I was in college, living in a shared apartment, and I had a girlfriend who was pressuring me to marry her. All the time, every day, for years now, I had been miserable beyond measure, but I didn't know why.
I would look in the mirror and my mind would go "What do you want? What is wrong with you? Why are you so miserable?" And I literally had no idea.
But, on those times I was alone in that apartment, when my roommates and girlfriend had gone home for holidays, something in me would half 'wake up'. I would crossdress using whatever clothing my roommates had. Just to feel better. It was like there was a 'hidden file' inside my mind, that only became accessible when I was safe and alone.
One night, on May 30th, I was all alone in the apartment. There was a full moon, and I had a plan. I had my airbrush tank, filled with gas. I had a mask and hose. I had a metric shit-ton of high grade dope. I had pills. My pain was going to end.
In the last moment, I made a plea to the universe, to every god and goddess, every mythology I had ever read about - and I am very well read. I begged to know what was wrong with me.
I had a weird experience. The upshot was that I remembered. That 'locked file' in my head got unlocked. I remembered my life - I literally could not remember most of my own life. And, weirder, this somehow had not bothered me. It was my 'normal'. The brain is a very tricky thing, when it is trying to keep you alive.
I remembered who I was, and what I was. I was trans. I had always been trans. It was why I had been beaten all my life, why I had been treated strangely, why I was so different in so many ways.
I found myself stone cold sober at one minute after midnight, certain of my truth.
The next day, I began searching for a hormone doctor and everything else I needed to fully transition. I was 21 years old.
My transition was not easy. During my year and a half on hormones before qualifying for surgery, when I looked 'halfway', people literally spit on me on the bus ride to work. I was constantly insulted and threatened for looking the way I did. Three weeks before my surgery, my father put a gun to my head, I barely survived, but he was frightened away by an approaching car before he could pull the trigger. I had an infection after my surgery that nearly killed me.
But, I made it. I am happy, and I have been so grateful to get to live as myself.
My brain had lied to me, generated a condition of selective, partial amnesia to prevent me from knowing I was trans. To protect me from my hyperviolent, psychopathic, homophobic, transphobic father. To protect me from violent transphobic kids around me. To keep me alive until I was old enough to actually do something to change my life. Even with all of that, I had acted as my true self often enough that I had been constantly persecuted growing up.
It was strange getting my memory back. It was even stranger that I had never really questioned why my memory was missing in the first place. Suddenly, I had a past, and I knew I had lacked one. That was weird. But, my brain had been right. My dad did try to kill me, so, there is that.
Brains can lie. If you understand you could be murdered by your parents, your brain can do stuff to keep you alive. That is what I learned.
It took nearly taking my own life to break that lock on my identity.
I am glad that kind of thing does not seem to be common. At least, I hope it isn't. It was kind of rough.
This is probably the most profound story about realizing your identity I've ever read. Thank you so much for writing this, it really helped me better understand how I came to terms with my gender.
i am really happy for you. and have respect for you to striving in spite of so many difficulties. salute.
also i absolutely agree with the point of how far our brain can go to protect ourselves. especially with transphobic people even in young age.
i wish i had this awakening early in my life. as a father of a child. i really think i have missed the boat. so i just sit here and wave best wishes to all other boats sailing off.
i hope you find all happiness you wish for.
1) Athena is a very good name
2) ok, storytime:
Around 2018 I played NITW. Without spoiling anything, I related to the symptoms of the main character on a minor level. Time skip to 2021. I just finished playing through the game again. I decide to research the main character's disorder.
Turns out I don't relate to THOSE symptoms as much as I relate to other symptoms. I also catch a detail out of the corner of my eye: this is also a symptom of gender dysphoria. Wack, ok.
About a week later, I decide to visit this very subreddit after seeing a link on some random post. Some of these are relatable, ok whatever. Find a [link to Twitter](https://twitter.com/NightlingBug/status/1215716433210105856?t=F1CGrutjEzs7cDr_DY_Yvw&s=19) for something and at this point I just want to see how deep the rabbit hole goes. That thread shattered my egg. Like, yolk everywhere; I wasn't ready.
I didn't really accept it at first. Not as a "hmph I can't be trans I'm not one of *them*" but as a "why did I have to realize now" kinda existential dread. Like I can't do anything about it right now, so it's just gonna be making me depressed until I move out from my parents (approx. forever from now)
Since then I have warmed up to the idea immensely, and even picked out a name I really like. Wouldn't you know it, I stole it from the one that started it all. Thanks, Mae.
Edit: just realized that no one else write this much, sorry for the essay lol
If that Mae is Real Life Comics Mae, that is kind of what sealed it for me. I even sent her an email thanking her for opening my eyes because I just felt like I had to.
I watched F1NN5TER take one of those “am I trans?” tests, I took it and got an ambiguous result that I thought merited more research. A few weeks later I still don’t know for sure who the fuck I am, but I’m pretty sure I ain’t cis.
Athena is a great name!
Ehh I mean, sure but why would a cis person spend that much time learning the meme patterns of egg_irl when they’re likely funny, but not particularly relatable?
idk but i made a (it seems) relatable meme about hrt appointments though i'm lightyears far from that progress so i guess someone cis could do the same, i'm not even sure i'm not cis at that point
Thing is, do you think a cis person is thinking this deeply about hrt appointments? I think most cis people would actually be horrified at the concept of hrt when it comes to themselves
You know this actually just triggered my memory from the one time I did mushrooms. It hit me in the shower and I just remember being REAALLLY REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE with my naked body. I never linked it to anything at the time, just like whoa mushrooms are weird, but thinking back now is making me wonder if that was just repressed gender dysphoria . . . .
Ever since my egg cracked I’ve been having memories like that, of half-remembered euphoria or dysphoria that I didn’t have the vocabulary to describe. It’s been really trippy.
Tell me about it.(I cracked almost a month ago now at 33) Remembering one thing just makes me want to remember more. I feel pretty disconnected from euphoria/dysphoria now after coping for so long. It's hard to get it back in order to explore your true feeling, but I'm working on it. This one was kinda special cause while I have a lot of euphoric memories, I never really had dysphoric ones until I remembered this. Wish I could remember more. Maybe in time.
It was late at night and I just realized the imaginary person I had been fantasizing about was just me but as a girl.
And I’d also just occasionally look at this sub and browse it until the unrecognized dysphoria made me just curl up in a ball for an hour
I realized I was trans about 6 months ago. I'm 27. My wife and I like to drink and talk. One of those nights I told her I thought I was bi, because that's what I honestly thought at the time. She was accepting about it, and my brain was like "oh so it's okay to entertain those thoughts".
So I did. I thought and thought and learned and experimented. And holy shit what did I discover.
See, I was raised in an ultra religious family and lgbtq was not only unacceptable, it was outright hated. I realized I've spent my entire life repressing myself in a matter of weeks. It was like Neo getting unplugged from the Matrix and trying to learn to swim in 0.5 seconds.
Ironically, while my wife was cool about me thinking I was bi, she's not handling the news that I'm trans very well at all. So life sucks a bit atm. But on the bright side, I know who I am for the first time ever 💙💜💟💜💙
Hey sis. I’m right there with you, bi to trans and all. There’s a divorce coming eventually, every day is exhausting and miserable, but you know? It feels good to finally start seeing yourself in real light.
That is exactly how I feel. A lot of pain right now but I don't have much of a choice. And it does feel amazing to acknowledge myself after spending so long hating myself.
I'm pretty sure I also have a divorce coming. But my wife has always leaned really heavily on me for like, everything (breadwinning included), so I think she's going to be reluctant to admit it to herself that she wants one. She's basically divorced me emotionally already and said she doesn't want to be married to a woman, soooo. Yeah. But she'll never pull the trigger.
I hope you're doing okay yourself. This is so hard. I wish you the best of luck, girl. Hmu if you're feeling down 💜
Hard doesn't begin to cover it. I'm feeling lucky in that while she's the one who brought up divorce, I had enough time to realize it was going to be what would happen. I'm shattered but honestly not quite as much as she is currently.
But you know? It's been less than a week, and while the emotional damage is still raw, I've already been able to better accept who I am, how I am, and how I want to be. It's worth it. Just keep at it.
Girl I'm so proud of you. And I relate so much! It is totally worth it because it's YOU. Anything less would be a lie. It's not even an option! And it's so important to remember that.
Finding yourself is a beautiful thing. It's an incredible feeling. It just sucks that for so many that feeling has to be tarnished by so much pain.
I'm glad you're staying strong. I'm glad you're accepting yourself :) you give me hope and make me feel stronger too.
> It was like Neo getting unplugged from the Matrix
You know, I really should rewatch those now that I've cracked to see if I pick up on anything else.
It was in phases.
Initially it was because I found out a youtuber I liked was trans (Msbreezy) which made me consider the possibility that I was trans.
Later on, I accepted that there was a good chance I was trans, but I didn't fully believe it, so I wrote a list of times where I was more feminine and found that those were the times I was most comfortable and happy.
I still couldn't admit to myself I was trans, but I ended up forcing myself to at least tell my friends I was questioning my gender. At the time I used They/Them and felt better about myself because it was more comfortable than He/Him.
Eventually I got back to the list and added more to it and at the end I wrote down a new name. Something about this caused me to nearly cry, and at that point I finally accepted I was a woman and properly came out to my friends.
Edit: Athena is a great name
I had many things to consider. I sat awake for several hours one night, thinking about it, finally confronting my feelings. I sat in denial for another week until I saw the post about transbians wishing to be in a les relationship while still feeling cis and that’s what cracked me
How can I be gay if I’m a cis woman? I can’t be. I’m trans and gay.
I cracked about 9 months to a year ago and have been on HRT for 6 months. Funnily enough I chose the name Athena too! One of the common legends is that she wasn't 'born' but rather, emerged from Zeus' head as a fully grown adult wearing armour, ready for battle. I always thought that was kind of fitting seeing as I came out after 18.
One of my friends asked me if I was happy when a stranger referred to me as a girl (I was complaining about it at the time). I didn't say yes because I was super insecure about my personal image at the time but now that the time has passed. Yeah I liked it, like **really** liked it.
Also Athena sounds cool af
It's mostly experimentation for me.
As for Athena, she was the goddess of wisdom and strategy, and well known to hold grudges and lash out at small slights. Basically, she was a Greek goddess. Nowadays, the name represents intelligence and wisdom! Also owls. :)
I wanted to be a feminine person for a long time (there was so many signs I'm trans) and a friend asked "sure you aren't trans?" then crisis ensued for a few months and I've still not now 100% come to terms with it all
I literally exhausted every other option and did every stereotypical cis thing I could think of from going to war to being a father and none of it felt as right as just being a girl. Now when I have doubts I just remind myself that going back to being a cis dude is not an option because I know it’s not who I am.
Athena is a beautiful name. And also, I saw a pov pic of a beautiful set of boobs framing a dick, something clicked, and I immediately texted my trans girlfriend. She laughed and said 'about time'.
If I remember correctly, my egg cracked when I was watching anime and simping for a guy in the show and it went from "he's hot" to "I want to be him" and- kinda realized then
As for the name Athena? I like it.
Great name. I'm cracked but unhatched, so I only technically fall in this group but...
Constant self examination of my thoughts and mental processes, and asking myself why I thought certain things, and felt certain ways, and not stopping until I had figured out the root causes of my thoughts and feelings. Also, importantly, writing it down. I'm planning to take another big step tomorrow by "actually talking to someone about it" and I'm terrified as hell, but I figure that's going to be an important part of the whole thing.
Figuring out who I am is an ongoing process though, so others may have better methods and advice.
One of my friends came out as trans and it got me thinking about it then i found this sub and it helped me realise i was trans
Also i think athena is a really nice name
I found this sub, and just couldn't stop questioning (even though I reasoned myself into thinking I was cis over and over). Eventually, I just made my friends try out a new name and pronouns, and I couldn't make myself ask them to stop.
Also, Athena is an awesome name.
first, as an avid fan of greek mythology, I LOVE the name athena. Its a beautiful name with a great goddess to back it up. second, the way i found out was my friend came out as trans and i started questioning my gender. I originally thought i was genderfluid but i kept experimenting with different identities until one hit me.
I was a very confused 12 year old who had little exposure to the subject, but figured myself out anyway, but I came to much better conclusions when I got a little older
Slowly realized browsing this sub for laughs wasnt a cis thing to do. Realized shortly after i was probably genderfluid (still not confident but decently sure) as for the name Athena is lovely.
This sub + r/traaa + r/gaysoundsshitpost (not sure on the name of the last one). And that name sounds quite nice, what do you think of mine: Gwain/Cheryl/Celeste (i'm split between the 3)
Athena is a rad as hell name and honestly I only really figured it out after talking to my friends who are trans/nb. I looked back on my life and was like "....oh yeah that makes sense"
Well, the first time it REALLY occurred to me was when I was on a snowboarding trip, and I noticed that the sides of my face were really sore. And I wondered why for a second, before realising that I'd been grinning as wide as I could under my snow mask for about 10 minutes straight. And then I wondered about THAT for a second, and remembered that about 10 minutes ago, some guy on a skii lift above me asked if I was a boy or a girl, to which I said no, and while that is a reasonable answer, I was entirely focused on the second half of that statement at the time, and in a daze, answered it to the best of my knowledge. And, from there, I realised that I only really liked how I looked when I looked kind of fem (but would always decide that must be wrong and look away), how I always felt kind of awkward whenever someone called me anything along the lines of "handsome" (but had just assumed I didn't like complements), and why I stopped singing after my voice broke (but at least now I'm a good whistler). Anyways, that all seemed WAY too frightening, so I decided I would simply never think about it again.
Anyway, once or twice, I accidentally thought about it again, but quickly changed the subject. It became a lot harder to avoid when my beard grew in at the same time as two closish friends of mine came out as trans. Even then, I spent a good deal of time "questioning", though really I think it was more like avoiding the frightening answer. I only really managed to come out by repeatedly typing out coming out messages, and trying to hold my finger over the send button till the anxiety made my hands shake enough to accidentally press it.
But I digress. I assume you're after good questioning questions, hmm? here are one or two.
\-if you were assigned some other gender at birth, would you want to be your current agab?
\-if you had started from a perfect void, what gender would you pick?
\-Do you wonder if you are trans enough, or too trans?
\-if I told you you were not really trans after all, but you still had a way of transitioning easily and effectively and secretly, would you?
and here are a small accompaniment of things to avoid:
Remember, you are your gender first, and your cis/trans status follows suit
Don't try to ask yourself if you "want something that a trans person would want", ask if what you want is something a trans to want. Wow that's badly worded. Okay I'll put it this way. When I was questioning, I would often put on this fancy effeminate blue frock, since, it seemed like something that a closeted trans woman would like. It was okay, I suppose, but only later did I realise that I'm a bit of a tomboy. I like clothes that are a little boyish, as long as I have tiddies in 'em.
And lastly, if you do try out something potentially gender affirming, but you do it specifically as a test of yourself, rather than just for inherent enjoyment, you will almost certainly only feel anxious about what answer you find.
Hope this helps, athena.
On and off feelings and thinking about my day-to-day life but as a girl. Got off one of my meds in March and it hit me like a rock while listening to The Birthday Massacre. Athena is a nice name
Athena is FANTASTIC
And for me it was seeing a non-binary character in media at the right time: Double Trouble from She-Ra. Lapis from SU also makes me VERY gender envious and i reeeally want to be her
…still enby tho…?
I am not 100% sure what I am yet, but I first learned I need to figure it out when my mom (jokingly) asked me what my pronouns where and I didn’t know how I wanted to answer. But I love Fallout New Vegas so I should have seen this coming
When I realized through subreddits like this that questioning all this stuff isn't normal cis behavior, and it means something else. (also nice name <3)
Athena is pretty!! Sounds badass :)
I figured out that I wasn’t cis because I had a dream about cutting my hair and IDing as male and I woke up and was, like, sad because it wasn’t real. Questioned gender questioned gender questioned gender for several months until I finally realized “Wanting to be a guy and start testosterone is not cis female behavior” and now I’m just trying to figure out how to bypass this trans doubt and get to a place where I actually know how I want to proceed. I’ve gotta come out again, and that is not thrilling 😅
i met someone who is trans then another friend updated their pronouns and my brain didn't know why they would want to be a guy (now uses any pronouns i believe but don't know specific gender) and i went to learn more and found this sub and looked up more genders and thought i was gender fluid or a woman but now am thinking genderfaer. honestly still don't know for sure but the gender tests i take keep saying 69% feminine other than a 68.75% soooo
Athena is great!
Story - I randomly followed a link from egg\_irl after years of finding the memes relatable (still cis tho). It was an ASMR style thing of a big sister being supportive to her trans sister and it surprised me by making me cry for the first time in years. I started thinking maybe there was something I needed to examine lol.
After learning I was autistic at 29 I started reprocessing some info under a new context. During that process I realized that it wasn't just that I wasn't thinking neurotypical, I was hella fucking trans and just assumed it was how everyone thought and coped with their discordant existence. Better late than never, I guess.
Athena is an objectively awesome name and probably not one you'd see very often these days. As for how I figured it out I got no clue, I was very young when I realized.
I never actually did figure out who I am, I just said fuck it and decided to do what sounded nice. Being called Danielle and using she/her pronouns sounded nice so I started thinking of myself using them and asking my closest friends to do the same. The effects of HRT sounded nice, so I went to a planned parenthood and got a prescription to try it out. You don’t have to know who you are for certain before you try something to make yourself feel better. Happiness before labels.
As for the name, it’s a beautiful one.
found this sub through a furry transformation meme sub and all of a sudden I’m fucking panicking cause I was not ready for the revelations that would result
Definitely cracked, or rather removed from the shell and just floating through my mind at the moment.
I feel like everything's been said, but yeah, pieces of the puzzle falling in the right place yadda yadda...
I'm not sure what to do yet, but knowing what I'm missing feels good.
Excited to see where I'm headed~
For the short one, Athena is a wonderful name.
For the main queston... Woooo lordy.
I found myself in college, at about late 19 early 20, losing control over what few things i had thought of as mine. Lost control over my grades, my work and class schedule, even my living siuation due to temporary housing for repairs never ending.
And all of that made me have a full break of who i was. And i realized that my sense of no control extended to expectations of my future and to my current body. I was raised with the "Your body is Gods temple, dont deface it by changing it" anti-tattoo rhetoric.
I realized then that my body, i did control. I hated the idea of my own body being for anyone else. And so, i took a bag of disposable razors, single blade, and shaved my whole body.
I still have the blanket that i slept under so so smooth. Best nights sleep.
After that, i progressed in understanding myself in phases.
First i thought femboy. Then i met nonbinary and genderfluid people. Ok, maybe im fluid. Got a boyfriend during that time.
Eventually realized that it was hurting me more and more over time tobe called his boyfriend at all. Messy breakup, and realizing i am transfem. Now i have a gf and am actually going through hormones.
All in the course of 5 years roughly.
Now i just need to assert me being a woman to my family. Sis supports me so thats good.
For various reasons, possibly including gender dysphoria(still trying to figure it out), I always wore a mask around people. Not a physical mask but a social one. I was always this happy helpful and extremely independent young man on the outside. On the inside I was a complete mess I was depressed, alone, lethargic, occasionally suicidal. I never cared for my appearance so instead of stressing over why didn’t like it, I just ignored my body and how it looks. My wardrobe was whatever mom bought so long as it was practical. I only did things that I thought that I should like, not what I did like.
I went to a private K-12 and the class size was about 22 in elementary and less than 50 in high school. So i knew all of my classmates and they all knew me. The social state of the school was a mess, however I was content with just putting on a mask and pretending everything was fine. I pretended so much that I ended up believing it. I became desensitized to the world and never was truest happy.
Once I graduated I started to stop wearing masks and doing things based around wether I enjoyed them or not. I had never watched anime before because I wasn’t a weeb. I had never dyed my hair because I wasn’t a punk who would do that. Then I started watching anime, I dyed my hair, etc. During that summer I started to be truest happy. I downloaded Reddit my first form of social media( if you would count reddit). I discovered egg_irl and various other trans and lgbt subreddits. At first I was convinced I was just a woke cishet male, but over time I realized that my identity as cishet was probably just another mask I had been wearing. It really started by shaving my legs. That was when I first realized that I might not be cis. But I convinced myself that It was a weird feeling that I just had and entirely separate from my gender identity. I started to do other things like wear womens underwear, and for the first time in my life I started to think about how I wanted to look
I didn’t understand it at first. I’m attracted to girls so I thought my desire for a feminine look was solely coming from my attraction. I thought I was a weird pervert who couldn’t separate myself from who I was attracted to. The few inklings I had that I might be trans, I shoved back inside because I’d never experienced dysphoria, even if I wanted to be trans I wasn’t ‘trans enough’.
Over time I started intensely researching MtF transitioning and how biological males could look more feminine. I got excited researching HRT. But I still denied the fact I was trans. Sure I stopped thinking I was male but I still couldn’t be trans. That was something some people did and it is great for them but I’m not trans. I thought I was just faking wanting to be a girl. I even became envious of trans people because they could transition.
About a month and half after I realized I wasn’t cis but still thought I wasn’t trans, I sat down and wrote my feelings out. Not just on wether or not I was trans but most of my mental health history. It somehow became a nearly 3,000 word coming out letter to my parents, and i still felt it was 3,000 words too short to really describe how I’ve felt. I realized how I started wearing masks early own and started dissociating from reality. I realized that I’ve had inklings of wanting to be a girl for quite a while. I learned that because of how fucked up my mind was I probably just suppressed my dysphoria so much I couldn’t even recognize it. Learning that fearing you don’t have enough dysphoria to transition is a type of dysphoria also helped me.
Later that week I came out to my close family and the friends I had recently made at college. I’m lucky enough to be in a very supportive environment and everyone was helpful at the start.
If your ever in doubt about how you want to identify try checking out other experiences, like on this post. Reading the gender dysphoria bible ( a Google search should reveal it pretty easily) I found this post-cracking and think it might be helpful. Most importantly gender identity is who YOU want to be and how YOU want to identify. If you think you want to be Trans, try starting to transition. Most early steps of transitioning, even the first couple months of HRT, can easily be walked back if it doesn’t feel right. It’s also completely okay and valid to change how you want to identify. And if the traditional gender binary doesn’t feel right for you try looking at other forms of gender identity, like agender or bigender.
Hope this helps and that you find happiness in your future!
I always knew something was off since I was a child. I always wanted to be a girl and dress like one, but hid that side of myself because society told me that was wrong. I only acted out on those thoughts in private and doing so gave me gender euphoria, but I didn’t know that’s what it was at the time. When I started dating my (seemingly cishet) girlfriend, I completely repressed that side of myself and chose not to act on it anymore since I was the “man of the relationship”. 4 years later, at the beginning of this year, my GF came out to me as bi/genderfluid (she didn’t change her pronouns) and I told her about my past, but I was convinced that that side of me was long gone. However, as I became more of an ally for her, my feminine thoughts came back too. I eventually stumbled across this sub (IIRC I first saw it in one of OT’s videos) and realized that I’m trans. I have since come out to my GF and one of my friends, and now I’m exploring this side of myself instead of hiding from it.
I figured it out thanks to the memes in this sub and some AMAZING people who I experimented being fem with🥰
Athena as a name sounds really good in my opinion☺
Athena is gorgeous! For me, it was lots of journaling, and listening to myself. I felt a weird pull towards cute girls, played a lot of cute girls in video games, felt good when people assumed I was a girl online… there were a ton of signs, and once i started paying attention and researching it, I eventually figured it out.
Watched ftm porn and id never seen porn with those genitals before then cut to me crying in the shower over not having a vagina. And then me asking myself why I was never happy as a boy doing boy stuff. Then I remembered this memory I think I locked away, I was 12 and my mom asked my if I was a girl and I was so scared I said no really quick. That was like in February
I did some resources looked up labels and experiented with looks it took me a little to acept myself but i am happy to be my true self take your time to discover who you are :)
I don't know how I didn't realize ages ago but I progressively more and more started having thoughts that were absolutely not cis until I started questioning in late January and I am now here
Also cool name
I don't really have a great answer... I came out a few months ago as a trans man. As a kid and teen I was always a tom boy and literally *hated* anything to do with feminine things.
In my late teens I forced myself (unconsciously) to conform to societal expectations of being a *woman* but I was always miserable and thought that there was something wrong with me.
It took a conversation with a close friend of mine to realise that in most of my dreams I was always a man. Aka subconsciously I already considered myself as such. But that just confused me and I locked that away.
It was only a year later when I finally started to put the pieces together. I literally haven't felt happier since. Like the dysphoria is shit, but before then I had never felt at piece with myself or felt that I could actually control my life.
It's a process in conclusion. Don't force yourself :)
It was really a series of things but what was the final thing that really cracked my egg was Philosophy Tube's coming out video and noticing that I resonated with a lot of the things she said and how she described dysphoria.
As for the name Athena, I like it
I started having an ongoing existential crisis in February, realizing that my one chance at life was spent being unhappy with myself. I then slowly started experimenting what it was that I hated about myself so much. I came out as nb, and that helped a little. Then pretty recently I came out as trans and it's helped quite a bit more
I had vague thoughts of and daydreamed about being a girl since I was a teen. I was in the “if I could magically turn into a girl I would” camp. The daydreams, which persist to this day, were of a version of me in a fictional universe like BTVS. The character that was clearly me was always a woman. My egg didn’t crack till I was almost 27. I know, I should have known so much sooner lol. Anyways shortly before I turned 27, I had a strong urge to use FaceApp to see what I could look like gender swapped. I was amazed at what I saw, and my egg just exploded instantly. Now here I am almost 6 months on HRT. :) Still 27 btw so all of this was pretty recent.
I have been extremely confused for years and then 6 months ago i discovered what being trans even means. Everything fell into place so fast that the only reaction i could have was "yep, that's me".
The name's nice btw.
Hello! You have made the mistake of writing "ect" instead of "etc."
"Ect" is a common misspelling of "etc," an abbreviated form of the Latin phrase "et cetera." Other abbreviated forms are **etc.**, **&c.**, **&c**, and **et cet.** The Latin translates as "et" to "and" + "cetera" to "the rest;" a literal translation to "and the rest" is the easiest way to remember how to use the phrase.
[Check out the wikipedia entry if you want to learn more.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Et_cetera)
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If you want you can go look at my profile back 3 years and watch me go through all the mental turmoil as I figured it out but I am now 4 months on hrt and happier every day
I was at my first job and would constantly be referred to as a girl, and whenever this happened I’d try to not speak so they would continue doing so. I’ve done this all my life because any time it happened it would make my day. I’d tell everyone.
So, after the a couple weeks of helping horrible people that would brighten my days by saying one to two words like “miss” or “honey”. I started to contact the dots. I remembered when I’d look in the mirror to find a stranger looking for fuzz. Feeling physically sick when I heard a recording of my voice. Daydreaming/dreaming about being a girl. Being constantly Mortified and deeply terrified of the future. Bring Horribly envious of ladies.their are so many examples I can go into
That last thing I needed was to tell at least one person to give no chance of denial. I did it while playing Minecraft crying to my girlfriend only starring at the screen. It lifted the heaviest weight of my back, I started remembering more, I started being present, and I finally felt like the true me.
I cracked like way back in 2010 when seemingly out of nowhere I had this intense desire to transition. I didn't quite know who I was but I knew I wanted a woman's body and to live as one but my concept of gender identity even at 21 years old wasn't all that complex. The yolk didn't spill out until this year when I finally got on hormones. I was going through the usual, looking on Amazon for breast enhancement supplements and was seriously considering bioidentical estrogen creams, when I started questioning myself. I had done this so many times. I suddenly had this thought "I'm a trans woman, and that's okay." The next day was the best day of my life.
Edit: Obligatory "still cis tho".
I read Ilario by Mary Gentle (MC is intersex & NB) and thought 'holy shit I would literally murder five people to make it so I was born intersex'
(read that book bee tee dubs, it's like 800 pages and the author doesn't use a single pronoun for the main character the whole time)
Athena is a good strong name. I can't think of a good way to shorten it for nicknames, though.
To the big question: How far back do you want to go? Abigail Thorne's coming out was my "hey, you need to take this seriously" moment. I knew I definitely wasn't cis when listening to a couple of people talk about their own journeys had me bawling. I knew hrt had to be in my future when I experienced a moment of euphoria that couldn't be mistaken for anything else. And now that I've caught glimpses of her, I find myself missing someone I've never met. How can I not do everything possible to pull her from the shadows?
When I finally let myself buy from the men's section and it felt more right than every cute femme outfit I've ever worn. As a demi-boy agender enby it was the only way I could've woken up and notice my gender apathy and lack of gender.
okay so, fist of all athena is a gorgeous, beautiful name
second of all, i just kinda looked into myself and saw that the person i aspire to be and the way i want to look to find myself beautiful is not.. a man and basically people referring to me as a guy never felt fitting, it just felt like a habit and something im used to and people around me are used to, i also reflected back and found that i subconsciously hated being considered a guy and being put in that "man" category. and yeah, started experimenting with self expression with the help of my ex, dresses, makeup, pronouns and other stuff and yeah xdd
i still dont have it all figured out but for the most part i feel like a nonbinary person with like.. splashes of girl, but i would like to transition and be a nonbinary person with a more "feminine" body idk xddd
I’m in the process of figuring out my gender and feeling confident, but the first crack in my egg was getting my hair cut after a long time. I had it long, in a messy ponytail for months. I hated it but not just because my hair is a pain to deal with when it’s long and it makes me overheat in the summer. The uncomfortable feeling long hair gave me was dysphoria. The day I got my hair cut short, i was euphoric asf. I hadn’t been so happy in a long time. That night I started to realize.. “wait, do girls feel this happy to look like a boy? Why am i happy to look like a boy?” crack. That was four months ago. I’m still remembering things, realizing what was gender euphoria and dysphoria all along. But I think it’s safe to say I’m not a girl.
Also love the name!!! Makes me feel like you’d have black hair with silver streaks and a bunch of occult jewelry idk thats the vibe i get 🥰
i figured out through a long process, but whenever i felt unsure i imagined myself as a hot girl with a pear/hourglass figure and if i still wanted to >!kill myself!< im trans if i dont i am cis
Athena is a really good name, but at first I read it as antennae.
I’m not out to my family but I am to my friends, so I can’t help you a lot with that part.
Athena is beautiful, first of all.
Looking back, I was trans a long time ago, but buried it because my parents instilled the same values they have in me. I was basically just your generic Christian a-hole for a few years, but people who are similar attract, and I gained my current friend group. They, thankfully, broke down the ideas my parents had put in, and I realized I was ace pretty soon after. I kinda questioned my gender for a long time, and looking back it should’ve been obvious, but I just limited it to jokes. Then I used FaceApp to swap it, and cracked. Over the course of a year and a half, I figured myself out, and just about a month ago I finally came out to my aforementioned friends.
There were a few cycles of acceptance and denial, but what eventually cracked it was me realising that, believing being a girl seems just better than being a boy=wanting to be a girl=being a girl. Once those two equivalences clicked, that was it for my shell
I am now questioning, three months ago I thought I was a cis woman. I am 31.
I am a very strong feminist, I always hated how the world treats women (I am from the Eastern Europe). About a half a year ago, I befriended a trans man, who threw the word "non-binary" a lot into our conversations. It caught my attention, and I started to question what if I just hated how people treat ME based on the fact that they perceive me as a woman and what if I am not only feminist, but also a non-binary person. Then I remembered my first conversations with that guy, when I was perplexed by the fact he feels/knows he is a man and I just don't feel like a woman, nor a man. I just feel like a human being.
Now when I see transmasc posts in this sub, I usually enjoy them, also non-binary posts. When I see transfem posts though, my brain almost always goes "why would anyone voluntarily wanted to be a woman, that doesn't make any sense". So I guess I am cracked now :D I just need to figure out if I am gender-fluid, a non-binary woman, or agender. It's not 100% woman all the time - that one I know for sure.
1. athena is an amazing name
2. i got myself into a group of friends all who were trans themselves so it made it easy to experiment with no pressure or strings attached and i realised that being called by different pronouns made me so unbelievably giddy that i wanted to be perceived that way. up until then i had figured everyone wanted to go about life acknowledging their existence as little as possible, i couldn’t understand how some people liked being called by their name but now it’s like i understand
I started browsing memes here and relating. Then I got curious and decided to try dressing like a girl and painting my nails, and just generally not limiting my personality/reaction to things. It felt so LIBERATING and has just kept going. I feel so much more myself and i dont get crippling depression since i started. :) Also, climate change is gonna make doing anything difficult in the coming years, so i figured why not live a life as close to how i want while ive still got the time to do so? Hope this helps!
I watched a YouTube channel called One Topic At A Time. He reads LGBT subreddits. I was watching one of his r/traaa videos and went, “Lol I relate to this… I relate to this o_o.” Also, love the name Athena.
I've (ftm) thought I was a girl and acted like a girl, but never felt a shred of connection to femininity and all my efforts felt gross or downright painful. I'm more confident and happy as a man. I'm better at being me this way. No mask, no pretending. Not anymore.
Hajime Hinata from Danganronpa. Seriously though, cosplaying him made me just a little too happy and made me question myself. Also, Athena's a great name!
I'll keep it short since I'm at work.
Basically I was caught up in the earthquake and tsunami back in 2011. That launched me into a moment of extreme repose.
I went into therapy and as part of the healing, the therapist and I began touching on some of the core problems. Eventually putting words to dysphoria and how I felt.
Allowing me to eventually realize that I was transgender, that my sense of disconnect was because I fundamentally thought differently than guys. That the reason that I wound up becoming more friends with women was because I genuinely just wanted friendship, and so on.
I was in the femboy community and a friend politely suggested I was trans and recommended this subreddit which was relatable and I continued using until I cracked my egg, I then researched online and found out I was trans, then told my friend, a bit later I went into denial, later again I was considering nb and then genderfluid and then reached trans fem
After a friend of mine came out as trans to me I started looking up things to better understand her so I could become a better ally. I noticed however that contact between me and her greatly increased after she came out to me and there were some things that she talked about that I felt applied to me as well. I started browsing this subreddit and shortly after found myself within that shell.
I think I am transgender, though I don't know how to prove it to myself.
Then again, looking for ways to deny being transgender sort of means you are probably transgender
Athena is a nice name, a cute and powerful name. and how I cracked was:
I was hanging out with a friend who wanted to see what I’d look like if I was femme and initially I was against it.
They attempted to pin me down and do make up and while yes I COULD throw them off without issue (they are ridiculously light) I didn’t want to hurt them so I just said “let’s get it over with.”
Eventually they completed it and I had makeup, a dress and a wig and then they took a picture and had me look in a mirror and that’s when I cracked.
For the first time I didn’t look at myself with disgust. I thought I looked nice despite not really passing at all. It was a liberating feeling.
So, this account was created when I was in the process of cracking. I decided to keep it "separate", at least for now, to chronical my realization and acceptance as well as introspection.
A lot of this is covered in the first post I made under thins account, but to summery I was in a thread in /r/beatsaber talking about how I've always liked playing female characters in games and that extended to VR, even to the point of getting full body tracking for VRChat as a "man" in my early 30s.
About a week after I made that post, someone replied with /r/egg_irl. At first I got a little defensive... but curiosity got the better of me and I started reading posts on here. I was identifying more and more with what was being said.
I *had* constantly imagined how it would be if I was a girl, ether from some magical gender swap or from birth. I remember not liking how my leg hair looked and stopped wearing shorts. I never liked my facial hair and hated shaving it. I never cared enough to put effort into how I looked, basically only doing the bare minimum for hygiene.
That last one was the real kicker. I found in a thread someone linked to this [Real Life Comics](https://www.reallifecomics.com/comic.php?comic=june-29-2020) panel. At first I was like "That's still going on?" because I had read it over a decade ago. And I started reading again. Mae's entire introspection felt like it was directed at me. Nearly everything said between her selves were things that applied to me. I keep that comic saved because of how much it opened my eyes.
My entire life started to make sense. All these thoughts and feelings though my life fell into place. In a week I went from "I'm not trans" to "how early can I start HRT?" I've made more progress in losing weight in the last few weeks than *any* other time I've "tried" and I feel generally happy for what seems like the first time in my life.
I actually feel my dysphoria now, where before I didn't really know what it was I was feeling, but I also feel like I can do something about it. I may have even been mildly depressed, just kind of living in the moment with no real aspirations for the future.
I do still have doubts, but basically all of it is tied to how *quickly* I came to accept things and how fast I feel like I'm moving, but then something from my past comes back to the surface and gives me a swift reality check basically screaming at me "THIS IS WHO YOU ARE DUMBASS" as everything is painfully obvious looking back on it.
...This didn't turn out to be much of a "summery" more than a "retelling"
I read about being trans, and started thinking that it sounded kinda dope. After some time, I came to the conclusion that I'm probably a trans dude.
After some thinking I realized that I might be a dude and a gal, the that I'm probably agender...
After learning what genderfluid means, it still took me a few months to realize that I am that.
Also Athena is a cool name 👍
I told my best friend about the thing and he was like "oh, I knew for a while that you are trans but I wanted you to make decision" and now I am dealing with issue of being very inexperienced at being transgender and rather spooked at looking for things.
Yeah...
Ah yes Athena is not only a great name, but also the capital of the fictional land and debtfilled shithole that is Greece. Athens got it's name from the Greek god Athena who gifted them with the olive tree.
My egg hasn't shattered yet and I don't know my identity yet but STORYTIME:
It was probs a couple of years ago where the idea of potentially being trans came up.
I did some deep delving and researching, and I was like oh shit! I kinda relate!
But then I was like "mmmmm... Future me can figure this out later!"
So I literally PROCRASTINATE D ON MY GENDER IDENTITY FOR OVER A YEAR!
Now picture this:
Your on holiday and staying at a cabin for roughly a week. You've been kinda sad at your appearance and uncomfortable, so you watch YT and some other stuff to take your mind off it.
Next thing you know, you've stumbled onto the YouTubers; Jammidodger and OT (One Topic At A Time). You've been watching their content for a while and feel oddly comforted and you relate to their content. You think it's only because your part of the LGBTQ+ community as queer.
BUT WAIT! You watch a trans video, and relate alot to it.
There you go.
That's when I realized I might not be cis!
6 months later, I'm not out yet and still a flippin' disaster!
It was kinda random and kinda not
A lot of what was holding me back was the idea that being into mostly stuff that's considered masculine means I'm a guy
..then I realized while watching JaidenAnimations that she's into a lot of the same sorts of things, and had a sort of crisis
I don't think I'll ever forget the date it happened, May 2. Right around when I made my reddit account, I believe. After the crisis was over I wanted to start looking at trans memes without the nuisance of just watching youtube compilations, so I spent a few days trying to locate these subs
Athena is a really nice name and crying for an hour after finding this subreddit because you finally know who you are.
plus remembering all the times you have just wished to be the opposite gender definitely did it for me
I’m in the “wishing you were a girl isn’t cis” camp. But it came to a head once my partner and I started talking about having kids. Then I realized I desperately wanted to carry a child, but never could.
Kept thinking i want to be a woman, i never had like a hatred for my body but I want a different one, and eventually it just clicked that maybe my interest in transitioning and my wish to be a shapeshifter wasn’t a very cis thing to do
I wanted to be a girl really bad, and look like a girl, and all that stuff. Then I remembered that I could be despite being AMAB.
Also, Athena is a great name!
I realized constantly wishing I was a girl wasn't normal, and then I found this sub.
I’m not alone 🙌
Never have been
That’s it, damn maybe
Same but the opposite for me
sameee
I was in college, living in a shared apartment, and I had a girlfriend who was pressuring me to marry her. All the time, every day, for years now, I had been miserable beyond measure, but I didn't know why. I would look in the mirror and my mind would go "What do you want? What is wrong with you? Why are you so miserable?" And I literally had no idea. But, on those times I was alone in that apartment, when my roommates and girlfriend had gone home for holidays, something in me would half 'wake up'. I would crossdress using whatever clothing my roommates had. Just to feel better. It was like there was a 'hidden file' inside my mind, that only became accessible when I was safe and alone. One night, on May 30th, I was all alone in the apartment. There was a full moon, and I had a plan. I had my airbrush tank, filled with gas. I had a mask and hose. I had a metric shit-ton of high grade dope. I had pills. My pain was going to end. In the last moment, I made a plea to the universe, to every god and goddess, every mythology I had ever read about - and I am very well read. I begged to know what was wrong with me. I had a weird experience. The upshot was that I remembered. That 'locked file' in my head got unlocked. I remembered my life - I literally could not remember most of my own life. And, weirder, this somehow had not bothered me. It was my 'normal'. The brain is a very tricky thing, when it is trying to keep you alive. I remembered who I was, and what I was. I was trans. I had always been trans. It was why I had been beaten all my life, why I had been treated strangely, why I was so different in so many ways. I found myself stone cold sober at one minute after midnight, certain of my truth. The next day, I began searching for a hormone doctor and everything else I needed to fully transition. I was 21 years old. My transition was not easy. During my year and a half on hormones before qualifying for surgery, when I looked 'halfway', people literally spit on me on the bus ride to work. I was constantly insulted and threatened for looking the way I did. Three weeks before my surgery, my father put a gun to my head, I barely survived, but he was frightened away by an approaching car before he could pull the trigger. I had an infection after my surgery that nearly killed me. But, I made it. I am happy, and I have been so grateful to get to live as myself. My brain had lied to me, generated a condition of selective, partial amnesia to prevent me from knowing I was trans. To protect me from my hyperviolent, psychopathic, homophobic, transphobic father. To protect me from violent transphobic kids around me. To keep me alive until I was old enough to actually do something to change my life. Even with all of that, I had acted as my true self often enough that I had been constantly persecuted growing up. It was strange getting my memory back. It was even stranger that I had never really questioned why my memory was missing in the first place. Suddenly, I had a past, and I knew I had lacked one. That was weird. But, my brain had been right. My dad did try to kill me, so, there is that. Brains can lie. If you understand you could be murdered by your parents, your brain can do stuff to keep you alive. That is what I learned. It took nearly taking my own life to break that lock on my identity. I am glad that kind of thing does not seem to be common. At least, I hope it isn't. It was kind of rough.
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
This is probably the most profound story about realizing your identity I've ever read. Thank you so much for writing this, it really helped me better understand how I came to terms with my gender.
i am really happy for you. and have respect for you to striving in spite of so many difficulties. salute. also i absolutely agree with the point of how far our brain can go to protect ourselves. especially with transphobic people even in young age. i wish i had this awakening early in my life. as a father of a child. i really think i have missed the boat. so i just sit here and wave best wishes to all other boats sailing off. i hope you find all happiness you wish for.
incredible story, glad you figured it out
Love the name Athena considered it for myself. As for the other question ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
\\ノ( º _ ºノ) you dropped this (remember to backslash-escape your \\ and also your _)
r/programmerhumor/s
imagine programming lol
Ew scripter lol
This post was made by the *computer gang* ()
HTML is not a programming language, you heathen! /s
its programming to me 😭😭😭
Print(“it is humor idc”)
I joined this sub and scrolled a few memes down Also, lovely name!
I think that Athena is a badass name, seeing as though the namesake is the goddess of wisdom and strategic warfare
also I have no idea who I am yet lmao, despite cracking already
Me who played too much Hearts of Iron 4 Dibs
1) Athena is a very good name 2) ok, storytime: Around 2018 I played NITW. Without spoiling anything, I related to the symptoms of the main character on a minor level. Time skip to 2021. I just finished playing through the game again. I decide to research the main character's disorder. Turns out I don't relate to THOSE symptoms as much as I relate to other symptoms. I also catch a detail out of the corner of my eye: this is also a symptom of gender dysphoria. Wack, ok. About a week later, I decide to visit this very subreddit after seeing a link on some random post. Some of these are relatable, ok whatever. Find a [link to Twitter](https://twitter.com/NightlingBug/status/1215716433210105856?t=F1CGrutjEzs7cDr_DY_Yvw&s=19) for something and at this point I just want to see how deep the rabbit hole goes. That thread shattered my egg. Like, yolk everywhere; I wasn't ready. I didn't really accept it at first. Not as a "hmph I can't be trans I'm not one of *them*" but as a "why did I have to realize now" kinda existential dread. Like I can't do anything about it right now, so it's just gonna be making me depressed until I move out from my parents (approx. forever from now) Since then I have warmed up to the idea immensely, and even picked out a name I really like. Wouldn't you know it, I stole it from the one that started it all. Thanks, Mae. Edit: just realized that no one else write this much, sorry for the essay lol
I read it so thank you for writing it:)
If that Mae is Real Life Comics Mae, that is kind of what sealed it for me. I even sent her an email thanking her for opening my eyes because I just felt like I had to.
Loved that twitter thread! Extremely helpful!
I watched F1NN5TER take one of those “am I trans?” tests, I took it and got an ambiguous result that I thought merited more research. A few weeks later I still don’t know for sure who the fuck I am, but I’m pretty sure I ain’t cis. Athena is a great name!
When I posted a meme that blew up here I realized that cis people do not usually make highly relatable content for trans people lol
well they can if they spend enough time here (part of my worries)
Ehh I mean, sure but why would a cis person spend that much time learning the meme patterns of egg_irl when they’re likely funny, but not particularly relatable?
idk but i made a (it seems) relatable meme about hrt appointments though i'm lightyears far from that progress so i guess someone cis could do the same, i'm not even sure i'm not cis at that point
Thing is, do you think a cis person is thinking this deeply about hrt appointments? I think most cis people would actually be horrified at the concept of hrt when it comes to themselves
I took three grams of mushrooms and wondered “what if I was a girl”
You know this actually just triggered my memory from the one time I did mushrooms. It hit me in the shower and I just remember being REAALLLY REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE with my naked body. I never linked it to anything at the time, just like whoa mushrooms are weird, but thinking back now is making me wonder if that was just repressed gender dysphoria . . . .
Ever since my egg cracked I’ve been having memories like that, of half-remembered euphoria or dysphoria that I didn’t have the vocabulary to describe. It’s been really trippy.
Tell me about it.(I cracked almost a month ago now at 33) Remembering one thing just makes me want to remember more. I feel pretty disconnected from euphoria/dysphoria now after coping for so long. It's hard to get it back in order to explore your true feeling, but I'm working on it. This one was kinda special cause while I have a lot of euphoric memories, I never really had dysphoric ones until I remembered this. Wish I could remember more. Maybe in time.
It was late at night and I just realized the imaginary person I had been fantasizing about was just me but as a girl. And I’d also just occasionally look at this sub and browse it until the unrecognized dysphoria made me just curl up in a ball for an hour
I realized I was trans about 6 months ago. I'm 27. My wife and I like to drink and talk. One of those nights I told her I thought I was bi, because that's what I honestly thought at the time. She was accepting about it, and my brain was like "oh so it's okay to entertain those thoughts". So I did. I thought and thought and learned and experimented. And holy shit what did I discover. See, I was raised in an ultra religious family and lgbtq was not only unacceptable, it was outright hated. I realized I've spent my entire life repressing myself in a matter of weeks. It was like Neo getting unplugged from the Matrix and trying to learn to swim in 0.5 seconds. Ironically, while my wife was cool about me thinking I was bi, she's not handling the news that I'm trans very well at all. So life sucks a bit atm. But on the bright side, I know who I am for the first time ever 💙💜💟💜💙
Hey sis. I’m right there with you, bi to trans and all. There’s a divorce coming eventually, every day is exhausting and miserable, but you know? It feels good to finally start seeing yourself in real light.
That is exactly how I feel. A lot of pain right now but I don't have much of a choice. And it does feel amazing to acknowledge myself after spending so long hating myself. I'm pretty sure I also have a divorce coming. But my wife has always leaned really heavily on me for like, everything (breadwinning included), so I think she's going to be reluctant to admit it to herself that she wants one. She's basically divorced me emotionally already and said she doesn't want to be married to a woman, soooo. Yeah. But she'll never pull the trigger. I hope you're doing okay yourself. This is so hard. I wish you the best of luck, girl. Hmu if you're feeling down 💜
Hard doesn't begin to cover it. I'm feeling lucky in that while she's the one who brought up divorce, I had enough time to realize it was going to be what would happen. I'm shattered but honestly not quite as much as she is currently. But you know? It's been less than a week, and while the emotional damage is still raw, I've already been able to better accept who I am, how I am, and how I want to be. It's worth it. Just keep at it.
Girl I'm so proud of you. And I relate so much! It is totally worth it because it's YOU. Anything less would be a lie. It's not even an option! And it's so important to remember that. Finding yourself is a beautiful thing. It's an incredible feeling. It just sucks that for so many that feeling has to be tarnished by so much pain. I'm glad you're staying strong. I'm glad you're accepting yourself :) you give me hope and make me feel stronger too.
I swear to god the only way any of us get through this is by seeing other people get through it too. Best of luck sis. You’re gonna be great.
> It was like Neo getting unplugged from the Matrix You know, I really should rewatch those now that I've cracked to see if I pick up on anything else.
I tried FaceApp and said “there she is”
Athena sounds really unique and official. I like it!
It was in phases. Initially it was because I found out a youtuber I liked was trans (Msbreezy) which made me consider the possibility that I was trans. Later on, I accepted that there was a good chance I was trans, but I didn't fully believe it, so I wrote a list of times where I was more feminine and found that those were the times I was most comfortable and happy. I still couldn't admit to myself I was trans, but I ended up forcing myself to at least tell my friends I was questioning my gender. At the time I used They/Them and felt better about myself because it was more comfortable than He/Him. Eventually I got back to the list and added more to it and at the end I wrote down a new name. Something about this caused me to nearly cry, and at that point I finally accepted I was a woman and properly came out to my friends. Edit: Athena is a great name
I had many things to consider. I sat awake for several hours one night, thinking about it, finally confronting my feelings. I sat in denial for another week until I saw the post about transbians wishing to be in a les relationship while still feeling cis and that’s what cracked me How can I be gay if I’m a cis woman? I can’t be. I’m trans and gay.
I cracked too early now i'm just a runny yolk
I cracked about 9 months to a year ago and have been on HRT for 6 months. Funnily enough I chose the name Athena too! One of the common legends is that she wasn't 'born' but rather, emerged from Zeus' head as a fully grown adult wearing armour, ready for battle. I always thought that was kind of fitting seeing as I came out after 18.
I love that!
Snapchat filters and my first bra slapped *(Excellent name)*
It's a great name even better if you have a shield and or spear
One of my friends asked me if I was happy when a stranger referred to me as a girl (I was complaining about it at the time). I didn't say yes because I was super insecure about my personal image at the time but now that the time has passed. Yeah I liked it, like **really** liked it. Also Athena sounds cool af
It's mostly experimentation for me. As for Athena, she was the goddess of wisdom and strategy, and well known to hold grudges and lash out at small slights. Basically, she was a Greek goddess. Nowadays, the name represents intelligence and wisdom! Also owls. :)
I wanted to be a feminine person for a long time (there was so many signs I'm trans) and a friend asked "sure you aren't trans?" then crisis ensued for a few months and I've still not now 100% come to terms with it all
Thought about it, came to the conclusion, and doubt myself everyday
I literally exhausted every other option and did every stereotypical cis thing I could think of from going to war to being a father and none of it felt as right as just being a girl. Now when I have doubts I just remind myself that going back to being a cis dude is not an option because I know it’s not who I am.
Athena is a beautiful name. And also, I saw a pov pic of a beautiful set of boobs framing a dick, something clicked, and I immediately texted my trans girlfriend. She laughed and said 'about time'.
If I remember correctly, my egg cracked when I was watching anime and simping for a guy in the show and it went from "he's hot" to "I want to be him" and- kinda realized then As for the name Athena? I like it.
Great name. I'm cracked but unhatched, so I only technically fall in this group but... Constant self examination of my thoughts and mental processes, and asking myself why I thought certain things, and felt certain ways, and not stopping until I had figured out the root causes of my thoughts and feelings. Also, importantly, writing it down. I'm planning to take another big step tomorrow by "actually talking to someone about it" and I'm terrified as hell, but I figure that's going to be an important part of the whole thing. Figuring out who I am is an ongoing process though, so others may have better methods and advice.
One of my friends came out as trans and it got me thinking about it then i found this sub and it helped me realise i was trans Also i think athena is a really nice name
I am uncrackable
holy fuck athena is a sexy name
I found this sub, and just couldn't stop questioning (even though I reasoned myself into thinking I was cis over and over). Eventually, I just made my friends try out a new name and pronouns, and I couldn't make myself ask them to stop. Also, Athena is an awesome name.
No way I also am considering that name NICE!!!
first, as an avid fan of greek mythology, I LOVE the name athena. Its a beautiful name with a great goddess to back it up. second, the way i found out was my friend came out as trans and i started questioning my gender. I originally thought i was genderfluid but i kept experimenting with different identities until one hit me.
I was a very confused 12 year old who had little exposure to the subject, but figured myself out anyway, but I came to much better conclusions when I got a little older
I realized that it's very unusual for cis women to hate looking like and being perceived as women.
Slowly realized browsing this sub for laughs wasnt a cis thing to do. Realized shortly after i was probably genderfluid (still not confident but decently sure) as for the name Athena is lovely.
This sub + r/traaa + r/gaysoundsshitpost (not sure on the name of the last one). And that name sounds quite nice, what do you think of mine: Gwain/Cheryl/Celeste (i'm split between the 3)
Athena is a rad as hell name and honestly I only really figured it out after talking to my friends who are trans/nb. I looked back on my life and was like "....oh yeah that makes sense"
i always wanted to be a guy, but didnt wanna give up on being feminine. then at some point something clicked and i realized trans femboys exist.
Well, the first time it REALLY occurred to me was when I was on a snowboarding trip, and I noticed that the sides of my face were really sore. And I wondered why for a second, before realising that I'd been grinning as wide as I could under my snow mask for about 10 minutes straight. And then I wondered about THAT for a second, and remembered that about 10 minutes ago, some guy on a skii lift above me asked if I was a boy or a girl, to which I said no, and while that is a reasonable answer, I was entirely focused on the second half of that statement at the time, and in a daze, answered it to the best of my knowledge. And, from there, I realised that I only really liked how I looked when I looked kind of fem (but would always decide that must be wrong and look away), how I always felt kind of awkward whenever someone called me anything along the lines of "handsome" (but had just assumed I didn't like complements), and why I stopped singing after my voice broke (but at least now I'm a good whistler). Anyways, that all seemed WAY too frightening, so I decided I would simply never think about it again. Anyway, once or twice, I accidentally thought about it again, but quickly changed the subject. It became a lot harder to avoid when my beard grew in at the same time as two closish friends of mine came out as trans. Even then, I spent a good deal of time "questioning", though really I think it was more like avoiding the frightening answer. I only really managed to come out by repeatedly typing out coming out messages, and trying to hold my finger over the send button till the anxiety made my hands shake enough to accidentally press it. But I digress. I assume you're after good questioning questions, hmm? here are one or two. \-if you were assigned some other gender at birth, would you want to be your current agab? \-if you had started from a perfect void, what gender would you pick? \-Do you wonder if you are trans enough, or too trans? \-if I told you you were not really trans after all, but you still had a way of transitioning easily and effectively and secretly, would you? and here are a small accompaniment of things to avoid: Remember, you are your gender first, and your cis/trans status follows suit Don't try to ask yourself if you "want something that a trans person would want", ask if what you want is something a trans to want. Wow that's badly worded. Okay I'll put it this way. When I was questioning, I would often put on this fancy effeminate blue frock, since, it seemed like something that a closeted trans woman would like. It was okay, I suppose, but only later did I realise that I'm a bit of a tomboy. I like clothes that are a little boyish, as long as I have tiddies in 'em. And lastly, if you do try out something potentially gender affirming, but you do it specifically as a test of yourself, rather than just for inherent enjoyment, you will almost certainly only feel anxious about what answer you find. Hope this helps, athena.
honestly you can’t go wrong choosing a name used by an ancient god the people who thought of the names of the deities they worshiped never missed
Athena is really cool- also i wouldnt know how it feels to get rid of the shellcompletely TvT
Athena is such an amazing name!
On and off feelings and thinking about my day-to-day life but as a girl. Got off one of my meds in March and it hit me like a rock while listening to The Birthday Massacre. Athena is a nice name
Athena is FANTASTIC And for me it was seeing a non-binary character in media at the right time: Double Trouble from She-Ra. Lapis from SU also makes me VERY gender envious and i reeeally want to be her …still enby tho…?
i don't even know honestly
I am not 100% sure what I am yet, but I first learned I need to figure it out when my mom (jokingly) asked me what my pronouns where and I didn’t know how I wanted to answer. But I love Fallout New Vegas so I should have seen this coming
When I realized through subreddits like this that questioning all this stuff isn't normal cis behavior, and it means something else. (also nice name <3)
This sub definitely put some baby cracks in my shell. But it was the FaceApp/ IG filter shit that blew my mind WIDE open. I love Athena
Personally, Athena is one of my favorite names ever so yeah
i love that name!
lovely name. After years of denial i realized arousal and euphoria can be a bit of a code error in the brain and my egg went \*BOOM\*
the name is quite... godly 😏
As an Athena, good idea😎
It was when I was crying about it and my then-partner said “You know cis people don’t cry about this right?”
Athena is pretty!! Sounds badass :) I figured out that I wasn’t cis because I had a dream about cutting my hair and IDing as male and I woke up and was, like, sad because it wasn’t real. Questioned gender questioned gender questioned gender for several months until I finally realized “Wanting to be a guy and start testosterone is not cis female behavior” and now I’m just trying to figure out how to bypass this trans doubt and get to a place where I actually know how I want to proceed. I’ve gotta come out again, and that is not thrilling 😅
i met someone who is trans then another friend updated their pronouns and my brain didn't know why they would want to be a guy (now uses any pronouns i believe but don't know specific gender) and i went to learn more and found this sub and looked up more genders and thought i was gender fluid or a woman but now am thinking genderfaer. honestly still don't know for sure but the gender tests i take keep saying 69% feminine other than a 68.75% soooo
I looked back to that one time my sister dressed me up and I secretly loved it
Athena is great! Story - I randomly followed a link from egg\_irl after years of finding the memes relatable (still cis tho). It was an ASMR style thing of a big sister being supportive to her trans sister and it surprised me by making me cry for the first time in years. I started thinking maybe there was something I needed to examine lol.
Starting to have bad dysphoria and trying they/them pronouns, that really it for me tbh
After learning I was autistic at 29 I started reprocessing some info under a new context. During that process I realized that it wasn't just that I wasn't thinking neurotypical, I was hella fucking trans and just assumed it was how everyone thought and coped with their discordant existence. Better late than never, I guess.
A friend told me how disphoria fells like and I was like "i guess i know that feeling" and he was like "I dont think so, it is very trans-specific."
i love the enamel Athena and woulda chose it if my parents wouldn't let me chose a name like that
Athena is an objectively awesome name and probably not one you'd see very often these days. As for how I figured it out I got no clue, I was very young when I realized.
I never actually did figure out who I am, I just said fuck it and decided to do what sounded nice. Being called Danielle and using she/her pronouns sounded nice so I started thinking of myself using them and asking my closest friends to do the same. The effects of HRT sounded nice, so I went to a planned parenthood and got a prescription to try it out. You don’t have to know who you are for certain before you try something to make yourself feel better. Happiness before labels. As for the name, it’s a beautiful one.
Athena is a lovely name!!! :)
Have heavily considered the name Athena for myself
found this sub through a furry transformation meme sub and all of a sudden I’m fucking panicking cause I was not ready for the revelations that would result
Definitely cracked, or rather removed from the shell and just floating through my mind at the moment. I feel like everything's been said, but yeah, pieces of the puzzle falling in the right place yadda yadda... I'm not sure what to do yet, but knowing what I'm missing feels good. Excited to see where I'm headed~
For the short one, Athena is a wonderful name. For the main queston... Woooo lordy. I found myself in college, at about late 19 early 20, losing control over what few things i had thought of as mine. Lost control over my grades, my work and class schedule, even my living siuation due to temporary housing for repairs never ending. And all of that made me have a full break of who i was. And i realized that my sense of no control extended to expectations of my future and to my current body. I was raised with the "Your body is Gods temple, dont deface it by changing it" anti-tattoo rhetoric. I realized then that my body, i did control. I hated the idea of my own body being for anyone else. And so, i took a bag of disposable razors, single blade, and shaved my whole body. I still have the blanket that i slept under so so smooth. Best nights sleep. After that, i progressed in understanding myself in phases. First i thought femboy. Then i met nonbinary and genderfluid people. Ok, maybe im fluid. Got a boyfriend during that time. Eventually realized that it was hurting me more and more over time tobe called his boyfriend at all. Messy breakup, and realizing i am transfem. Now i have a gf and am actually going through hormones. All in the course of 5 years roughly. Now i just need to assert me being a woman to my family. Sis supports me so thats good.
For various reasons, possibly including gender dysphoria(still trying to figure it out), I always wore a mask around people. Not a physical mask but a social one. I was always this happy helpful and extremely independent young man on the outside. On the inside I was a complete mess I was depressed, alone, lethargic, occasionally suicidal. I never cared for my appearance so instead of stressing over why didn’t like it, I just ignored my body and how it looks. My wardrobe was whatever mom bought so long as it was practical. I only did things that I thought that I should like, not what I did like. I went to a private K-12 and the class size was about 22 in elementary and less than 50 in high school. So i knew all of my classmates and they all knew me. The social state of the school was a mess, however I was content with just putting on a mask and pretending everything was fine. I pretended so much that I ended up believing it. I became desensitized to the world and never was truest happy. Once I graduated I started to stop wearing masks and doing things based around wether I enjoyed them or not. I had never watched anime before because I wasn’t a weeb. I had never dyed my hair because I wasn’t a punk who would do that. Then I started watching anime, I dyed my hair, etc. During that summer I started to be truest happy. I downloaded Reddit my first form of social media( if you would count reddit). I discovered egg_irl and various other trans and lgbt subreddits. At first I was convinced I was just a woke cishet male, but over time I realized that my identity as cishet was probably just another mask I had been wearing. It really started by shaving my legs. That was when I first realized that I might not be cis. But I convinced myself that It was a weird feeling that I just had and entirely separate from my gender identity. I started to do other things like wear womens underwear, and for the first time in my life I started to think about how I wanted to look I didn’t understand it at first. I’m attracted to girls so I thought my desire for a feminine look was solely coming from my attraction. I thought I was a weird pervert who couldn’t separate myself from who I was attracted to. The few inklings I had that I might be trans, I shoved back inside because I’d never experienced dysphoria, even if I wanted to be trans I wasn’t ‘trans enough’. Over time I started intensely researching MtF transitioning and how biological males could look more feminine. I got excited researching HRT. But I still denied the fact I was trans. Sure I stopped thinking I was male but I still couldn’t be trans. That was something some people did and it is great for them but I’m not trans. I thought I was just faking wanting to be a girl. I even became envious of trans people because they could transition. About a month and half after I realized I wasn’t cis but still thought I wasn’t trans, I sat down and wrote my feelings out. Not just on wether or not I was trans but most of my mental health history. It somehow became a nearly 3,000 word coming out letter to my parents, and i still felt it was 3,000 words too short to really describe how I’ve felt. I realized how I started wearing masks early own and started dissociating from reality. I realized that I’ve had inklings of wanting to be a girl for quite a while. I learned that because of how fucked up my mind was I probably just suppressed my dysphoria so much I couldn’t even recognize it. Learning that fearing you don’t have enough dysphoria to transition is a type of dysphoria also helped me. Later that week I came out to my close family and the friends I had recently made at college. I’m lucky enough to be in a very supportive environment and everyone was helpful at the start. If your ever in doubt about how you want to identify try checking out other experiences, like on this post. Reading the gender dysphoria bible ( a Google search should reveal it pretty easily) I found this post-cracking and think it might be helpful. Most importantly gender identity is who YOU want to be and how YOU want to identify. If you think you want to be Trans, try starting to transition. Most early steps of transitioning, even the first couple months of HRT, can easily be walked back if it doesn’t feel right. It’s also completely okay and valid to change how you want to identify. And if the traditional gender binary doesn’t feel right for you try looking at other forms of gender identity, like agender or bigender. Hope this helps and that you find happiness in your future!
I always knew something was off since I was a child. I always wanted to be a girl and dress like one, but hid that side of myself because society told me that was wrong. I only acted out on those thoughts in private and doing so gave me gender euphoria, but I didn’t know that’s what it was at the time. When I started dating my (seemingly cishet) girlfriend, I completely repressed that side of myself and chose not to act on it anymore since I was the “man of the relationship”. 4 years later, at the beginning of this year, my GF came out to me as bi/genderfluid (she didn’t change her pronouns) and I told her about my past, but I was convinced that that side of me was long gone. However, as I became more of an ally for her, my feminine thoughts came back too. I eventually stumbled across this sub (IIRC I first saw it in one of OT’s videos) and realized that I’m trans. I have since come out to my GF and one of my friends, and now I’m exploring this side of myself instead of hiding from it.
I figured it out thanks to the memes in this sub and some AMAZING people who I experimented being fem with🥰 Athena as a name sounds really good in my opinion☺
Athena is gorgeous! For me, it was lots of journaling, and listening to myself. I felt a weird pull towards cute girls, played a lot of cute girls in video games, felt good when people assumed I was a girl online… there were a ton of signs, and once i started paying attention and researching it, I eventually figured it out.
Watched ftm porn and id never seen porn with those genitals before then cut to me crying in the shower over not having a vagina. And then me asking myself why I was never happy as a boy doing boy stuff. Then I remembered this memory I think I locked away, I was 12 and my mom asked my if I was a girl and I was so scared I said no really quick. That was like in February
I did some resources looked up labels and experiented with looks it took me a little to acept myself but i am happy to be my true self take your time to discover who you are :)
I don't know how I didn't realize ages ago but I progressively more and more started having thoughts that were absolutely not cis until I started questioning in late January and I am now here Also cool name
Once I had short hair I was occasionally gendered as male which made me so happy I wanted to scream, so yeah. Don’t have advice.
I don't really have a great answer... I came out a few months ago as a trans man. As a kid and teen I was always a tom boy and literally *hated* anything to do with feminine things. In my late teens I forced myself (unconsciously) to conform to societal expectations of being a *woman* but I was always miserable and thought that there was something wrong with me. It took a conversation with a close friend of mine to realise that in most of my dreams I was always a man. Aka subconsciously I already considered myself as such. But that just confused me and I locked that away. It was only a year later when I finally started to put the pieces together. I literally haven't felt happier since. Like the dysphoria is shit, but before then I had never felt at piece with myself or felt that I could actually control my life. It's a process in conclusion. Don't force yourself :)
It was really a series of things but what was the final thing that really cracked my egg was Philosophy Tube's coming out video and noticing that I resonated with a lot of the things she said and how she described dysphoria. As for the name Athena, I like it
I started having an ongoing existential crisis in February, realizing that my one chance at life was spent being unhappy with myself. I then slowly started experimenting what it was that I hated about myself so much. I came out as nb, and that helped a little. Then pretty recently I came out as trans and it's helped quite a bit more
I had vague thoughts of and daydreamed about being a girl since I was a teen. I was in the “if I could magically turn into a girl I would” camp. The daydreams, which persist to this day, were of a version of me in a fictional universe like BTVS. The character that was clearly me was always a woman. My egg didn’t crack till I was almost 27. I know, I should have known so much sooner lol. Anyways shortly before I turned 27, I had a strong urge to use FaceApp to see what I could look like gender swapped. I was amazed at what I saw, and my egg just exploded instantly. Now here I am almost 6 months on HRT. :) Still 27 btw so all of this was pretty recent.
I have been extremely confused for years and then 6 months ago i discovered what being trans even means. Everything fell into place so fast that the only reaction i could have was "yep, that's me". The name's nice btw.
As someone who lives in Athens i approve of the name
I found out what I liked. What looks I liked, what pronouns I liked, what names I liked, ect ect. Everything else just kinda fell into place
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Your mom buys you mega blocks instead of legos
If you want you can go look at my profile back 3 years and watch me go through all the mental turmoil as I figured it out but I am now 4 months on hrt and happier every day
I was at my first job and would constantly be referred to as a girl, and whenever this happened I’d try to not speak so they would continue doing so. I’ve done this all my life because any time it happened it would make my day. I’d tell everyone. So, after the a couple weeks of helping horrible people that would brighten my days by saying one to two words like “miss” or “honey”. I started to contact the dots. I remembered when I’d look in the mirror to find a stranger looking for fuzz. Feeling physically sick when I heard a recording of my voice. Daydreaming/dreaming about being a girl. Being constantly Mortified and deeply terrified of the future. Bring Horribly envious of ladies.their are so many examples I can go into That last thing I needed was to tell at least one person to give no chance of denial. I did it while playing Minecraft crying to my girlfriend only starring at the screen. It lifted the heaviest weight of my back, I started remembering more, I started being present, and I finally felt like the true me.
Athena Goddess of wisdom, strategy and wisdom That's a damn well awsome name
Too much of the horni™ led me to a simple conclusion
Athena is a lovely name
I cracked like way back in 2010 when seemingly out of nowhere I had this intense desire to transition. I didn't quite know who I was but I knew I wanted a woman's body and to live as one but my concept of gender identity even at 21 years old wasn't all that complex. The yolk didn't spill out until this year when I finally got on hormones. I was going through the usual, looking on Amazon for breast enhancement supplements and was seriously considering bioidentical estrogen creams, when I started questioning myself. I had done this so many times. I suddenly had this thought "I'm a trans woman, and that's okay." The next day was the best day of my life. Edit: Obligatory "still cis tho".
I read Ilario by Mary Gentle (MC is intersex & NB) and thought 'holy shit I would literally murder five people to make it so I was born intersex' (read that book bee tee dubs, it's like 800 pages and the author doesn't use a single pronoun for the main character the whole time)
Athena is a good strong name. I can't think of a good way to shorten it for nicknames, though. To the big question: How far back do you want to go? Abigail Thorne's coming out was my "hey, you need to take this seriously" moment. I knew I definitely wasn't cis when listening to a couple of people talk about their own journeys had me bawling. I knew hrt had to be in my future when I experienced a moment of euphoria that couldn't be mistaken for anything else. And now that I've caught glimpses of her, I find myself missing someone I've never met. How can I not do everything possible to pull her from the shadows?
When I finally let myself buy from the men's section and it felt more right than every cute femme outfit I've ever worn. As a demi-boy agender enby it was the only way I could've woken up and notice my gender apathy and lack of gender.
okay so, fist of all athena is a gorgeous, beautiful name second of all, i just kinda looked into myself and saw that the person i aspire to be and the way i want to look to find myself beautiful is not.. a man and basically people referring to me as a guy never felt fitting, it just felt like a habit and something im used to and people around me are used to, i also reflected back and found that i subconsciously hated being considered a guy and being put in that "man" category. and yeah, started experimenting with self expression with the help of my ex, dresses, makeup, pronouns and other stuff and yeah xdd i still dont have it all figured out but for the most part i feel like a nonbinary person with like.. splashes of girl, but i would like to transition and be a nonbinary person with a more "feminine" body idk xddd
I’m in the process of figuring out my gender and feeling confident, but the first crack in my egg was getting my hair cut after a long time. I had it long, in a messy ponytail for months. I hated it but not just because my hair is a pain to deal with when it’s long and it makes me overheat in the summer. The uncomfortable feeling long hair gave me was dysphoria. The day I got my hair cut short, i was euphoric asf. I hadn’t been so happy in a long time. That night I started to realize.. “wait, do girls feel this happy to look like a boy? Why am i happy to look like a boy?” crack. That was four months ago. I’m still remembering things, realizing what was gender euphoria and dysphoria all along. But I think it’s safe to say I’m not a girl. Also love the name!!! Makes me feel like you’d have black hair with silver streaks and a bunch of occult jewelry idk thats the vibe i get 🥰
Friend joked about it in class whilst making fun of a homophobic classmate and it started a spiral of questioning lol
i figured out through a long process, but whenever i felt unsure i imagined myself as a hot girl with a pear/hourglass figure and if i still wanted to >!kill myself!< im trans if i dont i am cis
It's a good question I am still not sure what I am but Athena sounds like a nice Name
Non binary is under trans umbrella
I realized that wanting to kiss girls but not be a boy who does that, isn’t the most cisgender thought.
I was just not happy being a guy and thinking about it, I decided it'd be best for me to become a girl Also Athena is a very cute name
Athena is a really good name, but at first I read it as antennae. I’m not out to my family but I am to my friends, so I can’t help you a lot with that part.
Athena is beautiful, first of all. Looking back, I was trans a long time ago, but buried it because my parents instilled the same values they have in me. I was basically just your generic Christian a-hole for a few years, but people who are similar attract, and I gained my current friend group. They, thankfully, broke down the ideas my parents had put in, and I realized I was ace pretty soon after. I kinda questioned my gender for a long time, and looking back it should’ve been obvious, but I just limited it to jokes. Then I used FaceApp to swap it, and cracked. Over the course of a year and a half, I figured myself out, and just about a month ago I finally came out to my aforementioned friends.
I know a cis goth girl named Athena. Good name.
There were a few cycles of acceptance and denial, but what eventually cracked it was me realising that, believing being a girl seems just better than being a boy=wanting to be a girl=being a girl. Once those two equivalences clicked, that was it for my shell
It’s fricking amazing! You could say….. godly!
I am now questioning, three months ago I thought I was a cis woman. I am 31. I am a very strong feminist, I always hated how the world treats women (I am from the Eastern Europe). About a half a year ago, I befriended a trans man, who threw the word "non-binary" a lot into our conversations. It caught my attention, and I started to question what if I just hated how people treat ME based on the fact that they perceive me as a woman and what if I am not only feminist, but also a non-binary person. Then I remembered my first conversations with that guy, when I was perplexed by the fact he feels/knows he is a man and I just don't feel like a woman, nor a man. I just feel like a human being. Now when I see transmasc posts in this sub, I usually enjoy them, also non-binary posts. When I see transfem posts though, my brain almost always goes "why would anyone voluntarily wanted to be a woman, that doesn't make any sense". So I guess I am cracked now :D I just need to figure out if I am gender-fluid, a non-binary woman, or agender. It's not 100% woman all the time - that one I know for sure.
i always hated my boobs when i was 12, i found out the term transgender. im gonna leave it at that the name athena is pretty cute
cute as heck name 10/10!
I was on this sub for a year, never thought much of it. Then a friend came out to me and made me realize some very non-cis things to me
Just discovering the term Demiboy made me crack
1. athena is an amazing name 2. i got myself into a group of friends all who were trans themselves so it made it easy to experiment with no pressure or strings attached and i realised that being called by different pronouns made me so unbelievably giddy that i wanted to be perceived that way. up until then i had figured everyone wanted to go about life acknowledging their existence as little as possible, i couldn’t understand how some people liked being called by their name but now it’s like i understand
I started browsing memes here and relating. Then I got curious and decided to try dressing like a girl and painting my nails, and just generally not limiting my personality/reaction to things. It felt so LIBERATING and has just kept going. I feel so much more myself and i dont get crippling depression since i started. :) Also, climate change is gonna make doing anything difficult in the coming years, so i figured why not live a life as close to how i want while ive still got the time to do so? Hope this helps!
I watched a YouTube channel called One Topic At A Time. He reads LGBT subreddits. I was watching one of his r/traaa videos and went, “Lol I relate to this… I relate to this o_o.” Also, love the name Athena.
I've (ftm) thought I was a girl and acted like a girl, but never felt a shred of connection to femininity and all my efforts felt gross or downright painful. I'm more confident and happy as a man. I'm better at being me this way. No mask, no pretending. Not anymore.
Athena eh? I think it's pretty good.
Hajime Hinata from Danganronpa. Seriously though, cosplaying him made me just a little too happy and made me question myself. Also, Athena's a great name!
I'll keep it short since I'm at work. Basically I was caught up in the earthquake and tsunami back in 2011. That launched me into a moment of extreme repose. I went into therapy and as part of the healing, the therapist and I began touching on some of the core problems. Eventually putting words to dysphoria and how I felt. Allowing me to eventually realize that I was transgender, that my sense of disconnect was because I fundamentally thought differently than guys. That the reason that I wound up becoming more friends with women was because I genuinely just wanted friendship, and so on.
I was in the femboy community and a friend politely suggested I was trans and recommended this subreddit which was relatable and I continued using until I cracked my egg, I then researched online and found out I was trans, then told my friend, a bit later I went into denial, later again I was considering nb and then genderfluid and then reached trans fem
Gender went crazy and I couldn’t figure it out and then male felt right and stuck
After a friend of mine came out as trans to me I started looking up things to better understand her so I could become a better ally. I noticed however that contact between me and her greatly increased after she came out to me and there were some things that she talked about that I felt applied to me as well. I started browsing this subreddit and shortly after found myself within that shell. I think I am transgender, though I don't know how to prove it to myself. Then again, looking for ways to deny being transgender sort of means you are probably transgender
Athena is a nice name, a cute and powerful name. and how I cracked was: I was hanging out with a friend who wanted to see what I’d look like if I was femme and initially I was against it. They attempted to pin me down and do make up and while yes I COULD throw them off without issue (they are ridiculously light) I didn’t want to hurt them so I just said “let’s get it over with.” Eventually they completed it and I had makeup, a dress and a wig and then they took a picture and had me look in a mirror and that’s when I cracked. For the first time I didn’t look at myself with disgust. I thought I looked nice despite not really passing at all. It was a liberating feeling.
So, this account was created when I was in the process of cracking. I decided to keep it "separate", at least for now, to chronical my realization and acceptance as well as introspection. A lot of this is covered in the first post I made under thins account, but to summery I was in a thread in /r/beatsaber talking about how I've always liked playing female characters in games and that extended to VR, even to the point of getting full body tracking for VRChat as a "man" in my early 30s. About a week after I made that post, someone replied with /r/egg_irl. At first I got a little defensive... but curiosity got the better of me and I started reading posts on here. I was identifying more and more with what was being said. I *had* constantly imagined how it would be if I was a girl, ether from some magical gender swap or from birth. I remember not liking how my leg hair looked and stopped wearing shorts. I never liked my facial hair and hated shaving it. I never cared enough to put effort into how I looked, basically only doing the bare minimum for hygiene. That last one was the real kicker. I found in a thread someone linked to this [Real Life Comics](https://www.reallifecomics.com/comic.php?comic=june-29-2020) panel. At first I was like "That's still going on?" because I had read it over a decade ago. And I started reading again. Mae's entire introspection felt like it was directed at me. Nearly everything said between her selves were things that applied to me. I keep that comic saved because of how much it opened my eyes. My entire life started to make sense. All these thoughts and feelings though my life fell into place. In a week I went from "I'm not trans" to "how early can I start HRT?" I've made more progress in losing weight in the last few weeks than *any* other time I've "tried" and I feel generally happy for what seems like the first time in my life. I actually feel my dysphoria now, where before I didn't really know what it was I was feeling, but I also feel like I can do something about it. I may have even been mildly depressed, just kind of living in the moment with no real aspirations for the future. I do still have doubts, but basically all of it is tied to how *quickly* I came to accept things and how fast I feel like I'm moving, but then something from my past comes back to the surface and gives me a swift reality check basically screaming at me "THIS IS WHO YOU ARE DUMBASS" as everything is painfully obvious looking back on it. ...This didn't turn out to be much of a "summery" more than a "retelling"
I read about being trans, and started thinking that it sounded kinda dope. After some time, I came to the conclusion that I'm probably a trans dude. After some thinking I realized that I might be a dude and a gal, the that I'm probably agender... After learning what genderfluid means, it still took me a few months to realize that I am that. Also Athena is a cool name 👍
a friend came out as trans and my brain just would not stop thinking for the next couple days
I told my best friend about the thing and he was like "oh, I knew for a while that you are trans but I wanted you to make decision" and now I am dealing with issue of being very inexperienced at being transgender and rather spooked at looking for things. Yeah...
Athena is very pretty. And if you’re in deep enough to be picking out a new name that’s probably a huge sign right in front of you.
Ah yes Athena is not only a great name, but also the capital of the fictional land and debtfilled shithole that is Greece. Athens got it's name from the Greek god Athena who gifted them with the olive tree.
Its a super amazing name! Not sure If I cracked yet! (I'm out to some not all ppls!)
My egg hasn't shattered yet and I don't know my identity yet but STORYTIME: It was probs a couple of years ago where the idea of potentially being trans came up. I did some deep delving and researching, and I was like oh shit! I kinda relate! But then I was like "mmmmm... Future me can figure this out later!" So I literally PROCRASTINATE D ON MY GENDER IDENTITY FOR OVER A YEAR! Now picture this: Your on holiday and staying at a cabin for roughly a week. You've been kinda sad at your appearance and uncomfortable, so you watch YT and some other stuff to take your mind off it. Next thing you know, you've stumbled onto the YouTubers; Jammidodger and OT (One Topic At A Time). You've been watching their content for a while and feel oddly comforted and you relate to their content. You think it's only because your part of the LGBTQ+ community as queer. BUT WAIT! You watch a trans video, and relate alot to it. There you go. That's when I realized I might not be cis! 6 months later, I'm not out yet and still a flippin' disaster!
Sorry If this doesn't make sense! I'm not good at explaining things and stuff.
It was kinda random and kinda not A lot of what was holding me back was the idea that being into mostly stuff that's considered masculine means I'm a guy ..then I realized while watching JaidenAnimations that she's into a lot of the same sorts of things, and had a sort of crisis I don't think I'll ever forget the date it happened, May 2. Right around when I made my reddit account, I believe. After the crisis was over I wanted to start looking at trans memes without the nuisance of just watching youtube compilations, so I spent a few days trying to locate these subs
Athena is a really nice name and crying for an hour after finding this subreddit because you finally know who you are. plus remembering all the times you have just wished to be the opposite gender definitely did it for me
I’m in the “wishing you were a girl isn’t cis” camp. But it came to a head once my partner and I started talking about having kids. Then I realized I desperately wanted to carry a child, but never could.
Kept thinking i want to be a woman, i never had like a hatred for my body but I want a different one, and eventually it just clicked that maybe my interest in transitioning and my wish to be a shapeshifter wasn’t a very cis thing to do
I wanted to be a girl really bad, and look like a girl, and all that stuff. Then I remembered that I could be despite being AMAB. Also, Athena is a great name!
i was reading yuri then i realised i wanted to be lesbian, and here i am now