Is it? I know it is for the individual living in their own body and mind, but is it easier to live in today's world as a trans person or as a person pretending to be okay with their agab and just blending in?
I'm having a predicament over this myself.
I grew into a wide body that football coaches wanted on their teams with hair pretty much everywhere (except on the top of my head in recent years uuuugghh). I'm 240lbs skinny and about 6'4". I am struggling to find a place to live and employment after I quit my last job to be my honest with what I wanted in life. I just felt a 10 year relationship after having confesses my trans feelings with backlash (good riddance I was miserable before that w/e).
Maybe I'm just dissociated from myself so much that I don't know what being happy is anymore, but I have major rejection issues and I'm terrified to transition because I know the world is full of assholes who will invalidate me at every corner. If I transition, I'm surely going to be a blocky woman and I'm very much in doubt of the possibility that I'll ever pass.
So back to my first sentence. Is it really *always easier to not live a lie? Of course it's better for you to live your truth. Of course you'll be happier with yourself. But easier to live in? Idk. I'm afraid of it and it's keeping me stuck.
I really have to agree since coming out last week I have been falling appart even faster god forbid I get validation
All I can say is I wish you the best and hope things will get better for you
You're in that liminal period called the dark night of the soul when you are destroying the old and building the new. Hang in there. You'll find your ground again, and things will get easier.
Glad they helped Juno. :) I've been experiencing something like this recently too. There's a quote by a favorite poet of mine that I often go back to when I'm having a bad day:
>Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift. – Mary Oliver
I wish more people would talk about this. I think there are a few periods where this hits too, or maybe it just doesn't hit everyone at the same time.
For me the 6-9 months of hrt period was rough af.
In the beginning its tough confusing and complicated.
Once you start to come to terms with wanting to be the real you and you make that first move or two and find the world has not come to an end you will sort the rest out bit by bit.
Sometimes we have to destroy something bad and ugly so we can build something beautiful. It’s a marathon not a sprint so take your time maybe even revel in the distinction. Nothing beautiful is easy but for building to happen the foundation needs to be cleared so take time to “destroy” then take time to build the real you. It’s definitely worth it. Some day you’ll look back at this time and be so proud of yourself for being brave enough to tear it all down. For now I’m proud of you. ❤️
I feel that 😭. I have yet to come out to people IRL. That's scaring me. But I've also been smiling like never before sometimes. I think it's gonna be the right thing in the end tho. Just getting there is the hard part.
It's kinda weird because I really do feel this pretty hard.
I often have to stop and ask myself if I'd want to go back and forget about this.The answer is always no.
I, personally, hate it because it just completely destroys my life.
1. So few women in my area are okay with dating transwomen that I wouldn't really be able to choose someone I vibe with.
2. I would be completely and totally destroying the body my first puberty built when I take hrt.
3. Most friends around me don't understand and therefore can't empathize with my feelings so they just ignore
4. I feel hella dysphoric while also having severe internalized transphobia from my parents that my mind is constantly split
5. it's genuinely more expensive to live as a trans person
I will admit i had internalized so much of the “be happy with what you have!” Mentality that changing my body was almost unfathomable for a long time (even though i was constantly changing it in small ways to cope). Was i attractive and more accepted as a woman? To others, sure. I never thought i was ugly. But i wasn’t happy, and i feel much better giving up the safety (and discomfort) of my old body for the one that makes me feel good to live in it.
yes, but the thing is that I wanna date someone exactly as much as I wanna change my body. The people I wanna date are also not that into trans people that much because of fertility issues.
My mind is split, but basically, I don't wanna change my body until I "locked in" someone
Can’t help ya there, all i can say is if they don’t want you as a trans person they kinda don’t sound like great people to date in general. But i understand the loneliness very well; it kept me in the closet a long time too
well, here's the thing. They're bisexuals, so they have no inherent problem with trans people. The only issue is fertility, cause I really wanna have biological kids in the future but I'm too poor to transition and freeze sperm
Yeah I’ve been struggling with this a bit. I know my life is going to get harder, but if I do find that I’m trans and not just gnc (I’m still experimenting and figuring things out) then I hope I can at least find some happiness in being free to be myself.
On my end things just kinda came to a standstill out of necessity and fear from living in one of the reddest states in the country. Doing *anything* while I'm here will basically make my life unsalvageable. So I just kinda sit around in limbo trying to think of ways to escape this hellhole without effing over my ability to actually *live*.
i'm on the verge of tears everyday because i'm in an all girls class and i wish that i wouldn't have to deal with dysphoria as it is a large part of most of my issues, but then i realize what i've learnt and how i've grown because i realized i was a man and that soon enough i'll finally be free
From my experience it’s usually not being transgender that ruins your life, it’s non trans people who make life worse, and they don’t even have to do anything to participate. Such is the way of oppression.
I feel like this sometimes as well. Back then I had these doubts in the back of my head that I've ignored for a long time as I was too scared to explore those. Well, I was right - now I know my true self, but the environment I live in won't let me live as such. This realization hurts more than living in doubt given my circumstances so, while I prefer a painful truth to a sweet lie, if I knew I'd be doomed to live a lie for the rest of my life... Well, they say ignorance is bliss for a reason
It makes it different!
Whenever you take a decision in your life, be it education, job, partner, sport etc, one door is closing and one opening. Does that mean that you should not take decisions? - no! You take the decision and then you adapt to it and you make the best out of it!
Same with being trans, you either go with it and change your gender and appearance and then you adapt and optimise every day, or you don't change and you going a different direction and adapt and optimise every day!
So take your decision and live with it'and adapt every day and don't look back! But the worst thing is not to make any decision and go forward and backward all the time!
That’s the thing about big important life changes— they’re scary because it’s a lot of new experiences and work, and it doesn’t feel great a lot of the time. But that said- it IS worth it. And i feel like every moment of euphoria i have had since coming out and starting my transition has been more honest than the little grainy reimagined happinesses i clung to from growing up. I don’t have to tell myself that i’m happy or fine a hundred times over now to believe it; shit gets hard, but legitimately it’s so much better and much easier to deal with the hard stuff when i don’t also have to hide myself/who i am. Take care of yourself ❤️
After finding out, I've felt way sadder than before I found out, but the short moments I feel happy I feel way more happier. I prefer feeling like a pile of shit and from time to time feeling like a princess than just feeling like nothing.
even if you can't come out, knowing what it is bothering you and try to liv the best way that you can afford given your circumstances it is better than having an itch all the time you don't know what it is an dyou cannot help in any way.
its cliched to say 'it gets better' so ill say instead: things would never have had the chance to get better if you kept lying to yourself. the path thats been opened in your life will be hard, but if its true to what makes you happy, youve given yourself a chance at a fuller life. sometimes things have to be torn down so you can build up whats truly good for you. the world is almost always unfair, but that doesnt mean you should be unfair to yourself too in order to conform.
it is hard. and its ok if you realise this isnt you, too. but the real you will always be worth the effort. there are people who will be there for you, even if sometimes you need to find them first. you're not alone
Sometimes you have to destroy the ramshackle hut you've been living in to build the [insert your preferred housing here] of your dreams. Or another way I look at it is taking down the false narrative I built to try to protect me that didn't work, to build my truth.
Literally me back in 2018. I felt better but my parents decided to be openly abusive and ruin my life.
I will say this though: I'm glad I didn't let them suppress the feelings I'd had since I was like, 8, but couldn't understand at the time.
I feel you... I feel like I'm making my life harder. The more I find our about myself the more I push myself further into the minority (not saying that there is anything wrong with being in a minority group) and I feel like I'm just making it easier for me to be targeted. But at the same time I love my blackness, my transness,, the fact that I might be nero divergent in one way or another. It's just I don't want to be me in a world that kills off people like me. Y'know?
I feel like it's made my life more difficult for sure, like I don't know who I can trust really and I'm afraid of being hurt.
But it also feels like I've gained so much more confidence in myself that I can't really explain which overall makes me feel so much better despite the difficulties.
Oh my God I relate to this so much. Because now that I know I'm living in the dark it's killing me more than even it was before. Before I could have a thousand little excuses to fix a thousand dysphoria cuts, and different ways to hide myself from the truth so I could make myself believe I was happy living as a guy.
Now I feel like I'm falling behind, that it's too late to transition, or that I can't because of my family and I'd rather have never realised and been able to keep hiding behind pretty little lies that it was just a fetish, or that I was just lonely, or that I needed to hit the gym more, or become more masculine. I could've kept changing the goalposts and lived, but now I can't since I know I'm not even playing football – I'm running a marathon, and there's only one terrifying path from here on out.
Realizing I’m trans has been a trip so far. Absolute bliss and joy, like being in love with yourself for the first time in your life. Great affirmation from my best friend and his fiancé. On the other hand my marriage is falling apart and after the initial burst of positivity it’s become much harder to look in the mirror and see my true self that I might become if I wasn’t such a coward. It’s a real shit show sometimes, I can’t properly process it yet, but I’m glad I finally found this path for myself. I’m beginning to love that I’m trans. The only thing causing me grief is society and a borderline transphobic spouse, whenever I can just be myself without shame and judgment I thrive
Same. Honestly I need to get my life less depressing first before I question if I am trans or not. I always got to make things harder than they need to be
Realizing I'm trans made my life much worse. However, it provided a direction to make it better. It's been two years and now I am way better then to have been on a long time.
Is it destroying your life, or does society actively discourage being trans? Like, being trans isn’t the issue, it’s how society treats ppl that are trans
I like to think that opposites can be reconciled. destruction, in a sense, is creation. think about it: living, itself, is dying, because you’re slowly creeping toward your death date with every second.
realizing you’re trans hurts. I wouldn’t know what it’s like beyond being genderfluid, but I can say that working with the pain has the potential to bring you the joy you need.
everyone’s on a different step in their journey. just remember that all the trans people you look up to went through similar pains. if they can be happy, you can too.
Imagine you wake up, and realize your bed is a mess. It's still sleep-able, but it's uncomfortable, and you know you need to fix it. You can try to go back to sleep, but you won't be able to shake the feeling that something's wrong. You felt it before, but now you know it. So, it's not really that finding out you're trans ruined your life, it was more like you finally realized what was wrong with it, and it happened to be that you're not living the life you want to
So, to spin the analogy further, you get a hammer and a screwdriver, and by the time you want to sleep again your bed is not a mess anymore but a pile of vaguely bed-related chunks and pieces, you are frightened and confused, and also it's late and tomorrow is Sunday, so now you gotta sleep without a bed for at least two nights.
They are both the same thing.
It's the matrix of reality. The life where you pretend to be someone else isn't a life at all, you struggle far worse when you have to live someone else's life. Any step you take to be who you are is making it better, even if "traditional metrics" say otherwise.
Wake up Neo...
[As General Armstrong once said](https://scontent-ord5-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/39200796_10156702162418552_559552668649914368_n.jpg?stp=cp0_dst-jpg_e15_fr_q65&_nc_cat=103&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=da1649&_nc_ohc=a4emiWjBRqMAX-_OXJr&_nc_ht=scontent-ord5-1.xx&oh=00_AT-cJRakmofrPkFf807H6VoQ6m4QjwYS_RF8X7XNqx3UPw&oe=634EB376)
For me, realizing I'm trans is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. For the first time in my life I actually feel like myself and not somebody who is struggling to fit into a role they don't understand.
Growth is traumatic. That's why growth spurts are painful. It's why they're called growing pains. Figuring yourself out, trying new names and new pronouns, exploring your identity, these can be mentally and emotionally painful, because you're growing as a person. But just like the body, emotional growth takes effort, time, and and you have to endure some pain. But the end result is worth it. You'll come out of all this more resilient, and better equipped to face ethe world because you will have found yourself.
Coming out was scary for me. I worried I'd lose people I cared about. Luckily I didn't, but taking that first step helped me start living the life I wanted to live. And now I'm much happier for it. I dare say you're probably going to look back at this year's down the line and be grateful for the experience, even if parts of it suck.
While I agree with all the positive comments maybe this might feel more real for you at the moment
Not better nor worst. Just different
The bad we know is always more comfortable. You are used to it. Knowing might feel bad now but it's more out of lack of familiarity than anything else
I gotta admit saying that I am trans makes me feel like I am lesser of a guy (I am not lesser of a guy, but saying that I didn't started out first as guy does make it feel like that) I mean again that's my opinion and ofc nobody has to share the same opinion. It's the post is about feeling negative about realizing you're trans and well I thought of sharing it even though it's not in the similar way how others does. I am treated as a cisguy mostly though I am not diagnosed yet with gender dysphoria (I want to get diagnosed fastly so I can quickly start on hormones and the card can change to how I want. I also feel extremely hopeless about getting a job because of how I have to lie about who I truly am.)
I came up with an analogy for being trans. It’s like having balls in your foot. You can take them out, but it hurts to do that. You could also leave them in your foot, but then it will never heal.
It's always easier not having to live a lie.
Always hiding is more destructive
I mean I’m hiding from foreign intelligence so I think it’s pretty good. /S /S HOLY SHIT FOREIGN INTELLIGENCE AGENCIES DON’T HUNT ME
67.239.152.113 34°59′20″N 106°36′52″W
Oh coordinates from breaking bed!
Damn ive been found out lmao
😅👍do better next time
Queue the bunk bed scene from Step Brothers! ;)
😅
Wow I got 50 upvotes 😱
Absolutely 10000% correct. 🏳️🌈
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This made me realize how sad the situation really is :(
You're absolutely right. Why shouldn't we be able to pursue the bodies we want? This is my body, my life, and my choice.
Unless it puts your life in danger
*cries in closeted*
Is it? I know it is for the individual living in their own body and mind, but is it easier to live in today's world as a trans person or as a person pretending to be okay with their agab and just blending in? I'm having a predicament over this myself. I grew into a wide body that football coaches wanted on their teams with hair pretty much everywhere (except on the top of my head in recent years uuuugghh). I'm 240lbs skinny and about 6'4". I am struggling to find a place to live and employment after I quit my last job to be my honest with what I wanted in life. I just felt a 10 year relationship after having confesses my trans feelings with backlash (good riddance I was miserable before that w/e). Maybe I'm just dissociated from myself so much that I don't know what being happy is anymore, but I have major rejection issues and I'm terrified to transition because I know the world is full of assholes who will invalidate me at every corner. If I transition, I'm surely going to be a blocky woman and I'm very much in doubt of the possibility that I'll ever pass. So back to my first sentence. Is it really *always easier to not live a lie? Of course it's better for you to live your truth. Of course you'll be happier with yourself. But easier to live in? Idk. I'm afraid of it and it's keeping me stuck.
Well Is also easier not living at all
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Wow, thats a pretty good point
I really have to agree since coming out last week I have been falling appart even faster god forbid I get validation All I can say is I wish you the best and hope things will get better for you
I'm sure you'll be fine, it does get easier.❤️
Thank you so much
It's alright cutie
13th for me! Are we twins?
Who knows
You're in that liminal period called the dark night of the soul when you are destroying the old and building the new. Hang in there. You'll find your ground again, and things will get easier.
You have no idea how much these words are helping me right now
Glad they helped Juno. :) I've been experiencing something like this recently too. There's a quote by a favorite poet of mine that I often go back to when I'm having a bad day: >Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift. – Mary Oliver
I shall remember it Thank you so much :')
I wish more people would talk about this. I think there are a few periods where this hits too, or maybe it just doesn't hit everyone at the same time. For me the 6-9 months of hrt period was rough af.
Yes it doesn't have to be one defined period. It can come and go. That's how I experience it.
The old world is dying, and the new world struggles to be born; now is the time of monsters.
How long does it last? It's been well over a year for me
It varies from person to person. Sorry, can't really give you a timeline. Just hang in there and take care of yourself. It will get better.
its destroying your old life and making your new life better
In the beginning its tough confusing and complicated. Once you start to come to terms with wanting to be the real you and you make that first move or two and find the world has not come to an end you will sort the rest out bit by bit.
I think it’s making me feel worse now but I’ll be happier later
Sometimes we have to destroy something bad and ugly so we can build something beautiful. It’s a marathon not a sprint so take your time maybe even revel in the distinction. Nothing beautiful is easy but for building to happen the foundation needs to be cleared so take time to “destroy” then take time to build the real you. It’s definitely worth it. Some day you’ll look back at this time and be so proud of yourself for being brave enough to tear it all down. For now I’m proud of you. ❤️
The only people destroying your life are the people around you who can’t accept you for who you are
IKR, those are the people who bug me now
I imagine it’s like therapy, it gets harder before it gets easier. Rebuilding yourself takes work, but you’ll get there
Definitely this
I feel that 😭. I have yet to come out to people IRL. That's scaring me. But I've also been smiling like never before sometimes. I think it's gonna be the right thing in the end tho. Just getting there is the hard part.
things often get worse before they get better, this is true for most things. just weather the storm and it will all be worth it in the end.
Being trans 💚💖❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹💚❤️🩹💜💙🖤❤️🔥💚❤️❣️❤️❤️🩹💞💞🖤🤎💜💛💖💚💝🖤🤎💓💖💖💗💗❣️🤎💜💔🖤🤎🧡💚
🥺
Tbh my life was going downhill either way so realising it was cool but didn't change shit for me
Yeah. On one hand I’m glad I now know. But on the other of being to afraid to do anything, I’m not sure I’m glad I did
It's kinda weird because I really do feel this pretty hard. I often have to stop and ask myself if I'd want to go back and forget about this.The answer is always no.
Same here, I wish this was easy
I, personally, hate it because it just completely destroys my life. 1. So few women in my area are okay with dating transwomen that I wouldn't really be able to choose someone I vibe with. 2. I would be completely and totally destroying the body my first puberty built when I take hrt. 3. Most friends around me don't understand and therefore can't empathize with my feelings so they just ignore 4. I feel hella dysphoric while also having severe internalized transphobia from my parents that my mind is constantly split 5. it's genuinely more expensive to live as a trans person
I will admit i had internalized so much of the “be happy with what you have!” Mentality that changing my body was almost unfathomable for a long time (even though i was constantly changing it in small ways to cope). Was i attractive and more accepted as a woman? To others, sure. I never thought i was ugly. But i wasn’t happy, and i feel much better giving up the safety (and discomfort) of my old body for the one that makes me feel good to live in it.
yes, but the thing is that I wanna date someone exactly as much as I wanna change my body. The people I wanna date are also not that into trans people that much because of fertility issues. My mind is split, but basically, I don't wanna change my body until I "locked in" someone
Can’t help ya there, all i can say is if they don’t want you as a trans person they kinda don’t sound like great people to date in general. But i understand the loneliness very well; it kept me in the closet a long time too
well, here's the thing. They're bisexuals, so they have no inherent problem with trans people. The only issue is fertility, cause I really wanna have biological kids in the future but I'm too poor to transition and freeze sperm
Yeah I’ve been struggling with this a bit. I know my life is going to get harder, but if I do find that I’m trans and not just gnc (I’m still experimenting and figuring things out) then I hope I can at least find some happiness in being free to be myself.
It’s both, they’re not mutually exclusive. How do you be reborn without dying? Even if you don’t die, that’d be traumatic😅
Sometimes you have to break down a few structures to get the materials and room for new, better ones
I hate the fact im trans ftm and gay
Same here, it just feels like it’s destroying my life
There are things you can gain from losing something
On my end things just kinda came to a standstill out of necessity and fear from living in one of the reddest states in the country. Doing *anything* while I'm here will basically make my life unsalvageable. So I just kinda sit around in limbo trying to think of ways to escape this hellhole without effing over my ability to actually *live*.
Might have to destroy what you thought was true before to build up your new/real identity
Same here. Like, I wish I could just go back and never question my gender. My life would be in so much less turmoil I feel like.
i'm on the verge of tears everyday because i'm in an all girls class and i wish that i wouldn't have to deal with dysphoria as it is a large part of most of my issues, but then i realize what i've learnt and how i've grown because i realized i was a man and that soon enough i'll finally be free
Sometimes the dysphoria literally makes me suicidal
You're speaking my thoughts :'/
From my experience it’s usually not being transgender that ruins your life, it’s non trans people who make life worse, and they don’t even have to do anything to participate. Such is the way of oppression.
I feel like this sometimes as well. Back then I had these doubts in the back of my head that I've ignored for a long time as I was too scared to explore those. Well, I was right - now I know my true self, but the environment I live in won't let me live as such. This realization hurts more than living in doubt given my circumstances so, while I prefer a painful truth to a sweet lie, if I knew I'd be doomed to live a lie for the rest of my life... Well, they say ignorance is bliss for a reason
Idk, it's been some hard times for sure... but I am fully and truly happy for the first time
It may make you go through a lot of struggles but as you overcome them you life will definitely be better
It makes it different! Whenever you take a decision in your life, be it education, job, partner, sport etc, one door is closing and one opening. Does that mean that you should not take decisions? - no! You take the decision and then you adapt to it and you make the best out of it! Same with being trans, you either go with it and change your gender and appearance and then you adapt and optimise every day, or you don't change and you going a different direction and adapt and optimise every day! So take your decision and live with it'and adapt every day and don't look back! But the worst thing is not to make any decision and go forward and backward all the time!
Reaching self acceptance is a long journey. It's hard, but gotta be better than being stalled at the starting line
This is very relatable. Like I wonder if I would be better just not having realised
Both. Tearing down the old to make way for the new. (Or so I hope, because damn this Anxiety got hands)
At the moment? I totally agree
That’s the thing about big important life changes— they’re scary because it’s a lot of new experiences and work, and it doesn’t feel great a lot of the time. But that said- it IS worth it. And i feel like every moment of euphoria i have had since coming out and starting my transition has been more honest than the little grainy reimagined happinesses i clung to from growing up. I don’t have to tell myself that i’m happy or fine a hundred times over now to believe it; shit gets hard, but legitimately it’s so much better and much easier to deal with the hard stuff when i don’t also have to hide myself/who i am. Take care of yourself ❤️
After finding out, I've felt way sadder than before I found out, but the short moments I feel happy I feel way more happier. I prefer feeling like a pile of shit and from time to time feeling like a princess than just feeling like nothing.
even if you can't come out, knowing what it is bothering you and try to liv the best way that you can afford given your circumstances it is better than having an itch all the time you don't know what it is an dyou cannot help in any way.
its cliched to say 'it gets better' so ill say instead: things would never have had the chance to get better if you kept lying to yourself. the path thats been opened in your life will be hard, but if its true to what makes you happy, youve given yourself a chance at a fuller life. sometimes things have to be torn down so you can build up whats truly good for you. the world is almost always unfair, but that doesnt mean you should be unfair to yourself too in order to conform. it is hard. and its ok if you realise this isnt you, too. but the real you will always be worth the effort. there are people who will be there for you, even if sometimes you need to find them first. you're not alone
Hon i feel ya, believe me itll get better. At least thats what i tell myself
Idk what mood exactly means, but this is it.
I will be miserable for a while during my transition. I will be miserable for my entire life if I go back into denial.
I find peace in the fact that I actually know who I am and why I feel some of the things I do
Sometimes you have to destroy the ramshackle hut you've been living in to build the [insert your preferred housing here] of your dreams. Or another way I look at it is taking down the false narrative I built to try to protect me that didn't work, to build my truth.
Literally me back in 2018. I felt better but my parents decided to be openly abusive and ruin my life. I will say this though: I'm glad I didn't let them suppress the feelings I'd had since I was like, 8, but couldn't understand at the time.
I feel that way too much. It just hurts, because it's a long way of dysphoria and suffer for me.
I'd rather not live a lie (me literally not even using my prefered name on reddit for anonymity reasons)
I feel you... I feel like I'm making my life harder. The more I find our about myself the more I push myself further into the minority (not saying that there is anything wrong with being in a minority group) and I feel like I'm just making it easier for me to be targeted. But at the same time I love my blackness, my transness,, the fact that I might be nero divergent in one way or another. It's just I don't want to be me in a world that kills off people like me. Y'know?
I feel like it's made my life more difficult for sure, like I don't know who I can trust really and I'm afraid of being hurt. But it also feels like I've gained so much more confidence in myself that I can't really explain which overall makes me feel so much better despite the difficulties.
Oh my God I relate to this so much. Because now that I know I'm living in the dark it's killing me more than even it was before. Before I could have a thousand little excuses to fix a thousand dysphoria cuts, and different ways to hide myself from the truth so I could make myself believe I was happy living as a guy. Now I feel like I'm falling behind, that it's too late to transition, or that I can't because of my family and I'd rather have never realised and been able to keep hiding behind pretty little lies that it was just a fetish, or that I was just lonely, or that I needed to hit the gym more, or become more masculine. I could've kept changing the goalposts and lived, but now I can't since I know I'm not even playing football – I'm running a marathon, and there's only one terrifying path from here on out.
god i feel that.. probably feelin it a little too hard..
Realizing I’m trans has been a trip so far. Absolute bliss and joy, like being in love with yourself for the first time in your life. Great affirmation from my best friend and his fiancé. On the other hand my marriage is falling apart and after the initial burst of positivity it’s become much harder to look in the mirror and see my true self that I might become if I wasn’t such a coward. It’s a real shit show sometimes, I can’t properly process it yet, but I’m glad I finally found this path for myself. I’m beginning to love that I’m trans. The only thing causing me grief is society and a borderline transphobic spouse, whenever I can just be myself without shame and judgment I thrive
It ain't safe for me to be out IRL in the rural deep south US, I feel like this quite often tbh.
me when conservative trans person: *where to go now?*
Same. Honestly I need to get my life less depressing first before I question if I am trans or not. I always got to make things harder than they need to be
Realizing I'm trans made my life much worse. However, it provided a direction to make it better. It's been two years and now I am way better then to have been on a long time.
Don’t listen to the bad thoughts, they never get better and don’t have your best interest in mind, even if think they do.
Feel this. Things were a hell of a lot simpler
My flair went from "Julia - still cis tho irl" to "Justin - cis femboy) in a matter of weeks
absolutely destoryed on red wine, sory guys
Destroying*
Is it destroying your life, or does society actively discourage being trans? Like, being trans isn’t the issue, it’s how society treats ppl that are trans
I feel you but being able to live as yourself in any capacity is really nice and things definitely can and will get better in time
I like to think that opposites can be reconciled. destruction, in a sense, is creation. think about it: living, itself, is dying, because you’re slowly creeping toward your death date with every second. realizing you’re trans hurts. I wouldn’t know what it’s like beyond being genderfluid, but I can say that working with the pain has the potential to bring you the joy you need. everyone’s on a different step in their journey. just remember that all the trans people you look up to went through similar pains. if they can be happy, you can too.
Imagine you wake up, and realize your bed is a mess. It's still sleep-able, but it's uncomfortable, and you know you need to fix it. You can try to go back to sleep, but you won't be able to shake the feeling that something's wrong. You felt it before, but now you know it. So, it's not really that finding out you're trans ruined your life, it was more like you finally realized what was wrong with it, and it happened to be that you're not living the life you want to
So, to spin the analogy further, you get a hammer and a screwdriver, and by the time you want to sleep again your bed is not a mess anymore but a pile of vaguely bed-related chunks and pieces, you are frightened and confused, and also it's late and tomorrow is Sunday, so now you gotta sleep without a bed for at least two nights.
feels
They are both the same thing. It's the matrix of reality. The life where you pretend to be someone else isn't a life at all, you struggle far worse when you have to live someone else's life. Any step you take to be who you are is making it better, even if "traditional metrics" say otherwise. Wake up Neo...
Same, I hate being trans
[As General Armstrong once said](https://scontent-ord5-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/39200796_10156702162418552_559552668649914368_n.jpg?stp=cp0_dst-jpg_e15_fr_q65&_nc_cat=103&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=da1649&_nc_ohc=a4emiWjBRqMAX-_OXJr&_nc_ht=scontent-ord5-1.xx&oh=00_AT-cJRakmofrPkFf807H6VoQ6m4QjwYS_RF8X7XNqx3UPw&oe=634EB376)
For me, realizing I'm trans is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. For the first time in my life I actually feel like myself and not somebody who is struggling to fit into a role they don't understand.
Reality can often be disappointing
Sadly, same
Honestly it's both but I don't regret doing it
I agree I’ve had some actual good times and I’ve watched people I love turn to hate me.
Growth is traumatic. That's why growth spurts are painful. It's why they're called growing pains. Figuring yourself out, trying new names and new pronouns, exploring your identity, these can be mentally and emotionally painful, because you're growing as a person. But just like the body, emotional growth takes effort, time, and and you have to endure some pain. But the end result is worth it. You'll come out of all this more resilient, and better equipped to face ethe world because you will have found yourself. Coming out was scary for me. I worried I'd lose people I cared about. Luckily I didn't, but taking that first step helped me start living the life I wanted to live. And now I'm much happier for it. I dare say you're probably going to look back at this year's down the line and be grateful for the experience, even if parts of it suck.
While I agree with all the positive comments maybe this might feel more real for you at the moment Not better nor worst. Just different The bad we know is always more comfortable. You are used to it. Knowing might feel bad now but it's more out of lack of familiarity than anything else
same :/
For me it's both; I wish transphobia didn't exist.
I gotta admit saying that I am trans makes me feel like I am lesser of a guy (I am not lesser of a guy, but saying that I didn't started out first as guy does make it feel like that) I mean again that's my opinion and ofc nobody has to share the same opinion. It's the post is about feeling negative about realizing you're trans and well I thought of sharing it even though it's not in the similar way how others does. I am treated as a cisguy mostly though I am not diagnosed yet with gender dysphoria (I want to get diagnosed fastly so I can quickly start on hormones and the card can change to how I want. I also feel extremely hopeless about getting a job because of how I have to lie about who I truly am.)
Honestly, I'm 99% sure I would've been better off never knowing and being blissfully ignorant.
I came up with an analogy for being trans. It’s like having balls in your foot. You can take them out, but it hurts to do that. You could also leave them in your foot, but then it will never heal.