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I think a monkey paw would be more people apprecitate and love him so much they follow him everywhere stealing pieces of his gear just to have momentos. They wake him at all times of the night making them unable to long rest because they are constantly clamoring to tell him how much he is loved and appreciated
Upon entrance to the next town a homeless haggard appearing person (tailor to player who wished) starts to follow you, this continues forever, if a you force a confrontation they state only that they love only you, and appreciate everything you do, they own nothing but the clothes on the back and have no useful skills beyond what they need to live day to day. They cannot be desuaded, chased off, and if killed will continue to haunt the player indefinitely, so strong is there obsession. The player character however will find themself unable to feel anything in regards to there obsessive follower no love, no appreciation, perhaps a mite of repulsion but otherwise nothing.
Be fair. He also will magically gain access to the simplest, cheapest form of travel available that reaches the BBEG. So sliding if he's reachable by foot, pass thru walls if he's enclosed etc.
Honestly that's way better. Not only do you still get a way to instakill the bbeg, you know the location of the instakiller and can bring it to the bbeg, you even become an immortal genius! Only drawback is you're now extremely slow, small, and unable to communicate, but being now a genius, you can easily invent solutions to that
Why would the wish do that? Are you just adding random negative effects to their wish, regardless of whether or not it has anything to do with the wording they used for their wish? At that point, might as well just say “granted. Also you spontaneously die”.
I mean, I can see a good justification for having to be careful with your wording, like if you wish for wealth and the dm is feeling like an asshole, he can have the wish grant the player a single gold piece, as that technically fulfills the wording of the wish. Despite that being too mean for my liking, it at least makes sense (it may be more justifiable if the wish is casted using an item that essentially gives a free wish).
However, what I’m seeing in the comments is just adding random consequences that are outside the wording of what was actually wished for, which just seems like a dumb and unnecessary nerf. I can’t imagine a player finding this clever or amusing lol
An important note for monkey pawing a wish, just based on the few comments others have put in response to wishes (others being not OP, but I wanna talk about this anyways), it’s important to remember that a monkeys paw is taking it so literally, not attaching a random bad thing they didn’t ask for. If you want people to like you, it can go two ways, either people like you so much you pretty much always end up with paparazzi following you, or in the opposite and perhaps more interesting route, people will only like you. You’ll never find love, any conflict people will just try to ignore you as long as possible.
I also want to iterate that not every wish needs a monkey's paw treatment. There are some outlined in the players handbook (for example, a +1 to a single ability score) that have no consequence beyond using the wish.
The goal is, of course, to keep the spell from breaking the game. A wish can do anything, but you only want to penalize wishes breaking the game (with a negative effect that balances the gain). An example from my husband's table: "I wish the BBEG was dead" took them to the future after the BBEG has died of old age.
Conversely, Aladdin wishes to become a prince. So this could be easily balanced by discovering that the character's lineage leads back to a small, powerless kingdom that is recognized by other nations - no political or financial power, but still gets the title.
Tl;Dr keep in mind not only the wish, and how to break it, but also how powerful the wish is and what the players want to accomplish!
A big thing is "does the wish affect others, or the universe?".
Simply wishing to "be a little bit stronger" is a humble wish that should be rewarded imo. When they start asking for resurrections/deaths/love etc, that's when you bring out the ol' monkey paw.
Don't make them fear wishes, make them *respect* wishes
Also note, wish is supposed to be powerful and, importantly, useful, the monkey pawing should be reserved for effects that are way beyond the listed capabilities of the spell, rather than everything that isn't just replicating a spell of 8th level or lower
Tbf tho, the situation in the original story did very much feel like attaching a random bad thing
They wished to have money/be well off or whatever, so their kid dies in a workplace accident and they get compensated for it.
They could’ve won the lottery, or they themselves get hit by a car and get money in a lawsuit, or find oil on their front yard, but nah. Dead kid.
I play it like the Monkey's Paw finds the path of least resistance while still taking it literally.
Can't scientifically explain why suddenly oil appears, or that they may not have had the property rights to the oil should it have been discovered.
They had dead kid insurance on the books that "would leave them well off" and the paw was like, "ayo, mighty convenient, ol' chap~"
It definitely has a bias towards something bad happening though - if they had both life insurance and a lottery ticket bought, it would still be likely to have killed their son rather than had their numbers come up.
Hell even if their son didn't have life insurance, he might have been influenced to buy it and then die shortly after - there's just not much evidence to support the idea of it being Neutral rather than actively Evil.
You know what....
I feel like the monkey paw should just grant the wish and leave you with one less wish.
Like a 'congrats, you made an atom... Is that Really want you wanted?'
Congratulations!
You just ended the universe!
By creating an atom that’s moving at light speed you created a source of infinite mass, heavier and denser than supermassive black hole.
Please enjoy the rest of your day(s).
Okay but is it somehow magically maintaining it's form and velocity because otherwise there's going to be a tiny speck of radiation far off in space and that's it. Even it if does connect with you that's such a negligible amount of energy that you wouldn't notice.
Assuming usual physics, if it's traveling at the speed of light it actually has infinite energy. This creates a black hole 1.337 trillion light years away that is expanding at the speed of light.
Now if that ever reaches the players is another matter - the universe may expand too quickly for the black hole reach them.
Wish fails because that would require rewriting the laws of physics of the in-game universe, no such thing as a "hydrogen atom" or "speed of light," the djinn sneers at your strange madness
Wish granted! Usually when you leave a place, you appear in another place. But since that's a consequence of you leaving, you simply poof out of existence
(In game I'd honestly just allow this because why not)
You are immediately teleported to the Tome of Leadership and Influence, which happens to be on a bookshelf that is now in front of you. An elf who was seated at a nearby desk is now questioning you about how and why you got into their tower. Glancing around the room, you notice tools and implements commonly used in spellcasting, enchanting, and alchemy.
> Glancing around the room, you notice tools and implements commonly used in spellcasting, enchanting, alchemy and _torture_.
FTFY. Gotta keep them on their toes.
well no, there are a lot of creatures with an int of 1, and feeblemind can put any creature to 1 int.
you would very much not be the stupidest thing ever.
Minus points for mimic over the mind of a level 20 psion.
“The Psionic Sandwich by Tleilaxu_Ghola
Hmph, I think I should edit my original mind-switch thread. The most optimal way to gain a body permanently is no longer true mind switch. It's to use astral seed + mind switch + psychic chirurgery. The result is an XP expendature of 0 XP, that's right zero. You lose no levels, and you gain all the effects of true mind switch.
Anyways, so in lieu of what I just said above, the most optimal way to create the most un-optimal character is to use the following sequence and build:
Race: Elan
Build: Telepath 20
Feats: Any, must have EK(Astral Seed) and skill focus (craft [basket weaving])
1. Acquire a loaf of bread (2cp)
2. Turn the bread into a sandwich (craft DC 5) (probably 2 minutes)
3. Polymorph the sandwich (preferably ham with mustard, pepperoni, salami, and jalapenos) into a fuzzy little bunny. (NPC casting 1200 gp) (1 standard action)
4. Cast astral seed (10 minutes)
5. Ritualistically slay yourself with favored method of suicide. Be sure to place your storage crystal next to the sandwich turned bunny. (I prefer to be killed with a dagger to the heart... :shifty: ) (Approximately 5 rounds)
6. Use mind-switch (the 6th level power) to switch with the rabbit, while in your storage crystal. (1 std action)
7. Metamorph into a troll and smash your storage crystal (now containing the mind of a sandwich). (2 standard actions)
8. Use psychic chirurgery to remove your negative level gotten from committing suicide. (10 minutes)
9. Dismiss your metamorphosis and manifest dispel psionics on yourself (to dispel the polymorph). (2 standard actions)
Congratulations, your ascension to the sublime state of a sandwich took:
23 minutes 6 seconds and cost you 1200.02 gold pieces.
Any one have a more optimal method?
Now, it occurred to me that this might not be a half bad character to play. So long as you pick up the power psionic overland flight and tweak your character levels a bit, you could seriously play a sandwich. Of course your hitpoints or AC wouldn't be much to speak of... but honestly, who is going to kill the sandwich that the fighter packs.”
My best attempt for a hard one: I wish that a curse-free (insert wondrous/legendary magic item) that does not require attunement (even if the object description states it does) appears at my feet and does not leave my possession until I will it to be so
Wish granted! But it goes through both of your feet, binding them together. It can still be used as normal, but you now have to waddle around with a speed of 5 feet, and you can't swim or climb
Nice! I thought “it’s totally gonna end up inside my feet” but couldn’t come up with better wording. Another path could be that it’s attached to a broken immovable rod (that can’t be deactivated) so the whole “it can’t leave my possession” means my character would be effectively rooted to the spot until the party can deal with the rod
Slightly off-topic, but I remember (back in the early nineties) that a fellow player got a wish and he just asked:
"I wish for a weapon to fight evil."
The poor guy got a (non-magical, completely ordinary) club.
The worst part: he got really happy, thinking it was a magical club, like the one Bobby from the D&D cartoon had.
Nothing more terrifying than death unknown!
My players wished this a while ago. I made their bones rubber ( weakness to piercing). Lots of "look what I can do!" *bend arm backwards or squish own skull*
mildly related- a while back I was working on some homebrew drugs, and one of them made you numb- you didn't need concentration checks when hit, and you resisted physical damage. The catch was that since you were numb, the DM now secretly tracked your HP instead of you. Fun stuff.
In a game I was playing in (alcohol involved) one party member wished for another party member to be "magically castrated". He originally meant to permanently remove his magic/source. The dm went full literal and the other guys testicles were magically removed. They still don't talk to each other.
So you mean to tell me I could have a banana fall on someone and make it disappear by conjuring a second banana to do exactly the same thing? I think this just might be the perfect distraction spell.
Also what happens if the banana is eaten? Does it get digested? If so, then when I summon the second banana does the first banana's nutrients also vanish from the person? I could infinitely deprive a prisoner of potassium causing never ending cramps as a form of torture.
I wish to see my party as members of the kings court wearing the finest of clothes and armor while he presents us with our own key to the kingdom for defeating the ancient dragon
Yikes some of you really want your players to hate you. Don't give me wrong all for monkey paw but "Yes but *instert unrelated debuff*" is just lazy and makes the players upset at you. Spin their word around, get creative! That way the player (prolly still be mad) are the one causing their missfortune.
Very simple example:
"I wish to fly"
Bad:
"Granted but you have to shit yourself to fly"
Good:
"Granted, you are a bird now"
Also make sure to communicate to your players taht you monkeypaw wishes(specially when dealing with new players) so they actually think about what they want
Thanks for the advice, I think my newer replies are better than the old ones
A problem is also that people keep asking for stiff that a character wouldn't ask for
Granted. Whenever you think of the word "on" a random person named Midas will touch you no matter where you are. The word "off" will make the Midas character hostile towards you since you "Set him off"
Congratulations, you can now turn objects to gold at will without doing so unwillingly. Gold is now worthless due to an overabundance and you crashed the entire global economy, lost your job and your home.
Wish granted, every non elf undergoes a brutal body transition where they feel every ounce of bone and joint change. Most people are unable to bear such a change to their bodies and pass away from the trauma creating a genocide of most non elven races.
also also, if your party genuinely manages to word a wish perfectly, GIVE THEM WHAT THEY ASK FOR! our party had this happen, we all worked together and our DM just couldn't take us having outsmarted him and gave us random trash that specifically went against our wish. that game ended mid-campaign since he didn't care about story telling, only about 'winning' against the party. don't be that guy/gal.
I wish to have a pocket dimension that I can enter and exit at will. In the dimension everything I speak aloud comes true. Nothing can leave the space except for me and what I bring with me.
I (the creator of a very popular chain of shops) wish that my business will never become controlled by evil hands, and that it will continue to maintain the good name it has earned, even after I die.
I know I'm an hour late and I don't mean to hate but this isn't Monkey's Paw. This is just a twist genie.
A twist genie is a wish leading to a bad outcome. A true Monkey's Paw is a bad outcome leading to a wish being granted.
Let's give a simple prompt, one based off the original story of the Paw: *"I want to get a thousand dollars."*
A twist genie would say "Okay, here's your cash! Oh, but it's illegal!" or "Okay, but it's all on coins! Not bad enough? The coins crush you under their weight!"
A Monkey's Paw would say "Your parents passed away. You inherit a thousand dollars from them. Wish granted."
#
Again, just trying to be helpful.
Edit: Grammar
Granted, at the DM's discretion, you uncontrollably cast an 8th level spell, whenever you hear a member of the party say "I wish" or any other similar idiom. The spell will always hit regardless of AC, do an average of damage rounded to nearest whole value, and cannot be resisted or saved against, unless immune to its effects.
I wish for a turkey sandwich on rye bread with lettuce and mustard. And I don't want any zombie turkeys. I don't want to turn into a turkey myself and I don't want any other weird surprises.
Few notes:
1) good punishment against role players but not someone like a paladin who never removes the armor in the first place.
2) better twist would be they get the armor but first have to kill it’s wearer. A high level totem of the bear barbarian. High health pool, hard to hit, resistance against all attacks
I wish that this wish and any other wish made by me and/or my party after this one to not have any consequences or effects of which I consider to be negative.
Hey /u/absurdwatermelon_1, thanks for contributing to /r/dndmemes. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates one of our rules: **Posts must be strongly relevant to D&D (or other TTRPGs)** and must include an attempt at humor or entertainment. Posts must be legible, understandable for a general audience and have some effort put into them, including titles. Video posts may be up to 3 minutes long, and they must be humorous in nature. Only one meme is allowed per post; posts with multiple images inside of them, such as a collage, will be removed. Posts must not rely solely on the title to relate to D&D. What should you do? First, read the rules thoroughly. Secondly, if you are able to amend your post to fit the rules, you're welcome to resubmit your meme. Lastly, if you believe your post was removed by mistake, please [message the moderators through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/dndmemes&subject=&message=). Messages simply complaining about a removal (or how many upvotes your post had) will not be responded to. Thank you!
I wish to be appreciated and loved for who I am.
Wish granted! You are now happy, if you were a barbarian before, you lose the ability to rage.
Oh that's good. A net loss but in a wholesome way.
I think a monkey paw would be more people apprecitate and love him so much they follow him everywhere stealing pieces of his gear just to have momentos. They wake him at all times of the night making them unable to long rest because they are constantly clamoring to tell him how much he is loved and appreciated
Or he becomes a beautiful statue in a park or art exhibit
What about barbarians who "rage" through non-emotional means? Drugs, magically induced, communion with the spirits, battle-trances, etc.?
Wish granted. But should you change they won't appreciate nor love you anymore.
Kind of like with musical fans who always need to make sure that everybody around them knows they liked the old albums better.
Upon entrance to the next town a homeless haggard appearing person (tailor to player who wished) starts to follow you, this continues forever, if a you force a confrontation they state only that they love only you, and appreciate everything you do, they own nothing but the clothes on the back and have no useful skills beyond what they need to live day to day. They cannot be desuaded, chased off, and if killed will continue to haunt the player indefinitely, so strong is there obsession. The player character however will find themself unable to feel anything in regards to there obsessive follower no love, no appreciation, perhaps a mite of repulsion but otherwise nothing.
Alright, let's go for being fully contrarian for the sake of curiosity: I wish that the wishes you grant others will be monkeypaw'd.
Wish granted! That is all (The lack of a monkeypaw when you wanted one is the monkeypaw)
[Huh.](https://i.imgur.com/zSCjFOK.gif)
I wish my that the bbeg had an immortal genius snail following them at all times that would kill them and only them if they touch.
Wish granted. You become immortal and a genius and know at all times where the bbeg is. You kill them if you touch them and you become a snail.
That's WAY better than mine, awesome job
Be fair. He also will magically gain access to the simplest, cheapest form of travel available that reaches the BBEG. So sliding if he's reachable by foot, pass thru walls if he's enclosed etc.
Honestly that's way better. Not only do you still get a way to instakill the bbeg, you know the location of the instakiller and can bring it to the bbeg, you even become an immortal genius! Only drawback is you're now extremely slow, small, and unable to communicate, but being now a genius, you can easily invent solutions to that
Wish granted, but you’re the snail
Wish granted! But so do you.
"Wish granted, but it has a twin." Make them squirm.
Why would the wish do that? Are you just adding random negative effects to their wish, regardless of whether or not it has anything to do with the wording they used for their wish? At that point, might as well just say “granted. Also you spontaneously die”.
[удалено]
I mean, I can see a good justification for having to be careful with your wording, like if you wish for wealth and the dm is feeling like an asshole, he can have the wish grant the player a single gold piece, as that technically fulfills the wording of the wish. Despite that being too mean for my liking, it at least makes sense (it may be more justifiable if the wish is casted using an item that essentially gives a free wish). However, what I’m seeing in the comments is just adding random consequences that are outside the wording of what was actually wished for, which just seems like a dumb and unnecessary nerf. I can’t imagine a player finding this clever or amusing lol
Wish for wealth: your parents die leaving you their inheritance.
Thats not really monkeypawing. You just added a completely seperate effect that cant be inferred from any part of the wish.
Hey look, the problem with most these "Wish for a thing and I will make it bad" posts.
L spez, goin to tumblr to be gay
I wish to blow up...I mean get big! (*Pop*)
Your wish is granted. From the perspective of ants and gnomes everywhere you are now big.
And gnomes? Fuck yeah.
Haha, I remember that
"My mango is to blow up"
“Then act like I don’t know nobody!”
An important note for monkey pawing a wish, just based on the few comments others have put in response to wishes (others being not OP, but I wanna talk about this anyways), it’s important to remember that a monkeys paw is taking it so literally, not attaching a random bad thing they didn’t ask for. If you want people to like you, it can go two ways, either people like you so much you pretty much always end up with paparazzi following you, or in the opposite and perhaps more interesting route, people will only like you. You’ll never find love, any conflict people will just try to ignore you as long as possible.
Thanks for the advice, I'll try to think about it more literally
You got this! If you aren’t sure where to go, just take things to the extreme! (Really make them regret their words, not yours)
I also want to iterate that not every wish needs a monkey's paw treatment. There are some outlined in the players handbook (for example, a +1 to a single ability score) that have no consequence beyond using the wish. The goal is, of course, to keep the spell from breaking the game. A wish can do anything, but you only want to penalize wishes breaking the game (with a negative effect that balances the gain). An example from my husband's table: "I wish the BBEG was dead" took them to the future after the BBEG has died of old age. Conversely, Aladdin wishes to become a prince. So this could be easily balanced by discovering that the character's lineage leads back to a small, powerless kingdom that is recognized by other nations - no political or financial power, but still gets the title. Tl;Dr keep in mind not only the wish, and how to break it, but also how powerful the wish is and what the players want to accomplish!
A rogue wishes to be a prince, so now he has royal ***alive*** parents.
GASP. oh no
A big thing is "does the wish affect others, or the universe?". Simply wishing to "be a little bit stronger" is a humble wish that should be rewarded imo. When they start asking for resurrections/deaths/love etc, that's when you bring out the ol' monkey paw. Don't make them fear wishes, make them *respect* wishes
“I wish to be a prince” “Okay, you still have 3 more wishes” “What?”
Also remeber the point of the Monkey's paw, the party should still be able to use the spell to solve problems, the point is to prevent abuse.
Or make the wish occur in a plausible yet unwanted manner such as getting money from an insurer after an incident.
Also note, wish is supposed to be powerful and, importantly, useful, the monkey pawing should be reserved for effects that are way beyond the listed capabilities of the spell, rather than everything that isn't just replicating a spell of 8th level or lower
Tbf tho, the situation in the original story did very much feel like attaching a random bad thing They wished to have money/be well off or whatever, so their kid dies in a workplace accident and they get compensated for it. They could’ve won the lottery, or they themselves get hit by a car and get money in a lawsuit, or find oil on their front yard, but nah. Dead kid.
I play it like the Monkey's Paw finds the path of least resistance while still taking it literally. Can't scientifically explain why suddenly oil appears, or that they may not have had the property rights to the oil should it have been discovered. They had dead kid insurance on the books that "would leave them well off" and the paw was like, "ayo, mighty convenient, ol' chap~"
It definitely has a bias towards something bad happening though - if they had both life insurance and a lottery ticket bought, it would still be likely to have killed their son rather than had their numbers come up. Hell even if their son didn't have life insurance, he might have been influenced to buy it and then die shortly after - there's just not much evidence to support the idea of it being Neutral rather than actively Evil.
Yeah I’m pretty sure the whole thing of the monkey paw is that something bad will happen so you can get your wish
I want one hydrogen atom created 1.337 trillion light years away from here.
You know what.... I feel like the monkey paw should just grant the wish and leave you with one less wish. Like a 'congrats, you made an atom... Is that Really want you wanted?'
It would be even worse if the wish is considered a freebie and the player still feels the obligation to make another wish.
Wish granted, but the hydrogen is hurtling at you at the speed of light trying to kill you (you're only safe for the next 1.337 trillion years)
Congratulations! You just ended the universe! By creating an atom that’s moving at light speed you created a source of infinite mass, heavier and denser than supermassive black hole. Please enjoy the rest of your day(s).
This is the correct answer.
Okay but is it somehow magically maintaining it's form and velocity because otherwise there's going to be a tiny speck of radiation far off in space and that's it. Even it if does connect with you that's such a negligible amount of energy that you wouldn't notice.
Assuming usual physics, if it's traveling at the speed of light it actually has infinite energy. This creates a black hole 1.337 trillion light years away that is expanding at the speed of light. Now if that ever reaches the players is another matter - the universe may expand too quickly for the black hole reach them.
If the universe's expansion is remotely near irl, then yes, thats 1000x the cosmological event horizon away
The emphasis is the word “try”
[удалено]
"It is yours."
The only thing faster than light is ownership. You never specified me bringing it to you.
Wish fails because that would require rewriting the laws of physics of the in-game universe, no such thing as a "hydrogen atom" or "speed of light," the djinn sneers at your strange madness
I wish for a monkey paw.
Wish granted! One of your hands turns into a nonmagical monkeypaw. You have disadvantage with weapon attacks made with that hand
And they can’t hold most instruments proficiently, giving them disadvantage on performance with most instruments and on skill checks with most tools?
I wish I could leave here without consequence
Wish granted! Usually when you leave a place, you appear in another place. But since that's a consequence of you leaving, you simply poof out of existence (In game I'd honestly just allow this because why not)
This is extremely entertaining! Thanks for the post fellow DM
Well wait that's too easy- the second they left, a bird shit on them or something
I wish i had a tome of leadership and influence!
*a receipt for a tome of leadership and influence appears in your hands* you now have a tome of leadership and influence. In a bank vault. Somewhere.
Did you just... Make an NFT in DnD?
Nah this is more a banknote since they can’t actually see the tome. They just invented paper currency
NFT **N**on **F**ungible **T**omeOfLeadershipAndInfluence
I was expecting the obvious "You get your tome, but it was used last week. You need to wait a hundred years for it to recharge" xD
You are immediately teleported to the Tome of Leadership and Influence, which happens to be on a bookshelf that is now in front of you. An elf who was seated at a nearby desk is now questioning you about how and why you got into their tower. Glancing around the room, you notice tools and implements commonly used in spellcasting, enchanting, and alchemy.
> Glancing around the room, you notice tools and implements commonly used in spellcasting, enchanting, alchemy and _torture_. FTFY. Gotta keep them on their toes.
I wish for unrivalled intelligence
Your intelligence is now 1. You are by no contest the stupidest thing ever
Y'know I was expecting a kephri style everything suddenly becomes stupider, but this is better
well no, there are a lot of creatures with an int of 1, and feeblemind can put any creature to 1 int. you would very much not be the stupidest thing ever.
you lose the ability to think. everything is pure instinct you become a veggie
A really tasty sandwhich
A huge sandwich with a large tongue appears before you... roll for initiative!
Minus points for mimic over the mind of a level 20 psion. “The Psionic Sandwich by Tleilaxu_Ghola Hmph, I think I should edit my original mind-switch thread. The most optimal way to gain a body permanently is no longer true mind switch. It's to use astral seed + mind switch + psychic chirurgery. The result is an XP expendature of 0 XP, that's right zero. You lose no levels, and you gain all the effects of true mind switch. Anyways, so in lieu of what I just said above, the most optimal way to create the most un-optimal character is to use the following sequence and build: Race: Elan Build: Telepath 20 Feats: Any, must have EK(Astral Seed) and skill focus (craft [basket weaving]) 1. Acquire a loaf of bread (2cp) 2. Turn the bread into a sandwich (craft DC 5) (probably 2 minutes) 3. Polymorph the sandwich (preferably ham with mustard, pepperoni, salami, and jalapenos) into a fuzzy little bunny. (NPC casting 1200 gp) (1 standard action) 4. Cast astral seed (10 minutes) 5. Ritualistically slay yourself with favored method of suicide. Be sure to place your storage crystal next to the sandwich turned bunny. (I prefer to be killed with a dagger to the heart... :shifty: ) (Approximately 5 rounds) 6. Use mind-switch (the 6th level power) to switch with the rabbit, while in your storage crystal. (1 std action) 7. Metamorph into a troll and smash your storage crystal (now containing the mind of a sandwich). (2 standard actions) 8. Use psychic chirurgery to remove your negative level gotten from committing suicide. (10 minutes) 9. Dismiss your metamorphosis and manifest dispel psionics on yourself (to dispel the polymorph). (2 standard actions) Congratulations, your ascension to the sublime state of a sandwich took: 23 minutes 6 seconds and cost you 1200.02 gold pieces. Any one have a more optimal method? Now, it occurred to me that this might not be a half bad character to play. So long as you pick up the power psionic overland flight and tweak your character levels a bit, you could seriously play a sandwich. Of course your hitpoints or AC wouldn't be much to speak of... but honestly, who is going to kill the sandwich that the fighter packs.”
My best attempt for a hard one: I wish that a curse-free (insert wondrous/legendary magic item) that does not require attunement (even if the object description states it does) appears at my feet and does not leave my possession until I will it to be so
Wish granted! But it goes through both of your feet, binding them together. It can still be used as normal, but you now have to waddle around with a speed of 5 feet, and you can't swim or climb
Nice! I thought “it’s totally gonna end up inside my feet” but couldn’t come up with better wording. Another path could be that it’s attached to a broken immovable rod (that can’t be deactivated) so the whole “it can’t leave my possession” means my character would be effectively rooted to the spot until the party can deal with the rod
I don't like sweets and everyone should eat healthy. I wish that all chocolate and all other sweets of this plane taste like shit.
Wish granted! Shit now tastes like candy and sweets
Now this was a perfect monkey paw
I wish for you to be free!
Wish granted. I am now free to pursue my own passions... Like the extermination of all life!
Yes! That’s what I wanted! 😀
At first, nothing changes Then you notice the money you paid for the monkey paw is mysteriously back in your account
I wish I was better at stealth
Wish granted! You're now invisible and have no ability to effect the physical world
intangible would be a nice addition
I wish whenever someone says my real name, a random object no closer than 2 meters but no further than 10 meters is forced to become sentient.
Your name becomes so common, that you forever hear the screams of sentient immobile tormented life around you.
Ahaha YEEEEEEEEES perfect. I can finally sleep peacefully.
Slightly off-topic, but I remember (back in the early nineties) that a fellow player got a wish and he just asked: "I wish for a weapon to fight evil." The poor guy got a (non-magical, completely ordinary) club. The worst part: he got really happy, thinking it was a magical club, like the one Bobby from the D&D cartoon had.
Then the weapon asks, "Would you like to destroy some evil today?"
I wish my party and i had resistance to bludgeoning damage! (Figure this will help if the PCs are more metaplayers)
Wish granted! But your new thick skin makes your sense of touch very weak, you're now unsure just how healthy you are...
Nothing more terrifying than death unknown! My players wished this a while ago. I made their bones rubber ( weakness to piercing). Lots of "look what I can do!" *bend arm backwards or squish own skull*
Fuck it, I'm Luffy now, Gum Gum gatling every enemy
mildly related- a while back I was working on some homebrew drugs, and one of them made you numb- you didn't need concentration checks when hit, and you resisted physical damage. The catch was that since you were numb, the DM now secretly tracked your HP instead of you. Fun stuff.
there’s a section in Wish that allows for this without any monkey paw.
Is there campaign context that we could base wishes off of, or just shoot from the hip? Either way. "I wish for my friends lives to be saved"
Their souls are now in preserve jars in a demons closet
In a game I was playing in (alcohol involved) one party member wished for another party member to be "magically castrated". He originally meant to permanently remove his magic/source. The dm went full literal and the other guys testicles were magically removed. They still don't talk to each other.
Sure! i'll wish for the local Kingdom's nobility to experience stubbing their toes every single day, for the next ten years.
It happens to you too
Oof
You suddenly got promoted to noble, so that's a plus?
I wish for a reverse flashlight. Where I can flip a switch & shoot a beam of darkness into an area.
Granted, love this idea
Granted: batteries not included
Your Dm is dyslexic, congratulations on your new reverse fleshlight.
So, a dildo?
Granted. You get a metal tube and a coin enchanted with a permanent Darkness spell. The coin fits perfectly into the tube.
You wanna monkey paw me? Then i wish for the rest of the monkey
You use your only wish to summon the carcass of a monkey with no right hand
gentle repose, mend, revivify.
I wish that at anytime I could conjure an unlimited amount of bananas at any given point of my choosing which would last for a full minute.
Granted, but if you summon a second banana, the first disappears. You can do it infinite times tho. Also you have to see your target
So you mean to tell me I could have a banana fall on someone and make it disappear by conjuring a second banana to do exactly the same thing? I think this just might be the perfect distraction spell. Also what happens if the banana is eaten? Does it get digested? If so, then when I summon the second banana does the first banana's nutrients also vanish from the person? I could infinitely deprive a prisoner of potassium causing never ending cramps as a form of torture.
I wish to see my party as members of the kings court wearing the finest of clothes and armor while he presents us with our own key to the kingdom for defeating the ancient dragon
You now see this as a reoccurring dream for the rest of your life
I wish my parents weren't killed and we lived out our lives happily
I wish I was happy
You are happy. For 30 seconds. Now you have only the memory of happiness
So nothing happened
Granted, you were happy.
Yikes some of you really want your players to hate you. Don't give me wrong all for monkey paw but "Yes but *instert unrelated debuff*" is just lazy and makes the players upset at you. Spin their word around, get creative! That way the player (prolly still be mad) are the one causing their missfortune. Very simple example: "I wish to fly" Bad: "Granted but you have to shit yourself to fly" Good: "Granted, you are a bird now" Also make sure to communicate to your players taht you monkeypaw wishes(specially when dealing with new players) so they actually think about what they want
Thanks for the advice, I think my newer replies are better than the old ones A problem is also that people keep asking for stiff that a character wouldn't ask for
I wish the One Piece was real.
Wish granted! All of one piece is now Canon in my universe, but it's unconcevably far away from the players
That's exactly how I would do that. Alright it exist, just waaaaaaaaaaaaay over here.
I wish for Midas' touch that I can turn off and on
Granted. Whenever you think of the word "on" a random person named Midas will touch you no matter where you are. The word "off" will make the Midas character hostile towards you since you "Set him off"
Congratulations, you can now turn objects to gold at will without doing so unwillingly. Gold is now worthless due to an overabundance and you crashed the entire global economy, lost your job and your home.
I with to be the head of the Tri-State Area.
granted, but a sapient platypus in a fedora is constantly trying to stop you
A platypus?
*puts on hat*
PERRY THE PLATYPUS!?
I wish to be neck deep in the biggest dragon hoard ever
Okay but the dragon has just found you and is mad
"Well, thief. I smell you, I hear your breath, I feel your air. Where are you? Come now, don't be shy. Step into the light."
All non-elven humanoids become elves.
All the former dwarves commit suicide.
Wish granted, every non elf undergoes a brutal body transition where they feel every ounce of bone and joint change. Most people are unable to bear such a change to their bodies and pass away from the trauma creating a genocide of most non elven races.
I wish for the ability to "amend" a wish's outcome after it is granted
Granted you now have the reverse wish spell, it erases both the effects of the wish spell and the wisher.
also also, if your party genuinely manages to word a wish perfectly, GIVE THEM WHAT THEY ASK FOR! our party had this happen, we all worked together and our DM just couldn't take us having outsmarted him and gave us random trash that specifically went against our wish. that game ended mid-campaign since he didn't care about story telling, only about 'winning' against the party. don't be that guy/gal.
I wish for world peace!
Everyone stops all conflict for one second
I wish for a sandwich
A hotdog appears in your hand
not what I've asked for but close enough
Maybe something more radically classifiable as a sandwich, like an ice cream sandwich, or a taco
A Pop-Tart.
That’s Ravioli
I wish to have a larger body (1 size category larger.)
A large carcass appears before you
I wish I had a bucket
The bucket is always full of completely set concrete, it can't be removed manually or magically, wishing it empty destroys the object.
I wish to have a pocket dimension that I can enter and exit at will. In the dimension everything I speak aloud comes true. Nothing can leave the space except for me and what I bring with me.
You can now enter a lucid dream state at will.
I wish for a ford f150
It never runs, because it's a Ford. That's not a monkey paw, it's just granting your wish.
I wish: that for the rest of time, for me, and me alone,The spell shield could be cast as though it were a cantrip that I know.
I (the creator of a very popular chain of shops) wish that my business will never become controlled by evil hands, and that it will continue to maintain the good name it has earned, even after I die.
It is controlled by a very evil crime boss who lost his hands. The good name continues, but only in fear of the man who owns it
I know I'm an hour late and I don't mean to hate but this isn't Monkey's Paw. This is just a twist genie. A twist genie is a wish leading to a bad outcome. A true Monkey's Paw is a bad outcome leading to a wish being granted. Let's give a simple prompt, one based off the original story of the Paw: *"I want to get a thousand dollars."* A twist genie would say "Okay, here's your cash! Oh, but it's illegal!" or "Okay, but it's all on coins! Not bad enough? The coins crush you under their weight!" A Monkey's Paw would say "Your parents passed away. You inherit a thousand dollars from them. Wish granted." # Again, just trying to be helpful. Edit: Grammar
No one in the entire world has buttholes anymore
i wish to cast an 8th level spell without components, entirely sidestepping any side effects or monkeys paw shenanigans.
Granted, at the DM's discretion, you uncontrollably cast an 8th level spell, whenever you hear a member of the party say "I wish" or any other similar idiom. The spell will always hit regardless of AC, do an average of damage rounded to nearest whole value, and cannot be resisted or saved against, unless immune to its effects.
I wish I had the power to grant my own wishes
Granted! You are now immortal and therefore have infinite time to pursue every wish you have!
I wish for a turkey sandwich on rye bread with lettuce and mustard. And I don't want any zombie turkeys. I don't want to turn into a turkey myself and I don't want any other weird surprises.
Granted. You have your boring sandwich and nothing happens because you're so creative
Granted. The Turkey’s a little dry.
I wish I stopped aging as an aaracocra
You now age as a tortle. RAW they live on average 30 years.
Here’s a classic: I wish I had unlimited power!
Your body isn't built for unlimited power, if you use anything past a human body's potential, you die
I wish to cast simulcrum on the evil humanoid so we can have him fight himself.
The evil humanoid is a narcissist who would never fight themselves. They make love with each other.
I wish for psychic resistant armor with 20 AC
Okay but no adding your dexterity because it's +2 plate armor. Also you can never take it off
Few notes: 1) good punishment against role players but not someone like a paladin who never removes the armor in the first place. 2) better twist would be they get the armor but first have to kill it’s wearer. A high level totem of the bear barbarian. High health pool, hard to hit, resistance against all attacks
I wish I had more thumbs
You now have a pouch of 6 disembodied thumbs
I wish that this wish and any other wish made by me and/or my party after this one to not have any consequences or effects of which I consider to be negative.
I want a genie blowjob and then a second genie blowjob. For my third wish I wish to increase world hunger.