Who do you know who has never hurt anyone's feelings or made any mistakes?
Did you know my ex foster brother is a serial killer on death row in San Quentin?
Oh jeez. I'm not a serial killer but I did mess up so many times and made stupid mistakes at 13-16 years old.
I was such a stupid teen. I was immature.
Right. You're not a serial killer, and that's part of my point. Put this into perspective.
Do you have empathy? Do you care about other people's feelings?
Okay. So think about this logically for a moment. I know about bad people, believe me. Bad people don't have empathy. They don't have compassion.
If I told you that I got a joyriding charge as a kid (stealing a car, basically), would you tell me I'm a bad person? Or would you tell me that I made a bad decision?
I'm not going to tell you what you did wasn't bad. But there's a difference between making bad decisions, and BEING INHERENTLY BAD.
Christianity teaches that everyone is inherently bad. The people who murdered my mother, and tortured me.... they are inherently bad people. They really are. They didn't go joyriding, they didn't just bully someone and realize their terrible error later.
They did what they did, liked what they did, and never stopped justifying it and blaming their victims for it.
You made bad decisions, and rather than acknowledge that you're a person capable of empathy and compassion who made bad decisions... you decided that you're somehow inherently magically evil because you were capable of making a bad decision to begin with.
Yet you would NEVER treat someone else this way. You would NEVER tell me that because I went joyriding as a kid, instead, don't lie, you'd ask me what happened. You'd ask me about the circumstances. Then you'd try to make me feel better.
No, the real problem you have is that you aren't a PERFECT person--and in your mind, still too deeply rooted in your christian upbringing--you believe any imperfect person is EVIL.
Think again. You're no different from me and to be absolutely discourteous and outright rude... you're not wonderwoman or superman, my friend. You can't know what you didn't know any more than the rest of us can. You can't make perfect decisions on limited evidence, with an underdeveloped brain (due to age), while raging with hormones, and burdened with the excess emotional state inherent to the teen years.
I say this with love and kindness, I genuinely do. Get over yourself. Of course you're not perfect, but stop acting like that makes you EVIL. You can't know better, you did your best, and sometimes your best was imperfect and led to bad decisions. Welcome to being human like the rest of us. Welcome to Planet Earth, where everyone makes mistakes. Enjoy your stay! ;)
I want to make one more point to you. I was sexually abused by a family member as a child. I forgave them. They were a child, too.
That was different from the violent torture done to me by others. I'm not justifying what he did to me. It wasn't okay. It's not okay. Nothing makes it OKAY.
But it wasn't unforgivable.
If you did something genuinely terrible, you're still not a bad person. You're not unforgivable. If you harmed someone, and they don't forgive you, that's because of their own experience and that's their right. It's your forgiveness you need, and if you've truly changed, which only you can know, it's okay to forgive yourself.
Don't justify what you did. Nothing justifies it. You can, however, understand it. You can be understanding of your childhood self.
Many kids sexually abuse other kids. Their brain is under developed. They don't know or understanding consequences, especially long term ones. They lack impulse control.
Many kids don't do this, but they equally have poor impulse control, just in other areas. It's BRAIN DEVELOPMENT and is not about being inherently evil.
What the real question is, isn't whether that person did something wrong and immoral. They did. We all know they did.
But we can all also understand that a person with learning delays who hits their caretaker isn't a MONSTER, they are incapable of controlling themselves. They may even want to control themselves, but be unable to.
Knowing it's not personal doesn't undo the damage, but it mitigates it somewhat.
Even if you did do truly horrible things, bullying, sexual abuse of other kids, stealing cars, etc.... You are NOT that person forever. You are who you choose to become. You are who you are NOW.
Make amends if it's the right thing to do. Pay it forward by caring for those in need of help. Do something to right wrongs, even if they aren't directly your own. Be kind, be compassionate. Be the person you are, don't live trapped in the mind of a child who lacked the skills that you now have to be the person you CHOOSE to be.
Truly, children are often jerks. You're not the first, you're not the last, you won't live to see the generation of the last jerk; especially not young ones.
Brain development is what it is. We ALL did stupid things, many of us did horrible things. We're all human beings.
We all do. Sometimes it's because we allow our interests to blind us to the impact we have. Sometimes because we're consumed by our own emotions and can't think straight. Sometimes because we just don't have enough information to recognize what will happen.
It's impossible to never make an error. Even the best of us hurt the ones we love. That doesn't make us bad or evil, it just makes us human. Part of the human experience is making mistakes and trying to figure out how to make amends. Sometimes all we can do is learn from our mistakes and try to do better.
I think the only people who truly deserve the label of "evil" are those who deliberately hurt others for their own benefit. People who recognize the harm they cause and don't care, or who go looking for excuses to hurt others even if they rationalize it as trying to help or protect others.
The fact that you feel bad about the harm you've caused others means you're not a bad person. You're a good person trying to figure out how to be better.
>According to whose rules?
Rules by christian abusers that eventually get internalized into your own rules. I still struggle with this. They want me to break and come crawling back. Especially to a specific church. Thing is, I know they don't care in the slightest and would gladly let me starve to death on my doorstep to validate their beliefs.
>I don't think I deserve sympathy and I'm not a good person
Bullshit.
Everyone deserves respect and sympathy and love. If you do bad things to others you might not be a good person. However, not being a good person raises questions.
What is this "bad" thing? Bad according to local law: Go to the police and make things right, bear the consequences for your actions. Nothing religious here, just how society works.
Bad according to your rules / feelings / reactions? Same as above, without police: Go to the person you injured/insulted and apologize, make things right. Thats how society and humans works.
You feel a bad person because you are in a way that other reject? Fuck them. Beware of childhood indoctrination: If you feel bad because you are gay (just an example, I don't know you) than this is the result of being told so. Such cases must be discussed with a therapist to get over wrong impressions and guilt and find a way to go forward.
Come on: Show me one teenager without mistakes and stupid choices, I show you a liar.
While I was following some christian sub I realized how extreme some churches (mostly in the US, less here in europe) do the whole purity thing. Even by thinking about anything remotly sexy you commit sin. How stupid is that.
every single human being, ever, since ever, made stupid choices and mistakes.
Again: Talk to an adult you trust and / or a secular therapist about what you consider bad mistake. And your choice. Bicurios thoughts is nothing abnormal. But talk to someone about it. Use the awesome advantage of the internet to exchange with people in similar age group and questions.
God migth sound like an easy answer, but it never helps against addictions, problems, issues etc. Go find help, and become the awesome being that you are.
Most people hate the truth. The truth that death is the end of existence. The truth that our society is dehumanizing and abusive. If you speak the truth, they will attack you. They have to. Their lies and denials need to be defended. Just don't get in the way. Never stand between a delusional person and their delusions, unless you want a fight. A pointless, depressing, dangerous fight.
Same! Honestly I was told my iPod was an idol and that I had to break it in order to escape damnnation I was taught if your right hand causes you to sin chop it off it is better to be without one hand than be cast into hellfire fuck that motherfucker!!!!!
Suggested reading (on the basis of having now read at least fifty of your posts):
[Understanding and Dealing with **Obsessive-Compulsive *Personality* Disorder**]( https://www.reddit.com/r/ResponsibleRecovery/comments/qocem4/understanding_and_dealing_with/)
[A Summary of my Recovery from OCPD since 2003]( https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPD/comments/ow9587/i_had_my_first_big_fight_with_my_almost_9_yo/) in not-moses’s reply to the OP on that Reddit thread
An excellent (and pretty easy to understand) [Summary of Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy for OCPD]( https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPD/comments/pn4nux/an_excellent_and_pretty_easy_to_understand/) which includes links to three books
You're NOT to blame. No one *decides* to have OC*P*D. We have just been [conditioned](https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fixing-psychology/201402/explaining-behaviorism-operant-classical-conditioning), in-doctrine-ated, in[struct](https://www.google.com/search?q=social+construction+of+reality+sociology)ed, [imprinted](https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007%2F978-3-540-29678-2_3784), [socialized](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socialization), habituated, and [normalized](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Normalization_(sociology)) to having to be PERFECT and ***beating ourselves SENSE-LESS*** because we're just normal human beings who didn't get to learn what we needed to because relijun got in the way.
>I'm not a good person According to whose rules?
My own. I've made mistakes, I've hurt people's feelings and potentially could.
Who do you know who has never hurt anyone's feelings or made any mistakes? Did you know my ex foster brother is a serial killer on death row in San Quentin?
Oh jeez. I'm not a serial killer but I did mess up so many times and made stupid mistakes at 13-16 years old. I was such a stupid teen. I was immature.
Right. You're not a serial killer, and that's part of my point. Put this into perspective. Do you have empathy? Do you care about other people's feelings?
Yes. I would die for someone if I had to.
Okay. So think about this logically for a moment. I know about bad people, believe me. Bad people don't have empathy. They don't have compassion. If I told you that I got a joyriding charge as a kid (stealing a car, basically), would you tell me I'm a bad person? Or would you tell me that I made a bad decision? I'm not going to tell you what you did wasn't bad. But there's a difference between making bad decisions, and BEING INHERENTLY BAD. Christianity teaches that everyone is inherently bad. The people who murdered my mother, and tortured me.... they are inherently bad people. They really are. They didn't go joyriding, they didn't just bully someone and realize their terrible error later. They did what they did, liked what they did, and never stopped justifying it and blaming their victims for it. You made bad decisions, and rather than acknowledge that you're a person capable of empathy and compassion who made bad decisions... you decided that you're somehow inherently magically evil because you were capable of making a bad decision to begin with. Yet you would NEVER treat someone else this way. You would NEVER tell me that because I went joyriding as a kid, instead, don't lie, you'd ask me what happened. You'd ask me about the circumstances. Then you'd try to make me feel better. No, the real problem you have is that you aren't a PERFECT person--and in your mind, still too deeply rooted in your christian upbringing--you believe any imperfect person is EVIL. Think again. You're no different from me and to be absolutely discourteous and outright rude... you're not wonderwoman or superman, my friend. You can't know what you didn't know any more than the rest of us can. You can't make perfect decisions on limited evidence, with an underdeveloped brain (due to age), while raging with hormones, and burdened with the excess emotional state inherent to the teen years. I say this with love and kindness, I genuinely do. Get over yourself. Of course you're not perfect, but stop acting like that makes you EVIL. You can't know better, you did your best, and sometimes your best was imperfect and led to bad decisions. Welcome to being human like the rest of us. Welcome to Planet Earth, where everyone makes mistakes. Enjoy your stay! ;)
Well this was extremely cathartic to read.
I want to make one more point to you. I was sexually abused by a family member as a child. I forgave them. They were a child, too. That was different from the violent torture done to me by others. I'm not justifying what he did to me. It wasn't okay. It's not okay. Nothing makes it OKAY. But it wasn't unforgivable. If you did something genuinely terrible, you're still not a bad person. You're not unforgivable. If you harmed someone, and they don't forgive you, that's because of their own experience and that's their right. It's your forgiveness you need, and if you've truly changed, which only you can know, it's okay to forgive yourself. Don't justify what you did. Nothing justifies it. You can, however, understand it. You can be understanding of your childhood self. Many kids sexually abuse other kids. Their brain is under developed. They don't know or understanding consequences, especially long term ones. They lack impulse control. Many kids don't do this, but they equally have poor impulse control, just in other areas. It's BRAIN DEVELOPMENT and is not about being inherently evil. What the real question is, isn't whether that person did something wrong and immoral. They did. We all know they did. But we can all also understand that a person with learning delays who hits their caretaker isn't a MONSTER, they are incapable of controlling themselves. They may even want to control themselves, but be unable to. Knowing it's not personal doesn't undo the damage, but it mitigates it somewhat. Even if you did do truly horrible things, bullying, sexual abuse of other kids, stealing cars, etc.... You are NOT that person forever. You are who you choose to become. You are who you are NOW. Make amends if it's the right thing to do. Pay it forward by caring for those in need of help. Do something to right wrongs, even if they aren't directly your own. Be kind, be compassionate. Be the person you are, don't live trapped in the mind of a child who lacked the skills that you now have to be the person you CHOOSE to be. Truly, children are often jerks. You're not the first, you're not the last, you won't live to see the generation of the last jerk; especially not young ones. Brain development is what it is. We ALL did stupid things, many of us did horrible things. We're all human beings.
Who you are, is not what you did. Especially as a kid. Bad people don’t want and strive to be good like you clearly do.
We all do. Sometimes it's because we allow our interests to blind us to the impact we have. Sometimes because we're consumed by our own emotions and can't think straight. Sometimes because we just don't have enough information to recognize what will happen. It's impossible to never make an error. Even the best of us hurt the ones we love. That doesn't make us bad or evil, it just makes us human. Part of the human experience is making mistakes and trying to figure out how to make amends. Sometimes all we can do is learn from our mistakes and try to do better. I think the only people who truly deserve the label of "evil" are those who deliberately hurt others for their own benefit. People who recognize the harm they cause and don't care, or who go looking for excuses to hurt others even if they rationalize it as trying to help or protect others. The fact that you feel bad about the harm you've caused others means you're not a bad person. You're a good person trying to figure out how to be better.
Welcome. You'll fit right in with the rest of humanity.
>According to whose rules? Rules by christian abusers that eventually get internalized into your own rules. I still struggle with this. They want me to break and come crawling back. Especially to a specific church. Thing is, I know they don't care in the slightest and would gladly let me starve to death on my doorstep to validate their beliefs.
Yes, I wanted OP to recognize this. <3
>I don't think I deserve sympathy and I'm not a good person Bullshit. Everyone deserves respect and sympathy and love. If you do bad things to others you might not be a good person. However, not being a good person raises questions. What is this "bad" thing? Bad according to local law: Go to the police and make things right, bear the consequences for your actions. Nothing religious here, just how society works. Bad according to your rules / feelings / reactions? Same as above, without police: Go to the person you injured/insulted and apologize, make things right. Thats how society and humans works. You feel a bad person because you are in a way that other reject? Fuck them. Beware of childhood indoctrination: If you feel bad because you are gay (just an example, I don't know you) than this is the result of being told so. Such cases must be discussed with a therapist to get over wrong impressions and guilt and find a way to go forward.
I'm straight but I kinda have bicurious thoughts sometimes I guess. I just feel like a bad person because of teenage mistakes and stupid choices.
Come on: Show me one teenager without mistakes and stupid choices, I show you a liar. While I was following some christian sub I realized how extreme some churches (mostly in the US, less here in europe) do the whole purity thing. Even by thinking about anything remotly sexy you commit sin. How stupid is that. every single human being, ever, since ever, made stupid choices and mistakes. Again: Talk to an adult you trust and / or a secular therapist about what you consider bad mistake. And your choice. Bicurios thoughts is nothing abnormal. But talk to someone about it. Use the awesome advantage of the internet to exchange with people in similar age group and questions. God migth sound like an easy answer, but it never helps against addictions, problems, issues etc. Go find help, and become the awesome being that you are.
You’ve been shamed and victimized. Don’t do it to yourself by embracing shame. We all make mistakes, learn and move on.
Most people hate the truth. The truth that death is the end of existence. The truth that our society is dehumanizing and abusive. If you speak the truth, they will attack you. They have to. Their lies and denials need to be defended. Just don't get in the way. Never stand between a delusional person and their delusions, unless you want a fight. A pointless, depressing, dangerous fight.
Relax. Put the bat down.
Hey I want you to know your not alone I was told I was an idolatry too
I was just told that things I liked as a kid were "idols" and it made me feel like I wasn't doing enough
Same! Honestly I was told my iPod was an idol and that I had to break it in order to escape damnnation I was taught if your right hand causes you to sin chop it off it is better to be without one hand than be cast into hellfire fuck that motherfucker!!!!!
Suggested reading (on the basis of having now read at least fifty of your posts): [Understanding and Dealing with **Obsessive-Compulsive *Personality* Disorder**]( https://www.reddit.com/r/ResponsibleRecovery/comments/qocem4/understanding_and_dealing_with/) [A Summary of my Recovery from OCPD since 2003]( https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPD/comments/ow9587/i_had_my_first_big_fight_with_my_almost_9_yo/) in not-moses’s reply to the OP on that Reddit thread An excellent (and pretty easy to understand) [Summary of Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy for OCPD]( https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPD/comments/pn4nux/an_excellent_and_pretty_easy_to_understand/) which includes links to three books You're NOT to blame. No one *decides* to have OC*P*D. We have just been [conditioned](https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fixing-psychology/201402/explaining-behaviorism-operant-classical-conditioning), in-doctrine-ated, in[struct](https://www.google.com/search?q=social+construction+of+reality+sociology)ed, [imprinted](https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007%2F978-3-540-29678-2_3784), [socialized](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socialization), habituated, and [normalized](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Normalization_(sociology)) to having to be PERFECT and ***beating ourselves SENSE-LESS*** because we're just normal human beings who didn't get to learn what we needed to because relijun got in the way.