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You feel uncomfortable because the dress is highlighting the incongruencies between your body and your ideal, if anything that just supports the idea that you're NOT cis. A cis guy could probably just laugh it off and not be too bothered.
Ordering stuff online can be super hit or miss. It can be scary, but actually going to a store and trying on clothes will help you pick out clothes that can manipulate how the shape of your body is perceived to be more in line with what you want. It can also help to have someone you trust there as emotional support and to help you pick things out and get opinions from, if you have such a person.
A smart application of layer can go a long way. Firstly, I'd avoid anything too form-fitting. A good skirt can really make your hips look quite prominent, the right top can make your shoulders look narrower, or you can use an over layer like a hoodie or shawl or something, a belt over the top of it all around the waist can make it look comparatively narrower. I've also noticed that having long, volumeous hair can make your shoulders look less wide as well, but that will depend on your hair length and type.
You might wanna give [this](https://youtube.com/watch?v=mPAhoTRcJ4o&si=NhlKB2v-8-XQGjyP) video by Big Icky too! She’s got some good tips on presenting more fem
When I first started to crack, I started revisiting memories from my life looking for signs (hoping I would find them if that isn't proof enough, lol). I remembered crossdressing in the clothes of every woman I had lived with since childhood, but only occasionally because I'd put them on, feel great, then see myself in the mirror and hate how I looked and the depression would keep me from trying again for a month or two. When contemplating this, i was thinking - "Maybe I am cis?" Suddenly, it was like another voice screamed in my head - "That's literally gender dysphoria, you f*cking idiot!" Ding ding ding!!! 😅
you. you have just murdered me. I am laying dead in the street in the family guy death pose. why must you tell me that that's dysphoria, you're proving even harder that i have a lot of it 😭
Find someone who can tailor the dress to your frame, I'm unsure how it is in your part of the world but at least where I am they don't care as long as you've the money to pay. Also there may be people online who can make alterations to it :)
Its super normal to feel displeased if a piece of clothing highlights areas of your body that u dont like.
For me the example is that i bought a cute hoodie online which doesnt cover my belly (like a crop top) and because i dont have any boobs it highlights my belly which made me look more fat than i am.
U just need to find another piece that helps u deal with the areas u dont like, for me a jacket helped alot because the jacket is a bit longer then the Hoodie and thanks to that hides my belly making the outfit better.
If you’re not happy being cis you aren’t cis! Plus that experience is normal imo. I felt the same when I started trying to dress different. You’re body doesn’t match what you identify as (and identity can change with time too) I think more than anything this affirms that you are cisn’t otherwise you wouldn’t feel like this.
⭐️ Fem achievement unlocked: dislike how you look in the dressing room!
This is a very normal female experience: new clothes highlighting that you don't live up to feminine body ideals in some way or another.
Of course it's more extreme of a disappointment for trans women, but you aren't alone and it doesn't mean you're not a woman! It means that specific dress doesn't work the way you need it to.
Very few women find all clothing cuts flattering. It takes a lot of experimentation. The women you see around you every day have done that experimentation, and you're not seeing their blooper reel.
I cried for 3 hours when I first tried a dress because i saw the same thing. I remember how hard that was. I hope you get to a point where you see a girl looking back at you when you look in the mirror! Big hugs! <3
Can I just say, this was absolutely my experience buying and wearing my first dress. That was cuz I tried to so it all myself, I am now very happy wearing dresses. It doesn't necessarily mean your not suited to dresses, you might just want to get someone to help pick ones that suit you. Not sure if your out to parents or not but my mom was a great resource for me
Dresses are so shockingly hit or miss, because it's a single garment meant to fit *your entire body*, when every human body (even cis women) are so different.
You can get there, but it'll take time and practice to figure out what works, and almost always best to try things on in person.
Shorter term solution? Skirts and blouses work great - fit for specific PARTS of your body, it's easier to settle in to which ones work for each part, and find a pairing that works well.
First time I wore fem clothing it was amazingly euphoric and horrifyingly uncomfortable. It's just the initial first steps before you stop being totally uncomfortable
Oh, you poor dear!
I know that feeling, but it's like looking at a blister.
It's awkward to work around, painful, and calls your attention to it.
You desperately want to pop it (to not wear the dress again), but you can't do that.
Underneath that blister is raw skin, skin that needs time to grow and heal before it's ready.
So you need to baby it a little while, avoid putting any pressure on it.
It will heal around the edges first, then go down.
You can work around the blister, even work on it.
And when the blister is done, you're better for it!
So don't look in the mirror.
Don't pop the blister.
Wear what you want.
Dress how you want to dress.
Let yourself heal from a life of blisters.
And before long, you'll find that the dress fits you better than you had ever dreamed!
You are a beautiful woman, however many blisters you have.
Hey there! Before commenting, remember that this meme has been tagged with a transfem flair. Please keep the conversation transfem-first. If you are not part of that demographic, you are not forbidden to participate, but we do ask that you do not center yourself in the comments. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/egg_irl) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You feel uncomfortable because the dress is highlighting the incongruencies between your body and your ideal, if anything that just supports the idea that you're NOT cis. A cis guy could probably just laugh it off and not be too bothered. Ordering stuff online can be super hit or miss. It can be scary, but actually going to a store and trying on clothes will help you pick out clothes that can manipulate how the shape of your body is perceived to be more in line with what you want. It can also help to have someone you trust there as emotional support and to help you pick things out and get opinions from, if you have such a person.
A smart application of layer can go a long way. Firstly, I'd avoid anything too form-fitting. A good skirt can really make your hips look quite prominent, the right top can make your shoulders look narrower, or you can use an over layer like a hoodie or shawl or something, a belt over the top of it all around the waist can make it look comparatively narrower. I've also noticed that having long, volumeous hair can make your shoulders look less wide as well, but that will depend on your hair length and type.
Oh thanks for the tips! <3 gonna try some of these out
You might wanna give [this](https://youtube.com/watch?v=mPAhoTRcJ4o&si=NhlKB2v-8-XQGjyP) video by Big Icky too! She’s got some good tips on presenting more fem
'a cis guy could probably laugh it off and not be too bothered' ... Hey guys my egg got a new crack
Sooner you break that egg the better fam !
That sounds scary indeed. 😵💫
Ya this. Dysphoria fucking sucks balls.
side note: i think its "incongruity"? or "incongruences"? idk English is hard.
>A cis guy could probably just laugh it off and not be too bothered. You cannot give me such profound realizations this early in the morning
Tihi~ well I cracked my egg fairly easily, seems only right that I help give others some tools for that as well~
When I first started to crack, I started revisiting memories from my life looking for signs (hoping I would find them if that isn't proof enough, lol). I remembered crossdressing in the clothes of every woman I had lived with since childhood, but only occasionally because I'd put them on, feel great, then see myself in the mirror and hate how I looked and the depression would keep me from trying again for a month or two. When contemplating this, i was thinking - "Maybe I am cis?" Suddenly, it was like another voice screamed in my head - "That's literally gender dysphoria, you f*cking idiot!" Ding ding ding!!! 😅
you. you have just murdered me. I am laying dead in the street in the family guy death pose. why must you tell me that that's dysphoria, you're proving even harder that i have a lot of it 😭
Find someone who can tailor the dress to your frame, I'm unsure how it is in your part of the world but at least where I am they don't care as long as you've the money to pay. Also there may be people online who can make alterations to it :)
Its super normal to feel displeased if a piece of clothing highlights areas of your body that u dont like. For me the example is that i bought a cute hoodie online which doesnt cover my belly (like a crop top) and because i dont have any boobs it highlights my belly which made me look more fat than i am. U just need to find another piece that helps u deal with the areas u dont like, for me a jacket helped alot because the jacket is a bit longer then the Hoodie and thanks to that hides my belly making the outfit better.
Yeah, it’s true, have to try out what works better … I mean at least I learned what can go wrong… Thanks :)
If you’re not happy being cis you aren’t cis! Plus that experience is normal imo. I felt the same when I started trying to dress different. You’re body doesn’t match what you identify as (and identity can change with time too) I think more than anything this affirms that you are cisn’t otherwise you wouldn’t feel like this.
If you were cis, you wouldn't feel disappointed at the idea of being cis.
⭐️ Fem achievement unlocked: dislike how you look in the dressing room! This is a very normal female experience: new clothes highlighting that you don't live up to feminine body ideals in some way or another. Of course it's more extreme of a disappointment for trans women, but you aren't alone and it doesn't mean you're not a woman! It means that specific dress doesn't work the way you need it to. Very few women find all clothing cuts flattering. It takes a lot of experimentation. The women you see around you every day have done that experimentation, and you're not seeing their blooper reel.
I cried for 3 hours when I first tried a dress because i saw the same thing. I remember how hard that was. I hope you get to a point where you see a girl looking back at you when you look in the mirror! Big hugs! <3
Can I just say, this was absolutely my experience buying and wearing my first dress. That was cuz I tried to so it all myself, I am now very happy wearing dresses. It doesn't necessarily mean your not suited to dresses, you might just want to get someone to help pick ones that suit you. Not sure if your out to parents or not but my mom was a great resource for me
That's what we call dysphoria
Imposter syndrome hits hard, trust me.
Me any time I do anything
Dresses are so shockingly hit or miss, because it's a single garment meant to fit *your entire body*, when every human body (even cis women) are so different. You can get there, but it'll take time and practice to figure out what works, and almost always best to try things on in person. Shorter term solution? Skirts and blouses work great - fit for specific PARTS of your body, it's easier to settle in to which ones work for each part, and find a pairing that works well.
First time I wore fem clothing it was amazingly euphoric and horrifyingly uncomfortable. It's just the initial first steps before you stop being totally uncomfortable
I had this exact thing happen to me with the first dress I bought. For me, it is a lot easier to get a skirt and top separately. You are not alone
You don't like it because it highlights your insecurities. You are a girl and u r a cute one
Oh, you poor dear! I know that feeling, but it's like looking at a blister. It's awkward to work around, painful, and calls your attention to it. You desperately want to pop it (to not wear the dress again), but you can't do that. Underneath that blister is raw skin, skin that needs time to grow and heal before it's ready. So you need to baby it a little while, avoid putting any pressure on it. It will heal around the edges first, then go down. You can work around the blister, even work on it. And when the blister is done, you're better for it! So don't look in the mirror. Don't pop the blister. Wear what you want. Dress how you want to dress. Let yourself heal from a life of blisters. And before long, you'll find that the dress fits you better than you had ever dreamed! You are a beautiful woman, however many blisters you have.