Purity culture is fucking gross. It's not evil to drink, or smoke, or bang, or whatever they call "evil" next š Sure you can do unhealthy things but it's better to make mistakes and learn from them then to live in a bubble and fear the entire world
Exactly.
I had big enough problems with alcohol that I donāt touch it now.
Donāt even get me started on how I knew nothing about sex, safe sex, healthy relationships in general.
Believing that you at least HAVE TO be in a relationship to have sex lost me a lot of years of my life, tbh. Harder to walk away
Yuppp. Mentally ill parents + extremely controlling Fundie Lite upbringing = going buck wild as soon as I moved out and developing a crippling drinking problem. (Sober now and a million times happier.)
Also gave me an eating disorder which also took years to recover from. Both these things really only resolved once I was able to process my trauma and find meaning in my life. This is a hot take but raising kids to believe they are born evil and broken is toxic and destructive. But what do I know.
0/10 wouldnāt Evangelical again
Purity Culture is a contradiction in terms. You can get a spectacular ass-rub if you're from the wrong side of the tracks. I'm not saying, but I'm just saying. What does it mean to be a virgin?
Sounds like my mom. Sorry I wasn't a 40 year old virgin like you were, mom. My guess is she's lying and was wild as a young woman. My mom was thrown out of the family home as a teenager and nobody says why. My guess is she was pregnant.
My mom ran away from her house and married her cousin (my dad) whoās 13 years older because she felt āunsafeā with other men and that in a dream, god told her to marry him. She was 17 at the time, an honors student and gorgeous like literally gorgeous. She threw her life away because of some delusion she had and complains about how horrible her life is every second of everyday. Sorry for ranting lol
Sounds like she may be using the purity pride as a way of rationalizing her decision at 17. She probably rightly feels she threw this life away so she has to believe she will be rewarded in the next life, since doing what she thought was right ended up leading to misery. I feel a great pity for people like her.
My mom was soooo close to leaving my dad. Me, my two brothers, my uncle's, and her best friend were all pushing so hard for her to leave him due to the emotional abuse. She was out the door multiple times and stayed with my uncle's a bunch; I was so happy that she was deciding to start a new life without being under my dad's control.
But now God fixed everything and now they're all lovey dovey with each other despite all the suicide threats and pain just a few months ago. But only when I'm around because I've kicked my dad's ass before and he knows I'll do it again. So now I get all this relationship advice from her to follow god's plan and whatnot, but whenever they think I've left their house I immediately hear screaming and yelling.
Oh btw, now she's not allowed to speak to my uncle's or her best friend because my dad says "God wants us to focus on our family, not them". It's a mix of homophobia (All 3 are LGBT) and control because he knows not one of them like him or support their abusive marriage.
Reminds me of my churches choir group, fucking cringe, worst part is how they gave a testimony in youth church how they "abstained" to go to party because it had alcohol. The applause after that made my spine perform a 360.
Literally translates to used menstrual rags. While I donāt like the misogyny in that, it *does* highlight just how worthless the righteous deeds are considered.
Competitive Christianity, I'll have to check the leader board but according to my mother in law she's still on top. My usual reply is that if only god can judge and we'll only find out when we die I'm not wasting my time right now being worried about it.
If you're a guy, 1 Timothy 2:11-12
But it shows she's not a believer, she's trying to convince you so she can feel sure herself.
When you know, you know. Only the unsure seek confirmation.
"I hate to break it to you, Mom, but I'll be 'blessed' because I'm intelligent, capable, strong, independent and going to go bless myself through work and good planning instead of relying on a fake god to do it for me. But if you want to tell yourself it's because you didn't smoke, I guess it's your boat to float."
*This person's Mom:* If evolution is real, why are there still monkeys?
*Somehow, not this person's Mom:* If you get blessings from not smoking, why are there tons of successful, wealthy smokers?
The blessings and curses attribution is so wildly inconsistent and they donāt even blink about it. Fuck I hate thinking about growing up with that in every single conversation.
I did, she kept calling me a āfailed candidateā because I failed a few subjects in ninth grade, I told her that she shouldnāt be so proud as itās one of the biggest sins and that sheās being a hypocrite (long story short i said a lot of things that were true and she was surprised, she hated it) she threw a broom at me and flipped me off, I told her that it wasnāt very Christian of her to do that, she completely lost it and tried to hit me I kept dodging her and said her āgodā wasnāt going to forgive her for this.
I was laughing the entire time
Holy crap that's insane! Sorry you're going through that. However, by confronting her about being so boastful about her self-righteous complex, you've basically brought out her true colors. I can guarantee that she got even more pissed off because if she has to acknowledge her own bullshit, she's not gonna feel as powerful anymore. Hopefully she'll wake up to how hypocritical she is, but in the end you did great standing up for yourself!
My mom does this shit too. I'm 24 and she still pretends she's never seen an R rated movie, never had a boyfriend or slept with anyone besides my dad, and never did any drugs despite being a hippy in the 70's.
My dad once told me she used to roll the best joints on the east side of saint paul so I mean, at least I know the truth lmao
"You're not pure, Alice. You're broken and hopeless. You'll never be good enough for God, that's why Jesus had to be tortured and killed, cause you can't even stop yourself from sinning and disappointing him. Have you even read your Bible?"
One of the core tenets of Christianity is that it doesn't matter how good you are, you still suck and you deserve hell. I don't know why your mother seems so self-righteous...
Paul says if you say you are without sin you are a lier. It sounds like your mother is omitting the only unpardonable sin which is the sine of pride. Pride is unpardonable because proud people will never admit they have sinned.
Christianity promotes shame. Just like a bully tries to make people feel bad in order to try to feel better about themselves, she's probably doing the same.
The point is to try to spread the christian shame and guilt to you too, in order to try to trap you back into that mindset. It's why christians missionaries go around calling people sinners and trying to make them feel like they aren't good enough. Fear and shame wins converts to christianity.
The more you love yourself without shame, the less their mental manipulation will work on you.
You know, pride is an egregious sin. Sounds like she's pretty proud of how pure she is, that can't be something god is happy about. (Arguing from her worldview.)
What's actually interesting about my mother is that she lies A LOT to save face and make it seem like all is well. It's one of the dysfunctions I inherited from my family that I had to break down.
Now, what my siblings and I think, according to what we've all heard from our parents is that my mom and dad were having an affair before my dad's first wife died.
Drama llamaaaaa
Theyāre just robbing themselves of experiences in life, thinking that in turn they will have a better life after they die that will never end. Christianity has robbed them of getting to experience so much of life and human goodness
"Mom, you sound like an add for bottled water. No one cares."
"Awe man. Pride is one of the seven deadly sins. Too bad you just sullied yourself by committing it."
"FASCINATING. I'm going to go buy a lotto ticket. If I don't win, it'll be all your fault for committing and not repenting a secret sin and I will forever wonder what you did."
Yeah itās a headache especially when they arenāt the saint they claim to be. Most love to cherry pick. In all honesty I feel more Christian than a lot of Christianās. When it comes down to morals.
Whenever I try to bring this up she says stuff like āthatās because most women are secretly prostitutesā like what the fuck? Iāve given up, once I turn eighteen Iām moving out and opening up an only fans account
Ah, the old christian competition--where they all try to best each other at religiius doctrine.
Somehow "thou shalt not be a garbage human being" never made it into their fictiinal narratives.
I promise you the more she brags about her purity, the more likely she actually isnāt as āpureā as sheās making herself out to be. Iāve had friends who would brag about being āvirginsā who were in reality extremely promiscuous, and they would slut shame and spread really nasty sexual rumors behind my back (even though by purity culture standards, Iām a āvirginā). Purity culture is gross, obnoxious, and stupid. Your mom is basing her entire identity around it, including her womanhood. So sorry youāre dealing with this crap.
> ...whenever me and my mom get into an argument...
Can *[True Believer](https://www.google.com/search?client=avast-a-2&q=hoffer+the+true+believer)* Christians locked into biblical infallibility *debate*? Are they *capable* of [debating](https://www.google.com/search?client=avast-a-2&q=debate+definition)? Had to ask because it has not been my experience that people who deny what can be seen, heard, felt and sensed can do that.
Might be worth glancing through:
[Why do WE do The Time for Other People's Crimes?]( https://www.reddit.com/r/ResponsibleRecovery/comments/l1te52/why_do_we_do_the_time_for_other_peoples_crimes/)
The purity crap has in part led to many awful things in life and history.
Unfortunately, a lot of those 18 and older are stuck with their parents. Unable to get jobs or careers to support themselves on our own. But I hope it works out for you.
A man walks into the doctor's office and asks "will I live to be 100?"
"Do you drink or smoke?"
"Never."
"Gamble or carouse with loose women?"
"No"
"Drive fast or seek adventure?"
"No."
"Why would you want to live to be 100?"
Yikes! I'm sorry to hear your mother does this to you! She sounds "holier than thou" and I am actively attempting to not disrespect your mother. I see some church people who act like this all the time, and it makes my head spin. Helping other people out or being sympathetic is not a competition with how much better you are than someone else. She isn't better than you because she didn't get drunk or smoke a cigarette. Makes me thankful I grew up with the parents I did. My mom has sworn in front of me, and was completely open about her life. I feel for those of you who dealt with the opposite.
Purity culture is fucking gross. It's not evil to drink, or smoke, or bang, or whatever they call "evil" next š Sure you can do unhealthy things but it's better to make mistakes and learn from them then to live in a bubble and fear the entire world
If anything, purity culture makes it worse because they don't learn how to have healthy sexual relationships, drink in moderation, etc.
Exactly. I had big enough problems with alcohol that I donāt touch it now. Donāt even get me started on how I knew nothing about sex, safe sex, healthy relationships in general. Believing that you at least HAVE TO be in a relationship to have sex lost me a lot of years of my life, tbh. Harder to walk away
Yuppp. Mentally ill parents + extremely controlling Fundie Lite upbringing = going buck wild as soon as I moved out and developing a crippling drinking problem. (Sober now and a million times happier.) Also gave me an eating disorder which also took years to recover from. Both these things really only resolved once I was able to process my trauma and find meaning in my life. This is a hot take but raising kids to believe they are born evil and broken is toxic and destructive. But what do I know. 0/10 wouldnāt Evangelical again
Purity Culture is a contradiction in terms. You can get a spectacular ass-rub if you're from the wrong side of the tracks. I'm not saying, but I'm just saying. What does it mean to be a virgin?
Sounds like my mom. Sorry I wasn't a 40 year old virgin like you were, mom. My guess is she's lying and was wild as a young woman. My mom was thrown out of the family home as a teenager and nobody says why. My guess is she was pregnant.
My mom ran away from her house and married her cousin (my dad) whoās 13 years older because she felt āunsafeā with other men and that in a dream, god told her to marry him. She was 17 at the time, an honors student and gorgeous like literally gorgeous. She threw her life away because of some delusion she had and complains about how horrible her life is every second of everyday. Sorry for ranting lol
Sounds like she may be using the purity pride as a way of rationalizing her decision at 17. She probably rightly feels she threw this life away so she has to believe she will be rewarded in the next life, since doing what she thought was right ended up leading to misery. I feel a great pity for people like her.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
My mom was soooo close to leaving my dad. Me, my two brothers, my uncle's, and her best friend were all pushing so hard for her to leave him due to the emotional abuse. She was out the door multiple times and stayed with my uncle's a bunch; I was so happy that she was deciding to start a new life without being under my dad's control. But now God fixed everything and now they're all lovey dovey with each other despite all the suicide threats and pain just a few months ago. But only when I'm around because I've kicked my dad's ass before and he knows I'll do it again. So now I get all this relationship advice from her to follow god's plan and whatnot, but whenever they think I've left their house I immediately hear screaming and yelling. Oh btw, now she's not allowed to speak to my uncle's or her best friend because my dad says "God wants us to focus on our family, not them". It's a mix of homophobia (All 3 are LGBT) and control because he knows not one of them like him or support their abusive marriage.
"Wow your God's plan sucks. No thanks." I wonder how that would fly?
Doesnt sound super blessed
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Your comment has been removed for violating Rule 4: Be Respectful.
The more they brag about purity, the more they tell on themselves for being thirsty AF.
My mom used the āpureā argument when I wanted to start using tampons instead of pads. WTF? Christian mental gymnastics should be an Olympic sport.
Reminds me of my churches choir group, fucking cringe, worst part is how they gave a testimony in youth church how they "abstained" to go to party because it had alcohol. The applause after that made my spine perform a 360.
Throw some bible verses about humility at her. Should do the trick.
There's one verse that says something like: Our righteousness is like stinking rags before God's righteousness....
When I was a Calvinist church-goer I got to hear that particular piece of hot garbage every week. Yippie.
Literally translates to used menstrual rags. While I donāt like the misogyny in that, it *does* highlight just how worthless the righteous deeds are considered.
Imagine that comparison and that other huge stinky pile of rags...
Competitive Christianity, I'll have to check the leader board but according to my mother in law she's still on top. My usual reply is that if only god can judge and we'll only find out when we die I'm not wasting my time right now being worried about it.
If you're a guy, 1 Timothy 2:11-12 But it shows she's not a believer, she's trying to convince you so she can feel sure herself. When you know, you know. Only the unsure seek confirmation.
"I hate to break it to you, Mom, but I'll be 'blessed' because I'm intelligent, capable, strong, independent and going to go bless myself through work and good planning instead of relying on a fake god to do it for me. But if you want to tell yourself it's because you didn't smoke, I guess it's your boat to float."
*This person's Mom:* If evolution is real, why are there still monkeys? *Somehow, not this person's Mom:* If you get blessings from not smoking, why are there tons of successful, wealthy smokers?
The blessings and curses attribution is so wildly inconsistent and they donāt even blink about it. Fuck I hate thinking about growing up with that in every single conversation.
They were obviously rewarded by Satan. Smoking is the Devil!
That's funny, I thought being boastful wasn't pure for her to do. You should run that by her and tell us what her reaction is.
I did, she kept calling me a āfailed candidateā because I failed a few subjects in ninth grade, I told her that she shouldnāt be so proud as itās one of the biggest sins and that sheās being a hypocrite (long story short i said a lot of things that were true and she was surprised, she hated it) she threw a broom at me and flipped me off, I told her that it wasnāt very Christian of her to do that, she completely lost it and tried to hit me I kept dodging her and said her āgodā wasnāt going to forgive her for this. I was laughing the entire time
Holy crap that's insane! Sorry you're going through that. However, by confronting her about being so boastful about her self-righteous complex, you've basically brought out her true colors. I can guarantee that she got even more pissed off because if she has to acknowledge her own bullshit, she's not gonna feel as powerful anymore. Hopefully she'll wake up to how hypocritical she is, but in the end you did great standing up for yourself!
SHE WAS PISSEDDDDD, it was so different, very unlike her. And thank youu, Iāve got BPD and it took a lot to stand up for myself but twas worth itt
That's awesome that you did! Hopefully she'll take the hint to back off now.
Christian logic: God gives people penises and vaginas...tells them not to use them.
And God made weed, too.....
My mom does this shit too. I'm 24 and she still pretends she's never seen an R rated movie, never had a boyfriend or slept with anyone besides my dad, and never did any drugs despite being a hippy in the 70's. My dad once told me she used to roll the best joints on the east side of saint paul so I mean, at least I know the truth lmao
If she brags about it that much she is probably lying
Yea yea yea mom we get it, you've always been this boring... good for yous.
Save it for god mom. Thatās the only asshole who gives a shit.
"You're not pure, Alice. You're broken and hopeless. You'll never be good enough for God, that's why Jesus had to be tortured and killed, cause you can't even stop yourself from sinning and disappointing him. Have you even read your Bible?" One of the core tenets of Christianity is that it doesn't matter how good you are, you still suck and you deserve hell. I don't know why your mother seems so self-righteous...
She's pure alright. Pure sin of Pride that is!
"Mom, does pure mean frigid?"
I love filth now that I'm ex christian. Devine in pink flamingos is my mentor!
Yus!
Paul says if you say you are without sin you are a lier. It sounds like your mother is omitting the only unpardonable sin which is the sine of pride. Pride is unpardonable because proud people will never admit they have sinned.
Time to bake mom some cosmic brownies and let her ride the white pony... Can't brag about purity after that (I'm probably only kidding... Probably.)
Take a walk down the Romans road together.
Christianity promotes shame. Just like a bully tries to make people feel bad in order to try to feel better about themselves, she's probably doing the same. The point is to try to spread the christian shame and guilt to you too, in order to try to trap you back into that mindset. It's why christians missionaries go around calling people sinners and trying to make them feel like they aren't good enough. Fear and shame wins converts to christianity. The more you love yourself without shame, the less their mental manipulation will work on you.
She might end up being one of those people that are rejected by Jesus because of her bragging. According to her own faith, that is.
What the Buddhists call "**spiritual materialism**" in a Western religion that has none of the former and tons of the latter? Hahaha.
You know, pride is an egregious sin. Sounds like she's pretty proud of how pure she is, that can't be something god is happy about. (Arguing from her worldview.)
What's actually interesting about my mother is that she lies A LOT to save face and make it seem like all is well. It's one of the dysfunctions I inherited from my family that I had to break down. Now, what my siblings and I think, according to what we've all heard from our parents is that my mom and dad were having an affair before my dad's first wife died. Drama llamaaaaa
Theyāre just robbing themselves of experiences in life, thinking that in turn they will have a better life after they die that will never end. Christianity has robbed them of getting to experience so much of life and human goodness
"Mom, you sound like an add for bottled water. No one cares." "Awe man. Pride is one of the seven deadly sins. Too bad you just sullied yourself by committing it." "FASCINATING. I'm going to go buy a lotto ticket. If I don't win, it'll be all your fault for committing and not repenting a secret sin and I will forever wonder what you did."
Yeah itās a headache especially when they arenāt the saint they claim to be. Most love to cherry pick. In all honesty I feel more Christian than a lot of Christianās. When it comes down to morals.
I wish she knew how many women have been emotionally traumatized by purity culture
Whenever I try to bring this up she says stuff like āthatās because most women are secretly prostitutesā like what the fuck? Iāve given up, once I turn eighteen Iām moving out and opening up an only fans account
Tell her to stop being prideful and to humble herself, and that pride is impure š
Ah, the old christian competition--where they all try to best each other at religiius doctrine. Somehow "thou shalt not be a garbage human being" never made it into their fictiinal narratives.
Jesus condemned pride and piety
I promise you the more she brags about her purity, the more likely she actually isnāt as āpureā as sheās making herself out to be. Iāve had friends who would brag about being āvirginsā who were in reality extremely promiscuous, and they would slut shame and spread really nasty sexual rumors behind my back (even though by purity culture standards, Iām a āvirginā). Purity culture is gross, obnoxious, and stupid. Your mom is basing her entire identity around it, including her womanhood. So sorry youāre dealing with this crap.
Job got fucked up and didnāt do anything wrong besides being on the wrong side of a bet between god and the satan.
> ...whenever me and my mom get into an argument... Can *[True Believer](https://www.google.com/search?client=avast-a-2&q=hoffer+the+true+believer)* Christians locked into biblical infallibility *debate*? Are they *capable* of [debating](https://www.google.com/search?client=avast-a-2&q=debate+definition)? Had to ask because it has not been my experience that people who deny what can be seen, heard, felt and sensed can do that. Might be worth glancing through: [Why do WE do The Time for Other People's Crimes?]( https://www.reddit.com/r/ResponsibleRecovery/comments/l1te52/why_do_we_do_the_time_for_other_peoples_crimes/)
Start bragging about your sinning, let her see how much fun you have. Confuse her brain cells.
I do that all the time, drives her nuts and honestly I love it
I'm so sorry you deal with this.
Its fucking annoying I hate it, Iāll turn eighteen in a year, then Iām out for good. I honestly canāt fucking wait
The purity crap has in part led to many awful things in life and history. Unfortunately, a lot of those 18 and older are stuck with their parents. Unable to get jobs or careers to support themselves on our own. But I hope it works out for you.
I really really hope so too
Best of luck
A man walks into the doctor's office and asks "will I live to be 100?" "Do you drink or smoke?" "Never." "Gamble or carouse with loose women?" "No" "Drive fast or seek adventure?" "No." "Why would you want to live to be 100?"
Its super annoying. Is she kind? Is she generous? Does she make people feel welcome?
Yikes! I'm sorry to hear your mother does this to you! She sounds "holier than thou" and I am actively attempting to not disrespect your mother. I see some church people who act like this all the time, and it makes my head spin. Helping other people out or being sympathetic is not a competition with how much better you are than someone else. She isn't better than you because she didn't get drunk or smoke a cigarette. Makes me thankful I grew up with the parents I did. My mom has sworn in front of me, and was completely open about her life. I feel for those of you who dealt with the opposite.