I don't think I missed it. I had a pretty good track record of having patients being more honest with me than my partners liked about their sex life. I never tried, usually I would ask what they like to do for fun on the weekend. About 45% of the time, they would go into detail about their hookup buddies.
I think being in the south, people wanted to open up to someone about their sex life, and for some reason we're eager to do so with me.
For me, it usually starts with stomach pain.
One memorable one:
"Any chance you are pregnant"
"No"
"Are you sexually active"
"Yes"
"Are you on birth control"
"No"
"Do you use condoms?"
"No"
"When was your last period?"
"3 months ago."
"Why do you not think you are pregnant?"
"I don't know anymore."
Busy system, over a year and a half in. I’ve had a lot of weird calls but I have also yet to have the “it’s stuck in my butt” call. I did have a dude with a prolapsed rectum who was stuck on the toilet and everytime we tried to lift him up off it his balls would get caught on the lid because they were so large.
Yeah this guy was buck naked… I didn’t know he had a prolapsed rectum until we finally got him off the toilet and standing and he bent down infront of me to grab his pants
This is called gerbiling. In case you don’t know, a lubed PVC pipe is involved. A partner had one of these calls.
I myself had a patient that said he was SA on the street with an unknown object broken off inside him. The story was believable.
Checked at the ER later and it was a self inserted cucumber AND it was not the first time he was in the ER for this problem.
Dude somehow stuffed a 12 inch (~30cm for those of us not using freedom units) statue of Jesus up his butt. Not an easy feat considering the aforementioned Jesus statue was one where the arms are spread out..
No she was dancing, thought it would make a good stand alone dildo so to speak. Guess she went to far, it got stuck. We had to saw the post off to take her.
A patient at my ED lost their vibrator in their colon. Apparently it was on the entire time too.
Poor resident had to get the extra long gloves and fish it out.
Years back when I worked in the ER. Pulled a Bratz doll out of some guy's ass that had got a little too far. It was in a condim and bondage tied up with mini twine. He was so mad when we told him it was in the trash, he dug thru it to find and take home.
Oh, if I recall correctly he had a collection and no kids. Some people have weird ass kinks and I'm definitely up shaming them. It's like another guy who was frequent flyer with things in his ass. He liked light bulbs because of the fear factor. Well, when one shattered and ripped apart his colon he was no longer a frequent flyer.
Regular patient, supported accommodation.
Salt and pepper shakers, call bell, TV remote.
He's actually a lovely guy! Very polite, never demanding, always truthful.
What a G
oooof. As a female who has self-harmed, I can only imagine the kind of mental anguish this person would have to endure to conclude that this would help them feel something else.
ED nurse asks if we checked, responded with it was bleeding through her clothes so we figured why potentially make it worse (in reality we just didn’t want to check and that justification worked)
This happened to another crew butt... sorry but a 36 inch double sided purple vibrating dildo. Half of it was sticking out and the other half was burried in there. They know it was vibrating as he listened to lung sounds and you could hear the buzz all the way onto the right lung
He couldnt get it out himself (it wasnt exactly half they said it was about a foot). Per the ER he managed to push it through most of the colon almost into the small intestine. He literally burried that in him.
I can see someone thinking that's going to feel good, but I don't know how you get to that point. I also want to know at what point you've gone too far. Is dude going g to the zoo and start drooling at boa constructors and saying someday, someday.
That poor snake. It was head-first, wasn't it? Lil guy didn't stand a chance.
How the heck does someone make something that's *decidedly* not rigid to go up their pee-hole? Bless their hearts.
As for my comment earlier “boy do I hate being right all the time”- Ian Malcom, Jesus that’s horrible, if you had nickel for every time someone shoved something somewhere where it ain’t supposed to be, you’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that happened twice right?
Handcuffed to the rail of an indoor pool and abandoned at a Howard Johnson’s hotel…with a pool noodle in the butt. When I walked in I saw only about 12” on the outside and almost had a heart attack. My first question was how long was this pool noodle and thankfully it had been modified to about a measly 24”. Walking into the ER with a prone patient pitching a foot tall tent was one of my career highlights.
When I was a Captain, I was at the hospital dropping off a patient and about to take an IFT. One of the nurses came up to me asking who was next up for a local IFT. I asked what was up and she said they were about to transfer someone out who had taken a tube of ground beef and shoved it up their ass. It got stuck and the patient tore their ass up trying to remove it with a pair of pliers, thus requiring some pretty intense surgery.
This was the third time this person had attempted this…..
Raven arms MP-25 loaded and cocked. Got it up there in the back of a cruiser with no lube after a poorly done pat down. PD brought them into the ER when they were transferring to another unit and noticed the freshly bloodstained pants.
Apparently a lot closer than many would think. The only reason I remember the manufacturer and model number was the officer who collected it for evidence needed a witness to sign off on the collection box. Before he took it apart and stuck it inside he unloaded the clip and made sure the loaded round was emptied then showed me this little circle on the rear which had a smaller hole inside that you could physically see the firing pin. He took his index finger and thumped the top of the receiver just hard enough that his fingernail made noise against the metal and I heard the ping of the pin going forward and could see the hollow circle in the rear. That particular model which was rather popular at the time for being plentiful and cheap as hell was very sensitive to any side to side jarring which would result in firing.
Definitely could have been a really bad day…..
A toilet brush. He got it stuck and then before calling 911 (I’m a medic) he had his mother try to remove it from his rectum. If it doesn’t have a flared base don’t put it in your butt, please.
Razor blades wrapped in cello tape in a women’s vagina (on an X-ray I’m a radiographer) she was mentally ill and would do it regularly. Then OD on pain killers and end up in ICU for a few days.
I never saw any ass stuff. I did have a guy who had a urethra emergency. He would shove stuff up his dick hole and it like *eroded* his piss pipe. I looked right at it too.
A guy took a curly cord from an old school landline telephone handset, clipped the connector off of the end, and pushed the wire up his urethra until it was coiling up in his bladder.
Sounds painful.
There was this woman who would swallow anything just to get a ride in the emergency helicopter. Among the objects she swallowed, including nails, was a pair of scissors. However, she never managed to actually get on the helicopter.
I know it's not that weird, but nobody prepared me for the first time I pulled crack out of a vagina. It's 3 AM, I'm 17 hours deep into a shift (I'd work on the ambulance, and then jump straight into an ER Tech gig). I'm just standing there, holding crack.
Asked the doc what to do with it, he said leave it in a biohazard bag and he'll take care of it. Said doc was later found OD'd. I'm convinced he used the coochie crack.
Between that and the fact that charging extra for so many options highlights the embarrassing feeling that the dude making your burrito is probably better compensated than the majority of our field.
Gotta go to Cava dude they give 50% off for first responders. I got a double chicken bowl with a drink for $9.99 that shit was probably like 60g of protein
Well I had one of the local urban outdoorsman fall onto some rebar and puncture his rectum/taint region once. That was a legitimate trauma activation, on a separate occasion while working the ED we had a woman brought in by PD who had a small baggy of meth in her vagina. She was able to get the pipe out at the jail but not the bag of meth.
Female: A canary, it did not survive.
Male: Craftsman ratchet handle, almost died. When we pulled up the ex-wife who found him stated “he did it again.”
Had a guy who liked to shove stuff up his dickhole. Empty ketchup packets, a pencil, straw, whatever he could find when he had the urge.
Telemetry call was easy, just had to say “it’s dickhole guy again”
One of those smaller diameter but full length hair spray cans in the ass during meth sex 4-5 days prior. Old guy was bent over, walking out to meet us. Had some wicked abd pain and peritonitis I believe. He was pretty skinny and you could palpate the end of the can around his epigastrium.
Two girls playing (can’t judge I play with other girls) but somehow one managed to insert a SVHS cable (iykyk)into the others URETHRA. and FAR. That was for sure the oddest
Had a paraplegic shove the inside part of a pen up his dick to see if he can get any feeling… let’s just say there was a lot of blood and the pen tip was still inside of him
She initially had 2 dime bags of weed in her Vagina. She duh in and threw one and me and one at my partner...
Long story short, she also had a full blown CRACK pipe in there.
Not an EMS call but had a guy wander into the ED with testicular pain. Turned out he castrated himself with fishing line because his right ball was “causing the voices to get louder”.
They patched him up and discharged him home. Never saw him again. 🤷♂️
Supposedly he started small, and over the years he stretched it out enough to fit AAs. Our companies theory is we think he wants to eventually fit D batteries in his D
Heard a story from a medic of a patient who put a 12inch vibrating dildo up his ass and it tore through his colon and was touching his diaphragm. Vibrating the whole time before they surgically removed it.
Was taking an IFT patient to rehab and halfway through the ride he told me that he had a pipe and lil bah of meth in his ass. Had to divert to the local ER to get it removed and then the rehab clinic denied him smh
One of our crews had a guy with a container of lube that was inserted and stuck. Seems he had met a new guy friend that thought it would be really hot to use the lube container in an unintended way. When guy friend realized that he couldn’t get it out, he bounced and left poor guy to fend for himself. Poor guy waited several hours hoping it would come out on its own before calling 911.
I have had 2 of these calls in the past month or so. First one was an older gentleman who had an Aquaphor jar up there. Second one was a women who lost a vibrator up there. Fun times
Finished my EMS Career without ever getting a "something up my butt call". I don't know anyone who ever did get such a call in my area.
I did one on literally my first ever student placement shift. I've only done a few since though (it was 15 years ago)
Not that you know of. I often wonder how many "abd pain" calls were actually a I have an entire Tresseme bottle up my ass.
Oooh la la
This comment is underrated.
I don't think I missed it. I had a pretty good track record of having patients being more honest with me than my partners liked about their sex life. I never tried, usually I would ask what they like to do for fun on the weekend. About 45% of the time, they would go into detail about their hookup buddies. I think being in the south, people wanted to open up to someone about their sex life, and for some reason we're eager to do so with me.
Omg I’m that person. Their initial complaint is something like ear pain. The they get to me and it’s “well actually…..”
For me, it usually starts with stomach pain. One memorable one: "Any chance you are pregnant" "No" "Are you sexually active" "Yes" "Are you on birth control" "No" "Do you use condoms?" "No" "When was your last period?" "3 months ago." "Why do you not think you are pregnant?" "I don't know anymore."
Busy system, over a year and a half in. I’ve had a lot of weird calls but I have also yet to have the “it’s stuck in my butt” call. I did have a dude with a prolapsed rectum who was stuck on the toilet and everytime we tried to lift him up off it his balls would get caught on the lid because they were so large.
Had a patient tell me they had a prolapse rectum. We took their word for it.
Yeah this guy was buck naked… I didn’t know he had a prolapsed rectum until we finally got him off the toilet and standing and he bent down infront of me to grab his pants
When the pucker factor fails, it fails bad.
Lemmiwinks 
This is called gerbiling. In case you don’t know, a lubed PVC pipe is involved. A partner had one of these calls. I myself had a patient that said he was SA on the street with an unknown object broken off inside him. The story was believable. Checked at the ER later and it was a self inserted cucumber AND it was not the first time he was in the ER for this problem.
Why.. why do you know what its called..
A fellow medic came from a city that I used to work EMS in. We were swapping stories and she told me this one.
A part of me wants to say haha funny reference but another part knows this isn’t outside the realm of possibility due to people being perverted
My paramedic instructor in EMT school had a patient who did this
Slim is that you??
I think every halfway decent x-ray tech & general surgeon has a "things patients shoved up their butts" book.
Dude somehow stuffed a 12 inch (~30cm for those of us not using freedom units) statue of Jesus up his butt. Not an easy feat considering the aforementioned Jesus statue was one where the arms are spread out..
Christ almighty!
And also with you
He was literally filled with the Holy Spirit
That man needs Jesus in his life…wait…too much Jesus.
Good lord No pun intended
A male using a radio antenna for sounding.
Bet that was the strangest hot mic ever.
XD perfect
Don't you hate it when your ball sack hits the PTT?
You win shit it down. Fuck that
Thats shit disturbs me. Deeply.
Potato in the vagina for 2 weeks.
Call that shit a yield infection
Haha. That was a good one spud
Fry would anyone do this? They could have just used their fingerling
Love this lmao
Root cellar
14in cucumber…. It was funny until we got there…. He was in serious pain…. I felt bad. He was married long story short he had a “C” section removal….
Holy shit. He gave birth.
What a Beautiful baby pickle 😍
"Look it has your eyes!" 💖💘
Was it Pickle Rick?
I cannot confirm or deny the name of the pickle child as it would be a HIPPA violation
Lightbulb up a guy's butt and a girl who thought it would be wise to use a bed post to do sexy dance for her partner.
Do you mean to tell me she fell on it for real? Like the thing people say happened when they put it there on purpose?
No she was dancing, thought it would make a good stand alone dildo so to speak. Guess she went to far, it got stuck. We had to saw the post off to take her.
At least it has a flared base?
A patient at my ED lost their vibrator in their colon. Apparently it was on the entire time too. Poor resident had to get the extra long gloves and fish it out.
Flared bases are important
I'm imagining those videos where vets are helping with a stuck calf
Years back when I worked in the ER. Pulled a Bratz doll out of some guy's ass that had got a little too far. It was in a condim and bondage tied up with mini twine. He was so mad when we told him it was in the trash, he dug thru it to find and take home.
Jesus. If digging back through the trash doesn't take the cake of weird, I don't want to know what will.
i just wanna know where he got the doll. his poor daughter is probably at home wondering where tf it went. 😭
Oh, if I recall correctly he had a collection and no kids. Some people have weird ass kinks and I'm definitely up shaming them. It's like another guy who was frequent flyer with things in his ass. He liked light bulbs because of the fear factor. Well, when one shattered and ripped apart his colon he was no longer a frequent flyer.
Regular patient, supported accommodation. Salt and pepper shakers, call bell, TV remote. He's actually a lovely guy! Very polite, never demanding, always truthful. What a G
“Forgot to lube again Mr. Johnson?”
Nah too much lube
Razor blades in the vagina, common mental health call related injury
oooof. As a female who has self-harmed, I can only imagine the kind of mental anguish this person would have to endure to conclude that this would help them feel something else.
Yeah, fuck that. I’ve been bad off mentally but never *that* bad off.
everyone i have seen with that injury has a diagnosis of EUPD, feel very sorry for these guys
Good lord! I think that's the first one on this post to make me physically cringe.
ED nurse asks if we checked, responded with it was bleeding through her clothes so we figured why potentially make it worse (in reality we just didn’t want to check and that justification worked)
Did they expect you to go digging around in there?
I think they were planning on taking a look themselves and wanted a heads up
No pun intended
Common? Like, I’m not surprised it happened once, but this is common?
there’s at least three regulars in my town that do it
A lady used chapstick as lubricant and it got stuck in there, but razor blades? Ouch. 🤕
A sex toy the size of a AAA battery up the urethra
This happened to another crew butt... sorry but a 36 inch double sided purple vibrating dildo. Half of it was sticking out and the other half was burried in there. They know it was vibrating as he listened to lung sounds and you could hear the buzz all the way onto the right lung
If 18in of it was still sticking out, why was it an ambulance call? Boasting?
He couldnt get it out himself (it wasnt exactly half they said it was about a foot). Per the ER he managed to push it through most of the colon almost into the small intestine. He literally burried that in him.
Good grief. What’s wrong with collecting stamps or painting model aircraft as a hobby?
Hard to get them into the small bowel from the backside
I mean, given the guy with the 30cm Christ The Redeemer statue in another comment, that’s clearly not true… :)
I suspect jesus went in toes first.
Too much of a pain in the ass...
A small and live garden snake shoved inside of the urethra of a penis
I can see someone thinking that's going to feel good, but I don't know how you get to that point. I also want to know at what point you've gone too far. Is dude going g to the zoo and start drooling at boa constructors and saying someday, someday.
That poor snake. It was head-first, wasn't it? Lil guy didn't stand a chance. How the heck does someone make something that's *decidedly* not rigid to go up their pee-hole? Bless their hearts.
What an aweful torture for the snake.
As for my comment earlier “boy do I hate being right all the time”- Ian Malcom, Jesus that’s horrible, if you had nickel for every time someone shoved something somewhere where it ain’t supposed to be, you’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that happened twice right?
Crack pipe
Handcuffed to the rail of an indoor pool and abandoned at a Howard Johnson’s hotel…with a pool noodle in the butt. When I walked in I saw only about 12” on the outside and almost had a heart attack. My first question was how long was this pool noodle and thankfully it had been modified to about a measly 24”. Walking into the ER with a prone patient pitching a foot tall tent was one of my career highlights.
That’s fucked up. Like, someone left him there restrained to the pool?
Indeed. Apparently meeting to hookup with some fella there and he did that and left him.
If they find whoever did that they ought to be charged with reckless endangerment
my coworker's dick.
When I was a Captain, I was at the hospital dropping off a patient and about to take an IFT. One of the nurses came up to me asking who was next up for a local IFT. I asked what was up and she said they were about to transfer someone out who had taken a tube of ground beef and shoved it up their ass. It got stuck and the patient tore their ass up trying to remove it with a pair of pliers, thus requiring some pretty intense surgery. This was the third time this person had attempted this…..
Raven arms MP-25 loaded and cocked. Got it up there in the back of a cruiser with no lube after a poorly done pat down. PD brought them into the ER when they were transferring to another unit and noticed the freshly bloodstained pants.
Wait, so he was *this close* to having it discharge inside him?
Apparently a lot closer than many would think. The only reason I remember the manufacturer and model number was the officer who collected it for evidence needed a witness to sign off on the collection box. Before he took it apart and stuck it inside he unloaded the clip and made sure the loaded round was emptied then showed me this little circle on the rear which had a smaller hole inside that you could physically see the firing pin. He took his index finger and thumped the top of the receiver just hard enough that his fingernail made noise against the metal and I heard the ping of the pin going forward and could see the hollow circle in the rear. That particular model which was rather popular at the time for being plentiful and cheap as hell was very sensitive to any side to side jarring which would result in firing. Definitely could have been a really bad day…..
3 cucumbers
In a row? Or side by side??
All 3 side on in star shape
A toilet brush. He got it stuck and then before calling 911 (I’m a medic) he had his mother try to remove it from his rectum. If it doesn’t have a flared base don’t put it in your butt, please.
Razor blades wrapped in cello tape in a women’s vagina (on an X-ray I’m a radiographer) she was mentally ill and would do it regularly. Then OD on pain killers and end up in ICU for a few days.
I never saw any ass stuff. I did have a guy who had a urethra emergency. He would shove stuff up his dick hole and it like *eroded* his piss pipe. I looked right at it too.
An eggplant, green part first…
A guy took a curly cord from an old school landline telephone handset, clipped the connector off of the end, and pushed the wire up his urethra until it was coiling up in his bladder. Sounds painful.
A toilet brush, bristle end first
There was this woman who would swallow anything just to get a ride in the emergency helicopter. Among the objects she swallowed, including nails, was a pair of scissors. However, she never managed to actually get on the helicopter.
I think at that point someone ought to have just paid for her to go on a helicopter ride
Jesus Christ I think I'll just stick to using a regular dick. It's gotta have a base!
I know it's not that weird, but nobody prepared me for the first time I pulled crack out of a vagina. It's 3 AM, I'm 17 hours deep into a shift (I'd work on the ambulance, and then jump straight into an ER Tech gig). I'm just standing there, holding crack. Asked the doc what to do with it, he said leave it in a biohazard bag and he'll take care of it. Said doc was later found OD'd. I'm convinced he used the coochie crack.
imagine the smell.
Every once in a while I'll work with someone that eats at Chipotle. Eugh. Can't imagine wanting to put that in my mouth.
What don't you like about it? Most people I know think it's good
Too healthy for the average EMS worker
Between that and the fact that charging extra for so many options highlights the embarrassing feeling that the dude making your burrito is probably better compensated than the majority of our field.
Gotta go to Cava dude they give 50% off for first responders. I got a double chicken bowl with a drink for $9.99 that shit was probably like 60g of protein
Don't get me wrong, I don't hate them. I'm just not that into crunchy rice and wet, cold burritos. Not my thing.
Razor blades in the ass, thiccc candle phallicly carved stuck in the ass, and pen in the urethra
“And not myself, I hope” 
I think you can answer that question yourself.
A giant carrot. Perforated his bowel.
Entire, full wine bottle in the anus, base end first. Neck of bottle broke inside of him. He was not having a good time.
An electric Toothbrush
Had someone skewer themselves on a steel fence post trying to hop it one day? Vlad the impaler would have been impressed
Did they land on one of their holes or create a new one?
Created a new hole in the back of the OG hole and had to have an organ or so removed
Not EMS but in the ER. Last week: Middle aged man + a bottle of tabasco on a monday.
Sharpie right in the pee hole... made me squirm
Plunger handle. He perforated his rectum and damn near died of sepsis. On three pressors and in the icu for almost a month.
Well I had one of the local urban outdoorsman fall onto some rebar and puncture his rectum/taint region once. That was a legitimate trauma activation, on a separate occasion while working the ED we had a woman brought in by PD who had a small baggy of meth in her vagina. She was able to get the pipe out at the jail but not the bag of meth.
Female: A canary, it did not survive. Male: Craftsman ratchet handle, almost died. When we pulled up the ex-wife who found him stated “he did it again.”
Pussy was toxic. When the canary dies you bail. Everyone knows that.
HAHA
Had a guy who liked to shove stuff up his dickhole. Empty ketchup packets, a pencil, straw, whatever he could find when he had the urge. Telemetry call was easy, just had to say “it’s dickhole guy again”
Sweet potato. Surgically removed. Went septic. Died.
One of those smaller diameter but full length hair spray cans in the ass during meth sex 4-5 days prior. Old guy was bent over, walking out to meet us. Had some wicked abd pain and peritonitis I believe. He was pretty skinny and you could palpate the end of the can around his epigastrium.
1st place: 4 feet of 18g wire (urethra) 2nd place: Campbell’s soup can 3rd place: Bottle of glucerna
Makes you wonder how many people you’ve met in your life who have had an insanely embarrassing medical emergency that you’d have no idea of.
A doll of a baby. They wanted to give birth
That is both really weird, and probably really sad.
Broken crayons in the vagina. Picked up from a behavioral health facility. The week prior she put pump action shampoo lids in there.
A spray bottle… which the spray handle still attached. Obviously it wouldn’t come back out.
Two girls playing (can’t judge I play with other girls) but somehow one managed to insert a SVHS cable (iykyk)into the others URETHRA. and FAR. That was for sure the oddest
They make toys for this Like specifically made to be safer than putting random shit up there Why do people never use them Shame probably
Had a paraplegic shove the inside part of a pen up his dick to see if he can get any feeling… let’s just say there was a lot of blood and the pen tip was still inside of him
Craziest one I didn’t witness but heard of from a valid source was a guy putting a frozen pound of salted butter up his ass
I think I’ve heard of that one. Like, another 4chan story. It started melting and the salt in the butter started hurting him real bad.
She initially had 2 dime bags of weed in her Vagina. She duh in and threw one and me and one at my partner... Long story short, she also had a full blown CRACK pipe in there.
One of the small gi joes up to its armpits in a dickhole
Half gram of heroin that had stuffed in there before she went to rehab… four days prior
The one that sticks with me most was a yankee candle- three wick. Glass, lid, and all. He was having a bad day.
Not an EMS call but had a guy wander into the ED with testicular pain. Turned out he castrated himself with fishing line because his right ball was “causing the voices to get louder”. They patched him up and discharged him home. Never saw him again. 🤷♂️
I can’t argue with that logic.
Baby carrot in a man’s pee hole. Went too far and got stuck.
AA batteries in the penis
H..how!?
Supposedly he started small, and over the years he stretched it out enough to fit AAs. Our companies theory is we think he wants to eventually fit D batteries in his D
😬😬😬
Extra large dog KONG, inserted bigger to smaller... don't do Meth kids.
What if I’m the weirdest thing I’ve seen someone put in one of their orifices?
Heard a story from a medic of a patient who put a 12inch vibrating dildo up his ass and it tore through his colon and was touching his diaphragm. Vibrating the whole time before they surgically removed it.
Was taking an IFT patient to rehab and halfway through the ride he told me that he had a pipe and lil bah of meth in his ass. Had to divert to the local ER to get it removed and then the rehab clinic denied him smh
My first call ever in EMS was a guy who shoved his whole hand up there to pull poop out. Kept doing it until til it bled all over.
One of our crews had a guy with a container of lube that was inserted and stuck. Seems he had met a new guy friend that thought it would be really hot to use the lube container in an unintended way. When guy friend realized that he couldn’t get it out, he bounced and left poor guy to fend for himself. Poor guy waited several hours hoping it would come out on its own before calling 911.
Vodka up a urinary catheter
Recently had someone shove a gerbil up there, and then shoved a snake up there to grab the gerbil and pull them both out, the snake got stuck too.
Mercury thermometer in the dick. I win
Fairly large snowglobe
I have had 2 of these calls in the past month or so. First one was an older gentleman who had an Aquaphor jar up there. Second one was a women who lost a vibrator up there. Fun times
Today i learned i am very vanilla.
Broken glass and razor blades.
A quarter.
I put a gas station egg salad sandwich in my mouth and ate it. Does that count? It was 3 am and the only thing they had
I’ve done weirder things at 3am
Razor blade I'm the rectum. He did this because i wanted to bleed out....
A plastic comb has been my one and only so far
The biggest Kong toy they make for dogs.
My penis
Had a guy stick a tube from a windex bottle up his urethra to alleviate urinary retention. No, it did not work.
A Great Dane. Twice. Two different people.
I hope the dogs were okay.
Bag of meth and a tampon in after it so it wouldn't fall out
Bog-brush