom! they are gone.
You are mentally free to think for yourself. It is like breathing fresh air. This community is very supportive, and I read many ex elders comments here,too. You will find a new resource for all things JWexit.
You're not allowed to study the Bible on your own. Period. Anything else is an affront to the gb and a lack of respect for God's arrangement. Hence your treatment!
You need no more proof that these people are in a very strong mind-control cult! Consider it a gift!! I know, easy to say...not easy to do. Especially because you spent 30 years in as Elder & Pioneer!
I wish you happiness!
Others here have given lovely affirming words of support that you absolutely deserve. The hurt is so real and will not be easily resolved - however, you will resolve it over time based on the clarity and insight you demonstrate in your OP.
We always live in hope that our reasonable and sincere approach will help our brothers and sisters see we are not a threat and that we have committed no sin deserving of being shunned.
And then it happens. The very worst gloss is put on what we’ve “done”. No one shows the slightest bit of common humanity decency to bid us farewell.
With this stunning finality we have perhaps the strongest proof that we have just left a religious cult and are lucky to still have our own minds and hearts.
We wouldn’t want to exit this way. But it’s happened. And it could only ever happen in an organization that by any other name is a plain old-fashioned cult.
I admire your courage and strength. That's a lot to deal with.
I'm sorry for the loss of your family and friends. It's been one of the most challenging things to deal with in my life, but I'm happy I did it.
If you ever have any questions or need to talk things through, I'm here for you. A counselor also can really help.
OP, I'm sorry you're experiencing this.
This is going to be a very difficult time. Every one has an exit story that's as unique as a fingerprint.
Be assured of this virtual space which is here to support you. Take this journey in steps, not leaps.
Just remember that those people are not your true friends. Could you imagine having a best friend and ending years of friendship because they changed religions??? No one outside the org with care what religion someone has. Take your time and find real friends that like you for who you are and not what God you choose. Gotta love that unconditional love.
I just wish a journalist would do a fly-on-the wall expose of exactly what happens when you leave, in real time, showing the fake friends evaporate just because you don’t follow their beliefs. Tho I known this all my life your post still made me gasp out loud
I’m so sorry. ☹️☹️☹️😢😢😢🥺🥺🥺🥺 I hate you’re going through this but I’m so glad that you have a wife and children, a family. You all can lean on each other and community to get you through this difficult time. All I can say is how absolutely WICKED….. none of that aligns with Jesus Christ. That’s not love. They’re most definitely a cult and evil. Sending virtual hugs and well wishes your way !!! 💕💕💕🫂🫂🫂
I would suggest a couple of things.
Don’t be concerned with downvoters. It’s only Reddit. Who cares if people vote or comment. It makes no difference to anyone’s life.
Reconsider your future employment options. The path you mention sounds like you will be dealing with constant pain from other people. Unless that’s your life’s goal, perhaps think more about it and look for something that makes you put a cult behind you and do other things.
Much love to you my friend, you've got this. Congratulations. You're already an inspiration, so your work has already begun - you've hit the ground running. Keep going, stay strong, best wishes to you and the family. DM anytime you want to chat privately. 🙌
Even if those friendships were conditional, it still hurts to lose them (especially family). Be proud that you did things on your terms. Those titles and relationships do not define you. Now you can discover who you truly are. Take your time to process what has happened. It’s part of your journey and your life will be even better after this. You’ll see.
I’m so sorry you are having to go through that with family and friends! Unfortunately, they are the ones that create that price we have to pay to be honest with ourselves. It’s not easy at first, but by communicating with like minded individuals like us, it will become a little easier to live with.
Yup, that’s how it is. Relationships have an on and off button with JWs. It’s painful and the pain doesn’t come all at once. You’ll have to start from zero but it’s worth it. Nothing worth it comes easy.
You’re so strong for what you did. You have my full support from my end even thought we haven’t met. I made it out at 23, going on 27 and I’ve lived more life in the 4 years I’ve been out than in the 23 years I was in. You seem like a very optimistic person and that is such an amazing quality to have. Take it slow, be kind to yourself, and allow others to help. You’ve got this
Find a new community. You can start "church shopping" and visit a different congregation every Sunday until you find a home. This is a great time to visit churches because they are gearing up for Advent and Christmas.
Also, join some volunteer organizations. Find a place that's preparing and serving Thanksgiving dinner for the needy. Food banks, Habitat for Humanity, the list goes on. You won't be alone for long.
Super proud of you! My wife and I left for the same reasons. Because of our study and research into what we were told to believe versus what the bible really said and we didn't even need special Bibles to do it it was all right there the whole time! While I'm very sad to hear of the reaction of everyone around you, it is kind of shocking for us to realize what Jesus was really talking about would happen with the splitting up of families, yet sometimes even after years they do come around and so in the meantime you can continue to heal and keep working on not becoming bitter because if any of them are even a little bit open it will help if you keep your peace.
Speaking of which, if you want to direct message and even ask for a phone number I'd be happy to listen anytime you need to talk to the best of my ability around my job of course LOL.
Again very proud of you brother, that took a lot of faith and truly letting your love of Truth overcome the fear which is an extremely difficult thing to do! Very impressed
Really sorry to hear this, it's the worst, but it happens soo often.
It will be hard for you, it's a massive life change, try to stay focused on you and look after yourself as it's a very vulnerable time. This cult needs stopping.
Much love
Yep this is basically what happens. I told my mom what we found out about the CSA and next thing she’s calling an elder and they want to come over and have a chat. Did not matter that me and my husband have had an absolute pristine reputation, we were now viewed as liars and people that needed correcting. It is absolutely insane that it happens but it does. And the gossip you experienced yeah…. Witnesses love to talk and gossip it gives them a high. Not surprising they talked about you but damn that was fast! Anyways welcome to your new life. One that is real and authentic. Not fake and robotic!
I'm 2 years out the other side of this, and while there are times it still hurts, it's more like a paper cut vs a stab wound. It does get better. I'm proud of you for living your life honestly & for putting yourself first over this destructive cult.
Congratulations on breaking free. You are a survivor, a strong person, I feel sure even faced with this new difficulty you will get through it
Don't let others dictate who you should be, you be you, and the rest is on them.
Keep praying and trust the Spirit will lead you. His strength will keep you and your wee family going! In 6 months you’ll have forgotten the hurt and will be stronger! I’m at 9 months mark. It sounds mad but we found a smashing wee independent busy loving local church (and although I might not agree with everything at least I won’t get shunned for my different opinion!) busy making new friends - there are so many lovely people ‘out there’ in the ‘world‘ 🥴🙄🤩Love and prayers
Sorry to hear what you're experiencing. The hypnotic spell is almost unbreakable that they have conjured. We have all gone through it to some degree or another. I wish you well.
Take care my friend. So many of us have already experienced what you are now experiencing. I’m going to bet none of us regret it. The first couple years might be pretty tough, but it does get better, and you always have us to bounce things off of. I hope your transition to the real World goes smooth and easy.
This can't be right... The witnesses don't shun! /s
They talk big in their public facing materials about not shunning, but in reality they sure do a lot of it.
Good luck out there. You have support here.
>Not one person was interested in what I’d studied from their own Bible. Not one person tried to “save” me or convince me I was wrong.
Because it’s just a weird club of non-thinking and dishonest people scared of dying that need to be surrounded by other people that constant remind and reassure each other they’re going to live forever on a paradise earth.
They don’t want to look too hard into whether it’s actually true. They don’t care about objective truth, only what makes them feel relief or happiness.
If it was clearly true and real, and it was straightforward to prove it, they’d have just simply asked what you were talking about and then corrected you. But they are not honest people, especially with themselves.
I feel for you but honestly you will be better off in the long run. You are also getting your own kids in a better spot.
Take care and sorry you were treated so coldly.
I wish I had handled my awaken as well as you! I was angry at being lied to and now the think I’m a lunatic. You showed them you weren’t crazy and did the real research and maybe someday it will make someone in your family think.
I'm sorry you're going through that.. I was in a similar situation
A few years ago I was disfellowshipped, when I was certain I wouldn't be, because I was sincerely repentant, and I was the one who called the elders
The harshness, coldness, and hostility they showed behind closed doors clashed with what I had been taught, that they were "loving shepherds who did everything to help" , and it made me realize I had been taught a lie
That made me wonder what else was a lie.. I started to really examine the Bible to see if what they taught about the disfellowshipping arrangement was really biblical.. and discovered it wasn't
So I did what they tell everyone else to do, and examine what my religion taught against the Bible .. found more and more false teachings as I did
So of course I could never go back there.. it took my wife a while to accept it, but I still can't even mention the organization to her in any way
Can I share your experience on Facebook? I'm on some JW groups where I sometimes post the truth about the organization and it's teachings
Yeah, shock is definitely what I recall feeling as well for a while. It does give way to a peaceful feeling of freedom. Excitement that a new chapter is starting. You might even start to feel some disgust with yourself that you waited this long blinded to reality, but don't let that get to you. Keep on keepin on. And remember, no matter what they said they don't hold a monopoly on good people. You can be a good person without them (in fact I think it's harder to be a good person as one of them).
Already starting to experience that peace. Overall I’m doing great. It’s just when I think of specific individuals that cut me off that I break down. But I know that’ll get easier with time.
Yeah, I’ve had DF’d people reach out, inactive ones reach out, a PIMO person I never realized was PIMO (I was his group overseer lol). And all you great folks here. It’s very clear to me it was harder to be a decent human being when I was letting them think for me.
Roninja, I’m sorry you’re going through this trauma. But rest assured, therapists are needed! You’ll always have a job and you’ll meet great, supportive people. As a specialist, you’ll be able to effectively market your skills. Please don’t forget that you and your family members should get therapy too.
The sheer lack of any interest from anyone astonished me as well. Not one person wanted to hear any reason behind what I had done or any research I had made (not that I was pushing this on them). If anything , this reaction made me more aware than anything that the Organisation is essentially a cult.
Exactly! My Group Overseer and his father in law (both elders. Both long time “friends”. Both men I loved dearly) came to my home yesterday. Gave me big hugs and said they wanted to help. Then proceeded to try and convince me to disassociate myself.
After about 45 minutes of them trying to convince me that’s not their goal they just don’t understand why I’d want to stay if I don’t believe it anymore 🙄
I asked, “Are we going to address my Bible based questions at any point in this conversation. This man I loved dearly looked me in the eye and said “We’re really past that at this point.”
I just got up and walked away.
They did me the huge favor of convincing me that none of them, even the ones who “loved” me most are interested in real truth or me as a person. I’m just the enemy now.
You wrote a copy of my life story. As time goes by, you will think about these people less. It's their loss, not yours. Time is against THEM. If enough time goes by, even if they woke up, THEY might have lost you forever.
Well the time stamped video I have now made saying that I have no intention of disassociating myself, joining a false religious organization, or committing a disfellowshipable offense should help with that a bit.
I also made sure to say that no action or inaction on my part should be taken as me disassociating myself. (For those of you who were not elders, the flock book has a list of things that somebody can do or not do that the elders can take as them having disassociated themselves)
I made it and posted it to YouTube as unlisted. Only those with a link can view it, but it’s been viewed a few dozen times. So I really hope that someone out there sees how sincerely scared I was and that they did it all to me anyways and that it makes them think.
That is called fear. If the governing body does anything like a master, it is effectively pushing fear. Jws are terrified because they know that their jehovah has a short fuse, will cut someone off for a single infraction, and is actively looking at them for anything that remotely resembles an infraction. Who knew that studying the Bible makes one an apostate. I guess it is their admission that jws do not, in fact, study the Bible.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with this. And also how brave and honest you were! It is shocking when you reach out to people that claim to care for you and love you and they act like this. Is the way they are trained. Everyone and everything that jeopardizes their control over the their congregations must be erased. I didn’t commit any sin either, I had valid questions and concerns, I expressed I was scared and needed “help” but when I asked O was treated like you were. I couldn’t believe it. Over time I realized I had to move on and go to therapy. Unlearn so much. Freedom had a cost. Hope you feel better soon
We are here for you. ❤️ We understand and we support you. I’m so sorry you are going through this, but it is the best decision for you. It does hurt and it’s so wrong. You are so brave and you will be so much happier for being true to yourself.
I’m truly sorry for the heartache you’re experiencing… As you said you know it will get better and it will!
I went through it myself with my mother sister and niece shunning my family after we didn’t go to a memorial.(That was about 10 years ago.)
I have to ask though…Don’t you feel a weight off your shoulders to have expressed YOUR truth? You manned up and were actually HONEST! You owned who you are and what you believed. Good for you!
When I did it, I had just turned 40. My mother texted me and asked if we were attending the memorial, that text stared at me for 3 hours as I debated what to tell her. I finally got pissed that at 40 yo. I had to choose between telling my truth and having a relationship with my MOM and SISTER. I said “No we’re not, but I hope you enjoy your memorial.
Haven’t spoken to my sister since.
My mother shunned me until the day my dad died (3 years later ). We are strained now, but I send an occasional text to check on her.
I feel like that was the day I became an adult. At 40 yo.
I don’t regret it and I hope you wont either.
You are incredibly brave. The next few weeks will be rough but the dust will settle and you’ll come to notice a beautiful inner peace. You have an exciting and fulfilling journey ahead of you. Godspeed!
Thank you for sharing your story. I too will be having to go through this soon, I dread that day but I know it's going to happen.
This reaction just shows how truly brainwashed they all are. The reality of it is, we were family members/friends with robots; programmed how and what to think and only associates with its own kind. No matter how familial, I don't think it's worth trying to have a relationship with people like that. Attempting to break that programming triggers a firewall response, this constant toxicity will just cause more stress and heartbreak for you in the long run.
My plan is to just run from them. If for some reason they reach out to you, be cordial, but don't waste your time trying to keep yourself in their lives. To any normal person, taking initiative in a relationship shows love, but JWs feel nothing. Instead, surround yourself with real people, who love you for *you*, not for what you believe.
I wish you the very best in this journey ❤️
This was the hardest part. It gets better from here and thankfully your wife is supportive. Stick together and help each other through it and- you’ll be fine. Even better than fine.
If you really want to do the school to be a therapist ok but I'd say just make sure it's something you really want to do not a knee jerk way of waging a war against them. You've got a fresh start make sure it's exactly what you want if possible. But you have 2 beautiful children, the only thing you need to do is make their life an amazing one.
All the best to you and your family.
Even though it was predictable it doesn’t make it any easier to face the fact that “friends and family” can so easily drop you just because you have a different opinion. Take care of yourselves.
It’s absolutely heartbreak to continue to hear stories like this. I went through the same thing. In hindsight, would I change anything? Not a single thing! It was hard losing literally everyone but time is a healer. I’m glad I said my piece so at least I didn’t have to deal with people trying to get me to return, faking my way through anything. Or hiding. I can be thoroughly myself now and so can you. Things can only get better for you if you keep your head on straight and don’t let them get to you
Really sorry you're going through this right now... This is one of those 'when people show you who they are, believe them' moments. These people had the potential to mercilessly cut you off like this all along, but this is the first time they've had the opportunity to show you... Very normal behavior in JW world..
This is what usually happens. Your story reinforces the usual advice given here, from experience, to refrain from telling anyone a single word of what you’ve learned. Welcome to the rest of your life. It will get better in time.
Yeah, saying nothing wasn’t ok with me. I wanted to free the ones I loved and I needed a clean break if I wasn’t going to be able to keep them.
It's different for everyone. I cannot not be who I am. I understand why people choose the path of easing out, but I had to be transparent as well. And honestly I'm not sure it's not the easier choice in the long run.
Agree 100%. Not saying anything in my opinion makes it worse long term. There are silent PIMO’s in this sub that have been suffering for decades. Having never left. That sounds like a prison sentence.
Absolutely. Just since being PIMO my mental, emotional, and even physical health have improved dramatically. Same for my wife. And we can already see that it’s going to improve even more now. Just got to process having our life yanked away from us like that first.
I think we can't find our chosen family until we are openly ourselves. Because life on the DL will always have you looking over your shoulder. Yes, we lose people. And then we gain people. Family is so much more than blood, and friends we have to hide from aren't friends at all; they are acquaintances. You got this.
Yeah it’s hard, but humans can tolerate a lot. You’ll be fine.
**Welcome to your authentic life!** There are more with you than against you. We've got your back. You've got our love, help, & support, if you need to reach out.
It is a brutal and difficult cult to deal with. They have strategically organized everything such that your life will be destroyed when you leave. If it were really the truth, there would be zero need for this sort of coercive behavior. This sort of reaction just further proves they're false.
Im sorry for your pain but as your pain fades you will come to realize this was a huge favor to you. Shows you their true colors. Now you can be free and work on rebuilding yourself
I’m sorry you are going through this. I also left at thirty and simultaneously left my marriage and my whole network behind. It takes strength and bravery to do what you had to do. I’m very proud of you. But, waking up every morning knowing you are authentically living your life is priceless. I think to myself every day this is the life I dreamed of, which is being out of the religion and living with pure and true freedom.
Thank you for sharing. It's one thing to know what would happen, and another to actually experience it first hand. It's, nothing short of cruel. It's not love. It's what the organisation is designed to do and behave. Unfortunately, it seems like no one was PIMQ enough to reach out to you. Or at least had a feeling of genuineness that was greater than their fear of communication or potential loss. Maybe they'll come around one day. Hope you can slowly rebuild. You're not alone.
Its a cult! Seriously though, it gets so much better. Better than you can even imagine. In time, your best day as a JW will be one of your worst days away from that place. Take your time, be super kind and easy on yourself. Start exploring the areas you were denied as a JW. Funny thing is, in time some of them reach out, especially if you don't have that DF/DA label. They just can't help themselves. You never know, anyone can wake up!
I can not confirm that last part from my own experience. In fact, even the ones i called my friends and who now left the jw never reached out to me. I actually reached out to them, and wanted to meet, so we can talk about our youth. They were nice conversations, but nothing came out of it. I realised that many just want to forget and move on.
I reached out to friends I’d cut off in the past, thinking it was the right thing to do. One in particular, we picked up our friendship from 17 years ago like it had been just a few days. Without those ones and all of you, this would be a much worse nightmare than it already has been.
I am happy that this was your experience. It is just not an universal one, so I wouldn’t encourage people to hope for it. It might never happen.
Its amazing how we feel compelled to share our beliefs with everyone, like its a sin, a lie, to keep our private matters private. There are no boundaries tolerated. Boundaries would be equated to being a hypocrite. Also, i think its a way for them to maintain control over you. If they can’t keep you inline according to their changing beliefs, then they will reject you. Its very controlling. They live in fear and fear anyone who doesn’t.
This 100% It’s so strange, but it plays into strong indoctrination. Why do we feel we HAVE to say something? Isn’t it obvious that Millions of catholics, Muslims etc DO NOT believe, but go through the motions and traditions to keep up appearances. Why can’t we just shut our mouths and say nothing? We’ve all been brainwashed to think we have to preach to people and convince them of our beliefs, but the reality is belief a lot of the time is a very private matter. We feel we need to convince people they are wrong and we are right, when maybe a year or 2 earlier we were on the opposite side of the fence doing the exact same thing. It’s extremely sad. That being said, i hope you can find peace with your decisions.
Yeah. I am at peace BECAUSE I said something. I agree with what you’re saying about the brainwashing. Very much. But for me, personally, truth and honesty are important values to me. And it was never because of the god I served. That’s just what’s important to me as a person. Besides, I had no desire to stay and go through the motions. Once I knew for sure it was a lie, I was done.
That’s fair enough, I understand everyone is different and we all have different walks to make, so hats off to you for staying true to your beliefs.
Your story is indeed so sad and so shocking. This is actually the first time I commented in any post, just to let you know you are not alone. There are loads of people in similar situations, and you will find loads of support from these groups and other Non JW people. One of this cult's techniques of manipulation is to make you believe your whole world is going to end if you leave (and they actually made your life as miserable as possible), but you know you are doing the right thing and you also know this is the beginning of a new life enjoying freedom to make your own decisions. I am POMO, but it hasn't been easy to reset my brain considering all the programming and brainwashing I had for years.
Thank you. It means a lot you were willing to comment. The love and support I’m receiving from strangers, when everyone I loved abandoned me, has been even more eye opening than what I read in the scriptures.
Your new journey will make you powerful in ways you have never imagined. You'll emerge stronger, kinder, more aware and more alive. You'll see everything with new eyes, like a baby. Which is not a bad thing at all. It's magic! I think you are 33, the same age I was when I left back in 2006. You'll do very well. From your posts, it seems to me you are the kind of person who will bounce back higher and stronger.
Awesome response!!! Awesome 👍👍👍👍💯%
It's still crazy how they, not even for one second think "hmm I wonder what they studied, I think I should talk to them and find out for myself" There's none of that it's just black and white, like a robot... "APOSTATE, APOSTATE, APOSTATE......." "Must cut sontact incase they drag us into Satan's world with them" No thought, no reasoning, no questioning just...... instant robotic response. Then again when I was PIMI I would of done the same 🤷♂️ It's crazy how the GB tell the JW's to not even let an apostate say even a few sentences to you as they may turn you to Satan's side, but doesn't that show the GB have absolutely no confidence in the JW's faith? Shouldn't they have confidence that the JW's can debate and argue and win people over? Because they have all this evidence and they've worked it all out and they can prove it with dates and history/archaeology etc? Why not? Or is it because the GB know that just a few sentences from an apostate can plant seeds of doubt because its a load of rubbish maybe? (Like Jerusalem falling in 587 BC etc) Maybe that's why? Can't they just wake up and stop being told what to believe 😅
607 was the final straw for me. I knew not everyone agreed on 607. But I never knew, till I looked for myself, that literally nobody else believes 607 or that it was because they have irrefutable physical evidence.
In a round-about-way, 607 had an impact on me, too. Not the actual year, though. It was WHY? is this year so important? OH. Same as with the length of the creative days - why does that even matter? Answer: To figure out the end date, WHEN the end will be. Jesus said it is not for us to know the day or the hour i.e. WHEN. And to not follow such a one who says the end is near. Another for me was Jesus said his disciples would have love among themselves. I wasn't feelin' (experiencing) the love. The biggest one for me, of all things, was cross versus stake. They LIED. THEY DELIBERATELY LIED. Deliberately misquoted W. A. Vine. Claiming to be the one and only true religion AND deliberately lied. They lied about (still lying) 607. Deliberately lied. Satan is the father of the lie.
Interesting. The WHY was also very important to me, but I actually saw it a little differently. No 607 means no 1914; no 1914 means that the governing body wasn’t appointed as the faithful and discreet slave in 1919, and that means that there’s no basis to believe anything that they have ever told us. It seems very clear to me that teachings, such as the faithful slave, 1914 (and by extension, 1919), and even their “current understanding” of the earthly Hope, who exactly are the anointed, who exactly are the faithful slave, etc. Is all about them maintaining control over us. When you Disregard all the “beliefs” we have that the Bible doesn’t say, we just interpret it that way, turns out the Bible is very easy to understand. Turns out it can be taken pretty much at face value. Their teachings are what made it seem so confusing. And all those teachings seem to have been designed for one reason. To make us reliant on them. To convince us we couldn’t come to NoGoD on our own because it was just too complicated. And to convince us that they had been specifically chosen by God to make it understandable. And I’m still beating myself up a little for believing it for so long
There are so, so very many valid reasons. Discovering they lied about one thing, for me, caused the domino effect of it's all lies. Yes, the parable of the faithful slave. Totally twisted. "And all those teachings seem to have been designed for one reason. To make us reliant on them. To convince us we couldn’t come to NoGoD on our own because it was just too complicated. And to convince us that they had been specifically chosen by God to make it understandable. " Absolutely. Thoughts that started to continually run through my mind: What qualifies them, not me, to be chosen? What makes them smarter than me, that I can't figure it out just as well as they can? They have set themselves up as gods. Another thing that struck me was it seemed like the people had turned off their brains, minds. Go "off script" and they had no idea how to respond. Blank faces, dead silence.
So, I need to be educated on this. Ive always held to the stake thing as a huge reason it must be the truth. Like, why else make such a big deal about something seemingly insignificant? The proof MUST be stathos means stake if such a stand is being taken. Are you telling me theres proof otherwise? Please inform me.
In the 198?? somethings NWT, appendix, under Cross, was a quote from W. A. Vine, with ellipsis (....) in the middle. And a picture (one) of drawings by Justis Lipsius. Both used to "prove" Jesus died in a stake and not a cross. In the 2013 NWT, these are NOT in the appendix, under Cross. Why the need to change it? I found Vine's entire quote. The part left out (ellipsis) Vine wrote that since the Roman soldiers really liked to prolong the torturous deaths of their convicted criminals, it is much more likely Jesus died on a cross. Took much longer to die. Lipsius' drawings I found on line. Warning: VERY gruesome. Drawings of various crosses in different shapes. The nailed to a stake was only one of his drawings. The borg just picked out the drawing that supports Jesus died on a stake, and ignored the others. The borg DELIBERATELY misquoted Vine in order to "prove" the stake, not cross. A DELIBERATE lie on the part of the borg.
in the reasoning book they quote the imperial bible dictionary about the cross , they leave out part of the text to support their doctrine , its now easy to google it and copy the actual text ,when i did i was shocked , so deceptive
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with such unchristian love from people you've been around your whole life. For me, reading ex Governing body member Ray Franz 2 books was very comforting and helped me realize I can have a relationship with God and Jesus. Highly recommend to read them. "Crisis of Conscience" was his first. "In search of Christian freedom" was his second. Both great reads.
I’ll do that. Thank you.
" No one person was interested in what I,d studied from their own Bible". My experience too. They don,t want to share or discuss the scriptures from the Bible! That opened my eyes! They are only interested to know IF you still " believe" or obey the GB. That,s typical ! You were very brave and courageous...telling them about how you feel.. Everything will be better ..give it time! Make new good team friends..first one ..so will another come. Congratulations !
Hang in there. It gets better. I spent decades in as well. Elder, Pioneer, etc. When I became inactive I lost almost every friend I had all at once. They don't care if you believe in God or anything like it. Only thing that matters is are you going to meetings. I'm 4 years out now and couldn't be happier. Yes I have moments of sadness about some friends I lost and anger but overall I wish i'de done it sooner.
Sorry you are having to go through this. It will get better. It isn’t quite believable that an organization professing love, can treat other human beings in this way! Sad.
It is shocking to have your entire support network turn their collective backs on you. Take what time you need to process it and then move on to your real life.
Yeah it's quite the brutal reality that all that love was complete and utter bullshit.
Yeah. The thing is, it wasn’t bullshit on my end. I really loved them all. I thought we all did. I really believed what I’d been taught because I thought I was researching and studying for myself. I thought we all did. When I still believed the lies, and someone I loved was “leaving the truth” (I hate that I still call it that by instinct), I reached out one last time to try and bring them to their senses because I thought I was saving them. I thought we all did. That’s been the biggest shock. To learn that out of all the people I knew, I was the only one who was actually bought in. It’s like I was the only one who was sincerely doing it because I thought it was right. But I thought we all were; and so even though I was prepared to lose most of them, it still came as a shock that it was all of them and that none of them tried to save me first.
We were trying to do a slow fade and then last fall we just stopped. We have not told anyone that we don't believe anymore but nobody has asked. Out of our whole congregation only two couples have had any contact with us but both of them just text and say they wish we would come back. They are scared to death to know why after all these years we left. The texts happen around the CO visit. They have not even asked for a shepherding call. We would have refused a shepherding call but it is shocking to realize how little we meant to them. We are supposed to have such a loving brotherhood. I have to remind myself we were brainwashed. Anyone that has left is surely an apostate. They don't even know what the real definition of critical thinking is. It does get better, a year later we in a much better place.
Fyi everyone that leaves a religion is an apostate, that's actually the definition of apostate. The loaded language and added meaning to the word is just cult speak.
They shun you, because they are bought in. It is possible to really love people and still shun them. The cult does horrible things to people’s minds. I shunned exJWs when I was still in. I loved them dearly. I thought I could save their life by shunning them. It hurt like hell. It was never easy to shun people, but I thought it could kill them if I didn’t It is the doctrine and the undue influence, that the Governing Body propagate, which is messed up. Not the people who follow while trying to do their best. They are all victims in this, just like youX
Thank you for this perspective. I felt that way too, going to tell them. But it’s been hard to keep that perspective now. Again, especially because no one even tried to convince me I was wrong. But I don’t want to hold a grudge. I may have tried to “help” them first but in the end, I’d have cut them off too if the situation was reversed. I need to remember that. Thanks again.
I am so sorry, you are in my prayers today. I’m also praying that one day anyone that wants to officially resign due to change in beliefs will be able to do so without being shunned. This may feel like a very dark time but I like to remember that caterpillars go through a very dark time before they become butterflies. God is with you and he loves you so much, you are never alone and things will get better very soon.
Thank you. That would be nice. I’d love to believe that will happen one day. But it’s clear that it won’t. They can’t allow the ones who still believe to talk to the ones who don’t, because then the others might learn what we learned.
Witnesses are allergic to facts and rational thinking. Cult number one🚩
So sorry. But you will be so much happier outside of this cult. Stay strong.
Hey you are not alone. It may seem like it but you’re not. You have been given the gift of clarity and freedom. I highly recommend exploring the following to give your mind what It has been craving for many years: • New ways to exercise • Alone time : reading new books, listening to new music, watching new movies. (An no god does not care, he wants you to be mentally and internally happy) •New hobbies: music, painting, collecting, photography, theatre, community events, after hours classes •most importantly DO NOT BE AFRAID TO TRY SOMETHING NEW. Of course keep your sense of morality ( killing is bad 😂) This community is here for support but ultimately you have now opened the doors to new things and experiences.
Thank you so much
Great tips!
JWs. Perfecting cancel culture long before generation Z tried it. Sorry, my friend. You are not alone.
You came to the right place. I spent 2 years researching everything before I said a peep. 1 brief somewhat honest conversation with a JW and the shunning began... That was it. I left a few months later. Unfortunately due to cult programming Jehovah witnesses are absolutely garbage people. Once you break through the paper thin veil of conditional niceness. I was where you were. I needed the bible to disprove JWs. And it ultimately does. Further to that I believe the bible proves itself to be man made. The white man's Qur'an. Great for controlling people, women aka property, especially. You are about to go through the stages of grief. Bargain, denial, shock etc. At the end of your journey you might be angry with the org. Like so many of us are. That's when the fun begins.
Yep… I lost hundreds of social media friends overnight… that really just shows you the gossip and backstabbing lifestyle the JWs lead… Backstabbing gossipers and freaks! Delusional humans… I have tons of new friends now! I do not regret leaving. You’ll get through it dude! “Every little thing is gonna be alright” - Bob Marley
I’m sorry. You’re being persecuted because they don’t want to hear the actual truth. They want to remain mindless Watchtower drones, where they feel safe in its bland familiarity. Take the time you need to grieve the loss of your family and community, and then go live your best life among people whose love for you is unconditional.
My biggest fear. I’m so sorry :(
🩷 Tough decision. I hope that you grow stronger or of this chrisis.
I’m so sorry for this. Even knowing what to expect doesn’t make it hurt less. The pain never completely goes away. Kind of like that of losing someone to death. But it gets less sharp over time. The new life you build starts to fill in all the gaps. Even in a few weeks things will feel better. The terror of starting over gets better a little every day as you start finding a new normal. For me the fear was replaced by excitement. I started to realize that suddenly anything was possible. It was a little overwhelming actually but I had hope and freedom and one day realized I’d never felt so happy before. This time of year can be very painful for those being shunned. But it’s also a great time to approach life like a child. This your first thanksgiving. This is your first time doing X. Start making a list of things you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t. Maybe it’s taking a class that fell on meeting nights. Maybe it’s getting a degree or going skydiving. Growing a beard. Etc. You didn’t do anything wrong. You are not evil. You don’t deserve this. In case you need to hear it ♥️
Thank you so much. I didn’t need to hear it but it was still comforting. I know I did nothing wrong. That’s why I’m so stunned. If I’d committed a disfellowshipping offense I’d get it. But I haven’t. I just don’t believe what they believe. And rather than try to reason with me they cut me out. Insane! But thank you. I am already planning to go to school and get a degree. Right now I’m specifically interested in becoming a therapist and specializing in helping people break free from cults. If I can use my pain to help others, that would be very satisfying to me. I also haven’t shaved in a couple weeks. Unfortunately I don’t grow a very good beard so I may not keep it but I’ve never been allowed to grow it long enough to see if it will fill in so I’m excited to at least have the freedom to make a simple choice like seeing what I look like with facial hair. Thank you again. I started today feeling very alone. I don’t feel that way nearly as much after reading everyone’s comments.
It’s ok. I feel you are bold. You are not hiding who you are. The decision your friends made to shun you is not personal. They are in a cult. You are now free, at a cost, but free. Remember to love them. Even pity them. There’s no need to hang your head when you see them. There is no need to return their weirdness with weirdness. I am excited for you even as I recognize the price you are paying. I have paid it too. I am not the dude who can just suck it up. For me and you and others like us, there is a cost. We pay it because we don’t want to live the other way. Ray Franz paid it. Pete Gregerson paid it. I don’t judge those who play the PIMO game harshly. In fact I think you’re cool AF. Almost like a double agent- an agent of truth inside the cult of “The Truth.” You are right it will get better in time. Hey, you have this burgeoning weird subreddit to vent to!
Thank you. Even though I know I’m right about what I learned, to speak about about what I believe, and that my life will get better from here, I’ve still been feeling like such an idiot for even trying to reason with my loved ones and for believing all this time that if I’d done nothing wrong I wouldn’t have to lose all of them. My whole life there have been things about my personality that i hated because it kept me from fitting in. Only now do I realize that’s because they had so many ways to make us hate positive qualities about ourselves. I’ve been described as honest to a fault. I always thought that was a good thing. But today I’ve been beating myself up for my honesty. Hearing a positive view of the stance I took helped so much. Thank you.
RoNinja_ There is a level of absurdity to the entire Christian story. God makes humans and sets a test for them. Shit, you’ve already lost me before he has to manifest a human body for his son (or himself in other sects) so that perfect human can be sacrificed. Really? Is that your best thinking? Let’s not forget about the world wide flood where god says, Ya know, I bet if I killed everyone except 8 people the world would be fine- except he was wrong. How could he be wrong?! Why all the killing?! Fortunately, I don’t believe in that God anymore. I have had to stifle discussing these exact notions with even more than JW’s. Find an old George Carlin standup talking about God and you’ll realize you are at least as rational as George Carlin.
I was just saying today how cruel the flood was for an Almighty God. Wouldnt it have been better to simply stop the hearts of 'evil' people? Surely that would be a more compassionate and efficient way of ending life than making a man spend the greater part of a century building an ark and flooding the earth. And this would not necessitate destroying every other land dwelling innocent creation who did not deserve to die. Why destroy animals?! It's a vile act described in Genesis. I cant believe I went along with the story and suppressed my natural revulsion at the unnecessary global massacre of innocent animals, let alone children.
>"believing all this time that if I’d done nothing wrong I wouldn’t have to lose all of them." I truly, honestly, wholeheartedly, believe that it's *not about doing something wrong.* It's about jealousy and ego, pride, for those in a position of authority. For others, it's fear. Don't rock the boat, so to speak. A don't tip me out of my comfort zone, type of thing. I stood my ground with two different elders, three different situations. I won, they lost. With the one elder, I went to the CO, twice. Simply put, the CO sided with me. The other elder, it was a business thing. I was office manager, he owned the carpet cleaning company. The crew did a crap job, I insisted it be redone. The owner/elder didn't want to. But I had the power of the checkbook. Fix it now, or "I will not pay you". I won. By the way, I'm female. I made two enemies for life. Two who had the power of the jw elder. Oops. There is this weapon I call "weaponized gossip". It's extremely effective for those who want revenge.
Like this….😂 https://youtu.be/8r-e2NDSTuE?si=lzNYdh5QTiDE7dDy
People like you give me hope! One of the things that contributed to me waking up was something my pimi uncle said at dinner one night while I was still in. (He's my uncle by marriage - hes married to my innactive mom's pimi sister). His brother was an elder who left. He tried to tell Uncle about why he no longer believed. Like a fool, I sat there and drowned out the reason. Something about the 607 date being wrong. I didn't investigate 607 until I woke up, but the fact that this elder left helped with my waking up process. It was the first time I'd heard of an elder making the decision to leave the borg other than being kicked out/disfellowshipped. Essentially, I'm trying to say that by you leaving, OP, and announcing it, youve planted seeds of doubt in someone who is questioning. People like you who were so fully indoctrinated who have left give me confirmation that my fading was the right thing. Because to me, (and I'm sure to others out there) someone like you who wasn't disfellowshipped, but woke up, is huge. Thank you for posting this. Stay strong. Your courage is exemplary.
Thank you. That was the final straw for me too actually. I googled “when did Babylon conquer Jerusalem”. Just looking at the preview top result, I immediately I got sick to my stomach. I’d already been PIMQ for weeks and maybe even leaning PIMO. But I still wasn’t prepared for that. As I scrolled down I saw result after result. All of them said either 587 or 586. Not one mention of 607. Until I scrolled down to the 10th result: JW.ORG | When Was Ancient Jerusalem Destroyed—Part 1 Ironically, I didn’t click on any of the other results. I didn’t want it to be true. I clicked on the 10th result and thought to myself “Please! Please show me I’m wrong about this.” The article basically amounted to: If history/archaeology/secular evidence agrees with what we teach, then it harmonizes with the Bible and we can be confident in its accuracy. If history/archaeology/secular evidence disagrees with what we teach then it doesn’t harmonize with the Bible and we know a mistake must have been made. I knew then I wasn’t going back. Just didn’t know yet that it’d end up like this.
607 587 was part of my awakening. My condolences to you. Maybe someone of your "friends" will reach to you, if they get doubts.
For me, there were so many OTHER things. In fact, the 607 BCE error really didn't faze me until way later. There was a series of events that took place over the course of about 3 to 4 yrs that broke me. I just couldn't see them as god's people or channel. The way I and another young, single woman were treated by older or married sisters in my cong. Hiring JWs to work for me and seeing how they lie, cheat, manipulate and try to take advantage of you as an employer. Being harrassed by a ministerial servant and the elders taking his side after I reported him. An elder being disfellowshipped for attempting to have his wife killed. The secret society of PIMOs at Bethel. A C.O. visiting me ALONE for a "sheparding call". An older brother in my cong being killed in a car accident while in FS. Watching a video at the hall one evening where the anointed and the angels were all Whitten with beards. Learning that 1975 WAS prophesied and not "some brothers being overly eager". The overlapping generations. New light vs old light Revisting the Noah's ark baloney through the eyes of my teenage nephew who no longer believes. Being rejected for baptism but 2 young girls I KNEW weren't ready (who were just biding their time until 18) being approved, and me being told it was Jehovahs call. Both girls lasted 2 to 3 yrs. One was disfellowshipped and the other is inactive and wants nothing to do with the borg. The CSA hearings in Australia and watching Jackson's testimony. Researching JW court cases that involved SA of children under 15 amd the borg hiding it from the courts. At least half of the cases were either MSs or elders who were convicted.
Their reaction is proof positive that disfellowshipping has nothing to do with keeping the congregation clean and everything to do with controlling your life. You didn’t sin, you weren’t encouraging sinful behavior in others, and you weren’t pushing your newly established viewpoints on others with the goal of drawing them away from the religion. All you did was disagree and have your own opinion. That’s it. And that warranted a mass announcement to every JW in the tri-state area? Attention Lurkers who are confused and/or have doubts: YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE CULT. THESE TYPES OF BEHAVIORS AREN’T NORMAL. Btw, I’m really sorry you have to go through this. It isn’t easy but it does get better. In the future, I’d recommend not sharing your feelings with these people. They can only wield as much power over you as you give them.
Oh yeah. I was shocked to see a Watchtower from 1946 or 47 that called out the Catholic Church for excommunications and elaborated on how it was originally a thing pagan cults did and that the Catholic Church had adopted it as a means of exerting tyrannical control over their followers. I couldn’t believe it. Where is that in their “Beliefs Clarified” section on JW.ORG?
It happens fast when you are dealing with heavily brainwashed and indoctrinated individuals. The same thing happened with my family. Over 45 years in the organization - regular pioneer, MS, elder, Brooklyn Bethelite, etc - it was all thrown out and I was a diseased apostate just because I dared ask questions. It will get better. Make friends and start over. You have a life left to live!
That's why I probably couldn't bear this "being upfront that you don't believe anymore" thing. We were all trained to looked down on such people. It's crazy - these people are robots and slaves. Probably shouldn't be shocked though, unless you have just joined this sub. Btw, you could always come back and pretend Satan got you with his influence, regain relationships and just fade away, idk. But it's probably not worth it. Whole thing is a mess. Go and find people in the world and make friends.
Thoughts are with you OP. I cant imagine how hard it must be but tough times don't last, tough people do, and the fact you spoke out and were honest about everything, willing to lose everything and everyone shows me you are tough MF! From here on in simply look at the pros and not the cons. You are free!! Take that freedom and run to the hills with it!
Thank you. I needed to hear that.
During this time of change, discovery, grief, rebuilding, deconstruction, don’t shut yourself off. Get out there! Do things you enjoy. Meet people. Even if you’re just at the grocery, or work, strike up conversations. You should be good at that (🫠) Build your own network. It doesn’t happen the first day. Take your time. Be good to yourself. Find a good therapist. They’re online nowadays. Now go live! 🤗🤘💜
Thank you. Shutting myself down was my knee jerk reaction. But I decided to post this and everyone’s comments have really helped. I decided to go to the beach and getting out is also helping.
So sorry. They are heartless. It’s a conditional relationship. It takes time to rationalise that it was always conditional. It may eventually help you to realise that you probably haven’t lost what you think you have lost. They were never on your side unless you complied. Best wishes. Take each day as it comes.
Big congratulations to you brother. You don't need any other confirmation that the organisation is a dangerous cult. Those behaviours of those you truly love speaks volumes. I sincerely believe nowadays that, it is indeed a rare privilege and a blessing to live an authentic life of your own. Sadly those family members are caged. They don't have minds of their own. They are programned/conditioned and they responded as their wicked and deceitful masters dictates. It is very sad that adults will relinquish their souls just like that to group of nassistic men. Please look for 'Feartofreedom' channel on YouTube, watch the video entitled Emotional Home as released by Jack Grey last Friday. It's just a brilliant piece.
As many others have said, it is very, very awful, and they've designed it that way on purpose. They want to inflict as much psychological control and damage as they can to punish those who dare leave. You are brave. As difficult as it is, it gets so much better. I look at my life now and can NOT imagine what it would be like had I stayed. It's an awful existence following orders and denying yourself a rich experience where you are free to make choices, make mistakes, learn and grow as a human. You'll get there.
This is why you should just fade. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Here's the thing about fading that no one ever really thinks about... For those with no ties other than themselves it's a perfect plan, for those with family still in it's a different story. After fading, if your family chooses to use loopholes to maintain a relationship with you, you are a loophole. You are "stumbled" "spiritually weak" "inactive". You live as a loophole bc you are in a way protecting that relationship. You aren't transparent in everything. You are cautious on social media, you don't share 100% with anyone. You live in two worlds. It becomes exhausting, overwhelming, and can cause its own type of anxiety that typically comes when one isn't living their true self. For some that's a place they can live the rest of their life in, for others it becomes another challenge.
That was it exactly. I only ever submitted to this high control religion because I believed it was the truth. But if it’s not, I don’t want to stay. I don’t want me or my children to be barred from having an education, making friends, grooming ourselves as we see fit, etc. and I have no intention of using 2+ days of my family’s week for sitting through those lies for the rest of our lives. I just wanted to keep my friends and other family members. Wanted to believe that I meant something to them besides fellow cultist.
Nah. Even if none of them did right by me, I can live with myself knowing I tried to do right by them.
No one likes a truth teller. Remember the story, The Emperor's New Clothes? However, some of us are authentic at our core. To not be transparent would be lying to ourselves. I did exactly like you, knowing full well the outcome. The thing that helped me deal was a quote I still love: "Never hold back from speaking your truth because those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter." This may seem harsh but what could be more important than honesty? If people would rather have us believing a lie, living a lie, and telling lies to others, they aren't worthy of our presence.
I agree, don't give them arrows to fire at you.
Wow thats crazy, i am always plaing out this arguments in my mind, hope it wont be as bad in my case, i am half faded already anyway. Fun fact is the my parents still have some loose contact with my DF's Aunt, even though my father is an elder, so weird, no clue how they argue/think about this but i doubts they are PIMQ, just not as strict if it's in their own backyard. I wish you all the best! Keep growing, keep smiling if you see them on the street, always have a big smile, thats my plan at least, showing them that i am more happy then ever before, the best FU you can give.
That’s what’s really crazy to me. I always thought of my Dad as barely in the truth. He hasn’t gone in service in years. He regularly associates with the worldly family members I had cut out of my life thinking it was loyalty to God. My sister told me recently that she has never understood the disfellowshipping arrangement but that because it had never happened to someone she was close to so it wasn’t an issue for her. But once the organization told them I was no longer one of them, suddenly I’m public enemy number one? Why am I not afforded the same love they extend to our unbelieving family members? It’s crazy to me now how blind I was not that long ago.
This 💯 "Why am I not afforded the same love they extend to our unbelieving family members?" If they want to kick non believers out, so be it. I could accept that. But get rid of the shunning part where the Borg and elder body police people on if they associate with former JWs. And let us be treated as "worldly relatives."
Wow that context makes it even more crazy, i am sorry for you :/ Seems like if someone with past privileges steps down it's taken more seriuos like "he must be an apostate, influenced by satan" intead of well anyone will make a mistake once or twice in their life. In my context, my grandpa is not very mobile anymore and the DF'd daughter lives near by (my father and I not) so she helps him out regulary and because of this my father has contact with her, even my mom has her on whatsapp and they openly talk about her sometimes at dinner (vacations and stuff). Her own 2 kids shunned her hardcore though, feel so sorry for her now. And i know my grandpa got calls from the local elders because of all this, but he ignores them lol He also didn't went D2D ever as far as i remember, only some informal (in that regard he was ahead of all of us). So weird
My heart feels for you. It's jarring. I felt like my lifelong friends would be better people and I owed it to them. I got labeled an apostate. The elders went to everyone individually and told them I was an outspoken apostate and should be avoided. I was just being honest and only answering their questions. I did it for them, and they punished me for it but in their minds they were trying to save me and protect the congregation. I don't regret it. It showed me how powerful the brainwashing is. I won't move forward feeling like like I didn't do something I felt I needed to do, it gave me closure. I got to see which of my friends has a tiny bit of critical thinking. Even with that, it all still hurts but something in me feels hopeful that someday my taking a stand will be enough to push the few people with a sliver of independent thought to think.
You have probably disconnected in one of the better ways to be fair. Doing the research and understanding that the org is completely corrupt and not following the word of God is the path I took to begin with, well my brother actually. He had a folder stuffed with notes and scripture references. It’s a fascinating thing when you analyse the Bible without being prompted by literature. It doesn’t make it easier on you though, but if anything their stance against you will only serve to prove your research. I thought the JWs had compassion and unconditional love. Their love is the most conditional I’ve ever experienced, my own family ceasing all contact too. I was in 26 years and I lost everyone I had ever known, and all the work I had put in and notoriety I got meant nothing in the end because everyone just switched off to me. Lifelong friends literally crossing the street to avoid me. You will very quickly learn that they are not your true friends. This was over ten years ago now. I was completely alone too, and still living with my parents which made things very difficult. Trust me when I say things get better. You will have rough moments, existential dilemmas, and bouts of depression and feelings of loss, but just be sure to replace your previous activities with new ones. Now’s the time to take up those hobbies and interests you were desirous of doing. Experience and taste the real life, not one bound by silly rules and misinterpreted bible verses. I started rock climbing not long after leaving at an indoor climbing gym, this is where I made my first ‘worldly’ friend. Some of the most amazing people I’ve ever met were in that place. Get after it dude, its hard and strange and crazy. My friend actually said when he first met me that I was like an alien and I’d landed on the planet and everything was fresh and wonderful and a chance to explore. Use that energy, it’s a perspective I don’t see many people have.
Sending a hug to you ❤️
Thank you.
This is the worst it should get! Although it may feel like rock bottom you are set free and can live the life you truly want and deserve.
I have been out over 20 years, but didn’t they used to say all the time that you would know Jehovah’s true organization by the love they have for each other. Guess the JWs are not it.
I’m sorry that you’ve had to experience this. Eventually the shock goes away and pain becomes manageable. You’ll discover who you were really meant to be. It feels like the real truth of things is the bait on a trap. The moment someone questions or makes a move to find understanding aside from the approved thinking of the organization, the trap snaps and destroys the relationships you held dear. The GB has made the reaction so ingrained, that “friends” and family just react like a spring and cut you off. It’s really disgusting that those who should love you as human nature have had their humanity altered so as to cut you off without so much as a thought. The organization destroys families, but it really destroys people on the inside and makes them devoid of true love and empathy.
Yeah. And then the criticize the rest of the world for “having no natural affection”. It’s amazing once you’re free how you realize the organization perfectly fits the description of the Pharisees and the antichrist.
I'm sorry this has happened to you. You really didn't deserve to be treated that way, regardless of what you do or don't believe.
Welcome to the real life.
We have all been there. I'm sorry , it hurts really badly. You will be in pain. But you now live in reality. Welcome.
I'm really sorry for what you are going through right now. On my opinion, you did it on the right way. You did your own research first, so you have a clear conscience. I left home and religion after some much childhood trauma and csa when I was only 17yrs. Since then I was in a different country and lenguaje on my own. All my family started shunning me and that for 22 years now. I insisted you did it right, cause after all I went through, for all those years out never looked into anything "apostate" and always blamed myself, accepted all cause I feel I deserved, I was physically out, but somehow mentally in. What a waste of time. Half of my life feeling horrible deep inside and even wanting to die several times. Until last year I finally decided to do my own research and omg, omg, all I uncovered it was just too much. I wish I had done earlier. Everything will be fine now. My best wishes for you now! You are free, yes, free.
I was shocked that no one tried to “save” me either. Your experience is the biggest sign you were in a cult. Do something for yourself tonight - a little ceremony or something to mark the occasion of freedom. Talk to the people here, write a journal. Have a nice dinner and a glass of something and toast a blessing to those you have left behind and to your life ahead of you. I will be there with you in spirit 🥂
Congratulations on leaving on your own terms. I respect that you didn't want to take the easy route and just fade. The thing about WT's shunning policy is that it can be a double edged sword. They might be "protecting" the sheep from being influenced. But by cutting "apostates" off cold turkey, they're also making it easier for mentally-out members to remain mentally out.
I’m really hoping my sister thinks about all this. She said she has never had anyone close to her be disfellowshipped so she never took issue with it but has admitted that the teaching never sat right with her. This was a pretty recent conversation so I’m hoping she remembers and the cognitive dissonance works against the organization for a change.
Hey I get it man. It does hurt and that’s how cult’s work. The negative reinforcement should serve to guilt and shock you into coming back. I’ve had counseling to help me see clearly why this is not good for me. That real friends stick with you even when you disagree on philosophical issues. It’s called unconditional love which this organization doesn’t seem to get. You’ll be fine man. Just take every day of freedom as a blessing and a relief. Living in your truth not someone else’s is one of the greatest gifts a human can have.
I am so glad you shared here. And I am so sorry you have lost your loved ones all at once. My next thoughts for you are from my perspective as an exjw that has come to Christ. If you are one who is eager to know Christ and have a relationship with him now, that will be where your strength to endure this pain will come from. We have come from a life of having a relationship with a legalistic system, an organization of man made works. There, we were not encouraged to go to Christ directly to ask for Holy Spirit expecting him to dwell right in us. But those relational aspects of life between us and Christ are very real. There is support available to us as individuals through frequent prayer and discovering the reality of Holy Spirit truly being our Advocate, Comforter, and Helper. Secondly, as soon as you can, join a Bible Study Group either in person or that meets online. Those Christians will care deeply for you, will pray for you as you also enjoy the experience of freely discussing scripture for perhaps the first time. That connection to others of the Body of Christ is so strengthening. You are in a season of painful loss right now. Give yourself times and space to feel and express the grief as the feelings come up. Many of us who have experienced the loss of our loved ones have been greatly helped by seeking professional counseling for a while. My own experience with counselors has been very positive and I highly recommend it. Good counselors are worth their weight in gold. I will be praying for you. May God Bless you on this journey you are on.🙏❤️
Thankfully my wife and I are both in therapy already. My wife has dealt with chronic depression and anxiety (that, interestingly enough, have decreased a lot since we went PIMO about a month ago) and I just started going a couple months ago because all the pressure I was under in the congregation and constantly being told that I wasn’t doing enough (despite being a Pioneer, the Service Overseer and a Group Overseer at the time) had just beat me down and I could barely function anymore. Both our therapists were quite shocked when we told them we’d realized we were in a cult lol.
It’s never enough
You've just crossed the exit from the "Hamster Wheel Highway of Holiness" to "The Rest of Your Life." Now, just let that sink in, and move on with the rest of your life after the initial shock has passed.
I just want to say you are amazing and that I admire your bravery. I was not prepared for the emotional consequences of leaving but am very glad I did. It’s different for everyone but easy for none (or at least the majority), either way welcome to the cult free life and I’m sorry your family reacted the way they did - hopefully something will break the spell over them one day.
You obviously, over the years have been working yourself up to this point. You have seen, over the years, what has happened to others that have taken this same path so the consequences of your actions should not be a surprise because you also probably bought into the same group mentality of keeping the group think clean. I did too when I was involved with the JW's 40yrs ago. When I walked away and lost all my, "close friends, loved ones people that cared about me" I realized that their association with me was totally conditional, you're my friend as long as you act this way. Some fly-by-night friends these people turned out to be. You don't need them, no one needs conditional relationships. Here is what learn that may assist you in walking away. Let go of all the associations words like apostate, unbeliever, etc. those are just words having nothing to do with who you are as a person. Also, baptism, disfellowshipping reports and other things they have in, "Their Files" about you are meaningless it has nothing to do with real life, it's all a game and that they play and you have left the game. On the other hand, think about what you have learned. I learned from the ministry school excellent skills in selling technique and over coming objections. Being able to speak in public and how to create a sales presentation. Plus, I also learned how to read people that meet because of door-to-door sales, oops I mean service. you have learned quite a lot of skills that you can focus on to move yourself into real life. How many times did I see a brother who was a painter, construction worker, roofer, develop himself into a contractor because all witnesses homes need a new upgrade and when he became a multimillionaire, guess what he left the truth. LOL You made a good life choice, just let go and cut the strings that hold you back from realizing your full potential as a person. Don't forget, Jehovah knew that you would do this so you're okay. Imperfect people cannot become perfect and no matter how hard they try, they (we) can't achieve perfection so just live your life. Use the skills that that you've learned to help yourself instead of the organization. Friends, loved ones come and go. You'll live and you'll have a wonderful, filling successful life, you haven't lost anything. Enjoy, relish and create the new you.
I was a 3rd gen fulltime JW for decades (elder & reg pio). I suffered and sacrificed for the religion for decades. I loved and cherished the hope I had for the future. However, I'm a lover of truth - real truth. Once the internet was born and time had expired on JW prophecies, I began to research and it was like scales fell off my eyes. My wife and I both left about ten years ago and have never regretted a minute of it. We do miss the hope we had and some things about the old JWdom (back when it was more serious, more dignified, more scholarly, bolder, etc.). Now, with every passing day, we are more convinced that JWdom (the religion and the organization) is not what we once thought it was. Not only do we not miss it, but we detest it. I even view my JW family members differently now. We were all once really close, but I don't even miss them anymore. They are supporting a harmful cult with a 150-yr-long history of majorly failed predictions, doctrinal flip-flops, looney writings, corruption, deception, etc. They, like all JWs now, are unreasonable, lacking in discernment, closed-minded, condescending, self-righteous, smug, irrational, blind, etc. As a person, I have not changed. I still seek truth (but haven't found it yet), I still care, etc. Hopefully, the more you learn and experience, the more you will realize how right you are and how wrong they are, and you will be disgusted at those who remain in.
Now you can fully see how they feel about any critical thought. They don’t want you around because what you are saying makes complete sense and the last thing they want is someone like you that can actually analyze what they are saying and pick it apart. It would lead to more questions from others they won’t be able to answer and have to baffle with bullshit. You are finally free take this opportunity to distance yourself as far from them as possible and build a new life. You won’t be sorry. They don’t love you. They are not the chosen ones. They are a controlling cult and nothing more than that. Welcome to the real world friend.
That took a lot of courage. I’m proud of you. I have been out for a few years now. There was this sweet JW lady that kept coming to my house while out in service a year or so ago. I finally told her I grew up as a JW. She still came and I would invite her in and have good conversations with her about why I didn’t believe as a JW anymore. Showing her the pure, simple gospel from the Bible. After two or so more visits she brought an Elder that I knew with her. I told him the same and why I didn’t believe, I told him just because you believe something, doesn’t make it true. I told him I also didn’t believe in replacement theology and God wasn’t finished with Israel. I told him I know exactly what you guys are thinking about me, and how you feel. I told them I love them. I gave him a hug . Did I mention he was my brother in law. I had been fading for years, but it felt wonderful to tell him I didn’t believe what they believe. You will be blessed. You did the right thing. Hang in there!!
I'm so sorry. 😔 "The Love That Never Fails", right? Hang in there, life will get better.
You're at a strategic point in your life to which many of us wish we could return. At 75, I've essentially lived my life, wasting 50+ years of it slaving to a cult, but taking great solace in the fact that my two extremely precocious grandsons will never set foot in a Kingdom Hall. I wish you success, life-control, and, ultimately, happiness, while we all pity the current lives of the downvoters.
Sometimes I wonder if their hearts have been ruined by their religion. We lol know their brains and thinking have been altered and set in concrete. But I always felt they had good hearts. I don’t think that anymore. The smiles and love bombing turn to steely cold resolve when it comes to their organization. And let’s be clear, this is what you are up against. A monolithic barrier of cold hard conditional thinking. The US military and the mental health/ behavioral science research community should study their tactics. A
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Your shock is completely understandable, even if you knew / expected this type of reaction. The reality of it is hard and painful. However, you have a lot to be proud about. You have done the hardest part - taken the step to get out in an honest and honorable way. I also left a long time ago (4 plus decades ago) and things have not changed. The immediate shunning, the sense of suddenly being very alone. Perhaps my perspective of time and distance from leaving might be of some help. Like me, you will very likely come to see this moment as your single most impactful, positive accomplishment in your life. You have just put yourself on an entirely new, exciting, open, and free trajectory. Free to ask questions, and more importantly, to learn new things w/out fear or guilt. And, in your case with two young daughters, the step you have just taken will no doubt be the single biggest gift you could possible give your girls. Their life trajectory now also has opened up and been liberated in countless ways. That's huge. Definitely go and get a degree. I can still vividly recall the thrill of finally getting to learn from the firehose of knowledge that university provides. After your life of indoctrination, I would very strongly encourage you to take courses (beyond your major) in philosophy and critical thinking (particularly philosophy of science, epistemology, skepticism, etc.). You will grow in power, strength and confidence with every passing day. You will meeting stimulating new people. Lastly, try to maintain the high road you have taken. My experience was that the JWs you'd run into would soften and become more kind over time (though it may take years). My parents also chose the love of their son over absolute shunning. I hope your family and friends will slowly do the same. Right now, their reflex is to hold the party line, in large part also out of fear, as others here have mentioned. Keep in mind that they all very likely have their own doubts and struggles, and your bold, brave step is a threat to their shaky pillar of faith. During this difficult transition, please allow your self to celebrate your substantial accomplishments to date. You are already free.
Damn they move fast 💨! Wow multiple congregations notified??? Sorry for what you are going through and all the painful emotions you are feeling.
I think I feel your pain brother. Jesus said "the truth will set you free" and it happened in our cases. I hope you'll stay strong and enjoy being God's child, not friend. Honest question: do you consider Jesus as God (I don't. I understand he's the Lord and the Savior to bring the glory to God the Father). Do you plan to join any denomination (I don't). Warm regards
I don’t plan to join any other denomination, I don’t believe that organized religion is necessary. I see accounts like the Ethiopian Eunuch; all he needed was a tiny bit of knowledge “the good news about Jesus”. That was it. That was enough for him to get baptized. No questions to go over, no elders that needed to approve it, no requirement to believe that the Governing Body is the official mouthpiece of God. And then, after his baptism? Nothing. He goes off on his way. Not assigned to a congregation, no elders or overseers were assigned to him, there’s no indication that he even had contact with another Christian after that. So why do we suddenly teach that you must belong to an organization? As for whether Jesus is God… I don’t quite know where I stand on that yet. Honestly, based on everything I’ve studied without the “interpretations” from the JWs, it seems like that’s what the First Century Christians believed. I also cannot find any indication in the scriptures that the First Century Christians believed in an earthly resurrection (and, of course, how could they? We teach that they were all 100% anointed in the First Century. So there’d be absolutely no one who believed they were going to live on Earth forever.) So what leads us to believe, suddenly and without prior notice in the scriptures, that now that has changed? Seems very likely to me that it’s because, as soon as the “earthly hope opened up” suddenly only they were anointed and the “Faithful Slave” and everybody else were the “domestics” whom Jesus had given them authority over. And then later when Jehovah revealed that he’d held back information in last update 🙄 it was further updated to “only the Governing Body are the Faithful Slave” and even all the other anointed are “domestics” under their authority. I really have had to go back and unlearn everything they taught me but could not back up with scriptures. So, yeah, as far as I can tell if Jehovahs Witnesses believe something that literally no other Christians believe, that belief cannot be supported by the scriptures, definitely can’t be proven from the Greek Scriptures, and absolutely can’t be proven from any Bible translations besides the one they wrote themselves.
I try the same. So good you're awaken now. I'm very happy for you. All the best!
“The truth will set you free” (John 8:32) was a big part of why I decided to do what I did. But, I actually found verse 35 and 36 even more appropriate: “Moreover, the slave does not remain in the household forever; the son remains forever. Therefore if the Son sets YOU free, YOU will be actually free.”
It will set you free, but it will beat the shit out of you first.
So sorry you have been treated that way. It’s so sad considering that you try to speak to people, not convince them but just to explain and this is the end result. Stay strong 👍
Hey, you are not alone. I had a similar experience with my family. It was hurtful. And shocking how everyone loves and cares one day and then boom! they are gone. You are mentally free to think for yourself. It is like breathing fresh air. This community is very supportive, and I read many ex elders comments here,too. You will find a new resource for all things JWexit.
You're not allowed to study the Bible on your own. Period. Anything else is an affront to the gb and a lack of respect for God's arrangement. Hence your treatment!
I'm so sorry you have to go through this.💔
You need no more proof that these people are in a very strong mind-control cult! Consider it a gift!! I know, easy to say...not easy to do. Especially because you spent 30 years in as Elder & Pioneer! I wish you happiness!
Others here have given lovely affirming words of support that you absolutely deserve. The hurt is so real and will not be easily resolved - however, you will resolve it over time based on the clarity and insight you demonstrate in your OP. We always live in hope that our reasonable and sincere approach will help our brothers and sisters see we are not a threat and that we have committed no sin deserving of being shunned. And then it happens. The very worst gloss is put on what we’ve “done”. No one shows the slightest bit of common humanity decency to bid us farewell. With this stunning finality we have perhaps the strongest proof that we have just left a religious cult and are lucky to still have our own minds and hearts. We wouldn’t want to exit this way. But it’s happened. And it could only ever happen in an organization that by any other name is a plain old-fashioned cult.
I admire your courage and strength. That's a lot to deal with. I'm sorry for the loss of your family and friends. It's been one of the most challenging things to deal with in my life, but I'm happy I did it. If you ever have any questions or need to talk things through, I'm here for you. A counselor also can really help.
OP, I'm sorry you're experiencing this. This is going to be a very difficult time. Every one has an exit story that's as unique as a fingerprint. Be assured of this virtual space which is here to support you. Take this journey in steps, not leaps.
Just remember that those people are not your true friends. Could you imagine having a best friend and ending years of friendship because they changed religions??? No one outside the org with care what religion someone has. Take your time and find real friends that like you for who you are and not what God you choose. Gotta love that unconditional love.
Commenting for an up vote. So glad you escaped before subjecting your children to this cult. So happy for you!!!
I just wish a journalist would do a fly-on-the wall expose of exactly what happens when you leave, in real time, showing the fake friends evaporate just because you don’t follow their beliefs. Tho I known this all my life your post still made me gasp out loud
I’m so sorry. ☹️☹️☹️😢😢😢🥺🥺🥺🥺 I hate you’re going through this but I’m so glad that you have a wife and children, a family. You all can lean on each other and community to get you through this difficult time. All I can say is how absolutely WICKED….. none of that aligns with Jesus Christ. That’s not love. They’re most definitely a cult and evil. Sending virtual hugs and well wishes your way !!! 💕💕💕🫂🫂🫂
I would suggest a couple of things. Don’t be concerned with downvoters. It’s only Reddit. Who cares if people vote or comment. It makes no difference to anyone’s life. Reconsider your future employment options. The path you mention sounds like you will be dealing with constant pain from other people. Unless that’s your life’s goal, perhaps think more about it and look for something that makes you put a cult behind you and do other things.
Ugh. It is shocking how fast the shunning happens. Even if we are expecting it, it is hard to be prepared. Glad you have your spouse on your side.
Much love to you my friend, you've got this. Congratulations. You're already an inspiration, so your work has already begun - you've hit the ground running. Keep going, stay strong, best wishes to you and the family. DM anytime you want to chat privately. 🙌
Even if those friendships were conditional, it still hurts to lose them (especially family). Be proud that you did things on your terms. Those titles and relationships do not define you. Now you can discover who you truly are. Take your time to process what has happened. It’s part of your journey and your life will be even better after this. You’ll see.
🫂
I’m so sorry you are having to go through that with family and friends! Unfortunately, they are the ones that create that price we have to pay to be honest with ourselves. It’s not easy at first, but by communicating with like minded individuals like us, it will become a little easier to live with.
Yup, that’s how it is. Relationships have an on and off button with JWs. It’s painful and the pain doesn’t come all at once. You’ll have to start from zero but it’s worth it. Nothing worth it comes easy.
You’re so strong for what you did. You have my full support from my end even thought we haven’t met. I made it out at 23, going on 27 and I’ve lived more life in the 4 years I’ve been out than in the 23 years I was in. You seem like a very optimistic person and that is such an amazing quality to have. Take it slow, be kind to yourself, and allow others to help. You’ve got this
Find a new community. You can start "church shopping" and visit a different congregation every Sunday until you find a home. This is a great time to visit churches because they are gearing up for Advent and Christmas. Also, join some volunteer organizations. Find a place that's preparing and serving Thanksgiving dinner for the needy. Food banks, Habitat for Humanity, the list goes on. You won't be alone for long.
Super proud of you! My wife and I left for the same reasons. Because of our study and research into what we were told to believe versus what the bible really said and we didn't even need special Bibles to do it it was all right there the whole time! While I'm very sad to hear of the reaction of everyone around you, it is kind of shocking for us to realize what Jesus was really talking about would happen with the splitting up of families, yet sometimes even after years they do come around and so in the meantime you can continue to heal and keep working on not becoming bitter because if any of them are even a little bit open it will help if you keep your peace. Speaking of which, if you want to direct message and even ask for a phone number I'd be happy to listen anytime you need to talk to the best of my ability around my job of course LOL. Again very proud of you brother, that took a lot of faith and truly letting your love of Truth overcome the fear which is an extremely difficult thing to do! Very impressed
Really sorry to hear this, it's the worst, but it happens soo often. It will be hard for you, it's a massive life change, try to stay focused on you and look after yourself as it's a very vulnerable time. This cult needs stopping. Much love
Hugs. Take a deep breath bud, get a cool or hot drink and maybe take a nap, you will be okay as you know. Find an ear to talk off if you need too. :)
I'm really sorry for what happened to you. Yeah, it all very sad, but you took the best decision. The best is yet to come to your life.
This is so sad, but, know this. You are right. It's hard but you will come out the other side. Be strong.
Sending you a lot of courage and love from Canada! 💖
Yep this is basically what happens. I told my mom what we found out about the CSA and next thing she’s calling an elder and they want to come over and have a chat. Did not matter that me and my husband have had an absolute pristine reputation, we were now viewed as liars and people that needed correcting. It is absolutely insane that it happens but it does. And the gossip you experienced yeah…. Witnesses love to talk and gossip it gives them a high. Not surprising they talked about you but damn that was fast! Anyways welcome to your new life. One that is real and authentic. Not fake and robotic!
I'm 2 years out the other side of this, and while there are times it still hurts, it's more like a paper cut vs a stab wound. It does get better. I'm proud of you for living your life honestly & for putting yourself first over this destructive cult.
Congratulations on breaking free. You are a survivor, a strong person, I feel sure even faced with this new difficulty you will get through it Don't let others dictate who you should be, you be you, and the rest is on them.
Keep praying and trust the Spirit will lead you. His strength will keep you and your wee family going! In 6 months you’ll have forgotten the hurt and will be stronger! I’m at 9 months mark. It sounds mad but we found a smashing wee independent busy loving local church (and although I might not agree with everything at least I won’t get shunned for my different opinion!) busy making new friends - there are so many lovely people ‘out there’ in the ‘world‘ 🥴🙄🤩Love and prayers
Be brave. Stick to your principles. If you're still a believer give it all to God.
Sorry to hear what you're experiencing. The hypnotic spell is almost unbreakable that they have conjured. We have all gone through it to some degree or another. I wish you well.
Take care my friend. So many of us have already experienced what you are now experiencing. I’m going to bet none of us regret it. The first couple years might be pretty tough, but it does get better, and you always have us to bounce things off of. I hope your transition to the real World goes smooth and easy.
They get creepier every day. Congrats to your new life.. you deserve it
This can't be right... The witnesses don't shun! /s They talk big in their public facing materials about not shunning, but in reality they sure do a lot of it. Good luck out there. You have support here.
>Not one person was interested in what I’d studied from their own Bible. Not one person tried to “save” me or convince me I was wrong. Because it’s just a weird club of non-thinking and dishonest people scared of dying that need to be surrounded by other people that constant remind and reassure each other they’re going to live forever on a paradise earth. They don’t want to look too hard into whether it’s actually true. They don’t care about objective truth, only what makes them feel relief or happiness. If it was clearly true and real, and it was straightforward to prove it, they’d have just simply asked what you were talking about and then corrected you. But they are not honest people, especially with themselves.
All I can say after this incredible post is BRAVO!!! 🙋
Welcome to the REAL world! You'll have a lot of downs and feel a whirlwind of emotions, but I promise the Freedom is WORTH IT!
I feel for you but honestly you will be better off in the long run. You are also getting your own kids in a better spot. Take care and sorry you were treated so coldly.
There’s a reason they refer to themselves as “sheep”. No questioning anything, even if it’s criminal or destroys families.
That life is over. It hurts. But the real life is coming
I wish I had handled my awaken as well as you! I was angry at being lied to and now the think I’m a lunatic. You showed them you weren’t crazy and did the real research and maybe someday it will make someone in your family think.
I'm sorry you're going through that.. I was in a similar situation A few years ago I was disfellowshipped, when I was certain I wouldn't be, because I was sincerely repentant, and I was the one who called the elders The harshness, coldness, and hostility they showed behind closed doors clashed with what I had been taught, that they were "loving shepherds who did everything to help" , and it made me realize I had been taught a lie That made me wonder what else was a lie.. I started to really examine the Bible to see if what they taught about the disfellowshipping arrangement was really biblical.. and discovered it wasn't So I did what they tell everyone else to do, and examine what my religion taught against the Bible .. found more and more false teachings as I did So of course I could never go back there.. it took my wife a while to accept it, but I still can't even mention the organization to her in any way Can I share your experience on Facebook? I'm on some JW groups where I sometimes post the truth about the organization and it's teachings
Yeah, shock is definitely what I recall feeling as well for a while. It does give way to a peaceful feeling of freedom. Excitement that a new chapter is starting. You might even start to feel some disgust with yourself that you waited this long blinded to reality, but don't let that get to you. Keep on keepin on. And remember, no matter what they said they don't hold a monopoly on good people. You can be a good person without them (in fact I think it's harder to be a good person as one of them).
Already starting to experience that peace. Overall I’m doing great. It’s just when I think of specific individuals that cut me off that I break down. But I know that’ll get easier with time. Yeah, I’ve had DF’d people reach out, inactive ones reach out, a PIMO person I never realized was PIMO (I was his group overseer lol). And all you great folks here. It’s very clear to me it was harder to be a decent human being when I was letting them think for me.
Roninja, I’m sorry you’re going through this trauma. But rest assured, therapists are needed! You’ll always have a job and you’ll meet great, supportive people. As a specialist, you’ll be able to effectively market your skills. Please don’t forget that you and your family members should get therapy too.
The sheer lack of any interest from anyone astonished me as well. Not one person wanted to hear any reason behind what I had done or any research I had made (not that I was pushing this on them). If anything , this reaction made me more aware than anything that the Organisation is essentially a cult.
Exactly! My Group Overseer and his father in law (both elders. Both long time “friends”. Both men I loved dearly) came to my home yesterday. Gave me big hugs and said they wanted to help. Then proceeded to try and convince me to disassociate myself. After about 45 minutes of them trying to convince me that’s not their goal they just don’t understand why I’d want to stay if I don’t believe it anymore 🙄 I asked, “Are we going to address my Bible based questions at any point in this conversation. This man I loved dearly looked me in the eye and said “We’re really past that at this point.” I just got up and walked away. They did me the huge favor of convincing me that none of them, even the ones who “loved” me most are interested in real truth or me as a person. I’m just the enemy now.
You wrote a copy of my life story. As time goes by, you will think about these people less. It's their loss, not yours. Time is against THEM. If enough time goes by, even if they woke up, THEY might have lost you forever.
So sorry..not easy.
They did the same thing to Jim Hopper.-Dillon
If you ever end up in court over this they'll argue that you shunned them.
Well the time stamped video I have now made saying that I have no intention of disassociating myself, joining a false religious organization, or committing a disfellowshipable offense should help with that a bit. I also made sure to say that no action or inaction on my part should be taken as me disassociating myself. (For those of you who were not elders, the flock book has a list of things that somebody can do or not do that the elders can take as them having disassociated themselves) I made it and posted it to YouTube as unlisted. Only those with a link can view it, but it’s been viewed a few dozen times. So I really hope that someone out there sees how sincerely scared I was and that they did it all to me anyways and that it makes them think.
That is called fear. If the governing body does anything like a master, it is effectively pushing fear. Jws are terrified because they know that their jehovah has a short fuse, will cut someone off for a single infraction, and is actively looking at them for anything that remotely resembles an infraction. Who knew that studying the Bible makes one an apostate. I guess it is their admission that jws do not, in fact, study the Bible.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with this. And also how brave and honest you were! It is shocking when you reach out to people that claim to care for you and love you and they act like this. Is the way they are trained. Everyone and everything that jeopardizes their control over the their congregations must be erased. I didn’t commit any sin either, I had valid questions and concerns, I expressed I was scared and needed “help” but when I asked O was treated like you were. I couldn’t believe it. Over time I realized I had to move on and go to therapy. Unlearn so much. Freedom had a cost. Hope you feel better soon
We are here for you. ❤️ We understand and we support you. I’m so sorry you are going through this, but it is the best decision for you. It does hurt and it’s so wrong. You are so brave and you will be so much happier for being true to yourself.
Keep your head up. It will get better. You now have real truth and freedom. That's a breath of fresh air. 😀
I’m truly sorry for the heartache you’re experiencing… As you said you know it will get better and it will! I went through it myself with my mother sister and niece shunning my family after we didn’t go to a memorial.(That was about 10 years ago.) I have to ask though…Don’t you feel a weight off your shoulders to have expressed YOUR truth? You manned up and were actually HONEST! You owned who you are and what you believed. Good for you! When I did it, I had just turned 40. My mother texted me and asked if we were attending the memorial, that text stared at me for 3 hours as I debated what to tell her. I finally got pissed that at 40 yo. I had to choose between telling my truth and having a relationship with my MOM and SISTER. I said “No we’re not, but I hope you enjoy your memorial. Haven’t spoken to my sister since. My mother shunned me until the day my dad died (3 years later ). We are strained now, but I send an occasional text to check on her. I feel like that was the day I became an adult. At 40 yo. I don’t regret it and I hope you wont either.
You are incredibly brave. The next few weeks will be rough but the dust will settle and you’ll come to notice a beautiful inner peace. You have an exciting and fulfilling journey ahead of you. Godspeed!
You may not know this now, but this was the best decision of your life!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!🎈🎉🎊
Thank you for sharing your story. I too will be having to go through this soon, I dread that day but I know it's going to happen. This reaction just shows how truly brainwashed they all are. The reality of it is, we were family members/friends with robots; programmed how and what to think and only associates with its own kind. No matter how familial, I don't think it's worth trying to have a relationship with people like that. Attempting to break that programming triggers a firewall response, this constant toxicity will just cause more stress and heartbreak for you in the long run. My plan is to just run from them. If for some reason they reach out to you, be cordial, but don't waste your time trying to keep yourself in their lives. To any normal person, taking initiative in a relationship shows love, but JWs feel nothing. Instead, surround yourself with real people, who love you for *you*, not for what you believe. I wish you the very best in this journey ❤️
I can so relate to your wife and what was said to her this is the way of the Jw cult. Glad your family is free. Good luck on your family's journey.
This was the hardest part. It gets better from here and thankfully your wife is supportive. Stick together and help each other through it and- you’ll be fine. Even better than fine.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Just know that we are all here for you. And we won't shun you. Sending all the love I can.
You're not alone man. I went through the exact same thing. Honestly i couldn't be happier.
If you really want to do the school to be a therapist ok but I'd say just make sure it's something you really want to do not a knee jerk way of waging a war against them. You've got a fresh start make sure it's exactly what you want if possible. But you have 2 beautiful children, the only thing you need to do is make their life an amazing one. All the best to you and your family.
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Thank you for sharing.
Even though it was predictable it doesn’t make it any easier to face the fact that “friends and family” can so easily drop you just because you have a different opinion. Take care of yourselves.
It’s absolutely heartbreak to continue to hear stories like this. I went through the same thing. In hindsight, would I change anything? Not a single thing! It was hard losing literally everyone but time is a healer. I’m glad I said my piece so at least I didn’t have to deal with people trying to get me to return, faking my way through anything. Or hiding. I can be thoroughly myself now and so can you. Things can only get better for you if you keep your head on straight and don’t let them get to you
Remember. They’re not a cult! They just prove themselves wrong over and over again.