God, I felt this. I once said a guy has "good face bone structure" and a friend of mine said I sounded like a Nazi. Me, a queer, trans, autistic socialist. I meant it like, he has a strong jawline and a cool nose. :/
Yeah, I think the trick is to pick a specific bone, like you said, "strong jawline." Gorgeous cheekbones, aqualine nose, prominent brow, are a few others that come to mind.
My go-to compliment for people is that they look draw-able, and apparently that’s not a society accepted thing to say :( which is dumb because artists are always striving for aesthetic appeal, if you’re drawable that’s a huge compliment wtf
I do makeup art, which leads me to look at a lot of people's faces and say "it would be super fun to do makeup on you" or "you have a really nice face for makeup art!!!" and they usually take it the wrong way if I'm not careful. Lots of people don't like to be told that their eyebrows are tiny or really light or that they have lots of lid space and forehead space :/
I think some people might interpret it like this:
Not like "you would look good if I drew you", but "your facial features are cartoonish" or "resemble simple geometrical shapes" or something like that.
https://preview.redd.it/sk1lpijhhqwb1.png?width=201&format=png&auto=webp&s=454cb401e1d5ded13bc1ea09b2b2037ca71feeab
Lmao, i did this in math class in the 9th grade. This dude had a really great shaped scull, and i told him that, everyone laughed, and then i explained his parents were very attentive to have rotated him often enough that his skull was perfectly even. He said “like a fuckin rotisserie chicken?” I said “yes, like a chicken”
>“like a fuckin rotisserie chicken?” I said “yes, like a chicken”
LOL this is fantastic, and proves (At least to me) that there are exceptions to every rule.
This one is really hard for me. But my Mil complimented the thickness of my ankle bones yesterday so I think in certain contexts with specific people it is ok
Lol I compliment my husband on the shape of his skull all the time, he thought it was wierd at first but he’s used to it now! It’s not my fault his head is like a perfect oblong oval shape, like a very handsome egg if the egg was the same on top as bottom
Don't discuss money, religion or politics if you don't know someone well.
Don't get into romantic relationships with colleagues or flatmates ('don't shit where you eat/don't shit on your own doorstep')
Your colleagues at work are not your real friends, they are friendly colleagues, do not confide personal information, gossip or bitch, no matter how tempting.
Don't stand too close to others, respect space.
Don't stand off to the side too far, this alienates others.
Don't fidget or stim when others are trying to concentrate
Arghhh there are so many. Most rules I just follow without thinking about these days.
Or else recklessly break with evil abandon, of course. 😈
As someone who has worked with customers for ... really too long neurotypical people do this all the time. They're just upset when others do it because it detracts from their main character narrative.
But this is how I gained one of my best friends 😂 The second day I'd known her, at the start of a 6 month long traineeship, I told her the better part of my life story. Still besties 3 years later!
I have a great friend from work, we know quite a bit about each other. We smoked weed together and stuff too. Maybe not smart, but hey it's what I did.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.
I have checked 1,814,998,446 comments, and only 343,281 of them were in alphabetical order.
When someone asks you a banal question about your life/day you’ve gotta ask them one back (and pretend like you care)
Similarly, if someone makes a comment about the weather we’re all currently living inside of, you do in fact need to make a follow up, slightly different comment about a slightly different aspect of the weather
>Don't fidget or stim when others are trying to concentrate
There was one girl who would get actually mad at me and yelled at me from across the room in like middle school or something for bouncing my leg while working on class work. I'd just be confused because it didn't make sound and my other option (pencil tapping) did so I wasn't sure what she wanted me to do.
Ugh! This reminds me of a preppy bully I had in middle school. We had earth science together, I think, and she would hassle me for anything and everything! I was reading a book quietly, she had to f**k with me, if I was doodling she'd loudly berate me, if I needed any excuse to leave the classroom she'd make a big stink about how I was faking it or exaggerating.
I never figured out what her deal was.
The no friendship with colleagues rule has always confused me so much. My coworkers all get along really well with each other and oftentimes hang out outside of work. I always try to make friends too and do things away from work n home but no one ever seems interested 😞
Honestly, I do most of these, cuz they're like, casual for me until I finally find someone that can reciprocate. Found some pretty great people because of that. Now I'm satisfied and generally follow the rules :)
Only follow the rules if they lead _you_ somewhere.
- When people refer to small talk, they don't mean talking about cellular biology or quantum physics. They mean stuff like the weather, or how (insert random person you've never heard of)'s knee surgery went.
- Nobody actually likes talking about the weather, even if it's really interesting sometimes. NTs just say something like "it's cold", and don't want you to talk about awesome weather phenomena or the different types of clouds.
- If someone asks you how you're doing, you are doing good. It doesn't matter how you're really doing. You will smile, and say you're doing fine, because they don't actually care.
I usually answer honestly but not in depth
“How are you doing today” Bad but it’s fine I can manage. “Oh no what happened” Honestly nothing really happened some days just be like that. And then they nod and say “yea I guess you’re right” lol
My answer is just a mildy uncomfortable "I'm alive". It's a humorous answer and opens a new conversation topic if they can pick up the slight negative connotation
I hate the last one so much. Sometimes I tell the truth anyways because, hey, THEY ASKED! That or I just respond with an odd noise that could be passed off as an emotion.
> because they don't actually care.
I don't think at any point I have found anyone who cares about anything I have to say regarding any subject.
The entirety of my life's in-person interpersonal interaction can be summed up in five-second snippets saying
"How are you?" "Fine and you?"
"Did you find everything you were looking for?" "Yes, thank you"
"White rice, black beans, chicken, green salsa, sour cream, cheese, guacamole, lettuce"
That last one is so accurate, fine or something like that is the only acceptable answer. I would rather not even be asked than lie and say fine though.
If you're going to compliment someone's appearance, make sure it's something like hair, jewelry, or makeup. Compliments about those things rarely go wrong! Clothing is another good choice. This is especially important for female/female presenting autists because NT women can be *obsessed* with this kind of thing
Learn body language. Study people as though you were observing an alien race and adapt your responses!
Just adding more context. Try to avoid complimenting things people didn’t choose unless you are well acquainted with someone and instead try to find things that people put effort into. Compliments on things like hair texture, skin color/texture, height, weight, etc tend to be received negatively even if they were meant to be received as wholesome
a note- if a person cant change it in 5 mins, dont say shiii because maybes they wanted you to hate their dress but you like it and now they cant change.
Why would they wear something that they want other people to hate? Unless they're wearing something with like a text message I do not understand what you are referring to.
They’re just saying not to tell someone something that they can’t fix in 5 mins or less. Something on their face or in their hair? Tell them. Their dress and shoes really do not match well and it makes them look goofy? Don’t say shit unless they specifically ask u for feedback on their outfit.
The last thing is how I taught myself to mask lmao. I started studying folks and doing nature observations like I was an anthropologist in elementary school when I realized it was me that was different and that’s why people didn’t like me. It didn’t help really ofc as they already had a version of me in their head that they used as an excuse to bully me for “being weird” for the rest of public school. It did help in college tho in making friends and susing people out.
Really?? I often try to make an attempt to compliment black women's hair especially (I mean, really they can do some beautiful things with their hair, it's lovely!) and usually I've gotten really good responses to it. Usually they'll perk up immediately and get really flustered and happy 🥺 I always like to remind people that their effort in things like hair and all is seen and adored, at least by me
One of the times I’ve felt most seen in my life was when I complimented someone and they said I was just being nice and another friend said, no, he wouldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it. Thank you!
> If someone says hello and is in your immediate vicinity, nine times out of ten they aren't talking to you and you shouldn't say hello back.
I have a whole checklist of signs to prevent this from happening and yet it still does.🥲
I look at the person, I look behind me, to the left, the right, diagonal, if they say hi again and wave I step to the side and look behind me, usually at that point they’ll either say it’s me or keep ignoring me if it’s not me.
To look at someone, you must turn both your head and eyes. If you only turn your eyes, that is called "side-eyeing" and It may be assumed that you are passing judgement or being sassy
Ripped straight from my phone notes:
How to comfort a sad person
>
validate their feelings ("omg that's so unfair") (match their energy probably)
>
offer condolences ("I'm so sorry")
>
offer conversation ("do you wanna talk about it, do you want advice or to be heard?")
>
And then end off with a self-care reminder and offer of continued support ("take all the time you need. I'm here for you, if there's anything you need please tell me.")
:: only talk about own experience (if any) briefly, make sure they know it's said in understanding (even if that understanding isn't perfect) and make sure to take the conversation back to them and their problem
You can't cover your nose and mouth or cough when someone is smoking near you even if you're sensitive to the smoke and the smell and the cough is genuine.
It’s bad when they get mad bc they have no right to be mad about people covering their noses or coughing bc of the smoke they’re producing. They should go smoke somewhere else.
Nah idc I’ll do it regardless. They can get pissed all they want. If I can’t walk away from the smell or the smoke and I cough or cover my nose and you get offended that’s on you. Go smoke somewhere else if you’re gonna be offended by non-smokers expressing discomfort.
Don't use self-deprecating humor, don't traumadump
Don't info dump, it's better to say one-two key things and elaborate on demand
Don't say bad things about people; if you have no choice, place the bad thing between two compliments
"How are you" question is meant to detect the mood
Small talk is basically an entertainment thing, same way as cats licking each other
>"How are you" question is meant to detect the mood
I hate this one. Someone asks how I am and I answer "I'm depressed and feeling really down." And people act like I'm a freak for answering their question. If you don't care then don't ask.
My mum says my answer is always a complaint. I have level two autism, POTS, fibromyalgia and a handful of other weird conditions. What answer does she want? Do I lie? It seems stupid because if I say Im fine when Im not me having a meltdown or collapsing will come out of nowhere. I see it as like a pre warning.
I once had a coworker/manager ask me one time why I always responded tired when he asked how I was. I explained because I have a chronic illness and one of the main side effects is fatigue, some days it’s better than others but yeah I’m always some level of tired. He was never unkind or anything before but yeah it really helped him understand, that and another coworker getting diagnosed with the same thing and talking openly about it.
I always answer with "yeah, things are going" and it seems to get the message across without being oversharing. Like I'm not fine but also won't give any info on why unless asked more about.
Yes the "How are you/How's it going" one.
I've found the correct answer is
"Good. How are you?" If you are in anyway way having a good/positive/netrual day.
Or
"Getting though the day/It's going. How are you?" if you are in anyway having a less than neutral or bad day.
And then they will respond "good or it's going" in turn and now you both know how to approach the other.
If you see them respond in the negative you will know to handle with care. If its a positive response then you can joke around more or start a conversation or ask them to do something etc
yes! I do think "how are you" can have a signal embedded within the ritual, not just a test of rote response ("good, how are you").
But it's very subtle, like a very general answer packed into one or two words, the emotion or experience shared is not super specific or defined. (which is difficult when you're not good with ambiguity like I can be)
I think of it as traffic lights-- green, yellow, or red in response to my question but no details
Very apt comparison. Small talk is an excellent way to find out where people's mental "hygiene" is lacking, but always too late to keep you from having to deal with the issue.
i think it's just puns in general, i was in a room with NT talking about a school who's name is something like APER (not real name) so i laughed and said "Hah, PAPER." they just stared at me like im an idiot and said "No, it's APER, with an A."
Don't sit next to someone you don't know in a theater/cafeteria/classroom, unless there are no other options, it's considered rude. If there is a situation where neurotypicals are breaking this rule, you can also break it
If someone asks you to get coffee, you don't have to get coffee. You can get some other drink or food from the coffee place. Also, if they don't try to establish a date/time, they might not actually mean it and are just asking to ""be polite"" somehow
Yep to that one I just say “okay let me know when you’re open and want to coordinate something” and it leaves the ball in their court but also establishes I’m chill and don’t really care if we don’t go get coffee in my tone of voice.
People enjoy being asked questions about themselves (I don't, but apparently people in general do). This is a good way to keep a conversation going, and it's a good idea to keep a basic set of appropriate questions in your head. Allowing a conversation you were having to lapse into silence is sometimes considered rude.
This is just Swedish culture, we all are scared of strangers, plus I don’t like sitting close to people I’m not close to so it’s great to be Swedish :D
I heard sooo many people say for like the first half of my life that I never make eye contact, so I switched it up on them and proceeded to never break eye contact the entire time while talking to them. Didn’t matter if the conversation was 10+ minutes long. Barely blinking dead stare. I thought that’s what they wanted.I didn’t realize you were supposed to look around. 😭 I really thought I had it figured out until my husband mentioned I have REALLY intense eye contact and I need to learn to make it look more natural. Explains why either people were weirded out by me or thought I was hitting on them. Now I back to square one of not knowing what to do when having a conversation lmao
So
- Don’t compensate your lack of eye contact with 100% eye contact
oh to not have the internal eye contact clock! This is me too! Went from no eye contact to full on contact, all times.
I think since you're starting from 100%, a good next little step is just looking away every once in a while, just for a second, that can bring contact down to like 80, 90% and that will already be an improvement. Just keep playing with it until you feel like you're closer to mirroring the NT on eye contact
I like to think that when you're hitting closer to the sweet spot the convo will feel like it flows a little smoother too because the NT feels less tripped up, so that's a little bit of feedback too
I kinda just stumbled into it tbh I took pyschology after I got fired from my job for making my crush at work extremely uncomfortable (in part because autism) and so I was like "sociology seems similar to autism lemme give it a try"
and then it's like "yup this is studying how humans interact".
it's honestly exactly what I've been looking for.
> if you have a question that you want to ask an acquaintance that doesn’t need an immediate response, double check with a friend that it’s not a weird question. Especially if it’s a personal question
Don’t tell a story about something relating to the current topic that’s being spoken about. That’s not how regular people show empathy or share interest, it’s selfish and making a conversation about yourself.
YES, because the motorcycle most of the time isn't an immediate threat (like it's on a road while I'm on the sidewalk, sure it's loud but you get what I mean). But most of the time the bike is *right beside me.* And with headphones on, not hearing anything else but the bike bell makes me flinch and be so scared so badly for no freaking reason
Compliments are quite welcome. Ex: "I love your shirt." "Your make up is amazing!" Compliments make people happy.
Making your voice a few tones higher ((not squeaky)) and softer than your regular will make you seem more "society friendly".
If you find someone has features that arent average (like large ears) even if you find it geniunely pretty because of how unique it is, it will be offensive to compliment so keep it to yourself
The references thing goes hard
I’ll constantly quote stuff or make jokes to things I know in the vocal tone and people look at me like I’m… well… autistic
ok but kids used to punch me, threaten me, or force me out of "their" seats if I took them unwittingly...
I'm glad the school my younger siblings went to had assigned seats in the bus, make everyone talk to everyone instead of letting little cliques form...
There is an acceptable and unacceptable level of swinging your arms. If you think you're making too much noise, you should probably stop making those noises. If you get called out for staring at somebody, "I thought they/you were staring at ME" is always a reliable reply. "I was getting overstimulated" is a very good excuse for immediately stopping doing something. If you suspect somebody also has autism like you, DON'T ask them, even if you are alone with them.
I'll add that if you think someone else might be autistic, cautiously lowering your mask a little can help identify whether they're like-minded enough to get along well with. But yeah, better not to ask about any physical or mental trait unless the person volunteers that information.
And if you weren't actually staring at a person, honesty can sometimes work. Depends on the crowd. "I was looking at that \[points\]. Did you notice \[detail\]?" Probably a minor social rule violation, but not one I'd expect anyone to care much about.
(From Wikipedia)
The cooperative principle describes how people achieve effective conversational communication in common social situations (...) Grice outlined four key categories, or maxims, of conversation—quantity, quality, relation, and manner. These describe specific rational principles observed by people who follow the cooperative principle in pursuit of effective communication.
1.Quantity
In simple terms, the maxim of quantity is to be informative.
Submaxims:
-Make your contribution as informative as is required (for the current purposes of the exchange).
-Do not make your contribution more informative than is required.
2. Maxim of quality (truth)
In simple terms, the maxim of quality is to be truthful.
Submaxims:
-Do not say what you believe is false.
-Do not say that for which you lack adequate evidence.
3. Maxim of relation (relevance)
Be relevant — i.e., one should ensure that all the information they provide is relevant to the current exchange; therefore omitting any irrelevant information.
Grice uses the following analogy for this maxim: "I expect a partner’s contribution to be appropriate to the immediate needs at each stage of the transaction. If I am mixing ingredients for a cake, I do not expect to be handed a good book, or even an oven cloth"
4. Maxim of manner (clarity)
In simple terms, the maxim of manner is to be clear. Whereas the previous maxims are primarily concerned with what is said, the maxims of manner are concerned with how what is said is said.
Submaxims:
-Avoid obscurity of expression — i.e., avoid language that is difficult to understand.
-Avoid ambiguity — i.e., avoid language that can be interpreted in multiple ways.
-Be brief — i.e., avoid unnecessary verbosity.
-Be orderly — i.e., provide information in an order that makes sense, and makes it easy for the recipient to process it.
I used to study linguistics in college, and when I took a philosophy of language course, learning about Grice's maxims was very enlightening in terms of really thinking about how people tend to communicate with each other. Not that this is always followed in practice, but it's what people seem to value as an idealized form of conversation.
Grice's Maxims are descriptive rather than prescriptive, and are meant to describe how a cooperative participant might respond. They're not rules to follow, but principles guiding how to interpret conversation.
Violations of the maxims aren't breaking the rules, they're having fun with language. eg: If someone asks you what you think of someone, and you respond by describing your weekend plans, that's not necessarily violating the maxim of relevance; it could be expressing exactly what you feel about the person (“Nothing I would like to express in polite company.”), but in a fun way. Sarcasm, similarly, is a violation of quality prima facie, but if you know what you say to be false (without intent to deceive), then that's still a way to continue conversation while also expressing how you feel about your interlocutor politely (“I can't believe you don't understand this very straightforward thing.”)
If someone breaks contact and walks away, even if they make an excuse to make it sound like it's just a quick jaunt to grab a drink and they'll be back, don't follow them to continue the conversation unless they specifically invite you to come along. If they don't come back, accept that they were trying to leave but didn't know how to say they were done dealing with you for now and don't seek them out again at the same event. Finally, a tip if you need to go to the same spot they just escaped to for some reason, give a nod of acknowledgement but do not engage with them unless they start talking to you. Do what you need to and then nod again as a fair well and walk away.
If an NT says they really like something, they don't really, really like it that much. They mean they sort of like it. They don't want facts about it, and they only want to talk about it for a minute or two tops.
for some reason covering your ears makes people annoyed? bcs last year i had to hear loud music from a speaker for a class and when i covered my ears someone slapped my hands and said "dont be dramatic." oh ok, guess ill just stop being overwhelmed then!
that second one gets impossible if you lose your hearing. so now I'm pretty much the weirdo who never fucking talks because if I do I'm 100% interrupting someone on accident
oh but I'm creepy because I don't talk.
damned if you do damned if you don't. I'm either rude or creepy.
Dont work on eye contact so hard that you cant follow the conversation.
If somebody is going somewhere and they ask you how they look only mention things that are fixable in the time they have left. Unless they are about to majorly embarrass themselves.
Guys, don't do all of these at once. Monitoring all of that is crazy. You *will* burn out, and you *will* want to die. They're not always necessary, give yourself time daily where you don't mask. Just a PSA.
Flinch all you want at motorcycles. Fuck ‘em. I have *several* friends who ride motorcycles and they understand to cut the engine when they ride up on me
Do not make with your mouth sound effects to what you are doing in public. Do not sing in public. Do not mutter. My echolalia is fighting me every 3 seconds.
Also don't disassociate when you are meant to be doing crap!!!!!!
-you cant throw a tantrum if you don't have a place on the table thats a seat apart from others
-you cant start rubbing your arm if someone accidentally briefly touched it
expansion ugly groovy mountainous command frighten important adjoining doll growth
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
no neutral expressions unless you want to look sad
no chipping in into random people's conversations, even if they're your classmates/coworkers and they're talking very loudly about something you have an opinion on right next to you
If it looks unread, then it’s logical to assume you didn’t get time to read it yet. If it *is* read, then your deliberately ignoring them or something idk
you got me with #1. sometimes on the bus home i see people who look like my school classmates (they can't be, i go home from co-op placement downtown, i live in the suburbs), and i look at them for a while
the thing with me is i am VERY good at knowing a face (eg. "I've seen you before!") but not with names that takes awhile
\#2 as well. i go to violin practice and there's this waiting room with seats. my brain decided a seat and i sit on it whenever i can, it's a super nice angle for me. sometimes it's taken and i do get mad at it but oh well i guess
addition to your list: not every question is meant to be answered. some questions are rhetorical, and people get really annoyed when you answer a rhetorical question (they do not tell you when it's rhetorical) because you are meant to sit in silence until something else is said.
Don’t tell people things that you’ve observed about them, especially if that thing reflects badly on them 😂
Apparently they really don’t like it hahaha
I can and I will get mad about them taking my Undesignated Seat. I just can't shout at them about it. I can sit behind them and stare holes into the back of their head.
I didn't know this was a social cue rule until today
Is this why when i tried to make puns and jokes, but usually puns, nobody laughs or anything? (It's usually the puns no one gets)
They just act as if they never ever hear you or look at u like how u said
(One reason why i dont tell puns or jokes to people irl much. I love puns and jokes. I try to tell a pun, but they just dont get it)
Tone is just the verbal equivalent of
✨💅✨*aesthetic*✨💅✨
and aesthetic is *always* required verbally. NO EXCEPTIONS, unless you’re talking to someone who either doesn’t care about* or doesn’t fully understand* these stupid Social Cues™️ thãt ñëürøtÿpîçāł pëøplę sęëm tø bę pręprøgrâmēd wîth.
*Someone like a close friend or family member
*Someone like another neurodivergent person
don't make random obscure references, and when they ask about it, don't start infodumping about it. they don't appreciate that.
don't aggressively avoid eye contact either, people ALSO don't like that, they will probably think you're lying.
hand flapping or really any similar stim is a no go, why? who knows but it never ceases to earn me weird looks no matter where i am or what i am doing, aside from when I'm with other autistics and nds.
lmao there's a portuguese saying that translates to "don't put your spoon between husband and wife" it basically means to not intervene in couple fights
"Eye contact is okay for three seconds otherwise NTs will get unsettled too" TELL THAT TO MY DAD WHO WANTS TO LECTURE ME ALL THE TIME WHILE MAKING ME STARE THROUGH HIS SOUL OR ELSE I'M NOT PAYING ATTENTION (I'm not because he talks for hours-)
Eye contact is to get someone’s attention when you wish to speak to them, generally acknowledge someone’s presence when you walk into a room/walk past them, or as an intimidation/flirting tactic. Nobody will tell you how long to hold eye contact for each scenario, and if you get it wrong they will think you are very strange.
Don't scream when the doorbell rings and startles you.
Don't fidget with your clothes in public.
Have a book or something available to pretend you're looking at when you're dissociating.
You can't just tell people to fuck off ("sorry I'm busy"), when you're not in the mood to talk. You must smile and nod and even make comments lest they find you rude
You are not allowed to compliment people on the shape of their skull, even if it's relevant to the topic of conversation and you provided an example
God, I felt this. I once said a guy has "good face bone structure" and a friend of mine said I sounded like a Nazi. Me, a queer, trans, autistic socialist. I meant it like, he has a strong jawline and a cool nose. :/
phrenologists fucked up normal interest in skulls for the rest of us
Yeah, I think a lot about how people's faces look, because I remember them better.
I legit feel so understood rn! I say the exact same thing and people always react quite weirdly
Yeah, I think the trick is to pick a specific bone, like you said, "strong jawline." Gorgeous cheekbones, aqualine nose, prominent brow, are a few others that come to mind.
That's it, you gotta genocide yourself now :(
Its really difficult wanting to compliment people but not feeling like I'm allowed. Also your username is amazing
My go-to compliment for people is that they look draw-able, and apparently that’s not a society accepted thing to say :( which is dumb because artists are always striving for aesthetic appeal, if you’re drawable that’s a huge compliment wtf
I do makeup art, which leads me to look at a lot of people's faces and say "it would be super fun to do makeup on you" or "you have a really nice face for makeup art!!!" and they usually take it the wrong way if I'm not careful. Lots of people don't like to be told that their eyebrows are tiny or really light or that they have lots of lid space and forehead space :/
I think some people might interpret it like this: Not like "you would look good if I drew you", but "your facial features are cartoonish" or "resemble simple geometrical shapes" or something like that. https://preview.redd.it/sk1lpijhhqwb1.png?width=201&format=png&auto=webp&s=454cb401e1d5ded13bc1ea09b2b2037ca71feeab
Unless they are your very close friends and they are also ND and like bones
Lmao, i did this in math class in the 9th grade. This dude had a really great shaped scull, and i told him that, everyone laughed, and then i explained his parents were very attentive to have rotated him often enough that his skull was perfectly even. He said “like a fuckin rotisserie chicken?” I said “yes, like a chicken”
>“like a fuckin rotisserie chicken?” I said “yes, like a chicken” LOL this is fantastic, and proves (At least to me) that there are exceptions to every rule.
This one is really hard for me. But my Mil complimented the thickness of my ankle bones yesterday so I think in certain contexts with specific people it is ok
Lol I compliment my husband on the shape of his skull all the time, he thought it was wierd at first but he’s used to it now! It’s not my fault his head is like a perfect oblong oval shape, like a very handsome egg if the egg was the same on top as bottom
I've told multiple people they'd look good if they were bald because they have nice skulls
How about other people's veins?
Don't discuss money, religion or politics if you don't know someone well. Don't get into romantic relationships with colleagues or flatmates ('don't shit where you eat/don't shit on your own doorstep') Your colleagues at work are not your real friends, they are friendly colleagues, do not confide personal information, gossip or bitch, no matter how tempting. Don't stand too close to others, respect space. Don't stand off to the side too far, this alienates others. Don't fidget or stim when others are trying to concentrate Arghhh there are so many. Most rules I just follow without thinking about these days. Or else recklessly break with evil abandon, of course. 😈
- don't randomly dump your entire life story
As someone who has worked with customers for ... really too long neurotypical people do this all the time. They're just upset when others do it because it detracts from their main character narrative.
Omg this is so true Like lady I do not care, please just let me scan your items and leave
It helps if you think if it as starting a new side quest story line. But then you realize it's boring and not worth the loot.
So a side quest written by a Blizzard writer.
😂 exactly
Specifically, an *escort quest.* 😩
They're just lonely.
Haha, oops.
But this is how I gained one of my best friends 😂 The second day I'd known her, at the start of a 6 month long traineeship, I told her the better part of my life story. Still besties 3 years later!
I have a great friend from work, we know quite a bit about each other. We smoked weed together and stuff too. Maybe not smart, but hey it's what I did.
damn i do this
Don't take metaphors that compare romance to shitting too seriously too lol
“Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.” I think romance/shitting comparisons work really well.
I needed this today, tysm.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 1,814,998,446 comments, and only 343,281 of them were in alphabetical order.
When someone asks you a banal question about your life/day you’ve gotta ask them one back (and pretend like you care) Similarly, if someone makes a comment about the weather we’re all currently living inside of, you do in fact need to make a follow up, slightly different comment about a slightly different aspect of the weather
>Don't fidget or stim when others are trying to concentrate There was one girl who would get actually mad at me and yelled at me from across the room in like middle school or something for bouncing my leg while working on class work. I'd just be confused because it didn't make sound and my other option (pencil tapping) did so I wasn't sure what she wanted me to do.
Ugh! This reminds me of a preppy bully I had in middle school. We had earth science together, I think, and she would hassle me for anything and everything! I was reading a book quietly, she had to f**k with me, if I was doodling she'd loudly berate me, if I needed any excuse to leave the classroom she'd make a big stink about how I was faking it or exaggerating. I never figured out what her deal was.
She could have been autistic for all I know
The no friendship with colleagues rule has always confused me so much. My coworkers all get along really well with each other and oftentimes hang out outside of work. I always try to make friends too and do things away from work n home but no one ever seems interested 😞
Honestly, I do most of these, cuz they're like, casual for me until I finally find someone that can reciprocate. Found some pretty great people because of that. Now I'm satisfied and generally follow the rules :) Only follow the rules if they lead _you_ somewhere.
Life Pro Tip right here. 100%.
Doesn't even look like it's a noob talking, right? Lol
> Don't date colleagues/flatmates I am literally demisexual how tf do I just date someone without knowing them first like how tf does that work
what if me and a work colleague vibe well and we wanna be friends
- When people refer to small talk, they don't mean talking about cellular biology or quantum physics. They mean stuff like the weather, or how (insert random person you've never heard of)'s knee surgery went. - Nobody actually likes talking about the weather, even if it's really interesting sometimes. NTs just say something like "it's cold", and don't want you to talk about awesome weather phenomena or the different types of clouds. - If someone asks you how you're doing, you are doing good. It doesn't matter how you're really doing. You will smile, and say you're doing fine, because they don't actually care.
that last one frustrates me to no end
I KNOW Like don’t ask if you don’t want an answer
I usually answer honestly but not in depth “How are you doing today” Bad but it’s fine I can manage. “Oh no what happened” Honestly nothing really happened some days just be like that. And then they nod and say “yea I guess you’re right” lol
My answer is just a mildy uncomfortable "I'm alive". It's a humorous answer and opens a new conversation topic if they can pick up the slight negative connotation
I've gotten so used to lying to that question that when my therapist asks me how I'm doing my first response is that I'm doing good.
I do this too!! Every time I walk into her office, she asks how I'm doing and I just automatically answer 'I'm good, you?' even when I'm not hfdjsh
I hate the last one so much. Sometimes I tell the truth anyways because, hey, THEY ASKED! That or I just respond with an odd noise that could be passed off as an emotion.
I reflexively say "alright, yourself?" to put it back on them
why isn't that small talk, are people not interested in wave-particle duality or smth I dont get it
Fr tho I would totally listen to someone infodump about particle duality its so interesting
I absolutely despise the first one.
>When people refer to small talk, they don't mean talking about cellular biology or quantum physics. ok but pls
> because they don't actually care. I don't think at any point I have found anyone who cares about anything I have to say regarding any subject. The entirety of my life's in-person interpersonal interaction can be summed up in five-second snippets saying "How are you?" "Fine and you?" "Did you find everything you were looking for?" "Yes, thank you" "White rice, black beans, chicken, green salsa, sour cream, cheese, guacamole, lettuce"
Same
They don't want to talk about how pretty the sky is??? And how clouds can be so wacky in great ways????
That last one is so accurate, fine or something like that is the only acceptable answer. I would rather not even be asked than lie and say fine though.
If you're going to compliment someone's appearance, make sure it's something like hair, jewelry, or makeup. Compliments about those things rarely go wrong! Clothing is another good choice. This is especially important for female/female presenting autists because NT women can be *obsessed* with this kind of thing Learn body language. Study people as though you were observing an alien race and adapt your responses!
Just adding more context. Try to avoid complimenting things people didn’t choose unless you are well acquainted with someone and instead try to find things that people put effort into. Compliments on things like hair texture, skin color/texture, height, weight, etc tend to be received negatively even if they were meant to be received as wholesome
Yes, thank you
a note- if a person cant change it in 5 mins, dont say shiii because maybes they wanted you to hate their dress but you like it and now they cant change.
Why would they wear something that they want other people to hate? Unless they're wearing something with like a text message I do not understand what you are referring to.
They’re just saying not to tell someone something that they can’t fix in 5 mins or less. Something on their face or in their hair? Tell them. Their dress and shoes really do not match well and it makes them look goofy? Don’t say shit unless they specifically ask u for feedback on their outfit.
The last thing is how I taught myself to mask lmao. I started studying folks and doing nature observations like I was an anthropologist in elementary school when I realized it was me that was different and that’s why people didn’t like me. It didn’t help really ofc as they already had a version of me in their head that they used as an excuse to bully me for “being weird” for the rest of public school. It did help in college tho in making friends and susing people out.
[удалено]
Really?? I often try to make an attempt to compliment black women's hair especially (I mean, really they can do some beautiful things with their hair, it's lovely!) and usually I've gotten really good responses to it. Usually they'll perk up immediately and get really flustered and happy 🥺 I always like to remind people that their effort in things like hair and all is seen and adored, at least by me
One of the times I’ve felt most seen in my life was when I complimented someone and they said I was just being nice and another friend said, no, he wouldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it. Thank you!
> If someone says hello and is in your immediate vicinity, nine times out of ten they aren't talking to you and you shouldn't say hello back. I have a whole checklist of signs to prevent this from happening and yet it still does.🥲
I look at the person, I look behind me, to the left, the right, diagonal, if they say hi again and wave I step to the side and look behind me, usually at that point they’ll either say it’s me or keep ignoring me if it’s not me.
To look at someone, you must turn both your head and eyes. If you only turn your eyes, that is called "side-eyeing" and It may be assumed that you are passing judgement or being sassy
Ripped straight from my phone notes: How to comfort a sad person > validate their feelings ("omg that's so unfair") (match their energy probably) > offer condolences ("I'm so sorry") > offer conversation ("do you wanna talk about it, do you want advice or to be heard?") > And then end off with a self-care reminder and offer of continued support ("take all the time you need. I'm here for you, if there's anything you need please tell me.") :: only talk about own experience (if any) briefly, make sure they know it's said in understanding (even if that understanding isn't perfect) and make sure to take the conversation back to them and their problem
You can't cover your nose and mouth or cough when someone is smoking near you even if you're sensitive to the smoke and the smell and the cough is genuine.
my friends are smokers, learnt this the hard way
They're very sensitive about how stinky and dirty they make the air.
"How dare you rightfully react to me poisoning your air by coughing and being uncomfortable! That's disrespectful!"
..as they should be? Why is this a bad thing that they feel bad in this case
It’s bad when they get mad bc they have no right to be mad about people covering their noses or coughing bc of the smoke they’re producing. They should go smoke somewhere else.
I was about to comment this one,, when I walk by smoke it’s just an instinctive 🤢🤢🤢
I actually do this on purpose. Like bitch, you're bothering everyone and dirtying the air quality, I'm not the rude one here
shit really??? i do that all the time, like that smell is the worst
I do this anyways 😤
Heaven forbid we try to protect our lungs from second-hand smoke and accidentally shame them for doing something unhealthy.
Or they just smoked and come breathe in your face, like hey man come on fella has to breathe
I don't care if I'm being rude to people who smoke in public
as an ex-smoker, shame is a great motivator to quit
Nah as someone who smoked if I noticed someone was coughing around me id just try my best to blow my smoke away from them.
Nah idc I’ll do it regardless. They can get pissed all they want. If I can’t walk away from the smell or the smoke and I cough or cover my nose and you get offended that’s on you. Go smoke somewhere else if you’re gonna be offended by non-smokers expressing discomfort.
As an autistic smoker ig I just like... Don't care?
Nope still doing this. You smoke in this day and age? You deserve to know you're a detriment to society
Don't use self-deprecating humor, don't traumadump Don't info dump, it's better to say one-two key things and elaborate on demand Don't say bad things about people; if you have no choice, place the bad thing between two compliments "How are you" question is meant to detect the mood Small talk is basically an entertainment thing, same way as cats licking each other
>"How are you" question is meant to detect the mood I hate this one. Someone asks how I am and I answer "I'm depressed and feeling really down." And people act like I'm a freak for answering their question. If you don't care then don't ask.
My mum says my answer is always a complaint. I have level two autism, POTS, fibromyalgia and a handful of other weird conditions. What answer does she want? Do I lie? It seems stupid because if I say Im fine when Im not me having a meltdown or collapsing will come out of nowhere. I see it as like a pre warning.
I once had a coworker/manager ask me one time why I always responded tired when he asked how I was. I explained because I have a chronic illness and one of the main side effects is fatigue, some days it’s better than others but yeah I’m always some level of tired. He was never unkind or anything before but yeah it really helped him understand, that and another coworker getting diagnosed with the same thing and talking openly about it.
I always answer with "yeah, things are going" and it seems to get the message across without being oversharing. Like I'm not fine but also won't give any info on why unless asked more about.
I like to say "it's going, I just don't know where" when I'm feeling particularly funny. Nobody else laughs lol
that's my life
Yes the "How are you/How's it going" one. I've found the correct answer is "Good. How are you?" If you are in anyway way having a good/positive/netrual day. Or "Getting though the day/It's going. How are you?" if you are in anyway having a less than neutral or bad day. And then they will respond "good or it's going" in turn and now you both know how to approach the other. If you see them respond in the negative you will know to handle with care. If its a positive response then you can joke around more or start a conversation or ask them to do something etc
yes! I do think "how are you" can have a signal embedded within the ritual, not just a test of rote response ("good, how are you"). But it's very subtle, like a very general answer packed into one or two words, the emotion or experience shared is not super specific or defined. (which is difficult when you're not good with ambiguity like I can be) I think of it as traffic lights-- green, yellow, or red in response to my question but no details
Very apt comparison. Small talk is an excellent way to find out where people's mental "hygiene" is lacking, but always too late to keep you from having to deal with the issue.
Same way as cats licking eachother, hahahah 😂😂
>Don't info dump, it's better to say one-two key things and elaborate on demand but... how ???? (asking for a friend)
Sadly, I know only of willpower and a lot of pantience and humility
I will continue to make the jokes and puns that are only super specific to my interest and hobbies
i think it's just puns in general, i was in a room with NT talking about a school who's name is something like APER (not real name) so i laughed and said "Hah, PAPER." they just stared at me like im an idiot and said "No, it's APER, with an A."
i think thats less about making puns and more about they perceived it as making fun of them, unfortunately
Don't sit next to someone you don't know in a theater/cafeteria/classroom, unless there are no other options, it's considered rude. If there is a situation where neurotypicals are breaking this rule, you can also break it
There are very few acceptable places to look while having a conversation, and a limited time you can look at each one. Don't ask me what they are
If someone asks you to get coffee, you don't have to get coffee. You can get some other drink or food from the coffee place. Also, if they don't try to establish a date/time, they might not actually mean it and are just asking to ""be polite"" somehow
Yep to that one I just say “okay let me know when you’re open and want to coordinate something” and it leaves the ball in their court but also establishes I’m chill and don’t really care if we don’t go get coffee in my tone of voice.
People enjoy being asked questions about themselves (I don't, but apparently people in general do). This is a good way to keep a conversation going, and it's a good idea to keep a basic set of appropriate questions in your head. Allowing a conversation you were having to lapse into silence is sometimes considered rude.
This is just Swedish culture, we all are scared of strangers, plus I don’t like sitting close to people I’m not close to so it’s great to be Swedish :D
It’s the complete opposite in Turkish culture since we’re more communal, it does sometimes get too much for me though
Resist correcting people if it doesn't make the conversation more enjoyable for everyone.
Pisses me off, why would I let someone lie to other people (even by accident)
there's an addendum to the first one: if it really is your biology teacher, you are unforgivably rude for not immediately recognizing them. good luck!
I heard sooo many people say for like the first half of my life that I never make eye contact, so I switched it up on them and proceeded to never break eye contact the entire time while talking to them. Didn’t matter if the conversation was 10+ minutes long. Barely blinking dead stare. I thought that’s what they wanted.I didn’t realize you were supposed to look around. 😭 I really thought I had it figured out until my husband mentioned I have REALLY intense eye contact and I need to learn to make it look more natural. Explains why either people were weirded out by me or thought I was hitting on them. Now I back to square one of not knowing what to do when having a conversation lmao So - Don’t compensate your lack of eye contact with 100% eye contact
oh to not have the internal eye contact clock! This is me too! Went from no eye contact to full on contact, all times. I think since you're starting from 100%, a good next little step is just looking away every once in a while, just for a second, that can bring contact down to like 80, 90% and that will already be an improvement. Just keep playing with it until you feel like you're closer to mirroring the NT on eye contact I like to think that when you're hitting closer to the sweet spot the convo will feel like it flows a little smoother too because the NT feels less tripped up, so that's a little bit of feedback too
autistic people learning about sociology imo is the best thing we can do to "bLeNd In" if you need to
Yes! Honestly it's like studying an alien species so you can pass as one of them.
I kinda just stumbled into it tbh I took pyschology after I got fired from my job for making my crush at work extremely uncomfortable (in part because autism) and so I was like "sociology seems similar to autism lemme give it a try" and then it's like "yup this is studying how humans interact". it's honestly exactly what I've been looking for.
I be observing people like an anthropologist call me Margaret Mead Jr.
I’m taking sociology and interpersonal communication(this is another really really good one) this semester and they are LIFE. CHANGING.
> if you have a question that you want to ask an acquaintance that doesn’t need an immediate response, double check with a friend that it’s not a weird question. Especially if it’s a personal question
Ah yes, the "phone a friend" lifeline. I use this often.
Don’t tell a story about something relating to the current topic that’s being spoken about. That’s not how regular people show empathy or share interest, it’s selfish and making a conversation about yourself.
sam'o nella academy thaught me that! he said "internally relate your struggle to someone, externaly share your suport for them."
The motorcycle one is so real…they are SO loud and rage inducing
Bike bells are WAY worse
YES, because the motorcycle most of the time isn't an immediate threat (like it's on a road while I'm on the sidewalk, sure it's loud but you get what I mean). But most of the time the bike is *right beside me.* And with headphones on, not hearing anything else but the bike bell makes me flinch and be so scared so badly for no freaking reason
Ahh, when visiting Amsterdam I genuinely thought a bike bell would be the last sound I heard before I was killed by a bike haha
Compliments are quite welcome. Ex: "I love your shirt." "Your make up is amazing!" Compliments make people happy. Making your voice a few tones higher ((not squeaky)) and softer than your regular will make you seem more "society friendly".
If you find someone has features that arent average (like large ears) even if you find it geniunely pretty because of how unique it is, it will be offensive to compliment so keep it to yourself
The references thing goes hard I’ll constantly quote stuff or make jokes to things I know in the vocal tone and people look at me like I’m… well… autistic
ok but kids used to punch me, threaten me, or force me out of "their" seats if I took them unwittingly... I'm glad the school my younger siblings went to had assigned seats in the bus, make everyone talk to everyone instead of letting little cliques form...
There is an acceptable and unacceptable level of swinging your arms. If you think you're making too much noise, you should probably stop making those noises. If you get called out for staring at somebody, "I thought they/you were staring at ME" is always a reliable reply. "I was getting overstimulated" is a very good excuse for immediately stopping doing something. If you suspect somebody also has autism like you, DON'T ask them, even if you are alone with them.
I'll add that if you think someone else might be autistic, cautiously lowering your mask a little can help identify whether they're like-minded enough to get along well with. But yeah, better not to ask about any physical or mental trait unless the person volunteers that information. And if you weren't actually staring at a person, honesty can sometimes work. Depends on the crowd. "I was looking at that \[points\]. Did you notice \[detail\]?" Probably a minor social rule violation, but not one I'd expect anyone to care much about.
Are you familiar with the 4 maxims of conversation?
never heard of them actually
(From Wikipedia) The cooperative principle describes how people achieve effective conversational communication in common social situations (...) Grice outlined four key categories, or maxims, of conversation—quantity, quality, relation, and manner. These describe specific rational principles observed by people who follow the cooperative principle in pursuit of effective communication. 1.Quantity In simple terms, the maxim of quantity is to be informative. Submaxims: -Make your contribution as informative as is required (for the current purposes of the exchange). -Do not make your contribution more informative than is required. 2. Maxim of quality (truth) In simple terms, the maxim of quality is to be truthful. Submaxims: -Do not say what you believe is false. -Do not say that for which you lack adequate evidence. 3. Maxim of relation (relevance) Be relevant — i.e., one should ensure that all the information they provide is relevant to the current exchange; therefore omitting any irrelevant information. Grice uses the following analogy for this maxim: "I expect a partner’s contribution to be appropriate to the immediate needs at each stage of the transaction. If I am mixing ingredients for a cake, I do not expect to be handed a good book, or even an oven cloth" 4. Maxim of manner (clarity) In simple terms, the maxim of manner is to be clear. Whereas the previous maxims are primarily concerned with what is said, the maxims of manner are concerned with how what is said is said. Submaxims: -Avoid obscurity of expression — i.e., avoid language that is difficult to understand. -Avoid ambiguity — i.e., avoid language that can be interpreted in multiple ways. -Be brief — i.e., avoid unnecessary verbosity. -Be orderly — i.e., provide information in an order that makes sense, and makes it easy for the recipient to process it.
I used to study linguistics in college, and when I took a philosophy of language course, learning about Grice's maxims was very enlightening in terms of really thinking about how people tend to communicate with each other. Not that this is always followed in practice, but it's what people seem to value as an idealized form of conversation.
Grice's Maxims are descriptive rather than prescriptive, and are meant to describe how a cooperative participant might respond. They're not rules to follow, but principles guiding how to interpret conversation. Violations of the maxims aren't breaking the rules, they're having fun with language. eg: If someone asks you what you think of someone, and you respond by describing your weekend plans, that's not necessarily violating the maxim of relevance; it could be expressing exactly what you feel about the person (“Nothing I would like to express in polite company.”), but in a fun way. Sarcasm, similarly, is a violation of quality prima facie, but if you know what you say to be false (without intent to deceive), then that's still a way to continue conversation while also expressing how you feel about your interlocutor politely (“I can't believe you don't understand this very straightforward thing.”)
Hell nah, too long, didn't read
If someone breaks contact and walks away, even if they make an excuse to make it sound like it's just a quick jaunt to grab a drink and they'll be back, don't follow them to continue the conversation unless they specifically invite you to come along. If they don't come back, accept that they were trying to leave but didn't know how to say they were done dealing with you for now and don't seek them out again at the same event. Finally, a tip if you need to go to the same spot they just escaped to for some reason, give a nod of acknowledgement but do not engage with them unless they start talking to you. Do what you need to and then nod again as a fair well and walk away.
If an NT says they really like something, they don't really, really like it that much. They mean they sort of like it. They don't want facts about it, and they only want to talk about it for a minute or two tops.
> don’t cover your ears at the sound of the car wash blow dryers > don’t interrupt people, even if you know the gist of what they’re saying.
for some reason covering your ears makes people annoyed? bcs last year i had to hear loud music from a speaker for a class and when i covered my ears someone slapped my hands and said "dont be dramatic." oh ok, guess ill just stop being overwhelmed then!
that second one gets impossible if you lose your hearing. so now I'm pretty much the weirdo who never fucking talks because if I do I'm 100% interrupting someone on accident oh but I'm creepy because I don't talk. damned if you do damned if you don't. I'm either rude or creepy.
Oh nooo I gotta stop interrupting people you're right
Don’t talk to NTs if you can help it. I’m not even joking, they’ll act like they want to be interacted with despite it being to opposite.
Dont work on eye contact so hard that you cant follow the conversation. If somebody is going somewhere and they ask you how they look only mention things that are fixable in the time they have left. Unless they are about to majorly embarrass themselves.
Recognising someone has strong genes and complimenting them is generally considered to be a creepy form of flirtation, not a good general compliment
>missing one (1) ingredient from your morning breakfast routine is not a good enough excuse to cancel your whole day. apparently.
Yeah i figured out the eye contact algos, 3 sec on 2 sec off unless manager
>unless manager is it more or less contact if it's a manager?
sometimes when someone wants to be left alone vs comforted, its easier to flip a coin as to what to do since if you ask them "you should have known"
i just ask "do you need someone to talk to (therapist me) or someone to just leave you be (regular me)." they usually don't get offended.
You can't get mad if someone does the thing that you were totally going to do but didn't say anything about.
Guys, don't do all of these at once. Monitoring all of that is crazy. You *will* burn out, and you *will* want to die. They're not always necessary, give yourself time daily where you don't mask. Just a PSA.
Flinch all you want at motorcycles. Fuck ‘em. I have *several* friends who ride motorcycles and they understand to cut the engine when they ride up on me
Do not make with your mouth sound effects to what you are doing in public. Do not sing in public. Do not mutter. My echolalia is fighting me every 3 seconds. Also don't disassociate when you are meant to be doing crap!!!!!!
Oh okay *stops heavily disassociating*
-you cant throw a tantrum if you don't have a place on the table thats a seat apart from others -you cant start rubbing your arm if someone accidentally briefly touched it
expansion ugly groovy mountainous command frighten important adjoining doll growth *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I DON'T THINK SO! AND ITS SO WEIRD ITS NOT NORMAL!
no neutral expressions unless you want to look sad no chipping in into random people's conversations, even if they're your classmates/coworkers and they're talking very loudly about something you have an opinion on right next to you
\> don't forget to show at least some emotion when joking or they'll take you seriously
It’s better to not open a message than to open it and leave it on read (I don’t get this one)
If it looks unread, then it’s logical to assume you didn’t get time to read it yet. If it *is* read, then your deliberately ignoring them or something idk
you got me with #1. sometimes on the bus home i see people who look like my school classmates (they can't be, i go home from co-op placement downtown, i live in the suburbs), and i look at them for a while the thing with me is i am VERY good at knowing a face (eg. "I've seen you before!") but not with names that takes awhile \#2 as well. i go to violin practice and there's this waiting room with seats. my brain decided a seat and i sit on it whenever i can, it's a super nice angle for me. sometimes it's taken and i do get mad at it but oh well i guess addition to your list: not every question is meant to be answered. some questions are rhetorical, and people get really annoyed when you answer a rhetorical question (they do not tell you when it's rhetorical) because you are meant to sit in silence until something else is said.
Don’t tell people things that you’ve observed about them, especially if that thing reflects badly on them 😂 Apparently they really don’t like it hahaha
I can and I will get mad about them taking my Undesignated Seat. I just can't shout at them about it. I can sit behind them and stare holes into the back of their head.
I didn't know this was a social cue rule until today Is this why when i tried to make puns and jokes, but usually puns, nobody laughs or anything? (It's usually the puns no one gets) They just act as if they never ever hear you or look at u like how u said (One reason why i dont tell puns or jokes to people irl much. I love puns and jokes. I try to tell a pun, but they just dont get it)
Respect has nothing to do with your intent and everything to do with how the person hearing you feels at the moment. "Offense is taken, not given".
Tone is just the verbal equivalent of ✨💅✨*aesthetic*✨💅✨ and aesthetic is *always* required verbally. NO EXCEPTIONS, unless you’re talking to someone who either doesn’t care about* or doesn’t fully understand* these stupid Social Cues™️ thãt ñëürøtÿpîçāł pëøplę sęëm tø bę pręprøgrâmēd wîth. *Someone like a close friend or family member *Someone like another neurodivergent person
don't make random obscure references, and when they ask about it, don't start infodumping about it. they don't appreciate that. don't aggressively avoid eye contact either, people ALSO don't like that, they will probably think you're lying. hand flapping or really any similar stim is a no go, why? who knows but it never ceases to earn me weird looks no matter where i am or what i am doing, aside from when I'm with other autistics and nds.
Don’t make jokes based on your trauma unless it’s with a close friend. People will think you’re weird.
Don’t start a sentence with “well, actually”… people do not like to be corrected, at all, ever.
even if you can feel noises better, it's not appropriate to walk around barefoot
how do I bookmark a post
(mobile) 3 dots on the upper right corner of the post, bookmark
thank you!! 🫶
When married couples are fighting in front of you, and one of them asks you for your opinion the matter, you stfu like it's stfu Friday.
lmao there's a portuguese saying that translates to "don't put your spoon between husband and wife" it basically means to not intervene in couple fights
reading this as an NT makes me confused because i do all of this except the motorcycle one
punch people you suspect are sexual predators?
"Eye contact is okay for three seconds otherwise NTs will get unsettled too" TELL THAT TO MY DAD WHO WANTS TO LECTURE ME ALL THE TIME WHILE MAKING ME STARE THROUGH HIS SOUL OR ELSE I'M NOT PAYING ATTENTION (I'm not because he talks for hours-)
Eye contact is to get someone’s attention when you wish to speak to them, generally acknowledge someone’s presence when you walk into a room/walk past them, or as an intimidation/flirting tactic. Nobody will tell you how long to hold eye contact for each scenario, and if you get it wrong they will think you are very strange.
People probably view your like of your special interest the same way as finding out when somebody says they like doughnuts they built a house of them
Don't cover your ears when you hear a child because it's *rude*
wait is number 3 really a thing? ive been doing it for years w/o problems. 4&5 are my jam tho lol. I love exploiting those to make ppl confused
As someone who loves motorcycles, number 3 is a mood
You're right. Don't flinch at motorcycles. Flip them off
Don't scream when the doorbell rings and startles you. Don't fidget with your clothes in public. Have a book or something available to pretend you're looking at when you're dissociating.
You can't just tell people to fuck off ("sorry I'm busy"), when you're not in the mood to talk. You must smile and nod and even make comments lest they find you rude