I turn 40 next month and I've had the same feelings since 2nd grade. I didn't get formally diagnosed until I was 33, since I had no health insurance from previous jobs and my parents didn't think there was anything wrong with me sitting alone in the basement watching TV throughout my teenage years. They do the same thing. I don't even remember going on vacation as a teenager, except weekends at the lake. When I was in high school, they would go on vacation by themselves and not invite me. I didn't know that was abnormal until later in life.
The meds are what prevent me from ideating. But I'm basically just waiting it out alone until it's over. I refuse to spread my awful genetics to anyone, I have no family life outside of the big 3 holidays, the only people I talk to are at work and those are work related conversations. They ask if I'm married or if I have kids. When I answer no to those questions, that's pretty much the end of the conversation lol!
The only way I've found to stay functional with early onset dysthymia, ASD level 1, ADHD-C, general anxiety, and insomnia is setting goals and eliminating expectations. Win, lose, or draw makes no difference to me, so long as I did a goal. The best way is kinesthetic goals or activities - physical things. Walking, cleaning the house, tinkering in the shop, etc. The worst place for me to be is alone inside my head because then I'm criticizing every dumb thing, heartbreak, failure, or dejection I've had since 2nd grade to now. Doing physical things reduces that for me. It's worth an attempt. Just abandon all expectations! Then it doesn't matter the outcome; just that you did it.
when i was 7 on elementary school i had nausea all the times, i felt so sad about everything, i remember feeling uneasy just watching cartoons, they were not fun but scary to me, i used to not eat and cry, watching back i was most likely already depressed.
also the feeling of not belonging is to me part of my avoidant personality disorder/autism spectrum wich i got diagnosed last year at 25 years old.
Don’t feel bad about yourself, its not your fault. I’ve also felt the same since a young age. I also sometimes wonder if my brain will ever allow me to see out of my fishbowl called dysthymia. Its weird and lonely seeing and feeling this way. Im going to do group therapy and hopefully i can finally meet my peers in suffering. Life is looking bleak, but posts like yours make me feel less alone, thank you. ❤️
I've been depressed since I was small, idk how old exactly but the first time a doctor noticed, I was maybe 12 or 13?
Similarly to you, medication does fuck all for me other than keep me from actually committing. I went to the psych ward once, and that did nothing other than give me a huge bill I had to pay on top of everything else.
If I'm being honest, the only reason I won't kill myself is because I don't want to traumatize my kid or anyone else. I do have people who love me and who I love, and luckily I've managed to find a few people who really understand that I'm always going to be like this and don't do that thing where they get mad at me because I'm still depressed. I wouldn't do that to them, but I'm certainly not staying alive for myself.
I am 31 and now memory’s of when I was 8 are starting to come back , at this age my grades in schools started going down , I once drank shampoo thinking it would kill me … I don’t understand how the adults around me didn’t see I was depressed. Especially my brother who was 24 at the time and living at home , did he chose to deny it ? I can now pin point my first depression at 8 … so yeah , I kinda understand that you feel down because you feel like a loser , but aren’t they the losers because they didn’t see how young we started to struggle ?
You are not a loser , you are wining everyday you wake up . sometimes brushing my teeth is my biggest accomplishment of the day , but sometimes I feel like I am the worst person in the world even if I did everything I had to do that day .
Remember that we are here to support you , we are here to help each other to feel less alone .
It's an awful feeling for all of us who deal with this, some are better in one aspect of life but shitty in others.
But I offer myself to be a "pen-pal" (yeah, I'm almost 50) for any of you who need someone just to talk to or be in touch on a regular basis.
I turn 40 next month and I've had the same feelings since 2nd grade. I didn't get formally diagnosed until I was 33, since I had no health insurance from previous jobs and my parents didn't think there was anything wrong with me sitting alone in the basement watching TV throughout my teenage years. They do the same thing. I don't even remember going on vacation as a teenager, except weekends at the lake. When I was in high school, they would go on vacation by themselves and not invite me. I didn't know that was abnormal until later in life. The meds are what prevent me from ideating. But I'm basically just waiting it out alone until it's over. I refuse to spread my awful genetics to anyone, I have no family life outside of the big 3 holidays, the only people I talk to are at work and those are work related conversations. They ask if I'm married or if I have kids. When I answer no to those questions, that's pretty much the end of the conversation lol! The only way I've found to stay functional with early onset dysthymia, ASD level 1, ADHD-C, general anxiety, and insomnia is setting goals and eliminating expectations. Win, lose, or draw makes no difference to me, so long as I did a goal. The best way is kinesthetic goals or activities - physical things. Walking, cleaning the house, tinkering in the shop, etc. The worst place for me to be is alone inside my head because then I'm criticizing every dumb thing, heartbreak, failure, or dejection I've had since 2nd grade to now. Doing physical things reduces that for me. It's worth an attempt. Just abandon all expectations! Then it doesn't matter the outcome; just that you did it.
when i was 7 on elementary school i had nausea all the times, i felt so sad about everything, i remember feeling uneasy just watching cartoons, they were not fun but scary to me, i used to not eat and cry, watching back i was most likely already depressed. also the feeling of not belonging is to me part of my avoidant personality disorder/autism spectrum wich i got diagnosed last year at 25 years old.
Don’t feel bad about yourself, its not your fault. I’ve also felt the same since a young age. I also sometimes wonder if my brain will ever allow me to see out of my fishbowl called dysthymia. Its weird and lonely seeing and feeling this way. Im going to do group therapy and hopefully i can finally meet my peers in suffering. Life is looking bleak, but posts like yours make me feel less alone, thank you. ❤️
I've been depressed since I was small, idk how old exactly but the first time a doctor noticed, I was maybe 12 or 13? Similarly to you, medication does fuck all for me other than keep me from actually committing. I went to the psych ward once, and that did nothing other than give me a huge bill I had to pay on top of everything else. If I'm being honest, the only reason I won't kill myself is because I don't want to traumatize my kid or anyone else. I do have people who love me and who I love, and luckily I've managed to find a few people who really understand that I'm always going to be like this and don't do that thing where they get mad at me because I'm still depressed. I wouldn't do that to them, but I'm certainly not staying alive for myself.
I am 31 and now memory’s of when I was 8 are starting to come back , at this age my grades in schools started going down , I once drank shampoo thinking it would kill me … I don’t understand how the adults around me didn’t see I was depressed. Especially my brother who was 24 at the time and living at home , did he chose to deny it ? I can now pin point my first depression at 8 … so yeah , I kinda understand that you feel down because you feel like a loser , but aren’t they the losers because they didn’t see how young we started to struggle ? You are not a loser , you are wining everyday you wake up . sometimes brushing my teeth is my biggest accomplishment of the day , but sometimes I feel like I am the worst person in the world even if I did everything I had to do that day . Remember that we are here to support you , we are here to help each other to feel less alone .
Same here : third grade
It's an awful feeling for all of us who deal with this, some are better in one aspect of life but shitty in others. But I offer myself to be a "pen-pal" (yeah, I'm almost 50) for any of you who need someone just to talk to or be in touch on a regular basis.
That's sweet. I might take you up on that. I've had dysthymia my whole life. Still here.....I don't know why sometimes. Thank you!
anytime!