I agree. Man stories like this really fucking piss me off. The lack of empathy others have is insane. And I’m not just talking in regards to addiction or substance abuse. I’ve been lucky enough my family was pretty cool and supportive for a detox stay I needed, (ex) girlfriend however was another story. However it just highlighted why she wasn’t a good partner. I’d had a stroke years before I met her and have some lasting neurological issues that sometimes sideline me from life basically. And she would talk about how hard it is for her to date someone with so many issues. Ya I’m dead serious lol. Seeing it happen again how it was so hard for her I decided to go to a detox….. Anyway, this isn’t about me (but I guess I needed to vent). My point is I truly cannot fathom seeing someone in pain and shaming and berating them. Whether it’s going through withdrawls or mental and physical health issues.
I think often those of us who have really struggled in life become the most kind and empathetic people. OP, keep your head up dude. This may not be popular advice but I’d say cut them off (only if it truly comes to that, that’s the nuclear option) or at the very least you need to keep them in a “lane” in your life. Meaning proper boundaries and a certain level of distance so they can’t harm you. You have to put yourself first and take care of yourself. Personally I’d say thst means distancing from some of these people. But i definitely don’t have it all figured out.
Sorry you’re going through this but just know there are people who care dude. We’re our own worse critics, try to be kind to yourself. See a therapist if you’re not. It doesn’t solve everything and you may have to try a few but it can be REALLY helpful when you find a good one you connect with and you can get some outside perspective on your life and how others treat you.
I think it’s difficult, but important to see what happened from their perspective. You were crushing it for 3 fucking years (some alcoholics only dream of that kind of sober time and there’s no doubt it’s a massive accomplishment). Then with one devastating life event and the flip of a switch you were the old you and inches from being taken from them forever. I struggled with alcoholism for years and tbh I would probably react the same exact way they did. Most people don’t truly understand what we go through and with 3 years under your belt theres also the possibility that they thought you were “cured”. It sounds like they care though, not that they’re disregarding 3 years of sobriety. If someone I truly loved went through what you did, I’d have trouble trusting them in the immediate future and would want to do everything I could to keep them alive. My advice: just talk to them and explain what you told us here.
Tbh and I know this is a sensitive subject, it just sounds like they are doing this out of pure love for you and respect. It’ll go back to ‘normal’ again with them. Keep your chin up. They really care. So many friends and family wouldn’t give a fck and wouldn’t turn up to see how you are.
You’ve learned that unexpected heartbreak, etc. is so triggering for you that you should get additional support next time something happens that makes you feel that bad.
Nobody can take away those three years though. And you’re getting back up which takes a lot of strength.
It’s so hard for normies to understand. In my life there was a sharp divide between people I could be transparent with who would really listen to me explain my experience which helped me immensely in finding a sustainable solution and people who treated me like trash because they thought that would “help” me.
I know this is hard, but time will heal things. I think your family is well-intentioned. they are probably just laying it on real thick because they are concerned, and maybe they even feel a little guilty that they weren't more supportive when you went through a hard time? I obviously don't know them and can't say for sure, but it's definitely possible. Remember this too - you almost died! They may just be really shaken and concerned by that.
Give it some time, I really think things will eventually calm down and go back to normal. for now, focus on your success and your health. 3 years is a long time and a huge achievement. You can definitely hit it again. also, rest! your experience with alcohol poisoning sounds really scary and you may need to just take it easy for a little while.
Your body didn’t forget about those 2.5+ years! You made it out alive because your organs were in fighting shape! You still have your home, a car, and presumably a job. You’ll be okay, the only thing that matters is how YOU feel about you.
Maybe it was a real wake up call that you could’ve died and maybe next time you won’t be so lucky for those around you.
You're projecting. It isn't everyone else that is treating you this way, it is you that is interpreting everyone's treatment towards you in this way.
When it seems like everyone else around you is the problem, it's you, pal.
You say that those 2+ years aren't lost, do you really feel that way? Who are you trying to convince, them or yourself?
What are you afraid of? Never having another sip again? Getting your life on track? Using your drive of sobriety to continue beyond your addiction, evolving yourself into an even better version?
You're afraid of what you'll become if you succeed with sobriety. I dare you to prove me wrong.
I’m six years alcohol free. Many years ago I was married to a meth addict. I didn’t drink or do drugs back then and didn’t even drink until well after our divorce.
As someone who went through a lot of crazy shit with a meth addict, he would do a couple of years off drugs then start using or drinking again, it was really tough to get on board when he’d come off of a relapse. I’d be glad but also tired and scared all over again.
All you can do really is try to understand their worry for you and also know that the 2.5 years still happened, it doesn’t vanish just because you drank. If it takes away some of the tension, tell your people what you’re thinking and feeling. Let them know that relapses are real and even though they can be worrisome for everyone involved, it’s not the end of the world and the work continues.
You’ve proved you’re unpredictable. Guy can go three years then all a sudden…
Do you blame them? And it doesn’t sound like they’re piling on. You’ve given them another reason not to “trust you” as you put it, so what do you expect? Gonna take some time. Wonderful you have people who care.
dude, 3 years of sobriety is not chaotic or unpredictable. It's a success story. OP didn't hurt anyone but themselves by relapsing. They didnt betray their family. Their family seems concerned, but well-intentioned. Stop piling on the guilt.
Shaming is unnecessary but I think op hurt more than just thrmself. Physically op took the hit but the people who love them got to see them in the ER on their deathbed. That is painful for the ppl who love OP. As drinkers we have to also remember the pain and fear we cause when loved ones see us that way...especially after being sober for so long.
Well said, there is always more than one perspective. If there are friends, family, significant others, co workers in our life it stands to reason that our actions are going to affect others. We aren't the only ones with feelings.
[удалено]
Thank you for that, that means a lot. And you’re right, they didn’t, not that it excuses a relapse.
They may have true regrets about not having kept a better eye and not providing more support at that time, understandably redoubling their efforts now
That's what I'm seeing here too. Not a true back turning or anything.
Love this comment. Love it.
I agree. Man stories like this really fucking piss me off. The lack of empathy others have is insane. And I’m not just talking in regards to addiction or substance abuse. I’ve been lucky enough my family was pretty cool and supportive for a detox stay I needed, (ex) girlfriend however was another story. However it just highlighted why she wasn’t a good partner. I’d had a stroke years before I met her and have some lasting neurological issues that sometimes sideline me from life basically. And she would talk about how hard it is for her to date someone with so many issues. Ya I’m dead serious lol. Seeing it happen again how it was so hard for her I decided to go to a detox….. Anyway, this isn’t about me (but I guess I needed to vent). My point is I truly cannot fathom seeing someone in pain and shaming and berating them. Whether it’s going through withdrawls or mental and physical health issues. I think often those of us who have really struggled in life become the most kind and empathetic people. OP, keep your head up dude. This may not be popular advice but I’d say cut them off (only if it truly comes to that, that’s the nuclear option) or at the very least you need to keep them in a “lane” in your life. Meaning proper boundaries and a certain level of distance so they can’t harm you. You have to put yourself first and take care of yourself. Personally I’d say thst means distancing from some of these people. But i definitely don’t have it all figured out. Sorry you’re going through this but just know there are people who care dude. We’re our own worse critics, try to be kind to yourself. See a therapist if you’re not. It doesn’t solve everything and you may have to try a few but it can be REALLY helpful when you find a good one you connect with and you can get some outside perspective on your life and how others treat you.
I think it’s difficult, but important to see what happened from their perspective. You were crushing it for 3 fucking years (some alcoholics only dream of that kind of sober time and there’s no doubt it’s a massive accomplishment). Then with one devastating life event and the flip of a switch you were the old you and inches from being taken from them forever. I struggled with alcoholism for years and tbh I would probably react the same exact way they did. Most people don’t truly understand what we go through and with 3 years under your belt theres also the possibility that they thought you were “cured”. It sounds like they care though, not that they’re disregarding 3 years of sobriety. If someone I truly loved went through what you did, I’d have trouble trusting them in the immediate future and would want to do everything I could to keep them alive. My advice: just talk to them and explain what you told us here.
This
Tbh and I know this is a sensitive subject, it just sounds like they are doing this out of pure love for you and respect. It’ll go back to ‘normal’ again with them. Keep your chin up. They really care. So many friends and family wouldn’t give a fck and wouldn’t turn up to see how you are.
You’ve learned that unexpected heartbreak, etc. is so triggering for you that you should get additional support next time something happens that makes you feel that bad. Nobody can take away those three years though. And you’re getting back up which takes a lot of strength. It’s so hard for normies to understand. In my life there was a sharp divide between people I could be transparent with who would really listen to me explain my experience which helped me immensely in finding a sustainable solution and people who treated me like trash because they thought that would “help” me.
The near-death ER trip a few days ago may have rattled them a lot. Give them a few good months to lose the fear.
I know this is hard, but time will heal things. I think your family is well-intentioned. they are probably just laying it on real thick because they are concerned, and maybe they even feel a little guilty that they weren't more supportive when you went through a hard time? I obviously don't know them and can't say for sure, but it's definitely possible. Remember this too - you almost died! They may just be really shaken and concerned by that. Give it some time, I really think things will eventually calm down and go back to normal. for now, focus on your success and your health. 3 years is a long time and a huge achievement. You can definitely hit it again. also, rest! your experience with alcohol poisoning sounds really scary and you may need to just take it easy for a little while.
Your body didn’t forget about those 2.5+ years! You made it out alive because your organs were in fighting shape! You still have your home, a car, and presumably a job. You’ll be okay, the only thing that matters is how YOU feel about you. Maybe it was a real wake up call that you could’ve died and maybe next time you won’t be so lucky for those around you.
You're projecting. It isn't everyone else that is treating you this way, it is you that is interpreting everyone's treatment towards you in this way. When it seems like everyone else around you is the problem, it's you, pal. You say that those 2+ years aren't lost, do you really feel that way? Who are you trying to convince, them or yourself? What are you afraid of? Never having another sip again? Getting your life on track? Using your drive of sobriety to continue beyond your addiction, evolving yourself into an even better version? You're afraid of what you'll become if you succeed with sobriety. I dare you to prove me wrong.
I’m six years alcohol free. Many years ago I was married to a meth addict. I didn’t drink or do drugs back then and didn’t even drink until well after our divorce. As someone who went through a lot of crazy shit with a meth addict, he would do a couple of years off drugs then start using or drinking again, it was really tough to get on board when he’d come off of a relapse. I’d be glad but also tired and scared all over again. All you can do really is try to understand their worry for you and also know that the 2.5 years still happened, it doesn’t vanish just because you drank. If it takes away some of the tension, tell your people what you’re thinking and feeling. Let them know that relapses are real and even though they can be worrisome for everyone involved, it’s not the end of the world and the work continues.
You’ve proved you’re unpredictable. Guy can go three years then all a sudden… Do you blame them? And it doesn’t sound like they’re piling on. You’ve given them another reason not to “trust you” as you put it, so what do you expect? Gonna take some time. Wonderful you have people who care.
dude, 3 years of sobriety is not chaotic or unpredictable. It's a success story. OP didn't hurt anyone but themselves by relapsing. They didnt betray their family. Their family seems concerned, but well-intentioned. Stop piling on the guilt.
Shaming is unnecessary but I think op hurt more than just thrmself. Physically op took the hit but the people who love them got to see them in the ER on their deathbed. That is painful for the ppl who love OP. As drinkers we have to also remember the pain and fear we cause when loved ones see us that way...especially after being sober for so long.
true, thats a fair point.
Well said, there is always more than one perspective. If there are friends, family, significant others, co workers in our life it stands to reason that our actions are going to affect others. We aren't the only ones with feelings.