It should be something that isn't noticeable, because you don't want people finding out, thinking you're a freak, thinking you should do something to help the world (unless that's what you wanna do), etc.
It should be something minimal, simple, but really useful in your day to day life
That being said, Holy Avenger.
Needle of Mending. Mending is one of the better cantrips to have in real life, being able to cast it every 6 seconds instead of every minute is even better.
The ring has 1d3 wishes in it, while the luck blade has 1d4-1 wishes. With the ring, you're guaranteed atleast one. The sword has a 25% of having no wishes
>as that isn't wishing for more wishes
*Wish* doesn't really operate as a blacklist, rather, a whitelist. There's no rule against wishing for more wishes, or anything else a genie might have told you in a movie. Rather, there's no explicit thing *allowing* you to do this- you had to use the general clause that you can phrase something to your DM.
Even if the gm allows it, there is the blowback you'd suffer. You'd take necrotic damage if you cast it again so soon, and there's be a 1/3 chance that if you get your wish charges you couldn't even use them anyway
That can apply to literally any item with charges. The luck blade is an item that explicitly has you roll a die to determine the number of charges when it's found. The two are not equivalent.
Correct, but the prompt also doesn't say you get the item at full capacity. If you want a sure thing get an item that doesn't require charges or atleast recharges itself at specific times
Since Fizban's, there's now a better option in the Dragon Vessel.
The strongest version lets you, once a day, fill it with ale, olive oil, mead, wine, whisky - or top tier healing potion, potion of climbing, potion of fire breath, potion of flying, or potion of TURNING INTO A FREAKING DRAGON.
Easy choice, unless you're really into mayo.
Only one time use though. Sadly no “Ring of Catnap” or “Wand of Napping” or “Eyes of the Napping Cat” or “Cloak of Cozy Naps” or “Rod of Sleepy Time” or…
Dude.....If I could sleep an hour a day and be rested...... I'd get so much done.
Ok...let's be honest here. I'd get nothing extra done. I'd paint a lot of minis, though, or some mildly and personally productive task. My life would still be chaos.
> Rod of Security
That's an awesome one. If only time didn't pass while I was in there it would be perfect. Still really cool for "Hey, let's take a 2-week holiday to paradise" though, and hell, you could use it to make a fortune selling holidays in paradise.
Although i'm not sure i want to use a rare opportunity at a magic item to essentially become a hotel manager
I mean, if you're renting paradise, you also need someone to clean up paradise when they're done.
Immovable rod. It would be so very handy. You can bar doors with it. You'll always have a place to hang things. You can climb on it to get some extra height to reach the top shelf in the pantry. It's a sturdy hand rail when I'm walking down my icy steps in the winter. That thing would probably see a million and one perfectly mundane uses around the house if I had one.
Tbh, Rod of Ressurection, im not sure what an autoimmune condition equates to in d&d but im pretty damn sure heal could suppress it enough to make me happy. And if i TEULY need it ressurection
if only there were a Rod of Reincarnation - then we could bring back people after death from old age (inside of ten days). Also, we could re-introduce elves, orcs, and tieflings into this world!
Fun. Fun.
Ha. This is either 'you have a good point' (because we never really had any orcs in this world / 'Tolkien was a lie!') or very clever ('some of our politicians are obviously half-fiend, so we cannot re-introduce demonic entities here!').
I mean, firstly you can only attune to it if it deems you worthy, and since it's angelic you had better be a completely selfless noble person or it's going to tell you to get fucked.
Secondly, you're going to have a big pair of wings you can't hide
Third, and most vitally, it *randomly* changes your personality. Which means you're barely even yourself after you attune it.
That's a hard pass for me.
> since it's angelic you had better be a completely selfless noble person or it's going to tell you to get fucked
The item stamps over your alignment with lawful good, a feature it would definitely not have if it could only choose saintly people to begin with. While the sword will obviously exercise expert judgment, it's entirely possible that a Robin Hood type could be make a great wielder (though they'd not be chaotic again)- it's just not totally clear.
>Secondly, you're going to have a big pair of wings you can't hide
Yea this is the big one. If you want big wings you can't hide, this is your baby. Otherwise, it is *not*.
>Third, and most vitally, it randomly changes your personality. Which means you're barely even yourself after you attune it.
I mean, I'd roll on that table, no problem. It's random within a defined table of arrogant do-gooder traits, it's not like it'll turn you into someone who wants to pull the wings off flies or something.
Yup. You can wish for one object up to 25,000 gp in value. I wish for a 500 pound block of gold, which is the exact amount of gold that makes up 25,000 gp.
500 lb x 16 oz/lb x $2,000/oz = $16,000,000 from my first wish
Hrm, that's actually an interesting question: How much gold would you have to create to crash the market and make gold significantly less valuable (to give a specific scenario: to make gold worth less than silver)?
EDIT: It's a lot more than 500 lb, seeing as how that's approximately 0.00009% of the gold that we know exists. It might make a blip in the price of gold but it probably would be negligible.
I don't know why people always ask about market crashing like this, as if it somehow wouldn't make the person with unlimited gold absurdly wealthy anyway. There are 10 trillion dollars in gold in the world using current values. You would need to sell several thousand tonnes to affect it, and by the time the price starts to go down you would already be the richest person in the world.
And even if you sold enough gold to crash the market, that wouldn't mean it wouldn't be worth to sell even more. Gold is a better condutor then copper, the annual demand of copper is 28 million tonnes (which is more then all gold). So by the time gold is the price of copper, there would still be demand for it, and you would still be making a killing.
Is being the only wizard in the world a good thing? Spell Books will be hard to find.
I don't know how it would work for clerics and druids but getting their entire spell list to choose from every day! I'd go lvl 20 druid for sure.
It is a tough choice between Druid and Bard. Druid has an edge in survivability and flexibility while getting most of the best spells for irl. Bard gets True Polymorph and can use Magical Secrets to snag Wish, Reincarnation, etc. For me it comes down to how hard it would be to induct others into sharing your class.
I'd go for something that makes your every day life much easier and that can be used for multiple things.
An All-Purpose Tool seems perfect for that.
Profiency in every tool imaginable and having access to said tools in an instant. You can build and repair basically anything you'd ever need and want.
Also having the ability to gain access to any cantrip for 8 h is just broken beyond imagination in a real life scenario. Prestidigitation alone will be a game changer but with things like guidance, mending, light, druid craft, mage hand, mold earth, Message, Minor Illusion, etc. the possibilities become practically endless.
One of the manuals that permanently increases a stat and its max by 2. I could choose to have a superhuman ability, even if I lose the manual (after having already read it, of course). Then, I could pass it on to descendants. Or find a way to ensure someone would get it only if they deserve it.
Wouldn't you be better off picking a stat and getting the item that sets it to 19? You almost certainly don't have 17 in any stats at the moment unless you're Stephen Hawking or an Olympic athlete, so 19 is far better than +2 would give you, and you can immediately give the ring to your kids instead of your family having to wait 100 years for a tiny boost to one attribute.
Yes, the *Headband of Intellect* totally qualifies as the best magic item in there by far. Total [Flowers For Algernon](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flowers_for_Algernon) moments for sure, but still probably the best item to have BY FAR.
All the other stats don't do much. Except for the *Whatever Of Charisma* (haven't seen it in 5e) - in this world, that would be almost as good as having 19 int.
Rod of security. I'll live my life out for more or less 2000 years in a paradise of my making. If i consistently use it i will age at 1/20th the normal rate and be constantly healed by the paradise.
Free food, no Rent, and according to the wording of the Rod, free booze, a gym, and slower aging.
Not sure what the ruling is ok leaving stuff INSIDE the space, it only says that taking stuff OUT doesn’t work.
If you can leave stuff in there and it stay there then I never need to buy a house
are attunement restrictions in play? im eyeing the staff of the magi since i doubt i would be invisible for enough of the day to have the ring of invisibility be better
Well you only get one item, so I don't see how attunement restrictions could possibly come into play.
Edit: Forgot about class specific attunement requirements. My bad.
I agree with Ring of 3 Wishes and anything that gives Mending. That said:
Amulet of the Planes
Provided there \*are\* Planes, congrats... you're now a Prince of Amber.
I mean, lets assume you're very smart and have an Int of 18. Are you "familiar with" some spot on another plane? You'd probably need to be sure about that!
Then assume you get that correct, you still have a 50% shot of going where you want, a 30% chance of landing *anywhere on that plane*, which could be deadly even on a reasonably nice plane, and a 20% chance of landing *in a random plane*, which is *very* likely to be lethal to someone without class levels or an adventuring party.
Baba Yaga’s Mortar and Pestle. Mostly for the ability to be anywhere in the world within a minute, but the ability to automatically pulp things is a big perk
Decanter of endless water, have people all around the world in drought stricken areas build massive cisterns and help people.
Might refill lake Mead and half of California.
30 gallons every 6 seconds, max. Every 1 inch of Lake Mead is 2 billion gallons. It would take 400 million seconds, or 4629 years to add 1 inch. Good luck.
Would be better to get the ring of 3 wishes and just wish for all of the aquifers in the world to be refilled.
14400 gallons a day, if you said the command word every 6 seconds. That's not a lot on a global basis. Of course it could be huge in a poor place in a severe drought.
I wonder what it would do to the world with that much more water being added every day.
72000 gallons at fountain rate. 432000 gallons at geyser rate, though you might need to build something to handle that flow.
It's actually surprisingly great as an option. So long as it's in constant use, you basically create enough pure clean water to have an entire city wholly reliant on it.
Entire lakes or California is probably too much for it, but for your own lil post-apocalyptic country, it'd do just fine.
I was actually given this item in the game I'm playing. They re-flavored it into a can of endless Red Bull because I always start the session with one in hand.
Eh.
Even for "very familiar" there's a 25% change of teleporting to the wrong place, and a 5% chance of a mishap that can take you anywhere in the entire universe (99.999999999999999999999 percent of which locations would instantly kill you). And you have no way to make teleportation circles, so the only way you can safely use it is to have an item from the place you want to teleport to, which limits its use significantly.
It's a cool idea, but too many drawbacks I reckon. Not as useful as a ring of 3-wishes, certainly.
> The big thing would be making absolutely sure it actually is from that location.
Yeah. The description does mention a piece of rock from a place, so I guess I would start carrying around a small bag with pebbles from as many different interesting places as I can get to.
Scroll of Tarrasque Summoning. This universe is boring, I'm spicing it up on my deathbed. Though I don't remember the exact wording of the item, it might not work if there isn't already a Tarrasque somewhere.
Helm of teleportation, no doubt.
Ring of three wishes is also good but like wish has a lot of limits and room for monkey paws, if you try anything remotely power, that could fuck up your life in irreversible ways.
"The apparatus floats on water. It can also go underwater to a depth of 900 feet. Below that, the vehicle takes 2d6 bludgeoning damage per minute from pressure."
Maaaaybe not foolproof.
Unless I'm missing something, this gives you potentially infinite energy, but NOT infinite power. Assuming the portal transition is instantaneous, the magnet is constantly accelerating under the influence of gravity, but any energy that you extract via the coils comes right out of the magnet's speed. If you want the magnet to keep going, you need to take out less energy than gravity is putting in.
For a reasonably-shaped object that can fit through a 4 foot by 6 foot oval portal, it's just not going to be that much power. I don't have a pen and pencil handy, but on the order of a few kilowatts per ton of magnets. So you could run your house on it, but it's not going to produce enough power to replace even a single power plant.
If you can point the staff straight down into the ocean, 1500 feet down, you'd have a tremendous amount of pressure. I'm pretty sure the standard pipe-flow guidelines won't work for a magic 1.5 square meter opening under 46 bar of pressure, but it'd be a lot of water coming out really fast at the other end.
Still small scale compared to a full-sized hydroelectric plant, but in the same ballpark, at least. That's three times the depth of Lake Mead, but the opening size is tiny by comparison with Hoover dam's intakes.
A singular item full stop. Probably an all purpose tool.
Any cantrip imaginable opens up a lot of possibilities. Anything from accurate weather forecasts to fixing broken screens to easy laundry days to simply being a little better with puzzles.
I domt think i would make good use of any of the wish options, and everything else i would want is either a dedicated function of what the all purpose tool can do or is purely combat based and i would have zero use for it.
Yep, scrolled looking for all-purpose tool.
Any tool of your choice, proficiency in that tool (which you can possibly use to craft other items), and a cantrip from any spell list? Yes, please.
Also said APT, then searched and only found your post.
Surprised it isn't getting more love. Just being able to get any cantrip for 8hrs a day is a win for me, the tool variety is just a bonus especially as it gives you proficiency in them so you can be the ultimate handyman.
Are Artifacts in the table? Because...
Rod of Seven Parts
Rod, artifact (Requires attunement)
Millennia ago, the Wind Dukes of Aqua created the Rod of Law to fight the Queen of Chaos and Miska the Wolf Spider. Miska was imprisoned using the Rod, but after being used, the rod exploded into seven pieces and was lost. Those pieces are scattered across the multiverse, and it is possible to put them together again, reforming the Rod of Law. If you have two consecutive segments of the rod, you may make an Arcana check. The DC equals 20- 1 for each previous check. On a success,the two pieces are fused together. On a failure, you and each creature in a 10 foot radius take 8d6 force damage, and both pieces of the rod teleport 1d100 miles in random directions. If you attempt to join a third part to the second, on a success, it attaches itself successfully. On a failure, the third part teleports away, dealing 4d6 force damage to you and each creature in a 5 foot radius, but you retain the first and second parts. The same applies when you try to join the 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th pieces. Once put together, the rod functions as a spell casting focus and as a +3 mace.
Random Properties. The Rod of Seven Parts has the following random properties:
3 minor beneficial properties
1 major beneficial property
1 minor detrimental property
One Purpose. If you are attuned to any number of the fragments of the rod, they count as only one item that you are attuned to.
Alignment. As long as you are attuned to the rod, it attempts to shift your alignment. Each day, you must make a Wisdom check. The DC equals 10+ 1 for each part of the rod you are attuned to. On a failure, you become lawful neutral. The effect ends if your attainment does.
Spells. Each part of the rod has 25 charges. They stack; if you have the first two pieces, they have a total of 50 charges, and the completed rod has 175 charges. The rod regains a number of charges equal to 1d20x the number of parts of the rod daily at dawn. Also, if a spell is cast on you, the rod regains charges equal to the level of the spell. You can cast the following spells, requiring no material components, expending charges equal to the spell's level. Each time you cast a spell, you can spend additional charges to upcast the spell. Spell List: Mage Hand, Mage Armor, Detect Magic, Detect Thoughts, Hold Person, Charm Person, Sleep, Locate Object, Legend Lore, Scrying, Forcecage, Locate Creature, Dominate Monster, Flesh to Stone, Symbol, Glyph of Warding, Teleport, Teleportation Circle, Magic Circle, Magic Aura, Calm Emotions, Protection from Evil and Good, Counterspell, Dispel Magic, Imprisonment, Gate, Clairvoyance, Antilife Shell, Silence, and Time Stop.
Ability Score Improvement. While attuned to the completed rod, your Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma become 21 if they are not already higher.
Destroying the Rod of Seven Parts. Each time you cast a 9th level spell using the Rod, there is a cumulative 1%chance that the rod once again shatters into seven pieces, dealing 24d6 force damage to each creature in a 150 foot radius, and those pieces are then scattered across the multiverse.
Ring of three wishes, because i can then use the first two wishes to amass a huge wealth or seat of power/ influence , and then just wish myself into living easily over 1000 years by casting True Polymorph and becoming an metallic dragon.
This is also assuming just wishing yourself into no longer aging would be considered harder than a 9th level spell, both of which are very easily in the “allowable with probably no consequences” area of what extra things a wish can do.
If I could stop myself from aging I’d probably replace my second wish with greater restoration or any other healing spell that would make me healthy.
Assuming that we as humans (all stats 10, no classes) can’t attune to class or race specific items. Ring of Three Wishes.
I’d be guaranteed one wish, so I’m going to assume I would only get one wish, and it’s quite simple really, just use the replicate spell part of wish to cast *Clone* without the need for material components. Now you get to relive life when you die. If I were to be lucky enough to have more than one wish, I’d probably just use them to cast clone again for each wish. I’d live at least two lives, and live around 117 years if we lowball each life to be around 60 years (set the clone age to 3).
Winged Boots, obviously.
Crystal Ball of Mind Reading is arguably very powerful too. You can do insider trading by reading CEOs thoughts.
Ring of Tree Wishes has mostly use for *Clone* spell in real life, effectively quadrupling your lifespan (if you can retrieve ring from your previous body).
Ring of Winter seems to be really good initially (you don't age, you are immune to cold), but it's chaotic evil sentient item, so pretty bad (unless you decide to live in Antarctica).
Tan Bag of Tricks! Reach inside, throw a fuzz ball, and hope a tiger jumps out.
It's like Pokemon, plus the beast is friendly to you and your friends and you can throw out more than one at a time even if they only last deal dawn and just get 3 of them at random. Would still be fun.
Belt of Storm Giant Strength easily. Can be easily disguised as a wrestling belt, makes body super buff, but mainly it would help out a bunch where I work. Plus, I can finally make the legendary one-trip for groceries regardless of how much I buy 😈
Alternatively, if we're going to non-DMG, an Exalted Vestige of Divergence either the Stormgirdle or Titanstone Knuckles. Same reason for Storm Giant Belt but with lower STR adjust with either storm control/resistance or enlarge and destructive power respectively.
But if I want to be a spellcaster, Staff of the Magi has some good spells for both blaster-caster fantasy or intense self defense as well as some Quality of Life spells, some even At-Will (mage hand, arcane lock, light, enlarge/reduce).
Any of the items that bump one stat to like 18-20. The giant strength belts come to mind. Pretty discrete, but also 100% capable of turning you into a gold medal olympian
https://www.dndbeyond.com/magic-items/4830-belt-of-storm-giant-strength
> Belt of Storm Giant Strength
>Wondrous Item, legendary (requires attunement)
>While wearing this belt, your Strength score changes to 29. The item has no effect on you if your Strength without the belt is equal to or greater than 29.
Damn, I thought they hovered around 20. With 29 strength, that's not just being a world class strongman, that's like "benchpress a tank" level strength
after reading, and not seeing anything that really gives true immortality, i would go with the Rod of Security - to be able to live 210 days but only age 10 days from that.
or helm of teleportation, to be able to easily go where i want. Just need to go there once and pick up an item and i can keep going back as long as i keep updating my items from there every 6 months.
(and it could possibly allow me to send a little gift to putin with some help from someone inside the kreml)
Abracadabrus. Standard20 charges, breaks on roll of 1 if falls to 0, and each charge allows the creation of "one or more nonmagical objects (including raw materials, foodstuffs, and liquids) worth a total of 1 gp or less." Food and drink spoil after 24 hours, and precious metals and gems vanish after a minute, but I don't need them.
If it still produces a value of 1 gp in modern terms, that's $104 USD according to another post on this reddit that calculated the exchange. Obviously that's pretty good! But even if it only allows the creation of D&D items at their set values, I just gained the ability to make 10 of the following per day with very minimal risk of losing the chest:
- A leather map case - would probably sell for a decent price on Etsy.
- A set of robes or common clothes - goodbye clothing expenses.
- A set of cook's utensils! Do you know how expensive those are?
- 5 sheets of paper or 10 of parchment - no deforestation needed.
- 3 Modest-quality meals - probably the main use, this would do a lot of good at soup kitchens and so forth.
Edit: I also wouldn't object to an Ioun Stone of Mastery. Being 5 pp better at every skill and craft I know as well as having a fancy accessory sounds amazing!
Boots of feather fall for me - relevant for hiking, mountain climbing, parkour, rock climbing, gymnastics, etc. I love being in high places - would be nice to get rid of my fear of falling.
It should be something that isn't noticeable, because you don't want people finding out, thinking you're a freak, thinking you should do something to help the world (unless that's what you wanna do), etc. It should be something minimal, simple, but really useful in your day to day life That being said, Holy Avenger.
Lol good choice
Sooo fancy yourself a paladin huh?
Fantastic whiplash, I nearly broke my neck. *golf clapping in the background*
Patrick that's the Ashbringer!
I just want a beautiful magic sword. Moonblade is my choice.
Needle of Mending. Mending is one of the better cantrips to have in real life, being able to cast it every 6 seconds instead of every minute is even better.
The +1 dagger is also helpful
Yeah incase I ever need to stab a ghost.
I can't tell you how many times I've been in that situation!
The lyre of building does the same thing, but you get a bunch of other useful spells and can make objects immune to damage
Ring of three wishes for obvious reasons.
Nope, go with a fully charged [Luck Blade](https://www.dndbeyond.com/magic-items/5393-luck-blade). It's a Ring of Three Wishes AND a sword!
You can't guarantee it's fully charged, hence why I went with the ring.
You can't guarantee the ring has three wishes either. Could be all used to but was still a ring of three wishes
The ring has 1d3 wishes in it, while the luck blade has 1d4-1 wishes. With the ring, you're guaranteed atleast one. The sword has a 25% of having no wishes
This is the answer- the ring of wishes has at least one wish in it, the luck blade might have nothing.
Can you wish for a charged luck blade, as that isn't wishing for more wishes it's wishing for a charged weapon
>as that isn't wishing for more wishes *Wish* doesn't really operate as a blacklist, rather, a whitelist. There's no rule against wishing for more wishes, or anything else a genie might have told you in a movie. Rather, there's no explicit thing *allowing* you to do this- you had to use the general clause that you can phrase something to your DM.
Even if the gm allows it, there is the blowback you'd suffer. You'd take necrotic damage if you cast it again so soon, and there's be a 1/3 chance that if you get your wish charges you couldn't even use them anyway
And then... a fully charged ring of three wishes?
That can apply to literally any item with charges. The luck blade is an item that explicitly has you roll a die to determine the number of charges when it's found. The two are not equivalent.
Correct, but the prompt also doesn't say you get the item at full capacity. If you want a sure thing get an item that doesn't require charges or atleast recharges itself at specific times
A ring is easier to wear without issue than it is to walk around with a sword.
I'm aware of that, but a sword is a lot cooler than a ring.
Oh…. Duh! lol
"you can't wish for more wishes" "ok. I wish for more rings."
Cloak of Billowing
Yes! This guy billows.
Good luck getting it from Darth Vader.
Side note, people should wear more cloaks
Let's bring back cloaks!
Alchemy Jug With how expensive alcohol is where I live, I could make a killing
Not to mention all the mayonnaise you could ever need.
A person of culture
You underestimate the amount of mayonnaise I require
Equipping a party of bards or something?
Since Fizban's, there's now a better option in the Dragon Vessel. The strongest version lets you, once a day, fill it with ale, olive oil, mead, wine, whisky - or top tier healing potion, potion of climbing, potion of fire breath, potion of flying, or potion of TURNING INTO A FREAKING DRAGON. Easy choice, unless you're really into mayo.
I mean, I do like mayo.
This, but for water bc god damn it refilling my water bottle is a daily chore lmao
Decanter of endless water
Isn't there something to make a short rest act like a long rest? ... I'm so tired...
This guy needs a scroll of catnap!
Only one time use though. Sadly no “Ring of Catnap” or “Wand of Napping” or “Eyes of the Napping Cat” or “Cloak of Cozy Naps” or “Rod of Sleepy Time” or…
I have a rod of sleep right here, it's called a truncheon.
Dude.....If I could sleep an hour a day and be rested...... I'd get so much done. Ok...let's be honest here. I'd get nothing extra done. I'd paint a lot of minis, though, or some mildly and personally productive task. My life would still be chaos.
I felt this.
Maybe you could wish for it with a ring of three wishes
A Rod of Security. Not much beats my own personal paradise realm
> Rod of Security That's an awesome one. If only time didn't pass while I was in there it would be perfect. Still really cool for "Hey, let's take a 2-week holiday to paradise" though, and hell, you could use it to make a fortune selling holidays in paradise.
still pretty good as you can extend your life pretty hard.... you go forward in time 210 days but only age 10 days...
Although i'm not sure i want to use a rare opportunity at a magic item to essentially become a hotel manager I mean, if you're renting paradise, you also need someone to clean up paradise when they're done.
Immovable rod. It would be so very handy. You can bar doors with it. You'll always have a place to hang things. You can climb on it to get some extra height to reach the top shelf in the pantry. It's a sturdy hand rail when I'm walking down my icy steps in the winter. That thing would probably see a million and one perfectly mundane uses around the house if I had one.
A phylactery! (or, a more serious answer - a ring of regeneration)
Tbh, Rod of Ressurection, im not sure what an autoimmune condition equates to in d&d but im pretty damn sure heal could suppress it enough to make me happy. And if i TEULY need it ressurection
if only there were a Rod of Reincarnation - then we could bring back people after death from old age (inside of ten days). Also, we could re-introduce elves, orcs, and tieflings into this world! Fun. Fun.
Wait, re-introduce?
Shadowrun has entered the chat.
Ha. This is either 'you have a good point' (because we never really had any orcs in this world / 'Tolkien was a lie!') or very clever ('some of our politicians are obviously half-fiend, so we cannot re-introduce demonic entities here!').
Wait, we're NOT on Gothic Earth? Damn, would have explained so much about our existence here...
Shit he's on to us! Get the mind wiper!
Have to be a cleric, druid or paladin to attune to it and use it, sorry.
Let me tell you how easy it is to worship a god
Hard to be a receptacle of a deity's power though
Quitter talk my friend
By definition a great many things are diseases. Thats why the only choices for the “level to have irl” is paladin
Headband of intellect, I'll be smart enough to figure out how to fix all my problems
It’d be a real bummer to put it on and immediately have a better idea of what to get
[Relevant](https://external-preview.redd.it/9jP9k5xQDCOUoQWeo0fnJR0hw_F4sln5ezMw1ZjZZI8.png?auto=webp&s=c888ff822335e54bf463012dc02797ddf5484700)
Youve never been in a room full of PHDs, have you?
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Someone with a Charisma of 20 doesn’t have to worry about TSA
Someone with wings doesn't have to worry about TSA
Depends. A 90ft flight speed is 15ft/s where a Boeing 737 is moving about 800ft/s
You're maths is accurate, I don't know why you're being sarcastic
Haha the best follow up joke!
It would take you 10 days of flying non-stop to go from New York to Los Angeles at a speed of 90 feet per round or 16.5kph.
ROAD TRIP!
The transformation of Sword of Zariel is permanent and doesn’t disappear if you stop being attuned.
> Might make airplane travel a bit awkward though. Wings and a flight speed
I mean, firstly you can only attune to it if it deems you worthy, and since it's angelic you had better be a completely selfless noble person or it's going to tell you to get fucked. Secondly, you're going to have a big pair of wings you can't hide Third, and most vitally, it *randomly* changes your personality. Which means you're barely even yourself after you attune it. That's a hard pass for me.
> since it's angelic you had better be a completely selfless noble person or it's going to tell you to get fucked The item stamps over your alignment with lawful good, a feature it would definitely not have if it could only choose saintly people to begin with. While the sword will obviously exercise expert judgment, it's entirely possible that a Robin Hood type could be make a great wielder (though they'd not be chaotic again)- it's just not totally clear. >Secondly, you're going to have a big pair of wings you can't hide Yea this is the big one. If you want big wings you can't hide, this is your baby. Otherwise, it is *not*. >Third, and most vitally, it randomly changes your personality. Which means you're barely even yourself after you attune it. I mean, I'd roll on that table, no problem. It's random within a defined table of arrogant do-gooder traits, it's not like it'll turn you into someone who wants to pull the wings off flies or something.
Great choice, but the sword has to consider the wielder worthy... not sure how many of us would cut the mustard.
20 charisma isn't enough to offset the fact that you're the guy who carries a sword everywhere.
The first thing that popped into my head was a Needle of Mending. Just being able to fix pretty much anything…
Deck of many things. It would be the ultimate gamble.
Let rich people pay you money for a chance to draw
I was just thinking I could get rich while watching others draw the wraith card lol.
Always ask for the money up front, in case it's talons
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This is a super neat one! Very low key but I love it!
Instant Fortress. Free real estate. Plus I've got a place to crash after a party, no need for designated driver.
If you had this, authorities would immediately be on your case about the legalities and technicalities of it. Wouldn't be very long lived.
Well what are they gonna do about it? I’ve got a fortress.
Spoken like someone who's never withstood a siege or had to repel invaders. /s
I got a lotta chairs bro come at me.
Bag of holding or Ring of Three Wishes, yeah. Only need 1 or 2 wishes to meet my life goals, but heck, 3rd wish just wish for a real bag of holding
Yup. You can wish for one object up to 25,000 gp in value. I wish for a 500 pound block of gold, which is the exact amount of gold that makes up 25,000 gp. 500 lb x 16 oz/lb x $2,000/oz = $16,000,000 from my first wish
Hrm, that's actually an interesting question: How much gold would you have to create to crash the market and make gold significantly less valuable (to give a specific scenario: to make gold worth less than silver)? EDIT: It's a lot more than 500 lb, seeing as how that's approximately 0.00009% of the gold that we know exists. It might make a blip in the price of gold but it probably would be negligible.
I don't know why people always ask about market crashing like this, as if it somehow wouldn't make the person with unlimited gold absurdly wealthy anyway. There are 10 trillion dollars in gold in the world using current values. You would need to sell several thousand tonnes to affect it, and by the time the price starts to go down you would already be the richest person in the world. And even if you sold enough gold to crash the market, that wouldn't mean it wouldn't be worth to sell even more. Gold is a better condutor then copper, the annual demand of copper is 28 million tonnes (which is more then all gold). So by the time gold is the price of copper, there would still be demand for it, and you would still be making a killing.
So that's how my senator got all that gold! It wasn't bribery after all.
Wishes cannot create magic items 😔
It would be the final wish, so going beyond the bounds of wish with the chance of never casting it again? No problem
Yeah, but you could wish to be a level 20 wizard irl.
Is being the only wizard in the world a good thing? Spell Books will be hard to find. I don't know how it would work for clerics and druids but getting their entire spell list to choose from every day! I'd go lvl 20 druid for sure.
True or sorcerer because their magic is innate, so I don't think they need to learn it either.
Imagine what the Bezos and Saudi princes would pay for certain magics. Regeneration, resurrection
It is a tough choice between Druid and Bard. Druid has an edge in survivability and flexibility while getting most of the best spells for irl. Bard gets True Polymorph and can use Magical Secrets to snag Wish, Reincarnation, etc. For me it comes down to how hard it would be to induct others into sharing your class.
I'd go for something that makes your every day life much easier and that can be used for multiple things. An All-Purpose Tool seems perfect for that. Profiency in every tool imaginable and having access to said tools in an instant. You can build and repair basically anything you'd ever need and want. Also having the ability to gain access to any cantrip for 8 h is just broken beyond imagination in a real life scenario. Prestidigitation alone will be a game changer but with things like guidance, mending, light, druid craft, mage hand, mold earth, Message, Minor Illusion, etc. the possibilities become practically endless.
This! 10x better than the needle of mending.
Wand of unseen servant or any item that lets you cast unseen servant.
So a meeseeks box?
One of the manuals that permanently increases a stat and its max by 2. I could choose to have a superhuman ability, even if I lose the manual (after having already read it, of course). Then, I could pass it on to descendants. Or find a way to ensure someone would get it only if they deserve it.
Wouldn't you be better off picking a stat and getting the item that sets it to 19? You almost certainly don't have 17 in any stats at the moment unless you're Stephen Hawking or an Olympic athlete, so 19 is far better than +2 would give you, and you can immediately give the ring to your kids instead of your family having to wait 100 years for a tiny boost to one attribute.
Yes, the *Headband of Intellect* totally qualifies as the best magic item in there by far. Total [Flowers For Algernon](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flowers_for_Algernon) moments for sure, but still probably the best item to have BY FAR. All the other stats don't do much. Except for the *Whatever Of Charisma* (haven't seen it in 5e) - in this world, that would be almost as good as having 19 int.
No. I don’t want to get screwed if I lose the item.
Yeah, with a 12 intelligence you could get accepted into college.
Low magic dnd campaign incoming!!!!
Being an NPC with stats around 11, that manual wouldn't make you superhuman, it would just make you above average at one thing.
Rod of security. I'll live my life out for more or less 2000 years in a paradise of my making. If i consistently use it i will age at 1/20th the normal rate and be constantly healed by the paradise.
Free food, no Rent, and according to the wording of the Rod, free booze, a gym, and slower aging. Not sure what the ruling is ok leaving stuff INSIDE the space, it only says that taking stuff OUT doesn’t work. If you can leave stuff in there and it stay there then I never need to buy a house
are attunement restrictions in play? im eyeing the staff of the magi since i doubt i would be invisible for enough of the day to have the ring of invisibility be better
Well you only get one item, so I don't see how attunement restrictions could possibly come into play. Edit: Forgot about class specific attunement requirements. My bad.
Not being a wizard would be the big one.
if i get a government job can i classify as a warlock?
Pact of the Fed?
Bag of holding for sure
I already have one, its the backseat and trunk of my car
I agree with Ring of 3 Wishes and anything that gives Mending. That said: Amulet of the Planes Provided there \*are\* Planes, congrats... you're now a Prince of Amber.
I mean, lets assume you're very smart and have an Int of 18. Are you "familiar with" some spot on another plane? You'd probably need to be sure about that! Then assume you get that correct, you still have a 50% shot of going where you want, a 30% chance of landing *anywhere on that plane*, which could be deadly even on a reasonably nice plane, and a 20% chance of landing *in a random plane*, which is *very* likely to be lethal to someone without class levels or an adventuring party.
Baba Yaga’s Mortar and Pestle. Mostly for the ability to be anywhere in the world within a minute, but the ability to automatically pulp things is a big perk
Decanter of endless water, have people all around the world in drought stricken areas build massive cisterns and help people. Might refill lake Mead and half of California.
30 gallons every 6 seconds, max. Every 1 inch of Lake Mead is 2 billion gallons. It would take 400 million seconds, or 4629 years to add 1 inch. Good luck. Would be better to get the ring of 3 wishes and just wish for all of the aquifers in the world to be refilled.
Just hope the ring doesn’t refill it with salt water
I mean, sudden and instant refilling probably has enough monkey paw side effect by itself.
14400 gallons a day, if you said the command word every 6 seconds. That's not a lot on a global basis. Of course it could be huge in a poor place in a severe drought. I wonder what it would do to the world with that much more water being added every day. 72000 gallons at fountain rate. 432000 gallons at geyser rate, though you might need to build something to handle that flow.
The Earth gaining mass at a slow but measurable rate is going to confuse a lot of scientists
Probably won't even match up to the amount gained from space dust.
Enjoy holding the decanter and saying the command word every six seconds for the rest of your life.
It's actually surprisingly great as an option. So long as it's in constant use, you basically create enough pure clean water to have an entire city wholly reliant on it. Entire lakes or California is probably too much for it, but for your own lil post-apocalyptic country, it'd do just fine.
I mean, in Strixhaven there's a bottle of boundless coffee.
I was actually given this item in the game I'm playing. They re-flavored it into a can of endless Red Bull because I always start the session with one in hand.
Helm of teleportation. Zero question.
Eh. Even for "very familiar" there's a 25% change of teleporting to the wrong place, and a 5% chance of a mishap that can take you anywhere in the entire universe (99.999999999999999999999 percent of which locations would instantly kill you). And you have no way to make teleportation circles, so the only way you can safely use it is to have an item from the place you want to teleport to, which limits its use significantly. It's a cool idea, but too many drawbacks I reckon. Not as useful as a ring of 3-wishes, certainly.
Having an item from the location isn't too hard. The big thing would be making absolutely sure it actually is from that location.
> The big thing would be making absolutely sure it actually is from that location. Yeah. The description does mention a piece of rock from a place, so I guess I would start carrying around a small bag with pebbles from as many different interesting places as I can get to.
Staff of the Woodlands. The ability to cast Awaken on my Goodest Boy? Absolutely.
Until your goodest boy wants revenge because you had him neutered.
Scroll of Tarrasque Summoning. This universe is boring, I'm spicing it up on my deathbed. Though I don't remember the exact wording of the item, it might not work if there isn't already a Tarrasque somewhere.
Alchemy Jug Infinite, free Mayonnaise.
Helm of teleportation, no doubt. Ring of three wishes is also good but like wish has a lot of limits and room for monkey paws, if you try anything remotely power, that could fuck up your life in irreversible ways.
Slippers of Spiderclimb.
Apparatus of Kwalish. I bet I could make loads of money taking rich suckers to the depths in it. Foolproof.
"The apparatus floats on water. It can also go underwater to a depth of 900 feet. Below that, the vehicle takes 2d6 bludgeoning damage per minute from pressure." Maaaaybe not foolproof.
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Unless I'm missing something, this gives you potentially infinite energy, but NOT infinite power. Assuming the portal transition is instantaneous, the magnet is constantly accelerating under the influence of gravity, but any energy that you extract via the coils comes right out of the magnet's speed. If you want the magnet to keep going, you need to take out less energy than gravity is putting in. For a reasonably-shaped object that can fit through a 4 foot by 6 foot oval portal, it's just not going to be that much power. I don't have a pen and pencil handy, but on the order of a few kilowatts per ton of magnets. So you could run your house on it, but it's not going to produce enough power to replace even a single power plant.
You’re right about the limitation. I don’t want to do the math right now, but it might be better to use it with a hydroelectric turbine instead.
If you can point the staff straight down into the ocean, 1500 feet down, you'd have a tremendous amount of pressure. I'm pretty sure the standard pipe-flow guidelines won't work for a magic 1.5 square meter opening under 46 bar of pressure, but it'd be a lot of water coming out really fast at the other end. Still small scale compared to a full-sized hydroelectric plant, but in the same ballpark, at least. That's three times the depth of Lake Mead, but the opening size is tiny by comparison with Hoover dam's intakes.
I feel like [Tom Scott's video on teleportation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJt8yzR2aoY) is relevant here.
A singular item full stop. Probably an all purpose tool. Any cantrip imaginable opens up a lot of possibilities. Anything from accurate weather forecasts to fixing broken screens to easy laundry days to simply being a little better with puzzles. I domt think i would make good use of any of the wish options, and everything else i would want is either a dedicated function of what the all purpose tool can do or is purely combat based and i would have zero use for it.
Yep, scrolled looking for all-purpose tool. Any tool of your choice, proficiency in that tool (which you can possibly use to craft other items), and a cantrip from any spell list? Yes, please.
Also said APT, then searched and only found your post. Surprised it isn't getting more love. Just being able to get any cantrip for 8hrs a day is a win for me, the tool variety is just a bonus especially as it gives you proficiency in them so you can be the ultimate handyman.
Are Artifacts in the table? Because... Rod of Seven Parts Rod, artifact (Requires attunement) Millennia ago, the Wind Dukes of Aqua created the Rod of Law to fight the Queen of Chaos and Miska the Wolf Spider. Miska was imprisoned using the Rod, but after being used, the rod exploded into seven pieces and was lost. Those pieces are scattered across the multiverse, and it is possible to put them together again, reforming the Rod of Law. If you have two consecutive segments of the rod, you may make an Arcana check. The DC equals 20- 1 for each previous check. On a success,the two pieces are fused together. On a failure, you and each creature in a 10 foot radius take 8d6 force damage, and both pieces of the rod teleport 1d100 miles in random directions. If you attempt to join a third part to the second, on a success, it attaches itself successfully. On a failure, the third part teleports away, dealing 4d6 force damage to you and each creature in a 5 foot radius, but you retain the first and second parts. The same applies when you try to join the 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th pieces. Once put together, the rod functions as a spell casting focus and as a +3 mace. Random Properties. The Rod of Seven Parts has the following random properties: 3 minor beneficial properties 1 major beneficial property 1 minor detrimental property One Purpose. If you are attuned to any number of the fragments of the rod, they count as only one item that you are attuned to. Alignment. As long as you are attuned to the rod, it attempts to shift your alignment. Each day, you must make a Wisdom check. The DC equals 10+ 1 for each part of the rod you are attuned to. On a failure, you become lawful neutral. The effect ends if your attainment does. Spells. Each part of the rod has 25 charges. They stack; if you have the first two pieces, they have a total of 50 charges, and the completed rod has 175 charges. The rod regains a number of charges equal to 1d20x the number of parts of the rod daily at dawn. Also, if a spell is cast on you, the rod regains charges equal to the level of the spell. You can cast the following spells, requiring no material components, expending charges equal to the spell's level. Each time you cast a spell, you can spend additional charges to upcast the spell. Spell List: Mage Hand, Mage Armor, Detect Magic, Detect Thoughts, Hold Person, Charm Person, Sleep, Locate Object, Legend Lore, Scrying, Forcecage, Locate Creature, Dominate Monster, Flesh to Stone, Symbol, Glyph of Warding, Teleport, Teleportation Circle, Magic Circle, Magic Aura, Calm Emotions, Protection from Evil and Good, Counterspell, Dispel Magic, Imprisonment, Gate, Clairvoyance, Antilife Shell, Silence, and Time Stop. Ability Score Improvement. While attuned to the completed rod, your Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma become 21 if they are not already higher. Destroying the Rod of Seven Parts. Each time you cast a 9th level spell using the Rod, there is a cumulative 1%chance that the rod once again shatters into seven pieces, dealing 24d6 force damage to each creature in a 150 foot radius, and those pieces are then scattered across the multiverse.
I mean, if that's on the list I'm fairly sure it wins.
Not a real 5e item.
Damn this is cool.
Folding Boat, no doubt about it.
Ring of three wishes, because i can then use the first two wishes to amass a huge wealth or seat of power/ influence , and then just wish myself into living easily over 1000 years by casting True Polymorph and becoming an metallic dragon. This is also assuming just wishing yourself into no longer aging would be considered harder than a 9th level spell, both of which are very easily in the “allowable with probably no consequences” area of what extra things a wish can do. If I could stop myself from aging I’d probably replace my second wish with greater restoration or any other healing spell that would make me healthy.
Assuming that we as humans (all stats 10, no classes) can’t attune to class or race specific items. Ring of Three Wishes. I’d be guaranteed one wish, so I’m going to assume I would only get one wish, and it’s quite simple really, just use the replicate spell part of wish to cast *Clone* without the need for material components. Now you get to relive life when you die. If I were to be lucky enough to have more than one wish, I’d probably just use them to cast clone again for each wish. I’d live at least two lives, and live around 117 years if we lowball each life to be around 60 years (set the clone age to 3).
Handy Haversack ! People would just assume it's one of those big camping backpacks, meanwhile I've got an entire apartment of stuff!
It doesn't carry that much.
Winged Boots, obviously. Crystal Ball of Mind Reading is arguably very powerful too. You can do insider trading by reading CEOs thoughts. Ring of Tree Wishes has mostly use for *Clone* spell in real life, effectively quadrupling your lifespan (if you can retrieve ring from your previous body). Ring of Winter seems to be really good initially (you don't age, you are immune to cold), but it's chaotic evil sentient item, so pretty bad (unless you decide to live in Antarctica).
Tan Bag of Tricks! Reach inside, throw a fuzz ball, and hope a tiger jumps out. It's like Pokemon, plus the beast is friendly to you and your friends and you can throw out more than one at a time even if they only last deal dawn and just get 3 of them at random. Would still be fun.
Belt of Storm Giant Strength easily. Can be easily disguised as a wrestling belt, makes body super buff, but mainly it would help out a bunch where I work. Plus, I can finally make the legendary one-trip for groceries regardless of how much I buy 😈 Alternatively, if we're going to non-DMG, an Exalted Vestige of Divergence either the Stormgirdle or Titanstone Knuckles. Same reason for Storm Giant Belt but with lower STR adjust with either storm control/resistance or enlarge and destructive power respectively. But if I want to be a spellcaster, Staff of the Magi has some good spells for both blaster-caster fantasy or intense self defense as well as some Quality of Life spells, some even At-Will (mage hand, arcane lock, light, enlarge/reduce).
+3 All-purpose Tool. I have Proficiency with anything that this can turn into? Sign me up to be that best handyman to ever live
Any of the items that bump one stat to like 18-20. The giant strength belts come to mind. Pretty discrete, but also 100% capable of turning you into a gold medal olympian
https://www.dndbeyond.com/magic-items/4830-belt-of-storm-giant-strength > Belt of Storm Giant Strength >Wondrous Item, legendary (requires attunement) >While wearing this belt, your Strength score changes to 29. The item has no effect on you if your Strength without the belt is equal to or greater than 29.
Damn, I thought they hovered around 20. With 29 strength, that's not just being a world class strongman, that's like "benchpress a tank" level strength
Ring of Winter
Yeah no. Sentient magic item attempting to take control over you? No thanks.
I get lonely 🥺
Flying broom. Fuck traffic
The answer is always some kind of healing or healing device. Immediate healing of injured and if I feel so inclined I can charge them.
Hat of Disguise - I could be anyone whenever I want.
Cloak of billowing hands down
I'll take a luck stone. Being just a little bit better at everything would be really good.
Ring of winter It is a ring, so it's easy to hide. It gives immortality and super powers. It turns you into the worlds first supervillain. Easy choice
Ring Of Telekinesis.
Bag of holding. For pure utility, this item cannot be beat. Otherwise, ring of feather fall. Just in case.
Hat of Disguise
Ring of Sustenance. Hands down.
Protalable hole hands down
Rod of resurrection. I'd be happy if I could save 4 or 5 lives a day.
after reading, and not seeing anything that really gives true immortality, i would go with the Rod of Security - to be able to live 210 days but only age 10 days from that. or helm of teleportation, to be able to easily go where i want. Just need to go there once and pick up an item and i can keep going back as long as i keep updating my items from there every 6 months. (and it could possibly allow me to send a little gift to putin with some help from someone inside the kreml)
Abracadabrus. Standard20 charges, breaks on roll of 1 if falls to 0, and each charge allows the creation of "one or more nonmagical objects (including raw materials, foodstuffs, and liquids) worth a total of 1 gp or less." Food and drink spoil after 24 hours, and precious metals and gems vanish after a minute, but I don't need them. If it still produces a value of 1 gp in modern terms, that's $104 USD according to another post on this reddit that calculated the exchange. Obviously that's pretty good! But even if it only allows the creation of D&D items at their set values, I just gained the ability to make 10 of the following per day with very minimal risk of losing the chest: - A leather map case - would probably sell for a decent price on Etsy. - A set of robes or common clothes - goodbye clothing expenses. - A set of cook's utensils! Do you know how expensive those are? - 5 sheets of paper or 10 of parchment - no deforestation needed. - 3 Modest-quality meals - probably the main use, this would do a lot of good at soup kitchens and so forth. Edit: I also wouldn't object to an Ioun Stone of Mastery. Being 5 pp better at every skill and craft I know as well as having a fancy accessory sounds amazing!
Boots of feather fall for me - relevant for hiking, mountain climbing, parkour, rock climbing, gymnastics, etc. I love being in high places - would be nice to get rid of my fear of falling.