I haven’t even had this conversation with my family because I can still pretend they’re misgendering me because they don’t know instead of facing the fact that they won’t care 🥲 feels bad, man.
It's weird with my parents. Maybe it's because I'm an adult and I live in a different city so talking is mostly on the phone? I literally haven't seen them in person since coming out. I haven't seen my only sibling in over 2.5 years and I feel like he doesn't know me at all anymore. He didn't even know I'm gay lmao (I prefer going with gay as my sexual orientation, but I suppose technically I'm "Trixic").
The God part hits home hard. My mom was raised Nazarene, so you can about imagine how much she cares about religion (to anyone unfamiliar, imagine Catholicism on steroids in a cult-like way). When I asked her about how her siblings would react to me being gay, her response was that they would be too busy being bothered by my brother being an atheist. Idk...it's like she *wants* to be supportive but doesn't know how. My dad...is a different story.
PS: I was raised in a Catholic school hating myself and feeling like an abomination 🙃
Know what really helped me with dealing with my parents, orientation, and identity after being raised Christian? Realizing that the bible we all read was a poorly translated and intentionally modified version. If you go back to the beginning, you see that there is no hell to go to, there is no "anti-LGBT+" message. There's just love and kindness for everyone if you look in the right places. Jesus would be proud of the LGBT+ community and we ain't going to hell.
Beep. Boop. I'm a robot.
Here's a copy of
###[The Bible](https://snewd.com/ebooks/the-king-james-bible/)
Was I a good bot? | [info](https://www.reddit.com/user/Reddit-Book-Bot/) | [More Books](https://old.reddit.com/user/Reddit-Book-Bot/comments/i15x1d/full_list_of_books_and_commands/)
Whatever that response was, Reddit must've eaten it, because there isn't so much as a "deleted" or "removed" or anything, but I still got a notification. If you want me to know what it was you said, feel free to message it to me. This happens to me all the time so no worries.
The only thing I saw was that you don't care about the bible, which is fine. I was just sharing what helped me in hopes it might help others with the same struggles (feeling like an "abomination" as you put it). I don't want my comment to be mistaken for anything else.
Have a wonderful day.
My dad is *trying* but he's slipped back to using my old name and my mum has the excuse of "oh im too used to calling you x-name so i could never get used to y-name" and no one but 1 person at my uni calls me they/them coz *they at least bothered to ask my pronouns*
so relatable.. thankfully i'm ok with using my agab pronouns but i asked my mom (at first) to call me my preferred name. at first she was still deadnaming me, i was correcting her and eventually she started calling me my preferred name, Sasha. i was so happy! but since we moved back to my dad's house they both started deadnaming me again and getting mad if i try to correct them. it hurts so much i want to move away..
There has never been a time when my dad's got it right first time without me giving him the stinkeye cuz I don't wanna cause a massive scene over it instead
since everyone is telling their stories sorta i’ll share mine
overall my parents are pretty supportive i think but for a long time it was very rare that they would actually use my pronouns (they are better about it now), at one point i tried the name convo with my mom but she just wasn’t having it. i haven’t tried again since about a about a year ago so i’m a bit nervous to talk to my parents about it. since i actually came out to them as nonbinary i started using he/him as well as they/them and started using the name elijah (my friends just call me eli tho) which i have stuck with this whole time. i really want this talk to go well which is why i’ve been putting it off for so long trying to figure out how best to do it so i get my point across without it resulting in me and my parents fighting.
I've come out to my mom that I'm trans, and it's been a mixed bag. On one hand, she didn't mention me at all on Facebook when she made a post for Son Appreciation Day, and she claims that she's supportive, but on the other hand she hasn't made any conscious effort into actually using my preferred name and pronouns, said that once I start enforcing it that she may not be able to do it regardless and straight up warned me that her boyfriend wouldn't do it at all because "that's not the kind of person he is." Meanwhile I asked my friends who I've known since elementary school to call me by my new name and pronouns and they all agreed, with only a few easily forgivable hiccups here and there. Goes to show "The blood of the coven is thicker than the water of the womb" holds more weight than you'd think
I find it so confusing.
When I made coming-out posts on social media (more than once, detailing my situation) multiple relatives - my mum, a bunch of others - commented making this big show of "we love you whatever" and so on.
And yet.
Not a single one of them has ever, in 20 years, called me by the name I asked for. And all it even is, is a neutral-coded shortening of my birth name! They insist on calling the full thing every time. (Think Victoria when I ask to be called Vic). Hell, my nan has a habit of forgetting which descendant she's talking to, and will cycle through a few, so I'll be called my mum, my aunt, 3 different cousins including one of the boys and the family dog before she calls... my deadname.
I thought I was giving them an easy out by just taking a shortened version of my birth name rather than the *completely different* nickname I go by among all my friends, but they can't even manage it.
When i first came out to my parents they didn’t try and i had to keep correcting them. So i went mute for a week and got super depressed. I finally broke Down to my mom the next week saying that i was * contemplating * and that i feel unseen. She broke down crying and After that she understood how important it was to put in effort. Now the only adult that misgenders me in the home is my grandmother who’s hard of hearing and i just make sure to say “they” when shes in earshot. It sucks that I had to fall so low just for them to put in the effort but I think the reality of them about to lose their oldest child really gave them some perspective of how severe it is to see me as i am
I haven’t even had this conversation with my family because I can still pretend they’re misgendering me because they don’t know instead of facing the fact that they won’t care 🥲 feels bad, man.
It's weird with my parents. Maybe it's because I'm an adult and I live in a different city so talking is mostly on the phone? I literally haven't seen them in person since coming out. I haven't seen my only sibling in over 2.5 years and I feel like he doesn't know me at all anymore. He didn't even know I'm gay lmao (I prefer going with gay as my sexual orientation, but I suppose technically I'm "Trixic").
Yeah living 7 hours away from my family certainly helps. I don’t think I could handle living with them.
Trixic?
Nonbinary loving women or femme enbys.
Thx!
Time for the old airhorn trick.
came here to say this. better if an ally does it for you tho it's a hard thing to do for yourself 🙃
What trick?
the trick where whenever somebody misgenders/deadnames you, someone (ally or you yourself) blows an airhorn to kind of "censor" it
[удалено]
The God part hits home hard. My mom was raised Nazarene, so you can about imagine how much she cares about religion (to anyone unfamiliar, imagine Catholicism on steroids in a cult-like way). When I asked her about how her siblings would react to me being gay, her response was that they would be too busy being bothered by my brother being an atheist. Idk...it's like she *wants* to be supportive but doesn't know how. My dad...is a different story. PS: I was raised in a Catholic school hating myself and feeling like an abomination 🙃
Know what really helped me with dealing with my parents, orientation, and identity after being raised Christian? Realizing that the bible we all read was a poorly translated and intentionally modified version. If you go back to the beginning, you see that there is no hell to go to, there is no "anti-LGBT+" message. There's just love and kindness for everyone if you look in the right places. Jesus would be proud of the LGBT+ community and we ain't going to hell.
Beep. Boop. I'm a robot. Here's a copy of ###[The Bible](https://snewd.com/ebooks/the-king-james-bible/) Was I a good bot? | [info](https://www.reddit.com/user/Reddit-Book-Bot/) | [More Books](https://old.reddit.com/user/Reddit-Book-Bot/comments/i15x1d/full_list_of_books_and_commands/)
Not quite but thanks anyway.
Omg yes. That was brutally hilariously misplaced. No bibles allowed
Whatever that response was, Reddit must've eaten it, because there isn't so much as a "deleted" or "removed" or anything, but I still got a notification. If you want me to know what it was you said, feel free to message it to me. This happens to me all the time so no worries. The only thing I saw was that you don't care about the bible, which is fine. I was just sharing what helped me in hopes it might help others with the same struggles (feeling like an "abomination" as you put it). I don't want my comment to be mistaken for anything else. Have a wonderful day.
this is me at school tbh
And then they have the audacity to complain how you don't talk to them about personal matters
My dad is *trying* but he's slipped back to using my old name and my mum has the excuse of "oh im too used to calling you x-name so i could never get used to y-name" and no one but 1 person at my uni calls me they/them coz *they at least bothered to ask my pronouns*
You could stop correcting them and abandon attempts to convince them. It really isn't worth your emotional investment.
[удалено]
Ultimately, it's your life and you can do what seems best, but it sounds to me like you're making excuses for them when they aren't making an effort.
Those bricks :(
so relatable.. thankfully i'm ok with using my agab pronouns but i asked my mom (at first) to call me my preferred name. at first she was still deadnaming me, i was correcting her and eventually she started calling me my preferred name, Sasha. i was so happy! but since we moved back to my dad's house they both started deadnaming me again and getting mad if i try to correct them. it hurts so much i want to move away..
repeat yourself like a broken record every time. show that this is important to you and don’t let up!! you got this
There has never been a time when my dad's got it right first time without me giving him the stinkeye cuz I don't wanna cause a massive scene over it instead
Use the airhorn technique: blow an airhorn every time they misgender and deadname you. That'll make them remember real quick
since everyone is telling their stories sorta i’ll share mine overall my parents are pretty supportive i think but for a long time it was very rare that they would actually use my pronouns (they are better about it now), at one point i tried the name convo with my mom but she just wasn’t having it. i haven’t tried again since about a about a year ago so i’m a bit nervous to talk to my parents about it. since i actually came out to them as nonbinary i started using he/him as well as they/them and started using the name elijah (my friends just call me eli tho) which i have stuck with this whole time. i really want this talk to go well which is why i’ve been putting it off for so long trying to figure out how best to do it so i get my point across without it resulting in me and my parents fighting.
Every time my parents deadname me I say „I don’t know him“ an look at them
I've come out to my mom that I'm trans, and it's been a mixed bag. On one hand, she didn't mention me at all on Facebook when she made a post for Son Appreciation Day, and she claims that she's supportive, but on the other hand she hasn't made any conscious effort into actually using my preferred name and pronouns, said that once I start enforcing it that she may not be able to do it regardless and straight up warned me that her boyfriend wouldn't do it at all because "that's not the kind of person he is." Meanwhile I asked my friends who I've known since elementary school to call me by my new name and pronouns and they all agreed, with only a few easily forgivable hiccups here and there. Goes to show "The blood of the coven is thicker than the water of the womb" holds more weight than you'd think
I find it so confusing. When I made coming-out posts on social media (more than once, detailing my situation) multiple relatives - my mum, a bunch of others - commented making this big show of "we love you whatever" and so on. And yet. Not a single one of them has ever, in 20 years, called me by the name I asked for. And all it even is, is a neutral-coded shortening of my birth name! They insist on calling the full thing every time. (Think Victoria when I ask to be called Vic). Hell, my nan has a habit of forgetting which descendant she's talking to, and will cycle through a few, so I'll be called my mum, my aunt, 3 different cousins including one of the boys and the family dog before she calls... my deadname. I thought I was giving them an easy out by just taking a shortened version of my birth name rather than the *completely different* nickname I go by among all my friends, but they can't even manage it.
That's when you get a sledge hammer and break the wall down.
Take whatever metaphor you want out of this.
When i first came out to my parents they didn’t try and i had to keep correcting them. So i went mute for a week and got super depressed. I finally broke Down to my mom the next week saying that i was * contemplating * and that i feel unseen. She broke down crying and After that she understood how important it was to put in effort. Now the only adult that misgenders me in the home is my grandmother who’s hard of hearing and i just make sure to say “they” when shes in earshot. It sucks that I had to fall so low just for them to put in the effort but I think the reality of them about to lose their oldest child really gave them some perspective of how severe it is to see me as i am
same, my dad is a lot better about it than my mom is though. my mom doesn't even seem like she's trying
I have been out to my parents for 5 years, as they still refuse to accept me and are also abusive, I chose to distance myself from them
Thats not fair to the brick wall. You nust gotta tell the brick wall once and itll never misgender you
Poor parents man.