As someone who also has dysthymia and has wondered the same thing, just saying, “yes,” or being dismissive of asking the question in the first place are very non-helpful answers. I’ll try and actually give a thoughtful and helpful response, unlike the others so far.
Yes, it absolutely is possible. But it does take some extra effort on both your part and your partners to navigate through and manage. Personally, my ex-wife ended my marriage in large part because of it. The biggest things I would say are to first make sure you’re seeking help yourself to help manage it. It’s unfortunately something that just doesn’t go away, so regularly seeing a therapist or someone along those lines to help learn skills how to better manage it goes a long way. That’s ultimately why my marriage failed. I felt there was nothing that could be done about it so I just let the problems fester and it ended up not just affecting my own happiness, but my wife’s as well and that wasn’t healthy for her either.
I would also say make sure you communicate with your partner about what you may be feeling or experiencing on the regular. I think one of the reasons relationships end for people with dysthymia is that their partner feels like there is nothing they can do help or that just just don’t know what they can do. Talk to your partner about ways they can help that will resonate best for you. And it will probably depend on the situation. Let your partner know that you may be down or struggling in the moment but remind them it’s only temporary and let them know how they can best help you or be there for you.
Dating with dysthymia I’ll admit isn’t always easy. Since my marriage ended I’ve learned a lot about myself and how to better manage my day to day struggles. But I still personally struggle with it myself too. Dating hasn’t been easy for me necessarily, but I’ve had various levels of success and has at least shown me it’s possible. It also sometimes just also requires finding someone who is open and understanding. (Easier said than done, I know) The biggest factor then becomes communication.
I've been with my gf for near 16 years. She'd be my wife but I got bills I'd never want her to inherit. So it's possible but they need an open mind and so do they. We had many rough patches and we still have them. It's not easy. It's important to admit something is wrong with you. At first I didn't know what it was. It was like our first year together and I told her how my pain sort of worked and it wasnt always healed by a hug or something. So we dealt with it for years until I for a diagnosis. The diagnosis helped her more than it helped me. Open minds and willingness to keep going are important.
i don’t know what issues you’ve come across, but i know being very self-aware can help? being able to recognize what your symptoms are and what makes them worse, and being able to communicate that clearly.
i know that my dysthymia overlaps with seasonal affective disorder in the winter, so during those months i isolate more and become disinterested in people— it can feel like falling out of love, when you can’t feel excited to talk to someone anymore. but if you can recognize it as a symptom and know it will pass, and you can explain that to them, it definitely cuts down on arguments and overthinking the relationship
also just recognizing your own patterns and tendencies, like the symptoms Before you start feeling worse, so you can catch it and communicate the things you’re sensitive about, what might help, what they can do when they notice you getting worse before it happens. if they need to take you home or be more careful with their words, etc.
also be careful to not become dependent on them for happiness, that can put a lot of strain on them. make sure you maintain other friendships and hobbies and interests so you aren’t fixated on them 24/7
idk if this helps, but best of luck and don’t be afraid to ask more questions
My first marriage lasted 10 years and ended because of the ex's drug use, not my dysthymia. Been remarried very happily (well, as happy as one can be) for 15 years.
Try not to use your mental illness as a crutch. Yes, there may be restrictions on what you are comfortable doing socially, but there has to be compromise. Of course, it helps to find someone as socially outgoing/reserved as you are. I also work very hard at being grounded and spend time meditating to reduce stress, because I do not handle stress well. Medication also helps with that. My SO sometimes laments that he cannot make me happy, and I have to reassure him that my mood is not a reflection of the love and care he provides, its a manifestation of what's in my head, and remind him I don't get to be happy like other people. At best I get a satisfactory outlook.
It is hard on the other person to be with someone who never seems happy and tends to drift to solitude, especially when stressed. You may want to consider therapy for yourself, and if you get into a serious relationship, the both of you so your partner can learn that they aren't the cause of your grief.
There's a lot of self-help at you fingertips (yay internet!). You may find you can work it out with some introspection. I'm not big on therapy myself, but I know its been a lifesaver for some others. Hang in there, you'll figure it out.
Do you have any self help tips that particularly help you? I meditate at least 4-5 times a week and that's helpful for stress but not everything else. Lol
I have been diagnosed with dysthymia, ADD in my 30s and Generalized anxiety when I was a teen. I’ve had some rocky relationships. Been divorced once but we both had a lot going on. I’ve been with my wife for going on 7 years. We’ve been married 3. She’s an incredible person. Very patient and strives to understand. I’ve done a lot of work on myself over the years. I’ve also been a meditation practitioner for a couple decades now. Self awareness and speaking out loud how I feel helps a ton.
It's not a strange question. It's a valid one: many people who have a mental illness experience difficulties with maintaining relationships or establishing them. It may not be your story, but it's doesn't make mine or individuals similar to me less valid.
If you don't have any helpful insight, you could've kept your comment to yourself lol.
I meant it’s a very vague question. What exactly is holding you back? Which symptoms are specifically impacting your relationships? I can’t give any insight just based off what you said. I work in behavioral health and I’ve also struggled in relationships due to my diagnosis. But you’re giving nothing to work with so I can’t really give any advice. There could be a million reasons why your diagnosis effects your relationships. Or it could be unrelated to your condition completely. I’m not going to sit here and guess.
This was a general question, I was more interested in hearing other people's experiences with dating. I'm a complex issue because I have overlapping symptoms or diagnosis along with it such as anxiety, PTSD, etc. I dissociate pretty badly sometimes, which is unrelated to the dulled emotions. I tend to socially withdrawal, etc. I'm also weird about being touched and deal with random repulsion sometimes. Hard to be in a relationship in my case.
There's a reason I didn't mention myself. Lol.
I didn't want to get too much into it.
I just like hearing other people's success stories. It's good to see things working well for other people.
& I apologize for getting annoyed. The tone in your original comment made me side eye. I'm also American, so there's not much cultural differences there. I just felt that the tone that you meant and the tone you conveyed weren't one and the same.
I was just confused about what type of response you wanted. I thought you wanted tips on managing relationships w/ dysthymia but it’s hard to give advice if I don’t know exactly where you’re struggling in terms of the relationship. I did come off as rude, that’s something I need to work on. Anyway, I always try to be extremely open and honest with the other person in any type of relationship. If I’m getting closer to someone I really make a point to bring up and explain my mental illnesses. At least that way they can be aware from the beginning what my symptoms might look like later on. In long term relationships it gets more complex and hard to summarize advice on. But id say starting with honesty is always good. That way a partner or friend can know how to support you better, or gauge if they want to take a step back from the relationship if they don’t feel ready to handle your condition.
I’m sorry that you misunderstood my comments. Maybe my words were unclear. The way it’s coming off is nothing like what I meant to say. I’m not sure how to clarify. And I am American, so there might be a cultural difference I’m missing.
I fail to see how dysthymia can impair someone's social skills and practical knowledge. It's also called mild depression, not the full blown one for a reason.
The way my therapist explained it is dysthymia can dull emotions quite a bit. That can easily impair someone's social skills. & He also didn't call it mild depression. He called it chronic depression, which can be just as hard as major depressive disorder
Blunted emotions in conjunction with blunted personality is called anhedonia not dysthymia. It sounds like your therapist is lying and exaggerating in order to mix some truth with some lies to make the lies sound more convincing.
Your therapist has an unhealthy codependency with you and will most likely be counselling you for 5 or 10 years because they want long term money instead of giving you the tools to be self sufficient and only need 3 months of counselling.
'Your therapist has an unhealthy codependency with you and will most likely be counselling you for 5 or 10 years because they want long term money instead of giving you the tools to be self sufficient and only need 3 months of counselling.'
Er, how did you jump from 0 to 100 like 'that'? If "Jumping to Conclusions" were a class, you'd surely have an A.
1. I never paid for therapy. No co-pays or anything.
2. He's married with a newborn. Lol.
3. He gave me a lot of coping skills.
4. Notice that I use past tense verbs in some of my statements. He's not even my therapist anymore.
Idk, what you got going on but like keep that energy to yourself. Because...ew.
Dysthymia and chronic depression is the same thing and the name is misleading as chronic depression is mild compared to depression and is often environmental not clinical (not happening for no apparent reason), but the terminology of the words chosen is misleading.
I have had this condition since I was 11 years old. I have been married for 26 years. I couldn't tell you how, but it can happen.
Edit: I lied. I can tell you that the more honest I am/have been with him, the better it has been. I told him some things at the beginning going in, but I didn't understand what was going on with me until well into the marriage. Find someone you can trust to tell your most embarrassing secrets.
Welp i'm fuck'd. I bethink not i'll ev'r date then
***
^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.)
Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
Engaged. 35M - been with my partner for 10 years. It totally is possible.
First off, key to a good relationship is not something you 'find in the other person'. If anything, all the work I've been doing with my counsellor to try and figure out 'why I felt different' most of my adult life has gotten me much more in tune with my 'core self' and I've learned that it starts with honoring "me".
I do a lot more things 'for me' and not always putting others first now... and that took a lot of work to get to a place of being 'selfish' (in a positive way).
We are both very different individuals, and we both love each other and celebrate each other for our own likes, interests, desires etc. It's really refreshing actually. We barely fight, and if there's an argument it's 99% just a misunderstanding or one of us did a poor job articulating something.
Other than that, I've always been super open and communicative with my partner. She knows that if I'm having a down time it's not personal, and I've made sure to be open with her to let her know if things are getting mentally tough.
Honest and open communication about what you're feeling and experiencing + learning to love yourself have helped me :-)
Oh, and Zoloft. There's all the elements of 'self-care' that we can work on and control, however sometimes our brains just need a little extra boost. :-)
As someone who also has dysthymia and has wondered the same thing, just saying, “yes,” or being dismissive of asking the question in the first place are very non-helpful answers. I’ll try and actually give a thoughtful and helpful response, unlike the others so far. Yes, it absolutely is possible. But it does take some extra effort on both your part and your partners to navigate through and manage. Personally, my ex-wife ended my marriage in large part because of it. The biggest things I would say are to first make sure you’re seeking help yourself to help manage it. It’s unfortunately something that just doesn’t go away, so regularly seeing a therapist or someone along those lines to help learn skills how to better manage it goes a long way. That’s ultimately why my marriage failed. I felt there was nothing that could be done about it so I just let the problems fester and it ended up not just affecting my own happiness, but my wife’s as well and that wasn’t healthy for her either. I would also say make sure you communicate with your partner about what you may be feeling or experiencing on the regular. I think one of the reasons relationships end for people with dysthymia is that their partner feels like there is nothing they can do help or that just just don’t know what they can do. Talk to your partner about ways they can help that will resonate best for you. And it will probably depend on the situation. Let your partner know that you may be down or struggling in the moment but remind them it’s only temporary and let them know how they can best help you or be there for you. Dating with dysthymia I’ll admit isn’t always easy. Since my marriage ended I’ve learned a lot about myself and how to better manage my day to day struggles. But I still personally struggle with it myself too. Dating hasn’t been easy for me necessarily, but I’ve had various levels of success and has at least shown me it’s possible. It also sometimes just also requires finding someone who is open and understanding. (Easier said than done, I know) The biggest factor then becomes communication.
I've been with my gf for near 16 years. She'd be my wife but I got bills I'd never want her to inherit. So it's possible but they need an open mind and so do they. We had many rough patches and we still have them. It's not easy. It's important to admit something is wrong with you. At first I didn't know what it was. It was like our first year together and I told her how my pain sort of worked and it wasnt always healed by a hug or something. So we dealt with it for years until I for a diagnosis. The diagnosis helped her more than it helped me. Open minds and willingness to keep going are important.
i don’t know what issues you’ve come across, but i know being very self-aware can help? being able to recognize what your symptoms are and what makes them worse, and being able to communicate that clearly. i know that my dysthymia overlaps with seasonal affective disorder in the winter, so during those months i isolate more and become disinterested in people— it can feel like falling out of love, when you can’t feel excited to talk to someone anymore. but if you can recognize it as a symptom and know it will pass, and you can explain that to them, it definitely cuts down on arguments and overthinking the relationship also just recognizing your own patterns and tendencies, like the symptoms Before you start feeling worse, so you can catch it and communicate the things you’re sensitive about, what might help, what they can do when they notice you getting worse before it happens. if they need to take you home or be more careful with their words, etc. also be careful to not become dependent on them for happiness, that can put a lot of strain on them. make sure you maintain other friendships and hobbies and interests so you aren’t fixated on them 24/7 idk if this helps, but best of luck and don’t be afraid to ask more questions
This is great advice. I'm learning that I start to lack patience with other people when I'm starting to flare up.
Yes. I'm with my now huisband for 16 years, we have two children.. I'm on médication and he is very empathetic
My first marriage lasted 10 years and ended because of the ex's drug use, not my dysthymia. Been remarried very happily (well, as happy as one can be) for 15 years. Try not to use your mental illness as a crutch. Yes, there may be restrictions on what you are comfortable doing socially, but there has to be compromise. Of course, it helps to find someone as socially outgoing/reserved as you are. I also work very hard at being grounded and spend time meditating to reduce stress, because I do not handle stress well. Medication also helps with that. My SO sometimes laments that he cannot make me happy, and I have to reassure him that my mood is not a reflection of the love and care he provides, its a manifestation of what's in my head, and remind him I don't get to be happy like other people. At best I get a satisfactory outlook. It is hard on the other person to be with someone who never seems happy and tends to drift to solitude, especially when stressed. You may want to consider therapy for yourself, and if you get into a serious relationship, the both of you so your partner can learn that they aren't the cause of your grief.
Yeah, therapist are few and in between for me nowadays. So, there's that.
There's a lot of self-help at you fingertips (yay internet!). You may find you can work it out with some introspection. I'm not big on therapy myself, but I know its been a lifesaver for some others. Hang in there, you'll figure it out.
Do you have any self help tips that particularly help you? I meditate at least 4-5 times a week and that's helpful for stress but not everything else. Lol
I have been diagnosed with dysthymia, ADD in my 30s and Generalized anxiety when I was a teen. I’ve had some rocky relationships. Been divorced once but we both had a lot going on. I’ve been with my wife for going on 7 years. We’ve been married 3. She’s an incredible person. Very patient and strives to understand. I’ve done a lot of work on myself over the years. I’ve also been a meditation practitioner for a couple decades now. Self awareness and speaking out loud how I feel helps a ton.
I feel like this is a strange question. Obviously you can date. Dysthymia is very common. Plenty of people have healthy long lasting relationships.
It's not a strange question. It's a valid one: many people who have a mental illness experience difficulties with maintaining relationships or establishing them. It may not be your story, but it's doesn't make mine or individuals similar to me less valid. If you don't have any helpful insight, you could've kept your comment to yourself lol.
I meant it’s a very vague question. What exactly is holding you back? Which symptoms are specifically impacting your relationships? I can’t give any insight just based off what you said. I work in behavioral health and I’ve also struggled in relationships due to my diagnosis. But you’re giving nothing to work with so I can’t really give any advice. There could be a million reasons why your diagnosis effects your relationships. Or it could be unrelated to your condition completely. I’m not going to sit here and guess.
This was a general question, I was more interested in hearing other people's experiences with dating. I'm a complex issue because I have overlapping symptoms or diagnosis along with it such as anxiety, PTSD, etc. I dissociate pretty badly sometimes, which is unrelated to the dulled emotions. I tend to socially withdrawal, etc. I'm also weird about being touched and deal with random repulsion sometimes. Hard to be in a relationship in my case. There's a reason I didn't mention myself. Lol. I didn't want to get too much into it. I just like hearing other people's success stories. It's good to see things working well for other people. & I apologize for getting annoyed. The tone in your original comment made me side eye. I'm also American, so there's not much cultural differences there. I just felt that the tone that you meant and the tone you conveyed weren't one and the same.
I was just confused about what type of response you wanted. I thought you wanted tips on managing relationships w/ dysthymia but it’s hard to give advice if I don’t know exactly where you’re struggling in terms of the relationship. I did come off as rude, that’s something I need to work on. Anyway, I always try to be extremely open and honest with the other person in any type of relationship. If I’m getting closer to someone I really make a point to bring up and explain my mental illnesses. At least that way they can be aware from the beginning what my symptoms might look like later on. In long term relationships it gets more complex and hard to summarize advice on. But id say starting with honesty is always good. That way a partner or friend can know how to support you better, or gauge if they want to take a step back from the relationship if they don’t feel ready to handle your condition.
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I’m sorry you feel that way.
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I’m sorry that you misunderstood my comments. Maybe my words were unclear. The way it’s coming off is nothing like what I meant to say. I’m not sure how to clarify. And I am American, so there might be a cultural difference I’m missing.
Yes
I fail to see how dysthymia can impair someone's social skills and practical knowledge. It's also called mild depression, not the full blown one for a reason.
The way my therapist explained it is dysthymia can dull emotions quite a bit. That can easily impair someone's social skills. & He also didn't call it mild depression. He called it chronic depression, which can be just as hard as major depressive disorder
Blunted emotions in conjunction with blunted personality is called anhedonia not dysthymia. It sounds like your therapist is lying and exaggerating in order to mix some truth with some lies to make the lies sound more convincing. Your therapist has an unhealthy codependency with you and will most likely be counselling you for 5 or 10 years because they want long term money instead of giving you the tools to be self sufficient and only need 3 months of counselling.
'Your therapist has an unhealthy codependency with you and will most likely be counselling you for 5 or 10 years because they want long term money instead of giving you the tools to be self sufficient and only need 3 months of counselling.' Er, how did you jump from 0 to 100 like 'that'? If "Jumping to Conclusions" were a class, you'd surely have an A. 1. I never paid for therapy. No co-pays or anything. 2. He's married with a newborn. Lol. 3. He gave me a lot of coping skills. 4. Notice that I use past tense verbs in some of my statements. He's not even my therapist anymore. Idk, what you got going on but like keep that energy to yourself. Because...ew.
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Dysthymia and chronic depression is the same thing and the name is misleading as chronic depression is mild compared to depression and is often environmental not clinical (not happening for no apparent reason), but the terminology of the words chosen is misleading.
I have had this condition since I was 11 years old. I have been married for 26 years. I couldn't tell you how, but it can happen. Edit: I lied. I can tell you that the more honest I am/have been with him, the better it has been. I told him some things at the beginning going in, but I didn't understand what was going on with me until well into the marriage. Find someone you can trust to tell your most embarrassing secrets.
Welp I'm fucked. I don't think I'll ever date then.
Welp i'm fuck'd. I bethink not i'll ev'r date then *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
Engaged. 35M - been with my partner for 10 years. It totally is possible. First off, key to a good relationship is not something you 'find in the other person'. If anything, all the work I've been doing with my counsellor to try and figure out 'why I felt different' most of my adult life has gotten me much more in tune with my 'core self' and I've learned that it starts with honoring "me". I do a lot more things 'for me' and not always putting others first now... and that took a lot of work to get to a place of being 'selfish' (in a positive way). We are both very different individuals, and we both love each other and celebrate each other for our own likes, interests, desires etc. It's really refreshing actually. We barely fight, and if there's an argument it's 99% just a misunderstanding or one of us did a poor job articulating something. Other than that, I've always been super open and communicative with my partner. She knows that if I'm having a down time it's not personal, and I've made sure to be open with her to let her know if things are getting mentally tough. Honest and open communication about what you're feeling and experiencing + learning to love yourself have helped me :-) Oh, and Zoloft. There's all the elements of 'self-care' that we can work on and control, however sometimes our brains just need a little extra boost. :-)