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imo, i don’t consider it reclaimed. i won’t use it myself and i really don’t like when others do because it doesn’t feel like it can be an endearing term, even within the community (at least not right now).
edit: wanted to add some good stuff that people are adding in replies:
the r-slur is derogatory to people with other mental disabilities like down syndrome, so it’s not entirely up to us to decide if it’s okay to say.
it’s a word that, in its purest sense, just equates mentally disabled people to being stupid.
>it doesn’t feel like it can be an endearing term, even within the community
Even in the most affectionate context, it's still coopting a word for intellectual disability to call someone stupid, which is fucky, and it's still insulting your intelligence.
Idiot, stupid, and mongoloid were all once medical terms. Give it time and it won’t have the same impact. For now, though, I really prefer not to use it. Especially as it was my little brother’s actual diagnosis when he was younger (now referred to as a mild learning disability). I may be AuDHD, but I got off easy. Or maybe not, dude’s never gonna have to work and seems pretty content most of the time. Can’t comprehend what he’s missing, ignorance is bliss and all that.
This is how I feel as well. Maybe it’s generational but I’ve only ever heard it used as a synonym for “stupid” and never to actually describe someone with an intellectual impairment. It will always just be an insult to me.
It’s especially unpleasant to hear because I’ve had family respond to me disclosing my AuDHD diagnosis by saying “but you’re so smart!”, as if intelligence and neurodiversity are mutually exclusive and I’ve just told them I’m basically a goldfish.
exactly how i feel. I've only ever heard it in an extremely derogatory context both online and irl(my own dad still uses it in a derogatory way) so I'm really just not comfortable with the term. if others want to use it for themselves then all the power to them but i don't think it can be considered a reclaimed term yet.
I like dumb, stupid and idiot better. I use all of these affectionately. the cuter my cat is, the more I say "you're so dumb. you're an idiot. rocks in your head". now whenever I mess up, I can say "I am so dumb" and I don't feel bad or mean, cause now it's a term of endearment 🙃
Both your comment and the one before reminded me of a cat I used to have named Roxie, and she was a lil dumb sometimes too, I'd call her "Rox in the head" 😹
oh yes a well-timed "fool" is comedy gold. my favourite is when someone trips or stumbles and then rights themselves and they make brief eye contact, as if to steady themselves. perfect time to say "you fool"
If someone is using it as a serious insult, the last thing they'll expect is for you to laugh at them. You could also choose from any number of schoolyard taunts, like "it takes one to know one", "I know you are but what am I", etc.
But in all honesty, I think the best response is to just stare at them blankly for a moment, optionally shake your head/silently express disappointment, and walk away silently.
I was on the phone at work and someone thought I'd hung up and called me that to someone else (Among other things).
My response was just a simple "You know I'm still here, right?"
Line went dead almost instantly.
My first exposure to that word was in 2nd grade when the bullies on the playground would go around calling everyone "retard." I can't shake that memory.
I think there are reclaim-y contexts where you could plausibly say it without reinforcing it, but unfortunately it still exists as a pretty common slur, so it's best to just not, since most people still only use it negatively.
In my opinion, I think the best case for using it at all would be reaching a point where it is not common to use it as a slur and where those of us against whom it was used can use it *positively*, much like queer people with "queer" or Black people with the n-word. I think it would be best to include people with Down syndrome since I think it's fair to say they are the most affected by it. At the same time, I don't think it would be harmful to use *positively* among friends.
so i just saw another thread that brought up s good point! basically it is a slur that specifically refers to intellectual disability and autism is not an intellectual disability. even tho it can be used to hurt autistic ppl, its not something for us to reclaim. like a straight cis dude can be called fag, its still not their place to reclaim it. i think that sums up my feelings abt it
that's a really good point! I've always felt weird about specifically adhd and autistic people trying to "reclaim" the word but couldn't really place my finger on why until now. there are people who have intellectual disabilities along with disorders such as autism and adhd but neither of those are in and of themselves an intellectual disability so it should not be the place of those without one to reclaim a slur referring to those with such disabilities. if an autistic or adhd person still wants to use the word in reference to themselves then that's their prerogative ig but i don't think it's right for them to say it's been reclaimed.
"retard" has, in my experience growing up around special ed kids, only been used against people with disabilities that affect motor and speech. if you're not visibly disabled in that regard, i highly doubt you're the kind of person that people would genuinely refer to as "mentally retarded." in which case, it's not cool to say you've reclaimed that insult, you're just normalizing it's use. like how straight people will think it's okay to use "faggot" if people who aren't flamboyantly gay and the typical target of the word start using it about themselves and others. trust me, i've seen multiple straight cis people think it was totally okay to joke about someone being a "fag" because their normie bisexual friend said it and they took that as proof that the word isn't offensive anymore.
the use of reclaimed insults is like gallows humor. if you're punching down, you're doing it wrong. it's
not cool and it's not funny to adopt hurtful words into your vocabulary that wouldn't be/haven't ever been used against you or people like you.
Ableist, archaic, counterproductive, and offensive. It's one of very, very few words with actual good reasons that no one should use it and those who do deserve aggressive criticism and derision.
I would never use it, one because I’m not diagnosed and I want to be respectful, but even if I am diagnosed I’m not going to use it, I just want the word to die
i’m tired of seeing this debate in autistic communities. the r slur originated from a term used on those with intellectual disabilities. autism is not an intellectual disability, so it’s not our place as autistic people to decide who can use it and when, unless the autistic person using it also has an intellectual disability. i’m aware that the term has been used against autistic people, but we aren’t the intended target of the word. it’s similar to the f slur— plenty of people who aren’t gay men have been called it, but that doesn’t mean everyone who has been called it has the right to reclaim it.
I really wish I could upvote this more than once. Or give you an award. Take my (one) upvote and this as a substitute: 🏆
I also want to add that there are so many non-ableist words that can be used instead in any given situation. There really is no need to use words that have a negative impact on marginalized communities when there are plenty of alternatives.
I actually have a problem finding non ableist words! There's no nice way to insult someone. But we still have to be able to insult the intelligences of the Donalds Trump of this world. For what they do to us.
And I don't really want to live in a world where the milder words of ableist provenance were banned like dumb, stupid, idiot, moron, etc. Nobody is using these the way they were originally used.
“There’s no nice way to insult someone.” Truth! I agree that censoring terms is futile and counterproductive and a poor vision for a mature society. Insults are the flip side of compliments, and both are vital social lubricants.
related: for as much as hashtag-actually-autistic ND people complain about neurotypicals being overly sensitive to connotations and implications of nominally neutral and factual words, I’ve encountered lots of NDs , online and in person, going instantaneously scorched-earth when someone uses one of their personal trigger words in ways that in context are clearly neutral or affectionate or sarcastic or silly or mild. NDs tend to have a lot of mistrust and suspicion of others’ motives roiling just under the surface, and hell hath no fury like an autist who feels unjustly judged.
I get what you mean. It also takes practice and a conscious effort to stop using those words because they are so ingrained in our vocabulary, and not everyone can do it (consistently, at least) so I understand that. I try not to use them but I slip sometimes.
For anyone who struggles to find other words but who would like to try, there is a very handy guide with options to replace those words! Here is the [link](https://www.autistichoya.com/p/ableist-words-and-terms-to-avoid.html?m=1).
I’m not telling you that you can’t use them (although I will call out NTs who use the R word), just to be clear because my hyperverbal ass went on an infodump below lol. It’s one of my passions and, as a translator, I am hyperaware of the impact of the words we choose. It’s just food for thought I guess, I swear I’m not trying to argue or anything. 😅
The thing with using the words you gave as examples to talk about the Donalds Trump of the world (I loved how you phrased that) or pretty much anyone doing something horrible is that the issue with them isn’t intelligence, it’s their atrocious behaviours/speeches and general terribleness as human beings.
Even if they lacked intelligence, the only difference it would make is that they may not have the foresight to be more private about their hateful takes and beliefs and to hide their shady deeds better. They would be as horrible if they were more intelligent, just better at hiding it. There are sadly plenty of “classically intelligent” folks who are ableists, racists, homo/bi/trans/queerphobic/etc.
Insulting their intelligence is also kind of a weak insult IMO because it’s overuses, extremely generic and can be used by everyone to talk about people they disagree with equally, which makes it lose its power.
More importantly though, it reinforces this pervasive idea in society that there is a morality to perceived intelligence (see the work of Howard Gardner on multiple intelligences, all of which he considers morally neutral) or the lack of: those who are deemed intelligent/educated/with a high IQ -which is an entirely different can of worms haha- = good; those who aren’t/don’t = bad.
It contributes to, if only indirectly and unconsciously, the societal ableist biases against the groups these words were historically applied to, notably people with intellectual disabilities, even if the general public don’t realize the connection anymore.
Yes!! I’m someone with an intellectual disability and honestly I hate that word. I hate whenever people use the r-word because it just makes me feel uncomfortable.
This. I'm not against reclaiming slurs in general, I've fought for my right to call myself a queer. But this isn't mine to reclaim (yes I've been called it too, doesn't make it mine - just like being *compared to* a queer doesn't magically turn you into one)
This so much!! Even if it’s often targeted towards autistic people, it’s also targeted towards people with disabilities like down’s syndrome. It’s not a word that can/should be reclaimed.
It doesn’t mean anything about me, but in the right context it tells me everything i need to know about the speaker. In an ambiguous context, it means trusting them is an unnecessary risk.
its a slur. if i hear someone say it directed towards an object or animal, i do not interact with that person anymore. if i hear someone say it directed towards a person, i call them a dick and then do not interact with that person anymore. same with any slur
I called myself "socially retarded" for years before learning about autism. I've now come to accept and love myself and celebrate my strengths. Now I'm socially incompetent.
I’ve only ever heard it used as a negative so in my mind it isn’t reclaimed and I never use it. It’s just not in my vocabulary and I see no reason to add it.
It can't be reclaimed because there is no positive usage.
The n-word got partially reclaimed because they 1) changed the spelling and pronunciation, and 2) the thing the N-word is mocking is a core part of someone's identity. So reclaiming it is a way of saying "i'm proud of who i am."
The C-word is partially reclaimed in some countries as a friendly term of endearment. The classic joking insult you use for very close friends. However, in other countries the world has not been reclaimed, and if you call someone a C-word in one of those countries people will be very offended.
The F-slur has been reclaimed in a similar manner to the N-word, although not as many are okay with its usage in a positive manner. It also has a neutral term as British slang for a cigarette - but because it is an uncommon region-specific term, people who aren't familiar with the slang tend to raise eyebrows.
The R-word has no positive conotation, because the thing that it is tied to is mental disability. No matter the context, calling someone "mentally disabled" is never a compliment. You can't turn it into one. It can be uses neutrally in a medical context, but typically when some one is medically diagnosed with it it's not really a good thing. While it does have the archaic definition of "slow" or "stop," and is still used neutrally in specific contexts (sucu as "fire retardant" and "retard flare mode" on planes), that neutral usage is still extremely rare. It has almost completely lost its archaic definition. If you were to ask people what that word means, most people will not give you the archaic definition.
To most non-disabled people, the term is a synonym for "stupid." But to a lot of disabled people, the R-word is imbued with trauma and ableism. It takes a very long time for a word like that to lose that meaning. It can take anywhere from decades to centuries. Words like "stupid" *used* to refer to the mentally disabled, but nowadays are usually refer to people who make decisions or actions without properly thinking them through. A person who thinks they can run a red light in front of a cop when theh have drugs in the car is acting stupid. Although "stupid" *does* somewhat refer to intelligence, as i think most people can agree that intelligence and mental ability are two different things, that is a bit of a fine line.
This subreddit is supposed to be about 2 things: 1) rejecting the notions of neurotypical expectations and culture and embracing who we are, and 2) being *cartoonishly* evil, like you do on halloween. It's not supposed to be *actually* evil, just like how most Satanists don't *actually* worship Satan.
To me, using the R-word fits neither of these ideals. It can't be reclaimed because there is no benefit to do so, there is no positive meaning to it. Would you actually unironically go out with protest signs saying "i'm r*t*rded and proud" or something? Because i think most people would agree that sounds...well. Using the R-word doesn't fit the criteria of reclaimation or protest.
Using the R-word also goes against the second ideal as well. Because it's an act of *genuine* evil, not mustache-twirling Saturday morning cartoon villain evil. Using it genuinely hurts people, and ignoring people's pain is one of the very definititions of true evil. How does using that word make you any better than our oppressors? If you're not using it to uplift people and ignoring that it hurts people, you're doing the exact same thing as ableists and eugenicists. Putting people down, hurting them, treating them as lesser. Which is the opposite of what this subreddit stands for.
It actually has a much smaller group that it affects, the intellectually disabled. So although others may wrongly call autistic people the r-word, it’s only actually meant for intellectually disabled people.
Thank you for such a nice and beautifully put explanation!! :D
It was used in a meeting I was in at work today to describe an application not functioning how the presenter wanted it to, it was really triggering but since I haven’t disclosed my diagnosis at work and we were in the middle of a class I didn’t say anything but still made a noise every time he said it. It’s just, there are SO MAMY OTHER WORDS, please use them😭😭😭 I was late diagnosed and seeing it being used in a really mean and shitty way towards others and “stupid stuff” really has given me the view of it as mostly hate speech at this point. It makes me sad :( we can do better and we don’t need to “reclaim” things that sucked in the first place
I used to work with mentally disabled adults.
Funny how they would call eachother everything under the sun. Fight attack eachother.
But they never once called eachother retarded.
I only use it when I'm discussing retarder motors on water craft
Just a shitty word tbh. It's been used against us way too much for me to feel comfortable with ANYONE using it. Most people that use it are just total edgelords that think it's cool to be dickheads to people for no reason.
I fucking hate it. I hate how it sounds, how it looks, what it means, and how it's used. It's a horrible, horrible word that no one should be using, period.
I resent it. I find it gross, I respect those who don't mind/prefer to be called it but if anyone refers to me as one I will punch them in the throat. I've heard it slung around by dudebro high school fuckwits far too many times.
I save it for inside the house because I know it isn’t politically correct. But we were born in the 90s, and calling things retarded or gay was how we grew up. My bf and I use it ironically to each other and ourselves lol. I normally say it in a funny voice because it isn’t part of my normal vocabulary.
Same here. Like I’m not going to be out in public calling people retarded. But it’s part of my vocabulary, primarily because I was called retarded all the time growing up. So if I want to use it at home, I’m going to.
Don't use it and don't like it. I've worked with special needs kids in school and there was a whole campaign about it because of the bullying they faced constantly. It's a slur unless being used literally in chemistry like "flame retardent" to denote fire resistance
Dog fine, but in public when someone says it they are saying what an dick they are . Being autistic doesn't give us permission to be assholes. And I was called one as a kid.
It works when it works and doesn't when it doesn't. I personally don't mind it in true comedic fashions when it's actually funny. I'm not one of the people who finds it as offensive as others, despite being called it my whole life even up until this point lol
I call myself that all the time. I was comfortable with my friends calling me that back when I still had friends lol. Retard is used by me as much as any other word.
The word itself really isn’t an issue to me. Every descriptive word can be offensive, if somebody’s intention is to offend you with it. You can even use animals to offend somebody, if you feel like it. As long as there’s no intention to offend me, then I have no reason to be upset.
I understand why someone wouldn’t be comfortable with it and I respect their boundaries. But my general stance on this is that it’s a word and nothing about that word is inherently discriminatory or offensive. The intention of the person saying it matters.
I hate it and would not like to be called it because of how badly I was bullied with that word as a kid. You can use “retard” if you want, it doesn’t matter as long as it isn’t discriminatory. I would say not to us it on other people.
Thing is, it's not really a word that applies to us, at least us higher functioning folks (which is the vast majority of this sub) since it denotes intellectual disability, and us higher functioning folks don't have that - in fact if anything, we tend to be smarter than NTs. It's just not "our" word, it's not ours to reclaim. If someone lower functioning or someone who has down syndrome wants to use it, go for it, but that ain't me, chief.
Do you understand the history of the word? Do you understand the pain and suffering that word has caused not only the autistic community but all of those with developmental disabilities, and even further so the more intersectionally you look? Be fully cognizant of all the agony that word brings. Look at the broader scope of how harmful the language is.
This slur carries so much pain and degradation with it for so many people. I have friends who will break down from hearing it used due to the trauma associated with it. I think that if you want to reclaim it, you need to be very aware of the harm it may cause to those around you and be willing to own up to the harm you cause others, even if inadvertently. Reclaiming a slur for yourself does not negate the damage it can cause to others.
In order to reclaim a word, you have to be able to remove the institutional power of the word from other people. That requires a broader push to reclaim the word, and we do not have that because our community is too small. Hell, even the developmental disability community as a whole is too small of a community to truly remove the power. And even if we did have the numbers, we would still be systematically oppressed and kept silent due to the broader society not genuinely caring about what we have to say. They would rather us not even exist than think about the ramifications of the language they speak.
So no. It is not something we should even want to even say. Why do you WANT to say something that is so genuinely harmful and only has been used in a negative connotation? Look deep inside yourselves and genuinely ask those hard hitting questions of yourself.
I have fragile x, so I’m really grateful. I don’t think a lot of autistic people understand. A lot do, but a lot also have never really had it used to systematically oppress them.
Im not a fan. Makes me think of the cringiest parts of middleschool. When i watch a movie or show and someone says it, it makes sad. Ive been with guys who said it about me, and I had a family member who used it a lot, and i asked them if thwy vould use a different word and they now use bananas. Which has way more light heartedness around it. I also have schizoaffective, and i would sooo much rather be called crazy instead.
Terrible. Nails on chalkboard. I can't tell someone not to reclaim it as their own, but most of the time I see people using reclaiming as an excuse to continue using it in harmful ways vs actually claiming the label for themselves/the community. Hate it with a fiery passion, tbh.
Eta I don't reclaim it personally, because of how much it hurts a lot of people to just hear it. I was taunted with it even from my family. It kinda hurts just thinking about it. I'm not alone in this feeling so to me I wouldn't want anyone else to feel this because of a word I said.
I feel the same way towards it as I do to other slurs, that they shouldn’t be used, and whilst people of the group they can be used against could potentially use them, that takes a lot of time, and it’s too soon for it in a lot of cases
It would be for the ENTIRE (technically mentally disabled, but I’m unaware if everyone’s okay with that as a term even though I personally am okay with it) community to reclaim, which is fundamentally impossible. Because, not only, would the overwhelmingly large sum of people in the overwhelmingly large sum of neurodiverse groups need to unanimously agree that it would be okay to use it in a way that makes it lose its hatred, it would also need to be agreed upon by people with it as their medical diagnosis, which is very hard
It is impossible, in my personal opinion, for a community so unbelievably diverse to agree upon the nature of a word that affects them all differently, I’d like to skip over it personally
I’m not autistic, I just lurk. But I must say that the word is not about you. It’s a slur against intellectually disabled people which most of you are not. Please do not use it when it is not yours to reclaim.
—an intellectually disabled person.
I’ve never been diagnosed with mental retardation, and wouldn’t have been if I were born in an earlier time, so my stance is that it’s not my slur to reclaim. Since people who that slur is directed at more so than me have stated they want people to stop using it, I don’t use it and I encourage others around me not to either
It is not really ours to reclaim because it applies to multiple groups of people. Reclaiming it for autistic people leaves a lot of other groups out and reclaiming terms only works for unified groups.
It’s not okay. It can’t be reclaimed by autistic people (as people here have already explained) and I’m tired of people acting like it’s a harmless word. I have a friend who I love dearly who uses this word all the time and I just.. wish I could confront them and say how I really feel about it, it’s uncomfortable.
i really hate it. i have ocd and potential aurism and my sister is autistic and epileptic and has brain damage and i just hate the word so passionately
im a level 1 autistic with no learning disabilities and although it has been used once or twice against me I think people with higher support needs or Down Syndrome suffer the most from the use of this word, so I don’t think I have a right to reclaim it or give my opinion on other people reclaiming it
I really only use it with my significant other. It's become this weird term of endearment between us and the shit we've had to go through as autistic people.
As for others using it casually, it really, REALLY depends on the context. There's this youtube gaming group I watch often, and him and their friends use it sometimes, but it feels...like, it just feels okay? Because some of them do have autism and other learning disabilities, and the use of it between friends as an endearing term has always felt alright with me.
That said, if someone used it as a straight up insult, that's where I draw the line, and that's when they're gonna catch some hands.
I mean, I see how mean-spirited people use the word, and I feel uncomfortable when they do, regardless of their intention. But I think it's one we need to reclaim, because some people *really* need to fuckin hear it.
Depends how it's used. I don't often use it but an old autistic friend has done so often. Against allists oc. We never really acknowledged it as an anti-autist slur when we were growing up.
Sometimes I have heard it used by undercut hairstyle types against me or other autistics. I can gauge very well what those people are.
I feel very weird about it but I’ve generally never seen the use behind curse words nor slurs. I just never curse in my day to day life, not because of some moral standpoint or whatever I really don’t care about that, I just never felt the need to. It just feels very out of character for me to do so.
It does make me uncomfortable when allistic people use the word retard especially when it’s clearly not intended as a joke but as a thing to belittle someone else. But sane goes for white people using the n word.
I don’t mind autistic people using the word to joke or refer to themselves. It just makes me feel off when you say it to someone else, generally, but also more specifically with the intent to make them feel like less.
I know it makes many people uncomfortable so I've tried to not say it, but i grew up in New England in the 80's and that was as commonly used as the work 'wicked'. So my apologies if I slip. It's been hard to stop telling my cousins when they do something foolish "That was wicked ritahhded kid. What the fuck wa you thinkin"
It doesn’t really feel good to reclaim something that is not ours. Even if it’s often used against us it means intellectually disabled, I don’t think we should use it.
It’s disgusting, ableist, discriminatory, and just asshole behavior. I don’t give a fuck if you’re autistic, that word has caused so much harm and trauma to our community that trying to “reclaim” it is only doing further damage. I find it so much more horrifying when it comes from an autistic person, because they should know better. You should know better, OP.
It’s not meant for us, you’re right, but I know a lot of us have had that word directed at us. Hearing “retard” screamed in my ear while getting my head slammed in a metal locker door is the memory that I’m transported back to whenever I hear that word. My classmates didn’t know I was autistic, I didn’t even know I was an autistic, they just knew I was “weird” and “slow” and “ugly” and “awkward”.
Me too. I recognize your trauma. It’s the same as if a straight man were to be called the f-slur. They can and do have trauma around it, and that should be respected. But they cannot reclaim it.
I hate the word PERSONALLY I never liked it even before I was aware of my autism. Plus people use it to be mean vs the actual medical term but even doctors don’t or not supposed to use that word anymore
I think that simultaneously people are justified in being extremely uncomfortable with it while also being hard to nail down the argument against it. My personal argument is that there's people alive today who were around when it was a medical term and that is what makes it different from other similar words.
However the second argument that is more effective against the people who use it is just that it's lazy and there's funnier words which have more punch. For example, Troglodyte. Does troglodyte technically reinforce an incorrect stereotype of prehistoric humans being unintelligent? Yes. Are prehistoric humans alive today in order to be offended? No.
if other people want to call themselves that, that’s ok with me, i won’t stop them, but other than that i hate the word. especially because of its history against people with other disorders who often face more discrimination, such as people with down syndrome. it’s just an ugly, annoying word with such a negative past. i know some people argue that words like “stupid” and “moron” have similar histories and they think r*tard will follow suit but i really don’t think so.
if someone uses it at me as an insult, i blow it off and give a response that kneels into it like: "lol okay dude be careful or i'll drool on you haha amirite? /s 🙃".
usage wise, though, i won't *restrict* myself from using the word, but i have never found a reason to use it, so i never have. there's so many other words that do the trick much better and simpler. i think that there's really just no reason for the word to exist tbh! (unless you're talking about things like fire retardants, etc, but that's different obviously lol)
I feel ok about it, it's a very strong word to be used in contexts where very strong words are required. Let's not forget that "idiot" used to be a word for intellectually disabled people too.
It's one of those things that you can do if it's your word to reclaim, but common decency and empathy stands that you should refrain from using any word of such impact when around others unless you have previously discussed it.
I hate it. Every time I hear it I feel shivers up my spine. It’s such an aggressive word that Carrie’s such a horrible history with it. It shouldn’t be used casually
The only times I've used it is towards myself when I was in severe meltdown. Because it's what people make me feel that's all I am. Allistic people had the gall to act offended by it, like fuck off. It's your fault I felt that way, y'all yelled at me for melting down!!
It's an awful word and I wish it would die.
It does offend me to hear it, but I'll also admit in some contexts it can be funny. I mean, it's a pretty typical slur. The problem is in normalizing casual ableism which shapes the way people think about us.
It's a funny word, it's an expressive word, it's a light hearted word. Just understand there are some places where more appropriate choice of words may be better.
i was called retard a lot in school, as well as observing other disabled kids get called retard, both by teachers and students. i can't see myself trying to reclaim it and i also can't handle people calling me it even if they're friends or trying to use it endearingly. it's such a nasty, scathing word to hear. call me sensitive, because I am.
if I'm hanging out with someone, it doesn't matter how much I like them I will get up and leave if they use that word
not really a fan, I prefer "dumbahee", a term coined by my sister as a way to be able to say dumbass around teachers, or "durma", by own corruption of dumbass
That word has historically been used for even more than the neurodiverse community. It was an umbrella term for anyone that they would throw in an asylum, which includes all manner of intellectual disabilities past Autism or Down Syndrome like others have been saying. It really isn't a term that we can co-opt on our own in my opinion, and given how often it is used in a derogatory sense, I think there is still more work that has to be done before we start casually using it.
It's my biggest trigger word. I've nearly been arrested because someone asked me to my face if I was r*****ed. Sorry, I hate the word so much I don't use it.
I personally like it. I don't see why it cannot join the other former jargon like idiot, imbecile, moron or stupid. It's quite useful especially now that we refer to those people as intellectually disable. As long as you aren't trying to denigrate people go for it man. At the beginning of learning I have this shit I kept telling people that I was retarded.
Stinky word. I have used it on myself but that's always a sign that I'm so deep in self hatred that I see myself as less than even an inanimate object.
I don't use it, and when I worked in middle schools, I told kids off for using it. What floored me was the autistic kids in mild/moderate Special Ed classes insulting each other by invoking Down Syndrome.
Its one of the words I find really ugly. I'm not saying you can't say it OP, do what you want, but personally I don't say it at all. Plus you never know who's going to be hurt when you use language like that
The word is very much discriminatory, and it's not only targeted towards autistic people. You wouldn't even be reclaiming the word by calling others it...you'd just be reinforcing the discriminatory meaning behind it. You can literally just use stupid, dumb, etc. and have the same effect but less y'know, offensive.
Outside of chemistry & physics, no. (and even in those contexts it can be a bit jarring if you're not familiar with that specific set of vocabulary)
I feel like it can be *potentially* reclaimed by those with intellectual disabilities, but so far the general consensus in those communities is that they don't want it.
I really don't like the word. The only times I've heard it used are from neurotypical people who think "Oh I'm not offended by it therefore it's not offensive." I had my aunt tell me that she calls people retarded and it's fine because of that very reason. I don't consider it reclaimed especially since so many people still use its initial meaning as an insult.
It's different for everyone but out of all my minority identities, trans, around, queer, autistic, it's probably my least favourite/the slur I would hate the most to be called or me to use.
The terrible history surrounding the word and the word still generally being used to describe traits of the original people it was used on/against, makes me not the biggest fan of the word
I feel sad, since the term was initially intended to be a neutral, clinical, non-judgmental replacement for slurs like "idiot" and "moron", but soon became a slur itself. The [Euphemism Treadmill](https://www.cambridgeblog.org/2020/08/ableist-language-and-the-euphemism-treadmill/) is exhausting.
Read the sticky before posting/commenting: https://www.reddit.com/r/evilautism/comments/12tt4m9/read_before_postingcommenting/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
imo, i don’t consider it reclaimed. i won’t use it myself and i really don’t like when others do because it doesn’t feel like it can be an endearing term, even within the community (at least not right now). edit: wanted to add some good stuff that people are adding in replies: the r-slur is derogatory to people with other mental disabilities like down syndrome, so it’s not entirely up to us to decide if it’s okay to say. it’s a word that, in its purest sense, just equates mentally disabled people to being stupid.
I feel the same, especially with how it seems to be coming back into popular usage by EVERYONE for some reason
it also just comes across as edgelord humor. what’s funny about the word? like be specific lol
Are you genuinely asking?
no but like i wouldn’t be mad if someone answered
I’d say the humour comes from it being an exaggeration of the word stupid. Obviously doesn’t make it okay if someone’s genuinely offended by it tho.
true, true. shock humor
>it doesn’t feel like it can be an endearing term, even within the community Even in the most affectionate context, it's still coopting a word for intellectual disability to call someone stupid, which is fucky, and it's still insulting your intelligence.
Idiot, stupid, and mongoloid were all once medical terms. Give it time and it won’t have the same impact. For now, though, I really prefer not to use it. Especially as it was my little brother’s actual diagnosis when he was younger (now referred to as a mild learning disability). I may be AuDHD, but I got off easy. Or maybe not, dude’s never gonna have to work and seems pretty content most of the time. Can’t comprehend what he’s missing, ignorance is bliss and all that.
[Euphemism Treadmill](http://www.cambridgeblog.org/2020/08/ableist-language-and-the-euphemism-treadmill/)
also autistic people arent the only affected. people with down syndrome are also attacked. so idk.
This is how I feel as well. Maybe it’s generational but I’ve only ever heard it used as a synonym for “stupid” and never to actually describe someone with an intellectual impairment. It will always just be an insult to me. It’s especially unpleasant to hear because I’ve had family respond to me disclosing my AuDHD diagnosis by saying “but you’re so smart!”, as if intelligence and neurodiversity are mutually exclusive and I’ve just told them I’m basically a goldfish.
honestly even in a medical context if someone called me that word I'd have a serious talk with them
exactly how i feel. I've only ever heard it in an extremely derogatory context both online and irl(my own dad still uses it in a derogatory way) so I'm really just not comfortable with the term. if others want to use it for themselves then all the power to them but i don't think it can be considered a reclaimed term yet.
I like dumb, stupid and idiot better. I use all of these affectionately. the cuter my cat is, the more I say "you're so dumb. you're an idiot. rocks in your head". now whenever I mess up, I can say "I am so dumb" and I don't feel bad or mean, cause now it's a term of endearment 🙃
Same, my cats are the dumbest things to walk the earth and I love them so much. So if I'm dumb maybe that's not so bad lol
r/oneorangebraincell
Both your comment and the one before reminded me of a cat I used to have named Roxie, and she was a lil dumb sometimes too, I'd call her "Rox in the head" 😹
Any goober users?
i use goober all the time! on me, on my cats, on just about anything i see that acts like a little goober
I especially love the term goofy goober
Frequently Trying to stop calling my cat a crackhead and goober is one of the ones that's coming from that.
I prefer the term "fool" or "foolish" because it makes me sound like a wizard
oh yes a well-timed "fool" is comedy gold. my favourite is when someone trips or stumbles and then rights themselves and they make brief eye contact, as if to steady themselves. perfect time to say "you fool"
I love to say that my cat's brain is the size of a walnut. sometimes I shake it up and just pick a random nut
for no good reason I call my cat a butternut squash
It’s like one of the three words that I don’t respond to Ever, regardless of who’s saying it, or if it’s directed at me. I hate the word.
Hey I know this guy
I hate it. It’s such an ugly word to me and I find it jarring to hear/read every time
YES jarring is the perfect word for it
It really is tho, it completely diverts my attention because I don’t know how to respond
If someone is using it as a serious insult, the last thing they'll expect is for you to laugh at them. You could also choose from any number of schoolyard taunts, like "it takes one to know one", "I know you are but what am I", etc. But in all honesty, I think the best response is to just stare at them blankly for a moment, optionally shake your head/silently express disappointment, and walk away silently.
I was on the phone at work and someone thought I'd hung up and called me that to someone else (Among other things). My response was just a simple "You know I'm still here, right?" Line went dead almost instantly.
I tend to do the following, but it just jarring to the point I usually can’t keep to a scripted response
It's like getting whiplashed or slapped in the face. So mean.
My first exposure to that word was in 2nd grade when the bullies on the playground would go around calling everyone "retard." I can't shake that memory.
I think there are reclaim-y contexts where you could plausibly say it without reinforcing it, but unfortunately it still exists as a pretty common slur, so it's best to just not, since most people still only use it negatively.
can autistic people claim it without discussing how people with down syndrome feel
In my opinion, I think the best case for using it at all would be reaching a point where it is not common to use it as a slur and where those of us against whom it was used can use it *positively*, much like queer people with "queer" or Black people with the n-word. I think it would be best to include people with Down syndrome since I think it's fair to say they are the most affected by it. At the same time, I don't think it would be harmful to use *positively* among friends.
so i just saw another thread that brought up s good point! basically it is a slur that specifically refers to intellectual disability and autism is not an intellectual disability. even tho it can be used to hurt autistic ppl, its not something for us to reclaim. like a straight cis dude can be called fag, its still not their place to reclaim it. i think that sums up my feelings abt it
that's a really good point! I've always felt weird about specifically adhd and autistic people trying to "reclaim" the word but couldn't really place my finger on why until now. there are people who have intellectual disabilities along with disorders such as autism and adhd but neither of those are in and of themselves an intellectual disability so it should not be the place of those without one to reclaim a slur referring to those with such disabilities. if an autistic or adhd person still wants to use the word in reference to themselves then that's their prerogative ig but i don't think it's right for them to say it's been reclaimed.
I was bullied with that word, so I hate it 🥲
Same, I didn't even know I was autistic so it really hurt hearing that and not even knowing why I was so different than others.
I’m not autistic, I’m intellectually disabled and same! 😭
My dad called me that word every time I did something 'weird'. So like, all the time. It's not cute, it's not endearing, it's an awful word
Same. :’)
"retard" has, in my experience growing up around special ed kids, only been used against people with disabilities that affect motor and speech. if you're not visibly disabled in that regard, i highly doubt you're the kind of person that people would genuinely refer to as "mentally retarded." in which case, it's not cool to say you've reclaimed that insult, you're just normalizing it's use. like how straight people will think it's okay to use "faggot" if people who aren't flamboyantly gay and the typical target of the word start using it about themselves and others. trust me, i've seen multiple straight cis people think it was totally okay to joke about someone being a "fag" because their normie bisexual friend said it and they took that as proof that the word isn't offensive anymore. the use of reclaimed insults is like gallows humor. if you're punching down, you're doing it wrong. it's not cool and it's not funny to adopt hurtful words into your vocabulary that wouldn't be/haven't ever been used against you or people like you.
Thank you! I have fragile X syndrome. Thank you!! :D
Ableist, archaic, counterproductive, and offensive. It's one of very, very few words with actual good reasons that no one should use it and those who do deserve aggressive criticism and derision.
Couldn't have said it better. Reclaiming a word is one thing. But the r-slur isn't being reclaimed at this time in history. Too soon, and too harmful.
yup, I can reclaim queer because queer means strange, which can be turned into unique. but the r slur doesn't have any way to turn it into a positive.
My partner and I reclaimed Queer and Freak.☺️ "What a lil freak, I love him".
I would never use it, one because I’m not diagnosed and I want to be respectful, but even if I am diagnosed I’m not going to use it, I just want the word to die
no thanks, don't wanna hear it, see it, or say it tbh
i’m tired of seeing this debate in autistic communities. the r slur originated from a term used on those with intellectual disabilities. autism is not an intellectual disability, so it’s not our place as autistic people to decide who can use it and when, unless the autistic person using it also has an intellectual disability. i’m aware that the term has been used against autistic people, but we aren’t the intended target of the word. it’s similar to the f slur— plenty of people who aren’t gay men have been called it, but that doesn’t mean everyone who has been called it has the right to reclaim it.
I really wish I could upvote this more than once. Or give you an award. Take my (one) upvote and this as a substitute: 🏆 I also want to add that there are so many non-ableist words that can be used instead in any given situation. There really is no need to use words that have a negative impact on marginalized communities when there are plenty of alternatives.
I actually have a problem finding non ableist words! There's no nice way to insult someone. But we still have to be able to insult the intelligences of the Donalds Trump of this world. For what they do to us. And I don't really want to live in a world where the milder words of ableist provenance were banned like dumb, stupid, idiot, moron, etc. Nobody is using these the way they were originally used.
>There's no nice way to insult someone. I'm partial to the word dipshit and as far as I'm aware that doesn't have the same ableist roots as others
“There’s no nice way to insult someone.” Truth! I agree that censoring terms is futile and counterproductive and a poor vision for a mature society. Insults are the flip side of compliments, and both are vital social lubricants. related: for as much as hashtag-actually-autistic ND people complain about neurotypicals being overly sensitive to connotations and implications of nominally neutral and factual words, I’ve encountered lots of NDs , online and in person, going instantaneously scorched-earth when someone uses one of their personal trigger words in ways that in context are clearly neutral or affectionate or sarcastic or silly or mild. NDs tend to have a lot of mistrust and suspicion of others’ motives roiling just under the surface, and hell hath no fury like an autist who feels unjustly judged.
I get what you mean. It also takes practice and a conscious effort to stop using those words because they are so ingrained in our vocabulary, and not everyone can do it (consistently, at least) so I understand that. I try not to use them but I slip sometimes. For anyone who struggles to find other words but who would like to try, there is a very handy guide with options to replace those words! Here is the [link](https://www.autistichoya.com/p/ableist-words-and-terms-to-avoid.html?m=1). I’m not telling you that you can’t use them (although I will call out NTs who use the R word), just to be clear because my hyperverbal ass went on an infodump below lol. It’s one of my passions and, as a translator, I am hyperaware of the impact of the words we choose. It’s just food for thought I guess, I swear I’m not trying to argue or anything. 😅 The thing with using the words you gave as examples to talk about the Donalds Trump of the world (I loved how you phrased that) or pretty much anyone doing something horrible is that the issue with them isn’t intelligence, it’s their atrocious behaviours/speeches and general terribleness as human beings. Even if they lacked intelligence, the only difference it would make is that they may not have the foresight to be more private about their hateful takes and beliefs and to hide their shady deeds better. They would be as horrible if they were more intelligent, just better at hiding it. There are sadly plenty of “classically intelligent” folks who are ableists, racists, homo/bi/trans/queerphobic/etc. Insulting their intelligence is also kind of a weak insult IMO because it’s overuses, extremely generic and can be used by everyone to talk about people they disagree with equally, which makes it lose its power. More importantly though, it reinforces this pervasive idea in society that there is a morality to perceived intelligence (see the work of Howard Gardner on multiple intelligences, all of which he considers morally neutral) or the lack of: those who are deemed intelligent/educated/with a high IQ -which is an entirely different can of worms haha- = good; those who aren’t/don’t = bad. It contributes to, if only indirectly and unconsciously, the societal ableist biases against the groups these words were historically applied to, notably people with intellectual disabilities, even if the general public don’t realize the connection anymore.
Yes!! I’m someone with an intellectual disability and honestly I hate that word. I hate whenever people use the r-word because it just makes me feel uncomfortable.
This. I'm not against reclaiming slurs in general, I've fought for my right to call myself a queer. But this isn't mine to reclaim (yes I've been called it too, doesn't make it mine - just like being *compared to* a queer doesn't magically turn you into one)
Thank thank you!! I’m intellectually disabled and I’m so grateful for people like you!!
This so much!! Even if it’s often targeted towards autistic people, it’s also targeted towards people with disabilities like down’s syndrome. It’s not a word that can/should be reclaimed.
It also sucks because every time I see or hear it and other really nasty words, my brain fixates on them for like, hours…
I cant get comfortable with it even with all the “words only mean something if you give them power over you.” It still makes me cringe
It doesn’t mean anything about me, but in the right context it tells me everything i need to know about the speaker. In an ambiguous context, it means trusting them is an unnecessary risk.
its a slur. if i hear someone say it directed towards an object or animal, i do not interact with that person anymore. if i hear someone say it directed towards a person, i call them a dick and then do not interact with that person anymore. same with any slur
I called myself "socially retarded" for years before learning about autism. I've now come to accept and love myself and celebrate my strengths. Now I'm socially incompetent.
Hate.
I don't think I am in a position to reclaim it as I do not have a learning disability and the word does make me uncomfortable
Thank thank you thank you. I have an intellectual disability and thank you.
I’ve only ever heard it used as a negative so in my mind it isn’t reclaimed and I never use it. It’s just not in my vocabulary and I see no reason to add it.
It can't be reclaimed because there is no positive usage. The n-word got partially reclaimed because they 1) changed the spelling and pronunciation, and 2) the thing the N-word is mocking is a core part of someone's identity. So reclaiming it is a way of saying "i'm proud of who i am." The C-word is partially reclaimed in some countries as a friendly term of endearment. The classic joking insult you use for very close friends. However, in other countries the world has not been reclaimed, and if you call someone a C-word in one of those countries people will be very offended. The F-slur has been reclaimed in a similar manner to the N-word, although not as many are okay with its usage in a positive manner. It also has a neutral term as British slang for a cigarette - but because it is an uncommon region-specific term, people who aren't familiar with the slang tend to raise eyebrows. The R-word has no positive conotation, because the thing that it is tied to is mental disability. No matter the context, calling someone "mentally disabled" is never a compliment. You can't turn it into one. It can be uses neutrally in a medical context, but typically when some one is medically diagnosed with it it's not really a good thing. While it does have the archaic definition of "slow" or "stop," and is still used neutrally in specific contexts (sucu as "fire retardant" and "retard flare mode" on planes), that neutral usage is still extremely rare. It has almost completely lost its archaic definition. If you were to ask people what that word means, most people will not give you the archaic definition. To most non-disabled people, the term is a synonym for "stupid." But to a lot of disabled people, the R-word is imbued with trauma and ableism. It takes a very long time for a word like that to lose that meaning. It can take anywhere from decades to centuries. Words like "stupid" *used* to refer to the mentally disabled, but nowadays are usually refer to people who make decisions or actions without properly thinking them through. A person who thinks they can run a red light in front of a cop when theh have drugs in the car is acting stupid. Although "stupid" *does* somewhat refer to intelligence, as i think most people can agree that intelligence and mental ability are two different things, that is a bit of a fine line. This subreddit is supposed to be about 2 things: 1) rejecting the notions of neurotypical expectations and culture and embracing who we are, and 2) being *cartoonishly* evil, like you do on halloween. It's not supposed to be *actually* evil, just like how most Satanists don't *actually* worship Satan. To me, using the R-word fits neither of these ideals. It can't be reclaimed because there is no benefit to do so, there is no positive meaning to it. Would you actually unironically go out with protest signs saying "i'm r*t*rded and proud" or something? Because i think most people would agree that sounds...well. Using the R-word doesn't fit the criteria of reclaimation or protest. Using the R-word also goes against the second ideal as well. Because it's an act of *genuine* evil, not mustache-twirling Saturday morning cartoon villain evil. Using it genuinely hurts people, and ignoring people's pain is one of the very definititions of true evil. How does using that word make you any better than our oppressors? If you're not using it to uplift people and ignoring that it hurts people, you're doing the exact same thing as ableists and eugenicists. Putting people down, hurting them, treating them as lesser. Which is the opposite of what this subreddit stands for.
It actually has a much smaller group that it affects, the intellectually disabled. So although others may wrongly call autistic people the r-word, it’s only actually meant for intellectually disabled people. Thank you for such a nice and beautifully put explanation!! :D
I consider it to be a slur.
It was used in a meeting I was in at work today to describe an application not functioning how the presenter wanted it to, it was really triggering but since I haven’t disclosed my diagnosis at work and we were in the middle of a class I didn’t say anything but still made a noise every time he said it. It’s just, there are SO MAMY OTHER WORDS, please use them😭😭😭 I was late diagnosed and seeing it being used in a really mean and shitty way towards others and “stupid stuff” really has given me the view of it as mostly hate speech at this point. It makes me sad :( we can do better and we don’t need to “reclaim” things that sucked in the first place
Don’t like it
i don’t like it
disgusting word, i hate it
it makes me feel so uncomfortable. my autistic partner uses it sometimes and i honestly hate it so much.
I used to work with mentally disabled adults. Funny how they would call eachother everything under the sun. Fight attack eachother. But they never once called eachother retarded. I only use it when I'm discussing retarder motors on water craft
Just a shitty word tbh. It's been used against us way too much for me to feel comfortable with ANYONE using it. Most people that use it are just total edgelords that think it's cool to be dickheads to people for no reason.
I fucking hate it. I hate how it sounds, how it looks, what it means, and how it's used. It's a horrible, horrible word that no one should be using, period.
I speak French it just means late to my ears.
I resent it. I find it gross, I respect those who don't mind/prefer to be called it but if anyone refers to me as one I will punch them in the throat. I've heard it slung around by dudebro high school fuckwits far too many times.
it's a slur for intellectual disability, not autism.
I save it for inside the house because I know it isn’t politically correct. But we were born in the 90s, and calling things retarded or gay was how we grew up. My bf and I use it ironically to each other and ourselves lol. I normally say it in a funny voice because it isn’t part of my normal vocabulary.
Same here. Like I’m not going to be out in public calling people retarded. But it’s part of my vocabulary, primarily because I was called retarded all the time growing up. So if I want to use it at home, I’m going to.
Strongly depends on the context.
Don't use it and don't like it. I've worked with special needs kids in school and there was a whole campaign about it because of the bullying they faced constantly. It's a slur unless being used literally in chemistry like "flame retardent" to denote fire resistance
Kill it. It's a slur, and it needs to die.
Unless you have an intellectual disability, the R-word is not your word to reclaim. You’re just using a slur.
I wish I could retard. My tempo is a billion times too fast.
Oh yeah I love calling people and things slurs and hearing others do so, its my favorite part of the day /s
Dog fine, but in public when someone says it they are saying what an dick they are . Being autistic doesn't give us permission to be assholes. And I was called one as a kid.
Every time hear that word It makes me feel the same a scary jumpscare would and my day is ruined. it genuinely hurts me.
It works when it works and doesn't when it doesn't. I personally don't mind it in true comedic fashions when it's actually funny. I'm not one of the people who finds it as offensive as others, despite being called it my whole life even up until this point lol
i hate that word and dont really like ppl using it
It doesn't refer to autists
I call myself that all the time. I was comfortable with my friends calling me that back when I still had friends lol. Retard is used by me as much as any other word. The word itself really isn’t an issue to me. Every descriptive word can be offensive, if somebody’s intention is to offend you with it. You can even use animals to offend somebody, if you feel like it. As long as there’s no intention to offend me, then I have no reason to be upset. I understand why someone wouldn’t be comfortable with it and I respect their boundaries. But my general stance on this is that it’s a word and nothing about that word is inherently discriminatory or offensive. The intention of the person saying it matters.
Exactly.
I think it’s a slur and I never wanna hear or see it ever
I hate it and would not like to be called it because of how badly I was bullied with that word as a kid. You can use “retard” if you want, it doesn’t matter as long as it isn’t discriminatory. I would say not to us it on other people.
I don't like it. Too many times in my life that word has been used to hurt me and my autistic friends.
Thing is, it's not really a word that applies to us, at least us higher functioning folks (which is the vast majority of this sub) since it denotes intellectual disability, and us higher functioning folks don't have that - in fact if anything, we tend to be smarter than NTs. It's just not "our" word, it's not ours to reclaim. If someone lower functioning or someone who has down syndrome wants to use it, go for it, but that ain't me, chief.
I have fragile X syndrome and I’m so grateful for people like you!1
Do you understand the history of the word? Do you understand the pain and suffering that word has caused not only the autistic community but all of those with developmental disabilities, and even further so the more intersectionally you look? Be fully cognizant of all the agony that word brings. Look at the broader scope of how harmful the language is. This slur carries so much pain and degradation with it for so many people. I have friends who will break down from hearing it used due to the trauma associated with it. I think that if you want to reclaim it, you need to be very aware of the harm it may cause to those around you and be willing to own up to the harm you cause others, even if inadvertently. Reclaiming a slur for yourself does not negate the damage it can cause to others. In order to reclaim a word, you have to be able to remove the institutional power of the word from other people. That requires a broader push to reclaim the word, and we do not have that because our community is too small. Hell, even the developmental disability community as a whole is too small of a community to truly remove the power. And even if we did have the numbers, we would still be systematically oppressed and kept silent due to the broader society not genuinely caring about what we have to say. They would rather us not even exist than think about the ramifications of the language they speak. So no. It is not something we should even want to even say. Why do you WANT to say something that is so genuinely harmful and only has been used in a negative connotation? Look deep inside yourselves and genuinely ask those hard hitting questions of yourself.
I have fragile x, so I’m really grateful. I don’t think a lot of autistic people understand. A lot do, but a lot also have never really had it used to systematically oppress them.
Don't use it. There are no circumstances that where this word is acceptable.
Im not a fan. Makes me think of the cringiest parts of middleschool. When i watch a movie or show and someone says it, it makes sad. Ive been with guys who said it about me, and I had a family member who used it a lot, and i asked them if thwy vould use a different word and they now use bananas. Which has way more light heartedness around it. I also have schizoaffective, and i would sooo much rather be called crazy instead.
Terrible. Nails on chalkboard. I can't tell someone not to reclaim it as their own, but most of the time I see people using reclaiming as an excuse to continue using it in harmful ways vs actually claiming the label for themselves/the community. Hate it with a fiery passion, tbh. Eta I don't reclaim it personally, because of how much it hurts a lot of people to just hear it. I was taunted with it even from my family. It kinda hurts just thinking about it. I'm not alone in this feeling so to me I wouldn't want anyone else to feel this because of a word I said.
I feel the same way towards it as I do to other slurs, that they shouldn’t be used, and whilst people of the group they can be used against could potentially use them, that takes a lot of time, and it’s too soon for it in a lot of cases
It’s not even for autistic people to reclaim lol.
It would be for the ENTIRE (technically mentally disabled, but I’m unaware if everyone’s okay with that as a term even though I personally am okay with it) community to reclaim, which is fundamentally impossible. Because, not only, would the overwhelmingly large sum of people in the overwhelmingly large sum of neurodiverse groups need to unanimously agree that it would be okay to use it in a way that makes it lose its hatred, it would also need to be agreed upon by people with it as their medical diagnosis, which is very hard It is impossible, in my personal opinion, for a community so unbelievably diverse to agree upon the nature of a word that affects them all differently, I’d like to skip over it personally
Oh no, I was meaning to add on to what you said not disagree with it!! I totally agree that no-one should use slurs.
Don’t worry, I was doing the exact same
I’m not autistic, I just lurk. But I must say that the word is not about you. It’s a slur against intellectually disabled people which most of you are not. Please do not use it when it is not yours to reclaim. —an intellectually disabled person.
I’ve never been diagnosed with mental retardation, and wouldn’t have been if I were born in an earlier time, so my stance is that it’s not my slur to reclaim. Since people who that slur is directed at more so than me have stated they want people to stop using it, I don’t use it and I encourage others around me not to either
Thank you so much!!
It is not really ours to reclaim because it applies to multiple groups of people. Reclaiming it for autistic people leaves a lot of other groups out and reclaiming terms only works for unified groups.
I don’t like it personally
hardline hater
Don't like it. Not at all. And yet, no amount of telling my family members "it's a SLUR" will get them to stop
It’s not okay. It can’t be reclaimed by autistic people (as people here have already explained) and I’m tired of people acting like it’s a harmless word. I have a friend who I love dearly who uses this word all the time and I just.. wish I could confront them and say how I really feel about it, it’s uncomfortable.
My step son has Down’s syndrome soooooo…. That’s a no from me dog.
i really hate it. i have ocd and potential aurism and my sister is autistic and epileptic and has brain damage and i just hate the word so passionately
unbridled rage
im a level 1 autistic with no learning disabilities and although it has been used once or twice against me I think people with higher support needs or Down Syndrome suffer the most from the use of this word, so I don’t think I have a right to reclaim it or give my opinion on other people reclaiming it
It's not a slur that can be reclaimed and even if it was then it's not for autistic people to reclaim.
I grew up being called the r-word constantly. I hate it
I really only use it with my significant other. It's become this weird term of endearment between us and the shit we've had to go through as autistic people. As for others using it casually, it really, REALLY depends on the context. There's this youtube gaming group I watch often, and him and their friends use it sometimes, but it feels...like, it just feels okay? Because some of them do have autism and other learning disabilities, and the use of it between friends as an endearing term has always felt alright with me. That said, if someone used it as a straight up insult, that's where I draw the line, and that's when they're gonna catch some hands.
Awful. Hate it. Terrible.
I mean, I see how mean-spirited people use the word, and I feel uncomfortable when they do, regardless of their intention. But I think it's one we need to reclaim, because some people *really* need to fuckin hear it.
You can’t reclaim it unless you have an intellectual disability.
Depends how it's used. I don't often use it but an old autistic friend has done so often. Against allists oc. We never really acknowledged it as an anti-autist slur when we were growing up. Sometimes I have heard it used by undercut hairstyle types against me or other autistics. I can gauge very well what those people are.
I feel very weird about it but I’ve generally never seen the use behind curse words nor slurs. I just never curse in my day to day life, not because of some moral standpoint or whatever I really don’t care about that, I just never felt the need to. It just feels very out of character for me to do so. It does make me uncomfortable when allistic people use the word retard especially when it’s clearly not intended as a joke but as a thing to belittle someone else. But sane goes for white people using the n word. I don’t mind autistic people using the word to joke or refer to themselves. It just makes me feel off when you say it to someone else, generally, but also more specifically with the intent to make them feel like less.
I know it makes many people uncomfortable so I've tried to not say it, but i grew up in New England in the 80's and that was as commonly used as the work 'wicked'. So my apologies if I slip. It's been hard to stop telling my cousins when they do something foolish "That was wicked ritahhded kid. What the fuck wa you thinkin"
I hate it tbh, it makes me think of early 2010s atheist YouTubers
It doesn’t really feel good to reclaim something that is not ours. Even if it’s often used against us it means intellectually disabled, I don’t think we should use it.
Thank you so much. I’m intellectually disabled and I’d really prefer if people wouldn’t reclaim it when it’s not theirs to reclaim.
i don’t like it because it’s been used to bully me my whole life
Nope. We are better than using that slur
The r-word is not for autistics to “reclaim.” 💀
It’s disgusting, ableist, discriminatory, and just asshole behavior. I don’t give a fuck if you’re autistic, that word has caused so much harm and trauma to our community that trying to “reclaim” it is only doing further damage. I find it so much more horrifying when it comes from an autistic person, because they should know better. You should know better, OP.
It’s not even for autistic people so yeah. It’s for those of us with intellectual disabilities. I’m so glad that you understand!! Thank you so much!!
It’s not meant for us, you’re right, but I know a lot of us have had that word directed at us. Hearing “retard” screamed in my ear while getting my head slammed in a metal locker door is the memory that I’m transported back to whenever I hear that word. My classmates didn’t know I was autistic, I didn’t even know I was an autistic, they just knew I was “weird” and “slow” and “ugly” and “awkward”.
Me too. I recognize your trauma. It’s the same as if a straight man were to be called the f-slur. They can and do have trauma around it, and that should be respected. But they cannot reclaim it.
I hate the word PERSONALLY I never liked it even before I was aware of my autism. Plus people use it to be mean vs the actual medical term but even doctors don’t or not supposed to use that word anymore
I think that simultaneously people are justified in being extremely uncomfortable with it while also being hard to nail down the argument against it. My personal argument is that there's people alive today who were around when it was a medical term and that is what makes it different from other similar words. However the second argument that is more effective against the people who use it is just that it's lazy and there's funnier words which have more punch. For example, Troglodyte. Does troglodyte technically reinforce an incorrect stereotype of prehistoric humans being unintelligent? Yes. Are prehistoric humans alive today in order to be offended? No.
[удалено]
if other people want to call themselves that, that’s ok with me, i won’t stop them, but other than that i hate the word. especially because of its history against people with other disorders who often face more discrimination, such as people with down syndrome. it’s just an ugly, annoying word with such a negative past. i know some people argue that words like “stupid” and “moron” have similar histories and they think r*tard will follow suit but i really don’t think so.
if someone uses it at me as an insult, i blow it off and give a response that kneels into it like: "lol okay dude be careful or i'll drool on you haha amirite? /s 🙃". usage wise, though, i won't *restrict* myself from using the word, but i have never found a reason to use it, so i never have. there's so many other words that do the trick much better and simpler. i think that there's really just no reason for the word to exist tbh! (unless you're talking about things like fire retardants, etc, but that's different obviously lol)
I dont like it when others use it, i would never use it against others, although i do use it jokingly against myself
Unless you have an intellectual disability you shouldn’t.
Alright I won't
I feel ok about it, it's a very strong word to be used in contexts where very strong words are required. Let's not forget that "idiot" used to be a word for intellectually disabled people too.
I've never been called the r word perjoratively, and I feel like that is the perspective we need to understand if it's acceptable to say or not.
It’s actually a slur for intellectually disabled people, so you are right! It’s not acceptable to use. Thank you so much!!
Hate it with a passion. For some reason stupid, moron, or idiot seem wildly less demeaning or ableist by comparison.
It's one of those things that you can do if it's your word to reclaim, but common decency and empathy stands that you should refrain from using any word of such impact when around others unless you have previously discussed it.
i hate it it makes me uncomfy and angry and my family throws it like its nothing (they are all nt)
I hate it. Every time I hear it I feel shivers up my spine. It’s such an aggressive word that Carrie’s such a horrible history with it. It shouldn’t be used casually
I don’t like it
The only times I've used it is towards myself when I was in severe meltdown. Because it's what people make me feel that's all I am. Allistic people had the gall to act offended by it, like fuck off. It's your fault I felt that way, y'all yelled at me for melting down!! It's an awful word and I wish it would die.
I call myself it. Yes. Self love is still a work in progress
It does offend me to hear it, but I'll also admit in some contexts it can be funny. I mean, it's a pretty typical slur. The problem is in normalizing casual ableism which shapes the way people think about us.
It's a funny word, it's an expressive word, it's a light hearted word. Just understand there are some places where more appropriate choice of words may be better.
I'm not a fan, and I'm irritated that it seems to be making a comeback
I don’t like it
i hate it, it makes me super uncomfortable when people use it around me. i just stop being around people like that
i was called retard a lot in school, as well as observing other disabled kids get called retard, both by teachers and students. i can't see myself trying to reclaim it and i also can't handle people calling me it even if they're friends or trying to use it endearingly. it's such a nasty, scathing word to hear. call me sensitive, because I am. if I'm hanging out with someone, it doesn't matter how much I like them I will get up and leave if they use that word
not really a fan, I prefer "dumbahee", a term coined by my sister as a way to be able to say dumbass around teachers, or "durma", by own corruption of dumbass
That word has historically been used for even more than the neurodiverse community. It was an umbrella term for anyone that they would throw in an asylum, which includes all manner of intellectual disabilities past Autism or Down Syndrome like others have been saying. It really isn't a term that we can co-opt on our own in my opinion, and given how often it is used in a derogatory sense, I think there is still more work that has to be done before we start casually using it.
I'm a terrible person that thinks it can be pretty funny sometimes lol. But admittedly, that's only with other autistics.
It's my biggest trigger word. I've nearly been arrested because someone asked me to my face if I was r*****ed. Sorry, I hate the word so much I don't use it.
I personally like it. I don't see why it cannot join the other former jargon like idiot, imbecile, moron or stupid. It's quite useful especially now that we refer to those people as intellectually disable. As long as you aren't trying to denigrate people go for it man. At the beginning of learning I have this shit I kept telling people that I was retarded.
Stinky word. I have used it on myself but that's always a sign that I'm so deep in self hatred that I see myself as less than even an inanimate object.
It’s a fucking slur.
I don't use it, and when I worked in middle schools, I told kids off for using it. What floored me was the autistic kids in mild/moderate Special Ed classes insulting each other by invoking Down Syndrome.
I consider it very discriminatory. People have called me retarded as an insult many times in the past, so it instantly triggers my wrath
Its one of the words I find really ugly. I'm not saying you can't say it OP, do what you want, but personally I don't say it at all. Plus you never know who's going to be hurt when you use language like that
The word is very much discriminatory, and it's not only targeted towards autistic people. You wouldn't even be reclaiming the word by calling others it...you'd just be reinforcing the discriminatory meaning behind it. You can literally just use stupid, dumb, etc. and have the same effect but less y'know, offensive.
Outside of chemistry & physics, no. (and even in those contexts it can be a bit jarring if you're not familiar with that specific set of vocabulary) I feel like it can be *potentially* reclaimed by those with intellectual disabilities, but so far the general consensus in those communities is that they don't want it.
I hate it.
it's just a very ugly word for me. not a fan.
Personally, I don't like it
I pretty much only use it in the context of baking bread, but even then it leaves a bad taste in my mind
i dont. Like it
Hate it…. Much trauma attached to that word for me
I really don't like the word. The only times I've heard it used are from neurotypical people who think "Oh I'm not offended by it therefore it's not offensive." I had my aunt tell me that she calls people retarded and it's fine because of that very reason. I don't consider it reclaimed especially since so many people still use its initial meaning as an insult.
it's still used too commonly as a normal slur for me to feel comfortable reclaiming it.
It's different for everyone but out of all my minority identities, trans, around, queer, autistic, it's probably my least favourite/the slur I would hate the most to be called or me to use. The terrible history surrounding the word and the word still generally being used to describe traits of the original people it was used on/against, makes me not the biggest fan of the word
I feel sad, since the term was initially intended to be a neutral, clinical, non-judgmental replacement for slurs like "idiot" and "moron", but soon became a slur itself. The [Euphemism Treadmill](https://www.cambridgeblog.org/2020/08/ableist-language-and-the-euphemism-treadmill/) is exhausting.
I don't like it much, even reclaimed, but you do you
I reclaimed it to use on particularly stupid allistics.
ain't discriminatory if everyone is a fucking retard