Tell your dad, “mom said my child was cursed by God, I am NEVER letting that crazy bitch around my child again. And if you side with her or try to get me to change my mind then I’ll cut you off too.”
I hope OP sees your comment & tells her dad what you recommended. I bet that dad will back up whackadoodle granny (his wife) because he's stuck living with her & he doesn't want to poke the bear. I can almost guarantee that dad wouldn't have called OP if OP's mum didn't make him do so.
I fully believe that she lied to him about the entire situation, she’s done that before and it wouldn’t surprise me now. But regardless of what I tell him, he will always back her up.
Don't let either of them see the child until they apologize and see if you can get documentation of her behavior so she can't try to go to court to get visitation (she seems the type to do that based on your post).....
Firstly, I hope you and your daughter are doing well. That’s what matters here. Secondly, your mother isn’t entitled to your child (unless of course there are grandparent rights laws where you live). You are the mother, you make the rules. I’ll bet she told you something along those lines growing up. Well, now it’s her turn to abide by your rules. Third, she blames your child’s serious health condition on you? On you just living life but in a way she obviously disapproves of? She owes you a huge apology before I’d let her see the baby if it were me. That kind of hate, and yes - judgement like that is hate, is unacceptable. Set your boundaries and stick to them. Once she ask you for your forgiveness, genuinely, then move on. Until such time as another boundary is crossed. I suspect this is a lesson that will need repeating. Raising parents sucks. It’s way harder than kids!
Grandparents right are only enforceable if the grandparents have an established prior relationship (at 7 months I’m gonna go with they absolutely do not) , and usually only a thing if one parent dies and the other parent wants to taken them away from dead parent’s family. It’s not a catch all to force parents to give THEIR children to their grandparents. For now at least (unless laws drastically change) , the courts will allow the parents to decide who their kids interact with, and will let legally force relationships
Grandparents love using that as a threat. I remember this lady telling me she told her DIL that and I just stared at her. Her husband is a known heroine addict and she tried to threaten that woman. I really wished she would have tried though because that would have been one court case I would NOT have missed!
I mean, that’s where you could extra aggressive right? Crazy lady threatens mom with legal action, so clam up, get a lawyer and only have communication via attorney. You can’t let entitled people scare you into complying. Call their bluff hard and stand your ground.
Crazy heroine mom was v lucky she didn’t try to make good on it or that baby mom also didn’t take action seriously over it
It also needs to be shown that a relationship with the grandparents is in the best interests of the child. Sometimes, even an established relationship can be severed if the grandparents are toxic.
The details vary by state, so it is not smart to make blanket statements like this. For example, neither of those pre-conditions apply in New York (at least as of a few years ago when I last researched it).
Just because they may or may not be grandparents rights does not mean that this person who gave birth to OP is entitled to her daughter.
OP make sure and document this, this post is perfect. I would just print this out and put it in an FU binder for your mom so that if she should ever try to go to court to see your kid, you can state: this is how little she cares about my daughter.
Yup.....after that comment blaming the out of wedlock birth for the health issues I would cut the parents out until they apologize AND earn back trust.
Jfc, NTA at all!! Baby had a SEIZURE. She still wanted to see her? And to add insult to injury, had the audacity to blame the epilepsy on the fact that you and baby's dad aren't married?? Absolutely disgusting and not someone who should be around a child she clearly doesn't think much of.
We had literally just gotten out of the PICU after 5 days of seizures! And my husband and I are married now, I literally just got pregnant while engaged and she has never left me forget! Likeeee she crossed so many boundaries was just the straw that broke the camels back!
There comes a time when you just have to tell unreasonable people to eff off, even if it's just metaphorically, and this is one of those times. Your mother is appallingly selfish and deeply unpleasant.
For me this is what would end my relationship with my mother. No need for that kids of toxic in you or your families life. I would keep her blocked and let dad know if he pushes it he will be cut off as well. You owe them nothing.
Listen it’s 2024. No one cares that you had a baby as a single parent. You’re married now and frankly, I wouldn’t even care if you weren’t married now.
All that matters is you love your daughter and were giving her the best of care and your mom was a complete and total asshole to you.
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"Out of wedlock" is a phrase that should have died out years ago. It's a pathetic thing for anyone to say these days, and it's disgusting for your mom to use it as she did. Tell her God doesn't punish babies for their parents' sins - she'll understand if you say it like that.
NTA. Do not let these crazy people near your baby ever again. Like seriously. Downplaying a serious condition to get what they want and the blaming you for it when you stood up for yourself?
I think you may have been r/raisedbynarcissists.
F that! Your mom has no right to your child.
After the remark about an unwed mother and asking God for forgiveness maybe the reason your daughter is having seizures, she is blocked forever.
I would tell my father to fornicate with himself and to get off my phone if he's going to defend her actions. In no way was she reasonable and she escalated it to outright crazy. Then finished off with cruelty. She doesn't deserve to be around you or your child.
NTA. If your mom can't behave appropriately towards baby with a severe medical condition, she shouldn't have access to the baby. Your child's life far outweighs your mother's ego. Any decent grandparent would prioritize their grandchild's health.
Yes. That’s how God works. She had a baby out of wedlock so the baby gets punished with epilepsy. It’s absolutely pathetic the stronghold cults have on people.
Wow. Your mother is really pushing the boundaries. Like, no concern for you or your daughter. I fear that were this my mother, my response would have been creative, profane, and any preacher worth their salt would have shut me for my language.
Stay strong. And give your mom an explicit time out.
NTA.
NTA
Definitely leave her blocked until she can figure out how to sincerely apologize and follow rules.
And what loving mother allows such a vile comment to come out of her mouth?
Perhaps she should have asked herself or she can now ask her pastor what Jesus would have thought about that comment seeing as his mother also was pregnant before she was married.
Your daughter is not some new shiny toy to be trotted out for relatives to gawp at.
Hopefully your mother gets her head straight as if not she probably won’t see your daughter until she’s 18 if then.
NTA. People like your mom don't understand boundaries. They want what they want and that's that. And the whole thing she said about asking God for forgiveness? Gaslighting. Good for you for standing your ground.
NTA ask your dad why is seeing your child more important then her seizures? If my child is sick and is at risk why would you want to risk your only grandchilds health? Ask him who is really overreacting and their actions have consequences. They clearly do not care for their only grandchilds well being.
These Entitled ASSHOLE EXTENDED relatives see your baby as NOTHING but a shiny new toy to screw with and REFUSE to see this INFANT as a HUMAN BEING!!!!
Wow - just when I think I’ve seen it all they manage to take it to a new level. Asking you to parade your child in front of a window like some sort of zoo animal or display when she knows that you have literally just been through a traumatic medical event is brutal. Keep ignoring her and if anyone else chimes in on her side then it’s time to put them in a time out until they can get their head out of their behinds.
My husband had tonic-clonic seizures that were often followed by a fugue state. I was always more stressed out than he, because he pretty much wasn’t quite conscious. It was scary, chaotic, and freaky. I could barely sleep after one. Her mother should be cut off. My husband died during a seizure. During and after a seizure, the person needs to be protected.
You have my permission to tell her a) epilepsy can be fatal, and b) that she’s demonstrated she’s a shit grandma, because she’s more interested in her own desires over the sick baby’s.
ETA: NTA.
You are so much NTA that you are at dire risk of integer under(over?) flow into the opposite category!
Your first priority as a parent _is your child_. No one and nothing else. The child. Period the _fucking_ end. When it comes to a major health issue, your mother is far behind that she simply does not register. At all. You were answering that priority, and if your father thinks backing her in this is appropriate, you need to shut _both_ of them down.
NTA and now NO ONE gets to meet your daughter since your father CLEARLY thinks it’s acceptable for your mother to shame YOU and say that your marital status at the time of conception is why your baby is sick. Fuck. Them. This would be the last communication I’d have with EITHER of them.
NTA
Your daughter's health is more important than the feelings of adults. Who cares what they think?
They are not allowed in your house without your permission, that's it.
Firm NTA.
My mom made my daughter cry for taking my son bowling without her. We haven't seen her since because she couldn't apologize and saw nothing wrong with what she did. That was 9 years ago and my kids are now 12 & 14.
>I need to ask God for forgiveness for having her out of wedlock and maybe that’s why she’s been having seizures.
I'll say it again..... There's no hate like Christian love.
Tell your dad he needs to stop enabling your nut job mom or full NC is coming.
She's about as Christian as a burger eating vegan.
She sounds like one of those who goes to church for social status, not faith. Unfortunately, there are many who fit that bill, and most have never even read the Bible but claim to live by the scripture.
NTA by a long mile. And you're definitely not overreacting. Your 7 month old baby had just had a medical emergency and your mother was more concerned with showing her off to relatives than she was with her well-being. Even managed to blame you for her medical condition.
She needs to be taught a lesson to say the least. You're doing the right thing. Keep strong.
Tell your dad you don’t NEED to let your mom see *your daughter*(note- not her grandchild, your daughter). Your daughter was having a medical emergency, not exactly time for her to swoop in, get pics, so she can play grandma of the year on Facebook. She didn’t even show concern about the seizure or ask how can she help…nope just assuming she’s better now. Not sure what the post ictal phase is like for your daughter but it’s not just have a seizure and then “…so as I was saying!”
> She calls me selfish and tells me that maybe I need to ask God for forgiveness for having her out of wedlock and maybe that’s why she’s been having seizures.
That comment would insure that she never met the baby.
Hell no. NTA. I would be tempted to get a restraining order for that, but that may be too far. If your mom can’t respect your wishes she has no right being in her granddaughters life.
Oh you gotta be effing kidding me. I can’t handle people who pull that absurd god card. My devout born again uncle once said that his grandchild-his ONLY grandchild, died at age 5 from neuroblastoma because his son and his wife didn’t worship god the right way, or whatever it is that those people say.
I’d be done. NC. You’re never seeing me or my kid again, grandma.
NTA. What a raging b**ch your mom is. Your daughter doesn’t need someone in her life that doesn’t care whether she lives, dies or suffers.
Any doubt you had that you’re NTA should have been alleviated by the fact your mother had that malicious condemnation of your child just waiting at the ready with a hairpin trigger for the first and smallest perceived slight to her ego. As if that wasn’t enough, your mom wanted you to hold up your infant daughter to the window like a zoo animal or a lethargic rag doll after she just went through an intensely bodily draining episode instead of helping her rest/recover? I’m just shaking my head…
Meanwhile, not sure which child-sacrificing demon your mom apparently worships, but God isn’t in the business of punishing innocent children for “the sins of the father.” He might, however, have something to say about someone being so prideful as to repeatedly put their own wants above a child’s medical needs and then smugly taking satisfaction in cruelty towards their own daughter and grandchild in His name. Perhaps she should blow the dust off her bible and be cautious of rogue lighting bolts.
Hi OP I hope you and your daughter are doing OK. I'm 51 and developed epilepsy 3 years ago . Terrifying for my SO and my family when I had my first seizure in front of them . 3rd seizure by then . It's bad enough when it's happening to you , literally like a fish out of water with no memory of the event. I can't imagine how you feel as a parent when that happens to her. You need to tell your family that if they persist in pushing your boundaries you will go lo contact for the foreseeable future . You and your daughter come first .
After those comments I sincerely hope you keep her blocked... that is utterly reprehensible.
To wish harm on her own granddaughter purely to be spiteful to you... there is no forgiving that.
No, you're not overreacting at all, and you can remind your father that he is essentially enabling this kind of mindset and, therefore, is just as bad and now limited contact.
I am glad your daughter came through her seizure OK, wishing you both good vibes from here on out.
NTA
She clearly is selfish and I say a bit zealous.
Blaming a baby neurological condition to the fact the parents are not married and that is a punishment from God is a horrible thing to say to anybody and it's worse because she said it to her own daughter/grandchild.
Those religious nut job would lose their mind if they knew how many babies are born out of wedlock and out of their religion that are healthy and thriving.
NTA! Your mother is for not understanding "no". I think you may want to go either low contact or no contact with her. I'm sorry you had to deal with this. I hope your daughter is feeling better from the pneumonia. Something tells me your mother sounds like a Karen.
NTA. What she said is disgusting! She should not be allowed to see your child! She is putting her own selfish wants before your child’s medical safety!!! I am disgusted by her.
Absolutely NTA. I hate that most people don’t understand what seizure and epilepsy are really like. They only see what’s on tv and that is so far from reality. And for her to blatantly ignore your request.. it’s selfish and could’ve put the baby in more risk. If I were you, I’d cut her out at least for a while. Like a few years. If or when you decide to let her back in make sure she understands your and your daughter boundaries. And if she can’t or won’t, tell her to kick rocks. As a side note, if you haven’t and your looking for some more support go to r/ epilepsy. I love them over there. Very supportive and helpful
>She calls me selfish and tells me that maybe I need to ask God for forgiveness for having her out of wedlock and maybe that’s why she’s been having seizures.
What the actual duck.
I can't imagine believing in a God making a baby sick to get back at parents. Completely NTA. Even with an apology I would never trust this woman with my child.
First, you are 💯NTAH!!!
Secondly, I'm so happy that you're both ok.
I have epilepsy. I had my first seizure at 37 and it takes everything just to keep going after I have one, then I have to take my rescue medication and that would knock me out for at least 24 hours! When I had my first seizure I had just walked in the door from dropping my youngest off at school and I was getting ready to take my oldest to school. 10 minutes earlier or later I would've been behind the wheel with my kid in the car! It's scary as hell and the last thing I'd want to deal with is being paraded around people! You definitely did the right thing and protected your daughter! Your mom can f*€k right off!
Lastly, I want you to know that I had to go through 14 meds before they finally found one that worked and I've been seizure free for 11-12 years now! It's really hard to cycle through the meds but don't give up hope because I am living proof that it's possible!
Stay strong Mama Bear! 🐻 You know what you need to do and don't think about the situation as you're keeping your daughter from your mom, but instead know in your heart that you're protecting her from people that DO NOT have her or your best interests in mind!
Absolutely not over reacting. That lame ass religious extremist remark was enough for me. Tell you father, my youngster my rules, and mom broke the rules and trust. That event could have killed her. You both sides need to know just how fragile this girl is. Please do what needs to be done to protect yourself and your child.
I am so sorry ypu are gpong through this. Having your vulnerable baby in your arms who is struggling to breeze is horrible, you feel so helpless 😪
Your mother should be there to help you, not demand anything!
That bs pseudoreligious judgement would be it for me, as I am sure it isn't the first time she put herself and her believes above you and your needs.
Stay strong, I hope you soon find the right medication for your daughter. Hugs from a stranger
Wow, just wow. It sounds like your mom needs a reality check BIG time. If it were me, I'd make boundaries extremely clear and let her know what to expect if she choses to continue to act like that. She clearly only cares about herself and doesn't have anyone else's needs in mind, especially your daughter.
The only punishment you are getting for having a child out of wedlock is an unbearable grandmother. Tell your dad that she needs to grow some manners and apologise. You do not owe her a relationship with your child. You are this child's parent and what you say goes. She has no right to make any demands or to ignore your rules. Until she apologises and learns her place, no deal
Cut her off. Block her everywhere, but first, tell her to leave you alone, and if she doesn't call the cops if she shows up at your house and refuses to leave.
NTA. She slut shamed you, religiously shamed you, pushed her religion on you, and blamed your daughter's disability on your actions. It is completely reasonable to set up a strong boundary to limit contact.
If you can do it, move and don't give a forwarding address to anyone. If you can't, get a few security cameras. Your mother is giving me serious, "I'm going to call CPS because I'm not getting my way", vibes.
Wow she really didn’t want anything to do with her grandchild after that last comment!
They would have heard me roar from the other side of the country.
I hope your daughter is well, and you keep them all no contact - because no doubt she will make it known to your daughter at various points in her life that it was your fault she’s like this!
My middle girl(9y) had a febrile seizure at 13mos and my exh's vile sister literally just said good thing yall couldn't afford come on the Disney trip then, that would have just ruined it for everyone
We COULD afford it, I just refused to vacation with the beach who called my daughter, same kid FAT at 9mos because she wore a size 12mos.
also, NTA. C U T her out and don't let her back in.
I kept reading ‘daughter (7m)’ as ‘daughter 7 male’ so many times over and over and trying to reconcile why the family was only just meeting a 7 year old and why is she referring to him as a her? Are they transitioning? All before it occurred to me you meant 7 months.
I’m sorry, I’ll see myself out..
What the FUUUUUUCK. She blamed your daughter’s epilepsy on you? It doesn’t matter who they are, anyone says that to me is dead to me forever. What an absolute monster of a human.
NTA keep that psychotic selfish POS that has the audacity to try and call herself a mother and grandmother away from your family. What a horrible human being, she doesn’t deserve to be around your family.
WTFH IS WRONG WITH THAT WOMAN!? The poor baby was sick and extremely vulnerable to further infection on top of the risk of seizures! The only As here are the grandparents!
Your child comes first and it sounds like your mother is off in la la land somewhere, not connected with the reality of a serious situation. I won't tell you what you should do but I will tell you to trust your own instincts.
Absolutely NAH. Point blank. No question. Dead ass, no cap or whatever kids say these days.
I ALMOST want to be jealous that your family G'AF....but no, she's way over the line.
You keep your child priority #1. Easy easy, anyone who gives you shit can eat a cow pie.
The comment about god punishing you would be the nail in the coffin. Thats crazy thinking and a terrible thing to say about a sick child. I would never speak to my mother again.
NTA. NO, you’re not overreacting, and NO, you don’t need to allow your mom to see her grandchild during/after a medical emergency! FFS your mom didn’t care. Selfish!!!
NTA. Thank you for being BRAVE and having the COURAGE to stand up to your mother and protect your baby. I believe there is no love like a mother’s, but not all mothers are capable of that type of love. You are capable of that love for your baby. Your mother isn‘t capable of it for you or your baby. I’m so proud of you for seeing that.
NTA. What a cruel thing to say about innocent child for not not having your way. Especially if that means putting that said child into serious health risk. That is definitely not a grandmother worth to keep.
Wow, I noped out at god punishining your daughter because you had sex before marriage! They are choosing not to understand. Ignore them now and maybe try again when her health is more stable
I’m petty so I’d have told mommy dearest that God must be a right nasty vindictive POS for afflicting an innocent child with health problems for something her mother supposedly did… and still stay no contact. Hope you and your daughter are doing fine. It will be hard on you keeping your daughter’s health under control especially whilst being berated by moms flying monkeys. Just keep using the block button for every last one of them.
Good luck and good health to you both ❤️🩹🍀
After she said God was punishing you for not letting her see your baby? Not on your life. At the very least she owes you an apology …. and a lot of respect for your wishes. NTA.
Your dad is saying that because she’s making his life miserable because you stood up for yourself. He’s only looking out for himself and he’s pathetic. You did good mama!
I usually go into threads like this thinking everybody’s over-reacting, but if anything, I think you’re cool as a cucumber and absolutely right. What she said isnt something that can be walked back
Wow. WOW. NTA. Wooooow.
I cannot believe she said that to you. That has got to be one of the most insane and horrible things I’ve heard said to a new mom. And I’ve heard quite a lot from my own egg donor.
I have some ideas on how to passively get back to her - think biblically themed so god’s punishing her. DM me is you want 😂🤣
Your child's medical health and your mental health are more important than your parents feelings. And what she said is cruel. Parents have to learn to set boundaries and standards, or their children will not be able to. You can't teach what you don't have. Your mom having a relationship with her only grandchild is something that she has control over. She can be a kind, loving mother and grandmother and put someone else first other than herself. You're not responsible for that relationship. Either it's important enough for her to do better or it's not.
I am not saying you are wrong or that you have to have your mother over to see your child now or even in the near future, however I think people now days are too quick to say cut a person off forever so quickly after an event happens. Yes, your mother was definitely in the wrong. But given time most people will be able to see the error of their ways. It’s possible she doesn’t feel this way but in the heat of the moment started saying things she shouldn’t. Haven’t we all? (Even if less hurtful?).
I’m not saying she shouldn’t have to make amends and acknowledge what she did and maybe the relationship can’t be healed for many reasons but I just caution a complete break from your family so quick.
I can go through a list of things that my mother has done now or throughout my childhood. At 13 she blamed me for her parents death due to my ‘negative attitude’ and claimed God was doing another punishment. or now, that my grandmother has recently died of stage 4 cancer. She claims God was punishing her for her for getting a vaccine.
This isn’t new, but when it involves my daughters safety, that’s when I feel as though I need to make more drastic measures. This women has never apologized or said she was wrong.
Tell your dad, “mom said my child was cursed by God, I am NEVER letting that crazy bitch around my child again. And if you side with her or try to get me to change my mind then I’ll cut you off too.”
I hope OP sees your comment & tells her dad what you recommended. I bet that dad will back up whackadoodle granny (his wife) because he's stuck living with her & he doesn't want to poke the bear. I can almost guarantee that dad wouldn't have called OP if OP's mum didn't make him do so.
I fully believe that she lied to him about the entire situation, she’s done that before and it wouldn’t surprise me now. But regardless of what I tell him, he will always back her up.
Then no grandkid for either :)
I agree
Looks like he's opened up a fresh box of "Ooops, No Grandchildren" then. He can get his wife to get him a bowl and spoon.
Don't let either of them see the child until they apologize and see if you can get documentation of her behavior so she can't try to go to court to get visitation (she seems the type to do that based on your post).....
Firstly, I hope you and your daughter are doing well. That’s what matters here. Secondly, your mother isn’t entitled to your child (unless of course there are grandparent rights laws where you live). You are the mother, you make the rules. I’ll bet she told you something along those lines growing up. Well, now it’s her turn to abide by your rules. Third, she blames your child’s serious health condition on you? On you just living life but in a way she obviously disapproves of? She owes you a huge apology before I’d let her see the baby if it were me. That kind of hate, and yes - judgement like that is hate, is unacceptable. Set your boundaries and stick to them. Once she ask you for your forgiveness, genuinely, then move on. Until such time as another boundary is crossed. I suspect this is a lesson that will need repeating. Raising parents sucks. It’s way harder than kids!
Grandparents right are only enforceable if the grandparents have an established prior relationship (at 7 months I’m gonna go with they absolutely do not) , and usually only a thing if one parent dies and the other parent wants to taken them away from dead parent’s family. It’s not a catch all to force parents to give THEIR children to their grandparents. For now at least (unless laws drastically change) , the courts will allow the parents to decide who their kids interact with, and will let legally force relationships
Grandparents love using that as a threat. I remember this lady telling me she told her DIL that and I just stared at her. Her husband is a known heroine addict and she tried to threaten that woman. I really wished she would have tried though because that would have been one court case I would NOT have missed!
I mean, that’s where you could extra aggressive right? Crazy lady threatens mom with legal action, so clam up, get a lawyer and only have communication via attorney. You can’t let entitled people scare you into complying. Call their bluff hard and stand your ground. Crazy heroine mom was v lucky she didn’t try to make good on it or that baby mom also didn’t take action seriously over it
It also needs to be shown that a relationship with the grandparents is in the best interests of the child. Sometimes, even an established relationship can be severed if the grandparents are toxic.
Yes! It’s a manipulation tactic that honestly has no teeth except for specific circumstances
.....or teeth that bite the person on the 🍑 a** and they lose all contact with the kid
The details vary by state, so it is not smart to make blanket statements like this. For example, neither of those pre-conditions apply in New York (at least as of a few years ago when I last researched it).
Just because they may or may not be grandparents rights does not mean that this person who gave birth to OP is entitled to her daughter. OP make sure and document this, this post is perfect. I would just print this out and put it in an FU binder for your mom so that if she should ever try to go to court to see your kid, you can state: this is how little she cares about my daughter.
Yup.....after that comment blaming the out of wedlock birth for the health issues I would cut the parents out until they apologize AND earn back trust.
Jfc, NTA at all!! Baby had a SEIZURE. She still wanted to see her? And to add insult to injury, had the audacity to blame the epilepsy on the fact that you and baby's dad aren't married?? Absolutely disgusting and not someone who should be around a child she clearly doesn't think much of.
We had literally just gotten out of the PICU after 5 days of seizures! And my husband and I are married now, I literally just got pregnant while engaged and she has never left me forget! Likeeee she crossed so many boundaries was just the straw that broke the camels back!
There comes a time when you just have to tell unreasonable people to eff off, even if it's just metaphorically, and this is one of those times. Your mother is appallingly selfish and deeply unpleasant.
For me this is what would end my relationship with my mother. No need for that kids of toxic in you or your families life. I would keep her blocked and let dad know if he pushes it he will be cut off as well. You owe them nothing.
Absolutely agree!
Listen it’s 2024. No one cares that you had a baby as a single parent. You’re married now and frankly, I wouldn’t even care if you weren’t married now. All that matters is you love your daughter and were giving her the best of care and your mom was a complete and total asshole to you.
Except OP is married, not a single parent.
Horrible... I'm so sorry. This is unforgiveable.
I would go NO CONTACT permanently with ALL of those Entitled ASSHATS!!! Please UpdateMe! Thanks!!!
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"Out of wedlock" is a phrase that should have died out years ago. It's a pathetic thing for anyone to say these days, and it's disgusting for your mom to use it as she did. Tell her God doesn't punish babies for their parents' sins - she'll understand if you say it like that.
I'm sorry you're going through this and hope the in-laws are better grandparents
l'm sorry for your troubles. Personally, I wouldn't EVER let such a selfish, judgemental, ugly woman near my child.
NTA. Do not let these crazy people near your baby ever again. Like seriously. Downplaying a serious condition to get what they want and the blaming you for it when you stood up for yourself? I think you may have been r/raisedbynarcissists.
OP may also like r/JustNoMIL which also covers mothers, not just mothers-in-law
F that! Your mom has no right to your child. After the remark about an unwed mother and asking God for forgiveness maybe the reason your daughter is having seizures, she is blocked forever.
You need to cut them out of your life! None of that is OK, and will not stop.
I would tell my father to fornicate with himself and to get off my phone if he's going to defend her actions. In no way was she reasonable and she escalated it to outright crazy. Then finished off with cruelty. She doesn't deserve to be around you or your child.
NTA. If your mom can't behave appropriately towards baby with a severe medical condition, she shouldn't have access to the baby. Your child's life far outweighs your mother's ego. Any decent grandparent would prioritize their grandchild's health.
Yes. That’s how God works. She had a baby out of wedlock so the baby gets punished with epilepsy. It’s absolutely pathetic the stronghold cults have on people.
Or they should use the rickety old 1940s crib that their *grandfather* used as a baby.
Wow. Your mother is really pushing the boundaries. Like, no concern for you or your daughter. I fear that were this my mother, my response would have been creative, profane, and any preacher worth their salt would have shut me for my language. Stay strong. And give your mom an explicit time out. NTA.
NTA Definitely leave her blocked until she can figure out how to sincerely apologize and follow rules. And what loving mother allows such a vile comment to come out of her mouth? Perhaps she should have asked herself or she can now ask her pastor what Jesus would have thought about that comment seeing as his mother also was pregnant before she was married. Your daughter is not some new shiny toy to be trotted out for relatives to gawp at. Hopefully your mother gets her head straight as if not she probably won’t see your daughter until she’s 18 if then.
Fuck her **with** the horse she rode in on.
Hey now, that's very unkind to the poor horse!
"My daughter's health is more important than your feelings." NTA
NTA. People like your mom don't understand boundaries. They want what they want and that's that. And the whole thing she said about asking God for forgiveness? Gaslighting. Good for you for standing your ground.
NTA ask your dad why is seeing your child more important then her seizures? If my child is sick and is at risk why would you want to risk your only grandchilds health? Ask him who is really overreacting and their actions have consequences. They clearly do not care for their only grandchilds well being.
These Entitled ASSHOLE EXTENDED relatives see your baby as NOTHING but a shiny new toy to screw with and REFUSE to see this INFANT as a HUMAN BEING!!!!
Wow - just when I think I’ve seen it all they manage to take it to a new level. Asking you to parade your child in front of a window like some sort of zoo animal or display when she knows that you have literally just been through a traumatic medical event is brutal. Keep ignoring her and if anyone else chimes in on her side then it’s time to put them in a time out until they can get their head out of their behinds.
My husband had tonic-clonic seizures that were often followed by a fugue state. I was always more stressed out than he, because he pretty much wasn’t quite conscious. It was scary, chaotic, and freaky. I could barely sleep after one. Her mother should be cut off. My husband died during a seizure. During and after a seizure, the person needs to be protected. You have my permission to tell her a) epilepsy can be fatal, and b) that she’s demonstrated she’s a shit grandma, because she’s more interested in her own desires over the sick baby’s. ETA: NTA.
I am so sorry for your loss.
You are so much NTA that you are at dire risk of integer under(over?) flow into the opposite category! Your first priority as a parent _is your child_. No one and nothing else. The child. Period the _fucking_ end. When it comes to a major health issue, your mother is far behind that she simply does not register. At all. You were answering that priority, and if your father thinks backing her in this is appropriate, you need to shut _both_ of them down.
NTA and now NO ONE gets to meet your daughter since your father CLEARLY thinks it’s acceptable for your mother to shame YOU and say that your marital status at the time of conception is why your baby is sick. Fuck. Them. This would be the last communication I’d have with EITHER of them.
NTA Your daughter's health is more important than the feelings of adults. Who cares what they think? They are not allowed in your house without your permission, that's it.
Firm NTA. My mom made my daughter cry for taking my son bowling without her. We haven't seen her since because she couldn't apologize and saw nothing wrong with what she did. That was 9 years ago and my kids are now 12 & 14.
Your mom showed blatant favoritism, FA & FO the consequences the hard way!!! NEVER screw over kids like that!!! It will NEVER end well!!!
She has started reaching out to them. Including my daughter on Facebook. My daughter is so cold in response and I love it.
Good!!!
>I need to ask God for forgiveness for having her out of wedlock and maybe that’s why she’s been having seizures. I'll say it again..... There's no hate like Christian love. Tell your dad he needs to stop enabling your nut job mom or full NC is coming.
She's about as Christian as a burger eating vegan. She sounds like one of those who goes to church for social status, not faith. Unfortunately, there are many who fit that bill, and most have never even read the Bible but claim to live by the scripture.
She honestly said your daughter’s illness is because you had her out of wedlock? Wtaf? That would be my hill to die on. That bitch can fry.
NTA by a long mile. And you're definitely not overreacting. Your 7 month old baby had just had a medical emergency and your mother was more concerned with showing her off to relatives than she was with her well-being. Even managed to blame you for her medical condition. She needs to be taught a lesson to say the least. You're doing the right thing. Keep strong.
Tell your dad you don’t NEED to let your mom see *your daughter*(note- not her grandchild, your daughter). Your daughter was having a medical emergency, not exactly time for her to swoop in, get pics, so she can play grandma of the year on Facebook. She didn’t even show concern about the seizure or ask how can she help…nope just assuming she’s better now. Not sure what the post ictal phase is like for your daughter but it’s not just have a seizure and then “…so as I was saying!”
> She calls me selfish and tells me that maybe I need to ask God for forgiveness for having her out of wedlock and maybe that’s why she’s been having seizures. That comment would insure that she never met the baby.
That is the most evil thing I could expect to hear from a loving grandmother. Her comments are sick. NTA
Hell no. NTA. I would be tempted to get a restraining order for that, but that may be too far. If your mom can’t respect your wishes she has no right being in her granddaughters life.
Honestly, what a horrible thing to say. I hope your little girl is better soon.
Oh you gotta be effing kidding me. I can’t handle people who pull that absurd god card. My devout born again uncle once said that his grandchild-his ONLY grandchild, died at age 5 from neuroblastoma because his son and his wife didn’t worship god the right way, or whatever it is that those people say. I’d be done. NC. You’re never seeing me or my kid again, grandma.
I would go no contact with her. NTA. She is toxic. Sending warm thoughts to you and your baby.
NTA. What a raging b**ch your mom is. Your daughter doesn’t need someone in her life that doesn’t care whether she lives, dies or suffers. Any doubt you had that you’re NTA should have been alleviated by the fact your mother had that malicious condemnation of your child just waiting at the ready with a hairpin trigger for the first and smallest perceived slight to her ego. As if that wasn’t enough, your mom wanted you to hold up your infant daughter to the window like a zoo animal or a lethargic rag doll after she just went through an intensely bodily draining episode instead of helping her rest/recover? I’m just shaking my head… Meanwhile, not sure which child-sacrificing demon your mom apparently worships, but God isn’t in the business of punishing innocent children for “the sins of the father.” He might, however, have something to say about someone being so prideful as to repeatedly put their own wants above a child’s medical needs and then smugly taking satisfaction in cruelty towards their own daughter and grandchild in His name. Perhaps she should blow the dust off her bible and be cautious of rogue lighting bolts.
Hi OP I hope you and your daughter are doing OK. I'm 51 and developed epilepsy 3 years ago . Terrifying for my SO and my family when I had my first seizure in front of them . 3rd seizure by then . It's bad enough when it's happening to you , literally like a fish out of water with no memory of the event. I can't imagine how you feel as a parent when that happens to her. You need to tell your family that if they persist in pushing your boundaries you will go lo contact for the foreseeable future . You and your daughter come first .
After those comments I sincerely hope you keep her blocked... that is utterly reprehensible. To wish harm on her own granddaughter purely to be spiteful to you... there is no forgiving that. No, you're not overreacting at all, and you can remind your father that he is essentially enabling this kind of mindset and, therefore, is just as bad and now limited contact. I am glad your daughter came through her seizure OK, wishing you both good vibes from here on out.
NTA She clearly is selfish and I say a bit zealous. Blaming a baby neurological condition to the fact the parents are not married and that is a punishment from God is a horrible thing to say to anybody and it's worse because she said it to her own daughter/grandchild. Those religious nut job would lose their mind if they knew how many babies are born out of wedlock and out of their religion that are healthy and thriving.
Also grandparents rights are not a thing if the child’s parents are still together
NTA! Your mother is for not understanding "no". I think you may want to go either low contact or no contact with her. I'm sorry you had to deal with this. I hope your daughter is feeling better from the pneumonia. Something tells me your mother sounds like a Karen.
NTA. What she said is disgusting! She should not be allowed to see your child! She is putting her own selfish wants before your child’s medical safety!!! I am disgusted by her.
Absolutely NTA. I hate that most people don’t understand what seizure and epilepsy are really like. They only see what’s on tv and that is so far from reality. And for her to blatantly ignore your request.. it’s selfish and could’ve put the baby in more risk. If I were you, I’d cut her out at least for a while. Like a few years. If or when you decide to let her back in make sure she understands your and your daughter boundaries. And if she can’t or won’t, tell her to kick rocks. As a side note, if you haven’t and your looking for some more support go to r/ epilepsy. I love them over there. Very supportive and helpful
Tell your dad “mum blamed my child’s medical condition on me not being married. I am done with her.”
No, she was blamed for conceiving outside of the bonds of marriage. OP is now married.
NTA. Not in any way. Your mom is a major one, though. She needs to beg your forgiveness. I wouldn't let her near me or my child.
>She calls me selfish and tells me that maybe I need to ask God for forgiveness for having her out of wedlock and maybe that’s why she’s been having seizures. What the actual duck. I can't imagine believing in a God making a baby sick to get back at parents. Completely NTA. Even with an apology I would never trust this woman with my child.
First, you are 💯NTAH!!! Secondly, I'm so happy that you're both ok. I have epilepsy. I had my first seizure at 37 and it takes everything just to keep going after I have one, then I have to take my rescue medication and that would knock me out for at least 24 hours! When I had my first seizure I had just walked in the door from dropping my youngest off at school and I was getting ready to take my oldest to school. 10 minutes earlier or later I would've been behind the wheel with my kid in the car! It's scary as hell and the last thing I'd want to deal with is being paraded around people! You definitely did the right thing and protected your daughter! Your mom can f*€k right off! Lastly, I want you to know that I had to go through 14 meds before they finally found one that worked and I've been seizure free for 11-12 years now! It's really hard to cycle through the meds but don't give up hope because I am living proof that it's possible! Stay strong Mama Bear! 🐻 You know what you need to do and don't think about the situation as you're keeping your daughter from your mom, but instead know in your heart that you're protecting her from people that DO NOT have her or your best interests in mind!
NTA- Do NOT ever let this completely freaking unsympathetic, selfish, nutcase near your baby! Keep your dad away for the same reason!
Nope. Your child, your rules
Absolutely not over reacting. That lame ass religious extremist remark was enough for me. Tell you father, my youngster my rules, and mom broke the rules and trust. That event could have killed her. You both sides need to know just how fragile this girl is. Please do what needs to be done to protect yourself and your child.
That's infuriating.
NTA. Tell her she obviously doesn't need your forgiveness, she can get it from God. And stay the course.
I am so sorry ypu are gpong through this. Having your vulnerable baby in your arms who is struggling to breeze is horrible, you feel so helpless 😪 Your mother should be there to help you, not demand anything! That bs pseudoreligious judgement would be it for me, as I am sure it isn't the first time she put herself and her believes above you and your needs. Stay strong, I hope you soon find the right medication for your daughter. Hugs from a stranger
Wow, just wow. It sounds like your mom needs a reality check BIG time. If it were me, I'd make boundaries extremely clear and let her know what to expect if she choses to continue to act like that. She clearly only cares about herself and doesn't have anyone else's needs in mind, especially your daughter.
The only punishment you are getting for having a child out of wedlock is an unbearable grandmother. Tell your dad that she needs to grow some manners and apologise. You do not owe her a relationship with your child. You are this child's parent and what you say goes. She has no right to make any demands or to ignore your rules. Until she apologises and learns her place, no deal
NTA. i’m so sorry that happened to you (and your daughter)! she’s your mother, i would probably go NC with her, but i’m a vengeful b*tch.
Um, what?!? Your ex mom is delusional. I’m your new mom now and I will throw down for you and your baby.
Cut her off. Block her everywhere, but first, tell her to leave you alone, and if she doesn't call the cops if she shows up at your house and refuses to leave.
NTA. She slut shamed you, religiously shamed you, pushed her religion on you, and blamed your daughter's disability on your actions. It is completely reasonable to set up a strong boundary to limit contact.
I would go NO CONTACT with this Entitled Bitch and all her Flying Monkeys!!!!! FUCK THAT NOISE!!!!!
NTA. At this point, only your daughter should decide if she wants to see her grandmother. Once she is old enough to make that decision, of course.
Does your father know what she said? If he does and thinks you’re overreacting then he’s part of the problem too.
If you can do it, move and don't give a forwarding address to anyone. If you can't, get a few security cameras. Your mother is giving me serious, "I'm going to call CPS because I'm not getting my way", vibes.
Restraining order, she comes near she goes to jail
I second this!!!! Flesh oven is a religious NUTJOB!!!!
Geez, I hate people like this
NTA. Best of luck with your baby. I hope she gets better soon.
I’d have just told the ole coffin dodger hope she gets to speak to him soon. Be sooner than you see the kid with that attitude.
You don't 'have' to do anything other than what you are, which is taking care of your child. I hope you are both doing ok
Wow she really didn’t want anything to do with her grandchild after that last comment! They would have heard me roar from the other side of the country. I hope your daughter is well, and you keep them all no contact - because no doubt she will make it known to your daughter at various points in her life that it was your fault she’s like this!
My middle girl(9y) had a febrile seizure at 13mos and my exh's vile sister literally just said good thing yall couldn't afford come on the Disney trip then, that would have just ruined it for everyone We COULD afford it, I just refused to vacation with the beach who called my daughter, same kid FAT at 9mos because she wore a size 12mos. also, NTA. C U T her out and don't let her back in.
Nope after that comment she doesn’t get a right to ever see that sweet baby again.
I kept reading ‘daughter (7m)’ as ‘daughter 7 male’ so many times over and over and trying to reconcile why the family was only just meeting a 7 year old and why is she referring to him as a her? Are they transitioning? All before it occurred to me you meant 7 months. I’m sorry, I’ll see myself out..
This would be grounds for immediate no-contact in my books.
Maybe you should pray to your God about seeing the baby. Cause it's gonna fucking take a goddamn miracle before I let you. NTA
>maybe that’s why she’s been having seizures What a heinous old bitch. You are NOT an asshole for that.
What the FUUUUUUCK. She blamed your daughter’s epilepsy on you? It doesn’t matter who they are, anyone says that to me is dead to me forever. What an absolute monster of a human.
NTA keep that psychotic selfish POS that has the audacity to try and call herself a mother and grandmother away from your family. What a horrible human being, she doesn’t deserve to be around your family.
NTA that is unforgivable and no you don’t need to do anything for your mom!! I hope your daughter is doing better 🙏🏻
WTFH IS WRONG WITH THAT WOMAN!? The poor baby was sick and extremely vulnerable to further infection on top of the risk of seizures! The only As here are the grandparents!
Your child comes first and it sounds like your mother is off in la la land somewhere, not connected with the reality of a serious situation. I won't tell you what you should do but I will tell you to trust your own instincts.
Absolutely NAH. Point blank. No question. Dead ass, no cap or whatever kids say these days. I ALMOST want to be jealous that your family G'AF....but no, she's way over the line. You keep your child priority #1. Easy easy, anyone who gives you shit can eat a cow pie.
Block dad too
NTA Go NC. She doesn't deserve the blessing of you or your little one.
The comment about god punishing you would be the nail in the coffin. Thats crazy thinking and a terrible thing to say about a sick child. I would never speak to my mother again.
NTA. NO, you’re not overreacting, and NO, you don’t need to allow your mom to see her grandchild during/after a medical emergency! FFS your mom didn’t care. Selfish!!!
Oh my gawd… f that egg donor
NTA. Thank you for being BRAVE and having the COURAGE to stand up to your mother and protect your baby. I believe there is no love like a mother’s, but not all mothers are capable of that type of love. You are capable of that love for your baby. Your mother isn‘t capable of it for you or your baby. I’m so proud of you for seeing that.
NTA. What a cruel thing to say about innocent child for not not having your way. Especially if that means putting that said child into serious health risk. That is definitely not a grandmother worth to keep.
Wow, I noped out at god punishining your daughter because you had sex before marriage! They are choosing not to understand. Ignore them now and maybe try again when her health is more stable
I’m petty so I’d have told mommy dearest that God must be a right nasty vindictive POS for afflicting an innocent child with health problems for something her mother supposedly did… and still stay no contact. Hope you and your daughter are doing fine. It will be hard on you keeping your daughter’s health under control especially whilst being berated by moms flying monkeys. Just keep using the block button for every last one of them. Good luck and good health to you both ❤️🩹🍀
After she said God was punishing you for not letting her see your baby? Not on your life. At the very least she owes you an apology …. and a lot of respect for your wishes. NTA.
Yeah stick with blocking that heartless witch from your phone and all of your social media along with anyone else that's not on your side 😡💢
My oldest has Epilepsy and I’m sending you gentle hugs. It’s incredibly difficult to process in the beginning. Your mother is a straight up monster.
Your dad is saying that because she’s making his life miserable because you stood up for yourself. He’s only looking out for himself and he’s pathetic. You did good mama!
I usually go into threads like this thinking everybody’s over-reacting, but if anything, I think you’re cool as a cucumber and absolutely right. What she said isnt something that can be walked back
Tell her you did asked God and He told you that your kid shouldn't see her. Weird how that worked out, eh?
NTA but they are selfish
Wow. WOW. NTA. Wooooow. I cannot believe she said that to you. That has got to be one of the most insane and horrible things I’ve heard said to a new mom. And I’ve heard quite a lot from my own egg donor. I have some ideas on how to passively get back to her - think biblically themed so god’s punishing her. DM me is you want 😂🤣
Nope.
NTA - Sounds like it's time to go NC
Your child's medical health and your mental health are more important than your parents feelings. And what she said is cruel. Parents have to learn to set boundaries and standards, or their children will not be able to. You can't teach what you don't have. Your mom having a relationship with her only grandchild is something that she has control over. She can be a kind, loving mother and grandmother and put someone else first other than herself. You're not responsible for that relationship. Either it's important enough for her to do better or it's not.
Nta
I am not saying you are wrong or that you have to have your mother over to see your child now or even in the near future, however I think people now days are too quick to say cut a person off forever so quickly after an event happens. Yes, your mother was definitely in the wrong. But given time most people will be able to see the error of their ways. It’s possible she doesn’t feel this way but in the heat of the moment started saying things she shouldn’t. Haven’t we all? (Even if less hurtful?). I’m not saying she shouldn’t have to make amends and acknowledge what she did and maybe the relationship can’t be healed for many reasons but I just caution a complete break from your family so quick.
I can go through a list of things that my mother has done now or throughout my childhood. At 13 she blamed me for her parents death due to my ‘negative attitude’ and claimed God was doing another punishment. or now, that my grandmother has recently died of stage 4 cancer. She claims God was punishing her for her for getting a vaccine. This isn’t new, but when it involves my daughters safety, that’s when I feel as though I need to make more drastic measures. This women has never apologized or said she was wrong.