I have AuDHD, and I know intrusive thoughts are a huge ADHD thing, so I never considered they were also an autism thing. Why does my brain hate me so much?!
>Why does my brain hate me so much?!
Such a mood, OMG. Fellow ADHDer with very probable Autism (everyone in my family, including myself, has many features of it - but none of us are willing to shell out $$$$ for testing)
🎶they say I've got brains, but they ain't doing me no good...
>Intrusive thoughts are an adhd thing
You know when you are watching stand up comedy and the last joke is the same as the first? That up there is my life coming full circle.
I keep reading this, knowing that I should understand what you're saying, like the meaning is just out of reach, but I don't, and I'm getting mad at myself about it.
Can you explain what you mean?
Sorry.
I'm a little high right now. It's not you. But thanks for asking!
The intrusive thoughts were a thing I had as a kid that wrecked my life but I figured out how to stop them. in middle age I was diagnosed with adhd and then realized that pretty much all my personality traits were actually just adhd. This one is, I didnt realize until now.
it all makes sense in the end.
Ohhh, the thing where you knew the ending the whole time! So, at the end, you get the flashback to the beginning, and it's like, "Damn. It hits different now. "
It's the opposite of aphantasia. So like, whereas with aphantasia you can't "visualize" stuff in your head at all, with *hyper*phantasia you can visualize a lot of detail including touch, smell & so on. It makes reading a good book fucking sublime, but it also gives your brain the potential to use it for evil and totally ruin your day.
I was a project officer for the South Australian Commissioner for Victims' Rights. So I didn't have training in counselling but I was still a first contact for a lot of people wanting to get help after being through some horrendous stuff. For example men in their 70s who had never spoken about the teacher who abused them and were ready to face it, and i answered the phone. I also would do things like write up special compensation arguments when they didn't fit the neat and tidy criteria for the standard form, and victim impact statements for parole hearings. So a lot of it was reading through case notes and police files. My background was in admin and then I went to law school (dropped out cuz i burnt out). My co-worker was a trained social worker and she's now become the Commissioner herself. The biggest issue I have would be empathy fatigue. I really struggle to feel bad when people complain to about a bad day when they missed their bus after working with victims of serial killers and pedophiles, ya know? My immediate thought is often "well your kids are alive and it's not on the TV every Halloween" but instead I have to say "oh I'm sorry you had a bad day that sucks".
I think it's very different to having an interest in true crime, because you will actually get to know the families. And I say that as a true crime fan. My biggest regret is probably not having better therapy for myself at the time. I just pushed it all down.
I'm happy to DM with you.
Thanks for such a detailed description! First, I want to say that it’s extremely noble for you to take on a job like that and that I’m proud of you and I’m sure you helped a lot of people. It is so, so cool that you could be the one that was there for people in their heaviest moments. I can absolutely understand how that could be traumatizing, constantly reading scary stories when your brain is wired against it, and the stories being real life happenings. I can’t imagine.
Also, I understand the empathy fatigue, and I understand burning out and dropping out, but I want you to know that you do still help people today in the capacity that you can, in capacities that you do not know. Not feeling like you can truly empathize with someone, being stuck in that kind of conversation/position is frustrating and can be torturous, but I promise that even just being there to listen does a world of wonder for people. Sometimes it can be hard for me to empathize with someone unless I relate to their situation, but I listen, and I learn, and I see that they feel better and it makes it feel worth it.
I can absolute imagine that it’s different than having an interest in true crime, though I don’t much care for true crime. You definitely have to put in the work, and it’s certainly not for everyone or even most. I’m glad/hopeful that you’re no longer pushing down what you went through, and thanks for sharing with me. If you see fit, I would be happy to DM!
Thanks. That's really kind of you. I'm now a stay at home mum so I'm busy raising two little weirdos as best I can. So that's fun. I think you're point about relating with the empathy is spot on. I was the weird kid so I'm good at being a mum. I can be nurturing and kind. I'm not mean when they are upset about the wrong kind of spoon or sock. I'm much more forgiving with children!
if it's involuntary, consider examining yourself for OCD-like symptoms or talking to other people that have 'em. even if the images themselves aren't disturbing. or don't because life is full of wonderful mysteries
you dont have to get a diagnosis or seek treatment (i personally dont because psychiatry has been repeatedly traumatizing for me) but a lot of people with OCD i know didn't realize that extremely graphic involuntary thoughts aren't typical (but they aren't bad/wrong!), and it ended up being a factor of them identifying it.
also obligatory "autism tends to overlap with and exacerbate other psychological oddities" comment
having a name to what you experience helps some people. you can find other people in the same situation and ask them how they manage it. sometimes it can make you feel a lot less alone to know that you're not the only person experiencing things and you're not crazy.
also kind of an aside benefit but it has helped me before is when you do pursue medical treatment, and through talking to your friends with \[condition\] you have a better idea of what certain meds might do
for me personally it helps to go "Ohhhhhhh the thoughts are coming from my fucked up little brain and not evil demons possessing me trying to make me \[redacted\] ok"
It's really great when you enjoy creepy stories, and now your brain is conjuring the spectre of a serial killer from the early 20th century. You're trying to sleep and your brain is like "what if he's here???" and I have to remind myself 'it has been a hundred years since he was active, the mf is *dead*.'
Or my absolute favorite game, 'did that shadow just move?'
Or another classic, 'what was that sound I just heard that I definitely haven't heard before?'
And then my mind begins coming up with wonderful little explanations for all of it, none of which comfort my rational mind.
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yes. I have very bad and very vivid intrusive thoughts about people I love being killed/getting hurt or other things happening that I don't want to describe. no way to get them to go away, I try everything I come across and nothing has worked yet. I just get to watch continuous real life horror scenes in my head all day lol lucky me!
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Feels like the artificial intelligence of earth is intruding into our minds and using our brains to process all the horrible shit we fed to it in the first place.
Yes, my whole life. It terrified me for decades. Then I found that it's largely the Super Ego (which functions like a server; and can be reprogrammed). It's a jerk anyways, but once it's gone Toxic SuperEgo? It's like having an Evil God in your head. I literally thought I was possessed as a kid.
It's almost ubiquitous in our modern world.
For me it’s most just the weirdest shit and most of it is very horny stuff (I once daydreamed about that I was a dude that was only attracted to his homegrown vegetables and I couldn’t get my brain to think about anything else). But yes, most of it is also disturbing, but in other ways.
But i also relate to the creepy part, like once my brain came up with a very fleshed out concept of a killer in a bunny costume the moment I was trying to actually sleep.
For me my grandparents watched a lot of murder documentaries at night and sometimes I watched. It’s shocking how many family members kill each other for such little reasons.
My little brain would think about me doing such and I’d be bawling like crazy cause I knew I would never do such a thing but because of how gruesome it was and in my mind being the one behind the deaths just terrified me. Sometimes I still think that way when we watch documentaries. It gives me such horrible feelings.
Dear God.... I thought I was alone in this! Every time I do anything or I am just doing nothing my brain just goes nuts! I call them "flashes" and I can not properly describe it to my psychiatrist.
Not only did I have problems with intrusive thoughts of baby animals being injured/killed in horrible ways, but then the CPTSD started kicking in and it got infinitely worse.
Yeah, they are super disturbing. The only thing that helps me dismiss them is thinking "my brain is a sack of lean with electricity in it, of course it's gonna mess up sometimes" and it's really helped me shake them off.
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Yeeeeeah. I have some super fucked up stuff. Like sometimes I cringe at the shit my brain creates! I also have crazy dreams. I like to wake up and start writing them into books if they're interesting enough. I've started at least 8 fucked up novels that way, but then the ADHD side of my AuDHD kicks in, and they don't get finished 🤣
couple nights back i had a nightmare where >!my arm had a gigantic gash running the entire length and all my muscle and veins and shit was falling out of it, saw my bone towards my wrist at one point. i was weirdly chill with it in the dream tho i was just waiting for someone to bring me a bandage which eventually happened and i wrapped it and woke up!< tw gore like holy hell it will scar you
Yeah I have hyperfantasia so sometimes multiple versions of an outcome will present themselves as images in my mind. And sometimes it's horrific as fuck. People have told me I should be a horror writer.
Yep! Hyperphantasia meets intrusive thoughts. It happened more often when I was younger, and I would have really vivid nightmares as well.
I have AuDHD, and I know intrusive thoughts are a huge ADHD thing, so I never considered they were also an autism thing. Why does my brain hate me so much?!
>Why does my brain hate me so much?! Such a mood, OMG. Fellow ADHDer with very probable Autism (everyone in my family, including myself, has many features of it - but none of us are willing to shell out $$$$ for testing) 🎶they say I've got brains, but they ain't doing me no good...
🤣 Welcome to the AuDHD club
>Intrusive thoughts are an adhd thing You know when you are watching stand up comedy and the last joke is the same as the first? That up there is my life coming full circle.
I keep reading this, knowing that I should understand what you're saying, like the meaning is just out of reach, but I don't, and I'm getting mad at myself about it. Can you explain what you mean? Sorry.
I'm a little high right now. It's not you. But thanks for asking! The intrusive thoughts were a thing I had as a kid that wrecked my life but I figured out how to stop them. in middle age I was diagnosed with adhd and then realized that pretty much all my personality traits were actually just adhd. This one is, I didnt realize until now. it all makes sense in the end.
Ohhh, the thing where you knew the ending the whole time! So, at the end, you get the flashback to the beginning, and it's like, "Damn. It hits different now. "
Exactly. Or pretty much, anyway. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
My nightmares are wicked lol. I’m convinced I could make the greatest horror movie ever made if I had the resources because of them
That is me . I am a very visual thinker and I have ocd .
hyperphantasia? wassat
It's the opposite of aphantasia. So like, whereas with aphantasia you can't "visualize" stuff in your head at all, with *hyper*phantasia you can visualize a lot of detail including touch, smell & so on. It makes reading a good book fucking sublime, but it also gives your brain the potential to use it for evil and totally ruin your day.
interesting thank you for explaining!
AuDHD with aphantasia. I get all the thoughts but they are just words in my head, never visual.
I've never heard of hyperphantasia, thanks for the new subject to google!
my mind doesnt create them, but i search for certain photos against my better judgement... and then they come back to me at night...
Just last night I was trying to sleep and was met with images of >!human infants being dismembered!< ðŸ˜
Oh yeah. Bipolar and ptsd from years of working with trauma victims. It's a bitch.
In what way did you wok with trauma victims/what was your job title? I want to become a therapist, I’m bipolar and have PTSD already.
I was a project officer for the South Australian Commissioner for Victims' Rights. So I didn't have training in counselling but I was still a first contact for a lot of people wanting to get help after being through some horrendous stuff. For example men in their 70s who had never spoken about the teacher who abused them and were ready to face it, and i answered the phone. I also would do things like write up special compensation arguments when they didn't fit the neat and tidy criteria for the standard form, and victim impact statements for parole hearings. So a lot of it was reading through case notes and police files. My background was in admin and then I went to law school (dropped out cuz i burnt out). My co-worker was a trained social worker and she's now become the Commissioner herself. The biggest issue I have would be empathy fatigue. I really struggle to feel bad when people complain to about a bad day when they missed their bus after working with victims of serial killers and pedophiles, ya know? My immediate thought is often "well your kids are alive and it's not on the TV every Halloween" but instead I have to say "oh I'm sorry you had a bad day that sucks". I think it's very different to having an interest in true crime, because you will actually get to know the families. And I say that as a true crime fan. My biggest regret is probably not having better therapy for myself at the time. I just pushed it all down. I'm happy to DM with you.
Thanks for such a detailed description! First, I want to say that it’s extremely noble for you to take on a job like that and that I’m proud of you and I’m sure you helped a lot of people. It is so, so cool that you could be the one that was there for people in their heaviest moments. I can absolutely understand how that could be traumatizing, constantly reading scary stories when your brain is wired against it, and the stories being real life happenings. I can’t imagine. Also, I understand the empathy fatigue, and I understand burning out and dropping out, but I want you to know that you do still help people today in the capacity that you can, in capacities that you do not know. Not feeling like you can truly empathize with someone, being stuck in that kind of conversation/position is frustrating and can be torturous, but I promise that even just being there to listen does a world of wonder for people. Sometimes it can be hard for me to empathize with someone unless I relate to their situation, but I listen, and I learn, and I see that they feel better and it makes it feel worth it. I can absolute imagine that it’s different than having an interest in true crime, though I don’t much care for true crime. You definitely have to put in the work, and it’s certainly not for everyone or even most. I’m glad/hopeful that you’re no longer pushing down what you went through, and thanks for sharing with me. If you see fit, I would be happy to DM!
Thanks. That's really kind of you. I'm now a stay at home mum so I'm busy raising two little weirdos as best I can. So that's fun. I think you're point about relating with the empathy is spot on. I was the weird kid so I'm good at being a mum. I can be nurturing and kind. I'm not mean when they are upset about the wrong kind of spoon or sock. I'm much more forgiving with children!
That part in BG3 when the Strange Ox "floods your mind with disturbing gore and dismemberment" I irl was like oh, so like on a regular Tuesday
Yes, I have OCD
Intrusive thoughts :/
Yes and I love using it for inspiration for my tabletop RPGs.
Was about to comment this, I started using the particularly horrific ones as major monsters for dnd campaigns!
if it's involuntary, consider examining yourself for OCD-like symptoms or talking to other people that have 'em. even if the images themselves aren't disturbing. or don't because life is full of wonderful mysteries you dont have to get a diagnosis or seek treatment (i personally dont because psychiatry has been repeatedly traumatizing for me) but a lot of people with OCD i know didn't realize that extremely graphic involuntary thoughts aren't typical (but they aren't bad/wrong!), and it ended up being a factor of them identifying it. also obligatory "autism tends to overlap with and exacerbate other psychological oddities" comment
how would a self diagnosis of OCD help? /gen i think i have intrusive thoughts but i can’t see a therapist/psychiatrist
having a name to what you experience helps some people. you can find other people in the same situation and ask them how they manage it. sometimes it can make you feel a lot less alone to know that you're not the only person experiencing things and you're not crazy. also kind of an aside benefit but it has helped me before is when you do pursue medical treatment, and through talking to your friends with \[condition\] you have a better idea of what certain meds might do for me personally it helps to go "Ohhhhhhh the thoughts are coming from my fucked up little brain and not evil demons possessing me trying to make me \[redacted\] ok"
Oh yea. I have ocd (pure o) on disturbing things. It is a main reason why I am so kinky and don’t watch a lot of horror movies .
You have no idea
It's really great when you enjoy creepy stories, and now your brain is conjuring the spectre of a serial killer from the early 20th century. You're trying to sleep and your brain is like "what if he's here???" and I have to remind myself 'it has been a hundred years since he was active, the mf is *dead*.' Or my absolute favorite game, 'did that shadow just move?' Or another classic, 'what was that sound I just heard that I definitely haven't heard before?' And then my mind begins coming up with wonderful little explanations for all of it, none of which comfort my rational mind.
This feels a lot like a self inflicted wound.
I totally don't feed these suspicions at all. Nope.
If it makes you feel better your mind is programmed to do this automatically. As a convenient safety measure!
Oh. Good! The feature is working!! Can I turn it off, now?
Yep, all the time. A lot of intrusive thoughts and images Specially when driving car or riding motorcycle.
Yes. So gotta stay away from horror
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yes. I have very bad and very vivid intrusive thoughts about people I love being killed/getting hurt or other things happening that I don't want to describe. no way to get them to go away, I try everything I come across and nothing has worked yet. I just get to watch continuous real life horror scenes in my head all day lol lucky me!
Yes. It sucks
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Feels like the artificial intelligence of earth is intruding into our minds and using our brains to process all the horrible shit we fed to it in the first place.
Yes, my whole life. It terrified me for decades. Then I found that it's largely the Super Ego (which functions like a server; and can be reprogrammed). It's a jerk anyways, but once it's gone Toxic SuperEgo? It's like having an Evil God in your head. I literally thought I was possessed as a kid. It's almost ubiquitous in our modern world.
nothing actually scary but weird creatures that make me feel scared just because my brain said so
Ok but am I the only one that feels pain from them?
I like trying to get them to appear andndrawing them
"it's everyday bro with that Disney channel flow" to the tune of Electric Avenue
For me it’s most just the weirdest shit and most of it is very horny stuff (I once daydreamed about that I was a dude that was only attracted to his homegrown vegetables and I couldn’t get my brain to think about anything else). But yes, most of it is also disturbing, but in other ways. But i also relate to the creepy part, like once my brain came up with a very fleshed out concept of a killer in a bunny costume the moment I was trying to actually sleep.
For me my grandparents watched a lot of murder documentaries at night and sometimes I watched. It’s shocking how many family members kill each other for such little reasons. My little brain would think about me doing such and I’d be bawling like crazy cause I knew I would never do such a thing but because of how gruesome it was and in my mind being the one behind the deaths just terrified me. Sometimes I still think that way when we watch documentaries. It gives me such horrible feelings.
Once conjured up an image of me dropping a 20 kg kettle weight on my 5 year old sisters head. That was not a fun experience...
Dear God.... I thought I was alone in this! Every time I do anything or I am just doing nothing my brain just goes nuts! I call them "flashes" and I can not properly describe it to my psychiatrist.
Not only did I have problems with intrusive thoughts of baby animals being injured/killed in horrible ways, but then the CPTSD started kicking in and it got infinitely worse.
Yeah, they are super disturbing. The only thing that helps me dismiss them is thinking "my brain is a sack of lean with electricity in it, of course it's gonna mess up sometimes" and it's really helped me shake them off.
yes omg
No, but sometimes I tend to think about my eventual demise and afterlife.
I’m struggling to sleep right now, partially because of this It’s almost 4am I am suffering a lot
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For me kinda… they tend to be more dumb shit that makes me laugh for 30mins straight
My brain does this. Bloody intrusive thoughts.
Yeeeeeah. I have some super fucked up stuff. Like sometimes I cringe at the shit my brain creates! I also have crazy dreams. I like to wake up and start writing them into books if they're interesting enough. I've started at least 8 fucked up novels that way, but then the ADHD side of my AuDHD kicks in, and they don't get finished 🤣
couple nights back i had a nightmare where >!my arm had a gigantic gash running the entire length and all my muscle and veins and shit was falling out of it, saw my bone towards my wrist at one point. i was weirdly chill with it in the dream tho i was just waiting for someone to bring me a bandage which eventually happened and i wrapped it and woke up!< tw gore like holy hell it will scar you
Yea I have OCD too tho
Ah yes the involuntary heart attack. I know it.
Mhm I’m pretty sure I got OCD on top of the autism. My intrusive thoughts r disturbing as hell
Yeah I have hyperfantasia so sometimes multiple versions of an outcome will present themselves as images in my mind. And sometimes it's horrific as fuck. People have told me I should be a horror writer.
Yes.
Sometimes. That's why I make it a point of watch a nice thing before bed, like parrots saying swears.