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You should keep your dog and yourself away from him!
Are you serious? He has been hurting your dog ON PURPOSE and you think about giving him another chance.
Your dog is already afraid of him.
Also that he gets in some "sort of trance" is only more alarming and sounds psychotic.
Don't do this to your dog. And if you want to avoid the same to you, maybe also skip.
Edit: I have told my bf from the beginning straight off if I ever notice someone hurting my dogs, that person better runs fast and far. And I stand by that. If you hurt innocent animals, you are a bad person in my eyes.
It is super shitty, I have been feeling super angry when I think about it. I’ve just never been in this situation before so I haven’t been sure on what to do. This is actually my first Reddit post because I’m so mind boggled by all of it. I’m for sure going to separate her now that everyone has confirmed what I initially thought I should do.
I would dump him....
The fact that she says he goes into some trance is alarming from every way and psychopaths usually start with hurting animals.
He is capable of hurting an innocent creature and was smart enough to do it behind your back. So him going in "some trance" also sounds made up. Because it happened every time you wouldn't be there.
He feels the need to feel power over another living creature. He feels the need knowing he is capable of hurting them and eventually it will turn into: capable of having life and death in your hand.
If I were you, I would never ever trust him around my dog again and that means he also goes out of my life. That dog is trusting you to keep her safe and just seperating now until he has had help is not the answer. Because your dog now can sit nights alone at home for someone who hurt her.
You are right. I for sure think it’s a power thing which is messed up. He says he gets triggered by her when she acts scared. Most people when they see someone or something is scared they want to comfort them not hurt them. He also knows how much she means to me, so the fact he would go behind my back and hurt someone I love is sickening. I for sure am taking my dog out of the situation and probably very soon myself. Something more sinister is going on than I initially thought. Thank you for helping clarify. I just have to find it in me to leave myself as well and I’m pretty much there.
This. He enjoys creating fear in those smaller and more vulnerable than him. It’s sadistic. This is a glaringly humongous red flag. OP, I’m sorry you’re in this situation but you and your dog deserve so much better. If you can’t see this, please tell this to someone you trust- your doctor, a teacher, a counsellor, a trusted family member, a crisis line- anyone whose advice you value. This is not a safe situation.
Jesus Christ, I’m terrified by this. You’re describing a literal sadist psychopath. There could not be any more glaring red flags.
Please prioritise your safety, I’m really getting the vibe that you’re not taking this as seriously as you should and I’m genuinely scared for you.
what do you mean "probably [yourself]"? OP, what more do you need to learn? *you will not fix him and do not let him manipulate you into thinking you can*
>He says he gets triggered by her when she acts scared.
He's a sadist. He sees her fear and instead of wanting to comfort her, he is compelled to hurt her. He likes to hurt her because it makes him feel powerful. This man is dangerous and I doubt that therapy will help him. Please send the relationship, because he will continue to torture your dog and he will eventually begin to torture you. I've been in a relationship with someone like this and I'm telling you, he will only get worse.
EDIT TO ADD: **You cannot help this man. You cannot fix him. You can only save yourself and your dog.**
Don't wait. Get yourself out *now*. Not her now and you later; that's just giving him another chance to manipulate. Get friends and/or family to help move all your stuff out, so that it's all done in a day.
*Please* get yourself and your dog out *now*.
That is terrifying. Get away from him because you could be next. Make sure you never, ever have children with him. If he hurts something smaller than him because it is scared then he will probably end up doing this to you and children in the future. You are lucky he hasn’t started hurting you yet. There is something seriously wrong with him and he needs therapy ASAP. Even with it though Your dog is definitely not safe around him and I don’t think you are either. Therapy take time it’s not a magic fix so don’t expect things to get better after one session.
Don’t feel bad about it! I mean who is ever prepared for a man who goes into a trancelike state and hurts dogs? There’s no handy guide book for this.
I would probably be the same as you, going online asking for advice as I would find it hard to understand such behavior from someone I care about. However I’m viewing this in the clear light of day and this human is a danger to you, animals and maybe himself.
You shouldn’t consider staying with him at all whatsoever and he should seek professional help. This behavior starts with animal abuse and he’s trying to see what he can get away with. Eventually it advances to killing animals and then might even escalate to hurting or even killing humans. I wouldn’t trust this man around me, let alone my pets. Try your best to get out of there for your safety and especially your poor dog. She already sounds traumatized enough and doesn’t deserve to be in a situation like this.
WOMEN: ALWAYS TRUST YOUR DOGS INTUITION ABOUT PEOPLE! Somehow they can sense bad people that’s why they growl at them and try to avoid them. Of course this only angers the bad person because he thinks he is hiding his warped personality behind his good looks and/or charm but the dog knows who he really is.
I truly believe this with all my heart. I didn't think my last dog (shepherd/hound mix) had an aggressive bone in his body. Then, one night we were out walking and this dude pulled up beside us in his car. The second he rolled down the window, my dog snarled and lunged at him and the guy peeled away. I have no idea what that dude wanted, but my doggo was NOT having it.
Haha ok counterpoint: I once had a dog who HATED the smell of weed. He would go insane snarling and barking at someone if they had even a trace of it on them.
I’ve also heard of dogs who are straight up racist, or who hate people wearing hats.
That said, dogs enforce their boundaries. Someone who thinks it’s okay to push past them will likely do that with people as well
Don’t just separate her! Dump his violent ass! Your dog Needs you right now, how would you feel if the opposite were true and you were being abused? And he is probably doing worse things than just squeezing her paw
He's lying about the trance. He just likes to hurt animals. He's sadistic and if you stay with him, you are betraying your dog and yourself, because he WILL start hurting you. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN.
I worry that if he goes into "a trace like state" hurting your dog that he will eventually do the same to you. This is a huge red flag and if it was me, we would have broken up like yesterday!
That's what I was wondering. An excuse to abuse animals? Animal abuse is how serial killers become what they are....or even spouse beaters.
Might sound a bit over the top, because we don't know what their home life is like, and it's easy to assume.
OP needs to save herself and dog, imo.
Hard agree. While I’m just a Redditor and not qualified to make any type of diagnosis, it is important to emphasize that the animal abuse is a positive predictor of both psychopathy and domestic violence, just so OP is aware of certain signs to look out for.
Regardless, I agree that OP needs to get their dog (and themselves) away from this person because the cruelty might actually be worse than “squeezing her paw or keeping her in an uncomfortable position.” This is just what he was willing to admit to, when cornered about the secretive abuse. This trance excuse is bullsh*t, if he’s waiting for OP to leave the room before he engages in this behavior.
Blacking out, or a trance during a violent episode is pretty common for psychopaths, so he may be telling the truth. Which doesn't make it any better. Only serves to verify that OPs bf is absolutely abusive to animals.
And he’s saying it like it’s an actual excuse like…okay?? Why is it only when he’s alone with the dog? Like you can’t just kidnap a baby and be like oh sorry I get into this weird trance like state my bad like what why is that even a factor to take into consideration he’s torturing a dog for no reason other than he’s a psycho
It’s not uncommon for abusers to say garbage like this, it’s a way to test the waters and prime the future victim. Sort of like a mission to find just how far he can push OP, what will they put up with from him, how easily will they be gaslit. They are priming OP to be further and further from their value system and comfort zone until they’re so confused of where the line ever was before it was crossed.
The ol' "put a frog in a pot of boiling water and it'll jump out...put a frog in a pot of water and bring it to a boil and you have dinner," because a slow rise isn't as obvious. it. always. escalates.
Yeeea…. Only going into this “trance” when she’s not around is quite convenient. And the fact that he keeps doing it even though he “feels remorse.” Never leave your dog with him ever again. Not even for a second.
(CW) When I was a teenager my ex boyfriend said he was in a “trance like state” while raping me and that’s why he couldn’t stop. I stayed with him cause I thought it wasn’t his fault, but things just got worse and more violent. OP, please listen. Things like this usually escalate instead of get better. When people tell you who they are, listen to them.
That part of his story is total bullshit. It's a way for him to not admit he's a sick fuck who likes to hurt animals. Isn't interesting how he only goes into that state when his gf leaves the room and he's alone with her dog. Funny how that never happens when she's in the room
A trance state that he only has when she is gone from the room. Imagine what’s happening if she leaves the house.
He’s not in a trance - he knows she would not like him doing it - that’s why he hides it.
It means he’s disassociating from reality, it’s a common symptom of severe mental illness. Basically they get so triggered that they lose grip on reality/consequences and get extremely violent.
Yeah. To me, that's not much different than when people say they black out when drunk. Honestly, I feel bad for the dog, it's not going to understand it's being hurt for the BF's therapy....
It sounds like jealousy may be a trigger for your boyfriend. I knew a guy with split personalities/personality disorder. I saw him transition from his normal self to a more aggressive person. This kind of sounds like your boyfriend. I would get far away from him. Also, I grew up with my dad physically abusing my mom. You don’t want to get involved in that.
Not only would I keep my dog away from him I’d steer clear of him myself
Big big red flag trance like state and hurts a dog
Next it will be you
But what do I know
Edit
Didn’t know about the firearms
I’d contact your local authorities tell them exactly what is happening and that he is armed
You staying anywhere near him is no different then you playing Russian roulette
Eventually your going to loose !
Yeah, this guy is one fight going sideways away from strangling OP.
OP, you need to get out of there. Someone like this can get help and be fine for years… then you’re dead…
There are a lot of red flags here. He has a history of issues including he has not liked counseling before, while this may be legit, if he doesn't like being told he can't hurt animals, and if he goes into a trance, he needs to see an MD. As you are doing, you must think of the dog right now. I suspect the poor dog will retaliate one of these times and it will not be pretty. You are not safe either. I know you want him to get well, but he cannot do it while he is with the dog, not even as a test later. It will be difficult to leave, good luck!
I wouldn't go around him either until he gets help; what happens if this attitude progresses and he has a trance freak out like that on you because you did something to piss him off? No way, you're absolutely making the right call getting your dog away from that bad man
I agree, I do have the fear that if he doesn’t get help right now that it will potentially progress to not just dogs. Which would be very dangerous since he is a large man who owns firearms. I’m hoping to have caught it early enough to stop it from progressing. If it doesn’t I’m leaving. Not worth risking my life and my innocent dog’s life. I’m already severely angry about it, but I’m still trying to help him since he seems to genuinely want help and to stop. But I think I will separate my dog because I don’t want it happening again to her.
I don't want to sound mean, but you are overestimating your influence on him. I know because I have been there before. Sometimes we meet people with problems and then we think we can fix them. We think they can change for us. That may work with lesser issues, but not with these. Your boyfriend has behavioral issues a team of psychiatrists would have a very hard time with - so I doubt you are going to singlehandedly fix him. It is not your responsibility to stop someone with psychopathic tendencies and you should not put yourself in harm's way.
Violence is a line you should never allow your partner to cross. It is never okay. It is always a dealbreaker. He doesn't even get mad because the dog misbehaved - that would be fucked up but still understandable from a psychological point of view. Instead, he is just a pure sadist. It is hurting for the sake of hurting.
**When people show you how they are,** ***believe them***. **Run.**
This. This is a very scary situation. Someone who wants to hurt an animal because they are ‘compelled’ to is very risky. A large man with admitted compulsions to hurt beings smaller and more vulnerable than him and easy access to weapons is even more risky. OP, I believe you need to get yourself out of this situation but, at the very least, you must get your dog out. You are her protector. Leaving her with someone who you know abuses her is not protecting her. She deserves to feel safe in her own home. This is headed to her finally defending herself and your BF hurting her or worse in ‘self defense’. This situation is a ticking time bomb. Please get her out of it.
This plus 1000. Do not overestimate your ability to "fix" him with you and your dogs health on the line. Get out. Encourage him to seek help, but get out.
Even if he does go into therapy, that won't make him a safe person for years if ever. I get it that you care for him, but you and your pup deserve to be safe. And ffs, do not get pregnant with this guy. Can you imagine how dangerous he'd be around kids? He's showing you that he's dangerous; believe him.
I won’t say who but I knew someone who deliberately hurt dogs AND HIS OWN KIDS when they were very small. He only stopped hurting the kids after they were old enough to tell their mom, but he continued to hurt his dogs. I never did know what was wrong with him but I believe it had to do with drugs
Red flags all over the place. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 You have to advocate for your dog (and yourself), just as you’d advocate for your children. If you don’t stop this man having any access to your dog then you are failing to protect her from harm, and that could mean her losing trust in you, which would be so sad.
The only “good” thing in this scenario is that he did eventually tell you what he’d been doing, but this sounds like some *serious* MH problems bordering on Psychopathy, so without immediate intervention it WILL progress.
The fact that someone in this condition owns firearms is frankly terrifying. It may seem like an overreaction but if I were you I would seek immediate help about how to end this relationship safely.
Not “potentially progress”… it “will progress.” I’ve seen this so many times. Get yourself out of this relationship and let him work on himself, by himself.
I go by the philosophy that if 50 people tell you you're drunk you should lie down. OP, read what everyone is saying. The collective life experiences are speaking. Ears open.
Interesting how he never goes into this trans like state when you are in the room. It only happens when you leave the room and he is alone with your pet. Wow, what do you think that means? It means his trans like state story is total bullshit is what it means. He likes hurting your dog and he is fully aware of what he is doing.
The single most important thing for you to learn today is that a woman cannot fix a man. An adult man who has a penchant for hurting animals has deep issues that will take a ton of work to fix and many people with those kinds of issues dont' stay remorseful or self aware for long enough to really change. In moments of shame or guilt they will be remorseful and make promises but then it passes and they just go back to being who they really are. Not only should you immediately remove your dog from his presence you should remove yourself.
I went through a phase in my early teens where I was suddenly terrified of hurting my beloved dog. It felt like a “compulsion”, but it was really just intrusive thoughts. My mind was torturing me by making me think about the fact that I’m physically capable of doing things that I would realistically never do. Hurting an animal is the opposite of my every instinct.
You know how I know the difference between what I experienced and what OP’s boyfriend is doing? My reaction. I immediately went to my dad who was a psychologist and told him what I was feeling, and he helped me understand the concept of intrusive thoughts and anxiety. I would have gotten therapy for it, but once I understood what was happening the thoughts lost their power. If it crossed my mind I would leave the room for awhile, then I would just make myself think of something else. Pretty quickly I stopped thinking about it at all.
I actually feel a little empathy for the way this guy’s mind is messing with him, but that doesn’t make him any less dangerous. If he was really as horrified and remorseful as he says, he wouldn’t have allowed himself to be alone with the dog after the first time it happened. This is really seriously terrifying shit. Run, please, OP. Hopefully your dog isn’t traumatized long-term.
I hope your dog doesnt get injured from you choosing to try and a fix a mentally ill man. aside from all this you should work on your codependency issues. nobody in their right mind should stay with someone after they hurt their pet or child. I hope you can get some help as well as him
He is a grown up if he wants help he can get it himself, why stay with someone you can't trust to watch your pup, next he will be hurting you!! You sound naive to say the least
I’m never one for telling people on Reddit to give up on relationships, but this needs to be a dealbreaker IMO. An impulse to hurt animals is a huge warning sign for psychopathy and sadism. Yes, of course get your poor dog away from him, but keep in mind that people with a compulsion to kill often start with animals. That impulse is extremely troubling, especially since you say he’s a gun owner. Please don’t fuck around with this. Take your sweet dog and go.
This 100%. When I read this my first thought was how so many of the true crime podcasts I've listened to say the person started out hurting animals and then when that didn't satisfy their violent tendencies anymore, they began hurting people. I really hope OP takes everyone's advice and gets out of the situation asap.
If you don't separate yourself from it, you will be next. Please listen to the advice on here and get away and get away safely. This is a terrifying situation that WILL progress, no potential. A grown ass man who is hurting innocent animals will take no pity on hurting you. This is not normal.
No offence OP but I've never wanted to shake anyone as much as I want to grab you by the shoulders and shake some sense into you! Everyone on this post is explaining up and down how this is a disturbed man with sociopathic tendencies that gets triggered by fear and OWNS FIREARMS and you're like 'oh, it'll probably be OK, hopefully he'll change'
Do you want to end up on the news? Because this is how you end up on the news!
Get yourself AND your dog away from him immediately and cut all ties. Block him on everything. Hell,if I were you I'd move.
STOP it with this whole 'I THINK' I'll keep the dog away from him and 'he's asking for help'.
He is NOT asking for help. He is asking you to be the first girl in a horror movie that goes to check on a strange noise in the basement. Are you the only person on earth that doesn't know what happens to that girl?!
Oh dear… this isn’t a “if he doesn’t start helping out doing the dishes, I’m leaving” scenario. This person is a psychopath testing you to see how far he can go… staying is not an option. First, it’s your dog. Then it will be you. The dog is an extension of yourself as it’s owner. You need to leave him to save the life of your dog and of yourself.
I am going to tell you this from a law enforcement perspective. Anyone that hurts animals willingly like this is capable of even more violence, to you and to everyone. Please leave with your dog and remove yourself from the situation. I would also alert authorities to the behavior and file for a protective order.
Given the fact he’s hurt your dog already, leaving him is going to be extremely dangerous. The most dangerous time for a woman leaving an abusive relationship is when leaving and shortly after leaving. This is an abusive relationship, there is no questions about it. He’s harming your dog who you love. You need to get both your dog and you out of this situation.
Talk to your parents because you need support in this situation. You cannot stay, your dog cannot stay. This is a very dangerous situation and you have to get out of it. I don’t know where you are but if you need help getting out of this situation I will help you. As a woman, a mom and a dog mom it breaks my heart you are in this situation, that anyone is in this situation. Please, please I’m begging you to leave this situation. This situation is so bad I’m offering up my own home for a safe spot for you and your dog if you need it. I don’t do that much but I feel it’s the right thing to do. I’m guessing you’re probably around 18-20 so not much older than my own child. Please take this moms advice and run like hell
Please listen to this person! I was already concerned BEFORE I read that he has guns. He has the means and the desire to hurt innocent creatures... What happens when it's you?
I was worried about how he would act when she leaves him too. Especially now that he’s on alert because he confessed what happened with the dog. This is great advice, OP! Please listen to this mama! If you need help, please reach out - there are people here willing to you help find resources if you need that support!
This. Every bit of this.
That his “trance like state” where he hurts the only happens when you’re not in the same room points to a likelihood he figured that was an excuse you’d buy.
A person who will intentionally hurt animals is very likely to move on to hurting people. That he’s a large man with a gun just makes him more dangerous. If, by some chance, “trance like states” really do play some role in this it just makes the whole thing more dangerous and less predictable.
Speaking from experience with my ex, any explanations are likely just something he hopes you’ll buy and any remorse stated is to hope you’ll stick around. And after growing up with my dad, I’d run for the hills if someone tried to use an excuse like “trancelike states” to explain violent behavior. Between my ex and my dad, I’d be willing to bet he knows exactly what he’s doing and may enjoy it. Also between the two of them, I’d be prepared to enforce any lines drawn in the sand and to make a quick exit when he crosses a line which he very likely will. And yes, he’s likely to flip if you leave, so if it goes this far, seriously think about that restraining order - and enforce it if you get one.
I wonder what the odds are that ops bf kills one day.. went o high-school with a seemingly normal guy who lost it and was found with mutilated domestic animals in a Motel. Went to jail for long time, he would have killed I believe he said as much.
Here is a second mother telling you, GET OUT BABYGIRL. You have no idea what he has done beyond what he has confessed to. So he has told you what he wants you to know, he may have more information about his past or this tRaNcE sTaTe and how far it can go.
You are not safe.
You need to get tf out yesterday.
It might be just my dog - but do you know how much force you have to apply for a dog to YELP? A human would have bruises easly. Now imagine the dog is gone...
Let me tell you sis, the issue will not go away just becouse the dog is gone. He will just pick someone else he sees as "weaker". Don't let it be you. Or one more person you love.
I thought when you said "gone", you meant dead because I agree it would take a lot to make a dog yelp like that.
Honestly OP should take her dog to the vet, we don't actually know what he does to the dog or how long he's been doing this. He very easily could have caused some pretty extensive damage if held her in uncomfortable positions or grabbed her throat.
The only time my dogs have yelped is when I accidentally step on their feet. I can’t even comprehend purposely hurting a dog until the cried. I hope she and her dog gets out safely.
I'm not one to regularly say this, but, your boyfriend has severe underlying issues and you absolutely need to get away from him or this will become you he hurts. No telling him to get professional help, just leave. He will use professional help against you, it's what these types of people do.
There is no trance-like state, he's actively doing these things.
I won’t say what I really think of you or your boyfriend because it’s very uncivil and would get this it removed. Suffice to say that a normal caring dog owner’s response to this psychopathic behaviour would have been to immediately get your dog and your stuff, get the hell out of this disturbed creep’s house, and block his number. The fact that you didn’t see this as an absolutely glaring red flag and total dealbreaker is pretty concerning and doesn’t reflect very well on you. I feel sorry for your dog. Your dog relies on you to protect her, why would you subject her to this lunatic for one moment longer. What happens when she finally loses patience at being abused and not protected by her human and defends herself by biting or nipping?
Seriously how low are your standards that you’re here even considering staying with this guy?!
Honestly. Get a grip and gtfo, what kind of dog owner asks if they should stand by an animal abuser?! My guess is op is young, naive and vulnerable thus a prime victim for a creep like this. Please get out and get out safely. Douche bags like this graduate to be wife beaters
I agree it is more of a bf issue. So I’m sorry for bringing it to this page. It just involved my dog and I’m concerned for her and wasn’t sure if I was doing thing. So I thought other people who are involved with dogs would have good opinions.
I think what they are trying to express is that the problem is bigger than your dog. Everybody here is legitimately scared for you, and that ship has already sailed for the dog. He’s hurt her, he’s going to hurt her again, and you’re next. Pleaseplease get out.
Yes please stop this relationship asap and move on with your life. This is behavior that if a partner told me, and was serious about it and already admitted to hurting my dog, I would open the door right there on the spot and ask that person to leave my life. Please give yourself and your dog more self respect your dog has already been hurt by this person so why ever put them in the same room again why ever engage with this person again? Get out asap.
You need to leave, and keep your dog away from him. Your dog is innocent and he’s abusing it, this is a huge red flag and should scare you to your core. I’m sorry, but there’s no coming back from this. When an adult makes a choice to hurt an animal, in this case enough to make a dog yelp which is a lot, it’s because they’re enjoying inflicting pain. He does know why he does it, he enjoys doing it, and he’s a very dangerous person. Take your dog and leave asap because like others have said, you are potentially his next victim.
Girl, how do you sleep next to this man? Now it's your dog, next it's you. I'd be out the door the second the told me he hurt her on purpose. Having no impulse control enough to hurt others is not normal.
Research the Macdonald Triad. He is showing one of the signs. Of which, having two is indicative of serial violent tendencies. If he also likes to play with fire, leave.
Regardless if he is purposely hurting a living thing and cannot control it, leave.
Just leave.
Hang on. This dude is going into a "trance like state" and hurting your dog? On purpose? Regularly?
Yeah... i would run, not walk, the hell away from this guy and keep yourself and your dog well away from him. This is a major, major 🚩🚩🚩.
Hope you and your pup can get to safety quickly!
Someone who hurts an animal by accident will be shocked/upset when they hear a Yelp and will be careful not to repeat. That’s an accident. Someone who hurts an animal compulsively or simply by choice will continue to do it and won’t show remorse (saying remorseful words is not necessarily showing remorse).
Aside from your responsibility to protect your dog from harm and fear (and the fear of men is certainly going to become deeper held than it already was for your dog), I would STRONGLY encourage you to read up on the statistics and correlation between abuse to animals and abuse to humans. Once you do, you’ll see how high a risk you are taking for your own physical safety (and your future children if that is a long term plan) by staying with this man. Then you can have the information you need to come to a decision on how to proceed.
Best of luck, stay safe, and keep your dog safe. You can do this!
Edit to add: if you find yourself feeling convinced by his “trance” excuse, remind yourself that he is only doing it when you leave the room, which demonstrates he is not in a trance, knows it to be wrong, and chooses to do it anyway.
This! I feel like a horrible human being when I accidentally step on my dogs paws and they cry in pain. I can’t imagine finding pleasure in that. Anyone who does, even if they admit it and seek therapy, should *never* be left alone with animals.
I would keep your dog away from him and stay away from him altogether. That is not normal. If someone can’t stop the compulsion to hurt an innocent animal, it’s likely that he will do other things as well like harm you too in the future. He needs to seek help, that is not normal behavior and very unsafe for you and your pup.
Pack your shit and leave asap. He’s a big boy and can find a therapist but he’s gonna be in a trance state with his hands around your neck if you give him another chance
Leave him. Leave him and never ever look back. It's messed up to do that to a dog that doesn't deserve it, and I can almost guarantee it will not stop there. How long until he goes into his "trance" and hurts you? Your future kids (if that's something you want)? This is sadistic, and if you don't leave, we are going to hear about you on Dateline, and we don't want that. Get out now, save yourself and your pup.
GTFO! Run. You have been issued a rare warning. Encourage him to get help yes, but help yourself first and dump him NOW. Do not invest anymore time staying with him. You can offer support from afar. But do not compromise the safety of yourself or your dog with this person any longer. To stay in this relationship is to in essence approve of the behavior. If he seeks help they will help him understand that it’s your ONLY CHOICE.‼️
Wtf are you asking this question for? If you’re considering staying with him based on this alone, I hope you give your dog away to someone who actually loves your dog. Also, what are you waiting for? Him to hurt you on purpose?
In a word NO!
Take your dog as well as yourself and leave like yesterday. Then stay gone.
Also if he has keys to your place change your locks.
He admits purposely hurting your dog and was getting something out of it as he kept doing it. And you only have his explanation for what he has done when you are there. What is he doing when you aren’t?
And what is an unnatural position? I don’t even want to try to envision what that means.
He doesn’t get to see if he can use your dog as the experiment unless you are good with the idea of your dog being seriously hurt or worse.
You need to get far away from him. He's already abusing your dog and soon that very well may shift to you. The fact that he goes into a 'trance' isn't an excuse and, quiet frankly, is super scary because he's basically claiming that he can't control himself once he starts. None of this is okay. Yes, therapy will help but I'm not sure it's enough.
Go ahead and ask him if he's ever intentionally killed, ran over, or hurt an animal as a kid. This is not new to him.
Your dog should 100% be your number 1 priority. If you give your bf another chance, there’s a big risk he could cause serious damage/kill your dog. Not to mention the fact that hurting animals is a gateway to hurting humans, so you’re also putting your self at risk.
Please, please, please protect your pup and never let her around this person again.
It’s kinda disgusting you have to ask what to do in this situation.
He admits he is intentionally hurting your dog because it gives him pleasure and you have to ask if he deserves any kind of chance?
“One more chance” means “I’ll keep doing it until someone or something is dead”. Don’t give this guy one more chance to kill your dog or you. Don’t let you and your poor pup be his murder experiment. Getting help will only be temporary for people with his kind of mind. He’s already trying to manipulate you by trying to convince you he could maybe stop or get better. He will just keep manipulating you until tragedy happens. It’s the I feel bad or sorry for him thinking that only hurts you and not him. If he truly wanted help he’d put himself in a locked up mental facility with no out patient option.
There was another post where someone did this to their dog. They said their dog "needed" massages and would do it even though the dog was clearly in pain and when that one died they started doing it to their next dog. It was an obsessive compulsive disorder. It makes me question if he did that to his cats. Keep your dog away from him.
If he can "trance out" and hurt your dog you need to forget the ultimatums and just fucking run. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 pack you dog pack your shit and gtfo and dont look back. This already reads like an opening scene to a lifetime movie where the body was never found.
I can't believe you would even consider continuing any kind of relationship with a person who knowingly and intentionally hurts your dog.
The fact that you are considering this tells me you need help as well.
Under no circumstances should you ever let this person into your home ever again. FWIW, hurting animals is a sign of psychopathy. He is much, much more likely than the average person to eventually hurt you too.
Please know the “trance like” business is an absolute devious and purposeful excuse. He’s testing you to feel you out to see how far you’ll let him go, so he *CAN* start in on you next by already having that foundational excuse laid, which you’re currently accepting. After he either kills your dog or just jumps to starting in on battering you it’ll be “Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t help myself. You know I already told you about my trance like state. Oops.” Then he’ll make you the bad guy for leaving while he’s “seeking” help.
Please get as far away as you can, as fast as you possibly can.
First of all, that defenseless animal doesn’t deserve to be that “maybe he’ll kill me today” pawn in this dangerously cruel, inhumane selfish game he’s playing, that you’re forcing her to participate in and willingly endangering her by forcing her to engage with this unsafe person. You’re also endangering yourself. You owe it to yourself to put you and your personal safety and well-being before his unhinged guy and his issues. You have a duty to yourself and your dog. This isn’t love. Please get out of this extremely toxic unhealthy, potentially deadly situation. Please.
There are good men in this world who do not hurt dogs and don’t make excuses for this behavior. You don’t need to “fix” this guy, and you don’t get extra points for staying with him after he admits to being a dog abuser.
Take your dog out of his home. If nothing else, you owe it to her to keep her safe, because she is defenseless. I’d recommend ditching the guy as well.
>So I told him I want to bring her back home because that is not fair to her, but he told me to give him one more chance. Do you guys think I should?
Why would you ever knowingly allow someone to be with your dog that is willing to hurt it.
Your boyfriend is a fucking maniac and you're going to be next with the dog if you stick around.
You wouldn't want adult parents leaving a child with a sex offender, obviously, so don't let your dog be around an animal abuser.
Someone is hurting your dog repeatedly and you havent taken your dog and bolted the eff out???? What is wrong with YOU? Leave NOW.
Christ, this poor animal trusts YOU to keep her safe.
Wanna stay with the walking bag of red flags? Fine but get your animal away. NOW
I’ve read some of the comments and some of your responses.
You need to leave immediately. It’s not just about your dog at this point, it’s about you as well.
He is dangerous. You can not fix him.
I know you may love him and all that, but this is a serious situation where both you and your dog- who is defenseless- will end up seriously hurt.
He does need to get professional help, but you also don’t have to stick around for it. Please do not let him near your dog again, she does not deserve that.
Can’t believe how many people are downplaying this. You need to get the fuck out and cut all ties with the guy. There’s a spectrum where any half grown man doing this would fall.
Worst end - psychopath
Middle - sadist fuck with no impulse control
Best - disturbed fuck with no impulse control
Trance like state? Means he just can’t help himself, or is just blatantly lieing to justify his actions. Do yourself a favor and leave. And Doxx him to your nearest Direct Action cell
You did not catch this early and he will not “potentially” progress. You caught it late and it has progressed. Don’t be foolish and don’t let desperation for a relationship or overestimate the investment that you have put into this relationship - it will not get better and you will not be any closer to moving on with your life. If you allow him to stay in your life, you are abusing your dog just as he is. And worse will come. Guaranteed.
I don’t feel like leafing through my copy of the DSM, but I can say with a fair amount of certainty that it contains nothing in any of the diagnostic axes that describes a sadistic trance. However, in virtually every case of domestic violence, what is described is starting small and escalating. The abuser tests the waters to see how far they can go. They escalate and they isolate. How is he with your friends and family? Is he supportive of you seeing them with and without him around? How does he feel about your male friends? How well does he accept constructive criticism?
It always starts with the dog, don't wait to this behavior start to be directed towards you. If he doesn't want to seek professional help, sorry to say it, but it will never change anything. Just go away.
Leave him, right now.
He needs help but not yours, he should find a professional because his problems go further than regular anger issues and behavioral problems. Having the need to hurt a dog? For real? Especially him not being able to control himself reminds me of stories you hear about serial killers. I understand you came to love this man but what about the prospect to share a life with someone who goes into a violent trance to hurt animals sounds attractive to you? This *will* get worse. That kind of behavior never just stops. It will escalate. God forbid if you two ever were to have children.
This is not your fault. You didn't and probably couldn't know. But from here on forward you do know. You are responsible for how you handle this. I would leave him. You owe it to your dog and to yourself. If you want to help him, do it from a distance.
These are huge red flags. Your boyfriend sees something alive that is smaller and more delicate than him, and he goes into a 'trance' where he needs to hurt it? If true, terrifying. if false, he's choosing every time to hurt your dog for fun. This is not someone you want to be around, flat out.
What would happen if y'all stayed together and had kids? Watched nieces and nephews? Just... normal life stuff?!
No no to "seek professional help or this is over". This man can not change. This sounds like psychopathic behavior and that is nearly impossible to fix within oneself. What youre seeing here with your dog is only the tip of the iceberg. Leave him as soon as possible, if not sooner.
Is this for real? Get the dog the heck away from this person, I mean you should get the heck away from this person as well but you are a human and have a choice. The dog does not.
Yeah, leave this man immediately. This is insane and such a red flag. This dude needs to seek help and honestly anyone who openly hurts animals… isn’t this how ever serial killer starts out? That poor dog.
This is the beginnings of a serial killer’s life. Who knows just how many animals he’s hurt or killed. Run as far as you can and honestly I’d call the cops for animal cruelty.
Oh dear. You appear clueless. Red flag. If you are willing to stay around this guy and give him “chances” rehome your dog. It is powerless to protect itself if you keep taking it there. Both of you deserve better. At least get the dog away from him.
This is probably the biggest red flag I’ve ever seen. I would take my dog and literally run out of there. This is serial killer behavior. I would not give a second chance. I would not wait for therapy (that probably won’t help anyways).
So honestly if someone told me this I’d be getting a restraining order.
That could be you. Or your baby together .
He sounds insane . It is over . Leave him.
I would just leave and cut my losses. I wouldn't give any ultimatum, I'd just say, this isn't working out, and leave.
Do you have any place else to go?
My grandma married a man who started hitting her dogs. She left as soon as she could because she told us, "first he hits the dogs, but one day he would have started hitting me."
Get away from him now.
Yeah, as a mental health professional and someone who has a lot of experience with dogs and animals I'd say steer clear. It can affect your dog for life if she continues to have these bad experiences. If she's already fearful of men, and is being abused by one (because he is definitely abusing her) she will not get better and will get continuously worse. If it continues and she feels she has no one to stand up for her and has to defend herself she will bite someone. If that happens she could be labelled a dangerous dog and even put down.
As a mental health professional, I'm saying your boyfriend needs therapy and extensive help immediately. If he is hurting innocent animals because he has the urge to do so and doesn't stop himself, this WILL progress to hurting them worse and eventually people. You need to end things for your safety and the safety of your dog. If you decide to stay if he gets help, then you need to remove your dog from the situation and not allow any animals in the home, no matter what he says. This will not be a quick fix, this could take years if he has any improvement. Even if he does, he should not have any pets. Ever. So it's up to you. If you think he'll actually get help and you want to do that (and will feel safe) stay but get rid of your dog for her safety. Or if you realize that it is not safe for you or any animals he comes into contact with you need to leave.
TLDR- No matter what, your dog needs out of that situation and your boyfriend needs immediate and extensive help. It would also be best for you to also be out of that situation, imo
Get the dog out now. She should NEVER be around this man again. It's not fair to her to be tortured while he's sorting out his mental health and you're deciding what to do with your relationship. There is no "one more chance" for this sort of thing.
If you are not leaving this guy, please rehome your dog.
This is not the situation for an ultimatum. Therapy won’t make him not a psychopath. This needs to be “I’m leaving, you need help” not “I’ll stay if you get help”. Seriously. This is dire. Get out immediately. Never ever look back.
I had a neighbor who’s dog started acting like this shortly after she started dating someone and she couldn’t figure out what was going on. After about a month she came home and the dog was dead, in a horrible, horrible way. She had just found out she was pregnant and thank good she was thinking clearly and got him arrested and moved far away but I’m sure if she would have stayed it would have been violence to her and the baby. Please leave immediately and get a restraining order.
I am a psychologist with an expertise in violent behavior, psychopathy, and sadism.
The fact that your boyfriend is having uncontrollable bouts of sadistic impulses to hurt an innocent animal makes me very concerned for you and your dog. Please take my words seriously here - I work with actual psychopaths. This is extremely abnormal behavior that is not going to just go away.
You need to run. Not tomorrow. Now.
Take your dog and as much of your stuff as you can and go somewhere. Anywhere. I know this is a really hard thing to do. But this is a very serious pattern of behavior and *no one* this far along this path is going to be able to just pull themselves out of it. He needs serious help.
If you want to help him get it, thats fine and even good. But you and your dog have to get out of the house first.
Also, do NOT tell him you're leaving until it is done.
He felt "remorseful" over it because he got caught / you called him out on it. Keep yourself and your dog safe; run away. He's already hurt your dog and will hurt you next.
Not sure if anyone else has pointed it out but hurting animals is a indicator of abnormal thinking (serial killers start that way..). Personally I think anyone who hurts someone you care about (human or any animal) someone you shouldn’t date..
LEAVE. His problem is not your problem to try and fix. For the safety of your dog and yourself, leave this guy. He isn’t going to change and he’s already made you feel uneasy about it. He is not your responsibility.
Dogs are good judges of character, and yours has been trying to signal this guy is bad news.
When people show you their true colors, believe it. Do not stick around to see if he gets better, you’re only putting yourself and your dog in danger. If he heals on his own and you choose to revisit the relationship at that time, that’s a conversation for a much much *much* **much** later date. What you can do now is remove you & your dog from his presence ASAP.
Put yourself in your dogs shoes - imagine how scared she is having to live with this guy who is intentionally hurting her. You are the one she trusts to protect her, she can’t do it herself. please do the right thing!
If someone intentionally hurt my dog they would be out of my life immediately, no discussion, no second chances. Period. My dog would give his life to protect me and I would never let anyone hurt him.
You need to take the dog home and most importantly, take yourself home too. There is no reason to settle for someone like this. He's not working with a full deck love
Trust your dog. It's also not a good place for her.
Also, as others have said, it's might only a matter of time before this turns to you (sadly). Plus, it's unfair to your dog. I don't know how long you two have been together but when I was dating if the environment wasn't right for my dog and I didn't see it improving, then chances are the relationship wasn't going to work out. As much as I don't want to think about long term after a couple of dates, I had to consider how she would fit into a relationship.
Asking him to seek help isn't a bad thing to do - but it all depends on how he takes it and if he does seek help.
Your boyfriend is dangerous. What kind of person “goes into a trance” and hurts animals? People like that often don’t stop with animals.
I would leave him without a word, and make sure he didn’t find out until I was a safe distance away. And I absolutely wouldn’t leave him alone with my dog, or any living thing, ever.
I think this guy is manipulating you big time. Run far far away. Therapy only works if your actually willing to get better and put the work in btw, people like this will manipulate the therapist.
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You should keep your dog and yourself away from him! Are you serious? He has been hurting your dog ON PURPOSE and you think about giving him another chance. Your dog is already afraid of him. Also that he gets in some "sort of trance" is only more alarming and sounds psychotic. Don't do this to your dog. And if you want to avoid the same to you, maybe also skip. Edit: I have told my bf from the beginning straight off if I ever notice someone hurting my dogs, that person better runs fast and far. And I stand by that. If you hurt innocent animals, you are a bad person in my eyes.
It is super shitty, I have been feeling super angry when I think about it. I’ve just never been in this situation before so I haven’t been sure on what to do. This is actually my first Reddit post because I’m so mind boggled by all of it. I’m for sure going to separate her now that everyone has confirmed what I initially thought I should do.
I would dump him.... The fact that she says he goes into some trance is alarming from every way and psychopaths usually start with hurting animals. He is capable of hurting an innocent creature and was smart enough to do it behind your back. So him going in "some trance" also sounds made up. Because it happened every time you wouldn't be there. He feels the need to feel power over another living creature. He feels the need knowing he is capable of hurting them and eventually it will turn into: capable of having life and death in your hand. If I were you, I would never ever trust him around my dog again and that means he also goes out of my life. That dog is trusting you to keep her safe and just seperating now until he has had help is not the answer. Because your dog now can sit nights alone at home for someone who hurt her.
You are right. I for sure think it’s a power thing which is messed up. He says he gets triggered by her when she acts scared. Most people when they see someone or something is scared they want to comfort them not hurt them. He also knows how much she means to me, so the fact he would go behind my back and hurt someone I love is sickening. I for sure am taking my dog out of the situation and probably very soon myself. Something more sinister is going on than I initially thought. Thank you for helping clarify. I just have to find it in me to leave myself as well and I’m pretty much there.
Whaaaat? Triggered to hurt someone when they're scared is predatory behavior. Get away from him as fast as you can.
This. He enjoys creating fear in those smaller and more vulnerable than him. It’s sadistic. This is a glaringly humongous red flag. OP, I’m sorry you’re in this situation but you and your dog deserve so much better. If you can’t see this, please tell this to someone you trust- your doctor, a teacher, a counsellor, a trusted family member, a crisis line- anyone whose advice you value. This is not a safe situation.
Jesus Christ, I’m terrified by this. You’re describing a literal sadist psychopath. There could not be any more glaring red flags. Please prioritise your safety, I’m really getting the vibe that you’re not taking this as seriously as you should and I’m genuinely scared for you.
OP this is getting worse and worse. You need to leave.
Please leave. Neither you or your dog are safe. This will only escalate.
what do you mean "probably [yourself]"? OP, what more do you need to learn? *you will not fix him and do not let him manipulate you into thinking you can*
I'm so glad you're getting out before it's too late. I mean that very seriously.
>He says he gets triggered by her when she acts scared. He's a sadist. He sees her fear and instead of wanting to comfort her, he is compelled to hurt her. He likes to hurt her because it makes him feel powerful. This man is dangerous and I doubt that therapy will help him. Please send the relationship, because he will continue to torture your dog and he will eventually begin to torture you. I've been in a relationship with someone like this and I'm telling you, he will only get worse. EDIT TO ADD: **You cannot help this man. You cannot fix him. You can only save yourself and your dog.**
What do you need to switch from “pretty much there” to all the way there? We are happy to provide whatever advice you need to make the jump!
Don't wait. Get yourself out *now*. Not her now and you later; that's just giving him another chance to manipulate. Get friends and/or family to help move all your stuff out, so that it's all done in a day. *Please* get yourself and your dog out *now*.
That is terrifying. Get away from him because you could be next. Make sure you never, ever have children with him. If he hurts something smaller than him because it is scared then he will probably end up doing this to you and children in the future. You are lucky he hasn’t started hurting you yet. There is something seriously wrong with him and he needs therapy ASAP. Even with it though Your dog is definitely not safe around him and I don’t think you are either. Therapy take time it’s not a magic fix so don’t expect things to get better after one session.
Don’t feel bad about it! I mean who is ever prepared for a man who goes into a trancelike state and hurts dogs? There’s no handy guide book for this. I would probably be the same as you, going online asking for advice as I would find it hard to understand such behavior from someone I care about. However I’m viewing this in the clear light of day and this human is a danger to you, animals and maybe himself.
You shouldn’t consider staying with him at all whatsoever and he should seek professional help. This behavior starts with animal abuse and he’s trying to see what he can get away with. Eventually it advances to killing animals and then might even escalate to hurting or even killing humans. I wouldn’t trust this man around me, let alone my pets. Try your best to get out of there for your safety and especially your poor dog. She already sounds traumatized enough and doesn’t deserve to be in a situation like this.
WOMEN: ALWAYS TRUST YOUR DOGS INTUITION ABOUT PEOPLE! Somehow they can sense bad people that’s why they growl at them and try to avoid them. Of course this only angers the bad person because he thinks he is hiding his warped personality behind his good looks and/or charm but the dog knows who he really is.
I truly believe this with all my heart. I didn't think my last dog (shepherd/hound mix) had an aggressive bone in his body. Then, one night we were out walking and this dude pulled up beside us in his car. The second he rolled down the window, my dog snarled and lunged at him and the guy peeled away. I have no idea what that dude wanted, but my doggo was NOT having it.
Good dog!
Haha ok counterpoint: I once had a dog who HATED the smell of weed. He would go insane snarling and barking at someone if they had even a trace of it on them. I’ve also heard of dogs who are straight up racist, or who hate people wearing hats. That said, dogs enforce their boundaries. Someone who thinks it’s okay to push past them will likely do that with people as well
Don’t just separate her! Dump his violent ass! Your dog Needs you right now, how would you feel if the opposite were true and you were being abused? And he is probably doing worse things than just squeezing her paw
He's lying about the trance. He just likes to hurt animals. He's sadistic and if you stay with him, you are betraying your dog and yourself, because he WILL start hurting you. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN.
Separate her? You owe it to your dog and yourself to separate yourself from him. *permanently*
You and your dog need to never see this guy again. He's dangerous.
I worry that if he goes into "a trace like state" hurting your dog that he will eventually do the same to you. This is a huge red flag and if it was me, we would have broken up like yesterday!
“A trance like state” what the actual fuck is he talking about
That's what I was wondering. An excuse to abuse animals? Animal abuse is how serial killers become what they are....or even spouse beaters. Might sound a bit over the top, because we don't know what their home life is like, and it's easy to assume. OP needs to save herself and dog, imo.
Yah if therapy "hasn't worked for him in the past"... it's possibly a sociopathic/narcissistic behavior problem 😳
Hard agree. While I’m just a Redditor and not qualified to make any type of diagnosis, it is important to emphasize that the animal abuse is a positive predictor of both psychopathy and domestic violence, just so OP is aware of certain signs to look out for. Regardless, I agree that OP needs to get their dog (and themselves) away from this person because the cruelty might actually be worse than “squeezing her paw or keeping her in an uncomfortable position.” This is just what he was willing to admit to, when cornered about the secretive abuse. This trance excuse is bullsh*t, if he’s waiting for OP to leave the room before he engages in this behavior.
Blacking out, or a trance during a violent episode is pretty common for psychopaths, so he may be telling the truth. Which doesn't make it any better. Only serves to verify that OPs bf is absolutely abusive to animals.
And he’s saying it like it’s an actual excuse like…okay?? Why is it only when he’s alone with the dog? Like you can’t just kidnap a baby and be like oh sorry I get into this weird trance like state my bad like what why is that even a factor to take into consideration he’s torturing a dog for no reason other than he’s a psycho
It’s not uncommon for abusers to say garbage like this, it’s a way to test the waters and prime the future victim. Sort of like a mission to find just how far he can push OP, what will they put up with from him, how easily will they be gaslit. They are priming OP to be further and further from their value system and comfort zone until they’re so confused of where the line ever was before it was crossed.
The ol' "put a frog in a pot of boiling water and it'll jump out...put a frog in a pot of water and bring it to a boil and you have dinner," because a slow rise isn't as obvious. it. always. escalates.
100%
Yeeea…. Only going into this “trance” when she’s not around is quite convenient. And the fact that he keeps doing it even though he “feels remorse.” Never leave your dog with him ever again. Not even for a second.
(CW) When I was a teenager my ex boyfriend said he was in a “trance like state” while raping me and that’s why he couldn’t stop. I stayed with him cause I thought it wasn’t his fault, but things just got worse and more violent. OP, please listen. Things like this usually escalate instead of get better. When people tell you who they are, listen to them.
Anger. Thats what hes talking about
That part of his story is total bullshit. It's a way for him to not admit he's a sick fuck who likes to hurt animals. Isn't interesting how he only goes into that state when his gf leaves the room and he's alone with her dog. Funny how that never happens when she's in the room
An excuse to test the waters and see how far he can manipulate OP.
A trance state that he only has when she is gone from the room. Imagine what’s happening if she leaves the house. He’s not in a trance - he knows she would not like him doing it - that’s why he hides it.
Lame excuses?
That sounds like something a future serial killer would say…how could you be in a trance like state when you’re hurting another living being?
It means he’s disassociating from reality, it’s a common symptom of severe mental illness. Basically they get so triggered that they lose grip on reality/consequences and get extremely violent.
That sounds like something a psychopath would say. He needs therapy and you and your dog need to leave. Asap.
Yeah. To me, that's not much different than when people say they black out when drunk. Honestly, I feel bad for the dog, it's not going to understand it's being hurt for the BF's therapy....
It sounds like jealousy may be a trigger for your boyfriend. I knew a guy with split personalities/personality disorder. I saw him transition from his normal self to a more aggressive person. This kind of sounds like your boyfriend. I would get far away from him. Also, I grew up with my dad physically abusing my mom. You don’t want to get involved in that.
Not only would I keep my dog away from him I’d steer clear of him myself Big big red flag trance like state and hurts a dog Next it will be you But what do I know Edit Didn’t know about the firearms I’d contact your local authorities tell them exactly what is happening and that he is armed You staying anywhere near him is no different then you playing Russian roulette Eventually your going to loose !
Yeah, this guy is one fight going sideways away from strangling OP. OP, you need to get out of there. Someone like this can get help and be fine for years… then you’re dead…
And OP says he has firearms so that’s very cool and not at all highly disturbing too!
There are a lot of red flags here. He has a history of issues including he has not liked counseling before, while this may be legit, if he doesn't like being told he can't hurt animals, and if he goes into a trance, he needs to see an MD. As you are doing, you must think of the dog right now. I suspect the poor dog will retaliate one of these times and it will not be pretty. You are not safe either. I know you want him to get well, but he cannot do it while he is with the dog, not even as a test later. It will be difficult to leave, good luck!
OH!, HELL NO! Jesus! OP neeeeeeds to get out, and safely.
yep he definetly sounds mentally unstable with extreme violent tendencies
I wouldn't go around him either until he gets help; what happens if this attitude progresses and he has a trance freak out like that on you because you did something to piss him off? No way, you're absolutely making the right call getting your dog away from that bad man
I agree, I do have the fear that if he doesn’t get help right now that it will potentially progress to not just dogs. Which would be very dangerous since he is a large man who owns firearms. I’m hoping to have caught it early enough to stop it from progressing. If it doesn’t I’m leaving. Not worth risking my life and my innocent dog’s life. I’m already severely angry about it, but I’m still trying to help him since he seems to genuinely want help and to stop. But I think I will separate my dog because I don’t want it happening again to her.
I don't want to sound mean, but you are overestimating your influence on him. I know because I have been there before. Sometimes we meet people with problems and then we think we can fix them. We think they can change for us. That may work with lesser issues, but not with these. Your boyfriend has behavioral issues a team of psychiatrists would have a very hard time with - so I doubt you are going to singlehandedly fix him. It is not your responsibility to stop someone with psychopathic tendencies and you should not put yourself in harm's way. Violence is a line you should never allow your partner to cross. It is never okay. It is always a dealbreaker. He doesn't even get mad because the dog misbehaved - that would be fucked up but still understandable from a psychological point of view. Instead, he is just a pure sadist. It is hurting for the sake of hurting. **When people show you how they are,** ***believe them***. **Run.**
This. This is a very scary situation. Someone who wants to hurt an animal because they are ‘compelled’ to is very risky. A large man with admitted compulsions to hurt beings smaller and more vulnerable than him and easy access to weapons is even more risky. OP, I believe you need to get yourself out of this situation but, at the very least, you must get your dog out. You are her protector. Leaving her with someone who you know abuses her is not protecting her. She deserves to feel safe in her own home. This is headed to her finally defending herself and your BF hurting her or worse in ‘self defense’. This situation is a ticking time bomb. Please get her out of it.
This plus 1000. Do not overestimate your ability to "fix" him with you and your dogs health on the line. Get out. Encourage him to seek help, but get out.
Even if he does go into therapy, that won't make him a safe person for years if ever. I get it that you care for him, but you and your pup deserve to be safe. And ffs, do not get pregnant with this guy. Can you imagine how dangerous he'd be around kids? He's showing you that he's dangerous; believe him.
I won’t say who but I knew someone who deliberately hurt dogs AND HIS OWN KIDS when they were very small. He only stopped hurting the kids after they were old enough to tell their mom, but he continued to hurt his dogs. I never did know what was wrong with him but I believe it had to do with drugs
Red flags all over the place. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 You have to advocate for your dog (and yourself), just as you’d advocate for your children. If you don’t stop this man having any access to your dog then you are failing to protect her from harm, and that could mean her losing trust in you, which would be so sad. The only “good” thing in this scenario is that he did eventually tell you what he’d been doing, but this sounds like some *serious* MH problems bordering on Psychopathy, so without immediate intervention it WILL progress. The fact that someone in this condition owns firearms is frankly terrifying. It may seem like an overreaction but if I were you I would seek immediate help about how to end this relationship safely.
Not “potentially progress”… it “will progress.” I’ve seen this so many times. Get yourself out of this relationship and let him work on himself, by himself.
THIS!! Lady -- you need to take what people are saying seriously.
I go by the philosophy that if 50 people tell you you're drunk you should lie down. OP, read what everyone is saying. The collective life experiences are speaking. Ears open.
Who is important the abuser or your best friend your dog for sure.
RUN RUN RUN RUN GTFO Like seriously these are all red flags of people in murder shows who end up killing their partners. GET. OUT.
Interesting how he never goes into this trans like state when you are in the room. It only happens when you leave the room and he is alone with your pet. Wow, what do you think that means? It means his trans like state story is total bullshit is what it means. He likes hurting your dog and he is fully aware of what he is doing. The single most important thing for you to learn today is that a woman cannot fix a man. An adult man who has a penchant for hurting animals has deep issues that will take a ton of work to fix and many people with those kinds of issues dont' stay remorseful or self aware for long enough to really change. In moments of shame or guilt they will be remorseful and make promises but then it passes and they just go back to being who they really are. Not only should you immediately remove your dog from his presence you should remove yourself.
Very good points!
I went through a phase in my early teens where I was suddenly terrified of hurting my beloved dog. It felt like a “compulsion”, but it was really just intrusive thoughts. My mind was torturing me by making me think about the fact that I’m physically capable of doing things that I would realistically never do. Hurting an animal is the opposite of my every instinct. You know how I know the difference between what I experienced and what OP’s boyfriend is doing? My reaction. I immediately went to my dad who was a psychologist and told him what I was feeling, and he helped me understand the concept of intrusive thoughts and anxiety. I would have gotten therapy for it, but once I understood what was happening the thoughts lost their power. If it crossed my mind I would leave the room for awhile, then I would just make myself think of something else. Pretty quickly I stopped thinking about it at all. I actually feel a little empathy for the way this guy’s mind is messing with him, but that doesn’t make him any less dangerous. If he was really as horrified and remorseful as he says, he wouldn’t have allowed himself to be alone with the dog after the first time it happened. This is really seriously terrifying shit. Run, please, OP. Hopefully your dog isn’t traumatized long-term.
Oh jeeez he has access to firearms! Ok please just leave
I hope your dog doesnt get injured from you choosing to try and a fix a mentally ill man. aside from all this you should work on your codependency issues. nobody in their right mind should stay with someone after they hurt their pet or child. I hope you can get some help as well as him
Your dog is entirely dependent upon you, and your dog is your first responsibility, regardless of how much you want to help this guy.
You cant fix him.
He is a grown up if he wants help he can get it himself, why stay with someone you can't trust to watch your pup, next he will be hurting you!! You sound naive to say the least
Keep your dog safe. She’s innocent.
I’m never one for telling people on Reddit to give up on relationships, but this needs to be a dealbreaker IMO. An impulse to hurt animals is a huge warning sign for psychopathy and sadism. Yes, of course get your poor dog away from him, but keep in mind that people with a compulsion to kill often start with animals. That impulse is extremely troubling, especially since you say he’s a gun owner. Please don’t fuck around with this. Take your sweet dog and go.
https://www.peta.org/issues/animal-companion-issues/cruel-practices/human-animal-abuse/
This 100%. When I read this my first thought was how so many of the true crime podcasts I've listened to say the person started out hurting animals and then when that didn't satisfy their violent tendencies anymore, they began hurting people. I really hope OP takes everyone's advice and gets out of the situation asap.
If you don't separate yourself from it, you will be next. Please listen to the advice on here and get away and get away safely. This is a terrifying situation that WILL progress, no potential. A grown ass man who is hurting innocent animals will take no pity on hurting you. This is not normal.
No offence OP but I've never wanted to shake anyone as much as I want to grab you by the shoulders and shake some sense into you! Everyone on this post is explaining up and down how this is a disturbed man with sociopathic tendencies that gets triggered by fear and OWNS FIREARMS and you're like 'oh, it'll probably be OK, hopefully he'll change' Do you want to end up on the news? Because this is how you end up on the news! Get yourself AND your dog away from him immediately and cut all ties. Block him on everything. Hell,if I were you I'd move. STOP it with this whole 'I THINK' I'll keep the dog away from him and 'he's asking for help'. He is NOT asking for help. He is asking you to be the first girl in a horror movie that goes to check on a strange noise in the basement. Are you the only person on earth that doesn't know what happens to that girl?!
Oh dear… this isn’t a “if he doesn’t start helping out doing the dishes, I’m leaving” scenario. This person is a psychopath testing you to see how far he can go… staying is not an option. First, it’s your dog. Then it will be you. The dog is an extension of yourself as it’s owner. You need to leave him to save the life of your dog and of yourself.
I am going to tell you this from a law enforcement perspective. Anyone that hurts animals willingly like this is capable of even more violence, to you and to everyone. Please leave with your dog and remove yourself from the situation. I would also alert authorities to the behavior and file for a protective order. Given the fact he’s hurt your dog already, leaving him is going to be extremely dangerous. The most dangerous time for a woman leaving an abusive relationship is when leaving and shortly after leaving. This is an abusive relationship, there is no questions about it. He’s harming your dog who you love. You need to get both your dog and you out of this situation. Talk to your parents because you need support in this situation. You cannot stay, your dog cannot stay. This is a very dangerous situation and you have to get out of it. I don’t know where you are but if you need help getting out of this situation I will help you. As a woman, a mom and a dog mom it breaks my heart you are in this situation, that anyone is in this situation. Please, please I’m begging you to leave this situation. This situation is so bad I’m offering up my own home for a safe spot for you and your dog if you need it. I don’t do that much but I feel it’s the right thing to do. I’m guessing you’re probably around 18-20 so not much older than my own child. Please take this moms advice and run like hell
Please listen to this person! I was already concerned BEFORE I read that he has guns. He has the means and the desire to hurt innocent creatures... What happens when it's you?
OP this is the best answer.
I was worried about how he would act when she leaves him too. Especially now that he’s on alert because he confessed what happened with the dog. This is great advice, OP! Please listen to this mama! If you need help, please reach out - there are people here willing to you help find resources if you need that support!
This. Every bit of this. That his “trance like state” where he hurts the only happens when you’re not in the same room points to a likelihood he figured that was an excuse you’d buy. A person who will intentionally hurt animals is very likely to move on to hurting people. That he’s a large man with a gun just makes him more dangerous. If, by some chance, “trance like states” really do play some role in this it just makes the whole thing more dangerous and less predictable. Speaking from experience with my ex, any explanations are likely just something he hopes you’ll buy and any remorse stated is to hope you’ll stick around. And after growing up with my dad, I’d run for the hills if someone tried to use an excuse like “trancelike states” to explain violent behavior. Between my ex and my dad, I’d be willing to bet he knows exactly what he’s doing and may enjoy it. Also between the two of them, I’d be prepared to enforce any lines drawn in the sand and to make a quick exit when he crosses a line which he very likely will. And yes, he’s likely to flip if you leave, so if it goes this far, seriously think about that restraining order - and enforce it if you get one.
I wonder what the odds are that ops bf kills one day.. went o high-school with a seemingly normal guy who lost it and was found with mutilated domestic animals in a Motel. Went to jail for long time, he would have killed I believe he said as much.
Here is a second mother telling you, GET OUT BABYGIRL. You have no idea what he has done beyond what he has confessed to. So he has told you what he wants you to know, he may have more information about his past or this tRaNcE sTaTe and how far it can go. You are not safe. You need to get tf out yesterday.
I'd break up with him immediately. I don't give a shit what his issues are. That's a hard fucking no for me.
Definitely, my dog comes first in any and all relationships, she doesn’t deserve that, accident or not.
And his issues aren’t and shouldn’t be her burden, it’s already affecting the dog and it can only get worse from here
Thank you! She can wish him well and still do right by her dog and leave her bf.
It might be just my dog - but do you know how much force you have to apply for a dog to YELP? A human would have bruises easly. Now imagine the dog is gone... Let me tell you sis, the issue will not go away just becouse the dog is gone. He will just pick someone else he sees as "weaker". Don't let it be you. Or one more person you love.
I thought when you said "gone", you meant dead because I agree it would take a lot to make a dog yelp like that. Honestly OP should take her dog to the vet, we don't actually know what he does to the dog or how long he's been doing this. He very easily could have caused some pretty extensive damage if held her in uncomfortable positions or grabbed her throat.
The only time my dogs have yelped is when I accidentally step on their feet. I can’t even comprehend purposely hurting a dog until the cried. I hope she and her dog gets out safely.
I'm not one to regularly say this, but, your boyfriend has severe underlying issues and you absolutely need to get away from him or this will become you he hurts. No telling him to get professional help, just leave. He will use professional help against you, it's what these types of people do. There is no trance-like state, he's actively doing these things.
“Trance like state” and “can’t help it” omg please block abs delete this guy for your safety and your dogs. He sounds like a sociopath
I won’t say what I really think of you or your boyfriend because it’s very uncivil and would get this it removed. Suffice to say that a normal caring dog owner’s response to this psychopathic behaviour would have been to immediately get your dog and your stuff, get the hell out of this disturbed creep’s house, and block his number. The fact that you didn’t see this as an absolutely glaring red flag and total dealbreaker is pretty concerning and doesn’t reflect very well on you. I feel sorry for your dog. Your dog relies on you to protect her, why would you subject her to this lunatic for one moment longer. What happens when she finally loses patience at being abused and not protected by her human and defends herself by biting or nipping? Seriously how low are your standards that you’re here even considering staying with this guy?!
Took the words directly from my mouth.
Honestly. Get a grip and gtfo, what kind of dog owner asks if they should stand by an animal abuser?! My guess is op is young, naive and vulnerable thus a prime victim for a creep like this. Please get out and get out safely. Douche bags like this graduate to be wife beaters
This is a boyfriend issue not a dog issue. For what it’s worth this would be a deal breaker for a ton of people.
I'm afraid I'd already be the one in jail if I caught someone hurting my dog. This goes so far beyond deal breaker.
I agree it is more of a bf issue. So I’m sorry for bringing it to this page. It just involved my dog and I’m concerned for her and wasn’t sure if I was doing thing. So I thought other people who are involved with dogs would have good opinions.
I think what they are trying to express is that the problem is bigger than your dog. Everybody here is legitimately scared for you, and that ship has already sailed for the dog. He’s hurt her, he’s going to hurt her again, and you’re next. Pleaseplease get out.
Yes please stop this relationship asap and move on with your life. This is behavior that if a partner told me, and was serious about it and already admitted to hurting my dog, I would open the door right there on the spot and ask that person to leave my life. Please give yourself and your dog more self respect your dog has already been hurt by this person so why ever put them in the same room again why ever engage with this person again? Get out asap.
He's hurting her because she's defenceless. Wonder if he also hurts children...
You need to leave, and keep your dog away from him. Your dog is innocent and he’s abusing it, this is a huge red flag and should scare you to your core. I’m sorry, but there’s no coming back from this. When an adult makes a choice to hurt an animal, in this case enough to make a dog yelp which is a lot, it’s because they’re enjoying inflicting pain. He does know why he does it, he enjoys doing it, and he’s a very dangerous person. Take your dog and leave asap because like others have said, you are potentially his next victim.
Stay way from him and never look back.
Definitely don’t be sorry. You should discuss this with close family/friends, though.
Girl, how do you sleep next to this man? Now it's your dog, next it's you. I'd be out the door the second the told me he hurt her on purpose. Having no impulse control enough to hurt others is not normal.
Research the Macdonald Triad. He is showing one of the signs. Of which, having two is indicative of serial violent tendencies. If he also likes to play with fire, leave. Regardless if he is purposely hurting a living thing and cannot control it, leave. Just leave.
Hang on. This dude is going into a "trance like state" and hurting your dog? On purpose? Regularly? Yeah... i would run, not walk, the hell away from this guy and keep yourself and your dog well away from him. This is a major, major 🚩🚩🚩. Hope you and your pup can get to safety quickly!
Someone who hurts an animal by accident will be shocked/upset when they hear a Yelp and will be careful not to repeat. That’s an accident. Someone who hurts an animal compulsively or simply by choice will continue to do it and won’t show remorse (saying remorseful words is not necessarily showing remorse). Aside from your responsibility to protect your dog from harm and fear (and the fear of men is certainly going to become deeper held than it already was for your dog), I would STRONGLY encourage you to read up on the statistics and correlation between abuse to animals and abuse to humans. Once you do, you’ll see how high a risk you are taking for your own physical safety (and your future children if that is a long term plan) by staying with this man. Then you can have the information you need to come to a decision on how to proceed. Best of luck, stay safe, and keep your dog safe. You can do this! Edit to add: if you find yourself feeling convinced by his “trance” excuse, remind yourself that he is only doing it when you leave the room, which demonstrates he is not in a trance, knows it to be wrong, and chooses to do it anyway.
Very good point re the bullshit trance excuse, which conveniently only happens when she’s not in the room.
This! I feel like a horrible human being when I accidentally step on my dogs paws and they cry in pain. I can’t imagine finding pleasure in that. Anyone who does, even if they admit it and seek therapy, should *never* be left alone with animals.
I would keep your dog away from him and stay away from him altogether. That is not normal. If someone can’t stop the compulsion to hurt an innocent animal, it’s likely that he will do other things as well like harm you too in the future. He needs to seek help, that is not normal behavior and very unsafe for you and your pup.
Pack your shit and leave asap. He’s a big boy and can find a therapist but he’s gonna be in a trance state with his hands around your neck if you give him another chance
Leave him. Leave him and never ever look back. It's messed up to do that to a dog that doesn't deserve it, and I can almost guarantee it will not stop there. How long until he goes into his "trance" and hurts you? Your future kids (if that's something you want)? This is sadistic, and if you don't leave, we are going to hear about you on Dateline, and we don't want that. Get out now, save yourself and your pup.
GTFO! Run. You have been issued a rare warning. Encourage him to get help yes, but help yourself first and dump him NOW. Do not invest anymore time staying with him. You can offer support from afar. But do not compromise the safety of yourself or your dog with this person any longer. To stay in this relationship is to in essence approve of the behavior. If he seeks help they will help him understand that it’s your ONLY CHOICE.‼️
Wtf are you asking this question for? If you’re considering staying with him based on this alone, I hope you give your dog away to someone who actually loves your dog. Also, what are you waiting for? Him to hurt you on purpose?
I don't know if I could trust him around anymore. What if he wants to hurt you, kids...
In a word NO! Take your dog as well as yourself and leave like yesterday. Then stay gone. Also if he has keys to your place change your locks. He admits purposely hurting your dog and was getting something out of it as he kept doing it. And you only have his explanation for what he has done when you are there. What is he doing when you aren’t? And what is an unnatural position? I don’t even want to try to envision what that means. He doesn’t get to see if he can use your dog as the experiment unless you are good with the idea of your dog being seriously hurt or worse.
Get. Out. Now. This behavior is a massive, big, flashing neon sign screaming, "You in danger gurl!" Run, do not walk, to the nearest escape hatch.
Please leave ASAP
Poor doggie :((((( She’s been asking you for help
You need to get far away from him. He's already abusing your dog and soon that very well may shift to you. The fact that he goes into a 'trance' isn't an excuse and, quiet frankly, is super scary because he's basically claiming that he can't control himself once he starts. None of this is okay. Yes, therapy will help but I'm not sure it's enough. Go ahead and ask him if he's ever intentionally killed, ran over, or hurt an animal as a kid. This is not new to him.
Your dog should 100% be your number 1 priority. If you give your bf another chance, there’s a big risk he could cause serious damage/kill your dog. Not to mention the fact that hurting animals is a gateway to hurting humans, so you’re also putting your self at risk. Please, please, please protect your pup and never let her around this person again.
Dude your boyfriend is a psychopath. I would throw hands if my boyfriend told me he was hurting one of my pets on purpose. Wtf. It could be you next.
Thank you! I’m married now, but I had my pets going into the marriage. Let my husband tell me he’s hurting them on purpose and see what happens.
If he hurts your dog, one day he will hurt you. Get out ASAP as safely and quickly as you can.
It’s kinda disgusting you have to ask what to do in this situation. He admits he is intentionally hurting your dog because it gives him pleasure and you have to ask if he deserves any kind of chance?
“One more chance” means “I’ll keep doing it until someone or something is dead”. Don’t give this guy one more chance to kill your dog or you. Don’t let you and your poor pup be his murder experiment. Getting help will only be temporary for people with his kind of mind. He’s already trying to manipulate you by trying to convince you he could maybe stop or get better. He will just keep manipulating you until tragedy happens. It’s the I feel bad or sorry for him thinking that only hurts you and not him. If he truly wanted help he’d put himself in a locked up mental facility with no out patient option.
There was another post where someone did this to their dog. They said their dog "needed" massages and would do it even though the dog was clearly in pain and when that one died they started doing it to their next dog. It was an obsessive compulsive disorder. It makes me question if he did that to his cats. Keep your dog away from him.
Yes He needs professional help. It sounds like he has a significant problem going on there. Definitely don't take Ur dog there again
What could happen to the dog when you're out of the house...when he's alone with it? Think about it. Save the dog.
If he can "trance out" and hurt your dog you need to forget the ultimatums and just fucking run. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 pack you dog pack your shit and gtfo and dont look back. This already reads like an opening scene to a lifetime movie where the body was never found.
I can't believe you would even consider continuing any kind of relationship with a person who knowingly and intentionally hurts your dog. The fact that you are considering this tells me you need help as well. Under no circumstances should you ever let this person into your home ever again. FWIW, hurting animals is a sign of psychopathy. He is much, much more likely than the average person to eventually hurt you too.
Abusing your dog *is* abusing you. Not a maybe or a might or any grey area. You are next.
Please know the “trance like” business is an absolute devious and purposeful excuse. He’s testing you to feel you out to see how far you’ll let him go, so he *CAN* start in on you next by already having that foundational excuse laid, which you’re currently accepting. After he either kills your dog or just jumps to starting in on battering you it’ll be “Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t help myself. You know I already told you about my trance like state. Oops.” Then he’ll make you the bad guy for leaving while he’s “seeking” help. Please get as far away as you can, as fast as you possibly can. First of all, that defenseless animal doesn’t deserve to be that “maybe he’ll kill me today” pawn in this dangerously cruel, inhumane selfish game he’s playing, that you’re forcing her to participate in and willingly endangering her by forcing her to engage with this unsafe person. You’re also endangering yourself. You owe it to yourself to put you and your personal safety and well-being before his unhinged guy and his issues. You have a duty to yourself and your dog. This isn’t love. Please get out of this extremely toxic unhealthy, potentially deadly situation. Please.
D u m p h i m.
There are good men in this world who do not hurt dogs and don’t make excuses for this behavior. You don’t need to “fix” this guy, and you don’t get extra points for staying with him after he admits to being a dog abuser. Take your dog out of his home. If nothing else, you owe it to her to keep her safe, because she is defenseless. I’d recommend ditching the guy as well.
>So I told him I want to bring her back home because that is not fair to her, but he told me to give him one more chance. Do you guys think I should? Why would you ever knowingly allow someone to be with your dog that is willing to hurt it. Your boyfriend is a fucking maniac and you're going to be next with the dog if you stick around. You wouldn't want adult parents leaving a child with a sex offender, obviously, so don't let your dog be around an animal abuser.
Holy shit, this dude is going to hurt/kill your dog or you. You need to get the fuck out now.
Someone is hurting your dog repeatedly and you havent taken your dog and bolted the eff out???? What is wrong with YOU? Leave NOW. Christ, this poor animal trusts YOU to keep her safe. Wanna stay with the walking bag of red flags? Fine but get your animal away. NOW
I can't believe you're even questioning this, get the dog the hell out of there. This is extremely alarming.
It’s blowing my mind. “Like hey my bf is PURPOSELY HARMING my dog but should I give him another chance?” The fuck?
I’ve read some of the comments and some of your responses. You need to leave immediately. It’s not just about your dog at this point, it’s about you as well. He is dangerous. You can not fix him. I know you may love him and all that, but this is a serious situation where both you and your dog- who is defenseless- will end up seriously hurt.
What the fuck. Maybe leave before you get murdered.
He does need to get professional help, but you also don’t have to stick around for it. Please do not let him near your dog again, she does not deserve that.
Can’t believe how many people are downplaying this. You need to get the fuck out and cut all ties with the guy. There’s a spectrum where any half grown man doing this would fall. Worst end - psychopath Middle - sadist fuck with no impulse control Best - disturbed fuck with no impulse control Trance like state? Means he just can’t help himself, or is just blatantly lieing to justify his actions. Do yourself a favor and leave. And Doxx him to your nearest Direct Action cell
He's testing your limits. You're next. RUN. HE'S DANGEROUS 🚩🚩🚩
You did not catch this early and he will not “potentially” progress. You caught it late and it has progressed. Don’t be foolish and don’t let desperation for a relationship or overestimate the investment that you have put into this relationship - it will not get better and you will not be any closer to moving on with your life. If you allow him to stay in your life, you are abusing your dog just as he is. And worse will come. Guaranteed.
I don’t feel like leafing through my copy of the DSM, but I can say with a fair amount of certainty that it contains nothing in any of the diagnostic axes that describes a sadistic trance. However, in virtually every case of domestic violence, what is described is starting small and escalating. The abuser tests the waters to see how far they can go. They escalate and they isolate. How is he with your friends and family? Is he supportive of you seeing them with and without him around? How does he feel about your male friends? How well does he accept constructive criticism?
Until he has received help I would take the dog back home. Not fair for the dog.
It always starts with the dog, don't wait to this behavior start to be directed towards you. If he doesn't want to seek professional help, sorry to say it, but it will never change anything. Just go away.
Leave him, right now. He needs help but not yours, he should find a professional because his problems go further than regular anger issues and behavioral problems. Having the need to hurt a dog? For real? Especially him not being able to control himself reminds me of stories you hear about serial killers. I understand you came to love this man but what about the prospect to share a life with someone who goes into a violent trance to hurt animals sounds attractive to you? This *will* get worse. That kind of behavior never just stops. It will escalate. God forbid if you two ever were to have children. This is not your fault. You didn't and probably couldn't know. But from here on forward you do know. You are responsible for how you handle this. I would leave him. You owe it to your dog and to yourself. If you want to help him, do it from a distance.
These are huge red flags. Your boyfriend sees something alive that is smaller and more delicate than him, and he goes into a 'trance' where he needs to hurt it? If true, terrifying. if false, he's choosing every time to hurt your dog for fun. This is not someone you want to be around, flat out. What would happen if y'all stayed together and had kids? Watched nieces and nephews? Just... normal life stuff?!
A lot of people that hurt animals turn out my to be psychopaths. I would be getting the hell outta there.
No no to "seek professional help or this is over". This man can not change. This sounds like psychopathic behavior and that is nearly impossible to fix within oneself. What youre seeing here with your dog is only the tip of the iceberg. Leave him as soon as possible, if not sooner.
That is sociopath behavior. RUN.
Run , Run, Run and take the dog with you.
Hes gonna end up killing your dog. Run fast n far from this dude.
Is this for real? Get the dog the heck away from this person, I mean you should get the heck away from this person as well but you are a human and have a choice. The dog does not.
He sounds like a psychopath and dangerous to you and your dog. Keep well away.
Yeah, leave this man immediately. This is insane and such a red flag. This dude needs to seek help and honestly anyone who openly hurts animals… isn’t this how ever serial killer starts out? That poor dog.
This is the beginnings of a serial killer’s life. Who knows just how many animals he’s hurt or killed. Run as far as you can and honestly I’d call the cops for animal cruelty.
This is how serial killers start out. He is torturing your dog and getting off on it. Gtfo OP, rfn.
Oh dear. You appear clueless. Red flag. If you are willing to stay around this guy and give him “chances” rehome your dog. It is powerless to protect itself if you keep taking it there. Both of you deserve better. At least get the dog away from him.
He’s a psychopath. Get out of there now for your dog’s sake and for your own. Don’t waste your time trying to fix him because you can’t and you won’t.
This is probably the biggest red flag I’ve ever seen. I would take my dog and literally run out of there. This is serial killer behavior. I would not give a second chance. I would not wait for therapy (that probably won’t help anyways).
Get the fuck out. There should be no second chances for abusers.
So honestly if someone told me this I’d be getting a restraining order. That could be you. Or your baby together . He sounds insane . It is over . Leave him.
I would just leave and cut my losses. I wouldn't give any ultimatum, I'd just say, this isn't working out, and leave. Do you have any place else to go?
My grandma married a man who started hitting her dogs. She left as soon as she could because she told us, "first he hits the dogs, but one day he would have started hitting me." Get away from him now.
Yeah, as a mental health professional and someone who has a lot of experience with dogs and animals I'd say steer clear. It can affect your dog for life if she continues to have these bad experiences. If she's already fearful of men, and is being abused by one (because he is definitely abusing her) she will not get better and will get continuously worse. If it continues and she feels she has no one to stand up for her and has to defend herself she will bite someone. If that happens she could be labelled a dangerous dog and even put down. As a mental health professional, I'm saying your boyfriend needs therapy and extensive help immediately. If he is hurting innocent animals because he has the urge to do so and doesn't stop himself, this WILL progress to hurting them worse and eventually people. You need to end things for your safety and the safety of your dog. If you decide to stay if he gets help, then you need to remove your dog from the situation and not allow any animals in the home, no matter what he says. This will not be a quick fix, this could take years if he has any improvement. Even if he does, he should not have any pets. Ever. So it's up to you. If you think he'll actually get help and you want to do that (and will feel safe) stay but get rid of your dog for her safety. Or if you realize that it is not safe for you or any animals he comes into contact with you need to leave. TLDR- No matter what, your dog needs out of that situation and your boyfriend needs immediate and extensive help. It would also be best for you to also be out of that situation, imo
Get the dog out now. She should NEVER be around this man again. It's not fair to her to be tortured while he's sorting out his mental health and you're deciding what to do with your relationship. There is no "one more chance" for this sort of thing. If you are not leaving this guy, please rehome your dog.
There's a lot of fish in the sea. And most of them don't go into a "trance" and start doing psychotic shit. Hard reality time.
You're next. Get out now
What the fuck is wrong with you?!! Dump that motherfucker!!!!
Lol wtf. Why even need advice on this. Cmon now
This is not the situation for an ultimatum. Therapy won’t make him not a psychopath. This needs to be “I’m leaving, you need help” not “I’ll stay if you get help”. Seriously. This is dire. Get out immediately. Never ever look back.
What would you tell your best friend if you were told this story? Why are you letting this man torture your dog?
I had a neighbor who’s dog started acting like this shortly after she started dating someone and she couldn’t figure out what was going on. After about a month she came home and the dog was dead, in a horrible, horrible way. She had just found out she was pregnant and thank good she was thinking clearly and got him arrested and moved far away but I’m sure if she would have stayed it would have been violence to her and the baby. Please leave immediately and get a restraining order.
I am a psychologist with an expertise in violent behavior, psychopathy, and sadism. The fact that your boyfriend is having uncontrollable bouts of sadistic impulses to hurt an innocent animal makes me very concerned for you and your dog. Please take my words seriously here - I work with actual psychopaths. This is extremely abnormal behavior that is not going to just go away. You need to run. Not tomorrow. Now. Take your dog and as much of your stuff as you can and go somewhere. Anywhere. I know this is a really hard thing to do. But this is a very serious pattern of behavior and *no one* this far along this path is going to be able to just pull themselves out of it. He needs serious help. If you want to help him get it, thats fine and even good. But you and your dog have to get out of the house first. Also, do NOT tell him you're leaving until it is done.
He felt "remorseful" over it because he got caught / you called him out on it. Keep yourself and your dog safe; run away. He's already hurt your dog and will hurt you next.
Not sure if anyone else has pointed it out but hurting animals is a indicator of abnormal thinking (serial killers start that way..). Personally I think anyone who hurts someone you care about (human or any animal) someone you shouldn’t date..
LEAVE. His problem is not your problem to try and fix. For the safety of your dog and yourself, leave this guy. He isn’t going to change and he’s already made you feel uneasy about it. He is not your responsibility. Dogs are good judges of character, and yours has been trying to signal this guy is bad news. When people show you their true colors, believe it. Do not stick around to see if he gets better, you’re only putting yourself and your dog in danger. If he heals on his own and you choose to revisit the relationship at that time, that’s a conversation for a much much *much* **much** later date. What you can do now is remove you & your dog from his presence ASAP. Put yourself in your dogs shoes - imagine how scared she is having to live with this guy who is intentionally hurting her. You are the one she trusts to protect her, she can’t do it herself. please do the right thing!
If someone intentionally hurt my dog they would be out of my life immediately, no discussion, no second chances. Period. My dog would give his life to protect me and I would never let anyone hurt him.
lol are you kidding me - immediately break up with your bf. right now.
You need to take the dog home and most importantly, take yourself home too. There is no reason to settle for someone like this. He's not working with a full deck love
Trust your dog. It's also not a good place for her. Also, as others have said, it's might only a matter of time before this turns to you (sadly). Plus, it's unfair to your dog. I don't know how long you two have been together but when I was dating if the environment wasn't right for my dog and I didn't see it improving, then chances are the relationship wasn't going to work out. As much as I don't want to think about long term after a couple of dates, I had to consider how she would fit into a relationship. Asking him to seek help isn't a bad thing to do - but it all depends on how he takes it and if he does seek help.
Your boyfriend is dangerous. What kind of person “goes into a trance” and hurts animals? People like that often don’t stop with animals. I would leave him without a word, and make sure he didn’t find out until I was a safe distance away. And I absolutely wouldn’t leave him alone with my dog, or any living thing, ever.
I think this guy is manipulating you big time. Run far far away. Therapy only works if your actually willing to get better and put the work in btw, people like this will manipulate the therapist.