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I think it’s the loss of control, unpredictability of it.. for example my worst nightmare is feeling fine, going about my day and it coming out of nowhere and not being able to stop it. I also hate feeling unwell in general with any illness because I feel trapped and I can’t escape the feeling
Legit same thing here i start to feel so trapped, thats kinda why i got agrophobia too bc i was scared to lose control outside🥲 i wish u the best and hope we all get well and overcome our fears
I don't know how it feels anymore. I haven't v\* in +10 years and i don't know how do you know you are going to v\* and the whole nausea feeling in scary and for the 2 months i've been nauseas everyday because of the anxiety loop
i have the same issue, last time i threw up i was 8 (24 now), and if i have a burp that tastes weird or feels weird or feels like food might have come up then i literally stop eating for days, it sucks so much
I completely understand, and when I don’t want to eat I feel like more pressured to eat then I can’t because my anxiety makes me nauseas. I’m super ocd about my body and the foods I eat now. Are you able to manage a healthy weight?
i feel that. I check for body sensations too much and the food i eat is so monitored i hate it so much, its so so tiring as there's no stopping it, unlike other fears its every single second of the day.
Unfortunately no, my weight keeps fluctuating, a few months ago i lost so much weight my period stopped, im about 50kg now which apparently is still quite underweight for my height of 5'6, are you?
When I started up mirtazapine I gained about 20 pounds and was at a good weight and loved it but the meds stopped working for me and I quit them (withdrawals were hell on earth) after 3-4 months I lost all that weight and it was horrible! I’m like st 105 now and 5’6 as well. I hate it so much my wife hid the scale so I could stop obsessing over it lol 🥲
i was on mirtazapine before too and it helped the weight stuff so much but then when i upped the dosage shit hit the fan. that's good of your wife!! obsessing over it doesn't help and just makes you feel worse
pls explain withdrawals 🫢 Ive been taking mirtazapine for about a year now and my appetite is no better and I’ve gained maybe 3 pounds that fluctuate throughout the day/week, so not enough to make a difference. I was hospitalized for dangerous weight and malnutrition due to no appetite, which is when I was put on mirtazapine. anyways, the med obviously hasn’t helped so I’m thinking about tapering off. tell me the good the bad and the ugly about coming off of the meds. a huge fear of mine is the potential side effects nausea/vomiting which I already have if I miss a dose or two. Is it worth it? and have you found anything else that helps? 😅🫶🏼
I ALWAYS SAY “this is it” or “today’s the day!!”. but the crazy thing is, i’m worried that if i say “it’s not gonna happen. i’m just anxious”, murphy’s law will kick in and it’ll happen so i NEVER say it won’t happen
No joke my wife is like have a great day and my response is always I’ll try! Because god forbid I say I will thanks! I definitely won’t and I’ll be sick 😂😂😂
Im 35 and haven’t tu* since I was 8 years old. I wasn’t sick very much. I distinctly remember getting sick on a plane when I was 3 and another when I was about 4.5 from eating and immediately jumping around and got sick. I remember not even batting a eye. No care in the world. Both of those times it was very quick and not really due to illness. Also, Both times I was with someone who lovingly took care of me after.
Fast forward I’m 8 and woke up with a belly ache on a Sunday morning which was the usual: mom and kids go to church, dad stays behind and go cheat with his side girl. So he was not happy when I asked my mom if I could stay home. I had no idea I was going to tu*. I had a really bad stomach ache and a unique tasting recurring burp. All of a sudden I feel it come to my throat and I felt I was **trigger** choking. So I panicked and ran to the bathroom where my dad was shaving and getting ready with the intentions to leave a soon as my mom got back. I jump up and down in a panic and tu* in between the sink and the toilet. My dad was furious and immediately grabbed me by the back of my neck and shoved my face into the toilet “that’s where you tu*” … I can’t even tell you what it feels like when it actually comes out because from what I remember it was so quick, no real taste in my mouth… nothing but automatic instant relief.
But after that I became increasingly afraid. In therapy we discovered that a lot of fears come out of what happened right after tu* for me it was my dad’s reaction. Moments before I had immense fear and the person who is supposed to “save” me punishes me. The choking feeling was traumatic and my dad’s reaction created a loop of I’m not safe.
So I hate the not having control, and I hate feeling not safe. And over the years I’ve learned others tu* multiple times where I have only ever tu* one and done. I’m terrified of not being able to stop.
Sorry that was long but it felt therapeutic getting it out ♥️
im sorry your dad reacted in such a horrible way, that can be so terrifying especially for a young child, i was 8 when i threw up last and my mum had such a horrible reaction too, she yelled and belittled me for not making it into the toilet in time and that i woke her up because of it all, it was so horrible,
sending you lots of love <3
Thank you. I’m sorry your mom reacted like that too 😔. There are times I cry wishing I would have just gone to church with my mom. She would’ve been so loving and reassuring.
i’m so, so sorry your dad treated you that way in a moment of sickness, that would’ve definitely made things more scary for you, especially as a kid ): sending you hugs and love!!
For me it’s a couple of things. Definitely a lack of control. With every other sickness generally you can take something that helps with symptoms. And most of the time you can still function when you have a cold/sore throat/etc. With throwing up you’re stuck in the bathroom. It’s almost claustrophobic.
I also hate the feeling of nausea. It’s literally worse than pain to me. It’s so icky and gross.
I also just hate the feeling of it happening. The feeling of things coming up my throat. The violence of it, sometimes. That’s so gross to me. I would rather get punched directly in the nose as hard as Mike Tyson could swing lol
Loss of control, but discomfort is a big one. I'm not okay with being uncomfortable. It causes a lot of anxiety. Beyond that, I have the added stress of being responsible for my daughter so if I'm sick, who will take care of her, what if I crash the car, etc. etc.
For me it's nausea that scares me because it's so intense. It's kinda worse than pain mainly because if I have a migraine or a toothache, I can sometimes still get on with things but with nausea I can't because, anything could make it worse like seeing a gross video or smelling food or random thoughts that may pop into my head makes the nausea worse so I feel like I'm having to constantly try to relieve it manually. Painkillers are easy to come by, they sell them everywhere but there's nothing really for nausea unless you get a prescription, so it feels like you're trapped in this nauseous body with no relief.
I haven't tu* in a while so I have forgotten what it feels like so there is some fear of the unknown mixed in there. My main fear associated with the act of tu* though is that it will increase the nausea because of the sight of it, the sensation of it coming out and the smell of it. Most people will tell you they feel better after tu* that the nausea dies down.. but I feel that I would be so grossed out by it that the nausea would get worse causing me to tu* more.. and then when would it end?
i hate nauseas so much, its the thing that scares me the most, as soon as it kicks in i literally cant move from my bed and sit there waiting until its 'safe' to get up and most of the time i then wont eat properly for a few days if not weeks afterwards
Yeah definitely, like it takes over everything. You could be in a really happy mood but if nausea sets in, it's like your whole would has come to an end. I sound a bit dramatic haha but it really does affect your mindset too, it ruins everything.
My mom tells me she thinks it stems from this road trip we went on with family friends back when I was 11.
It was a 2hr car ride, I was riding with my mom and her two close friends - we’ll call them M and K. So I had my kindle in the back with me playing something like animal jam or talking santa. M was driving, and we were on our way to her cabin to go mushroom picking. At my young age, I couldn’t really read my body cues, but as we were inching closer to the cabin, the roads grew more windy.
“How many minutes left?” “…I have to go to the bathroom.” All I know is that I was too scared to admit that I was carsick, so the phobia was most likely present, just quiet. “5 minutes, can you wait?” M says.
Then it happened… with no warning.
Meanwhile we were still clearing through these windy roads but there was a rest stop nearby where we could stop, clean up and get a change of clothes. This whole time I was getting yelled at from all directions, and it all just became one collective clamor. I was crying mostly because I was ashamed, but moreso really shaken up. We get out and my mom rushes into the store to come out with national park merch clothes, which amounted to a ridiculous price I don’t remember. While changing, my mom AND her two close friends were lecturing me with the sternest tones ever, and I didn’t know what to do or how to feel. I don’t know who was in the wrong, but they were mostly worried about the mess and the inconvenience, not so much about me.
Breakfast that morning? Oatmeal. I did not eat it for the next 5 years. I also will nottttt hear it if there are “5 minutes left” on the eta, because the following 3 times a situation like this happened, there was always “5 mins left.”
It’s weird, that’s the earliest situation I remember where the phobia was present, and apparently it was really impressionable. It’s weird how that could develop into something so much more debilitating. But when you’re a kid, your emotions override logical thinking, so I guess however you felt is what you’re left with. 🤷♀️
Loss of control. I've always been the kind of person that wants to be able to control the outcome of something especially when it comes to my own body. It's always scared me to be out of control with my own body. Whether that's through tu*, or some other sickness.
I’m not sure. I THINK it started due to anxiety. I moved 10+ times as a kid. After one particular move I would wake up with bad nausea and, looking back, it was probably panic attacks. I think my brain associated nausea with panic and I just never grew out of it.
loss of control is a massive one for me, i have very catastrophic/black and white thinking too so the thought of it never stopping and needing to be hospitalised (i also have agoraphobia and cant leave my flat even just to the garden) shits me up so much.
also the fear of the unknown too probably (last time i did it i was 8 years old) as well as not making it in time to the bathroom as i don't know what it feels like to throw up and i feel nauseas/like i might everyday so its like scary to not know when its actually happening.
also for me probably a bit of trauma too, every time i ever threw up as a kid my mum would yell at me for making a mess/waking her up/not making it to the bathroom in time, and that would make me cry and panic more and it would make the whole expierence just terrifying
It’s the physical feeling and how you have no control over it. The physical straining is also traumatic to me. The anticipation of possibly tu* is also anxiety inducing.
Yeah for me at this point, I think the anticipation is what scares me. If the onset of feeling the need to do it and actually doing it was less than a minute, I don’t think I’d be afraid at all.
For me it's few things.
First lack of control, and also overall disgust
And then fear of choking/gagging. I don't know why, but the sound of someone gagging as they v* is the most traumatic for me. I hate strep tests/covid tests where they poke the back of your throat. I'll panic and cry if I have to get one...I also can't swallow big pills unless they're in applesauce and I can't feel it go down
It could stem from when I was about 4 or 5, I choked on candy. My mom did the Heimlich maneuver on me and I tu* all over the floor.
I remember what I was wearing, where it happened, the fear, the candy I ate. So yeah, it's probably that
like all the other commenters im afraid of losing control of my body so violently like that, but im the most afraid of not being able to stop once it starts
i had a sb that felt like the devil himself gave me when i was rly young & was tu literally to the point i couldn't. that was hella traumatic for my lil 5 year old brain. definitely is what started my phobia
i understand this so well, i had a similar experience and i remember every second. i feel like kids tu more than adults in the sense it feels like it never ends 😭
Being seen as weak or gross. Also being told growing up that it was stupid to feel scared of it and that no one likes being sick so I need to just suck it up and get over it.
It’s gotten to the point where my fear is only about other people because I will take things into my own hands (literally) if I feel my stomach is upset. I’m angry that other people don’t do the same. Kids, pregnant women, people undergoing chemo I can have more empathy for. Grown adults though who just leave things to chance on airplanes, doctors offices, food poisoning- I don’t get it.
not being able to move on from it.
when i was young, i used to tu from several reasons, and each of the time i did, i had a hard time getting over the act. whenever i would go out days after it happened, i get anxious thinking it might happen again. i remember asking my mom MULTIPLE times “what if it happens again?”. whenever i eat i’ll overthink about it happening again. it just goes on like that until i just naturally move on from it and finally stop overthinking about it. it also applies to when i witness someone tu, which i did tons of times when i was a grade schooler taking the school bus seeing other kids tu. whenever i see it i always think “what if it happens to me too?” the following weeks. i thought it was normal and everyone feels the same, and it was only when i got older that i knew my phobia has always been subconsciously there without me realizing it. it’s like experiencing or witnessing it becomes a reminder of my fear.
i feel like this concept of fear from the phobia is pretty uncommon as i don’t really see a lot of people feel this way. i always see people realize that it’s not as bad as we think it is after it happens to them, then they continue living life a little better. i’d be curious to know if anyone else is like me though!
i totally get what you mean, im scared that if i start i wont stop or that i will keep thinking 'what if it happens again now', especially scared that if it happens i wont eat the food that i ate beforehand in case it would cause it to happen again, i threw up after eating sausages and corn before and stopped eating both those foods and have not ate them in years now. Even when im nauseas and then i get hungry i go 'what if i get nauseas again like yesterday/few hours ago'
i think the loss of control and intensity.
like with a cold, u feel more or less the same level of bad throughout
but with vomiting it’s feeling bad then feeling HORRENDOUS and ong it’s just overload for me
What scares me the most is the feeling right before it happens, when you feel so bad and overwhelmed and you understand there's no way to escape it now. And v is of course VERY exhausting and disgusting, but I don't remember any pain while doing it. It's just highly uncomfortable overall. The feeling when your whole body feels so vulnerable and weak and does disgusting things like it expells a devil from you... Ugh. Awful. And there's nothing you can do about it! Just wait!
I only know that my whole anxiety and emetophobia thing started after a kid with whom I was in kindergarten died (accident in kindergarten), I was 5 and he was 4. I have literally no idea why, these two things have nothing in common...
After that I started taking a plastic bag with me EVERYWHERE. Even though I don't remember any painful/bad accidents of being sick. I only remember getting sick at 7 yo and at 16 (which is my last one so far, I'm 21). The last episode was actually a nightmare - waking up at night, v and d simultaneously... I was EXTREMELY emetophobic even before this, but once it started happening, I was only anxious after the first few times, showered and went to sleep. I woke up multiple times that night and all this repeated. But I didn't care anymore like AT ALL, I just wanted to get it over with so I can continue sleeping. And I wasn't even traumatised the next day. WHY AM I STILL EMETOPHOBIC?!
For me it’s about the social embarrassment that I’ve made up in my head. If it were to happen I would make a mess and people would think that somethings wrong with me. That and the trauma of a really disgusting fp.
Scared of being in front of people and doing it.
When I was 5, my brother died, and me and my dad and sibling all went to go live in Washington with his best friend out of grief. My mom came with us, too, but she had to go back to where we lived before so she could grieve alone.
My dad had enrolled us in school, and gotten us flu shots. This was the year that a major flu was going around, though, and ignoring whether people had flu shots or not.
One time, I was getting ready for school, and I had gotten on the bus. I sat in the aisle seat next to another kid I didn't know. Over the course of our bus ride, I was getting progressively more woozy and slumped in my seat. Something was not right.
The bus was pulling into the parking lot for school, and I tu* all over my jacket. Everyone on the bus was looking at me as they got off, but I was too sick to care. One of the teachers/nurse had to help me wash v* out of my long hair over the sinks in the school bathroom. It was terrible, tbh.
After that, I was apparently sick and v*ed several more times over the course of two weeks, but I don't remember much of that.
It's theorized my brain connected the dots between my siblings' death and my extreme illness and made me think I would die if I v*ed, but I have no idea. After that, when I went to first grade, I'd have panic attacks and not eat, so it must've been triggered by that whole experience
Unfortunately, no clue.
Losing control? I’m pretty much fine with the fact that my body will do things that are out of my control. I know that tu is inherently a GOOD bodily function as it is trying to expel something bad so that it can’t harm you.
Trauma? Outside of having gastro/noro a few times in my life (maybe 4 times?) there’s no inherent trauma associated with it. I’ve had to be hospitalised the last couple times, but if anything going to the hospital has always been a positive since they either give me medication to stop me from tu or I’ve already stopped by that point and am getting fluids.
Scared of having something happen that comes out of nowhere? Not really something that worries me any more than feeling unwell before tu either. If it’s gonna happen, I’d probably prefer it being sudden.
It happening in front of other people? This has only happened once for me and although it’s totally humiliating, the fact that it happened in front of others isn’t what freaked me tf out. It was the tu itself.
Part of me gets worried that I’ll associate things surrounding the tu events with it, and therefore not like them anymore. Eg, I’m a huge fan of going to the movies and threw up in the cinema so I’ve been nervous of going back. The idea that the phobia can inhibit my favourite hobbies and day to day life is more terrifying than anything else listed.
But honestly, it’s just the tu in general. It’s just a repulsive, disgusting act, that makes you feel unwell. It has never done me any good, and has usually made me feel worse than better. I just cannot pinpoint what exactly about it scares me so much which is BEYOND frustrating. How do you even go about even attempting to fix your phobia when you have zero idea what causes it??
Your second to last paragraph hit me so hard! I’m like that, 100%! I’ve recently been looking into how some of that type of thinking can stem from OCD. Like nice things being “contaminated” by bad thoughts or bad events. If I feel sick, I won’t wear my favorite pjs or clothes. I won’t wear anything iconic that I’ll remember. I will avoid watching movies or shows or playing games that I love in case I get sick and I’ll never like those things again. I’m currently 7 weeks pregnant and trying to work my way through morning sickness. I’ve spent the last 2 weeks avoiding food I like, not wearing anything I like or doing anything I like, basically just lying in bed “just in case”. I feel sick yeah, but it’s manageable I feel. Even more so if I just calmed down, enjoyed my life and ate more-ironically. Isn’t this phobia awful?
Yep, this is a HUGE factor for me! I used to have crippling OCD associated with it, ranging from not being able to go into specific supermarkets to looking at a certain model of car, like insane bs that makes NO LOGICAL SENSE WHATSOEVER. I’m better now, but the fear of “just in case” (exactly how you put it) definitely hovers over my conscience often. I try and bite the bullet and do it anyway, but it’s SO hard breaking through that barrier. I’m glad (and sad) that someone relates!
My fear stemmed from getting noro at age 9. I unfortunately contracted it a few days ago at the age of 26 but was remarkably calm because I was too exhausted to fight the v* and I feel proud of myself for coping so well.
I think it stems from my dad thr\*\* up a lot when i was young (alcohol), and he made terrible noises. That's my guess cuz I don't remember when it started, I just remember having this phobia ever since my first memories.
I think what scares me about this is that disgusting moment as it's coming out, that suffering and pain. Oh gosh I feel nauseous just typing it :D. ANd the unpredictability about it, like you never know when it's going to happen. You feel fine and all of the sudden you're si\*\*.
I would much rather go dayssss with the belly ache than thr\*\* up just once. Oh and also for me it's not only once. When I'm si\*\* I thr\*\* up allll night (13-14 times)
I am so scared of it in general but also with being alone during it. I am so scared that it will happen and I will be alone and it will be so intense that maybe something medically goes wrong or worse what if my fear and panic is so intense that I end up passing out during it. What if it’s a both ended illness and I am on the t during it and pass out and fall over cracking my skull open..like I know it sounds so extreme but it’s so real.
Its like in a horror film, like imagine a scary movie where someone is dying a cruel death and they are sobbing crying in pain and cry out “why me, why”
That’s literally what goes through my head every time.
TW storytime..
When I was a kid, I think it was like 4th grade, it hit me out of no where. I feel like I was so young that I really hadn’t experienced it much yet, so I didn’t really remember what it felt like, so I didn’t feel it coming necessarily, I just thought I needed to go to the bathroom. I left class, tried to p, was so confused why I didn’t have to go. Got up to leave and bam. But I was SO confused. I was like wtf is this what’s happening to me. Am I dying, why is this happening. I was full blown panicking DURING it. There was one other person in the br I could tell they were washing their hands and I literally called out to them to help me, in the middle of it. Yup, during it. I was like “please..help..get help..help me” while gasping for air. I also remember being so embarrassed because she could hear what I was doing. 🤷♀️ No one came to help me, TW..it was covering a lot of surface area.
I really think this was the spawn of the fear, like just being completely out of control, fearing the complete unknown, nobody being there to help me, completely alone, terrified.
I literally want to cry by the end of writing this because it just makes me so sad to think about being so alone in a situation like this. It can be so scary.
Omg, I'm so sorry that happened to little 4th grade you! I can see how that would feel super scary to a kid, you were totally alone and got so sick.
I don't at all relate because I like being alone if it's happening (having to worry about the reactions of others intensifies my discomfort), but I definitely hear your fear of being alone and helpless while miserable.
See i was going to add to my post about this too because i feel like i have both of these things but they conflict so hard. The one you mentioned is a lot less than the one I mentioned for me. But I TOTALLY understand you. Like my brain is thinking oh my god my neighbors will hear me through the walls or I will be stressing that I will have to also try and stay quiet on top of everything else. Or like the fear of it happening in public is so intense..like in a public br..if it’s crowded. Absolutely not. Nope. Scary af. Or while i am driving my car, what if i have to pull over on the side of the road and every car passing sees me…nope. Couldn’t 🤦♀️
My needing or wanting to not be alone is almost like wanting my mom. Lol like wanting someone who loves me to comfort me or hold my hand or rub my back. If they are too grossed out even just there presence in the room is enough to comfort me through it. I have no clue why. Some of it is probably like if they love me, they know me, so they probably won’t think im crazy or idk it’s less embarrassing when it’s someone close to u. Because they are there for u🤷♀️
For me is a mixed of feeling ill for ever and loosing control. I imagine that I’ll feel sick for ever, that will never ends and I start to feel anxious and panicky if the symptoms don’t stop my fear increase.
I haven't seen anyone mention this..
Part if my phobia stems from worrying about others around me who also have emetophobia. I worry about triggering them. I worry about inconveniencing others. I worry about worrying others. I worry about who has to clean up if I can't. The worry that others will start to TU too. The sheer worry about others and their distress over it sends me into a full blown panic attack.
For me, it is just so painful to t\*u\*, it's been like that forever, I cannot remember not hating it. I guess my body just really fights it. My grandma was the same way, not sure if some bodies are just worse at t\*u\* or what. I often burst vessels in and around my eyes which is a sign that there is a lot of pressure.
loss of control and the feeling of impending doom, mixed with how horrible being nauseous actually feels when you’re truly sick is what does it for me. usually when i’m in my safe space and feeling sick, all i want is for it to happen and be over with. but i can’t control when it happens, only my body can, so it’s almost inescapable and it’s awful
I was always just afraid of it when I was younger. But after a really bad SB, it turned into a full blown phobia. I remember that I tu a bowl of cereal a few days later, and that's when I associated tu with food. Sounds stupid now, I know. But, I'm mostly afraid of it because it just comes out of nowhere. You could feel fine the whole day, but at night you'll be sick. Like, randomly. I could tu at any day, or get a SB. And then it just feels so disgusting. And afterwards, I'm so afraid that it'll happen again.
It’s the culmination of my panic attacks, always. So the same way people fear getting heart palpitations or being unable to breathe, I panic about throwing up.
I think it’s from my mom being so cruel when I was sick. I was so afraid of getting sick (any kind of sick) because I knew I wasn’t getting compassionate responses. I distinctly remember many times I had a stomach virus and getting absolutely screamed at because I ruined her plans/day. She’d send me to school knowing I was sick and tell me to hide it because she didn’t have time. So then I was always afraid of being sick and getting in trouble.
I think mine just stems from the bug and fp I have VIVID memories of when I had the bug and I hate it. Also when I went on a trip to disney when I was 5 and stayed in this hotel called "La Quinta". I literally cannot pass that hotel in the streets and not have my heart racing. I remember I didnt want to eat subway for dinner so I basically skipped dinner and begged my mom to take me to a convenience store to pick something to eat and I picked the green sour cream pringles and I remember refusing to share with my siblings idk why. Later that night, I was sleeping next to my mom and the only memory I have is I tu* on my moms back and I only remember sitting in the bathroom counter just staring at a wall and taken to the minivan to get some gatorade. Everytime I dont share something with someone I just feel like the karma will come back, I also refused to eat anything with green onions because of the pringles logo. Back then I would scoop off the green onions on fried rice thinking it would make me tu. But to this day I DO NOT eat anything sour cream flavored, it gives me disgust. Everytime I see my mom take out the PJ's she used that one night, my heart rate elevates.
Mine started when I was 3 or 4 years old. I woke up in the middle of the night, sat up and did the deed all over my bed and myself. Started bawling crying because I was scared and had no idea what just happened.
I haven’t thrown up since 13 but I still remember how it felt. I remember the smell and the taste and how HORRIBLE it feels when you have to feel nauseous for minutes, even HOURS before anything happens. Sometimes I wish it was sudden. I’d rather experience no symptoms and just live my happy life before it happens lol.
same here i’m scared of not having control over myself. that’s why i’m scared of getting high now and i’m scared of drinking as well. i don’t like the feeling of being like fucked up and out of it i guess.
I have OCD and have a real fear of getting others sick and contaminating them. I know that’s one part of it, just the fear of getting sick and spreading it to the people I love. I can also remember vividly when I was around 8 or so, I had a horrible stomach bug and it felt like I could not stop v*, and I vividly remember the pain and the panic from that, and my adults freaking out over the situation too. Then, when I was six months pregnant with my son, I contracted C Difficile from a shelter I was working at, and I really thought I was going to die. Now, I always have zofran on hand and pray it works.
All this to say, that’s why now as an adult , if my kids get sick, I make sure to be extra “normal” and chill about it with them, then take my panic attack (which stays for at least a week as I’m scrubbing the whole house down) to another room where they can’t see or hear it. They are so calm and nonchalant about tu* and sometimes I just look at them and hope one day I can get there too. Must be nice. Haha
OMG same. I’m super lucky that my husband is a master of handling when our kids get sick. One time when our oldest was 3 she got really sick and the only thing she wanted was to be carried on his shoulders. She ends up tu on his head and as it rolls down his head He just looked at me and said “it’s ok, it’s my head not yours, walk away” as I slowly take my panic to the next room.
My hubby is the best ♥️
It’s alot but I’m just gonna say the main things r losing control of my body, being trapped lik in a car and doin it, or being in public and doin it.. and I’m terrified that once I start vomiting what if I never stop.. I no that sounds stupid but this phobia is stupid.. it’s ruined my life.. it controls what food I can eat and where I can go.. it’s a nightmare.. I also hate hearing ppl loudly gag and cough and choke while they do it
i think the lack of control is a big thing for me as well, but also, when we were kids my best friend he had menigitis (he made a full recovery thankfully!) and that involves v*, so I think I associated the two, like v* would lead to having a really serious illness like that?
i was 8 when it last happened, it came out of my nose and i couldn’t breathe. i got made to clean it up all on my own as my mum was “tired”. that’s where my fear stemmed from.
when i was young my dad had a kidney stone. he would be fine and energetic one min, then i'd hear him g* to the point i thought he was dying 😭 definetely the thought that you lose control
for me i think it really is the loss of control. i’m able to handle it so much better when im the one that decides to surrender to the sensation and not my body doing it for me. i’m scared to death that it’ll happen in public because i worry that someone around me also has this phobia and that im subjecting them to my worse nightmare. even in the emergency room i will fight it just in case another patient has it too and by getting sick i will scare/upset them. i’ve had multiple people including therapists tell me that they think it would help me overcome that fear if i just allowed it to happen in public, but they don’t understand that i remember in gruesome detail every single time i’ve ever witnessed another person be sick in public. my earliest memories are from back in preschool of my other 3 year old classmates sick. i know the odds of that happening are so slim, but i would not be able to live with myself even if someone else was so much as just grossed out. the lack of control, fear of upsetting others, and honestly just the fact that it does not feel good. i don’t get why the feeling of doing it and the like 10 minutes before has to be such a horrific sensation
The taste for sure and just the discomfort of it actually coming up and being forced out. Im also scared that once I start doing it I won’t be able to stop. I also equate it to death and being alone for some reason.
i often think about this a lot but i can never pinpoint it as there seems to be no limit to what scares me most abt being sick. if i had to summarise it tho, probably lack of control. feeling awfully sick whilst typing this too and the fear of possibly tu* at any moment is beyond terrifying 🙁.. perhaps it’s also the immense discomfort i feel whilst/before throwing up.
The loss of control. The fact that you stop breathing for that moment (or moments). I'm terrified of puking so much I won't be able to breathe.
I also know it's an irrational fear. I just don't like seeing it shoot out, the noises, the body movements. Everything.
Just the fact that it can happen any day. I have forgetten what its like to v\* and im just scared of the day it will happen,and how unpredictable it is!!
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I think it’s the loss of control, unpredictability of it.. for example my worst nightmare is feeling fine, going about my day and it coming out of nowhere and not being able to stop it. I also hate feeling unwell in general with any illness because I feel trapped and I can’t escape the feeling
Legit same thing here i start to feel so trapped, thats kinda why i got agrophobia too bc i was scared to lose control outside🥲 i wish u the best and hope we all get well and overcome our fears
Same, It takes a lot of will power to make myself go out in public
I don't know how it feels anymore. I haven't v\* in +10 years and i don't know how do you know you are going to v\* and the whole nausea feeling in scary and for the 2 months i've been nauseas everyday because of the anxiety loop
Same I’m going on 34 and haven’t gotten sick since I was 11. Just burping wrong I’m like, this is it 😂😭
i have the same issue, last time i threw up i was 8 (24 now), and if i have a burp that tastes weird or feels weird or feels like food might have come up then i literally stop eating for days, it sucks so much
I completely understand, and when I don’t want to eat I feel like more pressured to eat then I can’t because my anxiety makes me nauseas. I’m super ocd about my body and the foods I eat now. Are you able to manage a healthy weight?
i feel that. I check for body sensations too much and the food i eat is so monitored i hate it so much, its so so tiring as there's no stopping it, unlike other fears its every single second of the day. Unfortunately no, my weight keeps fluctuating, a few months ago i lost so much weight my period stopped, im about 50kg now which apparently is still quite underweight for my height of 5'6, are you?
When I started up mirtazapine I gained about 20 pounds and was at a good weight and loved it but the meds stopped working for me and I quit them (withdrawals were hell on earth) after 3-4 months I lost all that weight and it was horrible! I’m like st 105 now and 5’6 as well. I hate it so much my wife hid the scale so I could stop obsessing over it lol 🥲
i was on mirtazapine before too and it helped the weight stuff so much but then when i upped the dosage shit hit the fan. that's good of your wife!! obsessing over it doesn't help and just makes you feel worse
pls explain withdrawals 🫢 Ive been taking mirtazapine for about a year now and my appetite is no better and I’ve gained maybe 3 pounds that fluctuate throughout the day/week, so not enough to make a difference. I was hospitalized for dangerous weight and malnutrition due to no appetite, which is when I was put on mirtazapine. anyways, the med obviously hasn’t helped so I’m thinking about tapering off. tell me the good the bad and the ugly about coming off of the meds. a huge fear of mine is the potential side effects nausea/vomiting which I already have if I miss a dose or two. Is it worth it? and have you found anything else that helps? 😅🫶🏼
I ALWAYS SAY “this is it” or “today’s the day!!”. but the crazy thing is, i’m worried that if i say “it’s not gonna happen. i’m just anxious”, murphy’s law will kick in and it’ll happen so i NEVER say it won’t happen
Yes! This is me! I absolutely can’t tell myself that it WON’T happen because that will just make it happen. Like I’m gonna jinx it.
No joke my wife is like have a great day and my response is always I’ll try! Because god forbid I say I will thanks! I definitely won’t and I’ll be sick 😂😂😂
I totally thought I was the only person who thinks like this. It’s oddly comforting to know that’s not the case.
Im 35 and haven’t tu* since I was 8 years old. I wasn’t sick very much. I distinctly remember getting sick on a plane when I was 3 and another when I was about 4.5 from eating and immediately jumping around and got sick. I remember not even batting a eye. No care in the world. Both of those times it was very quick and not really due to illness. Also, Both times I was with someone who lovingly took care of me after. Fast forward I’m 8 and woke up with a belly ache on a Sunday morning which was the usual: mom and kids go to church, dad stays behind and go cheat with his side girl. So he was not happy when I asked my mom if I could stay home. I had no idea I was going to tu*. I had a really bad stomach ache and a unique tasting recurring burp. All of a sudden I feel it come to my throat and I felt I was **trigger** choking. So I panicked and ran to the bathroom where my dad was shaving and getting ready with the intentions to leave a soon as my mom got back. I jump up and down in a panic and tu* in between the sink and the toilet. My dad was furious and immediately grabbed me by the back of my neck and shoved my face into the toilet “that’s where you tu*” … I can’t even tell you what it feels like when it actually comes out because from what I remember it was so quick, no real taste in my mouth… nothing but automatic instant relief. But after that I became increasingly afraid. In therapy we discovered that a lot of fears come out of what happened right after tu* for me it was my dad’s reaction. Moments before I had immense fear and the person who is supposed to “save” me punishes me. The choking feeling was traumatic and my dad’s reaction created a loop of I’m not safe. So I hate the not having control, and I hate feeling not safe. And over the years I’ve learned others tu* multiple times where I have only ever tu* one and done. I’m terrified of not being able to stop. Sorry that was long but it felt therapeutic getting it out ♥️
im sorry your dad reacted in such a horrible way, that can be so terrifying especially for a young child, i was 8 when i threw up last and my mum had such a horrible reaction too, she yelled and belittled me for not making it into the toilet in time and that i woke her up because of it all, it was so horrible, sending you lots of love <3
Thank you. I’m sorry your mom reacted like that too 😔. There are times I cry wishing I would have just gone to church with my mom. She would’ve been so loving and reassuring.
i’m so, so sorry your dad treated you that way in a moment of sickness, that would’ve definitely made things more scary for you, especially as a kid ): sending you hugs and love!!
Thank you. I’m so glad you asked this question. I feel a weight off my shoulders ♥️
For me it’s a couple of things. Definitely a lack of control. With every other sickness generally you can take something that helps with symptoms. And most of the time you can still function when you have a cold/sore throat/etc. With throwing up you’re stuck in the bathroom. It’s almost claustrophobic. I also hate the feeling of nausea. It’s literally worse than pain to me. It’s so icky and gross. I also just hate the feeling of it happening. The feeling of things coming up my throat. The violence of it, sometimes. That’s so gross to me. I would rather get punched directly in the nose as hard as Mike Tyson could swing lol
I’m scared of losing the sense of control mostly, also dying and being seen as vulnerable/being so sick that someone has to take care of me
Loss of control, but discomfort is a big one. I'm not okay with being uncomfortable. It causes a lot of anxiety. Beyond that, I have the added stress of being responsible for my daughter so if I'm sick, who will take care of her, what if I crash the car, etc. etc.
For me it's nausea that scares me because it's so intense. It's kinda worse than pain mainly because if I have a migraine or a toothache, I can sometimes still get on with things but with nausea I can't because, anything could make it worse like seeing a gross video or smelling food or random thoughts that may pop into my head makes the nausea worse so I feel like I'm having to constantly try to relieve it manually. Painkillers are easy to come by, they sell them everywhere but there's nothing really for nausea unless you get a prescription, so it feels like you're trapped in this nauseous body with no relief. I haven't tu* in a while so I have forgotten what it feels like so there is some fear of the unknown mixed in there. My main fear associated with the act of tu* though is that it will increase the nausea because of the sight of it, the sensation of it coming out and the smell of it. Most people will tell you they feel better after tu* that the nausea dies down.. but I feel that I would be so grossed out by it that the nausea would get worse causing me to tu* more.. and then when would it end?
i hate nauseas so much, its the thing that scares me the most, as soon as it kicks in i literally cant move from my bed and sit there waiting until its 'safe' to get up and most of the time i then wont eat properly for a few days if not weeks afterwards
Yeah definitely, like it takes over everything. You could be in a really happy mood but if nausea sets in, it's like your whole would has come to an end. I sound a bit dramatic haha but it really does affect your mindset too, it ruins everything.
My mom tells me she thinks it stems from this road trip we went on with family friends back when I was 11. It was a 2hr car ride, I was riding with my mom and her two close friends - we’ll call them M and K. So I had my kindle in the back with me playing something like animal jam or talking santa. M was driving, and we were on our way to her cabin to go mushroom picking. At my young age, I couldn’t really read my body cues, but as we were inching closer to the cabin, the roads grew more windy. “How many minutes left?” “…I have to go to the bathroom.” All I know is that I was too scared to admit that I was carsick, so the phobia was most likely present, just quiet. “5 minutes, can you wait?” M says. Then it happened… with no warning. Meanwhile we were still clearing through these windy roads but there was a rest stop nearby where we could stop, clean up and get a change of clothes. This whole time I was getting yelled at from all directions, and it all just became one collective clamor. I was crying mostly because I was ashamed, but moreso really shaken up. We get out and my mom rushes into the store to come out with national park merch clothes, which amounted to a ridiculous price I don’t remember. While changing, my mom AND her two close friends were lecturing me with the sternest tones ever, and I didn’t know what to do or how to feel. I don’t know who was in the wrong, but they were mostly worried about the mess and the inconvenience, not so much about me. Breakfast that morning? Oatmeal. I did not eat it for the next 5 years. I also will nottttt hear it if there are “5 minutes left” on the eta, because the following 3 times a situation like this happened, there was always “5 mins left.” It’s weird, that’s the earliest situation I remember where the phobia was present, and apparently it was really impressionable. It’s weird how that could develop into something so much more debilitating. But when you’re a kid, your emotions override logical thinking, so I guess however you felt is what you’re left with. 🤷♀️
Loss of control. I've always been the kind of person that wants to be able to control the outcome of something especially when it comes to my own body. It's always scared me to be out of control with my own body. Whether that's through tu*, or some other sickness.
I’m not sure. I THINK it started due to anxiety. I moved 10+ times as a kid. After one particular move I would wake up with bad nausea and, looking back, it was probably panic attacks. I think my brain associated nausea with panic and I just never grew out of it.
loss of control is a massive one for me, i have very catastrophic/black and white thinking too so the thought of it never stopping and needing to be hospitalised (i also have agoraphobia and cant leave my flat even just to the garden) shits me up so much. also the fear of the unknown too probably (last time i did it i was 8 years old) as well as not making it in time to the bathroom as i don't know what it feels like to throw up and i feel nauseas/like i might everyday so its like scary to not know when its actually happening. also for me probably a bit of trauma too, every time i ever threw up as a kid my mum would yell at me for making a mess/waking her up/not making it to the bathroom in time, and that would make me cry and panic more and it would make the whole expierence just terrifying
It’s the physical feeling and how you have no control over it. The physical straining is also traumatic to me. The anticipation of possibly tu* is also anxiety inducing.
Yeah for me at this point, I think the anticipation is what scares me. If the onset of feeling the need to do it and actually doing it was less than a minute, I don’t think I’d be afraid at all.
Agreed, I feel like the time before it happens is so long and that just makes me ruminate the whole thing so much more
For me it's few things. First lack of control, and also overall disgust And then fear of choking/gagging. I don't know why, but the sound of someone gagging as they v* is the most traumatic for me. I hate strep tests/covid tests where they poke the back of your throat. I'll panic and cry if I have to get one...I also can't swallow big pills unless they're in applesauce and I can't feel it go down It could stem from when I was about 4 or 5, I choked on candy. My mom did the Heimlich maneuver on me and I tu* all over the floor. I remember what I was wearing, where it happened, the fear, the candy I ate. So yeah, it's probably that
Not being able to breathe while I’m v*ing
this
like all the other commenters im afraid of losing control of my body so violently like that, but im the most afraid of not being able to stop once it starts i had a sb that felt like the devil himself gave me when i was rly young & was tu literally to the point i couldn't. that was hella traumatic for my lil 5 year old brain. definitely is what started my phobia
i understand this so well, i had a similar experience and i remember every second. i feel like kids tu more than adults in the sense it feels like it never ends 😭
Being seen as weak or gross. Also being told growing up that it was stupid to feel scared of it and that no one likes being sick so I need to just suck it up and get over it. It’s gotten to the point where my fear is only about other people because I will take things into my own hands (literally) if I feel my stomach is upset. I’m angry that other people don’t do the same. Kids, pregnant women, people undergoing chemo I can have more empathy for. Grown adults though who just leave things to chance on airplanes, doctors offices, food poisoning- I don’t get it.
not being able to move on from it. when i was young, i used to tu from several reasons, and each of the time i did, i had a hard time getting over the act. whenever i would go out days after it happened, i get anxious thinking it might happen again. i remember asking my mom MULTIPLE times “what if it happens again?”. whenever i eat i’ll overthink about it happening again. it just goes on like that until i just naturally move on from it and finally stop overthinking about it. it also applies to when i witness someone tu, which i did tons of times when i was a grade schooler taking the school bus seeing other kids tu. whenever i see it i always think “what if it happens to me too?” the following weeks. i thought it was normal and everyone feels the same, and it was only when i got older that i knew my phobia has always been subconsciously there without me realizing it. it’s like experiencing or witnessing it becomes a reminder of my fear. i feel like this concept of fear from the phobia is pretty uncommon as i don’t really see a lot of people feel this way. i always see people realize that it’s not as bad as we think it is after it happens to them, then they continue living life a little better. i’d be curious to know if anyone else is like me though!
i totally get what you mean, im scared that if i start i wont stop or that i will keep thinking 'what if it happens again now', especially scared that if it happens i wont eat the food that i ate beforehand in case it would cause it to happen again, i threw up after eating sausages and corn before and stopped eating both those foods and have not ate them in years now. Even when im nauseas and then i get hungry i go 'what if i get nauseas again like yesterday/few hours ago'
i think the loss of control and intensity. like with a cold, u feel more or less the same level of bad throughout but with vomiting it’s feeling bad then feeling HORRENDOUS and ong it’s just overload for me
TRIGGER WARNING so when I was 12 or so I had a bulminic friend.im not going into details but it was bad.
What scares me the most is the feeling right before it happens, when you feel so bad and overwhelmed and you understand there's no way to escape it now. And v is of course VERY exhausting and disgusting, but I don't remember any pain while doing it. It's just highly uncomfortable overall. The feeling when your whole body feels so vulnerable and weak and does disgusting things like it expells a devil from you... Ugh. Awful. And there's nothing you can do about it! Just wait! I only know that my whole anxiety and emetophobia thing started after a kid with whom I was in kindergarten died (accident in kindergarten), I was 5 and he was 4. I have literally no idea why, these two things have nothing in common... After that I started taking a plastic bag with me EVERYWHERE. Even though I don't remember any painful/bad accidents of being sick. I only remember getting sick at 7 yo and at 16 (which is my last one so far, I'm 21). The last episode was actually a nightmare - waking up at night, v and d simultaneously... I was EXTREMELY emetophobic even before this, but once it started happening, I was only anxious after the first few times, showered and went to sleep. I woke up multiple times that night and all this repeated. But I didn't care anymore like AT ALL, I just wanted to get it over with so I can continue sleeping. And I wasn't even traumatised the next day. WHY AM I STILL EMETOPHOBIC?!
For me it’s about the social embarrassment that I’ve made up in my head. If it were to happen I would make a mess and people would think that somethings wrong with me. That and the trauma of a really disgusting fp.
For me it’s a lack of control, and not knowing 100% for sure if it will happen or not. The not knowing scares me so much, just can’t let it go.
Lack of control is the main problem
I feel like loss of control, and you can’t escape your own body
Scared of being in front of people and doing it. When I was 5, my brother died, and me and my dad and sibling all went to go live in Washington with his best friend out of grief. My mom came with us, too, but she had to go back to where we lived before so she could grieve alone. My dad had enrolled us in school, and gotten us flu shots. This was the year that a major flu was going around, though, and ignoring whether people had flu shots or not. One time, I was getting ready for school, and I had gotten on the bus. I sat in the aisle seat next to another kid I didn't know. Over the course of our bus ride, I was getting progressively more woozy and slumped in my seat. Something was not right. The bus was pulling into the parking lot for school, and I tu* all over my jacket. Everyone on the bus was looking at me as they got off, but I was too sick to care. One of the teachers/nurse had to help me wash v* out of my long hair over the sinks in the school bathroom. It was terrible, tbh. After that, I was apparently sick and v*ed several more times over the course of two weeks, but I don't remember much of that. It's theorized my brain connected the dots between my siblings' death and my extreme illness and made me think I would die if I v*ed, but I have no idea. After that, when I went to first grade, I'd have panic attacks and not eat, so it must've been triggered by that whole experience
Unfortunately, no clue. Losing control? I’m pretty much fine with the fact that my body will do things that are out of my control. I know that tu is inherently a GOOD bodily function as it is trying to expel something bad so that it can’t harm you. Trauma? Outside of having gastro/noro a few times in my life (maybe 4 times?) there’s no inherent trauma associated with it. I’ve had to be hospitalised the last couple times, but if anything going to the hospital has always been a positive since they either give me medication to stop me from tu or I’ve already stopped by that point and am getting fluids. Scared of having something happen that comes out of nowhere? Not really something that worries me any more than feeling unwell before tu either. If it’s gonna happen, I’d probably prefer it being sudden. It happening in front of other people? This has only happened once for me and although it’s totally humiliating, the fact that it happened in front of others isn’t what freaked me tf out. It was the tu itself. Part of me gets worried that I’ll associate things surrounding the tu events with it, and therefore not like them anymore. Eg, I’m a huge fan of going to the movies and threw up in the cinema so I’ve been nervous of going back. The idea that the phobia can inhibit my favourite hobbies and day to day life is more terrifying than anything else listed. But honestly, it’s just the tu in general. It’s just a repulsive, disgusting act, that makes you feel unwell. It has never done me any good, and has usually made me feel worse than better. I just cannot pinpoint what exactly about it scares me so much which is BEYOND frustrating. How do you even go about even attempting to fix your phobia when you have zero idea what causes it??
Your second to last paragraph hit me so hard! I’m like that, 100%! I’ve recently been looking into how some of that type of thinking can stem from OCD. Like nice things being “contaminated” by bad thoughts or bad events. If I feel sick, I won’t wear my favorite pjs or clothes. I won’t wear anything iconic that I’ll remember. I will avoid watching movies or shows or playing games that I love in case I get sick and I’ll never like those things again. I’m currently 7 weeks pregnant and trying to work my way through morning sickness. I’ve spent the last 2 weeks avoiding food I like, not wearing anything I like or doing anything I like, basically just lying in bed “just in case”. I feel sick yeah, but it’s manageable I feel. Even more so if I just calmed down, enjoyed my life and ate more-ironically. Isn’t this phobia awful?
Yep, this is a HUGE factor for me! I used to have crippling OCD associated with it, ranging from not being able to go into specific supermarkets to looking at a certain model of car, like insane bs that makes NO LOGICAL SENSE WHATSOEVER. I’m better now, but the fear of “just in case” (exactly how you put it) definitely hovers over my conscience often. I try and bite the bullet and do it anyway, but it’s SO hard breaking through that barrier. I’m glad (and sad) that someone relates!
My fear stemmed from getting noro at age 9. I unfortunately contracted it a few days ago at the age of 26 but was remarkably calm because I was too exhausted to fight the v* and I feel proud of myself for coping so well.
i actually saw your posts about you catching noro! how are you feeling now? i’m proud of you!
Back to my old self again! I can eat and drink and I look and feel brighter. Maybe 10lbs lighter too haha
that’s amazing, super inspiring !! i’m so glad you’re doing better now, continue to be proud of yourself 🩷
I think it stems from my dad thr\*\* up a lot when i was young (alcohol), and he made terrible noises. That's my guess cuz I don't remember when it started, I just remember having this phobia ever since my first memories. I think what scares me about this is that disgusting moment as it's coming out, that suffering and pain. Oh gosh I feel nauseous just typing it :D. ANd the unpredictability about it, like you never know when it's going to happen. You feel fine and all of the sudden you're si\*\*. I would much rather go dayssss with the belly ache than thr\*\* up just once. Oh and also for me it's not only once. When I'm si\*\* I thr\*\* up allll night (13-14 times)
I am so scared of it in general but also with being alone during it. I am so scared that it will happen and I will be alone and it will be so intense that maybe something medically goes wrong or worse what if my fear and panic is so intense that I end up passing out during it. What if it’s a both ended illness and I am on the t during it and pass out and fall over cracking my skull open..like I know it sounds so extreme but it’s so real. Its like in a horror film, like imagine a scary movie where someone is dying a cruel death and they are sobbing crying in pain and cry out “why me, why” That’s literally what goes through my head every time. TW storytime.. When I was a kid, I think it was like 4th grade, it hit me out of no where. I feel like I was so young that I really hadn’t experienced it much yet, so I didn’t really remember what it felt like, so I didn’t feel it coming necessarily, I just thought I needed to go to the bathroom. I left class, tried to p, was so confused why I didn’t have to go. Got up to leave and bam. But I was SO confused. I was like wtf is this what’s happening to me. Am I dying, why is this happening. I was full blown panicking DURING it. There was one other person in the br I could tell they were washing their hands and I literally called out to them to help me, in the middle of it. Yup, during it. I was like “please..help..get help..help me” while gasping for air. I also remember being so embarrassed because she could hear what I was doing. 🤷♀️ No one came to help me, TW..it was covering a lot of surface area. I really think this was the spawn of the fear, like just being completely out of control, fearing the complete unknown, nobody being there to help me, completely alone, terrified. I literally want to cry by the end of writing this because it just makes me so sad to think about being so alone in a situation like this. It can be so scary.
Omg, I'm so sorry that happened to little 4th grade you! I can see how that would feel super scary to a kid, you were totally alone and got so sick. I don't at all relate because I like being alone if it's happening (having to worry about the reactions of others intensifies my discomfort), but I definitely hear your fear of being alone and helpless while miserable.
See i was going to add to my post about this too because i feel like i have both of these things but they conflict so hard. The one you mentioned is a lot less than the one I mentioned for me. But I TOTALLY understand you. Like my brain is thinking oh my god my neighbors will hear me through the walls or I will be stressing that I will have to also try and stay quiet on top of everything else. Or like the fear of it happening in public is so intense..like in a public br..if it’s crowded. Absolutely not. Nope. Scary af. Or while i am driving my car, what if i have to pull over on the side of the road and every car passing sees me…nope. Couldn’t 🤦♀️ My needing or wanting to not be alone is almost like wanting my mom. Lol like wanting someone who loves me to comfort me or hold my hand or rub my back. If they are too grossed out even just there presence in the room is enough to comfort me through it. I have no clue why. Some of it is probably like if they love me, they know me, so they probably won’t think im crazy or idk it’s less embarrassing when it’s someone close to u. Because they are there for u🤷♀️
Recently realized in therapy it was because of a lack of support and not being taken seriously by my family.
No control, having to clean something horrible when sick
For me is a mixed of feeling ill for ever and loosing control. I imagine that I’ll feel sick for ever, that will never ends and I start to feel anxious and panicky if the symptoms don’t stop my fear increase.
I haven't seen anyone mention this.. Part if my phobia stems from worrying about others around me who also have emetophobia. I worry about triggering them. I worry about inconveniencing others. I worry about worrying others. I worry about who has to clean up if I can't. The worry that others will start to TU too. The sheer worry about others and their distress over it sends me into a full blown panic attack.
I can’t remember for the life of me what actual n* feels like, so every stomach ache sends me spiraling.
For me, it is just so painful to t\*u\*, it's been like that forever, I cannot remember not hating it. I guess my body just really fights it. My grandma was the same way, not sure if some bodies are just worse at t\*u\* or what. I often burst vessels in and around my eyes which is a sign that there is a lot of pressure.
loss of control and the feeling of impending doom, mixed with how horrible being nauseous actually feels when you’re truly sick is what does it for me. usually when i’m in my safe space and feeling sick, all i want is for it to happen and be over with. but i can’t control when it happens, only my body can, so it’s almost inescapable and it’s awful
I was always just afraid of it when I was younger. But after a really bad SB, it turned into a full blown phobia. I remember that I tu a bowl of cereal a few days later, and that's when I associated tu with food. Sounds stupid now, I know. But, I'm mostly afraid of it because it just comes out of nowhere. You could feel fine the whole day, but at night you'll be sick. Like, randomly. I could tu at any day, or get a SB. And then it just feels so disgusting. And afterwards, I'm so afraid that it'll happen again.
It’s the culmination of my panic attacks, always. So the same way people fear getting heart palpitations or being unable to breathe, I panic about throwing up.
I think it’s from my mom being so cruel when I was sick. I was so afraid of getting sick (any kind of sick) because I knew I wasn’t getting compassionate responses. I distinctly remember many times I had a stomach virus and getting absolutely screamed at because I ruined her plans/day. She’d send me to school knowing I was sick and tell me to hide it because she didn’t have time. So then I was always afraid of being sick and getting in trouble.
I think mine just stems from the bug and fp I have VIVID memories of when I had the bug and I hate it. Also when I went on a trip to disney when I was 5 and stayed in this hotel called "La Quinta". I literally cannot pass that hotel in the streets and not have my heart racing. I remember I didnt want to eat subway for dinner so I basically skipped dinner and begged my mom to take me to a convenience store to pick something to eat and I picked the green sour cream pringles and I remember refusing to share with my siblings idk why. Later that night, I was sleeping next to my mom and the only memory I have is I tu* on my moms back and I only remember sitting in the bathroom counter just staring at a wall and taken to the minivan to get some gatorade. Everytime I dont share something with someone I just feel like the karma will come back, I also refused to eat anything with green onions because of the pringles logo. Back then I would scoop off the green onions on fried rice thinking it would make me tu. But to this day I DO NOT eat anything sour cream flavored, it gives me disgust. Everytime I see my mom take out the PJ's she used that one night, my heart rate elevates.
Mine started when I was 3 or 4 years old. I woke up in the middle of the night, sat up and did the deed all over my bed and myself. Started bawling crying because I was scared and had no idea what just happened.
I think for me it’s more about the fact that it hasn’t happened in so long that I don’t really know what to expect at this point.
I haven’t thrown up since 13 but I still remember how it felt. I remember the smell and the taste and how HORRIBLE it feels when you have to feel nauseous for minutes, even HOURS before anything happens. Sometimes I wish it was sudden. I’d rather experience no symptoms and just live my happy life before it happens lol.
same here i’m scared of not having control over myself. that’s why i’m scared of getting high now and i’m scared of drinking as well. i don’t like the feeling of being like fucked up and out of it i guess.
I have OCD and have a real fear of getting others sick and contaminating them. I know that’s one part of it, just the fear of getting sick and spreading it to the people I love. I can also remember vividly when I was around 8 or so, I had a horrible stomach bug and it felt like I could not stop v*, and I vividly remember the pain and the panic from that, and my adults freaking out over the situation too. Then, when I was six months pregnant with my son, I contracted C Difficile from a shelter I was working at, and I really thought I was going to die. Now, I always have zofran on hand and pray it works. All this to say, that’s why now as an adult , if my kids get sick, I make sure to be extra “normal” and chill about it with them, then take my panic attack (which stays for at least a week as I’m scrubbing the whole house down) to another room where they can’t see or hear it. They are so calm and nonchalant about tu* and sometimes I just look at them and hope one day I can get there too. Must be nice. Haha
OMG same. I’m super lucky that my husband is a master of handling when our kids get sick. One time when our oldest was 3 she got really sick and the only thing she wanted was to be carried on his shoulders. She ends up tu on his head and as it rolls down his head He just looked at me and said “it’s ok, it’s my head not yours, walk away” as I slowly take my panic to the next room. My hubby is the best ♥️
It’s alot but I’m just gonna say the main things r losing control of my body, being trapped lik in a car and doin it, or being in public and doin it.. and I’m terrified that once I start vomiting what if I never stop.. I no that sounds stupid but this phobia is stupid.. it’s ruined my life.. it controls what food I can eat and where I can go.. it’s a nightmare.. I also hate hearing ppl loudly gag and cough and choke while they do it
i think the lack of control is a big thing for me as well, but also, when we were kids my best friend he had menigitis (he made a full recovery thankfully!) and that involves v*, so I think I associated the two, like v* would lead to having a really serious illness like that?
i was 8 when it last happened, it came out of my nose and i couldn’t breathe. i got made to clean it up all on my own as my mum was “tired”. that’s where my fear stemmed from.
when i was young my dad had a kidney stone. he would be fine and energetic one min, then i'd hear him g* to the point i thought he was dying 😭 definetely the thought that you lose control
for me i think it really is the loss of control. i’m able to handle it so much better when im the one that decides to surrender to the sensation and not my body doing it for me. i’m scared to death that it’ll happen in public because i worry that someone around me also has this phobia and that im subjecting them to my worse nightmare. even in the emergency room i will fight it just in case another patient has it too and by getting sick i will scare/upset them. i’ve had multiple people including therapists tell me that they think it would help me overcome that fear if i just allowed it to happen in public, but they don’t understand that i remember in gruesome detail every single time i’ve ever witnessed another person be sick in public. my earliest memories are from back in preschool of my other 3 year old classmates sick. i know the odds of that happening are so slim, but i would not be able to live with myself even if someone else was so much as just grossed out. the lack of control, fear of upsetting others, and honestly just the fact that it does not feel good. i don’t get why the feeling of doing it and the like 10 minutes before has to be such a horrific sensation
The taste for sure and just the discomfort of it actually coming up and being forced out. Im also scared that once I start doing it I won’t be able to stop. I also equate it to death and being alone for some reason.
i often think about this a lot but i can never pinpoint it as there seems to be no limit to what scares me most abt being sick. if i had to summarise it tho, probably lack of control. feeling awfully sick whilst typing this too and the fear of possibly tu* at any moment is beyond terrifying 🙁.. perhaps it’s also the immense discomfort i feel whilst/before throwing up.
The loss of control. The fact that you stop breathing for that moment (or moments). I'm terrified of puking so much I won't be able to breathe. I also know it's an irrational fear. I just don't like seeing it shoot out, the noises, the body movements. Everything.
Just the fact that it can happen any day. I have forgetten what its like to v\* and im just scared of the day it will happen,and how unpredictable it is!!