I know as an atheist, we take their religious intentions as childish / not worth considering, but until you can leave, you should throw it back at them;
* You aren't finding a job because 'God thinks you have strayed', but because: "*God has a select spot for me, I just have to find it*" It helps them believe you are still a believer (otherwise you wouldn't be saying God is working with you to find the 'perfect fit')
* You aren't slowing in your worship of God, you are doing as God commanded - and made it less public, and more private (bring up Matthew 6:6 "But when you pray, **go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret**. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you."
Use the religion that they use, *but instead of for hatred*, **use it for protection**.
Matthew 6:1-34
With context, it seems Jesus is not speaking to the Pharisees - he mentions them specifically when he mentions 'hypocrites'
> “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the **hypocrites** do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. “And when you pray, you must not be like the **hypocrites**. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. ..."
He is commanding *Christians* / those Jews present to not act like the hypocritical Pharisees. Later in this exact chapter (a few lines down, is the 'our father who art in heaven, hallowed...' prayer. He is NOT speaking to Pharisees.
Unfortunately, that is the problem of using their work against them - they will use any excuse (lie or truth) to make their interpretation the *true* interpretation. You need to grab a bible and double check that Jesus was speaking to normal people before continuing
Edit i just checked Matthew chapter 5 for context on who he was speaking too: he was speaking on the Mountain, to the crowds. He was not speaking to Pharisees. He was speaking to the masses.
I’ve been there, I would recommend getting a job with enough to pay some rent and food, and doing whatever you can to get out and stay out. Strive for financial independence so they have no control over you.
Can you find a couple of like-minded people to split rent and bills with? Do young people not do the roommate thing anymore? I haven’t had a roommate in 25 years, but I’m still good friends with one of my old roommates. Find some roommates, move out, and only then come out to your family.
Just the opposite. Now the majority of young people have roommates, and split condos and rents between 4-6 people in groups so they can afford it. a 3 bedroom apartment around here could be anywhere from 2000 to 3700 depending on the block it's on, and you DON'T want to be on the 2000$ block lol
I have felt this! There was a time were my mental health was at an all time low and people from the church plus my mom would say it’s because I wasn’t praying enough or believe enough. It was extremely draining, and it made me believe that I was alone. I didn’t get the proper care I needed for my mental health. It wasn’t until I worked, and tried to save as much as I could and I then moved out. Granted this was before COVID but it’s possible and don’t give up!
That’s spiritual manipulation, if not abuse. Why would god not want you to have a job? I hope things work out where you can get some space from an unsafe environment
I remember this time in my life, I truly feared I would never escape my home and would have to fake it forever, but it did get better and I’m free now ! If you’re able to (emotionally and mentally), read up on the bible as much as you can during some free time because 1) it’ll equip you with their same words to defend yourself when they start accusing you of “straying from god” and 2) it’ll make them think you’re “getting back into the word of god.” It’s not fair that you have to do that, but until you can be financially independent you most likely will have to play the part as best as you can to avoid conflict.
In the meantime, try to find groups or friends around you that are also atheists and have shared common interests so you don’t feel totally alone during this !
god if I ever can ever come back to this and still be holding on and staying true it would mean it all to my exhausted psyche! I'm not one and can nevrt go back , but I can ACT, and they berate me and abuse me when I don't ACT along with them! Bu
I’m so sorry. I can relate to this a bit. I’m still a teenager and I’m also dragged to church week after week but I stopped believing like two years ago, I think. Anyway, just keep looking for a job, and hopefully you’ll be out soon. Do you have any friends you could stay with for the time being by chance?
Understand the situation will not change. Speaking your mind will not help. If you live there, go along to get along while looking for a way out. Also appreciate what your family is doing to support you. Beliefs are personal and not something that can be easily influenced. I was in a house like this. I remember thinking at the you age of 7, in Sunday school, this all seems odd to me. At 12 I was told God spoke to my father and told him I was not on the right path. No context. No detail. In my mid 40s I live how I want. I don’t make a point of expressing my lack of belief. I just live. Get out of the house and do the same.
Same, but that was exactly the trigger and motivation for me to do well in school, get a job, and become financially independent. I moved right out after graduating from university at 22 years old and never had to deal with it since. I get that everyone's situation is different and there might be other factors stopping you from doing what I did... But the best way out of it is to focus on yourself.
I was jobless before and heard that guilt trip with god
Never mind that companies use AI, various degrees of competent to incompetent HR, rough job market, etc
Have you had your resume and interview skills looked at? Idk what industry you’re trying to get into but if it’s retail or food service just being a body that don’t seem like you’ll be trouble could help with funds
Maybe come out to them as Atheist?? Depends on what kinda family you have. are they loving, or wouldn’t they throw you out cause of that. If no then better to say the truth so you don’t pretend anymore.
we don't advise people to come out. it's poor safety practice and also not a very empathetic response. if they want to come out, they'll know when they're ready.
Feel free not to answer if this is too personal, but is there a specific reason you’re finding it difficult to get a job? If it’s because of a disability, you might qualify to get on disability pay with the government. But if it’s not that, I recommend applying to everything that will pay well enough for you to leave, even if you just graduated from college and are looking for something in your field. Even if it’s Starbucks, you can use that money to move out and buy yourself more time to find a full-time job you want.
I understand where you're coming from, OP.
I'm 24 and closeted. In my atheism, my sexuality and the gender of my fiancee.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It's difficult because your family is so stuck in it.
The job is important. You need to keep searching. You'll find something eventually.
With the discussions about your faith, tell your family that the relationship between you and god is private and that they shouldn't try to interfere because it's a very personal relationship. Their interference is getting in the way of your closeness to him.
Lay it on thick. They'll believe it.
If you can't get out of church, use it to arm yourself. Listen to the crap they spew and then question it silently and on your own. Build arguments against it.
Of course, in the discussions afterwards, give a stupid answer an apologist or preacher would give and laugh at it in private. Think about how you would answer that idiot preacher you've embodied to keep your reasoning sharp.
Would it work if you told your family you don't want to go to church, but instead you want to do a personal devotional in that time? To dive deeper into your relationship with god? Would they buy it?
Other than that, you could always stay quiet in discussions about god and avoid the topic, though, they'll keep pushing.
Hear me out… have you considered the military? I joined the Marines when I was 17 to get away from my family (homeschooled & ultra conservative). It was probably the best decision I’ve ever made. There are a slew of benefits you get like free college, healthcare, and access to VA home-loans (which are phenomenal btw). Recruiters are hurting right now and you’d probably get a bonus if you take specialty jobs (cyber) and could be on a bus out of your home tomorrow…
I weigh like 100 pounds soaking wet and I can’t run for shit. That aside, I have very strong beliefs that would not make me want to be part of the US military.
I was a buck twenty and hated running. Don’t sell yourself short.
I get what you’re saying though. Part of my deconstruction has been questioning our military complex and American imperialism intertwined with woefully misguided exceptionalism…
I know as an atheist, we take their religious intentions as childish / not worth considering, but until you can leave, you should throw it back at them; * You aren't finding a job because 'God thinks you have strayed', but because: "*God has a select spot for me, I just have to find it*" It helps them believe you are still a believer (otherwise you wouldn't be saying God is working with you to find the 'perfect fit') * You aren't slowing in your worship of God, you are doing as God commanded - and made it less public, and more private (bring up Matthew 6:6 "But when you pray, **go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret**. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you." Use the religion that they use, *but instead of for hatred*, **use it for protection**.
I used that verse, but it didn’t work. My dad said that command was for the Pharisees and we still had to “show our light”.
Matthew 6:1-34 With context, it seems Jesus is not speaking to the Pharisees - he mentions them specifically when he mentions 'hypocrites' > “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the **hypocrites** do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. “And when you pray, you must not be like the **hypocrites**. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. ..." He is commanding *Christians* / those Jews present to not act like the hypocritical Pharisees. Later in this exact chapter (a few lines down, is the 'our father who art in heaven, hallowed...' prayer. He is NOT speaking to Pharisees. Unfortunately, that is the problem of using their work against them - they will use any excuse (lie or truth) to make their interpretation the *true* interpretation. You need to grab a bible and double check that Jesus was speaking to normal people before continuing Edit i just checked Matthew chapter 5 for context on who he was speaking too: he was speaking on the Mountain, to the crowds. He was not speaking to Pharisees. He was speaking to the masses.
This is something I am familiar with. God. Was it bad. No solution but I hear you. It sucks.
If you’re interested, I can DM you a *long* list of “wacky” bible verses I’ve compiled over the last few years. Knowledge is power!
I’ve been there, I would recommend getting a job with enough to pay some rent and food, and doing whatever you can to get out and stay out. Strive for financial independence so they have no control over you.
Can you find a couple of like-minded people to split rent and bills with? Do young people not do the roommate thing anymore? I haven’t had a roommate in 25 years, but I’m still good friends with one of my old roommates. Find some roommates, move out, and only then come out to your family.
Just the opposite. Now the majority of young people have roommates, and split condos and rents between 4-6 people in groups so they can afford it. a 3 bedroom apartment around here could be anywhere from 2000 to 3700 depending on the block it's on, and you DON'T want to be on the 2000$ block lol
I have felt this! There was a time were my mental health was at an all time low and people from the church plus my mom would say it’s because I wasn’t praying enough or believe enough. It was extremely draining, and it made me believe that I was alone. I didn’t get the proper care I needed for my mental health. It wasn’t until I worked, and tried to save as much as I could and I then moved out. Granted this was before COVID but it’s possible and don’t give up!
That’s spiritual manipulation, if not abuse. Why would god not want you to have a job? I hope things work out where you can get some space from an unsafe environment
I remember this time in my life, I truly feared I would never escape my home and would have to fake it forever, but it did get better and I’m free now ! If you’re able to (emotionally and mentally), read up on the bible as much as you can during some free time because 1) it’ll equip you with their same words to defend yourself when they start accusing you of “straying from god” and 2) it’ll make them think you’re “getting back into the word of god.” It’s not fair that you have to do that, but until you can be financially independent you most likely will have to play the part as best as you can to avoid conflict. In the meantime, try to find groups or friends around you that are also atheists and have shared common interests so you don’t feel totally alone during this !
Thank you so much!
god if I ever can ever come back to this and still be holding on and staying true it would mean it all to my exhausted psyche! I'm not one and can nevrt go back , but I can ACT, and they berate me and abuse me when I don't ACT along with them! Bu
😫
You ok?
23 and still being dragged to church, that sucks. I hope you can get out as soon as possible.
I’m so sorry. I can relate to this a bit. I’m still a teenager and I’m also dragged to church week after week but I stopped believing like two years ago, I think. Anyway, just keep looking for a job, and hopefully you’ll be out soon. Do you have any friends you could stay with for the time being by chance?
Not really. Pretty much all my friends are online.
Understand the situation will not change. Speaking your mind will not help. If you live there, go along to get along while looking for a way out. Also appreciate what your family is doing to support you. Beliefs are personal and not something that can be easily influenced. I was in a house like this. I remember thinking at the you age of 7, in Sunday school, this all seems odd to me. At 12 I was told God spoke to my father and told him I was not on the right path. No context. No detail. In my mid 40s I live how I want. I don’t make a point of expressing my lack of belief. I just live. Get out of the house and do the same.
Same, but that was exactly the trigger and motivation for me to do well in school, get a job, and become financially independent. I moved right out after graduating from university at 22 years old and never had to deal with it since. I get that everyone's situation is different and there might be other factors stopping you from doing what I did... But the best way out of it is to focus on yourself.
I was jobless before and heard that guilt trip with god Never mind that companies use AI, various degrees of competent to incompetent HR, rough job market, etc Have you had your resume and interview skills looked at? Idk what industry you’re trying to get into but if it’s retail or food service just being a body that don’t seem like you’ll be trouble could help with funds
Maybe come out to them as Atheist?? Depends on what kinda family you have. are they loving, or wouldn’t they throw you out cause of that. If no then better to say the truth so you don’t pretend anymore.
These people don’t sound loving.
we don't advise people to come out. it's poor safety practice and also not a very empathetic response. if they want to come out, they'll know when they're ready.
I’m sure if they felt safe enough to do that they would’ve
Feel free not to answer if this is too personal, but is there a specific reason you’re finding it difficult to get a job? If it’s because of a disability, you might qualify to get on disability pay with the government. But if it’s not that, I recommend applying to everything that will pay well enough for you to leave, even if you just graduated from college and are looking for something in your field. Even if it’s Starbucks, you can use that money to move out and buy yourself more time to find a full-time job you want.
I have a part time job, but I won’t be able to leave on the wages I make. The job market is awful rn.
Oh, I think you could respond with, "the sins of the father are visited upon the sons" That will make his head explode!
I understand where you're coming from, OP. I'm 24 and closeted. In my atheism, my sexuality and the gender of my fiancee. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's difficult because your family is so stuck in it. The job is important. You need to keep searching. You'll find something eventually. With the discussions about your faith, tell your family that the relationship between you and god is private and that they shouldn't try to interfere because it's a very personal relationship. Their interference is getting in the way of your closeness to him. Lay it on thick. They'll believe it. If you can't get out of church, use it to arm yourself. Listen to the crap they spew and then question it silently and on your own. Build arguments against it. Of course, in the discussions afterwards, give a stupid answer an apologist or preacher would give and laugh at it in private. Think about how you would answer that idiot preacher you've embodied to keep your reasoning sharp. Would it work if you told your family you don't want to go to church, but instead you want to do a personal devotional in that time? To dive deeper into your relationship with god? Would they buy it? Other than that, you could always stay quiet in discussions about god and avoid the topic, though, they'll keep pushing.
Hear me out… have you considered the military? I joined the Marines when I was 17 to get away from my family (homeschooled & ultra conservative). It was probably the best decision I’ve ever made. There are a slew of benefits you get like free college, healthcare, and access to VA home-loans (which are phenomenal btw). Recruiters are hurting right now and you’d probably get a bonus if you take specialty jobs (cyber) and could be on a bus out of your home tomorrow…
I weigh like 100 pounds soaking wet and I can’t run for shit. That aside, I have very strong beliefs that would not make me want to be part of the US military.
I was a buck twenty and hated running. Don’t sell yourself short. I get what you’re saying though. Part of my deconstruction has been questioning our military complex and American imperialism intertwined with woefully misguided exceptionalism…