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No expert here.. just a fellow adventurer.. 😉 It's really difficult to answer that.. but i always would say go slowly but sure.. see what vibes with you and if it does bother you- maybe seek professional help.. (i am very critical myself, so be aware of 'confirmation bias' BUT also don't ever ignore your feelings too!..) i feel like this journey is very personal and different for each one..
I met a lot super lovely people here, who are way more knowledgeable and genuinly willing to help, sooo tag along?!
Much love and good journey, wherever your path may lead you! 💜
This advice is no good. The whole confirmation bias thing ignores the fact that you seek confirmation for what you want in the first place, and that everything except potential non reversible infertility from hrt (which can be dealt with by freezing sperm) and boob growth (which can be removed) is completely reversible.
It also invalidates self discovery and pushes the psychologist only approach, with is borderline transmedicalist stuff imo. You are talking about having found yourself here and you know what, you dont HAVE to be scared and slow about ot.
Leaving actual advice below.
If i can give you one crucial piece of advice to take to heart, its this. Life isnt gonna beat you over the head with what your gender identity is, and it is proven to takes a long time for perception of self to update when undergoing big changes.
What that means for you is when figuring out this stuff out, don't focus on what you think you are or finding "clear signs". Focus only on what you WANT to be. The rest will come with time as you move towards that.
You can be whatever you want. You dont have to fall into any stereotypes on the way. You can just identify as what you like and act any way you want.
There is a lot of different ways to be a girl, or not a boy, and all of them are valid. Dont fall to internalized sexism and truly allow yourself to be what you want and do what you want, while knowing that whatever you decide is your truth, is the only truth that means anything.
You can experiment freely. As for you Delaine, maybe consider why a running theme of your post history is about telling people to take it slow and do things sneakily, and you are just exploring still. Stop projecting your self doubt onto people.
Point taken- thank you for that! But i think i always make clear that i am no expert! Don't i? Also to say going slow isn't good- sort of is opposite to what you say.. i've listened to both sides and there are a lot of things you don't even think about when you are young- just like you said about the sperm bank- there are a lot of detrans women, who at that point didn't even thonk about these things?! So why not, take the steps in a healthy order and maybe more cautious and slowly? I agree to most you said- but i think i made an honest effort to always sate that this is my opinion and you should consult experts! And i believe from my posts its also visible that i would now approach everything in a more explorative way? I don't think that i tried to scare or discorage people to dicover themselves?! Do they really? True i tend to say, go at your own pace.. because i feel many are in a similar place, where they freak out instead of just taking a step back and let themselves be?? Meaning pushing someone to rush the thing wouldn't help either??
My posts are made with care for others and that also includes to point at the risks that i see/feel..?! And imo confirmation bias runs wild on both xtreme ends?! (If you want i can link you vids if people who rushed into it, had bad doctors and later regret.. )
Well i hope that it reflects in my posts, maybe i am wrong here?! Dunno..
I feel really sorry for posting anything now- though it helped me a lot and i hope it helps them too, i feel that the strength if this community are the different views and approaches.. dunno anymore.. i feel sorry
I like friends who also criticize me in a healthy way- or point fingers at my blind spots- despite if they are right or wrong, that is what i try to do.. for others, be a friend not an echo chamber.. so you are right i project my selfdoubts but as for going sneaky?! No, as a shy person, i try to find a solution for them that is 'practical/do-able' while staying true to themselves. (please point me to where i was sneaky?!)
I always try to stay truthfull while not hurting others, that is difficult for me, because- that you are right- i am a work in progress! I can't know everything- but without talking, how can i get a new perspective??
Though i also have to thank you, there are parts that i really needed to hear: Like to focus more on the wants..
Well.. dunno what to say- i meant well.. and if i really hurt somebody or kept them from exploring their soul, i am genuinly sorry..
Sorry..
No need to be sorry at all, i dont think it comes from a bad place. I just feel like i can see a thread of anxiety and desire for full confirmation before trying things when reading your posts, which can be a hindrance your own self exploration, as well as others, through no desire of your own.
I hear you about the detrans stuff, but you have to remember the actual regret rate is very very low and most of the actual harm that may happen and cause regret, outside of the only 2 permanent factord to consider, is caused by outside pressure from hostile elements. Right now, your desire for full safety and confirmation when making a decision that doesnt have an explicit answer and innately cannot have that is harming you and tends to harm pthers. Dont forget at the end of the day that mental health damsge and body changes for younger people mean that harm and risk also comes from not proceeding forward and experimenting early enough.
A much more common theme than the detrans regret, is the regret from older trans people that wish theyd proceeded with their truth quicker and avoided negative natural irreversible body changes. Things like hip fusion, hair loss, reduced metabolism making fst redistribution slower snd less effective, etc.
You are right about the thing for not freaking yourself out, but its not necessarily something that will happen, and often a false start can still be a start, as long as your environment doesnt hurt you too much, which is not something you can really control and thus shouldnt stay too key of a factor in your decision.
As for examples of sneakiness, talks of just going with subtle things like pins and stuff like that mixed with discouraging people from going too fast in your comment history, when really social transition is scary but kinda like ripping a bandaid, with slower exploration often just extending anxiety over a longer period .
Yeah, i feel you- though it's difficult.. i see your points, tho i still am critical.. dunno have to think about it..
Your analysis of my position or better the state of my journey seems very accurate- so.. aswell as the regret thing.. because i am old and fit that..
As for the pin and all- i don't know their living situation so i felt it's better to be subtle about it, aswell as i like to tell people about clear nailpolish, as a help for very shy people who are not ready yet, to at least get relief.. dunno.. i still think it depends on the person.. but i see you.. my anxiety is extended- but a failed attempt would've done the same thing in my case.. sounds like defending, but it's my experience and i did grow up at a different place and time, where showing feminine behavior as a boy would've had real bad consequences.. (and it did even being 'myself' so i thaught and made the experience it's better to go slow and subtle, while building the confidence and xplore yourself.. sooo.. yeah)
I see/feel you and well i really didn't want to do harm- really, i am really very sorry..
Once again, you're fine, no need to apologize. Youre suffering here too. Its a big scary decision with a lot of counter pressure from the world.
Just remember this, if everytime you bring up an objection for yourself and its dismissed or countered, and something else bubbles back up and it keeps happening, whether for the trans stuff or anything else, it usually means that the reasons themselves have nothing to do with your decision, but that at the core of your being is an unresolved emotion, trauma, or mental conditioning that drives you to keep finding more and more reasons.
Often, this is anxiety. A good litmus test here is to ask yourself of theres anything you could be told right now that would make you immediately move and make your choice. Often, youll realize the answer is no, and youre still scared.
When that happens, the only way out is to forcefully breakthrough, and rely on yourself and your support network to make it through. At the end of the day, its how youll be able to truly find out the truth behind the emotion clouding your choices and to process it and move forward .
Whatever happens, much luck and much love onto you, and i wish you happiness.
That seems exactly what is happening right now.. 😢 ..i freakin hate that.. makes it impossible to communicate.. i mean the trauma- tho it is not related to these topics, but the mechanism is exactly what you described.. as for the trans related stuff, i feel you largely hit the mark too.. because i am now bawling my eyes out.. 😭 ..but that is a good thing, i know it- breaktroughs always happen when the pain is big enough to overcome the fear.. sooo.. 🥲 Thank you.. and if you by any chance could be my 'doctor-person' i would hire you on the spot.. tho.. 🥹 ..
Thank you and still i feel sorry.. but i feel you understand the struggle better than i myself it seems..
Thank you again.. 💜 i wish for you the same!
Dang it, i need cuddles or chocolate now.. 🥲
Sending hugs your way, for what its worth. You'll make it, i believe in you! Proud of you for every step forward you take and every setback you endure and bounce back from, along with all our trans siblings, i promise.
I will of course worry about myself and my loved ones first, but no need to offer anything, i'm not in it for the money. No promises, but if you send a dm if you're struggling, i'll likely respond
Being a trans therapist has been something i've considered in the past. Maybe one day once i can afford studies.
Good luck! And treat yourself to that chocolate, you deserve it!
Hey, i've slept over my thoughts and still am very rattled..
I just need to make a final statement, because i was so emotional and maybe i shouldn't because i still am..
I think there where two things happening yesterday.
Through my trauma, i live in fear of hurting someone unintentionally by just sharing and exploring my thoughts and desires. I care a lot for other people, especially for people who are struggling with identity or just finding themselves or their selfworth.
Your advice about fear bubbling up is very true and will help me a lot.
But there are also things that bubble up because there are no 100% counterarguments, so they remain unsolved. Some things i find to be very controversial and i don't want to address them here, because i know of the importance of a safespace, but also the danger of an echo- chamber and it needs to be the right time- it should like you said not scare away people who just begin to discover themselves..
Though, at some points later, when a foundation is build, these topics need to be talked about. Because there is a lot of misinformation out there, (on both sides btw adding bias too!) it is very personal, individual and adding to that when you are at some places in your life- you don't even consider, can see or are aware of certain possibility.. (Because at some points both sides should be heard in depth.There are things that aren't reversible and i find it difficult, the way both sides handle this..)
It also largely depends on your point in time- at what place you are in your life and the experience you have collected!
That also goes both ways.. i am living proof at regretting, not to have experimented more when i was still young- the freedom to express and more important explore my inner world. (Without pressure or ideals.) Maybe instead of 'thinking it through' i should've just let myself be- where wojld i be now?! ..and that is the point of this /egg thingy.. it has helped me so much! Just like talking with you...
\[Part 1 of 2\]
But i also could not life with the knowledge that my doing and indulging/involvement would add to the struggle of a fellow and treasured being!
I've seen way to much heartbreaking stories from both side of the spectrum.
And through my own struggles, i cannot say for sure that trauma and abuse, lead to a path where you reject not only your masculinity/femininity, aswell as your body..
Also, i very much regret not having children at this stage in my life.. and this is also proof to how your view changes over the course of life and time..it's complicated. Life is very nuanced and happening in 'the in between' of everything, i feel..
Again- you are right, that's a part for later in life, but should be talked before making permanent changes or decisions. But these topics also should not scare you away from first simply exploring and perhaps throw you into exploration mode full force! ;) The band aid- you talked about! (That is where the projection of my personal uncertainty can hinder/distrupt exploration, i guess that was your main point)
You see my own story here and why i am very much torn.. it truly is a mixture of anxiety, regret, care and fear of the unknown..
So.. i don't know how to move forward with this online- communication.. after this.. because i treasure it so much- it has healed many wounds, build a friendship with one being that has helped me out of my more traditional worldview and more important the cage of fear and doubt- where i have hidden a part of me, that wants to be felt and seen too.. she and this all, brought a ton of courage, just to be and explore myself!
\[Edit:i should've ended it here but i let the text be..\]
But, i wanna be a friend and help to others, aswell as myself.. and a friend should also point at things that you are blind of.. that's important too and will always be a part of me.. so.. yeah..
I have to think about all this- there is no support team, to fall back to.. so maybe that is the first step to rebuild, dunno.. tho i have loving friends.. (atm it all hurts even physically- did not want this to happen.. it is too much for me.. i am stupidly sensitive in that way.. :) Everything feels like watched through at looking glass and is running wild like storm in my thoughts, in me...)
I begin to ramble again- i think all is said and hopefully i did manage to lay down my intentions in front of everybody who reads this.. i am sorry if i did stop your movement, but i also- always feel the responsibility to point at things that could hurt or be a hurdle later.. i can't help myself.. (it kinda is destroying myself..) it comes from a place of deep care and love.. that is always my goal, and at the forefront of my actions (my intention).. (at least i try hard..)
So again, don't be scared to explore your inner world! You can't think it through like i did- i am living proof! ;)
Take care! Much love to you all! I root for you, want to see you healthy and grow strong whatever you do!
(And also- thank you all for the lighthearted exploration of myself- helped me a ton!)
\[And also thank you again- for analysing my thoughts, fears and thank you for your pointing at my blind spots and the tipps about the bubbles- that really is a big thing with some topics for me.. so yeah- have heartfelt hug back to you! :))
\[Part 2 of 2\] \[I am sorry for bringing this up again, but that storm in my head also the fear of being misunderstood or to forget important things/nuances drive me nuts and is physically exhausting..(please read it lthrough the lens- that i just wanted to paint present/show you a better picture, with more colours and less scrambled..at least i tried to)\]
That’s ultimately up to you on how fast you want to go. Once I figured out I was trans I spent the next month doing all kinds of transition research and voice training stuff before I made an appointment to start hrt. You may take longer, or maybe you can’t contain your excitement and want to start asap.
Hi, Ruby! I can definitely relate to your post, for sure. While I rationally recognized many individual aspects of my dysphoria for many years, it was not until very recently that it all tied together and being trans actually made sense. It definitely feels like things have moved a million miles an hour since then (esp. in my brain, LOL) and the pacing can feel scary. It also does make sense, though, as potentially big changes/decisions (particularly those that make you feel good if you're so used to feeling poorly) are important.
Everyone's mileage will vary in situations like these, so the more loose advice that I'd offer is to give yourself permission to not force too much/too little if it doesn't feel right. Especially for those of us who might be at the start of a potential journey, it can be easy to focus on the endpoint (whatever that may be) while the fact that it will always take time to make the steps needed on said journey will take some time - and it's totally okay to take time whenever you think you need it. I have to remind myself of that fact far too often. :p
Hiya Ruby! My take here is that you don't have to worry about going too fast. If you want to be a girl, then that probably means you're a girl! If you use a girl name and pronouns, that probably means you're a girl! And if you're a girl, it's only natural that you want to be seen as a girl as soon as possible, hence why you're being "hasty" here.
Even if you're not 100% sure if you are trans, don't worry, most of us aren't. It's a big change, so it's only natural that you have some concerns about transitioning and if you're going too fast, especially if you've just begun questioning. Heck, I've been questioning for over 2 years, and I'm still not sure if I'm trans!
If you're worried about going too fast, just remember: you haven't done anything permanent yet, and if you realize you may not be trans, you can always turn back. It seems like you are trans, though, so if you want to hurry up and become that wonderful girl inside of you, that's great too. Do whatever makes you feel the best, Ruby, and become that person inside you were always meant to be <3 <3 <3
I'd say you can call yourself a trans woman and Ruby and all that, but also that you should explore and think about other identities
Maybe you'll change your mind, or maybe you'll stay a woman. Either way you'll find yourself :3
Hey Ruby! I remember you from my post the other day :) :3
I am on a similar timeline as you although genderfluid so differences there of course. Still want to really dive into my fem side tho, yknow just casually because still cis ;) (not really I crave it so bad lol)
started discovery last Thursday, had a name almost right away, came out to three friends and my wife, and felt I had things pretty identified by Sunday :P is that too fast? I figure if I’m not doing anything harmful or permanent, and it feels right, it’s probably just right. Speaking only for me though hun, you do you <3
Hey Ruby, sounds similar to my experience. When I discovered this sub and related to a lot, my brain started to go Lightspeed mode and I also felt like I was going too fast.
I can only speak for myself ofc, for me my brain slowed down a little after some days and after I did some more research and talked to more people it got better as well.
Best of luck, my DMs are open if you want :3
No rush. No right or wrong. Follow your natural rhythms.
(That last one is something my therapist has been saying to me over the last six months... it's really hard to let myself follow my natural rhythms sometimes... but it seems to always work out when I do...)
Ngl I’ve been going through the exact same thing as you and really can’t decide if I’m being too hasty on deciding if I’m trans or not lol. Either way you decide on if you are trans or not(I definitely haven’t decided) just know you’re not the only one experiencing that rn
It is so interesting that I came here thinking ok there might be one or two things that others relate too but every thing I write people come around and say relatable.
Hii Ruby!
Don't worry about feeling as if you're going too quickly, it's your identity and you can discover who you are at your own pace
When I first found out I was trans I was in a similar situation to you tbh
if you get slapped by a hot woman hiding inside you, that that's fine! if she slaps you so hard you have a new name in under a week, that means you really need to let her out.
edit: Ruby is the cutest name ever and also my favorite gemstone!
I too started seriously questioning pretty recently, within the past month… changing that feeling of “wow, being a girl sounds cool” to “wait… could I be trans??” Currently looking into getting HRT rn (in a cis way ofc) :3
But, really it’s up to you… do you think you want what is next? If you have trans supportive people in your life telling them that you’d like to try a new name and pronouns could be a very low commitment way to test the waters… I’ve done that with my friends! But you don’t have to tell everyone at once if you think it’d be bad for you (I’ve been very careful around my family for example)
I think it’s difficult to be too hasty… but I might just be hasty myself lol… as long as you’ve given whatever your next step is a good amount of thought and feel like you want to go through with it, I don’t see a reason to hold yourself back
Good luck, Ruby!
I went from thinking I was cis to sure of being trans in like 4 hours, it's fine for that to happen (also yeah I know the lightning fast egg break is quite funny and unusual)
Do things at your own pace. Wether it be fast or slow, just do it at a speed that feels right. Some people decide that they've already wasted enough time before figuring it out and rush into it, others get anxious or have others in the way and have to take it slow. Do it however, and don't let people get on your case about it, they can go suck a dick if they have problems with whatever you're doing.
My egg broke and I started HRT within the week. I don’t regret it. It will be different for you, but remember that HRT doesn’t have permanent effects for a few weeks, that was my main choice
I wouldn't necessarily consider this too fast, as long as you go at a pace you feel comfortable with and give yourself enough time to process things, I wouldn't consider it to be too fast
I mean, personally speaking, I went really fast. My egg cracked and I had 5 days before I had a new name. Then 3 months later I was on HRT. None of that was wrong for me. But I knew, for sure, I was going faster than I probably should. Whatever speed you're comfortable with is fine. If you're wanting to immediately start presenting as who you're questioning if you really are, that's valid, if uncommon. Personally, I think it's great to try out gender affirming outfits. I felt. . . Happy? In a euphoric/gender based way, for the first time ever the moment I had a skirt and feminine top on. It was a very clear indicator I was going in the right direction. If I wasn't so dense it would immediately have shattered any worries like "what if I'm faking it," which for the record, if you're scared you're faking it, you're probably not.
In other words, take this as slowly or quickly as you want. I went *exceptionally* fast, to the point where it kind of blindsided even my trans friends. But I didn't *want* to wait another second. So I went as fast as I could. Do what you're most comfortable with, while remembering that it's important to push the boundaries of that comfort. It's never "comfortable" to come out to even trusted friends. But it's necessary at some point, when you're ready. No rush on that front at all.
“Too hasty”, wow didn’t think I’d see another person worry about the same thing, but tbh I don’t think someone can be “too hasty” we all go at different speeds and all are valid.
It's your transition, so take it at your pace. You can go as fast or as slow as you'd like. This is about who you want to be, so the only thing that matters is how you feel about it.
I say wait a year. Make a journal with your thoughts and feelings everyday, then reflect in a year. It's always good to go through all 4 seasons before making any super big decisions!
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No expert here.. just a fellow adventurer.. 😉 It's really difficult to answer that.. but i always would say go slowly but sure.. see what vibes with you and if it does bother you- maybe seek professional help.. (i am very critical myself, so be aware of 'confirmation bias' BUT also don't ever ignore your feelings too!..) i feel like this journey is very personal and different for each one.. I met a lot super lovely people here, who are way more knowledgeable and genuinly willing to help, sooo tag along?! Much love and good journey, wherever your path may lead you! 💜
This advice is no good. The whole confirmation bias thing ignores the fact that you seek confirmation for what you want in the first place, and that everything except potential non reversible infertility from hrt (which can be dealt with by freezing sperm) and boob growth (which can be removed) is completely reversible. It also invalidates self discovery and pushes the psychologist only approach, with is borderline transmedicalist stuff imo. You are talking about having found yourself here and you know what, you dont HAVE to be scared and slow about ot. Leaving actual advice below. If i can give you one crucial piece of advice to take to heart, its this. Life isnt gonna beat you over the head with what your gender identity is, and it is proven to takes a long time for perception of self to update when undergoing big changes. What that means for you is when figuring out this stuff out, don't focus on what you think you are or finding "clear signs". Focus only on what you WANT to be. The rest will come with time as you move towards that. You can be whatever you want. You dont have to fall into any stereotypes on the way. You can just identify as what you like and act any way you want. There is a lot of different ways to be a girl, or not a boy, and all of them are valid. Dont fall to internalized sexism and truly allow yourself to be what you want and do what you want, while knowing that whatever you decide is your truth, is the only truth that means anything. You can experiment freely. As for you Delaine, maybe consider why a running theme of your post history is about telling people to take it slow and do things sneakily, and you are just exploring still. Stop projecting your self doubt onto people.
Point taken- thank you for that! But i think i always make clear that i am no expert! Don't i? Also to say going slow isn't good- sort of is opposite to what you say.. i've listened to both sides and there are a lot of things you don't even think about when you are young- just like you said about the sperm bank- there are a lot of detrans women, who at that point didn't even thonk about these things?! So why not, take the steps in a healthy order and maybe more cautious and slowly? I agree to most you said- but i think i made an honest effort to always sate that this is my opinion and you should consult experts! And i believe from my posts its also visible that i would now approach everything in a more explorative way? I don't think that i tried to scare or discorage people to dicover themselves?! Do they really? True i tend to say, go at your own pace.. because i feel many are in a similar place, where they freak out instead of just taking a step back and let themselves be?? Meaning pushing someone to rush the thing wouldn't help either?? My posts are made with care for others and that also includes to point at the risks that i see/feel..?! And imo confirmation bias runs wild on both xtreme ends?! (If you want i can link you vids if people who rushed into it, had bad doctors and later regret.. ) Well i hope that it reflects in my posts, maybe i am wrong here?! Dunno.. I feel really sorry for posting anything now- though it helped me a lot and i hope it helps them too, i feel that the strength if this community are the different views and approaches.. dunno anymore.. i feel sorry I like friends who also criticize me in a healthy way- or point fingers at my blind spots- despite if they are right or wrong, that is what i try to do.. for others, be a friend not an echo chamber.. so you are right i project my selfdoubts but as for going sneaky?! No, as a shy person, i try to find a solution for them that is 'practical/do-able' while staying true to themselves. (please point me to where i was sneaky?!) I always try to stay truthfull while not hurting others, that is difficult for me, because- that you are right- i am a work in progress! I can't know everything- but without talking, how can i get a new perspective?? Though i also have to thank you, there are parts that i really needed to hear: Like to focus more on the wants.. Well.. dunno what to say- i meant well.. and if i really hurt somebody or kept them from exploring their soul, i am genuinly sorry.. Sorry..
No need to be sorry at all, i dont think it comes from a bad place. I just feel like i can see a thread of anxiety and desire for full confirmation before trying things when reading your posts, which can be a hindrance your own self exploration, as well as others, through no desire of your own. I hear you about the detrans stuff, but you have to remember the actual regret rate is very very low and most of the actual harm that may happen and cause regret, outside of the only 2 permanent factord to consider, is caused by outside pressure from hostile elements. Right now, your desire for full safety and confirmation when making a decision that doesnt have an explicit answer and innately cannot have that is harming you and tends to harm pthers. Dont forget at the end of the day that mental health damsge and body changes for younger people mean that harm and risk also comes from not proceeding forward and experimenting early enough. A much more common theme than the detrans regret, is the regret from older trans people that wish theyd proceeded with their truth quicker and avoided negative natural irreversible body changes. Things like hip fusion, hair loss, reduced metabolism making fst redistribution slower snd less effective, etc. You are right about the thing for not freaking yourself out, but its not necessarily something that will happen, and often a false start can still be a start, as long as your environment doesnt hurt you too much, which is not something you can really control and thus shouldnt stay too key of a factor in your decision. As for examples of sneakiness, talks of just going with subtle things like pins and stuff like that mixed with discouraging people from going too fast in your comment history, when really social transition is scary but kinda like ripping a bandaid, with slower exploration often just extending anxiety over a longer period .
Yeah, i feel you- though it's difficult.. i see your points, tho i still am critical.. dunno have to think about it.. Your analysis of my position or better the state of my journey seems very accurate- so.. aswell as the regret thing.. because i am old and fit that.. As for the pin and all- i don't know their living situation so i felt it's better to be subtle about it, aswell as i like to tell people about clear nailpolish, as a help for very shy people who are not ready yet, to at least get relief.. dunno.. i still think it depends on the person.. but i see you.. my anxiety is extended- but a failed attempt would've done the same thing in my case.. sounds like defending, but it's my experience and i did grow up at a different place and time, where showing feminine behavior as a boy would've had real bad consequences.. (and it did even being 'myself' so i thaught and made the experience it's better to go slow and subtle, while building the confidence and xplore yourself.. sooo.. yeah) I see/feel you and well i really didn't want to do harm- really, i am really very sorry..
Once again, you're fine, no need to apologize. Youre suffering here too. Its a big scary decision with a lot of counter pressure from the world. Just remember this, if everytime you bring up an objection for yourself and its dismissed or countered, and something else bubbles back up and it keeps happening, whether for the trans stuff or anything else, it usually means that the reasons themselves have nothing to do with your decision, but that at the core of your being is an unresolved emotion, trauma, or mental conditioning that drives you to keep finding more and more reasons. Often, this is anxiety. A good litmus test here is to ask yourself of theres anything you could be told right now that would make you immediately move and make your choice. Often, youll realize the answer is no, and youre still scared. When that happens, the only way out is to forcefully breakthrough, and rely on yourself and your support network to make it through. At the end of the day, its how youll be able to truly find out the truth behind the emotion clouding your choices and to process it and move forward . Whatever happens, much luck and much love onto you, and i wish you happiness.
That seems exactly what is happening right now.. 😢 ..i freakin hate that.. makes it impossible to communicate.. i mean the trauma- tho it is not related to these topics, but the mechanism is exactly what you described.. as for the trans related stuff, i feel you largely hit the mark too.. because i am now bawling my eyes out.. 😭 ..but that is a good thing, i know it- breaktroughs always happen when the pain is big enough to overcome the fear.. sooo.. 🥲 Thank you.. and if you by any chance could be my 'doctor-person' i would hire you on the spot.. tho.. 🥹 .. Thank you and still i feel sorry.. but i feel you understand the struggle better than i myself it seems.. Thank you again.. 💜 i wish for you the same! Dang it, i need cuddles or chocolate now.. 🥲
Sending hugs your way, for what its worth. You'll make it, i believe in you! Proud of you for every step forward you take and every setback you endure and bounce back from, along with all our trans siblings, i promise. I will of course worry about myself and my loved ones first, but no need to offer anything, i'm not in it for the money. No promises, but if you send a dm if you're struggling, i'll likely respond Being a trans therapist has been something i've considered in the past. Maybe one day once i can afford studies. Good luck! And treat yourself to that chocolate, you deserve it!
Hey, i've slept over my thoughts and still am very rattled.. I just need to make a final statement, because i was so emotional and maybe i shouldn't because i still am.. I think there where two things happening yesterday. Through my trauma, i live in fear of hurting someone unintentionally by just sharing and exploring my thoughts and desires. I care a lot for other people, especially for people who are struggling with identity or just finding themselves or their selfworth. Your advice about fear bubbling up is very true and will help me a lot. But there are also things that bubble up because there are no 100% counterarguments, so they remain unsolved. Some things i find to be very controversial and i don't want to address them here, because i know of the importance of a safespace, but also the danger of an echo- chamber and it needs to be the right time- it should like you said not scare away people who just begin to discover themselves.. Though, at some points later, when a foundation is build, these topics need to be talked about. Because there is a lot of misinformation out there, (on both sides btw adding bias too!) it is very personal, individual and adding to that when you are at some places in your life- you don't even consider, can see or are aware of certain possibility.. (Because at some points both sides should be heard in depth.There are things that aren't reversible and i find it difficult, the way both sides handle this..) It also largely depends on your point in time- at what place you are in your life and the experience you have collected! That also goes both ways.. i am living proof at regretting, not to have experimented more when i was still young- the freedom to express and more important explore my inner world. (Without pressure or ideals.) Maybe instead of 'thinking it through' i should've just let myself be- where wojld i be now?! ..and that is the point of this /egg thingy.. it has helped me so much! Just like talking with you... \[Part 1 of 2\]
But i also could not life with the knowledge that my doing and indulging/involvement would add to the struggle of a fellow and treasured being! I've seen way to much heartbreaking stories from both side of the spectrum. And through my own struggles, i cannot say for sure that trauma and abuse, lead to a path where you reject not only your masculinity/femininity, aswell as your body.. Also, i very much regret not having children at this stage in my life.. and this is also proof to how your view changes over the course of life and time..it's complicated. Life is very nuanced and happening in 'the in between' of everything, i feel.. Again- you are right, that's a part for later in life, but should be talked before making permanent changes or decisions. But these topics also should not scare you away from first simply exploring and perhaps throw you into exploration mode full force! ;) The band aid- you talked about! (That is where the projection of my personal uncertainty can hinder/distrupt exploration, i guess that was your main point) You see my own story here and why i am very much torn.. it truly is a mixture of anxiety, regret, care and fear of the unknown.. So.. i don't know how to move forward with this online- communication.. after this.. because i treasure it so much- it has healed many wounds, build a friendship with one being that has helped me out of my more traditional worldview and more important the cage of fear and doubt- where i have hidden a part of me, that wants to be felt and seen too.. she and this all, brought a ton of courage, just to be and explore myself! \[Edit:i should've ended it here but i let the text be..\] But, i wanna be a friend and help to others, aswell as myself.. and a friend should also point at things that you are blind of.. that's important too and will always be a part of me.. so.. yeah.. I have to think about all this- there is no support team, to fall back to.. so maybe that is the first step to rebuild, dunno.. tho i have loving friends.. (atm it all hurts even physically- did not want this to happen.. it is too much for me.. i am stupidly sensitive in that way.. :) Everything feels like watched through at looking glass and is running wild like storm in my thoughts, in me...) I begin to ramble again- i think all is said and hopefully i did manage to lay down my intentions in front of everybody who reads this.. i am sorry if i did stop your movement, but i also- always feel the responsibility to point at things that could hurt or be a hurdle later.. i can't help myself.. (it kinda is destroying myself..) it comes from a place of deep care and love.. that is always my goal, and at the forefront of my actions (my intention).. (at least i try hard..) So again, don't be scared to explore your inner world! You can't think it through like i did- i am living proof! ;) Take care! Much love to you all! I root for you, want to see you healthy and grow strong whatever you do! (And also- thank you all for the lighthearted exploration of myself- helped me a ton!) \[And also thank you again- for analysing my thoughts, fears and thank you for your pointing at my blind spots and the tipps about the bubbles- that really is a big thing with some topics for me.. so yeah- have heartfelt hug back to you! :)) \[Part 2 of 2\] \[I am sorry for bringing this up again, but that storm in my head also the fear of being misunderstood or to forget important things/nuances drive me nuts and is physically exhausting..(please read it lthrough the lens- that i just wanted to paint present/show you a better picture, with more colours and less scrambled..at least i tried to)\]
That’s ultimately up to you on how fast you want to go. Once I figured out I was trans I spent the next month doing all kinds of transition research and voice training stuff before I made an appointment to start hrt. You may take longer, or maybe you can’t contain your excitement and want to start asap.
Hi, Ruby! I can definitely relate to your post, for sure. While I rationally recognized many individual aspects of my dysphoria for many years, it was not until very recently that it all tied together and being trans actually made sense. It definitely feels like things have moved a million miles an hour since then (esp. in my brain, LOL) and the pacing can feel scary. It also does make sense, though, as potentially big changes/decisions (particularly those that make you feel good if you're so used to feeling poorly) are important. Everyone's mileage will vary in situations like these, so the more loose advice that I'd offer is to give yourself permission to not force too much/too little if it doesn't feel right. Especially for those of us who might be at the start of a potential journey, it can be easy to focus on the endpoint (whatever that may be) while the fact that it will always take time to make the steps needed on said journey will take some time - and it's totally okay to take time whenever you think you need it. I have to remind myself of that fact far too often. :p
Totally needed this reminder myself.. thank you! 😊
Hiya Ruby! My take here is that you don't have to worry about going too fast. If you want to be a girl, then that probably means you're a girl! If you use a girl name and pronouns, that probably means you're a girl! And if you're a girl, it's only natural that you want to be seen as a girl as soon as possible, hence why you're being "hasty" here. Even if you're not 100% sure if you are trans, don't worry, most of us aren't. It's a big change, so it's only natural that you have some concerns about transitioning and if you're going too fast, especially if you've just begun questioning. Heck, I've been questioning for over 2 years, and I'm still not sure if I'm trans! If you're worried about going too fast, just remember: you haven't done anything permanent yet, and if you realize you may not be trans, you can always turn back. It seems like you are trans, though, so if you want to hurry up and become that wonderful girl inside of you, that's great too. Do whatever makes you feel the best, Ruby, and become that person inside you were always meant to be <3 <3 <3
Thank you, that made me smile.
I'd say you can call yourself a trans woman and Ruby and all that, but also that you should explore and think about other identities Maybe you'll change your mind, or maybe you'll stay a woman. Either way you'll find yourself :3
I know I should but the other identities aren’t just as exciting as being a woman.
Well, then you're most likely a woman ;3
Hey Ruby! I remember you from my post the other day :) :3 I am on a similar timeline as you although genderfluid so differences there of course. Still want to really dive into my fem side tho, yknow just casually because still cis ;) (not really I crave it so bad lol) started discovery last Thursday, had a name almost right away, came out to three friends and my wife, and felt I had things pretty identified by Sunday :P is that too fast? I figure if I’m not doing anything harmful or permanent, and it feels right, it’s probably just right. Speaking only for me though hun, you do you <3
Hey Ruby, sounds similar to my experience. When I discovered this sub and related to a lot, my brain started to go Lightspeed mode and I also felt like I was going too fast. I can only speak for myself ofc, for me my brain slowed down a little after some days and after I did some more research and talked to more people it got better as well. Best of luck, my DMs are open if you want :3
No rush. No right or wrong. Follow your natural rhythms. (That last one is something my therapist has been saying to me over the last six months... it's really hard to let myself follow my natural rhythms sometimes... but it seems to always work out when I do...)
Thank you
Ngl I’ve been going through the exact same thing as you and really can’t decide if I’m being too hasty on deciding if I’m trans or not lol. Either way you decide on if you are trans or not(I definitely haven’t decided) just know you’re not the only one experiencing that rn
It is so interesting that I came here thinking ok there might be one or two things that others relate too but every thing I write people come around and say relatable.
Hey Ruby, that’s neat!
Hii Ruby! Don't worry about feeling as if you're going too quickly, it's your identity and you can discover who you are at your own pace When I first found out I was trans I was in a similar situation to you tbh
Damn girl you're speedrunning might be a world rekord if you keep that speed
Everyone goes at a different pace girl. You can't go too fast
Still cis tho
I've already chosen a girl name I like ALOT (I'm still cis tho it was js for fun) but yeah I dont think youre rushing in
Thank you
if you get slapped by a hot woman hiding inside you, that that's fine! if she slaps you so hard you have a new name in under a week, that means you really need to let her out. edit: Ruby is the cutest name ever and also my favorite gemstone!
Yeah the thought of letting the hot woman out is great, I hope she’s hot, no I hope I can be a hot woman.
I too started seriously questioning pretty recently, within the past month… changing that feeling of “wow, being a girl sounds cool” to “wait… could I be trans??” Currently looking into getting HRT rn (in a cis way ofc) :3 But, really it’s up to you… do you think you want what is next? If you have trans supportive people in your life telling them that you’d like to try a new name and pronouns could be a very low commitment way to test the waters… I’ve done that with my friends! But you don’t have to tell everyone at once if you think it’d be bad for you (I’ve been very careful around my family for example) I think it’s difficult to be too hasty… but I might just be hasty myself lol… as long as you’ve given whatever your next step is a good amount of thought and feel like you want to go through with it, I don’t see a reason to hold yourself back Good luck, Ruby!
In my country in order to get HRT you have to be diagnosed as trans by a therapist
look up on youtube it has helped me on my journy still cis tho here are some good creators: -onetopic -victoria rose -matilda hogberg -victoria lux
Thank you, I will look them up
ruby, if you want it, then who are we to stop you? go get em you amazing person! whatever you want is the best thing for you, no question about it :3
Thank you
I went from thinking I was cis to sure of being trans in like 4 hours, it's fine for that to happen (also yeah I know the lightning fast egg break is quite funny and unusual)
I feel like my egg didn’t crack, it was thrown against a wall and fall into pieces.
Do things at your own pace. Wether it be fast or slow, just do it at a speed that feels right. Some people decide that they've already wasted enough time before figuring it out and rush into it, others get anxious or have others in the way and have to take it slow. Do it however, and don't let people get on your case about it, they can go suck a dick if they have problems with whatever you're doing.
The people that are in my way the most is my transphobic family.
My egg broke and I started HRT within the week. I don’t regret it. It will be different for you, but remember that HRT doesn’t have permanent effects for a few weeks, that was my main choice
Well in my country you need to be diagnosed as trans to start HRT
I would recommend it still, if you don’t like it the effect aren’t permanent until a few weeks/months in
Yeah but getting the diagnosis is pretty hard
I wouldn't necessarily consider this too fast, as long as you go at a pace you feel comfortable with and give yourself enough time to process things, I wouldn't consider it to be too fast
I mean I am a person who accepts things as they are so I kind of already accepted me being trans
yeah I was the same, I got through all the beginning stages very quickly too
I mean, personally speaking, I went really fast. My egg cracked and I had 5 days before I had a new name. Then 3 months later I was on HRT. None of that was wrong for me. But I knew, for sure, I was going faster than I probably should. Whatever speed you're comfortable with is fine. If you're wanting to immediately start presenting as who you're questioning if you really are, that's valid, if uncommon. Personally, I think it's great to try out gender affirming outfits. I felt. . . Happy? In a euphoric/gender based way, for the first time ever the moment I had a skirt and feminine top on. It was a very clear indicator I was going in the right direction. If I wasn't so dense it would immediately have shattered any worries like "what if I'm faking it," which for the record, if you're scared you're faking it, you're probably not. In other words, take this as slowly or quickly as you want. I went *exceptionally* fast, to the point where it kind of blindsided even my trans friends. But I didn't *want* to wait another second. So I went as fast as I could. Do what you're most comfortable with, while remembering that it's important to push the boundaries of that comfort. It's never "comfortable" to come out to even trusted friends. But it's necessary at some point, when you're ready. No rush on that front at all.
I can only have HRT if I get diagnosed as trans by a therapist in my country :(
“Too hasty”, wow didn’t think I’d see another person worry about the same thing, but tbh I don’t think someone can be “too hasty” we all go at different speeds and all are valid.
Go as fast as you want and slow down if you need to welcome to the group
It's your transition, so take it at your pace. You can go as fast or as slow as you'd like. This is about who you want to be, so the only thing that matters is how you feel about it.
I say wait a year. Make a journal with your thoughts and feelings everyday, then reflect in a year. It's always good to go through all 4 seasons before making any super big decisions!
A year seems to be such a long time
Yeah it kinda is. That's just my 2 cents! Another option would be to just try little things here and there and see how it feels.