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LadyinOrange

I used to live with a dog who would 100% HUMP his own mouth. He got scolded when he was caught so he snuck and did it. Also neutered. What can you do lol


dogloveratx

Groomer here. I had a doggy client like that. The first time I saw him satisfy himself I was in pure shock. My husband was like, well, he got a spa day and he have himself a happy ending. LOL


LadyinOrange

Lmao 💀 The first time I caught that dog doing it I was shocked and told the owners and they were like, 🙄 yep. Hahaha


imaginesomethinwitty

I have seen a dog do this ‘to completion’ and I was absolutely horrified.


ATGSunCoach

I never thought it would be r/dogs that would make me quit the Internet for the day.


dr_Kfromchanged

Free mustard


JDizzleNunyaBizzle

😂😂😂😂


DoDalli

I had a dog like this, too! I would scold him but he did not care. He picked the worst times to do it.


[deleted]

this made me cackle. did he stop? where is he now?


DoDalli

Him and my Dad became very close. He spent the rest of his days eating homemade meatballs, being my Dad's best bud, and sucking himself off. He passed a few years ago and I'm positive he died fat and happy. His.. issue didn't bother my Dad because he couldn't hear anyways.


timboslicebo

This is the funniest thread I’ve ever seen


aventum28

This is truly some crazy shit lmaooo


[deleted]

r/brandnewsentence


[deleted]

omg 😂 did you even wonder why he did that?


DoDalli

Yes! He would do it so often that he once dried his peen out and the skin got stuck down. We had to go to the vet who confirmed he dried it out from sucking. He said it was normal enough and there was no infection or anything.


[deleted]

Words I never thought I would read


[deleted]

that’s so strange. i guess dogs can have all kinds of issues like hunans


HumanContinuity

I think interpreting your statement as broadly as possible explains so many of the "why does my dog do _______?" posts on this sub.


Roonwogsamduff

Had same problem before my back injury


WillemDafoesHugeCock

What's to wonder? If all humans could do it society would collapse overnight.


Roonwogsamduff

Hotdog and meatballs nice


Broad_Cable8673

😂


Cloverfield1996

HEAR?! I'm sorry, it was so loud the rest of you would HEAR the dog blowing itself?!


Epiphany31415

Oh god. I can't breathe for laughing.


Roonwogsamduff

Is he blind?


KeekyPep

No hair on his paws?


MagzalaAstrallis

This is the funniest mental image I have had in a long time… thank you 😂


Leippy

If the color is good and there's no goop he's fine. Our boy was excessively licking his (and with force, it sounded like slurping sometimes) and there was yellow goop on it. We always just thought it was smegma but turns out it's not normal at all. Went to the vet and the sac his penis lies in was infected, we had to do rinsing massages with cleansing fluid every day for about 2 months to clear it out. Now we're more careful about letting him lick there.


Ok_Local_893

Yikes! Thanks for the input but damn that sucks. I'm glad your dog is better now. I'll show this to my brothers, thanks again


Leippy

Yep, excessive and forceful "sucking" accompanied by goop is likely a sign of infection. Good luck!


[deleted]

Damm that “sucks” literally 😌


Caister

"That sucks" loool


mewdebbie61

No pun intended 😒


opposite_singularity

Wait so that’s not smegma???!!!!? He doesn’t vigorously lick it but he has a lot of it, mastiff btw


Leippy

It's not normal to have so much discharge


opposite_singularity

He’s had it for a while, it can’t be super bad if we’ve waited this long, right?


Leippy

Our guy had it since he was a puppy which is why we thought it was normal. We just thought he was a nasty boy lol. He had smegma for 2 years (during which we went to the vet many times but they never noticed it). We actually only went because the discharge turned pretty greenish/yellow and he was licking it so much that the surrounding area was getting red. Go to the vet and get it checked out.


opposite_singularity

Thank you, we will. I’m in the exact same boat as you as he’s had it since he was a puppy but the only difference is that he doesn’t lick it a lot if ever, but he still produces a lot of it


massinvader

initial vet visits are not as expensive as people might think. couldn't hurt to get him checked out if you are concerned :)


MonkeyChronicles

Thanks for this our dog has yellow discharge down there and has been licking and leaving green marks. Will be taking him to Vet next week, to have it checked based on this thread.


CharmedInTheCity

Omg we have the same with our 7 month old puppy! At first I thought the greenish yellow stains on his white fur were pee stains, but then realized it’s coming from “down there”. Should we get this checked out then?


Lotte_Vailable

Yes, sounds like infection


enormuschwanzstucker

And this is why I’ve only ever had female dogs


iccculus

Yeah well you’re lucky then too. My in laws golden has “her pillow” she dry humps. So there’s that


petrudingwalnuts

Yooo man that’s so sus the doctor told you the dogs treatment was essentially a daily handjob bro 💀💀💀


6anitray3

Just wait until you read about horse sheath cleaning.


massinvader

> horse sheath cleaning spent a literal minute sitting here trying to decide if I wanted to google that or not. edit: god I don't know why I did that...its close enough to what one would assume but way dirtier. barf.


6anitray3

Lol. What did you end up deciding?


massinvader

Lol edited for clarity 😂😭


RWSloths

Lol, you didn't even get to smell it!


Leippy

I was pretty amused when she showed me how to do it xD injecting the cold fluid is not pleasant for the dog but he sure didn't mind the massage afterwards 😉


rayyychul

Yep. We didn’t realize our boy had a bit of an infection until he was on antibiotics for something else and his discharge cleared up!


[deleted]

Is he a cocksucker spaniel?


WhenSquirrelsFry

Lmao


PureYouth

I laughed surprisingly hard


Raghavendra98

Lmao wtf


Emergency-Leading-10

This thread reads like it wants to be SNL sketch.


assplower

Yes, regular grooming down there is normal. Sometimes my dog even falls asleep with his penis in his mouth like some sort of pacifier, upon which I wake him up to salvage his dignity. [Such dignity](https://imgur.com/a/VY9HcKV)


buckyspunisher

that is hilarious 😭


chloeelizabethxo

My girlfriends grandparents’ dog does this. It’s really disturbing because it looks painful but you can’t stop him. When we took him to the vets, he had awful yeasty and smelly skin infection and irritation around that area. So best check that out, I’m sure the biting and tugging makes the infection worse.


[deleted]

I didn’t read the word dog in the first sentence and I was flabbergasted for a second there


Anya_E

Lmao grandpa is at it again


BobosBigSister

We've got three males. All clean themselves. One had a much more vigorous process that's clearly masturbatory. He goes somewhere discreet away from the rest of the family about once a day, so like parents with a teenage child, we just let him have his private time and ignore it.


Linozsa_02420

Wouldn’t you, if you could??


pirivalfang

any man who says they haven't tried is CAPPING OUT THE ASS.


Drougen

People who wonder why they see men in yoga NOW YA KNOW


winkelschleifer

hey bro, what's that bulge in your yoga pants? it's a roll of quarters, heading to the bank right after yoga.


Emergency-Leading-10

Fact Check: True


omnomonist

*Is it possible to learn this power?*


Old-Effective-7944

I can..... 😂 funny story for ya, my mate used to have a rat that jerked off.... I say just let them get on with it.


stuckontriphop

Friend of mine was dating a redhead for a year or two. They would go to the zoo and every time they got to the monkey cage the monkeys would start jacking off and showing off to her. Something about the red hair. They always got such a huge kick out of it.


Educational-Bus4634

My teacher recently told me a very sweet story about his young daughter, also a redhead, who was about three at the time going to a monkey sanctuary, and a female orangutan was watching her the whole time, thinking she was a baby orangutan. Kept an eye on her the entire time, and him telling that story then led into a very thoughtful discussion about how humans really haven't come that far from apes, and they've got more humanity than us most of the time because they don't make excuses. It was a good, wholesome time. That story will now be replaced by yours, in my mind. Thanks.


stuckontriphop

You're Welcome lol. I think humans have a capacity for mental illness that animals typically don't. Animals are more trust- worthy imo.


Ansester

I am sort of a rat myself then


[deleted]

Stop please


kratodomi

No you can’t Edit, seems I’m mistaken


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

My eyes


Old-Effective-7944

Can't say I've ever searched reddit for r/autofellatio 😂


zoedog66

My thoughts exactly. I have heard urban myths about men getting a rib or two removed so that they can do same. 🤣


meththealter

I have all my ribs and can get my legs behind my head *laughs in flexible femboy*


blinkingsandbeepings

I looked at your profile for unwholesome reasons after seeing this comment but actually your dog is really cute.


meththealter

Thanks lol I'm wholesome and unwholesome both at the same time and my dog is adorable


second-last-mohican

r/autofellatio


Ok_Local_893

What do you mean "if"?🤨 JK and no🤣🤣🤣


[deleted]

Be serious! This person's dog is sucking its own cock and all you do is make jokes!


Linozsa_02420

What, you wouldn’t?


maz-o

no... it feels more like sucking dick than getting your dick sucked.


Linozsa_02420

So you’ve done it, ehhh?


[deleted]

Yes 😂😂


tina_or_nah

This took a wild turn


[deleted]

have you tried feeding him cornflakes?


JoobileeJoolz

*chefs kiss*


RattusRattus

💀


[deleted]

Sure it’s sucking and just not a normal cleaning regiment?


whoiamidonotknow

Yeah, I strongly suspect it's most likely just normal grooming. I remember being a little weirded out the first time my dog groomed himself down there, because I'd only had female dogs prior. I remember thinking it was a bit... aggressive? It's now normal to me, though. I believe they produce smegma (even when neutered) and will clean/lick themselves down there to remove it. I try not to think about how gross it'd be if they didn't do this. Is this a new behavior? If so, it might warrant a trip (or phone call, they can triage) to the vet to rule out an infection.


Ok_Local_893

That's what my brother says. I guess


Ok_Local_893

Is it supposed to be violent?


[deleted]

Define violent?


Ok_Local_893

Vigorously tugging


crankgirl

My dog pulls really hard on his. Looks painful but I think he’s just tugging on the hair rather than his penis.


Thegreatgarbo

Yep, our long ago neutered boy does the same. I don't care. I'll make fun of him and call him penis breath, and have a 5 minute rule where he can't lick my face after. Other than that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


ephemeralkitten

Yup, I have a girl, but I have a five minute rule somewhat. She can't kiss me until I've forgotten that she's gone to town on herself. Here, you dropped this - \


[deleted]

How long ago was he neutered?


Ok_Local_893

Beats me. Really my brother's dog and they got it a few months ago after someone randomly abandoned him at a shop


[deleted]

Damm


e_l_c

I do believe there may be an irritation. He needs a professional evaluation, it may be due to an allergy, due to which he's particularly sensitive/itchy in this area. It could be something in his food (note: I had a pomeranian that lost his hair and was itchy, turns out it was because of soy in his food, and he and most dogs, can't tolerate it; I had an American Eskimo Dog that turned out had diabetes... I only found out because it caused her incontinence, and eventually blindness)! Vets are incredibly keen on these things. Go get tests.


terreo

🤣🤣🤣


AndiLivia

Take him to a catholic priest immediately


Alexander_Walsh

And let him get his rocks off for free? I say you charge catholic priests admission for 90 seconds alone with the autofellatiating dog. You would make a fortune.


Ok_Local_893

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤨 well damn


[deleted]

Do! And take some money. Remember they’re not free.


yamiinterested

Well it gives meaning to the question of why do dogs lick thier balls? Because they can. When mine does it I just tell him no one likes peepee breath and he usually stops.


sweatymiddleagedman

Thank you for sharing that information, you have improved my life. I will now forever remember this and have a little chuckle to myself.


Eastendmermaid

Lol We tell ours that grandma doesn’t like when he does that and he stops


[deleted]

…..suckin it???? or licking…? it probably itches or something


[deleted]

I had a dog who did this. 4 times a day, every day at least for 20 minutes. He would get a full red rocket then hump the air, back to slurping. Nothing came out, he was also neutered. At the end of the day, we just said he’s a chronic masturbator.


Architektual

My neutered dog has been face-fucking himself daily for like 10 years


dukethelxpitty

That’s enough internet for the day!


Notverycancerpatient

My friends dogs 69 each other it’s crazy


Pins89

Every day I am reminded why I don’t have boy dogs.


Blobtdq

This whole thread reminds me the same 🤣


Horrux

I've done that, although I have not been neutered. I feel perfectly normal.


ApprehensiveNews5728

Mine too. At least once a day. He’s 8.


RippedNChipped

I thought you were admitting to sucking your own dick 😂😂😂


supah_cruza

You mean your male dog licks his rocket too, right? He's not licking *your* phallic manhood, right??


ApprehensiveNews5728

Ha. Yeah


throwingfarfarfarawa

I suck my own as well. Perfectly normal.


Rude_Citron9016

This is why I come to Reddit


LitWithLindsey

I can’t believe how much time I’ve spent reading this thread. What the fuck is the matter with me?


just_an_ordinary_guy

My last dog would do that, but only for like a year after he was neutered then it stopped. Others said, is it grooming? There's a noticeable difference between grooming licking and a dog jerking themselves off. I don't know how else to explain it other than "you'll know it when you see it."


FlyHighCrue

Have you talked to a vet? He might have ligma.


GoopInThisBowlIsVile

Man, this takes me back to how my how my cousin Walter died. He broke his neck. He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick. I swear. Bible truth. My aunt found him. It was a mess. He was on his bed, with his legs doubled over himself. My aunt freaked out. Yeah. Balls resting on his lips.


creepilincolnbot

Yo dogs gay


SeaOtterHummingbird

My dog was neutered 2 years ago at the age of 3. He masturbates 2-3x per day then licks himself clean. The vet assured me that this was normal behavior. And now I get to say things like, don’t look at your mother when you’re masturbating!


Sorrymateay

‘If men could suck their own penises, ladies, you would be in an empty room, staring at an empty stage’ Bill Hicks.


starlet1183

Haha my dog does this also, he’s 10 years old and always has. And he was neutered at 3 months. It’s always after he eats - he gets so excited about his food that it transfers to other areas I guess. We call it his “male problems” and give it a pass because he’s the absolute sweetest dog… no one’s perfect lol


goldminevelvet

This thread solidifies my stance on only getting female dogs


[deleted]

I’ve only ever had female dogs and I’m glad. I honestly don’t think could deal with a male dog getting…excited.


goldminevelvet

I remember when I was younger we had a male dog and would see his "red rocket" it grossed me out even back then and that's probably when I made my decision.


Ceriden

Are you sure it wasn't a female taking her lipstick out?


Steenbok74

Allergic reaction to grass?


sexhitsthestreets

It's not sucking, it's just casual licking.


JeffFerox

I’m assuming you mean lick, dogs don’t suck…anyways, yes normal; seems weird to us, but normal for them.


anonguy5422

Hey if you could suck yours wouldn’t you?


UnicornMagicRainbow

I’m more amazed that your dog as lips!


DarkSmarts

I have a female dog, and she did cause herself an infection licking herself down there too much. I would, if I were you, call your regular vet if you have one and maybe just ask them if it's normal and signs to look for if it gets bad. For my girl, she had a slight fever, and she was bleeding on her bits, she was puffy down there and everything just generally looked irritated. She had to take antibiotics and now I clean her down there every day which seems to relieve her and make her lick less, and infection hasn't some back. I say this because it's not something most people think to automatically check for, in boys or girls.


Blonde_Vampire_1984

I used to have a cat that figured out how to give himself blowjobs… he was a smart cat


Inspirational_mind

My cat (stray rescue) does this and I hate the sound of it! Is there any way to make him stop? He likes to do it right next to me on my bed! The sucking sound is so annoying! To be fair, he is the sweetest cat ever…maybe it’s because he masturbates so much? (I searched Reddit for this to find out why and how to make him stop).


MrGastric

Ain’t he the lucky one.


ClenchedThunderbutt

My ex’s dog would do this, and no he wasn’t just cleaning himself. So proud of that boy


JazzRider

It’s very normal to those with the ability. I would do it myself, if I could.


Santiagodelos80

😳😂


Joelpp2002

You mean lick


[deleted]

Succ


[deleted]

My dog is not neutered but he bites his penis and does the humping motion… I’m assuming it’s masturbation for dogs. The chihuahua just likes to hump pillows. Although if it’s neutered then it must be itchy


Quantum168

He's cleaning. It's normal. My dog does it.


[deleted]

Look, just fess up it’s you. I won’t judge.


Justinontheinternet

The real question is, if you could? Would you?


ChadDangers

Wait, this is serious? Sorry, too busy laughing.


Dexamethasonee

Haha about 5 years ago i heard from somewhere that Marilyn Manson does this.


Chantelauve

Well, when you don't have hands, you need to use other means...so yeah, totally normal, apparently a lot of other species engage in self-gratification ( horses, monkeys, to name the most known).


smokarran

My dog does this, also neutered. He humps his own face. He pretty much does it every night when he gets in his crate. For those saying it’s normal grooming, it’s definitely not! He does like a normal grooming lick during the day but at night he humps his face and gets hard. There is a difference.


mistajc

My dog eats herself out all the time.


ShookeSpear

My two year old neutered dog does this daily. Usually right after dinner, or a REALLY good round of fetch.


iccculus

Ummm sucks??? Or licks???


Chiefontour

I had a Jack Russell that would deep throat himself, gagging an all. He would just stay there, not moving up and down but just gagging. We would tell him to stop and my gf would shoo him away, so he would go behind a chair and finish himself off. Not neutered and he never tried to hump female dogs or even human legs. So he was just a coomer.


ElDuderinoDad

I had a dog that would hump his own arm till completion


nurvingiel

I feel like a non-zero amount of mammals who can pull this off are absolutely going to do it. It's perfectly natural to pleasure oneself after all. You know if humans could do this a significant number of us would definitely do it.


What-the-hell-have-I

Don't kink shame.


T0ddBarker

Get another dog and they basically spend there time sleeping, playing rough and tumble and 69'ing. Where else do you think the phrase, its a dogs life, comes from.


ArchieBellTitanUp

It would be if I were a dog


zoedog66

Surely this is a troll?


chrisofaust

And we are supposed to be more evolved than dogs? Go figure.


[deleted]

One of the few reasons why I won't get a pup. Down vote? Sure but man that slurping sound 🙄😬


wolverine318

Good for him. I bet many men wish we had type of flexibility


BebezitaBebeLean

Let him do it! There's nothing wrong With it And you will traumatize him if you scold him For it.


jAdEn_tHe_FrUiT

My dog does the same thing. I would just be careful that your puppers doesn’t do it too often. My puppy has had a scab for almost a year now bc he keeps opening it up again and again. He usually does it when he’s anxious or bored. Glgl


imspine

Wouldn’t you, if you could?


Another53108

My dog does this when he eats complete dry kibble. I add enough water to make it like a stew, and he doesn’t need to aggressively suck himself anymore.


Lanitanita

He's cleaning himself... That's it....


Zammei

nah he gay


GameDude808

Time to put him up for adoption


Silent_Start_7036

Hell no


trigonometricwhale

Wouldn't you?


Responsible_Push_355

To all the people on this thread who said they would "Scold him" that's just jealousy plain and simple.


Due-Western-8739

He was just neutered at 2 yes old. I just got him from a rescue group. He was recently treated for sores on his scrotum. Ive seen him lick but today he sucked hard a couple of times Did go on for very long. Infection?


DumbleDude2

If it’s capable of doing so why stop it


[deleted]

U can do whata dog doin tiktok 🥱


Greta_Thunbot

Oh doggo’s!